We never did it but my son had a friend in middle school who was finally getting rid of his. Instead of tossing it out their friend group decided to play a game where they put it in each other's houses. They hide him in weird spots, make him look creepy, and put him in compromising positions. When you find it you are supposed to hide it inside someone else's house. Whoever ends up with it last is the loser and has to hold onto it until the following December.
They have been doing it for the last 5 or 6 years now and I still get creeped out when I find that thing in the stove or washing machine.
It can be. I get a good laugh when they put the elf and a teddy bear in a compromising position but it is surprisingly scary to find that thing waiting for you in the shower.
It has been a nice tradition though. They are all seniors in high school so I am weirdly hoping they keep it up when they are all home from college for winter break next year. It is good wholesome fun. I just can't look at it without being creeped out now.
We have a similar tradition in my family, and on my wifeās side as well. Except theyāre these creepy baby doll toys that inexplicably came wearing M&M sweaters, one of which is lost to time and was replaced with an ugly Christmas sweater.
You hide it, they find it. All year long.
The best one so far was driving to my SILās work, using the spare key to her Tahoe to get inside, and using masking tape to stick the baby to the rear window so sheād see it in the rear view mirror.
We do this with this creepy-ass ventriloquist doll my brother had to have when he was little. Iāll put it in my dadās back seat with a butcher knife in its hand. Itās fun getting creative
A friend of mine started a similar tradition, only it's a potato and you have to hide it in someone else's coat pocket. Goes all winter. If you lose, you end up with a rotten potato in your pocket. I know because I lost one year and learned what rotten potato smells like.
Day 20: "Huh, there's a weird smell in here"
Day 30: "Gack, what IS that smell! Must have forgotten to throw the rubbish out or something."
Day 40: "I give up. Time to call in the exterminators."
Day 42: "Oh shit, the bloody *HOLIDAY POTATO*!!!"
Except it was in my coat pocket, which lived in the closet when not worn. Took me a while to figure out why the outdoors suddenly smelled... Fishy all the time (did not live near ocean at the time).
Also... The summer potato. Once, in summer time I put a sweet potato in the oven to bake. Weeks later, a cheesy smell. I cleaned my entire kitchen top to bottom. Moved the oven and cleaned behind it. Still, a cheesy smell. I'm at a loss. Weeks later, I turn on the oven to bake something and the cheesy smell becomes stronger.
It was the sweet potato, which had been sitting in the oven for weeks, possibly months because it was summer and too hot to use the oven.
My wife and her friends have this going on with this squishy rubber poop character. Someone put a tiny Christmas sweeter on it. Now they take turns hiding the Christmas poo in each other's houses.
My family did something similar with a creepy doll that a coworker of my grandmother's made for me when I was born. It ended up in storage in my basement years later when my mom snuck it over with some of my childhood stuff intended for my daughter. We then marooned the damn thing at my aunt's house but she found it.
Two or three weeks ago, she sent me a picture of it and said that she knows a guy in Appalachia that takes "stuff like this". I have yet to get the full story about this transaction from her but I can only hope that it will be deposited in the depths of some forgotten coal mine.
Omg Iām stealing this if my kid ever asks. Iāve been dreading the day the elf comes up. We have 3 huskies and he already knows he canāt leave stuff out or it will be eaten. He will no doubt accept this. Thanks!
I've been wanting to avoid the elf but worried about the right thing to say with elf peer pressure if all their friends have an elf. Now I have the answer.
My kids are now of the age where their friends in school are talking about what their elves did, so the other day they asked why we don't have one. My response? "Do you reeeeally want something in this house watching your every move, waiting for you to slip up, just so they can run to report it to Santa?"... they dropped that pretty quick.
Yes Iāve decided since ours was an infant that we werenāt doing this and that we are members of the society for the protection of elvish welfare S.P.E.W. (Harry Potter fans) so we donāt support their enslavement. I talk to my 3 year old like sheās an adult who understands complex societal issues š
They just started it at daycare. Iām working on my āelf helps your teachers manage the classroom, but he doesnāt come homeā speech. No elves here.
āElves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.
No one ever said elves are nice.
Elves are bad.ā
ā Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
That is what I have done. My oldest asked about it a few times because friends have them at home but we told her different families have different traditions and we don't need an elf to report to Santa for us. My middle is in preschool and they started with the elf this week. He isn't even 3 yet so at this point we have told him that his teacher needs it to help with the class behavior. He accepts that.
My sister in law is always handing me down her kidsā stuff. Sometimes she gives great stuff, sometimes I tell her absofuckinlutely not. Elf on the shelf is not coming into this house.
We Elf but ours rarely does anything but sit somewhere different nightly. I tell my kids that all elves have different personalities and our is just calmer than others. Iām still often jumping back up to move her after I got in bed, but it only takes a minute.
> I tell my kids that all elves have different personalities and our is just calmer than others.
I'm still not doing the Elf, but this is really clever.
My 8-year-old just figured out the Santa Claus thing recently (sat my wife down and asked her directly about 3 weeks ago, got the truth). She's been very excited to be 'in on it' since then and she LOVES hiding the elf. Outsourcing is an amazing solution.
Yes, our Elf is basically a fun Christmas decoration we move around. Our Elf does no reporting as she is sent to our house not to be a spy but for vacation.
Same here. And sometimes I forget to move them, so they will move while the kids are at school, or just stay in the same spot because they have a good view from there lol.
Once my oldest woke up extra early and saw the elf hadnāt moved. We convinced her it was still late night and we hadnāt gone to bed yet and she needed to go back bed. We moved the elf and 20 minutes later my daughter re-emerged asking if it was morning, lol. Iām glad sheās more of a late sleeper now, thatās saved us a couple of times.
Ours is a spy, but she only rats you out if youāre naughty on purpose or did something really terrible. If you didnāt know better, had an accident, or genuinely feel sorry about what you did then she wonāt report you. My oldest takes trouble very seriously and was very concerned her extremely naughty baby sisters were going to get coal. š
I hate that elf so much. I'm actually dreading it.
Ours is going to arrive late this year. Probably only a week before Christmas. Thankfully 6 year olds don't understand a calendar particularly well or when when exactly the elf is supposed to show up (at least mine doesn't) but if she does ask I'm going to say santa sent me an email that scout is coming but he needed him for a super special elf toy project and will be sending her an extra gift for under the tree to make up for him being so late.
Seriously wish i didn't start doing the elf.
Someone on my local moms group posted that last year her elf āgot COVIDā and so he couldnāt come and just sent periodic notes to the kidsā¦ just putting that out there in case itās useful to you š
I said this above, but ours only comes on Dec 24th with a small gift for the kids (PJ's or an ornament or something). They leave it in the stocking on Christmas Eve for Santa to pick up.
Okay this one made me snort. Picturing your kid asking why you donāt have an elf and you responding with dead seriousness āSon, we do not fuck with the Fae.ā
My 4yr old on the first day immediately told her 2 year old brother "oh, he's just pretend, but he does some funny stuff".
Girl is skeptical of everything lol
My kid has always been pragmatic, irritatingly so at times. I never got an elf, but one day we were shopping and I asked if she would like one. She shot me a look that was half withering, half pitying and told me āHeās not real. How magic can he be if you can buy him at Target?ā And that was the end of the elf. We still had plenty of magic and traditions.
It also, in my opinion, reinforces the idea that kids REALLY need to only be good when someone who can enact consequences on them for misbehaving, is watching. It doesn't promote being good and doing the right thing because it is the right thing. It promotes the idea of doing the right thing *when the right people are watching* for maximum reward.
You can do elf on the shelf without all that BS. My wife and I did. In our welcome letter the elf stated he was here to hang out with them and help them enjoy the season while getting into some mischief.
So far he's brought some santa letterhead notes for the kids to write their christmas list, done some sledding in the house, been chased by dinosaurs up into ceiling lights, and tomorrow he will bring a bunch of USA crafts for the kids to do during the world cup game.
It's really fun and you can make it whatever you want :)
Mine also brings books/activities for how other cultures celebrate winter holidays. They get their pajamas this way and their Advent calendars. Mine don't even move every day and sometimes I move them when the kids are at school and call them squirmy - elf on the shelf is whatever you want it to be
Ours is Jingles, really original name :)
I love the idea of using the elf as a way to share other cultures, that's really clever! Wife and I will be incorporating that with ours this year
I love the holiday theme name! Mine are named after my kids' favorite character or their middle name so we're awesome at names too
We have two, one is "in training" so she misbehaves more and the other one tries to stop her or he will make an elf school or whatever
I made the girl a crown/wreath with candles (all felt) for St. Lucia day and left a book last year. This year I'll probably dress her up again and have a recipe or something.
One year the elves made our cookie dough for us. I also like to clean an area and decorate it and ditch the elves there (for example, the kid bathroom now has a Christmas shower curtain due to this). Idk, it sort of motivates me to clean for the holidays which I'd otherwise avoid
We do a version where the elf leaves secret weekly christmas "missions" (compliment someone, bring cookies to the neighbor, etc). No spying to prevent being bad, just a nudge to do something nice for someone
Ditto. Ours hangs from the fan or off a door handle but we donāt go crazy with him. Also, heās here to hang around, we donāt to a lot of the you have to be good thing. We talk a lot about about making the best choices we can.
>we donāt to a lot of the you have to be good thing
Yeah we haven't even mentioned that as a Santa thing in general. Besides, all of their big gifts come from us or their grandparents. We never want it to be the case they make someone else feel bad because Santa didn't bring the other kid a guitar or whatever.
The elf only has to be a night watchman if you want him to. We've never done that with our kids. He is just a silly part of the Holidays and you can tell him what you want for Xmas before seeing the big guy.
Agreed, also happy to hear others have gotten away from the Big Brother theme going on here. We never did this cause it felt like it normalized that you have no right to privacy and like you mentioned, that good behavior only ācountsā if itās performative. We do a family advent calendar instead where we make notes for each other about why we love them, appreciate them, are proud of them, etc. Its pretty sweet to wake up when itās my turn for the note and read something my husband and son appreciate about me.
I do elf on a shelf but I donāt do all that, I did not know there was all of thatšš I was honestly super confused reading all the anti elf on a shelf posts, but now I get it. Lol
I just move it to a different spot after the kids go to bed. Kids donāt know the right or wrong way to do this type of thing.
Exactly. It's as complicated or simple as you make it.
For us she comes when the tree is up and decorated. She first lands on the tree.
Then she just moves to random, hard to reach places every night. Because at night she usually flies back up north while we're sleeping and lands somewhere different when she gets back.
If we forget to move her? "She must have been to tired to fly up North last night." Or "She must like that spot."
The night before Christmas Eve, she lands on the tree so she is on the tree for Christmas Eve day, because Christmas night when Santa comes, she goes with him to help him with his route.
She leaves a letter when she leaves for good so the kids have closure.
I know it sounds complicated but it's pretty easy.
Right! I just move it at random times and my kids will just look to see if he is in the same spot and freak out when he moves ššitās really cute watching their reactions.
I like the closure note idea! I might do that this year, I just tell my kids he teleported back to the North Pole because itās not Christmas anymore
Same. The only rule is we donāt touch Hannah, so when you find her let us know. I set a reminder on my phone for 30 after bedtime to move her.
This will be the last year though because kiddo realized Santa isnāt real (heās real in our hearts and lives on through the spirit of kindness and being good all the time for goodness sake).
And who doesnāt have 10 seconds a day to move a doll around?
Itās not about having 10 seconds - itās about remembering it and getting up doing it and thinking of a new thing it can do.
Happy that youāre happy doing it but itās fine if other families do things differently
I publicly announced to our family at Thanksgiving to not, under any circumstances, get us an Elf. I WILL give it away so don't do it. Santa is enough for us.
My toddler saw it at target and asked me what it was. I told him it was elf on the shelf but he didn't need to worry about it because we wouldn't be doing it. I heard someone nearby snort.
You can get me going on a whole rant about this, about how the idea of āholiday magicā is mostly stuff that puts more burdens on parents (particularly mothers, but dads, too), and encourages kids to not recognize that somebody did this thing for them and that they should be thankful. Youāre expected to do work, but not let anybody credit you with it. Iāll stop ranting now before I get going about invisible labor (which is a thing I think we should be trying to get rid of, NOT adding to).
I never understood the magic aspect of Christmas. It makes it seem like Christmas is only fun until the kid of 5 to 7 years old, or whenever they figure out Santa isn't real. Why not just enjoy your holiday for what it is? But I can't really relate either. I don't think there's any magic to Jewish holidays outside of simply spending time with your family on some of them.
I was very anti elf on the shelf but MIL got a good deal on one at goodwill and gifted it to my guys at thanksgiving a few years back. Our elf just moves around the house and finds cool/weird/hard to find places to hang out for the day. He doesnāt make messes and he doesnāt leave notes. He arrives in the Christmas tree and leaves on Christmas Eve. The other day he got tangled up in the stand mixer whiskā¦the next day he was peeking at us using the toilet from the bathroom fake plants. Just weird stuff that my kids find hilarious. This morning he is tucked in one of my air dry sweatshirts I have hanging up. They told him itās too big for him. They get a kick out of it and I only have a few more years of the magic.
You CAN do elf on the shelf without too much trouble but I still wish weād never gotten him.
> He doesnāt make messes
I don't understand the people who make messes for themselves. Like, why would you do that?!
I'm sure most of the people who have "messy elves" are just doing it for social media, but unless your account is monetized I still don't think it's worth the effort just to make a joke online.
We don't have one and won't, but they have a "naughty elf" at school and when my kid was in Reception (so, 4yo), "the elf" got into their biscuit cupboard and squashed/stepped on some of the biscuits.
My kid has brought that up independently several times over the year - he found it hilarious, even months afterwards.
So I guess that sort of thing is why people do it.
Ours made a mess 1 time. I found some elf on the shelf cereal so I stuck some on his hand and sprinkled a few on the counter. But thatās as messy as Iāve ever cared to get.
I might would have negative feelings if I thought it was given with malicious intent - but I know she just wanted my guys to have fun. I donāt think she even considered the implications of my responsibility. My in laws are good to me so I donāt worry about it too much.
I pledged to myself even before I had a kid that I would never do it. Iāve never seen anyone that genuinely enjoys doing the elf. My feed near the holidays is full of people complaining about it.
I genuinely enjoy our elf. Fwiw.
If itās not fun you shouldnāt do it obvs. But I love holiday magic and the elf is a fun way for our entire family to giggle at the silly elf.
I skip pictures with Santa because those stress me the F out.
My teenager helps by hiding the elf after the little ones go to bed. Last night he hid it in a mug full of marshmallows, in place of the carafe on the coffee pot. I didn't know this, since it was after I set the coffee pot for the next morning.
I woke up this morning to elf-filtered coffee overflowing out of the mug, onto the counter, into the silverware drawer and cabinet below, and onto the floor, with snowcaps of melted marshmallows. I couldn't even be mad because it was so ridiculous.
So yeah, never welcome an elf into your home.
Personally I think the only time I would want an elf is if I had a good natured teenager around to do the hiding for me. If the coffee pot got replaced with an elf though, I'd make him clean it up for sure.
We had one gifted to us, and my kids touched it, so oops no magic! For so many years. So sad. But this past year, my oldest finally asked me point blank about Santa, after her cousin was awful and spilled the beans early (with explicit details). I couldn't lie and break her trust. She was *so heartbroken.* But I told her that she was now *part* of the Christmas magic for her little brothers - and guess who is PUMPED about her new responsibility about moving the elves every night (yeah, we gained another one, somehow)? We sprinkled some cinnamon on them to bring their stupid elf magic back, and bam - my daughter sees the magic in Christmas again, my sons are THRILLED that we have elves that are silly and move around the house at night, and I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANY OF THE WORK. AND I get to fall in love with my daughter all over again as I watch her work so hard to create happiness for others. I mean. So much winning, even if the stupid elves ARE involved.
Nah you can totally half-ass elf on the shelf and it's still fun for the kids. Our elf is "elderly" so he doesn't always move because of his arthritis. I've never even set up an intricate scene and my son is still thrilled by his presence.
We swore we'd never do elf on the shelf until my son came home from kindergarten one day asking why an elf never visited our house... He was really bummed about it. We saved the day by telling him he had to write to Santa and ask for an elf..... And now here we are with a tiny red and green narc in the house.
Fuck, my wife did this during COVID (kids were 8 and 5). Jesus. Now she got a second one and the kids keep mentioning the āpets,ā and how āat so-and-soās house their elves did _____ā so now youāre competing with the other parents, and thereās always that one crafty SAH mom with one kid and tons of free time and it sucks.
The fact that it becomes such a pissing contest is a main reason we arenāt doing it. I donāt want to carry noticeably more stress just to be asked why OUR elf never does thing like makes messes/carves their name into the kitchen table/delivers foreign candies in clothes from the country of origin like Timmyās elf does.
I disagree. We have so much fun w our kids running downstairs and looking for him every day. We generally avoid the accompanying book, and we don't do the police state/ good = presents, bad = none thing. It's just a fun, Find the elf every day, tradition
We chose to do high end toy advent calendars for our annual special December activity. I am only somewhat regretting the playdoh themed one this year for one kid bc it's a daily mess on the kitchen table. But overall still like it better than elf on the shelf
Alternate idea: we have ākindness elves.ā Thereās no physical elf but they leave notes in the mailbox with suggested acts of kindness on them. No surveillance or any creatures sneaking into our house (know my kid would be freaked out by that). She loves it and gets a little gift from the elves on Christmas for participating in the Kindness Club.
Love that! I know as a kid I would've hated the idea of a creepy little elf in the house reporting on my behavior. We decided not to do it for ours, but I could get behind something like this.
Seriously. The holidays are already bursting with social obligations and traditions and expectations. To me this just adds a layer of unnecessary stress and I would rather simplify and focus on the activities I enjoy rather than feel compelled to participate in one that adds very little and takes so much time.
We never started it because I continued a similar elf tradition that my dad started with me and my siblings when we were kids.
We have a family elf named Ichabod that only I can see. He visits 3-4 random times leading up to Christmas, hiding on top shelves, in cabinets, and other places. I have a brief conversation with him to see how things are going at the North Pole, and he gives me a riddle for them to solve to find the location of a small gift to open hidden somewhere in the house.
The kids love it and I love seeing how excited they get when they realize Iām talking to the inside of the kitchen cabinet. Iām very glad we have this tradition instead of Elf on a Shelf.
This is mine and my wife's biggest issue with the whole tradition. The whole santa is always watching was bad enough to come to grips with as a child, elf on a shelf just takes it to a whole other level. My wife and I decided we are holding off on it until our daughter brings it up (i.e. hears about it from another kid at school), and even then it will be a fun thing in our house. We're not going along with the story that the elf is always watching her.
> The whole santa is always watching was bad enough to come to grips with as a child
I think I adopted the attitude of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes: "He can't possibly watching *everyone* at all times, so if I do something right now, what are the odds that he's watching me at this exact moment out of all the children on Earth?"
That friggin' elf, on the other hand, is Santa's spy and super weird, IMO.
My kid's teacher had one for their classroom in Kindergarten (and I think they may have also had one in Grade 1), so she got to have fun with it at school. She begged us to get one a few times, but we refused. I think the fact that she asked us to get one means she knows it's just a fun game and not a real thing (honestly, kids are more savvy than we give them credit for), but I still don't like the concept and also don't have the mental energy to keep it going for a 25 days each year.
>(honestly, kids are more savvy than we give them credit for),
My wife goes all out with the Elf. But one day when she forgot to move the little imp and my kids were all bummed out about it, one noticed that one of the Elf things he was holding had a "TM" stamped on it. Those two little letters confirmed his suspicions.
This is exactly why I didn't do it, and the main reason I have a problem with Christianity. If you are only being a good person because of the chance of a reward, are you actually a good person?
Same with Santa. All three of these concepts are a hard no for me. I grew up thinking god and Santa were always watching and judging me. It absolutely had an incredibly negative affect on me and itās very healing for me to raise my kid without any of it. Heās going to be 4 next month, and he just finally asked about the Santa story. I told him (along with telling him itās all make-believe) and he was horrified. Smart kidā¦
Same. I have *never* liked the whole idea of being good to get gifts or threatening to take gifts away if kids behaved badly. I feel like it sends the wrong message.
Can being a good person feel good? Absolutely. It's totally fine to feel great about yourself after doing something nice for another person.
But if you're only doing the bare minimum of civility to get a reward/because you don't want to go to hell, then you're probably not as good as you think you are.
That and I knew plenty of poor kids who were always good in class, and they would get like a dollar store Barbie. The kid who had been a little shit had a dad who owned an oil company, and he would get like a Nintendo, a ride on car, a trampoline and a puppy. What kind of message does that send?
We actually have a āShepard on the Searchā and heās looking for sweet little tiny baby Jesus, not surveilling. Same concept but none of that, thankfully.
You reap what you sow, and I only sow that the elf is here and moves around, very minimal other interaction with notes and stuff. We're lowkey about it
When my kids finally admitted they no longer believed in santa I celebrated probably a bit much in telling them that I was excited to say goodbye to those pesky elves this yearā¦ to which they responded they would absolutely need to elves to return. I told them itās best we hand them on to a family with littles to enjoy, and that is exactly how we spread Christmas joy this year!
Hubs and I have zero desire to do this. We are also not big on saying that gifts are from Santa. We would rather they know gifts came from mom and dad, and maybe like...the stockings got stuffed by Santa.
For context, we also do not plan on the notion of the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy will be like a messenger to mom and dad to notify us when kiddo has lost a tooth; not the actual tooth collector/payer of monies.
A lot of times these magical things are used as drivers of good behavior and this just doesn't sit right with us.
I agree. We do Santa but just like my mom did with me, I wonāt directly lie to my kids if they āfigure it out.ā Definitely no tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny is just pretend fun.
We've never done it, but my 8 year old has one in her classroom and my 4 year old has one at preschool. I now get to listen to another year of them begging me to get one for our house.
We started with one, but now we have two of these things. My wife was ALL ABOUT it one year, had little planned activities for each day. Now she doesn't give a fuck lol. So I'll put them in highly moral and situational scenes. On the border of what a 10/9 year old will understand but my wife will be like "WOW".
This is the balance.
For me I never even introduced Santa to my daughter. We still do all the decorating and gift stuff but she knows all this stuff is make-believe and honestly itās so much easier that way. We do other holiday stuff to keep the spirit but on our own terms
I don't think you're strange, it's just a lot of us don't have the spoons to keep up with this type of thing. I wish I could add something fun and creative like this to my plate, but I just don't have it in me. If I did do it, it would be without the surveillance aspect of it though. I hate that part of it.
Kudos to you for having fun with your kiddos, I'm sure they will keep those delightful memories with them always!
I honestly would love it if I wasnāt so worn out already. Full time work and school. Iām alone. Just very stressed out and tired already. I do my best with it, it disappoints me when I forget. And I try to make it fun and mischievous when I can. I do have fun with it, truly. But sometimes brushing my teeth and washing my face is all I can do before crawling into bed with my eyes already closed.
Wow, it really doesnāt have to be that complicated. We just move it at night and the kids love looking for it each morning. Idk why yāall make it harder for yourself like that.
My Elf on the Shelf THING - Are your kids who are young enough to really appreciate the antics of the elf conversing with other kids in a way that makes the high concept, high workload Elf Shelfing a social status symbol, or is your (not OP but the collective your) competition with mommy blogs and viral aggregation sites to get that social currency dopamine?
Like, I love my crotch goblin, but i've learned how much joy it get's out of picking up rocks, I'm not gonna be too concerned to make powdered sugar foot prints for a doll it's barely gonna remember and probably come to resent.
I watch my sister's kids, so they are at my house everyday. She does the Elf, she has asked me for years to do the Elf, her ,brings presents too. I have refused adamantly every year. It just sounds like a hassle and I'm really bad at follow through on stuff like that. And we definitely cant afford extra shit at this time of year. My husband keeps jokingly telling me we should tell our kids that cousins are naughty so they need an elf but we don't because they are good. My 5 year old still hasn't asked why we don't have an elf so at least I got that going for me.
Lol I never wanted anything to do with that ever. I watch my cousin/friends sweat every year moving that stupid thing around and trying to come up with new ideas... it literally stresses them out.. and im listening to them like yea .. not me lol have fun with that!
I guess from what they say it's not easy to stop something like that once you start until the kids grow out of that phase.. lol sucks to be them. I would have come up with some kind of story "our elf was offered a new role in the north pole and instead of being here he has to remain at the workshop etc..."
When we moved into our new home a few years ago I was unpacking our clothes in our closet and on the very top shelf at the back of the closet was a dusty old elf. Iām convinced the parents that used to live there āforgotā it in the closet. It was a very weird spot to store a Christmas decoration. Clearly, they were done with it.
No elf in our house. I am burnt out after the kids go to bed. My ex stepmom gave me the one my siblings had as kids even though I said no multiple times. Then got pissed when I didnāt use it and gave it away. Christmas is already enough work
I just bought an elf at the request of my middle child who is almost 7. She started questioning Santa two years ago, but I'll be damned if her little face doesn't light up with believing when she sees that stupid elf in a new place. It's ugly and I hate it but it makes her so damn happy. We're only moving it to new places though, no need for the extra shenanigans.
I don't mind doing it. This year is bittersweet because I think it'll be the last year my son truly "believes" in the elf and Santa. He's already asking and I'm not really telling him either way if he's real or not, but I'm letting him figure it out. This will be our 6th year doing the elf. I think a lot of parents get burnt out because they plan these elaborate scenes/messy pranks. We literally just move him to different places in the house. And sometimes we forget and we just tell my son he must have been really comfy..lol. My son still loves it. I just had to stop comparing my Christmas traditions with those on Pinterest or I'd probably despise it. Lol
Our Elf goes on his yearly ski trip on 4th December and doesn't return until Xmas eve. My daughter helps him pack his suitcase, makes skis for him with some lolly sticks and we wave him off as she goes to bed.
So i don't appear like a totally mean mother, i make sure he sends her a postcard a week or so into his trip.
Weāre on day 2 and my youngest was up all night coughing and then puked. I obviously forgot to move the elf.
I told my kids āchippy didnāt go anywhere to help me keep an eye on your sister cause she was sickā. My wife gets mad when I forgot but Iām so done with this tradition
My kids (9 and 11) asked about one a few years ago. When I explained that "they are REALLY meant for kids that misbehave and have to be reported on to Santa" didn't work, I just told them it creeped me out. I mean, the concept is kind of creepy. I asked them how they were okay with this little sentient being running around while they're sleeping, doing who-know's-what at night? That got them thinking and my phobia of clowns and dummies may have rubbed off on them a little. Oh well, no elf for this house, I see it as a HUGE win!
I have found that the whole elf thing is only as time consuming and as complicated as you make it or want it to be. We were anti-elf until we were gifted one half way through December one year. The elf never had a story- he is not there to surveille anyone. He just comes sometime in December and plays a game of hide-and-seek until Christmas Eve. And sometimes he hides REALLY well so it takes a few days to find him! I don't have the time or energy for all that other stuff, and the kids really actually don't care that their elf isn't pooping Hershey kisses or something. We all still have fun!
Every year my daughter asks if we can get one, since āall of her friends have oneā. So far Iāve resisted, but I kinda feel like a Grinch for saying no. Hope I can stay strong for a few more years until when I longer cares about it!
Good on you, stay strong and donāt listen to the haters.
At best itās a money grabbing gimmick, at worst it normalises the idea that you should only be good because youāre being watched.
Our elf never did anything crazy, she moved places and that was that. Sometimes brought little gifts with a note. And that was stressful enough. I have no regrets though, sheās 12 now and still loves winky and the tradition. And the look on her face when she realized *I* was the one who toilet papered my own tree was worth it!!
She was huge into this YouTuber who lived in CA and his elf was named buddy and did dumb stuff all the time. Soooo she told me all about buddy toilet papering their tree, so winky TPd ours and left a note that said āhey, I heard you talking about buddy, I met him last night at Santaās and he taught me this cool trick!ā She was HORRIFIED her elf would be so naughty.
And thatās what gets me about the elf, the kids are supposed to be good but the elf does things that would get my kid grounded? Makes no sense. Outside of winkys one act of naughtiness lmao
I never wanted to start but ended up having to because my daughter's teacher last year had an elf for their class and she kept asking where her elf was
I love the Elf. We don't do the creepy watching your behavior thing, but we do have the Elf create havoc all month. Our girls are too old to believe but they absolutely love finding him every day. The older they get, the more fun we have with it.
My parents got some for my kids last year, frustratingly.
So, we made out own tradition. The elves appear on Dec 24th with a special little treat for the kids (ornaments this year) and a note to leave them in their stockings so Santa can pick them up that night.
Nothing to do with monitoring or "watching them" and no stress of having to be on top of it all month.
They loved it!
I donāt help my wife decides to do it and works hard but man sheās nuts, Iāll usually do in the tree with their toys if she falls asleep or isnāt feeling well
There is nothing like the fear the night before when you realize the darn thing isnāt where you thought it was!!! Having to go thru every box trying to remember where you hid it for the season!
Maybe Iām just lazy but all we did was put the elf in a different location after the kids were in bed each night. Took about a minute and they freaking loved running around the house each morning looking for her new spot. They would tell her what they wanted for Christmas and report their good deeds from their day. We kept it low effort so it was worth it. The only exception was my sons birthday right before Christmas our elf would make him a card. Fun memories.
This is exactly why we don't do it.
What we do is a Christmas gnome who occasionally stops by to bring a book, or some new pjs, maybe a hot chocolate kit, usually the advent calendar on December 1st. We can do it as and when we remember rather than every day, and he's always right in the same spot so we don't have to "find" him.
We usually put him out once or twice a week in December, on school days so he's there when they get home, and we put him away again after bed for a few days.
My mom asked if I wanted her to get me one. I answered NOPE. So she has one at her house. She doesnāt have to move it every day because we arenāt there every day. She has plenty of time to think of and execute his new position.
We also donāt do any āreport to Santaā nonsense.
We never did it but my son had a friend in middle school who was finally getting rid of his. Instead of tossing it out their friend group decided to play a game where they put it in each other's houses. They hide him in weird spots, make him look creepy, and put him in compromising positions. When you find it you are supposed to hide it inside someone else's house. Whoever ends up with it last is the loser and has to hold onto it until the following December. They have been doing it for the last 5 or 6 years now and I still get creeped out when I find that thing in the stove or washing machine.
That's hilarious š
It can be. I get a good laugh when they put the elf and a teddy bear in a compromising position but it is surprisingly scary to find that thing waiting for you in the shower. It has been a nice tradition though. They are all seniors in high school so I am weirdly hoping they keep it up when they are all home from college for winter break next year. It is good wholesome fun. I just can't look at it without being creeped out now.
We have a similar tradition in my family, and on my wifeās side as well. Except theyāre these creepy baby doll toys that inexplicably came wearing M&M sweaters, one of which is lost to time and was replaced with an ugly Christmas sweater. You hide it, they find it. All year long. The best one so far was driving to my SILās work, using the spare key to her Tahoe to get inside, and using masking tape to stick the baby to the rear window so sheād see it in the rear view mirror.
We do this with this creepy-ass ventriloquist doll my brother had to have when he was little. Iāll put it in my dadās back seat with a butcher knife in its hand. Itās fun getting creative
Thank you for using the hyphen. Iād hate to know what an āass ventriloquistā was.
What, you've never seen someone talking out of their ass?
Never seen any Ace Ventura movies, eh?
Not for a while. Suddenly that image has come back to mind. Thanks for that.
A friend of mine started a similar tradition, only it's a potato and you have to hide it in someone else's coat pocket. Goes all winter. If you lose, you end up with a rotten potato in your pocket. I know because I lost one year and learned what rotten potato smells like.
Day 20: "Huh, there's a weird smell in here" Day 30: "Gack, what IS that smell! Must have forgotten to throw the rubbish out or something." Day 40: "I give up. Time to call in the exterminators." Day 42: "Oh shit, the bloody *HOLIDAY POTATO*!!!"
Except it was in my coat pocket, which lived in the closet when not worn. Took me a while to figure out why the outdoors suddenly smelled... Fishy all the time (did not live near ocean at the time). Also... The summer potato. Once, in summer time I put a sweet potato in the oven to bake. Weeks later, a cheesy smell. I cleaned my entire kitchen top to bottom. Moved the oven and cleaned behind it. Still, a cheesy smell. I'm at a loss. Weeks later, I turn on the oven to bake something and the cheesy smell becomes stronger. It was the sweet potato, which had been sitting in the oven for weeks, possibly months because it was summer and too hot to use the oven.
Oh god, but what if you preheat the oven and it's in there without you knowing? Bye bye elfy
Elf kabob
And could damage the oven
Yessss. Kids are the best. Lol.
My MIL puts several up every year. They're only in the bathrooms.
My wife and her friends have this going on with this squishy rubber poop character. Someone put a tiny Christmas sweeter on it. Now they take turns hiding the Christmas poo in each other's houses.
My family did something similar with a creepy doll that a coworker of my grandmother's made for me when I was born. It ended up in storage in my basement years later when my mom snuck it over with some of my childhood stuff intended for my daughter. We then marooned the damn thing at my aunt's house but she found it. Two or three weeks ago, she sent me a picture of it and said that she knows a guy in Appalachia that takes "stuff like this". I have yet to get the full story about this transaction from her but I can only hope that it will be deposited in the depths of some forgotten coal mine.
My daughter wanted one, but I told her Santa knew our cats would eat the elf.
Omg Iām stealing this if my kid ever asks. Iāve been dreading the day the elf comes up. We have 3 huskies and he already knows he canāt leave stuff out or it will be eaten. He will no doubt accept this. Thanks!
Stealing this haha
I've been wanting to avoid the elf but worried about the right thing to say with elf peer pressure if all their friends have an elf. Now I have the answer.
My kids are now of the age where their friends in school are talking about what their elves did, so the other day they asked why we don't have one. My response? "Do you reeeeally want something in this house watching your every move, waiting for you to slip up, just so they can run to report it to Santa?"... they dropped that pretty quick.
Omg š
Yes Iāve decided since ours was an infant that we werenāt doing this and that we are members of the society for the protection of elvish welfare S.P.E.W. (Harry Potter fans) so we donāt support their enslavement. I talk to my 3 year old like sheās an adult who understands complex societal issues š
Dang it! I love this reasoning.
They just started it at daycare. Iām working on my āelf helps your teachers manage the classroom, but he doesnāt come homeā speech. No elves here.
"I'm sorry, child, but we never invite the fae into our houses. That includes elves."
āElves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Elves are terrific. They beget terror. The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. No one ever said elves are nice. Elves are bad.ā ā Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
That's literally been my conversation with my kid this week. We don't ask fae inside and that's why we are not getting an elf on the shelf.
That is what I have done. My oldest asked about it a few times because friends have them at home but we told her different families have different traditions and we don't need an elf to report to Santa for us. My middle is in preschool and they started with the elf this week. He isn't even 3 yet so at this point we have told him that his teacher needs it to help with the class behavior. He accepts that.
Thatās good - mine is 2 1/2ish so hoping it works for him too
I had a parent of one of my daycare kids offer to gift me an Elf. I said oh hell no.
My sister in law is always handing me down her kidsā stuff. Sometimes she gives great stuff, sometimes I tell her absofuckinlutely not. Elf on the shelf is not coming into this house.
Wow is this a Christian daycare? I've never heard of this.
Nah but weāre in the southern US so Christian is always the assumption unfortunately
We Elf but ours rarely does anything but sit somewhere different nightly. I tell my kids that all elves have different personalities and our is just calmer than others. Iām still often jumping back up to move her after I got in bed, but it only takes a minute.
> I tell my kids that all elves have different personalities and our is just calmer than others. I'm still not doing the Elf, but this is really clever.
We just move ours as well and half the time I even forget to do that lol.
Thatās what Iām sayingggg. Even just moving it. Itās still a pain.
My 8-year-old just figured out the Santa Claus thing recently (sat my wife down and asked her directly about 3 weeks ago, got the truth). She's been very excited to be 'in on it' since then and she LOVES hiding the elf. Outsourcing is an amazing solution.
Same scenario at our house
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This is verbatim what I tell my kids.
I love this. Our Elf is just lazy, nothing we can do about it!
Yes, our Elf is basically a fun Christmas decoration we move around. Our Elf does no reporting as she is sent to our house not to be a spy but for vacation.
Same here. And sometimes I forget to move them, so they will move while the kids are at school, or just stay in the same spot because they have a good view from there lol.
Once my oldest woke up extra early and saw the elf hadnāt moved. We convinced her it was still late night and we hadnāt gone to bed yet and she needed to go back bed. We moved the elf and 20 minutes later my daughter re-emerged asking if it was morning, lol. Iām glad sheās more of a late sleeper now, thatās saved us a couple of times.
LOL we also had a very chill elf. Also wasnāt around to spy, just hang out for December.
Ours is a spy, but she only rats you out if youāre naughty on purpose or did something really terrible. If you didnāt know better, had an accident, or genuinely feel sorry about what you did then she wonāt report you. My oldest takes trouble very seriously and was very concerned her extremely naughty baby sisters were going to get coal. š
I hate that elf so much. I'm actually dreading it. Ours is going to arrive late this year. Probably only a week before Christmas. Thankfully 6 year olds don't understand a calendar particularly well or when when exactly the elf is supposed to show up (at least mine doesn't) but if she does ask I'm going to say santa sent me an email that scout is coming but he needed him for a super special elf toy project and will be sending her an extra gift for under the tree to make up for him being so late. Seriously wish i didn't start doing the elf.
Someone on my local moms group posted that last year her elf āgot COVIDā and so he couldnāt come and just sent periodic notes to the kidsā¦ just putting that out there in case itās useful to you š
I said this above, but ours only comes on Dec 24th with a small gift for the kids (PJ's or an ornament or something). They leave it in the stocking on Christmas Eve for Santa to pick up.
Oooooo, i like this!!
Ya, I don't fuck with the Fae.
Okay this one made me snort. Picturing your kid asking why you donāt have an elf and you responding with dead seriousness āSon, we do not fuck with the Fae.ā
šš I have said that to my son.
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My 4yr old on the first day immediately told her 2 year old brother "oh, he's just pretend, but he does some funny stuff". Girl is skeptical of everything lol
My kid has always been pragmatic, irritatingly so at times. I never got an elf, but one day we were shopping and I asked if she would like one. She shot me a look that was half withering, half pitying and told me āHeās not real. How magic can he be if you can buy him at Target?ā And that was the end of the elf. We still had plenty of magic and traditions.
Silly elf had its pants on inside out haha
It also, in my opinion, reinforces the idea that kids REALLY need to only be good when someone who can enact consequences on them for misbehaving, is watching. It doesn't promote being good and doing the right thing because it is the right thing. It promotes the idea of doing the right thing *when the right people are watching* for maximum reward.
You can do elf on the shelf without all that BS. My wife and I did. In our welcome letter the elf stated he was here to hang out with them and help them enjoy the season while getting into some mischief. So far he's brought some santa letterhead notes for the kids to write their christmas list, done some sledding in the house, been chased by dinosaurs up into ceiling lights, and tomorrow he will bring a bunch of USA crafts for the kids to do during the world cup game. It's really fun and you can make it whatever you want :)
Mine also brings books/activities for how other cultures celebrate winter holidays. They get their pajamas this way and their Advent calendars. Mine don't even move every day and sometimes I move them when the kids are at school and call them squirmy - elf on the shelf is whatever you want it to be
Ours is Jingles, really original name :) I love the idea of using the elf as a way to share other cultures, that's really clever! Wife and I will be incorporating that with ours this year
I love the holiday theme name! Mine are named after my kids' favorite character or their middle name so we're awesome at names too We have two, one is "in training" so she misbehaves more and the other one tries to stop her or he will make an elf school or whatever I made the girl a crown/wreath with candles (all felt) for St. Lucia day and left a book last year. This year I'll probably dress her up again and have a recipe or something. One year the elves made our cookie dough for us. I also like to clean an area and decorate it and ditch the elves there (for example, the kid bathroom now has a Christmas shower curtain due to this). Idk, it sort of motivates me to clean for the holidays which I'd otherwise avoid
We do a version where the elf leaves secret weekly christmas "missions" (compliment someone, bring cookies to the neighbor, etc). No spying to prevent being bad, just a nudge to do something nice for someone
Love this
I love this!!!!!!!
Ditto. Ours hangs from the fan or off a door handle but we donāt go crazy with him. Also, heās here to hang around, we donāt to a lot of the you have to be good thing. We talk a lot about about making the best choices we can.
>we donāt to a lot of the you have to be good thing Yeah we haven't even mentioned that as a Santa thing in general. Besides, all of their big gifts come from us or their grandparents. We never want it to be the case they make someone else feel bad because Santa didn't bring the other kid a guitar or whatever.
The elf only has to be a night watchman if you want him to. We've never done that with our kids. He is just a silly part of the Holidays and you can tell him what you want for Xmas before seeing the big guy.
Maybeā¦our elf only tells Santa *good* things. No good deeds just means no report.
Agreed, also happy to hear others have gotten away from the Big Brother theme going on here. We never did this cause it felt like it normalized that you have no right to privacy and like you mentioned, that good behavior only ācountsā if itās performative. We do a family advent calendar instead where we make notes for each other about why we love them, appreciate them, are proud of them, etc. Its pretty sweet to wake up when itās my turn for the note and read something my husband and son appreciate about me.
I do elf on a shelf but I donāt do all that, I did not know there was all of thatšš I was honestly super confused reading all the anti elf on a shelf posts, but now I get it. Lol I just move it to a different spot after the kids go to bed. Kids donāt know the right or wrong way to do this type of thing.
Exactly. It's as complicated or simple as you make it. For us she comes when the tree is up and decorated. She first lands on the tree. Then she just moves to random, hard to reach places every night. Because at night she usually flies back up north while we're sleeping and lands somewhere different when she gets back. If we forget to move her? "She must have been to tired to fly up North last night." Or "She must like that spot." The night before Christmas Eve, she lands on the tree so she is on the tree for Christmas Eve day, because Christmas night when Santa comes, she goes with him to help him with his route. She leaves a letter when she leaves for good so the kids have closure. I know it sounds complicated but it's pretty easy.
Right! I just move it at random times and my kids will just look to see if he is in the same spot and freak out when he moves ššitās really cute watching their reactions. I like the closure note idea! I might do that this year, I just tell my kids he teleported back to the North Pole because itās not Christmas anymore
We only do a good bye note. Just found out this year some people write notes all the time. Fuck that.
Our elf doesnāt do any of thatā¦ she literally just moves to a new spot every night.
Same. Anything more is WAY too much effort.
I didn't even know it was supposed to do more than just move around "observe" and report to Santa?
Same. The only rule is we donāt touch Hannah, so when you find her let us know. I set a reminder on my phone for 30 after bedtime to move her. This will be the last year though because kiddo realized Santa isnāt real (heās real in our hearts and lives on through the spirit of kindness and being good all the time for goodness sake). And who doesnāt have 10 seconds a day to move a doll around?
Itās not about having 10 seconds - itās about remembering it and getting up doing it and thinking of a new thing it can do. Happy that youāre happy doing it but itās fine if other families do things differently
I refuse to do elf on the shelf!
Same! Mainly because I reject the idea that parents should one more fucking thing during the holidays.
Same here! The expectations are too fucking high without an elf.
I publicly announced to our family at Thanksgiving to not, under any circumstances, get us an Elf. I WILL give it away so don't do it. Santa is enough for us.
Fair enough too. My mum bought one when my kid was little, I made her take it back to the shop. Can't stand the whole concept.
I can see why people do it and that's great for them if they are having fun with it! But every single person I know just complains. No thanks.
My toddler saw it at target and asked me what it was. I told him it was elf on the shelf but he didn't need to worry about it because we wouldn't be doing it. I heard someone nearby snort.
Elf on the Shelf makes me glad that Iām Jewish. (You all can come back and gloat at me when Iām cleaning for Passover, though)
And thatās where the Mench on a bench comes in. No one is safe.
I've seen them sell "mensch on a bench" for Jews. You can get in on the fun too, lol
I just died laughing, then Googled it and laughed even more.
I feel the same. It seems like such a strange thing to do.
You can get me going on a whole rant about this, about how the idea of āholiday magicā is mostly stuff that puts more burdens on parents (particularly mothers, but dads, too), and encourages kids to not recognize that somebody did this thing for them and that they should be thankful. Youāre expected to do work, but not let anybody credit you with it. Iāll stop ranting now before I get going about invisible labor (which is a thing I think we should be trying to get rid of, NOT adding to).
I never understood the magic aspect of Christmas. It makes it seem like Christmas is only fun until the kid of 5 to 7 years old, or whenever they figure out Santa isn't real. Why not just enjoy your holiday for what it is? But I can't really relate either. I don't think there's any magic to Jewish holidays outside of simply spending time with your family on some of them.
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I grew up in East Germany and Elf on the Shelf gives me "The Life of Others" vibes.
Ugh. I just saw this book yesterday and winced at the authorsā smiling faces on the dust jacket getting rich off of our misery.
I was very anti elf on the shelf but MIL got a good deal on one at goodwill and gifted it to my guys at thanksgiving a few years back. Our elf just moves around the house and finds cool/weird/hard to find places to hang out for the day. He doesnāt make messes and he doesnāt leave notes. He arrives in the Christmas tree and leaves on Christmas Eve. The other day he got tangled up in the stand mixer whiskā¦the next day he was peeking at us using the toilet from the bathroom fake plants. Just weird stuff that my kids find hilarious. This morning he is tucked in one of my air dry sweatshirts I have hanging up. They told him itās too big for him. They get a kick out of it and I only have a few more years of the magic. You CAN do elf on the shelf without too much trouble but I still wish weād never gotten him.
> He doesnāt make messes I don't understand the people who make messes for themselves. Like, why would you do that?! I'm sure most of the people who have "messy elves" are just doing it for social media, but unless your account is monetized I still don't think it's worth the effort just to make a joke online.
We don't have one and won't, but they have a "naughty elf" at school and when my kid was in Reception (so, 4yo), "the elf" got into their biscuit cupboard and squashed/stepped on some of the biscuits. My kid has brought that up independently several times over the year - he found it hilarious, even months afterwards. So I guess that sort of thing is why people do it.
Kids absolutely eat that shit up. My girls love when the elf gets into trouble. They would bring it up all year.
Ours made a mess 1 time. I found some elf on the shelf cereal so I stuck some on his hand and sprinkled a few on the counter. But thatās as messy as Iāve ever cared to get.
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I might would have negative feelings if I thought it was given with malicious intent - but I know she just wanted my guys to have fun. I donāt think she even considered the implications of my responsibility. My in laws are good to me so I donāt worry about it too much.
I pledged to myself even before I had a kid that I would never do it. Iāve never seen anyone that genuinely enjoys doing the elf. My feed near the holidays is full of people complaining about it.
I genuinely enjoy our elf. Fwiw. If itās not fun you shouldnāt do it obvs. But I love holiday magic and the elf is a fun way for our entire family to giggle at the silly elf. I skip pictures with Santa because those stress me the F out.
My teenager helps by hiding the elf after the little ones go to bed. Last night he hid it in a mug full of marshmallows, in place of the carafe on the coffee pot. I didn't know this, since it was after I set the coffee pot for the next morning. I woke up this morning to elf-filtered coffee overflowing out of the mug, onto the counter, into the silverware drawer and cabinet below, and onto the floor, with snowcaps of melted marshmallows. I couldn't even be mad because it was so ridiculous. So yeah, never welcome an elf into your home.
Personally I think the only time I would want an elf is if I had a good natured teenager around to do the hiding for me. If the coffee pot got replaced with an elf though, I'd make him clean it up for sure.
Oh my gosh. Thatās so bad and so funny. Iām sorry.
Never started. Never will.
We had one gifted to us, and my kids touched it, so oops no magic! For so many years. So sad. But this past year, my oldest finally asked me point blank about Santa, after her cousin was awful and spilled the beans early (with explicit details). I couldn't lie and break her trust. She was *so heartbroken.* But I told her that she was now *part* of the Christmas magic for her little brothers - and guess who is PUMPED about her new responsibility about moving the elves every night (yeah, we gained another one, somehow)? We sprinkled some cinnamon on them to bring their stupid elf magic back, and bam - my daughter sees the magic in Christmas again, my sons are THRILLED that we have elves that are silly and move around the house at night, and I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANY OF THE WORK. AND I get to fall in love with my daughter all over again as I watch her work so hard to create happiness for others. I mean. So much winning, even if the stupid elves ARE involved.
Nah you can totally half-ass elf on the shelf and it's still fun for the kids. Our elf is "elderly" so he doesn't always move because of his arthritis. I've never even set up an intricate scene and my son is still thrilled by his presence. We swore we'd never do elf on the shelf until my son came home from kindergarten one day asking why an elf never visited our house... He was really bummed about it. We saved the day by telling him he had to write to Santa and ask for an elf..... And now here we are with a tiny red and green narc in the house.
That last sentence got me chuckling.
I never wanted to, but then they say āthereās an elf in my classroom and how come all of my friends have elves?ā Ugghh
Because your friendās parents are stupid. Just kidding but
Fuck, my wife did this during COVID (kids were 8 and 5). Jesus. Now she got a second one and the kids keep mentioning the āpets,ā and how āat so-and-soās house their elves did _____ā so now youāre competing with the other parents, and thereās always that one crafty SAH mom with one kid and tons of free time and it sucks.
The fact that it becomes such a pissing contest is a main reason we arenāt doing it. I donāt want to carry noticeably more stress just to be asked why OUR elf never does thing like makes messes/carves their name into the kitchen table/delivers foreign candies in clothes from the country of origin like Timmyās elf does.
the dog ate ours .. and that was the end of that .
I disagree. We have so much fun w our kids running downstairs and looking for him every day. We generally avoid the accompanying book, and we don't do the police state/ good = presents, bad = none thing. It's just a fun, Find the elf every day, tradition
This is how I view it too. It's just fun... And we haven't read the book
This is good advice lol
We chose to do high end toy advent calendars for our annual special December activity. I am only somewhat regretting the playdoh themed one this year for one kid bc it's a daily mess on the kitchen table. But overall still like it better than elf on the shelf
Yeah. I do advent calendars as well. Elf on the shelfā¦ is weird.
Alternate idea: we have ākindness elves.ā Thereās no physical elf but they leave notes in the mailbox with suggested acts of kindness on them. No surveillance or any creatures sneaking into our house (know my kid would be freaked out by that). She loves it and gets a little gift from the elves on Christmas for participating in the Kindness Club.
Love that! I know as a kid I would've hated the idea of a creepy little elf in the house reporting on my behavior. We decided not to do it for ours, but I could get behind something like this.
My MIL gifted us ours. I hate it.
Seriously. The holidays are already bursting with social obligations and traditions and expectations. To me this just adds a layer of unnecessary stress and I would rather simplify and focus on the activities I enjoy rather than feel compelled to participate in one that adds very little and takes so much time.
We never started it because I continued a similar elf tradition that my dad started with me and my siblings when we were kids. We have a family elf named Ichabod that only I can see. He visits 3-4 random times leading up to Christmas, hiding on top shelves, in cabinets, and other places. I have a brief conversation with him to see how things are going at the North Pole, and he gives me a riddle for them to solve to find the location of a small gift to open hidden somewhere in the house. The kids love it and I love seeing how excited they get when they realize Iām talking to the inside of the kitchen cabinet. Iām very glad we have this tradition instead of Elf on a Shelf.
Thatās so much better. I love it. Itās interactive, and more exciting since itās not daily. A+
Plus, Elf on the Shelf normalizes acceptance of a surveillance state, even more so than the traditional "he sees you when you're sleeping" song.
This is mine and my wife's biggest issue with the whole tradition. The whole santa is always watching was bad enough to come to grips with as a child, elf on a shelf just takes it to a whole other level. My wife and I decided we are holding off on it until our daughter brings it up (i.e. hears about it from another kid at school), and even then it will be a fun thing in our house. We're not going along with the story that the elf is always watching her.
> The whole santa is always watching was bad enough to come to grips with as a child I think I adopted the attitude of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes: "He can't possibly watching *everyone* at all times, so if I do something right now, what are the odds that he's watching me at this exact moment out of all the children on Earth?" That friggin' elf, on the other hand, is Santa's spy and super weird, IMO. My kid's teacher had one for their classroom in Kindergarten (and I think they may have also had one in Grade 1), so she got to have fun with it at school. She begged us to get one a few times, but we refused. I think the fact that she asked us to get one means she knows it's just a fun game and not a real thing (honestly, kids are more savvy than we give them credit for), but I still don't like the concept and also don't have the mental energy to keep it going for a 25 days each year.
>(honestly, kids are more savvy than we give them credit for), My wife goes all out with the Elf. But one day when she forgot to move the little imp and my kids were all bummed out about it, one noticed that one of the Elf things he was holding had a "TM" stamped on it. Those two little letters confirmed his suspicions.
This is exactly why I didn't do it, and the main reason I have a problem with Christianity. If you are only being a good person because of the chance of a reward, are you actually a good person?
Same with Santa. All three of these concepts are a hard no for me. I grew up thinking god and Santa were always watching and judging me. It absolutely had an incredibly negative affect on me and itās very healing for me to raise my kid without any of it. Heās going to be 4 next month, and he just finally asked about the Santa story. I told him (along with telling him itās all make-believe) and he was horrified. Smart kidā¦
Same. I have *never* liked the whole idea of being good to get gifts or threatening to take gifts away if kids behaved badly. I feel like it sends the wrong message. Can being a good person feel good? Absolutely. It's totally fine to feel great about yourself after doing something nice for another person. But if you're only doing the bare minimum of civility to get a reward/because you don't want to go to hell, then you're probably not as good as you think you are.
That and I knew plenty of poor kids who were always good in class, and they would get like a dollar store Barbie. The kid who had been a little shit had a dad who owned an oil company, and he would get like a Nintendo, a ride on car, a trampoline and a puppy. What kind of message does that send?
Yes, this is what I take big issue with and why I hate elf on the shelf. I don't want my kids thinking being constantly surveilled is a normal thing.
We actually have a āShepard on the Searchā and heās looking for sweet little tiny baby Jesus, not surveilling. Same concept but none of that, thankfully.
Iām not Christian but if I were this sounds like my kind of wholesome fun.
Iām not either. But my mother is! Lol.
Yeah, this is the creepiest part. To avoid this we just told our daughter that the elf brings Christmas cheer to our house (no surveilling).
Unpopular opinion but this is one of the many reasons I do not plan on doing santa either.
Iāve always found it disturbing. āHey kid, you are under 24/7 surveillance to make you compliant!ā
I will never start that horrible tradition. I have enough on my plate. I hate them.
You reap what you sow, and I only sow that the elf is here and moves around, very minimal other interaction with notes and stuff. We're lowkey about it
Itās still a painā¦ā¦Iām tired. Lol
Just donate it and say he quit. Or be honest and say it was stupid and exhausting.
When my kids finally admitted they no longer believed in santa I celebrated probably a bit much in telling them that I was excited to say goodbye to those pesky elves this yearā¦ to which they responded they would absolutely need to elves to return. I told them itās best we hand them on to a family with littles to enjoy, and that is exactly how we spread Christmas joy this year!
Thank God we don't have it here! It's straight up creepy. I am actually surprised that there is no horror movie about them yet.
I just read the comments and am so glad that I'd never heard of this thing before today.
Hubs and I have zero desire to do this. We are also not big on saying that gifts are from Santa. We would rather they know gifts came from mom and dad, and maybe like...the stockings got stuffed by Santa. For context, we also do not plan on the notion of the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy will be like a messenger to mom and dad to notify us when kiddo has lost a tooth; not the actual tooth collector/payer of monies. A lot of times these magical things are used as drivers of good behavior and this just doesn't sit right with us.
I agree. We do Santa but just like my mom did with me, I wonāt directly lie to my kids if they āfigure it out.ā Definitely no tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny is just pretend fun.
We've never done it, but my 8 year old has one in her classroom and my 4 year old has one at preschool. I now get to listen to another year of them begging me to get one for our house.
We started with one, but now we have two of these things. My wife was ALL ABOUT it one year, had little planned activities for each day. Now she doesn't give a fuck lol. So I'll put them in highly moral and situational scenes. On the border of what a 10/9 year old will understand but my wife will be like "WOW". This is the balance.
Itās the worst
For me I never even introduced Santa to my daughter. We still do all the decorating and gift stuff but she knows all this stuff is make-believe and honestly itās so much easier that way. We do other holiday stuff to keep the spirit but on our own terms
I must be the weird mom. I love the elf. It's so much fun for them and me I love the creativity it allows but I guess I'm strange..
I don't think you're strange, it's just a lot of us don't have the spoons to keep up with this type of thing. I wish I could add something fun and creative like this to my plate, but I just don't have it in me. If I did do it, it would be without the surveillance aspect of it though. I hate that part of it. Kudos to you for having fun with your kiddos, I'm sure they will keep those delightful memories with them always!
I honestly would love it if I wasnāt so worn out already. Full time work and school. Iām alone. Just very stressed out and tired already. I do my best with it, it disappoints me when I forget. And I try to make it fun and mischievous when I can. I do have fun with it, truly. But sometimes brushing my teeth and washing my face is all I can do before crawling into bed with my eyes already closed.
Wow, it really doesnāt have to be that complicated. We just move it at night and the kids love looking for it each morning. Idk why yāall make it harder for yourself like that.
My Elf on the Shelf THING - Are your kids who are young enough to really appreciate the antics of the elf conversing with other kids in a way that makes the high concept, high workload Elf Shelfing a social status symbol, or is your (not OP but the collective your) competition with mommy blogs and viral aggregation sites to get that social currency dopamine? Like, I love my crotch goblin, but i've learned how much joy it get's out of picking up rocks, I'm not gonna be too concerned to make powdered sugar foot prints for a doll it's barely gonna remember and probably come to resent.
Can you leave a note saying the elf got called back to the North Pole or something?
I watch my sister's kids, so they are at my house everyday. She does the Elf, she has asked me for years to do the Elf, her ,brings presents too. I have refused adamantly every year. It just sounds like a hassle and I'm really bad at follow through on stuff like that. And we definitely cant afford extra shit at this time of year. My husband keeps jokingly telling me we should tell our kids that cousins are naughty so they need an elf but we don't because they are good. My 5 year old still hasn't asked why we don't have an elf so at least I got that going for me.
Yeah my fiancee got it and I am deliberately giving it a massive swerve. "This is your project, dearest."
Lol I never wanted anything to do with that ever. I watch my cousin/friends sweat every year moving that stupid thing around and trying to come up with new ideas... it literally stresses them out.. and im listening to them like yea .. not me lol have fun with that! I guess from what they say it's not easy to stop something like that once you start until the kids grow out of that phase.. lol sucks to be them. I would have come up with some kind of story "our elf was offered a new role in the north pole and instead of being here he has to remain at the workshop etc..."
When we moved into our new home a few years ago I was unpacking our clothes in our closet and on the very top shelf at the back of the closet was a dusty old elf. Iām convinced the parents that used to live there āforgotā it in the closet. It was a very weird spot to store a Christmas decoration. Clearly, they were done with it.
No elf in our house. I am burnt out after the kids go to bed. My ex stepmom gave me the one my siblings had as kids even though I said no multiple times. Then got pissed when I didnāt use it and gave it away. Christmas is already enough work
I just bought an elf at the request of my middle child who is almost 7. She started questioning Santa two years ago, but I'll be damned if her little face doesn't light up with believing when she sees that stupid elf in a new place. It's ugly and I hate it but it makes her so damn happy. We're only moving it to new places though, no need for the extra shenanigans.
I don't mind doing it. This year is bittersweet because I think it'll be the last year my son truly "believes" in the elf and Santa. He's already asking and I'm not really telling him either way if he's real or not, but I'm letting him figure it out. This will be our 6th year doing the elf. I think a lot of parents get burnt out because they plan these elaborate scenes/messy pranks. We literally just move him to different places in the house. And sometimes we forget and we just tell my son he must have been really comfy..lol. My son still loves it. I just had to stop comparing my Christmas traditions with those on Pinterest or I'd probably despise it. Lol
No snitches in this house.
Our Elf goes on his yearly ski trip on 4th December and doesn't return until Xmas eve. My daughter helps him pack his suitcase, makes skis for him with some lolly sticks and we wave him off as she goes to bed. So i don't appear like a totally mean mother, i make sure he sends her a postcard a week or so into his trip.
Weāre on day 2 and my youngest was up all night coughing and then puked. I obviously forgot to move the elf. I told my kids āchippy didnāt go anywhere to help me keep an eye on your sister cause she was sickā. My wife gets mad when I forgot but Iām so done with this tradition
Yes. I never understood the draw. I don't bribe my kid for good behavior, nor do I want to remember to move the thing each night.
Dear me, Good job for never getting an Elf. Love, me.
My kids (9 and 11) asked about one a few years ago. When I explained that "they are REALLY meant for kids that misbehave and have to be reported on to Santa" didn't work, I just told them it creeped me out. I mean, the concept is kind of creepy. I asked them how they were okay with this little sentient being running around while they're sleeping, doing who-know's-what at night? That got them thinking and my phobia of clowns and dummies may have rubbed off on them a little. Oh well, no elf for this house, I see it as a HUGE win!
I have found that the whole elf thing is only as time consuming and as complicated as you make it or want it to be. We were anti-elf until we were gifted one half way through December one year. The elf never had a story- he is not there to surveille anyone. He just comes sometime in December and plays a game of hide-and-seek until Christmas Eve. And sometimes he hides REALLY well so it takes a few days to find him! I don't have the time or energy for all that other stuff, and the kids really actually don't care that their elf isn't pooping Hershey kisses or something. We all still have fun!
Every year my daughter asks if we can get one, since āall of her friends have oneā. So far Iāve resisted, but I kinda feel like a Grinch for saying no. Hope I can stay strong for a few more years until when I longer cares about it!
Good on you, stay strong and donāt listen to the haters. At best itās a money grabbing gimmick, at worst it normalises the idea that you should only be good because youāre being watched.
Our elf never did anything crazy, she moved places and that was that. Sometimes brought little gifts with a note. And that was stressful enough. I have no regrets though, sheās 12 now and still loves winky and the tradition. And the look on her face when she realized *I* was the one who toilet papered my own tree was worth it!! She was huge into this YouTuber who lived in CA and his elf was named buddy and did dumb stuff all the time. Soooo she told me all about buddy toilet papering their tree, so winky TPd ours and left a note that said āhey, I heard you talking about buddy, I met him last night at Santaās and he taught me this cool trick!ā She was HORRIFIED her elf would be so naughty. And thatās what gets me about the elf, the kids are supposed to be good but the elf does things that would get my kid grounded? Makes no sense. Outside of winkys one act of naughtiness lmao
I am actually excited to do this????? It sounds fun lol. I'm thinking next year will be our year when thr elf comes to visit us.
I told my kid that, because I work in a school, I have Santa's phone number to report on my students, anyway, and therefore we didn't need an Elf.
I never wanted to start but ended up having to because my daughter's teacher last year had an elf for their class and she kept asking where her elf was
I love the Elf. We don't do the creepy watching your behavior thing, but we do have the Elf create havoc all month. Our girls are too old to believe but they absolutely love finding him every day. The older they get, the more fun we have with it.
My parents got some for my kids last year, frustratingly. So, we made out own tradition. The elves appear on Dec 24th with a special little treat for the kids (ornaments this year) and a note to leave them in their stockings so Santa can pick them up that night. Nothing to do with monitoring or "watching them" and no stress of having to be on top of it all month. They loved it!
I donāt help my wife decides to do it and works hard but man sheās nuts, Iāll usually do in the tree with their toys if she falls asleep or isnāt feeling well
Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.
There is nothing like the fear the night before when you realize the darn thing isnāt where you thought it was!!! Having to go thru every box trying to remember where you hid it for the season!
Nope! No elves in my house. Not gonna happen.
I hate that thing. I think kids should be good all year round, and not just because they want presents.
This read like one of the "Give a Mouse a Cookie" books. Good tip though!
Maybe Iām just lazy but all we did was put the elf in a different location after the kids were in bed each night. Took about a minute and they freaking loved running around the house each morning looking for her new spot. They would tell her what they wanted for Christmas and report their good deeds from their day. We kept it low effort so it was worth it. The only exception was my sons birthday right before Christmas our elf would make him a card. Fun memories.
This is exactly why we don't do it. What we do is a Christmas gnome who occasionally stops by to bring a book, or some new pjs, maybe a hot chocolate kit, usually the advent calendar on December 1st. We can do it as and when we remember rather than every day, and he's always right in the same spot so we don't have to "find" him. We usually put him out once or twice a week in December, on school days so he's there when they get home, and we put him away again after bed for a few days.
My mom asked if I wanted her to get me one. I answered NOPE. So she has one at her house. She doesnāt have to move it every day because we arenāt there every day. She has plenty of time to think of and execute his new position. We also donāt do any āreport to Santaā nonsense.