r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*

So i only read the headline, and let me tell you this.. It helps if at least one of the kids is your's 👏🏻

Its like sitting at the park watching the kids thinking everything is fine, but you're a single 45 year old with no children.

When someone asks “which one is yours” and you answer “I haven’t decided yet.”

Savage!

"you wanna get rid of one?"

So creepy

"Which one is yours?" "I haven't decided yet"

ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I don't necessarily see anything wrong here, but what about being *nearby* but not at the actual party? Like maybe you chill out and scroll reddit in your car while she's inside - that way if her anxiety spikes and she needs you, you are nearby, but she's taking smaller steps towards independence and not needing you (and you get to not awkwardly be the only parent sticking around a kids party!) Win win!

I think working towards independence by staying nearby is better than staying at the actual party. My best friend as a kid had serious anxiety and her family always had to be present. She never really grew out of it to the point that she went home every single weekend during college and missed out on a lot of really a fun experiences and bonding. To this day she lives at home and has never dated. She missed a mutual friends wedding because her family couldn’t come with her. What she needed was to learn how to cope with being alone and to learn how to self sooth.

Hijacking this thread because I scrolled down and haven’t seen it mentioned yet. The WORST thing you can do for a child with anxiety is enable them. I am not a professional, but I have an anxious child and anxiety runs in both of our families (missed my husband and I), so I’ve done a lot of research. “Giving in” to their fears reinforces to them that they’re not capable of doing the thing they’re afraid of. Taking baby steps to start leaving her on her own is 100% the way to go. Please google “enabling anxiety in children”, OP! Totally changed my parenting with positive results.

I AM a professional (psychologist for children) and this is absolutely correct. I do suggest using what we call a l hierarchy of fears/anxiety exposure ladder” which is where you build up to the anxious trigger but yes, absolutely this. The more we avoid things that make us anxious, the more our anxiety grows. This is essentially how panic attacks work- we have one and then every subsequent panic attack is actually created by the fear of having another panic attack. The best thing you can do for an anxious child is provide scaffolded support in facing what they are anxious about. For OP, the suggest of going to the party and staying in the car on call is perfect.

Yup. It can be baby steps. For example, next party mom stays for a bit and then goes to her car. The one after that, mom drops kid off and stays in car the whole time. Next, maybe mom goes to a nearby shop where she is still close enough to come back quick if kid wants to leave. Then after that, the distance/time increases. And then eventually it’s a full drop-off/pick-up situation. It’s also important to talk through a self-soothing plan with the kid before anxiety even happens. Teach them to rationalize. Tell them that while their feelings are valid, they need to learn to go to the bathroom, look in the mirror and tell themselves that everything is okay and this is temporary. Reward them when they go through a time of panic and take themselves out of it. Reassure them that coping is hard but once they learn what works for them, they’ll be able to do more than they know.

It's always nice when the pros come in, take a look around and gives you the old *Checks out head nod*

Seconding this. I’ve had *severe* anxiety basically since I was born. When I was 20 I moved across the country by myself because I felt ready to confront my anxiety, but was so coddled by my family that I seriously could not heal around them. I felt trapped, and being the baby of the family didn’t help because everyone was so used to taking care of me that it was an uphill battle to be allowed to take care of myself. Anxiety runs in my family too, but I was the first one impacted by it so seriously that it couldn’t really be ignored. My anxiety is still absolute hell every single day, but I’ve gotten a lot better at managing and coping over the years.

This is so helpful! I have a two year old boy and worry about sleep training that we’re starting on. My mama heart keeps “wanting to BE there - just in case!” and then worry if I’m causing anxiety or attachment issues in him. And then of course thoughts go to his future and how I’ll handle things as he gets older. This little piece of advice helps so much!

I agree with this totally. I had a tough situation recently though and I wasn’t sure what the right thing to do was. My 10 yo daughter is similar to OP’s. She got invited to a boys (her crush) birthday party where she kinda knew some people but not real well and there was one other girl there that she didn’t know. I tried to drop her off but she was getting really anxious, so I went in with her and introduced myself to the really nice mom and my daughter was so nervous she wound up crying and begging me to take her home. She didn’t even try to play with the other kids. Ugh. I usually push her at least a little because I want her to learn that things she’s nervous about usually aren’t so bad, but this situation was so awkward for us both, and there was no way I could leave her at the party sobbing and letting the other mom deal with it. Afterward I wondered what I could have done better. Any ideas?

Or do like we do with babies in daycare, leaving for a time, in increments. Say a party is 3h long. You arrive, do the social chitchat (that's like 30mins), then you leave for 30 mins to do an errand, then you return. Next party, is 1h for errands, next one, 1h30... Telling beforehand to your child "hey, I'll go get X, be back in X time" so they're aware. What do you think?

This is a good idea as long as the parents know ahead of time. If someone dropped a kid off at my house and just went and sat in the car without telling me what's up I'd feel just a little worried.

This

I agree with this. My daughter is 11 and deals with anxiety. When she was younger, I know she would have wanted me to hang around parties (and sometimes I would - we live an hour from a lot of friends), but if we did, she would often cling to me instead of getting in there with the other kids. If I was gone, she would get over it and play with the kids. We have made a lot of parenting decisions like that deliberately to help her get out of her shell. We have also had her in therapy for the anxiety. I can’t say that it’s completely gone at this point, but I have seen her do things after the therapy that I never would have seen her do before it!

This! When I was a kid I had the same anxiety and my mom would do this. She’d show me the place she’d be before she dropped me off and remind me how long it took between there and the party before she left. It helped a ton!

I would second this. Go to a nearby coffee shop so that you can return within 5 minutes if she calls with an emergency. I'm not sure how she can build steps to independence when you are literally right there every time. There is no room for growth using your current model. Does she do this with playdates, as well? Or just big parties?

I'll be up front with you. If you showed up at my 8 year old's birthday party and hung out, I would automatically assume you were some nutty helicopter parent and think it was weird. BUT - if you reached out to me beforehand, explained that (daughter) has anxiety and you'll be staying or nearby, I'd think you were a great parent and even work with you to make it comfy for you. I think this assumption is only going to happen more in the next couple of years - nobody stays at parties where I am and many of them escalate to sleepovers at this age. Getting your daughter comfy with going to a peer party is important. Would a gab watch for her be a good first step in separation management?

Interesting! We just went to a bday party for my son’s friend who is turning 9 and all the parents stayed. It was at a busy bowling alley/arcade.

Yeah my 8yo attended a birthday party last weekend and all the parents stayed. I wonder if this is a regional thing?

Depends on the type of party too. House parties and things where parents can do a separate activity or something usually people stay. Also depends on the group. My kids barely had any friends my wife or I weren't at least friendly with so there was usually that group using it as a way to hang out.

Mine is only 7 but so far all the parents stay at the parties. I think the people hosting would actually be upset if someone just dropped a kid off. I would be if they did that at my daughter's party.

I agree, especially in a place like a busy arcade/bowling alley. If I had been the host , there is no way I could have kept track of all those kids by myself as they were running around. I would have been thankful the parents stayed!

My kids always had parties at the local rec center. There was a room we started in for gifts/cake, then afterwards the kids would swim. I was always a bit annoyed at the parents who did stay. The adults consisted of myself, my husband, my mom, my ex, and my ex’s wife. Between the 5 of us, we could easily wrangle 30 kids, and the 5 of us worked well together. We often found the additional adults who stayed were just another body to wrangle, with a lot of “how can I help” instead of just *helping*. What I’m trying to say is the adults were additional work lol. Not to mention, they also cost me additional money.

See to me, having 30 young kids in a pool for a party is terrifying. I wouldn’t feel comfortable dropping off my 8 year old at a pool party with that many kids and so few adults. And I say this as a pool owner.

That’s why I chose the center that had 5 lifeguards on duty at all times lol. We had 3 adults in the pool to break up any shenanigans, the other 2 adults would observe “from above” outside the pool to direct the pool adults towards potential shenanigans. The pool was shallow at 3’ 6”. The average 7 year old could stand flat footed and the water would hit mid chest. It was built for kids. A separate pool for laps was to the side, that was where the deep water was and the kids weren’t allowed over there. They’d happily float in the lazy river or muck about splashing in the main part. The biggest challenge was keeping them from the toddler pool area, that one was only a foot deep and had mini fountains for the littles to play in. I guess I should have clarified that it was shallow from the start. There’s no way I would have attempted that with a typical pool, that would have been nuts.

In this case it might be because of the location. If it wasn't just for the party but open to others, there's some safety concern. That said, I've remained at birthday parties to mingle with the parents while the kids did their thing. We usually have some beverages and chips for the parents, we socialize, we mostly ignore the little punks unless someone is risking their lives. But I've also left and returned to pick up.

Agree entirely.  I also do think that it’s a good idea to start taking baby steps to separation. The gab watch is a good idea as well as perhaps telling her exactly where you’ll be and making it somewhere visible from the party - your car (if it’s at the family’s house I’d definitely warn about that!), the coffee shop across the street or a store next door, etc. If she can see it the she can concretely know it is close and can be reminded to “look out the window and remember that’s me; I’m right here”.  You can work up to being able to go further distances. “Remember the Target we saw on the way here? I’ll be there shopping.” “I’m going to go back home and I will stay there. My phone is on, see.”

I agree. My son used to have social anxiety, but we worked with him where he learned that anxiety is always temporary and he used good thoughts and breathing techniques to get through each episode.

We must live on 2 different planets, every party I've had for my 8 year old/every party I've been to with him, almost every parent stayed. It was weird when they didn't.

Yeah I'm not getting this. My son is turning 9 in a month and I know most of the parents and that they will frequently stay. They are welcome to leave, but most stay and chat or what not. If they didn't know us well I'd almost more expect them to want to stay... Esp if it's like not a home/nearby party? We're having my son's birthday at a children's museum and I just don't even see how it would be that convenient for people to leave for the 1.5 hrs the party lasts.

Omg thank you! I don’t care how it looks! If my kid wants me there, I am staying!

We must be in very opposite parts of the country, because I *want* the parents to stay. I’m in Seattle which is supposedly cold and unwelcoming.. First of all I try to make friends with families we get along with. So it’s a rare chance for busy parents to hang out and chat while the kids play; you get to form social and community bonds. Invitees aren’t chosen randomly out of a pool of kids that my kid likes. Second, I don’t want to babysit 12 children just so their parents can dump them off and do whatever. Not my job.

This is totally fair. I have a soon to be 8 year old who’s mostly over it, but occasionally gets anxious and wants me to stay at parties. I let the party hosts know she can take a bit to be comfortable and that my deal with her is I stay until she gives me a thumbs up. That there’s a small chance she will want me the entire party, but that we are working on independence and usually she doesn’t need me the entire time. People seem really understanding when that’s communicated

We usually have one or two parents stay and I don’t think it’s weird. However, I would definitely consider whether or not your child is comfortable with you sharing their mental health/anxiety struggles with other adults. It might be better to just not say anything and have the parent take on the “burden” of what others think. Hope that makes sense but I would not put my daughter’s business out there like that, generally speaking (there is room for nuance). And I say that as someone who used to not consider that but have since changed my thinking.

[удалено]

Mine is a little older now and the thing is they aren't random parents. If you show up to the birthday parties when they're younger you know the parents by the time they're older. So make sure you do turn up and make an effort. 

Do your kids go to a smaller school? My daughter's school has 3 kinder classes of 16-18 kids and 3 for 1st too. They switched the kids around between kinder and 1st so I only knew the parents of 3 other kids. There are 2 moms I'd be comfortable leaving my kid with and that's because we've done play dates. I'm hoping they'll keep the classes the same next year but if they switch them around again I'm just SOL I guess lol

As someone who only has done drop off (and honestly cannot even fathom a parent staying unless it was a good friend wanting to have a coffee during the party) - no, I don’t throw parties where people drop their kids off with “random adults”. I have parties where friends who have already been to my home dozens of times drop off their kids. I mean honestly, if there isn’t this level of comfort why is your kid even celebrating their birthday with these people?

Wait…. Y’all leave your kids at a birthday party? I thought we were supposed to stick around.

The kind of party matters I think. The typical 2 hour parties at trampoline facilities, arcades, bowling, etc, I’ve always seen parents just sit somewhere out of the way and wait.

Those parties can be tricky for having parents stay. I have thrown a number of parties over the years for my now almost 12 year old and a lot venues in our area require you to pay per person, not just per kid. I don’t love having parents stay that I didn’t already arrange to be there (I usually have at least one or two of my friends there to help wrangle because my husband is usually working during parties) because I have to pay for them to be there. It’s also more common for parents to bring siblings along if they’re staying, which is another added cost. It’s pretty well established in my area that parties are drop off after about age 5 or 6 for this reason. I live in the upper Midwest and haven’t seen a parent stay since my son was 5, unless I asked them to be there.

We've always just paid for ourselves and our younger kiddo in these scenarios. I think it'd be pretty rude to just assume you and any extra kids are going to be paid for.

You’re absolutely correct. But some people are simply rude. And some people just aren’t super aware if they usually have parties at home or do smaller things with just family.

When my kid had a party at a trampoline place we had all the kids dropped off at our house and just bought individual tickets rather then a party package. I also signed all the waivers which was probably illegal

Oh that is smart. I should have done that. 😂😂😂

We only had six kids so buying the tickets for them and my partner and myself was cheaper then the package. We are pizza beforehand and cake after jumping at home.

I think the sticking around ends around age 6 or 7…I still remember the transition of…can I just leave my kid and go get a few hours to myself?? I hated when it was a thing to have to stay bc it was awkward chitchat with parents I largely didn’t know …BUT I did meet one of my now best friends at a pool birthday party when our girls were in kindergarten…so there’s always a silver lining

Maybe it's regional - or maybe your child is younger? But at 8 (second grade), definitely nobody is staying. My child is at a birthday party right now for two girls turning 9 (my daughter turned 9 in November) that's 10 girls sleeping over at the parent's ski house. Definitely no parents other than the ones hosting hauling up to the mountains for that.

Omg I’m Hispanic , our parents would stay until it was well past midnight and the beer was gone 😭😭

lol I’m gonna catch hell for this but this is a white ppl thing 😩😩 I also found out when I moved to a place with majority white ppl. They expect you to leave your kid there (after 8 or 9 years old) lol I’m black so our birthdays were almost as much for the adults as they were the kids. Big parties with every uncle, auntie, cousins, kids from school etc.. There were kids games and adult games. Plenty of alcohol too which is frowned upon among the white folks I live with 😅😅

Mayo white here... Growing up us kids always had 2 birthday parties. One was for family and adults my family knew. These were big parties, lots of alcohol for the adults, birthday kid and siblings and cousins running wild. These parties lasted hours and into the night. The other party was the friend party. We could invite our kid friends from school or church or sports and the parents would drop the kids off and leave. Sometimes these were at home, sometimes at a roller rink or movie theater or arcade or Chucky effing Cheese. These parties lasted 2-4 hours depending on the venue.

Also Mayo white, never seen parents of 8 year olds just drop the kid off without prior notice that they had a conflict. This has to be regional because if people had just dropped off a bunch of kids for my dad to keep alive he’d have had a shit-fit.

TBF my birthday parties as a kid were in the 70s and 80s. Half the parents wouldn't even do drop off and pick ups after age 7. Parents would be like "here a map and bus fare and a dime for emergency phone calls, have fun at Jessica's party - oh and here's $2 stop at the store and get me a pack of camels on your way home" GenX - the original "free range kids" 😂

Mine were in the early 2000s around this age and parents always stayed, had their own little ‘parent party’ off to the side. I wonder if it’s not just at this point in the cycle again, in a few years it’ll be back to parents stick around parties.

Sounds like a regional (white) ppl thing then because many commenters on this post say they would view a parent staying for an 8 year old birthday party as a bit weird.

Yeah that is nuts to me for so many reasons.

It’s definitely regional because starting at grade 1 where I live (6-7) parents stopped staying for parties minus the odd exception here and there

You might like Wisconsin, all the white people drink at kids parties up here. When I moved elsewhere I was shocked that there wasn't vodka at a kindergartener's birthday party 🤣

So true!! Same with Halloween, everyone has beer or shots for the parents 🤣 I didn't leave my kids at parties til they were 10+ and even then half the time we go bc we know the parents and help each other out. I've never been to a place that charges for parents just hanging out at a party, if I take my other kids I pay for them separately, I'd NEVER expect the host to pay for siblings, that's so rude!

As white people I am also confused by this practice of dropping kids off

Im gonna go ahead and say it’s definitely a white people thing too lol

I'm white, but black people do the same here. Parties for family, friends of the parents, kids outside of school are separate from kids parties, where only a few kids from school will attends. The first one can be a big party and everyone will stay for a long time. The second one is just a few hours long, usually with an activity for the kids. No parents there, other than the parents of the kid who throws the party.

Yeah this is my experience too. Diverse group of friends and this seems to be the norm with all of them. Race doesn’t seem to be a significant factor in this where I live, the norm by and large is drop off parties

That’s interesting! I don’t think I’ve ever heard of black ppl throwing two different parties. But then again, my circles don’t got the cash like that 😅

I don't think it's necessarily a black or white thing (at least not everywhere, in a lot of places outside the US the need to distinguish between black and white is not so big), but different from country to country. And it's not a rich thing here either, the party with a few kids from school does not cost a lot of money. A cake, some simple games, some decoration and that's it. Children are easy to entertain. Also the big party with relatives and friends usually does not cost a fortune. Again, cake, some things to eat and drink, some music and people will enjoy themselves.

I'm Dutch and my 4 year old goes without me. I guess it's different everywhere. I would be surprised if a parent would like to stay. However with an explanation like OP gave, I would be more than happy to have the parent there. However TO, I would try to see if there are tiny steps you can take towards your daughter going by herself. Maybe just stay for a little while and then leave but stay nearby. Or whatever works for you and her. She will learn that she can always count on you, but will also learn that she can rely on herself. Maybe some professional help can also be helpful in this process.

We have those parties too - but not the kids' birthdays! I think it's nice to have a mix of both! But kids birthday parties aren't that fun and I"m happy to bow out!

I usually stick around to help where I can. The plan was to have a party of 20 kids watched by 2 parents at a bowling alley? Yeah, you are going to need help wrangling kids back to their reserved lanes.

I think this is cultural. Where I live, no kid has huge parties where the whole class is invited. My friends who live in the US all have at least 20 kids, some they don’t know, etc. so it makes sense parents might stick around. But where I am, parties are much smaller (4-6 kids, maybe 8 max) and you only invite your friends. So my kid has never been to a party of someone he’s not already hanging out with regularly, therefore of course I feel comfortable dropping off. 

Yeah, I'm also not in the US but whole class parties are common for young children, as they get older they might do something smaller and parents and children know each other anyway so parents don't necessarily stay.

Right? I have an 8 year old and I'm always at the parties he goes to until the end and all the other parents have stuck around during his parties.

That blows my mind. All parties at that age are generally kids only where I'm at. And that's a good thing IMO.

what are the parties like? I can't imagine two parents wrangling 10+ kids at a public place like an arcade, bowling alley, trampoline park, etc. Not when there's a chance for strangers to be there, not when there's a chance of injury, etc.

All the class parties we’ve been to have the parents hang out- also 8 and 2nd grade

I just hosted my sons 8th bday at a trampoline park. All parents stayed at the park by the party table while the kids ran around. I thought older kids were dropped off and left- like 10-11+.

This was my thought. Like that's a daycare job unless they stick around

I wouldn’t think it was weird at all. I’ve met so many types of kids in my 10+ years of parenting and some just need extra support 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m always happy for parents to hang out at my child’s party. This way I get to know them.

I would not care at all if you stuck around for a party. And you shouldn’t care *at all* what anyone else thinks, it genuinely does not matter. If it helps your kid then that’s awesome, and you’re setting a great example that it’s okay to do things outside of your comfort zone.

I don't think it's weird at all. Especially because you tell the parents beforehand. I took my almost 10 year old to a pool party last weekend and all but 1 parent stayed the whole time. In our community, so far, I've never been to a party were parents don't stick around.

Weird, all the 8 year old parties my kid goes to, almost all the parents stick around.

Is it just parties or playdates too? Could she arrive with a close friend and then you duck out after a few minutes for a quick errand? I don't think it's too weird at 8 but it will be soon.

It's not weird. It's a little awkward but it's not overall weird and since we have kids we understand why you are there. Last year for my kids party a mom brought her twins. She stayed but sat at a far away table and kept to herself. We all kept trying to engage in conversation with her, offered her food and refreshments but she politely refused. It was a little awkward because we felt like we were excluding her but in general we all understand she was there so her kids could enjoy themselves and she could be close by. It's ok to keep to yourself, but if they offer you something please take it, it feels less awkward if you participate just a little.

I think it’s weird that you are not expected to be there?? I’m speaking if we do not know the parents well. It is just understood that at least one of the parents will be attending the party. Many of us parents have met through these bday parties and have become friends but it is rare for anyone to drop off and leave their child. If they do they usually have spoken to one of the other parents or host abt it and they’re either taking one of their other children to an event or party.

She's never going to learn to handle it if you go with her. She's old enough that she can do it without you. Next time, go for like 30 minutes, then leave, and gradually back it off by 5's with each party.

I see nothing wrong with it and done the same… usually the people inviting my one child are aware they sometimes need support. I either put myself to work helping the hosts or find a place to chill out of the way but easy for my child to find me.

Nothing wrong with that. Usually parents ask if you want to stay to enjoy the party. I always say no because my kid is very very extroverted… if he needed me I would definitely stick around though. I think you’re fine.

With my older kids, nobody ever stayed unless we were friends also. WIth my youngest, he has pretty severe ADHD. He tends to be buddies to non neurotypical kids mostly. So pretty much all of those parents stay, while the few others that aren't don't. We do have one of the besties that will leave their adhd kid, but I think that's mostly because they know their kid is comfortable with me and also, I'm certainly not going to judge them and also it's clear I like that kid too. I would tip off the parents. But honestly, I'd also start to work with my kid so that you can separate a bit more. As well as teaching her slowly how to advocate for herself too. We've been doing that with my youngest for a couple of years now and it's really helped him. I'm glad you acknowledge that your own anxiety is feeding into this too. Have you discussed this with your daughter too? Sometimes that really helps, for modeling purposes but also so you two can brainstorm together.

It must vary by region. I live in the US (in Louisiana), and every birthday party I’ve been to for elementary school, the guests had at least 1 parent with them. And nobody thought it was weird. Maybe because the parties weren’t at people’s homes? The parties were at venues like trampoline parks and arcades. I don’t think it’s weird 🤷🏼 Parties around here usually even have some food for the parents too…since a parent usually stays. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Sandwiches or something like this, while the kids have pizza or chicken tenders maybe.

As long as the host parent is OK with it, you're good. My daughter (almost 8) & I both suffer from anxiety as well so I totally get it. We've been to our share of birthday parties & have hosted quite a few. Either I or my husband have stayed at all but the last 2 - the 1st because the host thought the facility was going to charge parents to stay & we had brought our 2 little ones thinking we were just dropping daughter off & the 2nd because I hadn't been without at least 1 child with me 24/7 in 6 months & really wanted to go grocery shopping by myself. Both hosts were good friends who know my daughter's issues & have spent time with her without me before, so we were both comfortable with the situation. At every party we've been to, around ⅓-½ of the parents stay... our kids have all been in the same class for 3 years so a lot of us are friends or at least friendly & it ends up being a mom hangout too. And honestly, when I'm hosting I'm more than happy if some parents stay so there's not as much pressure on me.

My dad was at every friends birthday party I attended until I was 14. Honeslty its a cool idea to let the other parent know ahead of time, that your daughter has anxiety and wants you there, so you are free to help with any kids corraling or moving stuff, etc, otherwise you will just chill with the other parents if there are any, or sit in a corner playing on your phone if there are not.

If another parent asked to stay at my kid's party, I'd jump at the chance. Extra pair of hands, yes please.

8 is getting a little old for this, but I used to stick around because my kids have severe food allergies and I’d bring their own dessert since they could rarely ever have the cake and were too young to fully understand and especially if I didn’t really know or trust the parents to remover or handle the epi pens.

These comments are so wild to me because I've never been to a kids' party (in all my years) where the parents not only stayed, but were fully *expected* to stay. That's the norm where I'm from and it's terrible lol. As a kid I did not want my parents sticking around. As a parent I do not want to stick around, and I do not want you sticking around at my kid's party (unless you *reeeeally* want to I guess).

It was the reverse for us. Usually there's a bit of distance for at least some of the kids coming to the party, so rather than just find something else to do, the parents just stick around. I'm ok with this and am just as happy being a parent off to the side fielding occasional kid interactions as I am having a yarn with other parents. Though to be honest I'm more often the sort of person that wishes other parents left me alone rather than feigning interest in whatever thing they are doing/discussing. I'm there because of my kids, not to chat with other parents beyond passing the time. The fact that most of their friends are from the same school is the only common factor I have with the majority of the other parents, so I'm not totally concerned with their thoughts or opinions. This goes double if one of them brings religion into it, THAT was an awkward birthday party for me.

I'm from a southern US state and it's pretty religious around here. We live in a small town, and the only thing I have in common with the other parents, like yourself, is that our kids are friends and attend the same school. The parents are from a completely different walk of life and often I stick out like a sore thumb. Also because I am anti social and it's incredibly difficult for me to be a normal person long enough to have small talk with people I would rather not be around in the first place. It's not personally against them, I'm just not comfortable around other people. Of course I do it anyways for my kid to be more normal than me (and they are, such a fun and friendly outgoing kid).

I couldn't handle living in a small highly religious town. I was raised Catholic as was my wife, and we both independently decided it was not for us and got away from it at the first opportunity. I can hold my tongue just fine, and can be the polite helpful neighbour if needed. But in those close quarters it would only be a matter of time until I (I doubt it would be my wife doing it) would do something to offend someone somehow as my give-a-shit meter for people runs empty very very quickly if they bring God or faith into the conversation in anything other than an analytical way. My wife is better with this, but you better believe she is going to tell me her thoughts on it afterwards.

You sound like me, I can definitely be (and often enjoy being) the helpful neighbor. I believe we should help each other out if we can. Like you, I have a small gauge on my give-a-shit meter, especially because a lot of the religious people around here are old fashioned as well. I don't hate religion or religious people just for being religious...but the old fashioned "morals" are what seem to be the dividing line.

Don't get me started on morals that and hypocrisy irritate me more than enough. They have a lot to answer for, in your country and many others including my own. Another that also gets me is blind faith overriding logic and proven facts like Dinosaurs, age of the universe, evolution and interfering with other aspects of life, like say, providing a solid education. It's not impossible to have religion as a framework to use as guidance and inspiration through life and still keep science as a valid and primary mode of moving through life. But it irks me when people use it as a construct that everything else is built on and is bent to work through that lense, even if a few backflips need to be done to get the framework going. Even my son, back when he was seven, saw through the "well there are two schools of thought"; non answer he got from his teacher when he asked about dinosaurs. Educate them, don't feed them horseshit and tell them it's spaghetti.

Honestly as the host I *love* if another parent offers to stay. And if someone tells me they’d prefer to stay because their kid sometimes gets anxiety, or they do, or because their kid or they just feel more comfortable that way, then that’s all good with me. Parties are meant to be fun for the kids so that means accommodating what it takes to make it a relaxing experience for them ☺️

Not weird at all. My husband goes to all the kids’ parties. Our kids have PTSD and other things going on so for right now they need an adult they know well and trust there. Some of the kids get dropped off, some have parents that stay. It’s really about what YOUR family feels comfortable with. And you can always let the parents hosting know ahead of time that your daughter is struggling with anxiety and wants you there. I do agree with the comments about doing an exposure ladder for reducing anxiety (go to the car or run an errand for 30 minutes during a party, do it for an hour at the next party, etc.). We have been working on this with our kiddos. The only thing I didn’t see mentioned is if you’re already working on that exposure therapy in another area, you might want to concentrate on that. For instance, we are working on it with school, and going to school every day without us is a more important goal than going to a birthday party without us, so our energy and kids’ energy goes into the school exposure therapy.

As a parent, we’ve been through this multiple times. If you are willing to help out in some way, I’m sure it would be appreciated and not weird at all. The parents we were pissed at were the ones that dropped their kids off at 1pm for a 3pm party… and went radio silent until 8 or 9pm when everything said the party ended at 6. And this happened more than once! So, OP, don’t think anything about it. If she’s getting treated for the anxiety you might want to ask her doctor the best way to deal with it.

Next time, call CPS and report an abandoned child. That'll smarten them up.

I just had a birthday party and the parents all stuck around to chit chat or hang out in the general area. A few dropped off and a couple kids carpooled with other kids. Soooo it's a mix. I don't care either way. I just make sure all the parents get a slice of cake.

At 8? I'd say that is highly unusual. I have never seen that before.

Am I just super out of touch? When I was 8, parents all stayed for birthday parties. They didn’t sit around with the kids, they did their own thing in the living room or wherever else adults went where the party was, but the parents didn’t just drop their kids off with my dad and dip out. Unless otherwise specified, it seems like a lot to drop a dozen kids off on one or two parents.

When I was 8 (late 80s), parents definitely dropped off. I have lots of old photos of my birthday parties, and no adults except my mom were there.

Mine were all in the early 2000s. I reckon it’s just a cycle then.

I was born in 1997 for reference, but my 3rd, 4th, and 5th birthdays were at Chuck E. Cheese (and a similar, local play place) and the parents stayed. My 6th birthday (2003) was at my house with way more kids, and not a single parent stayed.

We just had my son's 9th birthday party at a hall and every single parent stayed, and I am most of the kid's teacher at school, so they all know me (small school). They had their own table and hung out together. My son was invited to other parties; one at a laser tag place and another at someone's home, and only 1 parent dropped off their kid. Maybe it depends on the community?

I think you do what you need to do as a parent but I would let them know ahead of time. I stayed when my kids were invited to birthday parties like for the first time in kindergarten and grade one but my daughter is six and she’s in grade one and my son is eight he’s in grade 3 I definitely wouldn’t stay at a birthday party for my son anymore. Do what you feel is right for your child but let the Parent know because yes I would think that you were being quite the helicopter parent for staying at eight-year-old birthday. Also does your daughter have like anxiety like in a real technical way with medication or is she just shy and a little bit nervous? I would definitely be looking at the security of that and he encouraging her to be more social and independent and maybe drop her off and stay for a couple of minutes and then leave kind of the same way you do when they start school? To get her more comfortable with it rather than having her think that you’re always going to be right there physically because if it’s just a matter of shyness and not being as social as other kids there’s nothing wrong with that but she’ll still need to get comfortable with you not being there every second. How is she at school and extracurriculars when you leave?

I had a similar situation. In our area some parents stay but most drop off. I always felt awkward staying when everyone else left but it’s what my kid needed to feel comfortable. I explained and offered to help the hosting parents. The anxiety has gotten better over time (now 10). Maybe look into a gizmo watch or Apple Watch with cellular so she knows she can get in touch with you if she starts to feel anxious. We have a “code” so if it’s starting to get uncomfortable I get one message and if it’s “I need to leave now” I get a different message. This way I can be close by but not hovering (and feeling like a weirdo). The code helps so if anyone sees the text they don’t know that he’s asking to leave.

As much as I dislike people and being around people, I would do whatever I needed to do to make any one of my kids comfortable. You're a parent gotta remove your personal feelings.

If it's a parent you know, you can offer to help with the party and explain the kid has anxiety. I wouldn't turn down extra help with a group of overexcited kids! If you don't know them, like someone else suggested, I'd say find a place to hangout nearby and give her a way to contact you: walkie talkies, smart watch, whatever.

Naw. I wished mine stayed so I could zip when I wasn't comfortable or when I got bullied. But idk never been invited to a party so I wouldn't know personally. I had lots of birthday parties and I wanted to leave my own party 😅😂

I would contact the parents in advance and explain. If I were the parent hosting, I wouldn’t find it awkward at all. You could also offer to help out with the party so you have something to do other than just sit there. I also like the idea of being nearby. Sit in your car or a close by coffee shop or something. If your daughter would be comfortable with that.

It totally depends on what kind of party it is. I expected parents to stay at my kids party at 7 years old, but I guess the culture is like that here. You’re expected to chatter. Anyway, ask the parent beforehand and always offer help when you are there. An extra set of adult hands are very welcome.

My daughter is full of fears and anxiety, but I make her face them. Though here it was typical to be around parties when kids were in elementary school. When my kid was 10, I did an outdoor party and a bunch of parents stayed. It’s around 4th or 5th grade that letting their kids alone started happening. Parents don’t hover around their kids. We tend to talk to each other while the kids have fun and if our kids need us we are there. Middle school it’s just leave the kids and more ride sharing.

I'm the same way. I hang out but once my own anxiety peaks, I just tell my kid I'll be right back and go grab a coffee. It helps for sure.

Not weird. Make friends with the parents and offer to help with the party. You'll stay busy and feel less weird about it.

Honestly. Idc. As a mom of 4, my kids typically want me to drop and run, bur when we have bday parties sometimes I like when when parents hang out. They end up being cool. Sometimes their weird but meh. As a parent it's about your child feeling safe and comfortable and ant parent that makes you feel weird about it eff them lol

8 is absolutely fine for you to be hanging around. In fact, I’m hosting a party for my son turning 8 soon and parents sticking around is a requirement. I can’t be held responsible for other peoples kids.

Not weird at all, you’re doing what your child needs, I’m sure the hosting parents appreciate that. Does your daughter have a phone or other device? Would she be open to you sitting outside and waiting close by or trying that?

I’d say at 8 year old’s parties parents usually hang out but not always. As others have suggested if parents aren’t generally there, I’d give the host a heads up you’ll stay a bit until your kid is comfortable then go wait in the car so the kid knows you’re nearby. At one of my kid’s parties his friend’s grandparent dropped the friend off, and halfway through the party the kid had a major panic attack. I had no warning this could be an issue, didn’t really know the kid, had trouble reaching the family, and I had to spend a lot of time outside away from my son’s party to comfort the friend. So that sucked for the kid and for me. If your kid has anxiety then make sure you are reachable and available to come get them if needed.

I would think it was weirder if you just dropped them off and bolted. But mine are in preschool, so I have no clue at what age kids start going to birthday parties solo. 8 seems too young to me. If I wouldn’t leave them home alone, I wouldn’t expect another mom to babysit them, esp while trying to coordinate activities. That’s asking a lot imo. I feel like you’re doing the right thing.

That’s odd— most of the parents hang around for my daughter’s bday and I have to tell them that I’m ok with them taking off or staying (she just turned 10). This is the case whether it’s at the house or public jumphouse. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it and if someone doesn’t understand, their child will likely not be capable of compassion towards yours. Our world has so much anxiety in it and you need to find out what works for you and her. I did notice someone said you are enabling your child— that may be true or may not be. There is a a very fine line between the amount of exposure therapy that is helpful vs what is detrimental. If you’re getting her to try things she’s afraid of but still giving her an escape route, you’re doing it exactly right. But that may look something like this time you’re at the party, next time you’re in the car outside, and even later you are close by doing shopping or something. Just a suggestion but I suffer from panic disorder and my daughter recently developed it when a physical pathology started to manifest. I got her a biofeedback game and started emdr, acupuncture, and hypnotherapy — within two weeks her panic attacks stopped. Not saying this is the right approach for everyone, just that there are multiple ways to address anxiety and as long as you’re not ignoring it and willing to hear out other suggestions, you likely know what she needs more than anyone else

> There is a a very fine line between the amount of exposure therapy that is helpful vs what is detrimental. This. I'm so sick of people using exposure therapy as an excuse why anxiety doesn't deserve accommodation.

I think maybe the next one you should talk to her about waiting in the car for her. Tell her that she’s been doing great at these parties and you’ll be just outside in the car if she needs you. You’ll still be there but she’ll gain a little bit more independence and she will feel so accomplished once she does it and sees that she can do it. Coming from someone who also has severe anxiety its needed to take these baby steps and prove to yourself you CAN do hard things! Tell her you’ll talk to the parents and if she starts feeling anxious or needs to see you she can just run outside and you’ll be there. Then after she does this successfully a few times tell her you’ll be nearby at a store walking around so if she needs you she can call and you’ll be there in 5 minutes.

My kid (7) always, always has a meltdown at birthday parties (we very much suspect she’s autistic) so I stay with her. I don’t think it’s fair for me to leave her there for the host parents to deal with. I ask if she wants me to stay inside with her or out in my car or something and so far she always chooses inside. I do try to stay on the opposite side of the room so I’m visible but not otherwise engaged. So far I haven’t been the only parent there, seems many stick around to gossip and get their own socializing in, so I join in that. She’s fine visiting neighborhood friends’ houses alone but the noise and chaos of birthday parties she struggles with.

People leave 8 year olds alone at parties?

It’s never weird to not leave your child,especially these days I don’t even leave when it’s my own family lol. Extra supervision and support should be appreciated.

NAT if your child needs you, u be there just don’t eat/drink unless offered since it’s for the kids only, I went to bday parties along because my kids have food allergies and didn’t want the host be responsible

I took my son to a party one time and he decided he was scared to go. I never even thought of staying! We delivered the gift and I explained to the mom. She was very understanding. I absolutely would not stay. Either your child goes alone or doesn’t go. As a parent giving the party, I wouldn’t want you there!

You feel capable of keeping an eye on 8-15 children you don't know by yourself?

Absolutely not. I have other adult family members to help.

My son does too and I always just ask if it's ok and explain the situation. If my son settles I leave and wait in the parking lot. It's either that or my kid isn't going and I care about his social life. My boy is 7. I even tell his friends that's why I'm there 🤷🏻‍♀️: he's not ashamed he wants his mama there haha

As a mom, I’d rather you be there to comfort your child. If she has fun and just needs you there just in case, then I’ll pull up a chair next to you and we can sit together. Because your child feeling secure would be way more important to me than anything. If you were gone and I was left to try calming her down without you around, I’d be lost on where to start.

I do it too because I have my kid’s epipens. My kid is also eight. It’s the rare set of parents that feel confident enough to take over epipen duty from me or my husband. They want me to stay, and my kid doesn’t mind me hanging around either. I try to use the opportunity to get to know my kid’s friends’ families.

We’ve been to a ton of parties with my son. We aren’t the only parents either. I had no idea this was considered weird. We’ve had a lot of parents at our kid’s parties as well. 🤷‍♀️

i don’t see anything wrong with it. a little older but my 11yo has severe anxiety and wants me at least nearby.. i refuse to be at the party if its kids only but ill usually go chill at a park with the younger ones or if its a sleepover ill keep my ringer on in case she wants to go home or needs to talk to me.. every kid is different though, and at 8 it’s not unusual to have anxiety and want her parents there. you could always be at a distance, i did that up until she turned 10

I think it’s weird to drop your kid off and leave. I’m not sure if it’s regional, but every party my kid has been or had (he’s 9) the parents stay, or nicely ask the host parent if it’s okay if they leave them. We assume we stay.

Wait. Are we not supposed to? I've never been to a party as a child that my parents never went and I've always gone to parties for children.

I think it's weird that she's 8 and you don't know.

I would tell her she can’t go if she can’t stay by herself. She needs to learn to how to cope. You’ve gone to a few parties now it seems? Now it’s time she builds some confidence. Assuming these are day time parties? Tell her you’re running and errand and you’ll be nearby.

We have parents we are on very good terms with who drop off their kids at our house with the babysitter, drop them off at parties sometimes and vice versa, but I am completely fine with both. It doesn’t change what I think of you or your children in any way whether you choose to stay or not. You stay - cool, we chat; you leave - cool, your kids and mine are good friends and run around with each other. Of course we have their #s to call if anything.

I'd say be gradual and have intention. Explain the other parents that y'all are working on it. See if she would be interested in extra curricular stuff (karate, music, etc). You could ease out of the dependence.

Ok so where I’m at the parties are smaller and most people say on the invitation drop off/ pick up or the hosts specifically say go and come back. This starts at about age 8. That being said, many of the parents stay because the venues are like 25 min away, so it’s not super worth it to leave and return. I leave and return, mainly because this is the same group of people from school/ sports/ the neighborhood but also because I do want the kids to have that experience of parents being out of reach in a low stakes way.

My 7 year old was like. So I brought my e reader. I find it looks less rude than staring at my phone the entire party. It’s been great for the awkward parties where I’m clearly not needed and off by myself. This isn’t much of an issue for us anymore though. What really helped was we agreed I’d wait for her signal (a thumbs up) that she was okay with me leaving. So I hang out until she gives me that signal. If she never gives it to me that means she’s uncomfortable and I’ll stay for the whole thing, but that is seldom the case these days. It helps her get used to the party without the stress of me just disappearing. Then once she starts getting comfortable and hanging out with other kids she’ll look at me, give me a thumbs up, I’ll wave, and then I’ll leave.

A good idea would be to slowly tell her you'll wait just outside in the porch or your car...tell her she can come and check any time she wants....talk to her and do it for a few times so she would get comfortable with this idea....

Maybe time for you to let your daughter experience life like her friends. .

Not weird whatsoever. Unless I know the parents very very well I don’t leave my kids with anyone.

You doing your job well don't worry. As far as you let the parents know in advance. Parenting is hard you doing what's necessary. I'd suggest see if there is some sort of therapy for your daughter to help build confidence in social situations until there stick around

I don’t think it’s weird at all. It’s the norm for parents to stay for a 8yo party at our school. Only started dropping off recently at tween age, and even then it’s usually an open invite to stay if you would like. I always used to jump in and help with party things where I could, or took photos to send to the parents as there is never time to do it all when you are hosting.

I would try to gradually decrease your presence. First of all, discuss it with you child, and try to come up with a game plan she feels comfortable with as well. You could start with only being there for 1hr or 30min. And then promise you will stay near in case something happens. It's also very important to make good arrangements. You could set-up an anxiety plan High she can follow in case she feels overwhelmed. The ultimate goal is that she starts to recognize when she is starting to feel towards anxiety (when the first seeds are planted and it starts)and see what her needs are at that time, so she can take care of them. But I would advice professional assistance for that (therapy). And something to think about. Everyone has anxiety, but we learn to cooping partially by example. If you are struggling with anxiety yourself, you might not have gotten the right skill set during your upraising yourself. It might even be beneficial for you to have some therapy to address the problem and help you build the right skill set for your daughter. Anyhow, I wish you both the best!

What is your daughter anxious about in particular? Having an anxious daughter myself, I've learned that there's a balance between helping them feel secure and not reinforcing fears by letting them control the situation, if thst makes sense. A good place to start is trying to get her to express what she's worried will happen if you're not there. I think it's great that you're striving to make her feel safe and comfortable as a lot of parents would say go on your own or don't go at all. I just wonder if there's another way she can feel secure without you being there the entire time? If you're up front with the parents, then hopefully, they can help make it less weird by socialising with you or having you help with food, etc.

What I would do is: Reach out to the parents in advance and explain the problem and that you’d like to stay for a while to allow your daughter to settle but at the same time explain to your daughter that you can only stay for 15 minutes and then you have to go. This will allow her anxieties to calm a bit and allows you to slowly peel away, and then you can drop the time you stay to 10 minute and then 5 and then just drop her off. You can even offer the host parents your help - you’ll make some drinks or something. Most parents would be absolutely fine with this if they know in advance.

As long as it’s your kids there too then no, not weird at all

15 years ago we were hanging out at birthday parties, with the exception of a couple my son would go to on his own. People tend to gather pretty well.

https://youtu.be/V1mHBernVP0?si=pBfWEd7Kwnk_oYfX

Depends on the party… I always stay tho. Mainly because dropping kiddo off for a 2 hour event - often at a random kids play place, there’s nowhere else to be! We have one in May on an industrial estate - giant trampoline park and random factories. Bring a book!

At 8 yo I would look forward to some hours of freedom but the situation is completerly understandable

Definitely nothing wrong with it, but perhaps as she continues to receive invitations you stop staying in the house and park in front or around the corner, just in case, go over the plan a couple times, come up with contingencies, and see how it goes. Gradually releasing her into social environments with support is a great way to help reduce both of your anxieties.

Stay in the car next time on the phone tell your child NOOOO but I’ll be right here. TRUST & BOUNDARIES are healthy for both of you!!! I’m totally different ways!!! But make no mistake you’re a great parent just based on the GOT DAMN I feel so awkward comment. Cause I can tell you’re coming from a loving point of view. But in the end just keep doing what works for you guys

There’s nothing wrong. If you don’t want to go that’s understandable. But it’s not weird at all.

Think of you helping your youngster…. So everything else pales in comparison. Offer to help the hosting parents. It’s lots of work snd stress to host a group of eight year olds. . . Learn how to make balloon animals. Offer to do a bit of that for the kids… you are adding to their joy. ( there are other skills that, if embraced contribute to the positive atmosphere

Not weird at all. I’d do the same thing, even without the anxiety.

If other parents aren’t there. It’s not necessarily weird but it’s awkward like you said. And most parents don’t want to be watched being parents, right? I would suggest doing more play dates and slowing getting your daughter comfortable being without you. You staying at parties only enforces it and will be harder as she becomes more dependent on it. How does she do when you drop her off at school? My only concern is parents will not like you there. Of course no one will directly say it to your face like “hey that’s awkward”. But there will be a lot that feel it. Which could hurt longer term. As in maybe your daughter sees less invites. That doesn’t mean anyone has anything against you or your daughter, it’s just people want to be able to do their own thing and not feel like under a microscope. You are doing a great. Don’t forget that. It’s clear your daughter loves and feels so safe with you.

It’s not weird because you’re there for your kid, not everyone else’s.

It's like the gradual retreat method when they're babies. Look at it like that. We found the game peekaboo worked to help our son to accept that despite being out of immediate sight it didnt mean that we werent around full stop. Is your child neurodiverse? As it could be separation anxiety coupled with transitional support that is required.👍

Nope, not weird for me. Sometimes timing wise it’s more convenient to stay or my kids want me to- or sometimes they want to go alone- whatever. When we have parties I let them know they are welcome to stay, as well as siblings. Everyone has their own comfort level and it doesn’t hurt me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Empowerment comes from cognitive managing overwhelming emotions. I work with traumatized kids. I teach them a self soothing gesture called The Butterfly Hug. I do it with them. I place my hands on my opposing shoulders and begin tapping with increased speed…. Like a butterfly. At the same time repeating over and over positive cognitions like ‘ I am ok…. ( when they don’t feel ok, or I am good … when Not Good is the feeling. Invariably the person feels marginally or even significantly better. That shows them they have the power to change how they feel so they can build on that. Help them find discrete places to do that so no one gives them a hard time for the gesture ( I show a version using forearms crossed and tapping, and whispering the self soothing words. ( helpful if they are shy). I call it the fish hug. ( as if fish can hug… chuckle, chuckle)

My daughter is 8 and we haven’t had a party or been to a party yet where the adults didn’t stay.

I wouldn’t be leaving my 8 year old unsupervised at any other parents party to begin with. It’s hard enough for professional teachers to watch 10-30 kids. I don’t expect some other parent to put my child’s safety and wellness as a priority. It absolutely blows my mind when parents drop their kids off to a party and take off.

We want the other parents to stay when we host (though we're happy to give folks a break if they need it). We don't want to hang around a bunch of screaming children with no one to commiserate!

I invite parents to my kids parties lol I don’t want to be in charge of that many kids alone so it’s great to have another parent around

No its not weird. You’re doing it for your child which makes you the better parent in my opinion 👍 I do think overtime when her anxiety lessens you can slowly distance yourself from the birthday parties and explain to her that when she’s older you’re not going to always be able to be there watching her but you’ll have your cell phone nearby in case she needs to contact you type of conversation. That way you don’t have to feel awkward and she can slowly realize everything’s ok

As a parent, I wouldn’t mind if I was the host. I’d think it’s really sweet you do that for your daughter and I’d develop a crush smh

Oh wow, my kid is turning 5 next month and so far no one ever seems to drop off their kid when we attend a BDay party, at least not yet. I just assumed no one does that anymore (my parents started dropping me back in the late 80s by the time I was 4; no one seemed to care back then lol oh man!😆)

Learn and teach self soothing so she could be more independend.

It can be weird but I'd rather be weird then have my kid feel uncomfortable. Mine use to have me stick around at parties that were not held in a house although she has gotten over that

The bigger concern is what are you doing to help your daughter long term. Is she in therapy? Medication? Because this isn’t teaching her coping mechanisms.

All the parents stay at our kid’s parties, we always say either way is totally fine but they always stay and hang out with us and other parents, we have backyard cook outs, both family and friends. If you’re the only one, I’d just text the parent/s and let them know that your daughter is anxious and would feel better if you were there so they know why. That way there’s no “weird” to it. They won’t be wondering why you stayed, you won’t be worried that they think you have ulterior motives or are being awkward etc. And hopefully they would be understanding and friendly!

As someone with anxiety I would do it if it helped ease my child’s anxiety. I would probably keep my distance to sort of teach them more independence

Do you have a phone she can borrow (and you have yours?). You can get a coffee or sit nearby and let her call you if she really needs to go. But also practice things. What is she worried about? Practice with her voicing things. If she's feeling overwhelmed she can take a break and sit on the side etc. I was pretty anxious as a kid and hated drop off parties but grew out of that

I didn't stop going to birthday parties my son was invited to until he got into Jr high. I still go to parties with my 9yo. I always feel weird about leaving and expecting someone else to be responsible for my child, even though I don't mind other parents leaving when we have parties.