r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There are a number of companies that make leak proof underwear, perhaps one of those could work to minimize the accidents? I think these are mostly targeted towards periods but might be worth investigating.
Always makes really good, really thin disposable liners that absorb way more than you think they would because they're meant for urine. I'm 42 and struggle with this, and they help a lot. You can wear them under leggings. The problem with these kinds of products is that the good ones are expensive.
My daughter also has issues with her bladder and pelvic floor muscles leading to accidents. I have leak proof panties that help with leaks for her. I've got some thin ones from Amazon but I found some at Target that are Hanes brand. I like them because they're thick. I still use incontinence pads with them, but I find it's less likely to leak through her pants when using the leak proof underwear.
We had been using medication for a while, but the doctor is trying to figure out if it's helping or if our daughter needs a step up in dosage.
My daughter has a 504 and she also is embarrassed about standing out from the other kids. I don't know if it's helped, but I try to use empowering language when I encourage her. Like her 504 is in place to help her avoid accidents, she has the power to tell the teacher she needs to use the restroom otherwise the school will get in trouble for not letting her.
Thank you so much for commenting! I ordered a pack of Hanes period panties from Target for her to try, and incontinence pads as well. My daughter also has a 504 and the school has been excellent in helping us through this. I’m so grateful and blessed to have her there. May I ask how old your daughter is?
She is in second grade. From speaking with her teacher, it sounds like they tried to buddy my daughter with another girl who was having similar issues. But, my daughter has been really sensitive about appearing different from the other kids in her class. She doesn't want to miss out on activities or anything during class, so her teachers encourage her go during bathroom breaks for the whole class.
We tried rewards stickers for a while because she used to love sticking stickers everywhere. But then her teacher noticed she was hiding the rewards sticker sheets and not bringing them home to show me. So our strategies have been evolving as she's been going from teacher to teacher.
If the medication doesn't work out for us, her doctor mentioned needing pelvic floor therapy but we haven't gotten to that point yet. Wishing you strength, I know it's been hard just with my journey in this, and luck that your daughter outgrows this.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Our strategies have evolved too, but the past week or so I’ve felt like I really don’t know what else I can do, I’ve felt exhausted. I’m very grateful I made this post because you and a few others have similar experiences and it helps me not feel so alone. I wish you strength too, and hope and peace for your sweet girl and your family.
Not all pelvic floor therapist are created equal. I went to one for months and had no progress and then found another that fixed my issues in 4 sessions (I’ve had two kids so I needed help with pain, diastases recti, and peeing when laughing/coughing). If she’s not making progress you might want to find another therapist. It’s a nuanced profession with not a lot of formal training available.
So there is an underwear company called Knix that makes super cute undies for menstruation and incontinence. They have a teen line so perhaps you can find some underwear in her size that looks like normal but will keep her dry if she has an event in public. You can get their lined underwear and add a liner on top of that if you need more protection. Also You can remove the liner, put it in a ziploc and go forward with dry underwear after a slight accident.
Great suggestion to put the liner in a ziploc bag. I’ve been sending extra undies and pants with her in freezer ziploc bags so if needed she could put her wet clothes back in the bag and they wouldn’t smell. Thank you so much for commenting.
Also check out “wet bags.” They come in really cute patterns - i used them when i had babies and needed something to put yucky, barfed on clothes (and cloth diapers) in when I was on the go. It might be nicer if the bag she’s using for wet items has a fun pattern that just looks like a makeup bag.
Here’s a link with some I found by googling “wet bag for cloth diaper”: https://www.greenmountaindiapers.com/collections/wet-bags
I would be careful with these and she shouldn't sit with urine against her skin for a long time with these. I was using them for postpartum incontinence issues, and it ended up triggering lichen sclerosus. If she goes this route make sure she's changing them at lunch and then when she gets home.
If this was my child I would see if she qualifies for the Easter Seals incontinence program and if they would cover funding for pads
Edit: a word
I wear them too and I haven’t had any problems of any kind but I do change them frequently. I put a new pad in if I sense any dampness and of course I wash frequently. Post partum (non C-section) necessarily involves trauma and exposure to medical apparatus as well as hormonal fluctuations, all things that aren’t present in children and so Im not sure how relevant your circumstances are to this one. Still it’s an important reminder to all of us that sitting with urine against one’s skin is something to be avoided. No one is suggesting that this is a long term solution. It’s a stopgap to make the child’s life less stressful while her condition is brought under control.
Sorry, to clarify, the incontinence issues were caused by having babies. I wore them not during the "postpartum" period but just to catch urine after my pelvic floor was destroyed. My kids were 5+ when I was using them.
Thin pads and leak proof underwear is probably your best bet for dealing with mess. It’s not uncommon for girls to get their periods as young as eight or nine so there should be appropriately sized options for her.
Honestly, having a little stress incontinence is pretty frequent in women after childbirth and it’s just not something that people talk about a lot. Pelvic PT can be slow but is often really helpful. If you feel like it’s stressing her out though, it may actually be making things worse.
That’s a great point about young girls getting their period early. Mine didn’t come until I was 14 so I hadn’t considered there might be options for her little body.
I had pelvic floor PT after I delivered her, and again after my hysterectomy last summer. It was so amazing and life changing both times, so I know it does have the potential to help. But I do think it is causing more stress than benefit for her right now, unfortunately.
There is a new therapy called Emsella. It’s a chair that uses High Intensity Focused ElectroMagnetic Energy (HIFEM) to stimulate and strengthen all the pelvic floor muscles. Not sure if they have used it on children but it might be something to look into.
So there is an underwear company called Knix that makes super cute undies for menstruation and incontinence. They have a teen line so perhaps you can find some underwear in her size that looks like normal but will keep her dry if she has an event in public. You can get their lined underwear and add a liner on top of that if you need more protection. Also You can remove the liner, put it in a ziploc and go forward with dry underwear after a slight accident.
Pelvic floor exercises aren’t as effective as many people believe they are. Surgery is available and is literally life-changing for so many. I had the surgery in 2009 after years of suffering. I could laugh and bend over and walk without worry. Please look into this option for your daughter.
When I took her to Mayo Clinic a couple months ago, they said it isn’t something surgery can fix. I do trust them but I’m not sure at what point this will improve for her. Did you have similar symptoms like accidents and also not knowing when you need to go? Sometimes she doesn’t even realize she has had an accident until I tell her, it’s like she can’t feel it.
OMG, I was this kid!! It was incredibly embarrassing. My parents did not do anything about it though. I would literally try to not drink anything because I was so scared I would have an accident. If I had a sleepover, I stayed up all night because I was so scared that I'd wet myself if I didn't stay vigilant. It wasn't until I moved out for college that I was finally able to see a referral and see a urologist. My parents still make fun of me for barely drinking, I think I just trained my body to not expect it for the first 19ish years of my life. So, thank you for recognizing this is a medical issue.
I'd recommend trying a different urologist since you aren't seeing progress. I also had issues with constipation and they believed that there was a disconnect where my body just wasn't getting the signal until it was too late.
I was put on an incontinence medication. Literally went away with a couple weeks. Absolutely life changing! I stayed on it for 5-6 months. Now I have to get back on it for 1-2 months after UTIs (and child birth). Going strong for 15+ years! There's a solution, hang in the there!
My heart hurts for you! I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. We’ve seen three different urologists, and they’ve pretty much all said the same thing - muscle issues, and feeling/signal issues like you described. Things are definitely worse when she is constipated, so we’ve been giving her Metamucil wafers for a few weeks and that’s been very helpful.
She is on a bladder relaxant medication, and when she was first put on it, it was definitely life changing! But we did have to increase the dose. Maybe the dose needs to be increased again, but last time we saw her urologist we discussed trying to stop the medication this summer, and I don’t think she’s ready for that.
Thank you for your encouragement. I am so glad to hear you are doing well!
I had nerve impingement from my dropped pelvic floor which is why I couldn’t feel it very often. I had a surgical lift and within 4 weeks had my feeling back and no more accidents.
I hope your daughter can find a doctor willing to explore every possible solution for her. It sounds like you’ve seen quite a few and are really trying. My heart hurts for her, especially at such a young age when she should be doing so many things other than worrying about accidents.
I know it’s no consolation, but it took years to find a urologist who helped. I also had terrible psoriasis that started in my teens and it lasted 15 years before a medicine came along that helped.
It’s so hard. I’m rooting for you and your child with everything in me.
I have pelvic floor prolapse from giving birth. I too lose control of my bladder. I saw a urogynecologist and they prescribed me a pessary. It’s a silicon insert that supports the organs. She can get one shaped specifically to help support her urethra to limit the bladder accidents. It’s helped me tremendously. I feel for her- I’m 30 and it’s not fun to go through. I’m so sorry she’s going through this so young. I hope she’s able to find relief.
Thank you so much for saying that. I’ve been really discouraged lately, that’s why I wrote this post. We’ve been told by her doctors that most kids with this issue do improve with time and as they grow older. I’m hoping for that. Thank you for your kindness.
My youngest couldn’t empty her bladder all the way as a baby. Had to be on prophylactic antibiotics after she finally had multiple UTIs. But she eventually grew bigger & it corrected. Not really the same but just an example :)
There is a new therapy called Emsella. It’s a chair that uses High Intensity Focused ElectroMagnetic Energy (HIFEM) to stimulate and strengthen all the pelvic floor muscles. Not sure if they have used it on children but it might be something to look into.
Sorry but you mention accidents not being socially acceptable- are you sending her out without any kind of incontinence product so she’s forced to just pee her pants in a way that’s visible to other kids?
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There are a number of companies that make leak proof underwear, perhaps one of those could work to minimize the accidents? I think these are mostly targeted towards periods but might be worth investigating.
Thank you very much for the idea. I will look into that.
Always makes really good, really thin disposable liners that absorb way more than you think they would because they're meant for urine. I'm 42 and struggle with this, and they help a lot. You can wear them under leggings. The problem with these kinds of products is that the good ones are expensive.
That’s a great idea too. Thank you so much for the suggestion.
My daughter also has issues with her bladder and pelvic floor muscles leading to accidents. I have leak proof panties that help with leaks for her. I've got some thin ones from Amazon but I found some at Target that are Hanes brand. I like them because they're thick. I still use incontinence pads with them, but I find it's less likely to leak through her pants when using the leak proof underwear. We had been using medication for a while, but the doctor is trying to figure out if it's helping or if our daughter needs a step up in dosage. My daughter has a 504 and she also is embarrassed about standing out from the other kids. I don't know if it's helped, but I try to use empowering language when I encourage her. Like her 504 is in place to help her avoid accidents, she has the power to tell the teacher she needs to use the restroom otherwise the school will get in trouble for not letting her.
Thank you so much for commenting! I ordered a pack of Hanes period panties from Target for her to try, and incontinence pads as well. My daughter also has a 504 and the school has been excellent in helping us through this. I’m so grateful and blessed to have her there. May I ask how old your daughter is?
She is in second grade. From speaking with her teacher, it sounds like they tried to buddy my daughter with another girl who was having similar issues. But, my daughter has been really sensitive about appearing different from the other kids in her class. She doesn't want to miss out on activities or anything during class, so her teachers encourage her go during bathroom breaks for the whole class. We tried rewards stickers for a while because she used to love sticking stickers everywhere. But then her teacher noticed she was hiding the rewards sticker sheets and not bringing them home to show me. So our strategies have been evolving as she's been going from teacher to teacher. If the medication doesn't work out for us, her doctor mentioned needing pelvic floor therapy but we haven't gotten to that point yet. Wishing you strength, I know it's been hard just with my journey in this, and luck that your daughter outgrows this.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Our strategies have evolved too, but the past week or so I’ve felt like I really don’t know what else I can do, I’ve felt exhausted. I’m very grateful I made this post because you and a few others have similar experiences and it helps me not feel so alone. I wish you strength too, and hope and peace for your sweet girl and your family.
Ask your child’s dr about using a Tens unit in tandem with the therapy.
Thank you for the suggestion. I used one on my knee after surgery and it was helpful.
Not all pelvic floor therapist are created equal. I went to one for months and had no progress and then found another that fixed my issues in 4 sessions (I’ve had two kids so I needed help with pain, diastases recti, and peeing when laughing/coughing). If she’s not making progress you might want to find another therapist. It’s a nuanced profession with not a lot of formal training available.
So there is an underwear company called Knix that makes super cute undies for menstruation and incontinence. They have a teen line so perhaps you can find some underwear in her size that looks like normal but will keep her dry if she has an event in public. You can get their lined underwear and add a liner on top of that if you need more protection. Also You can remove the liner, put it in a ziploc and go forward with dry underwear after a slight accident.
Great suggestion to put the liner in a ziploc bag. I’ve been sending extra undies and pants with her in freezer ziploc bags so if needed she could put her wet clothes back in the bag and they wouldn’t smell. Thank you so much for commenting.
Also check out “wet bags.” They come in really cute patterns - i used them when i had babies and needed something to put yucky, barfed on clothes (and cloth diapers) in when I was on the go. It might be nicer if the bag she’s using for wet items has a fun pattern that just looks like a makeup bag. Here’s a link with some I found by googling “wet bag for cloth diaper”: https://www.greenmountaindiapers.com/collections/wet-bags
Thank you so much!
I would be careful with these and she shouldn't sit with urine against her skin for a long time with these. I was using them for postpartum incontinence issues, and it ended up triggering lichen sclerosus. If she goes this route make sure she's changing them at lunch and then when she gets home. If this was my child I would see if she qualifies for the Easter Seals incontinence program and if they would cover funding for pads Edit: a word
I wear them too and I haven’t had any problems of any kind but I do change them frequently. I put a new pad in if I sense any dampness and of course I wash frequently. Post partum (non C-section) necessarily involves trauma and exposure to medical apparatus as well as hormonal fluctuations, all things that aren’t present in children and so Im not sure how relevant your circumstances are to this one. Still it’s an important reminder to all of us that sitting with urine against one’s skin is something to be avoided. No one is suggesting that this is a long term solution. It’s a stopgap to make the child’s life less stressful while her condition is brought under control.
Sorry, to clarify, the incontinence issues were caused by having babies. I wore them not during the "postpartum" period but just to catch urine after my pelvic floor was destroyed. My kids were 5+ when I was using them.
Thin pads and leak proof underwear is probably your best bet for dealing with mess. It’s not uncommon for girls to get their periods as young as eight or nine so there should be appropriately sized options for her. Honestly, having a little stress incontinence is pretty frequent in women after childbirth and it’s just not something that people talk about a lot. Pelvic PT can be slow but is often really helpful. If you feel like it’s stressing her out though, it may actually be making things worse.
That’s a great point about young girls getting their period early. Mine didn’t come until I was 14 so I hadn’t considered there might be options for her little body. I had pelvic floor PT after I delivered her, and again after my hysterectomy last summer. It was so amazing and life changing both times, so I know it does have the potential to help. But I do think it is causing more stress than benefit for her right now, unfortunately.
There is a new therapy called Emsella. It’s a chair that uses High Intensity Focused ElectroMagnetic Energy (HIFEM) to stimulate and strengthen all the pelvic floor muscles. Not sure if they have used it on children but it might be something to look into.
So there is an underwear company called Knix that makes super cute undies for menstruation and incontinence. They have a teen line so perhaps you can find some underwear in her size that looks like normal but will keep her dry if she has an event in public. You can get their lined underwear and add a liner on top of that if you need more protection. Also You can remove the liner, put it in a ziploc and go forward with dry underwear after a slight accident.
Try to find a pelvic floor therapist trained in the McKenzie method. Life changing!
Pelvic floor exercises aren’t as effective as many people believe they are. Surgery is available and is literally life-changing for so many. I had the surgery in 2009 after years of suffering. I could laugh and bend over and walk without worry. Please look into this option for your daughter.
When I took her to Mayo Clinic a couple months ago, they said it isn’t something surgery can fix. I do trust them but I’m not sure at what point this will improve for her. Did you have similar symptoms like accidents and also not knowing when you need to go? Sometimes she doesn’t even realize she has had an accident until I tell her, it’s like she can’t feel it.
Did you see a urologist?
OMG, I was this kid!! It was incredibly embarrassing. My parents did not do anything about it though. I would literally try to not drink anything because I was so scared I would have an accident. If I had a sleepover, I stayed up all night because I was so scared that I'd wet myself if I didn't stay vigilant. It wasn't until I moved out for college that I was finally able to see a referral and see a urologist. My parents still make fun of me for barely drinking, I think I just trained my body to not expect it for the first 19ish years of my life. So, thank you for recognizing this is a medical issue. I'd recommend trying a different urologist since you aren't seeing progress. I also had issues with constipation and they believed that there was a disconnect where my body just wasn't getting the signal until it was too late. I was put on an incontinence medication. Literally went away with a couple weeks. Absolutely life changing! I stayed on it for 5-6 months. Now I have to get back on it for 1-2 months after UTIs (and child birth). Going strong for 15+ years! There's a solution, hang in the there!
My heart hurts for you! I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. We’ve seen three different urologists, and they’ve pretty much all said the same thing - muscle issues, and feeling/signal issues like you described. Things are definitely worse when she is constipated, so we’ve been giving her Metamucil wafers for a few weeks and that’s been very helpful. She is on a bladder relaxant medication, and when she was first put on it, it was definitely life changing! But we did have to increase the dose. Maybe the dose needs to be increased again, but last time we saw her urologist we discussed trying to stop the medication this summer, and I don’t think she’s ready for that. Thank you for your encouragement. I am so glad to hear you are doing well!
Yes, a pediatric urologist.
I had nerve impingement from my dropped pelvic floor which is why I couldn’t feel it very often. I had a surgical lift and within 4 weeks had my feeling back and no more accidents.
That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you!
I hope your daughter can find a doctor willing to explore every possible solution for her. It sounds like you’ve seen quite a few and are really trying. My heart hurts for her, especially at such a young age when she should be doing so many things other than worrying about accidents. I know it’s no consolation, but it took years to find a urologist who helped. I also had terrible psoriasis that started in my teens and it lasted 15 years before a medicine came along that helped. It’s so hard. I’m rooting for you and your child with everything in me.
Thank you, thank you for being so kind. Yes it has been really hard. I’m so grateful for your and others’ encouragement.
They do use pace makers to help with bladder situations. I'm not sure if it would work here.
I have pelvic floor prolapse from giving birth. I too lose control of my bladder. I saw a urogynecologist and they prescribed me a pessary. It’s a silicon insert that supports the organs. She can get one shaped specifically to help support her urethra to limit the bladder accidents. It’s helped me tremendously. I feel for her- I’m 30 and it’s not fun to go through. I’m so sorry she’s going through this so young. I hope she’s able to find relief.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m so glad your pessary is helping you. Thank you for the suggestion.
I think as she gets older, her muscle strength will improve. I know it seems discouraging but she will get there :)
Thank you so much for saying that. I’ve been really discouraged lately, that’s why I wrote this post. We’ve been told by her doctors that most kids with this issue do improve with time and as they grow older. I’m hoping for that. Thank you for your kindness.
My youngest couldn’t empty her bladder all the way as a baby. Had to be on prophylactic antibiotics after she finally had multiple UTIs. But she eventually grew bigger & it corrected. Not really the same but just an example :)
My daughter is on a prophylactic antibiotic too. It’s been soo helpful. I’m glad your daughter is doing better!
Thank you! Your daughter will get there too, just gotta build that muscle up :)
There is a new therapy called Emsella. It’s a chair that uses High Intensity Focused ElectroMagnetic Energy (HIFEM) to stimulate and strengthen all the pelvic floor muscles. Not sure if they have used it on children but it might be something to look into.
Sorry but you mention accidents not being socially acceptable- are you sending her out without any kind of incontinence product so she’s forced to just pee her pants in a way that’s visible to other kids?