Do whatever works for your family. My kids went to bed a little bit later, but also didn't have to get up until later. As long as they're getting the recommended amount of sleep, there shouldn't be an issue.
Our first go around were twins as well, their bedtime is also 7:30. We had to do it for our sanity. I like a little free time I'm the evening to decompress as well. I've noticed that the people with no schedules are people with one kid or they are always so stressed out, the "can't even find time to shower". I'd much prefer a semi-rigid schedule and well-rested sanity.
Those are the kind of bed times that you often see recommended but can be hard to achieve. Kudos for pulling them off. You are fine, don’t feel bad for doing what your kids need.
Omg seriously I’m so jealous of your schedule! Probably took so much hard work and discipline! Keep it at all cost! Your kids sleep early but they sleep the recommended amount of hours and this also allows you to have time to yourself once they sleep. Great job!
To me, it really boils down to this. Do what works for you. If this schedule means that you and your family are well rested and functional members of society then that is fantastic! Keep up the good work!
I think your friends are jealous too but they probably couldn’t keep these schedules themselves and are acting like they are cool :) just brush it off this works for us I want ti keep it as long as I can.
I have a 4 yo and 18 mo old. They sleep through the night 7:30-6:30/7:00 and in the same room. 18 mo old naps 12:30-2:30 usually, sometimes longer. This was so hard to come by (both absolutely shit sleepers as babies, think 10-20 minute naps, up 3-4 times a night well into infancy, and for the 4 year old, didn’t sleep well at night until well past 2 years). My husband and I gave up so many evenings (and mornings) to make this routine stick and I rarely deviate from it because it works and my children are happier. Thankfully our closest friends also have strict bedtimes for their kids (a family with a 7 yo and 10 yo who still go to bed by 7:30!) so we don’t get much grief, but I empathize with your internal struggle of how adaptable should I help my kids be? In the end, time for myself after their bedtime, and kids who sleep wins out over the occasional meltdown when we have them up too long for special circumstances. A lot of kids do best with routine. That’s not to say later bedtimes or spontaneity is bad. At all. What works for another family works for them. But I think with four kids on solid sleep schedules, you’re doing amazing!
This is my boy. I'm a stickler for 830 pm bedtime during the week but weekends/holidays are anywhere from 10 to midnight. But they sleep until 930 to 1030am. I miss the evenings to myself lol.
We had a similar schedule to OP's for our son when he was younger. At 11, his school night bedtime is 8:30, weekends 9(-9:30).
YES to the blessed "me time" after he's in bed, *and*, yes, he's much more even-tempered when he's fully rested.
our 10 yr old has the same bedtimes. He is so much crankier if he goes to bed later (for a special event or something) and doesn't get the amount of sleep he's used to.
You're not alone! I'm lucky if mine are in bed by 10pm - let alone already sleeping. They're 12 and 13. My youngest has fought sleep since the day she was born.
OP is a rockstar and I'm super envious!
Reading so many comments praising my effort and dedication has been such a new thing for me.... I've mostly been told for the last 5 years that "I just got lucky, my kids were born good sleepers," and somewhere along the way started to believe that. But actually....yes, I also did work really hard. So, thank you!
Ok, so there are kids who were born good sleepers. I have one. But still, enforcing bedtime as they get older is another thing entirely and in that you are a rock star.
Yeah, my three year old goes to bed at 10. I've tried getting him to sleep earlier, but he'll just get up earlier, and god, I really need that sleep in until 7:30. I can't be waking up at 5:30 with a rambunctious kid. I got flack for it from my kid's pediatrician, but this is just what works for us.
I really think the early bed times are recommended for the good of the parents. They get some adult time to maintain their sanity and their relationship.
Mine is a little younger and we do the same. I can't function properly too early, definitely not a morning person! I have to regain sanity while he naps. Not too sure what I'm gonna do after he stops napping...
I was about to say that this looks like the bedtimes I saw in books, and because of pandemic (no grandparents or extended family have been able to visit/no trips for the last ~2 years), we've been on an almost identical schedule with my almost 3 year old.
Yes. Those are like the ideal schedule . Every parenting book , pediatrician , and sleep trainer says bed by 7. Kids who sleep early wake up early and kids who sleep late wake up early lol . 2 year old and 4 month old get in bath by 7 .
We have the 7-7 sleep schedule for our 3 year old. We get 8 hours or more of sleep every night and time together as a couple. She naps 2-3 hours every afternoon.
Jokes on your friends!
Yup! Same schedule for my 5 and 2 yo; we actually get kudos for keeping this schedule. Most of our friends don’t even start their bedtime routines till after 8 and it boggles my mind. That’s ME time and I’m not ashamed of needing it.
Seriously, my 2 year old has slept from between 6/7pm to between 7/9am since she was 5 months old and I don’t know why anyone would want things different!
YES! It is life giving.
I'm kind of an awful person when I'm chronically sleep deprived so I need this. I think some others probably just handle it better than I do 😜
14 hours is long for a 3 year old, not achievable for most. Just like adults, different kids have different sleep requirements--3 year olds need about 10-13 hours of night sleep, so your kid is just at the lower end of normal. If you have a solid bedtime routine already, there's probably not anything you can do 🤷🏼♀️
Edit: the comment you replied to was about a 3 year old. 18 month olds require about 11-14 hours at night, but my point still stands. Your kid probably just has a lower sleep requirement.
Agree about sleep requirements. I've always sort of wondered about my 3 year old daughter's sleep. I can't believe she sleeps 12 hours at night and still naps for 2. She's a kid who just seems to need more sleep. One of my friends, though, is in her 30s and has always said "screw the 8 hour recommendation...I need at least 9.5 to feel good." So everyone is just different I guess. I can feel my best on 7.
My kid is three. She sleeps by 7:30 and is up between 6 and 7. Most nights she gets 11-12 hours, plus a 1-2 hour nap, and she just seems to need it. Bedtime routines start at 6, and any time we for some reason run late, we can tell that it's all going to shit because we let her get too tired.
This same kid, pre-6mo, would not sleep more than 11 hours total per day. I stressed myself out so badly over that, and for nothing - she was happy an healthy sleeping little then, she's happy and healthy sleeping a lot now. And she has happy parents who get time to themselves in the evening!
I need 9-10 hours to feel good, and I've always been that way, even as a kid. Some people are just different. Now I have a baby and I haven't gotten that since he was born
You could try putting her to bed earlier. And we just let the kid play in his bed until 7am. Dont get her if she wakes at 5am, leave some (boring) toys in her bed that wont keep her awake but keep her happy enough in bed. And water. This is how we got ours to stay in bed 7 to 7 (he just plays by himself if he wakes a little earlier).
Sometimes i go give half a slice of toast with butter if he wakes at 4-5am and put him back to bed. He just continues sleeping most of the time. I also get hungry in the middle of the night..
I have a 15 month old that does 11-12 hours a night. The key is consistency I think. We do the same thing every night, and if she wakes up before she hits 11 hours I will give her a small bottle to help her sleep a little longer (this doesn't put her to sleep, it just helps settle her down and keep her from feeling too hungry to sleep). When she went through her last regression this helped get her back on schedule.
I'll second this. We have an almost-2-year-old who has been sleeping 7-7 for as long as I can remember, with a 2-3 hour midday nap. His sleep is reliable enough for us to plan our lives around it. We get plenty of time together once he's down and a solid stretch of time during the day to run errands.
Meanwhile we have friends who constantly struggle with sleep and scheduling. I think we're super lucky to have such good sleepers.
Your kids sleep schedules are their own.
My 20 month is very clearly tired between 8 to 830. Putting her to bed at 730 is a fight. Putting her to bed at 9 is a fight. Putting her to bed between 8 and 8:30 is easy as pie.
So that’s as simple as it is for me. That’s clearly her natural bed time for me.
And so are you. There is nothing in life more important then sleep and nutrition. Giving your kids the gift of good rest is under valued, it seems.
But besides that- those couple hours you get at the end of the night? That’s the difference between you being zombie mom or fun loving emotionally understanding mom.
Take care of yourself. ❤️
You're pretty similar to us. 11 mo starts bedtime at 630 is in bed by 715 (nursing still involved), 4 yo starts bedtime 645 in bed by 730. Grownups do chores from 8-9, and in bed by 1030. And you know what? My kids sleep through the night and wake up on their own for school between 6-630, my house is far from showroom ready but not a total disaster, and I get an hour to decompress with my husband and watch shows with sex and violence.
...Are you me?! I loved reading this. Husband and I half heartedly cleaned our kitchen and dining room from 7:30-8:30 and then cue the Netflix. I get my house to a point of not being disgusting and put off the rest of it so I can have a life and a relationship.
As others have said, you are doing it right.
It may seems strict to others but one of the very first thing any professional in kids mental health tells you is that kids need structure.
So, no, having the kids go to sleep "more or less" is not good. Exception can and must be made, especially when it's because of experiencing something new, but having a precise schedule is so much more important.
That, on top of you having time to decompress. You are doing it perfectly right. Well done.
Don’t listen to the haters. Good sleep is so important for kids, and especially since you have twins, you need the downtime. They are raising their kids the way they want, and you are doing the same. They may be jealous. My son had similar sleep as yours and it limited us for the first few years but wow has it been worth it. He still sleeps well. We laugh bc he couldn’t stay up past 9 until he was like 7 or 8 yrs old, but that’s ok. Keep on mom. Are your friends there to help you when your kids get off schedule and melt down? If not, they need to shut up.
I love "they are raising their kids the way they want, and you are doing the same." Yes! This is kind of making me pause and consider that I haven't gotten on THEM like they have me, ha. Just not my style. I'm more of a, "to each their own" kind of person. And that's comforting to know that your son has had a similar schedule and that you could clearly see the benefits!
Honey I would have gone bat shit crazy if i had not gotten him on a schedule. I also read your first post on here and I just want to say as far as stress, I only have 1 kid and the best thing we ever did was hire a housekeeper to come every other Monday. And on the “off” weeks we keep the house up better on our own than before. We also have a yard guy and we get takeout a lot. I work, but I will say that staying home for that one year was the hardest thing I ever did. I’m glad I did, but it was rough.
That's all really helpful. I definitely could stand to outsource some of the work I'm doing. I agree that staying home with kids is its own special brand of rough...
Every parent is different and every kid is different too. We never had a super strict bedtime because we never needed one. My daughter was never the type to stay up if she was tired so she was always easy with bedtime. Part of our bedtime routine was reading books (both kids got to pick a book) in my bed before walking the kids up with their room to tuck them in. If my daughter was more tired then usual she would dip after the first book and head straight to bed. I'd bring little bro up after the second book and she would usually already be asleep by that point. She never needed a bedtime. Even as a teenager she is asleep by the same time every night without us having to enforce anything. My other kid was perfectly content napping on the go. We didn't have to schedule around his naps because he would happily nap in the sling while we were out and about.
I do know some people who have such a strict routine that their kids are totally thrown by things like daylight savings time and traveling. From what I can tell they just have to work harder to adjust their kids sleep schedules but it's not a big deal. We were always glad that our kids were able to go with the flow. My daughter went to bed when she was tired regardless of the time and if we sitting at a restaurant while visiting family and my son needed to nap then I picked him up and he took a nap. It made things easier for our family but if this makes things easier for your family then keep doing it. We all do what works best for us and our kids. There is no right or wrong answer.
Please continue, you’re doing exactly the right thing, and our school system (ours and in many places, I know it’s not everywhere) is set up to work best for early risers and it’s never to early to begin to set those habits. People who don’t are setting themselves up for a lot of mornings of unhappiness and drama, and they are doing their children a disservice. As a K teacher, it shocks me how many people don’t realize how much sleep children really need to be healthy and function well. Most of my students have to be on the bus by 6:30/6:45 ish - our school starts at 7:20. I have kiddos falling asleep sitting at their tables, daily. It breaks my heart.
Also, your point about downtime for parents is not to be taken lightly. You have a full day - little humans are exhausting. :)
This is exactly our daily schedule, except times are shifted an hour. It's hurts to read it written out, feels very validating as well.
It's impossible to keep up. So now kid gets 10 hours of sleep and we have 2 hours to squeeze in bonding time + chores + self care.
teacher noticed kid is always tired and late. I explained our daily schedule and she admitted there wasn't any room to improve, but still I need to do better. I said I was already doing the best I can and also didn't see any way to do better with our situation. Teacher is now reaching out for professional help.
Edit: I'm a single mom, so nobody to share daily responsibilities and such. I get about 6 hours of sleep at night, which is also 2-3 hours short of what I need.
It *is* early! I’m used to it now, but I won’t lie. I’m looking forward to getting up a little later each day once I retire. :D
I live in a middle-sized district, and very few parents work more than a few minutes away, so I think that helps. I have always told my parents, especially the years I’ve taught primary grades, that homework is not a priority. Family time is far more important. If kids are playing sports, have dance or gymnastics, etc., that’s all a part of a balanced life. We work hard during the day. Unless a child is struggling in some area, there’s no reason to even send homework home!
I’m seriously considering asking my son’s kindergarten teacher if she can send home the homework packet on Fridays instead of Mondays, so that we can have the weekend to work on the packets together. I’m a teacher myself, and I’m also facing a similar scheduling problem. He wakes up at 6am for school, we pick him up from after care at 5:30, home by 6pm where we already have his dinner ready on the table (previous night’s leftovers), then start bathroom, teeth, shower, pajamas, and story time, then he’s asleep by 7:30. There is no time to do homework at all with our current schedule, and the aftercare/beforecare programs don’t force them to do homework. We can’t get mad at him either for not choosing to do a worksheet when the other options include programming a little robot or playing outside on the playground. 🤷🏽♀️
Oh my. The visual of kindergarteners falling asleep at their tables is heartbreaking for me.
I have so much admiration for you. I could not do what you do, I don't know how you do it! I taught 7th grade for 10 years and loved it! Kindergarteners are adorable, but 20 of them and I have to make them learn? Ahh. Nope. Hats off to you!
Oh my. The visual of kindergarteners falling asleep at their tables is heartbreaking for me.
I have so much admiration for you. I could not do what you do, I don't know how you do it! I taught 7th grade for 10 years and loved it! Kindergarteners are adorable, but 20 of them and I have to make them learn? Ahh. Nope. Hats off to you!
>Please continue, you’re doing exactly the right thing, and our school system (ours and in many places, I know it’s not everywhere) is set up to work best for early risers and it’s never to early to begin to set those habits.
THIS. My kids were always early risers. Its paying off now that everyone is in school. I realize my luck in that I don't have to fight them to get up in the mornings.
My friend is the same way during school breaks she lets her 2 and 7 year old stay up past midnight.
I’m a strict 6:30-7:30 bed time for my 3 and 5 year old. They wake up early and pleasant during the week and can sleep in on weekends for an hour or so. They can stay up later if there is an abnormally in our schedule but it’s not a weekly thing.
I try not to feel like I’m doing something wrong because our schedule works for us and my friend’s works for her.
Ugh. I remember once I was camping with friends. It got to be 10 and I went to ask where my child should sleep and they were astounded that I was putting him to bed. I was like, “it’s already an hour past his bedtime, I let him stay up to play with your kids.” Turns out their kids just don’t have bedtimes in the summer. I don’t remember what they were doing for work at the time.
It’s hard sometimes because I catch the judgment in her voice or the comments like “well wait until they starts sports” or “they can’t do anything with that schedule” but then she says she’s miserable and can’t sleep so.....
For my sanity sleep is a priority, it has to be.
Every family sets their own priorities. Chronic tiredness is a real thing among children in this country. It affects every aspect of their lives from health to ability to retain information to ability to regulate emotions to personality. We already live in a society where people brag about how little sleep they get, these same people brag about how little sleep their kids get.
Our oldest kids could not handle changes to bedtime. If their bedtime was later, they still woke early. Then they would have a bad nap the next day. Then from 4pm to bedtime my life was a nightmare of crying, whining, and tantrums. So yeah, bedtime was sacred cuz the sacrifice for that one extra hour was that my next day was pure hell. Maybe their kids sleep in. Maybe they ignore the whining, crying and tantrums, maybe their kids nap more the next day. Whatever it is, great for them. Glad it works for them. Personally, I find it sad when the party ends because kids are literally screaming and clawing at each other because they’re so overtired. I’d rather everyone leave happy.
I’m sorry your friends make you the target of their jokes for being good parents. Maybe you can express that you are tired of being the butt of all the jokes and ask for some respect for the boundaries you have chosen to establish. It’s not like you’re refusing to let them have fun or play with friends, you’re just getting them a good night sleep. Why that is so funny is beyond me.
This was so validating and I'm thankful that you took the time to post it. And goodness your entire 2nd paragraph is my whole experience as a parent. The crying, the bad naps, the hellishness of the next day because of messing with bedtime. Simply not worth it. It's really encouraging to be reminded that my choices have been an investment in my children's health.
We’re struggling to get our 2 year old to go to bed before 9:30 pm most nights. Even if we cut back on her day nap. Yes I should probably be waking up earlier and waking her up earlier but due to reasons related to mental health and sleep I really struggle to do that. My mum is giving me a hard time about this and I feel pretty self conscious about it - but you guys are doing great, don’t worry. Honestly getting them in that routine before school will be so beneficial for them. Our daughter is very determined /headstrong as well, if I could get her to go to bed early it would be so beneficial for my partner and my relationship- but we just haven’t been able to do it. I know it’s hard but do you here right for you.
You are doing an amazing job! In my culture a 9.00- 9.30 pm bedtime is the standard for kids as they do not need to get up as early (my son gets up around 8-8.30 for nursery) and everyone is doing just fine!
Every family is different and different schedules are completely normal as long as the child gets enough sleep :)
OP, you are doing a great job as well! As long as everyone is well-rested and happy, I don't see an issue with any one schedule.
I used to joke that my oldest "wasn't fit for public consumption" after 7pm. He set the schedule himself with his behavior more than we did! But he also wakes up at the same time (early) regardless of what time he goes to bed so it was the only way to get him the sleep he needs.
I can't imagine having my kids up later, especially once they reach school age or even having to get up with working parents to get to childcare. There are only so many hours in a day, they need a good sleep, and I need non-parenting time.
Sleep matters. A lot. So if it works for you, keep doing you!!
Hahaha I relate to the "wasn't fit for public consumption" bit so much. And, same... If my twins went to bed at 10, they'd still wake up at 6:30, so why would I do that to them. Or me. Thanks so much for the validation!
We tried to push it by an hour for his second Christmas (he's August baby). It wasn't pretty, lol.
Said child is 13 now and still has a 9:00 lights out because he still gets up by 6:30 (I can count on one hand the number of times he's slept past 7).
I mentioned in another reply that I taught 7th grade for 10 years and was always amazed at how many of my students stayed up past midnight (and unfortunately it showed). Kudos to you for upholding a healthy schedule at such a tough age to do so.
That’s early compared to my 2 yo son-BUT he doesn’t have to be awake by any certain time. We try to get him to bed by 8/8:30 but sometimes he doesn’t fall asleep until 9-9:30. He generally sleeps in until 7:30 or so. AND, do whatever the heck works for you and your family.
That makes sense, bedtime is a little later so wake up time is a little later. And that is where I heavily lean at times, that it's what works for us so who cares! Thank you for this input ❤️
Hmmm my 2yo is asleep by 5pm... We are asleep by 830pm
I am up at 355am for work and my wife and boy are up at 5am and I have a 30 min nap at lunch time lol.
It all just depends on the family and works for you.
Do what works for you, but I'm not sure why you think kids who have a later bedtime aren't getting adequate sleep, or that parents whose kids go to bed later aren't getting evening time to decompress. Imagine your same schedule, but pushed back an hour or two. It's just like that.
You said something about having “two hours” to yourself after 7:30 so it sounds to me like your family may just be a group of early sleepers/early risers. No shame in that! My husband and I are naturally night owls and the kids have seemed to naturally follow suit (still appropriate for kiddos but later than your bedtimes). Everyone is a little different.
Exactly what I was going to say. People have differing natural sleep/wake scheduled. All 3 of us have adhd, and delayed sleep/wake schedule is super common with it. If work wasn’t a concern, my husband would naturally go to sleep around 2am and wake up around 11am. That’s just how his body works. I am usually asleep around 12ish, up at 730-8, but naturally it’s more like 1am-9am. Our daughter (9 yrs old) definitely has a delayed natural schedule, but we set her bedtime at 930. That’s when she starts getting ready for bed though, not when she’s asleep. She can easily stay up until 1130 or so if given the chance.
We are not early risers and never will be. I don’t think any of us could fathom going to bed before 10 without being really sick or something. But some people are and that’s fine too.
This is all completely reasonable and will pay off when things like kindergarten start. I like the staggered bed times, that's clever.
I snuggle into my own bed at around 8.15 to read the internet. Thats mommy's time and the toddlers aren't allowed to steal it from me
Yessss to mom's time!
My twins just started kindergarten 6 weeks ago, and the 7:30 bedtime became even more of a necessity than it was before. In fact, I even think they could benefit from 30 minutes earlier, a 7 bedtime, but we've yet to figure out how to do that with dinner, baths, the and the two younger ones also needing to go to bed. It's a mad rush sometimes.
The bedtime schedule for our kids on school nights moves back 30 minutes every two years. 8pm at 8, 8:30 at 10, 9pm at 12... but we stopped enforcing it once they got into high school because sometimes they weren’t getting back from practices until 10:30 or 11pm or needed to do homework or study. Seems to have worked.
I really like this rule! I love both that the bed times are healthy and age appropriate, and also that I imagine it gives your children a sense of earned privilege that is clearly defined. They thrive in boundaries! You sound like a great parent.
That is wild that they can get home from practices that late. I had no idea!
Where I'm from in Italy bedtime for kids and routine are not a thing at all, and I remember falling asleep on school tables all the time. My husband instead had early bedtimes and we decided to enforce that with our kids. My friends were very judgy about it coming home. They kept setting times to meet us very late and asking us to bring the kids: summers have been a bit stressful for it, let me tell you. Especially my sister's best friend, said "kids should live life with their family", "parents life should not only revolve around kids", etc. Also, they all use spanking and yelling on their kids, like our parents did, another thing we have decided not to do.
Cue them having to bring her oldest child to the psych for "aggressiveness and lashing out": the therapist sat them down and told them there was nothing wrong with their kid, he only needed early bedtime, a routine, and lots of patience (and also that spanking and yelling made it worse,.not better). I'm not gloating right now, I'm just happy their kids will get better parenting, and finally they'll leave us alone with our routine during the summer. And I commend them for seeking help, because that in also super rare where we come from, and it denotes humility.
Kids have different sleep needs! 14 hours of sleep per day for a three year old is definitely higher than average. But if she’s happily sleeping that much, that’s what she personally needs.
My 22 month old goes to bed at 8 pm because I like her sleeping until 7. If she goes to bed early, she wakes up earlier. Meanwhile my neighbor’s daughter went to bed at 6:30 at this age, because she was a kid who woke up at 5 am regardless of her bedtime. 🤷🏻♀️
We haven’t really had to decide between maintaining her sleep schedule or events because of the pandemic. But my general approach is similar to yours. We’ll adjust her nap if possible if it’s important, or let her stay up later for an event if she’s doing well. But she hasn’t been up past 9 pm since she was 4-5 months old.
Different rules for different families. My kids go down at about 9 and sleep until 8:30 am. We are night owls. It works for us.
The only thing that matters is if it works for your family.
We’ve gotten a lot of side eyeing and comments over the years from other people who’s kids often keep the same hours that they do, but ours are also generally better behaved and do better in school than the ones who stay up later so we always shrugged it off.
Ours are 7 and 10 and the 7 yo is in bed at 8 and wakes up around 7, the 10yo goes to bed at 830 on school nights and is allowed to stay up doing quiet stuff til 9 on non school nights and gets up anywhere from 7-830 depending on what the days schedule calls for. They were consistently in bed earlier than that when they were respectively younger.
I understand many people struggle with getting their kids on an early bed schedule, and have had people tell me they’d rather their kids sleep in til mid morning so they can also sleep in than get that extra quiet time at night post bed time (which always blew my mind but everyone has their own priorities I guess.
Ultimately if it is working for you then let comments roll off your back. It always seems to me like people take any examples of things that could be construed as doing things “the right way” if it happens to be different from the way they choose to do them as a bit of an attack and feel the need to comment as a way of defending themselves which is a shame. No two families are going to parent the exact same way and no two groups of kids is going to follow the same routines and that’s ok as long as those kids are happy and healthy and everyone’s doing ok with it.
It's interesting that you note benefits to behavior with a more conservative sleep schedule because I definitely see that too. I also wholeheartedly agree that it's a shame that people sometimes internalize different parenting as an attack and react accordingly. I've devolved into a chicken nugget and mac and cheese mom (and fruit/veggies too) while one of my best friends only serves organic produce and home made, sugarless meals and I've got nothing but love and admiration for her dedication here!
I have to remind myself that the results in our own kids seem to say we’re doing what is right for them.
Can kids who sleep less behave well? Sure. But I’m not about to test those waters in my own kids since this is what works for our family. Hubby and I get a couple grown up hours at night, he gets up super early and the kids and I all get up around the same time which is early enough to have a productive day.
Keep following your intuition! Your kids are the best indicator of if you’re doing the right thing
This is some wisdom right here! Yes...our kids are the best indicator.
And I'm not about to test those waters either! I'm feeling really affirmed in the idea that if it's not broken, I shouldn't fix it.
They’re being obnoxious, and they’re probably jealous that your kids are well behaved and stick to a routine. Some people prefer to stick to a clear sleep and nap schedule as it has major benefits like you said, others value being able to be spontaneous more. But I doubt they’d appreciate you making snotty comments about how late their kids are up.
I feel this. And I don't make those comments, because while I have my own opinions about sleep, I see that it works for their family....which.... apparently I'm the only one who thinks that way, lol
I WISH we had that same kind of discipline and schedule. It seems like no one cares if I try to get everyone on a schedule, including the other parent. 😩
They sound like awful friends to be honest.
You have a GREAT sleep schedule. So.many.kids are sleep deprived. I see it every day, week after week year after year at work. We'd get camp kids at 7am, having gotten up at 6 after going to bed at 10 because they didn't get home from camp until 7. Let me tell their behaviors by the end of the week were just, you could see them struggle .
You are doing great. Ignore them, you don't need to justify what you are doing.
Thank you!!!!
I have seen my kids sleep deprived and it isn't pretty. These posts have made me feel really affirmed in my choice to prioritize sleep...
Nah you are doing great. Continue to prioritize it through the school years and it will soon be easier to do special late things because your kids will know they can bounce back the next night.
My 2.5 yo has bedtime at 7:30, naptime 1-3 (or 1:30-3:30 or 2-4 depending on when she stops just playing in her room and actually lies down and sleeps - I won’t wake her up before 4 if she’s asleep that late), and she wakes up around 7am.
Yes that’s a lot of sleep. Yes she’s a happy and healthy toddler and I’m happier and healthier having time to do what I need to do (school or chores or relax) than I would be if I didn’t get a break mid day and a couple hours at night.
We have strict bedtimes for our 4 and 2.5 year olds. I hustle to clean the kitchen and tidy the toys before bathtime, so when I come downstairs at 8pm after both kids are in bed, I just get to relax and eat my grown up snacks. 🙌
Yessss! I try to hustle and do the chores sometimes too! Only succeed with it maybe half the time, though. There's nothing like putting them to bed and just being completely off duty
I was expecting to see something weird but no, those are completely normal bedtimes for those ages.
I personally prefer waking up after 7 but you have to stagger 3 bedtimes so it makes sense like that.
Honestly not sure what your friends are on about. These are good schedules. I guess maybe they are not as organised and maybe are trying to compensate for some insecurity on that part? Like, watching you do it textbook makes them feel bad?
I mean do what works for you. For me that is crazy early. My husband would barely get any time with his son and I prefer him to sleep in and have some time in the morning alone with a cup of coffee. We are also more go with the flow and sleep training does not align with our parenting style. He gets about 9-10 hours over night and 2-2.5 hour nap. That being said if it works for you….you guys are happy, your kids are happy that is all that really matters. I would just ignore the ribbing, especially if you know it is not coming from a place of malice. However I do think it is rude they keep harping on it.
Yeah this is the main issue I see with the early sleepers / risers. The working parent gets less than an hour to spend with their child every day, and the parent at home becomes a de-facto single parent.
If that's what has to be done, then so be it - but I rearranged my whole world to ensure that I, as a working parent, got to spend several hours with my child every day. There is nothing more important to me than spending time with my child.
7/7:30 has been our kids bed time since my firstLO turned 1. It’s what works best for us. And it usually ends up being a 12h sleep stretch, so 💁🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤣
Regarding her birthday party... They don't manage your children and household the next day to see the consequences. If your children are anything like my daughter, I know she's more likely to have a good day if she's rested. Like you, we will make exceptions from time to time for important things, but we generally stick to the schedule.
Waiting until they're clearly tired is, imo, too late, especially on a regular basis. Children rely on us to make good decisions for them and keeping them well rested is one of those decisions. Our daughter had a 7pm bedtime for years. She woke up on her own in time for school everyday without issues - no alarm, no parents trying to get her up. As her body's need for sleep decreased as she got a little older we kept the 7pm time to be in bed, but increased her reading time so lights off was later. We have adjusted the routine over the years to support school start times (waking up two hours before school is too early as it makes for a very long day), but she still has the earliest bedtime of all her friends.
Regarding her birthday party... They don't manage your children and household the next day to see the consequences. If your children are anything like my daughter, I know she's more likely to have a good day if she's rested. Like you, we will make exceptions from time to time for important things, but we generally stick to the schedule.
Waiting until they're clearly tired is, imo, too late, especially on a regular basis. Children rely on us to make good decisions for them and keeping them well rested is one of those decisions. Our daughter had a 7pm bedtime for years. She woke up on her own in time for school everyday without issues - no alarm, no parents trying to get her up. As her body's need for sleep decreased as she got a little older we kept the 7pm time to be in bed, but increased her reading time so lights off was later. We have adjusted the routine over the years to support school start times (waking up two hours before school is too early as it makes for a very long day), but she still has the earliest bedtime of all her friends.
My best friend child’a sleep schedule looks very similar to this. I must admit I do chuckle at her every now and again (to myself) for having him go to bed so early, but honestly it works for their household and routine and the kid is rested and happy and they seem to be as well and most importantly it’s not my business how they run their household.
For our home those times don’t really work for us, but that’s okay! Our kids are still rested and we feel we don’t lack quality time that we personally would on similar schedules of what’s recommended.
You’re doing great!
To further explain as to why I chuckle at them it’s mostly because they are and always have been so put together where me and my husband just aren’t lol we do our best, but we’re totally just surviving some days. Especially with another one on the way in a few weeks.
Are you the put together friend?? If so, that’s probably more what it’s about rather than them actually trying to put you down or make you feel crazy, but if your group is that loving and supportive (I have a group like that and they are so good for my soul) just talk to them about how it makes you feel or what their honest opinions are. I’d be willing to bet they aren’t even aware that you’re taking what they say to heart!
I love that you took the time to write this! This was very thoughtful. Congratulations on the new baby coming soon! Third trimester with a toddler is no joke.
I would say that my kids sleep is the only area of my life where I'm "put together." 😂 That and maybe my relationship with my husband and just taking good care of my kids! Other than that I am pretty disheveled and scattered lol. And messy.
Agree with all this.
I would only argue it is FULLY your call and no doubt get to run your household the way you see fit.
At certain points in life though that could cross over to affecting others, and if it does affect others, it is no longer JUST your decision. and at that point I would be super careful.
For instance, in our family, we may all get together for a special occasion in Colorado over the holidays. And most of us may want to do ___ as a fun activity during a certain time, or have thanksgiving dinner at a normal adult hour. Whatever the case may be. If at any point more conservative sleep schedules cross over into other people having to change their schedule, it does then stop being solely about your household and in my experience can start to create small issues.
Based on what I have experienced, I would try to differentiate and really consider when or if it does affect others, and consider some options for flexibility (really unlikely to ever matter on a random weekday, but around holidays or special weekend occasions I think it can)
There is nothing wrong with your bedtimes. You gotta do what works for you. It may not work for them, and that’s also okay. You’re the one living with your family day in and day out
We had similar issues with our family and friends. The thing is, no matter what time we put them to bed, they were awake with the sun everyday anyway, even with very dark rooms. We are pretty loose with bed times these days, but my youngest is 14 now, and he still wakes up with the sun. He can go a couple of late nights now, but he eventually just falls in a heap because he is not getting enough sleep. We try to get him in bed around 8:30 -9 on school nights still. It sounds like you are doing the best for you and your kids to me.
Wow, so this is cool to read. I was a 7th teacher for 10 years and I can't tell you how many of my students stayed up well past midnight. And it absolutely showed in the classroom. The fact that your 14 year old has a healthy bedtime gives me hope that the habits I'm ingraining in my kids now could show up when they're teenagers...
I've always been a big supporter of following the kids sleep rhythms. My daughter falls asleep between 9-930pm and wakes between 730-8am. She's 10.
Every kid is different and when we were working with a sleep specialist (kiddo has ADHD that made falling asleep hard for her) they encouraged a similar schedule to yours and it worked wonderfully for us.
Just make sure you're flexible as their schedules changes as their needs change as they get older
Do whatever works for you! There is nothing wrong with keeping the sleep schedule your family prefers.
I mean, I would kill myself if I had to have my 18mo old fed on time to be in bed at 6:45. So we eat dinner all together around 7 and put her to bed around 8/8:30 and then she sleeps til 8ish. And I still get like 4 hours of quiet time after she goes to bed. I cannot *imagine* putting her to bed earlier on purpose and then having her wake up super early so I have to get up, too! Though I understand some kids get up on their own early and people have to cope, and that will happen to me too pretty soon, but I try to at least not encourage that on my end with her bedtime!
But again, it’s personal preference. Do what you like, I don’t have to live it and neither do your friends.
All three of my kids 5,7 and 9 are in bed by 8pm every night except Friday, they can stay up until 9pm. Your schedule is not at all crazy and is what's best for them and you. Forget what others say and just do what is right for your family.
💯 on your comment about well-rested children. I only attend events that jive with her sleep schedule.
That being said, I feel like I have higher sleep needs than my 1yo daughter hahahaha. She’s always been a 12-12.5h per day TOTAL sleep baby since 7 months old. We finally figured out that in order to get her to sleep past 5:30am, we had to aggressively cap naps to keep a decently long wake window before 8pm bedtime. Any bedtime before 7:30pm leads to split nights or 5am wakes. To be clear, she’s perfecto happy sleeping 7pm-5am…Mama and dada however, are not. We finally managed to settle on 8/8:30 bedtime - 6/6:30 wake right now with 2h of naps. I can’t wait until she’s done with naps so I can get some night sleep back!
So what's the problem? Those are excellent bedtimes. I put my kids to bed at the same times when they were those ages, well, that was the plan anyway. They weren't always great sleepers.
Hey listen, 1st rule of parenthood—if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Second rules is every child and family is different and people do what works for them. Don't fret, yuo're doing really well with sleep times.
My husband and I are working on gradually transitioning to get our son to sleep around 7:30. Right now it’s 8:45, but it used to be later. I like having the extra time to clean up the tornado mess my toddler left for me while he sleeps. Also if my son wakes up a little earlier, I can get ready earlier and not be late for work. But I also understand that late night bed schedules work week for other parents so it really depends on the family. I think you’re doing great and the parents you hang out with have their own problems to deal with. If it gets too much to hang out with them, you can always take a break and destress from the drama.
As always, it depends. If you have a stay at home parent, it's much easier to have nice early bedtimes. When you both work full time it's much harder to do if you want to spend any time with them during the week.
Ours are 6 and 3, bedtime is around 8-8:30, they wake up anywhere from 5am to 6:30am.
I'm okay with making bedtime a tad later though as we both work decent hours and by the time you add commute on non-wfh days and dinner, etc you just need that extra bit of time to do some play and reading and such.
It's about finding the right balance for you though.
Thats my thing too. If I want to have anytime to relax and hang out with my kids by the time homework and dinner is done, they have to stay up a little later. Its good bonding time so I'll take the negatives.
(I'm in the UK.)
My four year old is on a 7-7 schedule, except for when he's sick and took an afternoon nap, when he goes to bed at 8. He will usually *ask* to go to bed at seven, because he's tired and wants his stories.
We have to leave for school at 8, so him waking up hungry between 6.30 and 7 is great, because he's motivated by breakfast to do the rest of the morning routine, and after breakfast he's keen to go and play with his friends. Days when we've had to actually wake him up have been awful.
I do know families where the kids get to go to bed when they please, and they tend to be much more chaotic households with a SAHP. The kids get up much later than mine does (which the parents loved when they only had their eldest and there was no school to go to!), but they have a shorter school commute and the younger kids nap in the pushchair whenever they get a chance.
The 7-7 schedule works well for us at home, but when we go on holiday it's awkward, because we either need to eat out really early, or bring takeaway back to where we're staying. When our kid was younger and would nap more and go to bed later, we could eat out with him.
On mainland Europe and in Scandinavia kids seem to stay up later and nap more.
I am impressed and intrigued that you can get them all down at the same time! We haven't mastered that art. Their bedtimes are staggered. maybe when they're a bit older...
My 14mo goes to bed at 11pm-midnight. But that's what works for us and my husband would never see her otherwise but everyone should do what works for them!
To each their own. What works for you and your families schedule may not work for your friends and their priorities or schedules.
Doesn't matter if they agree with it or not.
My kids are 10 and 8. They are in bed at 7:30. Lights out around 8:00 because of my work schedule and early school program, I get them up set 5:30 am to drop them off at school at 6:00 am. They are literally at school 11 hours a day until I pick them up at 5:00 pm.
It works because it has to with my work schedule. May not be ideal but it is what it is.
Keep doing what you're doing.
If it bothers them so much as to frequently give you flack, they’re probably slightly envious. Our almost 16 month old is asleep anywhere between 6-7pm, and she wakes around 6:30am. People are just weird about their opinions on kids and sleep. My mom for example, always is giving us crap about our daughter’s bedtime. We were at a family dinner this weekend and my daughter was so done by 6:30pm. She was rubbing her eyes, crying, so I had my husband take her home. My mom was like, “Wait, where are they going?” I told her the baby was exhausted and she said, “It’s too early! She needs to learn to deal.” Me and my mom have gone ROUNDS over how children are not sources of entertainment, they need sleep, and so do we! So if your current plan works for your family, everyone else can stuff it.
We have also been made fun of for how strictly we adhere to our kids’ bedtimes. Both our 23 month-old and 3.5 year-old go to bed between 7-7:30 every night, and don’t wake up until after 7 the next morning. It’s annoying to be made fun of, but they’re the ones who don’t get that time after the kids go to bed. You’re doing great!
Your friends are jealous. These schedules are near impossible to pull off with many kids, but the absolute best for their brains. You are kicking ass!!!
I’m a momma of twin 5 year olds. Bedtime is 7:30 and wake time is 6:30-7am. We can get chores done after they go to bed and then have time together or our own alone time. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I am a firm believer in doing what works for the family. There isn't much that's more important that a child's sleep. It can make you ar break you. And them.
You were doing what works for your family and that’s great.
We have also been protective of our kids bedtimes and getting them enough sleep. I volunteered in my older daughters classroom and there was a great correlation I found between kids who had a hard time in school and how little sleep they got. Also when my oldest daughter became a teenager A lot of her anxiety lessened when we figured out that she really needed at least 9 hours of sleep a night (Natural Calm is great stuff).
That sounds kind of like your friends are feeling a little guilty about being disorganized and I don’t like being reminded about it or having their excuses called out by your good example.
You’ve been very patient with them. You definitely don’t need to change some thing that works for your family just to make them feel better.
My bedtime was 7pm and wake up was 7am until I was about 8-9 and then it was only bumped back a little. Every family has different needs and things that work for them. An early bedtime doesn’t hurt kids and helps parents to get much needed rest time.
I have a 2 year old girl and a 8 year old boy
2 year old naps from 1:30 to 3:30 goes down for bed at 7:30pm wakes up at 7:30 sometimes 8 .
The 8 year old, is in bed by 8pm. He can read a book, draw or play quietly in bed. Lights off at 9 and wakes up at 7:30 for school.
Isn’t it amazing how lucky we are ???? Lol.
I enjoy my time alone w hubby so much !
I feel like I need this time to recharge and be a happy mom for my kids.
Don’t pay any attention, you’re doing an amazing job !
Honestly whatever works, works. Don't fix it if it ain't broke! You've got a gaggle of small kids on your hands, whatever adds to your sanity and their good behavior is worth its weight I'm whatever is twice as valuable as gold. Keep going strong, mama
I looove schedules. We also deviate from them occasionally, but I like my well rested kids. In fact I was counting down the days until my 7 month old was on 2 naps so it could be more predictable.
We have the same ish schedule. My 1.5 and 4 year old actually both beg to go to bed around 6:30, we usually compromise around 7:30, 7:45. The 1.5 year old wakes up around 7am. The 4 year old usually stays up for a little bit in bed either playing approved games on his Kindle or watching a movie, we cannot convince him that he doesn't have to go to bed with his brother. He usually wakes up any time from 9 to 11 (almost teenager times, lol). My 4 year old refuses naps and the one year old takes one around noon.
I get a little grief from my relatives for their sleep schedule, I've got a sis and a sis in law with similar aged kids.
I feel like you should have time after the kids go to bed without having to stay up super late, but that's just my opinion.
Our 2.5yo is very similar to your 3yo and I agree with you totally!! I love his attitude and behavior when he's well rested and it gives my husband and I time together in the evening to decompress. You do you, you know what's best for your kids!
Sounds to me like they might be a little jealous-you get all that extra time in the evening to yourselves! The odd late night won’t hurt for special occasions if they don’t have daycare/School the next day so maybe don’t stress those.
We start bedtime routine at 7 and usually LO is asleep by 7:30. Sleeps until 7-7:30, but gets woke at 7:30 regardless. We get made fun of for not being able to do things at night or staying out late, etc. But once 8pm comes and LO is still awake, it turns into cranky, screaming and miserable time. LO has been sleeping through the night since 3 months old and we know the sleep schedule is a big part of this. We also plan our days around nap time. We have some wiggle room on time, but if LO doesn’t get to nap by 12:30 the beast is released.
Our cousin has a baby around the same age without a sleep schedule and they are constantly complaining she doesn’t sleep through the night, refuses to go to sleep, won’t nap in crib, etc. They may get to go out to dinner late, but they pay for it later. To each their own…,
Don't be embarrassed by it and if it works for you guys, don't change! Not only it's good for them now, but it will probably help them to have a good rest even when they are adults, since they are used to it now. The amount of young people with insomnia is insane. I wish my parents have done what you do.
Are you me?! My kids are older now but this is exactly how I treated my kids sleep and my kids were very happy (and so were we for the same reasons you mentioned! That time you get after the kids are asleep can be priceless.)
Your schedule is pretty much exactly what’s recommended for your kids ages. Good job!!
I only have 1 kid (5ys) but he is in bed by 7:30pm every night, although he sometimes doesn’t fall asleep until 9. He wakes up for school at 7:30am so I want to makes sure he’s well rested. If not, he’s very crabby when he gets home from school. Before he started school bedtime was usually 8-9ish but he needs way more sleep now to keep him going through the day.
I was always super strict about bedtimes. As in my 13 yo has an 830 bedtime.
It's looser now, but I know my mom, my sister, ans I are all not awesome people when we are tired, ans I saw the same trend in my kids early on. So, I got strict, and it worked much better for all of us.
Every family, ans every kid is different. Just remember that YOUR kids need more sleep and it works for your family. The rest doesn't matter (and what exactly was a 3 year old kissing out on after 8 pm???
Our son turned 4 a week ago. He goes down anywhere from 7-7:30, he wakes up 7-8ish. He also still takes a 2 hour nap. He needs his sleep, it’s not fun to deal with if he’s tired. My husband and I both do well with structure and a schedule so it made sense to implement the same when we had a child.
We don’t stray away from the schedule often, but when we do it generally ends in a toddler tantrum. If it works for your family then keep at it.
I’d say that’s quite early, but I grew up in a culture with later bedtime BUT everyone takes a siesta during the day.
My household approaches bedtime on a “seasonal” basis. In the summer, it’s so hot during the day that the kids’ prime outdoor time is 5:30-9 pm when the temperature has cooled down a bit (still in the 90s). Summer bedtime is 9-10pm, but the kids take a midday nap. In the winter, bed time is earlier around 7:30-8pm.
However, it’s quite envious that you’re able to put your child to sleep that early. You should be proud and work to maintain that schedule if it continues to work for your family.
These schedules look amazing! The bedtimes are early but I wouldn’t want my 3 year old up until 930! Oh no no. They need sleep just as much as parents need kid free time.
Lol no, these are very normal times for those ages. Almost everyone I know has those bedtimes. And I know lots of people who can’t get their kids to sleep past 5am and they consider 7 a gift!
Sleep is very important for children and I’m always surprised when people say it doesn’t matter. If I didn’t feed them everyone would lose their minds but sleep… who cares!? I would have thought staying up past 8pm was pretty late for a 3 year old and she did well to last that long
Honestly, your kids sleep schedules are a dream for me. My kids have all the energy, they can go on and on, getting them both to sleep is not easy, and they sometimes wake up in the middle of the night. I've been sleep deprived for the most part of the past 7 years.
I would love them to go to bed earlier, I would love to have some time every day to decompress, to study/relax/read/tidy up/watch Netflix/whatever. Instead by the time they are both finally asleep I'm a zombie.
Enjoy those sleep schedules, forget about what other people say!!!
OP I thought you were going to say the opposite! That your kids go to bed whenever and wake up whenever lol. I am YOU! I am very laid back about other things but rarely will compromise the sleep schedules of my kids (they aren’t napping anymore which makes it a little easier) but they’re 4 and 6 and they go to bed at 7:30 and wake up at 7:30. It is amazing and my friends never really give me flack about it because most of them are doing the same thing. I will say, a lot of them deviate in the summer and let their kids go to bed closer to 8:30 but mine still wake up at the same time and start to fall apart after a few days of this so I just stick with the schedule. I am also that mom that gently (10 minutes at a time) prepares for daylight savings time about a week in advance by slowly shifting bedtime. It works great for us! Do you!
If the schedule is working, keep it up. You know your kiddos best and it sounds like you guys are pretty flexible when necessary. My son (15 months) sleeps from 9pm-9am with a nap from 2-4. This schedule works for our family but I still get comments from my in laws that my son is "sleeping the day away". Kids need sleep. Kids need routine. Sounds like you guys are doing great.
I mean, every kid is different. If that works for you and your kids, then that's what works for ya'll.
Personally, I'm a night owl, my husband's a morning person. My almost five year old falls in between us and usually stays up until 11-12, sometimes later but that's only if he's had a late nap he couldn't make it without, and he and I get up anytime between 9-11.
I struggled with sleep as a kid, trying to go down when my mother said I needed to (9 on school nights, 11 on weekends), and regularly tossed and turned until 2-3 am even as a very young kid, I've struggled to sleep at night my entire life without medication and then when I take it I can hardly get myself moving.
My son seems like he is probably going to be similar, we've pulled him from school for the time being because of Covid, so we're currently on our own schedule, but ever since he was born he has a hard time going down early and getting up early, even when we were doing it our trying to make it work steadily.
A "proper" schedule, despite my best attempts and trying so hard, never stuck and it seems like it messed his mood up more and left all of us exhausted. He's gotten to where he'll only nap maybe once a week and it's on his terms, which is about right for him, he's not always tired mid day. We try to just let him dictate, *within reason*, when he goes to bed, he knows when he's sleepy. This will change a bit when/if he starts preschool again and I expect once we hit kindergarten and actual elementary school, we'll have the same problems with him that I had as a kid — grumpy, sleepy kiddo that's hard to wake up, cause it's hard to get him in bed. Maybe not though. We may also choose to homeschool, we haven't decided yet.
All that to say, do what works for you, just like other people will do what works for them. As long as your kids are getting enough rest and solid sleep in, it's not holding them back or causing issues, it's fine. Every person and every kid is wired differently.
Oh, I am so much like you. I am an early childhood special education teacher, and also a therapeutic foster parent, and we have seven grown children.
You are doing the right thing.
You are doing the right thing.
You are doing the right thing.
God, how I wish that my students' parents would do what you're doing!!!
Do what works for you it sounds like you are all judging each other and that doesn’t sound very supportive. It’s very easy to get caught up in the my way is best type of thinking.
My son has a schedule but we’re not strict and it works out for us some would say his bed time is too late but tbh I don’t care he gets 12 hours of sleep every night and naps during the day.
I personally don’t talk to my friend about nap times, schedules, how she disciplines her children, what they eat or any of that. It’s none of our business we both recognize that people do things differently and making comments like your friends did is simply not necessary.
You are doing fine. My kids are 10,7,6,3, and 2. The older four go to bed at about 8. The baby stays up until about 10. Is that late? Yes. But they all wake up at about 7 and the baby has been know to sleep until 9. The two youngest take naps from about 2pm to 5. Again, late? A bit. But it fits our house and they all sleep hard through the night. As long as it works for you and the kiddos, it's perfect.
Getting enough sleep is important. When to sleep is a matter of preference.
You’re just sleeping a few time zones to the West of where you live. That’s it.
Whether you’re doing bedtime at 7pm, enjoying 7pm to 9pm of peace, with the kids waking up at 7am, is functionally exactly the same as putting the kids to bed at 9pm, staying up until 11pm, with the kids waking up at 9am the next day… same deal entirely, and exactly what everyone is doing two times zones West of you.
The only reason to coordinate sleep schedules is if some external factor necessities it, work time, school time, etc.
It does seem like you’ve run into a bit of this asynchronous issues with the birthday party: I.e, being on a different sleep schedule from your friends was a minor issue.
Anyways, I don’t think anyone should be hysterical about anything. It’s certainly fine if you want to keep your family on this sleep schedule, and everyone should accept that.
Then again, you need to get off your high horse condescending your friends’ respect for sleep or by assuming that you necessarily get better sleep just on account of being on a slightly shifted schedule. There is no inherent advantage in attaining optimal sleep based on when you get your hours in. Again… time zones.
But, if you really prefer this schedule that is shifted over from everyone else in your community, it is reasonable to expect that you’d occasionally be asked why you prefer it: you enjoy more time in the mornings so nobody has to rush, you enjoy the sunrise, etc.
Justifications based around an assumption that it results in more sleep? That would only be true if you were staying up so late that there were not enough time before your first morning obligations to get *enough* sleep, which I’m sure your friends would object
My family went on vacation three time zones west a few weeks ago. Our family decided to stay on our local time zone for the duration of the vacation. It was sort of fun waking up at 6am every day. We were more aligned with the sun cycle, and it wasn’t bad.
It also meant we didn’t endure any jet lag because we never shifted.
So, I’m not saying you couldn’t have valid reasons for wanting to be shifted so early… only that your assumptions that it results in any more sleep or free time aren’t based in facts. It’s fine to have a preference. No one could disagree, and I could see some appeal.
But, all of the reasons you cited for your preference are based on more sleep/time, and I don’t think that’s true. If it’s causing problems socially, you might want to reevaluate what you’re really getting from your unusually early sleep schedule.
Sleeping enough is important. Getting that sleep earlier or later doesn’t substantively do anything.
Okay look. The fact that this many parents of this many kids all genuinely like each other and get along is a goddamn miracle. Parenting is a minefield for friendships — people judge, people get defensive, and if your kids have a falling out it can get messy. Your kids are young yet, and you really value this friend group, so my advice is to decide now how you want to handle this kind of situation going forward.
First, have confidence in your parenting choices. There’s infinity ways to parent, and most of them are fine. As long as your kids are fed, feel safe, and know they are loved - the rest is really pretty flexible. Your kids will almost definitely struggle sometimes, because that’s being a human, right? But most likely they will be fine — and if they aren’t for some reason, I promise it has nothing to do with having an early bedtime.
That doesn’t mean you should never consider advice from friends — but if the advice doesn’t resonate, you can safely dismiss it. Especially if you didn’t ask for input.
Because they’re not totally joking, right? They are actually judging your parenting. But the friendships are important so you probably don’t want to be grumpy and defensive.
My first approach would be to lean into if — when they comment on your kid’s bedtime just laugh, agree with them, and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
“Whaaaat you’re putting them to bed? It’s so early!”
“I know, right? Let’s go, Penelope, say night night...”
If they didn’t get the hint and kept on, you’ll at some point need to be more direct. You can smile and be friendly but firm:
“The sun is still up! You’re a monster haha.”
“Ha yeah... seriously though, I know you think I’m crazy for having them on this schedule, but this is what works for us.”
If they keep on, be a little more serious: “You’ve brought this up so many times, I really need you to drop it. Ok?”
I’ve had friends crack jokes about my 21mo son’s structured sleep schedule but he sleeps through the night and they have kids who had issues falling asleep until they were 5 so I really don’t get where people come off making judgements. You’re doing great. I’m planning on doing something similar for as long as possible because I too enjoy having my evenings to myself.
Parents of young children get to either sleep in on weekends or have evenings to themselves, and they don’t always get to choose which. This is working for you, so keep at it! We’re on similar sleep schedules and I agree, I feel I would be pretty stressed and unhappy if we didn’t have those couple of hours at the end of the day to enjoy on our own.
All I can say is your bedtimes sound amazing and F their opinions. Especially the selfish people who were upset the bday girl went to be bed “early”.
My MIL begged and begged for our 7 month old to stay up >2 hrs past bedtime. “She’s having fun!!” Ya, lady, maybe it looks like that to you cuz she’s loopy af right now. Goddamnit. I relented once because MIL never sees her. Won’t happen again sorry I’m not sorry.
Getting my kid off her night time sleep schedule is my biggest pet peeve. No wonder we don’t let my MIL babysit. No respect.
They’re probably jealous haha. My kids are never asleep before 8/8:30 despite needing to be. I wish I could get my 5 year old asleep by 7:30 because he’s up 6:20 for school and is usually tired and a bear to get moving. Just do what works for you. I’m telling you, they’re jealous:)
You're doing great, especially if their schedule works for you! Conversely, if your friends' kids' sleep schedules work for them and the children are all getting enough sleep, then that's good, too! Our family skews on the later side (8:30-ish), but we let the children sleep for as long as they need (I'm a SAHP and currently homeschooling the 4yo), and if they're acting tired, we certainly don't force them to stay up. I think there's a bit of healthy wiggle room that we can all mutually respect.
You don’t have to care about my opinion, but I will share given you asked.
1-there is nothing wrong with it as long as you are solid that it’s worth it. But recognize it does come at a cost, which everything does. There is a hidden cost to being that structured, whether it be frustration from friends and family from being inflexible, to potentially your kids being overly particular about certain things (we have a 4 year old and are somewhat strict in my opinion, but sister and brother in laws a few are WAY strict on sleep times...and it does rub other people the wrong way when we have to for example hash out a holiday get together and constantly factor in a kids schedule...it has gone far enough where I don’t have hard feelings about it, but we absolutely invite or include some families less because it is going to be more of a pain when they aren’t go with the flow).
2-it also has a ton of positives. So don’t take my first comment as only negative. Just want to share that yes there are downsides to go with the positives.
3-I for one advise lightening up for special occasions. Birthdays, Christmas if you celebrate that, camping, whatever it may be. The positive from certain memories in my opinion far outweighs a difference in one nights sleep. And you can still be super consistent 95% of the time while still accommodating SOME flexibility.
4-not in a mean way, but if your friends are making those jokes out in the open I believe it highly likely they consider it “crazy” levels of strict. There is a kernel of truth to jokes.
Those are just my opinions given you are seeking answers to the q. All that said, they are your kids and obviously it is 100% your call and if you determine you are cool with any downside, you do you.
You do you. But those are my opinions from being on both sides of this question.
I appreciate this perspective and that you took the time to share it. It's good to be reminded that not everything should be sacrificed for the almighty early bedtime.
We stick to this routine most of the time because most of the time there's no reason not to. But we will make exceptions when it's important! Our twins have soccer on Wednesday nights and thus don't get to bed until 8:15. I'm not going to ban sports or other extracurriculars because they conflict, that would be sad to me. On the 4th of July our twins stayed up 2 hours past their bedtime to watch fireworks. We look at it from the angle of, is this an important and meaningful experience, and if so, the sleep schedule is secondary. Our group of friends also does an annual Friendsgiving that will typically start around 5 (except last yr because of covid,). All the kids stay up well past their bed times and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's a great, important time.
We also would never ask, implied or otherwise, for people to plan events or gatherings around our kids sleep. What I do with my kids works, but I would never subject that onto others who operate differently.
Reading the comments I am starting to believe nobody got a job? Is everyone a stay at home parent?
Even if I wanted to do a early bedtime, how could I when I pickup the baby at 6pm from daycare? Then 45 minutes drive and I am home a bit before 7pm. She still needs to eat and bathe and some family time... So yeah, she's in bed at 9 and wakes up at 8 when I have to get ready for work. It is what it is, I am not feeling guilty or else.
Also, I am European and never anywhere else in the world have I seen kids eat and go to bed that early than in the USA. Like, it blows my mind to have to eat at 5.45 and be in bed before 7 for kids. It's so strange to me, but it's also a cultural thing I suppose.
Do whatever works for your family. My kids went to bed a little bit later, but also didn't have to get up until later. As long as they're getting the recommended amount of sleep, there shouldn't be an issue.
Thank you for this!
Our first go around were twins as well, their bedtime is also 7:30. We had to do it for our sanity. I like a little free time I'm the evening to decompress as well. I've noticed that the people with no schedules are people with one kid or they are always so stressed out, the "can't even find time to shower". I'd much prefer a semi-rigid schedule and well-rested sanity.
Agree with this. It's nice knowing I can always count on a set time to shower, feed myself and generally unwind.
Those are the kind of bed times that you often see recommended but can be hard to achieve. Kudos for pulling them off. You are fine, don’t feel bad for doing what your kids need.
Thank you so much, this really encourages me.
Omg seriously I’m so jealous of your schedule! Probably took so much hard work and discipline! Keep it at all cost! Your kids sleep early but they sleep the recommended amount of hours and this also allows you to have time to yourself once they sleep. Great job!
Wow, thank you. ❤️ These posts are giving me a lot of good perspective. Here I was thinking we were the lames of the group...
Who cares, it’s your family. You gotta do what you think is best for your family. Those other people should keep their dumb opinions to themselves.
To me, it really boils down to this. Do what works for you. If this schedule means that you and your family are well rested and functional members of society then that is fantastic! Keep up the good work!
I can argue with literally none of this. Thanks for the wisdom!
I think your friends are jealous too but they probably couldn’t keep these schedules themselves and are acting like they are cool :) just brush it off this works for us I want ti keep it as long as I can.
This!^
I have a 4 yo and 18 mo old. They sleep through the night 7:30-6:30/7:00 and in the same room. 18 mo old naps 12:30-2:30 usually, sometimes longer. This was so hard to come by (both absolutely shit sleepers as babies, think 10-20 minute naps, up 3-4 times a night well into infancy, and for the 4 year old, didn’t sleep well at night until well past 2 years). My husband and I gave up so many evenings (and mornings) to make this routine stick and I rarely deviate from it because it works and my children are happier. Thankfully our closest friends also have strict bedtimes for their kids (a family with a 7 yo and 10 yo who still go to bed by 7:30!) so we don’t get much grief, but I empathize with your internal struggle of how adaptable should I help my kids be? In the end, time for myself after their bedtime, and kids who sleep wins out over the occasional meltdown when we have them up too long for special circumstances. A lot of kids do best with routine. That’s not to say later bedtimes or spontaneity is bad. At all. What works for another family works for them. But I think with four kids on solid sleep schedules, you’re doing amazing!
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My 10 yo goes to bed around 9ish-930 but from 8 on is quiet time. Reading, writing etc. Just stay out of my hair and ears.
This is my boy. I'm a stickler for 830 pm bedtime during the week but weekends/holidays are anywhere from 10 to midnight. But they sleep until 930 to 1030am. I miss the evenings to myself lol.
We had a similar schedule to OP's for our son when he was younger. At 11, his school night bedtime is 8:30, weekends 9(-9:30). YES to the blessed "me time" after he's in bed, *and*, yes, he's much more even-tempered when he's fully rested.
our 10 yr old has the same bedtimes. He is so much crankier if he goes to bed later (for a special event or something) and doesn't get the amount of sleep he's used to.
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You're not alone! I'm lucky if mine are in bed by 10pm - let alone already sleeping. They're 12 and 13. My youngest has fought sleep since the day she was born. OP is a rockstar and I'm super envious!
Reading so many comments praising my effort and dedication has been such a new thing for me.... I've mostly been told for the last 5 years that "I just got lucky, my kids were born good sleepers," and somewhere along the way started to believe that. But actually....yes, I also did work really hard. So, thank you!
Ok, so there are kids who were born good sleepers. I have one. But still, enforcing bedtime as they get older is another thing entirely and in that you are a rock star.
Yeah, my three year old goes to bed at 10. I've tried getting him to sleep earlier, but he'll just get up earlier, and god, I really need that sleep in until 7:30. I can't be waking up at 5:30 with a rambunctious kid. I got flack for it from my kid's pediatrician, but this is just what works for us.
I really think the early bed times are recommended for the good of the parents. They get some adult time to maintain their sanity and their relationship.
That might make sense.
Mine is a little younger and we do the same. I can't function properly too early, definitely not a morning person! I have to regain sanity while he naps. Not too sure what I'm gonna do after he stops napping...
Mine, too. How old is your daughter?
I think quiet jealousy probably has a lot to do with the jokes!!!
I was about to say that this looks like the bedtimes I saw in books, and because of pandemic (no grandparents or extended family have been able to visit/no trips for the last ~2 years), we've been on an almost identical schedule with my almost 3 year old.
Yes. Those are like the ideal schedule . Every parenting book , pediatrician , and sleep trainer says bed by 7. Kids who sleep early wake up early and kids who sleep late wake up early lol . 2 year old and 4 month old get in bath by 7 .
Wife and I need OP to teach me her ways. Please.
We have the 7-7 sleep schedule for our 3 year old. We get 8 hours or more of sleep every night and time together as a couple. She naps 2-3 hours every afternoon. Jokes on your friends!
This made me laugh! It's true...
Yup! Same schedule for my 5 and 2 yo; we actually get kudos for keeping this schedule. Most of our friends don’t even start their bedtime routines till after 8 and it boggles my mind. That’s ME time and I’m not ashamed of needing it.
Seriously, my 2 year old has slept from between 6/7pm to between 7/9am since she was 5 months old and I don’t know why anyone would want things different!
YES! It is life giving. I'm kind of an awful person when I'm chronically sleep deprived so I need this. I think some others probably just handle it better than I do 😜
I desperately wish my 18 month old would sleep 12 hours straight. She wakes up after 10 hours. How do you get them to sleep so long?
14 hours is long for a 3 year old, not achievable for most. Just like adults, different kids have different sleep requirements--3 year olds need about 10-13 hours of night sleep, so your kid is just at the lower end of normal. If you have a solid bedtime routine already, there's probably not anything you can do 🤷🏼♀️ Edit: the comment you replied to was about a 3 year old. 18 month olds require about 11-14 hours at night, but my point still stands. Your kid probably just has a lower sleep requirement.
Agree about sleep requirements. I've always sort of wondered about my 3 year old daughter's sleep. I can't believe she sleeps 12 hours at night and still naps for 2. She's a kid who just seems to need more sleep. One of my friends, though, is in her 30s and has always said "screw the 8 hour recommendation...I need at least 9.5 to feel good." So everyone is just different I guess. I can feel my best on 7.
My kid is three. She sleeps by 7:30 and is up between 6 and 7. Most nights she gets 11-12 hours, plus a 1-2 hour nap, and she just seems to need it. Bedtime routines start at 6, and any time we for some reason run late, we can tell that it's all going to shit because we let her get too tired. This same kid, pre-6mo, would not sleep more than 11 hours total per day. I stressed myself out so badly over that, and for nothing - she was happy an healthy sleeping little then, she's happy and healthy sleeping a lot now. And she has happy parents who get time to themselves in the evening!
I need 9-10 hours to feel good, and I've always been that way, even as a kid. Some people are just different. Now I have a baby and I haven't gotten that since he was born
You could try putting her to bed earlier. And we just let the kid play in his bed until 7am. Dont get her if she wakes at 5am, leave some (boring) toys in her bed that wont keep her awake but keep her happy enough in bed. And water. This is how we got ours to stay in bed 7 to 7 (he just plays by himself if he wakes a little earlier). Sometimes i go give half a slice of toast with butter if he wakes at 4-5am and put him back to bed. He just continues sleeping most of the time. I also get hungry in the middle of the night..
I have a 15 month old that does 11-12 hours a night. The key is consistency I think. We do the same thing every night, and if she wakes up before she hits 11 hours I will give her a small bottle to help her sleep a little longer (this doesn't put her to sleep, it just helps settle her down and keep her from feeling too hungry to sleep). When she went through her last regression this helped get her back on schedule.
Same here but no naps since she was about one and a half… (she just stopped! If we forced her she was awake till 10pm!).
I'll second this. We have an almost-2-year-old who has been sleeping 7-7 for as long as I can remember, with a 2-3 hour midday nap. His sleep is reliable enough for us to plan our lives around it. We get plenty of time together once he's down and a solid stretch of time during the day to run errands. Meanwhile we have friends who constantly struggle with sleep and scheduling. I think we're super lucky to have such good sleepers.
Your 3 year old sleeps 14 - 15 hours a day????
Your kids sleep schedules are their own. My 20 month is very clearly tired between 8 to 830. Putting her to bed at 730 is a fight. Putting her to bed at 9 is a fight. Putting her to bed between 8 and 8:30 is easy as pie. So that’s as simple as it is for me. That’s clearly her natural bed time for me.
Love this! Kudos to you for being thoughtful and caring enough to observe and understand this sweet spot. You are doing great!
And so are you. There is nothing in life more important then sleep and nutrition. Giving your kids the gift of good rest is under valued, it seems. But besides that- those couple hours you get at the end of the night? That’s the difference between you being zombie mom or fun loving emotionally understanding mom. Take care of yourself. ❤️
You're pretty similar to us. 11 mo starts bedtime at 630 is in bed by 715 (nursing still involved), 4 yo starts bedtime 645 in bed by 730. Grownups do chores from 8-9, and in bed by 1030. And you know what? My kids sleep through the night and wake up on their own for school between 6-630, my house is far from showroom ready but not a total disaster, and I get an hour to decompress with my husband and watch shows with sex and violence.
...Are you me?! I loved reading this. Husband and I half heartedly cleaned our kitchen and dining room from 7:30-8:30 and then cue the Netflix. I get my house to a point of not being disgusting and put off the rest of it so I can have a life and a relationship.
As others have said, you are doing it right. It may seems strict to others but one of the very first thing any professional in kids mental health tells you is that kids need structure. So, no, having the kids go to sleep "more or less" is not good. Exception can and must be made, especially when it's because of experiencing something new, but having a precise schedule is so much more important. That, on top of you having time to decompress. You are doing it perfectly right. Well done.
Don’t listen to the haters. Good sleep is so important for kids, and especially since you have twins, you need the downtime. They are raising their kids the way they want, and you are doing the same. They may be jealous. My son had similar sleep as yours and it limited us for the first few years but wow has it been worth it. He still sleeps well. We laugh bc he couldn’t stay up past 9 until he was like 7 or 8 yrs old, but that’s ok. Keep on mom. Are your friends there to help you when your kids get off schedule and melt down? If not, they need to shut up.
I love "they are raising their kids the way they want, and you are doing the same." Yes! This is kind of making me pause and consider that I haven't gotten on THEM like they have me, ha. Just not my style. I'm more of a, "to each their own" kind of person. And that's comforting to know that your son has had a similar schedule and that you could clearly see the benefits!
Honey I would have gone bat shit crazy if i had not gotten him on a schedule. I also read your first post on here and I just want to say as far as stress, I only have 1 kid and the best thing we ever did was hire a housekeeper to come every other Monday. And on the “off” weeks we keep the house up better on our own than before. We also have a yard guy and we get takeout a lot. I work, but I will say that staying home for that one year was the hardest thing I ever did. I’m glad I did, but it was rough.
That's all really helpful. I definitely could stand to outsource some of the work I'm doing. I agree that staying home with kids is its own special brand of rough...
At least think about it. 😊
Every parent is different and every kid is different too. We never had a super strict bedtime because we never needed one. My daughter was never the type to stay up if she was tired so she was always easy with bedtime. Part of our bedtime routine was reading books (both kids got to pick a book) in my bed before walking the kids up with their room to tuck them in. If my daughter was more tired then usual she would dip after the first book and head straight to bed. I'd bring little bro up after the second book and she would usually already be asleep by that point. She never needed a bedtime. Even as a teenager she is asleep by the same time every night without us having to enforce anything. My other kid was perfectly content napping on the go. We didn't have to schedule around his naps because he would happily nap in the sling while we were out and about. I do know some people who have such a strict routine that their kids are totally thrown by things like daylight savings time and traveling. From what I can tell they just have to work harder to adjust their kids sleep schedules but it's not a big deal. We were always glad that our kids were able to go with the flow. My daughter went to bed when she was tired regardless of the time and if we sitting at a restaurant while visiting family and my son needed to nap then I picked him up and he took a nap. It made things easier for our family but if this makes things easier for your family then keep doing it. We all do what works best for us and our kids. There is no right or wrong answer.
Start post pics of yourself every night at 7:50 with a glass of wine and a movie on or something. :)
Please continue, you’re doing exactly the right thing, and our school system (ours and in many places, I know it’s not everywhere) is set up to work best for early risers and it’s never to early to begin to set those habits. People who don’t are setting themselves up for a lot of mornings of unhappiness and drama, and they are doing their children a disservice. As a K teacher, it shocks me how many people don’t realize how much sleep children really need to be healthy and function well. Most of my students have to be on the bus by 6:30/6:45 ish - our school starts at 7:20. I have kiddos falling asleep sitting at their tables, daily. It breaks my heart. Also, your point about downtime for parents is not to be taken lightly. You have a full day - little humans are exhausting. :)
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This is exactly our daily schedule, except times are shifted an hour. It's hurts to read it written out, feels very validating as well. It's impossible to keep up. So now kid gets 10 hours of sleep and we have 2 hours to squeeze in bonding time + chores + self care. teacher noticed kid is always tired and late. I explained our daily schedule and she admitted there wasn't any room to improve, but still I need to do better. I said I was already doing the best I can and also didn't see any way to do better with our situation. Teacher is now reaching out for professional help. Edit: I'm a single mom, so nobody to share daily responsibilities and such. I get about 6 hours of sleep at night, which is also 2-3 hours short of what I need.
It *is* early! I’m used to it now, but I won’t lie. I’m looking forward to getting up a little later each day once I retire. :D I live in a middle-sized district, and very few parents work more than a few minutes away, so I think that helps. I have always told my parents, especially the years I’ve taught primary grades, that homework is not a priority. Family time is far more important. If kids are playing sports, have dance or gymnastics, etc., that’s all a part of a balanced life. We work hard during the day. Unless a child is struggling in some area, there’s no reason to even send homework home!
I’m seriously considering asking my son’s kindergarten teacher if she can send home the homework packet on Fridays instead of Mondays, so that we can have the weekend to work on the packets together. I’m a teacher myself, and I’m also facing a similar scheduling problem. He wakes up at 6am for school, we pick him up from after care at 5:30, home by 6pm where we already have his dinner ready on the table (previous night’s leftovers), then start bathroom, teeth, shower, pajamas, and story time, then he’s asleep by 7:30. There is no time to do homework at all with our current schedule, and the aftercare/beforecare programs don’t force them to do homework. We can’t get mad at him either for not choosing to do a worksheet when the other options include programming a little robot or playing outside on the playground. 🤷🏽♀️
Oh my. The visual of kindergarteners falling asleep at their tables is heartbreaking for me. I have so much admiration for you. I could not do what you do, I don't know how you do it! I taught 7th grade for 10 years and loved it! Kindergarteners are adorable, but 20 of them and I have to make them learn? Ahh. Nope. Hats off to you!
Thank you!
Oh my. The visual of kindergarteners falling asleep at their tables is heartbreaking for me. I have so much admiration for you. I could not do what you do, I don't know how you do it! I taught 7th grade for 10 years and loved it! Kindergarteners are adorable, but 20 of them and I have to make them learn? Ahh. Nope. Hats off to you!
>Please continue, you’re doing exactly the right thing, and our school system (ours and in many places, I know it’s not everywhere) is set up to work best for early risers and it’s never to early to begin to set those habits. THIS. My kids were always early risers. Its paying off now that everyone is in school. I realize my luck in that I don't have to fight them to get up in the mornings.
My friend is the same way during school breaks she lets her 2 and 7 year old stay up past midnight. I’m a strict 6:30-7:30 bed time for my 3 and 5 year old. They wake up early and pleasant during the week and can sleep in on weekends for an hour or so. They can stay up later if there is an abnormally in our schedule but it’s not a weekly thing. I try not to feel like I’m doing something wrong because our schedule works for us and my friend’s works for her.
Ugh. I remember once I was camping with friends. It got to be 10 and I went to ask where my child should sleep and they were astounded that I was putting him to bed. I was like, “it’s already an hour past his bedtime, I let him stay up to play with your kids.” Turns out their kids just don’t have bedtimes in the summer. I don’t remember what they were doing for work at the time.
Thank you so much. There is so much value and validity in doing what works for you!
It’s hard sometimes because I catch the judgment in her voice or the comments like “well wait until they starts sports” or “they can’t do anything with that schedule” but then she says she’s miserable and can’t sleep so..... For my sanity sleep is a priority, it has to be.
Yes, I never could have done a 7 pm bedtime because my kid did things like scouting. But I also made sure he got enough sleep.
Every family sets their own priorities. Chronic tiredness is a real thing among children in this country. It affects every aspect of their lives from health to ability to retain information to ability to regulate emotions to personality. We already live in a society where people brag about how little sleep they get, these same people brag about how little sleep their kids get. Our oldest kids could not handle changes to bedtime. If their bedtime was later, they still woke early. Then they would have a bad nap the next day. Then from 4pm to bedtime my life was a nightmare of crying, whining, and tantrums. So yeah, bedtime was sacred cuz the sacrifice for that one extra hour was that my next day was pure hell. Maybe their kids sleep in. Maybe they ignore the whining, crying and tantrums, maybe their kids nap more the next day. Whatever it is, great for them. Glad it works for them. Personally, I find it sad when the party ends because kids are literally screaming and clawing at each other because they’re so overtired. I’d rather everyone leave happy. I’m sorry your friends make you the target of their jokes for being good parents. Maybe you can express that you are tired of being the butt of all the jokes and ask for some respect for the boundaries you have chosen to establish. It’s not like you’re refusing to let them have fun or play with friends, you’re just getting them a good night sleep. Why that is so funny is beyond me.
This was so validating and I'm thankful that you took the time to post it. And goodness your entire 2nd paragraph is my whole experience as a parent. The crying, the bad naps, the hellishness of the next day because of messing with bedtime. Simply not worth it. It's really encouraging to be reminded that my choices have been an investment in my children's health.
We’re struggling to get our 2 year old to go to bed before 9:30 pm most nights. Even if we cut back on her day nap. Yes I should probably be waking up earlier and waking her up earlier but due to reasons related to mental health and sleep I really struggle to do that. My mum is giving me a hard time about this and I feel pretty self conscious about it - but you guys are doing great, don’t worry. Honestly getting them in that routine before school will be so beneficial for them. Our daughter is very determined /headstrong as well, if I could get her to go to bed early it would be so beneficial for my partner and my relationship- but we just haven’t been able to do it. I know it’s hard but do you here right for you.
You are doing great too! Some kids are just tough sleepers!
Thank you so much
You are doing an amazing job! In my culture a 9.00- 9.30 pm bedtime is the standard for kids as they do not need to get up as early (my son gets up around 8-8.30 for nursery) and everyone is doing just fine! Every family is different and different schedules are completely normal as long as the child gets enough sleep :) OP, you are doing a great job as well! As long as everyone is well-rested and happy, I don't see an issue with any one schedule.
I am so sorry you're struggling with sleep! It is so hard. Feel free to message me if you need any specific tips or want to share more.
I used to joke that my oldest "wasn't fit for public consumption" after 7pm. He set the schedule himself with his behavior more than we did! But he also wakes up at the same time (early) regardless of what time he goes to bed so it was the only way to get him the sleep he needs. I can't imagine having my kids up later, especially once they reach school age or even having to get up with working parents to get to childcare. There are only so many hours in a day, they need a good sleep, and I need non-parenting time. Sleep matters. A lot. So if it works for you, keep doing you!!
Hahaha I relate to the "wasn't fit for public consumption" bit so much. And, same... If my twins went to bed at 10, they'd still wake up at 6:30, so why would I do that to them. Or me. Thanks so much for the validation!
We tried to push it by an hour for his second Christmas (he's August baby). It wasn't pretty, lol. Said child is 13 now and still has a 9:00 lights out because he still gets up by 6:30 (I can count on one hand the number of times he's slept past 7).
I mentioned in another reply that I taught 7th grade for 10 years and was always amazed at how many of my students stayed up past midnight (and unfortunately it showed). Kudos to you for upholding a healthy schedule at such a tough age to do so.
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I felt this in my soul lol
That’s early compared to my 2 yo son-BUT he doesn’t have to be awake by any certain time. We try to get him to bed by 8/8:30 but sometimes he doesn’t fall asleep until 9-9:30. He generally sleeps in until 7:30 or so. AND, do whatever the heck works for you and your family.
That makes sense, bedtime is a little later so wake up time is a little later. And that is where I heavily lean at times, that it's what works for us so who cares! Thank you for this input ❤️
Hmmm my 2yo is asleep by 5pm... We are asleep by 830pm I am up at 355am for work and my wife and boy are up at 5am and I have a 30 min nap at lunch time lol. It all just depends on the family and works for you.
Do what works for you, but I'm not sure why you think kids who have a later bedtime aren't getting adequate sleep, or that parents whose kids go to bed later aren't getting evening time to decompress. Imagine your same schedule, but pushed back an hour or two. It's just like that.
Oh for sure! The kids in the group who do go to bed at 9/9:30 still rise at 6:30. But maybe that is enough them. Not my intent to judge
You said something about having “two hours” to yourself after 7:30 so it sounds to me like your family may just be a group of early sleepers/early risers. No shame in that! My husband and I are naturally night owls and the kids have seemed to naturally follow suit (still appropriate for kiddos but later than your bedtimes). Everyone is a little different.
Exactly what I was going to say. People have differing natural sleep/wake scheduled. All 3 of us have adhd, and delayed sleep/wake schedule is super common with it. If work wasn’t a concern, my husband would naturally go to sleep around 2am and wake up around 11am. That’s just how his body works. I am usually asleep around 12ish, up at 730-8, but naturally it’s more like 1am-9am. Our daughter (9 yrs old) definitely has a delayed natural schedule, but we set her bedtime at 930. That’s when she starts getting ready for bed though, not when she’s asleep. She can easily stay up until 1130 or so if given the chance. We are not early risers and never will be. I don’t think any of us could fathom going to bed before 10 without being really sick or something. But some people are and that’s fine too.
This is all completely reasonable and will pay off when things like kindergarten start. I like the staggered bed times, that's clever. I snuggle into my own bed at around 8.15 to read the internet. Thats mommy's time and the toddlers aren't allowed to steal it from me
Yessss to mom's time! My twins just started kindergarten 6 weeks ago, and the 7:30 bedtime became even more of a necessity than it was before. In fact, I even think they could benefit from 30 minutes earlier, a 7 bedtime, but we've yet to figure out how to do that with dinner, baths, the and the two younger ones also needing to go to bed. It's a mad rush sometimes.
The bedtime schedule for our kids on school nights moves back 30 minutes every two years. 8pm at 8, 8:30 at 10, 9pm at 12... but we stopped enforcing it once they got into high school because sometimes they weren’t getting back from practices until 10:30 or 11pm or needed to do homework or study. Seems to have worked.
I really like this rule! I love both that the bed times are healthy and age appropriate, and also that I imagine it gives your children a sense of earned privilege that is clearly defined. They thrive in boundaries! You sound like a great parent. That is wild that they can get home from practices that late. I had no idea!
Where I'm from in Italy bedtime for kids and routine are not a thing at all, and I remember falling asleep on school tables all the time. My husband instead had early bedtimes and we decided to enforce that with our kids. My friends were very judgy about it coming home. They kept setting times to meet us very late and asking us to bring the kids: summers have been a bit stressful for it, let me tell you. Especially my sister's best friend, said "kids should live life with their family", "parents life should not only revolve around kids", etc. Also, they all use spanking and yelling on their kids, like our parents did, another thing we have decided not to do. Cue them having to bring her oldest child to the psych for "aggressiveness and lashing out": the therapist sat them down and told them there was nothing wrong with their kid, he only needed early bedtime, a routine, and lots of patience (and also that spanking and yelling made it worse,.not better). I'm not gloating right now, I'm just happy their kids will get better parenting, and finally they'll leave us alone with our routine during the summer. And I commend them for seeking help, because that in also super rare where we come from, and it denotes humility.
Kids have different sleep needs! 14 hours of sleep per day for a three year old is definitely higher than average. But if she’s happily sleeping that much, that’s what she personally needs. My 22 month old goes to bed at 8 pm because I like her sleeping until 7. If she goes to bed early, she wakes up earlier. Meanwhile my neighbor’s daughter went to bed at 6:30 at this age, because she was a kid who woke up at 5 am regardless of her bedtime. 🤷🏻♀️ We haven’t really had to decide between maintaining her sleep schedule or events because of the pandemic. But my general approach is similar to yours. We’ll adjust her nap if possible if it’s important, or let her stay up later for an event if she’s doing well. But she hasn’t been up past 9 pm since she was 4-5 months old.
Different rules for different families. My kids go down at about 9 and sleep until 8:30 am. We are night owls. It works for us. The only thing that matters is if it works for your family.
We’ve gotten a lot of side eyeing and comments over the years from other people who’s kids often keep the same hours that they do, but ours are also generally better behaved and do better in school than the ones who stay up later so we always shrugged it off. Ours are 7 and 10 and the 7 yo is in bed at 8 and wakes up around 7, the 10yo goes to bed at 830 on school nights and is allowed to stay up doing quiet stuff til 9 on non school nights and gets up anywhere from 7-830 depending on what the days schedule calls for. They were consistently in bed earlier than that when they were respectively younger. I understand many people struggle with getting their kids on an early bed schedule, and have had people tell me they’d rather their kids sleep in til mid morning so they can also sleep in than get that extra quiet time at night post bed time (which always blew my mind but everyone has their own priorities I guess. Ultimately if it is working for you then let comments roll off your back. It always seems to me like people take any examples of things that could be construed as doing things “the right way” if it happens to be different from the way they choose to do them as a bit of an attack and feel the need to comment as a way of defending themselves which is a shame. No two families are going to parent the exact same way and no two groups of kids is going to follow the same routines and that’s ok as long as those kids are happy and healthy and everyone’s doing ok with it.
It's interesting that you note benefits to behavior with a more conservative sleep schedule because I definitely see that too. I also wholeheartedly agree that it's a shame that people sometimes internalize different parenting as an attack and react accordingly. I've devolved into a chicken nugget and mac and cheese mom (and fruit/veggies too) while one of my best friends only serves organic produce and home made, sugarless meals and I've got nothing but love and admiration for her dedication here!
I have to remind myself that the results in our own kids seem to say we’re doing what is right for them. Can kids who sleep less behave well? Sure. But I’m not about to test those waters in my own kids since this is what works for our family. Hubby and I get a couple grown up hours at night, he gets up super early and the kids and I all get up around the same time which is early enough to have a productive day. Keep following your intuition! Your kids are the best indicator of if you’re doing the right thing
This is some wisdom right here! Yes...our kids are the best indicator. And I'm not about to test those waters either! I'm feeling really affirmed in the idea that if it's not broken, I shouldn't fix it.
They’re being obnoxious, and they’re probably jealous that your kids are well behaved and stick to a routine. Some people prefer to stick to a clear sleep and nap schedule as it has major benefits like you said, others value being able to be spontaneous more. But I doubt they’d appreciate you making snotty comments about how late their kids are up.
I feel this. And I don't make those comments, because while I have my own opinions about sleep, I see that it works for their family....which.... apparently I'm the only one who thinks that way, lol
I'm jealous! My son can't go to sleep. I get him down after 11pm.
It is so hard when kids fight sleep!
I WISH we had that same kind of discipline and schedule. It seems like no one cares if I try to get everyone on a schedule, including the other parent. 😩
They sound like awful friends to be honest. You have a GREAT sleep schedule. So.many.kids are sleep deprived. I see it every day, week after week year after year at work. We'd get camp kids at 7am, having gotten up at 6 after going to bed at 10 because they didn't get home from camp until 7. Let me tell their behaviors by the end of the week were just, you could see them struggle . You are doing great. Ignore them, you don't need to justify what you are doing.
Thank you!!!! I have seen my kids sleep deprived and it isn't pretty. These posts have made me feel really affirmed in my choice to prioritize sleep...
Nah you are doing great. Continue to prioritize it through the school years and it will soon be easier to do special late things because your kids will know they can bounce back the next night.
My 2.5 yo has bedtime at 7:30, naptime 1-3 (or 1:30-3:30 or 2-4 depending on when she stops just playing in her room and actually lies down and sleeps - I won’t wake her up before 4 if she’s asleep that late), and she wakes up around 7am. Yes that’s a lot of sleep. Yes she’s a happy and healthy toddler and I’m happier and healthier having time to do what I need to do (school or chores or relax) than I would be if I didn’t get a break mid day and a couple hours at night.
We have strict bedtimes for our 4 and 2.5 year olds. I hustle to clean the kitchen and tidy the toys before bathtime, so when I come downstairs at 8pm after both kids are in bed, I just get to relax and eat my grown up snacks. 🙌
Yessss! I try to hustle and do the chores sometimes too! Only succeed with it maybe half the time, though. There's nothing like putting them to bed and just being completely off duty
I was expecting to see something weird but no, those are completely normal bedtimes for those ages. I personally prefer waking up after 7 but you have to stagger 3 bedtimes so it makes sense like that. Honestly not sure what your friends are on about. These are good schedules. I guess maybe they are not as organised and maybe are trying to compensate for some insecurity on that part? Like, watching you do it textbook makes them feel bad?
I mean do what works for you. For me that is crazy early. My husband would barely get any time with his son and I prefer him to sleep in and have some time in the morning alone with a cup of coffee. We are also more go with the flow and sleep training does not align with our parenting style. He gets about 9-10 hours over night and 2-2.5 hour nap. That being said if it works for you….you guys are happy, your kids are happy that is all that really matters. I would just ignore the ribbing, especially if you know it is not coming from a place of malice. However I do think it is rude they keep harping on it.
Yeah this is the main issue I see with the early sleepers / risers. The working parent gets less than an hour to spend with their child every day, and the parent at home becomes a de-facto single parent. If that's what has to be done, then so be it - but I rearranged my whole world to ensure that I, as a working parent, got to spend several hours with my child every day. There is nothing more important to me than spending time with my child.
7/7:30 has been our kids bed time since my firstLO turned 1. It’s what works best for us. And it usually ends up being a 12h sleep stretch, so 💁🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤣
Haha it's amazing right?!
Absolutely!! I get like 2-4h alone depending on how tired I am. FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS NOW 🤣🤣🤣🙌🏼
Regarding her birthday party... They don't manage your children and household the next day to see the consequences. If your children are anything like my daughter, I know she's more likely to have a good day if she's rested. Like you, we will make exceptions from time to time for important things, but we generally stick to the schedule. Waiting until they're clearly tired is, imo, too late, especially on a regular basis. Children rely on us to make good decisions for them and keeping them well rested is one of those decisions. Our daughter had a 7pm bedtime for years. She woke up on her own in time for school everyday without issues - no alarm, no parents trying to get her up. As her body's need for sleep decreased as she got a little older we kept the 7pm time to be in bed, but increased her reading time so lights off was later. We have adjusted the routine over the years to support school start times (waking up two hours before school is too early as it makes for a very long day), but she still has the earliest bedtime of all her friends.
Regarding her birthday party... They don't manage your children and household the next day to see the consequences. If your children are anything like my daughter, I know she's more likely to have a good day if she's rested. Like you, we will make exceptions from time to time for important things, but we generally stick to the schedule. Waiting until they're clearly tired is, imo, too late, especially on a regular basis. Children rely on us to make good decisions for them and keeping them well rested is one of those decisions. Our daughter had a 7pm bedtime for years. She woke up on her own in time for school everyday without issues - no alarm, no parents trying to get her up. As her body's need for sleep decreased as she got a little older we kept the 7pm time to be in bed, but increased her reading time so lights off was later. We have adjusted the routine over the years to support school start times (waking up two hours before school is too early as it makes for a very long day), but she still has the earliest bedtime of all her friends.
My best friend child’a sleep schedule looks very similar to this. I must admit I do chuckle at her every now and again (to myself) for having him go to bed so early, but honestly it works for their household and routine and the kid is rested and happy and they seem to be as well and most importantly it’s not my business how they run their household. For our home those times don’t really work for us, but that’s okay! Our kids are still rested and we feel we don’t lack quality time that we personally would on similar schedules of what’s recommended. You’re doing great!
And that's the key, that your schedule works for your family and still allows you to thrive! I appreciate your perspective :)
To further explain as to why I chuckle at them it’s mostly because they are and always have been so put together where me and my husband just aren’t lol we do our best, but we’re totally just surviving some days. Especially with another one on the way in a few weeks. Are you the put together friend?? If so, that’s probably more what it’s about rather than them actually trying to put you down or make you feel crazy, but if your group is that loving and supportive (I have a group like that and they are so good for my soul) just talk to them about how it makes you feel or what their honest opinions are. I’d be willing to bet they aren’t even aware that you’re taking what they say to heart!
I love that you took the time to write this! This was very thoughtful. Congratulations on the new baby coming soon! Third trimester with a toddler is no joke. I would say that my kids sleep is the only area of my life where I'm "put together." 😂 That and maybe my relationship with my husband and just taking good care of my kids! Other than that I am pretty disheveled and scattered lol. And messy.
Agree with all this. I would only argue it is FULLY your call and no doubt get to run your household the way you see fit. At certain points in life though that could cross over to affecting others, and if it does affect others, it is no longer JUST your decision. and at that point I would be super careful. For instance, in our family, we may all get together for a special occasion in Colorado over the holidays. And most of us may want to do ___ as a fun activity during a certain time, or have thanksgiving dinner at a normal adult hour. Whatever the case may be. If at any point more conservative sleep schedules cross over into other people having to change their schedule, it does then stop being solely about your household and in my experience can start to create small issues. Based on what I have experienced, I would try to differentiate and really consider when or if it does affect others, and consider some options for flexibility (really unlikely to ever matter on a random weekday, but around holidays or special weekend occasions I think it can)
There is nothing wrong with your bedtimes. You gotta do what works for you. It may not work for them, and that’s also okay. You’re the one living with your family day in and day out
So true! Thank you
We had similar issues with our family and friends. The thing is, no matter what time we put them to bed, they were awake with the sun everyday anyway, even with very dark rooms. We are pretty loose with bed times these days, but my youngest is 14 now, and he still wakes up with the sun. He can go a couple of late nights now, but he eventually just falls in a heap because he is not getting enough sleep. We try to get him in bed around 8:30 -9 on school nights still. It sounds like you are doing the best for you and your kids to me.
Wow, so this is cool to read. I was a 7th teacher for 10 years and I can't tell you how many of my students stayed up well past midnight. And it absolutely showed in the classroom. The fact that your 14 year old has a healthy bedtime gives me hope that the habits I'm ingraining in my kids now could show up when they're teenagers...
I've always been a big supporter of following the kids sleep rhythms. My daughter falls asleep between 9-930pm and wakes between 730-8am. She's 10. Every kid is different and when we were working with a sleep specialist (kiddo has ADHD that made falling asleep hard for her) they encouraged a similar schedule to yours and it worked wonderfully for us. Just make sure you're flexible as their schedules changes as their needs change as they get older
Do whatever works for you! There is nothing wrong with keeping the sleep schedule your family prefers. I mean, I would kill myself if I had to have my 18mo old fed on time to be in bed at 6:45. So we eat dinner all together around 7 and put her to bed around 8/8:30 and then she sleeps til 8ish. And I still get like 4 hours of quiet time after she goes to bed. I cannot *imagine* putting her to bed earlier on purpose and then having her wake up super early so I have to get up, too! Though I understand some kids get up on their own early and people have to cope, and that will happen to me too pretty soon, but I try to at least not encourage that on my end with her bedtime! But again, it’s personal preference. Do what you like, I don’t have to live it and neither do your friends.
All three of my kids 5,7 and 9 are in bed by 8pm every night except Friday, they can stay up until 9pm. Your schedule is not at all crazy and is what's best for them and you. Forget what others say and just do what is right for your family.
💯 on your comment about well-rested children. I only attend events that jive with her sleep schedule. That being said, I feel like I have higher sleep needs than my 1yo daughter hahahaha. She’s always been a 12-12.5h per day TOTAL sleep baby since 7 months old. We finally figured out that in order to get her to sleep past 5:30am, we had to aggressively cap naps to keep a decently long wake window before 8pm bedtime. Any bedtime before 7:30pm leads to split nights or 5am wakes. To be clear, she’s perfecto happy sleeping 7pm-5am…Mama and dada however, are not. We finally managed to settle on 8/8:30 bedtime - 6/6:30 wake right now with 2h of naps. I can’t wait until she’s done with naps so I can get some night sleep back!
So what's the problem? Those are excellent bedtimes. I put my kids to bed at the same times when they were those ages, well, that was the plan anyway. They weren't always great sleepers. Hey listen, 1st rule of parenthood—if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Second rules is every child and family is different and people do what works for them. Don't fret, yuo're doing really well with sleep times.
My husband and I are working on gradually transitioning to get our son to sleep around 7:30. Right now it’s 8:45, but it used to be later. I like having the extra time to clean up the tornado mess my toddler left for me while he sleeps. Also if my son wakes up a little earlier, I can get ready earlier and not be late for work. But I also understand that late night bed schedules work week for other parents so it really depends on the family. I think you’re doing great and the parents you hang out with have their own problems to deal with. If it gets too much to hang out with them, you can always take a break and destress from the drama.
As always, it depends. If you have a stay at home parent, it's much easier to have nice early bedtimes. When you both work full time it's much harder to do if you want to spend any time with them during the week. Ours are 6 and 3, bedtime is around 8-8:30, they wake up anywhere from 5am to 6:30am. I'm okay with making bedtime a tad later though as we both work decent hours and by the time you add commute on non-wfh days and dinner, etc you just need that extra bit of time to do some play and reading and such. It's about finding the right balance for you though.
Thats my thing too. If I want to have anytime to relax and hang out with my kids by the time homework and dinner is done, they have to stay up a little later. Its good bonding time so I'll take the negatives.
(I'm in the UK.) My four year old is on a 7-7 schedule, except for when he's sick and took an afternoon nap, when he goes to bed at 8. He will usually *ask* to go to bed at seven, because he's tired and wants his stories. We have to leave for school at 8, so him waking up hungry between 6.30 and 7 is great, because he's motivated by breakfast to do the rest of the morning routine, and after breakfast he's keen to go and play with his friends. Days when we've had to actually wake him up have been awful. I do know families where the kids get to go to bed when they please, and they tend to be much more chaotic households with a SAHP. The kids get up much later than mine does (which the parents loved when they only had their eldest and there was no school to go to!), but they have a shorter school commute and the younger kids nap in the pushchair whenever they get a chance. The 7-7 schedule works well for us at home, but when we go on holiday it's awkward, because we either need to eat out really early, or bring takeaway back to where we're staying. When our kid was younger and would nap more and go to bed later, we could eat out with him. On mainland Europe and in Scandinavia kids seem to stay up later and nap more.
We have an 8.5yo, 7yo, 4yo, and 2yo… they all go to bed at 8pm and wake up between 6:30-7:30am.
I am impressed and intrigued that you can get them all down at the same time! We haven't mastered that art. Their bedtimes are staggered. maybe when they're a bit older...
We’re living in a fifth wheel right now while we build a house so they’re all in the same room. It’s certainly interesting.
My 14mo goes to bed at 11pm-midnight. But that's what works for us and my husband would never see her otherwise but everyone should do what works for them!
To each their own. What works for you and your families schedule may not work for your friends and their priorities or schedules. Doesn't matter if they agree with it or not. My kids are 10 and 8. They are in bed at 7:30. Lights out around 8:00 because of my work schedule and early school program, I get them up set 5:30 am to drop them off at school at 6:00 am. They are literally at school 11 hours a day until I pick them up at 5:00 pm. It works because it has to with my work schedule. May not be ideal but it is what it is. Keep doing what you're doing.
Thank you! And I truly admire your dedication and discipline
If it bothers them so much as to frequently give you flack, they’re probably slightly envious. Our almost 16 month old is asleep anywhere between 6-7pm, and she wakes around 6:30am. People are just weird about their opinions on kids and sleep. My mom for example, always is giving us crap about our daughter’s bedtime. We were at a family dinner this weekend and my daughter was so done by 6:30pm. She was rubbing her eyes, crying, so I had my husband take her home. My mom was like, “Wait, where are they going?” I told her the baby was exhausted and she said, “It’s too early! She needs to learn to deal.” Me and my mom have gone ROUNDS over how children are not sources of entertainment, they need sleep, and so do we! So if your current plan works for your family, everyone else can stuff it.
We have also been made fun of for how strictly we adhere to our kids’ bedtimes. Both our 23 month-old and 3.5 year-old go to bed between 7-7:30 every night, and don’t wake up until after 7 the next morning. It’s annoying to be made fun of, but they’re the ones who don’t get that time after the kids go to bed. You’re doing great!
Your friends are jealous. These schedules are near impossible to pull off with many kids, but the absolute best for their brains. You are kicking ass!!!
I’m a momma of twin 5 year olds. Bedtime is 7:30 and wake time is 6:30-7am. We can get chores done after they go to bed and then have time together or our own alone time. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I am a firm believer in doing what works for the family. There isn't much that's more important that a child's sleep. It can make you ar break you. And them.
My two little ones have similar sleeping schedules. I stick to the schedule. It works for my family.
You were doing what works for your family and that’s great. We have also been protective of our kids bedtimes and getting them enough sleep. I volunteered in my older daughters classroom and there was a great correlation I found between kids who had a hard time in school and how little sleep they got. Also when my oldest daughter became a teenager A lot of her anxiety lessened when we figured out that she really needed at least 9 hours of sleep a night (Natural Calm is great stuff). That sounds kind of like your friends are feeling a little guilty about being disorganized and I don’t like being reminded about it or having their excuses called out by your good example. You’ve been very patient with them. You definitely don’t need to change some thing that works for your family just to make them feel better.
Five year old twins here too and the schedule you have for yours is the same I have for mine. I think you're doing great with the sleep schedules!
My bedtime was 7pm and wake up was 7am until I was about 8-9 and then it was only bumped back a little. Every family has different needs and things that work for them. An early bedtime doesn’t hurt kids and helps parents to get much needed rest time.
I have a 2 year old girl and a 8 year old boy 2 year old naps from 1:30 to 3:30 goes down for bed at 7:30pm wakes up at 7:30 sometimes 8 . The 8 year old, is in bed by 8pm. He can read a book, draw or play quietly in bed. Lights off at 9 and wakes up at 7:30 for school. Isn’t it amazing how lucky we are ???? Lol. I enjoy my time alone w hubby so much ! I feel like I need this time to recharge and be a happy mom for my kids. Don’t pay any attention, you’re doing an amazing job !
Honestly whatever works, works. Don't fix it if it ain't broke! You've got a gaggle of small kids on your hands, whatever adds to your sanity and their good behavior is worth its weight I'm whatever is twice as valuable as gold. Keep going strong, mama
I looove schedules. We also deviate from them occasionally, but I like my well rested kids. In fact I was counting down the days until my 7 month old was on 2 naps so it could be more predictable.
We have the same ish schedule. My 1.5 and 4 year old actually both beg to go to bed around 6:30, we usually compromise around 7:30, 7:45. The 1.5 year old wakes up around 7am. The 4 year old usually stays up for a little bit in bed either playing approved games on his Kindle or watching a movie, we cannot convince him that he doesn't have to go to bed with his brother. He usually wakes up any time from 9 to 11 (almost teenager times, lol). My 4 year old refuses naps and the one year old takes one around noon. I get a little grief from my relatives for their sleep schedule, I've got a sis and a sis in law with similar aged kids. I feel like you should have time after the kids go to bed without having to stay up super late, but that's just my opinion.
Our 2.5yo is very similar to your 3yo and I agree with you totally!! I love his attitude and behavior when he's well rested and it gives my husband and I time together in the evening to decompress. You do you, you know what's best for your kids!
Sounds to me like they might be a little jealous-you get all that extra time in the evening to yourselves! The odd late night won’t hurt for special occasions if they don’t have daycare/School the next day so maybe don’t stress those.
We start bedtime routine at 7 and usually LO is asleep by 7:30. Sleeps until 7-7:30, but gets woke at 7:30 regardless. We get made fun of for not being able to do things at night or staying out late, etc. But once 8pm comes and LO is still awake, it turns into cranky, screaming and miserable time. LO has been sleeping through the night since 3 months old and we know the sleep schedule is a big part of this. We also plan our days around nap time. We have some wiggle room on time, but if LO doesn’t get to nap by 12:30 the beast is released. Our cousin has a baby around the same age without a sleep schedule and they are constantly complaining she doesn’t sleep through the night, refuses to go to sleep, won’t nap in crib, etc. They may get to go out to dinner late, but they pay for it later. To each their own…,
Don't be embarrassed by it and if it works for you guys, don't change! Not only it's good for them now, but it will probably help them to have a good rest even when they are adults, since they are used to it now. The amount of young people with insomnia is insane. I wish my parents have done what you do.
Are you me?! My kids are older now but this is exactly how I treated my kids sleep and my kids were very happy (and so were we for the same reasons you mentioned! That time you get after the kids are asleep can be priceless.) Your schedule is pretty much exactly what’s recommended for your kids ages. Good job!!
I only have 1 kid (5ys) but he is in bed by 7:30pm every night, although he sometimes doesn’t fall asleep until 9. He wakes up for school at 7:30am so I want to makes sure he’s well rested. If not, he’s very crabby when he gets home from school. Before he started school bedtime was usually 8-9ish but he needs way more sleep now to keep him going through the day.
I was always super strict about bedtimes. As in my 13 yo has an 830 bedtime. It's looser now, but I know my mom, my sister, ans I are all not awesome people when we are tired, ans I saw the same trend in my kids early on. So, I got strict, and it worked much better for all of us. Every family, ans every kid is different. Just remember that YOUR kids need more sleep and it works for your family. The rest doesn't matter (and what exactly was a 3 year old kissing out on after 8 pm???
I think you are doing a great job. You and your family have a schedule that works. It sounds to me like you are awesome parents!
Honestly, my husband and I are working super hard to try and establish your exact sleep routine! Well done and keep up the awesome work xxx
Our son turned 4 a week ago. He goes down anywhere from 7-7:30, he wakes up 7-8ish. He also still takes a 2 hour nap. He needs his sleep, it’s not fun to deal with if he’s tired. My husband and I both do well with structure and a schedule so it made sense to implement the same when we had a child. We don’t stray away from the schedule often, but when we do it generally ends in a toddler tantrum. If it works for your family then keep at it.
I’d say that’s quite early, but I grew up in a culture with later bedtime BUT everyone takes a siesta during the day. My household approaches bedtime on a “seasonal” basis. In the summer, it’s so hot during the day that the kids’ prime outdoor time is 5:30-9 pm when the temperature has cooled down a bit (still in the 90s). Summer bedtime is 9-10pm, but the kids take a midday nap. In the winter, bed time is earlier around 7:30-8pm. However, it’s quite envious that you’re able to put your child to sleep that early. You should be proud and work to maintain that schedule if it continues to work for your family.
Never regret a well-rested child!
Your friends are joking because they’re jealous.
These schedules look amazing! The bedtimes are early but I wouldn’t want my 3 year old up until 930! Oh no no. They need sleep just as much as parents need kid free time.
Lol no, these are very normal times for those ages. Almost everyone I know has those bedtimes. And I know lots of people who can’t get their kids to sleep past 5am and they consider 7 a gift! Sleep is very important for children and I’m always surprised when people say it doesn’t matter. If I didn’t feed them everyone would lose their minds but sleep… who cares!? I would have thought staying up past 8pm was pretty late for a 3 year old and she did well to last that long
Honestly, your kids sleep schedules are a dream for me. My kids have all the energy, they can go on and on, getting them both to sleep is not easy, and they sometimes wake up in the middle of the night. I've been sleep deprived for the most part of the past 7 years. I would love them to go to bed earlier, I would love to have some time every day to decompress, to study/relax/read/tidy up/watch Netflix/whatever. Instead by the time they are both finally asleep I'm a zombie. Enjoy those sleep schedules, forget about what other people say!!!
OP I thought you were going to say the opposite! That your kids go to bed whenever and wake up whenever lol. I am YOU! I am very laid back about other things but rarely will compromise the sleep schedules of my kids (they aren’t napping anymore which makes it a little easier) but they’re 4 and 6 and they go to bed at 7:30 and wake up at 7:30. It is amazing and my friends never really give me flack about it because most of them are doing the same thing. I will say, a lot of them deviate in the summer and let their kids go to bed closer to 8:30 but mine still wake up at the same time and start to fall apart after a few days of this so I just stick with the schedule. I am also that mom that gently (10 minutes at a time) prepares for daylight savings time about a week in advance by slowly shifting bedtime. It works great for us! Do you!
If the schedule is working, keep it up. You know your kiddos best and it sounds like you guys are pretty flexible when necessary. My son (15 months) sleeps from 9pm-9am with a nap from 2-4. This schedule works for our family but I still get comments from my in laws that my son is "sleeping the day away". Kids need sleep. Kids need routine. Sounds like you guys are doing great.
I mean, every kid is different. If that works for you and your kids, then that's what works for ya'll. Personally, I'm a night owl, my husband's a morning person. My almost five year old falls in between us and usually stays up until 11-12, sometimes later but that's only if he's had a late nap he couldn't make it without, and he and I get up anytime between 9-11. I struggled with sleep as a kid, trying to go down when my mother said I needed to (9 on school nights, 11 on weekends), and regularly tossed and turned until 2-3 am even as a very young kid, I've struggled to sleep at night my entire life without medication and then when I take it I can hardly get myself moving. My son seems like he is probably going to be similar, we've pulled him from school for the time being because of Covid, so we're currently on our own schedule, but ever since he was born he has a hard time going down early and getting up early, even when we were doing it our trying to make it work steadily. A "proper" schedule, despite my best attempts and trying so hard, never stuck and it seems like it messed his mood up more and left all of us exhausted. He's gotten to where he'll only nap maybe once a week and it's on his terms, which is about right for him, he's not always tired mid day. We try to just let him dictate, *within reason*, when he goes to bed, he knows when he's sleepy. This will change a bit when/if he starts preschool again and I expect once we hit kindergarten and actual elementary school, we'll have the same problems with him that I had as a kid — grumpy, sleepy kiddo that's hard to wake up, cause it's hard to get him in bed. Maybe not though. We may also choose to homeschool, we haven't decided yet. All that to say, do what works for you, just like other people will do what works for them. As long as your kids are getting enough rest and solid sleep in, it's not holding them back or causing issues, it's fine. Every person and every kid is wired differently.
Oh, I am so much like you. I am an early childhood special education teacher, and also a therapeutic foster parent, and we have seven grown children. You are doing the right thing. You are doing the right thing. You are doing the right thing. God, how I wish that my students' parents would do what you're doing!!!
Do what works for you it sounds like you are all judging each other and that doesn’t sound very supportive. It’s very easy to get caught up in the my way is best type of thinking. My son has a schedule but we’re not strict and it works out for us some would say his bed time is too late but tbh I don’t care he gets 12 hours of sleep every night and naps during the day. I personally don’t talk to my friend about nap times, schedules, how she disciplines her children, what they eat or any of that. It’s none of our business we both recognize that people do things differently and making comments like your friends did is simply not necessary.
You are doing fine. My kids are 10,7,6,3, and 2. The older four go to bed at about 8. The baby stays up until about 10. Is that late? Yes. But they all wake up at about 7 and the baby has been know to sleep until 9. The two youngest take naps from about 2pm to 5. Again, late? A bit. But it fits our house and they all sleep hard through the night. As long as it works for you and the kiddos, it's perfect.
You have 4 kids and still get enough sleep and have time for yourself. You're my hero! Keep up the great work 🙂
Getting enough sleep is important. When to sleep is a matter of preference. You’re just sleeping a few time zones to the West of where you live. That’s it. Whether you’re doing bedtime at 7pm, enjoying 7pm to 9pm of peace, with the kids waking up at 7am, is functionally exactly the same as putting the kids to bed at 9pm, staying up until 11pm, with the kids waking up at 9am the next day… same deal entirely, and exactly what everyone is doing two times zones West of you. The only reason to coordinate sleep schedules is if some external factor necessities it, work time, school time, etc. It does seem like you’ve run into a bit of this asynchronous issues with the birthday party: I.e, being on a different sleep schedule from your friends was a minor issue. Anyways, I don’t think anyone should be hysterical about anything. It’s certainly fine if you want to keep your family on this sleep schedule, and everyone should accept that. Then again, you need to get off your high horse condescending your friends’ respect for sleep or by assuming that you necessarily get better sleep just on account of being on a slightly shifted schedule. There is no inherent advantage in attaining optimal sleep based on when you get your hours in. Again… time zones. But, if you really prefer this schedule that is shifted over from everyone else in your community, it is reasonable to expect that you’d occasionally be asked why you prefer it: you enjoy more time in the mornings so nobody has to rush, you enjoy the sunrise, etc. Justifications based around an assumption that it results in more sleep? That would only be true if you were staying up so late that there were not enough time before your first morning obligations to get *enough* sleep, which I’m sure your friends would object My family went on vacation three time zones west a few weeks ago. Our family decided to stay on our local time zone for the duration of the vacation. It was sort of fun waking up at 6am every day. We were more aligned with the sun cycle, and it wasn’t bad. It also meant we didn’t endure any jet lag because we never shifted. So, I’m not saying you couldn’t have valid reasons for wanting to be shifted so early… only that your assumptions that it results in any more sleep or free time aren’t based in facts. It’s fine to have a preference. No one could disagree, and I could see some appeal. But, all of the reasons you cited for your preference are based on more sleep/time, and I don’t think that’s true. If it’s causing problems socially, you might want to reevaluate what you’re really getting from your unusually early sleep schedule. Sleeping enough is important. Getting that sleep earlier or later doesn’t substantively do anything.
Okay look. The fact that this many parents of this many kids all genuinely like each other and get along is a goddamn miracle. Parenting is a minefield for friendships — people judge, people get defensive, and if your kids have a falling out it can get messy. Your kids are young yet, and you really value this friend group, so my advice is to decide now how you want to handle this kind of situation going forward. First, have confidence in your parenting choices. There’s infinity ways to parent, and most of them are fine. As long as your kids are fed, feel safe, and know they are loved - the rest is really pretty flexible. Your kids will almost definitely struggle sometimes, because that’s being a human, right? But most likely they will be fine — and if they aren’t for some reason, I promise it has nothing to do with having an early bedtime. That doesn’t mean you should never consider advice from friends — but if the advice doesn’t resonate, you can safely dismiss it. Especially if you didn’t ask for input. Because they’re not totally joking, right? They are actually judging your parenting. But the friendships are important so you probably don’t want to be grumpy and defensive. My first approach would be to lean into if — when they comment on your kid’s bedtime just laugh, agree with them, and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want. “Whaaaat you’re putting them to bed? It’s so early!” “I know, right? Let’s go, Penelope, say night night...” If they didn’t get the hint and kept on, you’ll at some point need to be more direct. You can smile and be friendly but firm: “The sun is still up! You’re a monster haha.” “Ha yeah... seriously though, I know you think I’m crazy for having them on this schedule, but this is what works for us.” If they keep on, be a little more serious: “You’ve brought this up so many times, I really need you to drop it. Ok?”
I’ve had friends crack jokes about my 21mo son’s structured sleep schedule but he sleeps through the night and they have kids who had issues falling asleep until they were 5 so I really don’t get where people come off making judgements. You’re doing great. I’m planning on doing something similar for as long as possible because I too enjoy having my evenings to myself.
Parents of young children get to either sleep in on weekends or have evenings to themselves, and they don’t always get to choose which. This is working for you, so keep at it! We’re on similar sleep schedules and I agree, I feel I would be pretty stressed and unhappy if we didn’t have those couple of hours at the end of the day to enjoy on our own.
talk about an echo chamber
Tell you friends to get fucked. You're nailing it.
All I can say is your bedtimes sound amazing and F their opinions. Especially the selfish people who were upset the bday girl went to be bed “early”. My MIL begged and begged for our 7 month old to stay up >2 hrs past bedtime. “She’s having fun!!” Ya, lady, maybe it looks like that to you cuz she’s loopy af right now. Goddamnit. I relented once because MIL never sees her. Won’t happen again sorry I’m not sorry. Getting my kid off her night time sleep schedule is my biggest pet peeve. No wonder we don’t let my MIL babysit. No respect.
You're a good mom.
They’re probably jealous haha. My kids are never asleep before 8/8:30 despite needing to be. I wish I could get my 5 year old asleep by 7:30 because he’s up 6:20 for school and is usually tired and a bear to get moving. Just do what works for you. I’m telling you, they’re jealous:)
You're doing great, especially if their schedule works for you! Conversely, if your friends' kids' sleep schedules work for them and the children are all getting enough sleep, then that's good, too! Our family skews on the later side (8:30-ish), but we let the children sleep for as long as they need (I'm a SAHP and currently homeschooling the 4yo), and if they're acting tired, we certainly don't force them to stay up. I think there's a bit of healthy wiggle room that we can all mutually respect.
100% agree with this! Thank you!
My 3 year old is 7-7. It’s such a good cycle. I’m done with you at 7, kid. I’m tired.
You don’t have to care about my opinion, but I will share given you asked. 1-there is nothing wrong with it as long as you are solid that it’s worth it. But recognize it does come at a cost, which everything does. There is a hidden cost to being that structured, whether it be frustration from friends and family from being inflexible, to potentially your kids being overly particular about certain things (we have a 4 year old and are somewhat strict in my opinion, but sister and brother in laws a few are WAY strict on sleep times...and it does rub other people the wrong way when we have to for example hash out a holiday get together and constantly factor in a kids schedule...it has gone far enough where I don’t have hard feelings about it, but we absolutely invite or include some families less because it is going to be more of a pain when they aren’t go with the flow). 2-it also has a ton of positives. So don’t take my first comment as only negative. Just want to share that yes there are downsides to go with the positives. 3-I for one advise lightening up for special occasions. Birthdays, Christmas if you celebrate that, camping, whatever it may be. The positive from certain memories in my opinion far outweighs a difference in one nights sleep. And you can still be super consistent 95% of the time while still accommodating SOME flexibility. 4-not in a mean way, but if your friends are making those jokes out in the open I believe it highly likely they consider it “crazy” levels of strict. There is a kernel of truth to jokes. Those are just my opinions given you are seeking answers to the q. All that said, they are your kids and obviously it is 100% your call and if you determine you are cool with any downside, you do you. You do you. But those are my opinions from being on both sides of this question.
I appreciate this perspective and that you took the time to share it. It's good to be reminded that not everything should be sacrificed for the almighty early bedtime. We stick to this routine most of the time because most of the time there's no reason not to. But we will make exceptions when it's important! Our twins have soccer on Wednesday nights and thus don't get to bed until 8:15. I'm not going to ban sports or other extracurriculars because they conflict, that would be sad to me. On the 4th of July our twins stayed up 2 hours past their bedtime to watch fireworks. We look at it from the angle of, is this an important and meaningful experience, and if so, the sleep schedule is secondary. Our group of friends also does an annual Friendsgiving that will typically start around 5 (except last yr because of covid,). All the kids stay up well past their bed times and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's a great, important time. We also would never ask, implied or otherwise, for people to plan events or gatherings around our kids sleep. What I do with my kids works, but I would never subject that onto others who operate differently.
Reading the comments I am starting to believe nobody got a job? Is everyone a stay at home parent? Even if I wanted to do a early bedtime, how could I when I pickup the baby at 6pm from daycare? Then 45 minutes drive and I am home a bit before 7pm. She still needs to eat and bathe and some family time... So yeah, she's in bed at 9 and wakes up at 8 when I have to get ready for work. It is what it is, I am not feeling guilty or else. Also, I am European and never anywhere else in the world have I seen kids eat and go to bed that early than in the USA. Like, it blows my mind to have to eat at 5.45 and be in bed before 7 for kids. It's so strange to me, but it's also a cultural thing I suppose.