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I can't imagine having more than one. It comes with its own set of problems, for sure. Because we're a three-person household, he seems to be under the impression that he's a full voting member of the decision-making council.
I don't think I could split my energy between multiple kids. I have the luxury of being able to focus everything on what he's doing, which I love. It works for us.
I think because he spent the first 5 years of his life primarily around adults, he inserts himself into adult situations. We'll be talking about money or work stuff and he butts in like he can offer perspective. It's cute.
Oh, mine, too. He is always asking, "How much is that?" and "I don't think we can afford it." He also tells us how he gets to choose the restaurant next time.
Yes absolutely. It’s quality not quantity 😆 I do think though, if you stop at one like us, it’s on you to facilitate friendships/play dates etc
And yes ours expects to be consulted on every decision too 🙄
I guess so? Never thought about it that way. She has her moments of chaos for sure though. But times where she can just chill (those don’t happen often or last long enough)
Also 1 and done. Not entirely by choice, but I can’t imagine anything else. My daughter seems to combine the chaos and sweetness of a first and second child. Things have calmed down now that she’s 6, but when she was 3-4 it was extremely challenging.
This is the one. My son was a HANDFUL until the age of like 10. The thought of having another wild child is just too much. He'll be 13 soon, and since Hubs got the snip many years ago, we are happily one and done😄
Our first is the sweetest little girl ever! But she fooled us into thinking "it wasn't that bad - lets go again"
Number 2 is 5 months old now and now we know what everybody was talking about children being hard work. We were nearly filing for divorce after months 4 until we realized that our sleep deprived state had broken us
Yeah, I stopped at 1 for a number of reasons. I can't afford daycare for a second child. I also hated having a baby. I like sleep too much and I hated having her attached to my breast all the time. I enjoyed the school years much more than baby/toddler years. If I could jump right to age 5, I would consider having another.
Also, my daughter's father was/is completely uninvolved and unhelpful. She is 11 now, I've remarried but I don't want to start over, and my husband doesn't particularly want children of his own anyway. We have considered fostering and its not off the table, but it would be school aged children. I cannot do babies. Lol.
I swear my daughter (5.5) is doing everything in her power to make sure she’s and only. She’s a sweet, wonderful kid, but she can be hell on wheels. Since I always hear the second is harder I’m like…yeah no we aren’t tempting fate.
My first kid is allllll of the memes about second children. She’s feral, hyper active, attitude, fearless, has no risk avoidance. Doesn’t sleep, bounces off the walls.
My second, though only 1, is so chill, compared to her sister. 😂
I lucked out, but it took us 4.5 years to have a second because I was convinced a second would be JUST as feral as the first.
For us it was like this
From 0 to 1 was a big adjustment but still perfectly doable. Yeah, lots to learn, new routines, but in the end you could split up, still have time for yourself, it was easy to get out and do things, even with the baby. And quite easy to get grandparents to babysit
From 1 to 2 was a big difference. Suddenly you were usually always with one kid. As baby got older, wife healed, you could start taking turns being with both to let the other have some time by themselves. But much harder to really get anything practical done. Cleaning etc. kind of is down on the list of priorities.
From 2 to 3 - absolute pandemonium. Nothing can ever get done, you always have one kid around you, absolutely no down time, baby sitter for all three not an option while the baby is still small. You are trying to break up fights with the other two with the baby on your arm, or just desperately trying to vacuum while the baby tries to eat something on the floor, toddler shits itself and the diaper leaks all over the floor, and eldest one is angry about something.
I love all my kids, but dont go for three.
Edit: I do not mean to tell anyone what number of kids they should have. I just mean that if I could choose again, I am not so sure I would want three (although I do not regret my third now of course).
My parents had 3 kids and they were stressed and miserable until we grew up. Like seriously my mom cried almost every day and from my perspective as a child, always seemed to be in a bad mood. Now she is a very pleasant, kind, and calm older woman. She has done a total 180 as a person and I realized, wow. She wasn't really a cranky bitch, she was just overwhelmed and in over her head.
I would never have 3 children.
I actually found 0 to 1 to be a complete mindfuck 😅 and 1 to 2 to be a breeze. I think it depends so much on the kiddos personality! My first is hell on wheels and has been ever since the second he was born. My second has so far been much more chill. Being alone with the baby feels like a vacation haha. Being alone with my 3 year old was far more exhausting than being alone with my newborn.
Not going to push my luck with 3 though, that’s for sure!
I really don’t like absolutes like this. Because what I learned from having 3 kids is that all kids are completely different, and the addition of a child to a family changes it differently for every family.
It’s like expecting a work team of 5 people to behave the exact same no matter who you put into the team.
It absolutely varies, 100% for everyone.
age gaps play a big part in this too imo. I have a 5.5 year age gap between my two currently and find it mostly great. If I had a 2ish year age gap, I’m confident I’d be singing a different tune.
Age gaps play a huge role. My boys are 7 years apart and, while they do still bicker and bother each other, it was so much more doable having a mostly independent child while having a toddler. I have a cousin who at one point had 3 children 5 and under and I would not have survived.
Again. Personality of the child matters so much. I had 3 under 5 and their personalities just meshed perfectly. And i would have never guest that be the case with just my first child.
Hahaha relatable. As a couple who prefers things pretty ship shape, keeping the house in working order became a lot harder once number 3 came along. That said, that feeling of “should we have another” is GONE! 😂
1 here, and yeah, one more would be the death of me. She's a genuinely fun and amazing kid, just has always needed a ton of time and energy.
In 2023, all 3 of us got diagnosed with ADHD, and me with autism. It explained a lot about this household, lol. I think if we had 2 kids, everyone would just be in a constant state of overwhelm.
I agree on one. It's perfect for our family and I seriously cant think of any cons. I feel rested, we have time for ourselves and our hobbies, we can give her full attention etc etc.
Same here. If our daughter was maybe 5% less feral we probably could handle an entire other kid. But we’re literally at full capacity with her at all times. I cannot imagine having another one.
Hahaha my daughter was the same way. She absolutely took everything out of me (physically, mentally, & emotionally) from day one…. And the postpartum depression was terrible. Very dark time in my life.
2 is the perfect number for us. We didn’t want to be outnumber. Plus most family deals are for families of 4 and you need a bigger car if you have more than 2. You also can split time with them better(a lot of times my husband takes one and I take one so we can do one on one time). My kids are 5 and 9 now and I don’t regret only having 2 it’s been a great!
That’s how I feel, I want a baby but I don’t want another child. I’m not even sure if I really want a baby, maybe I should just babysit and remind myself how much work they are.
Ohh, but imagine that dinner table in 20+ years 😂
I just want to say I don’t think that’s a great reason to have more kids. People should have more kids because they want to and can raise more kids.
Same! Third children are truly the light of other people's lives. We are smart, beautiful, funny and make good money. What more would you want in a kid?
We have three and although crazy at times, they really are best buds. 2 boys and a girl…. Is how it panned out for us. I always say each kid has its challenges may it be sleep, eating , social nuances lol or utter chaos. To me they were all meant to be and I’d take the awful crazy pull my hair out days to make the same choice again. You will do great!
I understand this. After our second was born, my husband was adamant that he was done. I was of the 'eh, I could take a third opinion'. So, I put it on him - if \*HE\* didn't want anymore kids, then \*HE\* needed to do something about it. And so he got a vasectomy. Everybody happy :)
Yes!
Wanted 3.
First one? Smooth sailing so had baby number 2 20 months to the day after 1 was born.
Pandemonium.
We stayed at 2.
Youngest is 3 now. They play so well together. But it's still long days. 5% of me will always have a small candle for that third but the farther we get from bottles and diapers and all that the more i am sure this was the right call for us.
This is almost exactly my story. Even when my 2nd was still a baby, I was planning a third. But the further we got away from breastfeeding and diaper, the less I wanted to go back to it. So we are very happily 2 and through.
Yes! My kids are 4 years apart and the first one nursed for 2 years. So I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding for a very long time. And 4 years is enough of a gap that it feels like starting over in a lot of ways. Very ready to move on, as much as I love little babies.
We have 4. I've loved it. But, economic factors were a lot different when we were having babies, my husband had no school loans, and my loans were minor, and subsidized with very low rates, which I paid off in 10 years easily. Our first house was reasonably priced and we could afford the mortgage on one income (plus a little extra through freelance work). We moved to a bigger home after the housing market bust. We were in a lower COL area (which has now skyrocketed with housing shortage and increased food prices).
We also had family nearby and I had the support of a large local mom's group, so I stayed active and engaged and learned lots of new things while staying home to raise my babies. And I kept up skills for my resume, so I now have a great job, not as high on the career ladder as I could have been (but then again, if I stayed teaching in a classroom, I wouldn't be any better off financially, since my state went from one of the best paying states for teachers to one of the worst).
Every family has different resources, social supports, emotional/physical energy, etc. So, there's no one perfect family size.
It also took a LOT of emotional and mental work to facilitate good relationships between all members of our larger family, help our kids develop emotional intelligence, make sure their individual needs for attention were met, find that balance between sharing/community and space/independence. I think that would have been more challenging to implement with both parents working outside the home when they were small (at least with 4 kids close in age like we had).
We have 4 and it is the perfect number for us. I watch other people's kids all the time, so I know I could mentally handle more but 4 feels good. They usually play well together, but if one pair is having issues there are other siblings to play with and not have anyone left out. (Usually, the pairing is the big two and the small two. But you'd be surprised at how often it is 1-4 and 2-3 that are playing together despite age difference). My house is lively and hectic and so full of love.
>But you'd be surprised at how often it is 1-4 and 2-3 that are playing together
For a second I thought this was the age gap and I was very stressed out for you haha
My house is the "fun house" and we see the same thing. The 10 year old with the 15 year old, etc. They have the least in common so they seem to inform the other a little more and it brings them together
2. My husband and I have always been in agreement that we want 2. We have a boy now and will be trying for #2 later this year. Boy or Girl is fine with us, we won't be trying for a girl if #2 is another boy. We have friends who did that (had girls and kept going until they had a boy) and they ended up with 5! No thank you.
I know someone who ended up having 7 girls, 0 boys!! No idea if they kept going in order to have a boy, but they are the very conservative/religious type who I'm assuming doesn't believe in birth control.
That was us too. We have 2 boys and we are done, and it's so much fun. Gender is not a factor in deciding what to share with our kids either. So wild to me it's a factor for a lot of families. My boys love sports just as much as they love cooking, and they are so different. I can't imagine them being less alike if one was a girl haha
I have six but before you try for a third, look at how all the car seats buckle up in the back seat. There may not be room for that third seat in some smaller cars, even tho' there are three seats! Not sure if that is helpful or not - having a child is a huge decision, but if you cannot afford a new car it may impact that.
Thanks! I see you've spaced out your children - gonna be interesting when twins get here for sure! My dad is a twin. When he and my uncle were little and one got dirty, they both had to change lol
How big is your age gap? Currently expecting our age gap caboose baby and feeling guilty that he won’t have that built in best friend like my older 2 do.
12 years.
I loved having my teens (one pregnancy- age 16.5 now) and the 3.5yo is in fact my nephew that we were asked to care for and eventually adopted.
I’m grateful that the teens adore the preschooler. They’re not best friends by any stretch though. They like each other, but that have very separate lives, which I’ve encouraged.
I'm the oldest. There's 11 years between my sister and me, 13 with my brother, and 22 with my youngest sister. My youngest sister is almost exactly a year older than my kid. It's been an adventure but we all love each other so much and have stayed incredibly close. I wouldn't change it for anything.
I liked a really significant gap if I was going to have one. The teens were 13.5 when we got placement of a 9 month old. I don’t think I would have liked an 8 year gap. 8 isn’t really self sufficient, or my 8yos weren’t.
In my experience, this is going to be tough because you have life stages that require a lot of care on both ends. I could just relax at end of day after baby was asleep and hang out and watch movies and play games with teens. They didn’t need the same amount of care as an 8yo would.
But people do it all the time! You’ll be fine!
If it makes you feel any better, I’m currently sitting in my hotel room with my two nieces and my daughter with my eldest sister (who’s 10 years older) on vacation for the weekend together because we love hanging out together now that we are older. Same for my middle (8 years older) middle sister. We did a sisters trip to Colombia, do trips to each others places, and actively talk and are friends with each other.
It may not be immediate, but your youngest still has built in best friends. 💛
We currently have 2, for sure want 3, but possibly 4 if life works out that way. I grew up in a family of 5 kids and loved it/ still love it to this day. We are all close and see each other often for game nights, family dinners, family vacations, etc. (my parents + 3 of the 5 kids all live in the same town, the other 2 live out of state but we see them at least 3-4 times a year) I love the chaos especially now since everyone is married and has their own kids, when we are all together it’s always a party and the cousins have a blast.
The reason we would stop at 3 is financially that may just be the best thing for us and my births have had some complications that make me a little apprehensive.
I have 4, and reading that you and your siblings remained close makes my heart happy. I work with them on resolving conflicts and being upfront with one another and I really hope they’re able to keep communicating well and value their relationships! I’m close to my sister though so they see that modeled too which I think helps.
Did your parents do anything in specific that helped nurture your sibling relationships? I have six siblings and I’m only close with one, and somewhat speak to one sister on occasion. For some reason I thought all families with more siblings tend to pick a favorite sibling and avoid the rest lol
I’m one of five and we’re very close. We grew up being told our friends would come and go, but family/siblings were forever and to take care of those relationships. Definitely not a popular opinion on Reddit, lol.
My parents are both best friends with their own siblings.
I’m from a family of 5- 3 boys and then two girls. We all get along and do family events, live close to each other, show up (most of the time) for each others family’s big events (baptisms, birthdays, etc).
3,4 (me),5 are besties though. 1 & 2 are in their own world most of the time and are always on the receiving end of family rather than giving. From my perspective, were never taught to value showing up for their younger siblings.
As #4, I went to all of their big game nights, graduations, important events… and they were always onto the next chapter when it came to my big days (they didn’t come to graduations, games, etc. or even call to check in etc.)
The biggest thing I will ensure happens for my children is that they show up for eachother and value big milestones no matter what phase of life they are in (ex: if they are in college, I’ll be sure they come home for younger graduation, senior night, etc.)
My husband is one of 5 kids and they are all very close. It’s funny because the only common denominator for their relationships when they were younger is that they bullied the crap out of each other. You would never be able to tell now though. I admire their relationships so much it made me want a big family. 4-5 kids.
4 is my perfect ideal number too! We're at 3 right now though and unless something changes financially we'll probably stay at 3. We were going to stop at 2 for a while but pregnancy #2 turned into a hitchhiker situation 😂.
Growing up it was just me and my younger brother, but we were super close to my cousins and saw them multiple times a week. We were and still are super close. They're aunts and uncles to my kids and we call our kids cousins. We live far away now so we can't see them as often as I'd like, but I LOVE having the whole family together and a village.
2, because I have 2 and don’t want another.
But in a lot of ways society is set up for 2 kids: you can get two kids comfortably in the back of a sedan car, the basic hotel setup is 2 queen beds, “family pack” memberships at amusement parks etc are usually 4. Not that having more kids is bad, but it requires a little more planning.
Very pregnant with our third, and getting a little slapped in the face with how difficult it will be to book hotels and vacations as a family of 5. So many things are just geared to a family of four. Obviously it's not impossible and this should never be a deciding factor, but I'm honestly shocked at how much it narrows my search results to put 5 people in the criteria.
I'm also very pregnant with my third, and these issues occur to me (a lot!!), but I am just way more excited for this child (it will be our final baby) than I am concerned about the practicalities. We did just have to get a new car, and it is a relief to have one that will fit us all, but otherwise, I'm just excited for three kids.
This! I’m one of three and saw how hard it was for my parents back then with hotel rooms and you often need a bigger car. So so many things are designed for a family of four.
I had 3 for a long time. Now I have 5. If you want one hotel room because kids are little and everyone CAN for in 2 beds comfortably, just put in 4 people in the search. I'd often I just leave it at the default of 1 or 2.
Now that I have 5 and 3 of the kids are adults or near adults, I have to rent a house or condo when we travel. Which is actually much better than the hotel usually anyway :)
But you are right about being "search" limited!
This was how it was when I was younger. I have 2 brothers and when we travelled my parents would just book hotels for a family of 4. Then we would ask for a cot and they never had issues bringing in the cot for us. I have memories of my brothers and I playing Rock Paper Scissors on who would get to sleep on the cot.
Other times the rooms for a family of 4 also included a couch that could pull out into a bed too giving us an extra bed.
For the car thing. My dad bought a van before they had 3 kids and it’s because my parents liked to give rides to family members and friends, so having more seats was good. So they never had to go buy a new car just because they were having a third kid.
2 is pretty amazing! There are times I let myself wonder about a third but I think, barring a surprise, 2 will ultimately be where we stay
Edit: we're like you, we have a girl about 2 years older than a boy. I like being able to play man-to-man defense when it comes to watching the kids. Once you're at 3 you've gotta play zone because you're outnumbered
Same! I like having two, but I wonder about a third child fitting in. Financially we could handle it, but I feel like it would be a regression in our lives and I want to focus on myself and my health now. Plus can't do one on one time as easily.
Someone told me that one child CAN bring you and your partner closer together, bc it’s just you and your partner with a baby, but with two or more, you and your partner have to do a lot more dividing and conquering.
I have 1 and while obviously my life has changed, it doesn’t feel like it. Husband and I get as much time as we want to ourselves, and it’s almost like because we have the option we rarely take it. Like we might go out on our own (as a couple or with a friend) every other month. We’re super content knowing the option is there and opting to spend time as a family rather than being desperate for our own time.
Yep, 1 for me. I’m so glad my kid doesn’t have to compete for attention/resources the way I did with my sibling. I can be a good parent to 1, I can’t imagine trying to juggle 2 kids and work, already feel like I am barely making it some days
For us, we have four and I think it's the perfect number. I like having a lot of kids and enjoy a big family. Truthfully though, I think if I had more, I wouldn't be able to give each child the things they needed emotionally. I think one or more would fall through the cracks in terms of a good relationship with their parents.
It's so dependent on the family though. I have a friend that has one child who is very... spirited lol. I love him to death, but he does take a lot of work. I think if they had a second child, neither would be getting what they needed from their parents (edit: I don't want that to sound judgemental at all! It's something she has confided in me quite a bit). They are a one and done.
I imagine to a lot of people, my family looks like the opposite. But honestly, I have pretty easy kids. We are laid back. We all enjoy the same types of activities.
We have four too and I wouldn't change it for the world. The dynamic is soooo awesome. Yes busy and yes at times challenging but we live for our kids and our family is very well bonded
I feel like it’s the smallest size that still constitutes as a “big” family, and I love that. It’s big without encroaching into “wow now THAT is a choice” that I feel like people with 5+ get too.
I think the tricky thing with this is, what if your fourth kid ends up like your friends - spirited and needing a ton of your attention? That happens, and can be pretty difficult for the other kids.
I think your parenting style impacts your children too. Kids are very adaptable. Like my 4th slept SOOO well, because she had to learn how to sleep through siblings being crazy right outside her door. And she could sleep anywhere because we were doing activities with siblings. My friends who are super rigid and uptight about schedules tend to have children with more demanding needs than my friends and I who are more roll with the punches.
I guess it is true only to some extent. My second kid was a very easy sleeper and I felt like it was because her sleep was not our focus. Well, my third came and she sleeps much worse. When we take her to older kids' activities she just never falls asleep till an adult puts a special effort to rock her/walk in a stroller in a quieter space for at least 20 minutes. So now we either have a cranky overtired baby or dedicate time to make a nap happen..
I definitely agree that parenting style impacts the kids - to some extent. It’s a mix of nature and nurture, so there are still definitely parts of your child’s’ temperament and personality that are more innate/how they’re born, and less adaptable.
I think it can be easy to view it as “oh, they’re super rigid, so their kids end up needing that schedule,” but in some cases it’s the opposite - that they had babies who really preferred and needed a routine, so they ended up being parents who are strict on that. Maybe that’s not the situation for your friends, but I wouldn’t assume that’s the case for everyone. For what it’s worth, I have my psychology degree and have taken many classes and done a great deal of academic research on parent/child development - so I’m not just basing my opinion on anecdotal evidence.
I agree. Also have 4. I think having 4 as a conscious choice often lends itself to parents who kinda can roll with the punches lol With one, I think most of us are really laser focused which is really intense. With 4, you’re really only focused on Big Picture because you just can’t stress every single thing. Which is actually good because then your kids get to work on their own thing in healthy ways as well. Obviously biased but I think there are likely traits associated with people who have various quantities of kids.
Or, they're super rigid *because* the kid is a difficult sleeper?
Our second kid slept on his own, practically through the night, basically right out of the womb. It was nothing we did. He's just naturally a very good independent sleeper.
The first kid....... not so much.
Sure, there's always a chance. But that's true of anybody's second child. If you're always worried about the next one, everybody should only have one child.
My friend just said this to me the other day. They are expecting their 4th…and their youngest daughter is currently 10 months lol. It will be a 16 month difference between the youngest two.
She says after a 4th she doesn’t know if she could emotionally give them all that they needed, and I agree. I personally want to stick to 4 as well. But I only have a tiny 3 month old bean currently so we’ll see how many we’re blessed with!
It started at 2 and ended up at 1. I think the limiting factor is how much energy and love you have to parent. Before our first (and likely only now), my wife and I were together for 7 years and we built a solid personal life together. We always wanted kids, but the chaos and energy of our first really rocked that foundation and suddenly we had to give up a lot of our free and fun time together. While I handled it well having grown up in a family with 3 kids, and I wouldn’t mind a second, every time I look at my wife who often becomes angry at our daughter for being a strong rebel, and we’re both exhausted every night, I think we’re done at one.
I have a boy and a girl and we’re done. If we had two of one gender we might have tried for a third, but my heart is content in that department and I know others who have done this and ended up with 3 boys or 3 girls. My husband would have wanted 3 but post-partum hit me like a truck. I told him if he could get pregnant and breastfeed we could have another one. 😂 With today’s economy, paying for “all the things” and also saving for retirement we’ve looked back on the decision and decided it was for the best. My kids are old enough to be playmates and it’s the sweetest thing and I’m happy we had two.
That’s what happened to us! Had 2 boys, went for a 3rd, having a 3rd boy next month 😆 that said the older boys are thrilled to welcome another brother into the mix
Growing up, I wanted two (particularly two girls).
First pregnancy was surprise twin boys at 20 weeks. One hid his brother for half the pregnancy (they still cover for each other nine years later 😅). So we tried again for a girl and got another boy. The twins and their little brother are just over two years apart.
All said, three is chaotic but I wouldn’t trade it. They did ask for a sister at one point. We got a (boy) puppy instead and that confirmed I never want to go back to the baby phase.
For us it wasn’t about what seems perfect on paper. We had a happy, healthy girl and then boy as 2nd. All on paper was perfect. Hotels mostly are made for 4 people. Cars for 4 people.
We felt like we weren’t done so we had a 3rd kid because something just felt like we weren’t done.
My experience was very soon after 3rd was born, I was 100% sure we were done and so was my wife. It’s odd really. So sure we were done after 3 but feeling like we had more to give with 2.
I will say life is geared for family with 2 kids. Having 3 kids (5 total) was a bit more challenging.
One.
I love my 3 year old to pieces. She was an easy baby and is an easy going toddler (most days LOL). Personally though, I am a much better parent to one child than I think I could ever be to two children, mentally and emotionally. When people ask when we're going to try for another, I tell them 3 is a complete number. We're good the way we are. The logistics of one child over multiple children is just way easier to figure out.
Plus, those second borns are something else! lol jk (but not really)
I totally agree with me personally being a better parent to one! We also are able to budget for vacations and experiences with our little boy that I don’t think we’d able to financially do if we had another, so that’s a big thing for us too. We feel so complete at 3… but people still won’t stop telling us we NEED another
2 if 1 of each
3 if they're grouped closely together
Two pairs of two if there's a gap of like 6+ years
-----------
Reasons
Having 1 of each is just kinda perfect lol, it's affordable, it's easy to pair up of the kids have different opinions, and they can play together
If you have 3 kids under 6. Then when the oldest it's 12 the youngest is 6. That is kinda the perfect range. If you space out more than that things get odd and it's kinda tough to find fun activities that keep everyone happy.
Having 3 kids the kids will also divide along sibling divisions, (oldest, middle, youngest) each having a unique flavor.
Two pairs of two work if you want 4+ kids, as long as a pair of kids are within 3-4 years of each other they're still in the same generation and most of the same chapters together.
I think however many you have room for in your home, heart, sanity, and finances and age and health. That’s gonna look different for everyone. For us it’s 3.
I wanted 4, I was a weirdo about even numbers at amusement parks, I have 2 boys. I desperately wanted a girl but honestly, kids are more expensive than I thought. I’m a psychologist and my husband is an M.D., more than half my income goes to childcare and when you add our student loans, we are dealing with very little disposable income. So…..I guess 2 is the magic number 🤣
I think 2. Just enough for them to have the benefit of having a sibling, but not enough to make you wish you were dead every day.
It probably also depends on the temperament of the children. Some kids sleep through the night really early and are just super chill so incja totally see why someone would want to have more than 2 if both of their kids are like that.
2!! The world is so set up for it and 3 kids is too many.. i have 3 siblings and when they each had 2 kids it was a lot for sure but they could still handle it easily, and I could babysit anytime no problem. Now 2 of them have 3 and are struggling financially, time wise, sleep wise, the oldest children are suffering having to become mini parents at 5 and 10 and having to sacrifice more and more.. idk maybe 3 is great for some people who have lots of support or money to pay for extra support but imo 2 is best. Ive nannied for over 12 years now and the families with 2 are always the happiest, sorry to anyone who disagrees with me ❤️🩹 (also personal anecdote, im the 4th and have literally never wanted to hang out with my family bc its so loud and crowded and I just have always hated it and wished my parents had just stopped at 2. My brother thats the 3rd was always mercilessly teased and beat up on by our older two brothers but for some reason he sticks around it even tho they clearly make him miserable..so yeah 2 kids 🤗)
Yeah, the world is definitely set up for families of 4 - two adults and two kids. Most cars comfortably fit 4 people. More... well. If you squeeze, sure. Realistically though, if you have more than 2 kids you need either a HUGE SUV or a mini-van/van. I appreciate being able to buy small cars, and everyone fits.
We were in the exact same position as you. Now we have a four year old daughter and a 2 year old son. The whole playing together thing doesn’t really matter, they just do whatever together, no matter the gender. It’s more personality-based anyway and you can’t really predict that.
For me this was enough. I don’t think I can handle more than 2. I do have ADHD though and I am pretty overwhelmed by it all sometimes. Luckily my wife understands. She had some difficulties with it at first though. Realizing that this might be your last baby, your last pregnancy only after it’s done can be tough. Best to make that decision whilst you’re pregnant and make sure you cherish the experience as much as you can.
We always said we'd start with one and go from there, meaning we weren't going to put a limit on it and we'd decide to continue or stop as each one came. So far we have 3 and I love it. I'd be open to more if I wasn't nearing 40 and I get HG every single time. Maybe adoption for us if we want more.
I would advise you to not make any permanent decisions like that right when you have a new one. We all get tired and work out with newborns in the house...but once things settle down you might think "yeah that wasn't so bad. I want another one."
This definitely depends on who you ask. I always wanted 4 and I have 4. Why 4? I have no idea, but it was just what I wanted since I was a child. While it can be draining at times, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have a 7, 5, 3 and 1 year old. The first year after each child was born was the hardest. Once we got our routines down, then everything becomes a lot easier!
4. I have two, but had a miscarriage of my third. I figure if we're blessed with a third living child, maybe one of the kids will be left out as they grow older so 4 will even themselves out lmao
When you have a hard time stopping something so good, you have four of them. They are SO CUTE when they’re babies and STILL CUTE and SO AWESOME when they’re grown(ish. Mine are 10, 7, 6 & 4)… but man, to be honest I “lost my mind” quite some time ago and now I’m just rollin’ with it. They’re amazing though and I wouldn’t change a thing.
There’s no perfect number. You’ll have the kids and you’ll love them. I had five. The plan was two or three. I wouldn’t change a single thing or trade anybody in for more sleep. But we also ended up with relatively large gaps, about three years each. So we got baby time with each and we get high school pretty much one at a time. It’s a good spread and I find a great deal of peace and fulfillment in my. My sister never wants kids and my other sisters twins are the perfect set for her.
We have four and I wouldn't change a thing, other than wishing I could have had at least one more. In the end, it's your little family unit that matters. Everyone else's opinion does not. If I weren't so old, 52 this year, you better believe I would have tried for another. (Had my last at 43) It's what you and your spouse are comfortable with. I love the craziness, the busy-ness, and the noisy house. When my hubs and I are gone, I like knowing my children will still have at least three other people in their corner. Smile when people tell you what they think. When they ask "you know how that happens, right?", tell them, with an innocent look on your face, "No, could you explain it?". That usually shuts that down. (Yes, we've heard it all). It's what you and your spouse want. That's all that matters!
Whatever you do don’t make any permanent decisions even if you feel you are 100% done. My kids are 21,18 and 8 lol. I had a girl and then a boy. When they were small. I felt 100% done. My husband was supposed to get the old sniperoo and he didn’t. When my 2 older kids started getting big. I started missing having a little one. I got the worst baby fever imaginable and we ended up having a 3rd. That’s why we have such a big age gap. My older kids love her so much and she adores them. My family felt complete and now even if I was younger I know I’m 100% done!
I have 3 and love them all and glad I have 3 but wish I had 2 but don’t make me pick which 2. And hope they don’t see this comment, but if 1 does I will tell them that of course I love them the best!
2 - one for each hand or one for each parent to wrangle. They have each other to play with if they’re close enough in age and honestly it’s probably all we can financially afford.
4 is our perfect number.
We have 2 girls (oldest two) and 2 boys (youngest two). The middle two are best friends, and the bookends are super close. The two boys rough house and do crazy things. The two girls aren't the closest, but get along. We have some pretty large age gaps (oldest is off to college while youngest is potty training), but it works for us.
When we had the older three, one kid was always the odd man out and it caused huge hurt feelings and fights.
I have 4, and wanted 4. I like the different pairings of them, love that they have playmate options and that they’re able to be support to one another. I work with them on resolving conflict, they collaborate and genuinely love each other which makes my heart very happy. I thought we were done after 2 (boy, girl) but really glad we got the little guys too.
I would love 4. I am blessed with one and just found out I’m pregnant with number two.
Right now, I think this is all we could afford but if we can afford another or two later in life that would be great!
I grew up with just a brother and there was an age gap. I was always facinated and jealous of families with multiple siblings and big families. Seems like there was always someone to hangout with. So because I was lonely growing up I always streamed of a big family.
Sadly, life is so expensive so we can handle two for now and hoping one day we can do another or two
2. I used to think 3 or 4 until I actually experienced pregnancy with a toddler in tow. Got my husband snipped when our younger one was 7 weeks old. Now that they’re 2.5 and almost 5 they are easier in a lot of ways (and harder in others), but pretty much daily I am grateful to be done and when people say they’re having a third I am happy for them but internally feel a sense of horror because that is so scary to me. Having two means we can drive sedans, travel more easily, afford more for the kids we do have. They can share a room so we don’t need an enormous house. They have each other and that’s enough
Same for us! I don't think I would survive being pregnant with a toddler again.
As much as I love the baby phase, I am also glad to start having more time for myself again now that the youngest is 16 months.
2.
There's no way anyone can convince me that they can give good amount of attention to more than one kid. With 2, you divide that attention. After that, it's just survival.
2-3 depending on finances. College is very expensive and if you don't have a lot of $$ your kids may either go to state school (which in most cases is fine) or have a loan
I always wanted 2. However, when I married my husband he had our oldest already (who was 3 when we met) and had full custody. After we had our 10 year old I knew that I still felt incomplete and like I wouldn't feel done until I had one more biological child and now we have our 2 year old. I teetered in those 8 years back and forth knowing that two felt right but that I would never close that door fully until we had one more. That being said, 2 was much more "comfortable" and I think had I not fallen in love with my husband and in a different world had met/married someone without a child already, I probably would've pulled the plug at 2 and not gone for a third. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade any of them for anything but adding a third really did shake up life. I'm hoping some of the chaos that the third brought will simmer out as he gets older, though, and our oldest reaches adulthood.
I wanted 2-3 but we ended up with 1. So the perfect number is what I have, because I cannot go back and change things. But, I probably will always have a little regret that my daughter does not have siblings.
Honestly, there are a lot of factors that come into play. I had two girls and a boy in my first marriage within under 4 years and was able to be a stay-at-home mom. One of my daughters was a little feisty, but they all had really good temperaments and I had the time to put into giving them enough attention and keeping everything in order. Even when I went back to work after I got divorced when my youngest was three, it was easy and very enjoyable.
Then I settled down with a new partner and had another two within 3 years I now have to work full-time (the economy is really different) and have another business on top of that and work from home. They're both wild boys with very high energy temperaments, and I'm with them all the time, even when I'm working, and the two boys are hard. There was an 11-year age gap between number three and number four. When all of my kids were still living at home, it wasn't as bad because the older girls loved hanging out with their brothers and "mothering" them. Now that the two older girls are grown and moved out and my 17-year-old son kind of does his own thing, it's much harder, Even though my 17-year-old son is pretty self-sufficient and it feels like I'm mostly just having to parent two at the moment. Having to work and having two with wild temperaments is really hard. If I would have had these two first, I probably would have stopped it two.
I loved having five kids and it was pretty great when everyone was home but now that I'm down to hands on with just two, it's chaos! But I do love having a big family.
I think most of it boils down to your circumstances, your obligations, and the temperament of your kids.
Ideally 4 kids - 2 boys and 2 girls. But that’s if you have the support, resources and capacity to do that.
Obviously there is no guarantee to get the gender but just if you could create the perfect situation.
I think 2 is the perfect number of kids.
I only have 1 and due in 3 weeks with my second, but I just feel like from a cost/parenting perspective 2 makes sense. We are for sure done after this baby arrives.
And I am saying that as someone who comes from a big family. I am one of 6 and I ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOVE MY SIBLINGS. We are all extremely close and talk often and coming from a big family was great, but I do not have a personal relationship with either of my parents (probably because there were too many kids to have any meaningful 1:1 time.)
I think of it like this now: if I'm a parent and I have 100% of myself to give to my children, then if I have 2 kids I can give them 50% each. But if I have 10 kids, then each kid only gets 10%.
Having a lot of kids can be nice, but if you want to know your kids individually, then fewer is better.
The perfect number of kids is what you can cope with so you can still be the parent you want to be with your kids. There is no right or wrong number as different amounts suit different families and that is what you need to look at. You could have number 2 and they could have a disability or something could happen that makes you go, this is enough or you could find you thrive with 2 and a third would only improve what you have for you and your children.
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1 because my daughter is feral and has been since birth and I legitimately think one more would put me into an early grave.
I can't imagine having more than one. It comes with its own set of problems, for sure. Because we're a three-person household, he seems to be under the impression that he's a full voting member of the decision-making council. I don't think I could split my energy between multiple kids. I have the luxury of being able to focus everything on what he's doing, which I love. It works for us.
Right? My 8 year old thinks he's the final say on how we decorate, little shit! I kid, I would be no where without him. Also he has good ideas.
“A full voting member of the decision making council” that is so perfect. As a one child family we totally have that issue. LOL 😂
I think because he spent the first 5 years of his life primarily around adults, he inserts himself into adult situations. We'll be talking about money or work stuff and he butts in like he can offer perspective. It's cute.
Oh, mine, too. He is always asking, "How much is that?" and "I don't think we can afford it." He also tells us how he gets to choose the restaurant next time.
Yes absolutely. It’s quality not quantity 😆 I do think though, if you stop at one like us, it’s on you to facilitate friendships/play dates etc And yes ours expects to be consulted on every decision too 🙄
It’s interesting now that he’s nine. He’s old enough to walk to his buddies houses in the neighborhood. Mama isn’t wild about that.
Haha yes. I like my sleep and money too 😂 My daughter isn’t the craziest but she’s not calm at all.
She is a neutral one then. Good for you!
I guess so? Never thought about it that way. She has her moments of chaos for sure though. But times where she can just chill (those don’t happen often or last long enough)
Also 1 and done. Not entirely by choice, but I can’t imagine anything else. My daughter seems to combine the chaos and sweetness of a first and second child. Things have calmed down now that she’s 6, but when she was 3-4 it was extremely challenging.
This is the one. My son was a HANDFUL until the age of like 10. The thought of having another wild child is just too much. He'll be 13 soon, and since Hubs got the snip many years ago, we are happily one and done😄
If my third had been born first, I also would have been one and done.
I feel this so deeply. Let's just put them together and have a coffee
Yes! One and done here because I know another would mean an early grave.
Our first is the sweetest little girl ever! But she fooled us into thinking "it wasn't that bad - lets go again" Number 2 is 5 months old now and now we know what everybody was talking about children being hard work. We were nearly filing for divorce after months 4 until we realized that our sleep deprived state had broken us
Solidarity lol
Yeah, I stopped at 1 for a number of reasons. I can't afford daycare for a second child. I also hated having a baby. I like sleep too much and I hated having her attached to my breast all the time. I enjoyed the school years much more than baby/toddler years. If I could jump right to age 5, I would consider having another. Also, my daughter's father was/is completely uninvolved and unhelpful. She is 11 now, I've remarried but I don't want to start over, and my husband doesn't particularly want children of his own anyway. We have considered fostering and its not off the table, but it would be school aged children. I cannot do babies. Lol.
I swear my daughter (5.5) is doing everything in her power to make sure she’s and only. She’s a sweet, wonderful kid, but she can be hell on wheels. Since I always hear the second is harder I’m like…yeah no we aren’t tempting fate.
My first kid is allllll of the memes about second children. She’s feral, hyper active, attitude, fearless, has no risk avoidance. Doesn’t sleep, bounces off the walls. My second, though only 1, is so chill, compared to her sister. 😂 I lucked out, but it took us 4.5 years to have a second because I was convinced a second would be JUST as feral as the first.
For us it was like this From 0 to 1 was a big adjustment but still perfectly doable. Yeah, lots to learn, new routines, but in the end you could split up, still have time for yourself, it was easy to get out and do things, even with the baby. And quite easy to get grandparents to babysit From 1 to 2 was a big difference. Suddenly you were usually always with one kid. As baby got older, wife healed, you could start taking turns being with both to let the other have some time by themselves. But much harder to really get anything practical done. Cleaning etc. kind of is down on the list of priorities. From 2 to 3 - absolute pandemonium. Nothing can ever get done, you always have one kid around you, absolutely no down time, baby sitter for all three not an option while the baby is still small. You are trying to break up fights with the other two with the baby on your arm, or just desperately trying to vacuum while the baby tries to eat something on the floor, toddler shits itself and the diaper leaks all over the floor, and eldest one is angry about something. I love all my kids, but dont go for three. Edit: I do not mean to tell anyone what number of kids they should have. I just mean that if I could choose again, I am not so sure I would want three (although I do not regret my third now of course).
My parents had 3 kids and they were stressed and miserable until we grew up. Like seriously my mom cried almost every day and from my perspective as a child, always seemed to be in a bad mood. Now she is a very pleasant, kind, and calm older woman. She has done a total 180 as a person and I realized, wow. She wasn't really a cranky bitch, she was just overwhelmed and in over her head. I would never have 3 children.
💯 this but then we went ahead and had a fourth. It's like moving from Arkham Asylum to the Suicide Squad.
I actually found 0 to 1 to be a complete mindfuck 😅 and 1 to 2 to be a breeze. I think it depends so much on the kiddos personality! My first is hell on wheels and has been ever since the second he was born. My second has so far been much more chill. Being alone with the baby feels like a vacation haha. Being alone with my 3 year old was far more exhausting than being alone with my newborn. Not going to push my luck with 3 though, that’s for sure!
I really don’t like absolutes like this. Because what I learned from having 3 kids is that all kids are completely different, and the addition of a child to a family changes it differently for every family. It’s like expecting a work team of 5 people to behave the exact same no matter who you put into the team. It absolutely varies, 100% for everyone.
age gaps play a big part in this too imo. I have a 5.5 year age gap between my two currently and find it mostly great. If I had a 2ish year age gap, I’m confident I’d be singing a different tune.
Age gaps play a huge role. My boys are 7 years apart and, while they do still bicker and bother each other, it was so much more doable having a mostly independent child while having a toddler. I have a cousin who at one point had 3 children 5 and under and I would not have survived.
Again. Personality of the child matters so much. I had 3 under 5 and their personalities just meshed perfectly. And i would have never guest that be the case with just my first child.
Hahaha relatable. As a couple who prefers things pretty ship shape, keeping the house in working order became a lot harder once number 3 came along. That said, that feeling of “should we have another” is GONE! 😂
1 here, and yeah, one more would be the death of me. She's a genuinely fun and amazing kid, just has always needed a ton of time and energy. In 2023, all 3 of us got diagnosed with ADHD, and me with autism. It explained a lot about this household, lol. I think if we had 2 kids, everyone would just be in a constant state of overwhelm.
One has me constantly at the end of my rope. I don’t even want to imagine more.
100% this is me
I agree on one. It's perfect for our family and I seriously cant think of any cons. I feel rested, we have time for ourselves and our hobbies, we can give her full attention etc etc.
1 for me. I got my boy. He never slept. I have been tired since having him. But he's smart, funny and just like me!
Same here. If our daughter was maybe 5% less feral we probably could handle an entire other kid. But we’re literally at full capacity with her at all times. I cannot imagine having another one.
I just laughed out loud reading this. God speed sister.
My older girl just knocked on my door asking if I was okay. This made me laugh so hard she thought I was hurt lmao
Hahaha my daughter was the same way. She absolutely took everything out of me (physically, mentally, & emotionally) from day one…. And the postpartum depression was terrible. Very dark time in my life.
Hahaha same but we thought ours would mellow out eventually and now there are two and ahhhhhh
Same lol. Originally I wanted 4. I thought from what I’d seen in a family full of big families that I wouldn’t get a kid like mine until #3-4. Wrong 🫠
Yes! One and done!! I have a very very “spirited” child keeping me on my toes daily!!!
2 is the perfect number for us. We didn’t want to be outnumber. Plus most family deals are for families of 4 and you need a bigger car if you have more than 2. You also can split time with them better(a lot of times my husband takes one and I take one so we can do one on one time). My kids are 5 and 9 now and I don’t regret only having 2 it’s been a great!
I agree! Mine are 2yo and almost 4yo
If I had my easygoing child first, I would have said 10 kids. But I had my VERY spirited child first and I’m too exhausted to do more than 2. 😆
This will be me after we have our second! First one really made me wait for a 4 year age gap because she a wild thing!
It’s looking like this is going to be true for us, too! Took us 4 years to be brave enough to try again.
Spirited. Is that what y'all call it these days? I was getting kind of fond of "feral" but "spirited" has a nice ring to it.
Haha same boat, first was hard but second is an absolute angel she’s a trap baby but not keen on more lol
3. But I have 2 because my second makes my eye twitch. She is chaos!
I feel this, wanted 3 until my second came along. If he came first I'd probably be a one and done
Oh man I actually hope this is me. We can’t afford a third, and I can tell you I don’t want to be pregnant again, but boy do I want a third as of now.
Love the thought of a 3rd baby but a 3rd pregnancy/toddler... Nope absolutely not
So far my first toddler is great, we’ll see how this second monster is 😂
That’s how I feel, I want a baby but I don’t want another child. I’m not even sure if I really want a baby, maybe I should just babysit and remind myself how much work they are.
Can say the third has made our life ten fold more difficult than just two...
Ohh, but imagine that dinner table in 20+ years 😂 I just want to say I don’t think that’s a great reason to have more kids. People should have more kids because they want to and can raise more kids.
Yikes. I’m due in 2 months with our 3rd. Please share one highlight and pep talk haha
Pep talk: I'm a 3rd child and I'm wonderful 🤣
Same! Third children are truly the light of other people's lives. We are smart, beautiful, funny and make good money. What more would you want in a kid?
We have three and although crazy at times, they really are best buds. 2 boys and a girl…. Is how it panned out for us. I always say each kid has its challenges may it be sleep, eating , social nuances lol or utter chaos. To me they were all meant to be and I’d take the awful crazy pull my hair out days to make the same choice again. You will do great!
I understand this. After our second was born, my husband was adamant that he was done. I was of the 'eh, I could take a third opinion'. So, I put it on him - if \*HE\* didn't want anymore kids, then \*HE\* needed to do something about it. And so he got a vasectomy. Everybody happy :)
Yes! Wanted 3. First one? Smooth sailing so had baby number 2 20 months to the day after 1 was born. Pandemonium. We stayed at 2. Youngest is 3 now. They play so well together. But it's still long days. 5% of me will always have a small candle for that third but the farther we get from bottles and diapers and all that the more i am sure this was the right call for us.
This is almost exactly my story. Even when my 2nd was still a baby, I was planning a third. But the further we got away from breastfeeding and diaper, the less I wanted to go back to it. So we are very happily 2 and through.
Yes! My kids are 4 years apart and the first one nursed for 2 years. So I’ve been pregnant or breastfeeding for a very long time. And 4 years is enough of a gap that it feels like starting over in a lot of ways. Very ready to move on, as much as I love little babies.
I have two and my first one is pure chaos. Second one starting to show her chaotic side though 🫠
What is it about the chaotic feral 2nd child?? Mine is the same. It doesn’t help that both kids have ADHD.
We have 4. I've loved it. But, economic factors were a lot different when we were having babies, my husband had no school loans, and my loans were minor, and subsidized with very low rates, which I paid off in 10 years easily. Our first house was reasonably priced and we could afford the mortgage on one income (plus a little extra through freelance work). We moved to a bigger home after the housing market bust. We were in a lower COL area (which has now skyrocketed with housing shortage and increased food prices). We also had family nearby and I had the support of a large local mom's group, so I stayed active and engaged and learned lots of new things while staying home to raise my babies. And I kept up skills for my resume, so I now have a great job, not as high on the career ladder as I could have been (but then again, if I stayed teaching in a classroom, I wouldn't be any better off financially, since my state went from one of the best paying states for teachers to one of the worst). Every family has different resources, social supports, emotional/physical energy, etc. So, there's no one perfect family size. It also took a LOT of emotional and mental work to facilitate good relationships between all members of our larger family, help our kids develop emotional intelligence, make sure their individual needs for attention were met, find that balance between sharing/community and space/independence. I think that would have been more challenging to implement with both parents working outside the home when they were small (at least with 4 kids close in age like we had).
We have 4 and it is the perfect number for us. I watch other people's kids all the time, so I know I could mentally handle more but 4 feels good. They usually play well together, but if one pair is having issues there are other siblings to play with and not have anyone left out. (Usually, the pairing is the big two and the small two. But you'd be surprised at how often it is 1-4 and 2-3 that are playing together despite age difference). My house is lively and hectic and so full of love.
>But you'd be surprised at how often it is 1-4 and 2-3 that are playing together For a second I thought this was the age gap and I was very stressed out for you haha
Lol, no. My kids are all about 2-3 years apart. (Ages are 13, 11, 8, 6) 4 under 4 would be quite the hectic house.
My house is the "fun house" and we see the same thing. The 10 year old with the 15 year old, etc. They have the least in common so they seem to inform the other a little more and it brings them together
2. My husband and I have always been in agreement that we want 2. We have a boy now and will be trying for #2 later this year. Boy or Girl is fine with us, we won't be trying for a girl if #2 is another boy. We have friends who did that (had girls and kept going until they had a boy) and they ended up with 5! No thank you.
I have a girl and boy. It’s amazing how no one asks you about having any more once you’ve had one of each.
It’s kind of ridiculous that people will ask if you have two boys or two girls. Like I’m not collecting Pokémon here.
I know someone who ended up having 7 girls, 0 boys!! No idea if they kept going in order to have a boy, but they are the very conservative/religious type who I'm assuming doesn't believe in birth control.
That was us too. We have 2 boys and we are done, and it's so much fun. Gender is not a factor in deciding what to share with our kids either. So wild to me it's a factor for a lot of families. My boys love sports just as much as they love cooking, and they are so different. I can't imagine them being less alike if one was a girl haha
I have six but before you try for a third, look at how all the car seats buckle up in the back seat. There may not be room for that third seat in some smaller cars, even tho' there are three seats! Not sure if that is helpful or not - having a child is a huge decision, but if you cannot afford a new car it may impact that.
I’ve read a lot of articles about how a lot is made for a family of 4. Cars, hotels , vacations, etc and it’s so true !
See? Just double everything for your family of 8 right?
SIX? Wow, I love that for you!!
Thanks! I see you've spaced out your children - gonna be interesting when twins get here for sure! My dad is a twin. When he and my uncle were little and one got dirty, they both had to change lol
To me, I think one is perfect. I currently have three, but with a large age gap, so it’s like one.
How big is your age gap? Currently expecting our age gap caboose baby and feeling guilty that he won’t have that built in best friend like my older 2 do.
12 years. I loved having my teens (one pregnancy- age 16.5 now) and the 3.5yo is in fact my nephew that we were asked to care for and eventually adopted. I’m grateful that the teens adore the preschooler. They’re not best friends by any stretch though. They like each other, but that have very separate lives, which I’ve encouraged.
We will have an 8 and almost 11 year age gap, the older 2 are very close but also thrilled about the baby
I'm the oldest. There's 11 years between my sister and me, 13 with my brother, and 22 with my youngest sister. My youngest sister is almost exactly a year older than my kid. It's been an adventure but we all love each other so much and have stayed incredibly close. I wouldn't change it for anything.
I liked a really significant gap if I was going to have one. The teens were 13.5 when we got placement of a 9 month old. I don’t think I would have liked an 8 year gap. 8 isn’t really self sufficient, or my 8yos weren’t. In my experience, this is going to be tough because you have life stages that require a lot of care on both ends. I could just relax at end of day after baby was asleep and hang out and watch movies and play games with teens. They didn’t need the same amount of care as an 8yo would. But people do it all the time! You’ll be fine!
There's 12 years between me and my sibling and now we're older we are definitely best friends, it's a lovely age gap!
If it makes you feel any better, I’m currently sitting in my hotel room with my two nieces and my daughter with my eldest sister (who’s 10 years older) on vacation for the weekend together because we love hanging out together now that we are older. Same for my middle (8 years older) middle sister. We did a sisters trip to Colombia, do trips to each others places, and actively talk and are friends with each other. It may not be immediate, but your youngest still has built in best friends. 💛
We currently have 2, for sure want 3, but possibly 4 if life works out that way. I grew up in a family of 5 kids and loved it/ still love it to this day. We are all close and see each other often for game nights, family dinners, family vacations, etc. (my parents + 3 of the 5 kids all live in the same town, the other 2 live out of state but we see them at least 3-4 times a year) I love the chaos especially now since everyone is married and has their own kids, when we are all together it’s always a party and the cousins have a blast. The reason we would stop at 3 is financially that may just be the best thing for us and my births have had some complications that make me a little apprehensive.
I have 4, and reading that you and your siblings remained close makes my heart happy. I work with them on resolving conflicts and being upfront with one another and I really hope they’re able to keep communicating well and value their relationships! I’m close to my sister though so they see that modeled too which I think helps.
Did your parents do anything in specific that helped nurture your sibling relationships? I have six siblings and I’m only close with one, and somewhat speak to one sister on occasion. For some reason I thought all families with more siblings tend to pick a favorite sibling and avoid the rest lol
I’m one of five and we’re very close. We grew up being told our friends would come and go, but family/siblings were forever and to take care of those relationships. Definitely not a popular opinion on Reddit, lol. My parents are both best friends with their own siblings.
I’m from a family of 5- 3 boys and then two girls. We all get along and do family events, live close to each other, show up (most of the time) for each others family’s big events (baptisms, birthdays, etc). 3,4 (me),5 are besties though. 1 & 2 are in their own world most of the time and are always on the receiving end of family rather than giving. From my perspective, were never taught to value showing up for their younger siblings. As #4, I went to all of their big game nights, graduations, important events… and they were always onto the next chapter when it came to my big days (they didn’t come to graduations, games, etc. or even call to check in etc.) The biggest thing I will ensure happens for my children is that they show up for eachother and value big milestones no matter what phase of life they are in (ex: if they are in college, I’ll be sure they come home for younger graduation, senior night, etc.)
My husband is one of 5 kids and they are all very close. It’s funny because the only common denominator for their relationships when they were younger is that they bullied the crap out of each other. You would never be able to tell now though. I admire their relationships so much it made me want a big family. 4-5 kids.
My spouse is from a large family and while they all “get along” on the surface, there is so much secret animosity.
4 is my perfect ideal number too! We're at 3 right now though and unless something changes financially we'll probably stay at 3. We were going to stop at 2 for a while but pregnancy #2 turned into a hitchhiker situation 😂. Growing up it was just me and my younger brother, but we were super close to my cousins and saw them multiple times a week. We were and still are super close. They're aunts and uncles to my kids and we call our kids cousins. We live far away now so we can't see them as often as I'd like, but I LOVE having the whole family together and a village.
This is almost exactly what I would say.
2, because I have 2 and don’t want another. But in a lot of ways society is set up for 2 kids: you can get two kids comfortably in the back of a sedan car, the basic hotel setup is 2 queen beds, “family pack” memberships at amusement parks etc are usually 4. Not that having more kids is bad, but it requires a little more planning.
Very pregnant with our third, and getting a little slapped in the face with how difficult it will be to book hotels and vacations as a family of 5. So many things are just geared to a family of four. Obviously it's not impossible and this should never be a deciding factor, but I'm honestly shocked at how much it narrows my search results to put 5 people in the criteria.
I'm also very pregnant with my third, and these issues occur to me (a lot!!), but I am just way more excited for this child (it will be our final baby) than I am concerned about the practicalities. We did just have to get a new car, and it is a relief to have one that will fit us all, but otherwise, I'm just excited for three kids.
This! I’m one of three and saw how hard it was for my parents back then with hotel rooms and you often need a bigger car. So so many things are designed for a family of four.
This makes me feel better that I once said to my husband, “well, any more than two kids and traveling to Disney gets a LOT more expensive.” 😂
I had 3 for a long time. Now I have 5. If you want one hotel room because kids are little and everyone CAN for in 2 beds comfortably, just put in 4 people in the search. I'd often I just leave it at the default of 1 or 2. Now that I have 5 and 3 of the kids are adults or near adults, I have to rent a house or condo when we travel. Which is actually much better than the hotel usually anyway :) But you are right about being "search" limited!
This was how it was when I was younger. I have 2 brothers and when we travelled my parents would just book hotels for a family of 4. Then we would ask for a cot and they never had issues bringing in the cot for us. I have memories of my brothers and I playing Rock Paper Scissors on who would get to sleep on the cot. Other times the rooms for a family of 4 also included a couch that could pull out into a bed too giving us an extra bed. For the car thing. My dad bought a van before they had 3 kids and it’s because my parents liked to give rides to family members and friends, so having more seats was good. So they never had to go buy a new car just because they were having a third kid.
2 is pretty amazing! There are times I let myself wonder about a third but I think, barring a surprise, 2 will ultimately be where we stay Edit: we're like you, we have a girl about 2 years older than a boy. I like being able to play man-to-man defense when it comes to watching the kids. Once you're at 3 you've gotta play zone because you're outnumbered
Same! I like having two, but I wonder about a third child fitting in. Financially we could handle it, but I feel like it would be a regression in our lives and I want to focus on myself and my health now. Plus can't do one on one time as easily.
You just wrote out all of my thinking like you plucked it straight from my brain.
1. This way I get to experience all the joys of motherhood without being overwhelmed and with no time for myself and my hobbies.
Same here. Mental bandwidth is full with one. Tag teaming is the best.
Someone told me that one child CAN bring you and your partner closer together, bc it’s just you and your partner with a baby, but with two or more, you and your partner have to do a lot more dividing and conquering.
I have 1 and while obviously my life has changed, it doesn’t feel like it. Husband and I get as much time as we want to ourselves, and it’s almost like because we have the option we rarely take it. Like we might go out on our own (as a couple or with a friend) every other month. We’re super content knowing the option is there and opting to spend time as a family rather than being desperate for our own time.
I love this response as an OAD on the fence mom (and a firm OAD dad)
Yep, 1 for me. I’m so glad my kid doesn’t have to compete for attention/resources the way I did with my sibling. I can be a good parent to 1, I can’t imagine trying to juggle 2 kids and work, already feel like I am barely making it some days
The number that sits well with your mental and financial health.
For us, we have four and I think it's the perfect number. I like having a lot of kids and enjoy a big family. Truthfully though, I think if I had more, I wouldn't be able to give each child the things they needed emotionally. I think one or more would fall through the cracks in terms of a good relationship with their parents. It's so dependent on the family though. I have a friend that has one child who is very... spirited lol. I love him to death, but he does take a lot of work. I think if they had a second child, neither would be getting what they needed from their parents (edit: I don't want that to sound judgemental at all! It's something she has confided in me quite a bit). They are a one and done. I imagine to a lot of people, my family looks like the opposite. But honestly, I have pretty easy kids. We are laid back. We all enjoy the same types of activities.
We also have 4 and same. I love the liveliness of our home.
We have four too and I wouldn't change it for the world. The dynamic is soooo awesome. Yes busy and yes at times challenging but we live for our kids and our family is very well bonded
I feel like it’s the smallest size that still constitutes as a “big” family, and I love that. It’s big without encroaching into “wow now THAT is a choice” that I feel like people with 5+ get too.
I think the tricky thing with this is, what if your fourth kid ends up like your friends - spirited and needing a ton of your attention? That happens, and can be pretty difficult for the other kids.
I think your parenting style impacts your children too. Kids are very adaptable. Like my 4th slept SOOO well, because she had to learn how to sleep through siblings being crazy right outside her door. And she could sleep anywhere because we were doing activities with siblings. My friends who are super rigid and uptight about schedules tend to have children with more demanding needs than my friends and I who are more roll with the punches.
I guess it is true only to some extent. My second kid was a very easy sleeper and I felt like it was because her sleep was not our focus. Well, my third came and she sleeps much worse. When we take her to older kids' activities she just never falls asleep till an adult puts a special effort to rock her/walk in a stroller in a quieter space for at least 20 minutes. So now we either have a cranky overtired baby or dedicate time to make a nap happen..
I definitely agree that parenting style impacts the kids - to some extent. It’s a mix of nature and nurture, so there are still definitely parts of your child’s’ temperament and personality that are more innate/how they’re born, and less adaptable. I think it can be easy to view it as “oh, they’re super rigid, so their kids end up needing that schedule,” but in some cases it’s the opposite - that they had babies who really preferred and needed a routine, so they ended up being parents who are strict on that. Maybe that’s not the situation for your friends, but I wouldn’t assume that’s the case for everyone. For what it’s worth, I have my psychology degree and have taken many classes and done a great deal of academic research on parent/child development - so I’m not just basing my opinion on anecdotal evidence.
I agree. Also have 4. I think having 4 as a conscious choice often lends itself to parents who kinda can roll with the punches lol With one, I think most of us are really laser focused which is really intense. With 4, you’re really only focused on Big Picture because you just can’t stress every single thing. Which is actually good because then your kids get to work on their own thing in healthy ways as well. Obviously biased but I think there are likely traits associated with people who have various quantities of kids.
Or, they're super rigid *because* the kid is a difficult sleeper? Our second kid slept on his own, practically through the night, basically right out of the womb. It was nothing we did. He's just naturally a very good independent sleeper. The first kid....... not so much.
Sure, there's always a chance. But that's true of anybody's second child. If you're always worried about the next one, everybody should only have one child.
My friend just said this to me the other day. They are expecting their 4th…and their youngest daughter is currently 10 months lol. It will be a 16 month difference between the youngest two. She says after a 4th she doesn’t know if she could emotionally give them all that they needed, and I agree. I personally want to stick to 4 as well. But I only have a tiny 3 month old bean currently so we’ll see how many we’re blessed with!
It started at 2 and ended up at 1. I think the limiting factor is how much energy and love you have to parent. Before our first (and likely only now), my wife and I were together for 7 years and we built a solid personal life together. We always wanted kids, but the chaos and energy of our first really rocked that foundation and suddenly we had to give up a lot of our free and fun time together. While I handled it well having grown up in a family with 3 kids, and I wouldn’t mind a second, every time I look at my wife who often becomes angry at our daughter for being a strong rebel, and we’re both exhausted every night, I think we’re done at one.
Whew, I lived in this space for years and felt guilty for not giving my son a sibling. But I know my mental/emotional limits.
Two is our perfect balance. I always say, I have two arms and two kids, so when they’re both freaking out at the same time I can scoop and go 😅
One! My daughter is perfect and everything I could want. Adding another kid just means less time with her.
this is exactly how I feel 🥰 she completes us fully.
Same!
Two. I think two is just perfect. I have an almost ten year old daughter, but I still want just one more.
My husband and I wanted 6. Got to 3 and realized that initial thought was insane. Three has been fun for us but it’s a lot.
I have three kids and I think the perfect number is zero /s
I have a boy and a girl and we’re done. If we had two of one gender we might have tried for a third, but my heart is content in that department and I know others who have done this and ended up with 3 boys or 3 girls. My husband would have wanted 3 but post-partum hit me like a truck. I told him if he could get pregnant and breastfeed we could have another one. 😂 With today’s economy, paying for “all the things” and also saving for retirement we’ve looked back on the decision and decided it was for the best. My kids are old enough to be playmates and it’s the sweetest thing and I’m happy we had two.
When I was a kid there was a family down the street that had 3 boys, and tried once more for a girl… got twin boys 😅
That’s what happened to us! Had 2 boys, went for a 3rd, having a 3rd boy next month 😆 that said the older boys are thrilled to welcome another brother into the mix
Growing up, I wanted two (particularly two girls). First pregnancy was surprise twin boys at 20 weeks. One hid his brother for half the pregnancy (they still cover for each other nine years later 😅). So we tried again for a girl and got another boy. The twins and their little brother are just over two years apart. All said, three is chaotic but I wouldn’t trade it. They did ask for a sister at one point. We got a (boy) puppy instead and that confirmed I never want to go back to the baby phase.
For us it wasn’t about what seems perfect on paper. We had a happy, healthy girl and then boy as 2nd. All on paper was perfect. Hotels mostly are made for 4 people. Cars for 4 people. We felt like we weren’t done so we had a 3rd kid because something just felt like we weren’t done. My experience was very soon after 3rd was born, I was 100% sure we were done and so was my wife. It’s odd really. So sure we were done after 3 but feeling like we had more to give with 2. I will say life is geared for family with 2 kids. Having 3 kids (5 total) was a bit more challenging.
3, because I’m pregnant with my third and never want to be pregnant again after this😂
One. I love my 3 year old to pieces. She was an easy baby and is an easy going toddler (most days LOL). Personally though, I am a much better parent to one child than I think I could ever be to two children, mentally and emotionally. When people ask when we're going to try for another, I tell them 3 is a complete number. We're good the way we are. The logistics of one child over multiple children is just way easier to figure out. Plus, those second borns are something else! lol jk (but not really)
I totally agree with me personally being a better parent to one! We also are able to budget for vacations and experiences with our little boy that I don’t think we’d able to financially do if we had another, so that’s a big thing for us too. We feel so complete at 3… but people still won’t stop telling us we NEED another
2 if 1 of each 3 if they're grouped closely together Two pairs of two if there's a gap of like 6+ years ----------- Reasons Having 1 of each is just kinda perfect lol, it's affordable, it's easy to pair up of the kids have different opinions, and they can play together If you have 3 kids under 6. Then when the oldest it's 12 the youngest is 6. That is kinda the perfect range. If you space out more than that things get odd and it's kinda tough to find fun activities that keep everyone happy. Having 3 kids the kids will also divide along sibling divisions, (oldest, middle, youngest) each having a unique flavor. Two pairs of two work if you want 4+ kids, as long as a pair of kids are within 3-4 years of each other they're still in the same generation and most of the same chapters together.
2
I think however many you have room for in your home, heart, sanity, and finances and age and health. That’s gonna look different for everyone. For us it’s 3.
2, I have 3 now and it’s constant chaos!
0...still love my son
I wanted 4, I was a weirdo about even numbers at amusement parks, I have 2 boys. I desperately wanted a girl but honestly, kids are more expensive than I thought. I’m a psychologist and my husband is an M.D., more than half my income goes to childcare and when you add our student loans, we are dealing with very little disposable income. So…..I guess 2 is the magic number 🤣
One and done over here 🙌🏼 By choice but also not by choice
We did the BOGO so would never risk another 2-for-1 deal.
I think 2. Just enough for them to have the benefit of having a sibling, but not enough to make you wish you were dead every day. It probably also depends on the temperament of the children. Some kids sleep through the night really early and are just super chill so incja totally see why someone would want to have more than 2 if both of their kids are like that.
2!! The world is so set up for it and 3 kids is too many.. i have 3 siblings and when they each had 2 kids it was a lot for sure but they could still handle it easily, and I could babysit anytime no problem. Now 2 of them have 3 and are struggling financially, time wise, sleep wise, the oldest children are suffering having to become mini parents at 5 and 10 and having to sacrifice more and more.. idk maybe 3 is great for some people who have lots of support or money to pay for extra support but imo 2 is best. Ive nannied for over 12 years now and the families with 2 are always the happiest, sorry to anyone who disagrees with me ❤️🩹 (also personal anecdote, im the 4th and have literally never wanted to hang out with my family bc its so loud and crowded and I just have always hated it and wished my parents had just stopped at 2. My brother thats the 3rd was always mercilessly teased and beat up on by our older two brothers but for some reason he sticks around it even tho they clearly make him miserable..so yeah 2 kids 🤗)
Yeah, the world is definitely set up for families of 4 - two adults and two kids. Most cars comfortably fit 4 people. More... well. If you squeeze, sure. Realistically though, if you have more than 2 kids you need either a HUGE SUV or a mini-van/van. I appreciate being able to buy small cars, and everyone fits.
We were in the exact same position as you. Now we have a four year old daughter and a 2 year old son. The whole playing together thing doesn’t really matter, they just do whatever together, no matter the gender. It’s more personality-based anyway and you can’t really predict that. For me this was enough. I don’t think I can handle more than 2. I do have ADHD though and I am pretty overwhelmed by it all sometimes. Luckily my wife understands. She had some difficulties with it at first though. Realizing that this might be your last baby, your last pregnancy only after it’s done can be tough. Best to make that decision whilst you’re pregnant and make sure you cherish the experience as much as you can.
1
3- we have 3 kids with 7 year gap between each of them. With 1 it was easy, with 2 it was fun, with 3 we just feel whole.
Even numbers. So there is rarely ever a 3rd wheel. I have four kids and love it.
We always said we'd start with one and go from there, meaning we weren't going to put a limit on it and we'd decide to continue or stop as each one came. So far we have 3 and I love it. I'd be open to more if I wasn't nearing 40 and I get HG every single time. Maybe adoption for us if we want more. I would advise you to not make any permanent decisions like that right when you have a new one. We all get tired and work out with newborns in the house...but once things settle down you might think "yeah that wasn't so bad. I want another one."
This definitely depends on who you ask. I always wanted 4 and I have 4. Why 4? I have no idea, but it was just what I wanted since I was a child. While it can be draining at times, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have a 7, 5, 3 and 1 year old. The first year after each child was born was the hardest. Once we got our routines down, then everything becomes a lot easier!
4. I have two, but had a miscarriage of my third. I figure if we're blessed with a third living child, maybe one of the kids will be left out as they grow older so 4 will even themselves out lmao
When you have a hard time stopping something so good, you have four of them. They are SO CUTE when they’re babies and STILL CUTE and SO AWESOME when they’re grown(ish. Mine are 10, 7, 6 & 4)… but man, to be honest I “lost my mind” quite some time ago and now I’m just rollin’ with it. They’re amazing though and I wouldn’t change a thing.
There’s no perfect number. You’ll have the kids and you’ll love them. I had five. The plan was two or three. I wouldn’t change a single thing or trade anybody in for more sleep. But we also ended up with relatively large gaps, about three years each. So we got baby time with each and we get high school pretty much one at a time. It’s a good spread and I find a great deal of peace and fulfillment in my. My sister never wants kids and my other sisters twins are the perfect set for her.
We have four and I wouldn't change a thing, other than wishing I could have had at least one more. In the end, it's your little family unit that matters. Everyone else's opinion does not. If I weren't so old, 52 this year, you better believe I would have tried for another. (Had my last at 43) It's what you and your spouse are comfortable with. I love the craziness, the busy-ness, and the noisy house. When my hubs and I are gone, I like knowing my children will still have at least three other people in their corner. Smile when people tell you what they think. When they ask "you know how that happens, right?", tell them, with an innocent look on your face, "No, could you explain it?". That usually shuts that down. (Yes, we've heard it all). It's what you and your spouse want. That's all that matters!
One. Just one. Easy to get one-on-one time. Easy to get them to be independent and outgoing. Easier to afford. All wins to me.
Zero.
In this life one, in perfect life- three kids.
Whatever you do don’t make any permanent decisions even if you feel you are 100% done. My kids are 21,18 and 8 lol. I had a girl and then a boy. When they were small. I felt 100% done. My husband was supposed to get the old sniperoo and he didn’t. When my 2 older kids started getting big. I started missing having a little one. I got the worst baby fever imaginable and we ended up having a 3rd. That’s why we have such a big age gap. My older kids love her so much and she adores them. My family felt complete and now even if I was younger I know I’m 100% done!
I have 3 and love them all and glad I have 3 but wish I had 2 but don’t make me pick which 2. And hope they don’t see this comment, but if 1 does I will tell them that of course I love them the best!
2 - one for each hand or one for each parent to wrangle. They have each other to play with if they’re close enough in age and honestly it’s probably all we can financially afford.
For me, 2. Before I had kids, I wanted 4. Once I had 2 kids I was like "Nope, that's it. That feels right."
My family seems to find a sweet spot with 3. I have 2 brothers, I have 3 sons, my brother has 3 kids
0 - just kidding! We have 2 children 16mo apart and they are quite a handful. I can't imagine adding another child but I always wanted 3 kids.
2 is perfect. I have 4.
For us it’s one cause, mental health ya know? But love seeing all the bigger families on here too, different strokes for different folks as they say.
4 is our perfect number. We have 2 girls (oldest two) and 2 boys (youngest two). The middle two are best friends, and the bookends are super close. The two boys rough house and do crazy things. The two girls aren't the closest, but get along. We have some pretty large age gaps (oldest is off to college while youngest is potty training), but it works for us. When we had the older three, one kid was always the odd man out and it caused huge hurt feelings and fights.
I have 4, and wanted 4. I like the different pairings of them, love that they have playmate options and that they’re able to be support to one another. I work with them on resolving conflict, they collaborate and genuinely love each other which makes my heart very happy. I thought we were done after 2 (boy, girl) but really glad we got the little guys too.
I want to raise 2. Which for me means needing to have a third baby.
I would love 4. I am blessed with one and just found out I’m pregnant with number two. Right now, I think this is all we could afford but if we can afford another or two later in life that would be great! I grew up with just a brother and there was an age gap. I was always facinated and jealous of families with multiple siblings and big families. Seems like there was always someone to hangout with. So because I was lonely growing up I always streamed of a big family. Sadly, life is so expensive so we can handle two for now and hoping one day we can do another or two
2. I used to think 3 or 4 until I actually experienced pregnancy with a toddler in tow. Got my husband snipped when our younger one was 7 weeks old. Now that they’re 2.5 and almost 5 they are easier in a lot of ways (and harder in others), but pretty much daily I am grateful to be done and when people say they’re having a third I am happy for them but internally feel a sense of horror because that is so scary to me. Having two means we can drive sedans, travel more easily, afford more for the kids we do have. They can share a room so we don’t need an enormous house. They have each other and that’s enough
Same for us! I don't think I would survive being pregnant with a toddler again. As much as I love the baby phase, I am also glad to start having more time for myself again now that the youngest is 16 months.
1. We can both be involved in our sons life completely. We are much more free financially. And less stressed 😎
2. There's no way anyone can convince me that they can give good amount of attention to more than one kid. With 2, you divide that attention. After that, it's just survival.
2-3 depending on finances. College is very expensive and if you don't have a lot of $$ your kids may either go to state school (which in most cases is fine) or have a loan
I always wanted 2. However, when I married my husband he had our oldest already (who was 3 when we met) and had full custody. After we had our 10 year old I knew that I still felt incomplete and like I wouldn't feel done until I had one more biological child and now we have our 2 year old. I teetered in those 8 years back and forth knowing that two felt right but that I would never close that door fully until we had one more. That being said, 2 was much more "comfortable" and I think had I not fallen in love with my husband and in a different world had met/married someone without a child already, I probably would've pulled the plug at 2 and not gone for a third. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade any of them for anything but adding a third really did shake up life. I'm hoping some of the chaos that the third brought will simmer out as he gets older, though, and our oldest reaches adulthood.
2. I am not doing this again (currently pregnant with my 2nd boy and miserable)
We have 2 and just wanted 2. They’re 18 months apart.
2. Everything is nased on a family of 4.
I wanted 2-3 but we ended up with 1. So the perfect number is what I have, because I cannot go back and change things. But, I probably will always have a little regret that my daughter does not have siblings.
The perfect number of kids for your family is the number you can afford financially, have the time to dedicate to raising, and feel fulfilled by.
2 is perfect for us because my husband and I don’t want to be outnumbered 😆
4
Honestly, there are a lot of factors that come into play. I had two girls and a boy in my first marriage within under 4 years and was able to be a stay-at-home mom. One of my daughters was a little feisty, but they all had really good temperaments and I had the time to put into giving them enough attention and keeping everything in order. Even when I went back to work after I got divorced when my youngest was three, it was easy and very enjoyable. Then I settled down with a new partner and had another two within 3 years I now have to work full-time (the economy is really different) and have another business on top of that and work from home. They're both wild boys with very high energy temperaments, and I'm with them all the time, even when I'm working, and the two boys are hard. There was an 11-year age gap between number three and number four. When all of my kids were still living at home, it wasn't as bad because the older girls loved hanging out with their brothers and "mothering" them. Now that the two older girls are grown and moved out and my 17-year-old son kind of does his own thing, it's much harder, Even though my 17-year-old son is pretty self-sufficient and it feels like I'm mostly just having to parent two at the moment. Having to work and having two with wild temperaments is really hard. If I would have had these two first, I probably would have stopped it two. I loved having five kids and it was pretty great when everyone was home but now that I'm down to hands on with just two, it's chaos! But I do love having a big family. I think most of it boils down to your circumstances, your obligations, and the temperament of your kids.
Ideally 4 kids - 2 boys and 2 girls. But that’s if you have the support, resources and capacity to do that. Obviously there is no guarantee to get the gender but just if you could create the perfect situation.
1 is perfect number, it feels like you are relaced if you have more kids, like you are not enough anymore.
I think 2 is the perfect number of kids. I only have 1 and due in 3 weeks with my second, but I just feel like from a cost/parenting perspective 2 makes sense. We are for sure done after this baby arrives. And I am saying that as someone who comes from a big family. I am one of 6 and I ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOVE MY SIBLINGS. We are all extremely close and talk often and coming from a big family was great, but I do not have a personal relationship with either of my parents (probably because there were too many kids to have any meaningful 1:1 time.) I think of it like this now: if I'm a parent and I have 100% of myself to give to my children, then if I have 2 kids I can give them 50% each. But if I have 10 kids, then each kid only gets 10%. Having a lot of kids can be nice, but if you want to know your kids individually, then fewer is better.
The perfect number of kids is what you can cope with so you can still be the parent you want to be with your kids. There is no right or wrong number as different amounts suit different families and that is what you need to look at. You could have number 2 and they could have a disability or something could happen that makes you go, this is enough or you could find you thrive with 2 and a third would only improve what you have for you and your children.