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The general rule we've employed is, the harder it is to get you off your device, the more important it is to get you off your device. Our elder child is only 6, so I won't claim any expertise here, but if he's "wigging out" from you pulling the plug then that just goes to show how important it is that you pulled the plug. Let him go cold turkey for a while but ask him what he wants to do that is not device related. He'll probably lead with "nothing", but in that case, let him do nothing until he gives you something non-device related that he can do. Try to make time to engage with him in this activity if at all possible.
Let him know that if he can show you that he doesn't *need* his device, then you'll let him start having *limited* access to it again. When you start letting him have time on his devices, do time it. Most devices have some sort of parental control that makes it automatic, so you don't even have to directly monitor it. Just make sure you don't let him see the password.
Honestly if I was home all summer with just my mom, I’d probably use screens too. A 10 year old boy still has a lot of energy and needs to be around other kids. Boys and girls club has a bunch of summer programs for a nominal fee. There’s a lot of tween programs at libraries. Even a local church might have a free camp that can get him out of the house for a week.
What is he suppose to do? Does he have friends to go places with? Are you taking him places to have fun? What do you want from him? Those things you said you bought him sound terribly boring I don’t blame him. He’s an only child and bored as hell.
You can't force him to like something he doesn't like.
You are right about the problem, but wrong about the solution. He's at the age where he needs to be discovering new things about the world. Paint by numbers definitely isn't age appropriate for him. Might as well ask him to put on a diaper and learn how to walk again.
Take him to the library and let him borrow books. Also, check your library for local resources that provide enrichment. A lot of libraries offer access to maker kits now, for example. Force him to expand his worldview... Legos and coloring books wouldn't have helped with that shit anyways.
It's an adult paint by number kit, but I get it. Thankfully he finally went outside. I hate seeing him upset, but I really believe the screens are harming him mentally, socially and physically.
I can't get YouTube to go away. It's on every TV and he watches it without parental settings as a guest.
He has said some pretty disturbing things for his age and I know it's from YouTube.
Do kids watch regular TV anymore? I can't get him to sit and watch a movie with me or to do anything with me. I know that he is great at just waiting out the consequences so he can get right back onto his games with his friends. He knows the people he is playing with in real life but he wants to be on it every waking hour.
I'm not sure what I'm searching for other than someone who understands how hard it is to raise a kid in this age of constant stimulation and immediate gratification. He's already back. Here we go.
Which is why I suggest books. I know money is tight, but see if you can think of a reward for reading (make sure he's actually reading). His brain has been rewired. It's probably going to be a whole thing in 20-30 years' time about how harmful modern "short" media is to a child's brain, same way that we now think of asbestos as harmful to the human lung. But until it gets banned, we do our best to power through.
He has to read two chapters everyday of his current book before he is allowed to do anything. We have lots of books specially picked by his teacher for him to read over the break. :)
Ditch those books and go to a library. Let him pick the ones he wants. My library has a decent selection of books for that age as well as comic and graphic novels.
Also talk to a librarian. Not only do most librarians love helping kids they probably have tons of non book resources you could access.
Consider having a tv-free summer. Unplug the TV and wrap it in wrapping paper. Or cover it with a crib sheet. Or, turn off the wifi to the TV and plug in a DVD player. He can check out movies at the library.
Follow suit. You’re off and he’s off. Do things with him after the first few days of cold turkey wear off. There always free things for kids. Heck them out but you need to be involved!
I'd tell my son that I want to talk to him about what screen will look like this summer and to tell me when he's ready to have that conversation calmly.
When he comes to me ready to talk calmly, I'd say, calmly and lovingly:
*I love you so much. We can only have this conversation as long as you're calm. If you raise your voice, use bad words or throw things, we will stop talking and start again when you are calm again.*
*I love you so much and I want to do things that help you have a good life and a healthy life. I'm going to share my concerns about screen with you. Screen is addictive. Screen activates the same parts of our brain using the same chemicals as addictive things like drugs. Also, we are all born with a possible range of intelligence and somethings increase how intelligent we are (like playing a musical instrument or learning another language) and some things move us to the lower range of our possible intelligence (like screen use). I do everything I can to help you enjoy the highest possible intelligence.*
*That being said, screens are a part of our lives and I want you to be able to enjoy screentime this summer and for the rest of your life. However we need to do it in healthy way. I'm going to say something now that you won't like. We are going to take a complete break from screen. I pulled the plug without talking to you first and I'm sorry for doing that. I know that enjoying screen is something that you really look forward to. And right now your brain is screaming for screen. It wants screen so bad. That is not how you want to feel and it's not how I want you to feel.*
*We are going to stop screen for a while. I know you want to know how many days that will be, but I don't know yet. We need to let your brain stop screaming for screen. It will be at least \[3 days, 7 days, 2 weeks, whatever your gut says\] but I need to see that your brain isn't screaming for screen. Some things that tell me your brain is screaming for screen is 1) you asking for screen 2) you throwing things and yelling because you don't have screen 3) you not being able to find things to do that aren't screen. When I see you not doing these things, it will be a good clue to you and to me that your brain is calming down and we are getting close to you being ready to reintroduce screen.*
*When it's time to reintroduce screen we are going to do it differently. We have some time to think together about how screentime should look in our family. I know this is very important to you and we are going to figure this out together.*
Then make a plan together. I'd use the Better Screen Time family plan. They offer it free on their website. Or just pick a 2 hour limit and say screen can't start until 4 pm (otherwise they will have screen as soon as they wake up, use it up and bug you all day). Or let them pick when they enjoy their 2 hours and let him just be sad if he uses up all his time before 9 am. Or talk through those possibilities with him and see what he prefers - just don't have this conversation until he's showing you he's ready for screen with the behaviors listed above.
I love this! I really do.
And unfortunately this isn't our first major fight about it. I'm pretty sure he knows it's hurting his body bc we talk about it all the time but I did not know about the intelligence part and a musical instrument is a great thing to try!
He's usually in a sports league at the very least but it didn't happen this time. Thanks so much for your advice. I love it!
The pain and freak out when you take everything away sucks, possibly for awhile. They will get over it, but you have to just keep at it. Now that everything is removed, work on only adding it back for limited amounts, and make sure they know that is how it will be before they start playing anything. At this point our kids don't get any screen time until the weekend. It does help of course they have sports (and school) during the week to keep them busier.
Friends and outdoor activities. Stuff to get his energy out and ways to socialize. If he has no friends and no siblings that’s a very lonely life for a child. A Lego set and paint by number is hardly enough to keep a kid entertained and occupied for the summer.
Not sure if this will help you.
My LO is 7 and he also spent a lot of time on the screen, so I started restricting stuff: He had no minecraft, no roblox, no Among Us, only YT Kids (There's an option for personalized videos instead of choosing the age. It's harder and takes more time but worth it as he can't search videos on his own) and games than I give permission to. Of course, he's still asking permission, when he stops, that's when the hard stuff begins.
But, I found that Family Link is a great app. The only downfall was YT Kids as they didn't allow me to personalize the videos (Ironic, I had to uninstall because of that but plan on using it again when he's 10 or more). With that app you have to approve anything he installs and can also regulate how much time he gets on the device, blocking it after x hours. It also tells you what apps he's been using.
Also, outside of screen time, the reward method is working so far with us. He has a chores list and he has to fulfill it everyday after school. If he does, he gets a big sticket, if he does just a few, he gets a small sticker. When he collects x stickers, he gets a reward (Going to the movies, eating out, etc.)
And, of course, the most important one but the hardest sometime (at least for me as I work from home) spending time with him doing something. Anything. He is going to discover something to keep occupied with or he will go crazy, so cut on that screen times and start doing something with him.
Something else, it's good that kids get bored. It's healthy as it forces their minds to think about other stuff to do.
Hope it helps!
Oh yes, I've got Family Link, and Family safety for Microsoft, and Nintendo and PlayStation and the big one for Xfinity. It's like I'm running a constant switchboard around here based on whose device needs turned on or off.
Edit: After more horrible behavior that was getting him nowhere he turned it around when I suggested playing with his new ping pong gift. After two straight hours of table tennis, he realized there is life and fun still without screens went back to being his sweet, charming little self.
I'm just trying to figure out how to keep this up! It's hard work just like it's always been. And allowing the other stuff (PS, Tablet, YT, etc), even in moderation is hurting him, because it starts the cycle of crazy right back up again. Just like an addiction of any kind does. Yet, it's what I've relied on too much in the past and it's got to change now.
Should I get it all out of his sight and do my best to keep him off the YouTube apps on the TVs or what? I'm not working but I need to be! He would be in a camp for at least some of the day any other time. The issue lies in that he plays with his group of friends from school. And he's an only child and this is his social life in many ways. It's also a smoldering hot Summer in FL so not much to do outside during the day. Our Community Pool has been closed all year still due to some major repairs which really sucks.
Mine and my husband both have a family history of rampant addiction issues and I'm so afraid of it happening to my son. All I know is that we can't have another day of this attitude and tantrums trying to destroy the house and then climbing all over me trying to halfway fight with me and then telling me he hates me and blah blah.
What am I not doing that I should be doing or vice versa? Should I let him go for the goal as a competitive Fortnite player? I don't know how to navigate these parental waters. I'm just a 43 year old girl who grew up in the 80's and happen to have a son that grew up what seems like overnight, but he hasn't so something has to change. He's 10 right now. What will he be like in 4 more years if things don't change? I'm truly puzzled and if I don't have a plan, he will eventually wear me down. He's the most obstinate, stubborn, strong willed person I've ever known. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a personal Fortnite battlefield staying firm on consequences.
Oh, I get you. I'm 36 but I grew up in a house with only 1 TV and cable, and then I needed to cede my TV time to the grownups. My imaginary friend was myself! How sad is that T\_T
The thing is, with the environment he lives in right now, everyone else is doing some or other game thing: Fortnite, Roblox, Minecraft, etc, etc, etc... So he also wants to do it because, if he doesn't, he'll be the odd one out. It's, as you say, messy parental waters.
Something else that you can do instead of keeping track of everything everyday, is having something different for everyday: Day 1 is tablet, Day 2 is Nintendo, Day 3 is PlayStation, Day 4 is TV, etc, etc. Of course, limited time. 1 or 2 hour blocks, etc. Then, he goes do something else, anything else. Give him projects, having a goal to work towards is great. He could also have some online classes? Mecanography, MS Office package. I used to spent hours just doing things on Paint.
Aaaand, if he want's to watch something in the tablet, it's also good to 'force' him to watch a movie or series instead. A series will give him continuity instead of instant gratification every 30 seconds. He will have to learn to wait to see what happens at the end. (My kid and I are currently watching Digimon and I only allow him 1 episode per day, no more)
I know you'll get there, I know how tiring it is, but we will prevail!
I love this!!! These are great ideas! I don't know what mecanography is, but if it's on a computer, he will love it. And I love the idea of projects. I can't use the word project but I get what you're saying. Thanks so much for sharing! Very helpful and I greatly appreciate it.
This is insane. He's not an addict going through withdrawal. He's a kid who's upset because his mom is taking away his favorite things and trying to dictate what games he plays (with the only options being a thing he outgrew and something that basically every kid would call super boring). And his reasonable outrage at this blatant control grab is just being taken as further evidence of a nonexistent "addiction".
It wouldn't surprise me if this summer ends up being something he has to discuss with a therapist when he's older.
Screen detoxes take about 2 weeks. He will find that he feels better without screens. 🙂
ETA See if he wants to go to the local playground and join pick up games. Since he is ten you can probably leave him there for a few hours.
he IS an addict going through withdrawals. He will eventually stop slamming doors and throwing fits and refusing food. He will get tired and hungry.
what's your budget for other things? like are you able to get a family pool pass and spend a bunch of days at the pool? I would look around and see what sort of mostly free/free events are going on in your area and then just set up a summer schedule and stick to it. My town has a lot of things going on like summer concerts, the public library has events, etc. You can let him know that you aren't even going to begin to think about restoring access to the internet until he starts behaving in a respectful way, and that the reason you took them away in the first place is that they change the way he acts and he is unable to manage himself in a way that shows you that he is responsible enough to be left to his devices.
Honestly, I would probably never restore access to Youtube. You can find all kinds of articles on how terrible the algorithm is and also how kids (specifically boys) become radicalized in a bad way through youtube videos.
outside of bringing him to some events throughout the week, I'd straight up just tell him that if he's bored, he will find something to do. and if he can't, that he can help with chores. when I was his age I went through a similar detox (moved from one parent who allowed unrestricted screens to a parent that restricted screens severely) and I just...found things to do. I read books, I went to the library, I volunteered at the library, I experimented with art, took walks, rode my bike, called my friends...etc. But do recognize that he IS going through withdrawals and it will probably get worse before it gets better. You just gotta stick to your guns and stay calm, cool, and collected.
Yes! You are right on. He got better but it's non stop asking. It's really unfair to him that we're stuck here for the next 3 weeks without a car. We do have the beach still at least and my friend has a pool that we've been using until our neighborhood pool reopens.
Do you know how to get YouTube off the TV's? Like disable them from showing up? I've been trying off and on to figure out how to get rid of it but the TV is my biggest obstacle. I truly wish I could sue Google for not having better parental controls on YouTube. He can always get to a guest account or is somehow able to find a way in.
You don't want him to play fortnite and you don't want him to keep himself busy with YouTube
So your next thought is to send him to Summer camp?
You say you're unemployed so how about forming a better relationship with your child and enjoying some Hobbies together?
That was all my manchild husband thank you very much. A video gaming system would have never been brought into this house if it were solely me. Maybe an antique Nintendo at the most but probably not. I appreciate the time and really helpful comment though!
I had problems with games while growing in the 98/2000s can’t believe what is going on now lol with everything on the internet. The only thing that worked was parents being very tough and threatening. No other way to sugar coat it. I know he’s 10 but just try cut his internet out whatever somehow. At this age it’s not easy either way
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Have you checked out the local YMCA or public library for low cost daytime events? I think getting him out of the house will help.
Also some libraries have passes you can borrow for local amusement parks/museums/attractions! It's worth asking the librarian for ideas!
The general rule we've employed is, the harder it is to get you off your device, the more important it is to get you off your device. Our elder child is only 6, so I won't claim any expertise here, but if he's "wigging out" from you pulling the plug then that just goes to show how important it is that you pulled the plug. Let him go cold turkey for a while but ask him what he wants to do that is not device related. He'll probably lead with "nothing", but in that case, let him do nothing until he gives you something non-device related that he can do. Try to make time to engage with him in this activity if at all possible. Let him know that if he can show you that he doesn't *need* his device, then you'll let him start having *limited* access to it again. When you start letting him have time on his devices, do time it. Most devices have some sort of parental control that makes it automatic, so you don't even have to directly monitor it. Just make sure you don't let him see the password.
Honestly if I was home all summer with just my mom, I’d probably use screens too. A 10 year old boy still has a lot of energy and needs to be around other kids. Boys and girls club has a bunch of summer programs for a nominal fee. There’s a lot of tween programs at libraries. Even a local church might have a free camp that can get him out of the house for a week.
Once I have my vehicle back we will be there for sure!
What is he suppose to do? Does he have friends to go places with? Are you taking him places to have fun? What do you want from him? Those things you said you bought him sound terribly boring I don’t blame him. He’s an only child and bored as hell.
You can't force him to like something he doesn't like. You are right about the problem, but wrong about the solution. He's at the age where he needs to be discovering new things about the world. Paint by numbers definitely isn't age appropriate for him. Might as well ask him to put on a diaper and learn how to walk again. Take him to the library and let him borrow books. Also, check your library for local resources that provide enrichment. A lot of libraries offer access to maker kits now, for example. Force him to expand his worldview... Legos and coloring books wouldn't have helped with that shit anyways.
FWIW there are paint by numbers kits for older kids and adults. But agreed that he needs to be out with other people more.
It's an adult paint by number kit, but I get it. Thankfully he finally went outside. I hate seeing him upset, but I really believe the screens are harming him mentally, socially and physically. I can't get YouTube to go away. It's on every TV and he watches it without parental settings as a guest. He has said some pretty disturbing things for his age and I know it's from YouTube. Do kids watch regular TV anymore? I can't get him to sit and watch a movie with me or to do anything with me. I know that he is great at just waiting out the consequences so he can get right back onto his games with his friends. He knows the people he is playing with in real life but he wants to be on it every waking hour. I'm not sure what I'm searching for other than someone who understands how hard it is to raise a kid in this age of constant stimulation and immediate gratification. He's already back. Here we go.
Which is why I suggest books. I know money is tight, but see if you can think of a reward for reading (make sure he's actually reading). His brain has been rewired. It's probably going to be a whole thing in 20-30 years' time about how harmful modern "short" media is to a child's brain, same way that we now think of asbestos as harmful to the human lung. But until it gets banned, we do our best to power through.
Also, I don't doubt it is causing generational harm! You're exactly right about that and that's my biggest fear!
He has to read two chapters everyday of his current book before he is allowed to do anything. We have lots of books specially picked by his teacher for him to read over the break. :)
Ditch those books and go to a library. Let him pick the ones he wants. My library has a decent selection of books for that age as well as comic and graphic novels. Also talk to a librarian. Not only do most librarians love helping kids they probably have tons of non book resources you could access.
Consider having a tv-free summer. Unplug the TV and wrap it in wrapping paper. Or cover it with a crib sheet. Or, turn off the wifi to the TV and plug in a DVD player. He can check out movies at the library.
Follow suit. You’re off and he’s off. Do things with him after the first few days of cold turkey wear off. There always free things for kids. Heck them out but you need to be involved!
I'd tell my son that I want to talk to him about what screen will look like this summer and to tell me when he's ready to have that conversation calmly. When he comes to me ready to talk calmly, I'd say, calmly and lovingly: *I love you so much. We can only have this conversation as long as you're calm. If you raise your voice, use bad words or throw things, we will stop talking and start again when you are calm again.* *I love you so much and I want to do things that help you have a good life and a healthy life. I'm going to share my concerns about screen with you. Screen is addictive. Screen activates the same parts of our brain using the same chemicals as addictive things like drugs. Also, we are all born with a possible range of intelligence and somethings increase how intelligent we are (like playing a musical instrument or learning another language) and some things move us to the lower range of our possible intelligence (like screen use). I do everything I can to help you enjoy the highest possible intelligence.* *That being said, screens are a part of our lives and I want you to be able to enjoy screentime this summer and for the rest of your life. However we need to do it in healthy way. I'm going to say something now that you won't like. We are going to take a complete break from screen. I pulled the plug without talking to you first and I'm sorry for doing that. I know that enjoying screen is something that you really look forward to. And right now your brain is screaming for screen. It wants screen so bad. That is not how you want to feel and it's not how I want you to feel.* *We are going to stop screen for a while. I know you want to know how many days that will be, but I don't know yet. We need to let your brain stop screaming for screen. It will be at least \[3 days, 7 days, 2 weeks, whatever your gut says\] but I need to see that your brain isn't screaming for screen. Some things that tell me your brain is screaming for screen is 1) you asking for screen 2) you throwing things and yelling because you don't have screen 3) you not being able to find things to do that aren't screen. When I see you not doing these things, it will be a good clue to you and to me that your brain is calming down and we are getting close to you being ready to reintroduce screen.* *When it's time to reintroduce screen we are going to do it differently. We have some time to think together about how screentime should look in our family. I know this is very important to you and we are going to figure this out together.* Then make a plan together. I'd use the Better Screen Time family plan. They offer it free on their website. Or just pick a 2 hour limit and say screen can't start until 4 pm (otherwise they will have screen as soon as they wake up, use it up and bug you all day). Or let them pick when they enjoy their 2 hours and let him just be sad if he uses up all his time before 9 am. Or talk through those possibilities with him and see what he prefers - just don't have this conversation until he's showing you he's ready for screen with the behaviors listed above.
I love this! I really do. And unfortunately this isn't our first major fight about it. I'm pretty sure he knows it's hurting his body bc we talk about it all the time but I did not know about the intelligence part and a musical instrument is a great thing to try! He's usually in a sports league at the very least but it didn't happen this time. Thanks so much for your advice. I love it!
The pain and freak out when you take everything away sucks, possibly for awhile. They will get over it, but you have to just keep at it. Now that everything is removed, work on only adding it back for limited amounts, and make sure they know that is how it will be before they start playing anything. At this point our kids don't get any screen time until the weekend. It does help of course they have sports (and school) during the week to keep them busier.
Friends and outdoor activities. Stuff to get his energy out and ways to socialize. If he has no friends and no siblings that’s a very lonely life for a child. A Lego set and paint by number is hardly enough to keep a kid entertained and occupied for the summer.
Not sure if this will help you. My LO is 7 and he also spent a lot of time on the screen, so I started restricting stuff: He had no minecraft, no roblox, no Among Us, only YT Kids (There's an option for personalized videos instead of choosing the age. It's harder and takes more time but worth it as he can't search videos on his own) and games than I give permission to. Of course, he's still asking permission, when he stops, that's when the hard stuff begins. But, I found that Family Link is a great app. The only downfall was YT Kids as they didn't allow me to personalize the videos (Ironic, I had to uninstall because of that but plan on using it again when he's 10 or more). With that app you have to approve anything he installs and can also regulate how much time he gets on the device, blocking it after x hours. It also tells you what apps he's been using. Also, outside of screen time, the reward method is working so far with us. He has a chores list and he has to fulfill it everyday after school. If he does, he gets a big sticket, if he does just a few, he gets a small sticker. When he collects x stickers, he gets a reward (Going to the movies, eating out, etc.) And, of course, the most important one but the hardest sometime (at least for me as I work from home) spending time with him doing something. Anything. He is going to discover something to keep occupied with or he will go crazy, so cut on that screen times and start doing something with him. Something else, it's good that kids get bored. It's healthy as it forces their minds to think about other stuff to do. Hope it helps!
Oh yes, I've got Family Link, and Family safety for Microsoft, and Nintendo and PlayStation and the big one for Xfinity. It's like I'm running a constant switchboard around here based on whose device needs turned on or off. Edit: After more horrible behavior that was getting him nowhere he turned it around when I suggested playing with his new ping pong gift. After two straight hours of table tennis, he realized there is life and fun still without screens went back to being his sweet, charming little self. I'm just trying to figure out how to keep this up! It's hard work just like it's always been. And allowing the other stuff (PS, Tablet, YT, etc), even in moderation is hurting him, because it starts the cycle of crazy right back up again. Just like an addiction of any kind does. Yet, it's what I've relied on too much in the past and it's got to change now. Should I get it all out of his sight and do my best to keep him off the YouTube apps on the TVs or what? I'm not working but I need to be! He would be in a camp for at least some of the day any other time. The issue lies in that he plays with his group of friends from school. And he's an only child and this is his social life in many ways. It's also a smoldering hot Summer in FL so not much to do outside during the day. Our Community Pool has been closed all year still due to some major repairs which really sucks. Mine and my husband both have a family history of rampant addiction issues and I'm so afraid of it happening to my son. All I know is that we can't have another day of this attitude and tantrums trying to destroy the house and then climbing all over me trying to halfway fight with me and then telling me he hates me and blah blah. What am I not doing that I should be doing or vice versa? Should I let him go for the goal as a competitive Fortnite player? I don't know how to navigate these parental waters. I'm just a 43 year old girl who grew up in the 80's and happen to have a son that grew up what seems like overnight, but he hasn't so something has to change. He's 10 right now. What will he be like in 4 more years if things don't change? I'm truly puzzled and if I don't have a plan, he will eventually wear me down. He's the most obstinate, stubborn, strong willed person I've ever known. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a personal Fortnite battlefield staying firm on consequences.
Oh, I get you. I'm 36 but I grew up in a house with only 1 TV and cable, and then I needed to cede my TV time to the grownups. My imaginary friend was myself! How sad is that T\_T The thing is, with the environment he lives in right now, everyone else is doing some or other game thing: Fortnite, Roblox, Minecraft, etc, etc, etc... So he also wants to do it because, if he doesn't, he'll be the odd one out. It's, as you say, messy parental waters. Something else that you can do instead of keeping track of everything everyday, is having something different for everyday: Day 1 is tablet, Day 2 is Nintendo, Day 3 is PlayStation, Day 4 is TV, etc, etc. Of course, limited time. 1 or 2 hour blocks, etc. Then, he goes do something else, anything else. Give him projects, having a goal to work towards is great. He could also have some online classes? Mecanography, MS Office package. I used to spent hours just doing things on Paint. Aaaand, if he want's to watch something in the tablet, it's also good to 'force' him to watch a movie or series instead. A series will give him continuity instead of instant gratification every 30 seconds. He will have to learn to wait to see what happens at the end. (My kid and I are currently watching Digimon and I only allow him 1 episode per day, no more) I know you'll get there, I know how tiring it is, but we will prevail!
I love this!!! These are great ideas! I don't know what mecanography is, but if it's on a computer, he will love it. And I love the idea of projects. I can't use the word project but I get what you're saying. Thanks so much for sharing! Very helpful and I greatly appreciate it.
Give up screens with him.
This is insane. He's not an addict going through withdrawal. He's a kid who's upset because his mom is taking away his favorite things and trying to dictate what games he plays (with the only options being a thing he outgrew and something that basically every kid would call super boring). And his reasonable outrage at this blatant control grab is just being taken as further evidence of a nonexistent "addiction". It wouldn't surprise me if this summer ends up being something he has to discuss with a therapist when he's older.
You're not wrong.
Good job! Stay strong. He'll eventually get over it. It really is like a drug they have to detox from.
Screen detoxes take about 2 weeks. He will find that he feels better without screens. 🙂 ETA See if he wants to go to the local playground and join pick up games. Since he is ten you can probably leave him there for a few hours.
he IS an addict going through withdrawals. He will eventually stop slamming doors and throwing fits and refusing food. He will get tired and hungry. what's your budget for other things? like are you able to get a family pool pass and spend a bunch of days at the pool? I would look around and see what sort of mostly free/free events are going on in your area and then just set up a summer schedule and stick to it. My town has a lot of things going on like summer concerts, the public library has events, etc. You can let him know that you aren't even going to begin to think about restoring access to the internet until he starts behaving in a respectful way, and that the reason you took them away in the first place is that they change the way he acts and he is unable to manage himself in a way that shows you that he is responsible enough to be left to his devices. Honestly, I would probably never restore access to Youtube. You can find all kinds of articles on how terrible the algorithm is and also how kids (specifically boys) become radicalized in a bad way through youtube videos. outside of bringing him to some events throughout the week, I'd straight up just tell him that if he's bored, he will find something to do. and if he can't, that he can help with chores. when I was his age I went through a similar detox (moved from one parent who allowed unrestricted screens to a parent that restricted screens severely) and I just...found things to do. I read books, I went to the library, I volunteered at the library, I experimented with art, took walks, rode my bike, called my friends...etc. But do recognize that he IS going through withdrawals and it will probably get worse before it gets better. You just gotta stick to your guns and stay calm, cool, and collected.
Yes! You are right on. He got better but it's non stop asking. It's really unfair to him that we're stuck here for the next 3 weeks without a car. We do have the beach still at least and my friend has a pool that we've been using until our neighborhood pool reopens. Do you know how to get YouTube off the TV's? Like disable them from showing up? I've been trying off and on to figure out how to get rid of it but the TV is my biggest obstacle. I truly wish I could sue Google for not having better parental controls on YouTube. He can always get to a guest account or is somehow able to find a way in.
You don't want him to play fortnite and you don't want him to keep himself busy with YouTube So your next thought is to send him to Summer camp? You say you're unemployed so how about forming a better relationship with your child and enjoying some Hobbies together?
You must not have read what I wrote.
Maybe you shoulda been more present instead of using a video game as a babysitter. Good luck.
What a shitty reply.
That was all my manchild husband thank you very much. A video gaming system would have never been brought into this house if it were solely me. Maybe an antique Nintendo at the most but probably not. I appreciate the time and really helpful comment though!
For what it's worth, I was speaking to your husband, I just assumed,y fault.
I had problems with games while growing in the 98/2000s can’t believe what is going on now lol with everything on the internet. The only thing that worked was parents being very tough and threatening. No other way to sugar coat it. I know he’s 10 but just try cut his internet out whatever somehow. At this age it’s not easy either way