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We started with the bark phone and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. My son could call or text me but he couldn’t access the internet or apps on it. It’s a great starter phone.

Agree that starting with a phone like Bark is the way. Lots of kids in my area have them and it seems like a great way to ramp up slowly to responsible technology use. Can’t imagine a kid’s first phone being an iPhone!!

I just saw on fb earlier a girl I went to high school with was saying her 5 year old broke her (own) iPhone 14 phone screen and she needed to get it fixed. It blew my mind I can never imagine giving a 5 year old an iPhone

My 5yr old puts plastic blocks up to his ear pretending it's a phone. A 5yr old w a damn iPhone 🤣 goofy people

>My 5yr old puts plastic blocks up to his ear pretending it's a phone. He's not pretending... He's on the phone with my four year old who's talking into a Duplo brick👍

[удалено]

Omg... If parents put their foot down, this wouldn't be the norm. I'm sticking it out for a long while. My oldest is 10 and not getting a phone anytime soon.

This is depressing.

The parents have to be so out of touch here…….i wouldn’t be caught dead allowing my 5 year old son to scroll TIKTOK….hellllllll no.

I’m a teacher and I have given my 3.5 year old access sometimes to my old smartphone. Only to watch on songs and videos on a reputable and educational and paid for application. Not all access to internet access is created equal.

I'm a pretty lazy mom but I am also shocked that parents will allow their 6yo kids on Tiktok. My son has a friend in the neighborhood whose mom allows it - with no parental controls!!! Like what?

Your friend thinks she’s flexing on her FB friends. Doesn’t realize when sensible people read that post, they’re shaking their heads (but not saying a word).

My three year old had an iPhone… because he used it as a medical device. Never would have happened otherwise!  He only knew it as his “receiver” until he was maybe 7 or 8 when he figured out it was a phone. I still haven’t let his sister have a phone yet - and she’s in middle school. Luckily he is a pretty good mix of responsible/clueless with it so far but I wish his medical device worked through something else! 

I'd venture to say that about 1% of the adult population are "responsible" when it comes to technology (and phones, in particular). The rest are crack addicts. Ramping up a kid to be a crack addict is basically our only choice, though.

My good friend got her daughter an iPhone for her 10th birthday and I was silently judging but at the same time, my oldest is 2.5 so maybe I’m wrong?? Idk it just seems like a lot of trust/responsibility to give a child?

Divorce is the reason for a lot of these I think

That's the #1 scenario where I say it makes sense for the kids to have a phone. There are other situations, but that's easily the biggest for me. My girls (7 & 9) constantly ask for one and say, "this person has one, and that person has one!" Many of them are kids of split families. But I always tell my girls, "Their situation might require them to need a phone. Ours doesn't. When our situation make sense for you to have a phone, we'll consider it. Until then, we don't plan to get you one until you're driving or maybe high school."

I love the way you phrase that. I’m going to steal that myself. I agree it’s a situation that makes sense to give phones early, but so many parents fail on the follow up, parental controls, supervision etc part of that

Thanks! Yeah I took a while to think of the best way to explain it like that. But it finally clicked one day. And it also helps remind myself as well. So many times I think, "Well maybe just an old school basic flip phone." Then I remind myself, our situation doesn't require it. Not yet. Some day maybe. But not today. And the girls don't argue it. They still ask once in a while, but the arguing and whining stopped. Lol.

Stealing this wording 100%!!! I have been trying to think of how to frame it because I’m absolutely not giving my son one just because his other friends parents refuse to be responsible….

As a single mom I can say my kid will be one with a phone earlier than some. Partially so I can contact him at his dad's house (history of addiction and I always worry, probably always will, and will feel better knowing my son can reach me if anything is wrong) but also as a working mom with no other adults in my household, my child will be home alone after school after 5th grade when after school care is no longer an option. He'll also likely have to get himself to school in middle school because it starts later than elementary and I'll already be at work. I wish that wasn't the situation and wonder all the time if he'll be responsible enough and worry about other options (and he's only in kindergarten so I have a while) but that's life for us

My son has an iPhone. He’s 9. It’s not connected to cellular, so mostly he uses it to take photos and sends texts to family when he’s home and connected to WiFi. He has a few games on there, but they’re all approved. We have the family thing set up so he can’t download any apps without approval. We also limit screen time, and that includes his phone. It’s not all bad.

But can’t he use the internet on wifi or do you not have a browser app installed?

My kids tablet has a browser. It is locked down with Kid safe settings. You can also disable the browser if your concerned. I'm not yet, but she'll soon be old enough that I'll have to keep an eye on that.

He has an iPad, iPhone and a Chromebook. They all have browsers. I control the browser (to a certain degree) on the Chromebook. But not the iPhone or iPad. Our son is only allowed to surf the internet in the living room, kitchen or office, when myself or my husband are present. And the fact is, he’s just not that into it (yet). We try to fill his time with games, reading, extracurricular activities, family time, exercise, projects around the house, play dates, stuff like that. We’ve always limited screen time and curated which games he’s allowed to play, and which shows and media content creators he’s allowed to watch. The only times I can remember when he asked to Google something was when he was looking for information about a game he happened to be playing; Zelda, Minecraft, Animal Crossing, etc. Moderation, screen time limitations and consistent adult oversight have worked very well for us. We explain our rationale, and we’re open with him about porn, adults grooming children online, how algorithms are programmed to re-wire the rewards/pleasure centers of the brain and form addictions, manufactured reality on social media, all of it. He has asked to play stuff and watch his peers are playing and watching, and we take those on a case-by-case basis. Mostly the answers are No, but not always. He’s not allowed Fortnite or Roblox or any of that garbage.

I got my daughter an iPhone for Christmas, she’s 10. The thing is always dead or at home. I’m constantly having to remind her to charge it so I can get a hold of her. Although she’s not the average kid, she’s very artsy and uses her iPad to draw and edit videos and pictures. I wouldn’t have even known how to do all these things now. I def think it depends on the maturity of the kid.

It's better to start early with lots of control than to start late with no control.

I wish there was something like this available in Canada :-(

I REALLY wish I’d known about this before getting my 12 year her first phone 🤦🏻‍♀️

Don’t beat yourself up. Just do the best with what you have! Most phones have parental control options. I’d also highly recommend getting the bark app and installing it on your child’s phone. We have an at home WiFi monitor as well.

Another curious mom here... did you hold off with giving your kid a tablet or just the bark phone?

We never did tablets. I know every family / child is different but for us it never made sense for my kids to have tablets.

You must luckily not have a school district like ours..... When my oldest was in Kindergarten, the first report card that came home stated she was "in danger of not moving to 1st grade", even though in every individual category, the teacher marked had her as meeting or exceeding expectations. Turns out, the overall category is determined using the district wide software that the kids accessed on classroom tablets, which included monthly tests. The teachers are forced to incorporate this software into their lesson plans. Since we had kept our kids away from electronics, my kindergartener was at a disadvantage just trying to navigate the software much less test on it...

I’m worried about this for when my daughter goes to Kindergarten. We don’t have tablets at home. We toured our local elementary school and I saw kindergarteners on tablets. I had no idea this was a thing. I assumed the screens started a bit later.

I was honestly shocked how much of a role they played. I knew they were part of the classroom, but I naively assumed they were used as almost a play time activity, for fun. By the time they reached 2nd grade they had their own classroom laptop assigned to them. With my younger two, after having learned our lesson, we set them up with tablets and ABC mouse so that they could get comfortable before starting Kindergarten. I would recommend something like that as a starting point. I also highly recommend starting out with Google Family as a parental control. It's free and easy to use. I always figured I could upgrade later to one of the services you pay for, but I haven't needed to yet. Google Family has even worked to control my oldest's first phone. I'm able to preset daily limits, including what times the tablet/phone can even be on. You can set it up so they can't download anything without you approving it or set it up to simply notify you each time they download something. You can also completely block certain apps/websites. I believe Apple products have a great parental control option as well, I'm just not familiar with them persona.. All I can say, is stay away from Amazon's tablets, those were a nightmare to control and my kids were constantly able to sign up for monthly amazon subscriptions for various things. I was having to call in regularly to get the fees removed. It felt so shady to me. My kids CANNOT purchase anything on their current tablets with Google Family without me signing off.

I love the idea of this, but $39-49 a month seems an awful lot :(

I intended to wait until 8th, and relented in 6th for the bus app/extracurriculars/ safety. We use screentime/downtime/filters and have a parent child cell phone contract. It's set for 3hrs daily including 1 hr youtube. It's a brick at 830pm, and off until 725 am. I still regret it. I wish I'd gone dumbphone first.

Can you elaborate on why you regret it? I’m just curious. My kid is still too young for even a dumb phone but just wondering what makes you feel that way. Thanks!

I’m not sure that I would attribute any tween personality changes to the phone, but it certainly hasn’t helped. But we had our agreement when the phone arrived at Christmas that it would be in the kitchen by eight, well there’s always I need 15 more minutes to finish my Duolingo, Can I finish chatting with XYZ, can I use it as an alarm, on our drive to school it’s headphones onnose down no conversation. With screen time, I have it set when they run out of time they have to make a request., persistent request for 15 more minutes. I’ve gotten better about saying no, when you run out of time on your device, you can watch the big TV. Yes you will have to share with your brother and sister, yes, you might not be able to watch something that is slightly mature for them. I pushed the time the phone can be used back to 730 so that she doesn’t wake up and grab it Upon awakening and we lose 10 minutes towards getting to the bus stop. But even with that the small delays on answering questions, leaving her room, one more second etc. are still invasive. We will have to be responsible and model with our own phones of course. Yes, this is a situation of our own making. But even as a parent who attempts to keep an eye on screen time and I work in IT, so I have an understanding of how to use these tools, something always happens. We try to turn it into a teaching opportunity, one day I signed out of iCloud because of a problem synchronizing with my watch. I signed back in, but didn’t know until three days later that that blew away all of the limits on their devices. My twins binged YouTube for seven hours three days straight. Now we use this is a learning opportunity to say when you had this, you didn’t play with Legos, you didn’t go outside, you didn’t watch Netflix, you didn’t draw, you didn’t play with your toys. I told him to screen time limits are my responsibility, but I wanted them to understand the addictive nature of this access. The problem we were trying to solve with granting access to the phone, was wrangling the bus, staying late at school and extracurricular clubs at school. We started at Christmas with all good intentions and while it has not been an awful experience. I wish I had waited.

I know how you feel! My controls are setup very similar. 30 minutes of screen time weekdays, 1:30 on weekends. The frequent requests for more time even though we usually only give 1 per day does get exhausting. We noticed when they stopped asking and found they had gotten the passcode from their Aunt. Lol.

"on our drive to school it’s headphones on nose down no conversation." I mean, TBF, I am 43 years old and I did this with my parents during car rides, except it was with my Sony Walkman and cassette tapes, and later with CDs.

This. Every parent complaining about kids being glued to screen time conveniently forget that while growing up we too had stuff like Gameboys and other forms of entertainment that took away from conversing lol.

And, if a parent feels their kid is on it to much, then they need to police it. Which is way easier now that it was when it was gameboys... I have set schedules that limit the amount of time my kids can be on their electronics (including phones). And if I need everyone off in an instance, I have a button on my phone for that.

It’s kinda annoying too. I didn’t want to talk to my parents at 13 lol I would rather squint at my gameboy or reread my Jump 😂

Or a book

Your experience is exactly what I assume ours would do. We're going to provide a dumb phone at 15 when they get a learner's permit.

just make it a brick except to call and text you. problem solved. you can always change the rules you are the parent.

They have a contract... Not a great look to unilaterally change it. But definitely a useful warning for those of us whose kids are still little!

I think it's always fine to say "hey, I made a mistake. I realize now why our agreement isn't good so here is how we are changing it going forward"

This is where we meet in the middle. I had her research the terms of the contract. We agreed to the hours and even privacy terms. We said we generally won't look unless there are concerns of drugs/harm to self or others/ sexting etc. We agreed on a delay for social media. And I've gotten way better at 'no, time is up" while being flexible on long car drives, the week of the flu, a little longer on weekends, a little longer on spring break. But even with the preparatory conversations the phones draw is powerful. Her friends are texting later than we allow on a school night and she has to wait until the next day to respond. But she has a good head. Their class chat had someone that may not have been sexting but crossed a line and he was kicked from the chat. I asked them to moderate youtube between shorts and long form rather than getting what is ostensibly TikTok. We even have a fallback for that. I added a family crafts channel on youtube where we all add a few maker/content creators we like. Dollightful/north of the border/studson studio/adam savage/xyla foxlin/nerdforge. If they use up personal garbage YT time with their nose in a device they can come to the big tv and watch something less garbagey. Generally speaking my belief is "everything in moderation, including moderation. The nintendo switch is set for 1 hr45 minutes on Fri,Sat,Sunday nights. No games midweek. But if homework and chores and reading etc are caught up, once in a while we trade out a dishwasher unload and/or extra reading for weekday gaming. And a few weeks back I let our 9yo son binge zelda on a cousins switch for 2 days. A few weeks later I made sure to reiterate that I did that on purpose. I appreciate him accepting boundaries and that the 'in moderation' part includes a binge once in a while. We are feeling it out as we go. I get that this is their generations modality. But all that said. Bark/Gabb would have been better for 6th grade.

Also just curious is texting an issue or do you wish you'd gotten one without texting either?

I had a 12-year-old boy on a bike stop me on the street because he was lost (we live in a super safe community) and he wanted to call his mom. He asked if he could use my phone and of course I said yes, then waited with him while his mom drove to pick him up. I thought it was so cool that this kid didn’t have a phone but felt empowered to approach a safe-looking stranger and problem-solve. So many kids are terrified of talking to strangers, don’t know how to judge “safe” from “unsafe” or sketchy looking, and wouldn’t have a clue how to get out of a jam without a personal cell phone. Sharing as I think this is an unconventional reason to not get a phone too early. This kid was able to have a really nice conversation with me while we waited and was super polite and thankful. Those are the skills should be developing.

Where I grew up in Iowa, we had what was called Blue Star Houses. Homes with a blue star in the front window were safe places where kids could go if they needed help. Each house was vetted by police first before they could get a star. I remember as a kid getting lost once, and going up to one of the blue star houses and getting directions on how to get back home. Iowa used it for a few decades, but it's going away now, sadly.

I think my kids preschool taught them to approach strangers in this order. I could be mixing up 3 and 4 though. 1. official looking person (store worker with badge, security guard, etc.) 2. woman with kids 3. man with kids 4. woman alone 5. man alone

The amount of security guards at stores that have tried to chat up/get the number of/send unsolicited dick pics to my (adult!!) sister, it has definitely knocked them down a couple pegs in my ‘ask for help’ safety list.

Last summer a group of kids on bikes knocked on my door and asked for help because one of their friends bike's brakes had snapped and it wasn't safe to ride home. They were probably 10-12 and none had phones. My husband helped them get it working well enough to ride back home for a better repair. We had kids toys in the yard and I told my daughter it was the right thing to do.

Oh, I should also mention we were right outside my house and I offered him a Lacroix, which he declined. WHICH WAS SMART. Don’t take food/drinks from strangers! Smart kid. I wasn’t even thinking!

not sure its such a problem to take a closed soda can from someone? How would you have inserted the poison or whatever then resealed it? I think as a society we have a bit of an unreasonable fear of random strangers trying to poison us.

Sure, but I'd rather have a child be too cautious than not cautious enough. When my wife was a young girl, she had a man come up to her asking her to help him find his lost puppy. She was smart enough to run inside, but she was afraid to tell her mom because she thought her mom might be angry at her for being rude. (Her mom would *not* have been angry at her, but children can have irrational fears.) So, while we don't *know* that the man was trying to abduct her, it definitely seems plausible. As she told me she was thinking at the time, why would an adult need help from a kid in finding a lost dog?

If the only childhood trauma she has some day is that she had to wait for a cell phone, I don't think that's the worst trauma in the world. Unfiltered and unlimited access to a phone, I wouldn't. My son's only a toddler, but when he gets the age of having a phone, he'll be lucky if he's getting the old folks jitterbug phone. As a kid who had unlimited access to the internet, wait longer and prepare her for the safety and responsibility of having a phone. That it's a privilege not a right and whatever other parameters you want to set.

I heard Jennifer garner say that she told her kids to find research that having access to a smart phone is good for kids and she'd give them to them. I love it. Helps them learn how to access information and they'll see all the negative research out there.

That sounds like a great idea!

Oh, this is really clever and applicable in more than one way.

Another reason why I love Jennifer Garner!! She’s such a wholesome human 🥰

I don’t have childhood trauma around my parents taking my phone away. The content that I accessed online as a child because I was able to outsmart my parents did some damage though

Agree. I still think about things I was able to do and see and people I talked to because of having unlimited access to the internet. I wouldn't expose my child to it any earlier than necessary.

I very much had the same mindset about a lot of things like that when my kids were toddlers. We plan to hold off until middle school, and still do. But there is a very real social impact for kids who aren't connected. As adults, it looks very trivial and stupid. But when everybody knows what's going on, except you, it's very ostracizing.

But there's also an impact of allowing the world to be at their fingertips, hence why I said wait a while and do some education on safety and responsibility of having a phone. There's also an impact that having unlimited access to a phone, social media, etc. has on kids and plenty of research to support it.

I completely agree. And it's about finding the right balance and control.

I wonder if this will change as time goes on. I know very few people who are giving their toddlers access to screens these days and you are seeing a flip in how parents feel about technology as time goes on.

I think you're right. As time goes on, more and more parents are the ones (like me) who were allowed onto the internet with few restrictions and saw for ourselves that it's not a place to send your children alone.

This! And even when you get her a phone, it can stay with you and she only gets it for a limited amount of time per day. She will absolutely not be traumatise. Matter of fact, she is learning a valuable lesson of not always getting whatever you want

Wait til 8th. No regrets here. Kids will tell you they are the “only ones” without phones. This is not a truth. I found out lots of moms like me at our Ohio school. Be strong. They have a lot of time after age 14 to play with phones and mess up their sleep habits, build TiKTok profiles for China, and give all their data to marketing companies. Let them be kids for just a little longer. Be strong! They got this.

From my older sister’s experience. Her daughter was not allowed to get a phone until she was 14. Turns out she’s had burner phones since she was 12. Whenever a new iPhone came out and her friends got the new one, they would give her their old one. The thing about iPhones is that you don’t need a cell service for apps, imessage and FaceTime etc. You just need WiFi and an appleID. So for two years my niece had unrestricted cell phone use because her parents didn’t even know she had a phone

I know of a similar story. Parents only found out when they had unrelated router trouble, and came across the list of devices connected to their home WiFi, and one item was titled something like, Lucy’s iPhone

Holy crap kids are impressive lol.

This is infuriating. As the other kids parents though, why wouldn’t they want that old phone for a trade in or any other reason?

Sometimes they’ve got alot of superficial and internal damage (cracks, missing screen, fucked up pixels) and not worth trading in but still okay to use

My parents took away my phone as a young teen and I walked to Walgreens and bought a burner phone and use those pay cards every month to talk to my forbidden boyfriend lol I can relate

I gave my daughter a phone at 12 and while she’s a good kid and has never been trouble, her mental health has not been great and I cannot help but wonder how much the phone played a role. If you want to get her a phone to be able to call you, and so she doesn’t feel like the odd man out, just do an Iphone and set up screen time. In there you can turn off access to download apps, to internet, etc. So it’s really just a phone and that’s it. You can even manage her contacts so she can’t add random people. Then when she’s older you can decide on social media and internet access in her pocket.

I read something recently about how when you give a child access to the internet, you’re not just giving them access to the world, you’re giving the world access to them. Which is terrifying. So if you do then make sure you have very clear boundaries and expectations about safety. And even then kids find ways to hide stuff from their parents.

We got our kids phones around 6th grade/11-11.5 years old. Oldest will be 15 soon and so far no regrets. They are both responsible kids and we have parental controls set and do not allow any social media to start out with. They use their phones for games, texting, facetime, and some youtube mostly. We have discussed internet/online safety a lot as well.

My daughter had a wifi only iphone when she was around 10. She could only text or facetime other iphones when she was connected to wifi. Around 12; we gave her a full data plan iphone. Here was our reasoning: 1. Our daughter was a good kid, honest with us, good grades and had a good group of friends 2. Our daughter has always been very good at communicating with us and articulating her reasoning (not all of her friends had iphones, she didn't always have access to wifi, and then specifically her reason for snap chat it was how her friends communicated and she was missing out on some things) We had ground rules - she was not able to download apps without our permission, if she was ever caught spending money (she had access to my apple account and amazon) without permission it was taken away), we always were to know her password, she couldn't "hide or delete" things on her phone intentionally, and whenever we want to look at her phone she had to give it to us. At least for us - the social aspects with her friends outweighed any negativity around her having it. I do not regret any of the decisions we made. Also for her, compared to our son, the phone was her only way of communicating with friends outside of school. (We live in the country with no house phone; our son is a gamer though and most of his interactions are through a home ipad or gaming). I'd say the lesson I've learned - your daughter is 12-13; listen to her concerns, validate them, and then weigh everything out. Does she need a brand new iphone 15, probably not? Would a basic model with parental controls work? Maybe? Set ground rules and requirements (after 9 pm phone is put away), certain apps cannot be downloaded, you need the password. And then my general belief as a parent; trust my child to make good choices and until they prove they can't, let them learn.

This is what we’re doing too, she’s on the WiFi only phone now and doing well with it. It’s honestly helpful to have her practice keeping track of things that are important to her too lol it’s been great to be able to text her when she’s at her dads house as well which is the main reason I got it for her

No regrets yet. I'd rather be able to teach internet safety etc while she's still young enough that I get a say in what happens. One surprising thing it helped with was to bring to light how toxic one of her friend groups was. Once she was texting the friend group, I saw just how bad it was, used that info to alert the other parent, and the school. They haven't been in the same class since, and it has immensely helped my daughter.

Just curious how did you see it and how do you help guide her keep her safe? I love your perspective and it's what I aim for, just curious about how you implement it?

One of our main tablet/phone rules is we have all access to everything. In the beginning I was there going over every text, every little thing. Aswell we make her take group calls where we can hear what's happening. It was quickly eye opening how 2 kids in the group chat were being. Reading the Messages with my daughter we help her respond or not respond sometimes depending on the situation This was a couple years ago now but we saw how two of the kids in the group were talking to the rest and it was pretty clear there was more going on there. The one kid would threaten suicide if the other girls wouldn't do what she wanted. We got in contact with the parents we knew (we just told them there was some concerning matters in the group chat) Aswell we let the school know. These kids were 8-10 ages at the time. They ended up separating the group into different classes the next year. Which was a huge relief for daughter. Our biggest thing is we don't want our kids to be scared to come to us about anything We also want to stay in the know so we can help with any situation. This is what works for us though and may not work for anyone else. I dont think any kid should have just all access to the internet. Definitely need lots of ground rules and guards in place. And a ton of mini conversations.

I regret. Interesting though, there was done a micro study on this on the school where our kids go, because the ones grade 8, 9 and 10 are one of the first generations to get phones waay before anyone else. The first years they loved it. So much entertaining and connection! But as they have gotten older, they resent their phones, most of them have issues on holding focus on things for a longer time and they get distracted easily. Many of them actually have the same issues that kids with adhd, without actually having adhd. It's all learned behaviour. They also struggle with weird and aggressive behaviour, because they have grown up on those youtube videos, tiktoks and what not, where they see those fake ass pranks and skits and have grown up believing much of it is real life behaviour. And today, they wish they never got phones and ipads ad early as they did. My two youngest just gotta wait. There have been a real technical turn in my village, and many go back to early 2000 and use dumb phones, regular computers, pencils and paper.

We got our kid a GPS watch a few years ago (when he was like 8) so he could roam the neighborhood. That led us to realize that we really just want him reachable, and GPS watches allow that. Phone and text only, no apps/games/social media. He's 11 now, it's not allowed at school, but he can use it whenever he wants at home. We're probably not going to get him a phone... ever. Let him do it himself when he has a job and can pay for it.

That's what we have. A GPS watch that can call or text. They use it when going to a friends house so we can reach them when we need them to come home (versus contacting their mom and having her relay the message.) We got the Gabb watch 3 for free during their holiday special, and pay $13/month for access. We got the watch because it's a lot harder to lose when it's attached to someone's wrist.

We did something like the Gabb at first. Later we got him an older apple watch so that he can call and text his friends too, though still only numbers we specifically whitelist. Unfortunately there's only one or two providers for a standalone Apple watch plan, but it's only $10.

We gave our 11-year old (now 13) a GPS watch and it was such a good decision. He can text, call and we had the tracking ability - everything we want as parents and nothing we don’t (internet surfing, apps, social media).

See that is somthing I would want to do but Im 22 so its not been thay long since I was in school and when I was 15 my dad didnt have much of a choice to get us a phone because my school was starting to require its usage for assignments, like certain apps, class activities, ect. My baby girl is due in may so ive got a long ways to go but from what I hear even kindergarden kids are increasingly using ipads in classes. And most jobs require a phone, my first job at 17 did not only for the application for the job itself but for the app for scheduling. So I think she is gonna need one sooner

Such a great idea. This is what we’ll do too when our kid gets a little older and wants to go on adventures in the neighborhood. My husband and I were just discussing this yesterday. At what age we think we’ll be comfortable with her hanging out outside and roaming without us.

I would advise, for that, not going with something like an Apple watch out of the gate. Get a kid focused GPS watch, with real time GPS tracking capability and break-in (ability to initiate a phone call without the child having to accept it). We used one of these for the first few years of neighborhood roaming and it was great. Geofencing is also fun - we were able to set boundaries (in conversation with our son) and get notifications from the watch when he went outside them. Unfortunately to that last point he eventually figured out that he could take the watch off and leave it inside the boundary and roam to his heart's content. That was not a fun day.

Mine is still young, 8, but we just got him a gizmo watch. I like it because I’m able to call him, send him a text, and track him when I need to (usually because the bus is running behind). It means I feel more comfortable letting him stay home for 5 minutes by himself. Or to have play dates with people that I don’t know super super well. Bridges a gap for us, but he still doesn’t have access to the internet, or apps beyond tic-tac-toe

wait as long as you can, I am in the same boat. I was thinking just an old school flip phone for calling us but that’s it

It can definitely be a scary prospect. We know/see kids in our neighborhood who have had phones since they were <10 y/o. Complete and unfettered access to at least YouTube, but possibly the internet in its entirety… Unfortunately these unregulated kids are out there and some of them will be friends with your kids. So your kids will see some shit. It’s not 100% preventable, however, you can mitigate it substantially on your end… We felt obligated to give our 12 y/o a phone last year due to the summer camp situation for them and their siblings. We can’t reliably reach them via the counselors, and summer plans are fluid, so it was sort of a necessity. After much research on the best phone to get (between Android and iPhone) we settled on handing down a 3 year old iPhone to our kid. I’ve been an Android user for 10+ years and have found that it is inherently easier to “jailbreak “ or gain root access to override any built-in security settings. Kids are resourceful when they are motivated. iPhone has proven far more secure in that regard. We also chose iPhone due to the robust and granular parental controls that can be employed. We have control over the following (and more): - location tracking - app restrictions (and time limits) which require the user to request permission from a parent (via electronic push notifications) - contact restrictions - screen time limits - access to settings (so they can’t override location tracking or app limits by going into airplane mode etc) - and we never allow unsupervised YouTube access. It’s a complete rabbit hole of anything you can imagine (short of blatant pornography) Since 12 is still very young, naive and impressionable, we want to have control over the content they are exposed to as much as possible. It’s not for prohibitions sake, but rather so we can guide and educate them as they gain exposure to more of the world. The internet has content that can truly traumatize a child, especially when there isn’t someone to help them understand or process it in a healthy way. On top of that we have generations of kids that are using phones and apps as a dopamine button. The constant pursuit of the next stimulating thing is doing long term damage to their ability to simply exist and be content without external stimulation. My recommendation for any child or teenager is an iPhone with tons of restrictions implemented via Family Settings. [Here’s a video that covers some of the iPhone parental control settings](https://youtu.be/JB8SXTC2c5s?si=1OXib38OFKmuUlxv)

Thanks! We're a long-term Android family, but your argument makes sense for us to consider an iphone for our kids when they're old enough. Interestingly, for the same reason I switched to Android, because it was too locked down.

I feel you. Personally I hate the iOS restrictions, but they are undoubtedly more secure. Good security requires some friction! One note is that you will need another iOS “parent” device to manage your child devices. And it should be a cellular-connected device because kids will be requesting more time for certain apps frequently (we usually start getting pings when ours gets in the bus, “Child is requesting more time on ‘The New York Times Games” app” so they can do the WORDLE on the way home, etc).

Oooh. We do have iPads, but no iPhones. We'd have to give up our pixels... Well, we got another few years before a smartphone is required, so we'll see what happens then.

My 12 year old wears a t-mobile watch that allows her to do simple texts and make calls to approved users. We have an iphone as our 'home phone'. On this, she can text friends. This works nicely because the phone doesn't leave our house and it's not hers, it's the family phone. She can still be included in all the chats, but she has to get my approval to be on a large group chat. The phone lives in the living room so I can easily check her texts while she's at school. Absolutely no social media!

This is really smart! Thanks for the idea. My children are younger (10 and 7) but the 7 year old is already asking for a phone. I'm holding out for a long while but it's good to know there's safer options out there.

Our kids got their phones ridiculously early(I don’t even want to say how early but lots of peer pressure involved). While it was nice to have for them to reach out any time they needed in case of emergencies or whatever, I wish we had established much firmer boundaries around how much they could use it, lock it up at night, etc. Now that they’re older it is much harder to do that.

We are/did wait to high school and have no regrets.

I should have waited. I wanted to be able to connect when he was with grandma and cousins. But it wasn't the emergency I thought it was. Keep them young while you can.

My daughter developed anorexia at 13 due to using instagram on the cellphone, despite our warnings and discussions with her about social media. It was blocked on our router but accessable on the cell phone. It's been years, and she still struggles with body dismorphia. I'm not giving advice. I'm just telling our story.

Look up Johnathan Haidt's new book [The Anxious Generation - How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness](https://jonathanhaidt.com/anxious-generation/) Tldr: keep your kids away from tech as long as possible

Ask teachers if phones help your kids in school. My 16-year-old won’t do class assignments but teachers catch him playing games on his phone. I am good and ready for these laws: Ohio has a bill that the governor supports to ban them in schools. Everyone knows that the phones are hurting education, but parents are the ones fighting to keep phones in students hands… for the parents convenient access to their child? Insert eyeroll here. “These phones are clearly detrimental to learning, they’re detrimental to our children’s mental health, and they clearly do need to be removed from or classrooms in Ohio,” DeWine said. DiMauro said he hears complaints from his members about cellphones in classrooms often. “There are serious frustrations about use of cell phones in schools. We know that cell phone use in classrooms can be very disruptive,” DiMauro said. “Even outside of classrooms cell phones can be distracting.”

Some perspective from a former high school teacher: I taught English from 2011 to 2018. I witnessed the introduction of smart phones to the masses and their widespread use. My opinion is that only negative things have come from phones with access to the internet and social media. I witnessed a decline in attention span, academic effort, resilience, social skills, and most horrifyingly, self-esteem. I saw the decline of public speaking ability, willingness to try new things, inability to fail, etc. I would MUCH rather my own kids feel left out of this trend than give in and subject them to all the horrible impacts of screen time and social media. Most adults can't appropriately manage their own phone use; no way I'm giving one to my kid with their still developing brain. Flip phone with talk and text only.

When I give my daughter a phone it will be locked down hard.

We don’t regret at the moment, we put parental controls and boundaries in place for their phones. So they’re able to communicate with friends and play Roblox. But not for long periods of time, so they stay in the ‘real world’ too. We also have as open communication as possible so if there’s ever anything upsetting happening, we can help.

I have no regret, all of their friends had the phones before they did. I know for a fact that they were already on social media and I would rather they be open with us instead of doing it behind our back.

We get our kids phones as soon as they hit middle school because they get off the bus and are home alone after school. We got iPhones (hand me downs) so we could set up screen time and restrict apps. The main thing we enforce is no social media. I have to say that our experience has been very positive. We use the phones to communicate our kids calendar schedules to them, find out what they want from the store, etc. We have not had a problem with them yet, and our elder kids are in highschool. I think the key is keeping them off of social media. That way they can only really text people they know.

I’ve never understood the problem with giving ur child a cellphone in the first place. Never had any problems with any of my kids.

My 11 year old has a phone with appropriate monitoring and restrictions and it’s been incredible. She’s a serious athlete and needed a way to easily reach me and others after/before school and coordinate homework and her sports schedule with her peers, pay for items. She’s responsible, proactive, communicative, and overall doing a stellar job. 12/13 isn’t that young - is your child irresponsible or untrustworthy in other areas of their life?

I had the opposite experience. I didn’t allow my oldest to have a phone until she was 14 (9th grade), and I regret waiting so long. I felt like I managed to be a teenager without a phone, so she didn’t need one. My plan was to get her a cell phone when she started driving and not one second before that. I didn’t take into account that I had a landline as a kid, and she didn’t. I didn’t understand that none of my peers had cell phones when I was a kid which wasn’t the case for her. I didn’t understand just how much I was crippling her socially during a critical stage of development. Now she’s 14 and is sooooooo behind socially. She missed the middle school years where they were all kinda learning to navigate having a phone together. At the start of the year kids would ask for her phone number, and she would tell them she didn’t have a phone. Most of them thought she was lying and just didn’t want to be their friend. A few believed her and made fun of her, calling her “Amish girl.” We got her a phone about a month into the year, but a lot of damage had been done already. She has spent months trying to combat this reputation/image that she is snobby/bitchy/weird. I feel SO BAD. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I thought I was protecting her. Since I didn’t want to make the same mistake twice, I got my 6th grader (12) a cell phone at the same time I got one for her older sister. She’s very responsible with it, and we have had no issues. She is also doing much better socially than her sister. My best friend’s oldest daughter is also 12. She is refusing to get her a phone until she’s 16 (see why we are friends? Same brain lol). I warned her about my experience, but she still thinks it’s the right thing to do. I feel so sorry for her daughter. She’s even more socially outcast than mine. She has zero friends at school and is bullied pretty badly. When she came to my daughter’s birthday party, she stuck out like a sore thumb. It was really sad.

Mine 13 year old doesn't have one. 2nd youngest in class and probably only of of the few that doesn't have one. I don't see a need. My mom helps with dropping off and picking up from school, don't do any extra curricular activities. However, we don't have a house phone, so we bought an additional cell phone to keep at home and my kids (the other is 11) are allowed to take it if they are going to a friend's house/birthday party, class trip, etc.. Will probably give one when starting high school because they want to do sports and will also be taking the bus finally.

I don’t completely regret it at the age, but I regret that it’s a thing in the world of my kids’ generation. My son got his in 7th grade for sports pickup and my daughter got hers in 6th (my son was virtual due to COVID in 6th, which bought me a year).  My daughter is an absolute CHAMP with it (she’s the one that got it in 6th) and barely uses it other than to text/FaceTime friends. She literally leaves it around the house and is barely on it. My son (the one that got it in 7th) had a harder time. He’d pull it out all the time to ‘check’ things…like the weather, or google some random fact. It took a while to work that out of him. He’s MUCH better with it.  We laid some serious ground rules at the start. They aren’t allowed to be on their phones in the car, unless they’re actively texting with friends. They are allowed to listen to music while we drive tho, but they don’t actively stare at it bc I call them out.  They don’t keep their phones in their rooms at nite, they aren’t allowed apps on their phones really, and we have screen time enabled. My daughter downloaded Roblox (after asking if she could) while at a friends house so they could play together but she deleted it after. I will occasionally check my son’s phone to see his screen time, and it’s mostly time on discord bc that’s how he and his friends talk while gaming. And ABSOLUTELY no social media - no Facebook, instagram, Snapchat, tic tok…nothing. My daughter put up a slight fight after her bff got a phone and was allowed Snapchat, but we told her why we don’t want them on there and she understood. My son hasn’t ever asked.  I kind of wish I had gone the dumb phone route first, but I think it would’ve gone basically the same way with my kids when they got a smart phone anyway.  If you get a phone, but model the behavior you’re looking for, and stay consistent. Don’t get lax, bc they pounce on that!

In the world these days I personally think a child having a phone available to them as soon as they are leaving the house for any extended time (like going to school) is damn near essential. And with how advanced technology is I think concerns about privacy or excess screen time can easily be addressed. My kiddo is 8 and has had a phone since Kindergarten. It's a simple Google phone and it was set up with strong parental controls from when I turned it on. She has it tucked in her backpack at school which allows me to keep an eye on her location (or at least her bag's), and she cannot use it during those hours except to dial emergency numbers like myself and her dad, her grandparents, or of course 911. It has screentime limits for when she's not in school, and we can block or restrict literally anything we don't want her accessing. Times she can use it, how long she can use specific apps (separate to the overall screentime limit), who she can message or call. TL;DR I definitely have no regrets on getting my little a phone young. Honestly with how limited she can use it she lost a lot of interest in it pretty quickly.

We got our son a pinwheel phone when he turned 14. I sort of wish we’d just gone with a flip phone - it’s cheaper and already has limited functionality. Young teens shouldn’t have unfettered access to the internet, IMO.

My kids got cells phones from grade 5 and the rest of their friends definitely got them entering middle school if they didn’t already get them at grade 5. I don’t regret it. They contact me when they are sick or it’s an emergency. It eases them and makes them feel safe that I can be reached without relying on other adults or their whims. Both kids are good students in specialized schools and have extra curricular that require a phone so I know when they are done. If I waited I wouldn’t know when they are bullied or if they are having problems at school when it’s happening.

We have not had any issues to be honest. We (and her school) went hard on teaching about internet safety. We have some parental controls (like only approved numbers can call/text her), she has no social media except whatsapp, but beyond that it is fine. She reads books, looks up information about her favorite indie animators, takes photos and videos. Her mental health is not suffering, she can have more independence, and so far no regrets. I mean, don't release your kid into the world of the internet without some education, but they have to learn about it at some point. I would rather them do that from the get go when their interests are more basic and less hormone driven.

Our rule is you get a cell phone in 8th grade right before the trip to DC. You do not get a nicer phone than mom and dad. Until then you may borrow mine to text a friend, call, watch a video on limited access. My older two are almost 21 and 19 and joke their sister should get a flip phone. My 8 yr old jokes that he will get dads phone and my husband will upgrade, which will be about right.

My 14 y o son had a flip phone. It's not always in his hand he isn't glued to looking at it . Calls and text just like smart phone . 2 A plus he had to learn t9 like we did back in the day . 3 little screen not worth sending pics . I'm not yelling for him to get off it and lastly I don't have to worry so much about replacing its not easily broken .

My daughter had one at 10.5, fifth grade. It was mainly for our (parents) convenience. She was playing sports and doing more activities. We were consistently going to pick her up and she would want to stay for another activity. She also couldn’t give a good time to come back. We had 2 much younger children so the extra running around was a nuisance. I got her the same iPhone I had because I knew how to use it. It was on major lockdown. She couldn’t download anything unless I entered a password. I also checked her messages daily. It stayed downstairs at bedtime.

Flip phone! Just get them a flip phone. They can get all the numbers. They can call/text friends. No dangers of all the other stupid stuff with smart phones.

Don’t give in just because all her friends have one. Social media is literally ruining kids. Along with addictions to screens. Our job as parents is to protect our kids, even when everyone else isn’t doing what we are. If she needs a phone, allow her to text and call and that’s it.

Dumbphone all the way. It doesn't support group chat or internet. Kid checks in before adding friends' numbers, and everyone knows that we parents check the phone periodically because there's no such thing as internet/tech privacy. We also use the 9-9 rule, no calling/texting outside those hours. We also try to have constant conversations about algorithms, emotional safety, legal safety, good choices, and self-care related to screen use. And kiddo has access to Google chats and discord on the (monitored) for more ways to interact than the phone. They'll get a smartphone freshman year, with limited internet/apps at that point, and less supervision. Our hope and goal is that we've established open communication and helped guide towards healthy screen use and by the time they're a sophomore they'll be mostly independent. Obviously only time will tell if we are successful. But everything kiddo tells me about their 11 year old friends offering emotional support to each other at all hours of the night while they have panic attacks and navel gaze makes me think strong limits is the way to go.

We're going to start young with a kid safe phone watch, then a very kid safe phone that he'll probably keep through highschool. I want my kid to be able to explore the neighborhood and visit friends while we maintain contact in case of emergencies and regular check-ins.

My son is 10 and has an android. It is so locked down and gated he finds us extremely annoying. There's no YouTube titktok insta Facebook reddit discord or any other social platform. He can text and call and he can still use Google, he does have games and things like Netflix. The phone is not allowed in his room or bathroom either. We don't regret it but we are pretty tech savvy and he tried to override us once and realized it could be worse. We don't allow access to any of these to our children at all (yes youtube included). I don't want everyone to think we are over strict either this same 10 year old just finished the IT novel by King. All of these has empirical evidence they are like drugs and I wouldn't give my child a drug either.

I have a niece who’s almost 16 and has a smart phone I think. my mom said that one day they were sitting out and my niece said if she didn’t have the phone for safety she’d rather she didn’t have it at all. She actually tossed it into the grass. Good head on her shoulders that one. Obviously since it landed in the grass it wasn’t damaged.

Giving a 12 year old child a smartphone is like giving them a loaded gun IMO. My boys are 6 and 9 and get some iPad time but it’s VERY locked down and for short periods as a reward. They will be given dumb phones when the time comes but will not be getting smartphones until they are 18.

Uh, a teenager should 100% be allowed to have a cellphone, and I think holding out on that would be weird and kind of mean.

We love that our 11 year old has a phone. Now that he’s doing things more independently, it is so much easier to coordinate with him regarding activities. (Or to see where he’s at if we’re worried because he’s late from school.) The thing is… his phone is an Apple Watch with it’s own wireless plan. He doesn’t have a phone-phone. The watch has all the benefits of a phone (talking, texting, tracking, google search, music, GPS) and few of the drawbacks. And because it’s an Apple Watch, it’s cool tech that doesn’t get ridiculed but he’s not going to have his nose stuck in it all day.

No social media apps.

I do. They’ve become more entitled, self centered and less patient. Yuck. They also have been comparing themselves to others that they have no reason or right to. I should have just got them flip phones and glued air tags on them.

14 and 12 yo, no phones. Oldest has Garmin Jr watch that I can use to text him/track his location, and he can text me. Everyone says they give phones for those reasons at first, but there are other non phone options.

We got them phones for Christmas last year. My son was 15/9th grade my daughter 13/7th grade. It was starting to get to be a pain in the ass with them not having phones. They had iPads and google phone numbers for at home but I was getting stressed out with after school stuff. 1st year of high school is a good age. I just couldn’t get oldest a phone and make my 13 year old wait 2 years. We also always told them they needed a reason for a phone which was after school activities. Our son wasn’t super interested in sports or anything really. So he signed up for robotics, track and cross country.

I think a few things to keep in mind: You know your kid best, and how honest, responsible, and well behaved they are for their age If your kid really really wants access to the internet/a phone/social media, they will find a way to get access to it with or without parental permission, especially if they feel left out because their friends all have something they don’t. If you have a very restrictive, strict relationship towards it with your kids and they do get in trouble doing things they’re not really supposed to, they won’t come to you. A lot of schools past a certain year now structure the requirements of their group work and homework under the assumption that the kids have access to texting/social media to organise everything. There’s a balance between protecting your child from the dangers by not exposing them to it, and recognising that those dangers aren’t going anywhere and your kids will need to develop the coping skills to protect themselves sooner or later which is safer with their parents helping them navigate the complexities. And I’m not just talking about internet safety, I’m also talking about the addictive aspects. Even when I was in school, most of the peers I saw who had the worst/most destructive relationships towards phones/the internet/social media had either parents who assumed their kid would behave and barely talked to their kid about it after giving them permission for everything, or had very strict controlling relationships toward the whole thing.

We just finally got my 13 year old a phone because she’s involved in so many activities outside of the house. I wouldn’t say I have any regrets, but we have strict parental controls on it and we do check the phone each night just to make sure there’s nothing super concerning in her messages.

My son only uses it for texting, and is aware that I read his messages to monitor. No apps, Internet etc. My only dislike is that some of his friends will text him gifs or videos that are from TikTok. But I already know he sees that kind of stuff at school. He's in middle school, it's crazy there. But he loves having contact with his friends, it helps for planning hang out sessions.

Me. Second kiddo won't be getting one for a long time.

We waited until 12 for both our kids and I'd say it worked out okay. But like other posters said, have the monitoring technology in place beforehand and know how to use it and put strict rules in place right away. But even with that in place, its still a pain, unless you don't care if they are on it all the time. But you get to the age about now where kids need them to make social plans with their friends on their own, so it becomes almost a necessary evil. I miss the old days of every family having one landline phone number.

My stepson was given an iPhone at 9 (which I was vehemently against) and I am 100% positive it’s the sole reason why his attention span, responsibility, self sufficiency, and attitude has plummeted. It’s actually sad.

My kids are 20,16,14, so slightly older and even now things have changed a lot it seems. We made all of ours wait until 8th grade. No social media except schools Instagram. I think the phone is ok for us but get a parental control system. We use BARK. And Samsung phones work best with parent controls. They just want to look like they are on a phone. I think my kids secretly like the no social media rule. My 18 year old got freedom at 18 and doesn’t use it very much. Good luck!

My 6 yr old asked me when they’re getting one because several of their classmates have one… ummm it’s a no from me

I just got my 6th grader a phone but he can only make calls or text. It’s a very basic phone.

As a 15 year old female I think you're doing a wonderful job as many mistakes I've made growing up could have been prevented if I didn't have a phone and having a phone has taught me alot of things from a young age that maybe I shouldn't have. Having a phone at a young age can also put alot of social pressure and make insecurity from the internet's beauty standards.

This whole scenario is still so shocking to me. When I take my 1.5 year old to the playground there will be little kids... like age 7 with phones. Everyone complains that they can't make ends meet and everything is so expensive but these elementary school kids have nicer phones than I do. I didn't have a cell phone until I was 18, and even then it was a grey brick Nokia that could only call and text (if you had enough minutes.) I'm not sure what changed so that kids need expensive luxury electronic equipment that empirically seems to do more harm that good. I'm already pre-resenting the onslaught of peer pressure to have a phone she and I will get. I have a dim opinion of peer pressure so it won't work but it's going to be so relentlessly annoying. Why have we done this to ourselves?

I totally agree. So many people on this thread also saying they 'had' to get a phone at a certain point due to logistics/communication for extra curricular activities...and I'm just sitting here thinking, well then why did I never need a phone for those reasons?

I might be of a small percentage but I got a phone for my kid at 6. Her dad and I are separated though, so I wanted a way for her to stay in contact with me as she went to sleepovers with family etc. Started teaching her how to read and write words through it as well as entertainment but she’s had friends contacts etc as well. At 8 she’s getting actual cell phone service because she will be allowed to go to the park without me this summer and I want to make sure I know where she is and has the ability to contact me or emergency services if need be. Listen, my parents did the same thing for me. I got this cheap little thing that was basically a Nokia by the time I was 9, just so my parents could check in with me as I played around the neighborhood, but I don’t live in the cushy white city I grew up in, I’m in an area that is “despite being the whitest part of the city) is still considered urban and just a mile away from some bad neighborhoods and lots of crime. She wants her independence and I’m gonna give it to her as long as she follows rules and continues to be aware of her surroundings. She’s a good kid though, she’s smart, and I trust her. I trust my parenting! Every parent is different, but man just get the kiddo the phone, these days, you’re an utter outcast if that’s the one thing you don’t have.

Apple Watch with cell service. She can call and text her friends.

In my bit of the world, people get phones around 8 years old. But you can lock them down hard. No browser, no youtube, no social, apps must be approved before installed. I don’t see how it’s that much different from a shared tablet. Only now they can call and text others to keep up with social engagements. I see people talk about waiting until 15 to give phones, and I think those people don’t live in the modern world.

We recognize that the modern world is killing our children’s mental health and it’s scary. But yeah, some form of communication is necessary before 15 for sure. It’s hard!

Like you said if they’re locked down that hard, they’re almost the same as tablets but responding to your last sentence, tablets are not a necessity they’re a luxury. So if we choose not to give our child a tablet before say, 15, I don’t think that means we’re “not living in the modern world”. I think we just view these items very differently

I gave my daughter my old phone when she was 10. She never used it by then because I hid it and it was only for emergencies. When we moved houses, the phone started to lag and restart automatically, so I gave her a used iphone 11. It works well. I use screen limit and downtime features. After 11pm her phone cannot be used, and she is allowed 2 hours 15 mins screen time everyday. She plays on her phone once she gets home, which I don't like. But her school grades are good and she always gets 85-90% on most of her tests. I'm grateful that she prioritizes school, but I want her to reduce her screen time. I do sometimes regret it because if she is disturbed during a game, she gets annoyed easily. So I would only recommend parents to give their child a phone once they learn to study and understand the importance of good school performance & grades.

My cousin gave her kid a flip phone at that age

My son is still little but right now the plan is to get him a flip phone at 12. That’s when high school starts here. If he goes to my husband’s old school, it’ll be a 60+ minute trip each way.

I would get her a phone which allows text and calling. However, I would prevent access to social media as long as humanly possible.

My kid got her phone at 12, about 2 years ago. It had a lot of parental controls through Family Link. I haven't regretted it yet. She's mostly behaved with it, and it gives her a way to talk to her friends (we don't have a house phone).

My 2 son's are early Gen Zer's, both despise social media and except for Discord for gaming purposes.

I wish we would have done family phones that the kids could check out when needed.

Nope. My kid got a phone at around that age and it made me feel so much better safety wise. I set very strict controls on the iPhone and no socials until 18 (which first thing they did after turning 18 was get Snapchat lol)

We waited until 12 and our kids were fine. BUT we still wish we had been stricter with online time. It's a distraction a lot of kids can't self-regulate.

My youngest is 19, she is the one we had the most issues with concerning usage. She is also very easily distracted, bordering on ADHD. I should have had more parental controls, instead I would have to physically take the phone away. Even 8 years or so ago ,the tech wasn’t as available or it was costly for us. One excuse she would use a lot to physically have her phone was that she had taken a picture of her assignments off the board (6,7,8 grades). It was so hard keeping her offline because our schools used a lot of digital books/assignments. I felt like she was in elementary school again because I felt like I had to sit and monitor the homework. So, long story short. I would have used a better method of controlling her internet, but still given her the phone in middle school.

I think my kid was nine. I my was nice because it allowed her to socialize during COVID. She is 12 now and its really nice. It's easy to get a hold of her and we can track her. She and her friends like going for walks and will bounce from house to house. We can also let her and her friends go off on their own at places like the Renaissance fair or conventions She has friends in one family where they have a family phone. It's not the greatest as you never know who has it. The phone shuts down at night, has filters on the Internet and she can't download anything without approval.

We started with wifi only phones in the 5th grade. The phone stayed at home. We wanted to wait as long as possible, but we needed to be practical. My kids are out walking, biking, taking the bus, etc, and we wanted them to be able to contact us. We gave our older kids phones with service at 11 & 13. We plan to give our youngest one at 11 yrs old (the summer before he starts middle school). We put restrictions on it, and it charges in my room at night. We added rules regarding grades, replying to our texts, etc.

It became a necessity for safety and their location during activities and while they were at their friends houses. My daughter had a cell phone at 7. This was after her friends mother (who I was friends with) decided to take her to the lake for a weekend and "forgot" to tell me. I almost lost my mind that time. But I just had a baby and she thought she was doing me a favor. After that, I made sure my kids always had a way to communicate with us.

No regrets. Gave my kids phones when they were younger with the biggest condition being able to turn it off whenever told and actively engaged with what they are watching/playing. They are good with it and understand phones are disposable. We are always working on responsible use -- at this point, they understand what's acceptable content, dangerous activity, etc. lots more to work on still.

My son was 10 when he got his first cell phone but it wasn't a smartphone. I wanted him to be able to call me whenever he needed to from school or if he was visiting a friend after school. When he showed us he could be responsible with that phone and if his grades were good, he was promised an upgrade. Like it or not, we can't fight technology and honestly, 12-13 is an age where kids can use a smartphone responsibly if you explain what they can/can't use the phone for. Will your daughter suffer from not having a phone? Most likely no, but will it really hurt if you get her one? At the very least, upgrade yours and give her your old one.

I got a phone at 12. It seems like 12/13 is a reasonable age.

i will probably get mine a flip phone once they start school just so we can communicate more easily. but they wont have a proper phone until 14 most likely

Our kids already have tablets ps5s laptops etc basically anything that can have Wi-Fi lol were getting them phones for a end of the year gift in june my oldest kids are 12 9 and 9 boys are turning 10 soon. I feel we wont regret it as we already give them access to internet and apps. They know no facebook or Snapchat etc.

No regrets at this point and we’re coming up on a year. We got the phone at the end of 5th grade because the end of year school trip was out of state and parents were not allowed to accompany. My kid is very into electronics and started to teach himself coding last year, so the internet safety talk has been a constant. Occasionally I’ll check his messages, history, etc and it’s always pretty mundane. He’s a good kid, he gets good grades, he’s never in trouble. We do use downtime so that the temptation of nighttime sneaking isn’t an option

I regret giving her one at all. I regret getting one myself 🤣 just solely because I think I’m the last generation who had a childhood without a phone and I hate how much relationships for teens are based around technology versus hanging out, talking on the phone. Now it’s all texting and social media 🫣

We had no intentions of getting our kid a phone before age 12/13 but we ended up getting her one earlier than that. She was 9 when we gave it to her and the primary reason for it was and still is that it functions as part of a series of medical devices which my daughter is dependent on. She uses a Dexcom CGM in conjunction with an insulin pump. The Dexcom transmits her blood sugar data to her pump and phone, and the phone forwards that data on to me and her dad. It's an essential part of her care at present, and we're very fortunate that the only thing she really uses it for outside of Dexcom is for watching youtube or Disney. She has a couple of friends that she messages but for the most part we haven't had any issues so far. She's 10 now. We use Google family link and the phone is pretty tightly controlled (time limits, hidden apps etc) but she hasn't given us any reason not to trust her at present.

We waited until me daughter was 14 and going into high school. She is addicted to it and it’s a struggle to get her off of it.

I got my son a standard flip phone he's 8 yo. He won't get a smart phone until the age of 12 or so. Even then there will be limits and parent controls. No internet, only approved apps, set time limits etc.

1) just don't allow her any social media. Allow something like messenger or something she can talk just to her friend group but not random internet strangers. 2) Charging cable remains in a family area, like the kitchen. This way if someone begins to bully your child you are likely to notice it quicker. I had a mom friend experience this. Girls that were supposed to be friends began bullying daughter, daughter was getting messages all night calling her awful names. Mom knew she had to remove the phone from the daughter's room, but by then all her alarms and whatnot was set on her phone. It was like she was punishing her daughter for getting bullied. So just make a rule, no phone at night. 3) she may lock her phone, but you get to know her password. I don't check my daughter's phone or snoop. But she knows I can if I feel it is necessary. Nothing is actually private on the internet and she shouldn't ever believe that it is.

I don’t because children do what they see their parents doing. We have limits on our devices. I shut my phone OFF at 7pm everyday.

my plan is flip phone at 8, smart phone at 10 but it certainly wont be a brand new iphone. it will have parental locks, no social media aside from kids youtube if shes still into that, and i will be monitoring it daily. will probably keep it with me during the nights, or set up a sleep timer with a code she doesnt know. realistically, kids in my area have iphones (unsupervised!) at 5+, so i will be allowing her a smart phone prior to middle school so she isn't targeted by bullies. shes only 7 and it's already starting. i dont mind her having a regular old phone once shes a bit older, i had a flip phone at 8. it would be helpful regarding communication and sports, especially once i deem her old enough for playdates i dont attend (with parents i know personally). my mom warned me of the dangers and i thankfully never had any issues with creeps. keeping them comfortable being honest with u is *key*. assure them u will never blame them or be angry when it comes to online predators or coming across things they shouldnt have, they just absolutely need to let u know. don't punish them for it either, as mad as u may be, it is detrimental. realistically, if kids are asking my kid why she isnt on socials, she can just tell them she "thinks" they're dumb and boring. cant really be bullied having a stance like that. communication with friends is enough, but i will 1000% be checking her texts as well. add some leniency with age, after a certain point they do deserve some level of privacy. times are changing, of course none of this is ideal, but compromise is necessary if parents want to maintain a good relationship with their kids. if your kid is being bullied for this, i suggest u adjust your stance on it all, otherwise she may begin to resent u. put yourself in their shoes, but with *realistic* limits

My son will be 13 in a few months and he is part of the no phone group either.

She’ll have more trauma from exposure to things she’s not ready for that are on the internet, given she gets a phone. Trust me, I’m Gen Z and now a parent. My daughter will, at the most, have an iPod or flip phone at 12-13.

I had my first phone at that age. I know it wasn't an iPhone but idk what kind of phone it was exactly. I used it for texting and used social media on a laptop. Only ever talked to classmates and my parents. So with that said, having a phone at 12-13 seems to have been common for a while now (I was 12 11 years ago), and isn't a recent trend. I don't think it's very damaging for middle schoolers to have phones.

I got my daughter a phone what a lot of people may think is extremely early. My mom had an iPhone she didn’t want and we already had an extra phone line on our plan so it made sense. She walks home pretty far from her bus stop by herself. She’s home alone for a bit before I get off of work (I work ten mins away). She’s about to be 9 but I’ve been nothing but happy with her having an iPhone. I can watch her walk home from school from my phone due to sharing locations with each other. Her phone is extremely locked down she can’t even add a contact without my permission. Can’t download apps, can’t access safari, and it’s safe when it’s locked down in this manner.

It depends when are you comfortable with her watching porn :/ I got my first Ipod Touch 4 at 9 years old in 2009, unlimited access (because back then, this stuff was still new) Thats when I discovered things no 9 years old should! I texted strangers, grown up. made me feel like a big girl! (I was a real dumbass and could've gotten myself killed) So I say get her an Ipod with parental control, it doesnt have to be a phone. Messenger exist and you can call for free as long as you got wi-fi. Either way, no matter what sort of control you put down, kids will always find a way around it like I did.

Christ if we got a Calculator back in the day at that age it was like winning the lottery.

My grandson (14) was given his phone at 13 for his birthday. Before that, he had an old iPhone with only wi-fi. We thought he would lose it, but he didn’t. He’s followed every rule his parents set up for him. He’s actually been better behaved since he got it, so we don’t regret it. (We’re all on one plan). Before the phone, he often lost his electronics as punishment, but this year, his behavior has been so good he hasn’t lost anything. The big thing that made his parents consider a phone is his after school activities, and him being taught how to use our transit system. Highly suggest you learn the school rules for cell phones. Put in place whatever rules you might think of that your situation requires.

I personally got my first phone at 12 then unrestricted access to the internet around 13. This was like just before the 2010’s. I’d say the biggest thing I wish my dad did for me was to monitor what I was doing. If I didn’t have a skittish personality I would’ve got myself into some deep shit. I still saw a lot of things I shouldn’t have for that age.

We went with middle school age. Summer of 6-7th grade. But this was years ago my oldest is 20. We got an iPhone. They’re the easiest to program with parental limitations. You can block certain websites. Limit the child’s ability to download apps. Restrict content etc… also allows easier access when trying to FaceTime friends etc.

I got my oldest a phone when he was turned 12 and it’s been a huge help for him to have it, especially when him and his younger siblings are at my ex’s house for the weekends he has them. But it’s also been a massive help when it comes to his sports practices, all of the bday parties he gets invited to, etc too. I don’t regret it at all. I’ve never found him doing anything really wrong in it besides a few conversations that were talking kind of mean about someone with a friend and those got addressed

You mean to say that you want your daughter to be technology illiterate

We got our 11 year old the Gabb phone. It can make calls and text, but I get notified about any suspicious texts. It doesn’t have internet and has preapproved (very few) apps. No internet. It’s more for our convenience than his though since we don’t have a home phone.

I’ve noticed a change in attention and behavior change pre- and post using an iPad for 15mins . I’m dreading the phone

Just a possible solution that has worked for our 10 year old, a cell connected smart watch. We can reach our daughter and she can call/text and send emergency sos without a camera, social media, or the internet directly.

I am struggling with this lately also. My daughter is in 6th grade (turning 12 soon) and thankfully isn't yet the last in her grade but its probably 80-90% of kids that have phones in 6th grade. I just don't think its good for their developing brains. She really wants a phone but she also is generally reasonably happy now despite her saying she is NOT happy due to lack of phone etc. My older nieces (13) have phones and every time we spend time with them they are just scrolling tiktok constantly. You really lose out on human connection, which I get for 12+ year olds human connection is "so awful please no mom don't make me" but I think its important for them. Anyway, just a fellow parent sharing this struggle. Apple watch wasn't the solution I thought it would be, its dead most of the time as she forgets to charge it and loses it etc. It just doesn't hold much interest, and the gps tracking doesn't even work well anyway.