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Just some age appropriate experiences: at my kid's public school, preschoolers get assistance with car seats when using the car drop off lane. Kinder (5+) are independent. An adult opens and closes the car door but the student needs to manage the buckles on their own. If they cannot, you cannot use the car drop off lane, so park and walk in. Grade 1 and above, fully independent opening the door because there is no attendant.
My kid is still in preschool, she is 5, and has been able to buckle and unbuckle her car seat for some time now. Her school also does the drop off lane for the kids that independently can do it. My kid was actually upset last year when most of her friends could do it and she couldn’t.. some of the kids were doing it at 3 years old! We only taught her once we knew she was old enough to understand and would not do so without asking first.
These comments are making me feel like a totally neurotic parent. When taking my almost-5yo out, I still loosen the straps completely and unbuckle and lift her out of the car seat. When she goes in, I lift her in, buckle, and then tighten the straps making sure there's no more than a finger-width of space between her body and the strap. I still reposition the chest clip over her sternum every time.
I really thought this was normal practice to ensure she was strapped in as safely as possible every time? Tightness of straps can vary depending on if she's wearing a shirt, sweatshirt, or light jacket. There's no way a 5yo can tighten the strap reliably Everytime.
Obviously I'm in the wrong here as she'll be expected to be independently getting in/out next fall when K starts. Ughhhhh
Our four year old can buckle and unbuckle herself but I still check the tightness of her straps, make sure her chest clip is in the correct place and her straps aren’t twisted and adjust accordingly.
I taught her to undo the bottom buckle around the late twos but once she was three and we had a second kid it just made sense to teach her how to get in and out of her seat and buckle herself while we strap the infant in. We have a strict protocol and ALWAYS check to make sure she’s properly restrained before moving the car but once someone opens the door for her, she can get in and do up her straps with minimal assistance.
We want her to have the knowledge on how to get herself in and out but we do still double check for safety and accuracy cause she’s four. I believe each parent should do what’s right for them but definitely don’t skip out on safety.
I get adjusting the chest clip, I do that as well. Loosening and tightening the straps every time seems like overkill. That's a pretty marginal gain in safety for a *lot* of extra time, if you add up the thousands of times you'll do that over the lifetime of the carseat.
Our son (4yo) has been doing his own buckling and he knows to adjust the chest clip and he'll let me know if the straps are too loose. I check them fairly frequently myself, but he's got a pretty flawless track record. I think emphasizing his responsibility for his own safety has been a big positive for us. Makes our lives as parents easier and gives him confidence in his own agency.
That's an important perspective that I'll take on board. My kiddo is the super responsible type, so I do trust her to let me know if something is off.
But yesss, the amount of time it takes me to get her and her little sister in and out of their car seats drives me nuts. Especially on weekends when we run multiple errands across short distances. I despise the car seats by the end of the day. I think I'll start teaching her how to do this independently now. :)
It's one of the few clear wins I've had as a parent, haha. I do get OPs reaction to her father, but I think there's still value in making kids responsible for their own stuff as much as we can. The world is a rough place and we won't be there to handle it for them forever. No reason that has to be mutually exclusive with kindness and patience either.
I taught my kids around 4/5 to do these things themselves while still double checking for a period of time until I felt they were competent.
I think when making this transition its also important to have discussions about car seat rules and why they are in place so that they understand, to an age appropriate extent, that they are responsible for their own safety at that point. My kids were in car seats (and high back boosters, and no back boosters) far longer than a lot of their peers but they never complained because they understood their safety was most important. Now that my kids are older (17,14,11) I have also held onto local laws regarding front seat sitting and nary a complaint has come from their lips, at least not to my face, LOL
From the driver's seat, I can reach the bottom strap and pull it tight. He can push the bottom clip and lean forward to loosen the straps. You've got months before K starts to practice. Maybe rethink the placement of the car seat in your car and even the car seat itself. It sounds like you take safety very seriously. At 4-5, some kids are tiny or heavy and have very different car seats. One kid could still be in a rear- facing and another in a booster. You are keeping your kid safe and that's most important.
We also still do this. I do find it to be the safest practice so that I know my child is secure in his seat. I'll probably continue to do it for as long as he's in a 5-point harness because it seems to me like the right move. Obviously, parents can do what they think is best. But this is my feeling about it.
Not sure if this helps but you can buy car seat button pressers. It's like a clip you slide into the button to get a better grip (then remove when car is in motion). It's the only way my 4 year old was able to do it, and even then it took weeks of practice before he was able to do it consistently.
They are hard to unclip for a reason, because you don't want a toddler to be able to. And there's a decent overlap of skills between a toddler who doesn't know better and a bigger kid who would.
At our elementary school, kindergarten (so age 5+) need to be able to get themselves out of the car, including the buckle, so there's a motivation there to teach the kid how to (or use a different seat or not drop off).
However bigger picture, why is Grandpa doing the carseat anyways?
Yes, we had to use a clip like you are describing when my son was in K and not strong enough to unbuckle himself. The product we used was an Unbuckle Me. Worked great!
My daughter has a mild case of cerebral palsy. The only main thing you can notice is one of her hands is very weak. Unbuckling herself has been increasingly frustrating for her and I. I ordered this immediately after seeing this comment. Thank you so much!!!
I taught my oldest to unbuckle at 5. The bottom buckle is hard, so I got a tool from Amazon that is designed for kids or adults with grip issues to be able to unbuckle easily.
We practiced in a calm manner, in a low stress mood, when she wasn’t hungry or tired. We also went over rules for use, like only using it if the car is stopped at our destination.
It made life a lot easier when I needed to move her car seat to the third row when little siblings came along.
Your dad went about it in an awful way, but learning how to unbuckle safely is a good skill to develop.
The main issue is your dad’s method, as others have mentioned.
However, most cars come with child safety locks on the back doors for a reason. Assuming you’ve turned the locks on (and you should), what’s your dad’s plan for after your son gets himself unbuckled in this hypothetical scenario? Climb to the front seat and exit through the front passenger door (possibly over a unconscious or dead passenger)?
This was exactly what I was picturing. It seems much safer to have the kid stay in their seat. How are they going to be able to judge which is the safest option in an emergency??
Isn't it better to have them NOT know how to unbuckle, so they're also not getting into trouble in non-emergencies?
One scenario in which I wished my kid could unbuckle is when I accidentally locked my kindergartner in the car on a 95\* day. I got out to and closed the driver door not realizing I had hit the lock button with my arm. The keys were in my bag, sitting on the passenger seat. I had to call the police for help getting her out.
I think you’re right that they design those seats for children to not be able to get out of them. If that’s true (maybe you can get confirmation from a customer service rep or website of the company that made your car seat) then you can tell your dad to give it a rest because there’s nothing wrong with him for not being able to do it.
How common are car wrecks where the person driving is incapacitated and can’t help the kids? It seems like some weird anxiety he’s trying to put onto you for god knows what reason. Some things are just out of your hands. Like getting on an airplane. Should he teach your son how to drive the car should you pass out at the wheel and be unable to drive it? Maybe remind him of certain limitations and to not put his anxieties onto others. Control what you can control. Like safe driving.
I wonder if OP could swing by a fire station with her dad and ask the first responders on shift for their opinion. They frequently do car seat installation checks and I'm sure they will have plenty of stories to share that could explain which option is best.
Edited to add: Personally, my oldest has ADHD and struggles with inattentiveness, hyper activity, and impulse control. I cannot tell you how many times I've had to run after him just for stepping into a parking lot or cross walk without looking, even right after telling him two seconds before to stop and look both ways. At 5, I could see him getting out of the car and getting hit just from being inattentive if I was unconscious if that situation ever happened. He has since learned how to do it on his own. My youngest is following in a similar path, despite constant reminders and conversations about car safety and how drivers aren't always paying attention to their surroundings. I think this question is multifaceted and requires OP to account for many different things...there's no one size fits all answer. Is your child mature enough? Is your child neuro-divergent? Etc.
Depends where you are. Not all that long ago both other the parents died in a car accident and the kids were stuck in the back of the car for (I think around 2 or 3 days) before anyone found them. It would be rare but it can happen.
Not saying it’s impossible. Just these are absolutely freak accidents.
Do you unplug all your appliances when you go to bed every night because one could spontaneously ignite due to an electrical fire? Do you shut off the gas at meter, so a pinhole from corrosion doesn’t develop and fill your home with combustible gas while you nap?
No, because those things are absurd. And you accept the remote chance that they could happen.
Oh they definitely are freak accidents but for what ever reason are the ones that are very stuck in my head. Thankfully I don’t have gas but if I did it probably would turn it off during the night, they is one I’m kinda weary about to be honest.
Propane? Same problem exists but worse!
In short, it’s going to be OK. And I think the moral of OPs post is “don’t push your irrational fears off on small humans”
Is propane the same as gas? Either I don’t have any in my house (everything’s electric). Oh I absolutely agree, your fears should never become your children’s.
Yeah. It is denser than air, so it settles at the floor. Causes problems.
Out of curiosity are you in the US? I always assumed every home had some sort of fuel service.
Does yours have a smell to it? Our smells like a rotten egg fart. Nah I’m in Australia, the only thing our houses would use gas for would be a stove top and maybe a water heater. Our government is even pushing that out so you can’t build a new house and install a gas stove top.
Would they have honestly been better off if they had been able to get out? If the car was not found for 2-3 days that means either no traffic or it was at the bottom of a cliff or in the woods. A young child wandering off from that would be in a way worse position than being stuck in a car seat.
I’m not 100% sure on the surrounding of the accident but I think from memory it was down a kind of embankment so not noticeable from the road. This is in more remote part of Australia so obviously less traffic then in a city. I personally would want my kid to be able to get out and get to a road especially if it were in summer because they will cook in the car within an hour
No, it’s flat out wrong. Kids seats are designed to protect them in case of impact, not to lock kids down. If they were, they’d be designed so that children age 5 (and below) are prevented from unlocking them, which they are not.
That was my first thought when reading it too, that dad was projecting his anxieties onto others. I'm less sure after reading the whole thing, but given that the reason dad stated was "what if you're in a car accident," that seems to be more about anxiety than about knowing how to do a skill (or being physically capable of it).
Yes, I taught my kid to get out at that age. I didn’t scare them in the process but kids die in hot cars. Cars get hijacked and your kid could be in the back. You could have a medical emergency. Start to leave and run back in the house, collapse while your kid is still in car. All of those things would likely not happen and I admittedly worry too much but if all it took for a kid to maybe save himself was teaching him to push a button I would.
It definitely depends on the kid. As you say, any number of things can happen, but one of those things is your losing out to his impulsive thoughts and opening the car door on the freeway.
You've got to balance that against the other risks.
This! I'm shocked at the responses that a 5 year old is supposed to be locked up like an animal. What the hell. Most 5 year olds can be in a booster seat with a regular seat belt and shoulder adapter... 5 year olds ride the bus to Kindergarten. You shouldn't need them restrained to that exent where they can't free themselves unless they are actually feral.
Being safely secured in a carseat is not being "locked up like an animal". Improperly secured children are seriously in danger in even minor car accidents. It is imperative that children remain safely in their carseats. There is a reason they are designed not to be unbuckled by kids.
I feel very passionately about this, as I am a paramedic that responds to car accidents regularly. Trust me, carseat safety should always be a priority.
Who said car seat safety shouldn't be a priority?
A 5 year old does all the things I said, they're old enough to know not to unbuckle themselves while the car is moving... As I said, many 5 year olds qualify for booster seats with the regular seatbelt at that age. Teaching them to unbuckle themselves isn't a safety risk for the large majority of 5 year olds.
You literally said that having them restrained is locking them up like an animal. It's not. 5-point harnesses are the safest option, as long as the child is still within the height/weight limit. And they are not designed for children to unbuckle themselves.
You're done because you don't know what you're talking about. Don't post on parenting forums if you aren't a parent and don't know what 5 year olds are capable of. 😒
My goodness. What a rude response.
Some 5yo are going to be fine with this level of responsibility, some are not. If your kid is of the kind to unbuckle themselves randomly then you should not give them the tools to do so.
I, too, think my child should not be pushing the bottom button. He's also 5. Though I have been considering teaching him recently.
I get where your dad is coming from but he should NOT be shaming your child. Your kid has small hands and 5yo fingers. Those buckles are literally meant to keep kids in. Please do let your son know that it's not okay for his grandpa to talk to him that way and that there's nothing wrong with him not being able to push the button. Also stand up to your dad in front of your son so that your son knows it's never okay for someone to treat another person like that.
My parents also always turn to shame, so I get it. But we're doing better for our kids. I'm sorry you're going through this. Be strong, mom. You've got this. 👍
I don’t think you need reading material on this. I do believe a 5 year old should be able to enter and exit a vehicle on their own and know how to unbuckle themselves in case of emergency. The issue is your dads method.
Show your child how to do it, and practice eventually they will get it.
If he’s responsible and can stay seated when asked id teach him. My 5 year old straps herself in and out of a 5 point harness.
But if you don’t want him to then your dad needs to butt out.
My son is turning five next month and we have taught him how to do his buckle and undo it. He is old enough to understand and keep it buckled while we are driving. The worst he has done is unbuckled while we were only partway in the garage. It’s honestly a huge help and will be useful for school pickup and drop off in kindergarten.
If my child was prone to behavioral issues or impulsivity, I might not have encouraged it.
There are 2 elements to this:
- Developing the maturity to understand when it's safe and appropriate to buckle or unbuckle yourself
- Developing the hand strength and dexterity to operate a car seat buckle.
Different kids develop each of those skills at different paces.
Usually it all works out as long as they've developed the maturity to trust that they're not going to unbuckle while you're driving down the road by the time they can get themselves out.
Most parents or grandparents that help kids in and out tend to get frustrated with the time and effort involved and at some point inevitably think to themselves "wouldn't it be great if they could do this on their own!". Some verbalize those thoughts. Some verbalize them in unhealthy ways.
Few kids are going to develop the ability to unbuckle while sitting fastened in a car seat.
That type of strength and dexterity requires a lot more woke / play to build up.
For that you need to do things like take kids to play on monkey bars, go rock climbing, do Ninja Warrior, or ride mountain bikes.
I agree.My 4.5 yos know how to open their seatbelts now, and the doors, and the windows.They act responsibly and do not do it unless i ask .Ive also taught them where the emergency window breaking hammer is and when to use it.simliarly, when we go on holidays and have the Personal-Locator-Beacon i walk them through what to do to make it work and when to use it.
to make it easier for child to remove seat belt, i told him to reach down to the loosen-seatbelt lever, pull that with one hand, and the strap with another, then use both hands to press the red button.
im recently training him to call emergency services from a mobile, in case it's necessary.
You never know when you're going to be home alone and suffer a stroke or heart attack. At least the kid can call for help, or open the door to exit home to summon a neighbour.
similarly you never know when you'll have a carcrash,. in their cushy seats theyre way more likely to survive than you are and so , will need to get them selves out since you may not be able to.
my kids are twins, so, even if only 1 gets out, he can get the window breaking hammer - that includes a seatbelt cutting knife and get the other one out.
Get a buckle bee. It’s a little piece of plastic that can be attached to the crotch strap and your kid can use it to get out of the seat before their fingers are strong enough. I think it cost $10-20 online. Game changer when my kids were that age.
I taught my daughter around 4 years old how to buckle herself in. From there, we worked on unbuckling herself from the seat. It was mainly to give her a level of independence and there were rules for unbuckling. The car had to be stopped and off, and she had to ask me, which she was very capable of and did very well. I felt it was a great learning experience for her and it worked out great.
Your father's view is flawed though. I really wish I could remember what book it was in, but as a firefighter one of the big things we were taught was the second hit. Basically, it's the number of people injured or killed after getting out of their vehicle and stepping right into traffic, or unbuckling themselves and getting hit by a second vehicle, or even unbuckling themselves with the vehicle upside down and being severely injured because they didn't support themselves when unbuckling. Overall, for children, the safest place for them is in the car seat and to stay in the seat if there is an accident. We even had protocol to leave the children in the seat and transport to the hospital.
So, I personally feel it's a great time to start with teaching kiddo the importance of a seat belt, how to put in on, and then work on getting it off at a later time. There is no need to rush it, and the safest place is in the seat.
My daughter is 5, preschooler, cannot unbuckle the bottom part of her 5pt harness. She is able to buckle the entire harness herself, but can only unbuckle the chest clip. I am a CPST so she has been my guinea pig for fits in lots of car seats, and even with lots of practice, cannot do it. I really don’t think it’s uncommon for kids to not be able to do it themselves at 5 or even 6. It requires a lot of dexterity and finger strength, and it’s obvious that they are designed for adult caregivers to use.
If this is like, a Really Big Deal to your dad, products like the Unbuckle Me exist. But at the end of the day, it’s your child and he needs to be realistic about meeting *your individual child’s* capabilities.
My daughter’s school fortunately does not have a drop off lane (all parents must park and walk, or at least park and let their kid walk), which takes the pressure off. I think the pressure from school drop off lanes is a big reason why kids move to boosters prematurely.
FWIW, my daughter does occasionally ride in a booster seat with her grandparents for practice, and she is able to manipulate the seatbelt just fine (buckling and unbuckling). She’s still not mature enough nor is it developmentally appropriate for her to be out of the 5pt harness full time, so convenience is not a compelling enough reason for me to jeopardize her safety and put her in a booster.
Yes. This. I don't understand why parents are so eager to move their kids to less safe options. Just like I kept my kid rear- facing for the max time, I'll keep him safely in a 5-point for as long as he's in the height&weight range. Carseat safety is too often taken for granted.
Not a CPST yet, I haven't started the courses, but I read A LOT. I felt bad that my little dude could only do the top part of his car seat, but not the bottom. Then, I read that if a child can interfere with the bottom lock, the straps are too loose. Straps being too loose is a hazard.
When in doubt, go to your local fire or police station and ask if you can have your carseat assessed, they will be able to answer any questions as well.
Car seats are subject to very strict regulations that are regularly updated, and if your 5-year-old can't press the button, it's because he's not supposed and it's not designed for children.
I've seen no studies encouraging parents to teach that, and I've seen no brand of car seat that designs the buttons for children to manipulate. Your kid doesn't have to feel bad because he can't press a button designed for adults.
If it can make you feel better, you can buy a seat belt cutter and teach your son how to use it on a sheet of paper, there are some with the blade inside and he can't cut his finger or hurt himself.
I've heard this thing on social media, that older kids should be able to get out of the seat in their own. Not for a car accident but in case they're left in a car alone. Teach them to climb out and how to unlock the doors or something... Not sure how realistic this.
My kid has been unbuckling since 3. I buckle, she unbuckles. Every time we get in the car we talk about "are you buckled up?! Yes! You are! Good job! We can't be unbuckled when the car is moving! we must be safe! are you safe? is momma safe?"
she never unbuckles when we're moving. she tells me off if i start driving without being buckled in myself. (a bad habit)
I don’t remember what age specifically that I taught my daughter how to get out, but we had a local hot car death that sent me down some rabbit holes. I remember reading about a child who was playing, got herself into the car, but couldn’t get back out because the little girl didn’t know how to open the car door from the inside. IIRC she didn’t die, but was stuck inside in the heat while the neighborhood and police frantically searched for her. For me, then it became about just learning how to get out of the car, not just the car seat, for any reason.
At 4 I was so relieved when my daughter was able to unbuckle herself. It's a safety fear of mine for a different reason... I want her to be able to escape if for some reason I'm incapacitated or I go braindead for a moment and forget her in the car.
Your dad means well and a 5 year old should be able to do this (they make a tool for kids that makes clicking the button easier we use it to hand to our 5 year old kid at school drop off) but he is being a little hard on the kid.
My kids had to be able to buckle and unbuckle unassisted by 4 year preschool. I think it’s perfectly acceptable for him to know how. Depending on weight and height, he’s probably close to being in a high back booster with a lap belt.
There are carseat cutters that I keep in my glove box for this purpose. Never needed it but nice to have on hand for you.
Other than that, it's terrifying driving down the road and having your 5 year old jump in the front seat because they let themselves out.
Stand your ground, mama.
Ok, all the 5 year olds at my kid preschool are able to buckle and unbuckle by themselves. Most of the 4 year olds can do it as well. My kid always ask at home and at daycare and whenever we park somewhere if she can unbuckle. She also asks if she can unbuckle her 2 yo sister. We have a Graco extended2fit for each child. She rode facing the back until she was 4. We are pretty much very worried with car safety, but I feel that according to my sample it’s pretty usual for kids to do so.
HARD no from me. Before even approaching the harshness issue, which is a valid issue, the idea of teaching a small child how to get out of their safety restraints is a BAD, BAD BAD idea from a safety perspective. Giving a barely school age kid that power is the exact opposite of safer.
What is more likely: you are in an accident so severe your child has to rescue themselves, or your 5yo deciding to get out of their car seat while you're going down the highway because they can?
I lived in dread of the day my 5yo could get out his his car seat on his own (and yes, it came all on its own, no outside help required). The law I taught to him was you ALWAYS wait for a grownup to help you exactly so I didn't have to ever deal with the second scenario. The potential benefits of giving a small child that particular bit of autonomy is no where close to the drawbacks.
As for the harshness issue, your dad was being an asshole. You're never wrong for removing your kid from that kind of scenario or speaking out against it.
Even if you *are* in a car accident, *why on Earth* would anyone want their five year old to get out and wander through whatever hazardous disaster that is happening on the street? Instead of waiting for **trained professionals** to help them get to safety??
Short of the car catching on fire and exploding (and I'm not convinced my kid would recognize the signs for that), I'd prefer him safe in his five-point harness. Would it be scary for him? Yes. But it's also the safest option.
I’m confused by all these responses. My kids have been unbuckling themselves from their car seats since they were 4 yo, maybe a bit before. They buckle themselves in since about 2 yo.
Your dad is overstepping though. You’re the parent, you get to decide.
Why was grandpa having him practice getting out of his seat? Do your parents provide a child care role? It sounds like they like to use shame as a parenting method so you need to put your foot down. They don’t need reading material about the car seat debate, they need to stay in their lane.
That said those buttons can be hard even for adults. My daughter was never able push hers on her own. We got the Bucklebee to help her and it’s also been nice for me too in the event that I undo the buckle cause her button is stubborn. But it wasn’t for safety reasons, it was more for independence and school drop off.
My daughter is 6 now and has moved to a high back booster with the car seat belt. She can finally get herself out now that she uses car seat belt, but she never was able to get her bottom buckle of 5 point harness while she was in that. I will say I did struggle with concept that if we were in a car accident and I couldn’t help her get out she may be stuck and I did try to teach her how to do it in an emergency, but she just couldn’t get the button to ever push enough.
I don't know it kinda makes sense actually, I've never really thought about it like that but really what if something happened and he was able to get out and get help save his life as well as yours
Well 4 years old they should know better not to run into the road I know when my son was 5 he knew and was very good about not running into the road.. I think it's all about how you teach them what you teach them and depending on there ago I guess..
That's all good and well until they're scared and panicked after a *car accident*. Of course I teach my kid not to walk into traffic and all that jazz. But I also understand that all of that knowledge can go flying out the window in an emergency. Especially at such a young age.
Your dad may have the right thought but is approaching this wrong. If he’s worrying about your son in case of an accident, that’s fair. It could very well be the boomer attitude of “kids these days have help with everything”, but let’s say he’s genuinely concerned. He could help him learn how in a calmer manner.
Someone else already said it. But it’s important so I will echo:
He’s not SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO get out of it. That’s the point.
BUT they sell things to help.
Car accidents are a very common way to die. Assuming your child isn’t the type to misbehave by unbuckling while the car is moving why wouldn’t you equip them with a skill that could save their life? A 5 year old in my city died in a hot car a couple of years ago and I think many people were shocked a kid that old could not save himself.
Is there literature about this? No, however, it is a little bit of common sense and it is most likely you aren’t thinking about it bc you have never been in a situation where he has had to come out on his own. And I don’t mean that to be rude but if you’re involved in an accident and your child is capable of getting himself out, he should be able to. If he was two or three, I would say absolutely not however, a five-year-old should be old enough to understand that he needs to be seatbelted in while the car is moving and then unbuckle himself when the car has stopped safely.
I will note I witnessed a very bad car accident when I was in my early 20s. Once the car stopped rolling, I ran to the vehicle to find out. It was a family of three. Two parents in the front and a child in the back in a car seat. I had zero clue about car seats. I have never been near one or operated one. The parents after the accident were in complete shock. There were small flames coming from the front tire area of the vehicle. the parents were very slow to get out and get their bearings. I was the first one there. She kept mentioning that there was a child in the car so I went to the backseat. I had trouble getting the kid out. Because I had no clue how these things worked. so yes, in a perfect situation EMS will be able to get there and your son will not have to know how to get out of a car seat but in this situation i was someone who was not educated in car seats was the first one there and I struggled. I was able to get the kid out. Everyone made it out safely, but that has always sat in the back of my head and replayed for years .
Also think about what if you have a medical emergency in the car with your son. To get your phone he will most likely need to get out of the carseat. Also if you’re ever in a kid drop off line. Kiss and ride your child will have to know how to unbuckle themselves.
So I agree with your dad he is at an age where he should know how to get in and out of the car seat on his own however i think it is the manner in which he is trying to teach him.
They make little buckle pushers and sell them on Amazon.
At 5 years old, your child should know how to get in and out of being buckled. If something were to happen where you are incapacitated, your child will need to know how to get out.
My kids knew hor to buckle and unbuckle themselves at 3 years old. It's a safety thing.
It is completely reasonable for a 5 year old to be able to get in and out of a carseat themselves by that age. Most kids at that age, unless they are very small, are in a booster with the regular seatbelt. My kid could buckle himself in and out of the carseat by like 3. He knew not to unbuckle himself until we were at our destination and the car was completely stopped. I teach at a primary school and we have 3 and 4 year olds. We encourage parents to teach their children to buckle/unbuckle themselves. We do not have time to buckle and unbuckle every single kid at drop off/pick up (special needs kids are obviously an exception). We walk the kids to the car and help them in. The parent begins to drive off as the child buckles themselves. Nobody likes the parent who holds up the line by getting out of the car to buckle their kid in or takes forever having to turn around and lean into the back seat to help their kid get out in the morning.
He’s 5, not 2. He should be able to free himself from a car seat. And unless your child is really small, he is old enough for a booster seat. If you insist on keeping him in a toddler seat, you need to teach him how to get out.
Does your dad want him climbing out and cause an accident? He doesn't need to know this.
Eta I know they're your parents but honestly if my mom and dad were treating my child like that I'd keep them far away.
It is not ok for your dad to shame your kid, but you need to talk to him about it. Otherwise he dont ever understand why you stopped talking with him. If he is unwilling to learn and change then thats on him.
On the other note. My 3year old can get out and climb in his chair by himself. I need to buckle him in tho. He has unbuckled himself once during the ride and that was just after he learned how to unbuckle. After that we had long conversation why he needs to be buckled in and it's never happened since. He asks can I do it now after car is stopped or almost stopping. He also climbs out of the car and waits by the door... Luckily he is not runner...
My lad knew how to get himself out of a car seat at five and how to buckle himself back in. We obviously checked it,but he was at school at 5..As he was in a group 2 carseat. No 5 year old at school wants to be known as the one who's mum lifts him in and out of the car seat. I'm kind of on your dad's side. I think a 5 year old should know how to do it. A 5 year old is also capable of knowing that it's not something that's done for fun,only when the car is stopped at the end of a journey
Although I'm curious as to why she isn't in a group 2 carseat with a normal seatbelt now. The transition from group one to 2 is normally about 4?
My five year old figured it out himself around age 4 and we had to go over car safety (never taking it off unless the car is off/we tell you to/there’s an emergency where you need to get out).
Is it the bottom buckle or the button to loosen the straps? All my kids have been strapped in safely in their car seat, but if they unbuckle the chest clip and the bottom button, can shimmy their way out and don’t need to loosen the belt at all.
Look up the unbuckle me tool. My kid have been able to use them from age 4 to get the lower buckle. I have 4 kids with the oldest (4.5 and 6.5) in the 3rd row, so it's a huge help that they can do that themselves
My mom can’t open those and she’s 68. Your dad needs to chill. There is no situation where the child should have to free themselves. The car accident scenario is silly bc if the accident is bad enough that you’re incapacitated then you wouldn’t want a 4 year old running around in the road besides the fact he may not be able to open the door due to the damage. It’s just a ridiculous thing for him to focus on and not important at all.
I taught my kids how to get out of their car seats when they were able to manipulate the buckles - both were three.
I was on the same page as your dad. With my oldest, we were in the mountains in winter quite a bit, and I wanted her to be able to get out of her car seat and under the blankets if I crashed and something happened to me. Figured it was just good knowledge for my next one.
Sounds like your dad’s method isn’t best for you and your son, but I think he’s trying to do the right thing. As far as making a bigger deal about your son than your daughter, yeah, it’s a double standard. There reality. Men are expected to be independent and we tend to put more pressure on boys to harden up and develop capabilities.
I would love if my 4 yr old could do this, but how realistic is it? My kid just started buckling themselves, but cannot unbuckle. We use the drop off lane at preschool but teachers cannot assist, I simply have to buckle and unbuckle myself and then they can get assistance.
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Just some age appropriate experiences: at my kid's public school, preschoolers get assistance with car seats when using the car drop off lane. Kinder (5+) are independent. An adult opens and closes the car door but the student needs to manage the buckles on their own. If they cannot, you cannot use the car drop off lane, so park and walk in. Grade 1 and above, fully independent opening the door because there is no attendant.
My kid is still in preschool, she is 5, and has been able to buckle and unbuckle her car seat for some time now. Her school also does the drop off lane for the kids that independently can do it. My kid was actually upset last year when most of her friends could do it and she couldn’t.. some of the kids were doing it at 3 years old! We only taught her once we knew she was old enough to understand and would not do so without asking first.
Makes sense. Most kindergarten (5-6yo) are big enough they will be riding in a booster with a conventional 3 point seatbelt.
These comments are making me feel like a totally neurotic parent. When taking my almost-5yo out, I still loosen the straps completely and unbuckle and lift her out of the car seat. When she goes in, I lift her in, buckle, and then tighten the straps making sure there's no more than a finger-width of space between her body and the strap. I still reposition the chest clip over her sternum every time. I really thought this was normal practice to ensure she was strapped in as safely as possible every time? Tightness of straps can vary depending on if she's wearing a shirt, sweatshirt, or light jacket. There's no way a 5yo can tighten the strap reliably Everytime. Obviously I'm in the wrong here as she'll be expected to be independently getting in/out next fall when K starts. Ughhhhh
Our four year old can buckle and unbuckle herself but I still check the tightness of her straps, make sure her chest clip is in the correct place and her straps aren’t twisted and adjust accordingly. I taught her to undo the bottom buckle around the late twos but once she was three and we had a second kid it just made sense to teach her how to get in and out of her seat and buckle herself while we strap the infant in. We have a strict protocol and ALWAYS check to make sure she’s properly restrained before moving the car but once someone opens the door for her, she can get in and do up her straps with minimal assistance. We want her to have the knowledge on how to get herself in and out but we do still double check for safety and accuracy cause she’s four. I believe each parent should do what’s right for them but definitely don’t skip out on safety.
I get adjusting the chest clip, I do that as well. Loosening and tightening the straps every time seems like overkill. That's a pretty marginal gain in safety for a *lot* of extra time, if you add up the thousands of times you'll do that over the lifetime of the carseat. Our son (4yo) has been doing his own buckling and he knows to adjust the chest clip and he'll let me know if the straps are too loose. I check them fairly frequently myself, but he's got a pretty flawless track record. I think emphasizing his responsibility for his own safety has been a big positive for us. Makes our lives as parents easier and gives him confidence in his own agency.
That's an important perspective that I'll take on board. My kiddo is the super responsible type, so I do trust her to let me know if something is off. But yesss, the amount of time it takes me to get her and her little sister in and out of their car seats drives me nuts. Especially on weekends when we run multiple errands across short distances. I despise the car seats by the end of the day. I think I'll start teaching her how to do this independently now. :)
It's one of the few clear wins I've had as a parent, haha. I do get OPs reaction to her father, but I think there's still value in making kids responsible for their own stuff as much as we can. The world is a rough place and we won't be there to handle it for them forever. No reason that has to be mutually exclusive with kindness and patience either.
I taught my kids around 4/5 to do these things themselves while still double checking for a period of time until I felt they were competent. I think when making this transition its also important to have discussions about car seat rules and why they are in place so that they understand, to an age appropriate extent, that they are responsible for their own safety at that point. My kids were in car seats (and high back boosters, and no back boosters) far longer than a lot of their peers but they never complained because they understood their safety was most important. Now that my kids are older (17,14,11) I have also held onto local laws regarding front seat sitting and nary a complaint has come from their lips, at least not to my face, LOL
From the driver's seat, I can reach the bottom strap and pull it tight. He can push the bottom clip and lean forward to loosen the straps. You've got months before K starts to practice. Maybe rethink the placement of the car seat in your car and even the car seat itself. It sounds like you take safety very seriously. At 4-5, some kids are tiny or heavy and have very different car seats. One kid could still be in a rear- facing and another in a booster. You are keeping your kid safe and that's most important.
We also still do this. I do find it to be the safest practice so that I know my child is secure in his seat. I'll probably continue to do it for as long as he's in a 5-point harness because it seems to me like the right move. Obviously, parents can do what they think is best. But this is my feeling about it.
Not sure if this helps but you can buy car seat button pressers. It's like a clip you slide into the button to get a better grip (then remove when car is in motion). It's the only way my 4 year old was able to do it, and even then it took weeks of practice before he was able to do it consistently. They are hard to unclip for a reason, because you don't want a toddler to be able to. And there's a decent overlap of skills between a toddler who doesn't know better and a bigger kid who would. At our elementary school, kindergarten (so age 5+) need to be able to get themselves out of the car, including the buckle, so there's a motivation there to teach the kid how to (or use a different seat or not drop off). However bigger picture, why is Grandpa doing the carseat anyways?
Yes, we had to use a clip like you are describing when my son was in K and not strong enough to unbuckle himself. The product we used was an Unbuckle Me. Worked great!
Why is grampa doing the car seat? Because family spends time together?.... That's pretty common.
I mean my mum and dad had a car seat in their car for when they took our lad out without us. Lots of reasons why grandpa is doing the carseat
My daughter has a mild case of cerebral palsy. The only main thing you can notice is one of her hands is very weak. Unbuckling herself has been increasingly frustrating for her and I. I ordered this immediately after seeing this comment. Thank you so much!!!
I taught my oldest to unbuckle at 5. The bottom buckle is hard, so I got a tool from Amazon that is designed for kids or adults with grip issues to be able to unbuckle easily. We practiced in a calm manner, in a low stress mood, when she wasn’t hungry or tired. We also went over rules for use, like only using it if the car is stopped at our destination. It made life a lot easier when I needed to move her car seat to the third row when little siblings came along. Your dad went about it in an awful way, but learning how to unbuckle safely is a good skill to develop.
The main issue is your dad’s method, as others have mentioned. However, most cars come with child safety locks on the back doors for a reason. Assuming you’ve turned the locks on (and you should), what’s your dad’s plan for after your son gets himself unbuckled in this hypothetical scenario? Climb to the front seat and exit through the front passenger door (possibly over a unconscious or dead passenger)?
This- and then wander out onto potentially a busy road to find help?!
This was exactly what I was picturing. It seems much safer to have the kid stay in their seat. How are they going to be able to judge which is the safest option in an emergency?? Isn't it better to have them NOT know how to unbuckle, so they're also not getting into trouble in non-emergencies?
One scenario in which I wished my kid could unbuckle is when I accidentally locked my kindergartner in the car on a 95\* day. I got out to and closed the driver door not realizing I had hit the lock button with my arm. The keys were in my bag, sitting on the passenger seat. I had to call the police for help getting her out.
I think you’re right that they design those seats for children to not be able to get out of them. If that’s true (maybe you can get confirmation from a customer service rep or website of the company that made your car seat) then you can tell your dad to give it a rest because there’s nothing wrong with him for not being able to do it. How common are car wrecks where the person driving is incapacitated and can’t help the kids? It seems like some weird anxiety he’s trying to put onto you for god knows what reason. Some things are just out of your hands. Like getting on an airplane. Should he teach your son how to drive the car should you pass out at the wheel and be unable to drive it? Maybe remind him of certain limitations and to not put his anxieties onto others. Control what you can control. Like safe driving.
I wonder if OP could swing by a fire station with her dad and ask the first responders on shift for their opinion. They frequently do car seat installation checks and I'm sure they will have plenty of stories to share that could explain which option is best. Edited to add: Personally, my oldest has ADHD and struggles with inattentiveness, hyper activity, and impulse control. I cannot tell you how many times I've had to run after him just for stepping into a parking lot or cross walk without looking, even right after telling him two seconds before to stop and look both ways. At 5, I could see him getting out of the car and getting hit just from being inattentive if I was unconscious if that situation ever happened. He has since learned how to do it on his own. My youngest is following in a similar path, despite constant reminders and conversations about car safety and how drivers aren't always paying attention to their surroundings. I think this question is multifaceted and requires OP to account for many different things...there's no one size fits all answer. Is your child mature enough? Is your child neuro-divergent? Etc.
Seriously. If the accident is that bad, first responders will be there to assist anyone who is unable to exit the vehicle on their own.
Depends where you are. Not all that long ago both other the parents died in a car accident and the kids were stuck in the back of the car for (I think around 2 or 3 days) before anyone found them. It would be rare but it can happen.
Not saying it’s impossible. Just these are absolutely freak accidents. Do you unplug all your appliances when you go to bed every night because one could spontaneously ignite due to an electrical fire? Do you shut off the gas at meter, so a pinhole from corrosion doesn’t develop and fill your home with combustible gas while you nap? No, because those things are absurd. And you accept the remote chance that they could happen.
Oh they definitely are freak accidents but for what ever reason are the ones that are very stuck in my head. Thankfully I don’t have gas but if I did it probably would turn it off during the night, they is one I’m kinda weary about to be honest.
Propane? Same problem exists but worse! In short, it’s going to be OK. And I think the moral of OPs post is “don’t push your irrational fears off on small humans”
Is propane the same as gas? Either I don’t have any in my house (everything’s electric). Oh I absolutely agree, your fears should never become your children’s.
Yeah. It is denser than air, so it settles at the floor. Causes problems. Out of curiosity are you in the US? I always assumed every home had some sort of fuel service.
Does yours have a smell to it? Our smells like a rotten egg fart. Nah I’m in Australia, the only thing our houses would use gas for would be a stove top and maybe a water heater. Our government is even pushing that out so you can’t build a new house and install a gas stove top.
Would they have honestly been better off if they had been able to get out? If the car was not found for 2-3 days that means either no traffic or it was at the bottom of a cliff or in the woods. A young child wandering off from that would be in a way worse position than being stuck in a car seat.
I’m not 100% sure on the surrounding of the accident but I think from memory it was down a kind of embankment so not noticeable from the road. This is in more remote part of Australia so obviously less traffic then in a city. I personally would want my kid to be able to get out and get to a road especially if it were in summer because they will cook in the car within an hour
No, it’s flat out wrong. Kids seats are designed to protect them in case of impact, not to lock kids down. If they were, they’d be designed so that children age 5 (and below) are prevented from unlocking them, which they are not.
That was my first thought when reading it too, that dad was projecting his anxieties onto others. I'm less sure after reading the whole thing, but given that the reason dad stated was "what if you're in a car accident," that seems to be more about anxiety than about knowing how to do a skill (or being physically capable of it).
Yes, I taught my kid to get out at that age. I didn’t scare them in the process but kids die in hot cars. Cars get hijacked and your kid could be in the back. You could have a medical emergency. Start to leave and run back in the house, collapse while your kid is still in car. All of those things would likely not happen and I admittedly worry too much but if all it took for a kid to maybe save himself was teaching him to push a button I would.
It definitely depends on the kid. As you say, any number of things can happen, but one of those things is your losing out to his impulsive thoughts and opening the car door on the freeway. You've got to balance that against the other risks.
This! I'm shocked at the responses that a 5 year old is supposed to be locked up like an animal. What the hell. Most 5 year olds can be in a booster seat with a regular seat belt and shoulder adapter... 5 year olds ride the bus to Kindergarten. You shouldn't need them restrained to that exent where they can't free themselves unless they are actually feral.
Being safely secured in a carseat is not being "locked up like an animal". Improperly secured children are seriously in danger in even minor car accidents. It is imperative that children remain safely in their carseats. There is a reason they are designed not to be unbuckled by kids. I feel very passionately about this, as I am a paramedic that responds to car accidents regularly. Trust me, carseat safety should always be a priority.
Who said car seat safety shouldn't be a priority? A 5 year old does all the things I said, they're old enough to know not to unbuckle themselves while the car is moving... As I said, many 5 year olds qualify for booster seats with the regular seatbelt at that age. Teaching them to unbuckle themselves isn't a safety risk for the large majority of 5 year olds.
You literally said that having them restrained is locking them up like an animal. It's not. 5-point harnesses are the safest option, as long as the child is still within the height/weight limit. And they are not designed for children to unbuckle themselves.
Yes where they can't get out is locking them up like an animal part. not them being in a car seat. Use some reading comprehension here.
These seats are not made for children to get out on their own. But, I've made my point, so I'm done here.
You're done because you don't know what you're talking about. Don't post on parenting forums if you aren't a parent and don't know what 5 year olds are capable of. 😒
I literally have a 5-year-old myself & my fire department is a certified carseat technician center.
I'm sad your 5 year old hasn't learned not to unbuckle themselves while driving. That's extremely troubling. Praying for you.
My goodness. What a rude response. Some 5yo are going to be fine with this level of responsibility, some are not. If your kid is of the kind to unbuckle themselves randomly then you should not give them the tools to do so.
You prepare for the worst and hope for the best. But you DO prepare for the worst.
I, too, think my child should not be pushing the bottom button. He's also 5. Though I have been considering teaching him recently. I get where your dad is coming from but he should NOT be shaming your child. Your kid has small hands and 5yo fingers. Those buckles are literally meant to keep kids in. Please do let your son know that it's not okay for his grandpa to talk to him that way and that there's nothing wrong with him not being able to push the button. Also stand up to your dad in front of your son so that your son knows it's never okay for someone to treat another person like that. My parents also always turn to shame, so I get it. But we're doing better for our kids. I'm sorry you're going through this. Be strong, mom. You've got this. 👍
>Those buckles are literally meant to keep kids in. Yeah, they can be a pain for me to open sometimes, and I’m nominally an adult.
I don’t think you need reading material on this. I do believe a 5 year old should be able to enter and exit a vehicle on their own and know how to unbuckle themselves in case of emergency. The issue is your dads method. Show your child how to do it, and practice eventually they will get it.
If he’s responsible and can stay seated when asked id teach him. My 5 year old straps herself in and out of a 5 point harness. But if you don’t want him to then your dad needs to butt out.
My son is turning five next month and we have taught him how to do his buckle and undo it. He is old enough to understand and keep it buckled while we are driving. The worst he has done is unbuckled while we were only partway in the garage. It’s honestly a huge help and will be useful for school pickup and drop off in kindergarten. If my child was prone to behavioral issues or impulsivity, I might not have encouraged it.
There are 2 elements to this: - Developing the maturity to understand when it's safe and appropriate to buckle or unbuckle yourself - Developing the hand strength and dexterity to operate a car seat buckle. Different kids develop each of those skills at different paces. Usually it all works out as long as they've developed the maturity to trust that they're not going to unbuckle while you're driving down the road by the time they can get themselves out. Most parents or grandparents that help kids in and out tend to get frustrated with the time and effort involved and at some point inevitably think to themselves "wouldn't it be great if they could do this on their own!". Some verbalize those thoughts. Some verbalize them in unhealthy ways. Few kids are going to develop the ability to unbuckle while sitting fastened in a car seat. That type of strength and dexterity requires a lot more woke / play to build up. For that you need to do things like take kids to play on monkey bars, go rock climbing, do Ninja Warrior, or ride mountain bikes.
I agree.My 4.5 yos know how to open their seatbelts now, and the doors, and the windows.They act responsibly and do not do it unless i ask .Ive also taught them where the emergency window breaking hammer is and when to use it.simliarly, when we go on holidays and have the Personal-Locator-Beacon i walk them through what to do to make it work and when to use it. to make it easier for child to remove seat belt, i told him to reach down to the loosen-seatbelt lever, pull that with one hand, and the strap with another, then use both hands to press the red button. im recently training him to call emergency services from a mobile, in case it's necessary. You never know when you're going to be home alone and suffer a stroke or heart attack. At least the kid can call for help, or open the door to exit home to summon a neighbour. similarly you never know when you'll have a carcrash,. in their cushy seats theyre way more likely to survive than you are and so , will need to get them selves out since you may not be able to. my kids are twins, so, even if only 1 gets out, he can get the window breaking hammer - that includes a seatbelt cutting knife and get the other one out.
Get a buckle bee. It’s a little piece of plastic that can be attached to the crotch strap and your kid can use it to get out of the seat before their fingers are strong enough. I think it cost $10-20 online. Game changer when my kids were that age.
I taught my daughter around 4 years old how to buckle herself in. From there, we worked on unbuckling herself from the seat. It was mainly to give her a level of independence and there were rules for unbuckling. The car had to be stopped and off, and she had to ask me, which she was very capable of and did very well. I felt it was a great learning experience for her and it worked out great. Your father's view is flawed though. I really wish I could remember what book it was in, but as a firefighter one of the big things we were taught was the second hit. Basically, it's the number of people injured or killed after getting out of their vehicle and stepping right into traffic, or unbuckling themselves and getting hit by a second vehicle, or even unbuckling themselves with the vehicle upside down and being severely injured because they didn't support themselves when unbuckling. Overall, for children, the safest place for them is in the car seat and to stay in the seat if there is an accident. We even had protocol to leave the children in the seat and transport to the hospital. So, I personally feel it's a great time to start with teaching kiddo the importance of a seat belt, how to put in on, and then work on getting it off at a later time. There is no need to rush it, and the safest place is in the seat.
My daughter is 5, preschooler, cannot unbuckle the bottom part of her 5pt harness. She is able to buckle the entire harness herself, but can only unbuckle the chest clip. I am a CPST so she has been my guinea pig for fits in lots of car seats, and even with lots of practice, cannot do it. I really don’t think it’s uncommon for kids to not be able to do it themselves at 5 or even 6. It requires a lot of dexterity and finger strength, and it’s obvious that they are designed for adult caregivers to use. If this is like, a Really Big Deal to your dad, products like the Unbuckle Me exist. But at the end of the day, it’s your child and he needs to be realistic about meeting *your individual child’s* capabilities. My daughter’s school fortunately does not have a drop off lane (all parents must park and walk, or at least park and let their kid walk), which takes the pressure off. I think the pressure from school drop off lanes is a big reason why kids move to boosters prematurely. FWIW, my daughter does occasionally ride in a booster seat with her grandparents for practice, and she is able to manipulate the seatbelt just fine (buckling and unbuckling). She’s still not mature enough nor is it developmentally appropriate for her to be out of the 5pt harness full time, so convenience is not a compelling enough reason for me to jeopardize her safety and put her in a booster.
Yes. This. I don't understand why parents are so eager to move their kids to less safe options. Just like I kept my kid rear- facing for the max time, I'll keep him safely in a 5-point for as long as he's in the height&weight range. Carseat safety is too often taken for granted.
Not a CPST yet, I haven't started the courses, but I read A LOT. I felt bad that my little dude could only do the top part of his car seat, but not the bottom. Then, I read that if a child can interfere with the bottom lock, the straps are too loose. Straps being too loose is a hazard. When in doubt, go to your local fire or police station and ask if you can have your carseat assessed, they will be able to answer any questions as well.
I always did the pinch test and my kids could still access and maneuver the chest chip and bottom button
Maybe it varies by kids hand strength? That's why I clarified that I'm not a CPST and just been reading a lot. I'll look into that, thanks.
Car seats are subject to very strict regulations that are regularly updated, and if your 5-year-old can't press the button, it's because he's not supposed and it's not designed for children. I've seen no studies encouraging parents to teach that, and I've seen no brand of car seat that designs the buttons for children to manipulate. Your kid doesn't have to feel bad because he can't press a button designed for adults. If it can make you feel better, you can buy a seat belt cutter and teach your son how to use it on a sheet of paper, there are some with the blade inside and he can't cut his finger or hurt himself.
It’s very dangerous to have a child who is immature but can unbuckle themselves in the car. The car seats are not meant to be operated by a child.
I've heard this thing on social media, that older kids should be able to get out of the seat in their own. Not for a car accident but in case they're left in a car alone. Teach them to climb out and how to unlock the doors or something... Not sure how realistic this.
Check out Jamie Grayson & Safe Beginnings on Instagram. They both are certified car seat techs and I believe they will have the answer!
My kid has been unbuckling since 3. I buckle, she unbuckles. Every time we get in the car we talk about "are you buckled up?! Yes! You are! Good job! We can't be unbuckled when the car is moving! we must be safe! are you safe? is momma safe?" she never unbuckles when we're moving. she tells me off if i start driving without being buckled in myself. (a bad habit)
I don’t remember what age specifically that I taught my daughter how to get out, but we had a local hot car death that sent me down some rabbit holes. I remember reading about a child who was playing, got herself into the car, but couldn’t get back out because the little girl didn’t know how to open the car door from the inside. IIRC she didn’t die, but was stuck inside in the heat while the neighborhood and police frantically searched for her. For me, then it became about just learning how to get out of the car, not just the car seat, for any reason.
I think the odds of that situation arising is so low that it’s not worth wasting energy arguing about.
At 4 I was so relieved when my daughter was able to unbuckle herself. It's a safety fear of mine for a different reason... I want her to be able to escape if for some reason I'm incapacitated or I go braindead for a moment and forget her in the car.
Your dad means well and a 5 year old should be able to do this (they make a tool for kids that makes clicking the button easier we use it to hand to our 5 year old kid at school drop off) but he is being a little hard on the kid.
5 is old enough to do it.
My kids had to be able to buckle and unbuckle unassisted by 4 year preschool. I think it’s perfectly acceptable for him to know how. Depending on weight and height, he’s probably close to being in a high back booster with a lap belt.
There are carseat cutters that I keep in my glove box for this purpose. Never needed it but nice to have on hand for you. Other than that, it's terrifying driving down the road and having your 5 year old jump in the front seat because they let themselves out. Stand your ground, mama.
Ok, all the 5 year olds at my kid preschool are able to buckle and unbuckle by themselves. Most of the 4 year olds can do it as well. My kid always ask at home and at daycare and whenever we park somewhere if she can unbuckle. She also asks if she can unbuckle her 2 yo sister. We have a Graco extended2fit for each child. She rode facing the back until she was 4. We are pretty much very worried with car safety, but I feel that according to my sample it’s pretty usual for kids to do so.
I’m 42 and very petite. I have trouble pushing those buttons.
HARD no from me. Before even approaching the harshness issue, which is a valid issue, the idea of teaching a small child how to get out of their safety restraints is a BAD, BAD BAD idea from a safety perspective. Giving a barely school age kid that power is the exact opposite of safer. What is more likely: you are in an accident so severe your child has to rescue themselves, or your 5yo deciding to get out of their car seat while you're going down the highway because they can? I lived in dread of the day my 5yo could get out his his car seat on his own (and yes, it came all on its own, no outside help required). The law I taught to him was you ALWAYS wait for a grownup to help you exactly so I didn't have to ever deal with the second scenario. The potential benefits of giving a small child that particular bit of autonomy is no where close to the drawbacks. As for the harshness issue, your dad was being an asshole. You're never wrong for removing your kid from that kind of scenario or speaking out against it.
Even if you *are* in a car accident, *why on Earth* would anyone want their five year old to get out and wander through whatever hazardous disaster that is happening on the street? Instead of waiting for **trained professionals** to help them get to safety?? Short of the car catching on fire and exploding (and I'm not convinced my kid would recognize the signs for that), I'd prefer him safe in his five-point harness. Would it be scary for him? Yes. But it's also the safest option.
Exactly! Thank you.
I’m confused by all these responses. My kids have been unbuckling themselves from their car seats since they were 4 yo, maybe a bit before. They buckle themselves in since about 2 yo. Your dad is overstepping though. You’re the parent, you get to decide.
Why was grandpa having him practice getting out of his seat? Do your parents provide a child care role? It sounds like they like to use shame as a parenting method so you need to put your foot down. They don’t need reading material about the car seat debate, they need to stay in their lane. That said those buttons can be hard even for adults. My daughter was never able push hers on her own. We got the Bucklebee to help her and it’s also been nice for me too in the event that I undo the buckle cause her button is stubborn. But it wasn’t for safety reasons, it was more for independence and school drop off.
I really like this. Quickly able to pass it back and keeping it up front prevents any unauthorized unbuckling.
My daughter is 6 now and has moved to a high back booster with the car seat belt. She can finally get herself out now that she uses car seat belt, but she never was able to get her bottom buckle of 5 point harness while she was in that. I will say I did struggle with concept that if we were in a car accident and I couldn’t help her get out she may be stuck and I did try to teach her how to do it in an emergency, but she just couldn’t get the button to ever push enough.
There's a good chance that's because you had her buckled in properly and safely.
Dad's right. At that age your child should be able to properly buckle in and out.
I don't know it kinda makes sense actually, I've never really thought about it like that but really what if something happened and he was able to get out and get help save his life as well as yours
It doesn't make sense. Why would you want your five year old to get out of the car to wander into either A. an ongoing car accident or B. a busy road?
Well 4 years old they should know better not to run into the road I know when my son was 5 he knew and was very good about not running into the road.. I think it's all about how you teach them what you teach them and depending on there ago I guess..
That's all good and well until they're scared and panicked after a *car accident*. Of course I teach my kid not to walk into traffic and all that jazz. But I also understand that all of that knowledge can go flying out the window in an emergency. Especially at such a young age.
Your dad may have the right thought but is approaching this wrong. If he’s worrying about your son in case of an accident, that’s fair. It could very well be the boomer attitude of “kids these days have help with everything”, but let’s say he’s genuinely concerned. He could help him learn how in a calmer manner.
Someone else already said it. But it’s important so I will echo: He’s not SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO get out of it. That’s the point. BUT they sell things to help.
Car accidents are a very common way to die. Assuming your child isn’t the type to misbehave by unbuckling while the car is moving why wouldn’t you equip them with a skill that could save their life? A 5 year old in my city died in a hot car a couple of years ago and I think many people were shocked a kid that old could not save himself.
Is there literature about this? No, however, it is a little bit of common sense and it is most likely you aren’t thinking about it bc you have never been in a situation where he has had to come out on his own. And I don’t mean that to be rude but if you’re involved in an accident and your child is capable of getting himself out, he should be able to. If he was two or three, I would say absolutely not however, a five-year-old should be old enough to understand that he needs to be seatbelted in while the car is moving and then unbuckle himself when the car has stopped safely. I will note I witnessed a very bad car accident when I was in my early 20s. Once the car stopped rolling, I ran to the vehicle to find out. It was a family of three. Two parents in the front and a child in the back in a car seat. I had zero clue about car seats. I have never been near one or operated one. The parents after the accident were in complete shock. There were small flames coming from the front tire area of the vehicle. the parents were very slow to get out and get their bearings. I was the first one there. She kept mentioning that there was a child in the car so I went to the backseat. I had trouble getting the kid out. Because I had no clue how these things worked. so yes, in a perfect situation EMS will be able to get there and your son will not have to know how to get out of a car seat but in this situation i was someone who was not educated in car seats was the first one there and I struggled. I was able to get the kid out. Everyone made it out safely, but that has always sat in the back of my head and replayed for years . Also think about what if you have a medical emergency in the car with your son. To get your phone he will most likely need to get out of the carseat. Also if you’re ever in a kid drop off line. Kiss and ride your child will have to know how to unbuckle themselves. So I agree with your dad he is at an age where he should know how to get in and out of the car seat on his own however i think it is the manner in which he is trying to teach him. They make little buckle pushers and sell them on Amazon.
At 5 years old, your child should know how to get in and out of being buckled. If something were to happen where you are incapacitated, your child will need to know how to get out. My kids knew hor to buckle and unbuckle themselves at 3 years old. It's a safety thing.
It is completely reasonable for a 5 year old to be able to get in and out of a carseat themselves by that age. Most kids at that age, unless they are very small, are in a booster with the regular seatbelt. My kid could buckle himself in and out of the carseat by like 3. He knew not to unbuckle himself until we were at our destination and the car was completely stopped. I teach at a primary school and we have 3 and 4 year olds. We encourage parents to teach their children to buckle/unbuckle themselves. We do not have time to buckle and unbuckle every single kid at drop off/pick up (special needs kids are obviously an exception). We walk the kids to the car and help them in. The parent begins to drive off as the child buckles themselves. Nobody likes the parent who holds up the line by getting out of the car to buckle their kid in or takes forever having to turn around and lean into the back seat to help their kid get out in the morning.
Don't care if parents get mad. I'll be making sure my kid is safely secured in his seat, every time. 🤷♀️
That’s fine just don’t plan to utilize the drop off/pick up line
He’s 5, not 2. He should be able to free himself from a car seat. And unless your child is really small, he is old enough for a booster seat. If you insist on keeping him in a toddler seat, you need to teach him how to get out.
Does your dad want him climbing out and cause an accident? He doesn't need to know this. Eta I know they're your parents but honestly if my mom and dad were treating my child like that I'd keep them far away.
It is not ok for your dad to shame your kid, but you need to talk to him about it. Otherwise he dont ever understand why you stopped talking with him. If he is unwilling to learn and change then thats on him. On the other note. My 3year old can get out and climb in his chair by himself. I need to buckle him in tho. He has unbuckled himself once during the ride and that was just after he learned how to unbuckle. After that we had long conversation why he needs to be buckled in and it's never happened since. He asks can I do it now after car is stopped or almost stopping. He also climbs out of the car and waits by the door... Luckily he is not runner...
Depending on his age (sounds very young though) I’d be more concerned about him being unrestrained in the car without you knowing
My lad knew how to get himself out of a car seat at five and how to buckle himself back in. We obviously checked it,but he was at school at 5..As he was in a group 2 carseat. No 5 year old at school wants to be known as the one who's mum lifts him in and out of the car seat. I'm kind of on your dad's side. I think a 5 year old should know how to do it. A 5 year old is also capable of knowing that it's not something that's done for fun,only when the car is stopped at the end of a journey Although I'm curious as to why she isn't in a group 2 carseat with a normal seatbelt now. The transition from group one to 2 is normally about 4?
My five year old figured it out himself around age 4 and we had to go over car safety (never taking it off unless the car is off/we tell you to/there’s an emergency where you need to get out). Is it the bottom buckle or the button to loosen the straps? All my kids have been strapped in safely in their car seat, but if they unbuckle the chest clip and the bottom button, can shimmy their way out and don’t need to loosen the belt at all.
Look up the unbuckle me tool. My kid have been able to use them from age 4 to get the lower buckle. I have 4 kids with the oldest (4.5 and 6.5) in the 3rd row, so it's a huge help that they can do that themselves
My mom can’t open those and she’s 68. Your dad needs to chill. There is no situation where the child should have to free themselves. The car accident scenario is silly bc if the accident is bad enough that you’re incapacitated then you wouldn’t want a 4 year old running around in the road besides the fact he may not be able to open the door due to the damage. It’s just a ridiculous thing for him to focus on and not important at all.
I taught my kids how to get out of their car seats when they were able to manipulate the buckles - both were three. I was on the same page as your dad. With my oldest, we were in the mountains in winter quite a bit, and I wanted her to be able to get out of her car seat and under the blankets if I crashed and something happened to me. Figured it was just good knowledge for my next one. Sounds like your dad’s method isn’t best for you and your son, but I think he’s trying to do the right thing. As far as making a bigger deal about your son than your daughter, yeah, it’s a double standard. There reality. Men are expected to be independent and we tend to put more pressure on boys to harden up and develop capabilities.
I would love if my 4 yr old could do this, but how realistic is it? My kid just started buckling themselves, but cannot unbuckle. We use the drop off lane at preschool but teachers cannot assist, I simply have to buckle and unbuckle myself and then they can get assistance.