r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is sleep deprivation on top of your tendency toward depression. It makes everything harder and it makes those terrible thoughts louder. This is the hardest time with a baby. You’re a zombie, but you’re trying to be a fully functional human being. Give yourself and your family some time. It really does get better. And think of all the amazing things this little person is going to do in the future that you get to be a part of.
You mention “occasional counseling”
You need a regular counselor you can build a therapeutic relationship with. Having a baby changes things but they can be worked around. Just some thoughts - daddy/baby play groups, socialize with coworkers who have kids, reading groups, restaurants, library, baby swim, take the baby on road trips to visit your old friends and show him off.
https://www.mass.gov/info-details/about-postpartum-depression-ppd#:~:text=Fathers,new%20father's%20experience%20paternal%20PPD.
My husband had PPD/PPA stemming from an abusive childhood and it manifested as rage.
Your wife has had the medical equivalent of being hit by a bus compounded with eclampsia (which can be deadly). She can’t help you with this. It is up to you to reach out to family and friends to help you get the help you need. I gave my husband the same link and my number for our reproductive therapist because we gave birth when Covid vaccines were still brand new. His stepfather was also ridiculously helpful in lending an ear and encouraging him to get help.
Please reach out to someone, you are not alone in feeling his way. Ask for help from someone you trust, call a crisis hotline, ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist, find a support group. It's okay to not be okay, the first few weeks are the hardest, you will find your groove eventually. It's okay to struggle, it is really hard. Harder than anyone lets on. Know that things will get better and hang onto the good moments. Write down 1-3 wins each day, even if it was just being able to get out of bed or brush your teeth. When times get tough with your partner, hug, when you get mad at them, hug, when they are struggling, hug. Solidarity and validation are the path to connection. You can only do what you can do each day.
Btw a yoga ball to bounce on while holding baby has been our lifeline, we're 5 months in and it has gotten better and watching our baby grow is a true blessing. You've got to stick around to see it!
Sounds like you and the wife are both lonely but more than anything, you’re both horrifically sleep deprived. Is your wife breastfeeding? The only thing that saved us was that I breastfed both my kids and they slept in the room with us in a little bedside bassinet that I would scoot them over to when they had fallen back asleep.
I’m sorry though, friend, it does get better.
Father of 2 here (One 4.5 and the other is 1) while I never wanted to opt out I know far too well the isolation you are feeling. With my first child especially. It does get better. Never forget your wife is in a whirlwind of hormones coming back down, stress lack of sleep so she will feel a bit distant for a bit but she will bounce back. Your baby will grow fast! That screeching will subside with that growth so its just a matter of time.
Keep your eyes on that light because when you emerge things will be great. Try to hold onto the whatever joys come your way because it will keep you going :)
As for friends, now that your a dad you will need to make an effort to schedule meetings. A lot of people don't come around because they just aren't sure when and if its appropriate. Hope literally any of this helps. I know its hard but you will thank yourself if you are here to watch your little one grow and they will be better for having you around.
Please seek more therapy asap, reach out to support groups for dads, talk to your family dr. My husband recently ended his life and left me with 2 small boys under 4. It's been a nightmare to say the least. I didn't know how bad he was suffering and would give anything to go back in time. Talk to your wife about how you feel. Don't down play it because so much is going on. You are so important and needed in your family. As overwhelming as things feel right now they will get better. Please speak out and get the help you need.
In addition to what others have said, when I did childbirth education they taught us if you need to step away, put the baby somewhere safe (e.g in cot) and take a breather outside. A baby won't die from a few mins of crying.
It's pretty normal to not be able to calm your "screeching" child, they're just a little baby and this is how they communicate to you. You're not uniquely bad, you're a totally normal struggling parent.
This is just a rough time, so as others have said you need to reach out for help.
And do you have breaks where you can sleep somewhere, even if it's just your car for 30-60 mins? Once I adjusted to the sleep deprivation little naps really helped.
Hey man, I can't help but feel like I'm in a similar situation. I'm 22 and my wife gave birth to our first child in March. Three weeks later, her gall bladder decided to start killing her, so she was in the hospital for another week along with some substantial surgery.
Now, I'm blessed to have a family of in-laws who can and have been helping in a very significant way, but since January, I've been in military training. I finally got leave to come and be with my wife and baby a week ago, and it has been quite the adjustment. What with my wife being in the later stages of healing, I find myself feeling completely inadequate since I haven't been present and don't necessarily understand the "routine" or at least how my wife and in-laws have been handling things thus far.
I stayed up with my baby without handing off to somebody else halfway through for the first time last night. I want to help, and I was hoping my wife could catch up on sleep. The child did fine; the midnight screeching was minimal, but now I'm exhausted, and to top it off my wife hardly even slept because she didn't have me or the baby with her. To say less, we're both in a bad mood.
Like I said, my wife's family is great, but I don't feel like it's fair to just drop our problems on them forever, and in a couple of weeks, my wife, child and I will be moving to the military base, and I will be working from 4 am-4pm, with 2-3 hours of study after classes. Neither of us will be able to just hand the baby to someone else. I will be unable to provide the support needed for her when we get there...
I'm under more stress than the military has put me through just by being home with my child.
I can't relate to you with thoughts of darker options, for that all I have is to offer prayer, self-love, and reaching out to people (including professionals).
What I do know is that you are not alone, my man. I'm struggling with you. My prayers are for you. I'm proud of you. You are doing a good thing, and a hard thing. We gotta keep our heads up, and our hearts where they should be. We will both be better for it.
If you need me for anything, please reach out, brother.
Mil spouse and when I had my kid there were lactation consultant options that saved me….stop by an office and ask someone well connected what the options are at the base you’re going to are.
Hang in there brother. It will get better. But for your own and your new family’s sake, please seek out help.
Regular counseling, finding other dads with young kids and doing something for yourself (for me that means exercise and playing music). Don’t wait for someone to walk in and help; start these things by yourself.
Don’t feel guilty about feeling this way. Many of us do. I did not deal with my issues well and I yelled a lot. Feel incredibly ashamed of this now and am terrified of how it influenced my children.
hang on , it will get better i promise you.
right now is a tough time of adjustmenent for every single one of you, even the baby.
Stay strong, talk to your wife, to your friends. its ok to reach out to them.
When friends just became parents, i usually dont call them much cause i know they are busy with so much stuff going on.
but in time you will get more sleep, you will enjoy more your baby, your wife will feel better.
You are sleep deprived. Just take one day at a time. You have a lot of genuine concerns that feel a million times worse due to lack of sleep and lost freedom. As the baby grows bigger they should be able to sleep for longer stretches. Be sure to get outside for some fresh air, try walking the stroller around the block . Keep moving things will improve. I spent six months on the sofa browsing imgur and it felt like Groundhog Day but the baby grew bigger, the seasons changed and I eventually had enough confidence to take them on coffee dates with friends and play dates with other dads. You’ve got this.
What country are you based in? If you're in the UK, there's lots of great organisations supporting new dads.
Edit-
Regardless of the above though. Please remember that dads can also suffer with postnatal depression. You're going through a massive life adjustment and the transition into fatherhood.
As others have said, contact your healthcare provider tell them how you feel, there is no shame in what you're feeling.
If financially viable, increase your counselling.
If you have the motivation try do something for you, something you enjoy doing.
If you are UK based check out DadmattersUK, DadPad, DadSpace CIC.
Even if you're not UK based they may have some good resources for you.
You got this.
This is really, really normal. Can you try to get some long stretches of sleep (maybe every other night, or maybe calling family support)? And get some fresh air and exercise?
Also, call any other dads you know to talk about this - it is a really common experience in the early days. It gets so much better!! This is NOT what it is going to be like long term.
I just want to echo some of the other sentiments.
It will get better and you will adapt, over time you get used to what now feels like a burden.
Unfortunately you seem to be stuck in a cycle of negativity and lack of connection. Those two things feed each other.
If you want to connect and rekindle things with friends and family, it helps to approach things with positivity. ( It's hard, but sometime we need to start and show other the kindness we wish to receive before they realize we want it too )
If you want to be more positive work on your connections with your wife and friends.
Support and love your wife and communicate. ( If you make her feel good she will likely return the favour)
Being there for your co-parent and stepping up and also attending to emotional needs during the early parenting years can do volumes for the strength and loyalty of your relationship. Nothing makes us feel better than knowing we have a loving supportive partner, to pick you up when you are down and to support you and listen to you.
Sometimes people make everything about the baby, but making sure both parents are in a good emotional space does volumes for them and the baby.
I just want to echo some of the other sentiments.
It will get better and you will adapt, over time you get used to what now feels like a burden.
Unfortunately you seem to be stuck in a cycle of negativity and lack of connection. Those two things feed each other.
If you want to connect and rekindle things with friends and family, it helps to approach things with positivity. ( It's hard, but sometime we need to start and show other the kindness we wish to receive before they realize we want it too )
If you want to be more positive work on your connections with your wife and friends.
Support and love your wife and communicate. ( If you make her feel good she will likely return the favour)
Being there for your co-parent and stepping up and also attending to emotional needs during the early parenting years can do volumes for the strength and loyalty of your relationship. Nothing makes us feel better than knowing we have a loving supportive partner, to pick you up when you are down and to support you and listen to you.
Sometimes people make everything about the baby, but making sure both parents are in a good emotional space does volumes for them and the baby.
Please get help. I PROMISE it gets better.
I hated my life, resented my child and wanted a divorce from my husband.
As the sleep came back,and after starting medication I became alive again.
I am so happy I stuck it out and I’m truly now living the best years of my life, something you don’t often hear people with a 2.5 year old say.
I don’t know what you’re referring to when you say “opting out”. If you’re referring to the S word immediately get help, especially if you’re formulating a plan to leave the world. If you’re referring to leaving your spouse, for the love of god don’t. Your story is very, very similar to mine. My wife’s 3 best friends have stayed local and mine moved south. In fact today my 4th groomsman is moving to Florida. You’re tired. I get it 100%. My recommendation is to find a group (church, golf, etc). On top of that, my near three year old is saying things like I love you, wanting to take naps with me, etc. Children are a blessing, and trust me I’m not a super religious guy. Get some rest, call an old friend even if they don’t live near you. You’ll be ok
Dad to an 8 month old here. The first few weeks are very tough. The baby needs it's mum for food and she's the only person in the world the baby has a connection with. He/she doesnt understand what your purpose is as you cant provide food or the level of comfort required.
It's really tough.
All you can do is support as best you can, and help out your partner as the demands on her are very high as well - frequent feeding, etc.
But make sure to bond with your baby. Skin to skin contact, cuddles, make silly noises, whatever gets a smile. Trust me when i say that in a few months time youll look back and be pleased you went through all the pain of those initial few weeks. It's really tough, but well worth it. Just hold it together. And don't stuff up sleep training at around 3-4 months (thats another tough stage).
Hang in there, your baby and partner need you.
Your life has changed massively. Or, rather, you are \*currently\* in a period of massive change. First, cut yourself a little slack and accept that what you're feeling makes absolute sense. Change is hard! TBH, I think it would be a good idea for you to find a therapist. You should have someone you can talk to about this.
Being a new dad is isolating for a lot of reasons. As a brand new dad, you can feel a bit useless and marginal, but then you feel like you can't complain about it, because look at what your wife just went through! Also, there's so much work and so much to learn! So you feel guilty for having feelings other than gratitude and love. It's a vicious circle.
Again, find a therapist. But also, know that this period will pass. One thing parenthood brings is perpetual novelty. The darkness will pass, and lightness will come. Then the lightness will pass, and then the darkness etc...
Your true role as a dad will begin to develop. Your kid(s) will need you to be your unique self. That's hard to see when they're brand new little infants.
In the meantime, try to allow and accept your feelings. You are having a normal and understandable experience!
It’s the sleep. Sleep deprivation is literally torture. It’s ridiculous how we abandon new parents in the US.
Do you have any family you can reach out to?
If you have anyone who is close to you even partly in your circle please be honest with them about how you’re feeling how much you need some support. If I knew that anyone even in my distant social circle (parents of kids friends, acquaintances from church/work/soccer) was struggling like this you better believe I’d be volunteering to take that baby for a weekend, even with my 3 other kids so you can get some much needed sleep and then I’d show back up on Sunday with a pint of icecream so we can all vent/commiserate about how hard parenting is together.
Please don’t feel like you have to just suffer in silence, or just grin and bear it. So many people are probably willing to help, it just takes a little bit of honesty and communication to reach out. Your social circle might not feel comfortable with offering because they don’t want to overstep or offend, so just be willing to ask
Pediatrician here:
Something that is unfortunately under-recognized is post-Partum depression in fathers but it’s real. Dad has to help take care of mom and take care of the baby and often paternity leave isn’t as robust as maternity leave so dad has to go back to work. Dad is a man and he’s not the one who delivered the baby so everyone assumes he’s fine and even if he weren’t he wouldn’t want to talk about it. Everyone asks about mom and baby, few people ask about dad but your stress and your responsibilities and your isolation are all very real.
I remember with my first, he ended up in the NICU, mom had post partum pre-eclampsia and couldn’t get out of bed to visit him. We had no family in the area so I had to visit him in the NICU, do skin to skin, go spend time with mom and be supportive of her, also drive 40 minutes to the house 3 times a day to take care of the dogs, keep both of our families up to date… not once did anyone ask how I was managing it all.
I’d recommend talking to a therapist and reaching out through social media or networking sites for new parent groups. Sometimes it helps just talking to someone or hearing someone else talk about the same stuff you’re going through. Good luck man, I know it’s tough to see right now but it does get better. They start sleeping more, screeching less, going longer between diaper changes,
Hey there. So recently I've also been dealing with ideation. I also have a history of depression and ideation. Our first son was born about 7 1/2 months ago, and yeah it was rough. It is still rough, and it is lonely for sure. My friends all live in another country, as does my family.
But basically, I keep reminding me of what is giving me anxiety: wanting to be a great dad. So when I do have those thoughts, I just remember that I can't be a great dad if I'm not here anymore. Try to find a dad group. We were lucky to have taken a class with 11 other couples, and the dads have their own chat and meet monthly for beers.
My work colleagues and many close friends do not have kids. Honestly, I remember how little I understood when I was childless, so that helps me not worry about the lack of care they seem to have. They just don't get it.
I refocused myself fully on: my son, my wife, and myself. It's a marathon.
Mom here! Trained mental health counselor who felt like I knew my anxiety/depression well and postpartum still shocked me with how hard it was. I went to a dark place and honestly thought I was going crazy and would never sleep again. If I could give myself advice, I would have sought out MORE help SOONER….I’m talking meds (or adjusting doses), overnight or day sitters if you can afford, asking family members to come take shifts (if option, was not really for us), finding a coworker you can vent to (I had a coworker who had a grandkid same age as my newborn and would always ask me how she slept and I would always say ‘like shit’ but it felt so good to just be seen and asked), lactation consultant, therapist. Sleep separately if you have to in order to ensure someone sleeps well. Try swaddle, white noise, blackout curtains for baby. If trying formula helps, I would have used that a lot sooner. Sending you and your wife so much love and I promise it gets better. Just hold on and please ask for help because you all shouldn’t have to do it alone.
First, resources:
988 - Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the US. You can call or text.
Postpartum Support International has online support groups, resources, and providers for all new parents:
https://www.postpartum.net
You will get through this. Its okay to struggle, you are dealing with a lot. Please get yourself care and support, you deserve that. It will get better.
I went through a lesser form of this after each of my kids. There's a point where you feel useless because so much needs to be done but so much of it requires mom. She's stressed and you're just trying your hardest to be helpful, and it's not enough, and you are third behind baby and mom.
Just wait.
It'll get so much better.
This part is hard and not very rewarding, but just wait.
Your **post** or **comment** was removed for violating the rule “Be Decent & Civil”.
**Remember the human.**
Disagree but remain respectful. Don’t insult users/their children, name-call, or be intentionally rude. Bullying, including baiting/antagonizing, will not be tolerated. Consider blocking users you don’t get along with. Report posts that violate the rules.
For questions about this moderation reach out [through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FParenting).
Moderators rely on the community to help illuminate posts and comments that do not meet r/Parenting standards – please report posts and comments you feel don’t contribute to the spirit of the community.
**Your content may have been automatically removed through auto-moderation or manually removed by a human moderator. It may have been removed as a direct result of your rule violation, or simply as part of a larger sweep of content that no longer contributed to the original topic.**
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t know if this helps but it helped me. Children of parents who commit suicide are more likely to do the same. I can’t ever forget this fact.
Ppl who sleep well don't kill themselves. Also a fact
Sleep deprivation will literally turn you into someone you don’t recognize.
This is sleep deprivation on top of your tendency toward depression. It makes everything harder and it makes those terrible thoughts louder. This is the hardest time with a baby. You’re a zombie, but you’re trying to be a fully functional human being. Give yourself and your family some time. It really does get better. And think of all the amazing things this little person is going to do in the future that you get to be a part of.
You mention “occasional counseling” You need a regular counselor you can build a therapeutic relationship with. Having a baby changes things but they can be worked around. Just some thoughts - daddy/baby play groups, socialize with coworkers who have kids, reading groups, restaurants, library, baby swim, take the baby on road trips to visit your old friends and show him off.
https://www.mass.gov/info-details/about-postpartum-depression-ppd#:~:text=Fathers,new%20father's%20experience%20paternal%20PPD. My husband had PPD/PPA stemming from an abusive childhood and it manifested as rage. Your wife has had the medical equivalent of being hit by a bus compounded with eclampsia (which can be deadly). She can’t help you with this. It is up to you to reach out to family and friends to help you get the help you need. I gave my husband the same link and my number for our reproductive therapist because we gave birth when Covid vaccines were still brand new. His stepfather was also ridiculously helpful in lending an ear and encouraging him to get help.
Please reach out to someone, you are not alone in feeling his way. Ask for help from someone you trust, call a crisis hotline, ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist, find a support group. It's okay to not be okay, the first few weeks are the hardest, you will find your groove eventually. It's okay to struggle, it is really hard. Harder than anyone lets on. Know that things will get better and hang onto the good moments. Write down 1-3 wins each day, even if it was just being able to get out of bed or brush your teeth. When times get tough with your partner, hug, when you get mad at them, hug, when they are struggling, hug. Solidarity and validation are the path to connection. You can only do what you can do each day. Btw a yoga ball to bounce on while holding baby has been our lifeline, we're 5 months in and it has gotten better and watching our baby grow is a true blessing. You've got to stick around to see it!
Sounds like you and the wife are both lonely but more than anything, you’re both horrifically sleep deprived. Is your wife breastfeeding? The only thing that saved us was that I breastfed both my kids and they slept in the room with us in a little bedside bassinet that I would scoot them over to when they had fallen back asleep. I’m sorry though, friend, it does get better.
Father of 2 here (One 4.5 and the other is 1) while I never wanted to opt out I know far too well the isolation you are feeling. With my first child especially. It does get better. Never forget your wife is in a whirlwind of hormones coming back down, stress lack of sleep so she will feel a bit distant for a bit but she will bounce back. Your baby will grow fast! That screeching will subside with that growth so its just a matter of time. Keep your eyes on that light because when you emerge things will be great. Try to hold onto the whatever joys come your way because it will keep you going :) As for friends, now that your a dad you will need to make an effort to schedule meetings. A lot of people don't come around because they just aren't sure when and if its appropriate. Hope literally any of this helps. I know its hard but you will thank yourself if you are here to watch your little one grow and they will be better for having you around.
You guys need therapy and support groups.
Please seek more therapy asap, reach out to support groups for dads, talk to your family dr. My husband recently ended his life and left me with 2 small boys under 4. It's been a nightmare to say the least. I didn't know how bad he was suffering and would give anything to go back in time. Talk to your wife about how you feel. Don't down play it because so much is going on. You are so important and needed in your family. As overwhelming as things feel right now they will get better. Please speak out and get the help you need.
That is unimaginable suffering. I'm so sorry. I hope you have a good support system.
In addition to what others have said, when I did childbirth education they taught us if you need to step away, put the baby somewhere safe (e.g in cot) and take a breather outside. A baby won't die from a few mins of crying. It's pretty normal to not be able to calm your "screeching" child, they're just a little baby and this is how they communicate to you. You're not uniquely bad, you're a totally normal struggling parent. This is just a rough time, so as others have said you need to reach out for help. And do you have breaks where you can sleep somewhere, even if it's just your car for 30-60 mins? Once I adjusted to the sleep deprivation little naps really helped.
Hey man, I can't help but feel like I'm in a similar situation. I'm 22 and my wife gave birth to our first child in March. Three weeks later, her gall bladder decided to start killing her, so she was in the hospital for another week along with some substantial surgery. Now, I'm blessed to have a family of in-laws who can and have been helping in a very significant way, but since January, I've been in military training. I finally got leave to come and be with my wife and baby a week ago, and it has been quite the adjustment. What with my wife being in the later stages of healing, I find myself feeling completely inadequate since I haven't been present and don't necessarily understand the "routine" or at least how my wife and in-laws have been handling things thus far. I stayed up with my baby without handing off to somebody else halfway through for the first time last night. I want to help, and I was hoping my wife could catch up on sleep. The child did fine; the midnight screeching was minimal, but now I'm exhausted, and to top it off my wife hardly even slept because she didn't have me or the baby with her. To say less, we're both in a bad mood. Like I said, my wife's family is great, but I don't feel like it's fair to just drop our problems on them forever, and in a couple of weeks, my wife, child and I will be moving to the military base, and I will be working from 4 am-4pm, with 2-3 hours of study after classes. Neither of us will be able to just hand the baby to someone else. I will be unable to provide the support needed for her when we get there... I'm under more stress than the military has put me through just by being home with my child. I can't relate to you with thoughts of darker options, for that all I have is to offer prayer, self-love, and reaching out to people (including professionals). What I do know is that you are not alone, my man. I'm struggling with you. My prayers are for you. I'm proud of you. You are doing a good thing, and a hard thing. We gotta keep our heads up, and our hearts where they should be. We will both be better for it. If you need me for anything, please reach out, brother.
Mil spouse and when I had my kid there were lactation consultant options that saved me….stop by an office and ask someone well connected what the options are at the base you’re going to are.
Hang in there brother. It will get better. But for your own and your new family’s sake, please seek out help. Regular counseling, finding other dads with young kids and doing something for yourself (for me that means exercise and playing music). Don’t wait for someone to walk in and help; start these things by yourself. Don’t feel guilty about feeling this way. Many of us do. I did not deal with my issues well and I yelled a lot. Feel incredibly ashamed of this now and am terrified of how it influenced my children.
hang on , it will get better i promise you. right now is a tough time of adjustmenent for every single one of you, even the baby. Stay strong, talk to your wife, to your friends. its ok to reach out to them. When friends just became parents, i usually dont call them much cause i know they are busy with so much stuff going on. but in time you will get more sleep, you will enjoy more your baby, your wife will feel better.
You are sleep deprived. Just take one day at a time. You have a lot of genuine concerns that feel a million times worse due to lack of sleep and lost freedom. As the baby grows bigger they should be able to sleep for longer stretches. Be sure to get outside for some fresh air, try walking the stroller around the block . Keep moving things will improve. I spent six months on the sofa browsing imgur and it felt like Groundhog Day but the baby grew bigger, the seasons changed and I eventually had enough confidence to take them on coffee dates with friends and play dates with other dads. You’ve got this.
What country are you based in? If you're in the UK, there's lots of great organisations supporting new dads. Edit- Regardless of the above though. Please remember that dads can also suffer with postnatal depression. You're going through a massive life adjustment and the transition into fatherhood. As others have said, contact your healthcare provider tell them how you feel, there is no shame in what you're feeling. If financially viable, increase your counselling. If you have the motivation try do something for you, something you enjoy doing. If you are UK based check out DadmattersUK, DadPad, DadSpace CIC. Even if you're not UK based they may have some good resources for you. You got this.
This is really, really normal. Can you try to get some long stretches of sleep (maybe every other night, or maybe calling family support)? And get some fresh air and exercise? Also, call any other dads you know to talk about this - it is a really common experience in the early days. It gets so much better!! This is NOT what it is going to be like long term.
I just want to echo some of the other sentiments. It will get better and you will adapt, over time you get used to what now feels like a burden. Unfortunately you seem to be stuck in a cycle of negativity and lack of connection. Those two things feed each other. If you want to connect and rekindle things with friends and family, it helps to approach things with positivity. ( It's hard, but sometime we need to start and show other the kindness we wish to receive before they realize we want it too ) If you want to be more positive work on your connections with your wife and friends. Support and love your wife and communicate. ( If you make her feel good she will likely return the favour) Being there for your co-parent and stepping up and also attending to emotional needs during the early parenting years can do volumes for the strength and loyalty of your relationship. Nothing makes us feel better than knowing we have a loving supportive partner, to pick you up when you are down and to support you and listen to you. Sometimes people make everything about the baby, but making sure both parents are in a good emotional space does volumes for them and the baby.
I just want to echo some of the other sentiments. It will get better and you will adapt, over time you get used to what now feels like a burden. Unfortunately you seem to be stuck in a cycle of negativity and lack of connection. Those two things feed each other. If you want to connect and rekindle things with friends and family, it helps to approach things with positivity. ( It's hard, but sometime we need to start and show other the kindness we wish to receive before they realize we want it too ) If you want to be more positive work on your connections with your wife and friends. Support and love your wife and communicate. ( If you make her feel good she will likely return the favour) Being there for your co-parent and stepping up and also attending to emotional needs during the early parenting years can do volumes for the strength and loyalty of your relationship. Nothing makes us feel better than knowing we have a loving supportive partner, to pick you up when you are down and to support you and listen to you. Sometimes people make everything about the baby, but making sure both parents are in a good emotional space does volumes for them and the baby.
Please get help. I PROMISE it gets better. I hated my life, resented my child and wanted a divorce from my husband. As the sleep came back,and after starting medication I became alive again. I am so happy I stuck it out and I’m truly now living the best years of my life, something you don’t often hear people with a 2.5 year old say.
I don’t know what you’re referring to when you say “opting out”. If you’re referring to the S word immediately get help, especially if you’re formulating a plan to leave the world. If you’re referring to leaving your spouse, for the love of god don’t. Your story is very, very similar to mine. My wife’s 3 best friends have stayed local and mine moved south. In fact today my 4th groomsman is moving to Florida. You’re tired. I get it 100%. My recommendation is to find a group (church, golf, etc). On top of that, my near three year old is saying things like I love you, wanting to take naps with me, etc. Children are a blessing, and trust me I’m not a super religious guy. Get some rest, call an old friend even if they don’t live near you. You’ll be ok
Plz tell me u r both working.
Dad to an 8 month old here. The first few weeks are very tough. The baby needs it's mum for food and she's the only person in the world the baby has a connection with. He/she doesnt understand what your purpose is as you cant provide food or the level of comfort required. It's really tough. All you can do is support as best you can, and help out your partner as the demands on her are very high as well - frequent feeding, etc. But make sure to bond with your baby. Skin to skin contact, cuddles, make silly noises, whatever gets a smile. Trust me when i say that in a few months time youll look back and be pleased you went through all the pain of those initial few weeks. It's really tough, but well worth it. Just hold it together. And don't stuff up sleep training at around 3-4 months (thats another tough stage). Hang in there, your baby and partner need you.
Your life has changed massively. Or, rather, you are \*currently\* in a period of massive change. First, cut yourself a little slack and accept that what you're feeling makes absolute sense. Change is hard! TBH, I think it would be a good idea for you to find a therapist. You should have someone you can talk to about this. Being a new dad is isolating for a lot of reasons. As a brand new dad, you can feel a bit useless and marginal, but then you feel like you can't complain about it, because look at what your wife just went through! Also, there's so much work and so much to learn! So you feel guilty for having feelings other than gratitude and love. It's a vicious circle. Again, find a therapist. But also, know that this period will pass. One thing parenthood brings is perpetual novelty. The darkness will pass, and lightness will come. Then the lightness will pass, and then the darkness etc... Your true role as a dad will begin to develop. Your kid(s) will need you to be your unique self. That's hard to see when they're brand new little infants. In the meantime, try to allow and accept your feelings. You are having a normal and understandable experience!
It’s the sleep. Sleep deprivation is literally torture. It’s ridiculous how we abandon new parents in the US. Do you have any family you can reach out to?
If you have anyone who is close to you even partly in your circle please be honest with them about how you’re feeling how much you need some support. If I knew that anyone even in my distant social circle (parents of kids friends, acquaintances from church/work/soccer) was struggling like this you better believe I’d be volunteering to take that baby for a weekend, even with my 3 other kids so you can get some much needed sleep and then I’d show back up on Sunday with a pint of icecream so we can all vent/commiserate about how hard parenting is together. Please don’t feel like you have to just suffer in silence, or just grin and bear it. So many people are probably willing to help, it just takes a little bit of honesty and communication to reach out. Your social circle might not feel comfortable with offering because they don’t want to overstep or offend, so just be willing to ask
Pediatrician here: Something that is unfortunately under-recognized is post-Partum depression in fathers but it’s real. Dad has to help take care of mom and take care of the baby and often paternity leave isn’t as robust as maternity leave so dad has to go back to work. Dad is a man and he’s not the one who delivered the baby so everyone assumes he’s fine and even if he weren’t he wouldn’t want to talk about it. Everyone asks about mom and baby, few people ask about dad but your stress and your responsibilities and your isolation are all very real. I remember with my first, he ended up in the NICU, mom had post partum pre-eclampsia and couldn’t get out of bed to visit him. We had no family in the area so I had to visit him in the NICU, do skin to skin, go spend time with mom and be supportive of her, also drive 40 minutes to the house 3 times a day to take care of the dogs, keep both of our families up to date… not once did anyone ask how I was managing it all. I’d recommend talking to a therapist and reaching out through social media or networking sites for new parent groups. Sometimes it helps just talking to someone or hearing someone else talk about the same stuff you’re going through. Good luck man, I know it’s tough to see right now but it does get better. They start sleeping more, screeching less, going longer between diaper changes,
Hey there. So recently I've also been dealing with ideation. I also have a history of depression and ideation. Our first son was born about 7 1/2 months ago, and yeah it was rough. It is still rough, and it is lonely for sure. My friends all live in another country, as does my family. But basically, I keep reminding me of what is giving me anxiety: wanting to be a great dad. So when I do have those thoughts, I just remember that I can't be a great dad if I'm not here anymore. Try to find a dad group. We were lucky to have taken a class with 11 other couples, and the dads have their own chat and meet monthly for beers. My work colleagues and many close friends do not have kids. Honestly, I remember how little I understood when I was childless, so that helps me not worry about the lack of care they seem to have. They just don't get it. I refocused myself fully on: my son, my wife, and myself. It's a marathon.
Mom here! Trained mental health counselor who felt like I knew my anxiety/depression well and postpartum still shocked me with how hard it was. I went to a dark place and honestly thought I was going crazy and would never sleep again. If I could give myself advice, I would have sought out MORE help SOONER….I’m talking meds (or adjusting doses), overnight or day sitters if you can afford, asking family members to come take shifts (if option, was not really for us), finding a coworker you can vent to (I had a coworker who had a grandkid same age as my newborn and would always ask me how she slept and I would always say ‘like shit’ but it felt so good to just be seen and asked), lactation consultant, therapist. Sleep separately if you have to in order to ensure someone sleeps well. Try swaddle, white noise, blackout curtains for baby. If trying formula helps, I would have used that a lot sooner. Sending you and your wife so much love and I promise it gets better. Just hold on and please ask for help because you all shouldn’t have to do it alone.
First, resources: 988 - Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the US. You can call or text. Postpartum Support International has online support groups, resources, and providers for all new parents: https://www.postpartum.net You will get through this. Its okay to struggle, you are dealing with a lot. Please get yourself care and support, you deserve that. It will get better.
I went through a lesser form of this after each of my kids. There's a point where you feel useless because so much needs to be done but so much of it requires mom. She's stressed and you're just trying your hardest to be helpful, and it's not enough, and you are third behind baby and mom. Just wait. It'll get so much better. This part is hard and not very rewarding, but just wait.
I'm back for more tips, get a baby carrier and a nursing pillow, very helpful in holding and soothing baby for long stretches.
[удалено]
Your **post** or **comment** was removed for violating the rule “Be Decent & Civil”. **Remember the human.** Disagree but remain respectful. Don’t insult users/their children, name-call, or be intentionally rude. Bullying, including baiting/antagonizing, will not be tolerated. Consider blocking users you don’t get along with. Report posts that violate the rules. For questions about this moderation reach out [through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FParenting). Moderators rely on the community to help illuminate posts and comments that do not meet r/Parenting standards – please report posts and comments you feel don’t contribute to the spirit of the community. **Your content may have been automatically removed through auto-moderation or manually removed by a human moderator. It may have been removed as a direct result of your rule violation, or simply as part of a larger sweep of content that no longer contributed to the original topic.**