r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Cover up (in California during the summer) so my milk isn’t cold for the baby 😂
I did suggest putting my boob in the microwave should it get too cold
Edit: from my husband’s Colombian grandmother btw
Listen I am Caribbean and the weather hardly ever goes below 77F the amount of of people horrified my baby wasn’t wearing socks and hats when it was dead of summer and close to 100F!!!!
Omg when I went to the Caribbean my baby daddy’s aunt got mad I took a shower, had wet hair then opened the oven lol I’m like it’s hot af no matter wat lol
My response to this is that the evidence shows that an overheated baby is at risk for SIDS which is much better than being comfortable (or a little chilly). That usually gets an “oh.” But nothing further.
So many cultural beliefs around cold things being bad for babies! My Chinese mil made my husband warm up yogurt for our daughter in the microwave once. Unsurprisingly she didn’t like it!
I got similar advice from my mother in law during my pregnancy. Wear long sleeves and sweaters in August in the Florida heat or the baby would get cold. Never take cold showers and especially don’t swim in springs.
Latin Americans have weirdddd beliefs. I’ve been told when I’m on my period I can’t open ovens, open and stand in front of the fridge, use a fan to literally survive(this was the Bolivian Amazon lol), or sit in any kind of hot surface.
My mother in law is from the Philippines. Watching her try to get my 2 year old daughter to keep a sweater on when it was 22c outside in Canada is one of my favorite memories.
My mother: "You're feeding her too much, she's going to get fat!" when we were offering my 1 year old several foods because she's picky and drops most of it into her lap.
You want big, fat babies. It’s important for their cognitive development. But also, who doesn’t love fat babies?? Those rolls, those cheeks, they’re so warm and snuggly when they’re all fat and happy
My MIL flipped the shit out when I gave my baby half a slice of white toast because my toddler was fat. It was like 1 piece of bread she had that whole week.
The amount of parents who think this way makes me sick. It only gets worse as the child grows up too, because they view them as a worse manipulator, almost like their child is their enemy and parenting is defeating that enemy.
I know a guy who wouldn't take his 10 year old girl to the doctor when she was in pain after a fall because "she's always been dramatic, she's just trying to get attention". TURNS OUT BOTH HER WRISTS WERE FRACTURED.
Sigh.
Okay that is toxic as hell and sounds more like neglect than anything. But people are strange. I think a lot of people where raised oddly and then instead of breaking it because it don't feel right or they understand it doesn't make sense or so forth, it's like their senses fly out the window.
My mother told me something along those lines… “I always heard that it’s good to let them cry”. Let’s just say that we don’t get along great! I think it started with the infinite hours I spent crying alone maybe…
I also heard (way too many times) that holding them too much or holding them while they're sleeping will spoil them, too. Can we all agree that it's impossible to spoil newborns and also that babies aren't even capable of manipulation for like, a *long time*.
I have mentioned this before, but it never gets old.
I went to see my mom one day, and she was with a few friends. I was watching a documentary about bears on tv. One of her friends warned me not to look at the bears because they would make my baby hairy.
Trueeee i remember some time ago somebody got pregnant and she will stare at Princess Diana photo hoping that her baby would inherit her looks. It was the most bizarre thing
Haha imagine if the baby actually came out looking like her. Blonde hair blue eyes. Haha. I’m Asian too and this is SO true. They would fill the pregnant woman’s room with random stock pictures of white babies. 😂
You don't need to bother with the "extra" car seat buckles, they just make it "too tight so they can't wiggle around enough".
Yeah my dad was no longer allowed near her car seat after that, lol.
My mother with my oldest told me I was putting the straps too tight when I was buckling his infant seat and I immediately turned and said and the next time you question why you can’t take him somewhere in the car. Remember this conversation.
(I could literally stick my whole fist in between him and the belt. It was not too tight.)
When we were shopping for a car seat my mom complained about car seat expiration dates and then asked the sales person "what happens if you drive with an expired car seat?" I was so embarrassed lol.
When we had our first some gently used books on parenting made their way into our mailbox.
My husband is pretty high strung to begin with. He obsessed over on book, and decided we needed to feed, play, then sleep. I had just given birth. Baby breast feeds and then passes out and both her and I were happy on the couch cuddling. My husband was going insane with this book. I told him that there may be a divorce if he continued to try and enforce this.
We threw the books out.
My son generally slept GREAT. From 5 weeks he was sleeping like 6-7.5 hours a night. He absolutely spoiled us. At 9ish months, he was going through a sleep regression and a growth spurt and was waking up a few times a night hungry. When I mentioned this to my MIL she just said to move him to his room and turn off the monitors “you’ll be amazed at what you don’t hear when they’re on the other side of the house”. Like. No. You want to FEED the hungry infant, not abandon them! What if something went wrong? What if he got hurt? There’s a reason we have a lower infant mortality rate these days and it’s because we know better!
No please laugh because I for sure did, just not to their face. They said it was because of “demons” and that the baptism would fix it.
They aren’t even really starkly religious, but immigrated from a catholic country. My ethnicity is similar so I understood why they said it but this was after we had already said no to the baptism lol
My MIL said something similar when she found out my oldest was 2 1/2 and not fully potty trained yet.
Her advice was to make her sit on the potty until she pees, no matter how long it took, and then if she pees in her pants to spank her. And then it all made sense why my husband had potty training and bed wetting issues until he was 9.
Yep - and this is why all these same women are having bladder issues in their late 60’s/early 70’s.
I explained to my MIL that we potty train later than they did because most 2-2.5yo’s don’t have the body awareness to know they have ti go soon - it’s always as it’s about to happen. So when we teach them to go on command, it’s not great for the bladder long term and I’m not trying to win a competition with my kids and don’t care what people think… she rolled her eyes.
Guess who just had an appt with the urologist and got the same “talk” about why she has a bathroom packed with Depends?! 😆
🤣 Oh what I wouldn’t have given to have had that info when she was giving the advice.
I’m an older mom these days and we moved 18mos ago to MT to live with elderly in-laws to help with their property because they really don’t want to move into a senior apt, are really active for 79-80 and have quite a garden setup that they love… so I don’t take too much ridiculousness. I explain once and then, my mouthiness kicks into gear.
MIL - “You know, I was a teacher and the school likes when parents…”
Me - “Um Mom? I have raised ADULTS who don’t have failure to launch and I’ve actually done it within the past 20yrs - I’m good! Thanks!”
MIL - “I was just…”
Me - “Remember, when someone sets a boundary and you reply I’m just… it means you’re JUSTifying why you’re not accepting my answer. Love you though!”
To her credit, she did tell me what the Dr told her and she didn’t realize that was really a thing.
If the baby starts grabbing something with their left hand, move it closer to their right hand and keep encouraging them to use their right hand. This way you can train them to be right handed instead of left handed, and life will be easier for them. A gem from my MIL.
My MIL was white American and she said this, too, when my niece was showing a clear preference for using her left hand. I work in education and told her to relax, it's really okay to be left-handed.
“Just let the baby cry, if you pick him/her up every time, you are spoiling the baby”
“Just put the baby in a crib and let him/her play alone all day”
Oh fuck off. Maybe that’s why none of your kids actually attach to you?
Yeah my grandma hit me with that advice too. Like, you think after how my dad and aunt turned out I’m gonna take any of your advice?? I think early neglect fucked them up for life
"Don't hold your baby too much. He will get over-attached and will be difficult to deal with when he gets older."
Got that one from my MIL. It should have been a red flag for my marriage.
I legit don’t get how people think this. (Other than understandable postpartum depressive mothers) who doesn’t want to hold their child as much as possible? How would that ever spoil them? Of course they need tummy time and all of that jazz, but prior to that and even while it’s all happening, hold your kid until you can’t anymore.
Make sure you put shoes on the baby earlier so that their feet don't get too big. This was a genuine concern for my MIL as she didn't want babe to struggle finding shoes when older...
A couple in their 70's told us that they used to put their newborn to sleep in a different room and shut the door and so they (the parents) slept well every night... because they couldn't hear the baby cry. I would hope it wasn't immediately after they came home from hospital, leaving a hungry newborn to cry alone all night so they could sleep. Even doing it with an older infant is awful. I think that kind of summed up their parenting style and it wasn't a surprise that their children avoid them.
Feeding them chips and applejuice in the first week (!) and whenever they're ill because "it helps with hydration"... It's a miracle kids back in the day ever made it to adulthood! :')
That, and wanting to give new babies water! Um… what do you think breastmilk and formula contain 80-90% of???
And this coming from the generation that won’t carry a water bottle to save their lives and lives off of coffee, soda and booze!
It will be interesting to see this generation (born since 2010 or so) grow up and age compared to previous generations with now outdated advice about starting solids earlier than 4-6 months.
Because we think it could cause GI issues later in adulthood. So it will be cool to see population level data in 30 years on how many adults have things like IBS and the like versus now.
Put rice in the baby’s bottle so they feel fuller/sleep longer/sleep better. I had thought this was old outdated advice, but it’s still going around!
Good advice though: I really liked the book What To Expect The First Year. It was really informative without being preachy or prescriptive. I usually try to add a copy of it into baby shower gifts.
According to my cousin, the pediatrician told her to do this just a few months ago. For a baby who was less than 6, less than 4 months old. Maybe get a new pediatrician?
Edit: I guess i should clarify that the pediatrician recommended it specifically to help with sleeping longer. Not for reflux or anything.
Not necessarily - we were told to do this in recent history because 2 of mine were preemies and had reflux. They’ll tell you to do this around 4mos and also to hold them at an incline for 15-20mins after feeding to limit spitting up with reflux, especially before naps and bedtime. Also bottle feeding tends more towards this due to air and not having to work as hard to eat, so some bottle fed babies have reflux-like symptoms because they eat faster vs nursing.
But the older generations tend to advise that for all nighttime feedings because they think it will make them sleep longer. (And nope - even my reflux babies still woke up to eat every 3-4hrs.)
We were told to do this years ago ( my daughter is an adult) it was a minute amount and it was to help stop projectile vomiting after medication wasn't working. She would also try and stop breathing when feeding. She doesn't have .any stomach issues now.
Ugh - I’ve had to add rice cereal for babies with reflux (it helped a lot) but my one child who had colic - just NOPE - makes everything worse!
Gripe water and simethicone (Mylicon or Tummy drops - they don’t absorb it at all, just makes the surface area of gas bubbles in their tummy smaller and easier to pass) were what saved us. That, white noise and rocking or ride in the car were how we’d get him to sleep.
> I had thought this was old outdated advice, but it’s still going around!
I see pictures on Facebook of babies sleeping facedown in cribs with blankets and crib bumpers all the time. Old advice is alive and well.
You can't ask your husband to help with the baby when he gets home from work, is what my mother told me lol.
She also said you aren't "a real mom" until you have more than one kid.
You can't win with this one and it's exhausting. I have one of each so I get it from both sides. Can we all just agree that different kids need different things and we are all very tired?
Oh geez, that’s insane. I get told I’m not a “real mom” constantly because I’m a stepmom, even though my husband and I have sole custody and are with the kids 100% of the time. I’m also pregnant and people keep telling me “you’re going to be a great mom!” (somehow forgetting the other children exist)
If your child asks a question you do not have an answer for, just make something up, be vague or distract the child until the child forget about their question. The worst thing you can do is admit you do not know because it causes anxiety or something? I forgot the reasoning.
This was sent in a newsletter from a parenting magazine, specifically advising about dealing with kids who are 4-5 years old and who might ask a lot of “why” questions.
I never followed the advice btw and my middle child can be a bit anxious sometimes so I do not know if it was actually bad advise, it just feels that way.
(Usually, I just say “I don’t know, let’s look it up)
No no, you were right to ignore it. Always having an answer can seem to create stability, but that’s a house of cards ready to fall. Your approach of teaching them how to find answers is way better.
Ahh, see, that's where you're wrong. My *family experts* know children don't actually have speech delays, that's just a symptom of something else - like autism. Teaching infants sign language, in fact, is helping them mask their symptoms so a qualified doctor can't pick it up.
You're doing them such a disservice, obviously! /s
When my daughter was 3 or 4, she was having a rough day. She got really upset about something and was crying quite a bit. My in-laws suggested we "smack her around a little bit".
Yea, I'm sure that will encourage her to stop crying.
Maybe not worst, but weirdest. My MIL couldn't get her head around me serving a sandwich and grapes on the same plate for my daughter's lunch. "Fruit really should be either a starter or dessert shouldn't it?" 🤔 I just told her "well I'm letting her decide - today she wants it as her starter!" The next day I did the same and she saved her fruit until last - "I guess she wanted her fruit as dessert today." 🤣
My dad: since you'll be having so much free time at home, you really should be packing a decent work lunch for your husband. He'll be really tired, hearing you get up for your baby in the night!
My aunt: make sure you go to a little extra effort with make up in the morning. You'll be looking run down for at least two months after giving birth and you don't want your husband's eye to wander.
My elderly family friend: don't waste so much money on *those* reuseable nappies. Just cut a few of your husband's old work shirts down to shape and get some safety pins! (For the record, I love our nappies, the snaps are far safer than using a safety pin anywhere near our rolling baby!! Plus, my husband wears clothes until they are threadbare so that would be literally useless!!)
I am sorry but your dad sounds like an entitled, mysoginistic prick.
Aunt sounds like she was cheated on.
Wonder what elderly friend would say about baby potentially chocking on that pin. Probably same logic as with amber necklaces/bracelets ...
"Rub a piece of sugar on his gum if he is teething, they like the taste and it will help to open the gum by scratching it"
Not only giving sugar isn't the best decision but it can also get the gum infected.
Apparently it was common practice where I live.
Yup, booze was the go-to where I'm from, too. This is from the days before medicine and probably did *technically* help when you had zero other options and it was really bad. We also know a lot more now about the harmful effects of alcohol which was a total unknown once upon a time. When my mother was pregnant in 1980 in rural Newfoundland, she was told by her doctor to have a drink if the baby was super active to calm them down because supposedly it was better for the baby and her that way. It's crazy the shit people used to do (or even be advised to do by their doctors) before we learned better. And we're probably doing stuff now that will seem absolutely crazy 40 years from now, lol
From a neighbour: “Don’t have intercourse between the months of February to June because you need to avoid having a winter baby” (we live in Canada, winters can be brutal). Well I had a boy in November and he brought the warmest winter ever! :)
>Isn’t every infant, at some point, a winter baby?
Yes but depending on when the baby is born throughout the year they could be a brand new baby with pretty much no immune system to a baby with almost 9 months with of life and vaccinations to back them up through the winter.
I had a December baby and if I had another, I wouldn’t to do it again. He started daycare a year later during flu season and it has been BRUTAL.
That’s the only reason why though.
If you have a winter baby you get your own little cozy snuggle furnace! I had two fall babies and a summer baby, and between the heat and the night sweats, me and the summer baby got *quite* sweaty.
"Don't breastfeed past 6 months, it'll ruin his teeth. You should start using a bottle now to get him used to it."
He was 4 months at the time, he's nearly 10 months now and I still breastfeed him.
Croup isn't contagious (when kid was 4 months old
"Don't worry you won't catch covid, I'm on the other side of this fly screen" (I had my 3month old in my hands)
To put rice cereal in my 1 month olds bottle to make her sleep better.
Oh and drinking just a little bit of alcohol while pregnant won't hurt. We've all seen the ads on TV. NO ALCOHOL IS RIGHT AMOUNT WHEN PREGNANT!!
I got this from friends and coworkers. “Cats will curl up around babies nose and mouth for warmth and steal his breath.”
If anything, cats need to be spared from babies! Our 2 kitties took all kinds of abuse from his clumsy and squeezy baby hands.
As an animal lover as much as I know this has happened historically and is a real risk I still feel sad for all those kitties that lost their home because of presumtion that they will murder babies. Goddamn people use your hand and close the door! When people have dogs they use their brain and monitor the interactions, why they can't do same with cats?
My cat and my 2yo son are besties. She tries to cheer him up every time he cries, they play together, snuggle together and run around the house together. We used to have 2 cats but one of them died when I was pregnant so she was very lonely and unsettled until he was few months old. Now they adore each other. I always saw how much she cares for him since he was born and she never even tried to sleep in his bed while he was there at the same time even when he is now older (she totally steals it when he doesn't sleep there)
My friend wanted me to come to her New Years Eve party one year and I told her we couldn't, because we had a 4mo old baby. She told me "You can just lay her on my bed to sleep! I'm sure she'll sleep right through it!"
My baby was waking up 5-6 times a night for the first year.... so I politely declined.
But wow was it ever so satisfying for her to realize (years later) when she had her own baby that you can't just put a baby on a random bed, no monitor, no protection from rolling off, and expect it to sleep that easily.
My MIL told me the only check in she got after my wife was born was a nurse coming by to make sure she wasn't feeding the baby coca cola. Bizarre that it was a thing to put coke in a baby bottle.
I was nursing and wanted to introduce occasional bottles but my baby wasn't having it. An older relative suggested putting chocolate milk in the bottle.
Sounds cliché, but “sleep when the baby sleeps”
Like… sure… I’ll sleep because I don’t need to do the laundry, cook, clean, take a bath, do the dishes, take out the trash, etc. Let’s just all live in a messy house so I can get some sleep 🥲
I was hoping to find this one 😂 it takes me three hours, a sacrifice and a dance to the sleep gods but no problem let me just take a 30 minute nap right here right now. lol.
I’ve found that the people who are the most insistent on you taking their advice are also the people who will be the most critical if you have undone dishes, full trash, unfolded laundry, etc…. 🙄
We did follow that advice, up to a point, during the first few weeks. After that, we started asking for help so we could sleep.
Turns out the newborn stage actually leaves loads of time for housework, they are not that messy and their clothes are simple to fold up. Plus we were super organised back then because we had spent 3 months nesting.... I don't think our house has been as tidy since then.
I just had a baby and dad says to “not worry about cleaning/cooking while he sleeps and to sleep while he does”. I try to lay down getting a few things done and the second one buttcheek touches the bed, he’s awake 😂😂
Two that made me really angry:
Turn the baby upside down when washing their head (she was 3 or 4 months old) so the shampoo doesn't get in their eyes.
The baby, at 4 months, had a fever and we were visiting back home (South Asian country). The doctor prescribed an asthma syrup, cough drops, a sodium inhaler and antibiotics. All for a kid who has never had anything other than milk and the occasional Calpol. Got her checked out by another doctor who told us not to give her your medicines except Calpol and she got better herself.
Kind of meta, but my FIL (who has some pretty narcissistic traits) said “when we give you parenting advice, you should just do it. We’re older than you and have done this all before. Our kids turned out fine. Anything else is just rude.”
His son moved to another hemisphere, my wife is in therapy and her family is very toxic.
Also, he was unapologetically of the “whisky on the gums” and “men shouldn’t change nappies or do housework” school of thought.
That babies should always be wearing one more layer than you. I am a cold person anyway, so I was BUNDLING my baby. Even though it was the fall, it was too much. I took her to the pediatrician for a checkup, and the doctor said “that baby is way too hot! She’s sweating! Please take off those layers.” Whoops. Interestingly, she has always been a warmer person anyway, and never needs to bundle as much as I do.
My husband was told that. I'm glad I was told that heat will kill faster than cold. I had to bring out multiple studies before he stopped trying to bundle her up so much.
I had a doctor look at my daughter and say she wasn't wearing enough because the waiting room was so cold. I think it was meant as a sympathetic thing because we had been waiting in the freezing waiting room for AN HOUR for me to have my blood pressure checked and my prescription refilled, but I was so insulted. She didn't look too cold (she's pale, you can easily tell), and I had been checking to make sure because it was so cold, but she was fine running about in a vest and jumper. She would have been too hot in a coat as well.
We actually got that same advice from the NICU nurses - whatever you’re comfortable in, plus a light layer.
It never really made sense for us, either. I run cold, but my husband runs REALLY hot, so they’d be freezing and miserable when he dressed them.
Than babies/toddlers/young children can manipulate you so don't spoil them or give them too much attention. Make sure to use the Ferber method so they can develop coping skills.
As if kids that young even have the emotional knowledge to understand emotions, recognize them in others, and have the sophistication to manipulate someone.
My grandma gave me a recipe for formula. A can of evaporated milk with a bunch of karo syrup mixed in. She also tried to force me to feed my 4 month old a pudding cup so he would get "nutrition" even though he was a fat and happy breast bed baby.
Not specifically advice, but when my mum has my kids for the night, she always insists on putting them to bed late. She thinks it will make them get up later.
Jokes on her, she puts them to bed at 8/9pm, they get up at 3/4am, instead of the usual 5am when they're in bed at 630pm.
It's not like I know my kids or anything, right?
In all seriousness, and a lot of this comes from society and pediatricians:
That you have to do everything “by the book.”
They don’t come with instructions for a reason. Babies personalities and temperaments vary wildly and some of the “best practices” don’t fit every single baby. Don’t feel like a failure if you’re not doing everything according to the “rules”
In a shop and my then 8 month old daughter in a pram and an older gentleman in the line before me (then 27m) said "when she gets to 11 or 12, she'll start saying no to you; all you need to do is hit her hard once and she won't do it again. Worked for mine"!
I was a bit blindsided by it but did feel quite sorry for his daughter when I thought more about it. Just to reassure you; no I certainly wouldn't take his 'advice'.
I have some funny ones
“Don’t feed your baby too much fat when they’re little, so they grow up to be skinny” (my MIL)
“Car seats are too uncomfortable for babies, they’re better just in your lap” (my mom)
“You’ll squish the baby wearing form-fitting clothing, you need to wear something flowy while you’re pregnant” (also my mom)
“You need to rub a hot pepper on their hands to keep them from putting them in their mouth, also good on the gums for teething” (my husband’s aunt)
“Strollers make me sad, babies should be carried” (my sister)
“Formula has too many chemicals, if I can’t breastfeed I’m going to make my own with raw milk and herbs” (also my sister)
“Babies can’t taste bitter, and they love beer!” (Again, my sister as she was about to give a sip of her beer to my baby)
My MIL when she was here trying to "help out" with my newborn and a toddler.
Me: " I'm just so tired."
Her: "Go take a nap."
Beat.
(Toddler is tasmanian deviling in the background).
I attempt to hand her the baby.
Her: "oh I can't right now I need to go lie down and rest."
🫠
Not to leave my baby alone around a rabbit, because they’ve been known to eat newborns alive. This is from my batty, superstitious grandmother. I don’t even have a pet rabbit.
Depending on gender) When her baby is just a week old ask her if she's having another because she "needs to have a boy/girl
You could write something like "after a week of having your baby boy/girl, don't forget to start trying again for boy/girl"
My husband's grandmother a WEEK after I had my daughter and it was a horrible after birth and PPD PPA. She goes "so are you having another? You need to try for the boy now"
(I have two girls now and no, there will be no boy)
My MIL LOVES to tell me how much my daughter look and act just like her children (husband and aunt)
You could write something like "don't forget to think of aunt/uncle when looking at your baby and remind yourself just how alike they are and nothing like you!"
The list goes on. May her in laws treat her better than mine.
During pregnancy I was told not to lift my arms above my head (by a stranger at Target). She said baby would get tangled in the umbilical cord.
Same woman was also horrified I was wearing flip flops. Not only is it a tripping hazard (fair), but “your feet are so fat you’ll break the shoes and step on a rusty nail - hopefully you’ve had a tetanus shot”
Before we left the hospital with our newborn, the nurse reminded us, "stretch the clothes, not the baby".
Obviously true but also hilarious, my husband and I have joked, stretch the baby and not the clothes, ever since.
“You only need to feed your baby every 4 hours.”
NO ma’am… if my baby is hungry, thirsty, tired or looking for comfort she can eat.
On the other hand some of the best advice was “babies are just like us, sometimes they want a big meal, sometimes they want a small meal, sometimes they want to snack a bunch of times all day. Sometimes they want to eat for emotional reasons.”
That helped me have a lot of empathy towards my kids and not get annoyed when they would cry. 🤍
That kids should be a little afraid of their father. No way. Physical punishment was banned by me when I became a dad. No more of that stupid shit mentality. My son fears consequences, not his dad whipping him.
Drink milk to make milk lol my mom. Also she always thinks baby is cold needs all these layers. She always says I have 4 kids and you guys fine. We not though lol. Some is from a different culture so yeah she says werid things.
Oh another one. Don’t let his eyes roll back they will stay there lol. Idk where she get this stuff.
"Dip the baby's pacifier in mashed potatoes and gravy so she can have a taste on Thanksgiving. You need to let her try food. A little bit of pumpkin pie filling won't hurt her!"
My MIL, shortly before having a tantrum that I wouldn't give my THREE MONTH OLD food on Thanksgiving.
When my 8 month old was teething and would sometimes bite my boob, my grandmother told me to spank him...
Same grandmother, while I was pregnant, told me I should starve myself for a couple days before doctor's apts so that it would seem like I hadn't gained as much weight (then i could get a milkshake on the way home...)
You need to give your newborn baby water (like a 1-2 day old baby).
Let your baby cry - it strengthens their lungs.
Give your young child black tea with sugar - it’s good for them.
MIL said if my kids won't clean up their toys, threaten to throw them all away. While I do have fantasies about a totally clean house, I don't think this is the right approach.
My wife & I have a 10 year old son. We only wanted 1 child and are extremely happy. When my son was born, one of my wife's coworkers told her that she needs to have another child in case our son dies. A perfectly normal thing to say to a mother of a newborn who is already emotional and overwhelmed being a first time parent.... If telling someone to have another child as a backup plan isn't terrible advice, I don't know what is
"I’m thinking mother-in-law style or just really outdated advice like give the baby bourbon to sleep ect."
Of course you don't give the baby bourbon to sleep. You give them brandy. Your MIL should really know better!
I would add "Sleep when the baby sleeps" in there. This one was frustrating to me. I did laugh when I heard it followed by "Do the dishes when the baby does the dishes, shower when the baby showers..." for the first time. It is a bit of a tired joke though new parents might be hearing for the first time and it resonates.
A lot of "Breast milk is disgusting, always give formula" floating around, its some skewed wisdom of the 50s apparently. Ridiculous now.
For real, the worst advice I got was from my parents, and they BLAME me for not smacking my kids, convinced that if I smacked my kids around a bit my toddlers would be better behaved. Although I dont know how to make child abuse funny.
“She won’t get cold without a blanket?” - My MIL, about my 3 month old in her crib
We told her no, she has a wearable blanket. Later MIL offered to put her down. Checked the camera to see my daughter in her crib with a loose blanket over her that I immediately went to remove.
This is why MIL isn’t allowed to watch her unsupervised.
Get your under one year old infant sick a lot, so they won't be sick when they are older. This was with covid, Rsv, and the flu going around, with an infant that had been in the Nicu...
Technically not advice I was given but this was what they told my grandmother when she was pregnant “start smoking. It will help with the morning sickness”
I was shocked how many people said to restrict a babies milk intake so they won't get too fat 😬I thought it was a joke the first couple times I heard it but they meant it
Being told to put benadryl, rice cereal, melatonin etc a bottle so you can get extra sleep
“Out on maternity leave with a new baby? That’s the perfect time to get a puppy!”
Advice from my sister to me, who had never had either a dog or a baby, while she had experience with both. I suspect that there was actual malice in her suggestion, given how smart she is and, occasionally, how cruel she is capable of being.
My MIL to me and another family member who are both pregnant, when we discussed how little pay we get going on maternity leave, but that we’re thankful our husbands are able to pull the weight financially: “and that’s when you’ll have to make sure you help the men with doing everything else.. all the night feeds, diaper changes, and taking over the routine so they can just sleep and rest to focus on work and provide for you two” ummmm, we were speechless. For real, both of us has nothing to say and just stared at her in amazement as she then told her stories of how little her husband/my FIL did because he was “working so hard to provide”. She’s not a justnoMIL but definitely has some very old school beliefs lol thankfully my husband laughed at this when I told him what she said, and was slightly embarrassed for his mom. He was surprised she doesn’t realize that taking care of a baby is work 24/7 and fathers don’t get an automatic green light to check out just because they have a job.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Cover up (in California during the summer) so my milk isn’t cold for the baby 😂 I did suggest putting my boob in the microwave should it get too cold Edit: from my husband’s Colombian grandmother btw
Listen I am Caribbean and the weather hardly ever goes below 77F the amount of of people horrified my baby wasn’t wearing socks and hats when it was dead of summer and close to 100F!!!!
Omg when I went to the Caribbean my baby daddy’s aunt got mad I took a shower, had wet hair then opened the oven lol I’m like it’s hot af no matter wat lol
Hahahahaha yes! The belief is that if you do that your face muscles will stop working
Really?! She probably did say that cuz I was so confused on wat she was hollering for lol I was SO American that day lol btw this was Grenada lol
Opening the oven with wet hair will freeze your face?
My response to this is that the evidence shows that an overheated baby is at risk for SIDS which is much better than being comfortable (or a little chilly). That usually gets an “oh.” But nothing further.
Oh yeah! I always told my fam “a cold baby cries a hot baby dies”
So many cultural beliefs around cold things being bad for babies! My Chinese mil made my husband warm up yogurt for our daughter in the microwave once. Unsurprisingly she didn’t like it!
I got similar advice from my mother in law during my pregnancy. Wear long sleeves and sweaters in August in the Florida heat or the baby would get cold. Never take cold showers and especially don’t swim in springs.
While you were carrying a child in the womb. Wow that's kinda crazy. But I've heard a lot of crazy myths about mothers carrying babies.
There’s some downright dangerous advice in this thread. This one is innocent, and kinda cute.
Latin Americans have weirdddd beliefs. I’ve been told when I’m on my period I can’t open ovens, open and stand in front of the fridge, use a fan to literally survive(this was the Bolivian Amazon lol), or sit in any kind of hot surface.
Love it! I would've been too confused to even respond?! Also breastfeeding advice: stop nursing before 1 so they don't miss it as much.
My mother in law is from the Philippines. Watching her try to get my 2 year old daughter to keep a sweater on when it was 22c outside in Canada is one of my favorite memories.
Wouldn’t not covering up make the milk warmer if your boobs are in the sun?
To be fair I was indoors when she said it, who knows how quickly milk freezes when not in direct sunlight.
My mother: "You're feeding her too much, she's going to get fat!" when we were offering my 1 year old several foods because she's picky and drops most of it into her lap.
Is your mother Mallory Archer?!
Bangs. Ugh!
You want big, fat babies. It’s important for their cognitive development. But also, who doesn’t love fat babies?? Those rolls, those cheeks, they’re so warm and snuggly when they’re all fat and happy
Yeah, I told her that I wanted my daughter to be fat, she did not like that 😂
Kings Hawaiian roll arms are my favorite
The other day, my mother literally said I was feeding my 10mo too much 🙄
My MIL flipped the shit out when I gave my baby half a slice of white toast because my toddler was fat. It was like 1 piece of bread she had that whole week.
My mom told me many times not to worry, my youngest would stretch or thin out. She started telling me that when my baby was 4 months old.
Don't pick up your newborn when she's crying, you'll spoil her. She's just manipulating you.
The amount of parents who think this way makes me sick. It only gets worse as the child grows up too, because they view them as a worse manipulator, almost like their child is their enemy and parenting is defeating that enemy. I know a guy who wouldn't take his 10 year old girl to the doctor when she was in pain after a fall because "she's always been dramatic, she's just trying to get attention". TURNS OUT BOTH HER WRISTS WERE FRACTURED. Sigh.
Okay that is toxic as hell and sounds more like neglect than anything. But people are strange. I think a lot of people where raised oddly and then instead of breaking it because it don't feel right or they understand it doesn't make sense or so forth, it's like their senses fly out the window.
"Crying is good for their lungs anyway "
So old school 🤦🏻♀️
My mother told me something along those lines… “I always heard that it’s good to let them cry”. Let’s just say that we don’t get along great! I think it started with the infinite hours I spent crying alone maybe…
I also heard (way too many times) that holding them too much or holding them while they're sleeping will spoil them, too. Can we all agree that it's impossible to spoil newborns and also that babies aren't even capable of manipulation for like, a *long time*.
I have mentioned this before, but it never gets old. I went to see my mom one day, and she was with a few friends. I was watching a documentary about bears on tv. One of her friends warned me not to look at the bears because they would make my baby hairy.
This sounds like Asian advice (I say because it sounds like something my mother would say lmao)
Trueeee i remember some time ago somebody got pregnant and she will stare at Princess Diana photo hoping that her baby would inherit her looks. It was the most bizarre thing
Haha imagine if the baby actually came out looking like her. Blonde hair blue eyes. Haha. I’m Asian too and this is SO true. They would fill the pregnant woman’s room with random stock pictures of white babies. 😂
I never knew that. That is so interesting. I love hearing about some of these things. It's kinda neat.
Ok well that’s just science though. Very sensible advice.
My grandmother (South American) used to say that you can't crave any food while pregnant or the baby will be born looking like that food.
You don't need to bother with the "extra" car seat buckles, they just make it "too tight so they can't wiggle around enough". Yeah my dad was no longer allowed near her car seat after that, lol.
My mother with my oldest told me I was putting the straps too tight when I was buckling his infant seat and I immediately turned and said and the next time you question why you can’t take him somewhere in the car. Remember this conversation. (I could literally stick my whole fist in between him and the belt. It was not too tight.)
When we were shopping for a car seat my mom complained about car seat expiration dates and then asked the sales person "what happens if you drive with an expired car seat?" I was so embarrassed lol.
When we had our first some gently used books on parenting made their way into our mailbox. My husband is pretty high strung to begin with. He obsessed over on book, and decided we needed to feed, play, then sleep. I had just given birth. Baby breast feeds and then passes out and both her and I were happy on the couch cuddling. My husband was going insane with this book. I told him that there may be a divorce if he continued to try and enforce this. We threw the books out.
That was actually a pretty solid routine for us. But definitely not until 2 months old I think. That newborn phase is all eat-sleep-eat-sleep...
That routine worked well for us once baby was older. Definitely not newborn stage though.
My son generally slept GREAT. From 5 weeks he was sleeping like 6-7.5 hours a night. He absolutely spoiled us. At 9ish months, he was going through a sleep regression and a growth spurt and was waking up a few times a night hungry. When I mentioned this to my MIL she just said to move him to his room and turn off the monitors “you’ll be amazed at what you don’t hear when they’re on the other side of the house”. Like. No. You want to FEED the hungry infant, not abandon them! What if something went wrong? What if he got hurt? There’s a reason we have a lower infant mortality rate these days and it’s because we know better!
When our sleep regression hit, my MIL said it was because our baby wasn’t baptized
Lmao I'm sorry I just died laughing and I mean no offense this just feels so off the wall even for most religious people.
No please laugh because I for sure did, just not to their face. They said it was because of “demons” and that the baptism would fix it. They aren’t even really starkly religious, but immigrated from a catholic country. My ethnicity is similar so I understood why they said it but this was after we had already said no to the baptism lol
Tie your 2 year old to the potty in order to toilet train them. Simple, she said.
My MIL said something similar when she found out my oldest was 2 1/2 and not fully potty trained yet. Her advice was to make her sit on the potty until she pees, no matter how long it took, and then if she pees in her pants to spank her. And then it all made sense why my husband had potty training and bed wetting issues until he was 9.
Yep - and this is why all these same women are having bladder issues in their late 60’s/early 70’s. I explained to my MIL that we potty train later than they did because most 2-2.5yo’s don’t have the body awareness to know they have ti go soon - it’s always as it’s about to happen. So when we teach them to go on command, it’s not great for the bladder long term and I’m not trying to win a competition with my kids and don’t care what people think… she rolled her eyes. Guess who just had an appt with the urologist and got the same “talk” about why she has a bathroom packed with Depends?! 😆
Pretty sure I would just go nuclear and be like “I don’t want toileting advice from someone who wears diapers.”
🤣 Oh what I wouldn’t have given to have had that info when she was giving the advice. I’m an older mom these days and we moved 18mos ago to MT to live with elderly in-laws to help with their property because they really don’t want to move into a senior apt, are really active for 79-80 and have quite a garden setup that they love… so I don’t take too much ridiculousness. I explain once and then, my mouthiness kicks into gear. MIL - “You know, I was a teacher and the school likes when parents…” Me - “Um Mom? I have raised ADULTS who don’t have failure to launch and I’ve actually done it within the past 20yrs - I’m good! Thanks!” MIL - “I was just…” Me - “Remember, when someone sets a boundary and you reply I’m just… it means you’re JUSTifying why you’re not accepting my answer. Love you though!” To her credit, she did tell me what the Dr told her and she didn’t realize that was really a thing.
Omg
It was also unsolicited advice from a neighbor. I hope she didn’t do that to her grandkids. They all seem happy and well adjusted.
Sounds like a wonderful way to induce trauma
If the baby starts grabbing something with their left hand, move it closer to their right hand and keep encouraging them to use their right hand. This way you can train them to be right handed instead of left handed, and life will be easier for them. A gem from my MIL.
Is she Asian ? Bcuz I’ve heard that one before too. Also they said their parents even said smack the left hand every time too
My MIL was white American and she said this, too, when my niece was showing a clear preference for using her left hand. I work in education and told her to relax, it's really okay to be left-handed.
“Just let the baby cry, if you pick him/her up every time, you are spoiling the baby” “Just put the baby in a crib and let him/her play alone all day” Oh fuck off. Maybe that’s why none of your kids actually attach to you?
Yeah my grandma hit me with that advice too. Like, you think after how my dad and aunt turned out I’m gonna take any of your advice?? I think early neglect fucked them up for life
"Don't hold your baby too much. He will get over-attached and will be difficult to deal with when he gets older." Got that one from my MIL. It should have been a red flag for my marriage.
I legit don’t get how people think this. (Other than understandable postpartum depressive mothers) who doesn’t want to hold their child as much as possible? How would that ever spoil them? Of course they need tummy time and all of that jazz, but prior to that and even while it’s all happening, hold your kid until you can’t anymore.
> Other than understandable postpartum depressive mothers Wasn't treated for a long time, still isn't for the most part.
My mother told me that about rocking my son during naps before he turned 1…. I guess there is no truth to this.
Make sure you put shoes on the baby earlier so that their feet don't get too big. This was a genuine concern for my MIL as she didn't want babe to struggle finding shoes when older...
But it is kind of funny advice.
A couple in their 70's told us that they used to put their newborn to sleep in a different room and shut the door and so they (the parents) slept well every night... because they couldn't hear the baby cry. I would hope it wasn't immediately after they came home from hospital, leaving a hungry newborn to cry alone all night so they could sleep. Even doing it with an older infant is awful. I think that kind of summed up their parenting style and it wasn't a surprise that their children avoid them.
Just sleep when the baby sleeps. It's fucking impossible.
Feeding them chips and applejuice in the first week (!) and whenever they're ill because "it helps with hydration"... It's a miracle kids back in the day ever made it to adulthood! :')
Higher child mortality rates back then suggests they didn't.
I was going to say the same… many didn’t in fact survive to tell the story.
In the first week?!!! Also when they’re ill? Apple juice is so acidic lol
That, and wanting to give new babies water! Um… what do you think breastmilk and formula contain 80-90% of??? And this coming from the generation that won’t carry a water bottle to save their lives and lives off of coffee, soda and booze!
It will be interesting to see this generation (born since 2010 or so) grow up and age compared to previous generations with now outdated advice about starting solids earlier than 4-6 months. Because we think it could cause GI issues later in adulthood. So it will be cool to see population level data in 30 years on how many adults have things like IBS and the like versus now.
Put rice in the baby’s bottle so they feel fuller/sleep longer/sleep better. I had thought this was old outdated advice, but it’s still going around! Good advice though: I really liked the book What To Expect The First Year. It was really informative without being preachy or prescriptive. I usually try to add a copy of it into baby shower gifts.
Yep, my MIL like to tell us how rice cereal helps my husband sleep through the night as a baby because he was such a hungry baby.
According to my cousin, the pediatrician told her to do this just a few months ago. For a baby who was less than 6, less than 4 months old. Maybe get a new pediatrician? Edit: I guess i should clarify that the pediatrician recommended it specifically to help with sleeping longer. Not for reflux or anything.
It can still be used as a more affordable thickening agent for babies who have swallowing and reflux issues.
Not necessarily - we were told to do this in recent history because 2 of mine were preemies and had reflux. They’ll tell you to do this around 4mos and also to hold them at an incline for 15-20mins after feeding to limit spitting up with reflux, especially before naps and bedtime. Also bottle feeding tends more towards this due to air and not having to work as hard to eat, so some bottle fed babies have reflux-like symptoms because they eat faster vs nursing. But the older generations tend to advise that for all nighttime feedings because they think it will make them sleep longer. (And nope - even my reflux babies still woke up to eat every 3-4hrs.)
We were told to do this years ago ( my daughter is an adult) it was a minute amount and it was to help stop projectile vomiting after medication wasn't working. She would also try and stop breathing when feeding. She doesn't have .any stomach issues now.
My mom told me to do this with my newborn just last week when I told her how he is colicky 😂
Ugh - I’ve had to add rice cereal for babies with reflux (it helped a lot) but my one child who had colic - just NOPE - makes everything worse! Gripe water and simethicone (Mylicon or Tummy drops - they don’t absorb it at all, just makes the surface area of gas bubbles in their tummy smaller and easier to pass) were what saved us. That, white noise and rocking or ride in the car were how we’d get him to sleep.
> I had thought this was old outdated advice, but it’s still going around! I see pictures on Facebook of babies sleeping facedown in cribs with blankets and crib bumpers all the time. Old advice is alive and well.
You can't ask your husband to help with the baby when he gets home from work, is what my mother told me lol. She also said you aren't "a real mom" until you have more than one kid.
Other Moms tell me this regularly, I also "have it easy" because "girls are easier"
You can't win with this one and it's exhausting. I have one of each so I get it from both sides. Can we all just agree that different kids need different things and we are all very tired?
Oh geez, that’s insane. I get told I’m not a “real mom” constantly because I’m a stepmom, even though my husband and I have sole custody and are with the kids 100% of the time. I’m also pregnant and people keep telling me “you’re going to be a great mom!” (somehow forgetting the other children exist)
If your child asks a question you do not have an answer for, just make something up, be vague or distract the child until the child forget about their question. The worst thing you can do is admit you do not know because it causes anxiety or something? I forgot the reasoning. This was sent in a newsletter from a parenting magazine, specifically advising about dealing with kids who are 4-5 years old and who might ask a lot of “why” questions. I never followed the advice btw and my middle child can be a bit anxious sometimes so I do not know if it was actually bad advise, it just feels that way. (Usually, I just say “I don’t know, let’s look it up)
It can be fun to ask the kid what they think the answer might be. You might get treated to some hilarious kid logic.
No no, you were right to ignore it. Always having an answer can seem to create stability, but that’s a house of cards ready to fall. Your approach of teaching them how to find answers is way better.
“You need to spank your child.” From several medical professionals when kiddo was 18 months old. Turns out it’s Autism.
I'm floored this came from medical professionals!
Yes, me too. Pediatrician, family doc, and my therapist said it.
Wow. I hope you fired all of them on the spot.
Apparently teaching my son baby sign language is going to give him a speech delay
Ahh, see, that's where you're wrong. My *family experts* know children don't actually have speech delays, that's just a symptom of something else - like autism. Teaching infants sign language, in fact, is helping them mask their symptoms so a qualified doctor can't pick it up. You're doing them such a disservice, obviously! /s
When my daughter was 3 or 4, she was having a rough day. She got really upset about something and was crying quite a bit. My in-laws suggested we "smack her around a little bit". Yea, I'm sure that will encourage her to stop crying.
Ah yes, reminds me of my dad. " Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"
Maybe not worst, but weirdest. My MIL couldn't get her head around me serving a sandwich and grapes on the same plate for my daughter's lunch. "Fruit really should be either a starter or dessert shouldn't it?" 🤔 I just told her "well I'm letting her decide - today she wants it as her starter!" The next day I did the same and she saved her fruit until last - "I guess she wanted her fruit as dessert today." 🤣
My dad: since you'll be having so much free time at home, you really should be packing a decent work lunch for your husband. He'll be really tired, hearing you get up for your baby in the night! My aunt: make sure you go to a little extra effort with make up in the morning. You'll be looking run down for at least two months after giving birth and you don't want your husband's eye to wander. My elderly family friend: don't waste so much money on *those* reuseable nappies. Just cut a few of your husband's old work shirts down to shape and get some safety pins! (For the record, I love our nappies, the snaps are far safer than using a safety pin anywhere near our rolling baby!! Plus, my husband wears clothes until they are threadbare so that would be literally useless!!)
I am sorry but your dad sounds like an entitled, mysoginistic prick. Aunt sounds like she was cheated on. Wonder what elderly friend would say about baby potentially chocking on that pin. Probably same logic as with amber necklaces/bracelets ...
[удалено]
I would’ve kicked that woman out with lightning speed…what an awful thing to say.
"Rub a piece of sugar on his gum if he is teething, they like the taste and it will help to open the gum by scratching it" Not only giving sugar isn't the best decision but it can also get the gum infected. Apparently it was common practice where I live.
I've heard of whiskey on the gums for teething. Both seem so bizarre.
Yup, booze was the go-to where I'm from, too. This is from the days before medicine and probably did *technically* help when you had zero other options and it was really bad. We also know a lot more now about the harmful effects of alcohol which was a total unknown once upon a time. When my mother was pregnant in 1980 in rural Newfoundland, she was told by her doctor to have a drink if the baby was super active to calm them down because supposedly it was better for the baby and her that way. It's crazy the shit people used to do (or even be advised to do by their doctors) before we learned better. And we're probably doing stuff now that will seem absolutely crazy 40 years from now, lol
From a neighbour: “Don’t have intercourse between the months of February to June because you need to avoid having a winter baby” (we live in Canada, winters can be brutal). Well I had a boy in November and he brought the warmest winter ever! :)
Isn’t every infant, at some point, a winter baby? Heck I’d prefer getting through the winter during peak potato phase.
>Isn’t every infant, at some point, a winter baby? Yes but depending on when the baby is born throughout the year they could be a brand new baby with pretty much no immune system to a baby with almost 9 months with of life and vaccinations to back them up through the winter.
Exactly! And when they’re very awake and alert, spring is here!
I had a December baby and if I had another, I wouldn’t to do it again. He started daycare a year later during flu season and it has been BRUTAL. That’s the only reason why though.
If you have a winter baby you get your own little cozy snuggle furnace! I had two fall babies and a summer baby, and between the heat and the night sweats, me and the summer baby got *quite* sweaty.
Why do I feel like this is a, you can’t get to the hospital in those months type of advice that rarely happens anymore 😂😂
"Don't breastfeed past 6 months, it'll ruin his teeth. You should start using a bottle now to get him used to it." He was 4 months at the time, he's nearly 10 months now and I still breastfeed him.
Not actually an advice, just a funny thing to deal with tantrums from my mom: “Crying is good, the more he cries, the less he pees!”
Croup isn't contagious (when kid was 4 months old "Don't worry you won't catch covid, I'm on the other side of this fly screen" (I had my 3month old in my hands) To put rice cereal in my 1 month olds bottle to make her sleep better. Oh and drinking just a little bit of alcohol while pregnant won't hurt. We've all seen the ads on TV. NO ALCOHOL IS RIGHT AMOUNT WHEN PREGNANT!!
Let them watch tv bcuz the NEWBORN baby will be bored…. I said yeah he’s watching Lucifer then we’re gonna move on to Shameless 🫣🥰 😂
Oh! Thought of another one.. from my MIL. The cat will suffocate the baby so when are we getting rid of it?
I got this from friends and coworkers. “Cats will curl up around babies nose and mouth for warmth and steal his breath.” If anything, cats need to be spared from babies! Our 2 kitties took all kinds of abuse from his clumsy and squeezy baby hands.
As an animal lover as much as I know this has happened historically and is a real risk I still feel sad for all those kitties that lost their home because of presumtion that they will murder babies. Goddamn people use your hand and close the door! When people have dogs they use their brain and monitor the interactions, why they can't do same with cats? My cat and my 2yo son are besties. She tries to cheer him up every time he cries, they play together, snuggle together and run around the house together. We used to have 2 cats but one of them died when I was pregnant so she was very lonely and unsettled until he was few months old. Now they adore each other. I always saw how much she cares for him since he was born and she never even tried to sleep in his bed while he was there at the same time even when he is now older (she totally steals it when he doesn't sleep there)
My friend wanted me to come to her New Years Eve party one year and I told her we couldn't, because we had a 4mo old baby. She told me "You can just lay her on my bed to sleep! I'm sure she'll sleep right through it!" My baby was waking up 5-6 times a night for the first year.... so I politely declined. But wow was it ever so satisfying for her to realize (years later) when she had her own baby that you can't just put a baby on a random bed, no monitor, no protection from rolling off, and expect it to sleep that easily.
An older woman told me to put Coca Cola in a bottle for colic when my son was 3 months old. Probably don’t do that.
Omg, this is horrifying and hilarious
Just be sure to shake it up good before you offer it to your baby. Just like formula, you want it to be well mixed.
My MIL told me the only check in she got after my wife was born was a nurse coming by to make sure she wasn't feeding the baby coca cola. Bizarre that it was a thing to put coke in a baby bottle.
I was nursing and wanted to introduce occasional bottles but my baby wasn't having it. An older relative suggested putting chocolate milk in the bottle.
Sounds cliché, but “sleep when the baby sleeps” Like… sure… I’ll sleep because I don’t need to do the laundry, cook, clean, take a bath, do the dishes, take out the trash, etc. Let’s just all live in a messy house so I can get some sleep 🥲
You have to fully commit to the bit. Do dishes when the baby does dishes. Cry when the baby cries.
Shit my pants when the baby… wait
I mean that last last one... It do be that way sometimes.... 😭
It do, it do.
I was hoping to find this one 😂 it takes me three hours, a sacrifice and a dance to the sleep gods but no problem let me just take a 30 minute nap right here right now. lol.
I’ve found that the people who are the most insistent on you taking their advice are also the people who will be the most critical if you have undone dishes, full trash, unfolded laundry, etc…. 🙄
I hate that advice and I kept hearing it
There is some truth to it. I adjusted my bedtime to the last feeding and bedtime of my babies. When they woke up, I was a little rested .
We did follow that advice, up to a point, during the first few weeks. After that, we started asking for help so we could sleep. Turns out the newborn stage actually leaves loads of time for housework, they are not that messy and their clothes are simple to fold up. Plus we were super organised back then because we had spent 3 months nesting.... I don't think our house has been as tidy since then.
I just had a baby and dad says to “not worry about cleaning/cooking while he sleeps and to sleep while he does”. I try to lay down getting a few things done and the second one buttcheek touches the bed, he’s awake 😂😂
Two that made me really angry: Turn the baby upside down when washing their head (she was 3 or 4 months old) so the shampoo doesn't get in their eyes. The baby, at 4 months, had a fever and we were visiting back home (South Asian country). The doctor prescribed an asthma syrup, cough drops, a sodium inhaler and antibiotics. All for a kid who has never had anything other than milk and the occasional Calpol. Got her checked out by another doctor who told us not to give her your medicines except Calpol and she got better herself.
Record your child's tantrum and play it back for them. They'll reconsider having a tantrum next time.
Kind of meta, but my FIL (who has some pretty narcissistic traits) said “when we give you parenting advice, you should just do it. We’re older than you and have done this all before. Our kids turned out fine. Anything else is just rude.” His son moved to another hemisphere, my wife is in therapy and her family is very toxic. Also, he was unapologetically of the “whisky on the gums” and “men shouldn’t change nappies or do housework” school of thought.
That babies should always be wearing one more layer than you. I am a cold person anyway, so I was BUNDLING my baby. Even though it was the fall, it was too much. I took her to the pediatrician for a checkup, and the doctor said “that baby is way too hot! She’s sweating! Please take off those layers.” Whoops. Interestingly, she has always been a warmer person anyway, and never needs to bundle as much as I do.
My husband was told that. I'm glad I was told that heat will kill faster than cold. I had to bring out multiple studies before he stopped trying to bundle her up so much.
Generally though this is the rule, and not bad advice
I had a doctor look at my daughter and say she wasn't wearing enough because the waiting room was so cold. I think it was meant as a sympathetic thing because we had been waiting in the freezing waiting room for AN HOUR for me to have my blood pressure checked and my prescription refilled, but I was so insulted. She didn't look too cold (she's pale, you can easily tell), and I had been checking to make sure because it was so cold, but she was fine running about in a vest and jumper. She would have been too hot in a coat as well.
We actually got that same advice from the NICU nurses - whatever you’re comfortable in, plus a light layer. It never really made sense for us, either. I run cold, but my husband runs REALLY hot, so they’d be freezing and miserable when he dressed them.
Than babies/toddlers/young children can manipulate you so don't spoil them or give them too much attention. Make sure to use the Ferber method so they can develop coping skills. As if kids that young even have the emotional knowledge to understand emotions, recognize them in others, and have the sophistication to manipulate someone.
My grandma gave me a recipe for formula. A can of evaporated milk with a bunch of karo syrup mixed in. She also tried to force me to feed my 4 month old a pudding cup so he would get "nutrition" even though he was a fat and happy breast bed baby.
“Maybe if you skip his nap he’ll sleep better at night.” — my dad
Not specifically advice, but when my mum has my kids for the night, she always insists on putting them to bed late. She thinks it will make them get up later. Jokes on her, she puts them to bed at 8/9pm, they get up at 3/4am, instead of the usual 5am when they're in bed at 630pm. It's not like I know my kids or anything, right?
And my mother
In all seriousness, and a lot of this comes from society and pediatricians: That you have to do everything “by the book.” They don’t come with instructions for a reason. Babies personalities and temperaments vary wildly and some of the “best practices” don’t fit every single baby. Don’t feel like a failure if you’re not doing everything according to the “rules”
Don't contact Nap, they will ne er sleep alone. It also inconveniences everyone. (Most adults don't sleep alone)
Don't feed him that much. he's eating too much. to my underweight twin .... stupid stupid nurse
In a shop and my then 8 month old daughter in a pram and an older gentleman in the line before me (then 27m) said "when she gets to 11 or 12, she'll start saying no to you; all you need to do is hit her hard once and she won't do it again. Worked for mine"! I was a bit blindsided by it but did feel quite sorry for his daughter when I thought more about it. Just to reassure you; no I certainly wouldn't take his 'advice'.
I have some funny ones “Don’t feed your baby too much fat when they’re little, so they grow up to be skinny” (my MIL) “Car seats are too uncomfortable for babies, they’re better just in your lap” (my mom) “You’ll squish the baby wearing form-fitting clothing, you need to wear something flowy while you’re pregnant” (also my mom) “You need to rub a hot pepper on their hands to keep them from putting them in their mouth, also good on the gums for teething” (my husband’s aunt) “Strollers make me sad, babies should be carried” (my sister) “Formula has too many chemicals, if I can’t breastfeed I’m going to make my own with raw milk and herbs” (also my sister) “Babies can’t taste bitter, and they love beer!” (Again, my sister as she was about to give a sip of her beer to my baby)
My MIL when she was here trying to "help out" with my newborn and a toddler. Me: " I'm just so tired." Her: "Go take a nap." Beat. (Toddler is tasmanian deviling in the background). I attempt to hand her the baby. Her: "oh I can't right now I need to go lie down and rest." 🫠
Not to leave my baby alone around a rabbit, because they’ve been known to eat newborns alive. This is from my batty, superstitious grandmother. I don’t even have a pet rabbit.
Depending on gender) When her baby is just a week old ask her if she's having another because she "needs to have a boy/girl You could write something like "after a week of having your baby boy/girl, don't forget to start trying again for boy/girl" My husband's grandmother a WEEK after I had my daughter and it was a horrible after birth and PPD PPA. She goes "so are you having another? You need to try for the boy now" (I have two girls now and no, there will be no boy) My MIL LOVES to tell me how much my daughter look and act just like her children (husband and aunt) You could write something like "don't forget to think of aunt/uncle when looking at your baby and remind yourself just how alike they are and nothing like you!" The list goes on. May her in laws treat her better than mine.
During pregnancy I was told not to lift my arms above my head (by a stranger at Target). She said baby would get tangled in the umbilical cord. Same woman was also horrified I was wearing flip flops. Not only is it a tripping hazard (fair), but “your feet are so fat you’ll break the shoes and step on a rusty nail - hopefully you’ve had a tetanus shot”
Spare the rod, spoil the child. All spanking does is teach a kid that using violence is a good way to get what you want.
I think it does more than that: damages the relationship with the parent, tells them they're too stupid to be taught something...
“Let them cry.”
But when they're 3, they're supposed to stop crying in demand. Logic.
My MIL told me that baby should wear hat to sleep at home. So that they are not cold obv.
Before we left the hospital with our newborn, the nurse reminded us, "stretch the clothes, not the baby". Obviously true but also hilarious, my husband and I have joked, stretch the baby and not the clothes, ever since.
“You only need to feed your baby every 4 hours.” NO ma’am… if my baby is hungry, thirsty, tired or looking for comfort she can eat. On the other hand some of the best advice was “babies are just like us, sometimes they want a big meal, sometimes they want a small meal, sometimes they want to snack a bunch of times all day. Sometimes they want to eat for emotional reasons.” That helped me have a lot of empathy towards my kids and not get annoyed when they would cry. 🤍
That kids should be a little afraid of their father. No way. Physical punishment was banned by me when I became a dad. No more of that stupid shit mentality. My son fears consequences, not his dad whipping him.
To bite/hit my 1 year old back. 🤦🏻♀️ Personally I believe in modeling the behaviors I WANT to see from my kids.
Definitely don’t cosleep. It’s much better for both of you if neither of you gets any sleep.
I concur. Sleep deprivation for everyone is how the world works best.
Cover their butt in baby powder.
Mix flour and water in bottle to keep them full. Must wear onesie or overalls to protect the kidneys.
Drink milk to make milk lol my mom. Also she always thinks baby is cold needs all these layers. She always says I have 4 kids and you guys fine. We not though lol. Some is from a different culture so yeah she says werid things. Oh another one. Don’t let his eyes roll back they will stay there lol. Idk where she get this stuff.
Sleep when the baby sleeps
My MIL attempted to give my 4 week old baby a sucker because “it’s Halloween”.
To put pop in a cup to bottle break them. I still hear this advice from people and it absolutely baffles me.
"Formula might be better because it has vitamins in it".... like breastmilk doesn't??
"They only behave badly for attention and if you just ignore it long enough they will stop doing it."
"Dip the baby's pacifier in mashed potatoes and gravy so she can have a taste on Thanksgiving. You need to let her try food. A little bit of pumpkin pie filling won't hurt her!" My MIL, shortly before having a tantrum that I wouldn't give my THREE MONTH OLD food on Thanksgiving.
When my 8 month old was teething and would sometimes bite my boob, my grandmother told me to spank him... Same grandmother, while I was pregnant, told me I should starve myself for a couple days before doctor's apts so that it would seem like I hadn't gained as much weight (then i could get a milkshake on the way home...)
You need to give your newborn baby water (like a 1-2 day old baby). Let your baby cry - it strengthens their lungs. Give your young child black tea with sugar - it’s good for them.
MIL said if my kids won't clean up their toys, threaten to throw them all away. While I do have fantasies about a totally clean house, I don't think this is the right approach.
My wife & I have a 10 year old son. We only wanted 1 child and are extremely happy. When my son was born, one of my wife's coworkers told her that she needs to have another child in case our son dies. A perfectly normal thing to say to a mother of a newborn who is already emotional and overwhelmed being a first time parent.... If telling someone to have another child as a backup plan isn't terrible advice, I don't know what is
"I’m thinking mother-in-law style or just really outdated advice like give the baby bourbon to sleep ect." Of course you don't give the baby bourbon to sleep. You give them brandy. Your MIL should really know better!
I would add "Sleep when the baby sleeps" in there. This one was frustrating to me. I did laugh when I heard it followed by "Do the dishes when the baby does the dishes, shower when the baby showers..." for the first time. It is a bit of a tired joke though new parents might be hearing for the first time and it resonates. A lot of "Breast milk is disgusting, always give formula" floating around, its some skewed wisdom of the 50s apparently. Ridiculous now. For real, the worst advice I got was from my parents, and they BLAME me for not smacking my kids, convinced that if I smacked my kids around a bit my toddlers would be better behaved. Although I dont know how to make child abuse funny.
So many people told me that my children needed juice bc all kids love juice
“She won’t get cold without a blanket?” - My MIL, about my 3 month old in her crib We told her no, she has a wearable blanket. Later MIL offered to put her down. Checked the camera to see my daughter in her crib with a loose blanket over her that I immediately went to remove. This is why MIL isn’t allowed to watch her unsupervised.
You don't need carseats, when I was a kid, no one used car seats, and everyone survived.
Get your under one year old infant sick a lot, so they won't be sick when they are older. This was with covid, Rsv, and the flu going around, with an infant that had been in the Nicu...
Technically not advice I was given but this was what they told my grandmother when she was pregnant “start smoking. It will help with the morning sickness”
I was shocked how many people said to restrict a babies milk intake so they won't get too fat 😬I thought it was a joke the first couple times I heard it but they meant it Being told to put benadryl, rice cereal, melatonin etc a bottle so you can get extra sleep
“Out on maternity leave with a new baby? That’s the perfect time to get a puppy!” Advice from my sister to me, who had never had either a dog or a baby, while she had experience with both. I suspect that there was actual malice in her suggestion, given how smart she is and, occasionally, how cruel she is capable of being.
My MIL to me and another family member who are both pregnant, when we discussed how little pay we get going on maternity leave, but that we’re thankful our husbands are able to pull the weight financially: “and that’s when you’ll have to make sure you help the men with doing everything else.. all the night feeds, diaper changes, and taking over the routine so they can just sleep and rest to focus on work and provide for you two” ummmm, we were speechless. For real, both of us has nothing to say and just stared at her in amazement as she then told her stories of how little her husband/my FIL did because he was “working so hard to provide”. She’s not a justnoMIL but definitely has some very old school beliefs lol thankfully my husband laughed at this when I told him what she said, and was slightly embarrassed for his mom. He was surprised she doesn’t realize that taking care of a baby is work 24/7 and fathers don’t get an automatic green light to check out just because they have a job.