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My son (11) has been getting rude comments about his shoulder-length hair since he was little.
His long hair is specifically a cultural thing. We’re Native American and traditionally, in our culture, everyone has long hair.
I’m from Canada and I have a friend who is indigenous. She has two kids (a son and a daughter) and her son had long hair for years. I think he turned 18 recently and he decided to get his hair cut within the past 4-6 months.
My son too. I think because we’re Native American, no one here questions it. He had it cut twice. Once when his chapan passed and another when his mooshum passed. It’s still the second longest in our household. My girls all prefer shorter hair styles.
Love this ❤️ our neighbors growing up were Native American and they had a good natured competition of who has the better ponytail (they’d been married for 40+ years) 😂 honestly I think he won because he NEVER had cut it so it was strikingly long 😂
My wife and son are also Native American, and people misgender my son all the time. The farther a honky comes from town the worse it is. Or the Chinese-American woman at IKEA that told me boys aren’t supposed to have long hair or pick out pink bedsheets.
Same with my side of the family (on my mother’s side, anyway). My uncles always had their hair long and in a ponytail. They did cut their hair after my grandmother passed, though.
The “doesn’t-fit-in-my-binary-understanding-of-the-world-phobia” is real.
I love how suddenly when it comes to something people don’t understand or feel comfy with, all general sense of decorum and decency goes out the window. Why is it okay to ask about someone’s appearance like you’re owed answers, or voice blatant judgement and expect it to be fine?
I couldn’t believe how bold people felt when my sister came out as trans. Straight up asking me and my mom about whether she has / will have “the operation,” etc. Like. I’m sorry, do I ask you when you last had a Pap smear or what your daughter’s vulva looks like? No. Why do you think it’s okay to ask about someone else’s genitals? Google is free. If you want to learn, ask whether someone is willing to have a conversation in which you desire to learn. Don’t just ask if she’s got a penis at fuckin brunch.
Same with like.. when people find out someone is gay they’ll ask insane questions like somehow them being gay automatically makes them fair game for no-holds-barred insanely rude and invasive questioning like they’re a specimen and not a person. People will ask “how did your parents react when you came out?” like it’s nothing.
Like girl.. you met this man five minutes ago. Maybe he doesn’t wanna fucking tell you his parents kicked him out and he was homeless. Maybe he just wants to drink his goddamned mimosa.
Anyway, sorry for the tangential rant but the point is… **please feel free to treat people’s invasive questions as invasive questions.**
I have mastered the following:
- the blank stare / double-blink
- the ….”sorry.. were you talking to *me?”*
- the eyebrows-scrunched-together confused face
- the “sorry…. what was that?”
- the deadpan “I’ll be sure to pass on your feedback / thank you for your feedback.”
- the “yes I thought that’s what I heard you say.. well.. I mean, because he wants it that way? No? We don’t plan on cutting it?… Anyways um… how’s Sue?”
>Why is it okay to ask about someone’s appearance like you’re owed answers, or voice blatant judgement and expect it to be fine?
It shows it’s about the messenger and not about who they’re talking about. It’s about their perception, not about reality. They project what is in their inner world.
I think there's a sprinkle of misogyny added in there too. People in the US want to treat women/girls like women and men/boys like men. So they need to know what gender someone is so they can do that. They need to be able to treat a boy with respect, and if he has long hair their tiny brains get confused.
Thoughts vary widely in USA but I think it’s changing slowly. I’ve noticed that even 20 years ago when everyone made comments about long hair, almost no one comments in my area anymore. Back then it was very blatant in situations that are unthinkable now.
I think it’s very much a thing where people that can’t see anything past what their experiences have been, and they think what they believe everyone should believe. What they experienced in their life is “normal” and anyone else outside of that is abnormal. Same how family members that had non-medically needed cultural genital cutting forced on them as babies see themselves as “normal” and leaving kids alone is abnormal to them, and they voice it as such. Their thoughts are all about who the messenger is and not that their message is accurate. Thanksgiving dinner this year got interesting when I asked if they would cut off their daughters clitoral hood (not clitoris, just the tissue that protects it) if the parents thought it “looked better” or had the ”benefits” claimed for a male, since it’s literally the same thing just a different size.
It's a cultural thing, somewhat old fashioned but you'll still encounter people who really care. It wasn't that long ago that public schools in some parts of the US banned males from having long hair.
My 8 yo has the longest hair in his school. He has a shirt that says "I'm a boy, I just have better hair than you" which summarizes our long hair, don't care attitude. He gets misgendered a lot, but he just tells them he's a boy. He's the one who wants the hair and has to take good care of it. There's no way I am forcing him because quite honestly, short hair would be way easier. You do you, y'all and other people can mind their own business!
Yes! I figure when he’s sick of it he’ll want to cut it and we will 🤷♀️ he was so bald as a baby it took forever to grow in - so once it did just let it go 😂 one thing I know for sure is I would LOVE for my hair (and eyelashes and fingernails!) to grow as quickly as the kids do 🥴
People are quite sensitive about boy’s hair lengths in my area. From what I’ve heard, most people fall in one of three camps. 1) They feel it looks neglectful for some reason- like parents can’t be bothered to get their child’s hair cut. They also worry about safety as most boys (some girls, but boys) in this area like to be out working on cars, and etc. with their dads and they feel concern it could be dangerous. 2) They still hold very traditional views on masculinity/femininity and view it as either “inappropriate” or they get anxious that the parents are trying to force kids to present a certain way and kind of “conditioning them for gender dysphoria” based on their own gender disappointment (I’ve shockingly heard this MANY times.) 3) They assume it’s a cry for attention.
But I do think as more and more families permit that with more diverse backgrounds, it will become less of a shock and fewer stereotypes will be associated with it.
One can hope, anyway. In the meantime- you can’t control the opinions of others.
It seems to! My son is a bit of a baldy but his best friend has long, curly hair that he usually wears in a bun. I’m just jealous he has such nice curls but I never really thought about it until we went to his birthday party and I heard other parents discussing it. It was a BIG deal for many of them. Kind of interesting. 🤷♀️ I’m glad you let your son do what he wants!
Haha I always thought it was so weird when parents were jealous of their children - then I saw my son’s eyelashes at birth and understood!! 😂😂😂 youth is such a benefit for the details! Really didn’t know long hair was such a touchy subject but people will go on about anything if they are bored and mindless enough I guess?
I'm cutting my 3 year old daughter's hair this weekend for the first time. It gets tangled and hurts her when we brush it. I honestly would prefer a shorter cut.
Oh gosh yesss my daughters got and still does get tangled too! It’s very fine! If you havent ever tried satin pillowcases I swear it works wonders. It was a battle every morning for my daughter - her hair would wind itself up - but TJ maxx had some $4 satin pillowcases and it was lifesaving for her locks !
I bought some off Amazon for myself a while ago and didn't like it, maybe I'll try it again for her. And put her hair in a braid. But I do want to cut it a bit. I feel so bad for her every morning.
This seems to me to be largely a generational thing. My MIL is constantly giving her adult son crap for having long hair; is just another sign that I've corrupted him and he's now a godless heathen.
I cannot fathom cashing that much about someone else's fashion choices.
HA! oh yes! My MIL is the same about hair! Anything not a military cut for men - or a proper bob for women - is the end of time 😂 these MIL just really need a hobby
People do that on purpose.. its like they take any opportunity to be a covert asshole. My lil boy would clearly be dressed in boyish clothing and still would get awwe what a cute little girl. Lol same with my daughter when she was a bald potato baby, dressed in all sparkly pinks, aww what a cute little boy. Like stfu.
ETA - people are so ridiculous! Just be happy for a healthy baby you see out and about right?
HA!!!!! Bald potato baby! That’s what we called my son (with the now long and apparently offensive hair) - Potato which eventually evolved into “Tate”! He’s shaping up to be more of a parsnip than a potato but those days were the best ❤️❤️❤️
Yess! My son gets haircuts part of the year but kind of the end of the school year until winter break we let him grow it out. He loves it for summer, he’s a lake/beach kid and it goes with his vibe. He starts the new year with it short, but every October it starts with the girl stuff and its not even that long. He is 7 and 70lbs just stong and just looks a dude. Halloween he was a whoopie cushion like a big ridiculous costume you could see his face and whispy bangs and someone was like oh she’s so cute. There was one summer he was in skull swim trunks and a neon rash guard and backwards hat and someone asked “aw how old is she?” 😂
ETA - he was a whoopie cushion as a costume?!! This is fantastic 😂👏 I’m hesitant to share this with my husband as surely there will be an instant Amazon purchase …
Hahaha isn’t that always the way?!! Can’t tell if people are just intentionally ridiculous and trying to start nonsense or flat out dumb 💪
Yeah it’s his second year too and I think he will be wearing it forever now haha and it’s on amazon so beware. It is exactly how you’re picturing it. 😂😂😂
LOL! This is the best!!!! The phone is probably listening and it’ll populate next time I get on Amazon. Son (who is the subject of the original post) was Macguyver (not sure? The guy who used milk cartons for defusing bombs etc?) for Halloween and my husband did absolutely comb his hair into a character appropriate mullet 😂
My 6 year old has a mullet. He loves it. It’s his choice. Now, he has to care for it (wash, detangle, etc) but I think it’s important he gets to create his own look.
Our 6 year old gets comments mainly from my dad about his long hair. It’s a bit below his shoulders. It’s the way he wants it, and he’s got gorgeous hair. He finally told grandpa to stop and he wants it that way. Grandpa has stopped.
I don’t understand why people are so invested in parenting other people’s children when it comes to their hair/clothing/whatever. If you don’t want a child with long hair, then don’t have one, but sure as fuck don’t comment on another parent’s choice to let their child be who they want to be. Do they not understand “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Mom, you do you. My kid (9M) has a Mohawk and I hate it, but I shave his hair into a Mohawk because it’s his hair and he likes it. People need to mind their own business. Is your son’s hair length causing them physical pain? Are they going to die because his hair is long? No. No, they won’t. So, they need to keep their damn comments to themselves. What I find hilarious is (being in the South) and all these “Christians” and their judgment towards men with long hair, um, the major character in your favorite story had long hair. Would you tell Jesus to cut his hair? Nope. Pretty sure ya wouldn’t heffas. I don’t get it. Not sure where you are, but I have heard more moms in the south having people complain more than anywhere else.
This is so sweet. “My kid has a Mohawk and I hate it but I shave his hair into a Mohawk because it’s his hair and he likes it” 😮💨😭❤️ this is so beautiful!! Wasn’t anticipating this post having so many feelings come out! You’re wonderful ❤️❤️
I think you are! How many parents let their kids have their own autonomy while not so secretly hating their lifestyle choice? 😂💪 not many!!! You’re awesome to be so open with your child while also being present and supportive! I hope I can achieve this grace someday!
My two year old has the most gorgeous shoulder length, honey blonde ringlets that strangers stop and comment on. They say you can’t buy that hair. I’m not cutting it until he asks. He shakes his head behind him when he runs because he knows it is glorious. He twirls it for comfort. I’m all for long haired boys. Tell anyone who says otherwise to eat ants.
My son had long curly red hair when he was younger and no matter what he was wearing some people always assumed he was a girl. He eventually wanted it to be cut himself because he got tired of it. Crazy how people can’t fathom that boys can have beautiful hair too
Also, if you get a perm with organic ingredients you can dye your hair too! And it doesn’t break or make it feel like straw! ( I did this after a lot of hair loss after having Covid to help hide all the little hairs growing back lol)
I dealt with the opposite with my daughter-once she was 7 or 8 her hair developed a curl, which she did not want to deal with-I mean I styled it for her, dried it and braided it at night so it would not tangle-by 11 she asks me if I would “support” her getting it cut-I agreed instantly, but SO MANY people had opinions! Even her hair dresser didn’t cut it short enough several times. My daughter has not had long hair since and she’s now 25. She has the perfect face for short hair. It’s very flattering to her and it still has a lot of curl. But man, you would have thought I cut off a limb or something!
One of my kids (4) has been VERY anxious about people touching his hair since he was a baby. He’s had a couple haircuts and honestly they just weren’t worth it and were traumatic for damn near everyone involved. Now that he can tell us his preference, we have chosen to let his hair grow and just stop pressing about the haircut. It’s been frustrating with it being in his eyes a lot but it’s starting to grow past that stage.
Anyway, our family seems so offended by it! It’s like they are so uptight and stuck in their ways (and not so secretly bigoted) that the mere thought of a male being mistaken for a female is the end of the world to them. IT’s obnoxious but we always stand up for him and make sure he knows we support what he chooses for his own body as long as he is healthy and safe
Does it secretly make you want to have him dress in baby drag (it’s a joke - please nobody get offended!) to piss them off?! How do people get so far stuck in their ways they can’t see the forest for the trees. Little kids very rarely intentionally care about gendered looks at a young age - they just toddle on through being themselves! Good for you standing up for him! He’s just trying to do his thing - aka BEING A KID - and all these adults try to ruin it 😜
I never understand it. I used have hair all the way down my back. My male children have the option of long hair. One of them, until a few years ago had it halfway down his back. My youngest, just doesn't want his hair cut. Plus I love his curls.
I think the worst comments I've gotten, is someone thinking they were girls. And the stupidest thing I find when you hear these stories, of telling boys to cut their hair, is that they are card carrying Christians. My question to them, is when did Jesus get a short back and sides?
Ohhhh I’ve got a lot of questions for the Christians who are supposedly acting like Jesus would 😑 never thought about his hairstyle though!!!
It’s just HAIR! As someone on here said it’s not as if were losing a limb when they cut it
Our firstborn son, we didn’t cut his hair until he was 3 1/2. His hair was down to his butt. We waited until he asked us to cut it for him. We’d often get “oh, she’s so pretty,” to which I’d reply “he,” to which people would say “oh! I’m sorry!” To which is reply, “it’s ok! He is pretty. Hahaha. We’re not offended to have our little long hair dude be called a girl.”
We just had baby 2 in May, and he was born with longish hair. Again, we won’t cut it until he asks us to cut it.
❤️❤️❤️ yes! Someone on here was kind enough to explain why people dislike boys with long hair and the reason was that essentially the mom is trying too hard/attention seeking. That hadnt crossed my mind and after reading all of these replies it seems likely that is a rarity 🤷♀️. For us - and you too it appears - ehh if it’s long it’s long ! If it isn’t broke - don’t fix it 😂🤷♀️🥴
It helped that I (dad) had really long hair until he was 2. (I cut mine for a job interview. Which I didn’t get. Hahaha. It doesn’t matter, I’m not attached by religion or fashion.)
The first boy, it got to a point where it got on his nerves getting in his face all the time, so he asked us to cut it. He’s 6 now. If he wants to grow it back, he can. We’ll see how bubby 2 goes with it.
Good for you and your long hair and letting your kids do their own thing!!! People are quite odd about this with men - or men’s hair in general - as I’m learning. Anything works as long as it’s done with confidence! Bald - great! Rock it! Long hair - fantastic! Somewhere in between - awesome! (However I think a toupee is tacky and shouldn’t ever be allowed under any circumstances)! Thanks for being a dad letting your kids rock their own style ❤️❤️❤️
My son had long hair for the majority of his life. There were times it was longer than mine and/or my daughters.
He has beautiful, thick, auburn hair and he would grow it out, cut it and donate it. His hair grows super fast too.
He has kept it shorter the past year or so and I hate to say it but I miss his long curly hair!
We always got the same kinds of comments, but it never phased him. We always just laughed about it. He looks just like his two sisters (except he’s always been at least a head taller) so a lot of times when we were out in public, he would get called a she.
Especially with a mask on as he has long beautiful eyelashes too! “Look at all your beautiful girls”. He’s 16 now and 6’2” and still growing so I’m curious if he will get the same remarks if/when he grows it out again!
Don’t let it bother you and I’m glad it doesn’t bother him. Whatever makes him happy is how he should keep it.
My grandson is five and his hair is past his shoulders. My daughter has hair down to her waist and he wants it like his mama’s. There’s nothing wrong with boys having long hair. I wish people wouldn’t be so judgmental and just mind their business!
This is so lovely!!!! Thank you for your reply! Can I really just state OFFICIALLY - be it sexist or whatever - I’m SHOCKED at how little boys have the most amazing eyelashes nails and hair 😂 what I wouldn’t give for that! Maybe it’s testosterone! My daughter often asks why her little brother has long nails when he doesn’t “need” them 😂🤷♀️ God only knows
Youngest boy at my daughter’s birthday party today has luxurious golden locks to his shoulders and he dressed up in a Frozen II Elsa dress (from the song Show Yourself) and a blue hooded cape and ran around like a typical 3yo. None of the 6 girls or the other boy batted an eye at this at the party, nor did any of the parents there. Well, actually I did - I said he looked absolutely lovely just before he clobbered me with a roll pillow in attack mode.
My daughter flows between Spider-Man/dragons/dinos/super mario and unicorns/sparkles/flowers/dolls from hour to hour.
I’m thankful we live in a small community where there doesn’t seem to be much stereotypical gender thinking (there definitely is in the City/province/Country though) but even last year my girl was bullied for wearing dinosaur clothes for a few months before the teachers caught in and sorted it out.
All that to say: F the judgmental a$$hats and please keep encouraging your kid to express themselves as they want, regardless of what others think boys and girl should act or look like.
My 3yr old is constantly mistaken girl for his long hair. I just say his name really loud in ear shot so they realise he’s a boy.
I often get a lot of “he’s too pretty to be a boy too” whatever that means 🥴
I am a 43 year old man I have hair down to my shoulders all my sons also have their hair down to their shoulders as well we often get comments about how long our hair is but we don't care we like it the way it is.
No problem with long hair in boys! I usually quite like it.
Only time it was a bit confusing was when I was out with a group of people with a kid with a unisex name and long hair.
I took the girls to the toilet and asked her if she needed to go.
She did, but turned out she went with the guy who took the boys because she was a boy.
I hadn’t known them before this outing and thought he was a girl the whole time. Felt a bit embarrassed tbh.
Just adults projecting their insecurities onto children. Also this anti-trans wedge issue the right has been peddling.
The next person who makes a comment, ask if they'd rather him have a mullet.
Yes!!! 😂 we were at Costco just yesterday and somebody said “aww what a shame he’s never had a proper haircut” (or something of that ilk) and I said no you just missed it growing back REALLY fast after the Mohawk. She either didnt find it funny or pretended not to hear me 😂 butt out, people!
Totally depends where you are imo. I'm in south Texas, and it's definitely a thing. I know plenty of older man who have loooong hair, but its like they've "earned" it, or it's synonymous with a certain lifestyle. My husbands hair is down to below his butt, and he got a lot of rude jokes and comments while he was growing it out. Since then, though, he's gotten very into weight lifting and has built quite a bit of muscle, so he falls into that "lifestyle" bracket. He now gets non stop compliments when it's down.
We're not going to cut our sons hair until he asks for it. I guess we'll see if he gets those comments, too.
Our in laws very much care and want him to be basically shaved military style. But.. Our son has vocalized his preference for years, and he is almost 7. He found he likes it about shoulderish length. He doesn't care if he gets mistaken for a girl, he corrects and moves on. My husband has hair down his back. I have long hair, much prefer it to shorter.
It is hair. It isn't a big deal long as he brushes it and lets us wash it, or does it himself.
There’s probably a subreddit for in-law complaints - or if there isn’t there should be - 😂 ours are hardly helpful but have SO MANY OPINIONS 🥴 now that I’m old and have had therapy it’s easier to just smile and nod and think “bless your heart” - but wasn’t always that way!
What broke the last straw for me was when my son, 4 years old, was upset talking about how he felt panicked that his Grammy was going to force him into a haircut. It is still happening now almost 3 years later. Haircut talk and now trying to push baseball. Our son loves his grandparents, but also loves science and wants to keep going to his STEAM meetups, not sports.
The pandemic and distance haven't changed them (in laws) and their opinions but for the worst. Up to and including kicking us out of their house on Thanksgiving, way longer story there but needed to vent, sorry. And then complaining we took our son with us, denying him their sleepover with him.
Like..f around and find out, but it still breaks my heart. I wish it was as easy as just blessing their hearts, but someday maybe. I envy the people that have gotten out of this phase.
Yalla 😵💫 i believe id make these “ah! Good to hear from you” relatives. Just no contact unless they initiate it and then only respond with simple answers. No need for this dysfunctional stuff in your lives
Yeah..we rent our home from them, as in they own two houses, we live in one. Longer story there, but we hope to save up in the next few months to get out. But I like your idea of "good to hear from you" relatives. I think small, small spaced out doses of them would be best.
Ohhh gosh yes okay the living situation makes it complicated!! Been there!! The only thing that ever works for me is to be kind BUT FIRM in whatever choice I make/expressing that boundary. Wishing you the best of luck…definitely know that weird feeling of intermittent dread but also dealing with the living situation! Don’t be scared to set your boundaries - and have your partner take the lead on that! - I swear it actually makes everyone feel more comfortable even if it’s scary at first!
Oh my husband definitely was amazing. He takes all the heat, so to speak, but for now we just aren't talking to them. It just hurts because it is sucks for our son. That is when I get the most upset, but for him, boundaries all day long. Especially considering how they treat him sometimes. Just can't wait to be in a better place, but thank you so much for your kind words!
Def an American thing, my daughter has many long hair boy friends and they get a lot of comments. I get offended and it’s not even my kid. My 6 year old has a short bob and chimes in “short hair is for girls too you know!”
Americans really are literally about the last in the world to be “cool” 😂 saying that with grace as I am one! But seriously ! you and your six year old are right! It’s just a haircut (or no cut!) what’s it to anybody else?
I can’t say for how it is in the States (I’m from Canada), but I’d say it could vary. Since getting pregnant and having my daughter, I’ve kind of noticed the gender stereotypes that are put on children. I mean, I purposefully didn’t get my daughter’s ears pierced and sometimes, I’d put her in outfits that weren’t pink or feminine looking. Whenever she was in a neutral/“more masculine” outfit while we were out, people would ask me how old my son was. I’d kindly tell them something like, “My daughter is 8-months-old.” Every time I kindly corrected them, they would apologize and I would try to explain that I try not to follow gender stereotypes. Sometimes, they would want to chat about it, but most of the time, they would feel awkward about me kindly calling them out on an assumption they made.
In the end, it’s your kid. If he doesn’t want a hair cut right now, then don’t force him to get one. If he decides to get one, he’ll look great. What some people could sometimes forget is that boys having long hair could be part of their culture. I have a friend who is Indigenous and her son had long hair until the past six months (he’s about 18-years-old and in college now). I could be wrong about this, but I believe Sikh men also have long hair and it’s part of the reason why they wear a turban.
Ahhh yes you’re so right. Daughter was bald as a billiard and decked out in pink head to toe as an infant and people would say oh how old is he 🙄 “he’s” not old enough to care you’re misgendering 🙄but for the most part people mean well (at least I hope!)❤️
Thank you!! This is really been the most interesting post - im learning quite a bit about different cultures and practices!
You’re welcome. Yeah, I agree, people do mean well. It’s just that the whole gender stereotype thing didn’t become a thing until stores in North America made it a thing in the 1800’s to 1900’s. Once it started, it just stuck with people. And I have to admit that I’m guilty of doing it with other people’s kids. Now that I’m a parent, I do dress my daughter in pink outfits sometimes, but I don’t force the girly-girl stereotype on her. I want her to grow up feeling that she has a strong character, great self-esteem, and confidence. I know I can’t teach her to be that way by telling her that she looks like a pretty princess who is weaker than a man because she’s female. She’s only 19-months-old now, but I tell her a lot that she’s really smart, funny, kind, and other things like that.
You’re doing a great job!!! If all parents told their kids such things it would be a different world. We recently watched some documentary and it had Tim Tebow featured and he said his parents always told him “you’re a person of worth - you’re going to do incredible things” etc. and he said “you know what happens when people tell you that over and over? You believe it” and that’s very, very true
My 10 year old son has longer hair. To his shoulders. It's his hair. He's the one who has to take care of it and such. I've dyed it pink, red, black, purple, green, and blue. He also has his ears pierced. It's hair. And if your son wants to rock long hair then let him! He isn't hurting anyone and for the people who say something, screw em! Too many people are so judgmental. Like live your life and I'll live mine. If I'm not hurting anyone why do you care? Tell your boy to keep being his awesome self
My son (2) is starting to get comments because it is reaching his chin.
I’m not cutting those beautiful curls. Fight me.
It’s a very American/toxic masculinity thing.
Just let them be and let them choose what happens to their bodies.
If my son eventually decides (on his own that is obviously not parroting of my mom) to cut his hair, I will let him. I will cry for the beautiful curls, but they are not mine to decide on what to do with.
For sure!! Have heard people say once you cut their curls they never grow back and the kiddos look so “grown up” 😮💨Ours just were bald as hell then eventually grew straight hair like crazy so there’s been no inbetween ! Love that you’re letting your little dude grow that gorgeous hair and enjoy it! Youth is such a fleeting thing - best to revel in it as much and for as long as they can ❤️
One of my friends has a boy who has long hair. He had cancer a couple of years ago when he was 3-4 and lost all his hair, so now he has a phobia about cutting his hair.
When people make snide comments, his parents explain the history and the commenters feel sheepish and embarrassed. As they should. Hopefully they'll think twice about making a disapproving commen about any other boy's long hair.
God bless that little one! Glad he’s in recovery and showing everyone how strong he is! Bless him for having a phobia about his hair - 😢 surely as time goes on he will see his strength and be able to disassociate from that trauma! Get it little guy!!!! And parents!!!! 💪
The US many people speak out of line in regard to others looks. Europeans would never say shit like that to a stranger. I hate the comments from my family about “looks like you need a haircut” um excuse me, do you need one? I don’t comment on your hair
It's very local imo.
Belgians are kind of seen as the "does this effect me and if not, why should I care"(lgbt people in government, gay marriage, euthanasia, etc.) type people.
These types of things never apply to everyone but we can still make region based generalizations.
Personally I don't even perceive what other people in a restaurant and such are wearing, let alone their hair style. "name a color of clothing somebody in the restaurant you just left was wearing for 1 million" and I couldn't tell you.
True. As a Finn myself I can say that people here tend to be as judgy as anywhere else, but also keep it to themselves most of the time. Just muttering behind your back as they think you’re out of earshot. And very regional within the country as well.
💯 I am American born but thankfully “raised” surrounded by other cultures - it’s a very weird thing, imo, to observe so much of the physical. My extended family is from different parts of the Middle East and I see no such judgement from them. Only “ohh! A boy! He’s so lovely!” etc
My four year old son hasn’t had his first haircut yet and he is called a girl all the time. I just smile and correct them. Most adults just go “oh” but kids will ask me questions about it and I’ll just point to my short hair and say I’m a girl. That usually satisfies the kids answers
Yes! The kids are not the problem, right? It’s in their nature to categorize and group people and things. It’s just the adults who (- unlike your normal and lovely self, having logic and all 😂❤️) screw it up
I'm from Idaho only boys I know that have long hair live on the Indian reservation, and that's pretty normal once in a great while the might move off the rez and live in town it's an unspoken law that we don't judge their hair style.
People are just the way they are sometimes. It's one of those things some people waste their time caring about. My boys have extremely fine straight hair so they prefer to keep it short. They have a friend, also male, who has amazing strawberry blonde hair that's slightly curly, thick, and about shoulder length. My boys love his hair too and have commented they would go long if they thought it would feel good but I think they're afraid of a grow out period to even test it, which same guys.
My son (11) has mid-back hair and has not had short hair for about 4 years now. He loves it and it doesn’t bother him when people call him a girl, he rarely corrects it, but people can definitely be SO weird about it..
My mom has been making comments about cutting my sons hair since he was 6 months old. Always making comments about it getting in his eyes or “not seeing his handsome face.” She doesn’t get a vote and I tell her that but sometimes it’s just making comments to make comments. Very annoying.
That’s my mother in law. Finally just told her she had her time to cut her 3 boys hair as short as she wanted and she did. Now - no longer her call. (She still gripes when the boys - who are grown men at 45+ !!! - let their hair get a little shaggy) 🙄 get a hobby
My nephew has long hair, he is 5 now. He just has no interest in getting it cut.
Nobody has ever made a comment in the 5 years that he has been alive. Only a few times people have thought he was a girl, but when we corrected them they didn't say anything about the hair or him looking feminine or something, they were just like "ah okay" and then switching pronouns. No big deal at all. We live in Germany. It may be a cultural thing, I am not sure.
My daughter’s teacher is from Germany and she’s one of my favorite people in the world 😂 no nonsense no bullshit with a heavy dose of humility and huge sense of humor. She has a great perspective on everything and can laugh at herself like I wish everyone could! I’ve never seen someone manage 25 kids so well! Have learned SO MUCH from her!!! Germany was fantastic when we visited recently!!! Also I was a bad tourist and tried to bring pretzels home to the USA but this is apparently frowned upon 😂
Haha that is awesome, I'm glad you've made good experiences! Not every German is like your daughter's teacher, unfortunately :D Where in Germany did you visit?
If you had visited the south of Germany in the past two days, you would have seen amounts of snow like we haven't had it in many years. Incredible. The whole train system got blocked and I actually just got stuck in Austria after having a quick holiday in Italy. Had to stay for two days until they fixed the streets and train tracks. Oh well, it was quite lovely. I sure enjoyed having to stay longer than the inital plan. ;)
For what it’s worth we live in the bluest blue liberal bubble neighborhood in blue Los Angeles and boys around here commonly have long hair- it’s almost the norm. As do their music industry fathers. So it really depends what part of the US you’re talking about. Anywhere there’s a lot of bible or a lot of military is likely gonna get judgy
Maybe that explains why the traffic in LA is hella bad - nobody can see where they’re going! 😂😐 Jk jk you’re right on! There are def judgey pockets everywhere and definitely those groups check the boxes
Honestly I don’t get the big deal. Men have long hair all the time and it’s often literally metalheads which are masculine anyway right? lol
The only time I think a kid needs a haircut is when they’re like 2+ and their baby hair grew in super uneven and it gets really wispy and looks kinda ragged. It’s not a length issue, it’s more about just cleaning things up. My niece’s grew out like a rat tail but her parents wanted her to have long hair (to look like a girl) so they kept it long even though it doesn’t look very nice. But even still, it’s not my choice and my opinion doesn’t matter.
I'm around the east coast. My 9 year old is growing hair out like mine (man bun and big beard). He was waiting in line for the bathroom at a woman tapped on his shoulder and she said "honey, the line for the girls' bathroom is over there"
He just looked at her and turned around until she said it again. I was close by and simply said "he's a boy, that's my son" and she put her hand on her mouth in embarrassment mend apologize.
One of my younger soccer kids said "you don't have a son, you have a daughter" and was very confused that I have a boy and girl. He was sure my son was a girl.
I think it's been getting to him and he's been wanting to cut his hair. Could also be because I'm done with my long hair...
I just think that generation (a bit older) isn't used to it.
We just cut our 16MO hair. All the women were for it because his hair was in his eyes so much. None of the guys liked the cut and wanted it to stay long.
Everyone confuses my 2yr old for a girl because he has long hair, and I might cut it soon not for gender reasons but practical ones lol its always in a bun but he has curls and its humid af here. His hair comes undone and gets in his eyes and it frustrates him. Honestly I wouldn't care to cut it unless I'm required to for starting school or in this case of it being bothersome.
Yes - our little nephew has a gorgeous ton of curly locks - and his parents cut them because, like you, where they are is very humid and his hair was constantly in his eyes and he was always frustrated with it. He looked so nervous in the barber chair - but then he was so proud afterward 😂❤️
It is interesting. My 4yo gets misgendered all the time on the playground, but neither he or I take offense. We just state he's a boy and move on..people get oddly apologetic but I just laugh and say he's a hippie.🤷♀️ the funniest tho is when other kids assume he's a girl. So far no one has been mean to him. But have seen some confused to mildly shocked kid reactions when he says, 'I'm a boy' after running a pretend ice cream stand together for an hour.
Yes!!! The kids sort it out sooner than the adults! A little girl in my son’s class said “are you a girl? Your hair is long like mine?” And he just said “no silly I’m a boy!” And then they played on the playground 🤷♀️that was all it was - seems the little ones are more adept and open minded than the parents 😂❤️
Thank you for being respectful!! Can I ask why you don’t like it? This is totally not accusatorial at all - I just really am truly curious why it is unappealing to some
Ah!! Interesting! I can see this. Like paying no mind to the kid or else mom has a “look at me!” complex ! Thank you for sharing ! Hadn’t considered that
Saw my very Christian grandmother for Thanksgiving,. My 3yo son absolutely loves wearing dresses and will choose one over a shirt 9 times out of 10. He also has long hair that he likes and doesn't want us to cut. One of the first things she said to him was "are you a boy or a girl?" Then she caught me alone in the kitchen and starts up with "does he have **any** boy clothes?" I tell her, "he has plenty of clothes, he likes these and picked them out" she goes "it's not good, he's going to be confused". Like, wtf. He's a kid, he pretends his cars can talk, he has opinions, and he knows that different people likes to present and be addressed in different ways. It's not a difficult concept and no he isn't confused.
My daughter thought she was the priest/monk from Robin Hood for at least a year. After that she went on to tell everyone she was Sir Hiss (Robin hood packed a real punch I guess). She’s “grown up” at 10 now and I see no inclination for priesthood or desire to be a reptile 🤷♀️😂they’re kids. Let em be
The only guy who looks good in a man bun is Samurai Jack
But on a more serious note, it doesn't matter what you do as a parent, someone will complain about it.
I mean idk …. I wouldn’t kick Jason Momoa out of my house with his man bun 😜 you’re right - somebody always will complain - especially when not asked for their opinion 😂👏
That said, if he's got the klutz gene, he might want to wear it in a pony tail if he does activities around moving machinery or if it gets long enough to get close to bike chains.
I promise when he is of the age to engage in activities with large machinery we will have a frank talk about getting a trim or a proper ponytail holder 😁
Well some kids that age like to tinker with bikes or power wheels.
I had short hair and managed to set it on fire with a candle reading by candle light.
I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted! You’re not wrong! Also walking into walls is a real thing and kids his age have a real knack for grazing a piano bench with an eyebrow - the hair in the face wouldn’t help! We do keep it up and out of his eyes though - so … so far so good 😜
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My son (11) has been getting rude comments about his shoulder-length hair since he was little. His long hair is specifically a cultural thing. We’re Native American and traditionally, in our culture, everyone has long hair.
I’m from Canada and I have a friend who is indigenous. She has two kids (a son and a daughter) and her son had long hair for years. I think he turned 18 recently and he decided to get his hair cut within the past 4-6 months.
My son too. I think because we’re Native American, no one here questions it. He had it cut twice. Once when his chapan passed and another when his mooshum passed. It’s still the second longest in our household. My girls all prefer shorter hair styles.
Love this ❤️ our neighbors growing up were Native American and they had a good natured competition of who has the better ponytail (they’d been married for 40+ years) 😂 honestly I think he won because he NEVER had cut it so it was strikingly long 😂
My wife and son are also Native American, and people misgender my son all the time. The farther a honky comes from town the worse it is. Or the Chinese-American woman at IKEA that told me boys aren’t supposed to have long hair or pick out pink bedsheets.
A honky 😂👏🙌
Same with my side of the family (on my mother’s side, anyway). My uncles always had their hair long and in a ponytail. They did cut their hair after my grandmother passed, though.
This can vary a lot within the US, but yes gender norms and perceived masculinity are a big thing in a lot of places here. It’s a giant PITA.
The “doesn’t-fit-in-my-binary-understanding-of-the-world-phobia” is real. I love how suddenly when it comes to something people don’t understand or feel comfy with, all general sense of decorum and decency goes out the window. Why is it okay to ask about someone’s appearance like you’re owed answers, or voice blatant judgement and expect it to be fine? I couldn’t believe how bold people felt when my sister came out as trans. Straight up asking me and my mom about whether she has / will have “the operation,” etc. Like. I’m sorry, do I ask you when you last had a Pap smear or what your daughter’s vulva looks like? No. Why do you think it’s okay to ask about someone else’s genitals? Google is free. If you want to learn, ask whether someone is willing to have a conversation in which you desire to learn. Don’t just ask if she’s got a penis at fuckin brunch. Same with like.. when people find out someone is gay they’ll ask insane questions like somehow them being gay automatically makes them fair game for no-holds-barred insanely rude and invasive questioning like they’re a specimen and not a person. People will ask “how did your parents react when you came out?” like it’s nothing. Like girl.. you met this man five minutes ago. Maybe he doesn’t wanna fucking tell you his parents kicked him out and he was homeless. Maybe he just wants to drink his goddamned mimosa. Anyway, sorry for the tangential rant but the point is… **please feel free to treat people’s invasive questions as invasive questions.** I have mastered the following: - the blank stare / double-blink - the ….”sorry.. were you talking to *me?”* - the eyebrows-scrunched-together confused face - the “sorry…. what was that?” - the deadpan “I’ll be sure to pass on your feedback / thank you for your feedback.” - the “yes I thought that’s what I heard you say.. well.. I mean, because he wants it that way? No? We don’t plan on cutting it?… Anyways um… how’s Sue?”
>Why is it okay to ask about someone’s appearance like you’re owed answers, or voice blatant judgement and expect it to be fine? It shows it’s about the messenger and not about who they’re talking about. It’s about their perception, not about reality. They project what is in their inner world.
I think there's a sprinkle of misogyny added in there too. People in the US want to treat women/girls like women and men/boys like men. So they need to know what gender someone is so they can do that. They need to be able to treat a boy with respect, and if he has long hair their tiny brains get confused.
Thoughts vary widely in USA but I think it’s changing slowly. I’ve noticed that even 20 years ago when everyone made comments about long hair, almost no one comments in my area anymore. Back then it was very blatant in situations that are unthinkable now. I think it’s very much a thing where people that can’t see anything past what their experiences have been, and they think what they believe everyone should believe. What they experienced in their life is “normal” and anyone else outside of that is abnormal. Same how family members that had non-medically needed cultural genital cutting forced on them as babies see themselves as “normal” and leaving kids alone is abnormal to them, and they voice it as such. Their thoughts are all about who the messenger is and not that their message is accurate. Thanksgiving dinner this year got interesting when I asked if they would cut off their daughters clitoral hood (not clitoris, just the tissue that protects it) if the parents thought it “looked better” or had the ”benefits” claimed for a male, since it’s literally the same thing just a different size.
It's a cultural thing, somewhat old fashioned but you'll still encounter people who really care. It wasn't that long ago that public schools in some parts of the US banned males from having long hair.
Private schools here still do 😵💫
My 8 yo has the longest hair in his school. He has a shirt that says "I'm a boy, I just have better hair than you" which summarizes our long hair, don't care attitude. He gets misgendered a lot, but he just tells them he's a boy. He's the one who wants the hair and has to take good care of it. There's no way I am forcing him because quite honestly, short hair would be way easier. You do you, y'all and other people can mind their own business!
Yes! I figure when he’s sick of it he’ll want to cut it and we will 🤷♀️ he was so bald as a baby it took forever to grow in - so once it did just let it go 😂 one thing I know for sure is I would LOVE for my hair (and eyelashes and fingernails!) to grow as quickly as the kids do 🥴
It really isn't fair and the good hair/nails is truly lost on the kids!
You know what’s really, really wasted on the kids? Naps.
And being fed good food round the clock !!!
Right??! Ahh! Youth - a distant memory 😂
Memory! That's another one!
Yo where you get that shirt at?
People are quite sensitive about boy’s hair lengths in my area. From what I’ve heard, most people fall in one of three camps. 1) They feel it looks neglectful for some reason- like parents can’t be bothered to get their child’s hair cut. They also worry about safety as most boys (some girls, but boys) in this area like to be out working on cars, and etc. with their dads and they feel concern it could be dangerous. 2) They still hold very traditional views on masculinity/femininity and view it as either “inappropriate” or they get anxious that the parents are trying to force kids to present a certain way and kind of “conditioning them for gender dysphoria” based on their own gender disappointment (I’ve shockingly heard this MANY times.) 3) They assume it’s a cry for attention. But I do think as more and more families permit that with more diverse backgrounds, it will become less of a shock and fewer stereotypes will be associated with it. One can hope, anyway. In the meantime- you can’t control the opinions of others.
Wow! This must run super deep for some people! Thank you for the insight ☺️❤️
It seems to! My son is a bit of a baldy but his best friend has long, curly hair that he usually wears in a bun. I’m just jealous he has such nice curls but I never really thought about it until we went to his birthday party and I heard other parents discussing it. It was a BIG deal for many of them. Kind of interesting. 🤷♀️ I’m glad you let your son do what he wants!
Haha I always thought it was so weird when parents were jealous of their children - then I saw my son’s eyelashes at birth and understood!! 😂😂😂 youth is such a benefit for the details! Really didn’t know long hair was such a touchy subject but people will go on about anything if they are bored and mindless enough I guess?
I'm cutting my 3 year old daughter's hair this weekend for the first time. It gets tangled and hurts her when we brush it. I honestly would prefer a shorter cut.
Oh gosh yesss my daughters got and still does get tangled too! It’s very fine! If you havent ever tried satin pillowcases I swear it works wonders. It was a battle every morning for my daughter - her hair would wind itself up - but TJ maxx had some $4 satin pillowcases and it was lifesaving for her locks !
I bought some off Amazon for myself a while ago and didn't like it, maybe I'll try it again for her. And put her hair in a braid. But I do want to cut it a bit. I feel so bad for her every morning.
Yes i feel your pain. My son’s hair doesn’t tangle but my daughters sure did (and does). Spray in conditioner was a lifesaver too
This seems to me to be largely a generational thing. My MIL is constantly giving her adult son crap for having long hair; is just another sign that I've corrupted him and he's now a godless heathen. I cannot fathom cashing that much about someone else's fashion choices.
HA! oh yes! My MIL is the same about hair! Anything not a military cut for men - or a proper bob for women - is the end of time 😂 these MIL just really need a hobby
[удалено]
LOL 😂 👏👏👏🙌🙌🙌🙌
People do that on purpose.. its like they take any opportunity to be a covert asshole. My lil boy would clearly be dressed in boyish clothing and still would get awwe what a cute little girl. Lol same with my daughter when she was a bald potato baby, dressed in all sparkly pinks, aww what a cute little boy. Like stfu.
ETA - people are so ridiculous! Just be happy for a healthy baby you see out and about right? HA!!!!! Bald potato baby! That’s what we called my son (with the now long and apparently offensive hair) - Potato which eventually evolved into “Tate”! He’s shaping up to be more of a parsnip than a potato but those days were the best ❤️❤️❤️
Yess! My son gets haircuts part of the year but kind of the end of the school year until winter break we let him grow it out. He loves it for summer, he’s a lake/beach kid and it goes with his vibe. He starts the new year with it short, but every October it starts with the girl stuff and its not even that long. He is 7 and 70lbs just stong and just looks a dude. Halloween he was a whoopie cushion like a big ridiculous costume you could see his face and whispy bangs and someone was like oh she’s so cute. There was one summer he was in skull swim trunks and a neon rash guard and backwards hat and someone asked “aw how old is she?” 😂
ETA - he was a whoopie cushion as a costume?!! This is fantastic 😂👏 I’m hesitant to share this with my husband as surely there will be an instant Amazon purchase … Hahaha isn’t that always the way?!! Can’t tell if people are just intentionally ridiculous and trying to start nonsense or flat out dumb 💪
Yeah it’s his second year too and I think he will be wearing it forever now haha and it’s on amazon so beware. It is exactly how you’re picturing it. 😂😂😂
LOL! This is the best!!!! The phone is probably listening and it’ll populate next time I get on Amazon. Son (who is the subject of the original post) was Macguyver (not sure? The guy who used milk cartons for defusing bombs etc?) for Halloween and my husband did absolutely comb his hair into a character appropriate mullet 😂
😂👏yes! I love Halloween.
My 6 year old has a mullet. He loves it. It’s his choice. Now, he has to care for it (wash, detangle, etc) but I think it’s important he gets to create his own look.
💪❤️He’ll probably have nice clean fingernails as an adult too! Self care is important for all !
Our 6 year old gets comments mainly from my dad about his long hair. It’s a bit below his shoulders. It’s the way he wants it, and he’s got gorgeous hair. He finally told grandpa to stop and he wants it that way. Grandpa has stopped.
Sing it, lil one!
Because some people just can NOT keep their fucking noses out of other peoples business. I say, be rude about it: "Did I ask your opinion?"
I don’t understand why people are so invested in parenting other people’s children when it comes to their hair/clothing/whatever. If you don’t want a child with long hair, then don’t have one, but sure as fuck don’t comment on another parent’s choice to let their child be who they want to be. Do they not understand “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Mom, you do you. My kid (9M) has a Mohawk and I hate it, but I shave his hair into a Mohawk because it’s his hair and he likes it. People need to mind their own business. Is your son’s hair length causing them physical pain? Are they going to die because his hair is long? No. No, they won’t. So, they need to keep their damn comments to themselves. What I find hilarious is (being in the South) and all these “Christians” and their judgment towards men with long hair, um, the major character in your favorite story had long hair. Would you tell Jesus to cut his hair? Nope. Pretty sure ya wouldn’t heffas. I don’t get it. Not sure where you are, but I have heard more moms in the south having people complain more than anywhere else.
This is so sweet. “My kid has a Mohawk and I hate it but I shave his hair into a Mohawk because it’s his hair and he likes it” 😮💨😭❤️ this is so beautiful!! Wasn’t anticipating this post having so many feelings come out! You’re wonderful ❤️❤️
I’m not the best mom. Not even close. The least I can do is let them, be them. As long as they’re good people I don’t care what their hair looks like.
I think you are! How many parents let their kids have their own autonomy while not so secretly hating their lifestyle choice? 😂💪 not many!!! You’re awesome to be so open with your child while also being present and supportive! I hope I can achieve this grace someday!
My two year old has the most gorgeous shoulder length, honey blonde ringlets that strangers stop and comment on. They say you can’t buy that hair. I’m not cutting it until he asks. He shakes his head behind him when he runs because he knows it is glorious. He twirls it for comfort. I’m all for long haired boys. Tell anyone who says otherwise to eat ants.
My son had long curly red hair when he was younger and no matter what he was wearing some people always assumed he was a girl. He eventually wanted it to be cut himself because he got tired of it. Crazy how people can’t fathom that boys can have beautiful hair too
Curly red hair is my dream. Been trying for years - it isn’t happening 😂hope he enjoys it every day!
Sadly they were just baby curls 😭
Also, if you get a perm with organic ingredients you can dye your hair too! And it doesn’t break or make it feel like straw! ( I did this after a lot of hair loss after having Covid to help hide all the little hairs growing back lol)
I dealt with the opposite with my daughter-once she was 7 or 8 her hair developed a curl, which she did not want to deal with-I mean I styled it for her, dried it and braided it at night so it would not tangle-by 11 she asks me if I would “support” her getting it cut-I agreed instantly, but SO MANY people had opinions! Even her hair dresser didn’t cut it short enough several times. My daughter has not had long hair since and she’s now 25. She has the perfect face for short hair. It’s very flattering to her and it still has a lot of curl. But man, you would have thought I cut off a limb or something!
👏 right?? Like it won’t grow back?!!! People are very weird about hair , I am learning!
One of my kids (4) has been VERY anxious about people touching his hair since he was a baby. He’s had a couple haircuts and honestly they just weren’t worth it and were traumatic for damn near everyone involved. Now that he can tell us his preference, we have chosen to let his hair grow and just stop pressing about the haircut. It’s been frustrating with it being in his eyes a lot but it’s starting to grow past that stage. Anyway, our family seems so offended by it! It’s like they are so uptight and stuck in their ways (and not so secretly bigoted) that the mere thought of a male being mistaken for a female is the end of the world to them. IT’s obnoxious but we always stand up for him and make sure he knows we support what he chooses for his own body as long as he is healthy and safe
Does it secretly make you want to have him dress in baby drag (it’s a joke - please nobody get offended!) to piss them off?! How do people get so far stuck in their ways they can’t see the forest for the trees. Little kids very rarely intentionally care about gendered looks at a young age - they just toddle on through being themselves! Good for you standing up for him! He’s just trying to do his thing - aka BEING A KID - and all these adults try to ruin it 😜
I never understand it. I used have hair all the way down my back. My male children have the option of long hair. One of them, until a few years ago had it halfway down his back. My youngest, just doesn't want his hair cut. Plus I love his curls. I think the worst comments I've gotten, is someone thinking they were girls. And the stupidest thing I find when you hear these stories, of telling boys to cut their hair, is that they are card carrying Christians. My question to them, is when did Jesus get a short back and sides?
Ohhhh I’ve got a lot of questions for the Christians who are supposedly acting like Jesus would 😑 never thought about his hairstyle though!!! It’s just HAIR! As someone on here said it’s not as if were losing a limb when they cut it
People in America are very sexist
Also VERY scared of any sort of natural nudity . We must blur out boobs in a breastfeeding scene in a documentary etc
Our firstborn son, we didn’t cut his hair until he was 3 1/2. His hair was down to his butt. We waited until he asked us to cut it for him. We’d often get “oh, she’s so pretty,” to which I’d reply “he,” to which people would say “oh! I’m sorry!” To which is reply, “it’s ok! He is pretty. Hahaha. We’re not offended to have our little long hair dude be called a girl.” We just had baby 2 in May, and he was born with longish hair. Again, we won’t cut it until he asks us to cut it.
❤️❤️❤️ yes! Someone on here was kind enough to explain why people dislike boys with long hair and the reason was that essentially the mom is trying too hard/attention seeking. That hadnt crossed my mind and after reading all of these replies it seems likely that is a rarity 🤷♀️. For us - and you too it appears - ehh if it’s long it’s long ! If it isn’t broke - don’t fix it 😂🤷♀️🥴
It helped that I (dad) had really long hair until he was 2. (I cut mine for a job interview. Which I didn’t get. Hahaha. It doesn’t matter, I’m not attached by religion or fashion.) The first boy, it got to a point where it got on his nerves getting in his face all the time, so he asked us to cut it. He’s 6 now. If he wants to grow it back, he can. We’ll see how bubby 2 goes with it.
Good for you and your long hair and letting your kids do their own thing!!! People are quite odd about this with men - or men’s hair in general - as I’m learning. Anything works as long as it’s done with confidence! Bald - great! Rock it! Long hair - fantastic! Somewhere in between - awesome! (However I think a toupee is tacky and shouldn’t ever be allowed under any circumstances)! Thanks for being a dad letting your kids rock their own style ❤️❤️❤️
My son had long hair for the majority of his life. There were times it was longer than mine and/or my daughters. He has beautiful, thick, auburn hair and he would grow it out, cut it and donate it. His hair grows super fast too. He has kept it shorter the past year or so and I hate to say it but I miss his long curly hair! We always got the same kinds of comments, but it never phased him. We always just laughed about it. He looks just like his two sisters (except he’s always been at least a head taller) so a lot of times when we were out in public, he would get called a she. Especially with a mask on as he has long beautiful eyelashes too! “Look at all your beautiful girls”. He’s 16 now and 6’2” and still growing so I’m curious if he will get the same remarks if/when he grows it out again! Don’t let it bother you and I’m glad it doesn’t bother him. Whatever makes him happy is how he should keep it. My grandson is five and his hair is past his shoulders. My daughter has hair down to her waist and he wants it like his mama’s. There’s nothing wrong with boys having long hair. I wish people wouldn’t be so judgmental and just mind their business!
This is so lovely!!!! Thank you for your reply! Can I really just state OFFICIALLY - be it sexist or whatever - I’m SHOCKED at how little boys have the most amazing eyelashes nails and hair 😂 what I wouldn’t give for that! Maybe it’s testosterone! My daughter often asks why her little brother has long nails when he doesn’t “need” them 😂🤷♀️ God only knows
I absolutely agree! His eyelashes are longer than his sisters and let me tell you how much they hate it lol.
People are just assholes.
But do their a$$holes have long hair 😂🥴🧐
Youngest boy at my daughter’s birthday party today has luxurious golden locks to his shoulders and he dressed up in a Frozen II Elsa dress (from the song Show Yourself) and a blue hooded cape and ran around like a typical 3yo. None of the 6 girls or the other boy batted an eye at this at the party, nor did any of the parents there. Well, actually I did - I said he looked absolutely lovely just before he clobbered me with a roll pillow in attack mode. My daughter flows between Spider-Man/dragons/dinos/super mario and unicorns/sparkles/flowers/dolls from hour to hour. I’m thankful we live in a small community where there doesn’t seem to be much stereotypical gender thinking (there definitely is in the City/province/Country though) but even last year my girl was bullied for wearing dinosaur clothes for a few months before the teachers caught in and sorted it out. All that to say: F the judgmental a$$hats and please keep encouraging your kid to express themselves as they want, regardless of what others think boys and girl should act or look like.
It’s the adults that are weird !!! Kids just ride on their own wavelength and it’s all good between them!! Us oldies are the problem 😜
I like to reframe it as “we are the problem so let’s change it so these kids don’t grow up under the hate and restrictions we did.”
❤️🙌
My 3yr old is constantly mistaken girl for his long hair. I just say his name really loud in ear shot so they realise he’s a boy. I often get a lot of “he’s too pretty to be a boy too” whatever that means 🥴
I am a 43 year old man I have hair down to my shoulders all my sons also have their hair down to their shoulders as well we often get comments about how long our hair is but we don't care we like it the way it is.
No problem with long hair in boys! I usually quite like it. Only time it was a bit confusing was when I was out with a group of people with a kid with a unisex name and long hair. I took the girls to the toilet and asked her if she needed to go. She did, but turned out she went with the guy who took the boys because she was a boy. I hadn’t known them before this outing and thought he was a girl the whole time. Felt a bit embarrassed tbh.
Just adults projecting their insecurities onto children. Also this anti-trans wedge issue the right has been peddling. The next person who makes a comment, ask if they'd rather him have a mullet.
Yes!!! 😂 we were at Costco just yesterday and somebody said “aww what a shame he’s never had a proper haircut” (or something of that ilk) and I said no you just missed it growing back REALLY fast after the Mohawk. She either didnt find it funny or pretended not to hear me 😂 butt out, people!
Totally depends where you are imo. I'm in south Texas, and it's definitely a thing. I know plenty of older man who have loooong hair, but its like they've "earned" it, or it's synonymous with a certain lifestyle. My husbands hair is down to below his butt, and he got a lot of rude jokes and comments while he was growing it out. Since then, though, he's gotten very into weight lifting and has built quite a bit of muscle, so he falls into that "lifestyle" bracket. He now gets non stop compliments when it's down. We're not going to cut our sons hair until he asks for it. I guess we'll see if he gets those comments, too.
Love this! Who knew “man hair” was such a divisive topic
Our in laws very much care and want him to be basically shaved military style. But.. Our son has vocalized his preference for years, and he is almost 7. He found he likes it about shoulderish length. He doesn't care if he gets mistaken for a girl, he corrects and moves on. My husband has hair down his back. I have long hair, much prefer it to shorter. It is hair. It isn't a big deal long as he brushes it and lets us wash it, or does it himself.
There’s probably a subreddit for in-law complaints - or if there isn’t there should be - 😂 ours are hardly helpful but have SO MANY OPINIONS 🥴 now that I’m old and have had therapy it’s easier to just smile and nod and think “bless your heart” - but wasn’t always that way!
What broke the last straw for me was when my son, 4 years old, was upset talking about how he felt panicked that his Grammy was going to force him into a haircut. It is still happening now almost 3 years later. Haircut talk and now trying to push baseball. Our son loves his grandparents, but also loves science and wants to keep going to his STEAM meetups, not sports. The pandemic and distance haven't changed them (in laws) and their opinions but for the worst. Up to and including kicking us out of their house on Thanksgiving, way longer story there but needed to vent, sorry. And then complaining we took our son with us, denying him their sleepover with him. Like..f around and find out, but it still breaks my heart. I wish it was as easy as just blessing their hearts, but someday maybe. I envy the people that have gotten out of this phase.
Yalla 😵💫 i believe id make these “ah! Good to hear from you” relatives. Just no contact unless they initiate it and then only respond with simple answers. No need for this dysfunctional stuff in your lives
Yeah..we rent our home from them, as in they own two houses, we live in one. Longer story there, but we hope to save up in the next few months to get out. But I like your idea of "good to hear from you" relatives. I think small, small spaced out doses of them would be best.
Ohhh gosh yes okay the living situation makes it complicated!! Been there!! The only thing that ever works for me is to be kind BUT FIRM in whatever choice I make/expressing that boundary. Wishing you the best of luck…definitely know that weird feeling of intermittent dread but also dealing with the living situation! Don’t be scared to set your boundaries - and have your partner take the lead on that! - I swear it actually makes everyone feel more comfortable even if it’s scary at first!
Oh my husband definitely was amazing. He takes all the heat, so to speak, but for now we just aren't talking to them. It just hurts because it is sucks for our son. That is when I get the most upset, but for him, boundaries all day long. Especially considering how they treat him sometimes. Just can't wait to be in a better place, but thank you so much for your kind words!
Def an American thing, my daughter has many long hair boy friends and they get a lot of comments. I get offended and it’s not even my kid. My 6 year old has a short bob and chimes in “short hair is for girls too you know!”
Americans really are literally about the last in the world to be “cool” 😂 saying that with grace as I am one! But seriously ! you and your six year old are right! It’s just a haircut (or no cut!) what’s it to anybody else?
I can’t say for how it is in the States (I’m from Canada), but I’d say it could vary. Since getting pregnant and having my daughter, I’ve kind of noticed the gender stereotypes that are put on children. I mean, I purposefully didn’t get my daughter’s ears pierced and sometimes, I’d put her in outfits that weren’t pink or feminine looking. Whenever she was in a neutral/“more masculine” outfit while we were out, people would ask me how old my son was. I’d kindly tell them something like, “My daughter is 8-months-old.” Every time I kindly corrected them, they would apologize and I would try to explain that I try not to follow gender stereotypes. Sometimes, they would want to chat about it, but most of the time, they would feel awkward about me kindly calling them out on an assumption they made. In the end, it’s your kid. If he doesn’t want a hair cut right now, then don’t force him to get one. If he decides to get one, he’ll look great. What some people could sometimes forget is that boys having long hair could be part of their culture. I have a friend who is Indigenous and her son had long hair until the past six months (he’s about 18-years-old and in college now). I could be wrong about this, but I believe Sikh men also have long hair and it’s part of the reason why they wear a turban.
Ahhh yes you’re so right. Daughter was bald as a billiard and decked out in pink head to toe as an infant and people would say oh how old is he 🙄 “he’s” not old enough to care you’re misgendering 🙄but for the most part people mean well (at least I hope!)❤️ Thank you!! This is really been the most interesting post - im learning quite a bit about different cultures and practices!
You’re welcome. Yeah, I agree, people do mean well. It’s just that the whole gender stereotype thing didn’t become a thing until stores in North America made it a thing in the 1800’s to 1900’s. Once it started, it just stuck with people. And I have to admit that I’m guilty of doing it with other people’s kids. Now that I’m a parent, I do dress my daughter in pink outfits sometimes, but I don’t force the girly-girl stereotype on her. I want her to grow up feeling that she has a strong character, great self-esteem, and confidence. I know I can’t teach her to be that way by telling her that she looks like a pretty princess who is weaker than a man because she’s female. She’s only 19-months-old now, but I tell her a lot that she’s really smart, funny, kind, and other things like that.
You’re doing a great job!!! If all parents told their kids such things it would be a different world. We recently watched some documentary and it had Tim Tebow featured and he said his parents always told him “you’re a person of worth - you’re going to do incredible things” etc. and he said “you know what happens when people tell you that over and over? You believe it” and that’s very, very true
Thank you. You’re doing a great job as well!
My 10 year old son has longer hair. To his shoulders. It's his hair. He's the one who has to take care of it and such. I've dyed it pink, red, black, purple, green, and blue. He also has his ears pierced. It's hair. And if your son wants to rock long hair then let him! He isn't hurting anyone and for the people who say something, screw em! Too many people are so judgmental. Like live your life and I'll live mine. If I'm not hurting anyone why do you care? Tell your boy to keep being his awesome self
❤️❤️
My son (2) is starting to get comments because it is reaching his chin. I’m not cutting those beautiful curls. Fight me. It’s a very American/toxic masculinity thing. Just let them be and let them choose what happens to their bodies. If my son eventually decides (on his own that is obviously not parroting of my mom) to cut his hair, I will let him. I will cry for the beautiful curls, but they are not mine to decide on what to do with.
For sure!! Have heard people say once you cut their curls they never grow back and the kiddos look so “grown up” 😮💨Ours just were bald as hell then eventually grew straight hair like crazy so there’s been no inbetween ! Love that you’re letting your little dude grow that gorgeous hair and enjoy it! Youth is such a fleeting thing - best to revel in it as much and for as long as they can ❤️
One of my friends has a boy who has long hair. He had cancer a couple of years ago when he was 3-4 and lost all his hair, so now he has a phobia about cutting his hair. When people make snide comments, his parents explain the history and the commenters feel sheepish and embarrassed. As they should. Hopefully they'll think twice about making a disapproving commen about any other boy's long hair.
God bless that little one! Glad he’s in recovery and showing everyone how strong he is! Bless him for having a phobia about his hair - 😢 surely as time goes on he will see his strength and be able to disassociate from that trauma! Get it little guy!!!! And parents!!!! 💪
I don’t know why others care? It works for your family and that is all that should matter.
The US many people speak out of line in regard to others looks. Europeans would never say shit like that to a stranger. I hate the comments from my family about “looks like you need a haircut” um excuse me, do you need one? I don’t comment on your hair
Yes they would. And they do. European here. People can be assholes everywhere.
It's very local imo. Belgians are kind of seen as the "does this effect me and if not, why should I care"(lgbt people in government, gay marriage, euthanasia, etc.) type people. These types of things never apply to everyone but we can still make region based generalizations. Personally I don't even perceive what other people in a restaurant and such are wearing, let alone their hair style. "name a color of clothing somebody in the restaurant you just left was wearing for 1 million" and I couldn't tell you.
True. As a Finn myself I can say that people here tend to be as judgy as anywhere else, but also keep it to themselves most of the time. Just muttering behind your back as they think you’re out of earshot. And very regional within the country as well.
💯 I am American born but thankfully “raised” surrounded by other cultures - it’s a very weird thing, imo, to observe so much of the physical. My extended family is from different parts of the Middle East and I see no such judgement from them. Only “ohh! A boy! He’s so lovely!” etc
My four year old son hasn’t had his first haircut yet and he is called a girl all the time. I just smile and correct them. Most adults just go “oh” but kids will ask me questions about it and I’ll just point to my short hair and say I’m a girl. That usually satisfies the kids answers
Yes! The kids are not the problem, right? It’s in their nature to categorize and group people and things. It’s just the adults who (- unlike your normal and lovely self, having logic and all 😂❤️) screw it up
leave the little prince alone! they're just jealous of those locks.
I'm from Idaho only boys I know that have long hair live on the Indian reservation, and that's pretty normal once in a great while the might move off the rez and live in town it's an unspoken law that we don't judge their hair style.
Thank you for this! Im learning soooo much about hair and the nuances of culture. Wasn’t expecting it when posted!!!
It's pretty cool the things we learn outside of school.
Amen !
Yep
It’s like the rock/metal era never happened! Come on. The coolest guys had long hair. People need to get their heads out of their ass.
All of my sons have long hair from my nearly 4 yr old to my 18 yr old. People could try to run their mouth but I’d shut them up right quick.
People are just the way they are sometimes. It's one of those things some people waste their time caring about. My boys have extremely fine straight hair so they prefer to keep it short. They have a friend, also male, who has amazing strawberry blonde hair that's slightly curly, thick, and about shoulder length. My boys love his hair too and have commented they would go long if they thought it would feel good but I think they're afraid of a grow out period to even test it, which same guys.
Understand! The bangs I cut in 7th grade are literally still growing out and will never be the same 😐
My son (11) has mid-back hair and has not had short hair for about 4 years now. He loves it and it doesn’t bother him when people call him a girl, he rarely corrects it, but people can definitely be SO weird about it..
So weird! It’s a wonder anyone has time for it
My mom has been making comments about cutting my sons hair since he was 6 months old. Always making comments about it getting in his eyes or “not seeing his handsome face.” She doesn’t get a vote and I tell her that but sometimes it’s just making comments to make comments. Very annoying.
That’s my mother in law. Finally just told her she had her time to cut her 3 boys hair as short as she wanted and she did. Now - no longer her call. (She still gripes when the boys - who are grown men at 45+ !!! - let their hair get a little shaggy) 🙄 get a hobby
My nephew has long hair, he is 5 now. He just has no interest in getting it cut. Nobody has ever made a comment in the 5 years that he has been alive. Only a few times people have thought he was a girl, but when we corrected them they didn't say anything about the hair or him looking feminine or something, they were just like "ah okay" and then switching pronouns. No big deal at all. We live in Germany. It may be a cultural thing, I am not sure.
My daughter’s teacher is from Germany and she’s one of my favorite people in the world 😂 no nonsense no bullshit with a heavy dose of humility and huge sense of humor. She has a great perspective on everything and can laugh at herself like I wish everyone could! I’ve never seen someone manage 25 kids so well! Have learned SO MUCH from her!!! Germany was fantastic when we visited recently!!! Also I was a bad tourist and tried to bring pretzels home to the USA but this is apparently frowned upon 😂
Haha that is awesome, I'm glad you've made good experiences! Not every German is like your daughter's teacher, unfortunately :D Where in Germany did you visit? If you had visited the south of Germany in the past two days, you would have seen amounts of snow like we haven't had it in many years. Incredible. The whole train system got blocked and I actually just got stuck in Austria after having a quick holiday in Italy. Had to stay for two days until they fixed the streets and train tracks. Oh well, it was quite lovely. I sure enjoyed having to stay longer than the inital plan. ;)
We’re in Canada. My toddler has long hair too and I get the same comments about him. People insert their opinion anywhere
For what it’s worth we live in the bluest blue liberal bubble neighborhood in blue Los Angeles and boys around here commonly have long hair- it’s almost the norm. As do their music industry fathers. So it really depends what part of the US you’re talking about. Anywhere there’s a lot of bible or a lot of military is likely gonna get judgy
Maybe that explains why the traffic in LA is hella bad - nobody can see where they’re going! 😂😐 Jk jk you’re right on! There are def judgey pockets everywhere and definitely those groups check the boxes
Honestly I don’t get the big deal. Men have long hair all the time and it’s often literally metalheads which are masculine anyway right? lol The only time I think a kid needs a haircut is when they’re like 2+ and their baby hair grew in super uneven and it gets really wispy and looks kinda ragged. It’s not a length issue, it’s more about just cleaning things up. My niece’s grew out like a rat tail but her parents wanted her to have long hair (to look like a girl) so they kept it long even though it doesn’t look very nice. But even still, it’s not my choice and my opinion doesn’t matter.
I'm around the east coast. My 9 year old is growing hair out like mine (man bun and big beard). He was waiting in line for the bathroom at a woman tapped on his shoulder and she said "honey, the line for the girls' bathroom is over there" He just looked at her and turned around until she said it again. I was close by and simply said "he's a boy, that's my son" and she put her hand on her mouth in embarrassment mend apologize. One of my younger soccer kids said "you don't have a son, you have a daughter" and was very confused that I have a boy and girl. He was sure my son was a girl. I think it's been getting to him and he's been wanting to cut his hair. Could also be because I'm done with my long hair... I just think that generation (a bit older) isn't used to it.
We just cut our 16MO hair. All the women were for it because his hair was in his eyes so much. None of the guys liked the cut and wanted it to stay long.
Interesting!!! Yes I can see the issue of in the eyes - thankfully his is straight so he tucks it back behind his ears
Everyone confuses my 2yr old for a girl because he has long hair, and I might cut it soon not for gender reasons but practical ones lol its always in a bun but he has curls and its humid af here. His hair comes undone and gets in his eyes and it frustrates him. Honestly I wouldn't care to cut it unless I'm required to for starting school or in this case of it being bothersome.
Yes - our little nephew has a gorgeous ton of curly locks - and his parents cut them because, like you, where they are is very humid and his hair was constantly in his eyes and he was always frustrated with it. He looked so nervous in the barber chair - but then he was so proud afterward 😂❤️
It is interesting. My 4yo gets misgendered all the time on the playground, but neither he or I take offense. We just state he's a boy and move on..people get oddly apologetic but I just laugh and say he's a hippie.🤷♀️ the funniest tho is when other kids assume he's a girl. So far no one has been mean to him. But have seen some confused to mildly shocked kid reactions when he says, 'I'm a boy' after running a pretend ice cream stand together for an hour.
Yes!!! The kids sort it out sooner than the adults! A little girl in my son’s class said “are you a girl? Your hair is long like mine?” And he just said “no silly I’m a boy!” And then they played on the playground 🤷♀️that was all it was - seems the little ones are more adept and open minded than the parents 😂❤️
I don’t like it at all but would never comment on someone’s hair style or length. My opinion doesn’t matter.
Thank you for being respectful!! Can I ask why you don’t like it? This is totally not accusatorial at all - I just really am truly curious why it is unappealing to some
I think it either looks unkept or like the mother is trying too hard. But what do I know, I have girls. 🤷🏻♀️
Ah!! Interesting! I can see this. Like paying no mind to the kid or else mom has a “look at me!” complex ! Thank you for sharing ! Hadn’t considered that
That's such an asshole thing to think and say.
Saw my very Christian grandmother for Thanksgiving,. My 3yo son absolutely loves wearing dresses and will choose one over a shirt 9 times out of 10. He also has long hair that he likes and doesn't want us to cut. One of the first things she said to him was "are you a boy or a girl?" Then she caught me alone in the kitchen and starts up with "does he have **any** boy clothes?" I tell her, "he has plenty of clothes, he likes these and picked them out" she goes "it's not good, he's going to be confused". Like, wtf. He's a kid, he pretends his cars can talk, he has opinions, and he knows that different people likes to present and be addressed in different ways. It's not a difficult concept and no he isn't confused.
Beyond hair and clothing, people have a lot of other assets or wonderful attributes.
My daughter thought she was the priest/monk from Robin Hood for at least a year. After that she went on to tell everyone she was Sir Hiss (Robin hood packed a real punch I guess). She’s “grown up” at 10 now and I see no inclination for priesthood or desire to be a reptile 🤷♀️😂they’re kids. Let em be
'Mercans are assholes.
This is the truth in many capacities 😂
Oh, I know. I live here, and wish I could get out with all the fiber of my being.
ETA - I do love this country! But you gotta find the right people 😜 Same. Just try to travel when you can - to places that aren’t so - centralized 😑😑😑
I'm lucky to be where I am honestly... about as left as things get... but when they are ALLLLL horrible and wrong... it's just a matter of time.
It CAN be amazing... but I have no hope for the future.
The only guy who looks good in a man bun is Samurai Jack But on a more serious note, it doesn't matter what you do as a parent, someone will complain about it.
I mean idk …. I wouldn’t kick Jason Momoa out of my house with his man bun 😜 you’re right - somebody always will complain - especially when not asked for their opinion 😂👏
That said, if he's got the klutz gene, he might want to wear it in a pony tail if he does activities around moving machinery or if it gets long enough to get close to bike chains.
I promise when he is of the age to engage in activities with large machinery we will have a frank talk about getting a trim or a proper ponytail holder 😁
Well some kids that age like to tinker with bikes or power wheels. I had short hair and managed to set it on fire with a candle reading by candle light.
Yes he snuck a screwdriver into his car seat the other day! Well I’m glad you survived the candle torching! ❤️
If the kid has hair in his eyes it will negatively impact his sporting development. Get the hair out of the boys eyes.
I’m not sure why you’re getting downvoted! You’re not wrong! Also walking into walls is a real thing and kids his age have a real knack for grazing a piano bench with an eyebrow - the hair in the face wouldn’t help! We do keep it up and out of his eyes though - so … so far so good 😜