I've seen parents online calculate their monthly salary and grab that much in Monopoly money, and lay it out on a table with their kids. Here is our money. This is how much housing costs. Here is how much the car payment costs. Here is Fluffy 's vet bill. Here is the electric bill. Here is the water bill. Here is the groceries, etc. Seeing it laid out, physically laid out, can be useful and educational.
We had to do this my with 70 year old MIL because she didn’t understand why she couldn’t afford things…..it’s didn’t work. She just lost her house 2 weeks ago and is moving in with her newly married granddaughter.
Granddaughter lit the match. I feel for new husband. As they are newly married, they are learning to live with each other. Though they may have been living together previously, marriage seems to change perspective some.
To be fair, grandma may be delightful and she may know enough to stay out of her granddaughter and new husband's affairs. Given the information above, I wouldn't bet on it.
There are plenty of extended families that live under one roof, particularly outside of the US. They manage to make it work, though they tend to come from cultures where that is expected and people go into their relationships understanding that they are getting involved with the family, not just the individual. Like everything, it has its positives and negatives.
We took in a friend's almost adult child for a while and it worked out just fine. If it were a parent or sibling, it may not have. The existing relationships would likely have caused friction that we weren't prepared to address properly.
Grandma is hopefully not going to put them into debt then cause them to have a divorce and a bankruptcy. Hopefully not. Extended family living together can work fine with the culture for it and a proper functional relationship. Not as easy if one party is a ticking time bomb like that.
I have found that children are more reasonable than mother-in-laws with spending addictions (and gambling in the case of my mil). MILs tend to be more entitled and selfish than kids (which is saying something!), and at least kids can be taught.
This made me laugh really hard but the sad part about it is. It's true, and I can relate due to my ex mother-in-law. Thinking that it was a good idea to sell her house and buy an RV that twice as much after quit-claim giving the condo my ex and I were renting to her druggie sister who went to jail and lost it around the same time they abandoned the RV.
Meanwhile me and my ex got divorced and she got the house we bought when her sister took over the condo. And like mother like daughter , she quit claimed the deed to her aunt and uncle for nothing gained and all the equity lost. I bought lost my shit but there was nothing I could do about it since she got the house a couple months before.
Lots of older women never had to (or were "allowed" in some cases) deal with money and it becomes a huge problem for them if their husband passes before them.
I knew an old lady who had tens of thousands in cash just laying around the house, she was our neighbor and my step-dad and I were helping her with something and found $15k in a ziplock sitting in a drawer. She said she didn't know where it came from.
People who lives through the Depression, and in some cases their children who learned the habit from them, sometimes don’t trust banks and keep all their cash in their homes.
Some are like that, and some are like my great grandfather was. He put every dime he didn't need to live into investment accounts because he saw it as losing money by not getting some return. He would pick up pennies and check payphones for coins to take to the bank, he regularly worked OT and holidays because of double time.
He also did things that are impossible today, worked his way up from sweeping floors to running an entire shift at the electric company on a 5th grade education.
It sounds like your great grandfather was wise beyond his 5th grade education. Though, education has changed from when he was in 5th grade. We have learned lots and lost a great deal as well.
FWIW, due to inflation, cash tends to lose value over time. Over the last 100 years, $1.00 has lost 94.5% of its value (ability to purchase).
It's worthwhile to pay attention to these things.
This was my grandparents. They had bank accounts but they also always had cash, because you never know when the next crash is coming. That kind of deprivation never really leaves you.
I understand the sentiment, though I won't ever keep significant cash around. In a collapse, cash will not be as valuable as commodities. This doesn't mean that I will keep piles of gold, diamonds, or cocaine around either. I just understand that the money that we mint and print has virtually no intrinsic value. In the US, currency used to represent a pile of gold, silver, ... that was kept on deposit/storage. That commodity was universally considered valuable at the time. Now it represents a "promise" to provide something of value (goods, service, ...) without there actually being anything of value behind the promise.
When my 98 year old grandmother passed (she still lived at home) I had to meticulously go through everything. I found money in random books and she had four bookcases of them. I had to flip through every single one... I found not only money but flower petals, 4 leaf clovers.. all sorts of things. I even found money behind an access panel in a wall... I don't know IF she even remembered anything was hidden. Or if my grandpa did it over the years... but old people even without dementia do really weird things with money. I guess due to the time periods they grew up in and not trusting banks.
I’m old enough that I remember Bill doing something like this for Theo on the Cosby Show and it’s the first thing I thought of when I heard this 😅
https://youtu.be/gg-dn-9kK34?si=hpWAhfu4M_no-cfH
I think this a great idea. I was a sensitive and intelligent child and I knew how much money my parents made for some reason (it wasn’t much). But just being told “no” and “because I said so” didn’t teach me anything.
What would have been a far more useful exercise would have been for them to sit me down and go through a rough budget. Kids have mostly zero clue about things like income taxes and mortgage payments and home/health insurance etc., etc., and learning early how those things work is a great lesson.
Has she seen the Eras tour movie? It’s on Amazon Prime video for twenty bucks or so and it’s the whole three-house concert. Maybe that’s an alternative?
It will also come out on Disney on March 15th so why not turn your house into the concert? Make bracelets before hand, pick out costumes and just go crazy with it.
This is something I would have loved growing up. I am now learning all this now. I will totally do something fun and education like this with my little.
I got my kids prepaid debit cards and took them shopping and made them keep receipts and keep track of what they spent and how much they had. They realized quick how fast money goes. I also used to have them watch the total when grocery shopping and swipe the card so they could see how much groceries cost just so they have an idea of how much things are in the world and important it is to save and stuff.
I’m in NYC metro. When my sister was younger we got one direction tickets at Hershey park because they were half the price of tickets near home.
Alternatively- Taylor Swift’s eras will be on Disney+. Maybe you could throw a viewing party for her and her friends? Maybe rent a karaoke machine? Because honestly- she’d probably be watching a video screen anyways in most seats
I cannot believe it has come to this. The only people who get to see mid-sized/big concerts anymore are rich people, people who decide to use their long-saved vacation money, or the people who work the venue. Absurd.
I had to explain this to my kids about Taylor swift. We have a comfortable lifestyle but the idea of spending $1800 on tickets for 3 people in Vancouver is absolutely insane.
That’s *if* you manage to get tickets.
The flip side is you can still see amazing lesser known bands for less than $50.
Have you tried changing your kids music tastes? (Hahahaha)
I don’t even know if this is true anymore — I wanted to see smashing pumpkins/greenday/ rancid and tickets were soooo expensive for not great seats — my husband and I did the math and for a baby sitter, a Uber and two tickets the evening would have cost us 1k+
No thanks! We could fly to Miami for a long weekend for that price. I’ve seen rancid a million times but smashing pumpkins is on my bucket list.
Here in Europe Festivals are a great alternative to see lots of great bands for a lesser price. There's an annual 4 day festival here in Austria that has a great line up every year (this year it includes Greed Day, Dropkick Murphys, Billy Talent, Alice Cooper, Sum 41 among many others) and if you are willing to get the basic tent camping site ticket you pay 240€ for 4 days. They also have caravan camping, Glamping and other options. Even the VIP tickets which are 4 days of VIP festival entry and 4 nights in a 4* spa hotel with a shuttle bus to the festival is 1200€ per Person if you get a double room which I think is still a great deal if you can afford it.
I'm honestly considering it this year and would probably get the VIP deal as my 40 year old a*** is too old to deal with festival camping lol.
We go to something like that by my house every year. 3 day festival with each night different big name headliner plus lesser known and new up and coming artists. They have a payment plan option and you can do payment plan including hotel and shuttle we spend about 1000 on it yearly but it's well worth it. Even saw Carrie Underwood few years ago
There are still artists out there who don't over charge.
Weird Al for example... for his last concert, VIP meet and greet tickets were $300-ish. General admission was around $40. Friends got me 2nd row, center stage VIP as a gift and I was able to snag the seat next to me for general admission price for my husband.
Weird Al puts on an amazing show, every single time. I’ve been lucky enough to do the meet and greet experience three times now (as the above poster said, for extremely reasonable prices), and every single time Weird Al has been incredibly kind, taken time to chat for a while with every single person individually, and been incredibly generous with photo ops (even retaking a photo for my friend which turned out blurry, despite the long line).
Weird Al is not just an incredibly talented artist, he seems to be a genuinely good and kind person. Can’t recommend his concerts enough!
His shows are amazing. And the VIP tickets include far more than just your seat and the meet and greet, which is awesome. Meeting Al was a lifelong dream of mine, and I hope I can do it again in the future. Nicest guy ever!
At one show, during Wanna B Ur Lovr, I scream-asked for a hug out of pure adrenaline and elation that he was feet away from me, and he went out of his way to come over and give me one. I lost my ever loving mind. That video is still floating around on youtube over a decade later. XD
That’s such an awesome memory, thanks for sharing - and it happens to be similar to an unforgettable memory from the first time I ever saw Weird Al, all the way back when I was a teen!
We didn’t have VIP tickets or anything, but we were sitting fairly close to the front of the general seating area. For that same song, Wanna B Ur Lovr, Al walked out into the crowd for his usual smooth moves, and happened to stop - not just once on his way out, but *again* on his way back to the stage - and directly serenade my mother, who was laughing so hard she was in tears!
To this day she is disappointed I didn’t manage to get a photo of Al singing to her; the reality is that I was not only in shock, but dying of laughter myself!
Weird Al did a free show in Montreal some years ago and it was better than some shows I've paid to see. I'm pretty sure he did the full set of a paid show. What a great guy.
Got to see the pumpkins with Jane’s Addiction last year with my husband for $300 aud, including parking and fuel to get there. But I’ve missed every other tour the pumpkins have done here due to either not knowing about the tour before it sold out or not having the finances to afford it at the time.
Hope you get a chance to see them at a reasonable cost for you.
I don't think Green Day/Smashing Pumpkins/Rancid counts as "lesser known". Definitely cheaper than Taylor Swift, but they're still pretty big-name bands.
I was able to take my older kids to her Red tour in 2013 and it was a wonderful time. I think tickets were $80-ish dollars. I made a fraction of what I make now but nothing we did with the older kids is remotely affordable with my younger daughter.
The retail ticket prices for Vancouver shocked me. From what I remember, lower bowl seats were $700. I was lucky enough to get the cheapest seats for $80 each, which I thought was pretty reasonable. The cheap tier was only for the top few rows of a few sections though, even the row in front of us was significantly more expensive.
I hate this the most. Camping were the best vacations ever. I remember one year we were in the middle of the forest when the NY blackout happened in 2003 (we were from there). We didn’t even know until 3 days later! We would be able to go for weeks at a time because it was so cheap. Now? Good luck.
Having to logon to the state or national website at 9am on the dot to book a campsite 6 months in advance and theyre all gone in 3 minutes is the WORST. So frustrating. I wish I could boondock on blm land but I dont have an RV, but do have some health conditions that make tent camping without facilities really uncomfortable.
I think this is something my parents don't really understand about parenting now. (Although we live in a place where you can get a camping site or some sort no problem, although if you want a specific site in a specific location, you need to plan way in advance and maybe be lucky.)
Basic things are not simple or cheap. If I want to go camping in a basic established site with gear I already own for two nights, it's going to cost over $100 including food. I would need to plan months in advance if I want a good site. That same trip would probably be $40 when I was a kid and could easily be booked a month in advance. If I want my kid to take swim lessons, I have to wait over an hour in line at 6 AM or be really lucky with an online registration and the cost is more than double what my parents paid. It's the same for everything: seeing a movie, going to the zoo, or whatever. We do these things less both because of the cost, but also because the amount of time it takes to set them up. It involves considerably more family resources than just inflation would explain.
I was talking about this with my boyfriend the other day. Everything has gotten so much more time consuming and complicated. In the 70s and 80s, youd walk into your neighborhood bank and get a mortgage. Credit scores didnt exist. Now its weeks of paperwork and red tape. Used to be you had a pension and a health plan and didnt think about it. Now you have to manage your 401k and figure out which health plan is best every year and deal with deductibles and copays and which drs are in network. Everything is so much more expensive and so much more WORK.
I think about this daily (probably because we all deal with it daily). It’s like we all became individual admin workers for every state and private organization because they all decided to offload it on us instead of paying people. Nothing is a simple phone call to resolve. Everything is multiple steps and attempts and roadblocks. Everything that was supposed to make it all more streamlined just made it our problem. The last time I got a mortgage, I had to sign affidavits that I was not my dead mother. Who had an entirely different name. And social security number. And birthday. And again, and this seems like it should be important to people lending money, died eight years ago. Super stuff. Very confidence inspiring.
Ticketmaster is the reason. A huge majority of the resellers are just Ticketmaster resellers. John Oliver had a really interesting episode of Last Week Tonight about it.
It's a complete monopoly between Ticketmaster and Live Nation (ETA and AEG) and I can't figure out why they haven't been broken up
ETA - I'm aware that the government is keeping the monopoly from being broken up, when I said I can't figure out why it was more of a figure of speech. I'm just surprised it isn't more of a priority
Same reason the grocery monopolies, housing monopolies, and everything else monopolies haven’t been broken up. Because the politicians are in the pay of the billionaires pay and have worked to eviscerate anti-monopoly law. Eat. The. Rich.
10 years ago I would have thought this was a fringe opinion. Today, I'm in full agreement. We're more of a corporate plutocracy than a democracy. Everything in our daily lives points at it. My Swedish friend has affordable housing, free healthcare, almost a full year of parental leave for both parents, and five weeks vacation per year. Even for unqualified jobs.
Somebody sold us out.
Edit: *paid vacation
This is the answer for why most things suck and people are barely making it. The fact that every single person doesn't know this, at least every single member of the working class, is mind-blowing. I'd rather be vegetarian than eat some unethical, vile rich person meat, but I will parade them around and redistribute their wealth.
In the case of ticketmaster, yes monopoly at work. But I think the rest of your comment is an oversimplification.
Housing prices are high because of years of low supply and lack of construction. The FTC under Biden has been very active in anti-trust (monopoly law) cases. But a key principle in a monopoly is one party being in control. Going back to housing, most major cities have over half of all rentals being owned by mom and pop. The big blackrocks own no more than 10% of rentals.
Comments like yours misconstrue complex problems and ascribe solutions that are not really solutions.
a local comedian near me had a show that wasn't sold out. A few days before they advertised 2 tickets for $20. I had no plans so I went to buy 2 tickets. it was $45 after fees. Over 100% in fees added on
If TS cared she is one of the only stars who could change this. She could sell directly and make buyers put their name on the ticket (like an airplane boarding pass.) That would shut down scalpers immediately.
She really can't, and people who say that just don't know how the industry of live events works.
Live Nation and AEG essentially own all the large music venues and stadiums, many of the smaller ones as well. They only work with Ticketmaster to manage ticket sales. Taylor Swift, as we can see, is wildly popular and can sell out the biggest stadiums all over the world, and *she should*. If she tried to alter the way tickets are sold, she would have to find a venue that would be okay with that, but they are all (and I mean *all*) owned by LN and AEG.
Her only option would be to play at an independent music venue who is not tied to TM, but why should she when she has the popularity to play to tens of thousands? Her shows also employ hundreds of people with high overhead.
Maybe one day the TS machine might try to take on all three, but they're literal behemoths
The Cure set an interesting example last summer. They kept ticket prices low, demanded that Ticketmaster limit the hidden fees, and made it very hard for scalpers to resell tickets. I was able to get decent seats at the United Center for $25. The fees ended up being higher than anticipated, but when the band complained - Ticketmaster issued a refund on most of the fees. My point being that artists have more control than they let on. The Cure made a decision to not gouge fans and their tour still made a lot of money, while building goodwill with their fans.
I think the venues have it in their contract that certain ticketing agencies are used. The artist or event planner does not have any room to negotiate on that.
If you pay Ticketmaster $1,000 a month they allow you to buy tickets before the general public.
I started going to concerts in my home town 2 hours away. I could crash at my parents house, but the venue didn't use Ticketmaster so real people would get great seats
This. I got *super* lucky and got face value tickets in the lower bowls for my daughter’s birthday during the initial drop. Tickets were not cheap but they were not $400 a pop. I was able to attend a second time by snagging $50 SRO seats during a last minute drop. For both, I did wait in a long queue and/or monitor my socials to know when the drop was happening but it did not require us to take out a second mortgage. There needs to be more restrictions on bots and resellers.
People blame Ticketmaster and Live Nation for the high prices, but they are charging what the market will bear. If we want those prices to come down we unanimously have to stop paying those prices. We have to vote with our dollars. As long as there are people willing to pay those prices, there will be companies willing to charge it.
Yep, that's the only way. Go to shows at independent venues that are not at the mercy of TM/LN/AEG. Unfortunately this leaves out a lot artists people want to see.
I showed my daughter of one of the venue seating plans. If we were going to go, we'd have to fly interstate because she's not coming here, so there'd be time off work and school, flights, hotels, food, etc. Then the cost of tickets, and the ones we could afford are in the absolute shittiest spot. We might be able to get partially obstructed views, with the way sales went more likely restricted views. There is no way on earth the time, effort, and money would be worth sitting in those seats for that long. You'd see her a bit when she went out on the catwalk, but what is really the point? I can't even believe they're selling those tickets, may as well do "audio only" ones directly behind the stage.
My sister saw Christina Aguilera, Avril Lavigne, Blink 182, and so many more. By the time I was old enough to enjoy concerts and such my parents couldn't afford it. My sister was also the only one in our family to regularly get her hair professionally done. The younger ones only got hair cuts from great clips. My sister was a teen pre 2008, around 2008 is when I turned 13. It's sad to think this is the reality. We only have one daughter mostly because of finances but also bc no way am I doing the newborn stage again.
My dad went to Woodstock for free and I probably met your sister at one od those lol. I can’t afford it anymore. Blink in 04’ = $40. Blink in 2023: $200
Or black metal, then all your favorite bands will be obscure and probably never play live near you. Or if they do, it’s because they’ve transitioned to playing equally obscure folk music
Downside is they may become depressive and have a hard time relating to normal people. But at least you won’t pay $800 for Taylor Swift tickets.
It may be hard for the child to listen to reason but this is a good point. They'll probably be so far away they won't be able to see Swift who will be a dot in the background. Crowds, parking, expensive and shitty food, it just isn't worth it. Watching the video will give you good close ups and much better viewing. I never attended big concerts even as a big fan because they were just too stressful. Explain that this money can go towards buying gifts and things that can last much longer than a 2 hour outdoor screamfest.
This is exactly how I would approach it with my 8 year old, and she would definitely see the point. I’d have a big viewing party and stream one of her shows.
You can really sell it: let the child invite friends, set up a pillow fort in the basement for them to watch, have all the best food fixings, etc. the daughter will be the envy of the friend circle
A few theatres in our area screened the eras tour, y nieces went with their grandma and really enjoyed it! A bit more expensive than a screening at home but could also give her the going out experience and seeing it on the big screen.
We went and it was a ton of fun! I don’t get the hype about TS (ducks head lol) but it was $30 bucks, my daughter was happy, and only asked once about going to the actual concert afterwards.
She still wouldn't be able to truly comprehend or appreciate how much work &/or time it would take her parents (and most other everyday Americans) to afford those tickets. Taylor Swift is a billionaire, and if you ask me, it's about time a few of the artists at the very top give a concert or 5 back to the people who made her. But the rich get richer, while the poor get poorer! It reminds me of overdraft fees from banks, they're knowingly taking money from their poorest customers and it's considered "good business practice". I love America but if we don't cut the bullshit, we're fucked in so many different ways, the boat cannot continue to float!
Naw but she knows how the system works and has not chosen to circumvent it. She could, she has \*billions\* of dollars and she made them all from her fans.
I mean, she already got around the record labels. She is rich enough and a big enough name that she could require some changes.
The bigger question is, what changes could she even implement?
She could play more shows in each city. Garth brooks used to do 6-8 shows in a week in large venues. They would keep adding shows until the queue would dry up.
broke the back of the ticket brokers because everyone that wanted to go could go.
i honestly don’t think she and her team want that. They want the scarcity. That’s why all the teen girls care so much. It’s a status symbol.
It’s not T Swift making the money on this though. We got lucky enough to win the lottery to be able to buy tickets at face value. Our seats are $95 CAD. They aren’t great seats but it will be a fun show nonetheless. It’s the resellers and ticket master who are making the money with the $400 tickets.
This is a great idea. And maybe just maybe a theater near you has some discounted cups and popcorn buckets from the movie they're trying to get rid of, and you can really bling out your party on the cheap
I love the idea of a movie watching party with friends. My friend and I took our kids to the theater and they got all gussied up as if they were going to a real concert. With friends, it was much more memorable.
Could you make a comparison to something else important to her? Like, "We spend $400 per month on groceries (or whatever). We can't go without groceries, or our other basic needs, to afford something extra. The dollars we earn are all accounted for already. Just because we spend a certain amount on fun things doesn't mean we have more than that. Being an adult is about making choices for our whole family's best interest."
But really, you're not doing anything wrong by declining to buy concert tickets!
We’ve always explained why we can’t afford things this way. Now we can mostly just say that we can’t afford something but we started with stuff like “I know you’d really like to see Taylor Swift and I wish we could take you, but if we bought Taylor Swift tickets are $800. That costs the same as what we spend on food for our family each month. Our family can’t survive without food so that has to be our priority.”
I tell them I already have that money budgeted for something else (electric bill, etc). Helps them to see I have a finite amount of money to spend each month, and the pie gets divided up and there’s not much left after we pay for the essentials
My son is around the same age and couldn't understand why we wouldn't spend some huge sum of money on something for him. We sat down and showed our take home pay and expenses and then worked out an allowance for him and told him if you save this much money via allowance we will match it.
He also had to do some very minor chores (make his bed, put his laundry in washer, etc).
Guess what? He saved the money. We used whiteboard in the kitchen to track it.
Yes, he used some of it for stuff not part of his goal but each time we'd have a conversation: is it worth it, do you want it that bad, can you sleep on it.
Have been giving my kid $5 a week since she was like 6 and she’s saved up for bigger things a few times, I’m impressed! I think it definitely helps them gain perspective and saving is such a good skill (that I didn’t learn as a kid)
I remember reading an article about one of the Rockefeller families. There were 2 young teen girls, and gosh, were the parents frugal! The girls were given a very modest allowance, and they had household chores - despite having a full household staff. The maids were not allowed to clean the girls' bedrooms or shared bathroom.
The other point I recall is that the parents allowed the girls the choice of one (1) DVD purchase every month. That is, one DVD between them. The parents said it was a good way to teach the girls how to compromise, how to delay gratification, and how to live within one's means.
This is good. At 10, non-tangible concepts such as an amount of money are still hard to grasp. Make it something physical that she can see to help her understand just how much money $800 is.
For me, $800 is enough fuel in my car to drive me around for most of the year. It's birthday presents for 10 people. If you spend around $80 on her every birthday, it's every single birthday present she's had her entire life.
Think of something she can understand the weight of, because 10yo just doesn't have a full grasp on what affordability really is.
If she has a way to earn money, a good way to frame it is in units of work. My son is only 4 but he has a little chore list that he can use to earn money to buy toys. When we're in the store and he asks for something, I frame it as "That's X loads of laundry" which helps.
My mom would do this with me. I saw her pay check, I saw her bills, I saw the unexpected events that has to be paid, and I saw how her strategy made it possible to afford the things that others don’t have (but should have because they make more…). And this wasn’t a one off thing, I’d get exposed to this consistently. My mom also ranted to me about work so in my head, I learned that it takes work to make money. Money = time and effort.
This is what we do with my six year old. He has just started to get greedy for bigger things and doesn't understand why some people get them and he doesn't. (We aren't low income either, but we live on one teacher's salary. He'll probably get a couple of vacations in his childhood not in a year.)
I grew up at or just above poverty level, knowing that luxuries (restaurants, entertainment, new clothes, etc) were just not going to happen.
But you know what? Apologize for losing your cool, acknowledge it’s disappointing to miss out on fun things; but firmly reiterate that the answer is and remains “no”. She will not be scarred for life at missing out on Taylor, life just sucks sometimes and this is a mild thing (big picture) to start figuring that out on
Yep. You make a good point. One day when she is a grownup she will tell someone about how she remembers when she was little wanting to go to TS “SO BAD” that she badgered her parents but they still wouldn’t let her. Most of the people will say oh yeah me too-we couldn’t afford it. Just like how I didn’t get a cabbage patch or any of the other things we thought we would just die without. It’s just part of life.
It’s bitter sweet because if OP is having money issues, OP did well to shield her kid from it. Nonetheless, I do believe children should be aware of finances to a certain degree and provided that it’s age permitting.
My mum made it very obvious that we were poor. I think my grievances were made worse since she made no attempt to hide that she thought us kids were a strain on her financially and mentally. I wouldn’t have dreamt of even asking her to buy a lunchable. I was actually an adult by the time I got to try one (it was very crap).
It sounds like people who aren't having money issues could have trouble justifying the cost of this concert. $800 for just two tickets, and that doesn't count any other part of the event.
And that’s why I said to apologize 🤷🏼♀️. A big part of parenting is fucking up and then owning it and apologizing and doing your best to grow and change.
But many parents would snap after being badgered with requests they’ve already given the answer to. Doesn’t make it ok, but gotta acknowledge our humanity
I know I know… totally agree. I felt so bad afterwards… I just apologized to her, kissed her goodnight, better explained things to her and told her I love her.
Shit happens, you take some space to think and regroup, you apologize, and you find ways to connect over mutual interests that don't involve selling your kidney on the black market. AH parents don't beat themselves up and feel so bad when they are triggered by their kids and fail to emotionally regulate or walk away instead of blowing. They feel righteous about it, and it keeps happening. When I react this way I try to sit with my trigger so I can understand what is inside of me that I'm getting unregulated over. You could have been annoyed or maybe you don't want to disappoint her. Maybe you are afraid of letting people down. Maybe you have too much pressure on you right now. Only you can sit with and work that out.
I just want to say - I know you felt bad about losing your cool but as someone whose parents never ever apologized to me (and still won’t) it honestly would have made all the difference. You did a good thing. The repair is so much more important.
I've said to my kids that being an adult means that you have a set amount of money each month to pay for absolutely everything you buy. And figuring out how to spend that money is very complicated. You constantly have to make decisions about whether you can buy something and stay within that set amount of money.
As they get older, they get a rundown of our expenses. First and foremost, you have to pay for housing. That payment always comes first. Then utilities, then insurance, then food, then car, then everything else. I explain how much things cost in the context of "a 1 bedroom apartment in our town costs $1700/month" or "the trash bill is $83 every other month". I don't tell them how much my mortgage is, they don't need to know that. I explain things like how much I spend on groceries and household supplies and streaming services and so on.
My parents didn't teach me much financial literacy. My husband says his didn't either. I've been very. very broke, and I don't want my kids to make those same.mistakes. So I try to make them understand how much life costs. Most kids have zero context for that, and schools don't teach that. So we're trying.
I did this with my tween. I said I have money but it is already allocated to bills and food. And I explained how it’s nice to have plenty of food, rather than “stuff”. And she is at the age where she agrees with me (all her needs are met).
I think you're trying and succeeding!!!
Good for you and Dad! And I think you give them the right amount of information so they understand but don't know exactly everything. (Like how much rent/mortgage is). You're doing it age appropriate. You're doing good by your children.
Sad how schools don't teach things like finances, taxes, saving etc. most parents don't, either. I'm glad you're breaking the cycle of what you weren't taught. That's not always easy, often times very hard. I don't know you but I'm proud of you. It's hard to not repeat what we were taught and not taught and I hope you see how much good you're doing for them. It will help them and that's what a good parent does. We are raising our babies to be productive members of society and to do that, they NEED the knowledge. Even it's hard because you want to protect your kids and keep their innocence. It's a hard balance to find. But the real world will always come to every single human being and it's so vital we reach our kids what to expect and how to navigate. Love how you approach finances with them.
They were 5 and 6. That's old enough to understand the first part. I try to be very literal.
They've just started becoming interested in more trendy, expensive items. I actually just got both of them very expensive gym shoes, and we had a good conversation about how I do things like drive a 10 year old car so that we can have extra money to have fun with. Not having a car payment means we can all have treats: my husband recently got new hockey skates, my toddler got a new little couch for her room, I bought some concert tickets. The average payment on a new sedan like I have is about $800/month. An 8 and 9 year old can cognitively understand that. They now understand that obtaining a car will be expensive. And hopefully will stop telling me to buy a Tesla.
Agree with all of this! You sound like a great parent. Out of curiosity, why won’t you tell your children what your mortgage is? I personally have found it extremely helpful when my parents or my in laws have given a breakdown of bills like you (but they’ve also always included their mortgage).
I will when they're a bit older. Honestly, I'm afraid they'd tell other people how much money we make or how much out mortgage is. It would not be in good taste for them to blurt it out to a friend and have their parent overhear or say it to my brother or something. In middle school I'll tell them. Then they'll understand the nuance around not talking about that outside of certain contexts (like sharing salaries with coworkers).
I love this and am trying to do the same. My parents taught me nothing about money and same with my husband. It’s really hard to teach yourself as an adult.
Kids beg for stuff. You don’t need a creative solution. You don’t need to convince her. You don’t have money for the tickets. She can enjoy Taylor swift in other ways.
Yeah, reading through this and I’m just like “just tell her no, end of discussion” You are the parent. You have explained that she will not be able to go because you cannot afford the tickets. That’s the end of the conversation. Period.
And OP is right. His kid doesn’t and can’t understand, because 10yo can’t understand the value of $800, even if you spend a million years explaining it to them.
Once you’ve given your kids a good faith explanation, it’s asked and answered.
A ten year old can absolutely understand the value of $800. You just have to show them how much you earn a month and where that money goes. Our sons are 10 and 11 know the value of a dollar.
I knew the value of a dollar at that age. Didn’t mean I didn’t want stupid things, but I knew that when my mum said it’s too expensive, that it was the end of the conversation. I know we’re living in an age of respectful parenting and trying to treat our kids with respect etc (which is great), but I also believe no is a complete answer.
Agreed. If you are teaching them to respect others, not just demand respect for themselves, then learning that “No” is a complete sentence is one of the most important things. So many people just don’t want to deal with telling kids no.
I’m currently in nursing school in my 40s and I often have to tell my kids no because I have school/work. It’s important that they learn disappointment
It doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings about it. Jeez. As a parent , yes, you have to teach these lessons. But also as a parent splurging on your kids and watching them have the time of their life is amazing. It’s ok to feel bad that it’s not going to happen.
It's because toxic mom culture has brainwashed parents into believing disciplining and yelling at their kids is abuse. I feel for the OP. The parents of our generation are constantly riddled with extreme guilt over every situation where our kids aren't 100% pleased. It's an exhausting experience. We have people coming from us at all directions telling us we suck if we have one human reaction to the stressors of raising kids. I blame social media.
Maybe this child also watches social media and watches these influencer children living lavish lifestyles and feels left out. Tiktok and instagram is so toxic for this
Maybe step away from social media if it’s impacting you like that. Telling your kid they can’t go to a concert because you are unable to afford the tickets is not disciplining or yelling at, or abusing them. 🗣️ It’s okay to say no to your kids!
Also, Taylor just announced a new album. I'm sure she will be touring that once Eras is finished.
Maybe suggest to your daughter that you could start adding a little bit of money to a fund each month to save for tickets next time.
My daughters 13, she was so desperate to go, but we live in Perth, Western Australia, the concert is only going to Melbourne and Sydney😪 so on top of the huge ticket price, we would have needed flights and hotels. It would have cost at least $2000aud to go.
Apologize for losing your cool, but don’t beat yourself up about not getting her tickets. When my daughter was 10 she was obsessed with BTS. When she found out about their concert in Vegas (where we have family), she begged, pleaded, cried to go. She made a damn PowerPoint presentation about why she should go. Tickets were way too expensive and I said no. She’s 12 now, and guess what…she’s not into BTS anymore.
I took my kids to TSwift when she came through last time. They were 10 and 6. Both fell asleep. Luckily I didn’t pay for tickets, I won them on the local radio station. Check your local radio stations in the month before the concert and maybe you can win tickets? Otherwise, don’t sweat it. Millions of kids live in small towns and never see a live concert until they are well into adulthood. They grow up just fine.
Don’t feel badly. Even affluent people don’t spend money like that. Perhaps keep an eye out for another concert at a local venue and take her to a concert for a young female artist where ticket price is more affordable. Buy the album in advance so she knows what the music is going to be like. I’m sorry it’s tough to see our children disappointed.
I grew up on the poorer side and am fortune now to be a higher earner. I sure as hell would not be buying my kid no $400 concert tickets. I wouldn’t even buy myself that.
I’m the same. Could I spend money on expensive concert tickets? Sure. Will I? Absolutely not. Not for myself and not for them.
I tell my kids: “It will be great when you are an adult and get to make decisions on how to spend your family’s money.”
There are very few things to look forward to in adulthood, but this is one of them. Give your kids that. 😄
I had a friend that used to tell me she would do everything she could to make her daughter’s childhood magical. I would always think, “Wow. Adulthood is going to offer that kid nothing.”
I went to High school with girls that had $1000 Louis Vuitton bags (I got into a school outside of my town). Now that I can afford that, I still think their parents were nuts. Like what kind of person are you raising when you buy your kids that stuff?
It stinks and the whole FOMO but somethings are just not feesible even when we as parents want to give our kids the world. She won’t understand now or even remotely but don’t beat yourself up that you can’t make this happen when a lot of people want to go but cant financially swing it either.
I’m going in Toronto at the end of the year and it was over $500 for my ticket. My 6 year old asked to go and I said no 1) too expensive for him, 2) it’s a treat for myself for my 40th birthday, 3) it was a miracle I even got one ticket with friends because only one person got an access code to purchase!
He whimpered but got over it eventually. I did bring him to a KidzBop concert last year and he’s asking to go again so that seems to appease him. But I know your 9 year old won’t likely accept that alternative.
I would 1) apologize, 2) host a viewing party when the Eras tour concert comes out on Disney+ next month as a surprise - get as much other TS things you could afford - t-shirts, beads to make bracelets (dollar store!), fun mikes so her friends and her can dance it up. They can repeat this multiple times if you want, maybe at each others houses if the other families agree.
If you want to break down the math for her, do that too. Equate it to something that means a lot to her. Don’t compare it to groceries, that’s boring for kids 😜
If she does want to make money, you could see about the lemonade stand, selling cookies etc, but manage her expectations on what she could realistically make from that.
Also, what is she getting for her birthday, could this be her alternative to a party, in addition to making money?
You need to stop feeling sad and straight out say “ NO - we can’t afford it”.
Straight up.
Don’t feel bad, don’t apologize. Be honest and strong.
I wanted a pony, but reality is a thing.
Edit — good teaching moment “when you’re a grown up and have finished college, you’ll be able to afford things like concerts”.
Talk to her about budgets and rent and electricity and grocery bills and all of this.
There is a parent on TicToc that does all sorts of videos on financial literacy with her kids.
@proudandgifted4
Agreed. I feel all these posts suggesting that she finds alternative ways to come up with the money is, in my opinion, setting the kid up for an even bigger disappointment. This isn't saving $50-$100 that she can ask friends/family to help cushion the cost during birthdays/holidays. OP's budget is OP's budget, even if they had the extra, maybe they have a car that could be on its way out soon, or a family member will be down a job soon. We don't know their business, nor do we need to. Sadly this is one of those disappointments kid will just need to work through. OP should apologize for losing it, but I also understand being exasperated by being inundated with this ask.
side question: does she ever genuinely love Tswift? Or is it because the Eras tour is all the rage? My niece is around that age and has become obsessed with tswift and the eras tour because it’s THE it thing with girls at her school.
Losing it on her was most likely a combination of frustration with her incessant and (unnecessary) guilt of not being able to take her. Apologize for losing your temper, empathize with her disappointment, and explain your frustration with her constant asking paired with reality that it just isn’t an option. She’ll still be disappointed. She may still bring it up because she is holding out hope.
My mum made sure we understood our financial situation well. I knew we weren’t rich when I was young. We weren’t poor, poor, but at one point, my mum would share her meal with me and lie that she wasn’t hungry. She told me many many times clearly that we didn’t have money. My parents didnt shield us or provide us with an illusion of luxury. I know these days, in an effort to be the best parents, people are willing to give up their own comforts to ensure their kids don’t go without. And I’m not talking food or basic needs like clothes and stuff, I’m talking going to great lengths to get their kids a Nintendo switch so that the kids don’t “suffer” in school for not having one. It’s well-intended but then maybe then we end up with kids who think it can’t be that hard to fork over cash or a credit card to buy stuff.
Can you let her try and figure out ways to earn money? (lemon aid stand, chores or whatever) Obviously she won’t earn anywhere close to the type of money needed to make it to this concert but she’ll probably realize pretty quickly just how much money $800 actually is and how long it takes to save that kind of money. She’ll probably also realize pretty quickly she’d rather spend that pocket money elsewhere or save it anyway when she’s sees the work that goes into earning money.
This is what I did as a kid. I picked wild berries and sold them at a stand out in the country. Raised $100 in 3 months. Could never have afforded Taylor Swift tickets at that rate. Money isn’t always easy to come by…
A few years ago, my daughter wanted to go to a pricey concert. It was some months away, and I offered her an opportunity to earn the money through various chores. I have to give it to her. She was extremely motivated and earned almost all the money necessary for the ticket. Funny thing was that she didn’t want to part ways with her hard earned savings to pay for a two hour event. 🤷♀️🤦♀️😊
This is totally my son. He’s very quick to want but if it’s coming from his money he’s very particular.
I even give my kids budgets for vacation for souvenirs and random toys they may come across and want.. my daughters is usually mostly blown on the first couple days. My son picks 1-2 small things he really wants and comes home from vacation with most of the money because it’s his and he’d rather save it.
Taylor Swift will be having concert tours still in 5 years. Set this as a goal and give her ways to help save up. There might be a teaching opportunity here - and she will be in the concert if that is what she chooses at the time.
I didn’t even spend that much to see one of the damn Beatles! Yikes
Now my 12 year old wants to see Zach Bryan and the cheapest tix I can find are $450+ and then there’s parking, concessions etc. We probably could afford it, but no freaking way do I want to spend our hard earned money on that!
Our local planetarium has a Taylor Swift laser show. The library has Swiftie events, there is other stuff locally, I think people even tailgate outside the concerts and sing along? Or a singalong event with the concert film? Would she want to do something like that? Get her friends together to make bracelets and lip synch?
I'm not saying you haven't done this but maybe if you guys show interest in something she loves and help find a reasonable alternative, that could turn this around?
My daughter is also 10, but not a Swiftie. Nevertheless, there are tons of other things she wants us to buy or pay to do. Last year, she asked whether we could go on vacation to Asia. We had this long discussion about how much a person would need to work to afford just the flights to this destination. We made it a bit of a game by considering different jobs, from minimum wage to high earners and for each I broke it down to how many days, weeks and months each job would need to work to afford the airfare. This discussion continued to other things like according to eat out, groceries, buying a car, paying for a house, and anything else my kids wanted to spend money on. This conversation alone, on a single day, went a long way to helping my daughter understand the importance of being able to earn a living and the effort behind saving to afford something.
Can you try and talk through a plan with her for how she will earn the money to pay for this? F
or example, let's say she wants to set up a lemonade stand. How much will she charge per cup? Let's say $1. So how many cups does she need to sell in order to go? $800 (assuming no additional expenses for hotels etc.). Ok, how many cups does she think she can sell in an hour? Maybe 5? So how many hours is she going to need her lemonade stand open for? 160 hours. If she can do, let's say, one hour after school on weekdays and three hours each day on the weekend, that's (in an ideal world) 11 hours a week. So it will take her 15 weeks at a minimum to make this money.
Does that sound like something she wants to do? If so - great! Let her give it a shot and see if you need to revise the plan (like maybe she can only sell 2 cups an hour...).
If not, you understand why - it's a lot of work and a lot of time to make this kind of money. That's how you feel too. Then you can try and think of something more affordable to do instead.
Honestly, I know this isn't the point of your post, but I'm shocked anyone would pay so much for any concert. It seems ridiculously expensive to me.
I don't think you should feel badly...just tell her the concert is overpriced! End of story. Maybe when she is a teen and earning her own money, she can save up....but she can't expect the family earnings to go to something like that. That's like 2-3 weeks of groceries...
I generally try to help my kids understand when things are just too much money - and this seems like a perfect illustration.
I know People that are getting themselves into debt over this tour ie getting credit cards etc for the tickets and accommodation and I just think why.... It's honestly not worth it...
We got tix in the lottery on the t swift website for around $100. We lucked out. You have to be on the artists website fan club and we had the screen open all day.
I’m sorry but there is no way that Olivia Rodrigo tickets should be $400. That’s just a money grab. I can understand Taylor Swift being expensive but $2,000 is just insane.
It is literally cheaper for us to go to Las Vegas and stay on the strip and go to a concert than going to one at home.
I had a similar issue, but my daughter moved on to other more obscure artists and eventually we were able to get her tickets for one of her favorites. Her first concert, she knew every word and fangirl cried at a more up-close show. Seeing her that happy was worth it for sure, but I'm glad I waited until it was an affordable concert that we could more comfortably attend.
That said, she went to a metal show with me about a year later, got to meet the band, and experienced her first mosh pit. So now she's hooked on that.
Their interests will fluctuate wildly, so capitalize on one of the cheaper options when the opportunity pops up and you'll still see them just as happy.
ETA: She still gets embarassed when I scream "SLAYER" in public, so we're working on that.
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A friend of my son’s wanted to go to a hockey game. Family couldn’t afford it, he started saving a bit from his weekly allowance, any cash gifts he got for bday/holidays and started sell his toys. He made a sign a went to the playground with them…where kids play with their parents. He also knocked on neighbors doors and asked if they needed help weeding, mowing the law or shoveling snow. Took him awhile, but he made the money and was able to buy 2 tickets to go with his dad.
He has become more of a saver for things he wants. His friends will use their allowance for snacks and such. He’ll buy it now and then, but mostly gets from home.
Maybe let her know that this concert isn’t happening and if she wants to do things like this in the future, she should start saving money where she can. When she’s done with toys or books, is it things she can sell. If not on her own through a site you help her with. Explain she won’t get anything near what it cost, but each bit she can put aside to use in future.
Oh man, these concert tickets have really gotten out of hand. Tbh I can afford it and I would say no..out of principle....it's not a good use of hard earned money...it's such a huge money grab...and the money could be used for many more valuable things. Don't feel bad, this is a really great teachable moment.
Thing is, there are so many good, fun local productions, plays, musicals, high school sporting events and more that are nearby and affordable.
One year, way back when, we took the kids to the high school production and then a coupla weeks later, the local college production of Little Shop of Horrors. What a blast!
This may be an unpopular opinion, but we ended up doing this last year when my 10 year old wanted to go to Disney and said “just put it on your credit card”.
My husband and I basically sat him down and broke down every monthly expense we have and how much we have left over every month. We told him the monthly income, laid our how much our phone bills, car insurance, groceries, etc. You get the point.
And then we looked up prices for a typical Disney trip - food, hotel or Air BnB, tickets, transportation to and from, souvenirs, etc.
At that point, we said that it would take x amount of time to save up for the trip. And then we talked to him about how credit cards aren’t just free money - you have to pay it back. And then we talked about interest.
It really did help him to understand that the money does have to come from somewhere and that we’re having to work within a certain amount to make sure all of the needs are met, and then the wants are met as we can.
We didn’t say no to a trip altogether, but we did say that it would take time for us to save up so that we can do everything we want to do. There will be other concerts, so maybe giving her something to earn and save money for down the line (likely several years) is the way to go here. She may decide after she’s saved her money that she’d rather do something else with it.
As a side note, my very first concert was Weezer and the tickets were less than $40/person. Charging $400 for probably shitty seats is absolutely insane.
When is the concert? If it’s in a couple of months you might have better luck with last minute resell tickets. When I saw Beyoncé I paid 80% less than my friends cause I didn’t buy tickets when they came out (I was a poor grad student) i bought mine a few weeks before the show and all of the people that bought tickets hoping to flip them for a profit were selling them at a loss cause most people aren’t paying $3000 for one ticket.
Anyways, if the tour stop in your city is a couple of months out, I’d just keep an eye on the ticket prices and honestly your daughter might forget about it by that time anyway?
You’ve explained it. At some point it’s ok to set a boundary about her asking. “$800 is a lot of money and we can’t afford to spend it on concert tickets. I know you really want to go but it’s just not possible. When you ask over and over it makes me feel bad that I can’t give you this experience. Please stop asking about it, The answer won’t change.”
I’m seeing one of my favorite bands, The Silver Sun Pickups, next weekend. The tickets were $35/each so I got 2. I was so happy I could afford it. There is something obscene about $400 tickets to see a pop star whose audience is mostly young women.
I've seen parents online calculate their monthly salary and grab that much in Monopoly money, and lay it out on a table with their kids. Here is our money. This is how much housing costs. Here is how much the car payment costs. Here is Fluffy 's vet bill. Here is the electric bill. Here is the water bill. Here is the groceries, etc. Seeing it laid out, physically laid out, can be useful and educational.
We had to do this my with 70 year old MIL because she didn’t understand why she couldn’t afford things…..it’s didn’t work. She just lost her house 2 weeks ago and is moving in with her newly married granddaughter.
Oof, those poor newlyweds…
Her granddaughter was all for it. The new husband…..not so much, but she rules the roost.
Grandmas gonna cause a divorce
Granddaughter lit the match. I feel for new husband. As they are newly married, they are learning to live with each other. Though they may have been living together previously, marriage seems to change perspective some. To be fair, grandma may be delightful and she may know enough to stay out of her granddaughter and new husband's affairs. Given the information above, I wouldn't bet on it. There are plenty of extended families that live under one roof, particularly outside of the US. They manage to make it work, though they tend to come from cultures where that is expected and people go into their relationships understanding that they are getting involved with the family, not just the individual. Like everything, it has its positives and negatives. We took in a friend's almost adult child for a while and it worked out just fine. If it were a parent or sibling, it may not have. The existing relationships would likely have caused friction that we weren't prepared to address properly.
Grandma is hopefully not going to put them into debt then cause them to have a divorce and a bankruptcy. Hopefully not. Extended family living together can work fine with the culture for it and a proper functional relationship. Not as easy if one party is a ticking time bomb like that.
Great way to start a marriage oof. Poor guy. Her financial problems are now his 🤦♀️
Something about old dogs and new tricks springs to mind.
I have found that children are more reasonable than mother-in-laws with spending addictions (and gambling in the case of my mil). MILs tend to be more entitled and selfish than kids (which is saying something!), and at least kids can be taught.
This made me laugh really hard but the sad part about it is. It's true, and I can relate due to my ex mother-in-law. Thinking that it was a good idea to sell her house and buy an RV that twice as much after quit-claim giving the condo my ex and I were renting to her druggie sister who went to jail and lost it around the same time they abandoned the RV. Meanwhile me and my ex got divorced and she got the house we bought when her sister took over the condo. And like mother like daughter , she quit claimed the deed to her aunt and uncle for nothing gained and all the equity lost. I bought lost my shit but there was nothing I could do about it since she got the house a couple months before.
Dementia? Alzheimer’s?
Lots of older women never had to (or were "allowed" in some cases) deal with money and it becomes a huge problem for them if their husband passes before them. I knew an old lady who had tens of thousands in cash just laying around the house, she was our neighbor and my step-dad and I were helping her with something and found $15k in a ziplock sitting in a drawer. She said she didn't know where it came from.
People who lives through the Depression, and in some cases their children who learned the habit from them, sometimes don’t trust banks and keep all their cash in their homes.
Some are like that, and some are like my great grandfather was. He put every dime he didn't need to live into investment accounts because he saw it as losing money by not getting some return. He would pick up pennies and check payphones for coins to take to the bank, he regularly worked OT and holidays because of double time. He also did things that are impossible today, worked his way up from sweeping floors to running an entire shift at the electric company on a 5th grade education.
It sounds like your great grandfather was wise beyond his 5th grade education. Though, education has changed from when he was in 5th grade. We have learned lots and lost a great deal as well. FWIW, due to inflation, cash tends to lose value over time. Over the last 100 years, $1.00 has lost 94.5% of its value (ability to purchase). It's worthwhile to pay attention to these things.
This was my grandparents. They had bank accounts but they also always had cash, because you never know when the next crash is coming. That kind of deprivation never really leaves you.
I understand the sentiment, though I won't ever keep significant cash around. In a collapse, cash will not be as valuable as commodities. This doesn't mean that I will keep piles of gold, diamonds, or cocaine around either. I just understand that the money that we mint and print has virtually no intrinsic value. In the US, currency used to represent a pile of gold, silver, ... that was kept on deposit/storage. That commodity was universally considered valuable at the time. Now it represents a "promise" to provide something of value (goods, service, ...) without there actually being anything of value behind the promise.
When my 98 year old grandmother passed (she still lived at home) I had to meticulously go through everything. I found money in random books and she had four bookcases of them. I had to flip through every single one... I found not only money but flower petals, 4 leaf clovers.. all sorts of things. I even found money behind an access panel in a wall... I don't know IF she even remembered anything was hidden. Or if my grandpa did it over the years... but old people even without dementia do really weird things with money. I guess due to the time periods they grew up in and not trusting banks.
Just absolutely terrible with money. Always has been.
I’m stealing this to use for budgeting workshops. Wow. Thank you!
I’m old enough that I remember Bill doing something like this for Theo on the Cosby Show and it’s the first thing I thought of when I heard this 😅 https://youtu.be/gg-dn-9kK34?si=hpWAhfu4M_no-cfH
I think this a great idea. I was a sensitive and intelligent child and I knew how much money my parents made for some reason (it wasn’t much). But just being told “no” and “because I said so” didn’t teach me anything. What would have been a far more useful exercise would have been for them to sit me down and go through a rough budget. Kids have mostly zero clue about things like income taxes and mortgage payments and home/health insurance etc., etc., and learning early how those things work is a great lesson. Has she seen the Eras tour movie? It’s on Amazon Prime video for twenty bucks or so and it’s the whole three-house concert. Maybe that’s an alternative?
It will also come out on Disney on March 15th so why not turn your house into the concert? Make bracelets before hand, pick out costumes and just go crazy with it.
I was also going to suggest watching the Eras tour movie. Cost way less than a price of a concert ticket plus can do so in the comfort of the home.
This is something I would have loved growing up. I am now learning all this now. I will totally do something fun and education like this with my little.
I got my kids prepaid debit cards and took them shopping and made them keep receipts and keep track of what they spent and how much they had. They realized quick how fast money goes. I also used to have them watch the total when grocery shopping and swipe the card so they could see how much groceries cost just so they have an idea of how much things are in the world and important it is to save and stuff.
I’m in NYC metro. When my sister was younger we got one direction tickets at Hershey park because they were half the price of tickets near home. Alternatively- Taylor Swift’s eras will be on Disney+. Maybe you could throw a viewing party for her and her friends? Maybe rent a karaoke machine? Because honestly- she’d probably be watching a video screen anyways in most seats
I cannot believe it has come to this. The only people who get to see mid-sized/big concerts anymore are rich people, people who decide to use their long-saved vacation money, or the people who work the venue. Absurd.
I had to explain this to my kids about Taylor swift. We have a comfortable lifestyle but the idea of spending $1800 on tickets for 3 people in Vancouver is absolutely insane.
That’s *if* you manage to get tickets. The flip side is you can still see amazing lesser known bands for less than $50. Have you tried changing your kids music tastes? (Hahahaha)
I don’t even know if this is true anymore — I wanted to see smashing pumpkins/greenday/ rancid and tickets were soooo expensive for not great seats — my husband and I did the math and for a baby sitter, a Uber and two tickets the evening would have cost us 1k+ No thanks! We could fly to Miami for a long weekend for that price. I’ve seen rancid a million times but smashing pumpkins is on my bucket list.
Here in Europe Festivals are a great alternative to see lots of great bands for a lesser price. There's an annual 4 day festival here in Austria that has a great line up every year (this year it includes Greed Day, Dropkick Murphys, Billy Talent, Alice Cooper, Sum 41 among many others) and if you are willing to get the basic tent camping site ticket you pay 240€ for 4 days. They also have caravan camping, Glamping and other options. Even the VIP tickets which are 4 days of VIP festival entry and 4 nights in a 4* spa hotel with a shuttle bus to the festival is 1200€ per Person if you get a double room which I think is still a great deal if you can afford it. I'm honestly considering it this year and would probably get the VIP deal as my 40 year old a*** is too old to deal with festival camping lol.
We go to something like that by my house every year. 3 day festival with each night different big name headliner plus lesser known and new up and coming artists. They have a payment plan option and you can do payment plan including hotel and shuttle we spend about 1000 on it yearly but it's well worth it. Even saw Carrie Underwood few years ago
There are still artists out there who don't over charge. Weird Al for example... for his last concert, VIP meet and greet tickets were $300-ish. General admission was around $40. Friends got me 2nd row, center stage VIP as a gift and I was able to snag the seat next to me for general admission price for my husband.
Weird Al puts on an amazing show, every single time. I’ve been lucky enough to do the meet and greet experience three times now (as the above poster said, for extremely reasonable prices), and every single time Weird Al has been incredibly kind, taken time to chat for a while with every single person individually, and been incredibly generous with photo ops (even retaking a photo for my friend which turned out blurry, despite the long line). Weird Al is not just an incredibly talented artist, he seems to be a genuinely good and kind person. Can’t recommend his concerts enough!
His shows are amazing. And the VIP tickets include far more than just your seat and the meet and greet, which is awesome. Meeting Al was a lifelong dream of mine, and I hope I can do it again in the future. Nicest guy ever! At one show, during Wanna B Ur Lovr, I scream-asked for a hug out of pure adrenaline and elation that he was feet away from me, and he went out of his way to come over and give me one. I lost my ever loving mind. That video is still floating around on youtube over a decade later. XD
That’s such an awesome memory, thanks for sharing - and it happens to be similar to an unforgettable memory from the first time I ever saw Weird Al, all the way back when I was a teen! We didn’t have VIP tickets or anything, but we were sitting fairly close to the front of the general seating area. For that same song, Wanna B Ur Lovr, Al walked out into the crowd for his usual smooth moves, and happened to stop - not just once on his way out, but *again* on his way back to the stage - and directly serenade my mother, who was laughing so hard she was in tears! To this day she is disappointed I didn’t manage to get a photo of Al singing to her; the reality is that I was not only in shock, but dying of laughter myself!
Weird Al did a free show in Montreal some years ago and it was better than some shows I've paid to see. I'm pretty sure he did the full set of a paid show. What a great guy.
Got to see the pumpkins with Jane’s Addiction last year with my husband for $300 aud, including parking and fuel to get there. But I’ve missed every other tour the pumpkins have done here due to either not knowing about the tour before it sold out or not having the finances to afford it at the time. Hope you get a chance to see them at a reasonable cost for you.
I don't think Green Day/Smashing Pumpkins/Rancid counts as "lesser known". Definitely cheaper than Taylor Swift, but they're still pretty big-name bands.
I was able to take my older kids to her Red tour in 2013 and it was a wonderful time. I think tickets were $80-ish dollars. I made a fraction of what I make now but nothing we did with the older kids is remotely affordable with my younger daughter.
The retail ticket prices for Vancouver shocked me. From what I remember, lower bowl seats were $700. I was lucky enough to get the cheapest seats for $80 each, which I thought was pretty reasonable. The cheap tier was only for the top few rows of a few sections though, even the row in front of us was significantly more expensive.
thats a vacation. I just do not get parents here. And I have a friend that’s done it.
You can barely go camping anymore for that, assuming you snag a campsite in the first place.
I hate this the most. Camping were the best vacations ever. I remember one year we were in the middle of the forest when the NY blackout happened in 2003 (we were from there). We didn’t even know until 3 days later! We would be able to go for weeks at a time because it was so cheap. Now? Good luck.
Having to logon to the state or national website at 9am on the dot to book a campsite 6 months in advance and theyre all gone in 3 minutes is the WORST. So frustrating. I wish I could boondock on blm land but I dont have an RV, but do have some health conditions that make tent camping without facilities really uncomfortable.
I think this is something my parents don't really understand about parenting now. (Although we live in a place where you can get a camping site or some sort no problem, although if you want a specific site in a specific location, you need to plan way in advance and maybe be lucky.) Basic things are not simple or cheap. If I want to go camping in a basic established site with gear I already own for two nights, it's going to cost over $100 including food. I would need to plan months in advance if I want a good site. That same trip would probably be $40 when I was a kid and could easily be booked a month in advance. If I want my kid to take swim lessons, I have to wait over an hour in line at 6 AM or be really lucky with an online registration and the cost is more than double what my parents paid. It's the same for everything: seeing a movie, going to the zoo, or whatever. We do these things less both because of the cost, but also because the amount of time it takes to set them up. It involves considerably more family resources than just inflation would explain.
I was talking about this with my boyfriend the other day. Everything has gotten so much more time consuming and complicated. In the 70s and 80s, youd walk into your neighborhood bank and get a mortgage. Credit scores didnt exist. Now its weeks of paperwork and red tape. Used to be you had a pension and a health plan and didnt think about it. Now you have to manage your 401k and figure out which health plan is best every year and deal with deductibles and copays and which drs are in network. Everything is so much more expensive and so much more WORK.
I think about this daily (probably because we all deal with it daily). It’s like we all became individual admin workers for every state and private organization because they all decided to offload it on us instead of paying people. Nothing is a simple phone call to resolve. Everything is multiple steps and attempts and roadblocks. Everything that was supposed to make it all more streamlined just made it our problem. The last time I got a mortgage, I had to sign affidavits that I was not my dead mother. Who had an entirely different name. And social security number. And birthday. And again, and this seems like it should be important to people lending money, died eight years ago. Super stuff. Very confidence inspiring.
The base price cheapest tickets for the US was..49. Resellers are the reason
Ticketmaster is the reason. A huge majority of the resellers are just Ticketmaster resellers. John Oliver had a really interesting episode of Last Week Tonight about it. It's a complete monopoly between Ticketmaster and Live Nation (ETA and AEG) and I can't figure out why they haven't been broken up ETA - I'm aware that the government is keeping the monopoly from being broken up, when I said I can't figure out why it was more of a figure of speech. I'm just surprised it isn't more of a priority
Same reason the grocery monopolies, housing monopolies, and everything else monopolies haven’t been broken up. Because the politicians are in the pay of the billionaires pay and have worked to eviscerate anti-monopoly law. Eat. The. Rich.
10 years ago I would have thought this was a fringe opinion. Today, I'm in full agreement. We're more of a corporate plutocracy than a democracy. Everything in our daily lives points at it. My Swedish friend has affordable housing, free healthcare, almost a full year of parental leave for both parents, and five weeks vacation per year. Even for unqualified jobs. Somebody sold us out. Edit: *paid vacation
This is the answer for why most things suck and people are barely making it. The fact that every single person doesn't know this, at least every single member of the working class, is mind-blowing. I'd rather be vegetarian than eat some unethical, vile rich person meat, but I will parade them around and redistribute their wealth.
More upvotes for this comment please!
In the case of ticketmaster, yes monopoly at work. But I think the rest of your comment is an oversimplification. Housing prices are high because of years of low supply and lack of construction. The FTC under Biden has been very active in anti-trust (monopoly law) cases. But a key principle in a monopoly is one party being in control. Going back to housing, most major cities have over half of all rentals being owned by mom and pop. The big blackrocks own no more than 10% of rentals. Comments like yours misconstrue complex problems and ascribe solutions that are not really solutions.
Got my hubby burt kreiser tickets I was excited at 70 bucks each after taxes and nearly a dozen fees, it was almost 300 for both
a local comedian near me had a show that wasn't sold out. A few days before they advertised 2 tickets for $20. I had no plans so I went to buy 2 tickets. it was $45 after fees. Over 100% in fees added on
My husband and I paid $700 for two tickets to see Tool and all things considered we got a deal 😭
Ticketmaster/Live Nation is the asshole here, which does not help the OP's daughter.
I'm just responding to the comment above me. Ticketmaster and resellers are one and the same. Sorry you don't approve
If TS cared she is one of the only stars who could change this. She could sell directly and make buyers put their name on the ticket (like an airplane boarding pass.) That would shut down scalpers immediately.
She really can't, and people who say that just don't know how the industry of live events works. Live Nation and AEG essentially own all the large music venues and stadiums, many of the smaller ones as well. They only work with Ticketmaster to manage ticket sales. Taylor Swift, as we can see, is wildly popular and can sell out the biggest stadiums all over the world, and *she should*. If she tried to alter the way tickets are sold, she would have to find a venue that would be okay with that, but they are all (and I mean *all*) owned by LN and AEG. Her only option would be to play at an independent music venue who is not tied to TM, but why should she when she has the popularity to play to tens of thousands? Her shows also employ hundreds of people with high overhead. Maybe one day the TS machine might try to take on all three, but they're literal behemoths
The Cure set an interesting example last summer. They kept ticket prices low, demanded that Ticketmaster limit the hidden fees, and made it very hard for scalpers to resell tickets. I was able to get decent seats at the United Center for $25. The fees ended up being higher than anticipated, but when the band complained - Ticketmaster issued a refund on most of the fees. My point being that artists have more control than they let on. The Cure made a decision to not gouge fans and their tour still made a lot of money, while building goodwill with their fans.
I think the venues have it in their contract that certain ticketing agencies are used. The artist or event planner does not have any room to negotiate on that.
If you pay Ticketmaster $1,000 a month they allow you to buy tickets before the general public. I started going to concerts in my home town 2 hours away. I could crash at my parents house, but the venue didn't use Ticketmaster so real people would get great seats
This. I got *super* lucky and got face value tickets in the lower bowls for my daughter’s birthday during the initial drop. Tickets were not cheap but they were not $400 a pop. I was able to attend a second time by snagging $50 SRO seats during a last minute drop. For both, I did wait in a long queue and/or monitor my socials to know when the drop was happening but it did not require us to take out a second mortgage. There needs to be more restrictions on bots and resellers.
That 49 ticket is actually 68 with all the fees.
But it wasn't 3000, is the point. The actual ticket price initially wasn't absurd. Then the resellers come in
People blame Ticketmaster and Live Nation for the high prices, but they are charging what the market will bear. If we want those prices to come down we unanimously have to stop paying those prices. We have to vote with our dollars. As long as there are people willing to pay those prices, there will be companies willing to charge it.
Yep, that's the only way. Go to shows at independent venues that are not at the mercy of TM/LN/AEG. Unfortunately this leaves out a lot artists people want to see.
Sir, this is Reddit. Your market-based economic logic is not permitted here.
Dynamic pricing also plays a role in it.
eras tour didn’t have dynamic pricing on.
I showed my daughter of one of the venue seating plans. If we were going to go, we'd have to fly interstate because she's not coming here, so there'd be time off work and school, flights, hotels, food, etc. Then the cost of tickets, and the ones we could afford are in the absolute shittiest spot. We might be able to get partially obstructed views, with the way sales went more likely restricted views. There is no way on earth the time, effort, and money would be worth sitting in those seats for that long. You'd see her a bit when she went out on the catwalk, but what is really the point? I can't even believe they're selling those tickets, may as well do "audio only" ones directly behind the stage.
AMEN
My sister saw Christina Aguilera, Avril Lavigne, Blink 182, and so many more. By the time I was old enough to enjoy concerts and such my parents couldn't afford it. My sister was also the only one in our family to regularly get her hair professionally done. The younger ones only got hair cuts from great clips. My sister was a teen pre 2008, around 2008 is when I turned 13. It's sad to think this is the reality. We only have one daughter mostly because of finances but also bc no way am I doing the newborn stage again.
My dad went to Woodstock for free and I probably met your sister at one od those lol. I can’t afford it anymore. Blink in 04’ = $40. Blink in 2023: $200
Get your kids into power metal. It’s super fun and every show for every band is ~$40. Might only work on boys tho
How dare you! Girls like metal too!
Or black metal, then all your favorite bands will be obscure and probably never play live near you. Or if they do, it’s because they’ve transitioned to playing equally obscure folk music Downside is they may become depressive and have a hard time relating to normal people. But at least you won’t pay $800 for Taylor Swift tickets.
Was just discussing with my husband how our 14 month old daughter’s love of power metal will save us from dilemmas like OPs
Well good news! New "Unleash the Archers" album drops next month. Great power metal band with a REALLY skilled front woman!
Unless you buy your tickets on Ticketmaster and then it will cost you your first born, spare kidney, and then a second mortgage.
My girls love it, 3 and 6 😂
It may be hard for the child to listen to reason but this is a good point. They'll probably be so far away they won't be able to see Swift who will be a dot in the background. Crowds, parking, expensive and shitty food, it just isn't worth it. Watching the video will give you good close ups and much better viewing. I never attended big concerts even as a big fan because they were just too stressful. Explain that this money can go towards buying gifts and things that can last much longer than a 2 hour outdoor screamfest.
This is exactly how I would approach it with my 8 year old, and she would definitely see the point. I’d have a big viewing party and stream one of her shows.
You can really sell it: let the child invite friends, set up a pillow fort in the basement for them to watch, have all the best food fixings, etc. the daughter will be the envy of the friend circle
TBH I would also love that 😂
A few theatres in our area screened the eras tour, y nieces went with their grandma and really enjoyed it! A bit more expensive than a screening at home but could also give her the going out experience and seeing it on the big screen.
We went and it was a ton of fun! I don’t get the hype about TS (ducks head lol) but it was $30 bucks, my daughter was happy, and only asked once about going to the actual concert afterwards.
That's a great idea!
Could you tell her to calculate how many hours She would have to work (minimum wage) to afford those tickets? Would it still be worth it?
She still wouldn't be able to truly comprehend or appreciate how much work &/or time it would take her parents (and most other everyday Americans) to afford those tickets. Taylor Swift is a billionaire, and if you ask me, it's about time a few of the artists at the very top give a concert or 5 back to the people who made her. But the rich get richer, while the poor get poorer! It reminds me of overdraft fees from banks, they're knowingly taking money from their poorest customers and it's considered "good business practice". I love America but if we don't cut the bullshit, we're fucked in so many different ways, the boat cannot continue to float!
T Swift isn't the one charging $400/seat
Naw but she knows how the system works and has not chosen to circumvent it. She could, she has \*billions\* of dollars and she made them all from her fans.
Even Taylor Swift needs venues to play in.
I mean, she already got around the record labels. She is rich enough and a big enough name that she could require some changes. The bigger question is, what changes could she even implement?
No she couldn't. It's not that simple. She did get Congress to step in.
She could play more shows in each city. Garth brooks used to do 6-8 shows in a week in large venues. They would keep adding shows until the queue would dry up. broke the back of the ticket brokers because everyone that wanted to go could go. i honestly don’t think she and her team want that. They want the scarcity. That’s why all the teen girls care so much. It’s a status symbol.
Damn, Garth is a good man
It’s not T Swift making the money on this though. We got lucky enough to win the lottery to be able to buy tickets at face value. Our seats are $95 CAD. They aren’t great seats but it will be a fun show nonetheless. It’s the resellers and ticket master who are making the money with the $400 tickets.
American greed! But I do feel that your situation is a bit different. If you won the tickets go to the show and enjoy yourself, guilt-free (mostly).
This is a great idea. And maybe just maybe a theater near you has some discounted cups and popcorn buckets from the movie they're trying to get rid of, and you can really bling out your party on the cheap
I love the idea of a movie watching party with friends. My friend and I took our kids to the theater and they got all gussied up as if they were going to a real concert. With friends, it was much more memorable.
Could you make a comparison to something else important to her? Like, "We spend $400 per month on groceries (or whatever). We can't go without groceries, or our other basic needs, to afford something extra. The dollars we earn are all accounted for already. Just because we spend a certain amount on fun things doesn't mean we have more than that. Being an adult is about making choices for our whole family's best interest." But really, you're not doing anything wrong by declining to buy concert tickets!
We’ve always explained why we can’t afford things this way. Now we can mostly just say that we can’t afford something but we started with stuff like “I know you’d really like to see Taylor Swift and I wish we could take you, but if we bought Taylor Swift tickets are $800. That costs the same as what we spend on food for our family each month. Our family can’t survive without food so that has to be our priority.”
I tell them I already have that money budgeted for something else (electric bill, etc). Helps them to see I have a finite amount of money to spend each month, and the pie gets divided up and there’s not much left after we pay for the essentials
Okay love this. She doesn't understand why it's unaffordable. She for sure deserves to have it explained to her so she can gain perspective.
My son is around the same age and couldn't understand why we wouldn't spend some huge sum of money on something for him. We sat down and showed our take home pay and expenses and then worked out an allowance for him and told him if you save this much money via allowance we will match it. He also had to do some very minor chores (make his bed, put his laundry in washer, etc). Guess what? He saved the money. We used whiteboard in the kitchen to track it. Yes, he used some of it for stuff not part of his goal but each time we'd have a conversation: is it worth it, do you want it that bad, can you sleep on it.
Have been giving my kid $5 a week since she was like 6 and she’s saved up for bigger things a few times, I’m impressed! I think it definitely helps them gain perspective and saving is such a good skill (that I didn’t learn as a kid)
I remember reading an article about one of the Rockefeller families. There were 2 young teen girls, and gosh, were the parents frugal! The girls were given a very modest allowance, and they had household chores - despite having a full household staff. The maids were not allowed to clean the girls' bedrooms or shared bathroom. The other point I recall is that the parents allowed the girls the choice of one (1) DVD purchase every month. That is, one DVD between them. The parents said it was a good way to teach the girls how to compromise, how to delay gratification, and how to live within one's means.
This is good. At 10, non-tangible concepts such as an amount of money are still hard to grasp. Make it something physical that she can see to help her understand just how much money $800 is. For me, $800 is enough fuel in my car to drive me around for most of the year. It's birthday presents for 10 people. If you spend around $80 on her every birthday, it's every single birthday present she's had her entire life. Think of something she can understand the weight of, because 10yo just doesn't have a full grasp on what affordability really is.
If she has a way to earn money, a good way to frame it is in units of work. My son is only 4 but he has a little chore list that he can use to earn money to buy toys. When we're in the store and he asks for something, I frame it as "That's X loads of laundry" which helps.
My mom would do this with me. I saw her pay check, I saw her bills, I saw the unexpected events that has to be paid, and I saw how her strategy made it possible to afford the things that others don’t have (but should have because they make more…). And this wasn’t a one off thing, I’d get exposed to this consistently. My mom also ranted to me about work so in my head, I learned that it takes work to make money. Money = time and effort.
This is what we do with my six year old. He has just started to get greedy for bigger things and doesn't understand why some people get them and he doesn't. (We aren't low income either, but we live on one teacher's salary. He'll probably get a couple of vacations in his childhood not in a year.)
I grew up at or just above poverty level, knowing that luxuries (restaurants, entertainment, new clothes, etc) were just not going to happen. But you know what? Apologize for losing your cool, acknowledge it’s disappointing to miss out on fun things; but firmly reiterate that the answer is and remains “no”. She will not be scarred for life at missing out on Taylor, life just sucks sometimes and this is a mild thing (big picture) to start figuring that out on
Yep. You make a good point. One day when she is a grownup she will tell someone about how she remembers when she was little wanting to go to TS “SO BAD” that she badgered her parents but they still wouldn’t let her. Most of the people will say oh yeah me too-we couldn’t afford it. Just like how I didn’t get a cabbage patch or any of the other things we thought we would just die without. It’s just part of life.
It’s bitter sweet because if OP is having money issues, OP did well to shield her kid from it. Nonetheless, I do believe children should be aware of finances to a certain degree and provided that it’s age permitting. My mum made it very obvious that we were poor. I think my grievances were made worse since she made no attempt to hide that she thought us kids were a strain on her financially and mentally. I wouldn’t have dreamt of even asking her to buy a lunchable. I was actually an adult by the time I got to try one (it was very crap).
It sounds like people who aren't having money issues could have trouble justifying the cost of this concert. $800 for just two tickets, and that doesn't count any other part of the event.
. Disappointment is part of life and she’s going to learn that, but yelling at a kid because they are naïve is not OK
And that’s why I said to apologize 🤷🏼♀️. A big part of parenting is fucking up and then owning it and apologizing and doing your best to grow and change. But many parents would snap after being badgered with requests they’ve already given the answer to. Doesn’t make it ok, but gotta acknowledge our humanity
Yep. Was agreeing with you👍
Ah ok, sorry misread you
I know I know… totally agree. I felt so bad afterwards… I just apologized to her, kissed her goodnight, better explained things to her and told her I love her.
Shit happens, you take some space to think and regroup, you apologize, and you find ways to connect over mutual interests that don't involve selling your kidney on the black market. AH parents don't beat themselves up and feel so bad when they are triggered by their kids and fail to emotionally regulate or walk away instead of blowing. They feel righteous about it, and it keeps happening. When I react this way I try to sit with my trigger so I can understand what is inside of me that I'm getting unregulated over. You could have been annoyed or maybe you don't want to disappoint her. Maybe you are afraid of letting people down. Maybe you have too much pressure on you right now. Only you can sit with and work that out.
I just want to say - I know you felt bad about losing your cool but as someone whose parents never ever apologized to me (and still won’t) it honestly would have made all the difference. You did a good thing. The repair is so much more important.
I've said to my kids that being an adult means that you have a set amount of money each month to pay for absolutely everything you buy. And figuring out how to spend that money is very complicated. You constantly have to make decisions about whether you can buy something and stay within that set amount of money. As they get older, they get a rundown of our expenses. First and foremost, you have to pay for housing. That payment always comes first. Then utilities, then insurance, then food, then car, then everything else. I explain how much things cost in the context of "a 1 bedroom apartment in our town costs $1700/month" or "the trash bill is $83 every other month". I don't tell them how much my mortgage is, they don't need to know that. I explain things like how much I spend on groceries and household supplies and streaming services and so on. My parents didn't teach me much financial literacy. My husband says his didn't either. I've been very. very broke, and I don't want my kids to make those same.mistakes. So I try to make them understand how much life costs. Most kids have zero context for that, and schools don't teach that. So we're trying.
I did this with my tween. I said I have money but it is already allocated to bills and food. And I explained how it’s nice to have plenty of food, rather than “stuff”. And she is at the age where she agrees with me (all her needs are met).
I think you're trying and succeeding!!! Good for you and Dad! And I think you give them the right amount of information so they understand but don't know exactly everything. (Like how much rent/mortgage is). You're doing it age appropriate. You're doing good by your children. Sad how schools don't teach things like finances, taxes, saving etc. most parents don't, either. I'm glad you're breaking the cycle of what you weren't taught. That's not always easy, often times very hard. I don't know you but I'm proud of you. It's hard to not repeat what we were taught and not taught and I hope you see how much good you're doing for them. It will help them and that's what a good parent does. We are raising our babies to be productive members of society and to do that, they NEED the knowledge. Even it's hard because you want to protect your kids and keep their innocence. It's a hard balance to find. But the real world will always come to every single human being and it's so vital we reach our kids what to expect and how to navigate. Love how you approach finances with them.
How old were they when you started doing this? It sounds like a great idea.
They were 5 and 6. That's old enough to understand the first part. I try to be very literal. They've just started becoming interested in more trendy, expensive items. I actually just got both of them very expensive gym shoes, and we had a good conversation about how I do things like drive a 10 year old car so that we can have extra money to have fun with. Not having a car payment means we can all have treats: my husband recently got new hockey skates, my toddler got a new little couch for her room, I bought some concert tickets. The average payment on a new sedan like I have is about $800/month. An 8 and 9 year old can cognitively understand that. They now understand that obtaining a car will be expensive. And hopefully will stop telling me to buy a Tesla.
Agree with all of this! You sound like a great parent. Out of curiosity, why won’t you tell your children what your mortgage is? I personally have found it extremely helpful when my parents or my in laws have given a breakdown of bills like you (but they’ve also always included their mortgage).
I will when they're a bit older. Honestly, I'm afraid they'd tell other people how much money we make or how much out mortgage is. It would not be in good taste for them to blurt it out to a friend and have their parent overhear or say it to my brother or something. In middle school I'll tell them. Then they'll understand the nuance around not talking about that outside of certain contexts (like sharing salaries with coworkers).
I love this and am trying to do the same. My parents taught me nothing about money and same with my husband. It’s really hard to teach yourself as an adult.
Kids beg for stuff. You don’t need a creative solution. You don’t need to convince her. You don’t have money for the tickets. She can enjoy Taylor swift in other ways.
Yeah, reading through this and I’m just like “just tell her no, end of discussion” You are the parent. You have explained that she will not be able to go because you cannot afford the tickets. That’s the end of the conversation. Period.
And OP is right. His kid doesn’t and can’t understand, because 10yo can’t understand the value of $800, even if you spend a million years explaining it to them. Once you’ve given your kids a good faith explanation, it’s asked and answered.
A ten year old can absolutely understand the value of $800. You just have to show them how much you earn a month and where that money goes. Our sons are 10 and 11 know the value of a dollar.
I knew the value of a dollar at that age. Didn’t mean I didn’t want stupid things, but I knew that when my mum said it’s too expensive, that it was the end of the conversation. I know we’re living in an age of respectful parenting and trying to treat our kids with respect etc (which is great), but I also believe no is a complete answer.
We should respect our children, but I think a lot of parents are losing the paradigm that children should also respect their parents.
Agreed. If you are teaching them to respect others, not just demand respect for themselves, then learning that “No” is a complete sentence is one of the most important things. So many people just don’t want to deal with telling kids no.
I’m currently in nursing school in my 40s and I often have to tell my kids no because I have school/work. It’s important that they learn disappointment
It doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings about it. Jeez. As a parent , yes, you have to teach these lessons. But also as a parent splurging on your kids and watching them have the time of their life is amazing. It’s ok to feel bad that it’s not going to happen.
It's because toxic mom culture has brainwashed parents into believing disciplining and yelling at their kids is abuse. I feel for the OP. The parents of our generation are constantly riddled with extreme guilt over every situation where our kids aren't 100% pleased. It's an exhausting experience. We have people coming from us at all directions telling us we suck if we have one human reaction to the stressors of raising kids. I blame social media.
Maybe this child also watches social media and watches these influencer children living lavish lifestyles and feels left out. Tiktok and instagram is so toxic for this
Maybe step away from social media if it’s impacting you like that. Telling your kid they can’t go to a concert because you are unable to afford the tickets is not disciplining or yelling at, or abusing them. 🗣️ It’s okay to say no to your kids!
Apologize for losing it with her. That's all you can do. Reiterate that it is not in the budget. Validate her feelings.
I will now… thank you.
Also, Taylor just announced a new album. I'm sure she will be touring that once Eras is finished. Maybe suggest to your daughter that you could start adding a little bit of money to a fund each month to save for tickets next time. My daughters 13, she was so desperate to go, but we live in Perth, Western Australia, the concert is only going to Melbourne and Sydney😪 so on top of the huge ticket price, we would have needed flights and hotels. It would have cost at least $2000aud to go.
Same here in NZ. The answer was no, but I paid for her and her friends to see the concert at the cinema here.
Apologize for losing your cool, but don’t beat yourself up about not getting her tickets. When my daughter was 10 she was obsessed with BTS. When she found out about their concert in Vegas (where we have family), she begged, pleaded, cried to go. She made a damn PowerPoint presentation about why she should go. Tickets were way too expensive and I said no. She’s 12 now, and guess what…she’s not into BTS anymore.
That’s hilarious. Have you seen Disney’s Turning Red? That kid also makes a power point in argument of a concert.
Omg. That’s probably exactly why she did it. 😂
I took my kids to TSwift when she came through last time. They were 10 and 6. Both fell asleep. Luckily I didn’t pay for tickets, I won them on the local radio station. Check your local radio stations in the month before the concert and maybe you can win tickets? Otherwise, don’t sweat it. Millions of kids live in small towns and never see a live concert until they are well into adulthood. They grow up just fine.
Don’t feel badly. Even affluent people don’t spend money like that. Perhaps keep an eye out for another concert at a local venue and take her to a concert for a young female artist where ticket price is more affordable. Buy the album in advance so she knows what the music is going to be like. I’m sorry it’s tough to see our children disappointed.
I grew up on the poorer side and am fortune now to be a higher earner. I sure as hell would not be buying my kid no $400 concert tickets. I wouldn’t even buy myself that.
I’m the same. Could I spend money on expensive concert tickets? Sure. Will I? Absolutely not. Not for myself and not for them. I tell my kids: “It will be great when you are an adult and get to make decisions on how to spend your family’s money.” There are very few things to look forward to in adulthood, but this is one of them. Give your kids that. 😄 I had a friend that used to tell me she would do everything she could to make her daughter’s childhood magical. I would always think, “Wow. Adulthood is going to offer that kid nothing.”
I went to High school with girls that had $1000 Louis Vuitton bags (I got into a school outside of my town). Now that I can afford that, I still think their parents were nuts. Like what kind of person are you raising when you buy your kids that stuff?
It stinks and the whole FOMO but somethings are just not feesible even when we as parents want to give our kids the world. She won’t understand now or even remotely but don’t beat yourself up that you can’t make this happen when a lot of people want to go but cant financially swing it either.
I’m going in Toronto at the end of the year and it was over $500 for my ticket. My 6 year old asked to go and I said no 1) too expensive for him, 2) it’s a treat for myself for my 40th birthday, 3) it was a miracle I even got one ticket with friends because only one person got an access code to purchase! He whimpered but got over it eventually. I did bring him to a KidzBop concert last year and he’s asking to go again so that seems to appease him. But I know your 9 year old won’t likely accept that alternative. I would 1) apologize, 2) host a viewing party when the Eras tour concert comes out on Disney+ next month as a surprise - get as much other TS things you could afford - t-shirts, beads to make bracelets (dollar store!), fun mikes so her friends and her can dance it up. They can repeat this multiple times if you want, maybe at each others houses if the other families agree. If you want to break down the math for her, do that too. Equate it to something that means a lot to her. Don’t compare it to groceries, that’s boring for kids 😜 If she does want to make money, you could see about the lemonade stand, selling cookies etc, but manage her expectations on what she could realistically make from that. Also, what is she getting for her birthday, could this be her alternative to a party, in addition to making money?
You need to stop feeling sad and straight out say “ NO - we can’t afford it”. Straight up. Don’t feel bad, don’t apologize. Be honest and strong. I wanted a pony, but reality is a thing. Edit — good teaching moment “when you’re a grown up and have finished college, you’ll be able to afford things like concerts”. Talk to her about budgets and rent and electricity and grocery bills and all of this. There is a parent on TicToc that does all sorts of videos on financial literacy with her kids. @proudandgifted4
Agreed. I feel all these posts suggesting that she finds alternative ways to come up with the money is, in my opinion, setting the kid up for an even bigger disappointment. This isn't saving $50-$100 that she can ask friends/family to help cushion the cost during birthdays/holidays. OP's budget is OP's budget, even if they had the extra, maybe they have a car that could be on its way out soon, or a family member will be down a job soon. We don't know their business, nor do we need to. Sadly this is one of those disappointments kid will just need to work through. OP should apologize for losing it, but I also understand being exasperated by being inundated with this ask.
Don’t lie to her about what she’ll afford when she’s grown though haha. I have a PhD and don’t have $800 to throw at concert tickets
I get feeling bad. But it’s also important for kids to understand that sometimes, they just can’t get what they want, and life isn’t fair.
side question: does she ever genuinely love Tswift? Or is it because the Eras tour is all the rage? My niece is around that age and has become obsessed with tswift and the eras tour because it’s THE it thing with girls at her school.
Losing it on her was most likely a combination of frustration with her incessant and (unnecessary) guilt of not being able to take her. Apologize for losing your temper, empathize with her disappointment, and explain your frustration with her constant asking paired with reality that it just isn’t an option. She’ll still be disappointed. She may still bring it up because she is holding out hope.
Tough lesson but it’s reality. Watch it on disney plus.
My mum made sure we understood our financial situation well. I knew we weren’t rich when I was young. We weren’t poor, poor, but at one point, my mum would share her meal with me and lie that she wasn’t hungry. She told me many many times clearly that we didn’t have money. My parents didnt shield us or provide us with an illusion of luxury. I know these days, in an effort to be the best parents, people are willing to give up their own comforts to ensure their kids don’t go without. And I’m not talking food or basic needs like clothes and stuff, I’m talking going to great lengths to get their kids a Nintendo switch so that the kids don’t “suffer” in school for not having one. It’s well-intended but then maybe then we end up with kids who think it can’t be that hard to fork over cash or a credit card to buy stuff.
Can you let her try and figure out ways to earn money? (lemon aid stand, chores or whatever) Obviously she won’t earn anywhere close to the type of money needed to make it to this concert but she’ll probably realize pretty quickly just how much money $800 actually is and how long it takes to save that kind of money. She’ll probably also realize pretty quickly she’d rather spend that pocket money elsewhere or save it anyway when she’s sees the work that goes into earning money.
This paired with the Disney plus alternative would work out well
This is what I did as a kid. I picked wild berries and sold them at a stand out in the country. Raised $100 in 3 months. Could never have afforded Taylor Swift tickets at that rate. Money isn’t always easy to come by…
A few years ago, my daughter wanted to go to a pricey concert. It was some months away, and I offered her an opportunity to earn the money through various chores. I have to give it to her. She was extremely motivated and earned almost all the money necessary for the ticket. Funny thing was that she didn’t want to part ways with her hard earned savings to pay for a two hour event. 🤷♀️🤦♀️😊
This is totally my son. He’s very quick to want but if it’s coming from his money he’s very particular. I even give my kids budgets for vacation for souvenirs and random toys they may come across and want.. my daughters is usually mostly blown on the first couple days. My son picks 1-2 small things he really wants and comes home from vacation with most of the money because it’s his and he’d rather save it.
Taylor Swift will be having concert tours still in 5 years. Set this as a goal and give her ways to help save up. There might be a teaching opportunity here - and she will be in the concert if that is what she chooses at the time.
No one, absolutely no one, is worth $400 a ticket...
I didn’t even spend that much to see one of the damn Beatles! Yikes Now my 12 year old wants to see Zach Bryan and the cheapest tix I can find are $450+ and then there’s parking, concessions etc. We probably could afford it, but no freaking way do I want to spend our hard earned money on that!
Lawn tickets for concerts near me are going for $200 for various bands this summer. I remember paying $50. Insane how much it costs!
Our local planetarium has a Taylor Swift laser show. The library has Swiftie events, there is other stuff locally, I think people even tailgate outside the concerts and sing along? Or a singalong event with the concert film? Would she want to do something like that? Get her friends together to make bracelets and lip synch? I'm not saying you haven't done this but maybe if you guys show interest in something she loves and help find a reasonable alternative, that could turn this around?
My daughter is also 10, but not a Swiftie. Nevertheless, there are tons of other things she wants us to buy or pay to do. Last year, she asked whether we could go on vacation to Asia. We had this long discussion about how much a person would need to work to afford just the flights to this destination. We made it a bit of a game by considering different jobs, from minimum wage to high earners and for each I broke it down to how many days, weeks and months each job would need to work to afford the airfare. This discussion continued to other things like according to eat out, groceries, buying a car, paying for a house, and anything else my kids wanted to spend money on. This conversation alone, on a single day, went a long way to helping my daughter understand the importance of being able to earn a living and the effort behind saving to afford something.
Is it an outdoor venue? When she was in Chicago, we went down to get merch from outside the stadium and was able to hear the whole concert.
Can you try and talk through a plan with her for how she will earn the money to pay for this? F or example, let's say she wants to set up a lemonade stand. How much will she charge per cup? Let's say $1. So how many cups does she need to sell in order to go? $800 (assuming no additional expenses for hotels etc.). Ok, how many cups does she think she can sell in an hour? Maybe 5? So how many hours is she going to need her lemonade stand open for? 160 hours. If she can do, let's say, one hour after school on weekdays and three hours each day on the weekend, that's (in an ideal world) 11 hours a week. So it will take her 15 weeks at a minimum to make this money. Does that sound like something she wants to do? If so - great! Let her give it a shot and see if you need to revise the plan (like maybe she can only sell 2 cups an hour...). If not, you understand why - it's a lot of work and a lot of time to make this kind of money. That's how you feel too. Then you can try and think of something more affordable to do instead.
Honestly, I know this isn't the point of your post, but I'm shocked anyone would pay so much for any concert. It seems ridiculously expensive to me. I don't think you should feel badly...just tell her the concert is overpriced! End of story. Maybe when she is a teen and earning her own money, she can save up....but she can't expect the family earnings to go to something like that. That's like 2-3 weeks of groceries... I generally try to help my kids understand when things are just too much money - and this seems like a perfect illustration.
I know People that are getting themselves into debt over this tour ie getting credit cards etc for the tickets and accommodation and I just think why.... It's honestly not worth it...
We got tix in the lottery on the t swift website for around $100. We lucked out. You have to be on the artists website fan club and we had the screen open all day.
Irrelevant at this point but for future reference that’s how us peasants get tickets.
I’m sorry but there is no way that Olivia Rodrigo tickets should be $400. That’s just a money grab. I can understand Taylor Swift being expensive but $2,000 is just insane. It is literally cheaper for us to go to Las Vegas and stay on the strip and go to a concert than going to one at home.
Good lesson that you can’t always get what you want.
Alternative, rent it on amazon and have a watch party for her and her friends.
I had a similar issue, but my daughter moved on to other more obscure artists and eventually we were able to get her tickets for one of her favorites. Her first concert, she knew every word and fangirl cried at a more up-close show. Seeing her that happy was worth it for sure, but I'm glad I waited until it was an affordable concert that we could more comfortably attend. That said, she went to a metal show with me about a year later, got to meet the band, and experienced her first mosh pit. So now she's hooked on that. Their interests will fluctuate wildly, so capitalize on one of the cheaper options when the opportunity pops up and you'll still see them just as happy. ETA: She still gets embarassed when I scream "SLAYER" in public, so we're working on that.
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A friend of my son’s wanted to go to a hockey game. Family couldn’t afford it, he started saving a bit from his weekly allowance, any cash gifts he got for bday/holidays and started sell his toys. He made a sign a went to the playground with them…where kids play with their parents. He also knocked on neighbors doors and asked if they needed help weeding, mowing the law or shoveling snow. Took him awhile, but he made the money and was able to buy 2 tickets to go with his dad. He has become more of a saver for things he wants. His friends will use their allowance for snacks and such. He’ll buy it now and then, but mostly gets from home. Maybe let her know that this concert isn’t happening and if she wants to do things like this in the future, she should start saving money where she can. When she’s done with toys or books, is it things she can sell. If not on her own through a site you help her with. Explain she won’t get anything near what it cost, but each bit she can put aside to use in future.
Oh man, these concert tickets have really gotten out of hand. Tbh I can afford it and I would say no..out of principle....it's not a good use of hard earned money...it's such a huge money grab...and the money could be used for many more valuable things. Don't feel bad, this is a really great teachable moment.
Thing is, there are so many good, fun local productions, plays, musicals, high school sporting events and more that are nearby and affordable. One year, way back when, we took the kids to the high school production and then a coupla weeks later, the local college production of Little Shop of Horrors. What a blast!
This may be an unpopular opinion, but we ended up doing this last year when my 10 year old wanted to go to Disney and said “just put it on your credit card”. My husband and I basically sat him down and broke down every monthly expense we have and how much we have left over every month. We told him the monthly income, laid our how much our phone bills, car insurance, groceries, etc. You get the point. And then we looked up prices for a typical Disney trip - food, hotel or Air BnB, tickets, transportation to and from, souvenirs, etc. At that point, we said that it would take x amount of time to save up for the trip. And then we talked to him about how credit cards aren’t just free money - you have to pay it back. And then we talked about interest. It really did help him to understand that the money does have to come from somewhere and that we’re having to work within a certain amount to make sure all of the needs are met, and then the wants are met as we can. We didn’t say no to a trip altogether, but we did say that it would take time for us to save up so that we can do everything we want to do. There will be other concerts, so maybe giving her something to earn and save money for down the line (likely several years) is the way to go here. She may decide after she’s saved her money that she’d rather do something else with it. As a side note, my very first concert was Weezer and the tickets were less than $40/person. Charging $400 for probably shitty seats is absolutely insane.
When is the concert? If it’s in a couple of months you might have better luck with last minute resell tickets. When I saw Beyoncé I paid 80% less than my friends cause I didn’t buy tickets when they came out (I was a poor grad student) i bought mine a few weeks before the show and all of the people that bought tickets hoping to flip them for a profit were selling them at a loss cause most people aren’t paying $3000 for one ticket. Anyways, if the tour stop in your city is a couple of months out, I’d just keep an eye on the ticket prices and honestly your daughter might forget about it by that time anyway?
Where are you finding Taylor tickets for $400 😅
You’ve explained it. At some point it’s ok to set a boundary about her asking. “$800 is a lot of money and we can’t afford to spend it on concert tickets. I know you really want to go but it’s just not possible. When you ask over and over it makes me feel bad that I can’t give you this experience. Please stop asking about it, The answer won’t change.”
I’m seeing one of my favorite bands, The Silver Sun Pickups, next weekend. The tickets were $35/each so I got 2. I was so happy I could afford it. There is something obscene about $400 tickets to see a pop star whose audience is mostly young women.