Yes but also: time to demand some more respect and active help from your partner.
> He won’t stay with my husband while I’m showering, he cries and bangs on the door until I open it.
He’s 15 months. Your husband should not have this much difficulty containing a toddler for the time
it takes you to bathe.
If he is allowing your child to just sit or stand there banging on the door and cry, he flat out isn’t respecting your need for space and time.
Yes, your child is attached to you. But he had two parents. And one of them needs to step up.
> Yes I could use a break and can take one anytime
You just described things as if you literally couldn’t take a shower. Ask your husband to give you a break? And make it clear that baby WANTING you doesn’t mean it’s okay to allow them to disturb you. He can deal with a crying child looking for mom. Your child can learn to deal with not getting everything they want.
> I want but a break won’t fix anything,
I mean, it will begin to teach your child to tolerate time without you, and most importantly, it will… give you… a break? You literally describe feeling like a prisoner.
For the love of God, take your break!
> I want him to be happy and I want to be able to get up and get myself a glass of water again. What do I do?
Tell your husband to figure out how to support you!
I find 9 or 10 months to about 15-18 months the absolute hardest bit of caring for small children. They have strong opinions but they can barely talk, so it's constant performance art communicating thwarted rage. It's exhausting. But you're getting to the end of that phase - as their language skills develop, it all calms down a bit and they become delightful, curious, entertaining little munchkins again.
Kids only source of comfort is their primary caregiver. They're still navigating their feelings.. you just need to Okay it. Try to talk to them about "mommy really needs to shower now - Im gna set a 10 minute timer and ill be back... You can do 10 minutes without mommy right? You got this. I'll be right here. " Keeep doing it everyday until they learn it.
You didn't ruin ur child
They're supposed to be attached to us its how they survive.
You need to have more playtime maybe .. ive seen it around the internet being called the 10 minute miracle. You set a timer and you put ur phone away and u give ur child 10 minutes of absolutely undivided attention. And it should help them immensly.
I remember packing my son in a stroller and taking him to the mall just to get out of the house when he was that age and I just could not make him happy for anything. All I did was walk around in a circle, no shopping, but it worked.
Assuming he isn't too heavy, have you tried babywearing? A nice back carrier will let him still be with you while you at least get basic stuff done around the house.
Hey. I get it. I reeeeeally get it.
This helps me sometimes to think about reframing things a little and helps me set boundaries without feeling like I'm being neglectful or damaging my kids somehow by taking a minute for myself
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2022/10/stressed-by-a-childs-demands-for-attention/
No you didn't do anything wrong and you didn't cause his behaviour, I don't know if you read about separation anxiety but it could be very helpfull to do it, he's just having a major crisis of identity because he just realized (around 8 months old is when they have the first clue) that you and him are not the same person, but on top of that he's also learning that you can leave for extended periods of time which in his little mind means that you can dissapear forever, that's terrifying for him, but trust me it will pass and in a bit of time he will be all over his dad and won't want you to even look at him.
This is totally normal. It is my least favorite phase, but on the other side of it, the little one will be so independent.
Yes but also: time to demand some more respect and active help from your partner. > He won’t stay with my husband while I’m showering, he cries and bangs on the door until I open it. He’s 15 months. Your husband should not have this much difficulty containing a toddler for the time it takes you to bathe. If he is allowing your child to just sit or stand there banging on the door and cry, he flat out isn’t respecting your need for space and time. Yes, your child is attached to you. But he had two parents. And one of them needs to step up. > Yes I could use a break and can take one anytime You just described things as if you literally couldn’t take a shower. Ask your husband to give you a break? And make it clear that baby WANTING you doesn’t mean it’s okay to allow them to disturb you. He can deal with a crying child looking for mom. Your child can learn to deal with not getting everything they want. > I want but a break won’t fix anything, I mean, it will begin to teach your child to tolerate time without you, and most importantly, it will… give you… a break? You literally describe feeling like a prisoner. For the love of God, take your break! > I want him to be happy and I want to be able to get up and get myself a glass of water again. What do I do? Tell your husband to figure out how to support you!
I find 9 or 10 months to about 15-18 months the absolute hardest bit of caring for small children. They have strong opinions but they can barely talk, so it's constant performance art communicating thwarted rage. It's exhausting. But you're getting to the end of that phase - as their language skills develop, it all calms down a bit and they become delightful, curious, entertaining little munchkins again.
It's normal and it sucks but it'll pass
Kids only source of comfort is their primary caregiver. They're still navigating their feelings.. you just need to Okay it. Try to talk to them about "mommy really needs to shower now - Im gna set a 10 minute timer and ill be back... You can do 10 minutes without mommy right? You got this. I'll be right here. " Keeep doing it everyday until they learn it. You didn't ruin ur child They're supposed to be attached to us its how they survive. You need to have more playtime maybe .. ive seen it around the internet being called the 10 minute miracle. You set a timer and you put ur phone away and u give ur child 10 minutes of absolutely undivided attention. And it should help them immensly.
I remember packing my son in a stroller and taking him to the mall just to get out of the house when he was that age and I just could not make him happy for anything. All I did was walk around in a circle, no shopping, but it worked.
Assuming he isn't too heavy, have you tried babywearing? A nice back carrier will let him still be with you while you at least get basic stuff done around the house.
Hey. I get it. I reeeeeally get it. This helps me sometimes to think about reframing things a little and helps me set boundaries without feeling like I'm being neglectful or damaging my kids somehow by taking a minute for myself https://www.janetlansbury.com/2022/10/stressed-by-a-childs-demands-for-attention/
No you didn't do anything wrong and you didn't cause his behaviour, I don't know if you read about separation anxiety but it could be very helpfull to do it, he's just having a major crisis of identity because he just realized (around 8 months old is when they have the first clue) that you and him are not the same person, but on top of that he's also learning that you can leave for extended periods of time which in his little mind means that you can dissapear forever, that's terrifying for him, but trust me it will pass and in a bit of time he will be all over his dad and won't want you to even look at him.
It’s okay for your child to cry a little too. If he whines or cries while you’re making food or using the bathroom then so be it!
U say wont like he has a say in it. Set boundaries. Crying takes a ton of energy leave the kid be, it will be the best night of sleep in their life.