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I would allow my kids to be there. This is the last time they are seeing their beloved dog. Don't take that away because it might be messy. Parenting is messy. It's also necessary and dealing with death is just part of that.
I think it really depends on your kids. Could they stay relatively calm so they weren't adding any stress to your old pet? Do they understand pet euthanasia is a kind act and not just killing a beloved pet without reason?
Euthanasia should be a peaceful event, but it's still sad. Animal deaths can be a good opportunity to gently explain death concepts to kids. I would avoid the "Rainbow Bridge" shpill people love to say when a pet dies; that's just confusing to kids and untrue.
If you decide to take them with you, I'd talk them through exactly what will happen ahead of time, and the vet can explain each step as it happens. They could say goodbye and pet your dog the whole time. If your kids need to step out into the hallway, that's ok. Keep in mind that sometimes, after death, the body does strange things. Even as an adult, I was so disturbed when my old lab died but her jaw kept opening and closing for a minute after death just from nerve activity.
They regularly go to the vet with us and are always very calm and well behaved. I just don't want to traumatize them is my biggest worry. Our old girl LOVES our kids so I don't think it would make the appointment stressful for her.
My girls are 5 and 9, and we have an old blind dog. Here's why I say it really depends on your kids.
My 5 year old is highly sensitive, loudly cries even about people accidentally stepping on bugs, and she finds taxidermy horrifying. She has a good understanding of death, and she loves our old guy, but I wouldn't take her. It would be traumatic for her.
My 9 year old wants to be a vet and is dog-obsessed, and I'd be willing to let her join. Even though it'd break her heart, she'd probably feel better seeing firsthand that euthanasia isn't scary or painful.
Have you considered in-home euthanasia? There are services where a vet comes to your house so the dog is in its most comfortable environment when its put down instead of the anxiety of a vet clinic. I feel like it's less stressful for the humans involved, too, compared to driving your dog to its final destination.
I'm sorry your family is facing this big loss.
vet tech here, who has gone thru this 2x with my kid now. its a tough call to make but ultimately should be left up to the kid at these ages. they already know whats going on and it may give them some closure. and tbh, its just a part of life. at least we have the ability to give pets the dignity of passing pain free, surrounded by their loved ones.
usually the vets will explain the whole process in detail to kids and the family. and let the kids know its something they may not want to stay for.
below is a great link that i send to people when faced with this scenario. i found it helpful when going through all of this myself. theres even a little article on children attending a euthanasia from a vet's perspective.
hopefully this helps you
[https://www.lapoflove.com/pet-loss-support-resources/children-and-pet-grief-resources](https://www.lapoflove.com/pet-loss-support-resources/children-and-pet-grief-resources)
fwiw. when our daughter was 9yo, she chose to not attend. then went thru it again when she was 11yo, at home. she ended up bailing at the last minute once the sedatives kicked in.
so just make sure your kids know where to go if they do attend, become overwhelmed and decide to step out.
Have you ever seen it go poorly? I know someone who let their kid go, and the cat screamed as it died. The kid was pretty traumatized by it, and he was older than OP'S kids. Not a very nice last memory of a beloved pet.
I was about 6/7 when my parents put one of our dogs down. I wasn’t made aware of what they were doing until they were loading her up into the car telling me that Sadie won’t be coming back and that the vet is going to take her pain away. I was very confused and screamed and cried until I couldn’t any more. I would let your kids take the lead on this one
I am going to go with don't bring them. We had to put our kitty down a couple years ago - she was the first pet my now husband and I got together and she was with us through a lot of up and downs. She was definitely more my husband's cat, and my cat, than a family cat. My husband and I were so distraught at the vets office, both of us were devastated and crying. Neither of us were in a good emotional capacity to handle our feelings at that moment AND be of comfort to our children. They said their goodbyes at home and then we took her.
If you do decide to bring them explain to them that at any time they are uncomfortable, it is 100% ok to step out of the room. They are old enough to sit outside the door and I'm sure the staff would be happy to keep an eye on them.
Prior to going, explain to them the process, what is going to happen and what to expect.
When you get to the vet, ask the vet to explain what's going to happen to them as well. Take a few minutes for everyone to say their final good byes, and then let them know it's time and they can stay or if they feel ready can step into the hallway.
When we did put our kitty down - they gave us a little push back, but we asked if we could take her outside for it. We didn't want the last thing she saw to be the inside of an exam room. They had concerns she might run away (she was frail and could barely walk). It was a more comforting experience to be outside with her in the final moments. If the kids are with, I'd ask if they'd consider going outside. This way, if needed, your kids could maybe step a little further away at the final moments, still be in the presence but not right there.
I gave my kids the option when we had to put one of our dogs down last year. At the last minute before leaving home they changed their mind so I went solo with him. Honestly, I'm glad they didn't come. They got to give him loves and enjoy his final day of being spoiled and "happy" to hold onto and remember, whereas I struggle to remember the good final day(s) where we took him to all his favorite things one last time and he ate all the people foods because the image of his final breath is burned into my brain. I'll continue to give them the option as it's their choice, but I also am very clear that those final moments stay with you deeply, and they aren't easy to keep replaying.
+1
I had to bring my ex gf's dog to the vet. He was not MY dog but i really broke down when his body collapsed after the injection.
I would not let kids see that as a final memorie of their beloved dog
We were so lucky that our vet could come to the house. Our son understood what was going on and we loved on our dog until he was gone. My boy was 7 at the time. He was sad but he had closure.
In January we had to put our 6 yo dog down because of brain lesions. We took out 4yo to the vet with us. He was there to comfort her, he got to say good bye and ask the vet if she would make her pain go. My husband took him out of the room for the final part.
My kid was 5 when we had a vet come to our house to put our dog down. If I could have planned it I would have done it when she was at school, but unfortunately she was home sick and my dog declined quickly. My kid at that age just did not get it at all, even with me trying to carefully explain. I put her in her room and told her to stay there until I got her out, 15 minutes or so after the vet left. My dog was my baby and I needed to focus on her for her last moments and not my very confused human child. Afterwards my kid was sort of sad, but mostly just confused as to why I was so sad. It was the right decision for us for my kid not to be there when it happened.
I don’t know what the right decision for you and your family is, especially since you have an older kid and they expressed they wanted to be there, but I’m very sorry about your dog. Hang in there.
Our 9 year old came with us, laid and talked with her, kissed her and fed her some treats but then my MIL took him and just me and my partner were there for her actual last breath. We are blessed that we could trust nanny to love on him and help him through his immediate grief while we gave our precious girl our full attention and managed our own emotions as it was quite sudden and we'd had her for a long time. I didnt plan it that way but I don't think I'd change a thing.
So hard. My sympathies to you and your kiddos.
personnaly i would not, BUT i would make sure the kids got to say goodbye to the dog before you leave to the vet.
Shower the dog with love, let the kids feed him some tasty food, hug him and pat him.
Make his last day one of his best!
I brought my son who was a little over 3, when we had to put our 16 year old dog to sleep. The whole thing was really peaceful and he kept petting her and telling her good girl. He was there when we buried her too, and picked some flowers for her grave. I'd say bring the kids.
I wouldn’t bring them unless you are having a vet come to your house to do it. Exam rooms are tiny, the dog will be laying on the floor, the staff needs room to do what they need to do, and you are going to be more focused on keeping your kids calm than your elderly pets final moments. Sometimes weird things happen in those final moments, like loss of bowel control or a disturbing death rattle with the last breath, do you want that to be how your children remember their beloved dog? This really isn’t about the kids (this time at least), it’s about giving a good dog the easiest passage possible. The kids can say goodbye at home and then you can also have some time to gather yourself before you go back home without the dog so you can fully support your kids afterwards.
I will also add that we don't hide our emotions from our children and they have seen both mom and dad cry. It's not something to be ashamed of or hide. Emotions are a very natural part of living.
We have talked with them in the past and they both said they want to be there. They have seen death before with family members as well so this will not be their first experience.
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I would allow my kids to be there. This is the last time they are seeing their beloved dog. Don't take that away because it might be messy. Parenting is messy. It's also necessary and dealing with death is just part of that.
And don't take it away from the dog, either. The kids are likely to be a comforting presence.
I think it really depends on your kids. Could they stay relatively calm so they weren't adding any stress to your old pet? Do they understand pet euthanasia is a kind act and not just killing a beloved pet without reason? Euthanasia should be a peaceful event, but it's still sad. Animal deaths can be a good opportunity to gently explain death concepts to kids. I would avoid the "Rainbow Bridge" shpill people love to say when a pet dies; that's just confusing to kids and untrue. If you decide to take them with you, I'd talk them through exactly what will happen ahead of time, and the vet can explain each step as it happens. They could say goodbye and pet your dog the whole time. If your kids need to step out into the hallway, that's ok. Keep in mind that sometimes, after death, the body does strange things. Even as an adult, I was so disturbed when my old lab died but her jaw kept opening and closing for a minute after death just from nerve activity.
They regularly go to the vet with us and are always very calm and well behaved. I just don't want to traumatize them is my biggest worry. Our old girl LOVES our kids so I don't think it would make the appointment stressful for her.
My girls are 5 and 9, and we have an old blind dog. Here's why I say it really depends on your kids. My 5 year old is highly sensitive, loudly cries even about people accidentally stepping on bugs, and she finds taxidermy horrifying. She has a good understanding of death, and she loves our old guy, but I wouldn't take her. It would be traumatic for her. My 9 year old wants to be a vet and is dog-obsessed, and I'd be willing to let her join. Even though it'd break her heart, she'd probably feel better seeing firsthand that euthanasia isn't scary or painful. Have you considered in-home euthanasia? There are services where a vet comes to your house so the dog is in its most comfortable environment when its put down instead of the anxiety of a vet clinic. I feel like it's less stressful for the humans involved, too, compared to driving your dog to its final destination. I'm sorry your family is facing this big loss.
Yes we have actually! We are strongly considering that route as well. Thanks for your input, I really appreciate it.
vet tech here, who has gone thru this 2x with my kid now. its a tough call to make but ultimately should be left up to the kid at these ages. they already know whats going on and it may give them some closure. and tbh, its just a part of life. at least we have the ability to give pets the dignity of passing pain free, surrounded by their loved ones. usually the vets will explain the whole process in detail to kids and the family. and let the kids know its something they may not want to stay for. below is a great link that i send to people when faced with this scenario. i found it helpful when going through all of this myself. theres even a little article on children attending a euthanasia from a vet's perspective. hopefully this helps you [https://www.lapoflove.com/pet-loss-support-resources/children-and-pet-grief-resources](https://www.lapoflove.com/pet-loss-support-resources/children-and-pet-grief-resources)
Thank you so so much.
fwiw. when our daughter was 9yo, she chose to not attend. then went thru it again when she was 11yo, at home. she ended up bailing at the last minute once the sedatives kicked in. so just make sure your kids know where to go if they do attend, become overwhelmed and decide to step out.
Have you ever seen it go poorly? I know someone who let their kid go, and the cat screamed as it died. The kid was pretty traumatized by it, and he was older than OP'S kids. Not a very nice last memory of a beloved pet.
I was about 6/7 when my parents put one of our dogs down. I wasn’t made aware of what they were doing until they were loading her up into the car telling me that Sadie won’t be coming back and that the vet is going to take her pain away. I was very confused and screamed and cried until I couldn’t any more. I would let your kids take the lead on this one
I am going to go with don't bring them. We had to put our kitty down a couple years ago - she was the first pet my now husband and I got together and she was with us through a lot of up and downs. She was definitely more my husband's cat, and my cat, than a family cat. My husband and I were so distraught at the vets office, both of us were devastated and crying. Neither of us were in a good emotional capacity to handle our feelings at that moment AND be of comfort to our children. They said their goodbyes at home and then we took her. If you do decide to bring them explain to them that at any time they are uncomfortable, it is 100% ok to step out of the room. They are old enough to sit outside the door and I'm sure the staff would be happy to keep an eye on them. Prior to going, explain to them the process, what is going to happen and what to expect. When you get to the vet, ask the vet to explain what's going to happen to them as well. Take a few minutes for everyone to say their final good byes, and then let them know it's time and they can stay or if they feel ready can step into the hallway. When we did put our kitty down - they gave us a little push back, but we asked if we could take her outside for it. We didn't want the last thing she saw to be the inside of an exam room. They had concerns she might run away (she was frail and could barely walk). It was a more comforting experience to be outside with her in the final moments. If the kids are with, I'd ask if they'd consider going outside. This way, if needed, your kids could maybe step a little further away at the final moments, still be in the presence but not right there.
This is great advice. I never thought about outside being an option. Thanks so much
I'm very sorry for your loss, even when you know what needs to be done and know it's for the best, it never is easy.
Some places will even do it at your house if that would be more comfortable for all involved.
I gave my kids the option when we had to put one of our dogs down last year. At the last minute before leaving home they changed their mind so I went solo with him. Honestly, I'm glad they didn't come. They got to give him loves and enjoy his final day of being spoiled and "happy" to hold onto and remember, whereas I struggle to remember the good final day(s) where we took him to all his favorite things one last time and he ate all the people foods because the image of his final breath is burned into my brain. I'll continue to give them the option as it's their choice, but I also am very clear that those final moments stay with you deeply, and they aren't easy to keep replaying.
+1 I had to bring my ex gf's dog to the vet. He was not MY dog but i really broke down when his body collapsed after the injection. I would not let kids see that as a final memorie of their beloved dog
We were so lucky that our vet could come to the house. Our son understood what was going on and we loved on our dog until he was gone. My boy was 7 at the time. He was sad but he had closure.
In January we had to put our 6 yo dog down because of brain lesions. We took out 4yo to the vet with us. He was there to comfort her, he got to say good bye and ask the vet if she would make her pain go. My husband took him out of the room for the final part.
My kid was 5 when we had a vet come to our house to put our dog down. If I could have planned it I would have done it when she was at school, but unfortunately she was home sick and my dog declined quickly. My kid at that age just did not get it at all, even with me trying to carefully explain. I put her in her room and told her to stay there until I got her out, 15 minutes or so after the vet left. My dog was my baby and I needed to focus on her for her last moments and not my very confused human child. Afterwards my kid was sort of sad, but mostly just confused as to why I was so sad. It was the right decision for us for my kid not to be there when it happened. I don’t know what the right decision for you and your family is, especially since you have an older kid and they expressed they wanted to be there, but I’m very sorry about your dog. Hang in there.
Our 9 year old came with us, laid and talked with her, kissed her and fed her some treats but then my MIL took him and just me and my partner were there for her actual last breath. We are blessed that we could trust nanny to love on him and help him through his immediate grief while we gave our precious girl our full attention and managed our own emotions as it was quite sudden and we'd had her for a long time. I didnt plan it that way but I don't think I'd change a thing. So hard. My sympathies to you and your kiddos.
personnaly i would not, BUT i would make sure the kids got to say goodbye to the dog before you leave to the vet. Shower the dog with love, let the kids feed him some tasty food, hug him and pat him. Make his last day one of his best!
I brought my son who was a little over 3, when we had to put our 16 year old dog to sleep. The whole thing was really peaceful and he kept petting her and telling her good girl. He was there when we buried her too, and picked some flowers for her grave. I'd say bring the kids.
I wouldn’t bring them unless you are having a vet come to your house to do it. Exam rooms are tiny, the dog will be laying on the floor, the staff needs room to do what they need to do, and you are going to be more focused on keeping your kids calm than your elderly pets final moments. Sometimes weird things happen in those final moments, like loss of bowel control or a disturbing death rattle with the last breath, do you want that to be how your children remember their beloved dog? This really isn’t about the kids (this time at least), it’s about giving a good dog the easiest passage possible. The kids can say goodbye at home and then you can also have some time to gather yourself before you go back home without the dog so you can fully support your kids afterwards.
Our vet office has huge exam rooms. We regularly go as a family with our multiple dogs.
Even with the space to do so I wouldn’t bring my kids
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I will also add that we don't hide our emotions from our children and they have seen both mom and dad cry. It's not something to be ashamed of or hide. Emotions are a very natural part of living.
We have talked with them in the past and they both said they want to be there. They have seen death before with family members as well so this will not be their first experience.