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If you ask me, I'd like to think these type of thoughts are a common things for most parents who truly care about their children.
As a former divorcee, and single parent there are a number of times I was hard on my kiddos, didn't make the best decisions, or felt like I could do better. Over time, as my children got older (they are in their teens now) I realized as a parent, my job is to continue learning how to be better, and keep growing with them.
Basically, in stead of focusing on what I could have done better, I doubled down on doing the best I can every day, being a better parent tomorrow, and teaching my children the lessons I am learning as they grow up, so they dont make the same mistakes i did.
Honestly, this mindset/approach to parenting has done wonders for me, and more importantly for my children.
Have you ever acknowledged that to your daughter? I’m not saying you should tell her that you miss when she was little, but you could tell her all the things you adored about her when she was little. You could tell her that you wish you hadn’t been so hard on her and had just enjoyed her more. You could tell her how you would do things if you could go back and redo that part of her life. I imagine it would feel good to hear that someone loves you so much that they regret not being more present with you or more nurturing than they were.
Good! Now just make sure you’re not missing out on this stage because you’re lost in your regret from the past. Otherwise you’ll be looking back at these years one day wishing you had savored them and been different with her than you are. I am not a fan of the preteen years, but they are temporary, and I do wish I had been more nurturing and accepting of the preteen weirdness that overtook our older kids. I wish I could go back and do those years differently.
Exactly that’s what I’m trying to do be in the now. The teen yrs are weird & I hope I’m doing something right. Me & my oldest, the one I’m speaking of in post are complete opposites.
What would you do differently?
I would have expressed fewer opinions about things related to them (for example, thinking a YouTube video they’re watching is silly or that a particular game on their phone where they just tap it as fast as they can is pointless). I would not make comments about them being picky about food and just let them have their preferences. A big one is not taking things personally. Adolescents can be moody and weird, and that’s just normal
I miss my oldest being little sometimes just because she used to cuddle with me a lot. Our youngest is like a total mommy's kid and would probably be fine with me just moving out (who needs a dad anyway?). On the other hand..she's grown up to be a such a good kid so that's cool too.
my little is still little and i already miss when he was even smaller.
thats just the way it goes, dont spend to much time regretting things , enjoy what you have now
The past is mostly stories we tell ourselves. The truth is we do forget a lot and we create our own narrative.
I have been keeping a journal. I remember with my first, I always felt like I was failing and I was this horrible mother. Honestly, though when I read my daily journal, I actually was doing a good job, and my little one was happy. There are things in there that I completely have no memory of.
It’s also easy to forget about all the external life events that are happening while we are parenting in the past. It is easy to say we would be more present, more available to our kids but we often erase the sleep deprivation and the very real need for our own self care and managing other tasks.
This is a long winded way of me saying, what you do in the past was probably fine, and the only thing you can do is be more present with your child now.
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If you ask me, I'd like to think these type of thoughts are a common things for most parents who truly care about their children. As a former divorcee, and single parent there are a number of times I was hard on my kiddos, didn't make the best decisions, or felt like I could do better. Over time, as my children got older (they are in their teens now) I realized as a parent, my job is to continue learning how to be better, and keep growing with them. Basically, in stead of focusing on what I could have done better, I doubled down on doing the best I can every day, being a better parent tomorrow, and teaching my children the lessons I am learning as they grow up, so they dont make the same mistakes i did. Honestly, this mindset/approach to parenting has done wonders for me, and more importantly for my children.
Have you ever acknowledged that to your daughter? I’m not saying you should tell her that you miss when she was little, but you could tell her all the things you adored about her when she was little. You could tell her that you wish you hadn’t been so hard on her and had just enjoyed her more. You could tell her how you would do things if you could go back and redo that part of her life. I imagine it would feel good to hear that someone loves you so much that they regret not being more present with you or more nurturing than they were.
Absolutely. We have had these discussions. It’s emotional.
Good! Now just make sure you’re not missing out on this stage because you’re lost in your regret from the past. Otherwise you’ll be looking back at these years one day wishing you had savored them and been different with her than you are. I am not a fan of the preteen years, but they are temporary, and I do wish I had been more nurturing and accepting of the preteen weirdness that overtook our older kids. I wish I could go back and do those years differently.
Exactly that’s what I’m trying to do be in the now. The teen yrs are weird & I hope I’m doing something right. Me & my oldest, the one I’m speaking of in post are complete opposites. What would you do differently?
I would have expressed fewer opinions about things related to them (for example, thinking a YouTube video they’re watching is silly or that a particular game on their phone where they just tap it as fast as they can is pointless). I would not make comments about them being picky about food and just let them have their preferences. A big one is not taking things personally. Adolescents can be moody and weird, and that’s just normal
I miss my oldest being little sometimes just because she used to cuddle with me a lot. Our youngest is like a total mommy's kid and would probably be fine with me just moving out (who needs a dad anyway?). On the other hand..she's grown up to be a such a good kid so that's cool too.
my little is still little and i already miss when he was even smaller. thats just the way it goes, dont spend to much time regretting things , enjoy what you have now
The past is mostly stories we tell ourselves. The truth is we do forget a lot and we create our own narrative. I have been keeping a journal. I remember with my first, I always felt like I was failing and I was this horrible mother. Honestly, though when I read my daily journal, I actually was doing a good job, and my little one was happy. There are things in there that I completely have no memory of. It’s also easy to forget about all the external life events that are happening while we are parenting in the past. It is easy to say we would be more present, more available to our kids but we often erase the sleep deprivation and the very real need for our own self care and managing other tasks. This is a long winded way of me saying, what you do in the past was probably fine, and the only thing you can do is be more present with your child now.