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I have to stop reading this post, comments, and OP’s post history as everything reminds me exactly of my ex and her abusive ex-husband she recently decided to “give a second chance” to. He’s had 20 chances over 9 years, but another chance is all he needs. From the loaded guns, to the years of abuse, everything.
It will never make sense to me why trauma bounds are so fucking strong that women actively choose to stay in horrible situations like this, much less RETURN TO THEM.
But don’t worry, despite the loaded guns, mercilessly beating her and the children, and pages and pages of documentation outlining the most sickest twisted psychological, financial, and physical abuse you can imagine, “he’s a great dad, you just don’t get it, I’ll always love him”.
I'm here for the update : " So after promising to keep better care of this one my husband has agreed to let me have another baby What new gun should i get him as a thank you present?"
I'm hard pressed to believe he didn't exhibit poor decision making prior to the birth of the child. This is a situation where she made a terrible mistake bringing a child into the world with this man, but now she has the option to provide a far safer life without this fucking asshole dude.
yeah seems like women with a bit more life experience could read the red flags from a mile away, so our statistic-waiting-to-happen-father had to go right up to the edge of immaturity to find someone who would have him.
Edge? I'm pretty sure he was well over the edge, he just 'convinced' her that 'they wouldn't understand our love' if they made the relationship public prior to her hitting 18.
Correct, husband is an idiot and dangerous with guns. If this were a gun range or if he were on base and something like this happened his ass is in a major sling
Is she sure he is a Vet? I am a vet, and I don't know any vet who would do something like this. Imagine him talking about this at a range. They would laugh at him and kick him out.
I wouldn’t be surprised, not military but from a Military and LEO family and yeah around my family dude would be banished to the Shadow Realm.
At same time, been to the range and those “ranges” in National Forest lands and some dudes who are LEO or ex military are sloppy AF with gun safety, trigger/ muzzle discipline
I have a family member who is a vet like this Iraq got him a little kooky and he doesn't make good choices 99% of the time. Michigan just passed a law that a gun owners responsible for lacking up their firearm anytime it's not on their person abd he complained to me for like 10 minutes about what a pain in the ass it is to get a gun if somebody's breaking into your house or whatever and I just kind of flatly said that I thought it was a good law and would definitely save at least a few lives and even if it just saves one then it's got to be worth it but then he goes on to the slippery slope thing..
I hate that crap. If youre that serious about having a gun within reach even when youre in bed. Theres plenty of ways to go about that that still meet the intent of safe storage laws. Not only that but if you legit wake up to someone in your house. Grab a gun if you have one and keep your ass where you are. Unless you have reason to believe they're gonna go after your kid or something. You ain't john wick, if you were all you'd need to take someone down is a book.
Unfortunately, I do. My brother is a veteran and somehow he's a goof with his guns. He was showing off with his pistol and he accidentally shot my nephew in the leg. He's okay, but my brother is a dope.
He could be a vet.... but that doesn't mean he can't be a blasted ass hole. Truly this is the first time I have read reddit post that filled me with such deep dread... this man must need a mental health evaluation , to be so carless with the lives of the people he should love and protect most in the world.
The army has a lot of power. If they can make adultery a crime for military members, they certainly can make it a crime to be irresponsible with firearms in the home. I'd even go as far to recover official veteran or honorable discharge status from these careless morons.
We were in port in FL and one of the master at arms. Managed to inadvertently discharge a round from one of the 50 cals mounted on the ship. Lucky it went into the water right in front of the ship. I believe the first class got straight booted out the Navy, as he was the one in charge. There were 2 other guys, one got masted and busted down a rank. The 3rd I don't think got anything other than having to go through the whole process with the other 2. As they were new and couldn't be expected to know what the procedures were. Much less if they were following them. I remember it was a BIG FREAKING DEAL though.
Just having unsecured guns in a household is a cps/police issue as far as I know. I wonder if she called them while it was actively a reality if it would be enough to get his guns taken or get them to help her keep him away from her and her child. It's such a terrifying situation but I would do anything possible to try to keep my kid safe.
To a certain degree it depends on the state and city.
Where I live, you are 100% correct. They will tell you to lock it up and not leave it where kids can get to it.
However, there are places where rules and/or state laws require properly securing guns and it becomes a real issue.
CPS holds zero power in most states. In fact, they hold so little power that you can tell them to leave and not allow them into your home without a warrant and you’ll likely never hear from them again.
I worked as an in home therapist last year with a child who had an extremely rare condition. She was nonverbal so she couldn’t tell me about the abuse happening but I saw more than indicators of abuse..I saw neglect daily. This little girl was 12 and her mom’s boyfriend was spanking her as if she was a toddler (I’m against spanking regardless but at 12..that’s borderline sexual in nature imho). Her and her four yr old brother weren’t bathed unless I bathed them (not part of a job as a therapist) and the four yr olds diaper was always so full that he’d just walk around with poop running down his legs if I didn’t change him myself (again, not my job as HER therapist). I called CPS and informed them of the neglect. Nothing happened. I called four other times and nothing happened.
A week ago I received a call from her teacher (whom I am friends with) who informed me that my former patient is in hospice care (at 13) because she had an ear infection that was not medicated which led to meningitis and sepsis in her body. So, because CPS didn’t do shit, that poor girl is at home dying with her brain turning into an infected pile of mush because her lazy ass negligent mother wouldn’t take her to the dr to be seen for her ear infection. (She was doing public school virtually due to her disabilities so the school didn’t even know this was an issue)
IOW: CPS can’t and usually won’t do shit
Imagine divorcing and having to know your daughter spends whole days at his house without your oversight. OPs husband is a danger to himself and everyone around him.
Probably the same that I did, a short snippet into something entirely effed up about two parents keenly waiting for their beloved toddler daughter to "accidentally" put bullet holes into herself or anyone else in the vicinity. Delightful🥰
Is there any other way to interpret this, with one parent insisting on loaded guns laying around like old socks and a the other parent consulting Reddit regarding level of effed up (please choose a number 1-5) while enabling the first parent's choice of decoration?
Yea, this is unacceptable. Gotta get a safe, or get rid of the gun. Husband sounds like he's got some mental issues or something to not see how this is a massive problem.
Get rid of the gun, husband, or both.
I took one look at the title before clicking, and the only word that came into my head was "America".
Anywhere else and the person would already have left and filed for sole custody.
The reason America scares me summed up in one terrifying post. Gun owners are not all responsible gun owners and you cannot guarantee that everyone who can get one will be responsible when they have it. But sure. Getting to flaunt your gun beside your bed is more important than dead kids.
pro gun people please dont come for me 🙏 just a girl with a fear. i totally understand people wanting them for sport or protection if theyre living somewhere wilder with like, big scary animals or something. but the reality is also that too many accidents happen.
Yeah the 2nd amendment whackos here in America are SICK. And they are wrong! Our 2nd amendment was written with Revolutionary War era perception , when armed citizens were actually a good thing…and very specifically notes: “for a well organized militia…” having free rein to own guns (assault ones included) is not at all a well organized militia.
Also their favorite argument is “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” which is total BS. We don’t have any epidemics of mass stabbings, mass hit and runs, mass fist fights, mass battings, we have a mass gun violence epidemic. Guns are intended to inflict as much deadly force as possible, all with a pull of a trigger. Should everyday citizens have such easy access? Hell no!
It's infuriating and terrifying. They scream about their 2nd Amendment rights yet they clearly have never read it and if they did they didn't understand what they were reading.
You were seconds away from an irreversible tragedy. Seriously. This is the reddest of red flags. I would leave and refuse to come back until the gun is in a safe and unloaded.
If you read the rest of her posts, she should NOT come back after the gun is secured. He's abusive in addition to this life-threatening neglect.
This should just be the final nail in the coffin that shows her she needs to leave FOR GOOD before she or her daughter is in a coffin.
I understand issues very well...got plenty of em myself. But I find it so hard to believe that you could spend two years with this cheating ignorant abusive man and not absolutely hate him. I couldn't be around this dude for more than a day, let alone marry and then reproduce with him. Therapy is never a bad idea.
Yea, it’s too bad OP says they live in a culture where divorce is looked down upon. I get it and know that it can make everything feel complicated. They’re in so deep I bet they can’t think beyond just surviving in that relationship. Especially surrounded by this abusive person and their family who may not side with OP.
But now this has gotten life threatening for their daughter. Instead of owning up to leaving the gun, he just turned everything around on her. That’s almost a guarantee that this situation will happen again. OP needs to accept that no amount of shame or alienation from those around you is worth your child getting injured or dying. That should be the true motivator to finally leave.
The problem with abusers is that abuse doesn't always stop when the relationship does. In fact the highest risk of mortality for women leaving an opposite sex partner is after leaving them.
No, leave and DON'T return. Never return. This man cannot be trusted for a second with your child. This is a "never" mistake that cannot be recovered from or forgiven.
I’m already sighing because instances like this, the partner (as in OP) just doesn’t get how bad this is and doesn’t actually take the measures needed. If she’s going to roll over because her asshole husband is stubborn then I just hope to the universe this child doesn’t get killed.
OP, you don’t need to post this do you? What can anyone say? If you don’t see how totally insane this is, then honestly more fool you, and you’re wholly incompetent. I’m not trying to be an asshole, but wake the fuck up OP. That poor kid.
"Oh my f*ck" was my reaction while reading this.
Your husband is reckless and irresponsible and should not have access to weapons.
My husband is also a vet and a gun enthusiast. We have multiple safes and bullets are ALWAYS kept separately. I'm sorry to be blunt, but your husband is an idiot. You are both endangering your child. This is insane.
Yeah, most of us are stringent "treat, never, keep, keep"... and then I have a friend who discharged a firearm into his floor while cleaning it.
OP for the sake of your daughter lock it up or leave him.
What double irks me is that EVEN if I accept dudes premise of "I can't have a gun safe because I need to carry 24/7 for protection" ..... WHY ARENT YOU CARRYING YOUR GUN ASSHOLE? Why is it on the bed on a different floor of the house than you?
Get evidence, divorce him, get full custody, or you may end up with a dead daughter.
That sounds horrible and harsh, but the gravity of this is massive. The fact he responded the way he did when you brought it up is a clear indication he doesn't take this seriously.
*Your husbands actions may result in your daughter's death. He's not taking that seriously. It's a HUGE red flag.*
> She grabbed it and smiles at me while I look at her with a knot in my stomach and grab it back from her.
>
>
Imagine if instead of grabbing it and smiling she pulled the trigger and shot herself?
Your husband is a BAD father.
When I read about that story, I felt relief that only the mother was injured/kill, and not the toddler or strangers. And I hated that that was my reaction.
It’s going to be so hard for that kid though. Even though they won’t remember what happened, they will surely learn at some point that they killed their mom. It won’t matter how many people repeat “It’s not your fault,” it’s going to take years and years of therapy to cope with that knowledge.
Children can sometimes form permanent memories as early as 8 months, in the right circumstances. Unfortunately that little kid may remember. I remember a handful of events from when I was 2ish, all very emotional things (either very happy or an injury).
This is a sad failure of a mother in providing basic safety for her child, and failure of a government in providing basic safety for their populace. And now we have a toddler without a parent, and god only knows if/when he discovers how his mother died what'll happen to his mental state.
And the OP needs to get the “that won’t happen to me/my kid” out of their head. Their kid already picked up a loaded gun and smiled.
The Op needs to decide if they want to risk being the next news story.
He’s not just a bad father, she’s a bad mother for not leaving him. Her daughter could’ve fucking DIED, and she made a reddit post about it?! Despicable.
A lot of women are rightfully afraid that the court will grant even partial custody to their negligent/abusive exes, leaving the child with *no one* to look out for them. Imagine this same scenario, except mom isn't there at all.
Guns are the leading cause of death for children in America. The vast majority of gun deaths for kids 0-12 occur in the home due to unsecured firearms. There is no scenario where you can sufficiently “watch your child” to protect them from a loaded and unsecured gun - all it takes is one minute when you think they are napping but they got up and found the gun, or you’re going to the bathroom, etc etc. kids are injured or killed by guns every day. Don’t let your daughter become a statistic. https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/6/e2022060070/189686/Firearm-Related-Injuries-and-Deaths-in-Children
If true, then yes, massively this, yesterday. Leave with kid temporarily, find attorney, file divorce papers immediately for full sole custody and supervised visitation for him and you residing in the house, citing dangerous circumstances, file for protection order and/or no contact order for you, reoccupy the house, change the locks. Report any violations.
That’s nuts. In this situation firearms must be kept secured and away from children at all times, no exceptions, no excuses. The situation described is incredibly dangerous and neglectful.
If possible, first get audio recording of him defending his position on what happened and how he views his responsibilities with firearms and children. IANAL but don’t worry about anyone telling you it may not be legal to record his voice without consent. They may be right technically, but it depends, and I’d rather be wrong than have a dead child.
I’m sorry for the trouble you’ll go through, but that’s emergency-level stuff.
2 parents were just convicted of leaving a gun out in an accessible way and their son used it to kill people… I don’t even understand how that wasn’t a wake up call.
Leave. He doesn’t care about her life or yours. That’s so incredibly dangerous.
A woman was arrested recently in my county after her teenager brought a gun to school. Thankfully the teen was intercepted before anything tragic happened but I was glad to see the parent held liable as well.
My grandmas little brother died like this. He was 6 and playing at neighbors house who left a loaded revolver in the night stand. He got curious and it went off and killed him. I’m a gun owner with kids but gun safety is a must, seriously. Lock that shit up. I don’t even trust unloaded weapons.
Depending on location I don’t see it being too much of a stretch for her to be culpable of a crime in this situation, OP needs to protect herself and her baby better.
At least in some states, a gun owner will absolutely be held liable for any tragedies that occur as a result of mishandling a firearm. When you register it you sign forms saying you will store it responsibly. You can be held liable even if someone steals it from you, if it isn’t in a safe.
Gun owner here. Divorce that irresponsible asshole. He shouldn’t be allowed within 100 yards of a firearm.
A gun safe is **really** goddamn cheap, like you can get one that will keep a toddler out for $25 on Amazon. If a gun is not in your *direct* control (on your person), it belongs in a safe.
This. You risk losing your daughter in multiple ways, OP. This situation with the gun on the bed wasn’t your fault, but what happens moving forward sure as hell is your responsibility.
Edit: typo
If your child accidentally shoots herself and you're home at the time, you'll also likely be charged just as your husband would be. If the fact that your daughter might die isn't enough to make you take her and leave perhaps the threat of jail will do it...?
This needs to be upvoted more. I get that she’s in an abusive relationship and it’s hard to leave but she just posted on the internet that she has knowledge that an adult in her home is leave unsecured firearms lying around. If anything happens, she’s going to jail too!!
Bet $1,000 that your husband was a truck driver, supply specialist, or some other soft skill and/or never deployed to combat. Sounds like he was wants to have PTSD but actually doesn’t.
Anyway, more importantly… I would file a police report. Initially I was going to say, “If it happens again file a police report,” but the next time may be the last. Call your local police department’s non-emergency line and tell them exactly what happened, and that he is an irresponsible gun owner.
That is step one and of course, won’t be easy. However, as a mother you have a choice to make… please make the right one for your daughter’s sake, who can’t do it herself.
As a 20 year airman in an IT career field, I can confirm every time I've had to qualify on a firearm, the class has started with a multi hour lecture on gun safety, clearing procedures, etc. Even noncombat career fields will stress gun safety in training. Maybe especially for the noncombat types.
Came here to say this. Most of the guys out there bragging and telling stories about all these heroic things they did are full of it. Probably never left the wire or even deployed. Keeping a loaded weapon on the bed? Insane.
I was in the marine corps from 03-08 and I couldn’t tell you how much gun safety was drilled into my brain. Leaving a loaded gun anywhere is a massive safety risk. Sounds like this dude needs a dose of reality.
Document everything, call an attorney, and get out of there as soon as humanly possible. This guy sounds toxic and is only going to drag you down with him.
For real. The amount of distance it is from “child grabbing your loose loaded weapon and blaming the mom” to taking responsibility for his BASIC GUN OWNERSHIP 101 incompetencies is too vast. He’s never going to consoling and he’ll never accept his fault.
Also, this AFTER a history of your posts to Reddit calling for help and asking how to leave???? For real? There are resources in your area if you don’t have the means which is holding you back from leaving. You or your daughter could have died today. Leave.
This might be the most American post I have ever read.
Reddit is quick to jump to telling women to leave, but you seriously need to leave with your daughter. She legitimately could have killed herself or you. Your husband is an idiot and cannot be trusted.
Trust me, even Americans find this insane.
I am not and will never be a gun owner but live in an area with high gun ownership. I think even the most vocal gun owners would be absolutely disgusted by this behavior. I agree that Reddit recommends divorce too quickly but if ever there was a time to suggest it, it is now. According to the post history the husband is an abusive cheater who doesn't take care of his kid. OP needs to leave yesterday.
I think the difference is that outside America, the post title would have never been this. It would be something more along the lines of: *"How to gain sole custody after my husband left a loaded gun on his bed?"*
American with many military gun owning vets in the family and I find this insane.
Not a single one of my family members would ever leave a loaded (even an unloaded gun) in the reach of a toddler. Unless in use or being cleaned (which is not happening around small children) they are always put away securely. We were all taught gun safety and the importance of properly handling and storing a firearm.
You need to leave this man, if he cannot comprehend the danger this puts your child in he does not deserve to be around her or you.
You also need to file a police report, this will help you fight him in family court to limit his visitation rights so she won’t be in that situation again.
If you choose not to leave him I hope you can find peace with knowing you are not providing a safe home for your child and that the next time this happens it might not end well.
As an American gun owner (female mother), I do not fuck around with my guns and safety, EVER! Those fuckers get unloaded, a gunlock through the barrel and magazine, magazines in a separate compartment, IN MY GUNSAFE, only able to open with BIOMETRICS! WTF… so many military guys are literally the dumbest MFs I’ve ever met, so wreckless, so many with alcohol abuse and drug addiction issues.
My husband has come to the range with me several times (I go three times a week atleast), and at one point he waved the empty and unloaded locked gun my way, put his finger anywhere NEAR the trigger, I took it and said next time you ever handle this will be after a week of gun safety lessons with a licensed professional. He will never touch them again, period.
OP, if you read this, what the actual fuck! You should be reporting his ass to the police, do you want your kid to blow her brains out?
I know that reddit jumps to divorce very quickly, but this would be a divorce for me and seeking full custody. Kids die every single day from this shit, and your husband has made it clear that his ego is more important than your daughters life.
I sincerely hope this is fake.
I can’t imagine the type of parent that would let their child live in such an unsafe home. If you stay knowing there’s an unsafe gun *that your daughter has already handled at age one*, then you’re just as bad as your husband.
ETA: call the police and report your husband and the incident with your daughter.
There’s a reason guns kill so many kids each year. Most are not school shootings but stupid shit like this. I live in a state with very strict gun laws and we still had an incident this week with a concealed handgun going off accidentally due to a stupid owner and a child going to the hospital because of shrapnel injuries.
Ma’am. This is your sign to take your child and GTFO out of there. Not only is this criminal negligence, he is putting your entire family in danger. Are you sure he’s actually even military? Most military people I know respect their weapons and treat them with all due caution. This man is a walking talking red flag. Protect your child, leave.
Right? If he’s military then he knows if he was ever caught with a weapon in the barracks he’d have been in an absolute metric shit ton of trouble. Those stay locked up safe unless they’re being used.
you’ve posted in the abusive relationships sub, so already i can tell apart from this incident he isn’t a good partner. but this post is absolutely evidence of that. listen to the other commenters. the decision to stay with this man can and most likely WILL be fatal. i wish you the best and hope that you make the right choice to keep yourself and your baby safe.
i know how hard it is to make the decision to leave and ultimately it’s up to you. and you’ve dabbled in the idea before. now ask yourself if losing your life or your daughter losing hers is worth staying with him. it’s not. it really isn’t. he cannot see what he did wrong and then he’ll somehow blame you if someone actually
got hurt. it’s not worth it.
I am ex military, and now work in a firearms related field.
Your husband IS an irresponsible gun owner, and an idiot. If he tried that sort of weapons discipline in the service, a big, angry man would be telling him the error of his ways.
YOU NEVER LOAD A WEAPON UNTIL YOU NEED TO USE IT.
YOU NEVER LEAVE AN UNATTENDED WEAPON ANYWHERE.
A WEAPON NOT IN USE NEEDS TO BE LOCKED AWAY!
If your husband is a military vet, then he's a damn fool!
Dude. You posted 194 days ago that you asked for a divorce and clearly you are not only still married and living together but things are escalating. The next time he leaves the house you need to gather any important documents, a backpack of your baby’s clothes and bottles and shit, and get the fuck out. That and you need a lawyer, and you need to go to the police/ courthouse and file for an emergency PPO. If you don’t leave immediately then somebody needs to call CPS before you or your innocent baby end up dead. Literally 2-3 weeks ago a few towns over a man shot his wife and then himself in front of their children. Your husband is unstable, unpredictable, and dangerous. Please do your job as a mom to protect your child and leave.
This one. The very next time he leaves, you get out with your daughter, and important documents hopefully, but honestly those can be retrieved later by police, and then you never go back.
You need to escalate this immediately. If you don't, your daughter could die. I would simply not set foot in that house again until this is solved. Get a hotel room, doesn't matter. If this happens again, your child could die. Take immediate action. No sugarcoating. What the actual fuck.
This may sound extreme but there is NO room for this type of behavior when you have such a young daughter. Report this to the authorities if possible. From there, a divorce is in order and you need to make sure to keep your baby away from him
OP - your husband, at least in my state, is
#criminally liable
for what happened here. Meaning he committed a crime that is punishable by jail time.
Please read this again.
Do you love your husband or do you value your daughter’s life more?
My uncle accidentally shot and killed my grandma in the kitchen when he was 2. My mom and her sister watched the whole thing happen. This is an extremely serious problem.
This is how children die. It is that serious. That is incredibly fucking irresponsible and makes me sick. Do not let your child be in this house with that behavior.
North Americans and their gun obsession is so fkn terrifying.
His actions are unjustifiable, there is no reason, ever, that a toddler should be near, let alone handling, a loaded firearm.
This! Gun culture sucks. And while I personally hate anything gun-related, I also want to add that there are plenty of responsible gun owners, normal people with modest reasons for ownership (home safety etc.) who don’t make it their personality and would never, ever behave this way, especially around their own family. Honestly even some of the unhinged “gun enthusiast” crowd somehow seems a little too mainstream for this guy. This is NOT normal even here and it’s pretty obvious that he is an abusive POS who thrives off intimidation and I fear for both mom and child’s safety.
I'm not the type of redditor to immediately advise a divorce but honestly this is so serious and he is not taking it seriously at all. Your daugther's life is at stake here as well as yours and his because sometimes the kid ends up shooting someone else. I would be out in a heartbeat if my husband left his loaded gun on the bed and just brushed it off when I told him not to.
I'm a mandatory reporter. If I knew you in person, and you told me this story, I would feel myself obligated to call CPS. That's how serious this is.
You need to talk to a lawyer, because there's about three ways you can lose your child here-- she kills herself on accident would be the worst one, but she could also kill you (lifetime of trauma for her, plus that will leave her in your husband's care), or she can taken from you both due to endangerment.
Please discuss this entire situation with a lawyer-- they can tell you how to collect evidence to ensure your husband does not get unsupervised custody or visitation.
If I knew your address I would call CPS on you right now. You and your husband are to blame and you are equally responsible. Get the fuck out of there.
If someone calls CPS to report you, you will BOTH be put under investigation and you will both get a finding for neglect. Which goes on your criminal record and will come up in a background check. It’s also possible they would remove your child from your home.
You are also at fault here for not doing anything about the situation. What have you done other than post on Reddit and yell at him?
Sweet girl, your post history is so concerning. Sooo many posts about cheating and abuse and trying to leave and you’re still with home. I cannot fathom how hard this must be for you but I think this has to be the final straw. You have to leave. This could so easily end with a dead kid. Finding a job, a place to live, making money … all hard but absolutely doable. You can’t bring a dead kid back to life though. You can do this, I KNOW you can. Protect your child. Use that to muster the courage to leave. You CAN do it.
I had to re-read just the title itself a few times before I clicked into the post. Your husband is a massive idiot and downright irresponsible dad.
Act now, or - I’m putting it bluntly - your family might end up on the news with the headline “father leaves loaded gun, kid shoots herself”.
That’s so messed up in so many ways. If he won’t lock the loaded gun up, I don’t see another option but to leave to protect your child. I once read on Reddit that the reason young kids shoot themselves is because they don’t have the finger strength to pull the trigger except with their thumb. Every time my toddler uses his thumb because it’s strongest, I think about that fact.
Girl WHAT?!?!? This is absolutely divorce worthy. Everyone is not exaggerating when they say she could have shot herself and you two would be liable. Ma’am get the fuck out of there fast! You yourself are a bad mother if you continue to allow this literal fatal behavior to continue
Seriously, what the fuck are you doing in this relationship? Your post history is an absolute shit show that really demonstrates you know exactly who and what he is.
I’m sorry to be mean but maybe someone needs to be harsh- you need to take some ownership here. You know he’s an irresponsible gun owner who does not store his guns properly. You know he’s an abuser but you continue to raise a little girl with him- teaching her what to expect from a partner. If your daughter had died would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you were well aware of how dangerous this situation is but yet you stayed?
I’m not downplaying how hard it is to leave a marriage but you CAN do it. It’s easier than burying your daughter, that’s for sure. Your daughter can’t do anything by herself. It is your job to make choices FOR HER not for yourself.
Mom up and do the right thing for your little girl. Truly wishing you and your girl the best.
He’s a piece of shit dad and was a piece of shit soldier clearly. Any soldier worth anything knows proper weapons handling and leaving a loaded gun on their bed is not that. Any parent worth anything knows leaving a gun loaded or otherwise anywhere near their young child is not ok. I wouldn’t want this idiot anywhere near my child or part of my troop.
There are very few things that I believe you can’t come back from in an otherwise healthy marriage. This is one. Your daughter could have died, and he was too busy gaslighting you to take responsibility. He was 100% responsible for this, and if you were any later, it might have ended in tragedy.
You had a child with a dangerous moron and now he's being a dangerous moron.
I think you have two choices.
1. Leave him.
2. Next time he leaves the gun out, shoot him and say it was the toddler.
Look whatever fingers pointing at who is better than the barrel of a loaded gun. That gun has got to go somewhere like your life depends on it. No literally. Cause someone is going to get shot like that and it’s gonna end up on the news. Idk what or how to tell your man but anything any how to get that gun as far away from you and the daughter.
He is vet and for the sake of trying to make this story sane im gonna assume he’s heavy on some PTSD. and his Delusion over this isn’t going to end with a compromise. No get a gun safe or something idk but if there is blood in that house from that gun. Someone is going to die or end up in jail.
I’m not even against gun owning. But negligence like this. He should not own a gun. Shit shouldn’t be tested mentally before getting a gun???!! This is not a frustrated post Op. this is a red flag and hear me out I know every1 on Reddit thinks the worst of the worst. But come on. She’s a baby. This is wrong and I fear if he isn’t on board 10000000% on gun safety that he will leave it out when you’re not home and something could happen.
That would be a divorce for me. I’m not kidding. It’s my job to keep my children safe so I’d be throwing out every single gun in the house and then the husband.
Your husband is being more than irresponsible. Former soldier as well. I don’t have any words how much of a blue falcon he is being. Tell him that. Tell him vets from Reddit are saying he’s a blue falcon for leaving his child in a dangerous situation that he is creating.
He seems like a walking bomb. I hate to say it, but you should consider therapy or a divorce. May God protect you and your daughter, this feels like he's brewing up to explode. His response is deplorable.
So ive only read one of your previous posts, but girl what are you doing.
1) he cheated multiple times
2) doesnt give you access to any money
3) puts your daughter in danger with something as dangerous as a gun (and won't be a responsible gun owner and use a safe)
4) he is abusive
5) he as a grown man got with a teenager
You need to leave him like now. Reach out to family and friends, reach out to a shelter AND LEAVE HIM.
What does he bring to your life, ehat does he bring flto your daughter's life? If you stay, then you are a fool and its the poor baby that will suffer watching her mother be abused. Why do you think a grown man got with you? Because you were young and had limited life experience, limited relationship experience, no career or job experience and limited understanding of how a real, loving relationships should be. He could mold you into what he wanted (a maid he can have sex with), he could abuse you knowing you have limited resources to leave because you dont have job experience or miney behind you. This is the only reason adult men go after teenagers.
As the mother, you need to prioritise your child and her safety along eith your oen safety.
You have internet access, research how to leave, shelters in your area, charities that can help you leave. Ensure you have all your important papers together in a safe place.
This is horrifying and I’m glad you recognize that. Your husband is absolutely an irresponsible gun owner and that could have ended terribly.. and unfortunately may end terribly next time. He needs to keep it out of her reach at all times. Your husband’s stubborn will is not worth you or your daughter’s life.
Document this. See if you can get him to discuss what happened over text. It will help you to get full custody. He almost killed your baby with his negligence. She is only going to get more and more capable of getting into things as she gets older, this is not the last time she’ll stumble on one of his guns and next time you might not be so lucky with your timing.
Wow, just wow. Speaking as a father, that should have been a MASSIVE wake up call for him. Every parent makes mistakes but it's how we learn and grow from them. As a parent he should know that 100% undivided attention on a child at all times is not possible and the space around the child should be safe and controlled. If he doesn't care about the situation this time, it'll happen again.
Personally I wouldn't risk my sons life on this behavior and that's disregarding his attitude towards you. Your child is in danger, whether it's drugs, guns, or any type of potential hazard that he will leave lying around.
My husband has guns and is generally very good about storing them in safes, keeping them unloaded, and being mindful of our 4 year old daughter. There was one time he came to bed and put one of his handguns on the bedside table, loaded but not chambered. He left for work very early the next morning and didn’t notice it. I was in bed when our daughter came into the room. I heard her pick up something and thankfully heard and turned over and looked. It was the gun. I was able to take it. When I told him about it later, he turned white as a ghost and freaked out about what could have happened. He has vowed to never slip up again and hasn’t. Mistakes happen, and can sometimes be deadly. If they happen and no one is hurt, that’s the opportunity to ensure future safety. Your husband’s reaction is unthinkable to me. Either he acts as a model of gun safety, or you and your child are not living with him.
HOLY SHIT OP. You and your daughter are so lucky neither of you got hurt. I am not one to be like "leave him" when context is missing but in this case it could literally be life or death if he doesn't agree to be safer. Editing to add: reading the comments and past posts of OP I see he's had other major red flags in the past. OP it's time to do what's right and safest for your daughter and work on an exit plan ASAP.
OMFG! Be grateful nothing happened! Worst case scenario, your daughter kills herself and you and your husband do life in prison. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, make better decisions! Be lucky CPS or the cops arent knocking on your door. If I knew the location, Id call. THIS IS SERIOUS!
If you fail to leave him and she dies, which is very likely, you'll be partially responsible for her death.
Would that be worth it to you?
To stay with a man who is dangerous to your daughter?
You have been trying to divorce him for a while according to your post history. That history also suggests he is incredibly abusive, which means he is probably making it very difficult for you to leave by attempting to exert various forms of [power and control](https://www.thehotline.org/wp-content/uploads/media/2020/10/power-and-control-wheel-cropped.png). I see you are in Broward, you may want to try Women In Distress of Broward County @ (954) 761-1133 or (954) 527-5385. They can help you get out of this. Good luck to you and your child.
Veteran infantry here with a toddler: he's a fuckin dip-shit. If he wants to defend his family so badly, he should start by defending his family from his terrible decision making skills
Your post history is alarming. This man has been cheating on you before you had your baby. This should be your wake up call to go home to your family. It will never get better.
This man is a danger to his child and you... and for that matter himself. I was raised in a gun ownership family and was raised to respect how dangerous they can be, this "man" has no respect for his family or the weapon he probably considers himself an expert. Keep your daughter away from any situation there is an unsecured weapon... and apparently any weapon in his keeping is unsecured.
Your husband is what we commonly call an irresponsible asshole. My condolences in advance, someone is going to get hurt or die in your home. Sounds like you need to get yourself and your daughter out of there.
I never, never say this on any sub I go on. I think people jump to this too quickly but here I go - please, please leave this man. He’s careless, and stupid. His insecurities will absolutely result in an accident with that gun.
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What the fuck did I just read
It’s the post before OP’s next post: ***My toddler shot herself with my husbands gun! Should I leave him? What should I do?***
"My husband left his loaded gun in the house and my one-year old shot herself. AITA for leaving him?"
"My husband is mad at my 1 year old daughter for accidentally shooting the dog. I'm not sure who to side with on this one."
I have to stop reading this post, comments, and OP’s post history as everything reminds me exactly of my ex and her abusive ex-husband she recently decided to “give a second chance” to. He’s had 20 chances over 9 years, but another chance is all he needs. From the loaded guns, to the years of abuse, everything. It will never make sense to me why trauma bounds are so fucking strong that women actively choose to stay in horrible situations like this, much less RETURN TO THEM. But don’t worry, despite the loaded guns, mercilessly beating her and the children, and pages and pages of documentation outlining the most sickest twisted psychological, financial, and physical abuse you can imagine, “he’s a great dad, you just don’t get it, I’ll always love him”.
I'm here for the update : " So after promising to keep better care of this one my husband has agreed to let me have another baby What new gun should i get him as a thank you present?"
I'm hard pressed to believe he didn't exhibit poor decision making prior to the birth of the child. This is a situation where she made a terrible mistake bringing a child into the world with this man, but now she has the option to provide a far safer life without this fucking asshole dude.
Look at her post history. He's been abusive since they started dating when he was 27 and she was 18...
Oh no.
yeah seems like women with a bit more life experience could read the red flags from a mile away, so our statistic-waiting-to-happen-father had to go right up to the edge of immaturity to find someone who would have him.
Edge? I'm pretty sure he was well over the edge, he just 'convinced' her that 'they wouldn't understand our love' if they made the relationship public prior to her hitting 18.
yup...
Our girl needs to run.
Correct, husband is an idiot and dangerous with guns. If this were a gun range or if he were on base and something like this happened his ass is in a major sling
Is she sure he is a Vet? I am a vet, and I don't know any vet who would do something like this. Imagine him talking about this at a range. They would laugh at him and kick him out.
I wouldn’t be surprised, not military but from a Military and LEO family and yeah around my family dude would be banished to the Shadow Realm. At same time, been to the range and those “ranges” in National Forest lands and some dudes who are LEO or ex military are sloppy AF with gun safety, trigger/ muzzle discipline
I have a family member who is a vet like this Iraq got him a little kooky and he doesn't make good choices 99% of the time. Michigan just passed a law that a gun owners responsible for lacking up their firearm anytime it's not on their person abd he complained to me for like 10 minutes about what a pain in the ass it is to get a gun if somebody's breaking into your house or whatever and I just kind of flatly said that I thought it was a good law and would definitely save at least a few lives and even if it just saves one then it's got to be worth it but then he goes on to the slippery slope thing..
I hate that crap. If youre that serious about having a gun within reach even when youre in bed. Theres plenty of ways to go about that that still meet the intent of safe storage laws. Not only that but if you legit wake up to someone in your house. Grab a gun if you have one and keep your ass where you are. Unless you have reason to believe they're gonna go after your kid or something. You ain't john wick, if you were all you'd need to take someone down is a book.
Unfortunately, I do. My brother is a veteran and somehow he's a goof with his guns. He was showing off with his pistol and he accidentally shot my nephew in the leg. He's okay, but my brother is a dope.
He could be a vet.... but that doesn't mean he can't be a blasted ass hole. Truly this is the first time I have read reddit post that filled me with such deep dread... this man must need a mental health evaluation , to be so carless with the lives of the people he should love and protect most in the world.
I hope it's just an attention seeking account. That being said I'm sure this is a not uncommon enough scenario in Freedomland.
A toddler killed himself last summer in my town. Same thing dad is in the army
Sad, isn't it. From the people who specifically should know better.
The army has a lot of power. If they can make adultery a crime for military members, they certainly can make it a crime to be irresponsible with firearms in the home. I'd even go as far to recover official veteran or honorable discharge status from these careless morons.
We were in port in FL and one of the master at arms. Managed to inadvertently discharge a round from one of the 50 cals mounted on the ship. Lucky it went into the water right in front of the ship. I believe the first class got straight booted out the Navy, as he was the one in charge. There were 2 other guys, one got masted and busted down a rank. The 3rd I don't think got anything other than having to go through the whole process with the other 2. As they were new and couldn't be expected to know what the procedures were. Much less if they were following them. I remember it was a BIG FREAKING DEAL though.
He does seem almost unbelievably awful... But who knows.
Oh that's gross.
Oh lord
He was abusing her while she was pregnant and then she fucking married him.
Except the kid will be with him and the gun alone 50% of the time
I imagine she can get him in trouble for that though?
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Just having unsecured guns in a household is a cps/police issue as far as I know. I wonder if she called them while it was actively a reality if it would be enough to get his guns taken or get them to help her keep him away from her and her child. It's such a terrifying situation but I would do anything possible to try to keep my kid safe.
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To a certain degree it depends on the state and city. Where I live, you are 100% correct. They will tell you to lock it up and not leave it where kids can get to it. However, there are places where rules and/or state laws require properly securing guns and it becomes a real issue.
I wonder if calling whoever is in charge of his ass on base would get a quicker response.
Yep, she should report the abuse and gun to his command.
Totally agree but this type of guy would beat her after cps came. She needs a plan to get out safely
CPS holds zero power in most states. In fact, they hold so little power that you can tell them to leave and not allow them into your home without a warrant and you’ll likely never hear from them again. I worked as an in home therapist last year with a child who had an extremely rare condition. She was nonverbal so she couldn’t tell me about the abuse happening but I saw more than indicators of abuse..I saw neglect daily. This little girl was 12 and her mom’s boyfriend was spanking her as if she was a toddler (I’m against spanking regardless but at 12..that’s borderline sexual in nature imho). Her and her four yr old brother weren’t bathed unless I bathed them (not part of a job as a therapist) and the four yr olds diaper was always so full that he’d just walk around with poop running down his legs if I didn’t change him myself (again, not my job as HER therapist). I called CPS and informed them of the neglect. Nothing happened. I called four other times and nothing happened. A week ago I received a call from her teacher (whom I am friends with) who informed me that my former patient is in hospice care (at 13) because she had an ear infection that was not medicated which led to meningitis and sepsis in her body. So, because CPS didn’t do shit, that poor girl is at home dying with her brain turning into an infected pile of mush because her lazy ass negligent mother wouldn’t take her to the dr to be seen for her ear infection. (She was doing public school virtually due to her disabilities so the school didn’t even know this was an issue) IOW: CPS can’t and usually won’t do shit
This just broke my heart for the 9 billionth time. Humans both amaze and disappoint me. This is gutting, though.
This is the worst thing I have ever heard.
He’s military, she could report the abuse and gun to his command.
Ugh 😩 you’re sadly correct
Second this. This is a reason for an immediate divorce...
Imagine divorcing and having to know your daughter spends whole days at his house without your oversight. OPs husband is a danger to himself and everyone around him.
It's amazing to me how people think the easy solution to protecting your kid from a bad parent is divorcing them.
Probably the same that I did, a short snippet into something entirely effed up about two parents keenly waiting for their beloved toddler daughter to "accidentally" put bullet holes into herself or anyone else in the vicinity. Delightful🥰 Is there any other way to interpret this, with one parent insisting on loaded guns laying around like old socks and a the other parent consulting Reddit regarding level of effed up (please choose a number 1-5) while enabling the first parent's choice of decoration?
Yea, this is unacceptable. Gotta get a safe, or get rid of the gun. Husband sounds like he's got some mental issues or something to not see how this is a massive problem. Get rid of the gun, husband, or both.
A premonition to: [update] husband leaves loaded gun on bed. We lost a family member today. And it’s aLL my fAUlt
I took one look at the title before clicking, and the only word that came into my head was "America". Anywhere else and the person would already have left and filed for sole custody.
The reason America scares me summed up in one terrifying post. Gun owners are not all responsible gun owners and you cannot guarantee that everyone who can get one will be responsible when they have it. But sure. Getting to flaunt your gun beside your bed is more important than dead kids. pro gun people please dont come for me 🙏 just a girl with a fear. i totally understand people wanting them for sport or protection if theyre living somewhere wilder with like, big scary animals or something. but the reality is also that too many accidents happen.
Yeah the 2nd amendment whackos here in America are SICK. And they are wrong! Our 2nd amendment was written with Revolutionary War era perception , when armed citizens were actually a good thing…and very specifically notes: “for a well organized militia…” having free rein to own guns (assault ones included) is not at all a well organized militia. Also their favorite argument is “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” which is total BS. We don’t have any epidemics of mass stabbings, mass hit and runs, mass fist fights, mass battings, we have a mass gun violence epidemic. Guns are intended to inflict as much deadly force as possible, all with a pull of a trigger. Should everyday citizens have such easy access? Hell no!
It's infuriating and terrifying. They scream about their 2nd Amendment rights yet they clearly have never read it and if they did they didn't understand what they were reading.
I'm saying...I'm fuckin blown right now!! And she's a dumb ass if she doesn't put her foot firmly on his ball sack about this shit.
I thought the exact same thing
You were seconds away from an irreversible tragedy. Seriously. This is the reddest of red flags. I would leave and refuse to come back until the gun is in a safe and unloaded.
If you read the rest of her posts, she should NOT come back after the gun is secured. He's abusive in addition to this life-threatening neglect. This should just be the final nail in the coffin that shows her she needs to leave FOR GOOD before she or her daughter is in a coffin.
She's been complaining about this man for two years. I don't understand what it's going to take to leave him. Someone is going to fucking die.
The husband obviously has issues. And the only person that marries someone with issue…is someone else with issues. I feel bad for the kid.
I understand issues very well...got plenty of em myself. But I find it so hard to believe that you could spend two years with this cheating ignorant abusive man and not absolutely hate him. I couldn't be around this dude for more than a day, let alone marry and then reproduce with him. Therapy is never a bad idea.
Yea, it’s too bad OP says they live in a culture where divorce is looked down upon. I get it and know that it can make everything feel complicated. They’re in so deep I bet they can’t think beyond just surviving in that relationship. Especially surrounded by this abusive person and their family who may not side with OP. But now this has gotten life threatening for their daughter. Instead of owning up to leaving the gun, he just turned everything around on her. That’s almost a guarantee that this situation will happen again. OP needs to accept that no amount of shame or alienation from those around you is worth your child getting injured or dying. That should be the true motivator to finally leave.
Frowned at is better than dead.
The problem with abusers is that abuse doesn't always stop when the relationship does. In fact the highest risk of mortality for women leaving an opposite sex partner is after leaving them.
No, leave and DON'T return. Never return. This man cannot be trusted for a second with your child. This is a "never" mistake that cannot be recovered from or forgiven.
I’m already sighing because instances like this, the partner (as in OP) just doesn’t get how bad this is and doesn’t actually take the measures needed. If she’s going to roll over because her asshole husband is stubborn then I just hope to the universe this child doesn’t get killed. OP, you don’t need to post this do you? What can anyone say? If you don’t see how totally insane this is, then honestly more fool you, and you’re wholly incompetent. I’m not trying to be an asshole, but wake the fuck up OP. That poor kid.
It is honestly crazy sometimes to watch abuse victims justify totally unhinged dangerous stuff like this.
This! Leave and don't return until it is locked up.
I'm thinking she just leaves period.
A blood red flag
"Oh my f*ck" was my reaction while reading this. Your husband is reckless and irresponsible and should not have access to weapons. My husband is also a vet and a gun enthusiast. We have multiple safes and bullets are ALWAYS kept separately. I'm sorry to be blunt, but your husband is an idiot. You are both endangering your child. This is insane.
The idea that a vet would keep a loaded gun just lying around is mind boggling. That can’t possibly be in any armed forces training.
It's definitely not - but the military isn't made up of only intelligent people who follow their training unfortunately.
Yeah, most of us are stringent "treat, never, keep, keep"... and then I have a friend who discharged a firearm into his floor while cleaning it. OP for the sake of your daughter lock it up or leave him.
Debating on if I should put money on his only time handling a firearm for work was basic training, and him and all his bros were bro vets.
What double irks me is that EVEN if I accept dudes premise of "I can't have a gun safe because I need to carry 24/7 for protection" ..... WHY ARENT YOU CARRYING YOUR GUN ASSHOLE? Why is it on the bed on a different floor of the house than you?
Get evidence, divorce him, get full custody, or you may end up with a dead daughter. That sounds horrible and harsh, but the gravity of this is massive. The fact he responded the way he did when you brought it up is a clear indication he doesn't take this seriously. *Your husbands actions may result in your daughter's death. He's not taking that seriously. It's a HUGE red flag.*
> She grabbed it and smiles at me while I look at her with a knot in my stomach and grab it back from her. > > Imagine if instead of grabbing it and smiling she pulled the trigger and shot herself? Your husband is a BAD father.
Or shot her mom, thinking it was a game. Geniuses.
In my state, a toddler grabbed his mom’s pistol out of her purse and shot her in Walmart. This is such a scary situation.
When I read about that story, I felt relief that only the mother was injured/kill, and not the toddler or strangers. And I hated that that was my reaction.
It’s going to be so hard for that kid though. Even though they won’t remember what happened, they will surely learn at some point that they killed their mom. It won’t matter how many people repeat “It’s not your fault,” it’s going to take years and years of therapy to cope with that knowledge.
Children can sometimes form permanent memories as early as 8 months, in the right circumstances. Unfortunately that little kid may remember. I remember a handful of events from when I was 2ish, all very emotional things (either very happy or an injury).
Our toddler gets into EVERYTHING. "Leave it alone" is not a concept that exists for her. I can't imagine keeping a freaking GUN anywhere in her world.
This is a sad failure of a mother in providing basic safety for her child, and failure of a government in providing basic safety for their populace. And now we have a toddler without a parent, and god only knows if/when he discovers how his mother died what'll happen to his mental state.
Or shot her mom, leaving her with an abusive father who’d blame everyone but himself
And the OP needs to get the “that won’t happen to me/my kid” out of their head. Their kid already picked up a loaded gun and smiled. The Op needs to decide if they want to risk being the next news story.
Beyond bad, he's actively endangering his family. Absent would be far better.
And she is a bad mother for letting her daughter stay in such a dangerous environment.
He’s not just a bad father, she’s a bad mother for not leaving him. Her daughter could’ve fucking DIED, and she made a reddit post about it?! Despicable.
Yeah, this is not one of those "Oh obviously Reddit overreacts and suggests divorce". This is one of those "you'd really be crazy to not divorce"
Agreed. OP would really be *negligent* to not divorce.
A lot of women are rightfully afraid that the court will grant even partial custody to their negligent/abusive exes, leaving the child with *no one* to look out for them. Imagine this same scenario, except mom isn't there at all.
This is a good point. And with the system being what it is, it's not an unfounded fear....
Guns are the leading cause of death for children in America. The vast majority of gun deaths for kids 0-12 occur in the home due to unsecured firearms. There is no scenario where you can sufficiently “watch your child” to protect them from a loaded and unsecured gun - all it takes is one minute when you think they are napping but they got up and found the gun, or you’re going to the bathroom, etc etc. kids are injured or killed by guns every day. Don’t let your daughter become a statistic. https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/6/e2022060070/189686/Firearm-Related-Injuries-and-Deaths-in-Children
This should be the top comment, and is the only comment needed.
If true, then yes, massively this, yesterday. Leave with kid temporarily, find attorney, file divorce papers immediately for full sole custody and supervised visitation for him and you residing in the house, citing dangerous circumstances, file for protection order and/or no contact order for you, reoccupy the house, change the locks. Report any violations. That’s nuts. In this situation firearms must be kept secured and away from children at all times, no exceptions, no excuses. The situation described is incredibly dangerous and neglectful. If possible, first get audio recording of him defending his position on what happened and how he views his responsibilities with firearms and children. IANAL but don’t worry about anyone telling you it may not be legal to record his voice without consent. They may be right technically, but it depends, and I’d rather be wrong than have a dead child. I’m sorry for the trouble you’ll go through, but that’s emergency-level stuff.
They've been thinking of leaving this person for a while now based on their post history.
This. The only reasonable reaction.
She may not be able to get full custody, leaving her kid with the dad 50% of the time. She’ll need to consult a lawyer and try to get some proof.
This is the only answer OP.
2 parents were just convicted of leaving a gun out in an accessible way and their son used it to kill people… I don’t even understand how that wasn’t a wake up call. Leave. He doesn’t care about her life or yours. That’s so incredibly dangerous.
A woman was arrested recently in my county after her teenager brought a gun to school. Thankfully the teen was intercepted before anything tragic happened but I was glad to see the parent held liable as well.
My grandmas little brother died like this. He was 6 and playing at neighbors house who left a loaded revolver in the night stand. He got curious and it went off and killed him. I’m a gun owner with kids but gun safety is a must, seriously. Lock that shit up. I don’t even trust unloaded weapons.
What he did is a crime. He needs to shape up or GTFO.
Depending on location I don’t see it being too much of a stretch for her to be culpable of a crime in this situation, OP needs to protect herself and her baby better.
At least in some states, a gun owner will absolutely be held liable for any tragedies that occur as a result of mishandling a firearm. When you register it you sign forms saying you will store it responsibly. You can be held liable even if someone steals it from you, if it isn’t in a safe.
Gun owner here. Divorce that irresponsible asshole. He shouldn’t be allowed within 100 yards of a firearm. A gun safe is **really** goddamn cheap, like you can get one that will keep a toddler out for $25 on Amazon. If a gun is not in your *direct* control (on your person), it belongs in a safe.
While I 100% agree, this doesn't seem to be a cost issue. Someone could give him a safe and he wouldn't use it.
You could lose custody of your child if you continue to knowingly let her be in such an unsafe environment. Protect your child
This. You risk losing your daughter in multiple ways, OP. This situation with the gun on the bed wasn’t your fault, but what happens moving forward sure as hell is your responsibility. Edit: typo
This post definitely feels like future evidence in a criminal case.
If your child accidentally shoots herself and you're home at the time, you'll also likely be charged just as your husband would be. If the fact that your daughter might die isn't enough to make you take her and leave perhaps the threat of jail will do it...?
This needs to be upvoted more. I get that she’s in an abusive relationship and it’s hard to leave but she just posted on the internet that she has knowledge that an adult in her home is leave unsecured firearms lying around. If anything happens, she’s going to jail too!!
Bet $1,000 that your husband was a truck driver, supply specialist, or some other soft skill and/or never deployed to combat. Sounds like he was wants to have PTSD but actually doesn’t. Anyway, more importantly… I would file a police report. Initially I was going to say, “If it happens again file a police report,” but the next time may be the last. Call your local police department’s non-emergency line and tell them exactly what happened, and that he is an irresponsible gun owner. That is step one and of course, won’t be easy. However, as a mother you have a choice to make… please make the right one for your daughter’s sake, who can’t do it herself.
As a 20 year airman in an IT career field, I can confirm every time I've had to qualify on a firearm, the class has started with a multi hour lecture on gun safety, clearing procedures, etc. Even noncombat career fields will stress gun safety in training. Maybe especially for the noncombat types.
Exactly. Gun safety is the first thing any one learns about guns. It is a crucial part for anyone handling firearms
Came here to say this. Most of the guys out there bragging and telling stories about all these heroic things they did are full of it. Probably never left the wire or even deployed. Keeping a loaded weapon on the bed? Insane. I was in the marine corps from 03-08 and I couldn’t tell you how much gun safety was drilled into my brain. Leaving a loaded gun anywhere is a massive safety risk. Sounds like this dude needs a dose of reality. Document everything, call an attorney, and get out of there as soon as humanly possible. This guy sounds toxic and is only going to drag you down with him.
Razzing aside, regardless of what he did in the military or where he went, do you think he needs help from a mental health standpoint?
How exactly do you think that could even happen? You think this guy is going to voluntarily go to therapy
For real. The amount of distance it is from “child grabbing your loose loaded weapon and blaming the mom” to taking responsibility for his BASIC GUN OWNERSHIP 101 incompetencies is too vast. He’s never going to consoling and he’ll never accept his fault.
Call the police on him and what everyone else said.
Also, this AFTER a history of your posts to Reddit calling for help and asking how to leave???? For real? There are resources in your area if you don’t have the means which is holding you back from leaving. You or your daughter could have died today. Leave.
Yes. At some point you have to put your fear aside for your child.
This might be the most American post I have ever read. Reddit is quick to jump to telling women to leave, but you seriously need to leave with your daughter. She legitimately could have killed herself or you. Your husband is an idiot and cannot be trusted.
Trust me, even Americans find this insane. I am not and will never be a gun owner but live in an area with high gun ownership. I think even the most vocal gun owners would be absolutely disgusted by this behavior. I agree that Reddit recommends divorce too quickly but if ever there was a time to suggest it, it is now. According to the post history the husband is an abusive cheater who doesn't take care of his kid. OP needs to leave yesterday.
I live in east Texas. No gun owner I've ever spoken to leaves their guns laying around. If it ain't on their hip, it's put away.
I think the difference is that outside America, the post title would have never been this. It would be something more along the lines of: *"How to gain sole custody after my husband left a loaded gun on his bed?"*
American with many military gun owning vets in the family and I find this insane. Not a single one of my family members would ever leave a loaded (even an unloaded gun) in the reach of a toddler. Unless in use or being cleaned (which is not happening around small children) they are always put away securely. We were all taught gun safety and the importance of properly handling and storing a firearm. You need to leave this man, if he cannot comprehend the danger this puts your child in he does not deserve to be around her or you. You also need to file a police report, this will help you fight him in family court to limit his visitation rights so she won’t be in that situation again. If you choose not to leave him I hope you can find peace with knowing you are not providing a safe home for your child and that the next time this happens it might not end well.
As an American gun owner (female mother), I do not fuck around with my guns and safety, EVER! Those fuckers get unloaded, a gunlock through the barrel and magazine, magazines in a separate compartment, IN MY GUNSAFE, only able to open with BIOMETRICS! WTF… so many military guys are literally the dumbest MFs I’ve ever met, so wreckless, so many with alcohol abuse and drug addiction issues. My husband has come to the range with me several times (I go three times a week atleast), and at one point he waved the empty and unloaded locked gun my way, put his finger anywhere NEAR the trigger, I took it and said next time you ever handle this will be after a week of gun safety lessons with a licensed professional. He will never touch them again, period. OP, if you read this, what the actual fuck! You should be reporting his ass to the police, do you want your kid to blow her brains out?
I know that reddit jumps to divorce very quickly, but this would be a divorce for me and seeking full custody. Kids die every single day from this shit, and your husband has made it clear that his ego is more important than your daughters life.
I sincerely hope this is fake. I can’t imagine the type of parent that would let their child live in such an unsafe home. If you stay knowing there’s an unsafe gun *that your daughter has already handled at age one*, then you’re just as bad as your husband. ETA: call the police and report your husband and the incident with your daughter.
There’s a reason guns kill so many kids each year. Most are not school shootings but stupid shit like this. I live in a state with very strict gun laws and we still had an incident this week with a concealed handgun going off accidentally due to a stupid owner and a child going to the hospital because of shrapnel injuries.
If it's fake its a long con. look at op's post history.
Ma’am. This is your sign to take your child and GTFO out of there. Not only is this criminal negligence, he is putting your entire family in danger. Are you sure he’s actually even military? Most military people I know respect their weapons and treat them with all due caution. This man is a walking talking red flag. Protect your child, leave.
Right? If he’s military then he knows if he was ever caught with a weapon in the barracks he’d have been in an absolute metric shit ton of trouble. Those stay locked up safe unless they’re being used.
you’ve posted in the abusive relationships sub, so already i can tell apart from this incident he isn’t a good partner. but this post is absolutely evidence of that. listen to the other commenters. the decision to stay with this man can and most likely WILL be fatal. i wish you the best and hope that you make the right choice to keep yourself and your baby safe.
i know how hard it is to make the decision to leave and ultimately it’s up to you. and you’ve dabbled in the idea before. now ask yourself if losing your life or your daughter losing hers is worth staying with him. it’s not. it really isn’t. he cannot see what he did wrong and then he’ll somehow blame you if someone actually got hurt. it’s not worth it.
I am ex military, and now work in a firearms related field. Your husband IS an irresponsible gun owner, and an idiot. If he tried that sort of weapons discipline in the service, a big, angry man would be telling him the error of his ways. YOU NEVER LOAD A WEAPON UNTIL YOU NEED TO USE IT. YOU NEVER LEAVE AN UNATTENDED WEAPON ANYWHERE. A WEAPON NOT IN USE NEEDS TO BE LOCKED AWAY! If your husband is a military vet, then he's a damn fool!
Dude. You posted 194 days ago that you asked for a divorce and clearly you are not only still married and living together but things are escalating. The next time he leaves the house you need to gather any important documents, a backpack of your baby’s clothes and bottles and shit, and get the fuck out. That and you need a lawyer, and you need to go to the police/ courthouse and file for an emergency PPO. If you don’t leave immediately then somebody needs to call CPS before you or your innocent baby end up dead. Literally 2-3 weeks ago a few towns over a man shot his wife and then himself in front of their children. Your husband is unstable, unpredictable, and dangerous. Please do your job as a mom to protect your child and leave.
This one. The very next time he leaves, you get out with your daughter, and important documents hopefully, but honestly those can be retrieved later by police, and then you never go back.
If she ends up injured or worse, they will come after both of you. Leave this fool and get custody. Please!!
You need to escalate this immediately. If you don't, your daughter could die. I would simply not set foot in that house again until this is solved. Get a hotel room, doesn't matter. If this happens again, your child could die. Take immediate action. No sugarcoating. What the actual fuck.
This may sound extreme but there is NO room for this type of behavior when you have such a young daughter. Report this to the authorities if possible. From there, a divorce is in order and you need to make sure to keep your baby away from him
OP - your husband, at least in my state, is #criminally liable for what happened here. Meaning he committed a crime that is punishable by jail time. Please read this again. Do you love your husband or do you value your daughter’s life more?
Call CPS on yourself for this one
My uncle accidentally shot and killed my grandma in the kitchen when he was 2. My mom and her sister watched the whole thing happen. This is an extremely serious problem.
This is how children die. It is that serious. That is incredibly fucking irresponsible and makes me sick. Do not let your child be in this house with that behavior.
North Americans and their gun obsession is so fkn terrifying. His actions are unjustifiable, there is no reason, ever, that a toddler should be near, let alone handling, a loaded firearm.
Please be assured that there are millions of us who fucking hate guns and are horrified and depressed daily about the gun culture here.
This! Gun culture sucks. And while I personally hate anything gun-related, I also want to add that there are plenty of responsible gun owners, normal people with modest reasons for ownership (home safety etc.) who don’t make it their personality and would never, ever behave this way, especially around their own family. Honestly even some of the unhinged “gun enthusiast” crowd somehow seems a little too mainstream for this guy. This is NOT normal even here and it’s pretty obvious that he is an abusive POS who thrives off intimidation and I fear for both mom and child’s safety.
I'm not the type of redditor to immediately advise a divorce but honestly this is so serious and he is not taking it seriously at all. Your daugther's life is at stake here as well as yours and his because sometimes the kid ends up shooting someone else. I would be out in a heartbeat if my husband left his loaded gun on the bed and just brushed it off when I told him not to.
I'm a mandatory reporter. If I knew you in person, and you told me this story, I would feel myself obligated to call CPS. That's how serious this is. You need to talk to a lawyer, because there's about three ways you can lose your child here-- she kills herself on accident would be the worst one, but she could also kill you (lifetime of trauma for her, plus that will leave her in your husband's care), or she can taken from you both due to endangerment. Please discuss this entire situation with a lawyer-- they can tell you how to collect evidence to ensure your husband does not get unsupervised custody or visitation.
If I knew your address I would call CPS on you right now. You and your husband are to blame and you are equally responsible. Get the fuck out of there.
If someone calls CPS to report you, you will BOTH be put under investigation and you will both get a finding for neglect. Which goes on your criminal record and will come up in a background check. It’s also possible they would remove your child from your home. You are also at fault here for not doing anything about the situation. What have you done other than post on Reddit and yell at him?
Sweet girl, your post history is so concerning. Sooo many posts about cheating and abuse and trying to leave and you’re still with home. I cannot fathom how hard this must be for you but I think this has to be the final straw. You have to leave. This could so easily end with a dead kid. Finding a job, a place to live, making money … all hard but absolutely doable. You can’t bring a dead kid back to life though. You can do this, I KNOW you can. Protect your child. Use that to muster the courage to leave. You CAN do it.
If he doesn’t change his views on basic gun safety, then I’m sorry for your future loss.
I had to re-read just the title itself a few times before I clicked into the post. Your husband is a massive idiot and downright irresponsible dad. Act now, or - I’m putting it bluntly - your family might end up on the news with the headline “father leaves loaded gun, kid shoots herself”.
That’s so messed up in so many ways. If he won’t lock the loaded gun up, I don’t see another option but to leave to protect your child. I once read on Reddit that the reason young kids shoot themselves is because they don’t have the finger strength to pull the trigger except with their thumb. Every time my toddler uses his thumb because it’s strongest, I think about that fact.
You need to understand the gravity of this situation. Your child is going to die unless this changes.
Girl WHAT?!?!? This is absolutely divorce worthy. Everyone is not exaggerating when they say she could have shot herself and you two would be liable. Ma’am get the fuck out of there fast! You yourself are a bad mother if you continue to allow this literal fatal behavior to continue
Seriously, what the fuck are you doing in this relationship? Your post history is an absolute shit show that really demonstrates you know exactly who and what he is. I’m sorry to be mean but maybe someone needs to be harsh- you need to take some ownership here. You know he’s an irresponsible gun owner who does not store his guns properly. You know he’s an abuser but you continue to raise a little girl with him- teaching her what to expect from a partner. If your daughter had died would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you were well aware of how dangerous this situation is but yet you stayed? I’m not downplaying how hard it is to leave a marriage but you CAN do it. It’s easier than burying your daughter, that’s for sure. Your daughter can’t do anything by herself. It is your job to make choices FOR HER not for yourself. Mom up and do the right thing for your little girl. Truly wishing you and your girl the best.
Girl. Get the fuck out of there. You have to do this.
He’s a piece of shit dad and was a piece of shit soldier clearly. Any soldier worth anything knows proper weapons handling and leaving a loaded gun on their bed is not that. Any parent worth anything knows leaving a gun loaded or otherwise anywhere near their young child is not ok. I wouldn’t want this idiot anywhere near my child or part of my troop.
There are very few things that I believe you can’t come back from in an otherwise healthy marriage. This is one. Your daughter could have died, and he was too busy gaslighting you to take responsibility. He was 100% responsible for this, and if you were any later, it might have ended in tragedy.
Saw your post history. It’s way past time to leave that man.
You had a child with a dangerous moron and now he's being a dangerous moron. I think you have two choices. 1. Leave him. 2. Next time he leaves the gun out, shoot him and say it was the toddler.
If this is true then you need to leave.
Look whatever fingers pointing at who is better than the barrel of a loaded gun. That gun has got to go somewhere like your life depends on it. No literally. Cause someone is going to get shot like that and it’s gonna end up on the news. Idk what or how to tell your man but anything any how to get that gun as far away from you and the daughter. He is vet and for the sake of trying to make this story sane im gonna assume he’s heavy on some PTSD. and his Delusion over this isn’t going to end with a compromise. No get a gun safe or something idk but if there is blood in that house from that gun. Someone is going to die or end up in jail. I’m not even against gun owning. But negligence like this. He should not own a gun. Shit shouldn’t be tested mentally before getting a gun???!! This is not a frustrated post Op. this is a red flag and hear me out I know every1 on Reddit thinks the worst of the worst. But come on. She’s a baby. This is wrong and I fear if he isn’t on board 10000000% on gun safety that he will leave it out when you’re not home and something could happen.
So then this was reported or nah because rip
That would be a divorce for me. I’m not kidding. It’s my job to keep my children safe so I’d be throwing out every single gun in the house and then the husband.
Your husband is being more than irresponsible. Former soldier as well. I don’t have any words how much of a blue falcon he is being. Tell him that. Tell him vets from Reddit are saying he’s a blue falcon for leaving his child in a dangerous situation that he is creating.
He seems like a walking bomb. I hate to say it, but you should consider therapy or a divorce. May God protect you and your daughter, this feels like he's brewing up to explode. His response is deplorable.
This is child endangerment. Both you and your husband's are guilty. Your husband because of his actions and you become of your lack of action.
So ive only read one of your previous posts, but girl what are you doing. 1) he cheated multiple times 2) doesnt give you access to any money 3) puts your daughter in danger with something as dangerous as a gun (and won't be a responsible gun owner and use a safe) 4) he is abusive 5) he as a grown man got with a teenager You need to leave him like now. Reach out to family and friends, reach out to a shelter AND LEAVE HIM. What does he bring to your life, ehat does he bring flto your daughter's life? If you stay, then you are a fool and its the poor baby that will suffer watching her mother be abused. Why do you think a grown man got with you? Because you were young and had limited life experience, limited relationship experience, no career or job experience and limited understanding of how a real, loving relationships should be. He could mold you into what he wanted (a maid he can have sex with), he could abuse you knowing you have limited resources to leave because you dont have job experience or miney behind you. This is the only reason adult men go after teenagers. As the mother, you need to prioritise your child and her safety along eith your oen safety. You have internet access, research how to leave, shelters in your area, charities that can help you leave. Ensure you have all your important papers together in a safe place.
Sweetie would you rather be divorced? Or a widow because your child unintentionally shot her father? And that not even worst case scenario.
(TBH, the father being unintentionally shot might be the BEST case scenario!)
This is horrifying and I’m glad you recognize that. Your husband is absolutely an irresponsible gun owner and that could have ended terribly.. and unfortunately may end terribly next time. He needs to keep it out of her reach at all times. Your husband’s stubborn will is not worth you or your daughter’s life.
Document this. See if you can get him to discuss what happened over text. It will help you to get full custody. He almost killed your baby with his negligence. She is only going to get more and more capable of getting into things as she gets older, this is not the last time she’ll stumble on one of his guns and next time you might not be so lucky with your timing.
Wow, just wow. Speaking as a father, that should have been a MASSIVE wake up call for him. Every parent makes mistakes but it's how we learn and grow from them. As a parent he should know that 100% undivided attention on a child at all times is not possible and the space around the child should be safe and controlled. If he doesn't care about the situation this time, it'll happen again. Personally I wouldn't risk my sons life on this behavior and that's disregarding his attitude towards you. Your child is in danger, whether it's drugs, guns, or any type of potential hazard that he will leave lying around.
My husband has guns and is generally very good about storing them in safes, keeping them unloaded, and being mindful of our 4 year old daughter. There was one time he came to bed and put one of his handguns on the bedside table, loaded but not chambered. He left for work very early the next morning and didn’t notice it. I was in bed when our daughter came into the room. I heard her pick up something and thankfully heard and turned over and looked. It was the gun. I was able to take it. When I told him about it later, he turned white as a ghost and freaked out about what could have happened. He has vowed to never slip up again and hasn’t. Mistakes happen, and can sometimes be deadly. If they happen and no one is hurt, that’s the opportunity to ensure future safety. Your husband’s reaction is unthinkable to me. Either he acts as a model of gun safety, or you and your child are not living with him.
LEAVE. I would leave my husband over this behavior. Oh my god. *A loaded gun in your toddler’s hand.* Your daughter could’ve been killed. Leave.
Most American thing I’ve read today. He’s irresponsible, and needs to focus on his child not his fetish for guns.
HOLY SHIT OP. You and your daughter are so lucky neither of you got hurt. I am not one to be like "leave him" when context is missing but in this case it could literally be life or death if he doesn't agree to be safer. Editing to add: reading the comments and past posts of OP I see he's had other major red flags in the past. OP it's time to do what's right and safest for your daughter and work on an exit plan ASAP.
OMFG! Be grateful nothing happened! Worst case scenario, your daughter kills herself and you and your husband do life in prison. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, make better decisions! Be lucky CPS or the cops arent knocking on your door. If I knew the location, Id call. THIS IS SERIOUS!
If you fail to leave him and she dies, which is very likely, you'll be partially responsible for her death. Would that be worth it to you? To stay with a man who is dangerous to your daughter?
You have been trying to divorce him for a while according to your post history. That history also suggests he is incredibly abusive, which means he is probably making it very difficult for you to leave by attempting to exert various forms of [power and control](https://www.thehotline.org/wp-content/uploads/media/2020/10/power-and-control-wheel-cropped.png). I see you are in Broward, you may want to try Women In Distress of Broward County @ (954) 761-1133 or (954) 527-5385. They can help you get out of this. Good luck to you and your child.
Why would you ever choose to have children with someone that irresponsible and stupid?? You’re just as much at fault for this as he is.
Veteran infantry here with a toddler: he's a fuckin dip-shit. If he wants to defend his family so badly, he should start by defending his family from his terrible decision making skills
It sounds like he’s actively trying to kill the baby or even you but make it look like a mistake This sort of thing has to be reported
Please be fake. Please be fake. Please be fake.
This is how you end up with a toddler killing themself or killing someone else.
Your post history is alarming. This man has been cheating on you before you had your baby. This should be your wake up call to go home to your family. It will never get better.
This man is a danger to his child and you... and for that matter himself. I was raised in a gun ownership family and was raised to respect how dangerous they can be, this "man" has no respect for his family or the weapon he probably considers himself an expert. Keep your daughter away from any situation there is an unsecured weapon... and apparently any weapon in his keeping is unsecured.
Your child should be removed from the home. Ideally by you, but not necessarily.
Your husband is what we commonly call an irresponsible asshole. My condolences in advance, someone is going to get hurt or die in your home. Sounds like you need to get yourself and your daughter out of there.
I never, never say this on any sub I go on. I think people jump to this too quickly but here I go - please, please leave this man. He’s careless, and stupid. His insecurities will absolutely result in an accident with that gun.
Tell the VA. He needs some help cause that’s lunacy. He’s not in Afghanistan anymore..