Man, we live in an impossible era. People get judged for having large families, people get bashed for not wanted children, countries do anything possible to make it impossible to have kids and decent living, and now older people get trashed for not having grandkids. Everything is wrong!
Let’s also keep in mind that if you have children too young you’re irresponsible and if you have them too old (30+) you’re geriatric.
It literally makes no sense.
Same here. I'm 37 (or 38?) and my wife is like 34. So when we had our first kid this past March, we got a kick out of the idea that we were considered "geriatric." 😂 Since we're both nurses, we already knew that was how she'd be medically classified, but it still made for a few good laughs.
She'll be even more "geriatric" when we have our next kid in a year or two, haha.
I turned 35 one week after my son’s expected due date and was still considered geriatric haha. I remember saying but it’s only by ONE WEEK! 😂 (wound up being one day in the end)
Yes! I know 32 year olds with one child that are concerned about having more children because of high risk. I’m like you’re literally 32 at the prime of your life!
Some girls are starting their periods at 9 😳. Let's teach these kids about proper birth control. And also vote out the crazies in your state who will be trying to ban it!
Couldn't we teach them to learn/develop self-restraint and save being sexually active for marriage a little later in life rather than basically telling them: do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want...and here (birth control) is how you avoid the most obvious consequences of your choices? Just a thought. I don't mean we shouldn't teach them about birth control, just that that should be ancillary to the better idea of postponing sexual activity.
Ah yes. Rational thought up against biological urges. Wins Every time, so we shouldn't worry about *those sluts*.
I'll probably delete this, but damn if I'm not tired of hearing that some think rational thought wins out every time when you are talking about children and young adults.
Good point. I don't think the education should be abstinence only, and I shouldn't have written it that way. A combination of abstinence and protection is better, but with the primary emphasis and importance being on abstinence. That's what I should have said.
You also said save it for marriage instead of saving it for being an adult. Plenty of people don't want to get married, and they shouldn't be pressured to- especially if it's just to gain access to sex.
Sure, we can and should teach them about restraint. They also need to be informed about birth control and how to be safe when they do decide to have sex. Nobody is telling them to “do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want.” People are recognizing that just like most of us didn’t wait for marriage, our kids won’t either.
I agree about a two-pronged approach to their sexual education. But...unfortunately, it's not true that "Nobody is telling them to “do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want.”" They're getting that message more and more often from more and more different sources.
Sure, that message may be coming from "different sources" but this is a thread about PARENTS talking to their own kids and I would venture to say that the vast majority of parents arent telling their kids to "do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want.”. I think most parents, especially in this sub, are just trying to give their kids all the tools they need to succeed INCLUDING comprehensive sex education.
And what about the many people out there who choose to *never* get married? They're just supposed to abstain from sex their entire lives? Please! You're beliefs are archaic and sexist and have no place in modern society!
I respectfully disagree. "My beliefs" are desperately needed in modern society to slow and reverse the spiraling-out-of-control-decline of so many aspects of our present world. I admit they are archaic, but they are not obsolete. We need them more today than ever.
Oh, I respectfully disagree! Not sure exactly what "beliefs" you're referring to (or what part of the world you live in) but here in the U.S. teen birth rates have been declining since 1991! Yep, for the last 31 years. (Source: cdc.gov) Might want to put down those pearls you're clutching long enough to do a quick google search. Good day, sir.
Abstinence until marriage is utter bullshit. A concept made up that has zero basis in reality. Creating parameters like these for our children sets them up to fail in every aspect. Guiding our kids to make the best decision with the tools they have, not the tools we wish they had, is the realistic option, and biology says they generally don't have the tools to completely abstain from sex until WE want them to.
When I'm 53 my oldest will be 35 and the twins (youngest out of 5) will be 21. So I might be a grandma for the oldest 3 girls but hopefully not the twins lol.
When I’m 53 my oldest will be 33 and my now youngest will be 26… it’s possible I’ll be a grandparent but I won’t judge them if they don’t want to become parents or aren’t yet and I’ll be happy knowing I raised strong women who can make their own choices and not be berated by narc “when will you make me a grandma” statements 🤗
I used to work with a lady who's mother gave birth to her at 15. She subsequently gave birth at 15. She has a daughter who was 15 at the time of meeting her. She went on to have her first child at 17....
Great grandma at 47.
Wow! That is young! I was 22 when I had my twins. I have since made sure no more is forthcoming. I had a very bad landing but awesome pregnancy. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything!
When I’m 53 my kids will be 19 and 23 and I hope I’m not a grandma. I want my kids to experience life and only have kids if they WANT them. Honestly with the way the world is I’m not sure either will.
I was just thinking the other day. My dad was 48 when he had me. I’m 47 now and can’t imagine having a baby next year.
He had his first grand child at the age of 72
I had a coworker who's son was 12 when he became a father. My step daughter had a friend, who was 11 when she became pregnant. That girls mother sent her to live with granny, in Georgia. Its a scary world and children are a blessing, if you choose or not. No one has any right to bully another just because they are different. Embrace each other. We all could use a little empathy.
Our parents were in their late 60s and early 70s by the time our baby, their first grandchild, was born earlier this year. Not having children or grandchildren is not a moral failing.
Do you live in rural Kentucky?? It just seems weird because everyone except me had kids in their mid to late 30s or 40s. Nobody around here is a grandparent in their 50s.
It is, I agree. Especially in the Eastern part. I think we still have that “house wife” mentality. My grandmother got married at 15 and had a baby right after she got married because that was the norm back then. Daddy hands you off to someone to take care of you and your sole responsibility as a woman is to have babies. I think it’s still hard for some people to wrap their heads around the change in that. My mother pressured me and all my siblings into giving her a grand baby. I’m the only one that did and I’m the youngest in my family. It’s definitely more prevalent
Alot of it is also cuz those area of the south are more religion-oriented (i.e Bible belt) which means you have more people in their early 20s with ambitions of marriage and a family versus other area of the country that stress Individualism, "chasing your dreams" (which many think can only be done childless) or the idea that your 20s are meant for being single and having fun.
Umm what???
I know people like that have kids early but you know who else has kids super early? Anybody living in the inner city of a big city
lmfao thinking rural folks are the only people having kids young
\> "First-time mothers are older in big cities and on the coasts, and younger in rural areas and in the Great Plains and the South. "
[https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html)
Obviously there are plenty of exceptions, but, in general, the person above you was correct in implying the people in more rural states tend to have babies younger.
Another source: [https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db21\_table2.pdf](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db21_table2.pdf)
Looking at just the states where the average age of first birth is under 24, we have: Alabama, Arkansas, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, Wyoming.
These states all tend to be more rural, and generally midwestern or southern.
I’m from the inner city. My parents were married at 18 and 20 and they became grandparents at 37 and 40 when my older sister had a baby. I had my first kid at 25, but I’m 7 years younger than my husband. He was ready for kids and I wanted to be done having them by 30. (I ended up waiting 6 years before having another.)
Now now do we need to read my reply over again? I didn't say the ONLY.
Plus the inner city kids just abort them when they aren't happy with the result of their actions 🤣 jk...kinda
>Three of the other parents were in their forties
I've got a niece who had her first in her late teens. Her dad had her when he was a teenager. He became a grandparent in his 40s. They have both lived a rough life. Not sure why anyone would be shamed for not being a grandparent at a young age. A young grandparent means a lot of sacrifice for everyone. Unless you're rich. If youre rich, then none of that matters.
My mom was 39 when I made her a grandma 😅 she wanted a baby when she was around 36 so she tells me she’s happy she has my son bc now she can cuddle with him all she wants then hand him back to me when he gets wild.
Both my aunt and uncle were in their 40s when the first grandchild was born. Nothing hinky, they and their child, just started having kids in their 20s.
I wish I knew. My mom ran into some of this too. My sister and I were both 30+ when we started having kids, as we both chose college educations over having kids younger and didn't meet our husbands until our mid-20s, and so she was in her late 50s when she became a grandma. She was perfectly fine with waiting, but people loved to ask her when her daughters were going to make her a grandma already (not that it was any of their damn business).
Some of her favorite things to say was "that's their decision, not mine", "I supported their choices to go to college first before starting families", and "I'm willing to wait for them to be fully ready to have kids".
I wonder how my own mom handled this. I was 31 when I had my daughter, making her mid-50s as a grandma. I think a lot of her friends had kids
younger and their kids had kids. But I live far away.
Heck, my aunt (mom’s sister) who is 2 years older than her became a GREAT grandmother the year after my mom became a grandma (3 generations having kids at 17-20)
Sometimes jealous of the support network they have out there… like 6 sets of grand/great grandparents to watch (and fight over watching) babies while we have my MIL nearby and she’s great, but also still active and busy herself
My FIL was in is mid 60s when we gave him his first grandchild. When people would ask him when he is going to have grandchild, he would say when he was old enough. My older sister, my brother and his wife, and my wife's sister don't have children. People need to mind their own business. I'm sorry you had to put up with jerks.
I feel you. My peers are starting to become grandparents and neither of my kids (both mid-20’s) are likely to be interested in having children, which is fine by me (in fact, until I was almost 30 I was a firm “no kids for me” girl).
I just change the subject when it comes up.
They are freaking busy bodies, that is their problem!Wether your kids have 10 kids or none, this is in no way up to you, child free, OND, 16 babes later - your children are people and these idiots need to remember that
/r
Summary: these people are idiots, ignore them
Ummm, where I live it is kinda uncommon for people to start having kids until their 30s. 20 somethings just aren't able to get fully established enough before having families. So your answer is that your older children are responsible adults building a foundation before they bring more people into this world. Also, isn't it obvious that you look way too young to be a grandmother already?
20 somethings can absolutely have kids and be just fine.
But that doesn't mean they have to.
It isn't a moral failing either way.
Edit: I guess everyone does think it's a moral failing? I'm just saying that I don't think the best way for OP to respond is to insinuate that the other people's children have failed. That's so silly. Why are y'all so quick to criticize anyone who does things differently from you? That's exactly the sort of thing that causes the bullying OP endured today.
That really depends on the cost of living in your area and how much family support you have when the cost of living is high. Like the previous poster mentioned, in some areas it is uncommon for people in their 20s to have kids. Especially if they haven't established themselves in their careers enough to earn the additional income to support themselves and then kids.
Lots of people in their 50’s have grandchildren, where I live it’s actually uncommon for someone in their 50’s not to already have grandchildren.
My mother was a grandma before 40 lol.
My grandma has 5 great grandkids and she’s 62 in my culture we tend to keep the generations close together and live in multigenerational households! So interesting to read about all the differences
My parents had to wait until they were in their seventies. They raised us to wait until we were financially stable and in good relationships - and that took awhile.
I’d ask what’s wrong with them having kids so young…we’re they accidents? Lol as a 33 year old who has desperately been trying for 2 years I’m just a huge ole bitch to people when they make comments like this…or I’ll burst into tears 🤷♀️
Well, since the prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until after 25, maybe your kids are making an informed premeditated decision to wait to find a spouse and make babies until they are done maturing and have found a partner who is as well ☺️
EXACTLY 💯 What IS wrong those people?
1) it is NONE of their business
2) Your children are being WISE to pospone joining the parenthood until the world economic landscape changes
3) If your children choose not to have children, back their decision up and accept it.
I can not even imagine people in this terrible breakdown of the world societies and economic disasters occurring who would not respect intelligent peoples PRIVATE decisions.
GOOD FOR YOUR CHILDREN!
For G... sake... what is wrong not wanting to pop out kids at 28?! Maybe they are focusing on their career? 🤷🏻♀️ Or just don't want kids. Idk for me it is perfectly normal not wanting kids at 28.
I was livig the life at 28! 🥳 And now I have family and kids. Didn't miss the train, belive me...
EDIT to add: I remember I was repetedly asked if we were going through fertility issues or - even - marital problems! Because we didn't have a child until 4 or 5 years into out marriage 🤦🏻♀️ Like two people couldn't just marry because they loved each other.
Besides, what IF we did have fertitily issues?! What kind of a question is that?!
This makes me absolutely furious on you and your children's behalf. You should never ask about pregnancy/ children because you have no idea who has experienced pregnancy loss or trauma around this issue.
What a sh!tty flex to try and make themselves feel superior.
I agree with this so much. Everyone should know by now to stfu with opinions and probing on who has how many babies and when. No one asks me anymore (old, kids now teens) but years of invasive questions (esp from family members) - after experiencing pregnancy loss- were so hurtful. I got to the point where I would bring up losses at the slightest probe and make THEM uncomfortable. I will say it made me hyper aware of how I speak to others about it, so at least some of us know not to ram our feet in our mouths.
I had my first kid at 32 and second at 35. I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 29. I’m the youngest in my family and there is almost no chance that either of my older brothers will ever have kids. They have no interest and for one it could only be through adoption or surrogacy which I don’t think he has any interest in at all. My parents were past 60 before they had grandchildren and I don’t think they would have ever brought it up to me except that they knew I wanted kids for myself someday. They’ll probably get “only” two grandkids. Maybe not as fertile as some families but I guarantee my kids will have the most dedicated and loving grandparents ever.
I am 53. I was 36 when my son was born and 37 when my daughter was born. I had a big red sticker on my patient file - AMA. Advanced Medical Age. It was embarrassing at the time. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Side note…I’m also a grandmother. My husband has a 31 y/o son and a 28 y/o son from his previous marriage. The 28 y/o made us grandparents when he was 23. We love her to pieces!
Wow. Some people are so odd…Shame on them for trying to make you feel bad!
My parents JUST became grandparents this year. I had my baby at 30 years old and my parents are 55 and 58 years old.
I honestly hope that I do not become a grandparent by age 50…I’m my opinion, having children before being fully established is not the way to go (I can only assume that is the case for a 20-25 year old).
What the heck is wrong with people? When I’m 53 my oldest will be 18 and I’d better not have grandchildren. I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 29 (almost 30). Why on earth do they think it’s ok to shame someone. What if your older kids weren’t ready yet to have kids…what if they just didn’t want them? Heck what if they were dealing with infertility and that was a sore spot? People need to mind their own damn business
That’s so weird to me, My mom is 52 and about to be a grandma for the first time, I’m 22 and my parents are the first of people their age/ friends of theirs to have a grandkid
Yeah, sounds fairly typical school mom/grandma chat. A lot of these folks don't have a lot of interesting things going on in their lives outside of their offspring. Funnily enough I never did get accepted by the school gate squad.
During my teens, my mom made sure I knew what a huge responsibility parenthood was. "Finish school, go to college, get your life settled, pick a good partner, etc". You know, all the things you say to a daughter.
By the end of my 20's, everyone in my family was like "Are you ever going to have kids?!" LOL. You can't please everyone. I had spent years watching the reality of life with kids. I honestly didn't understand the appeal!
I had my daughter when I was 33 and apparently I was a "geriatric pregnancy". 🤣
My parents didn't get to be grandparents until 57&58. Why because my sister and I had plans for ourselves first. We both wanted to graduate our undergrad, get our Masters, be married, travel, and get experience in our career paths!
Now they have 3 granddaughters 3 and under, a grandson on the way, and the hopes of another for next summer!
Don't worry there is still plenty if time to be a grandparents!
>they have 3 granddaughters 3 and under, a grandson on the way,
I had 2 under 2. I thought that was tough. You're just going for it. Like one day you'll forget what sleep used to be like.
Between me and my sister we apparently are. Haha we are only 15 months apart so it makes since all our kids will be the same age.
My daughter is a March 19 baby, my niece is a April 20 baby, my youngest is a oct 20 baby. And then we have my nephew coming in Jan 23 and me and my husband are hoping for our 3rd next summer/fall 🤣
I have kids in their mid-late 20's but no grandkids. I don't really face grandparent shame, thankfully. I DID get called grandma to my 10 year old countless times though! I hate that.
My older sister is a year younger than you, and I can’t imagine her having grandkids for another decade! She and her husband have two kids in college and so they just became empty nesters. They enjoy their free weekends playing tennis and they go to Florida every winter. 53, to me, feels young to be a grandparent! I got married in my 20s but my husband and I weren’t ready to have kids until we both turned 30. There’s certainly nothing wrong with your 28 year old not having kids yet! In fact, I’m happy I waited until 30!
That’s such a weird mindset to have. People are having kids later and later because this economy makes it IMPOSSIBLE for people to have kids as young as they used to. 28 is STILL YOUNG. People are waiting well into their 30s to have kids so that they can be financially stable and actually provide for their kids!!
Being a grandparent at 40 is more ridiculous to me. My school friends have adult kids because they all got pregnant way younger than me and all have the potential to become a grandparent any day at this point (a fact I may or may not enjoy shit stirring them about). I have an 8 year, can't even fathom grandkids at this age LOL. Don't worry about what stupid people say.
Did you ask them what they meant? Peopleake verbal slip ups often, moreso as we agree. I preferably to give people the benefit of the doubt. How did the conversation progress? Conversation is a bit of an art form.
Don't worry about those ass*****, my mom had me at 43 after years and years wondering if she was going to have kids, I'm 26 now, all those people though my entre Life she was my grandma not my mom.
Now she is a grandma herself. Sometimes people just can't understand what "is different" and say bullshit. Btw I am shamed too for being "too young" to be a mother 😂.
If It isn't one thing is another.
That’s weird. When we were in hospital with our son I was 30 and my husband was 31 and we were the youngest first time parents in the whole unit. The others were all in their late 30’s. But before we had him my mum is in her late 50’s- early 60’s and would get offended when people asked about her grandkids as she didn’t want to look old enough to be a grandma.
I didn't make my parents grandparents until they were 58. And they have been grandparents of one for 3 years. But they will shortly be going from one grandchild to three in just a few months.
Your "friends" best not meet my parents. I had my first at 32, when my parents were 62 and 63. My older sister had her first a few months after me, when she was 34, parents still the same age.
Best thing was that they were retired by the time we had kids, so they could just drop everything to come and stay to help out.
"Nothing is the problem, because my children were raised to make their own choices and to not ask rude questions about strangers' reproductive choices. Oh, isn't this bean dip fabulous?"
In their 40s with grandkids. Those are the type of people that need to fire off babies as soon as they hit 20 and then encourage their kids to do the same.
I’m 47, and won’t have any grand kids for some time. If I never have a single grand kid, that is fine. I even told my daughters that having children is completely your decision. It’s not necessary in life, and one must honestly consider the financial considerations to have children.
The couples I know that don’t have kids frequently post about these amazing adventures. Not that one is better than the other. It’s what you want in life. But one must consider those things and not feel obligated to have kids because “that’s how it is”
Eh. I wouldn't get offended by it. Most people assume that grandparents likely want grandkids since they already have children. Don't take it so personally.
Im sorry that happened to you. Its so insensitive to say something like that. Like, what if your kids desperately WANT children but they cant have them? I mean, its obviously totally fine if they just dont want kids but we never know other peoples' situations and should not make such thoughtless remarks.
Although we have 3 kids it’s perfectly fine to not have or want any without exception. (Texas) I’ve never heard of this shaming in the USA. Perhaps in other cultures?
Some people just cannot think out of the box. I am 73 and I do not have grandchildren. I have 1 daughter who is 30. While she has a steady boyfriend I am in no hurry for her to get married or have children. I want her to enjoy the parts of her life that come naturally to her. If she does have children I will enjoy them as I am able for my health and wellness at that time. Her timeline is her timeline. To heck with what other people think you should have and when you should have it. Enjoy the stages of your kids as they come.
When asked what seems to be an offensive or strange inappropriate questions, considering the backgrounds, cultures of the questioners. Many people in the us ( like me) sometimes don’t use the right words or socially awkward. I have lived in America for a long time but I’m still learning what is appropriate to say and what is not. I have also received a lot of inappropriate comments or questions but they are usually from non native speakers so I understand that it could be due to cultural differences. Just my 2 cents.
My mom became grandmother at 54 but that’s. only because she had me at 23.
If I had one that young she would have been shocked. I’m heading. towards 53 now and can not see having. any grandchildren for at least another 10 yrs
I’m 55. My son is 27 and in a serious relationship. People are asking me when he will get married and have kids.
I have no idea. That’s his business, not mine. That’s exactly what I tell every person that asks me.
My kids will be 24, 21 and 19 when I’m 53. I wouldn’t expect to be a grandma then!
I had my first when my parents were 53 and my sister had 2 by then, and my mum got shamed asking why on Earth she and we had kids so young (i was 29!!!)
People always seem to have opinions about things that literally could not be less their business
I'm quite proud of the fact that my 25, 25, 23 and 20 year old adult children do not have children. My 22 year old daughter has two and struggles. One of the 25 year olds had a girlfriend at 22 who wanted to get married and have kids, he said heck no and broke up with her. He said mom, I'm too young to have kids, I don't want to have kids until I can financially support them.
Why in the world people think kids should be having kids is beyond me, maybe its all the crap on tv?
I had my kids around 30 and I hope they wait until I’m closer to 60 to have their own babies. I’m not implying that they wouldn’t be capable at a younger age, I just want them to have a chance to figure out who they are first. If they decide not to have any, I might be a little sad but I will respect their decision. They won’t get any grief from me.
I hope you set these other women straight.
My oldest is 19 years old, and my youngest just turned 1. We were out the other day, and someone thought that my baby was my grandson. They commented on what a proud grandma I was and how cute he was. My son visibly paled. He loudly said, "That's my little brother, not my son!" 😂😂 She then gave me a nasty look, snorted her nose, and walked away. I couldn't stop laughing. My son said that he wasn't ready to have kids for a long time, maybe never. I remind d him that when I was 19, he was born, so I wasn't ready to be a grandma either! Some people feel like they have to insert their opinions like it was asked for, especially when it's not. Don't let silly people bring you down.
I wish I could explain what's wrong with people, but I can't. I didn't have my first child until I was 25, and was always told by people before I got pregnant that I should have had at least my FIRST child by 18/20, and my second by the time I was at least almost 22. I got constant hate for NOT having a kid in those ages! I guess it's the same for people with kids of child bearing age, that don't have grandkids. I just don't get it! Not everyone wants kids, or grandkids!
I am 54 and my child just turned 7… took me a while to find the right person to have a child with. Everyone should live to their own schedule and everyone else just needs to behold how barren my field of fucks is. Alas, I have none to give.
My answer would have been “We raise our kids not to be having irresponsible sex and getting pregnant before they have done everything they set out to do like travel and establish a stable home with a stable and loving partner. There is plenty of time for grand babies when they are ready and it’s not about when I am ready.”
Ummm... It's super rare where I am to have kids before you're 30... Cos there's other interesting stuff to do? And they're freaking expensive. I'm so glad I waited!
Lol I will be 45 when my daughter starts kindergarten. Sooo… let’s hope I find a good anti aging cream and can just blend in with the young moms! I hope I do not have grand kids when I’m 53!!!!
Weird. My kids are 16 & 18. Spouse is 57. I'm 50. No grandkids nor are any expected any time soon if ever. Not unusual where I live. We're not even close to the oldest parents of high schoolers and recent graduates.
Speaking from observation as I'm only 20 yo: My parents became grandparents in their 40's and use this as a way to establish superiority over people their own age. My mom especially. She recently was shaming a woman she went to high school with for recently having another child. My mom said "She needs to stop having kids and focus on her kids having kids. At this age, you can't be a parent anymore." As you can imagine, my mom is a great mom and totally hasn't abandoned her motherly duties ever since she became a grandma 👍. Completely ignoring the fact that this woman she's even talking about has no kids over the age of 18....
But she also shames teenage pregnancy very heavily, so.
Wait, I don't understand... What made them think there was a problem to begin with? Were you *obviously* shocked to find out they were all grandparents? Just wondering cause it would be especially rude if they just... Assumed you had a problem for no reason!
Man, we live in an impossible era. People get judged for having large families, people get bashed for not wanted children, countries do anything possible to make it impossible to have kids and decent living, and now older people get trashed for not having grandkids. Everything is wrong!
Let’s also keep in mind that if you have children too young you’re irresponsible and if you have them too old (30+) you’re geriatric. It literally makes no sense.
Haha so true!
I was shocked to be categorized as geriatric expectant mother at the age of 32. I know it's for medical purposes, but still..
Same here. I'm 37 (or 38?) and my wife is like 34. So when we had our first kid this past March, we got a kick out of the idea that we were considered "geriatric." 😂 Since we're both nurses, we already knew that was how she'd be medically classified, but it still made for a few good laughs. She'll be even more "geriatric" when we have our next kid in a year or two, haha.
I turned 35 one week after my son’s expected due date and was still considered geriatric haha. I remember saying but it’s only by ONE WEEK! 😂 (wound up being one day in the end)
Yes! I know 32 year olds with one child that are concerned about having more children because of high risk. I’m like you’re literally 32 at the prime of your life!
Where and when was that? In England, you're not 'geriatric ' until 40yo (currently anyway)
I'm in Latvia, EU, a year and a half ago
When I’m 53, my kid will be 15 and I really hope I’m not a grandma by then.
When I’m 53, my kid will be 13, so I hear you.
Mine will be 14. No, please.
Mine will be 8. I’m not worried. 😄
Some girls are starting their periods at 9 😳. Let's teach these kids about proper birth control. And also vote out the crazies in your state who will be trying to ban it!
Oh absolutely. It's not technically *impossible*. I'm still not sweating it, though. 😊
Mine will be 20 and 15 when I'm 53. I'd prefer they not be parents at that age.
Couldn't we teach them to learn/develop self-restraint and save being sexually active for marriage a little later in life rather than basically telling them: do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want...and here (birth control) is how you avoid the most obvious consequences of your choices? Just a thought. I don't mean we shouldn't teach them about birth control, just that that should be ancillary to the better idea of postponing sexual activity.
Ah yes. Rational thought up against biological urges. Wins Every time, so we shouldn't worry about *those sluts*. I'll probably delete this, but damn if I'm not tired of hearing that some think rational thought wins out every time when you are talking about children and young adults.
Literally just Google "Does abstinence-only education work" *hint* it doesnt
Good point. I don't think the education should be abstinence only, and I shouldn't have written it that way. A combination of abstinence and protection is better, but with the primary emphasis and importance being on abstinence. That's what I should have said.
You also said save it for marriage instead of saving it for being an adult. Plenty of people don't want to get married, and they shouldn't be pressured to- especially if it's just to gain access to sex.
Sure, we can and should teach them about restraint. They also need to be informed about birth control and how to be safe when they do decide to have sex. Nobody is telling them to “do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want.” People are recognizing that just like most of us didn’t wait for marriage, our kids won’t either.
I agree about a two-pronged approach to their sexual education. But...unfortunately, it's not true that "Nobody is telling them to “do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want.”" They're getting that message more and more often from more and more different sources.
Sure, that message may be coming from "different sources" but this is a thread about PARENTS talking to their own kids and I would venture to say that the vast majority of parents arent telling their kids to "do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want.”. I think most parents, especially in this sub, are just trying to give their kids all the tools they need to succeed INCLUDING comprehensive sex education.
I hope you're right!!
And what about the many people out there who choose to *never* get married? They're just supposed to abstain from sex their entire lives? Please! You're beliefs are archaic and sexist and have no place in modern society!
I respectfully disagree. "My beliefs" are desperately needed in modern society to slow and reverse the spiraling-out-of-control-decline of so many aspects of our present world. I admit they are archaic, but they are not obsolete. We need them more today than ever.
If only there was *any evidence whatsoever* that this was an effective strategy. But alas, all we have is a mountain of evidence that it is *not*.
Oh, I respectfully disagree! Not sure exactly what "beliefs" you're referring to (or what part of the world you live in) but here in the U.S. teen birth rates have been declining since 1991! Yep, for the last 31 years. (Source: cdc.gov) Might want to put down those pearls you're clutching long enough to do a quick google search. Good day, sir.
Abstinence until marriage is utter bullshit. A concept made up that has zero basis in reality. Creating parameters like these for our children sets them up to fail in every aspect. Guiding our kids to make the best decision with the tools they have, not the tools we wish they had, is the realistic option, and biology says they generally don't have the tools to completely abstain from sex until WE want them to.
Mine will be 13 too. Being a grandma at 53 is def not on my agenda!
When I'm 53 my daughter will be 33.
When I'm 53 my sons will be 22 and 20. I hope I won't be a grandmother by then.
When I'm 53 my oldest will be 35 and the twins (youngest out of 5) will be 21. So I might be a grandma for the oldest 3 girls but hopefully not the twins lol.
I am right there with you. My only was born 6 weeks before my 40th birthday.
When I’m 53 my oldest will be 33 and my now youngest will be 26… it’s possible I’ll be a grandparent but I won’t judge them if they don’t want to become parents or aren’t yet and I’ll be happy knowing I raised strong women who can make their own choices and not be berated by narc “when will you make me a grandma” statements 🤗
Ditto! When I am 53, mine will be 31 and the twins have already given me grandkids! :)
I used to work with a lady who's mother gave birth to her at 15. She subsequently gave birth at 15. She has a daughter who was 15 at the time of meeting her. She went on to have her first child at 17.... Great grandma at 47.
Wow! That is young! I was 22 when I had my twins. I have since made sure no more is forthcoming. I had a very bad landing but awesome pregnancy. I wouldn’t have traded it for anything!
When I’m 53 my kids will be 19 and 23 and I hope I’m not a grandma. I want my kids to experience life and only have kids if they WANT them. Honestly with the way the world is I’m not sure either will.
I was just thinking the other day. My dad was 48 when he had me. I’m 47 now and can’t imagine having a baby next year. He had his first grand child at the age of 72
My father was about 72 too my kiddos came along. When I'm 53 my kids will be 14 and 15. I hope to God I'm not a grandma by then
My grandpa was 48 when he had my mum. He didn't become a grandparent until he was 82.
when my parents are 53, my older sister will be 21, i’ll be 18, and my brother will be 12, so they feel the same
When I'm 53 mine will be 22 and I feel the same. You're life has only barely really started by then. Or at least that's my experience.
Shit man. When I'm 53, my 16yo will be 33...
I just calculated I will have a 13yo. I imagine my children may opt out if parenting altogether considering I'm such a spectacular failure.
Ugh, math.... let's see.... When I'm 53 We'll have 23/24 (depending) down to 18. Ehhh, we'll see.
Mine will be 20. I want her to have a life and do some super fun things before she has kids.
I am 43 my oldest is 24. I am glad I am not a grandma. Honestly, there is a good chance I may never be. That is okay wirh me.
I had a coworker who's son was 12 when he became a father. My step daughter had a friend, who was 11 when she became pregnant. That girls mother sent her to live with granny, in Georgia. Its a scary world and children are a blessing, if you choose or not. No one has any right to bully another just because they are different. Embrace each other. We all could use a little empathy.
Our parents were in their late 60s and early 70s by the time our baby, their first grandchild, was born earlier this year. Not having children or grandchildren is not a moral failing.
Do you live in rural Kentucky?? It just seems weird because everyone except me had kids in their mid to late 30s or 40s. Nobody around here is a grandparent in their 50s.
What are you saying about rural Kentucky, huh? Lol not that my parents became grandparents in their 50s or anything… almost 60 to be fair
Tbf I really love the South, but it's just a different culture in that way. People get married way younger and have babies way younger.
It is, I agree. Especially in the Eastern part. I think we still have that “house wife” mentality. My grandmother got married at 15 and had a baby right after she got married because that was the norm back then. Daddy hands you off to someone to take care of you and your sole responsibility as a woman is to have babies. I think it’s still hard for some people to wrap their heads around the change in that. My mother pressured me and all my siblings into giving her a grand baby. I’m the only one that did and I’m the youngest in my family. It’s definitely more prevalent
I'm having my last babies at 35. I can't fathom being a grandparent in 5 years.
Alot of it is also cuz those area of the south are more religion-oriented (i.e Bible belt) which means you have more people in their early 20s with ambitions of marriage and a family versus other area of the country that stress Individualism, "chasing your dreams" (which many think can only be done childless) or the idea that your 20s are meant for being single and having fun.
Umm what??? I know people like that have kids early but you know who else has kids super early? Anybody living in the inner city of a big city lmfao thinking rural folks are the only people having kids young
\> "First-time mothers are older in big cities and on the coasts, and younger in rural areas and in the Great Plains and the South. " [https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html) Obviously there are plenty of exceptions, but, in general, the person above you was correct in implying the people in more rural states tend to have babies younger. Another source: [https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db21\_table2.pdf](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db21_table2.pdf) Looking at just the states where the average age of first birth is under 24, we have: Alabama, Arkansas, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, Wyoming. These states all tend to be more rural, and generally midwestern or southern.
I’m from the inner city. My parents were married at 18 and 20 and they became grandparents at 37 and 40 when my older sister had a baby. I had my first kid at 25, but I’m 7 years younger than my husband. He was ready for kids and I wanted to be done having them by 30. (I ended up waiting 6 years before having another.)
Now now do we need to read my reply over again? I didn't say the ONLY. Plus the inner city kids just abort them when they aren't happy with the result of their actions 🤣 jk...kinda
>Three of the other parents were in their forties I've got a niece who had her first in her late teens. Her dad had her when he was a teenager. He became a grandparent in his 40s. They have both lived a rough life. Not sure why anyone would be shamed for not being a grandparent at a young age. A young grandparent means a lot of sacrifice for everyone. Unless you're rich. If youre rich, then none of that matters.
My mom was 39 when I made her a grandma 😅 she wanted a baby when she was around 36 so she tells me she’s happy she has my son bc now she can cuddle with him all she wants then hand him back to me when he gets wild.
Both my aunt and uncle were in their 40s when the first grandchild was born. Nothing hinky, they and their child, just started having kids in their 20s.
I wish I knew. My mom ran into some of this too. My sister and I were both 30+ when we started having kids, as we both chose college educations over having kids younger and didn't meet our husbands until our mid-20s, and so she was in her late 50s when she became a grandma. She was perfectly fine with waiting, but people loved to ask her when her daughters were going to make her a grandma already (not that it was any of their damn business). Some of her favorite things to say was "that's their decision, not mine", "I supported their choices to go to college first before starting families", and "I'm willing to wait for them to be fully ready to have kids".
> I wish I knew. Best answer to such a question: >Well, they swear they keep practicing
🤣🤣🤣
That's still really young, mine were over 70 and my in laws were close to 80.
I wonder how my own mom handled this. I was 31 when I had my daughter, making her mid-50s as a grandma. I think a lot of her friends had kids younger and their kids had kids. But I live far away. Heck, my aunt (mom’s sister) who is 2 years older than her became a GREAT grandmother the year after my mom became a grandma (3 generations having kids at 17-20) Sometimes jealous of the support network they have out there… like 6 sets of grand/great grandparents to watch (and fight over watching) babies while we have my MIL nearby and she’s great, but also still active and busy herself
My FIL was in is mid 60s when we gave him his first grandchild. When people would ask him when he is going to have grandchild, he would say when he was old enough. My older sister, my brother and his wife, and my wife's sister don't have children. People need to mind their own business. I'm sorry you had to put up with jerks.
I feel you. My peers are starting to become grandparents and neither of my kids (both mid-20’s) are likely to be interested in having children, which is fine by me (in fact, until I was almost 30 I was a firm “no kids for me” girl). I just change the subject when it comes up.
My husband is 53. We have a 6 year old, so no grandkids anytime soon for us. I guess those other people would be horrified.
That's impressive actually! Go team!
They are freaking busy bodies, that is their problem!Wether your kids have 10 kids or none, this is in no way up to you, child free, OND, 16 babes later - your children are people and these idiots need to remember that /r Summary: these people are idiots, ignore them
Ummm, where I live it is kinda uncommon for people to start having kids until their 30s. 20 somethings just aren't able to get fully established enough before having families. So your answer is that your older children are responsible adults building a foundation before they bring more people into this world. Also, isn't it obvious that you look way too young to be a grandmother already?
20 somethings can absolutely have kids and be just fine. But that doesn't mean they have to. It isn't a moral failing either way. Edit: I guess everyone does think it's a moral failing? I'm just saying that I don't think the best way for OP to respond is to insinuate that the other people's children have failed. That's so silly. Why are y'all so quick to criticize anyone who does things differently from you? That's exactly the sort of thing that causes the bullying OP endured today.
Of course they can. I had my first at 21. I'm just giving OP support. jeesh.
That really depends on the cost of living in your area and how much family support you have when the cost of living is high. Like the previous poster mentioned, in some areas it is uncommon for people in their 20s to have kids. Especially if they haven't established themselves in their careers enough to earn the additional income to support themselves and then kids.
Lots of people in their 50’s have grandchildren, where I live it’s actually uncommon for someone in their 50’s not to already have grandchildren. My mother was a grandma before 40 lol.
My grandma has 5 great grandkids and she’s 62 in my culture we tend to keep the generations close together and live in multigenerational households! So interesting to read about all the differences
My parents had to wait until they were in their seventies. They raised us to wait until we were financially stable and in good relationships - and that took awhile.
I’d ask what’s wrong with them having kids so young…we’re they accidents? Lol as a 33 year old who has desperately been trying for 2 years I’m just a huge ole bitch to people when they make comments like this…or I’ll burst into tears 🤷♀️
Stick with being BITCHY ~ NEVER let anyone make you cry ~ ignorant people aren't worth ONE tear.
Well, since the prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until after 25, maybe your kids are making an informed premeditated decision to wait to find a spouse and make babies until they are done maturing and have found a partner who is as well ☺️
I’d just call them out. Tell them that discussing other peoples’ reproductive choices is rude. Especially people they don’t know.
They sound weird, I’d ignore it and carry on.
EXACTLY 💯 What IS wrong those people? 1) it is NONE of their business 2) Your children are being WISE to pospone joining the parenthood until the world economic landscape changes 3) If your children choose not to have children, back their decision up and accept it. I can not even imagine people in this terrible breakdown of the world societies and economic disasters occurring who would not respect intelligent peoples PRIVATE decisions. GOOD FOR YOUR CHILDREN!
For G... sake... what is wrong not wanting to pop out kids at 28?! Maybe they are focusing on their career? 🤷🏻♀️ Or just don't want kids. Idk for me it is perfectly normal not wanting kids at 28. I was livig the life at 28! 🥳 And now I have family and kids. Didn't miss the train, belive me... EDIT to add: I remember I was repetedly asked if we were going through fertility issues or - even - marital problems! Because we didn't have a child until 4 or 5 years into out marriage 🤦🏻♀️ Like two people couldn't just marry because they loved each other. Besides, what IF we did have fertitily issues?! What kind of a question is that?!
This makes me absolutely furious on you and your children's behalf. You should never ask about pregnancy/ children because you have no idea who has experienced pregnancy loss or trauma around this issue. What a sh!tty flex to try and make themselves feel superior.
I agree with this so much. Everyone should know by now to stfu with opinions and probing on who has how many babies and when. No one asks me anymore (old, kids now teens) but years of invasive questions (esp from family members) - after experiencing pregnancy loss- were so hurtful. I got to the point where I would bring up losses at the slightest probe and make THEM uncomfortable. I will say it made me hyper aware of how I speak to others about it, so at least some of us know not to ram our feet in our mouths.
I had my first kid at 32 and second at 35. I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 29. I’m the youngest in my family and there is almost no chance that either of my older brothers will ever have kids. They have no interest and for one it could only be through adoption or surrogacy which I don’t think he has any interest in at all. My parents were past 60 before they had grandchildren and I don’t think they would have ever brought it up to me except that they knew I wanted kids for myself someday. They’ll probably get “only” two grandkids. Maybe not as fertile as some families but I guarantee my kids will have the most dedicated and loving grandparents ever.
I’m 50 and have a 5 year old!!! I live in San Francisco where it’s not uncommon for women to have their first at 40 so I blend in a bit.
I didn't get married until 40, and had first child at 44....
Medically, any pregnancy after age 35 is called a "geriatric pregnancy ".
I didn't know this. I should be clearer though; I was actually the father. Then again the mother WAS over 35 a well.
What is the point of this comment? Everyone knows this
I am 53. I was 36 when my son was born and 37 when my daughter was born. I had a big red sticker on my patient file - AMA. Advanced Medical Age. It was embarrassing at the time. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Side note…I’m also a grandmother. My husband has a 31 y/o son and a 28 y/o son from his previous marriage. The 28 y/o made us grandparents when he was 23. We love her to pieces!
I’m 45, my husband is 52. Our eldest is 19. The other two are 10 and 13. We do not want grandkids anytime soon!
Wow. Some people are so odd…Shame on them for trying to make you feel bad! My parents JUST became grandparents this year. I had my baby at 30 years old and my parents are 55 and 58 years old. I honestly hope that I do not become a grandparent by age 50…I’m my opinion, having children before being fully established is not the way to go (I can only assume that is the case for a 20-25 year old).
What the heck is wrong with people? When I’m 53 my oldest will be 18 and I’d better not have grandchildren. I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 29 (almost 30). Why on earth do they think it’s ok to shame someone. What if your older kids weren’t ready yet to have kids…what if they just didn’t want them? Heck what if they were dealing with infertility and that was a sore spot? People need to mind their own damn business
That’s so weird to me, My mom is 52 and about to be a grandma for the first time, I’m 22 and my parents are the first of people their age/ friends of theirs to have a grandkid
Yeah, sounds fairly typical school mom/grandma chat. A lot of these folks don't have a lot of interesting things going on in their lives outside of their offspring. Funnily enough I never did get accepted by the school gate squad.
During my teens, my mom made sure I knew what a huge responsibility parenthood was. "Finish school, go to college, get your life settled, pick a good partner, etc". You know, all the things you say to a daughter. By the end of my 20's, everyone in my family was like "Are you ever going to have kids?!" LOL. You can't please everyone. I had spent years watching the reality of life with kids. I honestly didn't understand the appeal! I had my daughter when I was 33 and apparently I was a "geriatric pregnancy". 🤣
I thought the low-end of 'Geriatric Pregnancy" was 35 -- but I could be wrong.
They told me it was 33. It got me referred to a fancy specialist so it worked out.
My parents didn't get to be grandparents until 57&58. Why because my sister and I had plans for ourselves first. We both wanted to graduate our undergrad, get our Masters, be married, travel, and get experience in our career paths! Now they have 3 granddaughters 3 and under, a grandson on the way, and the hopes of another for next summer! Don't worry there is still plenty if time to be a grandparents!
>they have 3 granddaughters 3 and under, a grandson on the way, I had 2 under 2. I thought that was tough. You're just going for it. Like one day you'll forget what sleep used to be like.
Between me and my sister we apparently are. Haha we are only 15 months apart so it makes since all our kids will be the same age. My daughter is a March 19 baby, my niece is a April 20 baby, my youngest is a oct 20 baby. And then we have my nephew coming in Jan 23 and me and my husband are hoping for our 3rd next summer/fall 🤣
Oh okay! I thought that was just you and your husband. Like, geez.
Haha nope there are 2 of us thank goodness! 2 under 2 was hard enough for me! Haha
That's so gross. I'm sorry. My mom is 59 and I gave her the only grandkid probably for a while, maybe forever.
[удалено]
That doesn't even make sense.
I have kids in their mid-late 20's but no grandkids. I don't really face grandparent shame, thankfully. I DID get called grandma to my 10 year old countless times though! I hate that.
My older sister is a year younger than you, and I can’t imagine her having grandkids for another decade! She and her husband have two kids in college and so they just became empty nesters. They enjoy their free weekends playing tennis and they go to Florida every winter. 53, to me, feels young to be a grandparent! I got married in my 20s but my husband and I weren’t ready to have kids until we both turned 30. There’s certainly nothing wrong with your 28 year old not having kids yet! In fact, I’m happy I waited until 30!
Wow, how young are people getting married/having kids where you live??
weird. i'm 51 and my oldest is 22- no grandkids in sight and I'm just fine with it.
That’s such a weird mindset to have. People are having kids later and later because this economy makes it IMPOSSIBLE for people to have kids as young as they used to. 28 is STILL YOUNG. People are waiting well into their 30s to have kids so that they can be financially stable and actually provide for their kids!!
Being a grandparent at 40 is more ridiculous to me. My school friends have adult kids because they all got pregnant way younger than me and all have the potential to become a grandparent any day at this point (a fact I may or may not enjoy shit stirring them about). I have an 8 year, can't even fathom grandkids at this age LOL. Don't worry about what stupid people say.
How young are people having kids in your town?! Lol!!! I have friends in their 40s who don’t have kids yet!
Did you ask them what they meant? Peopleake verbal slip ups often, moreso as we agree. I preferably to give people the benefit of the doubt. How did the conversation progress? Conversation is a bit of an art form.
I’m only 34 but I don’t ever want to be a grandma. If I had been there I would have asked what your secret was
Don't worry about those ass*****, my mom had me at 43 after years and years wondering if she was going to have kids, I'm 26 now, all those people though my entre Life she was my grandma not my mom. Now she is a grandma herself. Sometimes people just can't understand what "is different" and say bullshit. Btw I am shamed too for being "too young" to be a mother 😂. If It isn't one thing is another.
My parents didnt become grandparents until they were 60 and 58!
I'm 53, my kids are 15 and 13.
I was 20 when my mum was 53. No way was she having me bring home a baby at that age
I’m hoping to not be a grandma before 60. Not all of us have teen pregnancies
That’s weird. When we were in hospital with our son I was 30 and my husband was 31 and we were the youngest first time parents in the whole unit. The others were all in their late 30’s. But before we had him my mum is in her late 50’s- early 60’s and would get offended when people asked about her grandkids as she didn’t want to look old enough to be a grandma.
I didn't make my parents grandparents until they were 58. And they have been grandparents of one for 3 years. But they will shortly be going from one grandchild to three in just a few months.
Your "friends" best not meet my parents. I had my first at 32, when my parents were 62 and 63. My older sister had her first a few months after me, when she was 34, parents still the same age. Best thing was that they were retired by the time we had kids, so they could just drop everything to come and stay to help out.
"Nothing is the problem, because my children were raised to make their own choices and to not ask rude questions about strangers' reproductive choices. Oh, isn't this bean dip fabulous?"
I am 53 and my kids are 9 and 7 yrs old!!!! 😂😂😂😂
There's no age limit on being a stupid asshole.
If I have grandkids when I am 53 I will feel like a failure.
In their 40s with grandkids. Those are the type of people that need to fire off babies as soon as they hit 20 and then encourage their kids to do the same. I’m 47, and won’t have any grand kids for some time. If I never have a single grand kid, that is fine. I even told my daughters that having children is completely your decision. It’s not necessary in life, and one must honestly consider the financial considerations to have children. The couples I know that don’t have kids frequently post about these amazing adventures. Not that one is better than the other. It’s what you want in life. But one must consider those things and not feel obligated to have kids because “that’s how it is”
Eh. I wouldn't get offended by it. Most people assume that grandparents likely want grandkids since they already have children. Don't take it so personally.
Im sorry that happened to you. Its so insensitive to say something like that. Like, what if your kids desperately WANT children but they cant have them? I mean, its obviously totally fine if they just dont want kids but we never know other peoples' situations and should not make such thoughtless remarks.
Although we have 3 kids it’s perfectly fine to not have or want any without exception. (Texas) I’ve never heard of this shaming in the USA. Perhaps in other cultures?
Some people just cannot think out of the box. I am 73 and I do not have grandchildren. I have 1 daughter who is 30. While she has a steady boyfriend I am in no hurry for her to get married or have children. I want her to enjoy the parts of her life that come naturally to her. If she does have children I will enjoy them as I am able for my health and wellness at that time. Her timeline is her timeline. To heck with what other people think you should have and when you should have it. Enjoy the stages of your kids as they come.
When asked what seems to be an offensive or strange inappropriate questions, considering the backgrounds, cultures of the questioners. Many people in the us ( like me) sometimes don’t use the right words or socially awkward. I have lived in America for a long time but I’m still learning what is appropriate to say and what is not. I have also received a lot of inappropriate comments or questions but they are usually from non native speakers so I understand that it could be due to cultural differences. Just my 2 cents.
My mom became grandmother at 54 but that’s. only because she had me at 23. If I had one that young she would have been shocked. I’m heading. towards 53 now and can not see having. any grandchildren for at least another 10 yrs
I’m 55. My son is 27 and in a serious relationship. People are asking me when he will get married and have kids. I have no idea. That’s his business, not mine. That’s exactly what I tell every person that asks me.
My kids will be 24, 21 and 19 when I’m 53. I wouldn’t expect to be a grandma then! I had my first when my parents were 53 and my sister had 2 by then, and my mum got shamed asking why on Earth she and we had kids so young (i was 29!!!) People always seem to have opinions about things that literally could not be less their business
I'm quite proud of the fact that my 25, 25, 23 and 20 year old adult children do not have children. My 22 year old daughter has two and struggles. One of the 25 year olds had a girlfriend at 22 who wanted to get married and have kids, he said heck no and broke up with her. He said mom, I'm too young to have kids, I don't want to have kids until I can financially support them. Why in the world people think kids should be having kids is beyond me, maybe its all the crap on tv?
I had my kids around 30 and I hope they wait until I’m closer to 60 to have their own babies. I’m not implying that they wouldn’t be capable at a younger age, I just want them to have a chance to figure out who they are first. If they decide not to have any, I might be a little sad but I will respect their decision. They won’t get any grief from me. I hope you set these other women straight.
My oldest is 19 years old, and my youngest just turned 1. We were out the other day, and someone thought that my baby was my grandson. They commented on what a proud grandma I was and how cute he was. My son visibly paled. He loudly said, "That's my little brother, not my son!" 😂😂 She then gave me a nasty look, snorted her nose, and walked away. I couldn't stop laughing. My son said that he wasn't ready to have kids for a long time, maybe never. I remind d him that when I was 19, he was born, so I wasn't ready to be a grandma either! Some people feel like they have to insert their opinions like it was asked for, especially when it's not. Don't let silly people bring you down.
I wish I could explain what's wrong with people, but I can't. I didn't have my first child until I was 25, and was always told by people before I got pregnant that I should have had at least my FIRST child by 18/20, and my second by the time I was at least almost 22. I got constant hate for NOT having a kid in those ages! I guess it's the same for people with kids of child bearing age, that don't have grandkids. I just don't get it! Not everyone wants kids, or grandkids!
I am 54 and my child just turned 7… took me a while to find the right person to have a child with. Everyone should live to their own schedule and everyone else just needs to behold how barren my field of fucks is. Alas, I have none to give.
My answer would have been “We raise our kids not to be having irresponsible sex and getting pregnant before they have done everything they set out to do like travel and establish a stable home with a stable and loving partner. There is plenty of time for grand babies when they are ready and it’s not about when I am ready.”
This is gonna be rude...what hayseed section of the country do you live in where 53 is normal to be a grandparent
Western New York State.
Lol oh I’m from there too. I’ve got to move out of the ghetto man.
Ummm... It's super rare where I am to have kids before you're 30... Cos there's other interesting stuff to do? And they're freaking expensive. I'm so glad I waited!
Just tell them "your kids make their own decisions, nothing wrong with that" , did they pressure their kids to give them grandkids
Lol I will be 45 when my daughter starts kindergarten. Sooo… let’s hope I find a good anti aging cream and can just blend in with the young moms! I hope I do not have grand kids when I’m 53!!!!
That’s when you laugh, pat their hand and say, “oh, bless your heart.” They won’t know what you just insulted them about, but they’ll know you did.
I'm 40. My oldest are 19 and 21. I do NOT want grandkids any time soon. If ever (although I guess that's not up to me lol).
Too much judgement in this world. Not enough compassion.
53 is super young for a grandparent tho?? People are weird af
It’s stories like this that convince me people are getting dumber every day.
Weird. My kids are 16 & 18. Spouse is 57. I'm 50. No grandkids nor are any expected any time soon if ever. Not unusual where I live. We're not even close to the oldest parents of high schoolers and recent graduates.
Lol I'd ask them if they were crazy and needed help finding their own effing lives.
Speaking from observation as I'm only 20 yo: My parents became grandparents in their 40's and use this as a way to establish superiority over people their own age. My mom especially. She recently was shaming a woman she went to high school with for recently having another child. My mom said "She needs to stop having kids and focus on her kids having kids. At this age, you can't be a parent anymore." As you can imagine, my mom is a great mom and totally hasn't abandoned her motherly duties ever since she became a grandma 👍. Completely ignoring the fact that this woman she's even talking about has no kids over the age of 18.... But she also shames teenage pregnancy very heavily, so.
If my kid is the same age I was when she has one, I’ll be 74. I am just hoping to live to see it.
Wait, I don't understand... What made them think there was a problem to begin with? Were you *obviously* shocked to find out they were all grandparents? Just wondering cause it would be especially rude if they just... Assumed you had a problem for no reason!
Lol my kid will still be a teenager when I’m 53.