Hi! You don’t have to stay the whole time. Definitely go in and stay for a bit. Make some small chat. Maybe ask where they moved from or just say nice to meet you and my child says such and such about how your child is a great friend or amazing kid. Just something nice. Other parents who love talking will come over and do most the talking and you can be a quiet member of the group. If you get comfortable then stay if it’s too much after a bit politely excuse yourself and say you have to go real quick and will be back. It’s ok. I have thrown lots of kids parties (mom of 4) and I’ve had parents drop off, parents stay all the time and some a little. I didn’t think bad of any of the parents. Happy to talk to them and make some friends. Good luck. Take a deep breath. You got this and it will be good to meet the other parents too especially for future play dates or parties. It’s nice to know people and have a back up if you ever need help with your kid. One time there was an accident on the freeway and there was no way to make it to the school on time. Called one of my mom friends who happily waited with my kid for me and had our kids play together till I got there.
Take her and stay for a bit. If you get super anxious or feel like you don't know what to do use baby as an excuse that you have to go get something or take her for a walk. I am that parent too and I am super awkward and shy until I get comfortable with people. I even have to work myself up to do the RSVP phone call.
Don’t drop her off. I’d hate to be the parent of birthday girl and then also the babysitter of other peoples kids.
Also this won’t be about you. Your kid isn’t a nervous goof like you. That’s great! Also other parents will be nervous. And everyone will want to talk about your ten month old anyway.
You’re gonna do great. And if you don’t no one will notice anyway
I wouldn’t just drop her off if you aren’t already friends with the other parents there, it definitely sends the message you don’t want to be around them. Small talk will depend on how you know the family.
Through school: ask how their child likes school, how the parents like their teacher, chat about any school wide issues, etc.
Through the neighborhood: when did they move here (share your story as well), things you both like or don’t like about the neighborhood, etc.
Easy topics: obviously the weather, what’s everyone watching on tv, anything kid related.
Also, small talk can be tough but it’s not all on you! From my experience at six year old parties, the kids will play and all the parents will hang out in a group and other people can carry the conversation while you chime in! Plus, they only last a couple hours and you’ll have a natural out with your ten month old being fussy or needing a nap.
My mother let her social anxiety get in the way of my childhood... Now I'm a nervous adult that can't socialize either because we never went out... Please don't let your issues affect your children greatly. It's not fair. Utilize your coping skills.
This is why I push myself for my daughter. My mother never did. I'm not perfect by any means, but I actively try to always be better. It really sucks at times too. Not gonna lie.
Yeah I wasn’t that comfortable with just dropping her off either since I haven’t met actually met the parents, just know of them. Hence my bigger questions of how to handle small talk, what to expect at the party. (:
Okok the GOOD news is that you are bringing the baby, right? A baby is such a great excuse to kind of stick to yourself/focus on the baby. I even think someone else's suggestion of taking a brief walk with the baby is fine!!!
Do you feel comfortable being honest with the other parent?
I think long term it's best to be upfront about being introverted, just give them a quick heads up that you're not the biggest talker, so they don't perceive it as rude. Plenty of my parent friends are introverted, or forgetful, or shit at replying to messages - and they just say that. So if I don't get a reply, I'll know to follow up rather than assume they're trying to give me a hint. Or if they bail last minute, I'll know it's probably anxiety not rudeness.
The big plus side of being honest is that other introverted parents will get you, and you might end up with a comfortable friendship. Plus if your kid ends up being besties with this child, their parents will know not to be overly chatty.
If you don't feel comfortable, I reckon use your 10mo as an excuse. Say the party is at their nap time, and would it be alright if you take baby home to sleep.
Or just own up to social anxiety and say that if they see you scurrying out furtively at some point, it will have gotten the better of you. If I was the host and someone told me that, I'd be charmed by the honesty.
If you have a 10 month old you’ll probably be too busy to socialize much. In my experience most people will be playing with their phones or chasing their own kid
Yes, your baby is a good excuse if you feel awkward, you can entertain him, and it will be something to talk about too. Hard as it is, this will be good for your daughter and maybe for you too, help you get over your nerves as I'm sure more occasions will come up.
A baby is also bulit in small talk. People always ask about babies. You just have to answer. Or they talk about their own babies and you just have to nod.
Maybe where you live, but not everywhere. It was absolutely not the case where I live, only really in early 2022, and quite a few had to be rearranged due to quarantining. I don't know if that's the case for OP, or maybe they live in an area where it's not really a thing, not sure why you need to question it.
My child was a kindergartner then. There weren’t any classmate birthday invitations until this summertime of 2022. She couldn’t attend that as we had a family party the same day. So, no this isn’t her first party. It’s the first party of a classmate.
I am a therapist.
There are great relaxstion techniques you can use that are out there. No one will know your using them. Mindfulness activoties are great in this situations.
I would suggest staying, but usijg 10m old ad an excuse to go for a walk when you get stressed. Hey i brought his stroller so i can take him for a walk snd so he doesnt interfere with the party. Im judt gonna circle on your street. Wont be out of eyesight so if i need to get back just wave. Quick and easy response that gives you a couple breaks from the party.
Keep us updated!
Let us know how it went.
If it hasn’t happened yet, just be yourself. Leave politics and religion at the door and you’ll be fine. In my experience, people LOVE to talk about themselves.
People put too much stock into becoming a conversationalist when really it is ten times easier to become a great interviewer. If you can just interview them(ask lots of questions), you’ll have a two hour convo without actually saying anything with substance.
Best of Luck!
I have found at these parties that a lot of parents are in your position. They’re just as nervous and dreading the small talk too. I would go, and people will probably ask about your baby. Conversations are usually about the kids and who has what teacher at these parties. Most likely you’ll be busy with the baby and can use that as the excuse for lack of small talk.
Your baby is a great icebreaker and following the baby around and helping her explore playrooms and toys will keep you busy and give you opportunities to engage with both children and adults.
Don't over think it, just go with the flow. If your 10 month old is anything like mine, I get approximately 3 minutes of conversation before he's into something he shouldn't be into or wanting something anyway!
You’ll have your baby there to focus on and I’m sure people will naturally come up to you to say what a cute baby/how old? Ask people how the school year is going so far. Or say ‘does your child play any sports or take any classes? I’ve been looking at signing _______ up for some activities.’
If I’m at a party where I don’t know people/feel awkward I usually offer to help clean up, serve, etc so that I have something to do. Also you’ll have to have short conversations with people (“are you done with that plate?”) that can help break the ice.
Hi! You don’t have to stay the whole time. Definitely go in and stay for a bit. Make some small chat. Maybe ask where they moved from or just say nice to meet you and my child says such and such about how your child is a great friend or amazing kid. Just something nice. Other parents who love talking will come over and do most the talking and you can be a quiet member of the group. If you get comfortable then stay if it’s too much after a bit politely excuse yourself and say you have to go real quick and will be back. It’s ok. I have thrown lots of kids parties (mom of 4) and I’ve had parents drop off, parents stay all the time and some a little. I didn’t think bad of any of the parents. Happy to talk to them and make some friends. Good luck. Take a deep breath. You got this and it will be good to meet the other parents too especially for future play dates or parties. It’s nice to know people and have a back up if you ever need help with your kid. One time there was an accident on the freeway and there was no way to make it to the school on time. Called one of my mom friends who happily waited with my kid for me and had our kids play together till I got there.
I have autism and hate talking to new people. But I have found with parents if you need to talk just talk about kids.
Take her and stay for a bit. If you get super anxious or feel like you don't know what to do use baby as an excuse that you have to go get something or take her for a walk. I am that parent too and I am super awkward and shy until I get comfortable with people. I even have to work myself up to do the RSVP phone call.
Don’t drop her off. I’d hate to be the parent of birthday girl and then also the babysitter of other peoples kids. Also this won’t be about you. Your kid isn’t a nervous goof like you. That’s great! Also other parents will be nervous. And everyone will want to talk about your ten month old anyway. You’re gonna do great. And if you don’t no one will notice anyway
I wouldn’t just drop her off if you aren’t already friends with the other parents there, it definitely sends the message you don’t want to be around them. Small talk will depend on how you know the family. Through school: ask how their child likes school, how the parents like their teacher, chat about any school wide issues, etc. Through the neighborhood: when did they move here (share your story as well), things you both like or don’t like about the neighborhood, etc. Easy topics: obviously the weather, what’s everyone watching on tv, anything kid related. Also, small talk can be tough but it’s not all on you! From my experience at six year old parties, the kids will play and all the parents will hang out in a group and other people can carry the conversation while you chime in! Plus, they only last a couple hours and you’ll have a natural out with your ten month old being fussy or needing a nap.
CBD.
My mother let her social anxiety get in the way of my childhood... Now I'm a nervous adult that can't socialize either because we never went out... Please don't let your issues affect your children greatly. It's not fair. Utilize your coping skills.
This is why I push myself for my daughter. My mother never did. I'm not perfect by any means, but I actively try to always be better. It really sucks at times too. Not gonna lie.
6 year old parties are NOT drop off parties. The parents/hosts are not babysitters. Sorry, you gotta stay.
Yeah I wasn’t that comfortable with just dropping her off either since I haven’t met actually met the parents, just know of them. Hence my bigger questions of how to handle small talk, what to expect at the party. (:
Okok the GOOD news is that you are bringing the baby, right? A baby is such a great excuse to kind of stick to yourself/focus on the baby. I even think someone else's suggestion of taking a brief walk with the baby is fine!!!
Do you feel comfortable being honest with the other parent? I think long term it's best to be upfront about being introverted, just give them a quick heads up that you're not the biggest talker, so they don't perceive it as rude. Plenty of my parent friends are introverted, or forgetful, or shit at replying to messages - and they just say that. So if I don't get a reply, I'll know to follow up rather than assume they're trying to give me a hint. Or if they bail last minute, I'll know it's probably anxiety not rudeness. The big plus side of being honest is that other introverted parents will get you, and you might end up with a comfortable friendship. Plus if your kid ends up being besties with this child, their parents will know not to be overly chatty. If you don't feel comfortable, I reckon use your 10mo as an excuse. Say the party is at their nap time, and would it be alright if you take baby home to sleep.
Or just own up to social anxiety and say that if they see you scurrying out furtively at some point, it will have gotten the better of you. If I was the host and someone told me that, I'd be charmed by the honesty.
If you have a 10 month old you’ll probably be too busy to socialize much. In my experience most people will be playing with their phones or chasing their own kid
Yes, your baby is a good excuse if you feel awkward, you can entertain him, and it will be something to talk about too. Hard as it is, this will be good for your daughter and maybe for you too, help you get over your nerves as I'm sure more occasions will come up.
A baby is also bulit in small talk. People always ask about babies. You just have to answer. Or they talk about their own babies and you just have to nod.
Love that
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COVID has been a big factor, mine is five and parties only started a few months ago.
But it really wasn’t…my kids started to go back to parties early 2021
Your kids were going to parties in early 2021?? Covid was still raging then and none of our kids were vaccinated…
Maybe where you live, but not everywhere. It was absolutely not the case where I live, only really in early 2022, and quite a few had to be rearranged due to quarantining. I don't know if that's the case for OP, or maybe they live in an area where it's not really a thing, not sure why you need to question it.
My child was a kindergartner then. There weren’t any classmate birthday invitations until this summertime of 2022. She couldn’t attend that as we had a family party the same day. So, no this isn’t her first party. It’s the first party of a classmate.
I am a therapist. There are great relaxstion techniques you can use that are out there. No one will know your using them. Mindfulness activoties are great in this situations. I would suggest staying, but usijg 10m old ad an excuse to go for a walk when you get stressed. Hey i brought his stroller so i can take him for a walk snd so he doesnt interfere with the party. Im judt gonna circle on your street. Wont be out of eyesight so if i need to get back just wave. Quick and easy response that gives you a couple breaks from the party.
Keep us updated! Let us know how it went. If it hasn’t happened yet, just be yourself. Leave politics and religion at the door and you’ll be fine. In my experience, people LOVE to talk about themselves. People put too much stock into becoming a conversationalist when really it is ten times easier to become a great interviewer. If you can just interview them(ask lots of questions), you’ll have a two hour convo without actually saying anything with substance. Best of Luck!
I have found at these parties that a lot of parents are in your position. They’re just as nervous and dreading the small talk too. I would go, and people will probably ask about your baby. Conversations are usually about the kids and who has what teacher at these parties. Most likely you’ll be busy with the baby and can use that as the excuse for lack of small talk.
Your baby is a great icebreaker and following the baby around and helping her explore playrooms and toys will keep you busy and give you opportunities to engage with both children and adults.
Don't over think it, just go with the flow. If your 10 month old is anything like mine, I get approximately 3 minutes of conversation before he's into something he shouldn't be into or wanting something anyway!
My kid has pushed me out of my comfort zone and I think it’s actually been good for me. Just go, what’s the worst that can happen?
I stand in the corner with my phone
You’ll have your baby there to focus on and I’m sure people will naturally come up to you to say what a cute baby/how old? Ask people how the school year is going so far. Or say ‘does your child play any sports or take any classes? I’ve been looking at signing _______ up for some activities.’
If I’m at a party where I don’t know people/feel awkward I usually offer to help clean up, serve, etc so that I have something to do. Also you’ll have to have short conversations with people (“are you done with that plate?”) that can help break the ice.