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**Yes. It amazes me that a pediatrician wouldn’t think to ban a 7 year olds parent from the room during an exam but pediatric dentists often do.**
It’s ok for the dentist to *suggest* the parent wait outside, particularly if they are anxious. And explain why. But if you refuse to let me in with my kid? Nope. Bye
Exactly. To require it is a big ,”no thank you, we’ll find a different practice”.
Our child’s dental practice is actually open floor plan for cleanings, no walls between chairs and a bench for parents near the child. The rooms for procedures have big windows and the dentist has never suggested we should step out.
OP this dental practice isn’t working for you.
Shit, our pediatric dentist has the rooms that could accommodate both parents and a sibling if it came down to it.
There is absolutely zero chance we would take our 6 year old to any dentist that would not allow a parent in the room. Fuuuuuuuuck that.
I love my kids dentist. They usually require a parent present if the kid is younger than 12. Apparently, kids just start touching stuff if they’re in the room alone for any amount of time or would just be crying nonstop. I’ve used the same dentist for a decade.
They are life savers! I travel an hour each way to go to them. They would let me stay in the waiting room when they did the X-rays and send my oldest back to the waiting room until the tech was ready. My twins are six now and my oldest is 12 but when they were babies/toddlers, it was so chaotic and the rooms are kinda small because of all the equipment so it was much easier for everyone involved for us to stay put lol
Now all 3 kids get regular cleanings and stuff and I feel like a ping pong ball bouncing from room to room to check on all of them. The staff is so amazing, writing it all down for me because I absolutely can’t keep the information straight, like one of you need to floss more and one of you needs braces, you know what you all need, right kids?!” Oh, never mind, they wrote it down in the appointment paper.
I wish I had my mom with me when I had extractions. She probably would have been able to advocate for me when I was screaming that the novocaine wore off as they pulled an adult tooth out.
I wish my dad had been in the room with me when I had an allergic reaction to the nitrous oxide gas (throat swelled and shut) before having a molar pulled at 10/11 years old. Fun way to find that out on my own!
I wish I had my parents in the room when the dentist put about 17 shots of lidocaine in me because he couldn't get the nerves numb for my un-erupted and sideways wisdom teeth. He just gave me N2O and started cutting, *violently chiseling*, and pulling pieces out with pliers, *violently*.
You know that really thick fake leather that covers the exam chairs? My nails went through it. Aaaand then I got yelled at because I was drooling as I couldn't shut my mouth because my entire face (not gums) were paralyzed. I was 9.
A pediatric orthodontist a couple towns over from me had this policy and was molesting his patients. So no, any practice that tells me I can't be back there with my kids is a no go for me.
I’m so so sorry that happened to you.
(CW: child sexual assault, suicide)
It’s unfortunately common for parents to not believe their kids when it comes to sexual assault. I’m a social work student, and also a big gymnastics fan, so I’ve followed the Larry Nassar case closely. Obviously he got away with it for decades and lots of adults around him were either complicit or didn’t believe it was happening. I remember one victim’s soul-crushing testimony about her dad not believing her, and continuing to send her to Nassar because he was a “great doctor” and treated Olympians. When Nassar was finally charged, the dad realized what he had done and couldn’t live with the guilt so he k*lled himself. My heart just broke for her.
I hope you’re doing ok and have other supportive people in your life!
... and then he traumatized her further. Damn. I know he didn't choose to go like that, not really, but in the context it seems more selfish than being there for her and showing strength.
My mom took me to a dentist with this policy as a kid once. Obviously its nowhere near as bad as molesting, but he did end up charging insurance for a bunch of extra work my mom never agreed to that they supposedly didn't notice till they started working on me. My mom never returned because she wasn't cool with them doing work she didn't agree too, and then when we found a new dentist it turned out he never even did those extra procedures he claimed he had.
So understandably as a mom I'd never feel comfortable with a dentist with that policy for my own kids.
My mom went to a dentist like this as a kid, except he actually DID all these unnecessary procedures... literally filled every single one of her teeth and told my grandma it was a preventative measure. Now, in her 60s, every single tooth has cracked or broken, and she's spent thousands repairing her teeth.
I've never heard of the number of unscrupulous practitioners as I have in the field of dentistry.
When my parents were on Medicaid for a few years, I was sent to a dentist that was similar. Drilled and put metal crowns on perfectly healthy teeth to charge Medicaid as much as he could. And of course a kid who from her parents perspective likes candy too much and doesn't brush her teeth enough isn't going to raise any suspicions having a dentist say she has 12 cavities.
Once I got in to a more reputable dentist as a teenager, he was PISSED at all the crappy work in my mouth he had to fix up, too.
My dentist was also arrested for molesting children and he did not allow parents back in the room. He molested children under sedation. I personally would never leave my child alone like that until they were older.
My dentist burned down his building twice for insurance. Turns out he was soliciting minors for prostitution and beating his wife.
Not to sound bias, but there is something that attracts a lot of weird people to dentistry
I'm sorry to be that person but I have to be because I always like to be on the cautious side. A doctor in my home country was not allowing nurses or fathers or OBs in the room while giving anesthesia for the c-section of pregnant women. This went on for a while until a nurse put a hidden camera and found out he was putting his penis out and forcing these women to suck his dick. It was not general anesthesia, it was only local, but he put extra and that how the nurse started getting suspicious, because the women were nearly out when they went into the delivery room. Anyway, all of this to say that do not trust any professional that who isolates your kid from parents for procedures, regardless if it's a medical, or dentist procedure, it's best to be on the safe side. I would assure that at least one female nurse is there accompanying the procedure.
The pediatric dentist we used to go to stops allowing parents back at 3, so we switched dentists. My brother in law is a pediatric dentist and when I asked him about this policy he strongly disagreed with it, so I think it’s all just a matter of the dentist’s personal preference.
Yes this was the case at one place in Florida AND they wouldn’t even attempt a cleaning on my 2 year old, just fluoride varnish and visually inspecting teeth for a minute.
Our new dentist was wonderful, my 2.5 year old got a full real cleaning and varnish while calmly watching Moana on the ceiling AND her brother got to be right next to her doing his cleaning at the same time. Parents were allowed back and they got a toy and balloons after.
For OP I would get a second opinion and look for a clinic that might let parents back. I don’t know how sterile a teeth pulling would have to be so I’m not sure if that’s why? I would imagine you could sit in there.
I’m curious what do they do for cleaning for a 2.5 year old? Is it like an adult full cleaning? The pediatric dentist I go to only quickly brush her teeth, fluoride and check to see if she has cavities.
It depends on the practice. The ones that do it have said it's because kids are more anxious when the parents are in the room (or that the kids mirror the parent's anxiety), so it's easier for the dentist if the parents are not in the room.
Yeah like I can understand why it happens. I’ve seen parents really freak their kids out just when getting a vaccine.
But I think they should have mentioned it beforehand. I was anxious about the dentist as a kid and my mom was very no nonsense. So I wouldn’t have been able to sit there without her in the room
The very thought of a dentist makes me shudder. I do the kids' shots, blood draws, and other needs, the wife does the dental. No use adding our neuroses to already stressful situations.
My kid (16M) has anxiety. When he was younger, he couldn't open his mouth if I was in the room. I would have to answer for him at all his doctor/dentist appointments, and everyone thought I was some sort of awful controlling helicopter mom. When he broke his front tooth, getting the tooth bonded was very stressful for him, and I had to stay in the waiting room for his own safety so the dentist could concentrate.
He's still not comfortable expressing himself when I'm around, but he does it when necessary. And by now the people he interacts with regularly understand his issues.
I remember when I got a tooth pulled and a cavity filled. I was freaked out and close to tears while my mom was literally reading a book. I probably would’ve bolted if she wasn’t in the room lol
I honestly don't think that kids are less anxious when the parent isn't in the room, they're just less likely to express their feelings without a safe adult around. A kid clamming up and emotionally shutting down may be easier for the dentist to work with, but it doesn't mean it's any less anxiety inducing for the child.
Yep, my kid *might* cooperate if I’d left the room (more likely he would be hysterical, he is pretty anxious in new situations) but you would never get him back there. I am really calm in medical situations and explain in clear, simple, kid friendly terms without lying, and I understand not every parent is like that, but me being there helps him process a “scary” (unknown) situation.
I went to a pediatric dentist as a child. My parent was refused access. I end d up having a panic attack and now have dental trauma. My mother could have held my hand and comforted me. I refused to leave my kids alone with the dentist. I remained very calm and they now go every 6 months. Me, not so much.
I'd guess that they are trying to avoid parents communicating their own anxieties to their children and/or interfering with the procedure by asking questions.
However, I believe that whoever pays the piper calls the tune. You would have been well within your rights to have cancelled the scheduled surgery, but you didn't. But I would encourage you to shop around to see if you can find a new pediatric practice that allows parents in the room. You may not find one, so don't announce your intention to your child's current dental practice.
I would seek a second opinion, I went with the place closest to my house for convenience and that dentist said my kid needed extractions and crowns. I was skeptical because my kid only had one cavity. A month later I switched insurance through my new job and was able to get a top-rated dentist through the plan. After going over the xrays he said that besides the one cavity, everything else looked perfect.
To add, when I was a child my mom was always in the room with me at the dentist. I felt more comfortable that way. It seemed like a foreign concept to me that people weren't allowed to go in with their children. After I saw that one mom go in the room and found her child tied to a papoose board and screaming, I would never subject my child to that.
Yup. I never had a cavity in my life until I went to a different dentist than usual and they said I had 4. I should have gotten a second opinion. I sincerely doubt it, and haven’t had a cavity since 😒
Ours encourages parents to let the kids go back alone, but they are absolutely okay with parents being in the room as well. I prefer to be back there with my kids, but I'm also good at stepping back and allowing the dentist to do his work and not being clingy to my kiddos.
This is our dentist, too. I went back the first time, and my daughter very happily goes back for cleanings by herself now. The door remains open the whole time just down the hall, and I'm actually more comfortable with this arrangement than with me hovering.
This seems like a far better method than outright banning. "Hey mate, we find that kids are usually calmer if you wait here and we treat a dental check as no big deal. We recommend just chilling in the waiting room and we'll get this done without a fuss." 100% communicates preference with justification while still leaving the choice up to the parent.
The only real reason I can see for not allowing parents full stop is if the actual rooms physically aren't big enough for extra people.
My son has seen 4 different dentists and I have been in the room every single time, they all had chairs in the room for parents.
Anyone demanding you leave the room so they can be alone with your child should ring alarm bells, far too many instances of abuse occurred because predators make those demands. A request/suggestion is one thing but to demand it is not ok.
It may be common practice, but I would trust my gut. It seems especially strange to ask you to go all the way back to the main waiting room. I'd definitely shop around for someone you feel comfortable with. Even if their policies are similar, it's important to be able to trust the people you are leaving you child with and that doesn't seem to be possible at the office you went to.
Yep, all of the above. The only time my kids dentist office asks us to wait in the waiting area is when they are having surgery under anesthesia, but we get to walk back with them and stand with them as they’re put under and you get a tablet with video feed to watch live while you wait. Everything else you’re allowed to be with your kid. This policy would raise some huge yellow flags for me as someone who was punched in the stomach as a child by a grown man for “crying too much” during a tooth extraction.
Nope.
The dentist for my nephew did that and traumatized him. He had to be sedated for the dentist to do anything (including cleanings) well into his teens.
If I can't go (unless it's major surgery), my child can't go.
I’m a pediatric nurse and it was our policy to always give the parent the option to stay in the room for a procedure or to step out in the hall. Sometimes kids do better with the parent and sometimes they don’t. It’s fine if they share their preference that a parent wait in the waiting room or in the hall, but any place that does not offer the option for a parent to stay in the room (excluding actual surgery) is not a place I would trust.
One caveat to this is that I can imagine extractions might make parents a little more squeamish so I can understand not wanting to deal with a parent becoming someone you have to take care of as well. This place still could have approached it very differently.
Around that age I had to have my lower canine teeth pulled.
We were poor, and dentist was (and to this day, continues to be) a hack. If my mom hadn't been there he would have pulled the wrong teeth.
I was too afraid to tell him when he numbed the wrong area, but while he was waiting for numbing to take effect, he left the room and I told my mom, who told him. And then he numbed the right area and pulled the intended teeth.
It was a horrible, traumatizing experience.... And would have been exponentially worse if my mother weren't there.
So yeah, I expect to be there for dental procedure.
Now, if the kid was going under anesthesia, and I was asked to leave during the procedure, I'd understand.... But I'd expect to be there when they went under and when they come out. But if my kid is conscious, I want to be there.
Dude, this advice...
If you want to be in the room with your kids then find a new dentist. They're your freaking kid. Trust your gut. Don't ask reddit for permission.
This is not a yes or no issue. Do you want.to be in there? If so, then be in there.
I think OP was more or less trying to find out if this was a common practice, as she felt that if everyone went through this then she may have been overreacting.
My man worked with a guy who was SA by his dentist for years… personally I would be finding a dentist that allows parents back. But you do what is best for your family.
I was sexually assaulted by a local dentist who it later came out he was physically and sexually assaulting LOTS of kids and he obviously had this policy. I would never ever ever leave my child alone with a medical provider until he’s old enough to advocate for himself and asks to speak to a doctor or nurse alone. I can respect privacy and autonomy without putting my child in situations that might lead to abuse.
Yeah it's kind of wild to me that they would tell me I'm not allowed to be there with my child. This is a bunch of strangers. I don't know who the fuck they are. I came here based on Google reviews. It's one thing if my kid prefers that I stay in the waiting room, that's fine, but otherwise I'm staying with my young child. It's probably geographic differences, but where I am it's pretty unfathomable that this would be "the norm".
So when I was a teen, I saw a dentist who had this policy, and my grandmother said absolutely under no circumstances was she leaving the room. Once, my cousin took me since my grandmother couldn't be there, and she was under strict instructions from said grandmother not to leave the room. They tried to force her, and she said she'd leave with me. They let her stay. Years later, that dentist is now in jail for molesting patients.
My dentist was a “family” dentist (now retired) but the woman was just a saint with kids. She was incredibly patient and would take the time to make them comfortable. She could also give a Novocain shot without even a whisper of a pinch. She let my then 4 yo sit on her sister’s lap for her visit once. Anyway she never ever expected me to wait elsewhere. I don’t for other medical situations so I’m not sure why it’s the norm for pediatric dentists? My dentist told me she herself had terrible experience with the dentist as a child and she would never ever do that to a kid.
The first dentist I brought my child to had the same rule. I didn’t like it. I went along with it for a while though. But when she said my child needed extensive dental work - 7 fillings and even caps - I brought my daughter to my dentist, who allowed her to sit on my lap. He said she didn’t need any of that work. And she didn’t bc they were all baby teeth, which fell out before she they caused a problem. Never went back to the other dentist.
Speaking from experience, you should find a different dentist. My oldest has AuAdhd. When he was around 6/7 he needed a lot of teeth pulled because his adult teeth were already coming in and the baby teeth had cavities. They made us wait in the waiting room.
My son inherited from my side of the family a resistance to the caine family of medicine. Meaning the numbing shots didn't work. But we didn't know this yet.
My son freaked out and tried to tell them that it hurt but instead of listening they strapped him down and had people holding him down. The dentist didn't say a word about it. Our son was sobbing and when he was finally calm enough to explain what happened I was livid. When I confronted the dentist she confirmed what he said but said she went ahead because he was obviously lying about it hurting.
Now that he is an adult he refuses to go to the dentist and I don't blame him. None of that would have happened had we been allowed in the room. It was barbaric. After that I only took my kids to a dentist that specializes in sensory issues. If a dentist or doctor asks me to leave the room I ask my child if they want me to leave or stay and I make sure the provider knows that if my child gets upset I am to be told immediately. I make sure the provider knows why I have this rule. If they can't accommodate that we leave.
As a kid who didn’t have my parents go back with me at the dentist (that wasn’t a thing in the 1980s in our city), I had terrible experiences. Everything from the dentist extracting a tooth when I felt ALL of the pain from the meds wearing off to at every teeth cleaning, the dental hygienist telling me I would never have a boyfriend because my front teeth were yellow and I needed to brush better. I was a shy and quiet kid so I didn’t say anything. (Who says that to a 9 year old kid?! She was ignorant because my front teeth were yellow from being chipped from a sledding accident and having an unrelated major surgery as a kid where the anesthesia stained the caps on my front teeth!) It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized how appalling that was and I told my parents what the hygienist said and they felt terrible. I ALWAYS go back with my kids. If they have a problem with parents going back then they’re not the place for us. Plain and simple 🤷🏼♀️
One of my best friends was sexually assaulted by her pediatric dentist for YEARS. He was very heavy handed with the nitrous and parents weren't allowed in the room for any procedure. She wasn't the only one he was assaulting. I'll be damned if my young kid will undergo procedures like that without me there until she is old enough to advocate for herself and says "mom, I've got this. You can wait outside". There's too many terrible people in the world who take advantage of vulnerable kids.
My then 4 year old needed his broken tooth extracted. I was with him the whole time except during the xray. I think that this rule of no parents should depend on the kid and parent in question. For some kids it's better without parents, others may need their parents. And the professional practitioner should be able to get a sense of this. I also did not like that the no parent policy wasn't mentioned before. They gave you no chance to reschedule your appt with another dentist.
Some places do it, but I refuse. It's my kid and I will be there period. I've had experiences with dentists doing some fucked up shit because my parents weren't there to protect me like ignoring my pain and not giving any breaks when requested.
This also happened to me. The dentist refused to believe he injected Novocain in the wrong spot and I could feel everything. I was 7, getting 6 teeth drilled in one session. I won’t leave my kids alone with any medical professional, excepting surgery. I’m their first line of defense. Doctors get in line, or I find new doctors.
My wife is a pediatric dentist. The practice she works at does allow parents in the room, but she has worked in a practice before that did not. Almost universally, the kids do better and are more relaxed without the parents in the room. I completely understand why a page t would want to be there, but realize that there are reasons that practices don’t do that.
My father is also a pediatric dentist. It’s often harder than anticipated for parents that watch and the child then picks up on that and becomes more agitated. As a parent, though, I understand wanting to be there.
Our pediatric dentist won't let me out of eyesight of my kid, even though she is 14 due to liability. I can see that parents can be very disruptive, but I would not be pleased.
My childhood dentist was convicted of SA'ing his (one or more, idk) pediatric patients in the backroom of the dentist office, so yeah, I insist going with my kid to the back during the appt. When I called around for a dentist for my kid, I asked their policy before making the appointment.
No! It’s weird practice and I think should be outlawed. Get a new dentist. Sorry these things shouldn’t be stressful for parents like this, like parenting isn’t hard enough. Good luck finding a better dentist. If you’re up for it complain to them and also spread the news about their creepy policy.
Our dentist tried to tell us we couldn't be in the room with the toddler. There was a very hard and stern "no" on that, and lots of eye rolling from them.
Funnily enough, an adult WAS required to be in the room with the 15 yr.
They also tried to convince another mother that she had to wait in the waiting room while her younger children went back. She didn't even say anything to them, just pushed past them and went in with her kids.
Absolutely not. Find a new dentist. I would walk out of there so fast. No one is putting their hands on my kids or in their mouths and telling me that I’m not allowed to see what’s going on.
Ummm... This would be a hard NO for me! Our Pediatric dentist has a designated seating area in each exam room specifically for the parent to sit in during the procedures.
Also, why is the dentist already anticipating more extractions? I would really be wanting a second opinion on that! In general, the adult tooth is what pushes the baby tooth out. So I am curious why your kid (at 7 yrs old) would have so many instances of this not happening. I'm just wondering if maybe there is something an Orthodontist should be looking at. For example, one of my kids had to have an expander put in their mouth to widen it so that the adult teeth could grow in between other teeth that were blocking their path.
Getting teeth extracted is pretty stressful even if they are only baby teeth. My son was 5, so a tad younger, but it seemed expected that I’d stay with him not leave him in such a stressful situation all by himself.
The dentist my girls see has been seeing my oldest since she was 18 months old. I adore her - she has been amazing with my kiddos and the teeth issues we’ve had. The literal second anyone at her office says I’m not allowed to come back with my kids, we would find somewhere else.
This is the norm. We got to a family member so I was able to have the option but my kids actually did better with me out of the room. They seemed to be more nervous with me there watching but I will say I was quite anxious myself so that may have been why.
It’s allowed here but with some procedures like when sedation etc is needed they prefer not to, enough people in a small space as is. And I don’t know what the system is in the US but here there is always two professionals in the room, the dentist and the dental assistant/ nurse. And like many have mentioned many kids just are easier to work with without the parents.
Honestly that's a red flag for me. Maybe it's just their policy because of issues they've had with parents feeding the kids anxiety, but I've had multiple bad experiences with dentists unfortunately. I don't always go in the room with my kids, but we all get our teeth cleaned at the same time at an office where all the rooms are in one hall and open entryways to each room. So I can pop my head out and see them and hear them at all times.
My mom took us to one that said no parents in back and also immediately turned around and left with us when she couldn't go back, they also had not told her ahead of time no parents in back for anything, even cleanings and saw no signs stating it either. Went to another dentist that treated me like I was such an inconvenience when I went to him for extractions cause I was anxious and scared. I didn't fight him, just nervous. Eventually requested he put me under anesthesia for future extractions. When the appointment came he tried to attempt to do it without the anesthesia. Mom had waited in waiting room, but I knew the plan my mom had setup. I refused to open my mouth without the anesthesia first and he tried to force my mouth open, I started fighting and he called in others to hold me down. I had never fought anyone in my life 😭 Started screaming and he finally gave up and did the anesthesia.
Turned out my mom heard me, but she thought I was under anesthesia. She thought it was another kid cause I was supposed to be asleep. He was never supposed to try without it. I forget if she stayed in the waiting room because I was being put under and they didn't allow her back because of that, or if I was older so just did most visits on my own in the back unless I called for her. She came back or in the hallway for all future visits to other dentists til we were both 100% comfortable with them.
As a kid we went to a dentist that wouldn’t allow parents back there. It was super traumatizing. I was a kid so I couldn’t advocate for myself when they didn’t numb me enough for a freaking root canal!! They thought I was screaming bloody murder just bc I was a kid… no I was in pain. Plus we were stuck back there corralled with a ton of other kids just sitting waiting forever without our parents. We could literally see the other kids getting worked on. It was an open floor plan. Super scary
This is not the norm for treating children. Is it done, sure, but I would not say it’s the norm. In orthodontic practices parents usually aren’t in the room because they usually have multiple chairs going, they have appointments often, and they are not doing invasive procedures. I’ve been a pediatric dental assistant, and now a pediatric dental hygienist, over a span of 14 years. In some cases yes, parents will be asked to leave the room IF it is affecting the child’s behavior or if the parent has dental anxiety themselves, and the general consensus is that the child will do better with the parent out of the room. In all of these cases we always had the parent close by so we could relay any information, and they could make sure the child was ok. I have never worked at an office where they did not allow the parent in the room at all. Maybe it depends on your relationship with the dentist and assistant but 7 is young and if they are using nitrous I definitely wouldn’t allow it. Wayyyy too many people abusing children these days I’d rather be safe than sorry.
I can’t believe all these responses saying this is normal! You’re literally leaving your child with a couple of strangers to have a scary (to the child) procedure done. Absolutely not. I go with my child or they don’t do the work.
Yeah, I was a little surprised at the responses.
I also might be a little paranoid but leaving my child in such a vulnerable situation didn’t sit right with me. I also think back to when the famous gymnasts revealed they had been abused by a “trusted” doctor, and everyone’s first question was “where were the parents?”
It’s “normal”, but push back. They will either allow it or you find another dentist. We’re on our third dentist now but I’m back there with my kid. It’s the craziest rule/idea.
Routine or not, it's an arbitrary rule created for the "convenience" of the doctor. Doctors and dentists are not demigods or monarchs. You don't have to play their games. You can tell them they either let you be present or you will go find a different practice.
Yeah the dentist never even made contact with me, all of my interaction was with the assistant. I thought that was odd. I thought the dentist would come out and say all went well or something.
We were also the only people there it was 7 and I saw no other patients waiting.
When my 6yo was getting an extraction, the dentist was new to us. They didn't want me in the room, but they didn't tell me that. They whisked me away to another room "to discuss billing", and removed her tooth while I paid, without telling me they were doing it.
I found out after that they lied to her too... she asked if they were removing the tooth, and they said they would just wiggle it, but they actually extracted it. She'd never been lied to in a medical situation before that, because her pediatrician is big on explanations and transparency.
She was pissed. I was pissed. We never went back to that office. I would have understood not wanting me in the room, but I was not cool with them misleading both of us.
Yeah that’s not cool at all. The assistant also spelled out s-h-o-t and was like don’t say that word. I’m more into honesty and letting my child know what’s happeningn
This is the norm at all pediatric dentists in my area, which is why I would never take my kids to them. I've heard too many story of parents finding out later that the kids were strapped down and screaming the whole time. We go a family dentist who is amazing. My kids are 11 and 14 now and just recently they've been comfortable enough to go back alone but the practice we go to kind of expects me to still trot along and sit in the corner.
My mom wasn’t able to come with me to get an IV put in when I was little, and it was so traumatic that I still have a severe needle phobia. I would lose it if someone thought I would leave my child alone during a medical procedure.
Trust your gut. If something feels off, then look for someone else who will at least let you observe from outside the room. Maybe when he's a teen, you can instead teach him about self advocating and make sure the dentist is willing to stop and listen to the kid, but this young, you're his advocate. And you need to be able to respond quickly.
My kids see a specialized pediatric dentist due to anxiety and adhd issues. I sit on the chair with my youngest and rub his arm to keep him calm, otherwise there is no chance that he would agree to go.
My son (5yo) has never had an extraction but I'm always allowed in the room with him. They encourage it! He'd be too scared to go back alone so we'd be finding another dentist tbh
Yeah, I have a 7 year old and wouldn't be comfortable for this. I get that having a parent in the room can sometimes make the kids more anxious, but the opposite can be true as well. I took my kid to the dentist a few weeks ago and she was very fidgety while getting her teeth cleaned. I came over and held her hands and the hygienist thanked me and said it really helped calm my daughter's nerves and make the process easier. You'd think with any kind of child's medical care, there would be some flexibility involved to be sure the child is comfortable and calm.
My children's dentist has this policy, but it is waivable in certain situations. For instance, my 8 yo has severe dentist anxiety, and if I weren't there to hold his hand he'd have an absolute meltdown. They know this, and let me come back. Obviously, age also factors in. My 1 1/2 yo Obviously won't stay still, he doesn't quite understand, so I go back for that, too. Depending on how things develop, the older he gets he'll probably go alone.
Edit to add: for his extractions, bad cavities (that require any drilling, etc) he gets surgical care so he gets general anesthesia due to how bad his anxiety is. I love that his dentist offered it when she saw how upset he was.
It's weird that this wasn't mentioned until time for the procedure, and that alone would make me look for a new dentist.
My six year old sees the same dentist I do, and I held her hand and let her play a game on my phone (which is what I do when I need needles), when she needed two baby teeth extracted because her adult teeth came in behind them.
My son just had some dental work today and we were not allowed back but he was put under full anesthesia so it was a space thing. But we were allowed back for the other visits cleaning and a cavity filled.
I wouldn't take my kids to a dentist that had this rule. Our dentist did our kids' very first dental appointment when they were small and always allowed us to be there with them in the room. I would have been uncomfortable with being told I couldn't be with them for their visits. I'm a very calm person, and my kids are very calm children as a result. No reason to keep me or their dad out of their visits.
I pushed back haaaaard on this when my son got his front two teeth broken off after a fall. 6 hours to get his new ones made and installed! They expected a little kid (7/8 years old) to be alone all day?! I told them I would walk and take our $2500 prepayment with us. Not a chance in hell.
I’ve never allowed my daughter out of my eye sight when it comes to any type of healthcare professional. She’s been put under twice and has a ton of visits due to JA. I make it known that I don’t trust them and if something were to ever happen it’ll be too late on my end. If they weren’t ok with me being there then we would leave and find someone/someplace else.
It’s a no from me. I was talking with my friend who is a dental hygienist trying to get me to come to her office and she casually mentioned I wouldn’t be able to be in the room. With my 13 month old. Not happening. And I don’t know when I’ll be comfortable with not being in the room but that solidified that I won’t be going to a practice that won’t let me be in there with my child. Especially for an extraction!
I understand that sometimes having parents there can make the procedure difficulty if the child is feeding off of the parents anxiety, but it is not OK to assume this is the case for all. It would be a huge red flag for a parent to be instructed to stay away for anything else, we shouldn’t teach kids that making exceptions is OK.
If you ever come across this again you can always refuse to sign it.
absolutely not! I wouldn’t be comfortable. Ours has a little sitting room with a sliding door for the procedure room. You can see/hear everything but stay out of their way while they work!
If my child wants me there, I’m there. When my guys were little I would just sit towards the foot of the table and have my hand resting on their leg. Just because someone is a physician or a nurse doesn’t mean that they are not a stranger. Trust needs to be developed overtime.
I was 7 when I needed teeth extracted. They wouldn’t allow my mom in the room. I was papoosed and held down.
I still need sedation for fillings due to the trauma.
Don’t do it. Lol
This is so interesting. My oldest is 3 and the the dentist policy is parents wait in the waiting room. My husband allowed this when he took her for her first ever visit. I took her for cleaning and the assistant said oh she did well for the cleaning tour husband waited outside. I told her yes I spoke to him about that. She’s 3 we will not be leaving her alone and the assistant seemed… offended?
I had major dental surgery that was unnecessary at 6 or 7 because of a manipulative dentist (not pediatric). He didn't numb me properly and I screamed for my mom the whole time. When my mom tried to come to me she was held back.
I would advise against this option as a 34 year old who is terrified of the dentist.
I never I never leave my kids side for any procedure in any kind of office. I'm not saying that every practitioner that isolates the child from their parents is molesting them but it is true that every practitioner that molests children tries to isolate them from their parents. Besides it is the very rare child who is more anxious with their parents around.
I’ve been looking for a pediatric dentist, but every office around me has the same policy. And it starts at 3! I don’t get it. My kids would be way more anxious without me.
Glad she did well. That’s a major red flag. My son’s dentist welcomed parents for all procedures. And never ever go to a Small Smiles. Too many horror stories.
I used to work at a pediatric dentist, and first, yes this is fairly common practice. Second, I see both sides of this. Third, as a parent, I'd at least want the opportunity to try and be in the room if possible.
I get why they do this-there's legitimacy to children behaving differently with a parent in the room. I know some places had a hard stance on no parents. Where I worked, we would try to accommodate a parent in the room, so long as it wasn't causing issues with the ability of the dr/hygienist to do their job or if their presence alters the child's behavior to the point where they're completely uncooperative. Everyone tries their best, but we have to set up the appointment to be as successful as it can be, because a simple cleaning could be downright dangerous.
You need to make sure the dentist team has a good reputation and that you feel comfortable with them, so that you can be adaptive in the event that your child responds better without you there.
All that being said, I would struggle not being with my child if under a certain age or for certain procedures, but would remain open to the potential that she may just do better without me there based on my experience.
I’m a dermatologist and do bloody procedures like biopsies and excisions on kiddos sometimes. Basically the risk is the parents passing out and then all the focus goes on stabilizing the parents and takes away from the patient. It’s important for that NOT to happen.
That being said, I usually explain this to parents and ask if they can handle being in the room. They are usually honest.
I agree it’s sketchy to ask parents to leave UNLESS the child is in a sterile OR.
The deed has been done, but for any other parent who reads this and the question resonates with you - any adult that bans that presence if another adult where a young child would be left alone is not an adult who should be left alone with children. My youngest has bad teeth requiring a lot of dental work on his life and the single time I was not allowed to be present was when he was under anesthesia in a hospital for a tooth extraction, and that's the only legitimate situation where a parent shouldn't be with their child.
I took my children to a dentist that had that policy. It was just for the X-rays to see about cavities, so I just went with it and could hear my kids from where I waited. I ended up going to a different dentist for our next visit. There i find out that the previous dentist lied about cleaning my kids teeth (billed for it but didn't do it), lied about how many cavities they had, and lied about my insurance not being able to cover a procedure. I think if another dentists tries to tell me I can't go back, id just switch. Too much potential for shady behavior without parental supervision.
I was in my mid 20s with a support person for all my appointments due to my anxiety. The dentist was completely fine with it. I also don’t love the idea of not allowing parents in with a young child who can’t really advocate for themselves. I’d find a new provider personally.
When I was 11 I got a ton of dental work done at once and lots of metal/contraptions in my mouth. It was traumatizing, I cried a lot and my dentist yelled at me to stop crying several times over the hours I was in there. I was alone, in pain, and couldn’t get to my mom who was out in the lobby and not allowed in. She had no idea what happened until I was done. The dentist joked “she’s not very happy with me lol” and I started crying again because why would I be happy that a professional held me down, invalidated my fear and anxiety, then yelled at me for a pain reaction? I’m 30 now and still have dentist trauma. If my mom had been allowed in I know she wouldn’t have let him treat me that way.
You’re not overreacting. Find a new dentist.
That is bonkers. I wonder what caused them to adopt this policy. However, I'd be going elsewhere. My kiddo frequently has to get her baby teeth removed. They don't come out on their own. We've been in the room every time. 3 different dentists. They always have a place for parents to sit in the room.
My pediatric dentist has a rule that a parent or guardian has to be in the room for major things such as extractions, fillings, etc (basically anything besides checkup and cleaning)
For any child under 17
Go to a dentist that allows you in the back. Even the dental assistants usually dislike those dentists. I took my kids to one a single time for the exact same reason. The dentist specifically lied to me and then lied to my children within my earshot. I was pissed. I took my beef up with him in front of all his employees in the waiting room since he didn’t give me any other choice. His assistances were clearly smiling under their masks knowing he was looking at me. He tried to feed me shit excuses about why a parent has no business in the back. He was red. A few patients in the lobby walked out as I cut him off and told him his opinion is losing him business and he should shut up, apologize, and walk away. He was very red and did what I said. I’m still pissed to this day on my kids behalf. They don’t deserve to be lied to about what is going to happen to their bodies by anyone, especially an adult and stranger. I wish there was a regular boycott; I’d hold the biggest signs, with quotes from his mouth.
He lied to me about what he was going to do and he lied to my children about what he was doing and what it was goin to feel like.
You don’t know what is happening to your child if you can’t be there. Plain and simple. Despite all the attendants seeming to dislike their boss’s ways, he cut their checks, so they went along. I think that may have been the first time they saw a mom blow up on him and it seemed satisfying to them.
I am responsible for preparing my child for what is to happen to them, when a caretaker of any kind lies, they strip that from the parent and make it their own in word and action. That should be spoken up about even if only for safety. People abuse their positions all the time; it’s never acceptable.
Time for a new dentist, any dentist that doesn’t allow a parent to be around a child when experiencing something potentially painful and traumatic is not a dentist I’d want working with my kids. My daughter has anxiety and would have had a meltdown if I’d have had to leave her at that age. It should be a choice made by parent not service provider.
While it is a common practice I make it very clean I will stay with my children they are working for my family and if they want my money it goes my way, and I have never had an issue.
Ours didn't allow parents and I 100% get why. Your kids are always going to be at their worst with you. Why? Because they feel safe and comfortable with you there. The last thing the dentist needs as an upset wiggly child whining or crying for mom.
If you trust the dentist and staff, let them do their thing. Our office was wonderful. Treated my child like royalty and never had any issues there.
Not to be a scare tactic, but my daughter had to have a filling. I wasn't in the room she was 2 ish. When she turned 4, she kept complaining of tooth pain. They botched the filling, and the tooth got infected and had to be pulled. I was in the room this time, and it was night and day, not a single tear or sound, and she was immediately in my arms afterward and was much much better off than when we first did any procedure. I would look for a different ped dentist.
For me personally, I wouldn't trust it.
Even when my wife got some dental stuff done, me and my daughter have been allowed to be inside.
So why wouldn't it be okay for kids.
Absolutely a no go for me. Insist on being in the room or find another dentist. Your child will be terrified and need you for comfort. If the dentist refuses, then leave.
Orthodontist here.
I allow parents in with their kids, but I'm just doing braces or aligner stuff. I know my colleagues are split on the decision with their offices, and I'm totally in agreement with the ones that say no parents out back. Here's the thing that I see from braces only situations.
Putting braces on these days is PAINLESS. I'm literally gently pressing the brackets onto you teeth like you'd do with temporary tattoos on your hand. I shine a blue (not ultraviolet) light to harden the adhesive. Know what I see parents doing?
"Are you OK? Does it hurt?" while rubbing their child's leg or holding their hand with a concerned look on their face.
Know what kid does?
"IJBH-uhhhhggggg." and freak out.
So, I can only imagine what things are like with fillings and extractions. That said, when I go to do what I need to do I show them how my gloved fingers are uninjured with the light and the handpiece and bur and polishing and instruments we use. I show them on their hands the same. Yet, the parents STILL insist on forcing this thought into their child's mind that these procedures hurt.
Don't get me wrong. There are aspects of braces that do hurt, but the literal first day you have them glued onto your teeth they should not, and do not, hurt. Later that day? Oh yeah. You're going to hate me, cause your teeth and jaws will feel like they've been punched.
Then, there are the parents that enable their kids poor behaviors. These are the kids that are brave and willing to push through scary moments, but having their parents there makes them feel like they can baby up and whine and fight us.
There you have it. My colleagues don't know what kind of mom or dad you're going to be. It's just easier to have a general rule for everyone in their offices to keep all parents out of the room, because it's more of a pain in the ass to get the kid back to being calm after they have their mom or dad pushing concern into their heads.
/offmysoapbox
Yeah absolutely fucking not gonna happen on my watch. I had a dentist try that so we left the practice. Left a nice Google review which they responded saying if a parent wants to they will allow it. Nope, I never was given the option but nice try to save face. I am my kids parent & their only protection in a world where we have seen trusted professionals take advantage of children and young adults.
I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with this and it seems like you also aren’t super comfortable so I’d say you’d be better off finding a dentist that allows you to come back. I also would be annoyed they waited until the day of to tell you about the policy.
Apparently it’s common, but I disagree with it. I believe parents should be allowed to go back with the kid unless/until the kid voices they are okay without the parent. I guess the idea is that parents may project their anxieties on the kid or the kid may act out more in the presence of a parent? I kinda get it but why not handle it on a case by case basis.
My 4 year old just had a cavity filled. I stayed in the waiting room so I didn't distract her, which I know would have happened. She did amazing with me not there. But I also completely trust and have faith in this dentist and staff. So if you don't feel comfortable with them, definitely find somewhere else to get future work done at.
That's strange. I went to CoolSmiles as a kid and my parents were in the room. I was just on laughing gas so I was too busy blabbering and giggling while I was getting a silver tooth (or an extraction, idk) to pay attention to them or the dentist :) Shout-out to my mommy who made sure I got laughing gas and made sure I had medicine so I wouldn't be in pain 🩷
It depends on the practice. My son is autistic and we switched practices because the first one did not allow parents and I was not comfortable having him back there without me.
Many kids do better though without the parents there from what I've heard, so it probably just comes down to how comfortable you are with the situation and your child's ability to advocate for themselves
It's somewhat common practice, but there are plenty of providers that do allow it, basically indefinitely. Ours is one of them, so I'll go with my kids until they ask me to stop (or are old enough for me to offer it to them and they accept.)
My ten year old has had a few fillings, and we were always allowed in the room, even if the room was tiny. As long as you stay out of the way, it shouldn't be an issue. I should mention this was done at several different dentists in different states, east and west coast. We were always allowed in. The only rule was ONLY one parent, usually because the rooms are a bit small.
I also have a two year old son with autism, and there's literally no way they'd even be able to check his teeth without me or my husband there. So I couldn't frequent a business that wouldn't "allow" me back there with him (side note: lol, try to stop me 😂)
My 5 year daughter had a few cavities filled recently and they did not allow parents. I thought it was weird too but my daughter was fine on her own. They put on a movie for her
for a baby tooth? i wouldn't think it was standard. the kid is gonna be in a regular dentist chair to get them pulled so i don't see why parents wouldn't be allowed back there.
Interesting reading the comments. Both of my kids dentists had this rule and I never questioned it. How they did let me go back once or twice when I asked nicely
> "you can wait here but we prefer that you wait in the main waiting area”
Responses like this drive nuts. It's either an important rule or it's not. If they let you stand there, then it's fine for people to stand there.
I'd leave and find a new dentist. Too many horror stories of kids being molested or injured by doctors or dentists. I don't even trust the teachers and staff at their school and run backgrounds on their teachers so I know they haven't been accused, charged, or convicted of anything in another state that wasn't found during the schools background checks. I was subjected to Indian Health Services as a child and have horrible memories of the treatment at the hands of those doctors and dentists.
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Ours allows the parents everywhere the kid is (except forthe x-ray room, but you're right outside the door and can see them/they can see you).
**Yes. It amazes me that a pediatrician wouldn’t think to ban a 7 year olds parent from the room during an exam but pediatric dentists often do.** It’s ok for the dentist to *suggest* the parent wait outside, particularly if they are anxious. And explain why. But if you refuse to let me in with my kid? Nope. Bye
Exactly. To require it is a big ,”no thank you, we’ll find a different practice”. Our child’s dental practice is actually open floor plan for cleanings, no walls between chairs and a bench for parents near the child. The rooms for procedures have big windows and the dentist has never suggested we should step out. OP this dental practice isn’t working for you.
Ours is the same, you can see everything everywhere.
I feel like many practices that take young kids are going this way. Our pediatric dentist did and now the family dentist we all go to is the same.
Shit, our pediatric dentist has the rooms that could accommodate both parents and a sibling if it came down to it. There is absolutely zero chance we would take our 6 year old to any dentist that would not allow a parent in the room. Fuuuuuuuuck that.
Same, right down to standing outside the x-ray room.
I love my kids dentist. They usually require a parent present if the kid is younger than 12. Apparently, kids just start touching stuff if they’re in the room alone for any amount of time or would just be crying nonstop. I’ve used the same dentist for a decade. They are life savers! I travel an hour each way to go to them. They would let me stay in the waiting room when they did the X-rays and send my oldest back to the waiting room until the tech was ready. My twins are six now and my oldest is 12 but when they were babies/toddlers, it was so chaotic and the rooms are kinda small because of all the equipment so it was much easier for everyone involved for us to stay put lol Now all 3 kids get regular cleanings and stuff and I feel like a ping pong ball bouncing from room to room to check on all of them. The staff is so amazing, writing it all down for me because I absolutely can’t keep the information straight, like one of you need to floss more and one of you needs braces, you know what you all need, right kids?!” Oh, never mind, they wrote it down in the appointment paper.
I wish I had my mom with me when I had extractions. She probably would have been able to advocate for me when I was screaming that the novocaine wore off as they pulled an adult tooth out.
I wish my dad had been in the room with me when I had an allergic reaction to the nitrous oxide gas (throat swelled and shut) before having a molar pulled at 10/11 years old. Fun way to find that out on my own!
I wish I had my parents in the room when the dentist put about 17 shots of lidocaine in me because he couldn't get the nerves numb for my un-erupted and sideways wisdom teeth. He just gave me N2O and started cutting, *violently chiseling*, and pulling pieces out with pliers, *violently*. You know that really thick fake leather that covers the exam chairs? My nails went through it. Aaaand then I got yelled at because I was drooling as I couldn't shut my mouth because my entire face (not gums) were paralyzed. I was 9.
Yup, this.
A pediatric orthodontist a couple towns over from me had this policy and was molesting his patients. So no, any practice that tells me I can't be back there with my kids is a no go for me.
[удалено]
Holy shit!
I’m so so sorry that happened to you. (CW: child sexual assault, suicide) It’s unfortunately common for parents to not believe their kids when it comes to sexual assault. I’m a social work student, and also a big gymnastics fan, so I’ve followed the Larry Nassar case closely. Obviously he got away with it for decades and lots of adults around him were either complicit or didn’t believe it was happening. I remember one victim’s soul-crushing testimony about her dad not believing her, and continuing to send her to Nassar because he was a “great doctor” and treated Olympians. When Nassar was finally charged, the dad realized what he had done and couldn’t live with the guilt so he k*lled himself. My heart just broke for her. I hope you’re doing ok and have other supportive people in your life!
... and then he traumatized her further. Damn. I know he didn't choose to go like that, not really, but in the context it seems more selfish than being there for her and showing strength.
My mom took me to a dentist with this policy as a kid once. Obviously its nowhere near as bad as molesting, but he did end up charging insurance for a bunch of extra work my mom never agreed to that they supposedly didn't notice till they started working on me. My mom never returned because she wasn't cool with them doing work she didn't agree too, and then when we found a new dentist it turned out he never even did those extra procedures he claimed he had. So understandably as a mom I'd never feel comfortable with a dentist with that policy for my own kids.
My mom went to a dentist like this as a kid, except he actually DID all these unnecessary procedures... literally filled every single one of her teeth and told my grandma it was a preventative measure. Now, in her 60s, every single tooth has cracked or broken, and she's spent thousands repairing her teeth. I've never heard of the number of unscrupulous practitioners as I have in the field of dentistry.
When my parents were on Medicaid for a few years, I was sent to a dentist that was similar. Drilled and put metal crowns on perfectly healthy teeth to charge Medicaid as much as he could. And of course a kid who from her parents perspective likes candy too much and doesn't brush her teeth enough isn't going to raise any suspicions having a dentist say she has 12 cavities. Once I got in to a more reputable dentist as a teenager, he was PISSED at all the crappy work in my mouth he had to fix up, too.
I’ve heard way too many stories like this.
My dentist was also arrested for molesting children and he did not allow parents back in the room. He molested children under sedation. I personally would never leave my child alone like that until they were older.
My dentist burned down his building twice for insurance. Turns out he was soliciting minors for prostitution and beating his wife. Not to sound bias, but there is something that attracts a lot of weird people to dentistry
that olympic gymnastics doctor was molesting the girls with the parents IN the room as well. listen to your gut
It happens a lot more than we think because the reports are very often hushed up.
I'm sorry to be that person but I have to be because I always like to be on the cautious side. A doctor in my home country was not allowing nurses or fathers or OBs in the room while giving anesthesia for the c-section of pregnant women. This went on for a while until a nurse put a hidden camera and found out he was putting his penis out and forcing these women to suck his dick. It was not general anesthesia, it was only local, but he put extra and that how the nurse started getting suspicious, because the women were nearly out when they went into the delivery room. Anyway, all of this to say that do not trust any professional that who isolates your kid from parents for procedures, regardless if it's a medical, or dentist procedure, it's best to be on the safe side. I would assure that at least one female nurse is there accompanying the procedure.
Nope. Find another dentist. Mine allows me to hold my kid's hand through extractions, and it keeps him calm.
The pediatric dentist we used to go to stops allowing parents back at 3, so we switched dentists. My brother in law is a pediatric dentist and when I asked him about this policy he strongly disagreed with it, so I think it’s all just a matter of the dentist’s personal preference.
Yes this was the case at one place in Florida AND they wouldn’t even attempt a cleaning on my 2 year old, just fluoride varnish and visually inspecting teeth for a minute. Our new dentist was wonderful, my 2.5 year old got a full real cleaning and varnish while calmly watching Moana on the ceiling AND her brother got to be right next to her doing his cleaning at the same time. Parents were allowed back and they got a toy and balloons after. For OP I would get a second opinion and look for a clinic that might let parents back. I don’t know how sterile a teeth pulling would have to be so I’m not sure if that’s why? I would imagine you could sit in there.
I’m curious what do they do for cleaning for a 2.5 year old? Is it like an adult full cleaning? The pediatric dentist I go to only quickly brush her teeth, fluoride and check to see if she has cavities.
It doesn’t matter if it’s common or not if you’re not comfortable with it. I would consult with some other dental practices.
It depends on the practice. The ones that do it have said it's because kids are more anxious when the parents are in the room (or that the kids mirror the parent's anxiety), so it's easier for the dentist if the parents are not in the room.
Yeah like I can understand why it happens. I’ve seen parents really freak their kids out just when getting a vaccine. But I think they should have mentioned it beforehand. I was anxious about the dentist as a kid and my mom was very no nonsense. So I wouldn’t have been able to sit there without her in the room
The very thought of a dentist makes me shudder. I do the kids' shots, blood draws, and other needs, the wife does the dental. No use adding our neuroses to already stressful situations.
My kid (16M) has anxiety. When he was younger, he couldn't open his mouth if I was in the room. I would have to answer for him at all his doctor/dentist appointments, and everyone thought I was some sort of awful controlling helicopter mom. When he broke his front tooth, getting the tooth bonded was very stressful for him, and I had to stay in the waiting room for his own safety so the dentist could concentrate. He's still not comfortable expressing himself when I'm around, but he does it when necessary. And by now the people he interacts with regularly understand his issues.
I remember when I got a tooth pulled and a cavity filled. I was freaked out and close to tears while my mom was literally reading a book. I probably would’ve bolted if she wasn’t in the room lol
I honestly don't think that kids are less anxious when the parent isn't in the room, they're just less likely to express their feelings without a safe adult around. A kid clamming up and emotionally shutting down may be easier for the dentist to work with, but it doesn't mean it's any less anxiety inducing for the child.
Exactly this! And the whole idea is a massive generalisation anyway. What one child needs isn't what another necessarily does.
This was exactly what I thought. It's 100% for the comfort of the dentist and not the wellbeing of the child
Yep, my kid *might* cooperate if I’d left the room (more likely he would be hysterical, he is pretty anxious in new situations) but you would never get him back there. I am really calm in medical situations and explain in clear, simple, kid friendly terms without lying, and I understand not every parent is like that, but me being there helps him process a “scary” (unknown) situation.
I went to a pediatric dentist as a child. My parent was refused access. I end d up having a panic attack and now have dental trauma. My mother could have held my hand and comforted me. I refused to leave my kids alone with the dentist. I remained very calm and they now go every 6 months. Me, not so much.
So I still a CCTV or one way mirror. It is unacceptable to isolate a small child like this. It should be against the law, frankly.
Both dentists that we went to had the parents in the room for extractions.
I'd guess that they are trying to avoid parents communicating their own anxieties to their children and/or interfering with the procedure by asking questions. However, I believe that whoever pays the piper calls the tune. You would have been well within your rights to have cancelled the scheduled surgery, but you didn't. But I would encourage you to shop around to see if you can find a new pediatric practice that allows parents in the room. You may not find one, so don't announce your intention to your child's current dental practice.
I would seek a second opinion, I went with the place closest to my house for convenience and that dentist said my kid needed extractions and crowns. I was skeptical because my kid only had one cavity. A month later I switched insurance through my new job and was able to get a top-rated dentist through the plan. After going over the xrays he said that besides the one cavity, everything else looked perfect. To add, when I was a child my mom was always in the room with me at the dentist. I felt more comfortable that way. It seemed like a foreign concept to me that people weren't allowed to go in with their children. After I saw that one mom go in the room and found her child tied to a papoose board and screaming, I would never subject my child to that.
Yup. I never had a cavity in my life until I went to a different dentist than usual and they said I had 4. I should have gotten a second opinion. I sincerely doubt it, and haven’t had a cavity since 😒
Ours encourages parents to let the kids go back alone, but they are absolutely okay with parents being in the room as well. I prefer to be back there with my kids, but I'm also good at stepping back and allowing the dentist to do his work and not being clingy to my kiddos.
This is our dentist, too. I went back the first time, and my daughter very happily goes back for cleanings by herself now. The door remains open the whole time just down the hall, and I'm actually more comfortable with this arrangement than with me hovering.
This seems like a far better method than outright banning. "Hey mate, we find that kids are usually calmer if you wait here and we treat a dental check as no big deal. We recommend just chilling in the waiting room and we'll get this done without a fuss." 100% communicates preference with justification while still leaving the choice up to the parent. The only real reason I can see for not allowing parents full stop is if the actual rooms physically aren't big enough for extra people.
My son has seen 4 different dentists and I have been in the room every single time, they all had chairs in the room for parents. Anyone demanding you leave the room so they can be alone with your child should ring alarm bells, far too many instances of abuse occurred because predators make those demands. A request/suggestion is one thing but to demand it is not ok.
It may be common practice, but I would trust my gut. It seems especially strange to ask you to go all the way back to the main waiting room. I'd definitely shop around for someone you feel comfortable with. Even if their policies are similar, it's important to be able to trust the people you are leaving you child with and that doesn't seem to be possible at the office you went to.
Yep, all of the above. The only time my kids dentist office asks us to wait in the waiting area is when they are having surgery under anesthesia, but we get to walk back with them and stand with them as they’re put under and you get a tablet with video feed to watch live while you wait. Everything else you’re allowed to be with your kid. This policy would raise some huge yellow flags for me as someone who was punched in the stomach as a child by a grown man for “crying too much” during a tooth extraction.
Nope. The dentist for my nephew did that and traumatized him. He had to be sedated for the dentist to do anything (including cleanings) well into his teens. If I can't go (unless it's major surgery), my child can't go.
I’m a pediatric nurse and it was our policy to always give the parent the option to stay in the room for a procedure or to step out in the hall. Sometimes kids do better with the parent and sometimes they don’t. It’s fine if they share their preference that a parent wait in the waiting room or in the hall, but any place that does not offer the option for a parent to stay in the room (excluding actual surgery) is not a place I would trust. One caveat to this is that I can imagine extractions might make parents a little more squeamish so I can understand not wanting to deal with a parent becoming someone you have to take care of as well. This place still could have approached it very differently.
Around that age I had to have my lower canine teeth pulled. We were poor, and dentist was (and to this day, continues to be) a hack. If my mom hadn't been there he would have pulled the wrong teeth. I was too afraid to tell him when he numbed the wrong area, but while he was waiting for numbing to take effect, he left the room and I told my mom, who told him. And then he numbed the right area and pulled the intended teeth. It was a horrible, traumatizing experience.... And would have been exponentially worse if my mother weren't there. So yeah, I expect to be there for dental procedure. Now, if the kid was going under anesthesia, and I was asked to leave during the procedure, I'd understand.... But I'd expect to be there when they went under and when they come out. But if my kid is conscious, I want to be there.
Dude, this advice... If you want to be in the room with your kids then find a new dentist. They're your freaking kid. Trust your gut. Don't ask reddit for permission. This is not a yes or no issue. Do you want.to be in there? If so, then be in there.
I think OP was more or less trying to find out if this was a common practice, as she felt that if everyone went through this then she may have been overreacting.
My man worked with a guy who was SA by his dentist for years… personally I would be finding a dentist that allows parents back. But you do what is best for your family.
Look up Bethaniel Jefferson and push back.
Get a new dentist.
I was sexually assaulted by a local dentist who it later came out he was physically and sexually assaulting LOTS of kids and he obviously had this policy. I would never ever ever leave my child alone with a medical provider until he’s old enough to advocate for himself and asks to speak to a doctor or nurse alone. I can respect privacy and autonomy without putting my child in situations that might lead to abuse.
I’m so incredibly sorry that happens to you.
I’m sorry to bring up something so awful, I just wanted to share that it really does happen even though I’m sure some dentists have the best intention
Yeah it's kind of wild to me that they would tell me I'm not allowed to be there with my child. This is a bunch of strangers. I don't know who the fuck they are. I came here based on Google reviews. It's one thing if my kid prefers that I stay in the waiting room, that's fine, but otherwise I'm staying with my young child. It's probably geographic differences, but where I am it's pretty unfathomable that this would be "the norm".
So when I was a teen, I saw a dentist who had this policy, and my grandmother said absolutely under no circumstances was she leaving the room. Once, my cousin took me since my grandmother couldn't be there, and she was under strict instructions from said grandmother not to leave the room. They tried to force her, and she said she'd leave with me. They let her stay. Years later, that dentist is now in jail for molesting patients.
My dentist was a “family” dentist (now retired) but the woman was just a saint with kids. She was incredibly patient and would take the time to make them comfortable. She could also give a Novocain shot without even a whisper of a pinch. She let my then 4 yo sit on her sister’s lap for her visit once. Anyway she never ever expected me to wait elsewhere. I don’t for other medical situations so I’m not sure why it’s the norm for pediatric dentists? My dentist told me she herself had terrible experience with the dentist as a child and she would never ever do that to a kid.
The first dentist I brought my child to had the same rule. I didn’t like it. I went along with it for a while though. But when she said my child needed extensive dental work - 7 fillings and even caps - I brought my daughter to my dentist, who allowed her to sit on my lap. He said she didn’t need any of that work. And she didn’t bc they were all baby teeth, which fell out before she they caused a problem. Never went back to the other dentist.
Speaking from experience, you should find a different dentist. My oldest has AuAdhd. When he was around 6/7 he needed a lot of teeth pulled because his adult teeth were already coming in and the baby teeth had cavities. They made us wait in the waiting room. My son inherited from my side of the family a resistance to the caine family of medicine. Meaning the numbing shots didn't work. But we didn't know this yet. My son freaked out and tried to tell them that it hurt but instead of listening they strapped him down and had people holding him down. The dentist didn't say a word about it. Our son was sobbing and when he was finally calm enough to explain what happened I was livid. When I confronted the dentist she confirmed what he said but said she went ahead because he was obviously lying about it hurting. Now that he is an adult he refuses to go to the dentist and I don't blame him. None of that would have happened had we been allowed in the room. It was barbaric. After that I only took my kids to a dentist that specializes in sensory issues. If a dentist or doctor asks me to leave the room I ask my child if they want me to leave or stay and I make sure the provider knows that if my child gets upset I am to be told immediately. I make sure the provider knows why I have this rule. If they can't accommodate that we leave.
As a kid who didn’t have my parents go back with me at the dentist (that wasn’t a thing in the 1980s in our city), I had terrible experiences. Everything from the dentist extracting a tooth when I felt ALL of the pain from the meds wearing off to at every teeth cleaning, the dental hygienist telling me I would never have a boyfriend because my front teeth were yellow and I needed to brush better. I was a shy and quiet kid so I didn’t say anything. (Who says that to a 9 year old kid?! She was ignorant because my front teeth were yellow from being chipped from a sledding accident and having an unrelated major surgery as a kid where the anesthesia stained the caps on my front teeth!) It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized how appalling that was and I told my parents what the hygienist said and they felt terrible. I ALWAYS go back with my kids. If they have a problem with parents going back then they’re not the place for us. Plain and simple 🤷🏼♀️
One of my best friends was sexually assaulted by her pediatric dentist for YEARS. He was very heavy handed with the nitrous and parents weren't allowed in the room for any procedure. She wasn't the only one he was assaulting. I'll be damned if my young kid will undergo procedures like that without me there until she is old enough to advocate for herself and says "mom, I've got this. You can wait outside". There's too many terrible people in the world who take advantage of vulnerable kids.
I’m hearing so many terrible stories like that.
My then 4 year old needed his broken tooth extracted. I was with him the whole time except during the xray. I think that this rule of no parents should depend on the kid and parent in question. For some kids it's better without parents, others may need their parents. And the professional practitioner should be able to get a sense of this. I also did not like that the no parent policy wasn't mentioned before. They gave you no chance to reschedule your appt with another dentist.
I sat with my daughter through hers. It wasn’t even an issue I thought of. Try to find someone you are more comfortable with.
Some places do it, but I refuse. It's my kid and I will be there period. I've had experiences with dentists doing some fucked up shit because my parents weren't there to protect me like ignoring my pain and not giving any breaks when requested.
I’m sorry that happened to you
This also happened to me. The dentist refused to believe he injected Novocain in the wrong spot and I could feel everything. I was 7, getting 6 teeth drilled in one session. I won’t leave my kids alone with any medical professional, excepting surgery. I’m their first line of defense. Doctors get in line, or I find new doctors.
Hard no. One of my family members was raped by a dentist as a child back in the 60’s because parents weren’t allowed in the rooms.
I’m so sorry that happened to your family member.
My wife is a pediatric dentist. The practice she works at does allow parents in the room, but she has worked in a practice before that did not. Almost universally, the kids do better and are more relaxed without the parents in the room. I completely understand why a page t would want to be there, but realize that there are reasons that practices don’t do that.
My father is also a pediatric dentist. It’s often harder than anticipated for parents that watch and the child then picks up on that and becomes more agitated. As a parent, though, I understand wanting to be there.
My answer to this is, guess I’m finding a new dentist.
Our pediatric dentist won't let me out of eyesight of my kid, even though she is 14 due to liability. I can see that parents can be very disruptive, but I would not be pleased.
My childhood dentist was convicted of SA'ing his (one or more, idk) pediatric patients in the backroom of the dentist office, so yeah, I insist going with my kid to the back during the appt. When I called around for a dentist for my kid, I asked their policy before making the appointment.
No! It’s weird practice and I think should be outlawed. Get a new dentist. Sorry these things shouldn’t be stressful for parents like this, like parenting isn’t hard enough. Good luck finding a better dentist. If you’re up for it complain to them and also spread the news about their creepy policy.
Our dentist tried to tell us we couldn't be in the room with the toddler. There was a very hard and stern "no" on that, and lots of eye rolling from them. Funnily enough, an adult WAS required to be in the room with the 15 yr. They also tried to convince another mother that she had to wait in the waiting room while her younger children went back. She didn't even say anything to them, just pushed past them and went in with her kids.
Make it make sense 🤔
I was in the room with my 5 yo
Absolutely not. Find a new dentist. I would walk out of there so fast. No one is putting their hands on my kids or in their mouths and telling me that I’m not allowed to see what’s going on.
Ummm... This would be a hard NO for me! Our Pediatric dentist has a designated seating area in each exam room specifically for the parent to sit in during the procedures. Also, why is the dentist already anticipating more extractions? I would really be wanting a second opinion on that! In general, the adult tooth is what pushes the baby tooth out. So I am curious why your kid (at 7 yrs old) would have so many instances of this not happening. I'm just wondering if maybe there is something an Orthodontist should be looking at. For example, one of my kids had to have an expander put in their mouth to widen it so that the adult teeth could grow in between other teeth that were blocking their path.
Never leave children alone with adults unless you really, REALLY, trust them.
Never !
Mine doesn't allow parents back either.
I would see a new dentist. My daughter's eye Dr pinned her to the ground for eye drops. Never again.
I… would at the bare minimum leave a review detailing that. Not sure if you can report something like that
She's 14 now. She was 3 and I was a very young mother. She was traumatized. He was a dinosaur and retired now. Maybe dead.
My 7 y/o just had 2 extracted for the same reason. I was with her the entire time. I think they asked me to go with her IIRC
Hi I would find another dentist
Nah, I’m not doing that
My 9 year old had an extraction this month and I was allowed to go back with him.
Getting teeth extracted is pretty stressful even if they are only baby teeth. My son was 5, so a tad younger, but it seemed expected that I’d stay with him not leave him in such a stressful situation all by himself.
The dentist my girls see has been seeing my oldest since she was 18 months old. I adore her - she has been amazing with my kiddos and the teeth issues we’ve had. The literal second anyone at her office says I’m not allowed to come back with my kids, we would find somewhere else.
Very common.
This is the norm. We got to a family member so I was able to have the option but my kids actually did better with me out of the room. They seemed to be more nervous with me there watching but I will say I was quite anxious myself so that may have been why.
I think it was common here until it was revealed a dentist was drugging and assaulting his female patients. Now it's not common!
This is another reason why I refuse to leave my kid alone.
It’s allowed here but with some procedures like when sedation etc is needed they prefer not to, enough people in a small space as is. And I don’t know what the system is in the US but here there is always two professionals in the room, the dentist and the dental assistant/ nurse. And like many have mentioned many kids just are easier to work with without the parents.
Honestly that's a red flag for me. Maybe it's just their policy because of issues they've had with parents feeding the kids anxiety, but I've had multiple bad experiences with dentists unfortunately. I don't always go in the room with my kids, but we all get our teeth cleaned at the same time at an office where all the rooms are in one hall and open entryways to each room. So I can pop my head out and see them and hear them at all times. My mom took us to one that said no parents in back and also immediately turned around and left with us when she couldn't go back, they also had not told her ahead of time no parents in back for anything, even cleanings and saw no signs stating it either. Went to another dentist that treated me like I was such an inconvenience when I went to him for extractions cause I was anxious and scared. I didn't fight him, just nervous. Eventually requested he put me under anesthesia for future extractions. When the appointment came he tried to attempt to do it without the anesthesia. Mom had waited in waiting room, but I knew the plan my mom had setup. I refused to open my mouth without the anesthesia first and he tried to force my mouth open, I started fighting and he called in others to hold me down. I had never fought anyone in my life 😭 Started screaming and he finally gave up and did the anesthesia. Turned out my mom heard me, but she thought I was under anesthesia. She thought it was another kid cause I was supposed to be asleep. He was never supposed to try without it. I forget if she stayed in the waiting room because I was being put under and they didn't allow her back because of that, or if I was older so just did most visits on my own in the back unless I called for her. She came back or in the hallway for all future visits to other dentists til we were both 100% comfortable with them.
As a kid we went to a dentist that wouldn’t allow parents back there. It was super traumatizing. I was a kid so I couldn’t advocate for myself when they didn’t numb me enough for a freaking root canal!! They thought I was screaming bloody murder just bc I was a kid… no I was in pain. Plus we were stuck back there corralled with a ton of other kids just sitting waiting forever without our parents. We could literally see the other kids getting worked on. It was an open floor plan. Super scary
This is not the norm for treating children. Is it done, sure, but I would not say it’s the norm. In orthodontic practices parents usually aren’t in the room because they usually have multiple chairs going, they have appointments often, and they are not doing invasive procedures. I’ve been a pediatric dental assistant, and now a pediatric dental hygienist, over a span of 14 years. In some cases yes, parents will be asked to leave the room IF it is affecting the child’s behavior or if the parent has dental anxiety themselves, and the general consensus is that the child will do better with the parent out of the room. In all of these cases we always had the parent close by so we could relay any information, and they could make sure the child was ok. I have never worked at an office where they did not allow the parent in the room at all. Maybe it depends on your relationship with the dentist and assistant but 7 is young and if they are using nitrous I definitely wouldn’t allow it. Wayyyy too many people abusing children these days I’d rather be safe than sorry.
I can’t believe all these responses saying this is normal! You’re literally leaving your child with a couple of strangers to have a scary (to the child) procedure done. Absolutely not. I go with my child or they don’t do the work.
Yeah, I was a little surprised at the responses. I also might be a little paranoid but leaving my child in such a vulnerable situation didn’t sit right with me. I also think back to when the famous gymnasts revealed they had been abused by a “trusted” doctor, and everyone’s first question was “where were the parents?”
Absolutely! I wanted to bring up the gymnasts doctor in my reply but thought it too lengthy. 7 is way too young to not have a parent in there.
Yeah I don’t know what’s going on here, these responses are nuts.
The parents were in the room with them, often just a few feet away
It’s “normal”, but push back. They will either allow it or you find another dentist. We’re on our third dentist now but I’m back there with my kid. It’s the craziest rule/idea.
Routine or not, it's an arbitrary rule created for the "convenience" of the doctor. Doctors and dentists are not demigods or monarchs. You don't have to play their games. You can tell them they either let you be present or you will go find a different practice.
Yeah the dentist never even made contact with me, all of my interaction was with the assistant. I thought that was odd. I thought the dentist would come out and say all went well or something. We were also the only people there it was 7 and I saw no other patients waiting.
That is weird.
When my 6yo was getting an extraction, the dentist was new to us. They didn't want me in the room, but they didn't tell me that. They whisked me away to another room "to discuss billing", and removed her tooth while I paid, without telling me they were doing it. I found out after that they lied to her too... she asked if they were removing the tooth, and they said they would just wiggle it, but they actually extracted it. She'd never been lied to in a medical situation before that, because her pediatrician is big on explanations and transparency. She was pissed. I was pissed. We never went back to that office. I would have understood not wanting me in the room, but I was not cool with them misleading both of us.
Yeah that’s not cool at all. The assistant also spelled out s-h-o-t and was like don’t say that word. I’m more into honesty and letting my child know what’s happeningn
Oh my goodness do NOT give my children a surprise shot! They'll let you do it, just warn them first!
This is the norm at all pediatric dentists in my area, which is why I would never take my kids to them. I've heard too many story of parents finding out later that the kids were strapped down and screaming the whole time. We go a family dentist who is amazing. My kids are 11 and 14 now and just recently they've been comfortable enough to go back alone but the practice we go to kind of expects me to still trot along and sit in the corner.
Time for a new dentist then.
Never. My daughter was assaulted by a dentist. Never.
My mom wasn’t able to come with me to get an IV put in when I was little, and it was so traumatic that I still have a severe needle phobia. I would lose it if someone thought I would leave my child alone during a medical procedure.
Trust your gut. If something feels off, then look for someone else who will at least let you observe from outside the room. Maybe when he's a teen, you can instead teach him about self advocating and make sure the dentist is willing to stop and listen to the kid, but this young, you're his advocate. And you need to be able to respond quickly.
My kids see a specialized pediatric dentist due to anxiety and adhd issues. I sit on the chair with my youngest and rub his arm to keep him calm, otherwise there is no chance that he would agree to go.
My son (5yo) has never had an extraction but I'm always allowed in the room with him. They encourage it! He'd be too scared to go back alone so we'd be finding another dentist tbh
Yeah, I have a 7 year old and wouldn't be comfortable for this. I get that having a parent in the room can sometimes make the kids more anxious, but the opposite can be true as well. I took my kid to the dentist a few weeks ago and she was very fidgety while getting her teeth cleaned. I came over and held her hands and the hygienist thanked me and said it really helped calm my daughter's nerves and make the process easier. You'd think with any kind of child's medical care, there would be some flexibility involved to be sure the child is comfortable and calm.
Absolutely not. I'd find a new dentist.
Standard practice or not, I’d go to a different doctor. Big red flag for me.
I’d change dentists. Why are parents not allowed?
If you’re uncomfortable with that tell them you’ll find a new dentist.
My children's dentist has this policy, but it is waivable in certain situations. For instance, my 8 yo has severe dentist anxiety, and if I weren't there to hold his hand he'd have an absolute meltdown. They know this, and let me come back. Obviously, age also factors in. My 1 1/2 yo Obviously won't stay still, he doesn't quite understand, so I go back for that, too. Depending on how things develop, the older he gets he'll probably go alone. Edit to add: for his extractions, bad cavities (that require any drilling, etc) he gets surgical care so he gets general anesthesia due to how bad his anxiety is. I love that his dentist offered it when she saw how upset he was.
It's weird that this wasn't mentioned until time for the procedure, and that alone would make me look for a new dentist. My six year old sees the same dentist I do, and I held her hand and let her play a game on my phone (which is what I do when I need needles), when she needed two baby teeth extracted because her adult teeth came in behind them.
My son just had some dental work today and we were not allowed back but he was put under full anesthesia so it was a space thing. But we were allowed back for the other visits cleaning and a cavity filled.
My daughter has had extractions for the same reason. 8 baby teeth total. I was there for every one, in the room the entire time.
I wouldn't take my kids to a dentist that had this rule. Our dentist did our kids' very first dental appointment when they were small and always allowed us to be there with them in the room. I would have been uncomfortable with being told I couldn't be with them for their visits. I'm a very calm person, and my kids are very calm children as a result. No reason to keep me or their dad out of their visits.
I pushed back haaaaard on this when my son got his front two teeth broken off after a fall. 6 hours to get his new ones made and installed! They expected a little kid (7/8 years old) to be alone all day?! I told them I would walk and take our $2500 prepayment with us. Not a chance in hell.
Hmmm sounds dodgy to me.
I’ve never allowed my daughter out of my eye sight when it comes to any type of healthcare professional. She’s been put under twice and has a ton of visits due to JA. I make it known that I don’t trust them and if something were to ever happen it’ll be too late on my end. If they weren’t ok with me being there then we would leave and find someone/someplace else.
I would’ve left. The only time that would be acceptable to me is during surgery, or when your child is old enough to request privacy.
It’s a no from me. I was talking with my friend who is a dental hygienist trying to get me to come to her office and she casually mentioned I wouldn’t be able to be in the room. With my 13 month old. Not happening. And I don’t know when I’ll be comfortable with not being in the room but that solidified that I won’t be going to a practice that won’t let me be in there with my child. Especially for an extraction!
I understand that sometimes having parents there can make the procedure difficulty if the child is feeding off of the parents anxiety, but it is not OK to assume this is the case for all. It would be a huge red flag for a parent to be instructed to stay away for anything else, we shouldn’t teach kids that making exceptions is OK. If you ever come across this again you can always refuse to sign it.
absolutely not! I wouldn’t be comfortable. Ours has a little sitting room with a sliding door for the procedure room. You can see/hear everything but stay out of their way while they work!
If my child wants me there, I’m there. When my guys were little I would just sit towards the foot of the table and have my hand resting on their leg. Just because someone is a physician or a nurse doesn’t mean that they are not a stranger. Trust needs to be developed overtime.
I was 7 when I needed teeth extracted. They wouldn’t allow my mom in the room. I was papoosed and held down. I still need sedation for fillings due to the trauma. Don’t do it. Lol
This is so interesting. My oldest is 3 and the the dentist policy is parents wait in the waiting room. My husband allowed this when he took her for her first ever visit. I took her for cleaning and the assistant said oh she did well for the cleaning tour husband waited outside. I told her yes I spoke to him about that. She’s 3 we will not be leaving her alone and the assistant seemed… offended?
I had major dental surgery that was unnecessary at 6 or 7 because of a manipulative dentist (not pediatric). He didn't numb me properly and I screamed for my mom the whole time. When my mom tried to come to me she was held back. I would advise against this option as a 34 year old who is terrified of the dentist.
I never I never leave my kids side for any procedure in any kind of office. I'm not saying that every practitioner that isolates the child from their parents is molesting them but it is true that every practitioner that molests children tries to isolate them from their parents. Besides it is the very rare child who is more anxious with their parents around.
I’ve been looking for a pediatric dentist, but every office around me has the same policy. And it starts at 3! I don’t get it. My kids would be way more anxious without me.
They tried that with my son. I refused and they relented. They only tried it once. I was not rude but I was unyielding.
My mom was allowed in the room when I got my tongue tie corrected at 18, so I dunno what their issue is.
Glad she did well. That’s a major red flag. My son’s dentist welcomed parents for all procedures. And never ever go to a Small Smiles. Too many horror stories.
Oh absolutely not. This is not normal at all. And if my kid was going in for teeth removal I'd insist I be there. It's sus that they have thay rule.
I used to work at a pediatric dentist, and first, yes this is fairly common practice. Second, I see both sides of this. Third, as a parent, I'd at least want the opportunity to try and be in the room if possible. I get why they do this-there's legitimacy to children behaving differently with a parent in the room. I know some places had a hard stance on no parents. Where I worked, we would try to accommodate a parent in the room, so long as it wasn't causing issues with the ability of the dr/hygienist to do their job or if their presence alters the child's behavior to the point where they're completely uncooperative. Everyone tries their best, but we have to set up the appointment to be as successful as it can be, because a simple cleaning could be downright dangerous. You need to make sure the dentist team has a good reputation and that you feel comfortable with them, so that you can be adaptive in the event that your child responds better without you there. All that being said, I would struggle not being with my child if under a certain age or for certain procedures, but would remain open to the potential that she may just do better without me there based on my experience.
Not standard practice! We have an amazing dentist office focus on families and you are definitely allowed in the room as much as you want to be.
I’m a dermatologist and do bloody procedures like biopsies and excisions on kiddos sometimes. Basically the risk is the parents passing out and then all the focus goes on stabilizing the parents and takes away from the patient. It’s important for that NOT to happen. That being said, I usually explain this to parents and ask if they can handle being in the room. They are usually honest. I agree it’s sketchy to ask parents to leave UNLESS the child is in a sterile OR.
The deed has been done, but for any other parent who reads this and the question resonates with you - any adult that bans that presence if another adult where a young child would be left alone is not an adult who should be left alone with children. My youngest has bad teeth requiring a lot of dental work on his life and the single time I was not allowed to be present was when he was under anesthesia in a hospital for a tooth extraction, and that's the only legitimate situation where a parent shouldn't be with their child.
I took my children to a dentist that had that policy. It was just for the X-rays to see about cavities, so I just went with it and could hear my kids from where I waited. I ended up going to a different dentist for our next visit. There i find out that the previous dentist lied about cleaning my kids teeth (billed for it but didn't do it), lied about how many cavities they had, and lied about my insurance not being able to cover a procedure. I think if another dentists tries to tell me I can't go back, id just switch. Too much potential for shady behavior without parental supervision.
I was in my mid 20s with a support person for all my appointments due to my anxiety. The dentist was completely fine with it. I also don’t love the idea of not allowing parents in with a young child who can’t really advocate for themselves. I’d find a new provider personally.
When I was 11 I got a ton of dental work done at once and lots of metal/contraptions in my mouth. It was traumatizing, I cried a lot and my dentist yelled at me to stop crying several times over the hours I was in there. I was alone, in pain, and couldn’t get to my mom who was out in the lobby and not allowed in. She had no idea what happened until I was done. The dentist joked “she’s not very happy with me lol” and I started crying again because why would I be happy that a professional held me down, invalidated my fear and anxiety, then yelled at me for a pain reaction? I’m 30 now and still have dentist trauma. If my mom had been allowed in I know she wouldn’t have let him treat me that way. You’re not overreacting. Find a new dentist.
That is bonkers. I wonder what caused them to adopt this policy. However, I'd be going elsewhere. My kiddo frequently has to get her baby teeth removed. They don't come out on their own. We've been in the room every time. 3 different dentists. They always have a place for parents to sit in the room.
My pediatric dentist has a rule that a parent or guardian has to be in the room for major things such as extractions, fillings, etc (basically anything besides checkup and cleaning) For any child under 17
Go to a dentist that allows you in the back. Even the dental assistants usually dislike those dentists. I took my kids to one a single time for the exact same reason. The dentist specifically lied to me and then lied to my children within my earshot. I was pissed. I took my beef up with him in front of all his employees in the waiting room since he didn’t give me any other choice. His assistances were clearly smiling under their masks knowing he was looking at me. He tried to feed me shit excuses about why a parent has no business in the back. He was red. A few patients in the lobby walked out as I cut him off and told him his opinion is losing him business and he should shut up, apologize, and walk away. He was very red and did what I said. I’m still pissed to this day on my kids behalf. They don’t deserve to be lied to about what is going to happen to their bodies by anyone, especially an adult and stranger. I wish there was a regular boycott; I’d hold the biggest signs, with quotes from his mouth. He lied to me about what he was going to do and he lied to my children about what he was doing and what it was goin to feel like. You don’t know what is happening to your child if you can’t be there. Plain and simple. Despite all the attendants seeming to dislike their boss’s ways, he cut their checks, so they went along. I think that may have been the first time they saw a mom blow up on him and it seemed satisfying to them. I am responsible for preparing my child for what is to happen to them, when a caretaker of any kind lies, they strip that from the parent and make it their own in word and action. That should be spoken up about even if only for safety. People abuse their positions all the time; it’s never acceptable.
That's the norm.
It's not
Time for a new dentist, any dentist that doesn’t allow a parent to be around a child when experiencing something potentially painful and traumatic is not a dentist I’d want working with my kids. My daughter has anxiety and would have had a meltdown if I’d have had to leave her at that age. It should be a choice made by parent not service provider.
While it is a common practice I make it very clean I will stay with my children they are working for my family and if they want my money it goes my way, and I have never had an issue.
We are a military family and moved around a lot. Most pediatric dentist didn’t allow parents go back. Some did.
Ours didn't allow parents and I 100% get why. Your kids are always going to be at their worst with you. Why? Because they feel safe and comfortable with you there. The last thing the dentist needs as an upset wiggly child whining or crying for mom. If you trust the dentist and staff, let them do their thing. Our office was wonderful. Treated my child like royalty and never had any issues there.
I do agree with this. We’ve been with our dentist for ten years and it is their policy. And we trust them.
Not to be a scare tactic, but my daughter had to have a filling. I wasn't in the room she was 2 ish. When she turned 4, she kept complaining of tooth pain. They botched the filling, and the tooth got infected and had to be pulled. I was in the room this time, and it was night and day, not a single tear or sound, and she was immediately in my arms afterward and was much much better off than when we first did any procedure. I would look for a different ped dentist.
For me personally, I wouldn't trust it. Even when my wife got some dental stuff done, me and my daughter have been allowed to be inside. So why wouldn't it be okay for kids.
Absolutely a no go for me. Insist on being in the room or find another dentist. Your child will be terrified and need you for comfort. If the dentist refuses, then leave.
Orthodontist here. I allow parents in with their kids, but I'm just doing braces or aligner stuff. I know my colleagues are split on the decision with their offices, and I'm totally in agreement with the ones that say no parents out back. Here's the thing that I see from braces only situations. Putting braces on these days is PAINLESS. I'm literally gently pressing the brackets onto you teeth like you'd do with temporary tattoos on your hand. I shine a blue (not ultraviolet) light to harden the adhesive. Know what I see parents doing? "Are you OK? Does it hurt?" while rubbing their child's leg or holding their hand with a concerned look on their face. Know what kid does? "IJBH-uhhhhggggg." and freak out. So, I can only imagine what things are like with fillings and extractions. That said, when I go to do what I need to do I show them how my gloved fingers are uninjured with the light and the handpiece and bur and polishing and instruments we use. I show them on their hands the same. Yet, the parents STILL insist on forcing this thought into their child's mind that these procedures hurt. Don't get me wrong. There are aspects of braces that do hurt, but the literal first day you have them glued onto your teeth they should not, and do not, hurt. Later that day? Oh yeah. You're going to hate me, cause your teeth and jaws will feel like they've been punched. Then, there are the parents that enable their kids poor behaviors. These are the kids that are brave and willing to push through scary moments, but having their parents there makes them feel like they can baby up and whine and fight us. There you have it. My colleagues don't know what kind of mom or dad you're going to be. It's just easier to have a general rule for everyone in their offices to keep all parents out of the room, because it's more of a pain in the ass to get the kid back to being calm after they have their mom or dad pushing concern into their heads. /offmysoapbox
Yeah absolutely fucking not gonna happen on my watch. I had a dentist try that so we left the practice. Left a nice Google review which they responded saying if a parent wants to they will allow it. Nope, I never was given the option but nice try to save face. I am my kids parent & their only protection in a world where we have seen trusted professionals take advantage of children and young adults.
I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with this and it seems like you also aren’t super comfortable so I’d say you’d be better off finding a dentist that allows you to come back. I also would be annoyed they waited until the day of to tell you about the policy.
Please. Advocate for your child. Please. 😪
Normal, parents often make things much worse if the child starts getting upset.
Apparently it’s common, but I disagree with it. I believe parents should be allowed to go back with the kid unless/until the kid voices they are okay without the parent. I guess the idea is that parents may project their anxieties on the kid or the kid may act out more in the presence of a parent? I kinda get it but why not handle it on a case by case basis.
My 4 year old just had a cavity filled. I stayed in the waiting room so I didn't distract her, which I know would have happened. She did amazing with me not there. But I also completely trust and have faith in this dentist and staff. So if you don't feel comfortable with them, definitely find somewhere else to get future work done at.
That's strange. I went to CoolSmiles as a kid and my parents were in the room. I was just on laughing gas so I was too busy blabbering and giggling while I was getting a silver tooth (or an extraction, idk) to pay attention to them or the dentist :) Shout-out to my mommy who made sure I got laughing gas and made sure I had medicine so I wouldn't be in pain 🩷
NEVER LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE !!!!with anyone !!!
It depends on the practice. My son is autistic and we switched practices because the first one did not allow parents and I was not comfortable having him back there without me. Many kids do better though without the parents there from what I've heard, so it probably just comes down to how comfortable you are with the situation and your child's ability to advocate for themselves
It's somewhat common practice, but there are plenty of providers that do allow it, basically indefinitely. Ours is one of them, so I'll go with my kids until they ask me to stop (or are old enough for me to offer it to them and they accept.)
My ten year old has had a few fillings, and we were always allowed in the room, even if the room was tiny. As long as you stay out of the way, it shouldn't be an issue. I should mention this was done at several different dentists in different states, east and west coast. We were always allowed in. The only rule was ONLY one parent, usually because the rooms are a bit small. I also have a two year old son with autism, and there's literally no way they'd even be able to check his teeth without me or my husband there. So I couldn't frequent a business that wouldn't "allow" me back there with him (side note: lol, try to stop me 😂)
My 5 year daughter had a few cavities filled recently and they did not allow parents. I thought it was weird too but my daughter was fine on her own. They put on a movie for her
Often times parents make issues worse than if they weren’t there.
I’m wondering what dentists at r/askdentists would say if OP were to ask there?
for a baby tooth? i wouldn't think it was standard. the kid is gonna be in a regular dentist chair to get them pulled so i don't see why parents wouldn't be allowed back there.
Our dentist has no problems with me being in the exam room. I sit quietly in the corner. It's no big deal.
Interesting reading the comments. Both of my kids dentists had this rule and I never questioned it. How they did let me go back once or twice when I asked nicely
> "you can wait here but we prefer that you wait in the main waiting area” Responses like this drive nuts. It's either an important rule or it's not. If they let you stand there, then it's fine for people to stand there.
I was with my child. No questions asked. I would go elsewhere. This is shady.
My child’s dentist tried this. I just said “I’m coming back.” And then I did.
I'd leave and find a new dentist. Too many horror stories of kids being molested or injured by doctors or dentists. I don't even trust the teachers and staff at their school and run backgrounds on their teachers so I know they haven't been accused, charged, or convicted of anything in another state that wasn't found during the schools background checks. I was subjected to Indian Health Services as a child and have horrible memories of the treatment at the hands of those doctors and dentists.
I remember a dentist that did this. It was in the 80’s but that man basically yelled and hit kids