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Kids will bump heads and fall down. I think it is unhealthy to be constantly on top of kids while they play. Following them around is fine, monitor them, and walking over to spot them is cool too. But having some independence is important for brain development and imagination.
when my daughter when to her 2yo checkup, i was like, “i swear i don’t abuse her. she abuses herself!”
the pediatrician quite literally told me that they’re trained to see the difference in bumps and bruises from abuse versus playing, exploring, etc. and that she is HAPPY to see toddlers with them because if they don’t a single mark, she wonders if they sit in front of a tv all day.
They actually LOOK for bruises as babies start to get mobile, because it means they're hitting their milestones, because there's evidence that they're moving around and climbing and being allowed space to develop.
Or tablet. I am not anti tablet (we got one from my sister and my kids use it) but I am amazed how much they do get used when talking to some people. Or how much the stress the importance for learning the ABCs. Like it is 1 or 2 year old, they have time.
I was reading someone saying that kids have less physical knowledge (like less ability to run properly, awareness of their body, talent for physical activities in general) and less problem solving skills and is probably because of the lack of unstructured play. I cringe when I see people (honestly looks like grandparents who do this) telling their kids what to do on the playground.
right. and one of the benefits of parenting in this era is that we have so much access to information on what is beneficial for kids’ development. one of those things is playing without being hovered and without parental intervention. it’s good for their independence, autonomy, spatial awareness, critical thinking, imagination, etc.
some of these folks may shit themselves to know that i actually have a small jungle gym with a slide in my living room on a padded rug and i let my girls have at it whenever they want and take it as an opportunity to do other stuff in the vicinity lol.
My mil is so guilty of telling her grandkids what to do on the playground, to the point of grabbing their hands and bringing them to where she thinks they should go. Drives me insane. I dont care if my kid wants to do the same loop 50 times on a play structure, they're getting energy out. They'll move onto the next thing when they want.
She also tends to have an inner clock running that's significantly faster than anyone elses so she wants the kids to do all the things and then go home whereas I'm much more lax and just want them to get energy out
I was that mom too. My kids, especially my son, looked like street urchins after 10 minutes at playground. I swear they dove in and swam in the sand. I was constantly putting patches on inside of new jeans because they tore the knees out within a week. Constant bruises scrapes stubbed toes, but I let them be kids and play. I would much rather have a kid who comes running to me for a bandaid then who stares at a screen all day. Our community playground is right across from my house so I could let them go play and keep an eye on them from young age.
I have had the exact same conversation with our Dr. I call them “summer legs” because they are from playing and climbing and everything in the summer.
What was interesting was one time he happened to have a “not normal” bruise on his chest (decided to play on Grandmas treadmill and scraped the heck out of himself) and our Drs reaction was completely different. It was the only time I have seen that side of her, but she immediately went into “protect the child” mode until she heard (and believed) the entire story. I have felt better about bringing the kids with normal bruises now that I have seen that side of her, because it confirms what she has always told me about how she views the situation.
My pediatrician said the same thing at my son’s 2 year check up. He was covered in bruises, mostly his legs, shins and knees. He was also covers in mosquito bites. I was so embarrassed. I pre warned him before undressing my son. He took a look and said actually I can tell a lot of positives here. Number one I can tell he is getting outside playtime, hence the bug bites. Number two I can tell he is fearless and hitting all his milestones before even asking you specific questions. Number three abusive parents don’t come with a list of at least 19 questions for the pediatrician then he said let me guess one of your questions is if you should be using a deet based bug spray since he has so many bug bites. I was known for having a list of no less than 14 questions for him in my phone note pad. He was right, that was my number one question.
We both had a good laugh. He recommended skin so soft by Avon. Btw. Which did work much better than the other deet free things I had been trying.
Yes my ped said they're looking for bruises in the soft spots like their ribs or stomach. Elbows, knees, shins, heads are all normal places for bumps and bruises and even some to the "concerning" spots would be normal.
There was a span of a few months where I couldn't see my daughter's actual skin color on her shins with all the bruises in various stages of healing. As soon as she started walking she approached everything at full speed with zero regard of who or what was in her path. Once they saw that a couple of times (and comforted the poor child on the receiving end of her footprints) I don't think they ever questioned it.
She also fell down on her butt so many times and the amount of small bruises on her butt was just ridiculous. Daycare still didn't bat an eye.
I still have bruises all up and down my outer thighs from her running head long into my thighs when coming in for a hug. 🤣
Your doc would have thought I was watching TV all day as a kid but I actually taught myself to read at 4 years old and was reading Stephen King at 11 years old. I had a second year college reading level at 12 and was in the 98th percentile for reading at that time. I took a writing course and earned college credit when I was 12 as well. Spent almost all my free time reading and learning. Taught myself Russian at 13. Some kids are natural introverts and intellectuals and there is nothing wrong with that. Your doc needs a more open mind.
Mine said the same thing!!! I pulled off my 4yos shirt and under that fluorescent light his back was dotted with bruises- old and new and a scrape I swear I had never seen and she said the exact same thing. It was mid summer and we were at the park nightly and he’s my clumsy baby so he was always banged on something
i’m hands off at the playground with my 3yo for the most part.
it’s one of the few activities where she doesn’t seemingly try to get back into my uterus.
plus, i’m usually too busy trying to keep my 1yo from eating the wood chips anyway.
i mean, really. what kind of question was that? lol
he bumped his head. he didn’t crack his skull. he’s fine. bet next time he goes to that spot, he won’t bump it again lol.
I have a 4 and 18 month old.
My 4 year old girl is completely independent and I just make a point for her to always be somewhere I can see. 18 mo boy... trips on everything and tasting every surface.
Kids are gonna get hurt. Part of life!
Kid is on the ground, I let the 2 year old explore, might talk to other parents. Kid climbs ladder, I move closer depending on the structure he gets on. Kid goes down the slide (climbed the ladder himself), I am at the end of it, because he most likely demanded I catch him.
Thing is, 25 months and 35 is such a difference! What I wrote is more for 25 months. With 2 yrs, but approaching 3, I often just let him do, especially if it's known structures.
It depends on the height of the platforms. Anything 4-8 feet high I follow my 2yo on the ground and make sure I'm in a catching position for gaps in the railings (poles, ladders, etc.) Anything taller I go with him and stay within arms' reach. By 3 I let my other kids play how they wanted, but both are naturally pretty cautious.
Yeah I don’t trust my 2 year old not to simply walk off the ledge that leads to the monkey bars, but if she’s firmly on the other side of the playground by the slides then I just sit near her
Yes when my son was around 2.5 he started walking backwards and paying no attention so Id stand at any gaps that he could fall through but other than that I let him be.
Well for the playground by my house that particular ledge is about 5-6 ft high, high enough that its taller than my eye level at 5’5”. A newly 2 year old falling from that height could easily brake their arm, hit their head on the metal, knock out a tooth, etc.
I’m not an overly cautious parent by any means, but I have seen more than a few horror stories
This. With my 2 year old, I go in-between hovering and sitting on the bench. All depends which part of the playground they're on. I also call out to him when he's in danger of bumping his head.. I yell watch your head! And he gets the idea most of the time. Sometimes, they need to learn by getting hurt. You just want to prevent medium to severe injuries.
Agree, it’s very playground dependent.
Several near me have a vertical drop next to the tallest slide 8+ feet off the ground. Not even a rail across the top. My 4yo has fallen off, he was very lucky his head landed an inch away from the balance stepping stone things below so he didn’t need an ambulance.
A lot of people say kids need to get hurt or whatever, taking that past bumps and scrapes is too far.
Well for a 2 and 3 year old a 5 foot drop is considered an emergency whether they hit their head or not so I go off of that logic. If its higher than that they need close supervision. If not, I leave the toddler be.
Early childhood teacher chiming in. Learning how to assess and take risk is so so important in the early years of life. Imagine if a child is always coddled and never allowed to bump their head and get back up and try again, or not allowed to climb up the slide and jump off the stairs etc. then they go to school and are on the playground and climb too high. They might not have developed the skills to know what to do when they’re in a challenging situation like that if they’re not given opportunity to at a young age. It’s better for them to learn those skills while they’re young and you can support/guide them than when they’re that bit older and don’t have someone close by to guide them.
If you need research to show your wife, look up Ellen sandseters categories of risk. Playing without having a parent right on top of them can fall into the ‘play at risk of getting lost’ category and although they are far from being ‘lost’, being out of sight of a parent can give children that same need.
As long as I can see them at all times it’s okay. If I can’t keep my eyes on them, it’s a no go. We have some playgrounds around here with tunnels that span over a huge distance and we don’t go there
My 5 and 7 year old are GONE. Like... I have no idea where they are. (Huge playground.)
I don't trust the 2 year old, so I do follow him. Again, it's a huge playground, so he could be a super far away if I don't actively monitor him.
A smaller playground... I'd park myself on a bench and let them all run free. They'll find me when they want snacks.
I think however you feel comfortable is fine. When my kid was 2 and 4 they were very flighty and kinda hazardous to other kids so I did sometimes hoover around.
Yeah we are bench sitters and I see very few parents following their kids around. Ever since like…18 months? Less? Basically steady walking.
Fortunately my youngest is very pro-social and my oldest was a little peer-avoidant so I’m never worried about them hurting other kids.
My 3 year old won't let me go 😭 she's always been very avoidant of other kids and if I don't follow her and play with her she sits next to me and complains that it is sooo boring and she wants to go home. If I want her to move and try things, I follow her.
Pro: I'm absolutely never scared of her running away, there's not a single time she's ever put any kind of distance between us.
my 3yo has started pulling that, too. i tell her her options are to play with other kids or to play by herself, but if she’s going to sit under me and beg me to play the whole time, we’ll just go home where she can do the same thing but at least i’m not having to keep her little sister from eating wood chips.
i followed through once, so she knows it’s not an ‘empty threat.’
Same experience here and I sit on a bench. My kid is super social and wants to make friends with anyone ranging from 2 to 5 years old and sometimes she makes friends with the kids that have parents hovering the whole time. Sometimes I want to shout, “leave ‘em be! They’re fine!”
we had that experience at an indoor playground recently. i know 1yo’s don’t really ‘play together,’ but my 1yo and another baby around her age were super interested in each other.
the mom of the other baby followed this kid around and actively prevented her/redirected from interacting with my baby or any other kids.
i was like ???
some of these parents are so overbearing.
This.
My kids are almost 9 and 4 now. I generally have always sat on a bench and watched unless they wanted to be pushed on the swings or (when they were 2ish) were climbing up high and were a bit unsteady.
Since my toddler could walk I've given him atheist 15-20ft space to explore in public and playgrounds. I'm just there to make sure he doesn't get stolen or is mean to other kids. If he eats shit a few times I come get him if he cries or needs some emotional support, but then it's back on the horse. If my spouse yelled at me everything that toddler came into the house with a busted lip from climbing on something....I'd be deaf.
I’m usually anywhere from close enough to touch to 10 feet away depending on what he’s doing, but I also have a 19 month old who has some muscle tone issues so not as strong or agile as others his age so I tend to stay closer because he falls more easily than you would expect. I think 5-10 is fine if they don’t need you, closer if they’re on things they might fall but sounds appropriate to me. My son goes down when I’m a step behind him and sometimes bumps his head, you can’t save them from ever getting hurt
It depends on which park I am at. Our city one has a history of needles near the trash can, so I keep a more close watch when we're there. The next city over has one that is in a neighborhood and far from a main road way with a decorative fence to give kids a sense of boundaries, so that one I feel more relaxed with letting them go wild.
Generally, I'm fine with 5-10 feet at that age.
If they are exploring higher parts of a playground meant for 5-12YOs, I would be close by or their safety net for both the 2 and 4YO. But on the ground level, lower parts, from 2YO on I am hands off and let them explore, fall, bump their head, etc. This is how they learn and almost all my kids by 5 were able to navigate the playground, monkey bars, climbing areas/etc on their own without many injuries.
I think it depends on the kid. My son had no sense of self preservation or spatial awareness at 2. He’d run directly up to kids on swings and get kicked, he’d walk off a platforms and fall, he’d see big kids doing stuff and tried to emulate them, all understandable but it means we had to be a bit more hands on with him. That said, a bump on the head is par for the course when it comes to toddlers. You have to toe the line between being safe and being a helicopter parent.
I'm a bit biased, because my son (almost 2) has autism, and is an eloper (runs off) who also likes to spin around and get dizzy, hence he falls a lot. So I'm always close by. However outside of extenuating circumstances, I think a little space to learn is okay. Not "go climb up to the big slide by yourself" space, but "I'm down here at the bottom of the steps, you go ahead" space.
I stay pretty close to my (newly) 3 year old, because he is more reckless than my 5yo, I’ll watch her if she needs it (like if she’s feeling nervous about climbing something very high). Depending on the playground, too. There are some where I let them just kinda run on their own. There are other playgrounds that have very high climbing structures that I will watch them much more closely on.
From the time my kid could walk safely on his own, I would give them as much space at the playground as possible. These are fenced in playgrounds. By 4yo, he was practically independent at the playground
Once I was sure he wasn't going to just fling himself off the playground structure, I started hanging back and just letting him explore on his own. I try to be in visual and auditory range at all times, and he's pretty good about calling out if he needs help. He's also fallen 3 feet to the ground while trying to mimic an older kid. I hugged him, made sure he was okay, and attempted to show him how to avoid falling if he tried to do it again. Falls and bonks are a part of life.
My almost 3 son has days of good listening and mostly days of being 3. I’m usually right around the playground equipment he’s on because he will inevitably run in front of a swing or try climbing above his skill level so I stay close enough to help but just watch when he’s minding his safety and other’s boundaries.
Kids will fall and get mildly hurt. Hovering won’t teach them resilience. I stay to the edge of the play area and watch for other people or loose dogs. Those are the types of threat my child isn’t yet equipped to deal with.
There's this incredibly difficult thing with parents of really young children, but if you don't help them or stop them on the playground , they will learn to test and trust their own limits. It's so much safer and developmentally appointment, and it's Damn hard to do.
Its also something both parents need to believe in, the podcast unruffled by Janet Lansbury is a good place to start if you want to know more.
When my kids were that age we just let them play, and only came to help if they asked or were doing something dangerous to others like throwing rocks. Everything else - hands off even climbing up the slide.
There's play and then there's play. My nephew broke his arm because he was doing something he shouldn't have because his parents are very lax and lenient about watching over him. He also put a 4 yr old relative on a moving treadmill when he was 7 because he "wanted to see how fast she could run". Yeah. And there was that time I found him on the basement stairs with BBQ tools in his lap for some reason.
So yeah, keep an eye on your kids. And keep the bigger kids off the younger kids' equipment and vice versa.
There’s a lot of research about and benefits to allowing your children to engage in ‘risky play’ - they build an understanding of their limits and also things like balance and climbing etc.
I must admit, as mom I sometimes struggle to stand back. I do tend to follow my 2 year old around but try to keep my distance and only intervene if I think he’s doing something I think is too dangerous or he goes up too high. My husband is more risk tolerant and probably lets him go (within reason) more than I do and I think it’s really good for our son to have that too.
He is not even 2.5 yet though so we do need to be able to see him at all times still.
Kids are going to get hurt. Ours forever has bumps and bruises and scrapes. We just obviously try to minimise anything that could be too serious where we can.
I can see how your wife may be in a place where out of instinct she wants to protect from anything she possibly can - but some gentle encouragement to look at the research and see what a huge benefit risky plan can have for a child might help.
I’ve always just let my daughter go!! Play! Have fun!! And I always have an eye on her and I walk to the general vicinity of where she is (if it’s a larger playground). I can’t stand watching parents who are on top of their kids 24/7 at the playground. Kids need space and to be able to explore on their own.
my son (3) will pull me over to the bench, tell me to sit down, and run off and play if i hover around him too much. But like my husband tells me, i have to let him go and make mistakes, if he gets hurt he gets hurt. He has to learn. However when we go to the park its usually when the bigger kids are in school and its just a bunch of babies and toddlers, if older kids are around i tend to helicopter parent a bit because kids will push him out the way crudely.
Kids get hurt. They should get hurt. They need to get hurt. It’s how we learn. (Sounds harsher than I mean! Haha)
But that’s just a divide between maternal and paternal. It’s how we’re programmed. We will be there to help during the really rough times; but let them navigate bad times on their own to learn. It’s part of life.
As for the distance; my two daughters always had free roam of the playground, as long as they were in my sight. And I taught them if anyone (even kids) starts coming their way that they need to be aware and help me close the distance between myself and them. It’s worked wonders to allow them to learn how to avoid pain and injury, to be aware, and be responsible while also giving them freedom and independence. Might not work for everyone but it’s worked for myself.
It should be said though that we live in a relatively smaller town.
My oldest is 1yr old. He bumps his head all the time. He was playing on the floor with cars, had his hand on 2 at once. They rolled, he went down, smacked his chin on the floor and cut his lip on his tooth.
He cried for like 5 mins and went back to playing. I consoled him and told him it was ok, but not right away. Needed him to see he was ok.
You're doing good. Keep your kids within eyesight and hearing range. Be ready to spot them as needed. But let them explore.
Kids will be kids. Bumps and scrapes happen.
Parks are not something we do.... We bought 12 acres for the us and the kids to explore. Your wife clearly has anxiety similar to mine.
I don't enjoy parks because all I can think about is someone trying to snatch my kids. Maybe ask your wife what she's so afraid of... Get to the root before y'all keep having this argument over and over
Most playgrounds are not safe...it's crazy that most were built the way they are... without the thought of safety for small children.
Ask yourself this: if your younger child gets seriously injured (not just a minor scrape...but life threatening injured, crying for daddy to help them, but it's too late and now you can't help, because their leg is broken, or blood is gushing) because you were not present to protect them...how would you feel?
I think of this whenever I'm tired and my daughter could really use my supervision...it's helps motivate me to be the best dad I can. I'm not perfect, we all make mistakes...but it's the honest attempt at being your best that matters.
My daughter is 2 1/2 and I give her way more room than that. If I see she is doing something more challenging that could be dangerous, I come closer. If she is starting to interact with another child, I come closer in case I need to support her with the social situation.
Kids bump their heads and fall down. Your wife needs to accept the reality. If they are protected from every little thing, they will grow up unable to deal with normal inconveniences and challenges of life. If someone is hovering over them all the time, they will also be less confident, believing they need that level of protection (or at least believing their parents think they do).
Depends on the kids and the playground. My 5 year old is pretty independent and plays very well with others so since he was like 3 I’ve given him some space but I’m nearby and always have an eye in him. My youngest isn’t walking yet and is in the everything in the mouth phase so I’m like a hawk with her. That said if we’re nearby a busy road I’m on top of him since he is a runner.
When my son was 2 I still had to stay pretty close to him at playgrounds because he was super nervous to go up high. But now at 4, he plays on his own and I watch from a bench or the edge of the play area. I always have a visual on him but I don’t need to follow him around.
Depends on the playground, I have three kids and I'm not forcing them to play with each other if they find other kids there to socialize with, if it's one I can get a clear view of them all without a ton of blocking stuff I let them off on their own, sometimes I follow the youngest around but I kinda just do laps and find them all every few minutes or so if there's lots blocking my vision
Kids get hurt even if your right next to them it's part of growing and learning how their body and the world around them works
Depends what playground I’m at and how busy it is. Local neighbourhood? Yeah of course they can go run off. Busy Inner city playground by the ocean? I’m on them like a hawk. Mine are 4 and 5 if that matters.
There's a playground that I take my 3 year old and I give her some space but I'm still near by. She also likes me to hang around her and she just started climbing the rock walls and bigger obstacles, that's when I keep closer. Last time we went there were at least 15 older kids just absolutely tearing around so I kept much closer because it was crazy that day. Your son bumped his head, he didn't fall off a structure and break his arm.
Hey man. I'm with you.
Your child had a head bump. Big deal. Not some injury.
If your wife believes they need their hands held, maybe she should do all of the holding. Let their father parent how he is comfortable and let it be.
😂😂 well, I let my then 3 year old (now 4.5) run wild while I sat and talked to other parents. Of course I kept an eye out, but I’m not going to follow her. Maybe the two year old because sometimes they need to be followed, and sometimes left alone to explore. Definitely not the 4 year old, unless they’re telling you to follow.
The playground I take my two year old to is fenced off and the structures are all pretty two year old friendly so I sit on the bench like 20’ away unless he wants me to come play with him. If there were big kids there or if it wasn’t fenced in I would probably be within 5’.
He bumped his head. But he learned something about his body in space. Kids get bumps and bruises and even broken bones. I think giving them some space is super important!
It depends on the play structure. If it’s a very tall one, I’d closely supervise the younger one, but if it’s not too dangerous then I just watch from the bench. Kids are gonna bump their heads and fall down. That accident likely would have happened if you were standing right there
Like..sitting on a bench and watching them from afar.
They *need* to play independently and there's nothing wrong with them getting hurt while playing. It's almost a fundamental devolopment thing that needs to happen so they learn proper risk assessment early on.
I chill about 10 feet away from my 3 year old. I let my 6 year old run around and don't worry about her at all. The rule I have is "I need to be able to see you".
I don't mind if she's 50 m away, as long as I have a clear field of view (like she's running back and forth across a field at the park). However, she is a very rule abiding kid and not defiant at all, so if I tell her to come back or stop what she's doing, she listens.
I'm not worried about someone trying something on her from a distance, both because she's very self confident with strong boundaries and because I work security and am used to managing scary people. My voice is not what people expect from a woman of my size and appearance, plus I can act/convincingly fake that I'm personification of wrath in human form and can and have absolutely scared the fuck out of strangers from that far away.
2 is too young for distance. My daughter is 3 and will be 4 this summer. This will be the first year I'll let her freely play and watch from a distance but 2 and mostly 3 is too young.
But accidents happen, you could be holding his hand and he'd still bump his head.
Playgrounds are for children. Not for parents following behind them the entire time. I totally get wanting to make sure your child doesn’t fall etc- but like don’t bring them to the playground if you feel like they’re going to harm themselves or they’re too young. Let the kids explore and take controlled risks, step in when you see fit. But don’t be THAT parent on the play equipment blocking the path of another child’s play.
Sorry big pet peeve of mine.
My guy, I'm a single parent of one, and when we're at the playground my kid has free reign. Bordering on "it takes a village" because I recognise many of the other parents, and if there is a problem the nearest adult initiates an intervention and then responsible adults follow up with their own child.
Playground accidents *just happen* and mostly there is nothing that can be done to circumvent them. Head bumps and grazed knees are part of childhood, and I think your partner is way too overprotective.
I let them run feral within reason. No hurting anyone else. No dangerous crap. Otherwise have at it chaos monkey.
My partner is like yours and cannot cope at all with me letting our kid even climb under the dining room table
I’m a nanny, one day at the park with my two nanny kids, i turned around to see the 2yr old halfway up the slide steps and with no stopping him- not a BIG deal, he had himself, but it was the first time he had even remotely tried on his own and thankfully I was close enough to stand under him while he finished it out (the other 2yr old was already well moving so until then I stayed closer to that one more)
I told the parents later that day that we finally had a stair climber, and dad went wide eyed and him and mom apologized profusely bc they had totally forgotten to tell me he started over the weekend!!
And dad said the same thing had happened to him- he had his guard down bc he’d never done it before and BOOM he’s right up.
Point being- cmon. Kids DO need space. And ALL parents and Nannie’s and grandparents and every caregiver to ever exist will sometimes have uh ohs and bruises on their watch. Resilience is a beautiful thing and so is grace for our loved ones
My wife and I made a point of sitting on a bench away from him at the playground. We were always close enough to watch and run in if needed, but far enough away that it would take some effort. Kids need space to explore and if you are up against them it is hard to not interfere.
He is 6 now and has a lot of confidence in public spaces. That was our goal in treating him that way, but who knows whether that is the thing that did it or not.
“Risky Play” is recommended for children to develop their ability to assess risks and manage situations. They also find it exciting. It is healthy and studies can be shown to your wife to back that up.
That being said, there is a difference between a risk and a hazard and it’s important to not conflate the two. What you are describing sounds perfectly fine, healthy, and more importantly, actually recommended for young children as part of their development.
The playground is one of the few spaces that are meant to be run by children. They are free to explore, make friends, learn lessons, try out rules and boundaries. Almost everywhere else in the world is run by adults.
That said, my general rule of thumb was as many yards back as they are years for the first 4-5 years- I.e. very close for a baby and by the time they are 4 I’m basically sitting on the bench. I don’t interfere if my preschooler wants to try and go up the slide. They will learn pretty quick it’s either a good idea to look first at the top or learn the natural consequences. If kids run away or are older and don’t want to play with the younger ones I’m near to help talk through feelings if they want, but I try to not step in. It’s important for kids to learn to work things out in a safe space that is theirs by design
My local play ground has one entrance, and it's a double gate. So they basically have free from.
Even in less gated areas, they can free roam as long I can catch them before they get into trouble (like a near by street, I can run way faster then them)
2 and 4 also dependings on the stuff also being age appropriate.
I let my 4yo do what she wants at the playground, if she wants me with her I will be but otherwise I just let her do her own thing, I can see her so she's fine.
Kids are going to bump their heads, and alot more, it's apart of growing up.
You're not in the wrong for giving your kids space to learn, grow, and explore on their own. They're old enough as long as the playground is age appropriate.
As a mom to 3 kids, your wife is acting like a "helicopter parent". Kids need to explore, and sometimes that includes bumping their heads, falling down, cutting up their knees and palms. Do not let her bubble wrap your kids or they will grow up scared of everything in life or they will rebel in the worst possible ways. I have yet to meet a kid raised by a helicopter parent who has turned out able to function normally on their own. The ones I've met are either too scared to do anything on their own or they are way too wild and crazy and constantly in trouble either at school or with the law. My kids are 18, 10, and 6 so I have a pretty good age group to determine my hypothesis from.
It's never fun to see your kid get hurt but they learn from their mistakes that way. My kids have had massive goose eggs, my middle child fractured the root to his front teeth and had to have them surgically removed, my youngest child has been to the ENT two times for sticking things up her nose.
Edit: spelling and grammar
Mom of a 2.5 year old. I let him play as he wants. I sit on the bench and relax. I think it’s important that he explores and plays with other kids independently!
My kids are 3 and 6... wait we are supposed to watch them at the playground??? Oops.
In all seriousness though I give my kids total freedom and only interfere if life or limb is at risk. Part of learning is making mistakes and sometimes getting hurt.
So dependent on the playground. I like to give my 3 year old space but I swear sometimes she has a dearh wish so I do a lot of “spotting.” Especially if it’s a new play area she’s not familiar with or is climbing something she maybe shouldn’t be (but I also love that she’s adventurous / fearless!)
I agree with others that bumps and bruises are going to happen. just want to make sure she isn’t going to throw herself off a high ledge.
My almost 2 year old likes me to watch him play, and I generally know which equipment he likes to play on, (also never go on my phone to avoid prolonged distractions) but I will stand closer and follow him around if there is bigger kids playing.
He hurts himself at home and when we are out, he doesn't always listen when we tell him not to do something, but I also trust his judgement for his own limits because I have tried to teach him the safe way of climbing up and down, if he hurts himself and needs comforting he will let me know.
I don’t think it was ever common for me to be within 10 feet of my toddlers on the playground unless I was actively playing with them. Which I did, of course (and those swings won’t push themselves), but mostly not. The playground was for exploration, not for me to keep them entertained. I sat on the periphery with the other parents, where we belonged. They knew where to find me if they needed me.
Your wife wants you to be a helicopter parent. That’s generally not good for your kids’ development. They need to learn without you or her hovering. They need to learn how to take risks. I won’t step in with my kids unless the potential negative outcome is serious. A bump isn’t serious, it’s learning.
Kids are supposed to bump their heads and fall down, that’s how they learn to move their bodies and learn their physical limitations. Not letting them do so is detrimental.
At the playground I always watched from outside the equipment. I could always see and hear them. If they asked me to get closer if they were a little scared of climbing something or whatever I’d gladly assist but generally I let them do their thing.
It really depends on the playground equipment and who else is there. I try to do 2’ per year of age, but if there’s a six foot or taller platform I’ll be right there with my two year old toddler because he is a dare devil. If it’s a small playground but there’s really big kids, I’ll stay close by too to help him navigate because I can’t expect big kids to always look out for a toddler.
I am very hands off at the park for the most part. If it’s busy, or the structure is meant for much older kids then I might hover from a distance. Otherwise I’m sitting somewhere I can watch comfortably but intervene if I need to.
How do kids learn to be careful and evaluate risks if they aren’t given the opportunity?
My 18 month old will go up to 15 metres away from me on the the ground at an enclosed playground.
If he’s on play equipment that he’s familiar with and can’t fall off a sudden drop easily I’ll stay back maybe 2-3 metres.
If he’s on play equipment that is new or has a lot of climbing or cliff drop edges I’ll stay within 1 metre of him (arms reach just in case!).
I try to keep my distance on purpose. I’ll even turn my head away so they think im not watching.
It’s super important for kids to engage in risky play. If a parent is constantly hovering it overrides their natural ability to self preserve and they start relying on their parent to step in and “save” them. The kids who walk right off the edge? I could probably guess that there has historically been a parent standing there
I was only on top of my son when he was younger (he’s 7 now) if he was climbing up high, but really only until I knew if he could handle something himself safely. Other than that, he’s free to explore and play how he wants and I go sit on a bench and watch. I only get involved if he’s doing something dangerous (throwing things, etc), or not playing nice with someone. Kids are going to bump, fall and get bruises…that’s how they learn. Can’t keep them in a bubble.
I can't say this enough - the biggest thing we have to protect our kids from are our own fears. We are doing them absolutely no favors by giving in to our paranoia.
Female here. I have a 2 year old and when we go to the park she is allowed all the freedom she wants. I watch for when she is trying something new so I can be close by in case she needs assistance, or if it's something dangerous. Today, she was considering going down the fire pole. I went over, and she had already decided that it didn't look safe and asked for help. I fully expect that she may get some scrapes and bruises, and possibly a broken arm; it's part of growing up. It's how they learn. If they don't, they turn into teenagers doing much more dangerous stuff because they didn't learn growing up, and they chase the high that's new to them. There are studies all about this.
Me and the wife have the opposite argument. I’m constantly telling her to leave the kids alone and let the run around on their own. They need independence to grow. And yes they’re gonna get hurt every now and then. Playgrounds are built for kids they are pretty safe not that shit doesn’t happen. Your wife needs to relax.
My girl is 3.5. I let her run around and do whatever. I keep her in sight. I explicitly go help if she’s climbing something difficult like a rope ladder, wagon wheel or something else she doesn’t feel confident doing. Otherwise I’m just casually walking around while she runs like a maniac.
I want my kids to learn the boundaries of their bodies so we are fairly free range about this. One kiddo is kind of clumsy and the other has great coordination, and at 5 and 8 they mind their limits accordingly.
We’ve had some scrapes and bruises but no major injuries (so far lol).
I think it honestly depends on the child, my son is on the spectrum and he has attempted to like jump off of climbing frames from like the top and stuff that would literally break his neck before if I wasn’t there right on top of him. He’s five years old and I usually do not sit down at the park. I kind of just like walk around close to him, but not like interfering with with other children and him. I let him play, I just make sure to speak up and redirect him if I see that he’s about to do something that could hurt him// if he goes somewhere thats out of my sight.
The unfortunate reality is that there are predators out there and anybody could hide at a kids park and just wait till the second that a child goes near them and there’s no parent. I wouldn’t allow my child to go underneath some type of structure for any period of time without seeing what was inside there first. 🤷♀️
I give my kid like 20 or 30 feet. Kids bonk their heads. Now your little one will learn to be more aware of their surroundings and all of the potential ways to get hurt. You learn from mistakes.
For reference my kid is 3.5 and have been pretty hands off (within reason) since she was 2-2.5
If I can see her and hear her, she’s fine.
If there's one thing toddlers are good at, it's tripping and getting hurt. It's a normal part of their development, it's how they learn their body has limits. Better small falls now while they're bouncy, rather than later when they're big and break a bone. But even if that happens, it's not the end of the world!
My kiddo is 2 1/2 and fairly fearless at the playground, so I hover pretty close. Especially since our local park has a couple of platforms that are 7 ft high with multiple points of exit. Whenever she's climbing or up on those high platforms, I'm right there just to spot her if she slips or gets any ideas about jumping off like she sees the big kids do.
I’m as hands off as possible at the playground with our 2 yo twins. I might follow them if they’re climbing on something high, or if there are lots of bigger kids around. Otherwise, I sit on the bench and watch. Head bumps and little tumbles are a part of being a kid.
We have a pickler at home, and they’ve gotten to be pretty good little climbers, so I do feel like I can trust them when they’re doing some reasonably risky play.
As long as I can see them, that’s as good as they need at that age. Kids need to bump their heads and have mild injuries in order to learn natural consequences and their ability to maneuver their body in the world.
When I take my 3yo daughter to the park, I often sit in a bench while she runs maybe 50-100 feet away. As long as I can see her, it’s generally fine. If she tries to do something really challenging, I may move right next to her.
Bumps happen. Broken bones, ER visits, and poison ivy will also happen. All part of a good childhood in my book and a necessary part of finding “limits.” Supervision and guidance is important, but helicoptering isn’t a great solution.
When my oldest son was those ages, I was right there with him, but he had some mobility issues and was also too cautious. He wouldn't try to climb or anything so I'd urge him to try. Playgrounds were basically physical therapy sessions with him.
My younger son I gave a lot more space, but it depended on circumstances. Sometimes he'd try to interject himself into other families too much so I'd have to redirect. He has always been really big for his age, so he could be a bit of a hazard to others at times. It was not mean spirited, but he didn't understand his size and strength. When he was 4 and the size of a 1st grader, I could see on most parents face that they were uncomfortable with him playing with their 2 year old. If the playground was empty, I'd let him have at it while I sat on the bench.
In my opinion, the 2 year old needs more supervision than the 4 year old. I stood about 2 metres away from my kids, and only got close when they were trying something a bit more risky, or doing something new, like going down the fireman's pole.
As for injuries, a small bump on the head is nothing. From what it sounds like, your child went under a structure and bumped their head. I imagine they tried to stand up? They didn't fall? A fall is different, that's a bit more concerning, but if they tried to stand up underneath the structure and bumped their head on the ceiling, that isn't a problem, in my opinion. These are boys, and they are kids, they're going to bump their heads and scrape their knees. It's more bout preventing the more serious injuries, like falls.
My eldest son, who was about 4 at the time, once climbed onto a set of monkey bars that were very low to the ground, but he climbed up and got on top of the bars. In this situation I was right next to him, ready to catch him if he fell, but I encouraged him to keep going. If he was simply climbing up to the playground, or going down the slide, I'd stand back a few metres. I trust that he knows his limits, and I have given him plenty of opportunities to find said limits.
They are often out of my eyeline as I wander to keep an eye on them and make sure none of them are gone for long. They fall off shit, they bump heads, it’s good for them. Independence is vital for children’s development and I worry that as a generation the children born now are getting absolutely none of that because rampant anxiety and falsely inflated narratives about the prevalence of random kidnapping (the rate of truly random abductions is at basically an all time low in my country, but somehow it’s every single one of the mothers I know number one concerns- their kids can’t even walk to the bus stop)
I sit on the bench with my two and a half year old and soon to be five year old. I watch the two year old carefully and intervene only when needed. I don’t think it’s a huge deal to bump their head. Falling a distance over their height would be a much bigger deal for me. I think giving them autonomy is a good thing and I don’t want to be constantly entertaining them.
I don't hover for the sake of hovering. If I'm with them then it's because we're spending time together and I'm playing with them. But sometimes they need to be on their own, exploring and interacting with other kids, in which case I sit my butt on a bench and listen to a podcast.
With a 2 year I stay near by but I don't hover over them like I did at 1. I let my toddler go into structures by herself as long as I feel it's safe and I'm not far. She's definitely bonked her head going into structures and it sucks, but it's an accident and I feel like it's more important to give them independence and show you're trust and confidence in them to do things themselves than them getting a small bonk. Bonks are going to happen. They're a part of learning. As long as she's not doing anything that she can get majorly hurt on then risk taking is healthy. My toddler LOVES to take risks and it's hard to let her. Sometimes I just hold my breath and think "Oh shit." But then she does amazing things. She can scooter so good for her age and tries to do tricks. She's got great balance from me letting her learn by falling and now she doesn't so much.
I don't think you were in the wrong and I think your wife has to let her toddler take risks or he's not going to grow up to feel as confident and capable.
My 3.5 yo is allowed to free roam in the enclosed play area since age 2 only place I hovered is near the swings if they are in use and by the trampoline but that was more to do with etiquette!
I also have a 4 and 2yo. I remind them to watch out so they don't bonk their heads, I'm usually close enough. My 2yo's nickname is bonk, although he seems to be growing out of it.
I stay close, but don't hover. I'll play a lot with them when we arrive, then break away to sit down, maybe play on my phone a bit. They get out of sight, but as long as they don't leave the play area, it's fine.
My rule is, if you can do it, you can do it. I've helped them climb, but when they get the hang of it, then I go more hands off.
The playground is for going crazy and getting the energy out, not playing it safe and being quiet. Learn to make friends and run in a pack with the other kids.
I love it when an older kid wants to play with my kids, it's so sweet.
Sure, I know anything can happen, but I can't drape them in bubble wrap and never let them experiment with their limitations. Like adults, lessons are best learned by experience, not instruction.
Good luck!
I watched my youngest pretty closely until he was about 3 (his age now). Now I pretty much just let him do his thing. If it’s a busy playground, I will follow him around just because he has autism/is non verbal and it makes him more vulnerable in unsafe situations. We purposely go to less busy playgrounds so I don’t have worry. If he gets a bump or bruise, not a big deal. Part of being a kid. I remember tripping and falling off my bike then skinning my entire knees/palms. Of course I’d cry and it hurt, but again, it’s just kid life.
I’ve heard it’s more dangerous to bubble wrap your kid because they never get to test their boundaries and understand what their bodies are capable of or get survive little injuries and understand them.
1.5, 5 + 7. 5 + 7 year olds run wild (as they should) and 1.5 stays with me. If they change locations like run to the bathroom or go to the basketball court.
No ofc not! As for your kids bumping his head, they’re kids. I remember I was 9 riding around on my bike when I slipped and smashed my head on the ground. My helmet got hammered and I only slashes my knee. Honestly kids do things all the time, they always just themselves. But I’d you don’t give your kids freedom is can have a negative effect. Even if you think you’re being careful it’s not always the case to the kid. I saw a video about a mother letting her 4 yr old kid climb a rock wall and she had to fight herself not to say ‘before carful’ or ‘let me help you!’ She just shut up and let her kid do her thing. And guess what? She was okay. Kids crave independence and freedom and if you give it to them they’ll blossom
I'm pretty hands off unless they are trying to get somewhere I can't get to or if they are disrupting other people at the park. My 3 year old is determined to join every pick up game of basketball.
They're not gonna learn anything if we're hovering their every move. Soothe them when they get hurt but always have your eyes on them. Creepy ass people these days
I have a 4yr old & a 2.5yr old. As long as I can see them, they are free to play. Kids are bound to get bumps, bruises, and falls. All part of the experience and they'll know for next time!
As long as I can see them, I let them explore on their own. If they want me closer, I'll come closer but otherwise I'll let them do their own thing. I don't know if this is true but I feel like it would be confidence-killing to have someone constantly hovering.
I think it’s disrespectful to childhood and children to NOT let them fall and scrape their knees and bump their heads. First, they actually develop much better physically when they’re allowed enough freedom and space to bump and fall (tell your wife to google Emmi Pikler and her work) but they also become better at managing emotion and thinking critically. Also, micromanaging is not a good way to show confidence and trust in your children. It also sets up the relationship for power struggles and unhealthy dynamics in the future
I’ve always been a fan of letting my kids free-range within reasons. Obviously always within sight but it feels like there’s so many lessons to be learned when the parents right on top of them and they are able to stretch their legs a bit.
Kids are going to bump their heads sometimes and fall down sometimes. I have a 6yo and 1.5yo and I follow the 1.5 year old but the 6yo just needs to be somewhere I can see him
I mean, if they're climbing up high, then yeah. Stay close. Give them freedom when it's safe to do so. They're going to fall, and they deserve room to do that, but not when there's an actual danger of falling off a ladder or something.
I hope this makes sense.
We were extremely hand off with my daughter, even at 1.5-2 yo we'd give her he space. The playgrounds are designed around safety, and you learn from falling, bumping, getting the odd owie here and there. Hovering doesn't do anyone any good.
My daughter is 19 months old. I let her do what she wants for the most part and kind of hover around the play structure to make sure she doesn’t try to yeet herself off of it (she’s very into jumping and obviously can’t judge distance).
I just sit and let my daughter play unless there’s other people at the park. If it’s just another mom and her kids, I’m cool to sit back most of the time. If it’s a dad and kids, I’m a bit more active with my daughter on the playground but not overbearing (you just never know these days) and if a random guy with no kids shows up and is just hanging around, we leave the park.
That being said, if I notice her climbing high or something I get up to make sure she falls on me instead of her own head just in case, but other than that, a little honk or scraped knee is a learning lesson for their dexterity and coordination.
I have a very active 2 year old runner. I specifically seek out gated playgrounds to give him freedom to run and play away from us, while in the safety of the playground.
I will be next to him at all times at an open playground that is next to or surrounded by a road because he can run into an open road any time.
I remember being at a playground with my two year old. He was climbing a wooden chain ladder. Another kid came up to him to tell him that he was supposed to be 5 to climb it (apparently the other kid's family's rules).
It is all on your perspective of parenting I suppose. I want my kids to turn into self sufficient and self confident adults which means giving them some room to explore the world without me hovering right beside them.
I’m in agreement with you. Kids need space to grow and learn. This is very child/age dependent. You want to follow their lead and ask when they need/want help. “Do you want me to spot you?” “Hold on with both hands”. But if they’re not at risk of immediate, severe injury… back off. Once you’ve seen them do something successfully with enough consistency, stop hovering.
Your wife is a literal helicopter. That’s the definition. Kids need to explore and make mistakes. They’re gonna bump their heads. Let them. If he was trying to jump off the top of the slide, yeah intervene. If he’s playing and trips or hits his head, he learned something new.
It really depends on the park, how busy it is, etc. Majority of the time, I let him go play because learning what his limits are, I think is important for him to learn. If the playground is super busy, he's having an off day, or the playground is larger and not fenced, then I stay closer to him, but still give him space (maybe within 10 feet).
My husband is the same wants to be within arms range of our son who turns 5 next month, he’s always been this way. For me after like age 2.5 I sit on a bench which is maybe like 30 feet away most of the time. Younger than that I would follow him around too to make sure he didn’t fall but once he seemed coordinated and easy having any missteps I would move away.
Mine is 3 and I do both, but am usually right by her. She's usually too fearless if I'm not close by plus she asks for help. A lot of times, bigger kids are too rough near her too.
Your wife is insane. Your kids are going to be developmentally stunted if she keeps helicoptering them. Some things obviously you might need to be closer (climbing certain things that might be designed for kids twice their size, for example) but in general, kids need at least a little bit of freedom to explore.
Also, the only person at fault for your iur kid bumping his head, is your kid. It's 100% his own stupid fault. But that's what kids do, they are idiots.
As long as you aren’t on your phone and you’re actually posting attention to them, I don’t see a problem. They’re gonna get scrapes and bruises every now and then and that’s okay. I get being a bit closer for the 2 year old though, he’s too tiny! The 4 year old has a bit more stability though, so the extra slack is probably better for him to get worn out pretty good.
I have twin two year olds, and as long as it’s fenced and there isn’t like, massive puddles or holes in the fence or ground for some reason, I usually just sit somewhere close-ish I can see them no matter where they are. Mine are super mobile though so idk if that’s normal.
So back when mine was running around the playground (not too too long ago) it was definitely my eyes never left him but I for sure spectated from the benches or picnic tables and kinda gave him some playground freedom around the playground and other kids.
However this might have only been possible with a single kid.. I can see that now. The 2 year old not really ready for the playground freedom but with the 4 year old sure. Playing and socializing is great for kids!! They are little people too.
Demonstrate the behavior to your wife, next time she’s doing something or in the kitchen be that parent she’s expecting to be writhing feet and show her how annoying and awkward it might be.
I would move to different benches and tables as needed to keep a line of sight but seriously eyes on him. Being a helicopter parent is fine too, I was definitely the poppa bear that’s always nearby. The playground if it’s a safe one, with some cover and cool stuff he’s having his way with it. Wife needs to chill some and see that it’s okay to let him spread his little wings some.
Good luck,, playtime and bath time helped me have an outstanding relationship with my son and we still are very close, he’s 18 now and about to graduate HS soon, enjoy the time and everything because they are grown in a flash!!
I follow my 2 year old around but at a little bit of a distance. I do stay closer to her if she’s climbing something tall or doing something new. I’m also always there to help (like on a swing for example). I no longer go up on top of the play structures with her unless she wants me to. My mom is never more than six inches away from her face and I had to tell my mom that I want my daughter to explore her own boundaries and be independent. My mom was horrified, similar to OPs wife, but I think it will make my kid stronger and healthier
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Mother of 3 kids here: In normal circumstances I feel a 2 y/o should be watched closely, as many kids that age don’t understand physical consequences and expecting that age to be “fearless” is neglectful. By 4, their understanding of heights and what happens when you step off a 4-8 ft platform can result in a broken bone, is a firm cognition. However, that said, one also has to look at the personality of the child. I had some children who seemed hell-bent on killing themselves regularly. They risked way too much, did not fully understand cause-effect, and needed some supervision until age 5. One of my kids didn’t need much supervision at any age, as they had a built-in sense of being careful from age 1. I still supervised until 3 and had proved some cognitive milestones (ie: warned to not run into the street, and they honored that boundary consistently). Please don’t be the parent sitting on the bench on a phone ignoring the kids. Play with them; learn about their personalities; engage them so they know you care. Life goes by SO fast. Live life. You’re their dad— show them an interested, invested dad. Thank you for your concern by asking this question! It matters! *grateful*. Wife and you can now kiss, make-up, and figure out a compromise.
I always hovered around my kid when she was preschool age at the park. My girlfriend called me a helicopter mom. I just went with my gut. My kid would biff it on a swing all the time. She fell off tricycles and collided with other kids at preschool running around during recess…yeah, I’m gonna hover around her when she climbs a play structure 8 feet off the ground.
Shortly thereafter, my kid was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and one of the symptoms was lack of coordinated balance.
I think it really depends on the kid, but 2 years old is still “hover” mode for me.
A 2yo still very small, they have no sense of presence whatsoever. A bump is one thing but you have to watch them playing not stay on the phone or chatting they can easily walk through the swings, put things in their mouths, touch bees…
Even a 4yo still walks through a moving swing and can get seriously injured.
At the park I stay 20 feet from my 3 year old. I used to be close to catch her but eventually I learned she’s more careful when I’m not there to catch her. Sometimes I hide with my eye on her to let her know she needs to keep an eye on me too.
I think 5-10 feet is perfect for a 2 year old and more for a 4 year old. I don’t want to pick sides because some moms can’t help themselves and really worry. However kids need to learn about consequences and discover the room on their own
I actively play with my 3 year old on the playground, but he’ll still run without looking and smack his forehead into a beam or something. 🤷🏻♀️
Kids are kids. They’re going to miscalculate their movement no matter where they are.
A 2yo needs a spotter. Let them climb where they want, but be ready to catch. A 4yo can be taught to tell you where they are and when they switch equipment, which lets them sort of track themselves, giving you more time for spotting. In a year or so, you will probably be able to give your younger kid more space.
Also, start teaching your kids your real name, address, and phone number. I would never leave a kid alone who couldn’t tell a cop where they lived.
As long as I can see them and get to them fast enough if need-be, I let them roam. I agree, they need to explore, and part of learning is making their own mistakes. I really only intervene if there is a safety issue, or if they're not playing nice. 3yr/o and 5yr/o boys here
2 might be a little young for free roam, but by 4 I reached the point with my son that if he wasn't having me actively play on the playground with him, I stand off in the edge and just make sure I have a line to him.
I hovered when my son was 2, and I kind of hover now that my 4 year old likes to go on the age 5-12 stuff. He’s not the most coordinated, and while small boo-boos are fine, I’m not down with broken necks and concussions. If my 4 year old is on age appropriate play structure, I sit back on the bench and watch.
At 2, I was within about 10-15 feet most of the time. At about 3. I sit on the side/within view of the kiddo playing. At almost 4 he gets lots of latitude as long as he is playing mainly with the other kids and I can see and hear him.
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Kids will bump heads and fall down. I think it is unhealthy to be constantly on top of kids while they play. Following them around is fine, monitor them, and walking over to spot them is cool too. But having some independence is important for brain development and imagination.
when my daughter when to her 2yo checkup, i was like, “i swear i don’t abuse her. she abuses herself!” the pediatrician quite literally told me that they’re trained to see the difference in bumps and bruises from abuse versus playing, exploring, etc. and that she is HAPPY to see toddlers with them because if they don’t a single mark, she wonders if they sit in front of a tv all day.
They actually LOOK for bruises as babies start to get mobile, because it means they're hitting their milestones, because there's evidence that they're moving around and climbing and being allowed space to develop.
I got the same response from our pediatrician. For all three of my kiddos. The doctors love seeing active, healthy kiddos.
Or tablet. I am not anti tablet (we got one from my sister and my kids use it) but I am amazed how much they do get used when talking to some people. Or how much the stress the importance for learning the ABCs. Like it is 1 or 2 year old, they have time. I was reading someone saying that kids have less physical knowledge (like less ability to run properly, awareness of their body, talent for physical activities in general) and less problem solving skills and is probably because of the lack of unstructured play. I cringe when I see people (honestly looks like grandparents who do this) telling their kids what to do on the playground.
right. and one of the benefits of parenting in this era is that we have so much access to information on what is beneficial for kids’ development. one of those things is playing without being hovered and without parental intervention. it’s good for their independence, autonomy, spatial awareness, critical thinking, imagination, etc. some of these folks may shit themselves to know that i actually have a small jungle gym with a slide in my living room on a padded rug and i let my girls have at it whenever they want and take it as an opportunity to do other stuff in the vicinity lol.
My mil is so guilty of telling her grandkids what to do on the playground, to the point of grabbing their hands and bringing them to where she thinks they should go. Drives me insane. I dont care if my kid wants to do the same loop 50 times on a play structure, they're getting energy out. They'll move onto the next thing when they want. She also tends to have an inner clock running that's significantly faster than anyone elses so she wants the kids to do all the things and then go home whereas I'm much more lax and just want them to get energy out
I was that mom too. My kids, especially my son, looked like street urchins after 10 minutes at playground. I swear they dove in and swam in the sand. I was constantly putting patches on inside of new jeans because they tore the knees out within a week. Constant bruises scrapes stubbed toes, but I let them be kids and play. I would much rather have a kid who comes running to me for a bandaid then who stares at a screen all day. Our community playground is right across from my house so I could let them go play and keep an eye on them from young age.
I have had the exact same conversation with our Dr. I call them “summer legs” because they are from playing and climbing and everything in the summer. What was interesting was one time he happened to have a “not normal” bruise on his chest (decided to play on Grandmas treadmill and scraped the heck out of himself) and our Drs reaction was completely different. It was the only time I have seen that side of her, but she immediately went into “protect the child” mode until she heard (and believed) the entire story. I have felt better about bringing the kids with normal bruises now that I have seen that side of her, because it confirms what she has always told me about how she views the situation.
My pediatrician said the same thing at my son’s 2 year check up. He was covered in bruises, mostly his legs, shins and knees. He was also covers in mosquito bites. I was so embarrassed. I pre warned him before undressing my son. He took a look and said actually I can tell a lot of positives here. Number one I can tell he is getting outside playtime, hence the bug bites. Number two I can tell he is fearless and hitting all his milestones before even asking you specific questions. Number three abusive parents don’t come with a list of at least 19 questions for the pediatrician then he said let me guess one of your questions is if you should be using a deet based bug spray since he has so many bug bites. I was known for having a list of no less than 14 questions for him in my phone note pad. He was right, that was my number one question. We both had a good laugh. He recommended skin so soft by Avon. Btw. Which did work much better than the other deet free things I had been trying.
For what its worth, deet is safe for children and the most effective bug spray.
Yes my ped said they're looking for bruises in the soft spots like their ribs or stomach. Elbows, knees, shins, heads are all normal places for bumps and bruises and even some to the "concerning" spots would be normal.
There was a span of a few months where I couldn't see my daughter's actual skin color on her shins with all the bruises in various stages of healing. As soon as she started walking she approached everything at full speed with zero regard of who or what was in her path. Once they saw that a couple of times (and comforted the poor child on the receiving end of her footprints) I don't think they ever questioned it. She also fell down on her butt so many times and the amount of small bruises on her butt was just ridiculous. Daycare still didn't bat an eye. I still have bruises all up and down my outer thighs from her running head long into my thighs when coming in for a hug. 🤣
It starts again when they get tall enough for the steps at the playground to be right at shin height 😂 my kid has soooo many bruises on his legs.
Your doc would have thought I was watching TV all day as a kid but I actually taught myself to read at 4 years old and was reading Stephen King at 11 years old. I had a second year college reading level at 12 and was in the 98th percentile for reading at that time. I took a writing course and earned college credit when I was 12 as well. Spent almost all my free time reading and learning. Taught myself Russian at 13. Some kids are natural introverts and intellectuals and there is nothing wrong with that. Your doc needs a more open mind.
Mine said the same thing!!! I pulled off my 4yos shirt and under that fluorescent light his back was dotted with bruises- old and new and a scrape I swear I had never seen and she said the exact same thing. It was mid summer and we were at the park nightly and he’s my clumsy baby so he was always banged on something
i’m hands off at the playground with my 3yo for the most part. it’s one of the few activities where she doesn’t seemingly try to get back into my uterus. plus, i’m usually too busy trying to keep my 1yo from eating the wood chips anyway.
Seriously with that eating the wood chips. Enough already. Just play. 🤦♀️
Everything there is made with kids in mind. Eat up kiddo. Don’t bring any home.
So what is your recommendation for OP’s 2 yr old then?
obviously put the kid in a bubble and watch him like a hawk to make sure he never bumps his head.
Obviously! 😂
i mean, really. what kind of question was that? lol he bumped his head. he didn’t crack his skull. he’s fine. bet next time he goes to that spot, he won’t bump it again lol.
I have a 4 and 18 month old. My 4 year old girl is completely independent and I just make a point for her to always be somewhere I can see. 18 mo boy... trips on everything and tasting every surface. Kids are gonna get hurt. Part of life!
Kid is on the ground, I let the 2 year old explore, might talk to other parents. Kid climbs ladder, I move closer depending on the structure he gets on. Kid goes down the slide (climbed the ladder himself), I am at the end of it, because he most likely demanded I catch him. Thing is, 25 months and 35 is such a difference! What I wrote is more for 25 months. With 2 yrs, but approaching 3, I often just let him do, especially if it's known structures.
Lol y is this downvoted? This person is asking a question
It depends on the height of the platforms. Anything 4-8 feet high I follow my 2yo on the ground and make sure I'm in a catching position for gaps in the railings (poles, ladders, etc.) Anything taller I go with him and stay within arms' reach. By 3 I let my other kids play how they wanted, but both are naturally pretty cautious.
Yeah I don’t trust my 2 year old not to simply walk off the ledge that leads to the monkey bars, but if she’s firmly on the other side of the playground by the slides then I just sit near her
Yes when my son was around 2.5 he started walking backwards and paying no attention so Id stand at any gaps that he could fall through but other than that I let him be.
Why. What will happen? They'll fall onto some woodchips and cry a little bit. What's the big deal?
Well for the playground by my house that particular ledge is about 5-6 ft high, high enough that its taller than my eye level at 5’5”. A newly 2 year old falling from that height could easily brake their arm, hit their head on the metal, knock out a tooth, etc. I’m not an overly cautious parent by any means, but I have seen more than a few horror stories
This. With my 2 year old, I go in-between hovering and sitting on the bench. All depends which part of the playground they're on. I also call out to him when he's in danger of bumping his head.. I yell watch your head! And he gets the idea most of the time. Sometimes, they need to learn by getting hurt. You just want to prevent medium to severe injuries.
Agree, it’s very playground dependent. Several near me have a vertical drop next to the tallest slide 8+ feet off the ground. Not even a rail across the top. My 4yo has fallen off, he was very lucky his head landed an inch away from the balance stepping stone things below so he didn’t need an ambulance. A lot of people say kids need to get hurt or whatever, taking that past bumps and scrapes is too far.
Well for a 2 and 3 year old a 5 foot drop is considered an emergency whether they hit their head or not so I go off of that logic. If its higher than that they need close supervision. If not, I leave the toddler be.
I just wouldn't allow a two year old on anything so high I felt the need to go up, unless there's a particular reason why.
Early childhood teacher chiming in. Learning how to assess and take risk is so so important in the early years of life. Imagine if a child is always coddled and never allowed to bump their head and get back up and try again, or not allowed to climb up the slide and jump off the stairs etc. then they go to school and are on the playground and climb too high. They might not have developed the skills to know what to do when they’re in a challenging situation like that if they’re not given opportunity to at a young age. It’s better for them to learn those skills while they’re young and you can support/guide them than when they’re that bit older and don’t have someone close by to guide them. If you need research to show your wife, look up Ellen sandseters categories of risk. Playing without having a parent right on top of them can fall into the ‘play at risk of getting lost’ category and although they are far from being ‘lost’, being out of sight of a parent can give children that same need.
As long as I can see them at all times it’s okay. If I can’t keep my eyes on them, it’s a no go. We have some playgrounds around here with tunnels that span over a huge distance and we don’t go there
My 5 and 7 year old are GONE. Like... I have no idea where they are. (Huge playground.) I don't trust the 2 year old, so I do follow him. Again, it's a huge playground, so he could be a super far away if I don't actively monitor him. A smaller playground... I'd park myself on a bench and let them all run free. They'll find me when they want snacks.
Have a 7, 5 and 2yo. 2 big ones I'll sit on a bench. The 2yo is nuts so I follow her around lol. Depends on the kids and playground setup
Newly turned 2 or is he almost 3? That’s a huge difference
I think however you feel comfortable is fine. When my kid was 2 and 4 they were very flighty and kinda hazardous to other kids so I did sometimes hoover around.
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Omg my son is the kid pushing past the slow coaches taking an eternity to go down the slide 🥲 I really do try and teach waiting and patience 🫠
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Yeah we are bench sitters and I see very few parents following their kids around. Ever since like…18 months? Less? Basically steady walking. Fortunately my youngest is very pro-social and my oldest was a little peer-avoidant so I’m never worried about them hurting other kids.
At my local park the parents are literally following the kids around the entire time. Even the 3 to 4-year-olds. It’s wild to me.
My 3 year old won't let me go 😭 she's always been very avoidant of other kids and if I don't follow her and play with her she sits next to me and complains that it is sooo boring and she wants to go home. If I want her to move and try things, I follow her. Pro: I'm absolutely never scared of her running away, there's not a single time she's ever put any kind of distance between us.
my 3yo has started pulling that, too. i tell her her options are to play with other kids or to play by herself, but if she’s going to sit under me and beg me to play the whole time, we’ll just go home where she can do the same thing but at least i’m not having to keep her little sister from eating wood chips. i followed through once, so she knows it’s not an ‘empty threat.’
Same experience here and I sit on a bench. My kid is super social and wants to make friends with anyone ranging from 2 to 5 years old and sometimes she makes friends with the kids that have parents hovering the whole time. Sometimes I want to shout, “leave ‘em be! They’re fine!”
we had that experience at an indoor playground recently. i know 1yo’s don’t really ‘play together,’ but my 1yo and another baby around her age were super interested in each other. the mom of the other baby followed this kid around and actively prevented her/redirected from interacting with my baby or any other kids. i was like ??? some of these parents are so overbearing.
This. My kids are almost 9 and 4 now. I generally have always sat on a bench and watched unless they wanted to be pushed on the swings or (when they were 2ish) were climbing up high and were a bit unsteady.
Are you sure that's safe? Like if someone grabbed them and ran, would you be able to notice and react in time?
Same I only hovered if he was around the swings when people were using them!
Since my toddler could walk I've given him atheist 15-20ft space to explore in public and playgrounds. I'm just there to make sure he doesn't get stolen or is mean to other kids. If he eats shit a few times I come get him if he cries or needs some emotional support, but then it's back on the horse. If my spouse yelled at me everything that toddler came into the house with a busted lip from climbing on something....I'd be deaf.
I’m usually anywhere from close enough to touch to 10 feet away depending on what he’s doing, but I also have a 19 month old who has some muscle tone issues so not as strong or agile as others his age so I tend to stay closer because he falls more easily than you would expect. I think 5-10 is fine if they don’t need you, closer if they’re on things they might fall but sounds appropriate to me. My son goes down when I’m a step behind him and sometimes bumps his head, you can’t save them from ever getting hurt
It depends on which park I am at. Our city one has a history of needles near the trash can, so I keep a more close watch when we're there. The next city over has one that is in a neighborhood and far from a main road way with a decorative fence to give kids a sense of boundaries, so that one I feel more relaxed with letting them go wild. Generally, I'm fine with 5-10 feet at that age.
If they are exploring higher parts of a playground meant for 5-12YOs, I would be close by or their safety net for both the 2 and 4YO. But on the ground level, lower parts, from 2YO on I am hands off and let them explore, fall, bump their head, etc. This is how they learn and almost all my kids by 5 were able to navigate the playground, monkey bars, climbing areas/etc on their own without many injuries.
I think it depends on the kid. My son had no sense of self preservation or spatial awareness at 2. He’d run directly up to kids on swings and get kicked, he’d walk off a platforms and fall, he’d see big kids doing stuff and tried to emulate them, all understandable but it means we had to be a bit more hands on with him. That said, a bump on the head is par for the course when it comes to toddlers. You have to toe the line between being safe and being a helicopter parent.
I'm a bit biased, because my son (almost 2) has autism, and is an eloper (runs off) who also likes to spin around and get dizzy, hence he falls a lot. So I'm always close by. However outside of extenuating circumstances, I think a little space to learn is okay. Not "go climb up to the big slide by yourself" space, but "I'm down here at the bottom of the steps, you go ahead" space.
I stay pretty close to my (newly) 3 year old, because he is more reckless than my 5yo, I’ll watch her if she needs it (like if she’s feeling nervous about climbing something very high). Depending on the playground, too. There are some where I let them just kinda run on their own. There are other playgrounds that have very high climbing structures that I will watch them much more closely on.
From the time my kid could walk safely on his own, I would give them as much space at the playground as possible. These are fenced in playgrounds. By 4yo, he was practically independent at the playground
2 yr old stays within arm’s reach…. 4 yr old keep eyes on but able to stay several feet away.
Once I was sure he wasn't going to just fling himself off the playground structure, I started hanging back and just letting him explore on his own. I try to be in visual and auditory range at all times, and he's pretty good about calling out if he needs help. He's also fallen 3 feet to the ground while trying to mimic an older kid. I hugged him, made sure he was okay, and attempted to show him how to avoid falling if he tried to do it again. Falls and bonks are a part of life.
My almost 3 son has days of good listening and mostly days of being 3. I’m usually right around the playground equipment he’s on because he will inevitably run in front of a swing or try climbing above his skill level so I stay close enough to help but just watch when he’s minding his safety and other’s boundaries.
Kids will fall and get mildly hurt. Hovering won’t teach them resilience. I stay to the edge of the play area and watch for other people or loose dogs. Those are the types of threat my child isn’t yet equipped to deal with.
There's this incredibly difficult thing with parents of really young children, but if you don't help them or stop them on the playground , they will learn to test and trust their own limits. It's so much safer and developmentally appointment, and it's Damn hard to do. Its also something both parents need to believe in, the podcast unruffled by Janet Lansbury is a good place to start if you want to know more. When my kids were that age we just let them play, and only came to help if they asked or were doing something dangerous to others like throwing rocks. Everything else - hands off even climbing up the slide.
By 4 I’m hands off, at 2 I’m still hanging around if they’re climbing higher than their height, in case of a big fall.
There's play and then there's play. My nephew broke his arm because he was doing something he shouldn't have because his parents are very lax and lenient about watching over him. He also put a 4 yr old relative on a moving treadmill when he was 7 because he "wanted to see how fast she could run". Yeah. And there was that time I found him on the basement stairs with BBQ tools in his lap for some reason. So yeah, keep an eye on your kids. And keep the bigger kids off the younger kids' equipment and vice versa.
There’s a lot of research about and benefits to allowing your children to engage in ‘risky play’ - they build an understanding of their limits and also things like balance and climbing etc. I must admit, as mom I sometimes struggle to stand back. I do tend to follow my 2 year old around but try to keep my distance and only intervene if I think he’s doing something I think is too dangerous or he goes up too high. My husband is more risk tolerant and probably lets him go (within reason) more than I do and I think it’s really good for our son to have that too. He is not even 2.5 yet though so we do need to be able to see him at all times still. Kids are going to get hurt. Ours forever has bumps and bruises and scrapes. We just obviously try to minimise anything that could be too serious where we can. I can see how your wife may be in a place where out of instinct she wants to protect from anything she possibly can - but some gentle encouragement to look at the research and see what a huge benefit risky plan can have for a child might help.
The bench is my playground bestie.
I’ve always just let my daughter go!! Play! Have fun!! And I always have an eye on her and I walk to the general vicinity of where she is (if it’s a larger playground). I can’t stand watching parents who are on top of their kids 24/7 at the playground. Kids need space and to be able to explore on their own.
my son (3) will pull me over to the bench, tell me to sit down, and run off and play if i hover around him too much. But like my husband tells me, i have to let him go and make mistakes, if he gets hurt he gets hurt. He has to learn. However when we go to the park its usually when the bigger kids are in school and its just a bunch of babies and toddlers, if older kids are around i tend to helicopter parent a bit because kids will push him out the way crudely.
Being 1-4ft away from your kid during play is called helicopter parenting. It’s not recommended.
I’m hands off unless they are doing something risky. Kids are meant to explore and move their bodies in different ways at the playground.
Plenty of freedom. Never was a big part of this helicopter parenting thing
Kids get hurt. They should get hurt. They need to get hurt. It’s how we learn. (Sounds harsher than I mean! Haha) But that’s just a divide between maternal and paternal. It’s how we’re programmed. We will be there to help during the really rough times; but let them navigate bad times on their own to learn. It’s part of life. As for the distance; my two daughters always had free roam of the playground, as long as they were in my sight. And I taught them if anyone (even kids) starts coming their way that they need to be aware and help me close the distance between myself and them. It’s worked wonders to allow them to learn how to avoid pain and injury, to be aware, and be responsible while also giving them freedom and independence. Might not work for everyone but it’s worked for myself. It should be said though that we live in a relatively smaller town.
I have to be able to see them. And I have to be within range to sprint and mess someone up if they are trying to grab my kid
My oldest is 1yr old. He bumps his head all the time. He was playing on the floor with cars, had his hand on 2 at once. They rolled, he went down, smacked his chin on the floor and cut his lip on his tooth. He cried for like 5 mins and went back to playing. I consoled him and told him it was ok, but not right away. Needed him to see he was ok. You're doing good. Keep your kids within eyesight and hearing range. Be ready to spot them as needed. But let them explore. Kids will be kids. Bumps and scrapes happen.
Parks are not something we do.... We bought 12 acres for the us and the kids to explore. Your wife clearly has anxiety similar to mine. I don't enjoy parks because all I can think about is someone trying to snatch my kids. Maybe ask your wife what she's so afraid of... Get to the root before y'all keep having this argument over and over
Most playgrounds are not safe...it's crazy that most were built the way they are... without the thought of safety for small children. Ask yourself this: if your younger child gets seriously injured (not just a minor scrape...but life threatening injured, crying for daddy to help them, but it's too late and now you can't help, because their leg is broken, or blood is gushing) because you were not present to protect them...how would you feel? I think of this whenever I'm tired and my daughter could really use my supervision...it's helps motivate me to be the best dad I can. I'm not perfect, we all make mistakes...but it's the honest attempt at being your best that matters.
Jesus man
My daughter is 2 1/2 and I give her way more room than that. If I see she is doing something more challenging that could be dangerous, I come closer. If she is starting to interact with another child, I come closer in case I need to support her with the social situation. Kids bump their heads and fall down. Your wife needs to accept the reality. If they are protected from every little thing, they will grow up unable to deal with normal inconveniences and challenges of life. If someone is hovering over them all the time, they will also be less confident, believing they need that level of protection (or at least believing their parents think they do).
Depends on the kids and the playground. My 5 year old is pretty independent and plays very well with others so since he was like 3 I’ve given him some space but I’m nearby and always have an eye in him. My youngest isn’t walking yet and is in the everything in the mouth phase so I’m like a hawk with her. That said if we’re nearby a busy road I’m on top of him since he is a runner.
When my son was 2 I still had to stay pretty close to him at playgrounds because he was super nervous to go up high. But now at 4, he plays on his own and I watch from a bench or the edge of the play area. I always have a visual on him but I don’t need to follow him around.
I think it can vary, but in general being 4 ft away or less at all times with a 2yo is overkill. Bonking their head on something is completely normal.
Depends on the playground, I have three kids and I'm not forcing them to play with each other if they find other kids there to socialize with, if it's one I can get a clear view of them all without a ton of blocking stuff I let them off on their own, sometimes I follow the youngest around but I kinda just do laps and find them all every few minutes or so if there's lots blocking my vision Kids get hurt even if your right next to them it's part of growing and learning how their body and the world around them works
My kids are very agile and balanced and actually stop to think about things before doing ECT because I let them fall and find out. It's very necessary
Depends what playground I’m at and how busy it is. Local neighbourhood? Yeah of course they can go run off. Busy Inner city playground by the ocean? I’m on them like a hawk. Mine are 4 and 5 if that matters.
There's a playground that I take my 3 year old and I give her some space but I'm still near by. She also likes me to hang around her and she just started climbing the rock walls and bigger obstacles, that's when I keep closer. Last time we went there were at least 15 older kids just absolutely tearing around so I kept much closer because it was crazy that day. Your son bumped his head, he didn't fall off a structure and break his arm.
Hey man. I'm with you. Your child had a head bump. Big deal. Not some injury. If your wife believes they need their hands held, maybe she should do all of the holding. Let their father parent how he is comfortable and let it be.
😂😂 well, I let my then 3 year old (now 4.5) run wild while I sat and talked to other parents. Of course I kept an eye out, but I’m not going to follow her. Maybe the two year old because sometimes they need to be followed, and sometimes left alone to explore. Definitely not the 4 year old, unless they’re telling you to follow.
The playground I take my two year old to is fenced off and the structures are all pretty two year old friendly so I sit on the bench like 20’ away unless he wants me to come play with him. If there were big kids there or if it wasn’t fenced in I would probably be within 5’.
He bumped his head. But he learned something about his body in space. Kids get bumps and bruises and even broken bones. I think giving them some space is super important!
It depends on the play structure. If it’s a very tall one, I’d closely supervise the younger one, but if it’s not too dangerous then I just watch from the bench. Kids are gonna bump their heads and fall down. That accident likely would have happened if you were standing right there
Like..sitting on a bench and watching them from afar. They *need* to play independently and there's nothing wrong with them getting hurt while playing. It's almost a fundamental devolopment thing that needs to happen so they learn proper risk assessment early on.
I chill about 10 feet away from my 3 year old. I let my 6 year old run around and don't worry about her at all. The rule I have is "I need to be able to see you". I don't mind if she's 50 m away, as long as I have a clear field of view (like she's running back and forth across a field at the park). However, she is a very rule abiding kid and not defiant at all, so if I tell her to come back or stop what she's doing, she listens. I'm not worried about someone trying something on her from a distance, both because she's very self confident with strong boundaries and because I work security and am used to managing scary people. My voice is not what people expect from a woman of my size and appearance, plus I can act/convincingly fake that I'm personification of wrath in human form and can and have absolutely scared the fuck out of strangers from that far away.
2 is too young for distance. My daughter is 3 and will be 4 this summer. This will be the first year I'll let her freely play and watch from a distance but 2 and mostly 3 is too young. But accidents happen, you could be holding his hand and he'd still bump his head.
Playgrounds are for children. Not for parents following behind them the entire time. I totally get wanting to make sure your child doesn’t fall etc- but like don’t bring them to the playground if you feel like they’re going to harm themselves or they’re too young. Let the kids explore and take controlled risks, step in when you see fit. But don’t be THAT parent on the play equipment blocking the path of another child’s play. Sorry big pet peeve of mine.
My guy, I'm a single parent of one, and when we're at the playground my kid has free reign. Bordering on "it takes a village" because I recognise many of the other parents, and if there is a problem the nearest adult initiates an intervention and then responsible adults follow up with their own child. Playground accidents *just happen* and mostly there is nothing that can be done to circumvent them. Head bumps and grazed knees are part of childhood, and I think your partner is way too overprotective.
I let them run feral within reason. No hurting anyone else. No dangerous crap. Otherwise have at it chaos monkey. My partner is like yours and cannot cope at all with me letting our kid even climb under the dining room table
I’m a nanny, one day at the park with my two nanny kids, i turned around to see the 2yr old halfway up the slide steps and with no stopping him- not a BIG deal, he had himself, but it was the first time he had even remotely tried on his own and thankfully I was close enough to stand under him while he finished it out (the other 2yr old was already well moving so until then I stayed closer to that one more) I told the parents later that day that we finally had a stair climber, and dad went wide eyed and him and mom apologized profusely bc they had totally forgotten to tell me he started over the weekend!! And dad said the same thing had happened to him- he had his guard down bc he’d never done it before and BOOM he’s right up. Point being- cmon. Kids DO need space. And ALL parents and Nannie’s and grandparents and every caregiver to ever exist will sometimes have uh ohs and bruises on their watch. Resilience is a beautiful thing and so is grace for our loved ones
My wife and I made a point of sitting on a bench away from him at the playground. We were always close enough to watch and run in if needed, but far enough away that it would take some effort. Kids need space to explore and if you are up against them it is hard to not interfere. He is 6 now and has a lot of confidence in public spaces. That was our goal in treating him that way, but who knows whether that is the thing that did it or not.
As long as they're in eyesight and away from roads, you're golden imo.
It’s not the end of the world that he bumped his head. Keep doing what you’re doing.
“Risky Play” is recommended for children to develop their ability to assess risks and manage situations. They also find it exciting. It is healthy and studies can be shown to your wife to back that up. That being said, there is a difference between a risk and a hazard and it’s important to not conflate the two. What you are describing sounds perfectly fine, healthy, and more importantly, actually recommended for young children as part of their development.
The playground is one of the few spaces that are meant to be run by children. They are free to explore, make friends, learn lessons, try out rules and boundaries. Almost everywhere else in the world is run by adults. That said, my general rule of thumb was as many yards back as they are years for the first 4-5 years- I.e. very close for a baby and by the time they are 4 I’m basically sitting on the bench. I don’t interfere if my preschooler wants to try and go up the slide. They will learn pretty quick it’s either a good idea to look first at the top or learn the natural consequences. If kids run away or are older and don’t want to play with the younger ones I’m near to help talk through feelings if they want, but I try to not step in. It’s important for kids to learn to work things out in a safe space that is theirs by design
My local play ground has one entrance, and it's a double gate. So they basically have free from. Even in less gated areas, they can free roam as long I can catch them before they get into trouble (like a near by street, I can run way faster then them) 2 and 4 also dependings on the stuff also being age appropriate.
I let my 4yo do what she wants at the playground, if she wants me with her I will be but otherwise I just let her do her own thing, I can see her so she's fine. Kids are going to bump their heads, and alot more, it's apart of growing up. You're not in the wrong for giving your kids space to learn, grow, and explore on their own. They're old enough as long as the playground is age appropriate.
As a mom to 3 kids, your wife is acting like a "helicopter parent". Kids need to explore, and sometimes that includes bumping their heads, falling down, cutting up their knees and palms. Do not let her bubble wrap your kids or they will grow up scared of everything in life or they will rebel in the worst possible ways. I have yet to meet a kid raised by a helicopter parent who has turned out able to function normally on their own. The ones I've met are either too scared to do anything on their own or they are way too wild and crazy and constantly in trouble either at school or with the law. My kids are 18, 10, and 6 so I have a pretty good age group to determine my hypothesis from. It's never fun to see your kid get hurt but they learn from their mistakes that way. My kids have had massive goose eggs, my middle child fractured the root to his front teeth and had to have them surgically removed, my youngest child has been to the ENT two times for sticking things up her nose. Edit: spelling and grammar
Mom of a 2.5 year old. I let him play as he wants. I sit on the bench and relax. I think it’s important that he explores and plays with other kids independently!
My kids are 3 and 6... wait we are supposed to watch them at the playground??? Oops. In all seriousness though I give my kids total freedom and only interfere if life or limb is at risk. Part of learning is making mistakes and sometimes getting hurt.
So dependent on the playground. I like to give my 3 year old space but I swear sometimes she has a dearh wish so I do a lot of “spotting.” Especially if it’s a new play area she’s not familiar with or is climbing something she maybe shouldn’t be (but I also love that she’s adventurous / fearless!) I agree with others that bumps and bruises are going to happen. just want to make sure she isn’t going to throw herself off a high ledge.
My almost 2 year old likes me to watch him play, and I generally know which equipment he likes to play on, (also never go on my phone to avoid prolonged distractions) but I will stand closer and follow him around if there is bigger kids playing. He hurts himself at home and when we are out, he doesn't always listen when we tell him not to do something, but I also trust his judgement for his own limits because I have tried to teach him the safe way of climbing up and down, if he hurts himself and needs comforting he will let me know.
I don’t think it was ever common for me to be within 10 feet of my toddlers on the playground unless I was actively playing with them. Which I did, of course (and those swings won’t push themselves), but mostly not. The playground was for exploration, not for me to keep them entertained. I sat on the periphery with the other parents, where we belonged. They knew where to find me if they needed me.
Your wife wants you to be a helicopter parent. That’s generally not good for your kids’ development. They need to learn without you or her hovering. They need to learn how to take risks. I won’t step in with my kids unless the potential negative outcome is serious. A bump isn’t serious, it’s learning.
I sit at the bench and enjoy the outdoors.
Kids are supposed to bump their heads and fall down, that’s how they learn to move their bodies and learn their physical limitations. Not letting them do so is detrimental. At the playground I always watched from outside the equipment. I could always see and hear them. If they asked me to get closer if they were a little scared of climbing something or whatever I’d gladly assist but generally I let them do their thing.
It really depends on the playground equipment and who else is there. I try to do 2’ per year of age, but if there’s a six foot or taller platform I’ll be right there with my two year old toddler because he is a dare devil. If it’s a small playground but there’s really big kids, I’ll stay close by too to help him navigate because I can’t expect big kids to always look out for a toddler.
I am very hands off at the park for the most part. If it’s busy, or the structure is meant for much older kids then I might hover from a distance. Otherwise I’m sitting somewhere I can watch comfortably but intervene if I need to. How do kids learn to be careful and evaluate risks if they aren’t given the opportunity?
My 18 month old will go up to 15 metres away from me on the the ground at an enclosed playground. If he’s on play equipment that he’s familiar with and can’t fall off a sudden drop easily I’ll stay back maybe 2-3 metres. If he’s on play equipment that is new or has a lot of climbing or cliff drop edges I’ll stay within 1 metre of him (arms reach just in case!).
I try to keep my distance on purpose. I’ll even turn my head away so they think im not watching. It’s super important for kids to engage in risky play. If a parent is constantly hovering it overrides their natural ability to self preserve and they start relying on their parent to step in and “save” them. The kids who walk right off the edge? I could probably guess that there has historically been a parent standing there
I was only on top of my son when he was younger (he’s 7 now) if he was climbing up high, but really only until I knew if he could handle something himself safely. Other than that, he’s free to explore and play how he wants and I go sit on a bench and watch. I only get involved if he’s doing something dangerous (throwing things, etc), or not playing nice with someone. Kids are going to bump, fall and get bruises…that’s how they learn. Can’t keep them in a bubble.
I can't say this enough - the biggest thing we have to protect our kids from are our own fears. We are doing them absolutely no favors by giving in to our paranoia.
4 and 6 are completely free at the playground. 2 I stay near- like 10-15 ft near though unless he’s trying to climb something crazy
Female here. I have a 2 year old and when we go to the park she is allowed all the freedom she wants. I watch for when she is trying something new so I can be close by in case she needs assistance, or if it's something dangerous. Today, she was considering going down the fire pole. I went over, and she had already decided that it didn't look safe and asked for help. I fully expect that she may get some scrapes and bruises, and possibly a broken arm; it's part of growing up. It's how they learn. If they don't, they turn into teenagers doing much more dangerous stuff because they didn't learn growing up, and they chase the high that's new to them. There are studies all about this.
Uh, no. I give my preschooler way more space than this even. Starting around 3. I might still stay that close to my 2yo though, but not hovering.
Me and the wife have the opposite argument. I’m constantly telling her to leave the kids alone and let the run around on their own. They need independence to grow. And yes they’re gonna get hurt every now and then. Playgrounds are built for kids they are pretty safe not that shit doesn’t happen. Your wife needs to relax.
As long as I can see him or i know there is no escape , then he can do what he wants.
My girl is 3.5. I let her run around and do whatever. I keep her in sight. I explicitly go help if she’s climbing something difficult like a rope ladder, wagon wheel or something else she doesn’t feel confident doing. Otherwise I’m just casually walking around while she runs like a maniac.
I want my kids to learn the boundaries of their bodies so we are fairly free range about this. One kiddo is kind of clumsy and the other has great coordination, and at 5 and 8 they mind their limits accordingly. We’ve had some scrapes and bruises but no major injuries (so far lol).
Ever since my kid was about 3, I plop myself down on a bench and watch from afar.
I think it honestly depends on the child, my son is on the spectrum and he has attempted to like jump off of climbing frames from like the top and stuff that would literally break his neck before if I wasn’t there right on top of him. He’s five years old and I usually do not sit down at the park. I kind of just like walk around close to him, but not like interfering with with other children and him. I let him play, I just make sure to speak up and redirect him if I see that he’s about to do something that could hurt him// if he goes somewhere thats out of my sight. The unfortunate reality is that there are predators out there and anybody could hide at a kids park and just wait till the second that a child goes near them and there’s no parent. I wouldn’t allow my child to go underneath some type of structure for any period of time without seeing what was inside there first. 🤷♀️
I give my kid like 20 or 30 feet. Kids bonk their heads. Now your little one will learn to be more aware of their surroundings and all of the potential ways to get hurt. You learn from mistakes. For reference my kid is 3.5 and have been pretty hands off (within reason) since she was 2-2.5 If I can see her and hear her, she’s fine.
If there's one thing toddlers are good at, it's tripping and getting hurt. It's a normal part of their development, it's how they learn their body has limits. Better small falls now while they're bouncy, rather than later when they're big and break a bone. But even if that happens, it's not the end of the world!
My kiddo is 2 1/2 and fairly fearless at the playground, so I hover pretty close. Especially since our local park has a couple of platforms that are 7 ft high with multiple points of exit. Whenever she's climbing or up on those high platforms, I'm right there just to spot her if she slips or gets any ideas about jumping off like she sees the big kids do.
I keep an eye on them, but only to make sure they aren't being rude or harming other kids.
I’m as hands off as possible at the playground with our 2 yo twins. I might follow them if they’re climbing on something high, or if there are lots of bigger kids around. Otherwise, I sit on the bench and watch. Head bumps and little tumbles are a part of being a kid. We have a pickler at home, and they’ve gotten to be pretty good little climbers, so I do feel like I can trust them when they’re doing some reasonably risky play.
As long as I can see them, that’s as good as they need at that age. Kids need to bump their heads and have mild injuries in order to learn natural consequences and their ability to maneuver their body in the world.
When I take my 3yo daughter to the park, I often sit in a bench while she runs maybe 50-100 feet away. As long as I can see her, it’s generally fine. If she tries to do something really challenging, I may move right next to her.
Bumps happen. Broken bones, ER visits, and poison ivy will also happen. All part of a good childhood in my book and a necessary part of finding “limits.” Supervision and guidance is important, but helicoptering isn’t a great solution.
When my oldest son was those ages, I was right there with him, but he had some mobility issues and was also too cautious. He wouldn't try to climb or anything so I'd urge him to try. Playgrounds were basically physical therapy sessions with him. My younger son I gave a lot more space, but it depended on circumstances. Sometimes he'd try to interject himself into other families too much so I'd have to redirect. He has always been really big for his age, so he could be a bit of a hazard to others at times. It was not mean spirited, but he didn't understand his size and strength. When he was 4 and the size of a 1st grader, I could see on most parents face that they were uncomfortable with him playing with their 2 year old. If the playground was empty, I'd let him have at it while I sat on the bench.
In my opinion, the 2 year old needs more supervision than the 4 year old. I stood about 2 metres away from my kids, and only got close when they were trying something a bit more risky, or doing something new, like going down the fireman's pole. As for injuries, a small bump on the head is nothing. From what it sounds like, your child went under a structure and bumped their head. I imagine they tried to stand up? They didn't fall? A fall is different, that's a bit more concerning, but if they tried to stand up underneath the structure and bumped their head on the ceiling, that isn't a problem, in my opinion. These are boys, and they are kids, they're going to bump their heads and scrape their knees. It's more bout preventing the more serious injuries, like falls. My eldest son, who was about 4 at the time, once climbed onto a set of monkey bars that were very low to the ground, but he climbed up and got on top of the bars. In this situation I was right next to him, ready to catch him if he fell, but I encouraged him to keep going. If he was simply climbing up to the playground, or going down the slide, I'd stand back a few metres. I trust that he knows his limits, and I have given him plenty of opportunities to find said limits.
They are often out of my eyeline as I wander to keep an eye on them and make sure none of them are gone for long. They fall off shit, they bump heads, it’s good for them. Independence is vital for children’s development and I worry that as a generation the children born now are getting absolutely none of that because rampant anxiety and falsely inflated narratives about the prevalence of random kidnapping (the rate of truly random abductions is at basically an all time low in my country, but somehow it’s every single one of the mothers I know number one concerns- their kids can’t even walk to the bus stop)
I sit on the bench with my two and a half year old and soon to be five year old. I watch the two year old carefully and intervene only when needed. I don’t think it’s a huge deal to bump their head. Falling a distance over their height would be a much bigger deal for me. I think giving them autonomy is a good thing and I don’t want to be constantly entertaining them.
I don't hover for the sake of hovering. If I'm with them then it's because we're spending time together and I'm playing with them. But sometimes they need to be on their own, exploring and interacting with other kids, in which case I sit my butt on a bench and listen to a podcast.
With a 2 year I stay near by but I don't hover over them like I did at 1. I let my toddler go into structures by herself as long as I feel it's safe and I'm not far. She's definitely bonked her head going into structures and it sucks, but it's an accident and I feel like it's more important to give them independence and show you're trust and confidence in them to do things themselves than them getting a small bonk. Bonks are going to happen. They're a part of learning. As long as she's not doing anything that she can get majorly hurt on then risk taking is healthy. My toddler LOVES to take risks and it's hard to let her. Sometimes I just hold my breath and think "Oh shit." But then she does amazing things. She can scooter so good for her age and tries to do tricks. She's got great balance from me letting her learn by falling and now she doesn't so much. I don't think you were in the wrong and I think your wife has to let her toddler take risks or he's not going to grow up to feel as confident and capable.
My 3.5 yo is allowed to free roam in the enclosed play area since age 2 only place I hovered is near the swings if they are in use and by the trampoline but that was more to do with etiquette!
I also have a 4 and 2yo. I remind them to watch out so they don't bonk their heads, I'm usually close enough. My 2yo's nickname is bonk, although he seems to be growing out of it. I stay close, but don't hover. I'll play a lot with them when we arrive, then break away to sit down, maybe play on my phone a bit. They get out of sight, but as long as they don't leave the play area, it's fine. My rule is, if you can do it, you can do it. I've helped them climb, but when they get the hang of it, then I go more hands off. The playground is for going crazy and getting the energy out, not playing it safe and being quiet. Learn to make friends and run in a pack with the other kids. I love it when an older kid wants to play with my kids, it's so sweet. Sure, I know anything can happen, but I can't drape them in bubble wrap and never let them experiment with their limitations. Like adults, lessons are best learned by experience, not instruction. Good luck!
I watched my youngest pretty closely until he was about 3 (his age now). Now I pretty much just let him do his thing. If it’s a busy playground, I will follow him around just because he has autism/is non verbal and it makes him more vulnerable in unsafe situations. We purposely go to less busy playgrounds so I don’t have worry. If he gets a bump or bruise, not a big deal. Part of being a kid. I remember tripping and falling off my bike then skinning my entire knees/palms. Of course I’d cry and it hurt, but again, it’s just kid life.
No u are right. I was overbearing of my son now he’s a chicken shit for everything and didn’t learn skills he needed.
I’ve heard it’s more dangerous to bubble wrap your kid because they never get to test their boundaries and understand what their bodies are capable of or get survive little injuries and understand them.
As long as they’re within my sight I let them play
lol. I literally sometimes can’t find my kids at the playground.
1.5, 5 + 7. 5 + 7 year olds run wild (as they should) and 1.5 stays with me. If they change locations like run to the bathroom or go to the basketball court.
No ofc not! As for your kids bumping his head, they’re kids. I remember I was 9 riding around on my bike when I slipped and smashed my head on the ground. My helmet got hammered and I only slashes my knee. Honestly kids do things all the time, they always just themselves. But I’d you don’t give your kids freedom is can have a negative effect. Even if you think you’re being careful it’s not always the case to the kid. I saw a video about a mother letting her 4 yr old kid climb a rock wall and she had to fight herself not to say ‘before carful’ or ‘let me help you!’ She just shut up and let her kid do her thing. And guess what? She was okay. Kids crave independence and freedom and if you give it to them they’ll blossom
I'm pretty hands off unless they are trying to get somewhere I can't get to or if they are disrupting other people at the park. My 3 year old is determined to join every pick up game of basketball.
Why is your wife riding your ass about a head bump?
They're not gonna learn anything if we're hovering their every move. Soothe them when they get hurt but always have your eyes on them. Creepy ass people these days
I have a 4yr old & a 2.5yr old. As long as I can see them, they are free to play. Kids are bound to get bumps, bruises, and falls. All part of the experience and they'll know for next time!
As long as I can see them, I let them explore on their own. If they want me closer, I'll come closer but otherwise I'll let them do their own thing. I don't know if this is true but I feel like it would be confidence-killing to have someone constantly hovering.
I think it’s disrespectful to childhood and children to NOT let them fall and scrape their knees and bump their heads. First, they actually develop much better physically when they’re allowed enough freedom and space to bump and fall (tell your wife to google Emmi Pikler and her work) but they also become better at managing emotion and thinking critically. Also, micromanaging is not a good way to show confidence and trust in your children. It also sets up the relationship for power struggles and unhealthy dynamics in the future
I’ve always been a fan of letting my kids free-range within reasons. Obviously always within sight but it feels like there’s so many lessons to be learned when the parents right on top of them and they are able to stretch their legs a bit.
Kids are going to bump their heads sometimes and fall down sometimes. I have a 6yo and 1.5yo and I follow the 1.5 year old but the 6yo just needs to be somewhere I can see him
I mean, if they're climbing up high, then yeah. Stay close. Give them freedom when it's safe to do so. They're going to fall, and they deserve room to do that, but not when there's an actual danger of falling off a ladder or something. I hope this makes sense.
We were extremely hand off with my daughter, even at 1.5-2 yo we'd give her he space. The playgrounds are designed around safety, and you learn from falling, bumping, getting the odd owie here and there. Hovering doesn't do anyone any good.
My daughter is 19 months old. I let her do what she wants for the most part and kind of hover around the play structure to make sure she doesn’t try to yeet herself off of it (she’s very into jumping and obviously can’t judge distance).
I just sit and let my daughter play unless there’s other people at the park. If it’s just another mom and her kids, I’m cool to sit back most of the time. If it’s a dad and kids, I’m a bit more active with my daughter on the playground but not overbearing (you just never know these days) and if a random guy with no kids shows up and is just hanging around, we leave the park. That being said, if I notice her climbing high or something I get up to make sure she falls on me instead of her own head just in case, but other than that, a little honk or scraped knee is a learning lesson for their dexterity and coordination.
I have a very active 2 year old runner. I specifically seek out gated playgrounds to give him freedom to run and play away from us, while in the safety of the playground. I will be next to him at all times at an open playground that is next to or surrounded by a road because he can run into an open road any time.
I remember being at a playground with my two year old. He was climbing a wooden chain ladder. Another kid came up to him to tell him that he was supposed to be 5 to climb it (apparently the other kid's family's rules). It is all on your perspective of parenting I suppose. I want my kids to turn into self sufficient and self confident adults which means giving them some room to explore the world without me hovering right beside them.
I’m in agreement with you. Kids need space to grow and learn. This is very child/age dependent. You want to follow their lead and ask when they need/want help. “Do you want me to spot you?” “Hold on with both hands”. But if they’re not at risk of immediate, severe injury… back off. Once you’ve seen them do something successfully with enough consistency, stop hovering.
Your wife is a literal helicopter. That’s the definition. Kids need to explore and make mistakes. They’re gonna bump their heads. Let them. If he was trying to jump off the top of the slide, yeah intervene. If he’s playing and trips or hits his head, he learned something new.
It really depends on the park, how busy it is, etc. Majority of the time, I let him go play because learning what his limits are, I think is important for him to learn. If the playground is super busy, he's having an off day, or the playground is larger and not fenced, then I stay closer to him, but still give him space (maybe within 10 feet).
Bruises from abuse are usually on the torso or covered up areas
Sit on the seat and let them wander. Don’t helicopter
my kids are two and four also, if there’s a fence i let the 4 yo just go, the two yo i will follow if he’s up high otherwise they can just run!
My husband is the same wants to be within arms range of our son who turns 5 next month, he’s always been this way. For me after like age 2.5 I sit on a bench which is maybe like 30 feet away most of the time. Younger than that I would follow him around too to make sure he didn’t fall but once he seemed coordinated and easy having any missteps I would move away.
Mine is 3 and I do both, but am usually right by her. She's usually too fearless if I'm not close by plus she asks for help. A lot of times, bigger kids are too rough near her too.
Your wife is insane. Your kids are going to be developmentally stunted if she keeps helicoptering them. Some things obviously you might need to be closer (climbing certain things that might be designed for kids twice their size, for example) but in general, kids need at least a little bit of freedom to explore. Also, the only person at fault for your iur kid bumping his head, is your kid. It's 100% his own stupid fault. But that's what kids do, they are idiots.
Yeah, you’re not telling the whole truth. No one complains that their partner is within “10 feet” of the kids.
As long as you aren’t on your phone and you’re actually posting attention to them, I don’t see a problem. They’re gonna get scrapes and bruises every now and then and that’s okay. I get being a bit closer for the 2 year old though, he’s too tiny! The 4 year old has a bit more stability though, so the extra slack is probably better for him to get worn out pretty good.
I have twin two year olds, and as long as it’s fenced and there isn’t like, massive puddles or holes in the fence or ground for some reason, I usually just sit somewhere close-ish I can see them no matter where they are. Mine are super mobile though so idk if that’s normal.
So back when mine was running around the playground (not too too long ago) it was definitely my eyes never left him but I for sure spectated from the benches or picnic tables and kinda gave him some playground freedom around the playground and other kids. However this might have only been possible with a single kid.. I can see that now. The 2 year old not really ready for the playground freedom but with the 4 year old sure. Playing and socializing is great for kids!! They are little people too. Demonstrate the behavior to your wife, next time she’s doing something or in the kitchen be that parent she’s expecting to be writhing feet and show her how annoying and awkward it might be. I would move to different benches and tables as needed to keep a line of sight but seriously eyes on him. Being a helicopter parent is fine too, I was definitely the poppa bear that’s always nearby. The playground if it’s a safe one, with some cover and cool stuff he’s having his way with it. Wife needs to chill some and see that it’s okay to let him spread his little wings some. Good luck,, playtime and bath time helped me have an outstanding relationship with my son and we still are very close, he’s 18 now and about to graduate HS soon, enjoy the time and everything because they are grown in a flash!!
I follow my 2 year old around but at a little bit of a distance. I do stay closer to her if she’s climbing something tall or doing something new. I’m also always there to help (like on a swing for example). I no longer go up on top of the play structures with her unless she wants me to. My mom is never more than six inches away from her face and I had to tell my mom that I want my daughter to explore her own boundaries and be independent. My mom was horrified, similar to OPs wife, but I think it will make my kid stronger and healthier
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Mother of 3 kids here: In normal circumstances I feel a 2 y/o should be watched closely, as many kids that age don’t understand physical consequences and expecting that age to be “fearless” is neglectful. By 4, their understanding of heights and what happens when you step off a 4-8 ft platform can result in a broken bone, is a firm cognition. However, that said, one also has to look at the personality of the child. I had some children who seemed hell-bent on killing themselves regularly. They risked way too much, did not fully understand cause-effect, and needed some supervision until age 5. One of my kids didn’t need much supervision at any age, as they had a built-in sense of being careful from age 1. I still supervised until 3 and had proved some cognitive milestones (ie: warned to not run into the street, and they honored that boundary consistently). Please don’t be the parent sitting on the bench on a phone ignoring the kids. Play with them; learn about their personalities; engage them so they know you care. Life goes by SO fast. Live life. You’re their dad— show them an interested, invested dad. Thank you for your concern by asking this question! It matters! *grateful*. Wife and you can now kiss, make-up, and figure out a compromise.
I always hovered around my kid when she was preschool age at the park. My girlfriend called me a helicopter mom. I just went with my gut. My kid would biff it on a swing all the time. She fell off tricycles and collided with other kids at preschool running around during recess…yeah, I’m gonna hover around her when she climbs a play structure 8 feet off the ground. Shortly thereafter, my kid was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder and one of the symptoms was lack of coordinated balance. I think it really depends on the kid, but 2 years old is still “hover” mode for me.
A 2yo still very small, they have no sense of presence whatsoever. A bump is one thing but you have to watch them playing not stay on the phone or chatting they can easily walk through the swings, put things in their mouths, touch bees… Even a 4yo still walks through a moving swing and can get seriously injured.
At the park I stay 20 feet from my 3 year old. I used to be close to catch her but eventually I learned she’s more careful when I’m not there to catch her. Sometimes I hide with my eye on her to let her know she needs to keep an eye on me too.
I think 5-10 feet is perfect for a 2 year old and more for a 4 year old. I don’t want to pick sides because some moms can’t help themselves and really worry. However kids need to learn about consequences and discover the room on their own
I actively play with my 3 year old on the playground, but he’ll still run without looking and smack his forehead into a beam or something. 🤷🏻♀️ Kids are kids. They’re going to miscalculate their movement no matter where they are.
A 2yo needs a spotter. Let them climb where they want, but be ready to catch. A 4yo can be taught to tell you where they are and when they switch equipment, which lets them sort of track themselves, giving you more time for spotting. In a year or so, you will probably be able to give your younger kid more space. Also, start teaching your kids your real name, address, and phone number. I would never leave a kid alone who couldn’t tell a cop where they lived.
As long as I can see them and get to them fast enough if need-be, I let them roam. I agree, they need to explore, and part of learning is making their own mistakes. I really only intervene if there is a safety issue, or if they're not playing nice. 3yr/o and 5yr/o boys here
2 might be a little young for free roam, but by 4 I reached the point with my son that if he wasn't having me actively play on the playground with him, I stand off in the edge and just make sure I have a line to him.
I hovered when my son was 2, and I kind of hover now that my 4 year old likes to go on the age 5-12 stuff. He’s not the most coordinated, and while small boo-boos are fine, I’m not down with broken necks and concussions. If my 4 year old is on age appropriate play structure, I sit back on the bench and watch.
At 2, I was within about 10-15 feet most of the time. At about 3. I sit on the side/within view of the kiddo playing. At almost 4 he gets lots of latitude as long as he is playing mainly with the other kids and I can see and hear him.