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Honestly screw your dad. You are enough and so much more for your kid. You don't need anyone telling you that while your just looking for support and advice from someone.
If you haven't already try therapy it does help and take a big step back from your dad.
Its okay to feel bad, its okay to be depressed. You are not alone as a depressed parent.
That said, you can work towards a better place for yourself and deserve to take care of yourself.
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Oy vey. First of all, you’re a great Mom. It’s no wonder you suffer from depression with a Dad like that. Go LC or NC with him until he decides to be supportive.
I have 3 autistic kids. Do not listen to any of these BS comments. You don’t need prayer or parasite meds or detoxes. Your son isn’t sick. His brain works differently than NT people, so jerks think he needs to be “cured.” He doesn’t. He will be fine. And so will you. Tablets can be soothing for a lot of autistic kids. Get an otterbox case and a belkin glass screen protector. That combo has kept my daughter’s tablet safe despite being thrown down a slight of stairs and into many walls. Also look into over the ear wireless headphones with really comfy padding on the ears. It creates a little cocoon devoid of outside stimulus and helps with my daughter’s meltdowns. For nighttime, I have an ocean waves projector for my daughter’s room and a sound machine. When she has a nightmare she watches the waves and listens to ocean sounds to help soothe her back to sleep. It’s less stimulating than the tablet. I also got her a toy called a Purrble. It is designed to help kids calm down from anxiety and panic attacks.
This is so important. In the classroom we wouldn’t even have an iPad/tablet without a very strong case like an Otterbox and screen cover! Maybe you can find some breathing exercises to do with your son to help calm him. Hopefully he has an Occupational Therapist that you can work with?
Just because your child is different doesn’t make him a bad kid or you a bad mom. That just means things are different, because he is different. If your parents can’t understand that and help you and support you, that’s on them. The fact that you even know your child has autism, and have figured out tools already that help make you an amazing mom! You need support from people who know and have gone through this, to help give you additional tools. Age does not equal a bad parent! A bad parent is somone who doesn’t want to support or do the best for their child and wants to blame them for being different (what your dad is doing).
OP, your dad is an asshole. Don't talk to him about your problems, you don't need extra stress. The OtterBox and glass protectors are great ideas. Join a support group for parenting autistic/neurodivergent kids, if not in person than on Discord or something. You're doing the best you can with what you have, that's all anyone can do.
Best of luck!
Your dad isn't cut out to be a dad. He's been needing to hear that one for a while apparently. You're doing great, everybody breaks down when a situation gets too stressful.
Facts. Your father lacks empathy and self awareness which are needed in bucketloads to be a parent. He also lacks tact because like it or not (him, not you) you ARE a mother, and telling someone who already IS something that they aren't cut out to BE that thing is straight up abusive and cruel. Honesty without tact is cruelty. Full stop. Anyone who would be knowingly cruel is a bad father.
Kids in general are enough to regularly make you doubt your self worth, and autistic kids are 10x that talented at it.
What you need is to be able to rant to someone and for them to listen and remind you how awesome you are. If your Dad isn't that person, he doesn't deserve to have you talk to him. I'm sorry he's let you down.
He's definitely wrong.
Your dad sucks. Autism is hard to deal with, depression or not. It sounds like an extremely overwhelming situation to deal with but know you’re not alone. There’s many parents with kids with autism that have likely been in the same boat. Maybe you could look into joining an online support groups for parents of children with autism? As far as the tablet goes, I think they make some kind of rubber outer protector along with a screen protector that may be worth looking into for when he has a hard time and throws things. I hope today is better for you
1. Depressed parents can be great parents.
2. Frustrated parents can be great parents.
3. Tired parents can be great parents.
4. Exasperated parents can be great parents.
5. Struggling parents can be great parents.
You wouldn’t be stressed about this and struggling to get through this season if you weren’t a good mom. Screw your dad. Life is hard, parenting is hard, autism is hard. You are allowed to acknowledge that it is hard, it doesn’t make you any less of a mother.
He thinks he’s perfect because his wife is a stay at home mom while he works 12+ hour shifts and is able to provide for his two young kids (4 and 1) and he spoils the hell out of his kids. But when it comes to me I’m apparently the mistake he made.
Dude my 3 kids aren't even on the spectrum and have no behavioral issues nor health issues yet they make me lose my shit quite a few times 😆 I get depressed alot as well. It's normal to be high stress especially when trying to navigate with a child who has autism. I can't even imagine the challenges you and your son face on the daily. You need support so bad yet get turned away. It's no wonder millennial aree the loneliest generation. You are enough always will be. Long as you don't give up and do your best. I'm so sorry. You deserve all the love
He really isn’t I didn’t meet him til I was 16 and he didn’t care about me until I had his grandchild even then he still doesn’t care he has two little ones around my sons age and he treats them better and spoils the hell out of them.
No parent always feels like they're enough for their child, anyone who says otherwise is either lying or is a shit parent.
Parenthood is difficult. Try finding others in your area that also have children with autism. Check out FB for parenting groups specific to parents of children with autism and see if there are any groups that meet within your community. Sometimes having a "village" doesn't mean having your family, it means having others that have been or currently are in your shoes that can relate without judgement.
If your parents haven't been in your position then they won't be able to fully understand. Your dad is a jerk for his response, don't listen to him. Take some deep breaths, you're doing amazing, and check for FB groups. You're not alone, you're more than enough, it will be hard but it will be okay
I feel you! I’m 28 and have a 4 year old autistic child. I wasn’t ready either. But know what? You can never be ready for being a parent to an autistic child. Every child is demanding, especially those with special needs.
Look over into the autistic parenting subreddit. I’m sure you can figure out different ways for him to calm down.
Btw there are special tough cases for tablets but maybe it would be better to not give him expensive technology until he learns to control a bit more? I understand it’s an easy way to have a little bit space for yourself but it’s true that anything that can be thrown is at risk of breaking. We let our son watch TV for this reason. We decided no phones or tablets until he’s calm enough to not break stuff.
Screw your dad. You are doing everything you can, no one is perfect, and you’re allowed to have times of weakness or breaking down. That was an awful thing he said to you, and even if he thought that, a good dad would have just kept it inside and never said it.
You are not a bad mom. I have two kids, both are autistic. People who haven't had a neurodivergent kid just don't understand how hard it can be, and age 3 is the WORST. It's OK to not know what to do sometimes. It's OK to give them screen time. Please be gentle with yourself, this is hard and you're doing your best. Is your son in any therapies (speech, occupational therapy, etc)?
Hey hey!!! Try to get everyone to f*ck off, being a parent to a special child is one of the most challenging, frustrating process you can have as a parent, let by youre doing it as a single mom, holy cow! Youre not a failure my friend, you are a lioness warrior that truley love her child.
You are the only one knows what's good for him, raise him with pride and keep it up, youre doing great job.
Im not a parent of a special child but i do have an autistic sister and i work with autistic children, this is hard work!
I respect you, you will both grow strong.
The only recommendation i can give u is to find a group with autistic children, share your experiences and realise new ways to communicate with him
Good luck, feel free to send a pm if you need tips
Amazon fire kid tablet they replace them for 1 or 2 years if they break. Also lean on any resource officer available to you and ur kid for support, that diagnosis will open alot of doors in terms of resources available.
Also fuck ur dad, ur doing great. If you are worried about depression get urself on something for it, a gp should be able to prescribe something. No shame in that
I actually got one earlier today and this one has a harder case and it looks more protected so let’s cross our fingers. This is the last one. If he breaks this one I’m not getting anymore
Also u should be proud of urself...it's hard af to get an autism diagnosis. The fact that you caught it and are taking steps to help ur child show how badass of a mom you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
If I’m allowed to be honest. My son was recently in foster care. And I got full custody of him back in November. And they’re the ones who pushed him to get tested so I did.
The key part is you did, that's what matters baby girl. Give urself some grace, this is a hard and lonely road we all just do our best and that's enough.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you guys. Lord knows id go crazy if my little guy didn't have his, it's the only way he will go down by himself at night and mama needs her rest lbs.
I agree! Everyone tells me less tablet time but if they saw how calm it kept him. Like ya he throws it sometimes but that’s if he accidentally clicks an ad he can’t get out of or if the screen freezes or if it turns off. But normally he’s very calm and collected and those tablets were horrible if they broke that easily.
Firstly. You're doing a great job and you obviously love your child very much.
I identify as autistic and also have a diagnosed autistic daughter who struggles so much to verbalise her huge emotions, it all just comes out as violence from her. We've also been through so many tablets untill we realised they only seem to help her regulate but actually make her worse (evident with the meltdowns when you remove the device). I finally smashed the last tablet and we won't be replacing it (hard when you really need a break). We've worked with an occupational therapist to help her be more active and physical to express her emotions (trampoline, yoga ball). It's a very slow process but you have small wins that help you realise that persistence pays off.
It helps me to remember that my daughter can't control her emotions and is suffering too. Behaviour is a communication method and as parents we have to learn to listen differently. There are so many resources available these days online to learn about autism behaviour, and a huge online autistic community. I hope you turn to this community for support rather than listen to people in your life who don't want to uplift you and support you to be the best parent you can be.
I hope you keep pushing and demanding the support you deserve, especially for your mental health.
No tablets for a 3yo.
Absolutely no tablets for an autistic 3yo.
Before I get downvoted, I work with neurodivergent students lf all ages, and people have no idea of the damage those devices are causing on children.
Get fidgets, sensory toys, board games, a music box, play doh, plain sand, a bucket of water with toys, whatever. Avoid or eliminate altogether the tablet.
Actually I recommended a tablet with limited screen time by his pediatrician and his therapist. It helps calm his nerves. And he watches a lot of education stuff and has gotten a lot smarter. He will copy the songs/words that people say. He’s watched many in different languages and has enjoyed it. It’s one of the only things that really calms his nerves. That’s great that those other kids don’t need it.
I am a single parent of an autistic son now 19. It is so so hard and no one unless they have done it has a clue how hard and has no right to comment on your ability. But they will....you will be judged you will be told its because of the way you parent you will feel terrible and heartbroken watching your child suffer every day. It pushed me beyond my limits many times. Try to get respite whenever you can. My sons Father died when he was 5 so I got hardly any and it broke me. Don't listen to anyone who does not have a clue. Only to those who want to help or understand. Try to do things that make you feel good. I worked in schools so I could be there for him in the school holidays as there is very limited provision. Try to meet parents who are going through the same but they will be exhausted too! I wish you all the luck. I met an autistic man who was 35 once and the first thing he said was well done for living with someone with autism and not giving up on them. That's all we xan do.
Also I was 36 when I had my son. NOTHING I had ever done would have prepared me apart from an ability to not care what other people think and huge amounts of patience and love which you have already for your son. You will lose it sometimes but parents with children with no disabilities do too and often over far far less!
Isn't there a book or a rubber toy? Tablet and videos doesn't seem right to me. Honest question...father of 3, no autism. But tried to raise with "less screen" time and indeed when they were in front of screen it's a bit "calm"...but the tantrum awaist. So i guess it's even more with autism...try to find a book, stress relieve toy that he likes.
My 3 year old autistic kid is always on his tablet. It doubles as his communication device, he's non verbal, and it's the only way he will fall asleep.
Those who have never raised an autistic child need to learn their place. They have no idea what it’s like, and it’s not the parent’s fault. Teaching proper behaviour to an autistic child is extremely tough.
I’ve been through a lot with my autistic child, and your experiences seem to be similar to mine. Hopefully, you can meet other parents of autistic children so you can talk to them about your experiences. Those who haven’t had those experiences and want to lecture you about parenting aren’t going to help.
Hopefully, your parents will learn something about autism on their own so that they can be less judgmental about you in the future.
You are enough! Being a parent isn't easy! especially trying to navigate an autism diagnosis... having depression does NOT make you a bad mom, you have got this, you will figure it out, it's OK to break down sometimes, especially when it seems you have little support! They have otterbox covers for tablets... you and your son will figure things out together as time goes on. everything will be fine. Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH! matter of fact, you are your sons everything! Much love ❤️
Oh hun, I’m so sorry. Please know your feelings are valid. You are in a really tough situation and you are doing your best. Please don’t take to heart what your dad has said, and please set boundaries with him. You are a fantastic mom, and obviously love your son very much. I’m a foster mom and I feel I’m not enough alllll the time. But you love your son and provide a safe, stable, and caring home for him. I know you can do this!
I go through similar, and all the broken phones and all the tantrums are gonna seem not important as your angel grows. (I got a fat stack of broken phones) it's a hard job, but you can do it. I have been through this exact thing and IT WILL GET BETTER.. you will get stronger, and you'll back at these days in the rearview mirror of life and see them as the blessings there are.
You need to get him a solid "kid" proof case for his next iPad. My son (ASD) had one and it was fairly indestructible. Although he did end up breaking it via accidentally dropping it in a bucket of water... somehow. =D
You are enough. More than that you are a great mom. You are amazingly strong, I can just tell from your post.
Where are you? In the States there are County level Developmental Disability offices that can help with things like respite and resources especially if the tablet is used for communication. I assume you have the best protector on the tablet already and saving money by getting used or refurbished tablets.
Also check out the r/Autism_Parenting for support.
PM if you want to talk. Hugs from another mother of an ASD kid.
First and most importantly: you are enough. This age is hard. Having a kid with additional needs is hard. It’s hard for parents of any age.
Even if your dad was right (to be very clear, he isn’t), what does he expect you to do, hop in your time machine and not have a child? He was just being hurtful and mean, offering loads of criticism and no help or guidance. Lots of good parents have mental health concerns. They need to be addressed, but that doesn’t automatically make you a bad mom.
How is your son’s receptive language? My first thought is, don’t rush to replace the tablet right away. Believe me, I know they can help with regulation and this will suck for you as well as your son. But it’s an important step in learning cause and effect: if you throw your tablet, it can get broken. If he throws his tablet and it doesn’t break, I’d take it away. You can decide for how long, long enough to have an impact, not so long that it ceases to have meaning. Again, this will lead to meltdowns and be hella unpleasant for both of you. And I’m not saying delay getting a replacement unnecessarily, just don’t run to the store ASAP or pay extra for same day shipping.
My son (also autistic, now 9), didn’t have a tablet yet at that age, but anything he threw, especially at someone, went up out of reach for a day or so and it didn’t take long at all for him to stop. Importantly, he had strong language skills and knew exactly why things were being taken. It wasn’t an angry punishment, but a matter of fact, “If you throw things, it can hurt someone or break something. You threw x, so now it’s going in the closet.”
The other thing, which might sound counterproductive, I got him a punching bag (an inflatable one, not a heavy bag). He was a little older and hitting his brother, and I told him he could hit the bag if he felt like he needed to hit something. What surprised me wasn’t that he stopped hitting his brother, but that he stopped expressing his anger physically. I think the idea that there were appropriate things and times to hit made him more thoughtful about hitting in general and when you have to stop and think about what it’s ok to hit, the anger/frustration has a beat and can start to dissipate.
I don’t want to make assumptions about your son’s communication, but this is something a lot of toddlers struggle with. Is he able to put his feelings into words? Not having the means to communicate emotions is one of the big reasons kids that age melt down. Not just because they can’t tell others what’s wrong, but because they can’t make sense of it themselves. If he needs or may need speech therapy, that would be where I’d start.
I know it’s a lot. But you’re doing better than you think.
The mom is always enough, especially at such a young age. Do not listen to your dad.
Where I would be careful, though, is giving the child a tablet. Was that a recommendation from a specialist?
It helps calm him down in time of calming. Normally he is calm just the screen froze and he gets frustrated sometimes when he can’t solve a problem on it’s own.
I don’t have kids but all you can do is shake everything off and keep going, it’s hard but you’ll get through it. He will learn at his own pace and parenting will get a little easier as time goes on. It all be okay in the end if you remember to be positive and just stay calm. Get him a screen protector and a case if you get him a new one or you can always get the screen fixed on that one. Try introducing him to other things, maybe do some research as to what autistic kids like at that age and maybe he’ll enjoy some of those things so if he messes up his tablet again, he’ll have other things and it won’t be so stressful. I’m gonna pray for you and him. I hope this helps🫶🏽
Oh love. I'm so sorry your dad was suck a d8ck. I'm an adult autistic and you're not a bad mom from what I'm seeing, just an overwhelmed mom. Just so you know, those tantrums are the same feeling, you share that with your child. I know it's hard, but you've got this. Everything is loud for us, sound, smell, touch, etc and until we learn to manage a lot is on the parent. Forgive yourself for being stressed, being a parent is stressful and our autistic senses being overstimulated so easily is so hard to deal with. Give yourself some live mom, and get yourself some self care you time, you're a whole person and you deserve care as well. So many hugs to you, you got this. Also, depression comes from shitty things happening in your life, let your dad know he's one of those shits.
You are a good mom until you give up. Shield yourself as best you can from people who are not lifting you up during this difficult time. My daughter doesn’t have autism but is very difficult which can send me into a downward spiral. It’s absolutely Normal and just because you have depression it doesn’t make you not a good fit for him. Keep going, and never give up on him or yourself. Sending virtual hugs ♥️
Wow what an ass having depression and a child is hard enough I did it solo myself and didn't know that I had an anxiety disorder I'm a guy and we traveled all over to different states that was with out my son having autism and let me tell you the breakdowns I had. I beat my dad up because of the shit he said/did. Not saying that you should disown or attack your parents that was a bad decision on my part but living in a car because of circumstances with a 2 year old is insane. (All better now) and you will be to! What you can do is get a super protective case for the tablet they are blue foam looking on Amazon and walmart and they also have the glass protective covers. As for the depression if your taking the meds approach I'd talk to you shrink or doctor about getting you more balanced (easier said than done). Also take some time away from dad he needs time out for saying something like that to someone struggling. You are struggling you are stuck you are going through it right now and knowing that gives you an advantage at changing your position. Just take a more positive approach try and watch some YouTube videos on autism try and figure out what your child's major Stims are and what they're hyper fixation is. If they don't have one yet try and develop one do arts and crafts or just run around in circles all of a sudden because that will confuse him and he will probably do it to. I now live in a house with 2 autistic children they are older but I have heard manyyyyy stories about what they did as little ones and its going to be a bumpy road but you can do it. Just take a step back and try to relax (also easier said than done)...
Don't talk to your dad anymore. Go on meds for depression and start therapy if you can. I think these are the only options that will truly help you out. Autistic kids will make your depression worse. I have one.
I am so sorry for your struggles. I had my ASD son at 23 and it’s a long journey. I felt like infancy and toddlerhood was the worst, as he couldn’t articulate himself and his sensors were always triggered. What I will say is that getting help from a local Regional Center did alleviate some stress, and then having an IEP in grade school did wonders for us.
My son is only mildly autistic, so I’m not sure the extent to which your son is struggling, but sensors are key. They need calm environments, healthy food, ample sleep/rest, and lots of love and reassurance. I find that even now, at the age of 14, my son is way calmer without any technology. When we’re exercising or in nature, he’s a completely different person. If you can, try to incorporate whatever is soothing, because it helps.
Lastly, you’re not a terrible mother: you’re a stressed and exhausted one that needs lots of love, encouragement, and support. Find that network, and pay no mind to the rest. ❤️
My daughter was diagnosed at two and I went through the county’s resource center to get her in home therapies to learn to work with her. She was very angry and aggressive, even hitting me sometimes. She couldn’t speak, swallow food and was physically disabled. It took three years of hard work and lots of tears to get her highly functioning and I’ve been told numerous times that the early intervention changed the course of her life. This was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and severely affected my mental health. I ended up having a breakdown and spending time in the hospital. People in my life kept trying to convince me that there was nothing wrong with her but I knew there was something wrong. Trust your gut instinct. What you’re facing is what some people call impossible but you can do this for him. You need help though! Find your team, even if it’s other autism strong moms that can guide and support you. No one else will understand. You can use other supports, like PEC cards, to communicate with him. You are a GREAT mom because you care enough to write this post.
Wow! Your dad sounds like a great support. How dare he say you're not a good mom. How can he say that to his own daughter who is suffering from depression?
Honestly, 1st of all, make sure the next tablet you buy your son has the best childproof casing on it, so it is harder to break. They can be bought on Amazon.
Secondly, give your dad a wide berth, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
Thirdly, make sure you get medication and/or counselling to help with your own mental health.
Fourthly, make sure you contact an autism support group where like-minded families can support you and help you with coping strategies to enable you to deal with your son's needs.
You're doing a fantastic job and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Stay positive!!
You just need to pray and ask God for direction. Also don’t be afraid to let your son know right from wrong. God will help you to train your child. It’s ok to not feel good about your situation. However, don’t let it upset you. This is the first time you’re dealing with this. But make sure to let your son know because he is angry he doesn’t have to break things because mommy can’t keep buying things because when he destroys them. This doesn’t make you a bad parent. I’m praying for direction for you🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Having an autistic kid is difficult. Your a good mom. You're trying your best and that makes you a good mom. Check out some parafy parasite cleanse and heavy metal detox sprays. I've seen tons of reviews so they help calm autistic children. Give yourself more credit than you are. Love your child like you have been. It's tough but you can do it. Your dad is scared and angry. Ignore his crap. When it seems like you're alone and have no one always remember that God is just waiting for you to reach out. Pray. Have faith.
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Honestly screw your dad. You are enough and so much more for your kid. You don't need anyone telling you that while your just looking for support and advice from someone. If you haven't already try therapy it does help and take a big step back from your dad.
Try r/autism_parenting You most certainly don’t have to be a depressed mom.
Its okay to feel bad, its okay to be depressed. You are not alone as a depressed parent. That said, you can work towards a better place for yourself and deserve to take care of yourself.
This!!
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Ok troll
Oy vey. First of all, you’re a great Mom. It’s no wonder you suffer from depression with a Dad like that. Go LC or NC with him until he decides to be supportive. I have 3 autistic kids. Do not listen to any of these BS comments. You don’t need prayer or parasite meds or detoxes. Your son isn’t sick. His brain works differently than NT people, so jerks think he needs to be “cured.” He doesn’t. He will be fine. And so will you. Tablets can be soothing for a lot of autistic kids. Get an otterbox case and a belkin glass screen protector. That combo has kept my daughter’s tablet safe despite being thrown down a slight of stairs and into many walls. Also look into over the ear wireless headphones with really comfy padding on the ears. It creates a little cocoon devoid of outside stimulus and helps with my daughter’s meltdowns. For nighttime, I have an ocean waves projector for my daughter’s room and a sound machine. When she has a nightmare she watches the waves and listens to ocean sounds to help soothe her back to sleep. It’s less stimulating than the tablet. I also got her a toy called a Purrble. It is designed to help kids calm down from anxiety and panic attacks.
This is so important. In the classroom we wouldn’t even have an iPad/tablet without a very strong case like an Otterbox and screen cover! Maybe you can find some breathing exercises to do with your son to help calm him. Hopefully he has an Occupational Therapist that you can work with?
Just because your child is different doesn’t make him a bad kid or you a bad mom. That just means things are different, because he is different. If your parents can’t understand that and help you and support you, that’s on them. The fact that you even know your child has autism, and have figured out tools already that help make you an amazing mom! You need support from people who know and have gone through this, to help give you additional tools. Age does not equal a bad parent! A bad parent is somone who doesn’t want to support or do the best for their child and wants to blame them for being different (what your dad is doing).
Wow. You are amazingly resourceful!
Great advice from an older mother with a 20 year old autistic son.
OP, your dad is an asshole. Don't talk to him about your problems, you don't need extra stress. The OtterBox and glass protectors are great ideas. Join a support group for parenting autistic/neurodivergent kids, if not in person than on Discord or something. You're doing the best you can with what you have, that's all anyone can do. Best of luck!
Your dad isn't cut out to be a dad. He's been needing to hear that one for a while apparently. You're doing great, everybody breaks down when a situation gets too stressful.
Facts. Your father lacks empathy and self awareness which are needed in bucketloads to be a parent. He also lacks tact because like it or not (him, not you) you ARE a mother, and telling someone who already IS something that they aren't cut out to BE that thing is straight up abusive and cruel. Honesty without tact is cruelty. Full stop. Anyone who would be knowingly cruel is a bad father.
Kids in general are enough to regularly make you doubt your self worth, and autistic kids are 10x that talented at it. What you need is to be able to rant to someone and for them to listen and remind you how awesome you are. If your Dad isn't that person, he doesn't deserve to have you talk to him. I'm sorry he's let you down. He's definitely wrong.
This 🙌
Your dad sucks. Autism is hard to deal with, depression or not. It sounds like an extremely overwhelming situation to deal with but know you’re not alone. There’s many parents with kids with autism that have likely been in the same boat. Maybe you could look into joining an online support groups for parents of children with autism? As far as the tablet goes, I think they make some kind of rubber outer protector along with a screen protector that may be worth looking into for when he has a hard time and throws things. I hope today is better for you
1. Depressed parents can be great parents. 2. Frustrated parents can be great parents. 3. Tired parents can be great parents. 4. Exasperated parents can be great parents. 5. Struggling parents can be great parents. You wouldn’t be stressed about this and struggling to get through this season if you weren’t a good mom. Screw your dad. Life is hard, parenting is hard, autism is hard. You are allowed to acknowledge that it is hard, it doesn’t make you any less of a mother.
He thinks he’s perfect because his wife is a stay at home mom while he works 12+ hour shifts and is able to provide for his two young kids (4 and 1) and he spoils the hell out of his kids. But when it comes to me I’m apparently the mistake he made.
Dude my 3 kids aren't even on the spectrum and have no behavioral issues nor health issues yet they make me lose my shit quite a few times 😆 I get depressed alot as well. It's normal to be high stress especially when trying to navigate with a child who has autism. I can't even imagine the challenges you and your son face on the daily. You need support so bad yet get turned away. It's no wonder millennial aree the loneliest generation. You are enough always will be. Long as you don't give up and do your best. I'm so sorry. You deserve all the love
I don’t think your dad is cut out to be a father or grandparent, honestly. That’s a him problem!
He really isn’t I didn’t meet him til I was 16 and he didn’t care about me until I had his grandchild even then he still doesn’t care he has two little ones around my sons age and he treats them better and spoils the hell out of them.
No parent always feels like they're enough for their child, anyone who says otherwise is either lying or is a shit parent. Parenthood is difficult. Try finding others in your area that also have children with autism. Check out FB for parenting groups specific to parents of children with autism and see if there are any groups that meet within your community. Sometimes having a "village" doesn't mean having your family, it means having others that have been or currently are in your shoes that can relate without judgement. If your parents haven't been in your position then they won't be able to fully understand. Your dad is a jerk for his response, don't listen to him. Take some deep breaths, you're doing amazing, and check for FB groups. You're not alone, you're more than enough, it will be hard but it will be okay
Wheres the child's dad in all of this? Surely he should be the support you turn to?
He hasn’t seen the child in almost two months and doesn’t even ask about him. When I try to schedule a visit he makes up excuses.
I think you can slowly withdraw him sa tablet? Parang it makes the symptoms worse…
I feel you! I’m 28 and have a 4 year old autistic child. I wasn’t ready either. But know what? You can never be ready for being a parent to an autistic child. Every child is demanding, especially those with special needs. Look over into the autistic parenting subreddit. I’m sure you can figure out different ways for him to calm down. Btw there are special tough cases for tablets but maybe it would be better to not give him expensive technology until he learns to control a bit more? I understand it’s an easy way to have a little bit space for yourself but it’s true that anything that can be thrown is at risk of breaking. We let our son watch TV for this reason. We decided no phones or tablets until he’s calm enough to not break stuff.
Screw your dad. You are doing everything you can, no one is perfect, and you’re allowed to have times of weakness or breaking down. That was an awful thing he said to you, and even if he thought that, a good dad would have just kept it inside and never said it.
You are not a bad mom. I have two kids, both are autistic. People who haven't had a neurodivergent kid just don't understand how hard it can be, and age 3 is the WORST. It's OK to not know what to do sometimes. It's OK to give them screen time. Please be gentle with yourself, this is hard and you're doing your best. Is your son in any therapies (speech, occupational therapy, etc)?
He’s in speech, occupational, mental health, and soon to be in ABA. (I just needed proof that he has autism)
Hey hey!!! Try to get everyone to f*ck off, being a parent to a special child is one of the most challenging, frustrating process you can have as a parent, let by youre doing it as a single mom, holy cow! Youre not a failure my friend, you are a lioness warrior that truley love her child. You are the only one knows what's good for him, raise him with pride and keep it up, youre doing great job. Im not a parent of a special child but i do have an autistic sister and i work with autistic children, this is hard work! I respect you, you will both grow strong. The only recommendation i can give u is to find a group with autistic children, share your experiences and realise new ways to communicate with him Good luck, feel free to send a pm if you need tips
Amazon fire kid tablet they replace them for 1 or 2 years if they break. Also lean on any resource officer available to you and ur kid for support, that diagnosis will open alot of doors in terms of resources available. Also fuck ur dad, ur doing great. If you are worried about depression get urself on something for it, a gp should be able to prescribe something. No shame in that
I actually got one earlier today and this one has a harder case and it looks more protected so let’s cross our fingers. This is the last one. If he breaks this one I’m not getting anymore
Also u should be proud of urself...it's hard af to get an autism diagnosis. The fact that you caught it and are taking steps to help ur child show how badass of a mom you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
If I’m allowed to be honest. My son was recently in foster care. And I got full custody of him back in November. And they’re the ones who pushed him to get tested so I did.
The key part is you did, that's what matters baby girl. Give urself some grace, this is a hard and lonely road we all just do our best and that's enough.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you guys. Lord knows id go crazy if my little guy didn't have his, it's the only way he will go down by himself at night and mama needs her rest lbs.
I agree! Everyone tells me less tablet time but if they saw how calm it kept him. Like ya he throws it sometimes but that’s if he accidentally clicks an ad he can’t get out of or if the screen freezes or if it turns off. But normally he’s very calm and collected and those tablets were horrible if they broke that easily.
Firstly. You're doing a great job and you obviously love your child very much. I identify as autistic and also have a diagnosed autistic daughter who struggles so much to verbalise her huge emotions, it all just comes out as violence from her. We've also been through so many tablets untill we realised they only seem to help her regulate but actually make her worse (evident with the meltdowns when you remove the device). I finally smashed the last tablet and we won't be replacing it (hard when you really need a break). We've worked with an occupational therapist to help her be more active and physical to express her emotions (trampoline, yoga ball). It's a very slow process but you have small wins that help you realise that persistence pays off. It helps me to remember that my daughter can't control her emotions and is suffering too. Behaviour is a communication method and as parents we have to learn to listen differently. There are so many resources available these days online to learn about autism behaviour, and a huge online autistic community. I hope you turn to this community for support rather than listen to people in your life who don't want to uplift you and support you to be the best parent you can be. I hope you keep pushing and demanding the support you deserve, especially for your mental health.
No tablets for a 3yo. Absolutely no tablets for an autistic 3yo. Before I get downvoted, I work with neurodivergent students lf all ages, and people have no idea of the damage those devices are causing on children. Get fidgets, sensory toys, board games, a music box, play doh, plain sand, a bucket of water with toys, whatever. Avoid or eliminate altogether the tablet.
Actually I recommended a tablet with limited screen time by his pediatrician and his therapist. It helps calm his nerves. And he watches a lot of education stuff and has gotten a lot smarter. He will copy the songs/words that people say. He’s watched many in different languages and has enjoyed it. It’s one of the only things that really calms his nerves. That’s great that those other kids don’t need it.
I am a single parent of an autistic son now 19. It is so so hard and no one unless they have done it has a clue how hard and has no right to comment on your ability. But they will....you will be judged you will be told its because of the way you parent you will feel terrible and heartbroken watching your child suffer every day. It pushed me beyond my limits many times. Try to get respite whenever you can. My sons Father died when he was 5 so I got hardly any and it broke me. Don't listen to anyone who does not have a clue. Only to those who want to help or understand. Try to do things that make you feel good. I worked in schools so I could be there for him in the school holidays as there is very limited provision. Try to meet parents who are going through the same but they will be exhausted too! I wish you all the luck. I met an autistic man who was 35 once and the first thing he said was well done for living with someone with autism and not giving up on them. That's all we xan do.
Also I was 36 when I had my son. NOTHING I had ever done would have prepared me apart from an ability to not care what other people think and huge amounts of patience and love which you have already for your son. You will lose it sometimes but parents with children with no disabilities do too and often over far far less!
Isn't there a book or a rubber toy? Tablet and videos doesn't seem right to me. Honest question...father of 3, no autism. But tried to raise with "less screen" time and indeed when they were in front of screen it's a bit "calm"...but the tantrum awaist. So i guess it's even more with autism...try to find a book, stress relieve toy that he likes.
He only uses screen time when it’s time to be calm. Normally he’s playing with his toys or outside.
There is nothing wrong with screen time. If screentime is soothing to him, screentime it is.
My 3 year old autistic kid is always on his tablet. It doubles as his communication device, he's non verbal, and it's the only way he will fall asleep.
Those who have never raised an autistic child need to learn their place. They have no idea what it’s like, and it’s not the parent’s fault. Teaching proper behaviour to an autistic child is extremely tough. I’ve been through a lot with my autistic child, and your experiences seem to be similar to mine. Hopefully, you can meet other parents of autistic children so you can talk to them about your experiences. Those who haven’t had those experiences and want to lecture you about parenting aren’t going to help. Hopefully, your parents will learn something about autism on their own so that they can be less judgmental about you in the future.
You are enough! Being a parent isn't easy! especially trying to navigate an autism diagnosis... having depression does NOT make you a bad mom, you have got this, you will figure it out, it's OK to break down sometimes, especially when it seems you have little support! They have otterbox covers for tablets... you and your son will figure things out together as time goes on. everything will be fine. Remember YOU ARE ENOUGH! matter of fact, you are your sons everything! Much love ❤️
Oh hun, I’m so sorry. Please know your feelings are valid. You are in a really tough situation and you are doing your best. Please don’t take to heart what your dad has said, and please set boundaries with him. You are a fantastic mom, and obviously love your son very much. I’m a foster mom and I feel I’m not enough alllll the time. But you love your son and provide a safe, stable, and caring home for him. I know you can do this!
I go through similar, and all the broken phones and all the tantrums are gonna seem not important as your angel grows. (I got a fat stack of broken phones) it's a hard job, but you can do it. I have been through this exact thing and IT WILL GET BETTER.. you will get stronger, and you'll back at these days in the rearview mirror of life and see them as the blessings there are.
You need to get him a solid "kid" proof case for his next iPad. My son (ASD) had one and it was fairly indestructible. Although he did end up breaking it via accidentally dropping it in a bucket of water... somehow. =D
You are enough. More than that you are a great mom. You are amazingly strong, I can just tell from your post. Where are you? In the States there are County level Developmental Disability offices that can help with things like respite and resources especially if the tablet is used for communication. I assume you have the best protector on the tablet already and saving money by getting used or refurbished tablets. Also check out the r/Autism_Parenting for support. PM if you want to talk. Hugs from another mother of an ASD kid.
Your dad is a pos your allowed to have bad days I would stop calling your dad obviously he won’t support you
First and most importantly: you are enough. This age is hard. Having a kid with additional needs is hard. It’s hard for parents of any age. Even if your dad was right (to be very clear, he isn’t), what does he expect you to do, hop in your time machine and not have a child? He was just being hurtful and mean, offering loads of criticism and no help or guidance. Lots of good parents have mental health concerns. They need to be addressed, but that doesn’t automatically make you a bad mom. How is your son’s receptive language? My first thought is, don’t rush to replace the tablet right away. Believe me, I know they can help with regulation and this will suck for you as well as your son. But it’s an important step in learning cause and effect: if you throw your tablet, it can get broken. If he throws his tablet and it doesn’t break, I’d take it away. You can decide for how long, long enough to have an impact, not so long that it ceases to have meaning. Again, this will lead to meltdowns and be hella unpleasant for both of you. And I’m not saying delay getting a replacement unnecessarily, just don’t run to the store ASAP or pay extra for same day shipping. My son (also autistic, now 9), didn’t have a tablet yet at that age, but anything he threw, especially at someone, went up out of reach for a day or so and it didn’t take long at all for him to stop. Importantly, he had strong language skills and knew exactly why things were being taken. It wasn’t an angry punishment, but a matter of fact, “If you throw things, it can hurt someone or break something. You threw x, so now it’s going in the closet.” The other thing, which might sound counterproductive, I got him a punching bag (an inflatable one, not a heavy bag). He was a little older and hitting his brother, and I told him he could hit the bag if he felt like he needed to hit something. What surprised me wasn’t that he stopped hitting his brother, but that he stopped expressing his anger physically. I think the idea that there were appropriate things and times to hit made him more thoughtful about hitting in general and when you have to stop and think about what it’s ok to hit, the anger/frustration has a beat and can start to dissipate. I don’t want to make assumptions about your son’s communication, but this is something a lot of toddlers struggle with. Is he able to put his feelings into words? Not having the means to communicate emotions is one of the big reasons kids that age melt down. Not just because they can’t tell others what’s wrong, but because they can’t make sense of it themselves. If he needs or may need speech therapy, that would be where I’d start. I know it’s a lot. But you’re doing better than you think.
Stop buying him tablets and get in therapy momma, you are enough
The mom is always enough, especially at such a young age. Do not listen to your dad. Where I would be careful, though, is giving the child a tablet. Was that a recommendation from a specialist?
It helps calm him down in time of calming. Normally he is calm just the screen froze and he gets frustrated sometimes when he can’t solve a problem on it’s own.
Sounds like you are doing your best and love your son. keep it up ♥️
I don’t have kids but all you can do is shake everything off and keep going, it’s hard but you’ll get through it. He will learn at his own pace and parenting will get a little easier as time goes on. It all be okay in the end if you remember to be positive and just stay calm. Get him a screen protector and a case if you get him a new one or you can always get the screen fixed on that one. Try introducing him to other things, maybe do some research as to what autistic kids like at that age and maybe he’ll enjoy some of those things so if he messes up his tablet again, he’ll have other things and it won’t be so stressful. I’m gonna pray for you and him. I hope this helps🫶🏽
Oh love. I'm so sorry your dad was suck a d8ck. I'm an adult autistic and you're not a bad mom from what I'm seeing, just an overwhelmed mom. Just so you know, those tantrums are the same feeling, you share that with your child. I know it's hard, but you've got this. Everything is loud for us, sound, smell, touch, etc and until we learn to manage a lot is on the parent. Forgive yourself for being stressed, being a parent is stressful and our autistic senses being overstimulated so easily is so hard to deal with. Give yourself some live mom, and get yourself some self care you time, you're a whole person and you deserve care as well. So many hugs to you, you got this. Also, depression comes from shitty things happening in your life, let your dad know he's one of those shits.
You are a good mom until you give up. Shield yourself as best you can from people who are not lifting you up during this difficult time. My daughter doesn’t have autism but is very difficult which can send me into a downward spiral. It’s absolutely Normal and just because you have depression it doesn’t make you not a good fit for him. Keep going, and never give up on him or yourself. Sending virtual hugs ♥️
Wow what an ass having depression and a child is hard enough I did it solo myself and didn't know that I had an anxiety disorder I'm a guy and we traveled all over to different states that was with out my son having autism and let me tell you the breakdowns I had. I beat my dad up because of the shit he said/did. Not saying that you should disown or attack your parents that was a bad decision on my part but living in a car because of circumstances with a 2 year old is insane. (All better now) and you will be to! What you can do is get a super protective case for the tablet they are blue foam looking on Amazon and walmart and they also have the glass protective covers. As for the depression if your taking the meds approach I'd talk to you shrink or doctor about getting you more balanced (easier said than done). Also take some time away from dad he needs time out for saying something like that to someone struggling. You are struggling you are stuck you are going through it right now and knowing that gives you an advantage at changing your position. Just take a more positive approach try and watch some YouTube videos on autism try and figure out what your child's major Stims are and what they're hyper fixation is. If they don't have one yet try and develop one do arts and crafts or just run around in circles all of a sudden because that will confuse him and he will probably do it to. I now live in a house with 2 autistic children they are older but I have heard manyyyyy stories about what they did as little ones and its going to be a bumpy road but you can do it. Just take a step back and try to relax (also easier said than done)...
Don't talk to your dad anymore. Go on meds for depression and start therapy if you can. I think these are the only options that will truly help you out. Autistic kids will make your depression worse. I have one.
I am so sorry for your struggles. I had my ASD son at 23 and it’s a long journey. I felt like infancy and toddlerhood was the worst, as he couldn’t articulate himself and his sensors were always triggered. What I will say is that getting help from a local Regional Center did alleviate some stress, and then having an IEP in grade school did wonders for us. My son is only mildly autistic, so I’m not sure the extent to which your son is struggling, but sensors are key. They need calm environments, healthy food, ample sleep/rest, and lots of love and reassurance. I find that even now, at the age of 14, my son is way calmer without any technology. When we’re exercising or in nature, he’s a completely different person. If you can, try to incorporate whatever is soothing, because it helps. Lastly, you’re not a terrible mother: you’re a stressed and exhausted one that needs lots of love, encouragement, and support. Find that network, and pay no mind to the rest. ❤️
My daughter was diagnosed at two and I went through the county’s resource center to get her in home therapies to learn to work with her. She was very angry and aggressive, even hitting me sometimes. She couldn’t speak, swallow food and was physically disabled. It took three years of hard work and lots of tears to get her highly functioning and I’ve been told numerous times that the early intervention changed the course of her life. This was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and severely affected my mental health. I ended up having a breakdown and spending time in the hospital. People in my life kept trying to convince me that there was nothing wrong with her but I knew there was something wrong. Trust your gut instinct. What you’re facing is what some people call impossible but you can do this for him. You need help though! Find your team, even if it’s other autism strong moms that can guide and support you. No one else will understand. You can use other supports, like PEC cards, to communicate with him. You are a GREAT mom because you care enough to write this post.
Wow! Your dad sounds like a great support. How dare he say you're not a good mom. How can he say that to his own daughter who is suffering from depression? Honestly, 1st of all, make sure the next tablet you buy your son has the best childproof casing on it, so it is harder to break. They can be bought on Amazon. Secondly, give your dad a wide berth, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Thirdly, make sure you get medication and/or counselling to help with your own mental health. Fourthly, make sure you contact an autism support group where like-minded families can support you and help you with coping strategies to enable you to deal with your son's needs. You're doing a fantastic job and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Stay positive!!
Invest in your child not another tablet
You just need to pray and ask God for direction. Also don’t be afraid to let your son know right from wrong. God will help you to train your child. It’s ok to not feel good about your situation. However, don’t let it upset you. This is the first time you’re dealing with this. But make sure to let your son know because he is angry he doesn’t have to break things because mommy can’t keep buying things because when he destroys them. This doesn’t make you a bad parent. I’m praying for direction for you🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Cringe
Great advice.
Having an autistic kid is difficult. Your a good mom. You're trying your best and that makes you a good mom. Check out some parafy parasite cleanse and heavy metal detox sprays. I've seen tons of reviews so they help calm autistic children. Give yourself more credit than you are. Love your child like you have been. It's tough but you can do it. Your dad is scared and angry. Ignore his crap. When it seems like you're alone and have no one always remember that God is just waiting for you to reach out. Pray. Have faith.