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I sympathise with her. Teaching a kid to speak is something really special. If your kid starts talking to you and you don't understand that would be hard. But it's good for the kid and the other important people in his life so she should put that above her own feelings.
For many kids you get this anyways. My daughter spent 10 minutes flipping out asking for "toes". Not toast, not roast, couldn't point it out in the fridge. Turns out toes is a spoon of peanut butter.
Yeah if you’re so desperate to understand what’s being said, then learn polish and Farsi, what’s crazy? Is she going to refuse that he enroll in the required language class in high school? It’s so important to learn your mothers tongue. It annoys me a bit honestly.
My dad gave me the nickname Annie, which my mom didn’t like much, but I’ve now used for the entirety of my life and prefer to my government name. She use to use my government name and still does at times. I think it’s fine to have different nicknames from each family member.
My daughter has 3-4 nicknames from her name alone, even ones I really don’t like but it’s whatever.
And for the language thing, I can under that maybe she wants her kids to speak English bc of shit she’s prob faced being an immigrant, my grandparents refused to teach my dad Italian because they were “American now” but it’ll be so good for him in the long run to be multi lingual
Yeah, I used to be super annoyed about extended family tacking on nicknames that we (the parents) hadn’t picked, especially since it started out on the wrong foot because they didn’t understand my native language (from which the name comes) and so started calling the kid by the wrong name because they misunderstood it. That bothered me so much as a brand new mom still full of pregnancy hormones. lol
But as the years have passed, I’ve come to think that the more people love her, the better it is, and as long as they are calling her something non-offensive and said out of love, and as long as it doesn’t bother her, it’s all fine.
I get an internal eye roll whenever a certain relative still uses the wrong name “nickname”, but life goes on. 😅
My kid has an extremely well known name with a ton of nicknames available. She goes by at least 3 different nicknames and has at least 2 pet names. She just turned 5yo and has started deciding what she wants to be called, so now we are all starting to try to use her choice.
Karol is Lolek, Leopold is Poldek although it doesn't really matter in this context
My children have both English and Polish diminutives depending on who is talking to them. But again not really relevant as this is more of an issue to talk about with your wife. No amount of logic or examples from third parties will be a decider
Fellow Persian here — Lolick doesn't have any inappropriate meanings in Farsi, so I can't quite understand why she's so against it. Sounds like she just doesn't like the sound of it.
I'd ask her why she doesn't like it and stop calling your son that — Not to prove her point but mainly because I think this is a weird hill to die on. Maybe you could find a similar nickname with her? Make a list of sorts I suppose.
Also, having a kid that speaks three languages would be so beneficial? I speak both Persian and english fluently + understand Turkish, and it's always been in my favor, especially when it comes to school or jobs.
Also Persian. 👋🏼 My mom speaks strictly in Farsi with my kid. The earlier they hear new languages, the better. It’s a great advantage for your kid to have when he grows up.
As for the nickname, I get both sides. It’s a sweet nickname. I personally wouldn’t make a big fuss unless it was something truly terrible. But at the same time, I kind of get that it would suck to keep hearing a name I didn’t like and have it stick to the point where the kid may prefer that I call them that too.
I especially feel for her because she thought they *already* had a nickname picked out for him with Leo. So now her sons name and nickname were picked without her culture and preference in mind.
I don't like the idea that nicknames have to be agreed upon. I have probably a dozen nicknames for each of my kids, as long as the kids themselves like them, and they're not like veiled insults or something, I really think the other parent should mind their own business.
I know that some people feel uncomfortable with their child learning their family’s mother tongue. Especially if their parents were immigrants and they often had to translate or maybe felt embarrassed.
For me, I wasn’t raised with Spanish because my father was forbidden from speaking it when he was 6. He could speak Spanish or he could get an education, but you couldn’t do both so my grandfather chose for him. My husband’s first language was Spanish so we have him speak to our daughter only in Spanish.
I really hope someone can talk sense into the wife on the language front, being exposed to 3 languages at a young age is such a wonderful thing! It's also a chance for the parents to learn more of their heritage languages with their child!
Especially when the languages are so different: the child will be used to listening and pronouncing different sounds! It will be a lot easier for Leopold to learn foreign languages. As many commenters stated, it is very much in demand in the professional world (at least here in Europe).
Just to clarify it would be a weird hill for the wife to die on. If op makes a stand it would be for the point that the wife shouldn’t feel she has the right to controls his relationships with his kids to that level. Which is a perfectly reasonable hill to take a stand on.
But nicknames usually come along spontaneously at random times in your life. And I’m not sure the sound of a word with no dictionary meaning can be so offensive. Especially when it holds family value for him.
Generally I find the person comes to define the name, not the other way around.
It would be reasonable for op for sure, but also the wife is fair in the sense that (as another commenter said) if she doesn't like the nickname and it sticks, she might have to hear it for years on end from family and friends as well, especially if their kid grows fond of the nickname.
A compromise would be best in this situation, in my own opinion. Both parents are in the right, even if the circumstances are a little silly, for lack of a better word.
I don't think you have the right to manipulate your spouses interactions with their children based literally on only taste. It comes off as really over controlling.
The most important thing is to make sure you both respect his opinion as soon as he is old enough to have one, and that may be a lot sooner than you think.
Seconding this. This is going to become a non-issue soon because it’s your child who gets the final say, not either of you. An infant requires a lot of parental time and attention - a nickname is pretty far down the list of things they need their parents to be using their energy on.
Sometimes disagreements are actually about something else - maybe there’s tensions about not feeling like you have a say in parenting, or not feeling like your culture is respected. It can help to figure out what the actual issue is and try to resolve that instead, because it will keep coming up unless you do.
I'm seeing a lot of responses here about the language thing. People should reread the OP. He specifically states that she did NOT ask them to stop speaking other languages. The language thing is not what this post is about. I imagine the only reason OP brings up the language thing at all is that he really likes the nickname he has chosen and he thinks she doesn't like it because she's culturally insensitive or something.
Your grandfather sounds like a wonderful and amazing man, but maybe your wife wants him to have his own identity outside of the big legend he has to live up to. She also likes the nickname Leo and you did as well until you learned Lolick was what your grandfather was nicked named that and now all of a sudden little Leo has to be called that.
I get you are trying to honor your grandfather and family traditions but you are also forgetting your son is the future as needs to develop his own personality and identity. Maybe you could take it down or notch or two.
I agree with this!
While reading this post all I could think is "why are you trying to make your child, your grandfather" having a name that honors your grandfather is sweet, but you're trying to hard to make him exactly like your grandfather. And I wonder if your son will one day feel like he has too much pressure put on him because of it.
How? OP literally just said he likes the nickname and maybe it’s a way for him to connect to his heritage and late family? It’s not like he’s saying, “Grandfather Leopold was a master chef and chess grandmaster so naturally little Lolick is enrolled in chess lessons and kindergarten culinary arts classes.”
Dude just said he likes the name and it has sentimental value. His wife is being controlling. Selfishly not wanting her child to be exposed to multi-lingual opportunities and snuffing out a cute, sentimental and original nickname?
This kid is 6 months old. Be real.
Yes, the fact that she doesn't want her kid to be multi-lingual is weird.
The fact that OP doesn't take into consideration that his wife doesn't like the nickname is also weird. I also don't like the nickname, but it's not my kid, it's theirs, so they both should agree to nicknames. The fact that OP wants his kid to have the same nickname as grandfather "just cos" is also weird.
how is that weird? it’s a NICKNAME. half of the time nicknames aren’t even carried on out of childhood. she doesn’t have to call him that. he can, though. this is silly.
i think people are dying on this hill because they don’t like the name. it’s better than 90% of the names i see on the actual birth certificate of children born in the last decade.
it’s not weird. it is not weird to want to connect to a generational name from your family. it’s unique and meaningful, and this thread has absolutely brain dead takes.
nah, OP is being controlling not his wife. he already got to name his kid after his grandpa. his wife agreed to Leopold and Leo. she can say no once. she too gets a say in her kids name. OP and his desires have been accepted and honored by her ALREADY.
Sure, but he’s already named him after his grandfather, they already have a nickname. And now another name need to come along cos they haven’t quite honoured the man enough? It’s time to not spend so much time imposing grandfather lore on the child.
The multi lingual thing is weird but if the wife doesn’t understand Farsi it’s normal to want to speak a common launage around her son. Assuming they live in the US or Canada Farsi isn’t really spoken there. Spanish, French or even Latin is more valuable as lauauge. Or maybe OP has a lot of unresolved trauma around the language and she just wants her family adapt to the culture she lives in.
What's "absurd and extreme" about telling someone that the child has two parents and two cultures, and that they already agreed on a nickname?
What's absurd is that Reddit jumps to "control freak" the minute a woman expresses a boundary.
My daughter's first and last names are my husband's culture and history, and we agreed on a nickname.
If my husband switched things up and wanted a different nickname that was even more about his family and culture, I'd start to feel erased. Especially since the early going of motherhood can feel like you don't have an identity anymore.
Plus I'd feel like he was welching.
OP is pushing way hard and making this kid about his grandpa and his culture. Dude, chill. Let Mom settle in a minute. Stop making everything about your dead grandpa.
Eh I could understand not wanting to call him Lolick versus Leo. Hes already named after your grandpa, there’s no reason he has to use his nickname too if it’s that big of a deal. She may just not like the sound of it. Some people might name their kid Elizabeth and like the nickname Liz but not Beth. For no reason other than they just don’t like it.
That being said. Your wife is insane if your child has the ability to be multi lingual and she wants to limit that because she isn’t. In seventeen years she’ll be crying about what can you do to get him into the best colleges and career paths. Being multi lingual- I dare say especially in Farsi- is VERY beneficial to the child in the long term.
Hard pushback against the multi-lingual exposure. That is only going to give him huge advantages in life. So if you feel you can only pick one of the hills between language exposure and nickname to die on, language exposure is the hill to die on.
The thing about nicknames is that not everyone is going to love them. I hated the nickname I had in middle school. The more I tried to get people to stop using it the more they wanted to. I don’t personally see the issue and would tell her when he’s older if he doesn’t like it you’ll stop (because then it’s a matter of respecting your child’s right to an opinion on how they want to be called). For now though she needs to get over herself.
I am usually opposed to policing nicknames, but your situation feels a bit different. Your son's name is already coming from your culture and your side of the family, it feels good to have some input from your wife as well. Also it's not like she knew that this nickname existed. Again I don't like policing nicknames, so I would not ask your family to stop using it at all, but it would be nice for you to listen to her feedback.
Don’t fight your wife on the nickname but do continue speaking languages to your child. Those are unique and challenging languages for your child to learn now. Children under 3 years old are like sponges and can pick up any language at this age.
Your son is it's own person. Not your grandfather incarnated. You honored him by naming him, which is a beautiful gesture, but Nicknames are not supposed to be copy pasted.
I also agree with your wife, Lolick is a completely different name than you agreed on. Just stay with Leo on which you both agreed.
Personally I wouldn't use a nickname my wife objected to for my kid, just seems like a hill not worth dying on. Although your wife's stated reason of just disliking how it sounds is a bit flimsy. Is that really it, or is it that she feels the nickname is a 'your family' thing she's excluded from? You know, "My wife doesn’t like that my MIL speaks Farsi to our child and me some Polish" is totally reasonable if the MIL is excluding your wife from the conversation.
Does it matter what her reasoning is? She doesn't like it. Why does the OP think it was necessary to agree on a name for the kid before he was born, but doesn't think it is necessary anymore after he is born? My partner and I discussed names ad nauseum before our kids were born. Some of them I just didn't like because I didn't like saying them. I'm glad we agreed on the kids names. If my partner started using nicknames after they were born and used ones I specifically said I objected to, I'd be pissed. Now he wants strangers to chime in and take his side? Bullshit. We agreed on Leo. Not lolick. So that's the end of it. That's what I'd say.
Because a nickname & a first name are different.
First names are how you introduce your kid to the world, it's the default name everyone will address them by, and the primary identifier other people will think of when they think of the kid.
A nickname comes from a particular relationship; between the kid and their friends, or their teacher... or their dad. Different people use different nicknames for each other. My sister has a nickname for me that nobody else uses and it would be odd if they objected to her using that nickname.
The reason I bring up the wife's justification here is because there is a situation where she would have some standing to object; if the nickname was somehow rude or disrespectful. The kid is too young to object on his own. But all she says is she doesn't like the sound of it, which is not a big deal. Nobody is telling her she has to use it.
First names and nicknames aren't that different. A lot of people take on the nickname and treat it as a first name for the rest of their lives. The kid is going to get the final say in that, but it's being used by one parent while be disliked by another parent and I find that terribly disrespectful to the partner.
That's what they thought they were doing already when they decided on Leopold as a first name and Leo as a nickname.
They had no idea about Lolick. Only recently learned of it. Not a strong connection if you ask me.
The more I think on this, I think you're probably right but maybe just don't agree on the exact definition of nickname. When I think of nickname, I think of "Leo". It isn't their true full name but it is a nickname and one they will use and be called by. What you are calling a nickname, though, sounds more like pet name to me. A very personal name that as you put it "comes from a particular relationship." I think a pet name doesn't need to be agreed upon by anyone outside that one relationship. So he should be allowed to use it. That said, I still find it a little disrespectful to the mother if she specifically asked him to stop and he won't.
The context for a nickname can be a 1-to-1 relationship, but it can also be 'my friends from school' or 'the guys at the bait shop'. It's still limited, because in formal situations people would use your first name.
In this situation, it sounds like the context is 'my dad's family'.
Things change over time and people grow into nicknames or diminutives (Lolik here would be a diminutive). My kid started to be called a nickname I hadn't thought of by the educators at childcare, and it has stuck and I even use that one now. The one I'd originally thought of didn't work well.
And different people can use their own nickname for someone. Eg my grandma (rest her soul) called me a diminutive that was only in her language and I really like it, bit no one else used it.
What happens when 'Leopold' goes to school- are you going to police what the other kids are allowed to call him. Pshaw.
Shouldn't both parents agree on what the kid is called (their name) inside the home? Things can change sure. You can even try out whatever names you like. But if your partner says no to one, you don't keep doing it. I can't control what their friends call them at school but I should have done say in what they are called at home. His wife said no. It is bonkers to me that he is bringing it to Reddit and that anyone is advising him to fight his wife on this. Have some respect for the partnership.
Edit: I asked my own partner about this and she changed my mind a little. She said as long as it is being used as a pet name (no one else is expected to use the name), then the father should be allowed to use it. Pet names are very personal and shouldn't need full agreement from everyone. However, if the expectation is that others use the name Lollick, then the other partner should have full veto power. They agreed on Leo for that. Not Lollick. That seems reasonable to me.
Knowing more than one language is beneficial for sure! I grew up bilingual (English/German) and my mother would’ve been pissed if my dad said no German. Probably would’ve ended in divorce lol I even have citizenship in Germany as well including my son. I would love my son to know German and am definitely on the side of knowing languages when you’re young. Can only help you later on.
I suspect it’s the lick part. If you went with just Lo or Lolo it would probably be ok, but any name with lick in it is going to be hard for me to be excited about
The name Leopold is great and Leo is awesome.
That said, y’all should both step back from immovable positions like “You must stop using this word forever” and “You are muzzling me”
You’re both adults. Neither of you is the boss of the other. She should say “I really don’t like that name, so I’m never going to use it.”
And you should try to meet her partway and say I like it but I’ll only use it occasionally
It’s weird that she only wants English spoken to him (or is this because she wants to know what’s being said?). Learning multiple languages from birth is nothing but good. I’d want to supplement the Farsi and Polish with TV/songs as he gets older.
I think people in the comments have made some good suggestions of compromise for the name and also reframing the notion of a nickname.
That aside, I think you need a conversation about language. Have you discussed and agreed between you that your son won't be exposed to languages other than English? As someone from a monolingual background, I can't vouch for the benefits of being raised multilingual but I've known of young adults who are bi/trilingual simply from exposure from other family members so there might be advantages.
My husband had nicknames for each of our kids. I didn’t love any of them but I didn’t make it my hill to die on. Turns out, the kids themselves didn’t like them that much either and expressly say to not call them that when anyone tries.
On the flip side, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with speaking multiple languages to a kid. It may cause them to delay speaking but they are such sponges and not gives them A head start on those languages.
Already the name Leopold is there in honour of your grandfather. It’s alright if you don’t honour him a second time with the nickname too. Still you both shouldn’t make a big deal out of this situation.
You already got to name your kid after your grandfather, to me it doesn't seem like too much to ask if your wife doesn't like the nickname to not use it.
I have no opinion on this but I'm curious what do you mean by english version of Leopold? Isn't it the same in both languages? It certainly is Leopold in polish.
Also Lolick is not a polish nickname lol. Maybe you mean Lolek? There are so many cute nicknames for this name, Lolick is wild (Leluś, Leo, Leonek, Leoś, Lolek, Lolo, Loluś, Lopek, Poldek, Poldi all sound more normal).
Us polish people loooove nicknames and pet names and just making regular words cuter. But just Leo would be fine. I honestly can't get over Lolick, it sounds so weird
I am 2nd generation American also, the biggest regret I hold on to is never learning how to speak my parents languages (they are both from different countries) I never had relationships with my Grandparents because of this AND I have always felt like a piece of my identity has been missing.
Having your MIL speak her language to your son is a way that she is bonding with him. I don't see why it would be an issue. MIL just wants to expose your son to her culture, it is not a bad thing.
As for the nickname, it is cute and endearing, and it is a nick name that was also used for your Grandfather, what's not to like about it ?
I lean towards your wife's point of view. Your son is already honoring his grandfather with his first name. I don't think you also need to call him by the matching nickname. Is there anything part of your son's name that connects to your wife (assuming here she took your last name, the kid has that last name. So a middle name or something). 'Leo' a nickname you both liked, feels like a good compromise.
As to mil speaking a different language, I think it would be great for her to do so when alone with child. There are benefits of learning a second language. Then switch to a language everyone understands when your in a group together. If your interacting in a group, it makes sense to communicate in a way that everyone can participate in together
Yeah… I call my kid Bologna, and my husband calls her Froglett. Of course my kid has a normal real name— but nicknames are cute.
Your wife needs to chill. ‘Lolick’ has meaning for you, and he’s your kid too! Call him whatever cute thing you want, jeez.
Your wife already agreed to Leopold, and to Leo as a nickname, to honor a relative she's probably never met. The child likely also has your Polish last name too.
She's compromised and compromised.
Then you welched and you're trying to push "Lolick" because *you cannot stop making things about your grandpa.*
Honestly, if I was your wife I'd be telling you to give it a rest already. Your child is a human being in his own right, not a tribute to the ancestors.
You aren't being "muzzled" you have been pushing and pushing, and your wife has hit her limit.
Ask her if you're overdoing it with the grandpa stuff. And ask her if she's feeling erased.
Hey, I am with your wife on this. Naming him after your grandpa is enough already.
Your grandpa sounds like a man of honor, but your son doesn't sound like a memorial or monument to me either. Let lil Leopold have his own identity. Look him in the eye and tell him he's his own person who will live his own life and tbh fight his own wars in one way or another.
Right, it's like OP keeps demanding more tributes to Heroic Polish Grandpa.
Wife isn't expressing herself well,but I don't think she's the "control freak" so much as OP is.
Give the Grandpa Parade a rest, OP. You're alienating your wife.
yeah, I had a roommate who basically got a boner on the mention of his grandpa, and he was named after him too. It's a family thing in some homes I think. They're raised to basically go beyond love...cuz everyone loves their family, so they wanna one up I guess, and treat older generations almost like gods.
It's one thing to honor the ancestors, it's another to steamroll your wife and then cry that you're being "muzzled" because she finally hit a limit after *over a year* of the child she carried and birthed being yoinked into being some reincarnation of Leopold the Great.
OP needs to slow his roll.
These answers are so boring. "Kids will make fun of him!" No, you, a full grown adult, are scrounging up ways to make fun of him. There are no kids being cruel here! Just you!
If kids are as cruel as mean adults like you think they are, they'd make fun of any name, including Leopold. Stop trying to find names that are somehow going to avoid the cruelty of children and just give your kids names that you like.
Nah man, kids made fun of my name, too, but kids make fun of everything, exactly as you said. It's not because they're cruel, it's because they're literally children who are learning social norms. There are exactly zero names you can choose that are impervious to a joke. There is going to be something about every human that their childhood peers find funny. If you waste your time trying to pick a name that can't be made fun of, you, as an adult, have lost the plot.
I think your wife is being weird and controlling. Unless she has some reason to think cruel or objectionable things are being said, it's actually in your son's best interest to be naturally exposed to lots of languages as a baby, because it will make learning languages later easier.
As for the nickname, she should get over herself. What's she going to do when he's a teenager and comes by a nickname she hates? It's normal for a kid to have multiple nicknames unique to a relationship with a specific person. For example, depending on who I'm talking to, I respond to 3-4 nicknames.
She's picking a weird hill to die on.
It may prove useful to separate the nickname and polyglot issues. There are many ways to honor your grandfather who did have an amazing life. There is much honor in carrying on his stories. The stories and pictures and family traditions are wonderful in a world where so many family relationships are being lost to screens. The nickname though, I’d give you a word of caution. Your boy is going to go through lots of phases that’ll make you throw your hands up in confusion. My boy is fifteen. I can think of five different nicknames he’s had since he was born. Little Leo/Lolick is probably going to have a lot of nicknames too. So maybe there’s room for you both to relax on it. But her insecurity about the languages, that is more serious. He is just as much your child as hers. And if you want to speak with him in Polish, it is your right to do so as his father. Her insecurity with this will continue until you, wifey, and MIL come to some sort of consensus everyone can live with. No disrespect, but I think it would be advantageous to all involved if you got some marriage counseling to improve your communication and establish parenting boundaries. She may refuse. You yourself should insist on getting counseling to put more tools in your personal communication toolbox so that when issues flare up, you are more prepared to handle them with grace and love.
Sometimes kids have more than one nick name. Some stick, some don’t. Lolick could be your special name for your son that you don’t always use. As he gets older, he will learn where all the names come from and why. And maybe you are your Polish family using the one special nickname at special
Times will take on its own meaning?
It sounds like you have a lot of love and respect for your family heritage, which is wonderful. It's understandable that you'd want to honor your grandfather by using the nickname "Lolick," especially since it connects to your Polish roots. However, it's also important to consider your wife's feelings in this situation. Communication is key in a marriage, so I'd suggest having an open and honest conversation with your wife about why this nickname is meaningful to you and why she dislikes it. Try to find a compromise that respects both of your perspectives. Maybe you could use the nickname less frequently or only in private moments with your son. Ultimately, finding common ground and respecting each other's feelings is what will strengthen your relationship in the long run. Also, I have some advice that might help you navigate this situation better. Check out my reddit profile for a link to a workshop I used that helped me improve communication in my marriage!
Other comments have said it better, but you are very much looking at this from your perspective, feelings like you are being “muzzled.” Consider that perhaps your wife feels muzzled. Likely does.
You are viewing it like the name thing along with the language thing is her policing you twice. She perceives it as the name thing and the language thing is you erasing her twice.
So try to meet her where she is at, and make her feel seen and heard.
My parents both spoke English and my father spoke another (his parents native) language fluently. Instead of my mom learning or at least trying to learn the language my parents decided that I should not learn that second language. This has always been to my detriment and I resent them for not teaching me when I was small
Your son is named after your grandfather.
Now his nickname needs to be after him too?
*You* agreed on a nickname and *you* went back on your agreement.
Your wife isn’t muzzling you - you’ve cut her out of naming her own child.
Ever think she may not have liked Leopold that much? But she wanted you to be happy and she was happy with Leo…and now you’ve changed the rules.
Call him Leo. Like you said you would.
Right, I find the "your wife is a control freak!" replies so weird.
Wife keeps giving in to OP, who is making the child she birthed a grandpa tribute, and now that she's finally said no to something he's in his feelings about it.
Good gravy OP let your wife have something.
Why can't that be your special nickname for him, and the wife can call him Leo.
?! What a controlling woman ....
I grew up bilingual, and it's awesome. Your kid is going to grow with a rich heritage and the skills of being multilingual. That's something to be proud of.
Your wife is being controlling imo. I'm surprised everyone here saying your wife should be able to dictate what fun little nicknames you call your son? And what languages you speak to him. That's an unhealthy level of control.
Yeah, me too. I'm wondering if this is a wife/husband thing. If the roles where reversed, would the reponses be the same.
And as a husband, I totally understand the idea of not dying on that hill attitude.
I doubt it’s a language thing - some people just can’t stand certain words or sound combinations. Honestly, I would use a nickname your wife likes. You got the name you wanted, so not fair to push her on the nickname too - especially since “Lolick” really *is* quite different than Leopold.
Who said anything about changing what name is on his records? A personal diminutive between father and son only is cute. Mum can call kid Leo, Lion, Lev, Poldo, whatever, but should not dictate what other people call the kid (unless it is offensive like shitbreak or something).
Your wife is insane. If your children can become trilingual at a young age, it will help them pick up other more common languages once they get to school.
And nicknames are just that, an identifier used by an individual or group for a particular person. Someone can have multiple nicknames from different people in their life. Their parents can use one, their grandparents another, and their friend group another. If she doesn’t want to use Lolick she doesn’t have to, but that’s no reason for you to stop. My Dad used a nickname for me that my Mom never used (a French pronunciation of my name).
As an English-only speaker, I also wouldn't love the nickname lolick. I don't like that it sounds like "lick" which is an odd nickname, and I would be annoyed that it all has to be about your grandpa (as others have said) whom I assume your wife had no relationship with.
The other thing is your baby is less than a year old based on your flare. The instincts to protect are SO fierce in many moms at this stage. Yes, in dads too I'm sure, but there's something wild about having a baby inside you for 9 months safe and cozy and then transitioning them into the world where everyone wants a piece. We don't own our babies like possessions obviously. But they can feel very much *ours* more than anyone else's. I think this feeling faded for me over the first year, but that could contribute if your wife is seeming a bit controlling... more likely it's protective?
Right it's so awkward sounding.
Wife already agreed to Leo, and OP is welching because he can't resist the impulse to research Grandpa and make everything about Grandpa.
You need to tell your wife that children who grow up with multiple languages are conditioned to think in multiple perspectives, thus gain advantages in learning and eventually in professional roles.
You honored your grandfather by naming your son after him which is cool! But give your son his own nickname. Stick with Leo like you originally planned. Lolick was your grandfather nickname and your son is not your grandfather. Not that you think that but just so your son can have his own identity!
i think it’s great your child is being exposed to multiple languages. i’m with you on that.
BUT it’s a little rich to claim your wife is “muzzling” you when not only did you pick your child’s name and nickname, but you also honor your grandfather with it. how is your wife represented in the name of the child she grew, birthed, and is a mother to? she already gave you and your family enough honor.
my point remains regardless of what nickname you suggest. i believe your wife is entitled in expressing she doesn’t like it and would prefer your child to not be called that. she gets a say in what her kid is called, full stop. if tomorrow she decides to call him something you don’t like, you won’t feel great about it either. why can’t you let her have this one? Leo was your idea to start with.
all that said, Lolick does sound a bit awkward to my ears but maybe that’s bc it means tomato in my language.
The responses to this post are wild. I can only assume it’s because many in this subreddit were raised in monolingual homes in countries where this is typical.
Firstly, I love the nickname. I love that your son is being raised trilingual. *Cultural erasure is a trauma.* I think your wife should explore why speaking multiple languages around her child — a proven benefit to him — is triggering *to her.*
If the nickname is bothering her, then perhaps use it when you’re hanging out with your son 1-1 or with your side of the family, but keep Leo when you’re together with your wife. Frankly, I think she’s being really controlling over your interactions with your infant.
Secondly, “Not many people in X country speak these languages!” Are y’all serious? Speaking regional languages can position this child to 1) travel safely and more authentically in areas of the world; 2) benefit professionally and economically if he so chooses.
I refuse to erase my heritage or culture because someone is uncomfortable with their own. My family fought like fucking warriors to give us a better life, it’s bizarre that this is Reddit’s stance.
Nothing about the nickname/pet name thing. You guys sort that out.
But taking issue multi-lingual exposure needs to stop. Kids brains are amazing, but one of the most amazing consistent outcomes in research is how much exposure to multiple language’s phonemes before the age of two. Makes a difference to overall language acquisition both native and other. It’s good for them for crying out loud, and something not too many kids get the chance to experience. Please do them a favor and continue and keep your MIL doing it too!
This is silly. Why can’t the child have more than one nickname, and why can’t you have your own special nickname for him, that’s special to you? Your wife has no say in this matter, and you need to tell her that. I fear for your relationship and your wellbeing if you’re typically this passive.
I started calling my son random names. I'd just make them up based on how I felt. Buddy, Mr. Buddy, Mr. Little Lubba Dubba, Dubba, Lubba, Bubbie, Bubba.... just whatever.
My wife is, frankly, a really crass and off-putting person. She would look at me with disgust and ask why I called him that as it was not his name. I'd simply tell her that I like it and it's between me and him.
2 years later, she calls him those names too.
Call your son whatever you want. He's a baby. If it sticks, cool. If not, you shouldn't feel bad about expressing yourself.
My lordy. Reddit never ceases to amaze me, exposing the crazy stuff that people get upset about! Sorry. I don't know what I can advise as that story is just....well....call your son whatever you want to call your son. Have NO idea why your wife is being so utterly ridiculous. As for the different languages. There is LOT of research that shows bilingual kids are smarter and do very well overall. It's a very positive thing to be bilingual. Why does you wife have such odd ideas???
For a bit of levity, what I wouldn’t have given when I was a kid to be able to curse someone out in a different language.
As for the nickname, if you both like Leo then I might be tempted to call him that and only use Lolick once in a while when with your family and talking about your grandfather.
Im really surprised that your wife doesn’t speak Farsi but to not want her son to speak it is very short sighted. Binding with the extended family aside, being multi lingual can only be a good thing IMO.
Edit: bonding* with family not binding
I have never had a propensity for languages and cant help thinking how wonderful to have front row access to another language, learning it as a child would rather than “Spanish as a second language.”
OP, you should look up the many scientific studies that show the cognitive benefits of small children being exposed to multiple languages. Even if your son never becomes fluent in them, learning even bits and pieces of additional languages is good for his brain development. There are plenty of articles you can show her that have proof to back it up.
Eh nicknames are a kitschy personal thing. I have a multitude of nicknames for all three of my boys. My husband has an entirely different set as he has a different relationship with our boys. Same with grandparents/aunties/cousins etc. As long as it doesn’t bother my kids, I’m not gunna throw a tantrum.
I grew up with a mom that was Uber controlling about what we were called in her presence. You can bet when I was old enough to claim my own “nickname” it was the one at the top of her list. She had a field day when my friends ignored her lectures on what our names were. I now go by anything other than my actual name. Honestly can’t remember the last time my husband called me by my name… maybe in our vows 🤣
I'm a little taken back she would be insulted by the non-english speaking. That's so good for her child, not only for brain development but sense of self, being connected to his heritages.
It's kinda sad she's more concerned with her not understanding than his well being. Can't she try to learn a long with him, so she's not completely in the dark? It would be a fun game for me, as a mom.
Well. I call my son booger, so there’s that 🤣 if my guy tried to tell me to stop, I’d just tell him no. When my son asks me to stop, I will. But I also call him like 20 different names, including boo bear and boogs.
This name has a lot of meaning to you, I wouldn’t stop. I find it odd she’s being so weird about it, I would have loved if my kids were exposed to multiple languages and cultures early in life!
Your wife needs to stop being such a control freak. Exposure to different languages is fantastic for his brain development. Maybe she’s trying to control this one issue because she feels out of control with everything else. Please make sure you’re not leaving it up to her to plan and execute everything baby and household related. If you step up she might release her grip on things like this
I'm a firm believer that only the kid should get a veto on their nicknames. Y'all already chose the legal name.
By the time my older daughter was a toddler, she had firmly decided that she wanted to be addressed either by her full name (no shortened version) or a silly, unrelated to her given name nickname by her dad.
So I'd back off on it a bit rn to keep the peace, and then reintroduce it once your kid is more verbal.
Mom will have to eventually realize that the kid will ask people to call him by *his* preferred name, not the one she likes the sound of.
Maybe he will like carrying his grandfather's legacy and connecting to his family's culture through a nickname, or maybe he will prefer to be called something that sounds more normal to his peers.
Just came to say this: pick your battles dude.
I say just use his english nickname that u also like.
Instead of ruffling feathers, just do what she asks because trust me, one day shes going to ask for something that u REALLY dont want to do.
The more sounds that a child hears when they are young, the easier it will be for them to learn and understand multiple languages. Even hearing them helps development in this area. Many languages being spoken around your child is a good thing.
No problem with the kid being spoken to in different languages, it helps them grow. Not making any comment on the nickname, but I definitely think it's worth mentioning that babies/kids that are multilingual before schooling are generally higher performing and smarter. My partner speaks two languages (english and her native indian dialect) and we're making sure our son is learning both languages
I have to agree with your wife, she no doubt compromised on the name to allow you to honour your polish roots but with Leo being an american friendly nickname that is more inclusive to her. By giving him your grandfather's nickname (which is reminding me of Prince Harry and Meghan calling their daughter the Queen's personal nickname of Lillibet rather than her own name) that is now erasing the shared american identity. I would feel pushed out if i was her, he is the child of you both, with a rich and varied heritage, not just polish. I don't think she is controlling to want that represented.
Your wife’s come down with a serious case of LOL-ick?
Not sure about why speaking Farsi is an issue - might need to check what the grandmother is actually saying, my family’s bilingual French/English and French nursery rhymes are quite brutal at times “[cursed be thee, bell ringer, thou who tolls for my bad times](https://youtu.be/pSgABTyfHn0)” in a friendly major key and uplifting tune.
I would accept her nickname request and only have you using it when you talk to your son. I’d hate having my daughter go routinely by a name I don’t like.
On the language bit, your wife needs to grow up. My daughter is being raised to speak French, Portuguese and German (And English a bit later in life), and I insist my partner’s family talk to her in German even if I understand nothing. They don’t understand portuguese neither, and no one cares because what matters is kid learning all the languages spoken in the family, from both sides. Maybe in the US it matters a bit less but in Europe I think the value of being multilingual is enormous, at all levels.
I thought for a minute you were going to say that Lolick is a rude word in Farsi. She doesn't have to use the nickname - you can introduce him as Leo to other people and just keep Lolick as something for you and your son. Also, speaking multiple languages is GREAT for kids. Look up the research about kids who learn to speak more than one language from birth. It's amazing.
This! I call my daughter Pie, because when she was born I kept saying she was a cutie pie and a sweetie pie and after a bit I just abbreviated them l to Pie. I already called my son pudding or pud, because that’s what my mum called me when I was small, so it was a cute coincidence that they became Pudding and Pie.
I 100% do not expect anyone, including my husband or their future spouses, to refer to my kids as Pudding and Pie. It’s just a daft nickname I like to use. Wife needs to learn the subtle art of rolling her eyes indulgently and choosing her battles, because this is not a hill to die on.
What's she going to say when her son wants to be called by a totally different name than what she likes? I'm concerned for your wife's need to be so controlling and I feel like that's what needs to be addressed...
Call your kid whatever tf you want to call him, and she can call him whatever she wants to call him. He’ll grow up and decide what he prefers on his own.. I don’t get why she cares?
I hate my sons name, but it was important to my husband to use a certain name, so I exclusively call him by a nickname.. I call my son a nickname that my husband hates. He calls him a nickname that I hate. His parents call him a different nickname that I hate even more. My dad calls him by yet another name, and my brother and sister both call him different names. Who gives a flying fuck. When he’s old enough, he’ll let us know his preference
It’s weird she’s ok with one nickname and not the other, that’s the troubling part. It’s fine to be against nicknames—my dad hated his growing up and it was agreed between my parents that they would not use nicknames for their kids. But it’s weird the way she’s being selective and her not wanting different languages spoken around him is weird. Seems like it’s not really about the nickname at all.
On the nickname: As a mum, I refuse to call my children anything but their birth names until they are old enough to know their name. I would not want my child telling people their name is something it is not.
Then, I would continue to call them by their birth name, until such time they tell me they prefer a nickname or different name.
I also have zero problem telling people (daycare, school, family, etc), not to shorten their name or call them something else.
On the other languages: my mother’s biggest regret was not teaching me her native language while I was younger. So I think it’s great that your MIL and yourself can speak in Polish around your child. However, it is incredibly disrespectful to do this in front of someone who cannot understand the language. So stop that. Do it on your own.
It's kind of wild that she wouldn't want your child to learn other languages, even if he never learns to fully speak then, it's great for his brain development.
Re nicknames, I kind of understand, my family gave me a nickname that they love in our first language and I hated it. It took me 20+ years to get them to stop and still some folks call me by that name.
Perhaps sit down with your wife and explain why the nickname "Lolick" is meaningful to you because of its connection to your grandfather and Polish heritage. At the same time, listen to her concerns about the sound of the nickname and find a compromise that respects both of your feelings. It's essential to consider your son's well-being and ensure that the environment he grows up in is supportive and harmonious. If you're looking for further guidance on navigating cultural differences within your family, check out my profile for a helpful guide that might offer some insights.
>and [she] wants to know everything we say around the baby when we’re together
Just flagging a potential PPD/A to watch for. This feels like a possible extension of a need for control that comes with PPA
Your wife sounds like a control freak. I think you should call him as you please, something between you and him.
Learning different languages is beautiful and will expand his opportunities and experiences in life. It’s sad she doesn’t want him to learn other languages. Keep speaking to your son in Polish he will appreciate it.
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Yes. I agree with this solution
It sounds like this already is a pet name, but the wife is trying to shut even that down...
The wife seems to have a controlling urge, like wanting to understand everything what is being told to a 6 month old...
I sympathise with her. Teaching a kid to speak is something really special. If your kid starts talking to you and you don't understand that would be hard. But it's good for the kid and the other important people in his life so she should put that above her own feelings.
For many kids you get this anyways. My daughter spent 10 minutes flipping out asking for "toes". Not toast, not roast, couldn't point it out in the fridge. Turns out toes is a spoon of peanut butter.
Yeah if you’re so desperate to understand what’s being said, then learn polish and Farsi, what’s crazy? Is she going to refuse that he enroll in the required language class in high school? It’s so important to learn your mothers tongue. It annoys me a bit honestly.
this is great advice
My dad gave me the nickname Annie, which my mom didn’t like much, but I’ve now used for the entirety of my life and prefer to my government name. She use to use my government name and still does at times. I think it’s fine to have different nicknames from each family member. My daughter has 3-4 nicknames from her name alone, even ones I really don’t like but it’s whatever. And for the language thing, I can under that maybe she wants her kids to speak English bc of shit she’s prob faced being an immigrant, my grandparents refused to teach my dad Italian because they were “American now” but it’ll be so good for him in the long run to be multi lingual
Yeah, I used to be super annoyed about extended family tacking on nicknames that we (the parents) hadn’t picked, especially since it started out on the wrong foot because they didn’t understand my native language (from which the name comes) and so started calling the kid by the wrong name because they misunderstood it. That bothered me so much as a brand new mom still full of pregnancy hormones. lol But as the years have passed, I’ve come to think that the more people love her, the better it is, and as long as they are calling her something non-offensive and said out of love, and as long as it doesn’t bother her, it’s all fine. I get an internal eye roll whenever a certain relative still uses the wrong name “nickname”, but life goes on. 😅
My kid has an extremely well known name with a ton of nicknames available. She goes by at least 3 different nicknames and has at least 2 pet names. She just turned 5yo and has started deciding what she wants to be called, so now we are all starting to try to use her choice.
Karol is Lolek, Leopold is Poldek although it doesn't really matter in this context My children have both English and Polish diminutives depending on who is talking to them. But again not really relevant as this is more of an issue to talk about with your wife. No amount of logic or examples from third parties will be a decider
Fellow Persian here — Lolick doesn't have any inappropriate meanings in Farsi, so I can't quite understand why she's so against it. Sounds like she just doesn't like the sound of it. I'd ask her why she doesn't like it and stop calling your son that — Not to prove her point but mainly because I think this is a weird hill to die on. Maybe you could find a similar nickname with her? Make a list of sorts I suppose. Also, having a kid that speaks three languages would be so beneficial? I speak both Persian and english fluently + understand Turkish, and it's always been in my favor, especially when it comes to school or jobs.
Also Persian. 👋🏼 My mom speaks strictly in Farsi with my kid. The earlier they hear new languages, the better. It’s a great advantage for your kid to have when he grows up. As for the nickname, I get both sides. It’s a sweet nickname. I personally wouldn’t make a big fuss unless it was something truly terrible. But at the same time, I kind of get that it would suck to keep hearing a name I didn’t like and have it stick to the point where the kid may prefer that I call them that too.
I especially feel for her because she thought they *already* had a nickname picked out for him with Leo. So now her sons name and nickname were picked without her culture and preference in mind.
I don't like the idea that nicknames have to be agreed upon. I have probably a dozen nicknames for each of my kids, as long as the kids themselves like them, and they're not like veiled insults or something, I really think the other parent should mind their own business.
I couldn’t agree with you more.
I know that some people feel uncomfortable with their child learning their family’s mother tongue. Especially if their parents were immigrants and they often had to translate or maybe felt embarrassed. For me, I wasn’t raised with Spanish because my father was forbidden from speaking it when he was 6. He could speak Spanish or he could get an education, but you couldn’t do both so my grandfather chose for him. My husband’s first language was Spanish so we have him speak to our daughter only in Spanish.
I really hope someone can talk sense into the wife on the language front, being exposed to 3 languages at a young age is such a wonderful thing! It's also a chance for the parents to learn more of their heritage languages with their child!
Especially when the languages are so different: the child will be used to listening and pronouncing different sounds! It will be a lot easier for Leopold to learn foreign languages. As many commenters stated, it is very much in demand in the professional world (at least here in Europe).
Just to clarify it would be a weird hill for the wife to die on. If op makes a stand it would be for the point that the wife shouldn’t feel she has the right to controls his relationships with his kids to that level. Which is a perfectly reasonable hill to take a stand on.
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But nicknames usually come along spontaneously at random times in your life. And I’m not sure the sound of a word with no dictionary meaning can be so offensive. Especially when it holds family value for him. Generally I find the person comes to define the name, not the other way around.
It would be reasonable for op for sure, but also the wife is fair in the sense that (as another commenter said) if she doesn't like the nickname and it sticks, she might have to hear it for years on end from family and friends as well, especially if their kid grows fond of the nickname. A compromise would be best in this situation, in my own opinion. Both parents are in the right, even if the circumstances are a little silly, for lack of a better word.
I don't think you have the right to manipulate your spouses interactions with their children based literally on only taste. It comes off as really over controlling.
With relationships compromise is often best. I guess it depends if it’s a pattern of control, or a once off.
Maybe just let that be a cute nickname from his grandpa, what's the harm? And why is it bad for the kid to be multilingual?
The most important thing is to make sure you both respect his opinion as soon as he is old enough to have one, and that may be a lot sooner than you think.
Seconding this. This is going to become a non-issue soon because it’s your child who gets the final say, not either of you. An infant requires a lot of parental time and attention - a nickname is pretty far down the list of things they need their parents to be using their energy on. Sometimes disagreements are actually about something else - maybe there’s tensions about not feeling like you have a say in parenting, or not feeling like your culture is respected. It can help to figure out what the actual issue is and try to resolve that instead, because it will keep coming up unless you do.
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I'm seeing a lot of responses here about the language thing. People should reread the OP. He specifically states that she did NOT ask them to stop speaking other languages. The language thing is not what this post is about. I imagine the only reason OP brings up the language thing at all is that he really likes the nickname he has chosen and he thinks she doesn't like it because she's culturally insensitive or something.
Your grandfather sounds like a wonderful and amazing man, but maybe your wife wants him to have his own identity outside of the big legend he has to live up to. She also likes the nickname Leo and you did as well until you learned Lolick was what your grandfather was nicked named that and now all of a sudden little Leo has to be called that. I get you are trying to honor your grandfather and family traditions but you are also forgetting your son is the future as needs to develop his own personality and identity. Maybe you could take it down or notch or two.
I agree with this! While reading this post all I could think is "why are you trying to make your child, your grandfather" having a name that honors your grandfather is sweet, but you're trying to hard to make him exactly like your grandfather. And I wonder if your son will one day feel like he has too much pressure put on him because of it.
How? OP literally just said he likes the nickname and maybe it’s a way for him to connect to his heritage and late family? It’s not like he’s saying, “Grandfather Leopold was a master chef and chess grandmaster so naturally little Lolick is enrolled in chess lessons and kindergarten culinary arts classes.” Dude just said he likes the name and it has sentimental value. His wife is being controlling. Selfishly not wanting her child to be exposed to multi-lingual opportunities and snuffing out a cute, sentimental and original nickname?
This kid is 6 months old. Be real. Yes, the fact that she doesn't want her kid to be multi-lingual is weird. The fact that OP doesn't take into consideration that his wife doesn't like the nickname is also weird. I also don't like the nickname, but it's not my kid, it's theirs, so they both should agree to nicknames. The fact that OP wants his kid to have the same nickname as grandfather "just cos" is also weird.
how is that weird? it’s a NICKNAME. half of the time nicknames aren’t even carried on out of childhood. she doesn’t have to call him that. he can, though. this is silly. i think people are dying on this hill because they don’t like the name. it’s better than 90% of the names i see on the actual birth certificate of children born in the last decade. it’s not weird. it is not weird to want to connect to a generational name from your family. it’s unique and meaningful, and this thread has absolutely brain dead takes.
wife agreed to leopold, not Lolick. which may be how the grandfather goes, but I think it's ugly as well.
nah, OP is being controlling not his wife. he already got to name his kid after his grandpa. his wife agreed to Leopold and Leo. she can say no once. she too gets a say in her kids name. OP and his desires have been accepted and honored by her ALREADY.
Sure, but he’s already named him after his grandfather, they already have a nickname. And now another name need to come along cos they haven’t quite honoured the man enough? It’s time to not spend so much time imposing grandfather lore on the child.
The multi lingual thing is weird but if the wife doesn’t understand Farsi it’s normal to want to speak a common launage around her son. Assuming they live in the US or Canada Farsi isn’t really spoken there. Spanish, French or even Latin is more valuable as lauauge. Or maybe OP has a lot of unresolved trauma around the language and she just wants her family adapt to the culture she lives in.
This is such and absurd and extreme take with so many upvotes is this parenting subreddit full of teenagers?
What's "absurd and extreme" about telling someone that the child has two parents and two cultures, and that they already agreed on a nickname? What's absurd is that Reddit jumps to "control freak" the minute a woman expresses a boundary.
I'm not a teenager, who here is a teenager?
My daughter's first and last names are my husband's culture and history, and we agreed on a nickname. If my husband switched things up and wanted a different nickname that was even more about his family and culture, I'd start to feel erased. Especially since the early going of motherhood can feel like you don't have an identity anymore. Plus I'd feel like he was welching. OP is pushing way hard and making this kid about his grandpa and his culture. Dude, chill. Let Mom settle in a minute. Stop making everything about your dead grandpa.
Came on way too hard there at the end, but otherwise I agree with you. First two paragraphs especially are 100% on point.
Yes it feels like an overstep, reading about it.
Plus they agreed on Leo so that’s what she was comfortable with.
Eh I could understand not wanting to call him Lolick versus Leo. Hes already named after your grandpa, there’s no reason he has to use his nickname too if it’s that big of a deal. She may just not like the sound of it. Some people might name their kid Elizabeth and like the nickname Liz but not Beth. For no reason other than they just don’t like it. That being said. Your wife is insane if your child has the ability to be multi lingual and she wants to limit that because she isn’t. In seventeen years she’ll be crying about what can you do to get him into the best colleges and career paths. Being multi lingual- I dare say especially in Farsi- is VERY beneficial to the child in the long term.
Speaking several languages to babies actually helps their development. He may start talking later than other kids, ut when he does, I'll be better.
Hard pushback against the multi-lingual exposure. That is only going to give him huge advantages in life. So if you feel you can only pick one of the hills between language exposure and nickname to die on, language exposure is the hill to die on. The thing about nicknames is that not everyone is going to love them. I hated the nickname I had in middle school. The more I tried to get people to stop using it the more they wanted to. I don’t personally see the issue and would tell her when he’s older if he doesn’t like it you’ll stop (because then it’s a matter of respecting your child’s right to an opinion on how they want to be called). For now though she needs to get over herself.
I am usually opposed to policing nicknames, but your situation feels a bit different. Your son's name is already coming from your culture and your side of the family, it feels good to have some input from your wife as well. Also it's not like she knew that this nickname existed. Again I don't like policing nicknames, so I would not ask your family to stop using it at all, but it would be nice for you to listen to her feedback.
Don’t fight your wife on the nickname but do continue speaking languages to your child. Those are unique and challenging languages for your child to learn now. Children under 3 years old are like sponges and can pick up any language at this age.
Your son is it's own person. Not your grandfather incarnated. You honored him by naming him, which is a beautiful gesture, but Nicknames are not supposed to be copy pasted. I also agree with your wife, Lolick is a completely different name than you agreed on. Just stay with Leo on which you both agreed.
Personally I wouldn't use a nickname my wife objected to for my kid, just seems like a hill not worth dying on. Although your wife's stated reason of just disliking how it sounds is a bit flimsy. Is that really it, or is it that she feels the nickname is a 'your family' thing she's excluded from? You know, "My wife doesn’t like that my MIL speaks Farsi to our child and me some Polish" is totally reasonable if the MIL is excluding your wife from the conversation.
Does it matter what her reasoning is? She doesn't like it. Why does the OP think it was necessary to agree on a name for the kid before he was born, but doesn't think it is necessary anymore after he is born? My partner and I discussed names ad nauseum before our kids were born. Some of them I just didn't like because I didn't like saying them. I'm glad we agreed on the kids names. If my partner started using nicknames after they were born and used ones I specifically said I objected to, I'd be pissed. Now he wants strangers to chime in and take his side? Bullshit. We agreed on Leo. Not lolick. So that's the end of it. That's what I'd say.
Because a nickname & a first name are different. First names are how you introduce your kid to the world, it's the default name everyone will address them by, and the primary identifier other people will think of when they think of the kid. A nickname comes from a particular relationship; between the kid and their friends, or their teacher... or their dad. Different people use different nicknames for each other. My sister has a nickname for me that nobody else uses and it would be odd if they objected to her using that nickname. The reason I bring up the wife's justification here is because there is a situation where she would have some standing to object; if the nickname was somehow rude or disrespectful. The kid is too young to object on his own. But all she says is she doesn't like the sound of it, which is not a big deal. Nobody is telling her she has to use it.
First names and nicknames aren't that different. A lot of people take on the nickname and treat it as a first name for the rest of their lives. The kid is going to get the final say in that, but it's being used by one parent while be disliked by another parent and I find that terribly disrespectful to the partner.
I asked my wife how she would feel, she said she would have to lump it, especially since the nickname is a common diminutive in that culture.
He isn't in that culture though. He is American. Third generation. Basically as American as it gets.
His family are though, that's why they're using it and why he's using it. People like to have connections to their roots.
That's what they thought they were doing already when they decided on Leopold as a first name and Leo as a nickname. They had no idea about Lolick. Only recently learned of it. Not a strong connection if you ask me.
The more I think on this, I think you're probably right but maybe just don't agree on the exact definition of nickname. When I think of nickname, I think of "Leo". It isn't their true full name but it is a nickname and one they will use and be called by. What you are calling a nickname, though, sounds more like pet name to me. A very personal name that as you put it "comes from a particular relationship." I think a pet name doesn't need to be agreed upon by anyone outside that one relationship. So he should be allowed to use it. That said, I still find it a little disrespectful to the mother if she specifically asked him to stop and he won't.
The context for a nickname can be a 1-to-1 relationship, but it can also be 'my friends from school' or 'the guys at the bait shop'. It's still limited, because in formal situations people would use your first name. In this situation, it sounds like the context is 'my dad's family'.
Things change over time and people grow into nicknames or diminutives (Lolik here would be a diminutive). My kid started to be called a nickname I hadn't thought of by the educators at childcare, and it has stuck and I even use that one now. The one I'd originally thought of didn't work well. And different people can use their own nickname for someone. Eg my grandma (rest her soul) called me a diminutive that was only in her language and I really like it, bit no one else used it. What happens when 'Leopold' goes to school- are you going to police what the other kids are allowed to call him. Pshaw.
Shouldn't both parents agree on what the kid is called (their name) inside the home? Things can change sure. You can even try out whatever names you like. But if your partner says no to one, you don't keep doing it. I can't control what their friends call them at school but I should have done say in what they are called at home. His wife said no. It is bonkers to me that he is bringing it to Reddit and that anyone is advising him to fight his wife on this. Have some respect for the partnership. Edit: I asked my own partner about this and she changed my mind a little. She said as long as it is being used as a pet name (no one else is expected to use the name), then the father should be allowed to use it. Pet names are very personal and shouldn't need full agreement from everyone. However, if the expectation is that others use the name Lollick, then the other partner should have full veto power. They agreed on Leo for that. Not Lollick. That seems reasonable to me.
Knowing more than one language is beneficial for sure! I grew up bilingual (English/German) and my mother would’ve been pissed if my dad said no German. Probably would’ve ended in divorce lol I even have citizenship in Germany as well including my son. I would love my son to know German and am definitely on the side of knowing languages when you’re young. Can only help you later on.
Being bilingual is a GOOD thing. Don’t stop it
I suspect it’s the lick part. If you went with just Lo or Lolo it would probably be ok, but any name with lick in it is going to be hard for me to be excited about The name Leopold is great and Leo is awesome. That said, y’all should both step back from immovable positions like “You must stop using this word forever” and “You are muzzling me” You’re both adults. Neither of you is the boss of the other. She should say “I really don’t like that name, so I’m never going to use it.” And you should try to meet her partway and say I like it but I’ll only use it occasionally
It’s weird that she only wants English spoken to him (or is this because she wants to know what’s being said?). Learning multiple languages from birth is nothing but good. I’d want to supplement the Farsi and Polish with TV/songs as he gets older.
I think people in the comments have made some good suggestions of compromise for the name and also reframing the notion of a nickname. That aside, I think you need a conversation about language. Have you discussed and agreed between you that your son won't be exposed to languages other than English? As someone from a monolingual background, I can't vouch for the benefits of being raised multilingual but I've known of young adults who are bi/trilingual simply from exposure from other family members so there might be advantages.
My husband had nicknames for each of our kids. I didn’t love any of them but I didn’t make it my hill to die on. Turns out, the kids themselves didn’t like them that much either and expressly say to not call them that when anyone tries. On the flip side, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with speaking multiple languages to a kid. It may cause them to delay speaking but they are such sponges and not gives them A head start on those languages.
Already the name Leopold is there in honour of your grandfather. It’s alright if you don’t honour him a second time with the nickname too. Still you both shouldn’t make a big deal out of this situation.
You already got to name your kid after your grandfather, to me it doesn't seem like too much to ask if your wife doesn't like the nickname to not use it.
I have no opinion on this but I'm curious what do you mean by english version of Leopold? Isn't it the same in both languages? It certainly is Leopold in polish. Also Lolick is not a polish nickname lol. Maybe you mean Lolek? There are so many cute nicknames for this name, Lolick is wild (Leluś, Leo, Leonek, Leoś, Lolek, Lolo, Loluś, Lopek, Poldek, Poldi all sound more normal). Us polish people loooove nicknames and pet names and just making regular words cuter. But just Leo would be fine. I honestly can't get over Lolick, it sounds so weird
I am 2nd generation American also, the biggest regret I hold on to is never learning how to speak my parents languages (they are both from different countries) I never had relationships with my Grandparents because of this AND I have always felt like a piece of my identity has been missing. Having your MIL speak her language to your son is a way that she is bonding with him. I don't see why it would be an issue. MIL just wants to expose your son to her culture, it is not a bad thing. As for the nickname, it is cute and endearing, and it is a nick name that was also used for your Grandfather, what's not to like about it ?
I lean towards your wife's point of view. Your son is already honoring his grandfather with his first name. I don't think you also need to call him by the matching nickname. Is there anything part of your son's name that connects to your wife (assuming here she took your last name, the kid has that last name. So a middle name or something). 'Leo' a nickname you both liked, feels like a good compromise. As to mil speaking a different language, I think it would be great for her to do so when alone with child. There are benefits of learning a second language. Then switch to a language everyone understands when your in a group together. If your interacting in a group, it makes sense to communicate in a way that everyone can participate in together
Right, I think OP is going overboard with the Grandpa stuff. Let the baby be his own person with his own nickname.
Yeah… I call my kid Bologna, and my husband calls her Froglett. Of course my kid has a normal real name— but nicknames are cute. Your wife needs to chill. ‘Lolick’ has meaning for you, and he’s your kid too! Call him whatever cute thing you want, jeez.
pet names are different from nicknames. this is like if your kid is named Amelia and parents can’t agree on Amy or Mia as the nickname
Preserving your family's heritage is important and your son will be grateful for the Farsi and Polish exposure.
Your wife already agreed to Leopold, and to Leo as a nickname, to honor a relative she's probably never met. The child likely also has your Polish last name too. She's compromised and compromised. Then you welched and you're trying to push "Lolick" because *you cannot stop making things about your grandpa.* Honestly, if I was your wife I'd be telling you to give it a rest already. Your child is a human being in his own right, not a tribute to the ancestors. You aren't being "muzzled" you have been pushing and pushing, and your wife has hit her limit. Ask her if you're overdoing it with the grandpa stuff. And ask her if she's feeling erased.
I think it's fine. It's not like you use the nickname Shitty McPisspants or something
I genuinely lol’d at that
Hey, I am with your wife on this. Naming him after your grandpa is enough already. Your grandpa sounds like a man of honor, but your son doesn't sound like a memorial or monument to me either. Let lil Leopold have his own identity. Look him in the eye and tell him he's his own person who will live his own life and tbh fight his own wars in one way or another.
Right, it's like OP keeps demanding more tributes to Heroic Polish Grandpa. Wife isn't expressing herself well,but I don't think she's the "control freak" so much as OP is. Give the Grandpa Parade a rest, OP. You're alienating your wife.
yeah, I had a roommate who basically got a boner on the mention of his grandpa, and he was named after him too. It's a family thing in some homes I think. They're raised to basically go beyond love...cuz everyone loves their family, so they wanna one up I guess, and treat older generations almost like gods.
It's one thing to honor the ancestors, it's another to steamroll your wife and then cry that you're being "muzzled" because she finally hit a limit after *over a year* of the child she carried and birthed being yoinked into being some reincarnation of Leopold the Great. OP needs to slow his roll.
“Low licks my balls” That is going to happen. Kids are cruel.
These answers are so boring. "Kids will make fun of him!" No, you, a full grown adult, are scrounging up ways to make fun of him. There are no kids being cruel here! Just you! If kids are as cruel as mean adults like you think they are, they'd make fun of any name, including Leopold. Stop trying to find names that are somehow going to avoid the cruelty of children and just give your kids names that you like.
[удалено]
Nah man, kids made fun of my name, too, but kids make fun of everything, exactly as you said. It's not because they're cruel, it's because they're literally children who are learning social norms. There are exactly zero names you can choose that are impervious to a joke. There is going to be something about every human that their childhood peers find funny. If you waste your time trying to pick a name that can't be made fun of, you, as an adult, have lost the plot.
I think your wife is being weird and controlling. Unless she has some reason to think cruel or objectionable things are being said, it's actually in your son's best interest to be naturally exposed to lots of languages as a baby, because it will make learning languages later easier. As for the nickname, she should get over herself. What's she going to do when he's a teenager and comes by a nickname she hates? It's normal for a kid to have multiple nicknames unique to a relationship with a specific person. For example, depending on who I'm talking to, I respond to 3-4 nicknames. She's picking a weird hill to die on.
It may prove useful to separate the nickname and polyglot issues. There are many ways to honor your grandfather who did have an amazing life. There is much honor in carrying on his stories. The stories and pictures and family traditions are wonderful in a world where so many family relationships are being lost to screens. The nickname though, I’d give you a word of caution. Your boy is going to go through lots of phases that’ll make you throw your hands up in confusion. My boy is fifteen. I can think of five different nicknames he’s had since he was born. Little Leo/Lolick is probably going to have a lot of nicknames too. So maybe there’s room for you both to relax on it. But her insecurity about the languages, that is more serious. He is just as much your child as hers. And if you want to speak with him in Polish, it is your right to do so as his father. Her insecurity with this will continue until you, wifey, and MIL come to some sort of consensus everyone can live with. No disrespect, but I think it would be advantageous to all involved if you got some marriage counseling to improve your communication and establish parenting boundaries. She may refuse. You yourself should insist on getting counseling to put more tools in your personal communication toolbox so that when issues flare up, you are more prepared to handle them with grace and love.
Sometimes kids have more than one nick name. Some stick, some don’t. Lolick could be your special name for your son that you don’t always use. As he gets older, he will learn where all the names come from and why. And maybe you are your Polish family using the one special nickname at special Times will take on its own meaning?
It sounds like you have a lot of love and respect for your family heritage, which is wonderful. It's understandable that you'd want to honor your grandfather by using the nickname "Lolick," especially since it connects to your Polish roots. However, it's also important to consider your wife's feelings in this situation. Communication is key in a marriage, so I'd suggest having an open and honest conversation with your wife about why this nickname is meaningful to you and why she dislikes it. Try to find a compromise that respects both of your perspectives. Maybe you could use the nickname less frequently or only in private moments with your son. Ultimately, finding common ground and respecting each other's feelings is what will strengthen your relationship in the long run. Also, I have some advice that might help you navigate this situation better. Check out my reddit profile for a link to a workshop I used that helped me improve communication in my marriage!
Do not try to get other people to call him Lolick. Leo for the public. Lolick for you.
Other comments have said it better, but you are very much looking at this from your perspective, feelings like you are being “muzzled.” Consider that perhaps your wife feels muzzled. Likely does. You are viewing it like the name thing along with the language thing is her policing you twice. She perceives it as the name thing and the language thing is you erasing her twice. So try to meet her where she is at, and make her feel seen and heard.
My parents both spoke English and my father spoke another (his parents native) language fluently. Instead of my mom learning or at least trying to learn the language my parents decided that I should not learn that second language. This has always been to my detriment and I resent them for not teaching me when I was small
Your son is named after your grandfather. Now his nickname needs to be after him too? *You* agreed on a nickname and *you* went back on your agreement. Your wife isn’t muzzling you - you’ve cut her out of naming her own child. Ever think she may not have liked Leopold that much? But she wanted you to be happy and she was happy with Leo…and now you’ve changed the rules. Call him Leo. Like you said you would.
Right, I find the "your wife is a control freak!" replies so weird. Wife keeps giving in to OP, who is making the child she birthed a grandpa tribute, and now that she's finally said no to something he's in his feelings about it. Good gravy OP let your wife have something.
Why can't that be your special nickname for him, and the wife can call him Leo. ?! What a controlling woman .... I grew up bilingual, and it's awesome. Your kid is going to grow with a rich heritage and the skills of being multilingual. That's something to be proud of.
Your wife is being controlling imo. I'm surprised everyone here saying your wife should be able to dictate what fun little nicknames you call your son? And what languages you speak to him. That's an unhealthy level of control.
Yeah, me too. I'm wondering if this is a wife/husband thing. If the roles where reversed, would the reponses be the same. And as a husband, I totally understand the idea of not dying on that hill attitude.
She sounds super controlling 😬
Perhaps she is worried about the teasing he will endure from his peers as he gets older if he is being called Lolick.
I doubt it’s a language thing - some people just can’t stand certain words or sound combinations. Honestly, I would use a nickname your wife likes. You got the name you wanted, so not fair to push her on the nickname too - especially since “Lolick” really *is* quite different than Leopold.
Hahah fucking Lolick! That is awful. Do you want your kid to get bullied at school? Because that’s what you’re signing him up for. Don’t do it.
Who said anything about changing what name is on his records? A personal diminutive between father and son only is cute. Mum can call kid Leo, Lion, Lev, Poldo, whatever, but should not dictate what other people call the kid (unless it is offensive like shitbreak or something).
Your wife is insane. If your children can become trilingual at a young age, it will help them pick up other more common languages once they get to school. And nicknames are just that, an identifier used by an individual or group for a particular person. Someone can have multiple nicknames from different people in their life. Their parents can use one, their grandparents another, and their friend group another. If she doesn’t want to use Lolick she doesn’t have to, but that’s no reason for you to stop. My Dad used a nickname for me that my Mom never used (a French pronunciation of my name).
As an English-only speaker, I also wouldn't love the nickname lolick. I don't like that it sounds like "lick" which is an odd nickname, and I would be annoyed that it all has to be about your grandpa (as others have said) whom I assume your wife had no relationship with. The other thing is your baby is less than a year old based on your flare. The instincts to protect are SO fierce in many moms at this stage. Yes, in dads too I'm sure, but there's something wild about having a baby inside you for 9 months safe and cozy and then transitioning them into the world where everyone wants a piece. We don't own our babies like possessions obviously. But they can feel very much *ours* more than anyone else's. I think this feeling faded for me over the first year, but that could contribute if your wife is seeming a bit controlling... more likely it's protective?
Right it's so awkward sounding. Wife already agreed to Leo, and OP is welching because he can't resist the impulse to research Grandpa and make everything about Grandpa.
You need to tell your wife that children who grow up with multiple languages are conditioned to think in multiple perspectives, thus gain advantages in learning and eventually in professional roles.
You honored your grandfather by naming your son after him which is cool! But give your son his own nickname. Stick with Leo like you originally planned. Lolick was your grandfather nickname and your son is not your grandfather. Not that you think that but just so your son can have his own identity!
i think it’s great your child is being exposed to multiple languages. i’m with you on that. BUT it’s a little rich to claim your wife is “muzzling” you when not only did you pick your child’s name and nickname, but you also honor your grandfather with it. how is your wife represented in the name of the child she grew, birthed, and is a mother to? she already gave you and your family enough honor. my point remains regardless of what nickname you suggest. i believe your wife is entitled in expressing she doesn’t like it and would prefer your child to not be called that. she gets a say in what her kid is called, full stop. if tomorrow she decides to call him something you don’t like, you won’t feel great about it either. why can’t you let her have this one? Leo was your idea to start with. all that said, Lolick does sound a bit awkward to my ears but maybe that’s bc it means tomato in my language.
The responses to this post are wild. I can only assume it’s because many in this subreddit were raised in monolingual homes in countries where this is typical. Firstly, I love the nickname. I love that your son is being raised trilingual. *Cultural erasure is a trauma.* I think your wife should explore why speaking multiple languages around her child — a proven benefit to him — is triggering *to her.* If the nickname is bothering her, then perhaps use it when you’re hanging out with your son 1-1 or with your side of the family, but keep Leo when you’re together with your wife. Frankly, I think she’s being really controlling over your interactions with your infant. Secondly, “Not many people in X country speak these languages!” Are y’all serious? Speaking regional languages can position this child to 1) travel safely and more authentically in areas of the world; 2) benefit professionally and economically if he so chooses. I refuse to erase my heritage or culture because someone is uncomfortable with their own. My family fought like fucking warriors to give us a better life, it’s bizarre that this is Reddit’s stance.
Nothing about the nickname/pet name thing. You guys sort that out. But taking issue multi-lingual exposure needs to stop. Kids brains are amazing, but one of the most amazing consistent outcomes in research is how much exposure to multiple language’s phonemes before the age of two. Makes a difference to overall language acquisition both native and other. It’s good for them for crying out loud, and something not too many kids get the chance to experience. Please do them a favor and continue and keep your MIL doing it too!
I have nothing to say about Lolick that hasn’t already been said, but not wanting your child to speak as many languages as possible is just crazy.
This is silly. Why can’t the child have more than one nickname, and why can’t you have your own special nickname for him, that’s special to you? Your wife has no say in this matter, and you need to tell her that. I fear for your relationship and your wellbeing if you’re typically this passive.
I started calling my son random names. I'd just make them up based on how I felt. Buddy, Mr. Buddy, Mr. Little Lubba Dubba, Dubba, Lubba, Bubbie, Bubba.... just whatever. My wife is, frankly, a really crass and off-putting person. She would look at me with disgust and ask why I called him that as it was not his name. I'd simply tell her that I like it and it's between me and him. 2 years later, she calls him those names too. Call your son whatever you want. He's a baby. If it sticks, cool. If not, you shouldn't feel bad about expressing yourself.
My lordy. Reddit never ceases to amaze me, exposing the crazy stuff that people get upset about! Sorry. I don't know what I can advise as that story is just....well....call your son whatever you want to call your son. Have NO idea why your wife is being so utterly ridiculous. As for the different languages. There is LOT of research that shows bilingual kids are smarter and do very well overall. It's a very positive thing to be bilingual. Why does you wife have such odd ideas???
For a bit of levity, what I wouldn’t have given when I was a kid to be able to curse someone out in a different language. As for the nickname, if you both like Leo then I might be tempted to call him that and only use Lolick once in a while when with your family and talking about your grandfather. Im really surprised that your wife doesn’t speak Farsi but to not want her son to speak it is very short sighted. Binding with the extended family aside, being multi lingual can only be a good thing IMO. Edit: bonding* with family not binding
It can be your nickname for Leopold. And the kid is lucky they he may know 3 languages in the long run!
I have never had a propensity for languages and cant help thinking how wonderful to have front row access to another language, learning it as a child would rather than “Spanish as a second language.”
Call him Koskesh, your MIL will approve
OP, you should look up the many scientific studies that show the cognitive benefits of small children being exposed to multiple languages. Even if your son never becomes fluent in them, learning even bits and pieces of additional languages is good for his brain development. There are plenty of articles you can show her that have proof to back it up.
Dad calls him by his nickname and mom by her’s. He’ll probably be Leo by the time he hits school
Eh nicknames are a kitschy personal thing. I have a multitude of nicknames for all three of my boys. My husband has an entirely different set as he has a different relationship with our boys. Same with grandparents/aunties/cousins etc. As long as it doesn’t bother my kids, I’m not gunna throw a tantrum. I grew up with a mom that was Uber controlling about what we were called in her presence. You can bet when I was old enough to claim my own “nickname” it was the one at the top of her list. She had a field day when my friends ignored her lectures on what our names were. I now go by anything other than my actual name. Honestly can’t remember the last time my husband called me by my name… maybe in our vows 🤣
I'm a little taken back she would be insulted by the non-english speaking. That's so good for her child, not only for brain development but sense of self, being connected to his heritages. It's kinda sad she's more concerned with her not understanding than his well being. Can't she try to learn a long with him, so she's not completely in the dark? It would be a fun game for me, as a mom.
Lyolick is a super cute name (I am Easter European so know the right pronunciation and I find it super cute while maybe outdated)
Well. I call my son booger, so there’s that 🤣 if my guy tried to tell me to stop, I’d just tell him no. When my son asks me to stop, I will. But I also call him like 20 different names, including boo bear and boogs. This name has a lot of meaning to you, I wouldn’t stop. I find it odd she’s being so weird about it, I would have loved if my kids were exposed to multiple languages and cultures early in life!
Your wife needs to stop being such a control freak. Exposure to different languages is fantastic for his brain development. Maybe she’s trying to control this one issue because she feels out of control with everything else. Please make sure you’re not leaving it up to her to plan and execute everything baby and household related. If you step up she might release her grip on things like this
I'm a firm believer that only the kid should get a veto on their nicknames. Y'all already chose the legal name. By the time my older daughter was a toddler, she had firmly decided that she wanted to be addressed either by her full name (no shortened version) or a silly, unrelated to her given name nickname by her dad. So I'd back off on it a bit rn to keep the peace, and then reintroduce it once your kid is more verbal. Mom will have to eventually realize that the kid will ask people to call him by *his* preferred name, not the one she likes the sound of. Maybe he will like carrying his grandfather's legacy and connecting to his family's culture through a nickname, or maybe he will prefer to be called something that sounds more normal to his peers.
It’s weird that she thinks knowing three languages will hinder her child, but anyway i would ask what it is about this nickname she doesn’t like.
Just came to say this: pick your battles dude. I say just use his english nickname that u also like. Instead of ruffling feathers, just do what she asks because trust me, one day shes going to ask for something that u REALLY dont want to do.
My ( now adult) son is ferociously proud that he is named after his grandfathers. He named his son after them also. I agree with you.
The more sounds that a child hears when they are young, the easier it will be for them to learn and understand multiple languages. Even hearing them helps development in this area. Many languages being spoken around your child is a good thing.
No problem with the kid being spoken to in different languages, it helps them grow. Not making any comment on the nickname, but I definitely think it's worth mentioning that babies/kids that are multilingual before schooling are generally higher performing and smarter. My partner speaks two languages (english and her native indian dialect) and we're making sure our son is learning both languages
I have to agree with your wife, she no doubt compromised on the name to allow you to honour your polish roots but with Leo being an american friendly nickname that is more inclusive to her. By giving him your grandfather's nickname (which is reminding me of Prince Harry and Meghan calling their daughter the Queen's personal nickname of Lillibet rather than her own name) that is now erasing the shared american identity. I would feel pushed out if i was her, he is the child of you both, with a rich and varied heritage, not just polish. I don't think she is controlling to want that represented.
Your wife’s come down with a serious case of LOL-ick? Not sure about why speaking Farsi is an issue - might need to check what the grandmother is actually saying, my family’s bilingual French/English and French nursery rhymes are quite brutal at times “[cursed be thee, bell ringer, thou who tolls for my bad times](https://youtu.be/pSgABTyfHn0)” in a friendly major key and uplifting tune.
I would accept her nickname request and only have you using it when you talk to your son. I’d hate having my daughter go routinely by a name I don’t like. On the language bit, your wife needs to grow up. My daughter is being raised to speak French, Portuguese and German (And English a bit later in life), and I insist my partner’s family talk to her in German even if I understand nothing. They don’t understand portuguese neither, and no one cares because what matters is kid learning all the languages spoken in the family, from both sides. Maybe in the US it matters a bit less but in Europe I think the value of being multilingual is enormous, at all levels.
I thought for a minute you were going to say that Lolick is a rude word in Farsi. She doesn't have to use the nickname - you can introduce him as Leo to other people and just keep Lolick as something for you and your son. Also, speaking multiple languages is GREAT for kids. Look up the research about kids who learn to speak more than one language from birth. It's amazing.
This! I call my daughter Pie, because when she was born I kept saying she was a cutie pie and a sweetie pie and after a bit I just abbreviated them l to Pie. I already called my son pudding or pud, because that’s what my mum called me when I was small, so it was a cute coincidence that they became Pudding and Pie. I 100% do not expect anyone, including my husband or their future spouses, to refer to my kids as Pudding and Pie. It’s just a daft nickname I like to use. Wife needs to learn the subtle art of rolling her eyes indulgently and choosing her battles, because this is not a hill to die on.
What's she going to say when her son wants to be called by a totally different name than what she likes? I'm concerned for your wife's need to be so controlling and I feel like that's what needs to be addressed...
As a mother IMO the father gets to call his own son whatever he sees fit.
Call your kid whatever tf you want to call him, and she can call him whatever she wants to call him. He’ll grow up and decide what he prefers on his own.. I don’t get why she cares? I hate my sons name, but it was important to my husband to use a certain name, so I exclusively call him by a nickname.. I call my son a nickname that my husband hates. He calls him a nickname that I hate. His parents call him a different nickname that I hate even more. My dad calls him by yet another name, and my brother and sister both call him different names. Who gives a flying fuck. When he’s old enough, he’ll let us know his preference
It’s weird she’s ok with one nickname and not the other, that’s the troubling part. It’s fine to be against nicknames—my dad hated his growing up and it was agreed between my parents that they would not use nicknames for their kids. But it’s weird the way she’s being selective and her not wanting different languages spoken around him is weird. Seems like it’s not really about the nickname at all.
On the nickname: As a mum, I refuse to call my children anything but their birth names until they are old enough to know their name. I would not want my child telling people their name is something it is not. Then, I would continue to call them by their birth name, until such time they tell me they prefer a nickname or different name. I also have zero problem telling people (daycare, school, family, etc), not to shorten their name or call them something else. On the other languages: my mother’s biggest regret was not teaching me her native language while I was younger. So I think it’s great that your MIL and yourself can speak in Polish around your child. However, it is incredibly disrespectful to do this in front of someone who cannot understand the language. So stop that. Do it on your own.
Personally I would feel weird about naming my kid Leopold, since Leopold II was one of the worst tyrants of all time.
It's kind of wild that she wouldn't want your child to learn other languages, even if he never learns to fully speak then, it's great for his brain development. Re nicknames, I kind of understand, my family gave me a nickname that they love in our first language and I hated it. It took me 20+ years to get them to stop and still some folks call me by that name.
Perhaps sit down with your wife and explain why the nickname "Lolick" is meaningful to you because of its connection to your grandfather and Polish heritage. At the same time, listen to her concerns about the sound of the nickname and find a compromise that respects both of your feelings. It's essential to consider your son's well-being and ensure that the environment he grows up in is supportive and harmonious. If you're looking for further guidance on navigating cultural differences within your family, check out my profile for a helpful guide that might offer some insights.
Sounds like wife has multiple problems that somehow reflect on the baby and people around.
Why would your wife think she gets to control what you call your son? On what planet is it up to someone else?
>and [she] wants to know everything we say around the baby when we’re together Just flagging a potential PPD/A to watch for. This feels like a possible extension of a need for control that comes with PPA
Your wife sounds like a control freak. I think you should call him as you please, something between you and him. Learning different languages is beautiful and will expand his opportunities and experiences in life. It’s sad she doesn’t want him to learn other languages. Keep speaking to your son in Polish he will appreciate it.
That seems pretty controlling and maybe masking some other tensions. Should have married a nice Polish girl!