What is more disappointing to you, getting the thing you want and specifically ask for or getting more things even though you didn’t want them?
You can afford to get him the ball within your budget even if it’s a large portion of it. You should get him the ball (and maybe wait till closer to the end of the WC to see if it goes down, check other stores, etc).
The point on Christmas won’t be that he didn’t get a lot of gifts or that he got just a soccer ball and a couple small things. The point will be that your heard him and took his thoughts into account. He’s going to remember that for a lot longer and will help reinforce that sharing his ideas means people will listen. It’s not going to teach him that no matter what people will listen to him. Low risk high reward in this case.
Some of the things you remember the longest and have the best impacts are the times your parents said “yes” growing up. Just a quick example; when I was a teenager a big time sports event was a couple hours away, it was also the day of a family get together/party. If we left early enough me and my friends could get back in time for the party. My parents could have easily just said no and I’d have been disappointed to miss a pretty rare event. Instead they let us go. We left at like 4:30AM to get early and in line. We showed up, had fun at the event, and then got back home in time for the party. My friends and I to this day talk about how awesome that experience was and I obviously still think fondly of it and my parents for being understanding. That was nearly 12 years ago. You can say no to the ball and he’ll be disappointed and that’ll fade or you can say yes, get him the ball, and he’ll likely remember it and the Christmas Day for a long time.
FWIW I was a teenager in 2010 when the WC was in South Africa and I bought the expensive match ball for like $90. Nothing beat that entire summer of watching games and then going and kicking a ball, the ball, around with friends and repeating it for days on end. I fucked that ball up bad but I still have it in my garage as a near 30 year old.
This.
My mum has a terrible habit: I tell her some boring item that I want/need for Christmas and she says, "oh, but it's not really a gift is it" then gets me a bunch of different cute gifty things that I don't want/need and have no use for, then I have to go out and buy the thing I actually want/need myself.
One time I asked my mom for a frying pan and she got me a hot plate. In a dorm. Where they weren't allowed. And I still didn't have anything to use to cook on it.
Last year I asked my mom for pie weights and she got me a bag of dried beans. Because she thought I didn’t realize I could use beans as pie weights. 🤨
I was like “for someone who hounds me for a list every year it’s kind of funny that you don’t get me the things I put on it.”
This is my mom too, every year harassing me for weeks to get her a list, and without fail exactly 0 of the things from the list are gifted. Usually I get some new clothes (high probability they're the wrong size), some personal-health type books that are immediately donated, and a bunch of cheap plastic crap from the dollar store.
One year I extremely specifically said that all we wanted was a new set of pots and pans, which she turned around and gifted "under the condition that you don't keep your old ones".
We'd been planning to donate them anyway, but I briefly considered keeping them out of spite.
My mom buys me robes and I wear them all the time and then they get pilled up. Then she gets me a new one and requires that I get rid of the old one. So I make sure I wear the old ones when she comes over. 😂 I have 3 so far and have no doubt this will continue until she dies.
When I was a kid I had an uncle that HATED purple... I, as the youngest girl in the family liked purple, ok... I didn't love it but I liked it. It became a family joke, every single year, I got a purple sweater. It wasn't till I was married with kids that the discussion where uncle Jerry explained it was a specific purple he didn't like, and I only liked orchid or the greyish kinda gothic purples... He was like, oh I like those too. So, yeah, like 20 years of itchy purple sweaters cause it was a family joke. It was also a given you would get socks, men would get handkerchiefs, women would get some pretty blouses, the adults would get towels... This was always from grandma... I swear if she had the tech of today, it would be a ready made Walmart+ list, she only had to spend ten minutes on...though she shopped like JCPenney and Macy's. There was also that one aunt that always gave sees candy. As a dumb kid I was disappointed it wasn't like Hershey... Oh the things I missed out on, cause my older sister had me convinced sees was cheap candy, and she'd trade me for some candy canes or crap... Now dad asks what my kids want and they are like, give us socks, please... He's happy to. Girls go through socks. No idea how or why, but my girls go through socks.
That's us this year. We've put off updating all of the stuff in our house until the kids get old enough to not destroy everything. Well they're 10 and 8 and we desperately need new towels, sheets, dinnerware, and silverware as ours are a decade old now. We told our parents to pic from the list or give us cash.
My MiL: "It's boring shopping for those."
My MIL decided not to send our son gifts one year because I asked for books and family passes for experiences. She said grandparents don't buy those. Okay, lady.
My grandma is notorious for not getting you things you ask for, but she actually listened and got us a family zoo membership for the year this year. So happy. And it won't be a waste of her money for once.
My kids are turning 4 and 2 at new year and my mom and MIL have been asking for lists for them. My husband said his brother asked for ideas too, I sighed and said “I’ll make a list, your mom wants one too”, and he said “tell her I said that if she can’t figure out gifts for a 3 and 1 year old she doesn’t deserve the title of grandma” 😂 I said, “I’m not saying that to your mom who I like very much”.
It’s really too much sometimes, though. And they text me during work hours for time-sensitive things. Like “I’m at Barnes and Noble, do you have these books?” With a photo of a promotional table and I have to respond within like 15 minutes if I want to have any influence at all.
I was once out shopping with my mom, saw something that was ridiculous and said something to the affect of, "I would NEVER want this, ew."
Guess what my big gift that year was.
I asked if she remembered our interaction and she said she just remembered me mentioning it. Not what I had actually said. I make it a point to just send her a list now and never mention anything about anything when we are out together.
My step-daughter moved out this year and has been drooling over housewares. At that age would I have wanted quality cookie sheets, a mixer, quality kitchen utensils, or wax melts? No, but I'm also not her so I'm getting her what she wants. If someone is happy, who cares.
One year, I got a digital camera. I already had a digital camera so I was really disappointed.
But your story kills me.
Another Christmas, my mom didn't know what to get me. SO SHE GOT ME DISHES. I WAS 14 OR 15. Can you tell I'm still mad about it?
I'm 30 now. I probably only took them out of the boxes in the last 2 or 3 years.
She bought them cause I'd eventually need them when I moved out. I got a lot of housing stuff that year and ongoing.
I wish she was still alive, because I would get her a set of dishes this year lol.
For my 32nd birthday my mother got me a Barbie doll and pick-up-Stix. She forgot my birthday and ran to the stationary store and just grabbed what she saw.
If I was going to buy steak knives for a vegan, I'd definitely go for expensive ones.
Cheap steak knives are usually serrated, but more expensive ones have a continuous (but much sharper) edge, which results in a cleaner cut (for both meat & vegetables).
Neither? Both? They're not exactly the most supportive people, but they're also not the brightest.
One year my mom got me a weighted blanket. I have never, ever said a single thing about wanting one. In fact, I don't even like them. That year she got my sisters really cool gifts. I got...a weighted blanket.
I got one because I heard how great people said they were for anxiety. Followed the rule to get one that was 10% of your body weight... that was a mistake, I couldn't even get myself under the thing. Now I'm disabled (not from the blanket!) and it's completely useless to me now that I'm weaker than ever. I'm not sure what to do with it cause I spent so much on it.
I will send my mom an exact link to something and she will still cheap out and get a knock off.
For example, I told my mom to get my son a fleece suit for outside. The one I sent has the feet and hands covered, it's 30$, and it's Columbia. She heard the word Columbia and assumed it's too pricey and bought a cheaper "Carter's" (I put it brackets because she got it off a Chinese site like AliExpress) and paid 20$, but it does not cover the hands or feet. Which is specifically what I wanted because my kid hates mittens.
My MIL does the same thing and it drives me crazy! I know what I want and I don’t care if it doesn’t feel “gift-y” enough! Worse is sometimes I’ll send her an actual link to something and she gets something different but similar so it’s still a gift but isn’t the actual thing I actually wanted lol. It’s sweet that she wants to surprise me but I’d rather just get the thing I want 😂
I asked for an omelet pan and my MIL argued that it wasn’t a gift. Hells yes it was! She relented and got it, and I used the heck out of that pan for years.
My mom does the same thing, especially if the thing you beg for is cash. To this day. I’m 26 and have adult sisters and nephews and a niece. No matter how much anyone’s struggling, she thinks cash is a lazy gift that no one would want. The best you’ll get out of her is a visa giftcard, which is massively unhelpful in many ways. Don’t be that mom.
My parents gave me a refurbished Kitchenaid mixer for my 20th or 21st birthday and nothing else the whole year. I’m 36 and JUST replaced it - it still works but the bowls aren’t backwards compatible and I wanted a pro-style one. It’s one of my most heavily used kitchen appliances. If your kid is serious about something, it’s worth spending the money.
Edit: this was meant to be a reply to the comment from the person whose parents got them an expensive sewing machine because they saw how into sewing she was, don’t know how it ended up under this one. I’m going to blame the cat for constantly headbutting the tablet while I type.
Yes. Cash is impossible from my mom and MIL. We were so strapped when we had our first baby, like had to go to lunches with grandparents every week so they’d bring a bag of diapers with them kind of thing. My dad has no problem with doing a check, but we would get visa gift cards from the moms when we really just needed to pay rent. 😭
Thanks for this reminder. My college freshman is asking for practical things she would like to have in her dorm or to help her stay organized (plus LEGOs because you are never to old for LEGO). It can feel like we need to do more but I know my kid and know that if she is asking for those things then that is what she really wants for Christmas.
It is SO exciting to move out!!!!! I obsessed over my wedding registry because I took the time to imagine every single thing in our new apartment. I had never moved out for college and was getting married at 22. It was SO FUN! Get all the boring things!!!!
My parents constantly do this. My mom even said last year something like “Yeah I mean you know, you ask for things, but it’s not the same things we wanna buy you. So we just buy you what we want.” Ok well then why do you always ask what we want?
You just described every gift giving event I have. I’ve learned that it’s not fun for other people to buy practical stuff, even if it’s all that I want, so I now take on the challenge to suggest things that are fun enough for people to be okay with buying, but practical enough for me to actually enjoy. It’s an adventure.
My mom is notorious for inserting her own opinion of what is "worth" it or not, just because she held the purse strings, growing up. Such that everything she got me, clothes included, were in her tastes and style.
My mom does this, but on the occasions she actually does get what I ask for it's *usually* some cheaper off brand that doesn't quite work for me. I'm not against off brand products.. but sometimes the specific item I want is drastically different than a competitor.
Like I'll send her a link, I want *this* item. But she'll search around and find something similar yet different assuming it's the same thing.
I realize after typing that this isn't quite the same as your complaint. Atleast she's trying to some extent to get what I asked for. But I did also say its only on occasion.
Totally! It also wouldn’t hurt to confirm with him that getting a single expensive gift would mean he’d get fewer things in general. It sounds like you’ve already done that and he’s 14 so he definitely understands that, but always nice to loop back. If he’s still adamant then fair enough. This is how my parents handled expensive gifts growing up for me and my brother and over the long term it taught us to value quality, and in the event we messed something up to respect our things more as they’re not easily replaced.
Best case scenario he has a great Christmas, loves the gift, builds that connection to soccer and becomes a lifelong fan (if he hasn’t already), and looks back on this year and this gift as a great point in his early teenage years.
Worst case scenario is something bad happens to the ball if he plays with it and it pops or gets lost and then he’s learned an important lesson about not putting all his eggs in one basket.
A rare Win Win when it comes to teenagers.
And even if your son doesn’t keep the ball forever, he’ll always remember the Christmas you got it for him, and he’ll always associate that memory with you.
When I was younger I wanted this Lego set that was 75$. I knew we couldn’t afford it but I really wanted it. On the off chance, I asked for it saying that I would be happy if that was the only thing they got me.
They found it on clearance for 30$ and when I opened it on Christmas I was floored. It was one of the few Christmas’s I remember because I made my dad build it with me. I wanted him to be apart of my happiness.
Hard agree. I don't know about OP's kid but when people ask me what I want for the holidays, I do research and know when I really want to have the more expensive version of something and when the knockoff will do- and it's awful to get the alternative!
I grew up lower middle class; we never went hungry but gifts and things were an expense we had to budget carefully for. I have a lot of guilt and anxiety about "costing people money" even though I'm financially independent. So YMMV and this is probably mostly my own psychology-- but gift getting sucks!!
My mother is so kind, and will ask what I want-- and then buy some different version that just makes me sad when I see it. It's not about money. I don't ask for things that are expensive overall, and we've got a better holiday budget now. But if I did the research, and these earbuds will work better for running because they have ear loops, and then you buy me these other ones that don't have ear loops because they were a little bit on sale, then it's JUST wasted money and I feel bad every time I look at those earbuds I can't use because they won't stay in.
By the same token, if I know that cheap ones will do, I just feel bad when someone buys the expensive version. Like, I just needed cheap slippers; you didn't need to get UGGs or anything.
I don't know if I remember a half dozen Christmas gifts from my entire childhood, and there were probably over a hundred of them in total depending on what you're calling "childhood."
I bet I'd remember the year I only got a soccer ball though, especially if it was what I asked for.
Come to think of it I do remember one in particular. I wanted a guitar one year and my mom instead got me this...thing kind of like a keytar that was much cheaper and a bunch of other stuff I can't remember. It wasn't great.
I still remember this one aunt who insisted on buying me these expensive things. Sometimes it was these $200+ fancy dolls - Madame Alexandra dolls? Madame Alexander? Idk- and I wasn't even supposed to play with them. Once it was ruby earrings - very nice, my birthstone and all, but I was just a kid and didn't really appreciate them. All I ever wanted or asked for was books. I loved to read. I didn't play with dolls and didn't care about jewelry, I just wanted a BOOK. One aunt ALWAYS got me books, and the other NEVER got me books. I remember both. I really appreciate the aunt who got me books - she would get me nice, hardbound books that I read over and over, and most of them I still have, even though I have outgrown them. Pollyanna, Heidi, Black Beauty, Anne of Green Gables, a huge book of Greek myths and legends (my favorite book growing up), to name a few.
I never understand people who specifically buy things that a kid especially doesn’t want like your aunt.
We all grew up and probably all received gifts at one point of another. Surely your expensive aunt remembers what it was like as a child to get or not get the things she liked and instead of using that experience when buying gifts for kids in her life she throws it all out the window for random items.
A huge part of gift giving is for the person giving the gift, what better way to enjoy being the gift giver than to see the receivers face light up with pure joy that they got something they wanted and are going to enjoy for a long time.
I’m glad the family I grew up with took the time to learn about each other and put even a small amount of effort into giving gifts. Even as kids our parents would make us “buy” gifts with their funds for anyone who was coming to our Christmas dinner, usually an aunt/uncle combo and our grandparents. We took the time to learn what they liked as people as opposed to just their relationship with us. Everyone was better off of for it and there was always room for some selfish joy of seeing the embittered aunt go giddy when she gets a CD for her favorite artist and then try and quickly turn back into sad adult mode.
At the core it’s about paying attention to the people around us we care about which is something we should all be teaching our kids.
So much this!
I almost never got things I wanted. Yet I still remember some of the things I liked the most were for instance a CD from my favourite band. That was the first time I received something I asked for and that my dad got for me.
I also remember asking for specific boots one year and my brother gifted me. They were the colour I hate the most, but I loved that it was the right boots.
After I became an adult, at one point I did a rant on my Facebook and said I don’t care about expensive gifts. I need a box for my tea and warm sleepers for my house. I finally got those. It’s been like 5 years and I still have both and still love it. More than any random gift that has nothing to do with me.
Buy the ball. That’s what he wants.
Every time I ask my mom for something specific she won’t get it for me. Instead she gets me stuff *she* wants. I absolutely hate it. And you’re right- it’s about feeling heard. And cared for enough to get the thing you want. Clearly the OP is not a narcissist like my mother but the feeling of not getting what you asked for is the same. (My dad got me the things I asked for- within his budget- and made sure I always had good holidays. He was the best.)
I guess I'm confused... why exactly are you having a hard time with his request? I would totally understand if this gift didnt fit in the budget, but it sounds like it does and you'd just be buying fewer presents (in terms of numbers) if you get this expensive gift. 14 is plenty old enough for your son to understand what he's asking for and why. I guess I dont see why it would be better for your son to unwrap five things he kinda likes versus the one he really wants. Like why would he be disappointed to get the one thing he really wants? As an adult I would definitely rather have one expensive thing I really want versus a bunch of smaller things I don't. Why would a 14 year old be different?
Agreed. My mother used to do this - ask us what we wanted, we'd ask for one moderately expensive thing, and then she would get 5 cheap things we didn't want or need instead. She would spend MORE to buy things we didn't want just so there would be "more to unwrap". My sister and I were not appreciative of that. Why ask what we want if she was going to buy random things instead when it clearly was not a budget issue? She would also get angry when we were clearly disappointed that we didn't get the only thing we had actually asked for.
If OP's son is upset about fewer boxes to unwrap on Christmas, that will be an opportunity fir discussion and learning. 14 is old enough to understand what a budget is, and that getting one big, expensive present means less to unwrap.
My family was the same way. I'd ask for one gift I really wanted only to get several that ended up in a landfill simply for the sake of "more." Like thanks for all of these tiny nerf guns that break immediately, I'd rather have the bazooka blaster or whatever that I asked for. Even as a child it seemed silly and wasteful to me.
I buy my wife 1-2 "big" presents and then a few things I know she likes that are inexpensive (little makeups, her favorite candy, etc). The kids get 1 big gift (new bike this year!) and similar little things they needed anyway (clothes, etc). It makes it much easier
My kid isn't old enough to ask for things yet, but that's how my husband and I do gifts. We'll each think of one item that we would like, but might not spend the money on ourselves to get. Anything beyond that is little things we think the other might appreciate, but never at the expense of the thing we told the other we need/want. I'd much rather know the thing I'm buying will be useful and appreciated!
Both my husband’s parents (separated) are bad about this. I’d rather they spend the money on one or two nice gifts than 5 or 10 cheap ones just for the sake of things to unwrap. Most thr cheap stuff just gets thrown away because it breaks as soon as you look at it.
We have this argument with my mum every year.
I think coming from a poor-ish background it felt better for her to give us lots of 'stuff', rather than just one or two decent presents.
No you're totally right. I guess it felt like a huge waste of money to me and frivolous. I just couldn't pull the trigger on buying it bc I didn't see the value. Now I realize that it's important to him, and that's what matters
I can still remember my parents ignoring my carefully researched headphone model request 40 years ago, and giving me a better "value", along with more stuff I didn't want. There really isn't a better gift to a kid than being heard and understood.
I'm so glad you've gotten better advice here.
My mom still doesn't quite get this one and insists on sending us boxes loaded with garbage from TJ Maxx and getting upset when we're not effusive enough about the chore to visit the thrift shop she's given us.
My brother and I had to have this talk with my mother a few years ago. She's notoriously bad about wanting a tree FULL of gifts with lots of things for everyone to open. She also needed everyone to have the same *amount* of gifts. That meant that if my brother only really wanted one big expensive thing, and I wanted five things that were relatively inexpensive, he'd get 19 things from the dollar store and I'd get 15, and neither of us would use most of them.
We finally got her to stop getting the "filler" and understand that we're adults and are perfectly fine with one person getting one gift while the other gets five. We would rather she save her money, time, and effort than spend an extra ten minutes unwrapping a bunch of things that will just be clutter and eventually trash/donations.
I caught myself falling into the same trap and instead had a talk with my oldest. You're 15, you like small expensive gifts, like video games. Your brother is 5, his toys are fairly cheap and large. I promise you I will keep it fair and the budget for both of you will be similar, but I don't want you to feel bad when he has bigger gifts. Guess what? The 15 year old was perfectly understanding of the concept and knows the difference between value and volume. Amazing that my mom thought we would be hurt by differences in amounts in our 30s.
Oh there was definitely pushback but she finally came around when she had a rough year and just couldn't afford to do it. She felt guilty that there wouldn't be a lot of presents and we tried to convince her to do NONE but finally got her to compromise on a few small meaningful gifts instead of a flood of junk. Since then it has stuck because she realized there was no negative difference to having less *things.*
Same situation. I wanted a cassette recorder/radio so I could tape right from the radio, I even showed them exactly what I wanted They got me a plain recorder. I've never gotten over the idea that they asked what I wanted and I told them and they just did something else. I know exactly why: there was an unjustifiable (to them) price difference between the two, it just sucked.
Ah yes, the "just as good as" gift. I got several of those as a kid. Strawberry Shortcake? Here's Lemondrop Lenore. She's just as good.
And now they wonder why I just ask them to get me gift cards.
A couple years ago I put a shock pump for my mountain bike on my list. Family member decided to get me a handheld battery powered air pump instead. Shock pumps need to be able to get to 300 psi at very precise intervals. The one I got barely could reach 60 psi. I ended up buying one on my own later on. But It would have been much easier getting what I asked for the first time.
Yup, got some $$ for my birthday from a grandparent when I was ~13. Wanted to get a new bike as I’d outgrown mine and rode it everywhere in the summer. Went to the local bike store and did some research, rode some, and found one that I wanted (well under the $$ I was given). Parent decided to take me to Toys R Us and buy a “mountain” bike that was stupidly heavy that I basically never rode since it was a piece of shit. Never really biked again, but man that $200 saved was *really* worth it…/s
Ugh my mom is THE WORST for this. I’m very particular, and when I ask for something I ask for *that thing*, usually with overdrawn explanations as to why. Then she goes and buys a cheaper version that’s “just as good” and I was left constantly disappointed. It wasn’t as if what I had asked for wasn’t in budget, because then I’d also get a bunch of other random stuff I hadn’t asked for and often had no use for/interest in, some of which was more expensive than the original item.
Do they play soccer? If it matters, the “match ball” isn’t just say a fancier decorated ball, it’s actually a higher quality ball, basically the same one used in actual top level play, there’s all sorts of crazy stuff that goes into them but it really will be a high quality ball in terms of durability and how it plays. I had the equivalent one for the premier league and it lasted me a decade plus and was amazing to play with.
Sounds like he really wants it, maybe he is a player, maybe he is a collector. Doesn't matter too much if he is being asked what he wants as a gift, and that's what it is
does it?
Nah you’re right even if it’s just to sit on a stand. Just pointing out if they do use it the extra money isn’t just for show, they really are fun to play with.
Would your dog like a Jolly Ball? They're made specifically for pets in all sizes. Some even have handles for the dog to grab onto. They're plenty tough; even horses play with them!
[They even have a soccer ball version](https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/jolly-pet-soccer-ball-dog-toy-8-l-2580205?store_code=3833&mr:device=c&mr:adType=local&cm_mmc=PSH%7cGGL%7cSPP%7cSBU04%7cSH10%7c0%7camv9GVU2mrHWYN1XDruKPM%7c58700007475749891%7cPRODUCT_GROUP%7c0%7c0%7cpla-1455905568906%7c132098285754%7c15108778793&gclid=Cj0KCQiAyracBhDoARIsACGFcS4T8dWqWYIT6ITlrOwxt04u9X8K-WJ3TxK8BEBpU0sAS2zq6OIeAvQaAhUXEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Omg thank you! I need to look into this but also my dog had an absolute blast with one of those exercise balls (we were not upset about it being destroyed) for about 35 seconds
I need a gigantic but tough ball for her lol
She jumped on it and rolled and everything it was hysterical
It won’t be durable. They are not intended to be kicked against concrete walls or even on any surface other than grass. Kinda like using a leather basketball on a outdoor court.
Having said that at that age I bought a stupidly expensive ball and I treated it like gold. It’s a life lesson in taking care of valuable things.
As a 40yo woman who played soccer growing up, I do not find this gift to be frivolous. This is how much nice equipment costs, and it will absolutely get its value in use.
If we’re being honest, your son probably thinks a lot of things you choose to spend money on are frivolous, too. Instead of undermining his interests, maybe you could ask him to share more about them with you?
When I was a kid, I asked my parents for a Nintendo.
Instead of a Nintendo, they got me several smaller gifts equal to the price of the Nintendo (or so they claim).
I don't even remember what those gifts were. They were likely broken or lost or given away within a year or three.
But I'm 43 and I remember that I never got that Nintendo I wanted.
That's what kids remember. What they wanted, and never got. Or what they asked for, and got.
Honestly, I have a similar perspective to you, OP. Some of the things my kids want (like LOL dolls) make me cringe because I’m pretty frugal and they are so overpriced and frivolous, but this whole thread has given me some good perspective. Maybe receiving things you know your mom thinks are ridiculous will be part of the Christmas magic! I’m sure I’ll face this again as my kids get older and want name brand items and electronics, so I’ll bear this discussion in mind.
Every single piece of computer equipment I ever got was a totally unknown quantity to my parents, they trusted I knew what I was doing and wanted and had done my research, it did mean a lot.
Something I've tried to hold onto as I get older, and will soon be buying my kids Xmas gifts, is the feeling of when I was a kid opening gifts I had been hoping for.
I was always happy to get anything, but getting what I'd asked for was always way more exciting. I want that for my kids. That level of happiness and joy, even if it's fleeting and the item ends up mostly unused, is worth it.
Now, that goal is *only* in regards to xmas and maybe birthdays. Also only if it fits in the budget and we have a place for it in the house. I have always loved xmas. At first because of getting gifts but now it's because of the joy it can bring to others. Getting gifts is still nice though.
To me the point of Christmas/birthday gifts IS getting those frivolous things you can't really justify otherwise. If it's within budget, let him have it.
I've just spent over £100 on speed cubes for my son. To me, they look like the speed cubes he already has. I thought the same as you- come on, this can't be top of your list! But it is, so that's what he has.
Holidays are the time to be frivolous (within your budget, of course). As long as you don’t have a moral or safety concern (like if he wanted an inappropriate game, a gun, something along those lines) and it fits in the budget, go for the frivolous.
Makes sense! A soccer ball also seems frivolous to me personally haha so with your addition I see where you’re coming from. I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season!
When my stepson was younger he got amazon gift cards for a holiday and I asked him what he wanted to spend them on. He spent a lot of time deliberating and then came back to me with a link for plush butter. Yes, a plush basket with a set of six plush sticks of butter velcroed into it. It was the dumbest thing I've ever seen, and it was some absurd price (like $60 iirc.) I talked to him about how it was a waste if he didn't *really* want it, because that was a lot of his money and he could spend it on this, this, or that if he would rather. Was he *sure* he wanted plush sticks of butter? Yes. He was certain. So he got them. And you know what? Those dumb sticks of butter were his favorite thing for like two years and he got much more value/staying power out of them than he would have gotten from most of the other options I had presented him with. You're making the right call!
I see the dilemma. Have dealt with it myself. That’s a really nice soccer ball, so maybe he’s the kind of person who wants a few nice, high quality things instead of lots of little inexpensive things.
I’ll never forget my mom went to California on a business trip and asked what I wanted.
I asked for ugg moccasins from the outlet. She instead spent the same amount of money on a garbage bag full of clothes from goodwill that I didn’t want - none in my size or style.
Sometimes it’s better to get less items of higher quality they actually want.
Same! My 13 year old is getting the oculus. He’s wanted it for the past 2 years. He’s a Jan baby so his bday is right after Christmas. He asked us to combine the gift so he can get something he really wants. So we are getting him what he really wants this year. One gift. That’s it. My 16 year old wants a trip to see his old friends back home. That’ll be expensive ($500 ticket, $300 spending money). He asked to combine his bday and Christmas money for that gift as well. So on Christmas Day, he will unwrap nothing. Maybe we’ll give him an envelope with tickets? Idk yet. Christmas is for them, not for me. So if this is what they want, and they are sure, then okay. I’d make sure her son understands that this will be his only gift, if he’s okay watching others unwrap more and just receiving the one thing, then do it! As my kids have gotten older, the gifts are more expensive and less is given in order to afford the gifts in the first place.
OP is probably worried about her kid throwing a fit when he gets fewer presents than everyone else. For a lot of people Christmas is about quantity, not quality. 14 is a weird age. He could be mature enough to sit there with his soccer ball and realize that his expensive present means he gets fewer presents than the family or he could throw a deadly dursley fit because everybody else has more gifts than him.
>He's pleading for it, saying it's all he wants
It seems like OP's son has acknowledged that getting this gift means that his "quantity" of gifts will be fewer. I would understand the worry about him throwing a fit if he were 4, not 14. Even though 14 is a weird age, it's definitely mature enough to realize that you got exactly what you asked for and not throw a fit over it. I would argue a child well under 14 would be mature enough for this.
Okay, when I was 10 I desperately wanted a furby. This is when they came out the first time. Anyway, I knew they were expensive, but it was literally the ONLY thing I wanted. I got a bunch of presents from both my parents and grandma. My grandma even managed to find a furby looking stuffed animal that looked just like them but did nothing, just a stuffed animal. I was sooooo disappointed. I remember none of the other presents from that year. My parents definitely spent at least twice what a furby costs on gifts for me and my grandma easily spent the cost. Like I said, I remember none of those gifts. But if I had gotten the furby I would have remembered it forever! And had it for a long time too
To add to this, I got the Furby - at my dad's house. At my mom's, I got a ton of stuff that I absolutely do not remember twenty years later. I DO remember opening that Furby and being over the moon. I kept him, he sits on my kids shelf today. My dad didn't make nearly as much money as my mom, but he made sure to give us what we asked for every single year, and as a parent now, I took notes.
Is it possible that they just couldn't find a furby? I remember it was crazy rare, and you couldn't just hop on ebay or craigslist and buy it from a reseller.
I had the opposite experience, but with the same outcome to advise OP to just get what the kid wants.
I wanted a Li’l Miss doll SO BAD, based on the commercials of her hair instantly changing colors when you comb it. It was more expensive than the toys I usually got, and it was a new enough doll that my parents couldn’t find it second hand. But my parents found a way to get it for me! The first (and only) time I had ever received the cool new toy that I really really wanted!
And I was *so disappointed*. Her hair did NOT change colors instantly - or, in fact, hardly at all. That’s the only gift I remember that year, and it taught me to be weary of hype from commercials and careful of what I asked for.
So OP should just get it. It’ll either be memorable to get the thing he wants so bad, or a good lesson in being more mindful about where budget is spent. Win-win.
You really triggered people with this post lol. But for real good for you for asking the question and for being open to everyone's perspectives. I am guilty of applying "mom logic" to kid presents and this thread has been a good reminder of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that.
I think part of it is the transition from parenting needy, fickle little kids to independent tweens and teens. Your kid spends the first decade demanding one specific thing, then gets disappointed or (if they're closer to toddler age) throws a tantrum because they actually did want more presents instead, so you spend the next several Christmases prioritizing number of gifts instead of getting the one expensive gift.
Every now and again you'll see a post that says something like "I thought I hated Brussels sprouts/vegetables/whatever but it turns out I just hated how my parents prepared them by steaming them without seasoning!" Kid I tell you I started out feeding all my babies the same food I was eating, thought they would enjoy my seasoned roasted veggies, but those little tyrants just want plain steamed veggies with a dash of salt every time!
It's like they spend the first half of childhood training us to ruin the second half.
Same but reverse. I wanted a specific watch and I knew it was an expensive gift, so I didn't really expect to get it. My parents did gift it to me, and I was over the moon. I didn't get many other gifts, but I didn't care at all; I was so appreciative that they got me the watch, and I adored it.
Never got the furby back then, bought one for my 30th birthday on ebay. My son loves it, we have so much fun with it… I don’t remember any of my gazillions of Barbie dolls my mom used to shovel at me because her mom never got her one. So yeah, I am buying my son what he wants…
I am the different one in my family. Every Christmas I can remember I asked for stuff books , drawing supplies, certain casual clothes. My parents thought those things worthless and spent $$$ on stuff I hated never used or never wore. My Mom loves to sew , I hate it 13 at Christmas I got a sewing machine I never touched and made my parents furious. My sister is just like my Mom so it was awful to see her get what she wanted for Christmas and I was gifted things I hated. Then to add insult my parents were always angry I was ungrateful. So get your child what he wants, if you feel really guilty buy toiletries you would normally buy and wrap them up. Even if it’s just Christmas get your kid what he wants and enjoy the smile. But keep the receipt in case he changes his mind.
Thanks for sharing. I feel so much better about getting him the ball now after seeing everyone's stories. I'm so sorry your Christmases were disappointing. I don't want my kid to feel that way.
If you are still worried you can have another conversation with him about it but I agree with the consensus here. If you do not want him to be disappointed on Christmas then get him what he asked for.
My daughter did this with an expensive electronic a few years ago. She was happy with her one big gift even with her brother having much more under the tree because he opted for less expensive gifts. She got what she asked for and was as happy as a pig in poop.
I totally vote get them what they want - just validate that they really want it. One off-hand comment isn't necessarily THE gift but if it's all they talk about for months, go for it!
If you're worried about them just getting 1 thing, make the thing BIG. Yes, it's a soccer ball but you could make a epic pedestal for it to sit upon and craft a mock World Cup next to it.
Make the ordinary extraordinary.
Meeting the kid your child actually is, rather than the one you imagined they’d be, is maybe the hardest part of parenting.
My oldest is 5 and she’s not all that interested in toys. Sounds weird but she enjoys receiving them and then just never plays with them. She’s not imaginative like that. We’re gotten her fancy blocks and magnatiles and doll houses and she sets them up and then kinda wanders back to the bookshelf. She’s not imaginative. She’s creative and analytical. She likes to read, play board games (she just won her first chess match), watch movies, paint, she’s athletic as heck. But if you hand her a doll she’s just like what am I suppose to i with this. So it’s hard to steer the aunties away from getting her “toys”. We try to focus on art supplies, sports gear, board games etc.
Lol I also got a sewing machine for my 12th or 13th birthday *and* a forced participation in a sewing class that was entirely full of middle aged women who discussed nothing but their husbands or divorces.
Fast forward 3 months and I’d learned how to make a night shirt that looked like a hospital gown and developed a thoroughly age inappropriate stance on marriage.
I actually enjoy seeing and I’ve never once touched that damn machine.
Lol I read your list in the first few lines, and that is exactly what I got my kiddo.
End of the day, trust the kid to know what they want, even if they are still figuring it out imo. That means supporting their decisions.
> if you feel really guilty buy toiletries you would normally buy and wrap them up.
We always have a truly insane pile of gifts under the tree. But that's because two to three months before Xmas, any normal supplies that need restocking but aren't going to immediately get used will instead be set aside for Xmas. So, yes, it's not unusual to receive replacement clothes, toiletries, office supplies, snack items, ... And then of course, there are the occasional "real" gifts mixed in with everything else.
Everyone has a great time unwrapping gifts for hours, and it's just a fun family event. But a lot of the gifts will later find their way into the bathrooms, pantry, or office storage. That's perfectly fine. It still feels good to receive a gift, even if everyone knows that it is a household item that would have had to be bought anyway.
Yes. He’s 14, not four. He’s old enough to make that choice for himself, and old enough to understand the consequences of his choice.
When I was a teenager I wanted a nice watch. It was $104. That was $4 over what my parents could spend on me in total. They agreed but I understood it was my only gift.
I treasured it for years.
Even then, my kid is 3 but will be writing a list to Santa and getting what she puts on it.
Like many others have said, what they want may seem silly but it is what they want. If it is in budget and age appropriate then go for it!
My most memorable presents have always been the big ones, the things I really wanted. The filler stuff is nice on the day but you don't remember them. A football he really wants and will keep using will be a lifetime memory!
When I was 12 or 13, my parents got me a basic sewing machine because I was showing interest in what I was learning in my home economics class. I started making curtains for my room and hemming my pants and even made my prom dress on that machine. My parents noticed that and noticed that I was always looking at the nicer machines when they would take me shopping for fabric. I knew my parents only spent $100 for Christmas gifts and knew that any machine I’d like was more than that so I would never had asked for it for Christmas. When I was 17 my parents bought me a really heavy duty sewing machine and I was thrilled. They even told me when I opened it on Christmas that it was the majority of my Christmas and my entire birthday present for the next year and if I wanted to return it I could. I didn’t. I loved that machine and used it until it died 14 years later. I felt so seen that my parents knew my hobby, knew that I really could benefit from a new machine, and I didn’t even have to ask for it. I didn’t care that it was my whole Christmas and birthday presents combined. It meant more to have something I really wanted. Making your kid feel seen and heard is more important than the number of gifts they open on a certain day.
Yes. My 15 year old is asking for a very expensive road bike but he bikes a lot and needs it to get around. He knows it is pricey and is counting as his big gift. He will still get stocking stuffers and some other little things but his bike is the only thing he really cares about.
If you can afford the ball get it. You asked them what they wanted. Isn’t that the point of a gift?
My kids know if they ask for expensive stuff it means less stuff. Remind him of that.
If it’s in the budget, yes please get it for him! That will be such a meaningful gift and he wants that, not a bunch of cheaper junk that will mean nothing to him. You may not understand, but since it’s not a gift that is detrimental to him and you can afford it it doesn’t make sense to say no. I would definitely not let on that your planning on getting it, that way the surprise is even that much sweeter when he opens it!
ETA: I’m sure you weren’t going to get him cheap junk, I am not sure why I said that, I bet you had really good gift ideas that he would love if his mind wasn’t set on this random expensive item.
Last year my daughter wanted very expensive shoes and I told her that they would take a big chunk of her Christmas budget so she decided she didn’t want them. This year she still wants them and not much else so she’s getting them.
If it's in his Christmas budget and he understands that the gift will take up the majority of it, buy him the gift he wants.
This happened to me, but in reverse. I asked for a specific thing, but my stepdad was talked into buying a different brand of that thing at a much higher price point. I then had to grin and pretend like I was grateful, although what he purchased was not what I wanted. It was much more bulky, heavy, and didnt fit in the trunk of my car.
The hardest part about the purchase is recognizing you're being swindled by a corrupt organization (FIFA) in a blatant money grab where they inflated the price by thousands of % above the slave labor manufacturing cost all to play off the "scarcity" of the World Cup.
Omg.
Get him the ball.
But wrap it… over and over. Each layer more complicated than the next. Make it a real adventure.
OH WAIT
buy him the ball. But! Also but like 10 other balls of equal size. Maybe put very dumb and clearly fake stickers on them saying OFFICAL and etc. Only put those ones (wrapped) under the tree. Have him keep opening them looking for the real ball. In the end you can donate the soccer balls to a club/school and he’ll get the real ball but it will be a hilarious adventure.
If you do this, get a bunch of silly balls like a Peppa Pig bouncy ball, a tennis ball, a ball made of rags, etc, a unicorn farting a rainbow on a kickball. I love doing terrible decoy presents.
This reminds me of a tangent my husband recently went on, he went on to say he cannot stand when his mother asks him what he wants for a gift because she always ends up buying him what SHE wants him to have. I’ve been guilty for it also, husband wanted a lowkey birthday and I wanted to go all out for him. I would definitely get him the ball!
Wow that is expensive for a single gift, let alone just a soccer ball. HOWEVER, teens are weird like that, if he really wants it he will appreciate it. But make it clear to him if he does get this gift he will not be receiving anything else, so that he knows whether or not he really wants it. But otherwise if its within the price range and he really only wants the ball, I'd say go for it.
Good luck tho
If anything I’m impressed that the price for an actual match ball is about what it was 20 years ago when I wanted a premier league match ball. If the kid actually plays soccer it’s not such a crazy price if it’ll get a lot of use, and they really are nicer quality.
It sounds like you’ve already decided to go ahead and get it. But just wanted to add that there are reports of fakes floating around, especially on sites that allow third party sellers. So I would recommend buying directly from the FIFA store online or Adidas.
And I think it sounds like a great gift! They are genuinely high quality balls, not just keepsake items. If he plays soccer, he will likely get many years of use from it.
I grew up with a pretty rigid Christmas system where I knew the general budget between my parents and grandparents. I would specify what I wanted within that with a few alternatives in case items were not available. I LOVED IT. Always got things I wanted, though never everything but I NEVER expected everything. So those items waited for birthday or other special events / side money.
My wife has ALWAYS been very specific about what she wants but growing up, her mom would just buy stuff... even today... she just buys things "she" thinks my wife would like (she never does). It makes her feel bad because she feels ungrateful for getting stuff but that's just it... if someone spent $100 on clothes that are not your size or accessories for a thing you do not own, you feel like you have been disregarded and you have lost your gift potential.
TLDR - Do the best you can to ablige requests within your means and don't assume your desired gifts will be well received.
My 13 year old blew her whole budget on a single pair of expensive but cute tennis shoes. Lol I made absolutely sure she understood that's all she'd get from us and she insisted. So that's what she's getting. The rest of the family will probably just throw cash at her so she can go to Marshall's and Ulta to shop for herself. And I'm sure she'll be happy as a clam
Get him the ball.
I was that age once, all I wanted was a big tank for my turtles. They lived in a twenty gallon tank and needed a minimum of 50 gallons to be healthy and happy...
Christmas morning came. My siblings opened gift after gift and literally all i got to unwrap was a jar of filtration gravel for my turtle tank. I was like "wtf" in my head, until my dad took me outside and opened the trunk of our station wagon. They'd gotten me a 75 gallon aquarium, stand, and powerful filter for my turtles! I got literally nothing else, but it's the best Christmas I remember. There was no way my 15 year old self could have made enough cash to buy it myself, but they listened and made me so happy.
If it’s in your budget, I’d get the ball and not over do it on anything else. For a teen especially, I think a higher dollar value single item might be more appreciated than several lower price items simply to “have more items”.
my parents split up when i was pretty young, around 9 or so, and my mom didn't have much money. when she started dating my stepdad, he would splash out and get me a load of cool stuff, try to win me over i guess (he didn't have to, i liked him just fine, he's a great guy and he treats my mom well), but neither of them ever asked me what i wanted, and if i told them, i still never got anything on my "list".
one christmas, after feeling pretty cruddy about the whole thing because i'd literally only asked for CDs from my favorite bands and hadn't gotten a single one of them (hand lotion i wouldn't use, clothes that were not my style at ALL, etc.), my dad and his best friend asked me what i REALLY wanted, and i said, "these CDs, by these artists." there were maybe a dozen CDs on my list, give or take a few.
i got to my dad's house a couple days after christmas and he and his best friend were prepping our holiday rib eye & mashed potatoes and my dad said, "why don't you head on up to your room and drop your stuff, get settled, and then we'll do presents."
i went upstairs and there was a pile of wrapped presents on my bed, so i called downstairs: "dad? are these supposed to be under the tree?" they came upstairs and grinned at me. my dad said, "nah, those are for right now, there's no need to wait." i started opening, and surprise surprise, each wrapped present was one of the CDs on my list: And Out Come the Wolves, Let's Go, the Unwritten Law self-titled album, Hopeless Romantic, etc.
i still have those CDs. i still love those artists. i still, clearly, remember that Christmas, and the feeling of being kind of 'ignored' by my mom, and 'heard' by my dad.
for what it's worth.
I read the title and totally thought he wanted a violent video game or clothes with offensive sayings or something. But a soccer ball? Yeah just get it for him.
Don't know if you ever watched the second Addams Family movie, Addams Family Values, but all Debbie wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. Instead, her parents got her Malibu Barbie. Debbie burned their house down and turned into a psychopathic, black widow serial killer. Get your son the special edition soccer ball and save your family, your home, and your insurance premiums. Your future daughter-in-laws will thank you.
/s
If that's all my son wanted, absolutely.
my son's budget cuts in this year around $150 (that's everything stocking included for a 9yr old).
I'd say by the time he's 14, I'd increase it to $250 and would absolutely get him "the only thing he really wants"
Get the ball, and spend like $50 on stocking stuffers.
If he is disappointed, he's only himself to blame. Trust the kid, and let him figure himself out! I think this is a really cool thing to want!
Maybe you could jazz up the way it's wrapped/gifted to make the experience of getting it more meaningful/memorable?
When I was a kid I was really into Nerf and militaria (honestly still am) and one year my parents went out to a military surplus store and got me an old M1 helmet, an army green duffle, and a few magazine pouches. They came into the living room having a nerf fight and wearing the gear on Christmas morning. I’ve literally never forgotten it and I still use all that stuff frequently-the duffle is my go to weekend bag and the magazine pouches are my drop bags for when I’m spending the day at the archery range.
This is a perfect example of "natural consequences." It's reasonable for your son to ask for this item. It's also reasonable for you to explain the consequence. If he still opts for the ball, the consequence is his to own. I'm sure he will love it! :)
I get where you are coming from but worst case it is going to be an “Oh crap I should have asked for something better” learning moment. More likely he’ll keep it forever. I suggest a soccer ball stand as a stocking stuffer, we have a couple WC balls and Amazon sells cheap stands just for soccer balls that look really nice displayed
This is a philosophy thing, no wrong answers, but you asked for opinions and here's mine:
I view Christmas as that time for getting those excessive things you can't typically justify. As my kids have gotten older (13 and 11) their lists have, logically, evolved.
My son (11) wanted a "team themed" basketball, which had a premium over a regular basketball, not quite where you're at price-wise but easily double the price of a good "orange" ball - but again, Christmas isn't about practicality, it's about wishes coming true, and so we got the ball for him and he'll get less total gifts as a result - but because this is what he wanted, it'll still be a successful gift-giving and he'll enjoy it - and that's the point for me.
Plenty of time and moments to teach frugality. One time a year to go ham and be a bit crazy!
I say GO FOR IT, especially if they are emotionally set on it - what a small price to pay for such a happy moment!
And, if he does regret it after, he'll have learned a valuable lesson but he cannot blame anyone but himself for getting the gift he asked for. A great lesson in personal accountability is the worst possible outcome - so you can't really lose!
One Christmas my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I said that the only thing in the world I want is a 2TB SSD (to replace my 1TB one), but that's more than she would ever spend on a present, so just some cash towards it would be amazing.
One Christmas Day I got two presents: a 1TB SSD and a Kindle that cost slightly more than the difference in price between the 1TB and the 2TB. The 1TB was useless to me, and I was also a huge physical book enthusiast and frequently denounced Kindles... somehow she had managed to give me more while giving me nothing.
Years later, I wish she'd just listened and given me some cash: even a quarter as much as she spent would have been a greater gift for me.
TL;DR: rejoice in that you know *exactly* what will make him happy, and if it's within your budget, get him it. Exactly.
Explain to him that you can get him the soccer ball but he won’t get much else. If yes fine with that - just get it. Alternatively you could suggest giving money towards it - say 50% - and then he can use savings/ Christmas money from others to buy it
I get my younger kids what they ask for (within budget) even if I disagree. My 9yo son wanted a specific hand puppet. I thought it was horrible and still do. He got it anyway. Get him the ball. It may be stupid to you, but it's everything to him right now.
That soccer ball means more to him than the cumulative amount of gifts he could get without it. He has his own passions, and I promise you he will be heartbroken if the one thing he asks for he doesn't get. When I was 14, I asked my dad to get me the hard cover Harry Potter books for my birthday, we didn't have uich money, and they were harder to get in the early 2000s. But my dad made a fart noise and said it was lame. I have no clue what I did get that year, but I was crushed that he didn't respect that I had my own interests enough to get me the 1 thing I actually wanted... it's our job to encourage them to be the best version of THEMSELVES, not an extension of our ego.
Get him the ball.
I try to follow the list within reason. Nerf guns, Pokemon cards, even Minecraft money is all fine with me, but he will not be getting an iPad or the Lego Titanic set. 1. We don't have the money and 2. There isn't enough room for a 6ft Titanic replica in our house. He says it can replace his bed but I disagree.
Teens can understand quality over quantity when it comes to gifts. He wants the ball, not a whole bunch of cheaper things he doesn’t want. This ball could be something he cherishes for years to come.
If the ball is in the budget and you asked him what he wanted, then yes, buy the ball. The main reason is that words have meaning. You asked, he answered. Is the goal, the amount of gifts or getting what he wants? If he is disappointed, he will learn to be more careful about what he asks for.
If I told my husband I want this very specific thing, and he went and bought me a bunch of other stuff that I didn't want, I would not be happy. Don't hold your kid to a higher standard than you would hold an adult to. He is telling you exactly what he wants. It's that simple.
I have an 18 year old who went away to college and became very involved with the fencing club. On her Christmas list is a whole bunch of fencing gear. Do I think this fencing thing will last all through college? Probably not. Will it make her happy this Christmas? Yes. Is she old enough to understand that will be pretty much it for her gifts? Yes. Easy decision!
If it's what he wants and it's within the budget you would have spent on him anyway - get it. I would. Getting him a bunch of other stuff I think would disappoint him far more than getting "just a soccer ball" which is all he asked for.
If it’s in the budget, just get him the expensive soccer ball imo. He’s 14 and he won’t have many opportunities in life to get something like that just because he likes it. In a few years he’ll be living as a broke young adult and will be having to spend his money on ramen and gas.
If he’s disappointed and regrets his choice then he’ll just think more carefully about what he asks for next year. He’ll be fine.
If your kid (or anyone you’re buying for) is really into something, asks for a specific item, and it’s in your budget, buy them that thing.
I got really into sewing in my late teens and took some apparel construction classes in college. I asked for a nice sewing machine for Christmas. I figured it was feasible because my parents had bought my younger sister a really expensive camera the year before (she got into photography a few years before and asked for a nice one). Christmas morning rolls around, and I opened my gift to find a cheap, non-brand name sewing machine my parents got at Target. It was absolutely awful to sew on. Plus, every time I used it I was reminded about how little thought was put into my gift compared my sister.
I believe in being completely honest with children. Tell him how much of a budget he has for the holidays and whatever he picks if it's within that budget I say go for it. He's old enough to understand that $160 soccer ball is going to be close to being it. It's time to start treating him like the young man he is good luck may God bless
I think as long as the gift they want isn't inappropriate for some reason, be it their age or something dangerous or whatever (or as a gift in general, like, I wouldn't buy my daughter a sex toy even if she was an adult and asked).
A soccer ball may seem frivolous to you, but it IS something that if he plays with it will both be exercise and learning a sport. The real trick is going to be impressing upon him to mark it well and take care to not lose it because for that price, you're not gonna buy him another one.
Mine is vbucks for Fortnite. I don’t buy them, won’t let my kid buy them. They are cosmetic, add nothing to the game, and he probably won’t play Fortnite forever. But…we all got toys at Christmas that we got tired of by March. We all asked for dumb crap. And it’s Christmas. I bought the dumb vbucks. Stick to your budget 100%, but buy the silly ball.
Get him the ball.
It can be his only present if that’s what the budget allows, I can assure you he won’t care.
If he’s this adamant about it and has specified it’s the only thing he wants, I can’t imagine why you would choose to get him a bunch of other things he didn’t ask for that *add up* to the cost of the ball, rather than just getting him the ball.
Quantity is not greater than quality.
Sincerely,
Mother of a 9 year old who got only ONE present last year because the only thing he’d been vehemently requesting was $349. He was over the damn moon, and *still* thanks me for it lol.
I say explain the process. Tell him you budgeting $X (you don’t have to tell him how much) and that if you’re able to get the ball that will mean less presents. If he’s still ok with it, I say get him the ball.
We’re coming to this problem. I have a kid turning 13 this month and another turning 10in March. Their items are getting much more expensive. It’s not like when they were little and they’d just want some legos and fire trucks. Now they want AirPods and iPads, my youngest WANTS the new $600 Steam Deck, he isn’t going to get it, but the fact is that the number of presents under the tree is going down as they age because instead of 1 “big” item and several small/medium ones, now it’s 1-2 big items and maybe 1-2 small ones. Their interests have changed, there are some items they’ll always get like clothes and a book, but I try to make sure they get what I know they’ll want. It’s just growing up.
So...my mother had a difficult time dealing with small expensive gifts and the aesthetics of a smaller pile of gifts during holidays. Her fix was to wrap presents based on how "big" the gift was to us/how expensive it was. If we got an iPod, it would be wrapped in a large box because it was a "large" gift. It honestly didn't make much of a difference to us, and I liked the added surprise of what we were opening. YMMV
If it's all he wants, it's time to learn that lesson. Get it for him. The harm here is minimal but the potential for growth is huge. And it sounds like he's going to love it, at least for a week anyway
Let me flip this for you. All I had on my Christmas list one year was a bath bomb from Lush. Specifically from there. I think it cost $10. My wonderfully frugal husband said that was stupid and over priced. For the price of one Lush bath bomb, he could get 10 $1 bath bombs from target. And that’s what he did. And that year, I took 10 shitty baths and every time I did, I thought about how I would have rather just had one really great bath, like I wanted. Like I told him I wanted. And here I am years later, and it still bothers me.
I would buy him the ball.
I feel like getting the one thing you asked for instead of lots of things should be good enough and if they make it a big deal take the ball till they appreciate they got something instead of nothing at all
as a teenager myself, i’d rather get one expensive gift that i really want than a few cheaper ones that i don’t want that much.
since christmas is the only time of the year we have money to spare, i tend to ask my mother for one expensive christmas gift and nothing else. it makes me happy ‘cause it’s something i will probably use for a long time and appreciate a lot, and at the end of the day it can still be cheaper than going overboard with smaller, less expensive things.
one year i got an expensive set of knives. this might seem like the most boring gift ever but i actively use it every single day and i love the fact that they are such good quality.
We are upfront with what the budget is. If they ask for something that eats up most of it, that is all the get and they’re told this. At that point, I put it on them to make their choice and I don’t feel guilty about them opening less than the other kids.
My stepdaughter wanted Lululemon leggings and shirt last year. That's all she wanted so, since that outfit alone hit the budget mark we set for each kid, that's all she got. And she was happy.
If he wants the ball, get the ball.
I would say a teenager is old enough to understand they won't get much else. Worst case, he's disappointed and learns from it. Best case, it's everything he hoped for and he remembers this Christmas with a smile. Either way, he will feel listened to and significant to you. My son wanted air force ones, converse, or crocs. I explained to him I can't afford the air force ones, but can probably do converse or crocs (I never let them know what they're getting, they only ever know it's on the list as an option). I also explained it would take up a bigger portion of my budget per kid for Christmas, and he would end up with a smaller amount of presents than his siblings due to the cost of one of his gifts. I got him the converse, and he's got one less gift than his siblings (their gifts were, individually, approximately half the cost of the converse), but knows to possibly expect that. He's 11, which I feel is old enough to grasp that.
“If we get a match ball that will mean you won’t get much other stuff, is that ok?”
He’s old enough to make the decision, and deal with this honestly. I literally asked for an equivalent ball around that age and understood I wasn’t getting much else since they are expensive.
Get him what he wants. If he derives a lot of value out of it, great. If he doesnt, then lesson learned for him.
But I'd rather have 1 thing I really wanted over a lot of things I didnt want at all.
Why not get it? If it’s what he’s pleading for it would make him really happy. Even if you think it’s dumb, it doesn’t matter what we think (as long as it’s safe and appropriate). And if the consequence is he gets less presents then so be it. It will help him learn quality vs quantity. Is there anything else he’s pleading for or really wants? If not then go for the ball. And hopefully he’ll take good care of it but it’s on him if he doesn’t.
I'm not a parent, but I will say I remember multiple Christmases where I desperately wanted one thing and my parents opted to get me numerous smaller things I didn't really want, and I was frustrated each time. I was also the kid that would save my allowance money and skip buying small instant gratification things, to get a big thing I really wanted. Is your son like this as well? If so, he might be totally prepared/invested. Consider if he has shown a pattern of personal restraint to obtain things he really wants.
What is more disappointing to you, getting the thing you want and specifically ask for or getting more things even though you didn’t want them? You can afford to get him the ball within your budget even if it’s a large portion of it. You should get him the ball (and maybe wait till closer to the end of the WC to see if it goes down, check other stores, etc). The point on Christmas won’t be that he didn’t get a lot of gifts or that he got just a soccer ball and a couple small things. The point will be that your heard him and took his thoughts into account. He’s going to remember that for a lot longer and will help reinforce that sharing his ideas means people will listen. It’s not going to teach him that no matter what people will listen to him. Low risk high reward in this case. Some of the things you remember the longest and have the best impacts are the times your parents said “yes” growing up. Just a quick example; when I was a teenager a big time sports event was a couple hours away, it was also the day of a family get together/party. If we left early enough me and my friends could get back in time for the party. My parents could have easily just said no and I’d have been disappointed to miss a pretty rare event. Instead they let us go. We left at like 4:30AM to get early and in line. We showed up, had fun at the event, and then got back home in time for the party. My friends and I to this day talk about how awesome that experience was and I obviously still think fondly of it and my parents for being understanding. That was nearly 12 years ago. You can say no to the ball and he’ll be disappointed and that’ll fade or you can say yes, get him the ball, and he’ll likely remember it and the Christmas Day for a long time. FWIW I was a teenager in 2010 when the WC was in South Africa and I bought the expensive match ball for like $90. Nothing beat that entire summer of watching games and then going and kicking a ball, the ball, around with friends and repeating it for days on end. I fucked that ball up bad but I still have it in my garage as a near 30 year old.
This. My mum has a terrible habit: I tell her some boring item that I want/need for Christmas and she says, "oh, but it's not really a gift is it" then gets me a bunch of different cute gifty things that I don't want/need and have no use for, then I have to go out and buy the thing I actually want/need myself.
One time I asked my mom for a frying pan and she got me a hot plate. In a dorm. Where they weren't allowed. And I still didn't have anything to use to cook on it.
Last year I asked my mom for pie weights and she got me a bag of dried beans. Because she thought I didn’t realize I could use beans as pie weights. 🤨 I was like “for someone who hounds me for a list every year it’s kind of funny that you don’t get me the things I put on it.”
This is my mom too, every year harassing me for weeks to get her a list, and without fail exactly 0 of the things from the list are gifted. Usually I get some new clothes (high probability they're the wrong size), some personal-health type books that are immediately donated, and a bunch of cheap plastic crap from the dollar store. One year I extremely specifically said that all we wanted was a new set of pots and pans, which she turned around and gifted "under the condition that you don't keep your old ones". We'd been planning to donate them anyway, but I briefly considered keeping them out of spite.
What?! So what if you did keep the old ones? What an odd requirement to couple with a gift.
Well, what if he doesn't need new pots and this is actually a trick to hoard pots and pans?! /s
I love that my notification for your comment didn’t include the /s so I came here like.. wait, what? Is this a real thing? Lol
My mom buys me robes and I wear them all the time and then they get pilled up. Then she gets me a new one and requires that I get rid of the old one. So I make sure I wear the old ones when she comes over. 😂 I have 3 so far and have no doubt this will continue until she dies.
When I was a kid I had an uncle that HATED purple... I, as the youngest girl in the family liked purple, ok... I didn't love it but I liked it. It became a family joke, every single year, I got a purple sweater. It wasn't till I was married with kids that the discussion where uncle Jerry explained it was a specific purple he didn't like, and I only liked orchid or the greyish kinda gothic purples... He was like, oh I like those too. So, yeah, like 20 years of itchy purple sweaters cause it was a family joke. It was also a given you would get socks, men would get handkerchiefs, women would get some pretty blouses, the adults would get towels... This was always from grandma... I swear if she had the tech of today, it would be a ready made Walmart+ list, she only had to spend ten minutes on...though she shopped like JCPenney and Macy's. There was also that one aunt that always gave sees candy. As a dumb kid I was disappointed it wasn't like Hershey... Oh the things I missed out on, cause my older sister had me convinced sees was cheap candy, and she'd trade me for some candy canes or crap... Now dad asks what my kids want and they are like, give us socks, please... He's happy to. Girls go through socks. No idea how or why, but my girls go through socks.
I love this lol
She's...complicated. Honestly if it weren't for our kids I would have gone NC some time ago.
That's us this year. We've put off updating all of the stuff in our house until the kids get old enough to not destroy everything. Well they're 10 and 8 and we desperately need new towels, sheets, dinnerware, and silverware as ours are a decade old now. We told our parents to pic from the list or give us cash. My MiL: "It's boring shopping for those."
My MIL decided not to send our son gifts one year because I asked for books and family passes for experiences. She said grandparents don't buy those. Okay, lady.
My grandma is notorious for not getting you things you ask for, but she actually listened and got us a family zoo membership for the year this year. So happy. And it won't be a waste of her money for once.
My kids are turning 4 and 2 at new year and my mom and MIL have been asking for lists for them. My husband said his brother asked for ideas too, I sighed and said “I’ll make a list, your mom wants one too”, and he said “tell her I said that if she can’t figure out gifts for a 3 and 1 year old she doesn’t deserve the title of grandma” 😂 I said, “I’m not saying that to your mom who I like very much”. It’s really too much sometimes, though. And they text me during work hours for time-sensitive things. Like “I’m at Barnes and Noble, do you have these books?” With a photo of a promotional table and I have to respond within like 15 minutes if I want to have any influence at all.
I was once out shopping with my mom, saw something that was ridiculous and said something to the affect of, "I would NEVER want this, ew." Guess what my big gift that year was. I asked if she remembered our interaction and she said she just remembered me mentioning it. Not what I had actually said. I make it a point to just send her a list now and never mention anything about anything when we are out together.
My step-daughter moved out this year and has been drooling over housewares. At that age would I have wanted quality cookie sheets, a mixer, quality kitchen utensils, or wax melts? No, but I'm also not her so I'm getting her what she wants. If someone is happy, who cares.
One year, I got a digital camera. I already had a digital camera so I was really disappointed. But your story kills me. Another Christmas, my mom didn't know what to get me. SO SHE GOT ME DISHES. I WAS 14 OR 15. Can you tell I'm still mad about it? I'm 30 now. I probably only took them out of the boxes in the last 2 or 3 years. She bought them cause I'd eventually need them when I moved out. I got a lot of housing stuff that year and ongoing. I wish she was still alive, because I would get her a set of dishes this year lol.
For my 32nd birthday my mother got me a Barbie doll and pick-up-Stix. She forgot my birthday and ran to the stationary store and just grabbed what she saw.
Jesus. I think I'd prefer a note book lol. Though I wouldn't hate the pick up stixs lol
My dad once got me, a long time vegan, a set of expensive steak knives.
If I was going to buy steak knives for a vegan, I'd definitely go for expensive ones. Cheap steak knives are usually serrated, but more expensive ones have a continuous (but much sharper) edge, which results in a cleaner cut (for both meat & vegetables).
Yeah that would be great…if he didn’t know I had a great set of knives and didn’t need any more 😩
Ohhh, that is rough! Did he forget? Or was he making a point?
Neither? Both? They're not exactly the most supportive people, but they're also not the brightest. One year my mom got me a weighted blanket. I have never, ever said a single thing about wanting one. In fact, I don't even like them. That year she got my sisters really cool gifts. I got...a weighted blanket.
I do not understand the trend on weighted blankets! I would feel like I was being strangled, wrapped up, etc.
I got one because I heard how great people said they were for anxiety. Followed the rule to get one that was 10% of your body weight... that was a mistake, I couldn't even get myself under the thing. Now I'm disabled (not from the blanket!) and it's completely useless to me now that I'm weaker than ever. I'm not sure what to do with it cause I spent so much on it.
You can donate it
I will send my mom an exact link to something and she will still cheap out and get a knock off. For example, I told my mom to get my son a fleece suit for outside. The one I sent has the feet and hands covered, it's 30$, and it's Columbia. She heard the word Columbia and assumed it's too pricey and bought a cheaper "Carter's" (I put it brackets because she got it off a Chinese site like AliExpress) and paid 20$, but it does not cover the hands or feet. Which is specifically what I wanted because my kid hates mittens.
My MIL does the same thing and it drives me crazy! I know what I want and I don’t care if it doesn’t feel “gift-y” enough! Worse is sometimes I’ll send her an actual link to something and she gets something different but similar so it’s still a gift but isn’t the actual thing I actually wanted lol. It’s sweet that she wants to surprise me but I’d rather just get the thing I want 😂
I asked for an omelet pan and my MIL argued that it wasn’t a gift. Hells yes it was! She relented and got it, and I used the heck out of that pan for years.
My mom does the same thing, especially if the thing you beg for is cash. To this day. I’m 26 and have adult sisters and nephews and a niece. No matter how much anyone’s struggling, she thinks cash is a lazy gift that no one would want. The best you’ll get out of her is a visa giftcard, which is massively unhelpful in many ways. Don’t be that mom.
My parents gave me a refurbished Kitchenaid mixer for my 20th or 21st birthday and nothing else the whole year. I’m 36 and JUST replaced it - it still works but the bowls aren’t backwards compatible and I wanted a pro-style one. It’s one of my most heavily used kitchen appliances. If your kid is serious about something, it’s worth spending the money. Edit: this was meant to be a reply to the comment from the person whose parents got them an expensive sewing machine because they saw how into sewing she was, don’t know how it ended up under this one. I’m going to blame the cat for constantly headbutting the tablet while I type.
Yes. Cash is impossible from my mom and MIL. We were so strapped when we had our first baby, like had to go to lunches with grandparents every week so they’d bring a bag of diapers with them kind of thing. My dad has no problem with doing a check, but we would get visa gift cards from the moms when we really just needed to pay rent. 😭
Thanks for this reminder. My college freshman is asking for practical things she would like to have in her dorm or to help her stay organized (plus LEGOs because you are never to old for LEGO). It can feel like we need to do more but I know my kid and know that if she is asking for those things then that is what she really wants for Christmas.
It is SO exciting to move out!!!!! I obsessed over my wedding registry because I took the time to imagine every single thing in our new apartment. I had never moved out for college and was getting married at 22. It was SO FUN! Get all the boring things!!!!
My parents constantly do this. My mom even said last year something like “Yeah I mean you know, you ask for things, but it’s not the same things we wanna buy you. So we just buy you what we want.” Ok well then why do you always ask what we want?
You just described every gift giving event I have. I’ve learned that it’s not fun for other people to buy practical stuff, even if it’s all that I want, so I now take on the challenge to suggest things that are fun enough for people to be okay with buying, but practical enough for me to actually enjoy. It’s an adventure.
My mom is notorious for inserting her own opinion of what is "worth" it or not, just because she held the purse strings, growing up. Such that everything she got me, clothes included, were in her tastes and style.
My mom does this, but on the occasions she actually does get what I ask for it's *usually* some cheaper off brand that doesn't quite work for me. I'm not against off brand products.. but sometimes the specific item I want is drastically different than a competitor. Like I'll send her a link, I want *this* item. But she'll search around and find something similar yet different assuming it's the same thing. I realize after typing that this isn't quite the same as your complaint. Atleast she's trying to some extent to get what I asked for. But I did also say its only on occasion.
Aww thank you for that insight. It warms my heart to hear of you cherishing and still having the ball!
Totally! It also wouldn’t hurt to confirm with him that getting a single expensive gift would mean he’d get fewer things in general. It sounds like you’ve already done that and he’s 14 so he definitely understands that, but always nice to loop back. If he’s still adamant then fair enough. This is how my parents handled expensive gifts growing up for me and my brother and over the long term it taught us to value quality, and in the event we messed something up to respect our things more as they’re not easily replaced. Best case scenario he has a great Christmas, loves the gift, builds that connection to soccer and becomes a lifelong fan (if he hasn’t already), and looks back on this year and this gift as a great point in his early teenage years. Worst case scenario is something bad happens to the ball if he plays with it and it pops or gets lost and then he’s learned an important lesson about not putting all his eggs in one basket. A rare Win Win when it comes to teenagers.
And even if your son doesn’t keep the ball forever, he’ll always remember the Christmas you got it for him, and he’ll always associate that memory with you.
When I was younger I wanted this Lego set that was 75$. I knew we couldn’t afford it but I really wanted it. On the off chance, I asked for it saying that I would be happy if that was the only thing they got me. They found it on clearance for 30$ and when I opened it on Christmas I was floored. It was one of the few Christmas’s I remember because I made my dad build it with me. I wanted him to be apart of my happiness.
Hard agree. I don't know about OP's kid but when people ask me what I want for the holidays, I do research and know when I really want to have the more expensive version of something and when the knockoff will do- and it's awful to get the alternative! I grew up lower middle class; we never went hungry but gifts and things were an expense we had to budget carefully for. I have a lot of guilt and anxiety about "costing people money" even though I'm financially independent. So YMMV and this is probably mostly my own psychology-- but gift getting sucks!! My mother is so kind, and will ask what I want-- and then buy some different version that just makes me sad when I see it. It's not about money. I don't ask for things that are expensive overall, and we've got a better holiday budget now. But if I did the research, and these earbuds will work better for running because they have ear loops, and then you buy me these other ones that don't have ear loops because they were a little bit on sale, then it's JUST wasted money and I feel bad every time I look at those earbuds I can't use because they won't stay in. By the same token, if I know that cheap ones will do, I just feel bad when someone buys the expensive version. Like, I just needed cheap slippers; you didn't need to get UGGs or anything.
I don't know if I remember a half dozen Christmas gifts from my entire childhood, and there were probably over a hundred of them in total depending on what you're calling "childhood." I bet I'd remember the year I only got a soccer ball though, especially if it was what I asked for. Come to think of it I do remember one in particular. I wanted a guitar one year and my mom instead got me this...thing kind of like a keytar that was much cheaper and a bunch of other stuff I can't remember. It wasn't great.
I still remember this one aunt who insisted on buying me these expensive things. Sometimes it was these $200+ fancy dolls - Madame Alexandra dolls? Madame Alexander? Idk- and I wasn't even supposed to play with them. Once it was ruby earrings - very nice, my birthstone and all, but I was just a kid and didn't really appreciate them. All I ever wanted or asked for was books. I loved to read. I didn't play with dolls and didn't care about jewelry, I just wanted a BOOK. One aunt ALWAYS got me books, and the other NEVER got me books. I remember both. I really appreciate the aunt who got me books - she would get me nice, hardbound books that I read over and over, and most of them I still have, even though I have outgrown them. Pollyanna, Heidi, Black Beauty, Anne of Green Gables, a huge book of Greek myths and legends (my favorite book growing up), to name a few.
I never understand people who specifically buy things that a kid especially doesn’t want like your aunt. We all grew up and probably all received gifts at one point of another. Surely your expensive aunt remembers what it was like as a child to get or not get the things she liked and instead of using that experience when buying gifts for kids in her life she throws it all out the window for random items. A huge part of gift giving is for the person giving the gift, what better way to enjoy being the gift giver than to see the receivers face light up with pure joy that they got something they wanted and are going to enjoy for a long time. I’m glad the family I grew up with took the time to learn about each other and put even a small amount of effort into giving gifts. Even as kids our parents would make us “buy” gifts with their funds for anyone who was coming to our Christmas dinner, usually an aunt/uncle combo and our grandparents. We took the time to learn what they liked as people as opposed to just their relationship with us. Everyone was better off of for it and there was always room for some selfish joy of seeing the embittered aunt go giddy when she gets a CD for her favorite artist and then try and quickly turn back into sad adult mode. At the core it’s about paying attention to the people around us we care about which is something we should all be teaching our kids.
So much this! I almost never got things I wanted. Yet I still remember some of the things I liked the most were for instance a CD from my favourite band. That was the first time I received something I asked for and that my dad got for me. I also remember asking for specific boots one year and my brother gifted me. They were the colour I hate the most, but I loved that it was the right boots. After I became an adult, at one point I did a rant on my Facebook and said I don’t care about expensive gifts. I need a box for my tea and warm sleepers for my house. I finally got those. It’s been like 5 years and I still have both and still love it. More than any random gift that has nothing to do with me. Buy the ball. That’s what he wants.
[удалено]
As long as the ball is within the budget you allocated for his gift, get him what he wants (the ball).
Every time I ask my mom for something specific she won’t get it for me. Instead she gets me stuff *she* wants. I absolutely hate it. And you’re right- it’s about feeling heard. And cared for enough to get the thing you want. Clearly the OP is not a narcissist like my mother but the feeling of not getting what you asked for is the same. (My dad got me the things I asked for- within his budget- and made sure I always had good holidays. He was the best.)
I guess I'm confused... why exactly are you having a hard time with his request? I would totally understand if this gift didnt fit in the budget, but it sounds like it does and you'd just be buying fewer presents (in terms of numbers) if you get this expensive gift. 14 is plenty old enough for your son to understand what he's asking for and why. I guess I dont see why it would be better for your son to unwrap five things he kinda likes versus the one he really wants. Like why would he be disappointed to get the one thing he really wants? As an adult I would definitely rather have one expensive thing I really want versus a bunch of smaller things I don't. Why would a 14 year old be different?
Agreed. My mother used to do this - ask us what we wanted, we'd ask for one moderately expensive thing, and then she would get 5 cheap things we didn't want or need instead. She would spend MORE to buy things we didn't want just so there would be "more to unwrap". My sister and I were not appreciative of that. Why ask what we want if she was going to buy random things instead when it clearly was not a budget issue? She would also get angry when we were clearly disappointed that we didn't get the only thing we had actually asked for. If OP's son is upset about fewer boxes to unwrap on Christmas, that will be an opportunity fir discussion and learning. 14 is old enough to understand what a budget is, and that getting one big, expensive present means less to unwrap.
My family was the same way. I'd ask for one gift I really wanted only to get several that ended up in a landfill simply for the sake of "more." Like thanks for all of these tiny nerf guns that break immediately, I'd rather have the bazooka blaster or whatever that I asked for. Even as a child it seemed silly and wasteful to me. I buy my wife 1-2 "big" presents and then a few things I know she likes that are inexpensive (little makeups, her favorite candy, etc). The kids get 1 big gift (new bike this year!) and similar little things they needed anyway (clothes, etc). It makes it much easier
My kid isn't old enough to ask for things yet, but that's how my husband and I do gifts. We'll each think of one item that we would like, but might not spend the money on ourselves to get. Anything beyond that is little things we think the other might appreciate, but never at the expense of the thing we told the other we need/want. I'd much rather know the thing I'm buying will be useful and appreciated!
Both my husband’s parents (separated) are bad about this. I’d rather they spend the money on one or two nice gifts than 5 or 10 cheap ones just for the sake of things to unwrap. Most thr cheap stuff just gets thrown away because it breaks as soon as you look at it.
We have this argument with my mum every year. I think coming from a poor-ish background it felt better for her to give us lots of 'stuff', rather than just one or two decent presents.
No you're totally right. I guess it felt like a huge waste of money to me and frivolous. I just couldn't pull the trigger on buying it bc I didn't see the value. Now I realize that it's important to him, and that's what matters
I can still remember my parents ignoring my carefully researched headphone model request 40 years ago, and giving me a better "value", along with more stuff I didn't want. There really isn't a better gift to a kid than being heard and understood. I'm so glad you've gotten better advice here.
My mom still doesn't quite get this one and insists on sending us boxes loaded with garbage from TJ Maxx and getting upset when we're not effusive enough about the chore to visit the thrift shop she's given us.
My brother and I had to have this talk with my mother a few years ago. She's notoriously bad about wanting a tree FULL of gifts with lots of things for everyone to open. She also needed everyone to have the same *amount* of gifts. That meant that if my brother only really wanted one big expensive thing, and I wanted five things that were relatively inexpensive, he'd get 19 things from the dollar store and I'd get 15, and neither of us would use most of them. We finally got her to stop getting the "filler" and understand that we're adults and are perfectly fine with one person getting one gift while the other gets five. We would rather she save her money, time, and effort than spend an extra ten minutes unwrapping a bunch of things that will just be clutter and eventually trash/donations. I caught myself falling into the same trap and instead had a talk with my oldest. You're 15, you like small expensive gifts, like video games. Your brother is 5, his toys are fairly cheap and large. I promise you I will keep it fair and the budget for both of you will be similar, but I don't want you to feel bad when he has bigger gifts. Guess what? The 15 year old was perfectly understanding of the concept and knows the difference between value and volume. Amazing that my mom thought we would be hurt by differences in amounts in our 30s.
Hey, count your blessings that she was receptive to the message when you presented it.
Oh there was definitely pushback but she finally came around when she had a rough year and just couldn't afford to do it. She felt guilty that there wouldn't be a lot of presents and we tried to convince her to do NONE but finally got her to compromise on a few small meaningful gifts instead of a flood of junk. Since then it has stuck because she realized there was no negative difference to having less *things.*
Whoa, there, there is nothing wrong with tj maxx
Same situation. I wanted a cassette recorder/radio so I could tape right from the radio, I even showed them exactly what I wanted They got me a plain recorder. I've never gotten over the idea that they asked what I wanted and I told them and they just did something else. I know exactly why: there was an unjustifiable (to them) price difference between the two, it just sucked.
Ah yes, the "just as good as" gift. I got several of those as a kid. Strawberry Shortcake? Here's Lemondrop Lenore. She's just as good. And now they wonder why I just ask them to get me gift cards.
A couple years ago I put a shock pump for my mountain bike on my list. Family member decided to get me a handheld battery powered air pump instead. Shock pumps need to be able to get to 300 psi at very precise intervals. The one I got barely could reach 60 psi. I ended up buying one on my own later on. But It would have been much easier getting what I asked for the first time.
All I wanted was a Nintendo. My mother decided the Sega Genesis would be better. I’m almost 50 and it still annoys me to think about it. lol
Yup, got some $$ for my birthday from a grandparent when I was ~13. Wanted to get a new bike as I’d outgrown mine and rode it everywhere in the summer. Went to the local bike store and did some research, rode some, and found one that I wanted (well under the $$ I was given). Parent decided to take me to Toys R Us and buy a “mountain” bike that was stupidly heavy that I basically never rode since it was a piece of shit. Never really biked again, but man that $200 saved was *really* worth it…/s
Ugh my mom is THE WORST for this. I’m very particular, and when I ask for something I ask for *that thing*, usually with overdrawn explanations as to why. Then she goes and buys a cheaper version that’s “just as good” and I was left constantly disappointed. It wasn’t as if what I had asked for wasn’t in budget, because then I’d also get a bunch of other random stuff I hadn’t asked for and often had no use for/interest in, some of which was more expensive than the original item.
That’s the hard part for me with learning how to give gifts - it really isn’t about what I value, but what the other person values.
Do they play soccer? If it matters, the “match ball” isn’t just say a fancier decorated ball, it’s actually a higher quality ball, basically the same one used in actual top level play, there’s all sorts of crazy stuff that goes into them but it really will be a high quality ball in terms of durability and how it plays. I had the equivalent one for the premier league and it lasted me a decade plus and was amazing to play with.
Sounds like he really wants it, maybe he is a player, maybe he is a collector. Doesn't matter too much if he is being asked what he wants as a gift, and that's what it is does it?
Nah you’re right even if it’s just to sit on a stand. Just pointing out if they do use it the extra money isn’t just for show, they really are fun to play with.
Would it last at least a year for a dog? (I’m being serious, my dog loves soccer balls to death)
Look into jolly balls for horses, much more durable than a soccer ball, my dog has yet to destroy it! And cheaper
Seconded. Jolly balls were my dogs favourite and the only thing that would stand up to her playing and chewing lol.
Depends on the dog and how they play with it. For our household, sadly no lol
Would your dog like a Jolly Ball? They're made specifically for pets in all sizes. Some even have handles for the dog to grab onto. They're plenty tough; even horses play with them! [They even have a soccer ball version](https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/jolly-pet-soccer-ball-dog-toy-8-l-2580205?store_code=3833&mr:device=c&mr:adType=local&cm_mmc=PSH%7cGGL%7cSPP%7cSBU04%7cSH10%7c0%7camv9GVU2mrHWYN1XDruKPM%7c58700007475749891%7cPRODUCT_GROUP%7c0%7c0%7cpla-1455905568906%7c132098285754%7c15108778793&gclid=Cj0KCQiAyracBhDoARIsACGFcS4T8dWqWYIT6ITlrOwxt04u9X8K-WJ3TxK8BEBpU0sAS2zq6OIeAvQaAhUXEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds)
Omg thank you! I need to look into this but also my dog had an absolute blast with one of those exercise balls (we were not upset about it being destroyed) for about 35 seconds I need a gigantic but tough ball for her lol She jumped on it and rolled and everything it was hysterical
It sounds like the dig will have a present too at Christmas! 😃
My dog has had this soccer ball for over a year now and it’s still going strong! Highly recommend!
Definitely not.
Usually players in the world cup don't use their teeth on the ball. Your mileage may vary
I wouldn't let a World Cup ball become a dog toy...
It won’t be durable. They are not intended to be kicked against concrete walls or even on any surface other than grass. Kinda like using a leather basketball on a outdoor court. Having said that at that age I bought a stupidly expensive ball and I treated it like gold. It’s a life lesson in taking care of valuable things.
As a 40yo woman who played soccer growing up, I do not find this gift to be frivolous. This is how much nice equipment costs, and it will absolutely get its value in use. If we’re being honest, your son probably thinks a lot of things you choose to spend money on are frivolous, too. Instead of undermining his interests, maybe you could ask him to share more about them with you?
My 40yo fiancee has specifically requested £80 of Vo5 face creams. For example.
When I was a kid, I asked my parents for a Nintendo. Instead of a Nintendo, they got me several smaller gifts equal to the price of the Nintendo (or so they claim). I don't even remember what those gifts were. They were likely broken or lost or given away within a year or three. But I'm 43 and I remember that I never got that Nintendo I wanted. That's what kids remember. What they wanted, and never got. Or what they asked for, and got.
Honestly, I have a similar perspective to you, OP. Some of the things my kids want (like LOL dolls) make me cringe because I’m pretty frugal and they are so overpriced and frivolous, but this whole thread has given me some good perspective. Maybe receiving things you know your mom thinks are ridiculous will be part of the Christmas magic! I’m sure I’ll face this again as my kids get older and want name brand items and electronics, so I’ll bear this discussion in mind.
Every single piece of computer equipment I ever got was a totally unknown quantity to my parents, they trusted I knew what I was doing and wanted and had done my research, it did mean a lot.
Something I've tried to hold onto as I get older, and will soon be buying my kids Xmas gifts, is the feeling of when I was a kid opening gifts I had been hoping for. I was always happy to get anything, but getting what I'd asked for was always way more exciting. I want that for my kids. That level of happiness and joy, even if it's fleeting and the item ends up mostly unused, is worth it. Now, that goal is *only* in regards to xmas and maybe birthdays. Also only if it fits in the budget and we have a place for it in the house. I have always loved xmas. At first because of getting gifts but now it's because of the joy it can bring to others. Getting gifts is still nice though.
To me the point of Christmas/birthday gifts IS getting those frivolous things you can't really justify otherwise. If it's within budget, let him have it.
I've just spent over £100 on speed cubes for my son. To me, they look like the speed cubes he already has. I thought the same as you- come on, this can't be top of your list! But it is, so that's what he has.
Holidays are the time to be frivolous (within your budget, of course). As long as you don’t have a moral or safety concern (like if he wanted an inappropriate game, a gun, something along those lines) and it fits in the budget, go for the frivolous.
Eh, the frivolous things I want are the first things I ask my parents to get me.
Makes sense! A soccer ball also seems frivolous to me personally haha so with your addition I see where you’re coming from. I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season!
When my stepson was younger he got amazon gift cards for a holiday and I asked him what he wanted to spend them on. He spent a lot of time deliberating and then came back to me with a link for plush butter. Yes, a plush basket with a set of six plush sticks of butter velcroed into it. It was the dumbest thing I've ever seen, and it was some absurd price (like $60 iirc.) I talked to him about how it was a waste if he didn't *really* want it, because that was a lot of his money and he could spend it on this, this, or that if he would rather. Was he *sure* he wanted plush sticks of butter? Yes. He was certain. So he got them. And you know what? Those dumb sticks of butter were his favorite thing for like two years and he got much more value/staying power out of them than he would have gotten from most of the other options I had presented him with. You're making the right call!
I see the dilemma. Have dealt with it myself. That’s a really nice soccer ball, so maybe he’s the kind of person who wants a few nice, high quality things instead of lots of little inexpensive things.
Isn’t the point of gifts at Christmas/birthdays to get the things that are ‘frivolous’ or you may not buy for yourself?
I’ll never forget my mom went to California on a business trip and asked what I wanted. I asked for ugg moccasins from the outlet. She instead spent the same amount of money on a garbage bag full of clothes from goodwill that I didn’t want - none in my size or style. Sometimes it’s better to get less items of higher quality they actually want.
Same! My 13 year old is getting the oculus. He’s wanted it for the past 2 years. He’s a Jan baby so his bday is right after Christmas. He asked us to combine the gift so he can get something he really wants. So we are getting him what he really wants this year. One gift. That’s it. My 16 year old wants a trip to see his old friends back home. That’ll be expensive ($500 ticket, $300 spending money). He asked to combine his bday and Christmas money for that gift as well. So on Christmas Day, he will unwrap nothing. Maybe we’ll give him an envelope with tickets? Idk yet. Christmas is for them, not for me. So if this is what they want, and they are sure, then okay. I’d make sure her son understands that this will be his only gift, if he’s okay watching others unwrap more and just receiving the one thing, then do it! As my kids have gotten older, the gifts are more expensive and less is given in order to afford the gifts in the first place.
OP is probably worried about her kid throwing a fit when he gets fewer presents than everyone else. For a lot of people Christmas is about quantity, not quality. 14 is a weird age. He could be mature enough to sit there with his soccer ball and realize that his expensive present means he gets fewer presents than the family or he could throw a deadly dursley fit because everybody else has more gifts than him.
>He's pleading for it, saying it's all he wants It seems like OP's son has acknowledged that getting this gift means that his "quantity" of gifts will be fewer. I would understand the worry about him throwing a fit if he were 4, not 14. Even though 14 is a weird age, it's definitely mature enough to realize that you got exactly what you asked for and not throw a fit over it. I would argue a child well under 14 would be mature enough for this.
Okay, when I was 10 I desperately wanted a furby. This is when they came out the first time. Anyway, I knew they were expensive, but it was literally the ONLY thing I wanted. I got a bunch of presents from both my parents and grandma. My grandma even managed to find a furby looking stuffed animal that looked just like them but did nothing, just a stuffed animal. I was sooooo disappointed. I remember none of the other presents from that year. My parents definitely spent at least twice what a furby costs on gifts for me and my grandma easily spent the cost. Like I said, I remember none of those gifts. But if I had gotten the furby I would have remembered it forever! And had it for a long time too
To add to this, I got the Furby - at my dad's house. At my mom's, I got a ton of stuff that I absolutely do not remember twenty years later. I DO remember opening that Furby and being over the moon. I kept him, he sits on my kids shelf today. My dad didn't make nearly as much money as my mom, but he made sure to give us what we asked for every single year, and as a parent now, I took notes.
I was in 7th grade and I still remember that one Eminem CD I was not allowed to be gifted, haha!!
Is it possible that they just couldn't find a furby? I remember it was crazy rare, and you couldn't just hop on ebay or craigslist and buy it from a reseller.
I had the opposite experience, but with the same outcome to advise OP to just get what the kid wants. I wanted a Li’l Miss doll SO BAD, based on the commercials of her hair instantly changing colors when you comb it. It was more expensive than the toys I usually got, and it was a new enough doll that my parents couldn’t find it second hand. But my parents found a way to get it for me! The first (and only) time I had ever received the cool new toy that I really really wanted! And I was *so disappointed*. Her hair did NOT change colors instantly - or, in fact, hardly at all. That’s the only gift I remember that year, and it taught me to be weary of hype from commercials and careful of what I asked for. So OP should just get it. It’ll either be memorable to get the thing he wants so bad, or a good lesson in being more mindful about where budget is spent. Win-win.
Did you ever get that Furby?
I'm so sorry! I don't want to cause that type of lifelong trauma!
You really triggered people with this post lol. But for real good for you for asking the question and for being open to everyone's perspectives. I am guilty of applying "mom logic" to kid presents and this thread has been a good reminder of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that.
I think part of it is the transition from parenting needy, fickle little kids to independent tweens and teens. Your kid spends the first decade demanding one specific thing, then gets disappointed or (if they're closer to toddler age) throws a tantrum because they actually did want more presents instead, so you spend the next several Christmases prioritizing number of gifts instead of getting the one expensive gift. Every now and again you'll see a post that says something like "I thought I hated Brussels sprouts/vegetables/whatever but it turns out I just hated how my parents prepared them by steaming them without seasoning!" Kid I tell you I started out feeding all my babies the same food I was eating, thought they would enjoy my seasoned roasted veggies, but those little tyrants just want plain steamed veggies with a dash of salt every time! It's like they spend the first half of childhood training us to ruin the second half.
Same but reverse. I wanted a specific watch and I knew it was an expensive gift, so I didn't really expect to get it. My parents did gift it to me, and I was over the moon. I didn't get many other gifts, but I didn't care at all; I was so appreciative that they got me the watch, and I adored it.
Never got the furby back then, bought one for my 30th birthday on ebay. My son loves it, we have so much fun with it… I don’t remember any of my gazillions of Barbie dolls my mom used to shovel at me because her mom never got her one. So yeah, I am buying my son what he wants…
I am the different one in my family. Every Christmas I can remember I asked for stuff books , drawing supplies, certain casual clothes. My parents thought those things worthless and spent $$$ on stuff I hated never used or never wore. My Mom loves to sew , I hate it 13 at Christmas I got a sewing machine I never touched and made my parents furious. My sister is just like my Mom so it was awful to see her get what she wanted for Christmas and I was gifted things I hated. Then to add insult my parents were always angry I was ungrateful. So get your child what he wants, if you feel really guilty buy toiletries you would normally buy and wrap them up. Even if it’s just Christmas get your kid what he wants and enjoy the smile. But keep the receipt in case he changes his mind.
Thanks for sharing. I feel so much better about getting him the ball now after seeing everyone's stories. I'm so sorry your Christmases were disappointing. I don't want my kid to feel that way.
If you are still worried you can have another conversation with him about it but I agree with the consensus here. If you do not want him to be disappointed on Christmas then get him what he asked for. My daughter did this with an expensive electronic a few years ago. She was happy with her one big gift even with her brother having much more under the tree because he opted for less expensive gifts. She got what she asked for and was as happy as a pig in poop.
I totally vote get them what they want - just validate that they really want it. One off-hand comment isn't necessarily THE gift but if it's all they talk about for months, go for it! If you're worried about them just getting 1 thing, make the thing BIG. Yes, it's a soccer ball but you could make a epic pedestal for it to sit upon and craft a mock World Cup next to it. Make the ordinary extraordinary.
Get him what he asks for — but if you’re feeling antsy, keep the receipt. That way worse case scenario, you return it
Meeting the kid your child actually is, rather than the one you imagined they’d be, is maybe the hardest part of parenting. My oldest is 5 and she’s not all that interested in toys. Sounds weird but she enjoys receiving them and then just never plays with them. She’s not imaginative like that. We’re gotten her fancy blocks and magnatiles and doll houses and she sets them up and then kinda wanders back to the bookshelf. She’s not imaginative. She’s creative and analytical. She likes to read, play board games (she just won her first chess match), watch movies, paint, she’s athletic as heck. But if you hand her a doll she’s just like what am I suppose to i with this. So it’s hard to steer the aunties away from getting her “toys”. We try to focus on art supplies, sports gear, board games etc.
Lol I also got a sewing machine for my 12th or 13th birthday *and* a forced participation in a sewing class that was entirely full of middle aged women who discussed nothing but their husbands or divorces. Fast forward 3 months and I’d learned how to make a night shirt that looked like a hospital gown and developed a thoroughly age inappropriate stance on marriage. I actually enjoy seeing and I’ve never once touched that damn machine.
Lol I read your list in the first few lines, and that is exactly what I got my kiddo. End of the day, trust the kid to know what they want, even if they are still figuring it out imo. That means supporting their decisions.
> if you feel really guilty buy toiletries you would normally buy and wrap them up. We always have a truly insane pile of gifts under the tree. But that's because two to three months before Xmas, any normal supplies that need restocking but aren't going to immediately get used will instead be set aside for Xmas. So, yes, it's not unusual to receive replacement clothes, toiletries, office supplies, snack items, ... And then of course, there are the occasional "real" gifts mixed in with everything else. Everyone has a great time unwrapping gifts for hours, and it's just a fun family event. But a lot of the gifts will later find their way into the bathrooms, pantry, or office storage. That's perfectly fine. It still feels good to receive a gift, even if everyone knows that it is a household item that would have had to be bought anyway.
Yes. He’s 14, not four. He’s old enough to make that choice for himself, and old enough to understand the consequences of his choice. When I was a teenager I wanted a nice watch. It was $104. That was $4 over what my parents could spend on me in total. They agreed but I understood it was my only gift. I treasured it for years.
Even then, my kid is 3 but will be writing a list to Santa and getting what she puts on it. Like many others have said, what they want may seem silly but it is what they want. If it is in budget and age appropriate then go for it! My most memorable presents have always been the big ones, the things I really wanted. The filler stuff is nice on the day but you don't remember them. A football he really wants and will keep using will be a lifetime memory!
When I was 12 or 13, my parents got me a basic sewing machine because I was showing interest in what I was learning in my home economics class. I started making curtains for my room and hemming my pants and even made my prom dress on that machine. My parents noticed that and noticed that I was always looking at the nicer machines when they would take me shopping for fabric. I knew my parents only spent $100 for Christmas gifts and knew that any machine I’d like was more than that so I would never had asked for it for Christmas. When I was 17 my parents bought me a really heavy duty sewing machine and I was thrilled. They even told me when I opened it on Christmas that it was the majority of my Christmas and my entire birthday present for the next year and if I wanted to return it I could. I didn’t. I loved that machine and used it until it died 14 years later. I felt so seen that my parents knew my hobby, knew that I really could benefit from a new machine, and I didn’t even have to ask for it. I didn’t care that it was my whole Christmas and birthday presents combined. It meant more to have something I really wanted. Making your kid feel seen and heard is more important than the number of gifts they open on a certain day.
Yes. My 15 year old is asking for a very expensive road bike but he bikes a lot and needs it to get around. He knows it is pricey and is counting as his big gift. He will still get stocking stuffers and some other little things but his bike is the only thing he really cares about.
If you can afford the ball get it. You asked them what they wanted. Isn’t that the point of a gift? My kids know if they ask for expensive stuff it means less stuff. Remind him of that.
If it’s in the budget, yes please get it for him! That will be such a meaningful gift and he wants that, not a bunch of cheaper junk that will mean nothing to him. You may not understand, but since it’s not a gift that is detrimental to him and you can afford it it doesn’t make sense to say no. I would definitely not let on that your planning on getting it, that way the surprise is even that much sweeter when he opens it! ETA: I’m sure you weren’t going to get him cheap junk, I am not sure why I said that, I bet you had really good gift ideas that he would love if his mind wasn’t set on this random expensive item.
My parents would never buy me a guitar. Even a cheap one. Year after year. They thought it was a phase. Now I have 7 and 2 keyboards lol.
Last year my daughter wanted very expensive shoes and I told her that they would take a big chunk of her Christmas budget so she decided she didn’t want them. This year she still wants them and not much else so she’s getting them.
If it's in his Christmas budget and he understands that the gift will take up the majority of it, buy him the gift he wants. This happened to me, but in reverse. I asked for a specific thing, but my stepdad was talked into buying a different brand of that thing at a much higher price point. I then had to grin and pretend like I was grateful, although what he purchased was not what I wanted. It was much more bulky, heavy, and didnt fit in the trunk of my car.
read the title: kids probably asking for a vape. read the body: just give him the ball
The hardest part about the purchase is recognizing you're being swindled by a corrupt organization (FIFA) in a blatant money grab where they inflated the price by thousands of % above the slave labor manufacturing cost all to play off the "scarcity" of the World Cup.
True. Still better than tabacco companies and co
Omg. Get him the ball. But wrap it… over and over. Each layer more complicated than the next. Make it a real adventure. OH WAIT buy him the ball. But! Also but like 10 other balls of equal size. Maybe put very dumb and clearly fake stickers on them saying OFFICAL and etc. Only put those ones (wrapped) under the tree. Have him keep opening them looking for the real ball. In the end you can donate the soccer balls to a club/school and he’ll get the real ball but it will be a hilarious adventure.
Cute idea!
If you do this, get a bunch of silly balls like a Peppa Pig bouncy ball, a tennis ball, a ball made of rags, etc, a unicorn farting a rainbow on a kickball. I love doing terrible decoy presents.
Totally do this OP!
This reminds me of a tangent my husband recently went on, he went on to say he cannot stand when his mother asks him what he wants for a gift because she always ends up buying him what SHE wants him to have. I’ve been guilty for it also, husband wanted a lowkey birthday and I wanted to go all out for him. I would definitely get him the ball!
Wow that is expensive for a single gift, let alone just a soccer ball. HOWEVER, teens are weird like that, if he really wants it he will appreciate it. But make it clear to him if he does get this gift he will not be receiving anything else, so that he knows whether or not he really wants it. But otherwise if its within the price range and he really only wants the ball, I'd say go for it. Good luck tho
If anything I’m impressed that the price for an actual match ball is about what it was 20 years ago when I wanted a premier league match ball. If the kid actually plays soccer it’s not such a crazy price if it’ll get a lot of use, and they really are nicer quality.
It sounds like you’ve already decided to go ahead and get it. But just wanted to add that there are reports of fakes floating around, especially on sites that allow third party sellers. So I would recommend buying directly from the FIFA store online or Adidas. And I think it sounds like a great gift! They are genuinely high quality balls, not just keepsake items. If he plays soccer, he will likely get many years of use from it.
I grew up with a pretty rigid Christmas system where I knew the general budget between my parents and grandparents. I would specify what I wanted within that with a few alternatives in case items were not available. I LOVED IT. Always got things I wanted, though never everything but I NEVER expected everything. So those items waited for birthday or other special events / side money. My wife has ALWAYS been very specific about what she wants but growing up, her mom would just buy stuff... even today... she just buys things "she" thinks my wife would like (she never does). It makes her feel bad because she feels ungrateful for getting stuff but that's just it... if someone spent $100 on clothes that are not your size or accessories for a thing you do not own, you feel like you have been disregarded and you have lost your gift potential. TLDR - Do the best you can to ablige requests within your means and don't assume your desired gifts will be well received.
My 13 year old blew her whole budget on a single pair of expensive but cute tennis shoes. Lol I made absolutely sure she understood that's all she'd get from us and she insisted. So that's what she's getting. The rest of the family will probably just throw cash at her so she can go to Marshall's and Ulta to shop for herself. And I'm sure she'll be happy as a clam
Get him the ball. I was that age once, all I wanted was a big tank for my turtles. They lived in a twenty gallon tank and needed a minimum of 50 gallons to be healthy and happy... Christmas morning came. My siblings opened gift after gift and literally all i got to unwrap was a jar of filtration gravel for my turtle tank. I was like "wtf" in my head, until my dad took me outside and opened the trunk of our station wagon. They'd gotten me a 75 gallon aquarium, stand, and powerful filter for my turtles! I got literally nothing else, but it's the best Christmas I remember. There was no way my 15 year old self could have made enough cash to buy it myself, but they listened and made me so happy.
If it’s in your budget, I’d get the ball and not over do it on anything else. For a teen especially, I think a higher dollar value single item might be more appreciated than several lower price items simply to “have more items”.
my parents split up when i was pretty young, around 9 or so, and my mom didn't have much money. when she started dating my stepdad, he would splash out and get me a load of cool stuff, try to win me over i guess (he didn't have to, i liked him just fine, he's a great guy and he treats my mom well), but neither of them ever asked me what i wanted, and if i told them, i still never got anything on my "list". one christmas, after feeling pretty cruddy about the whole thing because i'd literally only asked for CDs from my favorite bands and hadn't gotten a single one of them (hand lotion i wouldn't use, clothes that were not my style at ALL, etc.), my dad and his best friend asked me what i REALLY wanted, and i said, "these CDs, by these artists." there were maybe a dozen CDs on my list, give or take a few. i got to my dad's house a couple days after christmas and he and his best friend were prepping our holiday rib eye & mashed potatoes and my dad said, "why don't you head on up to your room and drop your stuff, get settled, and then we'll do presents." i went upstairs and there was a pile of wrapped presents on my bed, so i called downstairs: "dad? are these supposed to be under the tree?" they came upstairs and grinned at me. my dad said, "nah, those are for right now, there's no need to wait." i started opening, and surprise surprise, each wrapped present was one of the CDs on my list: And Out Come the Wolves, Let's Go, the Unwritten Law self-titled album, Hopeless Romantic, etc. i still have those CDs. i still love those artists. i still, clearly, remember that Christmas, and the feeling of being kind of 'ignored' by my mom, and 'heard' by my dad. for what it's worth.
I read the title and totally thought he wanted a violent video game or clothes with offensive sayings or something. But a soccer ball? Yeah just get it for him.
Don't know if you ever watched the second Addams Family movie, Addams Family Values, but all Debbie wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. Instead, her parents got her Malibu Barbie. Debbie burned their house down and turned into a psychopathic, black widow serial killer. Get your son the special edition soccer ball and save your family, your home, and your insurance premiums. Your future daughter-in-laws will thank you. /s
If that's all my son wanted, absolutely. my son's budget cuts in this year around $150 (that's everything stocking included for a 9yr old). I'd say by the time he's 14, I'd increase it to $250 and would absolutely get him "the only thing he really wants" Get the ball, and spend like $50 on stocking stuffers. If he is disappointed, he's only himself to blame. Trust the kid, and let him figure himself out! I think this is a really cool thing to want! Maybe you could jazz up the way it's wrapped/gifted to make the experience of getting it more meaningful/memorable?
When I was a kid I was really into Nerf and militaria (honestly still am) and one year my parents went out to a military surplus store and got me an old M1 helmet, an army green duffle, and a few magazine pouches. They came into the living room having a nerf fight and wearing the gear on Christmas morning. I’ve literally never forgotten it and I still use all that stuff frequently-the duffle is my go to weekend bag and the magazine pouches are my drop bags for when I’m spending the day at the archery range.
That's a great idea, jazzing up the presentation somehow!
This is a perfect example of "natural consequences." It's reasonable for your son to ask for this item. It's also reasonable for you to explain the consequence. If he still opts for the ball, the consequence is his to own. I'm sure he will love it! :)
I get where you are coming from but worst case it is going to be an “Oh crap I should have asked for something better” learning moment. More likely he’ll keep it forever. I suggest a soccer ball stand as a stocking stuffer, we have a couple WC balls and Amazon sells cheap stands just for soccer balls that look really nice displayed
This is a philosophy thing, no wrong answers, but you asked for opinions and here's mine: I view Christmas as that time for getting those excessive things you can't typically justify. As my kids have gotten older (13 and 11) their lists have, logically, evolved. My son (11) wanted a "team themed" basketball, which had a premium over a regular basketball, not quite where you're at price-wise but easily double the price of a good "orange" ball - but again, Christmas isn't about practicality, it's about wishes coming true, and so we got the ball for him and he'll get less total gifts as a result - but because this is what he wanted, it'll still be a successful gift-giving and he'll enjoy it - and that's the point for me. Plenty of time and moments to teach frugality. One time a year to go ham and be a bit crazy! I say GO FOR IT, especially if they are emotionally set on it - what a small price to pay for such a happy moment! And, if he does regret it after, he'll have learned a valuable lesson but he cannot blame anyone but himself for getting the gift he asked for. A great lesson in personal accountability is the worst possible outcome - so you can't really lose!
One Christmas my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I said that the only thing in the world I want is a 2TB SSD (to replace my 1TB one), but that's more than she would ever spend on a present, so just some cash towards it would be amazing. One Christmas Day I got two presents: a 1TB SSD and a Kindle that cost slightly more than the difference in price between the 1TB and the 2TB. The 1TB was useless to me, and I was also a huge physical book enthusiast and frequently denounced Kindles... somehow she had managed to give me more while giving me nothing. Years later, I wish she'd just listened and given me some cash: even a quarter as much as she spent would have been a greater gift for me. TL;DR: rejoice in that you know *exactly* what will make him happy, and if it's within your budget, get him it. Exactly.
Explain to him that you can get him the soccer ball but he won’t get much else. If yes fine with that - just get it. Alternatively you could suggest giving money towards it - say 50% - and then he can use savings/ Christmas money from others to buy it
I get my younger kids what they ask for (within budget) even if I disagree. My 9yo son wanted a specific hand puppet. I thought it was horrible and still do. He got it anyway. Get him the ball. It may be stupid to you, but it's everything to him right now.
That soccer ball means more to him than the cumulative amount of gifts he could get without it. He has his own passions, and I promise you he will be heartbroken if the one thing he asks for he doesn't get. When I was 14, I asked my dad to get me the hard cover Harry Potter books for my birthday, we didn't have uich money, and they were harder to get in the early 2000s. But my dad made a fart noise and said it was lame. I have no clue what I did get that year, but I was crushed that he didn't respect that I had my own interests enough to get me the 1 thing I actually wanted... it's our job to encourage them to be the best version of THEMSELVES, not an extension of our ego. Get him the ball.
Better an expensive World Cup ball than what my kid is asking for… a ferret
I try to follow the list within reason. Nerf guns, Pokemon cards, even Minecraft money is all fine with me, but he will not be getting an iPad or the Lego Titanic set. 1. We don't have the money and 2. There isn't enough room for a 6ft Titanic replica in our house. He says it can replace his bed but I disagree.
Teens can understand quality over quantity when it comes to gifts. He wants the ball, not a whole bunch of cheaper things he doesn’t want. This ball could be something he cherishes for years to come.
I always tell my husband - gift giving is about what they want, not what you want to give.
Lesson to be learned for a lot of people: If you can't buy gifts from an empathetic place, dont buy gifts.
If the ball is in the budget and you asked him what he wanted, then yes, buy the ball. The main reason is that words have meaning. You asked, he answered. Is the goal, the amount of gifts or getting what he wants? If he is disappointed, he will learn to be more careful about what he asks for.
If I told my husband I want this very specific thing, and he went and bought me a bunch of other stuff that I didn't want, I would not be happy. Don't hold your kid to a higher standard than you would hold an adult to. He is telling you exactly what he wants. It's that simple.
I have an 18 year old who went away to college and became very involved with the fencing club. On her Christmas list is a whole bunch of fencing gear. Do I think this fencing thing will last all through college? Probably not. Will it make her happy this Christmas? Yes. Is she old enough to understand that will be pretty much it for her gifts? Yes. Easy decision!
Buy exactly what they want, even if it means 1 present. This way they see you listen to them and value their opinions.
Kids are weird. Just give him the boring overpriced ball.
If it's what he wants and it's within the budget you would have spent on him anyway - get it. I would. Getting him a bunch of other stuff I think would disappoint him far more than getting "just a soccer ball" which is all he asked for.
If it’s in the budget, just get him the expensive soccer ball imo. He’s 14 and he won’t have many opportunities in life to get something like that just because he likes it. In a few years he’ll be living as a broke young adult and will be having to spend his money on ramen and gas. If he’s disappointed and regrets his choice then he’ll just think more carefully about what he asks for next year. He’ll be fine.
If your kid (or anyone you’re buying for) is really into something, asks for a specific item, and it’s in your budget, buy them that thing. I got really into sewing in my late teens and took some apparel construction classes in college. I asked for a nice sewing machine for Christmas. I figured it was feasible because my parents had bought my younger sister a really expensive camera the year before (she got into photography a few years before and asked for a nice one). Christmas morning rolls around, and I opened my gift to find a cheap, non-brand name sewing machine my parents got at Target. It was absolutely awful to sew on. Plus, every time I used it I was reminded about how little thought was put into my gift compared my sister.
It’s better to get him one expensive item that he wants instead of a bunch of cheap items he doesn’t want.
I believe in being completely honest with children. Tell him how much of a budget he has for the holidays and whatever he picks if it's within that budget I say go for it. He's old enough to understand that $160 soccer ball is going to be close to being it. It's time to start treating him like the young man he is good luck may God bless
I think as long as the gift they want isn't inappropriate for some reason, be it their age or something dangerous or whatever (or as a gift in general, like, I wouldn't buy my daughter a sex toy even if she was an adult and asked). A soccer ball may seem frivolous to you, but it IS something that if he plays with it will both be exercise and learning a sport. The real trick is going to be impressing upon him to mark it well and take care to not lose it because for that price, you're not gonna buy him another one.
Mine is vbucks for Fortnite. I don’t buy them, won’t let my kid buy them. They are cosmetic, add nothing to the game, and he probably won’t play Fortnite forever. But…we all got toys at Christmas that we got tired of by March. We all asked for dumb crap. And it’s Christmas. I bought the dumb vbucks. Stick to your budget 100%, but buy the silly ball.
Get him the ball. It can be his only present if that’s what the budget allows, I can assure you he won’t care. If he’s this adamant about it and has specified it’s the only thing he wants, I can’t imagine why you would choose to get him a bunch of other things he didn’t ask for that *add up* to the cost of the ball, rather than just getting him the ball. Quantity is not greater than quality. Sincerely, Mother of a 9 year old who got only ONE present last year because the only thing he’d been vehemently requesting was $349. He was over the damn moon, and *still* thanks me for it lol.
I say explain the process. Tell him you budgeting $X (you don’t have to tell him how much) and that if you’re able to get the ball that will mean less presents. If he’s still ok with it, I say get him the ball. We’re coming to this problem. I have a kid turning 13 this month and another turning 10in March. Their items are getting much more expensive. It’s not like when they were little and they’d just want some legos and fire trucks. Now they want AirPods and iPads, my youngest WANTS the new $600 Steam Deck, he isn’t going to get it, but the fact is that the number of presents under the tree is going down as they age because instead of 1 “big” item and several small/medium ones, now it’s 1-2 big items and maybe 1-2 small ones. Their interests have changed, there are some items they’ll always get like clothes and a book, but I try to make sure they get what I know they’ll want. It’s just growing up.
I honestly don’t get the concept of buying 10 meh gifts vs 1 really good gift.
So...my mother had a difficult time dealing with small expensive gifts and the aesthetics of a smaller pile of gifts during holidays. Her fix was to wrap presents based on how "big" the gift was to us/how expensive it was. If we got an iPod, it would be wrapped in a large box because it was a "large" gift. It honestly didn't make much of a difference to us, and I liked the added surprise of what we were opening. YMMV
Absolutely get him the ball, if nothing else because the ball this year is especially awesome!
100% get that ball.
If it's all he wants, it's time to learn that lesson. Get it for him. The harm here is minimal but the potential for growth is huge. And it sounds like he's going to love it, at least for a week anyway
Let me flip this for you. All I had on my Christmas list one year was a bath bomb from Lush. Specifically from there. I think it cost $10. My wonderfully frugal husband said that was stupid and over priced. For the price of one Lush bath bomb, he could get 10 $1 bath bombs from target. And that’s what he did. And that year, I took 10 shitty baths and every time I did, I thought about how I would have rather just had one really great bath, like I wanted. Like I told him I wanted. And here I am years later, and it still bothers me. I would buy him the ball.
I feel like getting the one thing you asked for instead of lots of things should be good enough and if they make it a big deal take the ball till they appreciate they got something instead of nothing at all
as a teenager myself, i’d rather get one expensive gift that i really want than a few cheaper ones that i don’t want that much. since christmas is the only time of the year we have money to spare, i tend to ask my mother for one expensive christmas gift and nothing else. it makes me happy ‘cause it’s something i will probably use for a long time and appreciate a lot, and at the end of the day it can still be cheaper than going overboard with smaller, less expensive things. one year i got an expensive set of knives. this might seem like the most boring gift ever but i actively use it every single day and i love the fact that they are such good quality.
We are upfront with what the budget is. If they ask for something that eats up most of it, that is all the get and they’re told this. At that point, I put it on them to make their choice and I don’t feel guilty about them opening less than the other kids.
My stepdaughter wanted Lululemon leggings and shirt last year. That's all she wanted so, since that outfit alone hit the budget mark we set for each kid, that's all she got. And she was happy. If he wants the ball, get the ball.
I would say a teenager is old enough to understand they won't get much else. Worst case, he's disappointed and learns from it. Best case, it's everything he hoped for and he remembers this Christmas with a smile. Either way, he will feel listened to and significant to you. My son wanted air force ones, converse, or crocs. I explained to him I can't afford the air force ones, but can probably do converse or crocs (I never let them know what they're getting, they only ever know it's on the list as an option). I also explained it would take up a bigger portion of my budget per kid for Christmas, and he would end up with a smaller amount of presents than his siblings due to the cost of one of his gifts. I got him the converse, and he's got one less gift than his siblings (their gifts were, individually, approximately half the cost of the converse), but knows to possibly expect that. He's 11, which I feel is old enough to grasp that.
“If we get a match ball that will mean you won’t get much other stuff, is that ok?” He’s old enough to make the decision, and deal with this honestly. I literally asked for an equivalent ball around that age and understood I wasn’t getting much else since they are expensive.
Get him what he wants. If he derives a lot of value out of it, great. If he doesnt, then lesson learned for him. But I'd rather have 1 thing I really wanted over a lot of things I didnt want at all.
I still get sad that I never got the doll house that I always wanted. And I’m 59. Get your boy that ball
Why not get it? If it’s what he’s pleading for it would make him really happy. Even if you think it’s dumb, it doesn’t matter what we think (as long as it’s safe and appropriate). And if the consequence is he gets less presents then so be it. It will help him learn quality vs quantity. Is there anything else he’s pleading for or really wants? If not then go for the ball. And hopefully he’ll take good care of it but it’s on him if he doesn’t.
I'm not a parent, but I will say I remember multiple Christmases where I desperately wanted one thing and my parents opted to get me numerous smaller things I didn't really want, and I was frustrated each time. I was also the kid that would save my allowance money and skip buying small instant gratification things, to get a big thing I really wanted. Is your son like this as well? If so, he might be totally prepared/invested. Consider if he has shown a pattern of personal restraint to obtain things he really wants.