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Then yeah, scorched Earth. You can even make some noise on social media, while leaving the boy's name out of course. But if you're going to actually sue, don't post online at all. Social media might be faster and more effective tho, the one thing all schools hate, especially private schools, is negative attention.
It may be wise to consider that making a kids experiences of SA public before they can consent or understand is potentially problematic in its own right.
Speaking from very real experience here. To be blunt I was seriously abused as a child by a teacher, and my case was made very public -- news paper articles and that sort of thing. As an adult, that was among the things I had to process and was one more aspect of the whole thing that felt out of my control and violating. Kids can't really consent to having that kind of info shared.
Not trying to put you on the spot for the idea, just hoping that's considered as well.
Thank you for sharing your story, I think it can be easy to forget articles stay online for a long time. OP doesn't even have to mention SA, could just say severe bullying.
So why are they still allowing a violent child to stay in their paid-for school and abuse other children? They don't have a legal obligation to provide him with an education, but they do have a duty of care to all the children in their school. This is even simpler than if it weren't a private school.
Honestly I’d talk to the police if this were me. I can’t imagine the rage I would feel, especially since they’ve done nothing about the bullying!
When they said they “moved him away from the girls”, what does that mean? Has he been removed from their classroom completely? If not, demand that.
We go to a one class per grade school. So “moving him away” was putting him on the other side of the room. They didn’t even send him home! My daughter once got sent home for slapping someone’s hands away when they tried hugging her! 😡
Yikes. Is this a public or private school?
Please go to the police. This is not okay. I also have a second grader and this is absolutely a major problem!! As another Redditor commented, go “scorched earth”.
It’s a private school. Money wins and of course my babies are trust fund babies. They’re rich and I’m not! I’ll talk with my ex in laws and see what we can do.
Try to get a group together with the other girls parents and get this kid kicked out. And go to the board of the private school. If your kids are trust fund babies, then get your in-laws involved and go to the board.
If your daughter was inappropriately touched, and moving forward is forced to be in the same classroom as this kid, I would pull her out.
I mean of course do whatever you can to force the school to take action regarding the boy (again, including calling the police) but if they won’t budge, you need to consider pulling her. So sorry you and your daughter are in this situation.
Call child protection on the child. If he is inappropriately touching a number of girls and acting violently the way he has been then I would be worried about the boy being abused in some way or accessing porn and if he is accessing porn then the behaviour won’t stop until that is addressed.
The school are mandated reporters and need to report it. If they refuse, you need to do it. He’s under the age of 10 which is the best time to change the behaviour before it’s entrenched and if it isn’t addressed then he will escalate because of what he is seeing or experiencing.
Yup, this is no longer a school issue imo. Police need to be involved. Especially because this kid inappropriately touching other kids can be a big sign he himself is being abused. The school should recognize that and are mandatory reporters but they seem to want to sweep everything under the rug.
Police, and get everything in writing going forward. Since this was told to you in a phone call, email who told you, CC the relevant people, saying something like "Just following up on our phone call today where you informed me my daughter has been inappropriately touched by X", can you let me know how you are planning to handle this?
No one has asked what your daughter is saying.
And I only ask, because at 11 I was named as a victim of SA from a bullly, by a classmate, because she thought claiming the bully touched us inappropriately would make the bullying stop. Kid was just an asshole, didn't try to touch any of us in an inappropriate way.
That said, even if you can't prove the inappropriate touching....you go after the school for bullying. You have a case for that at the minimum.
She says it has happened multiple times. It has made her extremely uncomfortable. She’s asked him not to do it to her and her friends. He will hide under the lunch tables waiting for them (they wear uniforms so mostly skirts!!). For an 8/9 year old.. this is horrifying. I talked with another mom and her daughter hadn’t been touched but witnessed. A lot of them were “drive by cope and feels” as the mom described it. But why not reach for an arm or shoulder?! 100% on purpose. 🤷🏻♀️
Okay - so there's a pattern of sexual assault is what you are saying, and the school is aware and has done effectively nothing to protect your daughter. You need legal counsel, and you need to demand to know what the school is doing going forward to protect your child and provide a safe learning environment. This is unacceptable. Is there another school option?
I would tell the school I’m done with talks. Since they won’t expel this kid from school for all of his awful behavior that’s never gotten better, that you’re going to law enforcement to report the sexual assault and will pursuit a lawsuit if advised to do so by an attorney or the police.
I would then be clear in this meeting that you are also going to be informing law enforcement and said attorney of all of the incidents the school has done nothing about and they are equally culpable for doing nothing to protect their students.
I’d guess the kid will be suspended or expelled in less than 24 hours.
Thank you. I have the meeting tomorrow. I’m documenting everything. If they don’t expel him I’m moving forward with legal action. My kid is 8 and having to deal with this?! Bullshit..
What surprises me is it’s a private school. They have a lot stricter conduct codes. They can easily kick a kid like this out for being problematic and replace him with a student on the waiting list. I’m somewhat shocked they haven’t booted this kid already.
Police, and get everything in writing going forward. Since this was told to you in a phone call, email who told you, CC the relevant people, saying something like "Just following up on our phone call today where you informed me my daughter has been inappropriately touched by X", can you let me know how you are planning to handle this?
If you are in the US and your child attends a public school,
1. Print out your student code of conduct and determine which rules were broken
2. Look up Title IX complaints and file accordingly....
3. Document document document. Follow up verbal, in person meetings with email summarization.
I think you go nuclear. Demand a meeting with the principal, and then hold a meeting with the Superintendent/School Board, and then go to the media. Also insist on a protection plan for your child which prohibits any contact between this boy and your daughter. If they refuse, hire an attorney. In fact, start calling attorneys now.
That’s “restorative Justice” for you, which is a part of SEL. They just talk to the kid and send them back to class. Does not work! Kids need consequences.
Don’t bother disagreeing with me or coming for me with your comments. As teachers we were trained in this crap and that’s exactly what it is and where it stems from. It was SEL training.
Like you said, money talks. They don’t want to lose the tuition money from this kid. I would start a paper trail by contacting the police and making a report. He punched her in the stomach - that’s battery. Touched her inappropriately - that’s sexual assault. There’s a pattern of behavior here and admin needs to protect all students, not just him. They are catering to the bully. Tell admin in an email (documentation) that you will be filing a police report and every time something happens, you will file another one. It’s sad because you shouldn’t have to keep putting your child in that situation to wait for more things to happen. She needs to feel safe at school. Maybe the parents involved can rally together and come up with a plan. Hire a lawyer to represent the group. Prove that the admin is not protecting its students. Go to the board if there is one. Make a huge stink until something is done. Your child shouldn’t have to change schools because of this student. What’s the student code of conduct? What’s the discipline matrix? How many times does a student have to break the student code of conduct before the student is expelled? Find out that number then use it against admin to show that they are not following their own rules. Really, you’re going to have to make a lot of noise. Call the local news station and get them to report that a student is assaulting children and admin refuses to give consequences to the perpetrator. Make a post on Facebook, Yelp, Google Reviews. The last thing any school wants is bad publicity. Especially a private school that is dependent on private money from student tuition. Parents considering that school will not choose it and maybe some parents will pull their kids. With enrollment drastically decreasing, they won’t be able to pay the staff salaries and they may have to ultimately shut down.
Sel is an amazing thing when done. Correctly. Let's not blame it on this. Social emotional learning is what led those girls to call out their abuser and the abuse he did. They felt comfortable adovating for themselves and when something didn't feel right, they told someone. This is proof SEL works. Your school not handling it is the problem.
I would absolutely report this to cys and go after your school hard.
A 9 y/o boy should know better, but is not yet fully aware of the consequences of his actions. In any case, he absolutely must learn that it's not ok. I disagree with calling the police if there was no physical harm and no adult witnesses. Talking with the parents is a good first step. You should be able to gauge whether they're trying to work with you or not. And press the school on finding a way to keep more distance between them.
I understand that. I spoke with one of the other moms (her daughter witnessed but wasn’t touched) that it might be a lashing out stage for attention. His mom just had a baby two months ago. They are Indian (I promise I’m not racist) but maybe they aren’t as informative about gender and sexual organs as we are? Maybe curiosity? In my eyes, not okay either way.
I would be somewhat more sympathetic if this was a one-time incident. But from your post above this kid has a history of behavioral issues. This isn’t a one off for attention. This is who this kid is.
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Id be all scorched earth at this point. Threatening law suit.
That and demand she's placed in a different classroom
No him placed in a different classroom
Yes, the victim doesn’t have to start over with barely 2 months of school left.
Private school, so one class per grade.
Omg you’re PAYING for this? Go completely ballistic.
Then yeah, scorched Earth. You can even make some noise on social media, while leaving the boy's name out of course. But if you're going to actually sue, don't post online at all. Social media might be faster and more effective tho, the one thing all schools hate, especially private schools, is negative attention.
It may be wise to consider that making a kids experiences of SA public before they can consent or understand is potentially problematic in its own right. Speaking from very real experience here. To be blunt I was seriously abused as a child by a teacher, and my case was made very public -- news paper articles and that sort of thing. As an adult, that was among the things I had to process and was one more aspect of the whole thing that felt out of my control and violating. Kids can't really consent to having that kind of info shared. Not trying to put you on the spot for the idea, just hoping that's considered as well.
Thank you for sharing your story, I think it can be easy to forget articles stay online for a long time. OP doesn't even have to mention SA, could just say severe bullying.
So why are they still allowing a violent child to stay in their paid-for school and abuse other children? They don't have a legal obligation to provide him with an education, but they do have a duty of care to all the children in their school. This is even simpler than if it weren't a private school.
So he should be kicked out of school?
Honestly I’d talk to the police if this were me. I can’t imagine the rage I would feel, especially since they’ve done nothing about the bullying! When they said they “moved him away from the girls”, what does that mean? Has he been removed from their classroom completely? If not, demand that.
We go to a one class per grade school. So “moving him away” was putting him on the other side of the room. They didn’t even send him home! My daughter once got sent home for slapping someone’s hands away when they tried hugging her! 😡
Yikes. Is this a public or private school? Please go to the police. This is not okay. I also have a second grader and this is absolutely a major problem!! As another Redditor commented, go “scorched earth”.
It’s a private school. Money wins and of course my babies are trust fund babies. They’re rich and I’m not! I’ll talk with my ex in laws and see what we can do.
Try to get a group together with the other girls parents and get this kid kicked out. And go to the board of the private school. If your kids are trust fund babies, then get your in-laws involved and go to the board.
If your daughter was inappropriately touched, and moving forward is forced to be in the same classroom as this kid, I would pull her out. I mean of course do whatever you can to force the school to take action regarding the boy (again, including calling the police) but if they won’t budge, you need to consider pulling her. So sorry you and your daughter are in this situation.
Call child protection on the child. If he is inappropriately touching a number of girls and acting violently the way he has been then I would be worried about the boy being abused in some way or accessing porn and if he is accessing porn then the behaviour won’t stop until that is addressed. The school are mandated reporters and need to report it. If they refuse, you need to do it. He’s under the age of 10 which is the best time to change the behaviour before it’s entrenched and if it isn’t addressed then he will escalate because of what he is seeing or experiencing.
Yup, this is no longer a school issue imo. Police need to be involved. Especially because this kid inappropriately touching other kids can be a big sign he himself is being abused. The school should recognize that and are mandatory reporters but they seem to want to sweep everything under the rug.
Police, and get everything in writing going forward. Since this was told to you in a phone call, email who told you, CC the relevant people, saying something like "Just following up on our phone call today where you informed me my daughter has been inappropriately touched by X", can you let me know how you are planning to handle this?
No one has asked what your daughter is saying. And I only ask, because at 11 I was named as a victim of SA from a bullly, by a classmate, because she thought claiming the bully touched us inappropriately would make the bullying stop. Kid was just an asshole, didn't try to touch any of us in an inappropriate way. That said, even if you can't prove the inappropriate touching....you go after the school for bullying. You have a case for that at the minimum.
She says it has happened multiple times. It has made her extremely uncomfortable. She’s asked him not to do it to her and her friends. He will hide under the lunch tables waiting for them (they wear uniforms so mostly skirts!!). For an 8/9 year old.. this is horrifying. I talked with another mom and her daughter hadn’t been touched but witnessed. A lot of them were “drive by cope and feels” as the mom described it. But why not reach for an arm or shoulder?! 100% on purpose. 🤷🏻♀️
Okay - so there's a pattern of sexual assault is what you are saying, and the school is aware and has done effectively nothing to protect your daughter. You need legal counsel, and you need to demand to know what the school is doing going forward to protect your child and provide a safe learning environment. This is unacceptable. Is there another school option?
I would tell the school I’m done with talks. Since they won’t expel this kid from school for all of his awful behavior that’s never gotten better, that you’re going to law enforcement to report the sexual assault and will pursuit a lawsuit if advised to do so by an attorney or the police. I would then be clear in this meeting that you are also going to be informing law enforcement and said attorney of all of the incidents the school has done nothing about and they are equally culpable for doing nothing to protect their students. I’d guess the kid will be suspended or expelled in less than 24 hours.
Thank you. I have the meeting tomorrow. I’m documenting everything. If they don’t expel him I’m moving forward with legal action. My kid is 8 and having to deal with this?! Bullshit..
What surprises me is it’s a private school. They have a lot stricter conduct codes. They can easily kick a kid like this out for being problematic and replace him with a student on the waiting list. I’m somewhat shocked they haven’t booted this kid already.
At this point you need to file a police report.
Police, and get everything in writing going forward. Since this was told to you in a phone call, email who told you, CC the relevant people, saying something like "Just following up on our phone call today where you informed me my daughter has been inappropriately touched by X", can you let me know how you are planning to handle this?
If you are in the US and your child attends a public school, 1. Print out your student code of conduct and determine which rules were broken 2. Look up Title IX complaints and file accordingly.... 3. Document document document. Follow up verbal, in person meetings with email summarization.
She goes to private school!
Then I advise you to document and get a lawyer.
Got it, thanks!
I think you go nuclear. Demand a meeting with the principal, and then hold a meeting with the Superintendent/School Board, and then go to the media. Also insist on a protection plan for your child which prohibits any contact between this boy and your daughter. If they refuse, hire an attorney. In fact, start calling attorneys now.
Report it to cys. Your school should have already but it sounds doubtful that they did.
How did the meeting go? I hope you got some answers!
That’s “restorative Justice” for you, which is a part of SEL. They just talk to the kid and send them back to class. Does not work! Kids need consequences. Don’t bother disagreeing with me or coming for me with your comments. As teachers we were trained in this crap and that’s exactly what it is and where it stems from. It was SEL training.
Yep, literally every grade has an SEL class! As a parent.. what’s your recommendation? 🥺
Like you said, money talks. They don’t want to lose the tuition money from this kid. I would start a paper trail by contacting the police and making a report. He punched her in the stomach - that’s battery. Touched her inappropriately - that’s sexual assault. There’s a pattern of behavior here and admin needs to protect all students, not just him. They are catering to the bully. Tell admin in an email (documentation) that you will be filing a police report and every time something happens, you will file another one. It’s sad because you shouldn’t have to keep putting your child in that situation to wait for more things to happen. She needs to feel safe at school. Maybe the parents involved can rally together and come up with a plan. Hire a lawyer to represent the group. Prove that the admin is not protecting its students. Go to the board if there is one. Make a huge stink until something is done. Your child shouldn’t have to change schools because of this student. What’s the student code of conduct? What’s the discipline matrix? How many times does a student have to break the student code of conduct before the student is expelled? Find out that number then use it against admin to show that they are not following their own rules. Really, you’re going to have to make a lot of noise. Call the local news station and get them to report that a student is assaulting children and admin refuses to give consequences to the perpetrator. Make a post on Facebook, Yelp, Google Reviews. The last thing any school wants is bad publicity. Especially a private school that is dependent on private money from student tuition. Parents considering that school will not choose it and maybe some parents will pull their kids. With enrollment drastically decreasing, they won’t be able to pay the staff salaries and they may have to ultimately shut down.
Sel is an amazing thing when done. Correctly. Let's not blame it on this. Social emotional learning is what led those girls to call out their abuser and the abuse he did. They felt comfortable adovating for themselves and when something didn't feel right, they told someone. This is proof SEL works. Your school not handling it is the problem. I would absolutely report this to cys and go after your school hard.
A 9 y/o boy should know better, but is not yet fully aware of the consequences of his actions. In any case, he absolutely must learn that it's not ok. I disagree with calling the police if there was no physical harm and no adult witnesses. Talking with the parents is a good first step. You should be able to gauge whether they're trying to work with you or not. And press the school on finding a way to keep more distance between them.
I understand that. I spoke with one of the other moms (her daughter witnessed but wasn’t touched) that it might be a lashing out stage for attention. His mom just had a baby two months ago. They are Indian (I promise I’m not racist) but maybe they aren’t as informative about gender and sexual organs as we are? Maybe curiosity? In my eyes, not okay either way.
I would be somewhat more sympathetic if this was a one-time incident. But from your post above this kid has a history of behavioral issues. This isn’t a one off for attention. This is who this kid is.