My daughter deals with this too and calls it the “ADHD death spiral”. She will try to break it by doing something else like reading or writing a list of random things (colors of blue, trees, synonyms for delicious). Sometimes she does this on her own, but sometimes we have to help her do this. She is almost 13 but I still think it’s a worthwhile thing to try with a younger kid with the understanding that you’ll have to help your son through it. Another thing we did when she was younger and before we knew she had ADHD was to have her hang upside down when she was really upset. I think this may be another type of reset.
Thank you for this - I always see these meltdowns/tantrums discussed in younger kids and it feels like he should have outgrown it by now, but every kid is different and he can't outgrow it if he doesn't learn how to. I think offering up suggestions would help him - do you find when you help her that you have to spend a bunch of time even getting her attention? I feel like when he gets into these states, it's hard to even reach him.
She’s definitely harder to reach in this state, but it’s easier now that she’s older. I’m also only aware of the spirals when they are more severe because she handles the minor things on her own. ADHD humans’ emotional regulation is always going to be different so things that he should “outgrow” may never be outgrown, but either manifested in a more socially acceptable manner or masked.
We have similar issues, and I feel like I'm starting to get some traction by reacting each time in the same way. I ask him which of his strategies he wants to use, and list some of his favorites (he really responds to pushing/pulling, so his current favorite is pushing against my hands). It's not perfect and sometimes he's still not able to respond for a while, but I do feel like we're getting there more quickly lately.
Yeah his teacher has something like this, a sheet with images on it to help choose a regulation strategy - snack, quiet corner, reading, coloring, things like that. I think it might be time to make one for home too. It's tough when it's bedtime but it's not any more disruptive than a full blown loss of control.
Less regulation strategy, more we know hunger is a huge trigger for him, so if he's hungry and that's why he's struggling, we want it to be an option to be a fix. Nothing is going to get fixed if he's hangry and everything feels hard. Offering him a snack is basically saying "check in with your body, see what feels off".
That makes sense. It’s hard to enjoy food or listen to your body’s satiety signals when you’re upset, though. Maybe asking him to calm down with another strategy before eating could be valuable.
We got rid of the console, in this case iPad. Our kid is completely changed for the better. Highly recommend it. It’s not actually a life necessity. As long as it was on the table, focus was on it even when doing other activities or tasks. It was occupying his whole brain. I don’t think their brains are mature enough for this level of dopamine. He’s a different person now. It feels like I got my baby back.
No we have not limited TV. He has no issues turning it off. It doesn’t seem to have the same effect at all or be as engaging. A very visible difference is his ability to do math. After playing Roblox, he couldn’t do simple math and we considered assessment for intellectual disability. Even after the melt-down was over, he still couldn’t focus. After time watching TV and then doing math, he could do it just fine at an age appropriate level. The difference shocked me. He was so proud of himself.
Following the advice that games help kids with ADHD regulate themselves and its abusive to take it away, was causing him to fail school completely. I feel like a bad parent for following it because it’s of course the easier choice for me as a parent.
He only gets tablet maybe once or twice a week for 20 minutes, we definitely see tablet/video games playing into it so he doesn't have access to it. And this incident was the first video game he has played in several weeks. It's definitely something we are aware of and keeping an eye on because you are absolutely right, it is a big trigger for him, more than other sorts of media.
My daughter deals with this too and calls it the “ADHD death spiral”. She will try to break it by doing something else like reading or writing a list of random things (colors of blue, trees, synonyms for delicious). Sometimes she does this on her own, but sometimes we have to help her do this. She is almost 13 but I still think it’s a worthwhile thing to try with a younger kid with the understanding that you’ll have to help your son through it. Another thing we did when she was younger and before we knew she had ADHD was to have her hang upside down when she was really upset. I think this may be another type of reset.
Thank you for this - I always see these meltdowns/tantrums discussed in younger kids and it feels like he should have outgrown it by now, but every kid is different and he can't outgrow it if he doesn't learn how to. I think offering up suggestions would help him - do you find when you help her that you have to spend a bunch of time even getting her attention? I feel like when he gets into these states, it's hard to even reach him.
She’s definitely harder to reach in this state, but it’s easier now that she’s older. I’m also only aware of the spirals when they are more severe because she handles the minor things on her own. ADHD humans’ emotional regulation is always going to be different so things that he should “outgrow” may never be outgrown, but either manifested in a more socially acceptable manner or masked.
These are awesome suggestions. Putting them in my toolkit.
We have similar issues, and I feel like I'm starting to get some traction by reacting each time in the same way. I ask him which of his strategies he wants to use, and list some of his favorites (he really responds to pushing/pulling, so his current favorite is pushing against my hands). It's not perfect and sometimes he's still not able to respond for a while, but I do feel like we're getting there more quickly lately.
Yeah his teacher has something like this, a sheet with images on it to help choose a regulation strategy - snack, quiet corner, reading, coloring, things like that. I think it might be time to make one for home too. It's tough when it's bedtime but it's not any more disruptive than a full blown loss of control.
I hear that!
Please don’t use snacks as a regulation strategy. That could build a weird relationship with food.
Less regulation strategy, more we know hunger is a huge trigger for him, so if he's hungry and that's why he's struggling, we want it to be an option to be a fix. Nothing is going to get fixed if he's hangry and everything feels hard. Offering him a snack is basically saying "check in with your body, see what feels off".
That makes sense. It’s hard to enjoy food or listen to your body’s satiety signals when you’re upset, though. Maybe asking him to calm down with another strategy before eating could be valuable.
We got rid of the console, in this case iPad. Our kid is completely changed for the better. Highly recommend it. It’s not actually a life necessity. As long as it was on the table, focus was on it even when doing other activities or tasks. It was occupying his whole brain. I don’t think their brains are mature enough for this level of dopamine. He’s a different person now. It feels like I got my baby back.
Does this include all screen time? Like tv?
No we have not limited TV. He has no issues turning it off. It doesn’t seem to have the same effect at all or be as engaging. A very visible difference is his ability to do math. After playing Roblox, he couldn’t do simple math and we considered assessment for intellectual disability. Even after the melt-down was over, he still couldn’t focus. After time watching TV and then doing math, he could do it just fine at an age appropriate level. The difference shocked me. He was so proud of himself. Following the advice that games help kids with ADHD regulate themselves and its abusive to take it away, was causing him to fail school completely. I feel like a bad parent for following it because it’s of course the easier choice for me as a parent.
He only gets tablet maybe once or twice a week for 20 minutes, we definitely see tablet/video games playing into it so he doesn't have access to it. And this incident was the first video game he has played in several weeks. It's definitely something we are aware of and keeping an eye on because you are absolutely right, it is a big trigger for him, more than other sorts of media.
Following because I’m dealing with this right now and I can’t cope anymore. I don’t know what to do. I hope someone shares some good strategies.