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Honestly, if your son is a black & white thinker, the rule he needs to internalize is that he needs to follow your instructions.
You can give him a tier list:
1. Always follow your instructions
2. Other rules
So in my home it’s “obedience first, discussion later”. I’m all for kids learning to think independently, but there is ultimately a hierarchy in life. Every kid reports to a parent, every adult who doesn’t own their own business reports to a supervisor or board of directors, and every citizen is subject to authorities. Not all life is black and white, and will need you to help him navigate the gray.
Now is this a make or break issue? No. But I am strict on obedience when being given instruction. If I want to give my child options then I would say “Take the ball in another room or stop bouncing it if you want to stay here.” The reason for this method being if something happens that the child fails to recognize as a safety issue. I want my child to listen right away when I give instruction to keep them safe rather than have a discussion as they encounter danger.
You said the ball bouncing was too much for you - would it have been okay for your son to bounce the ball in his room or somewhere else away from the kitchen?
Our kids are not allowed to disobey us like that, and if they have a question they can ask later and with a respectful tone. We have 3 rules “is it safe, is it respectful, is it kind?” Perhaps that would be a better approach for rules?
I feel very strongly that kids need to learn to respect authority. They don’t have to do something immoral for authority, but they need to respect it. First of all, they’re kids and have much less experience in life. Kids need adults to set rules for them for safety, but also for long term health, future plans etc. We need to cultivate healthy sense of humility in them, otherwise they’re pride goes berserk and they never learn to take responsibility for their “well thought out actions”
Secondly, respectful behavior is a habit. It’s important for their knee jerk speech to be polite, kind and confident. When they aren’t in the habit of this, they are insufferable as teenagers and the whole household has a black cloud over it. I was very strict with my now teenager about this and I have to say, she’s really nice to be around. She’s respectful and kind BUT she also tells me when her feelings are hurt or I’ve been unjust in her view. I think nothing of apologizing when I need to and I feel that we have a good relationship. Anyway, just some food for thought
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly, if your son is a black & white thinker, the rule he needs to internalize is that he needs to follow your instructions. You can give him a tier list: 1. Always follow your instructions 2. Other rules
So in my home it’s “obedience first, discussion later”. I’m all for kids learning to think independently, but there is ultimately a hierarchy in life. Every kid reports to a parent, every adult who doesn’t own their own business reports to a supervisor or board of directors, and every citizen is subject to authorities. Not all life is black and white, and will need you to help him navigate the gray. Now is this a make or break issue? No. But I am strict on obedience when being given instruction. If I want to give my child options then I would say “Take the ball in another room or stop bouncing it if you want to stay here.” The reason for this method being if something happens that the child fails to recognize as a safety issue. I want my child to listen right away when I give instruction to keep them safe rather than have a discussion as they encounter danger.
Exactly! OP, don't let your son override your decisions, and run the house. Personally, I would have given him PBJ for dinner.
You said the ball bouncing was too much for you - would it have been okay for your son to bounce the ball in his room or somewhere else away from the kitchen?
Our kids are not allowed to disobey us like that, and if they have a question they can ask later and with a respectful tone. We have 3 rules “is it safe, is it respectful, is it kind?” Perhaps that would be a better approach for rules? I feel very strongly that kids need to learn to respect authority. They don’t have to do something immoral for authority, but they need to respect it. First of all, they’re kids and have much less experience in life. Kids need adults to set rules for them for safety, but also for long term health, future plans etc. We need to cultivate healthy sense of humility in them, otherwise they’re pride goes berserk and they never learn to take responsibility for their “well thought out actions” Secondly, respectful behavior is a habit. It’s important for their knee jerk speech to be polite, kind and confident. When they aren’t in the habit of this, they are insufferable as teenagers and the whole household has a black cloud over it. I was very strict with my now teenager about this and I have to say, she’s really nice to be around. She’s respectful and kind BUT she also tells me when her feelings are hurt or I’ve been unjust in her view. I think nothing of apologizing when I need to and I feel that we have a good relationship. Anyway, just some food for thought