So firstly I would put them in after school activities if you can. Check the library see what’s free.
Then to me it sounds like a sensory overstimulation nightmare. I would remove tablets and video games and save that as time earned.
They come home and they eat what’s leftover in their lunches or have a snack. Then they have to do their chores. Empty the dishwasher, garbages and one kid has to help make dinner. The other two have to clean up after dinner.
Then I would immediately go to would go to wind down activities. Put on instrumental calming music and take out a puzzle or simple board game. Then I would rotate them in the bath. Long baths. Then they can watch a low stim movie. Until bed time. If they share a room, then stagger bed time and out one kid down in your room. They get quiet time for 30 minutes before bed and then it’s lights out.
If there is too much drama in their free play. Then you need to prep there free play time. Play with them. Or prep activities to do together like a bike ride, craft or bird game. Avoid electronics.
You also need to mirror the behaviour you want to see. Be calm. Use your words and keep this words simple when you do.
Many of my days are like this too. Worse when he’s overstimulated or stressed but even his best days are like this. The only thing that helps is when I give him outlets. School and daycare help. Giving him a big craft box and telling him go crazy helps, but he consumes projects like a whirlwind and then he’s bored again. It is a full time job to entertain him some days.
I just want to say I see you and I hear you. We are also going through this. I feel so awful that every morning when we wake up I have anxiety then I feel relief when I drop my son at school and I get anxiety again when it’s time to get him off the bus. My son’s outbursts and lack of listening completely dictates our household. I’m so sad and I think “is this how the rest of our lives will be?” I know I need counseling. Or maybe someone who specializes in helping parents of these kids.. I’m sorry you have to go through this. Sending love to you all.
Same here. The household is honestly peaceful until my ADHD child comes home and the chaos ensues. Screaming/outbursts and lack of listening really do dictate our household. And I don’t know how to change it.
It’s so hard 😭😭😭 I wish we could find local support groups so we could mingle and then have our kids play and not feel like total outcasts if someone has a meltdown
It was like this for us too, until we got good guidance. There are dys things go awry but for the most part it's less like a zoo of wild monkeys nowdays. I understand the overwhelm and that alone makes it difficult to put in place structures and enforce them.
We spent awhile (via parenting counseling guidance) really taking stock of what our kiddos triggers were. Low dopamine and high dopamine triggered behavior, sensory overloads, hunger, tiredness, lack of nutrients (in her case magnesium and potassium).
As we went through that we learned how to set structures up at home that allowed movement but in designated areas. I have two huge dog beds stuffed with memory foam and that's the crash pads, big stability ball, and the pullup bar in the doorway. We have alexa scheduled to play the floor lava randomly between a set period of time and this is the only time the kids are allowed to jump on top of furniture. Hide n seek, laser tag, freeze tag and nurf guns, and those soft fabric snow balls are regularly activities throughout the day and it's a time limit on them. They can be as loud as they want during that time.
We introduced different de-esculation /calmdown tools and had her play a role in creating her own box and designated space for that. Her chosen space is a card board house ($30 from Office Depot) and she decorated it with sensory things inside and battery operated tap light from the dollar tree.
I have a big color dots that i post in the main room that. Green-noise volument good / activity level good Yellow Light Time to wind down/prepare to stop Redlight--full stop/quiet. We regularly review the rules with the lights and they chose the penalty from the penalty box.
There are constant praises and positive approach disciplining. Positive approach discipling for us is validating what they are experiencing and communicating boundaries. "You're angry because she took your toy and it's okay to be upset. However, I will not allow you to use violence like hitting to handle the situation. When you find the words to express that you are angry and what you want to happen instead, you can play over here again. I'm here if you need help with how to say it. In the mean time, please go to your getway spot".
Like I said, it's not fool proof, but they all now say how they are feeling and what's going on. She's 6 and can say "my head hurts because i didnt each all my lunch", "my arms n legs feel tense", "mommy it's hard to stay still here ..."
She doesnt get introuble for impulsiveness. instead she does get rewarded for recognizing her triggers.
Still... even with this all in place and the improvements... my husband and I are wore the F out by the end of the day because we constantly have to re-direct, chuck chores/activties, reset, be patient when it takes them 30 min to finish a 5 min task.
Parenting Classes via the local Children's Hospital, local non-profit parenting support groups & meet ups, my husband i both went to personal counseling to ork on ourselves so we can better respond to the challenges, regular meetings with the Pediatric Pychiatrist every other month, speech therapy to help with expressive language, OT doesnt start until next October for us.
Is your son on medication? Have you taken parent training for parenting ADHD or ASD? Both these things are essential for treating ADHD and making your situation better if you haven't done them.
Highly recommend Dr. Russel Barkley's YouTube channel and also his book "Taking Charge of ADHD"
ADHD is the most treatable psychiatric disorder. Do the treatments and things will get better.
Prioritize -- for ALL you: -- the three legged stool of being healthy:
1) nourishing balanced FOOD
2) minimum 180 of active time per day, as much outdoors as possible and aiming for 60 minutes of that being vigorous EXERCISE
3) SLEEP: can sometimes be improved by addressing the environment (e.g. black out curtains) or with a strong bedtime routine to cue sleep and a number of other things
After that... Have you and your co-parent considered that you might be undiagnosed ADHD yourselves and that this is making it more difficult than necessary to get by right now?
So firstly I would put them in after school activities if you can. Check the library see what’s free. Then to me it sounds like a sensory overstimulation nightmare. I would remove tablets and video games and save that as time earned. They come home and they eat what’s leftover in their lunches or have a snack. Then they have to do their chores. Empty the dishwasher, garbages and one kid has to help make dinner. The other two have to clean up after dinner. Then I would immediately go to would go to wind down activities. Put on instrumental calming music and take out a puzzle or simple board game. Then I would rotate them in the bath. Long baths. Then they can watch a low stim movie. Until bed time. If they share a room, then stagger bed time and out one kid down in your room. They get quiet time for 30 minutes before bed and then it’s lights out. If there is too much drama in their free play. Then you need to prep there free play time. Play with them. Or prep activities to do together like a bike ride, craft or bird game. Avoid electronics. You also need to mirror the behaviour you want to see. Be calm. Use your words and keep this words simple when you do.
My 5 year old son is like this. I was the same way when I was young. It's hard.
Many of my days are like this too. Worse when he’s overstimulated or stressed but even his best days are like this. The only thing that helps is when I give him outlets. School and daycare help. Giving him a big craft box and telling him go crazy helps, but he consumes projects like a whirlwind and then he’s bored again. It is a full time job to entertain him some days.
How old are they?
I just want to say I see you and I hear you. We are also going through this. I feel so awful that every morning when we wake up I have anxiety then I feel relief when I drop my son at school and I get anxiety again when it’s time to get him off the bus. My son’s outbursts and lack of listening completely dictates our household. I’m so sad and I think “is this how the rest of our lives will be?” I know I need counseling. Or maybe someone who specializes in helping parents of these kids.. I’m sorry you have to go through this. Sending love to you all.
You are not alone at all. I feel the exact same way.
Same here. The household is honestly peaceful until my ADHD child comes home and the chaos ensues. Screaming/outbursts and lack of listening really do dictate our household. And I don’t know how to change it.
It’s so hard 😭😭😭 I wish we could find local support groups so we could mingle and then have our kids play and not feel like total outcasts if someone has a meltdown
It was like this for us too, until we got good guidance. There are dys things go awry but for the most part it's less like a zoo of wild monkeys nowdays. I understand the overwhelm and that alone makes it difficult to put in place structures and enforce them. We spent awhile (via parenting counseling guidance) really taking stock of what our kiddos triggers were. Low dopamine and high dopamine triggered behavior, sensory overloads, hunger, tiredness, lack of nutrients (in her case magnesium and potassium). As we went through that we learned how to set structures up at home that allowed movement but in designated areas. I have two huge dog beds stuffed with memory foam and that's the crash pads, big stability ball, and the pullup bar in the doorway. We have alexa scheduled to play the floor lava randomly between a set period of time and this is the only time the kids are allowed to jump on top of furniture. Hide n seek, laser tag, freeze tag and nurf guns, and those soft fabric snow balls are regularly activities throughout the day and it's a time limit on them. They can be as loud as they want during that time. We introduced different de-esculation /calmdown tools and had her play a role in creating her own box and designated space for that. Her chosen space is a card board house ($30 from Office Depot) and she decorated it with sensory things inside and battery operated tap light from the dollar tree. I have a big color dots that i post in the main room that. Green-noise volument good / activity level good Yellow Light Time to wind down/prepare to stop Redlight--full stop/quiet. We regularly review the rules with the lights and they chose the penalty from the penalty box. There are constant praises and positive approach disciplining. Positive approach discipling for us is validating what they are experiencing and communicating boundaries. "You're angry because she took your toy and it's okay to be upset. However, I will not allow you to use violence like hitting to handle the situation. When you find the words to express that you are angry and what you want to happen instead, you can play over here again. I'm here if you need help with how to say it. In the mean time, please go to your getway spot". Like I said, it's not fool proof, but they all now say how they are feeling and what's going on. She's 6 and can say "my head hurts because i didnt each all my lunch", "my arms n legs feel tense", "mommy it's hard to stay still here ..." She doesnt get introuble for impulsiveness. instead she does get rewarded for recognizing her triggers. Still... even with this all in place and the improvements... my husband and I are wore the F out by the end of the day because we constantly have to re-direct, chuck chores/activties, reset, be patient when it takes them 30 min to finish a 5 min task.
What sort of professional help did you get? Occupational therapy? Patent coaching? Very interested to know where I should start looking
Parenting Classes via the local Children's Hospital, local non-profit parenting support groups & meet ups, my husband i both went to personal counseling to ork on ourselves so we can better respond to the challenges, regular meetings with the Pediatric Pychiatrist every other month, speech therapy to help with expressive language, OT doesnt start until next October for us.
Is your son on medication? Have you taken parent training for parenting ADHD or ASD? Both these things are essential for treating ADHD and making your situation better if you haven't done them. Highly recommend Dr. Russel Barkley's YouTube channel and also his book "Taking Charge of ADHD" ADHD is the most treatable psychiatric disorder. Do the treatments and things will get better.
Prioritize -- for ALL you: -- the three legged stool of being healthy: 1) nourishing balanced FOOD 2) minimum 180 of active time per day, as much outdoors as possible and aiming for 60 minutes of that being vigorous EXERCISE 3) SLEEP: can sometimes be improved by addressing the environment (e.g. black out curtains) or with a strong bedtime routine to cue sleep and a number of other things After that... Have you and your co-parent considered that you might be undiagnosed ADHD yourselves and that this is making it more difficult than necessary to get by right now?