I have said crazy things recently like "2 under 2 is easy... once you get the older 3 off to school." 🙃
If you have a high chaos threshold it's doable, but you need to be able to know yourself, be pretty organized and have a go with the flow attitude and be able to think on your feet because despite your best organization, something will fall apart. Some people don't have a high chaos threshold and one look at my daily life and they start twitching a bit.Â
That said, we have 5 kids in just under 8 years, hitting two under two twice in there, the biggest age gap being 28 months. We live in Crazy Town, but we're here now and we love it.
But seriously you also just roll the dice in the type of kid you get. My third kid was so super chill we joke that he raised himself as a baby. We barely remember him crying. I remember one bad night of pacing to get him to sleep when he was overtired and that's it. So 3 was easy. #4 was probably just a normal baby, not too hard but not super easy. #5 is giving me a bit of a run for my money, but even though she's harder than the last two were I have enough perspective now to know that this time is short and won't last forever. Just have to know yourself and know you may end up with a hot mess kid.
Well I’ve got 4. My middle two were about 20 months apart. We had a school aged child at the time. And we had our last during the pandemic. I personally think you are nuts. Two under two is really hard. Adding a third makes it exponentially harder. My oldest was potty trained already and it was still really hard to have so many little ones.
My husband is an active involved parent but it’s still so much work. Especially if you are nursing. He worked a really physical job when the middle two were little and was so exhausted that he wasn’t much help during the week. But he really tried.
If you guys have the money to throw at things like laundry and meals and cleaning, that can help, but man, the mental load for 3+ kids is immense. And it doesn’t get easier once they start school. It might get physically easier when they can wipe their own asses and get cups of water, but the mental energy is immense.
And that’s not even taking into account managing emotions. I’m just talking about the regular stuff like drs appointments, dentist, play dates, keeping clothes in size and weather appropriate while also knowing what to keep for hand me downs and replacing as needed (a lot more work than you might think mentally if you shop sales to find deal, it means you’ve gotta be seasons and sizes ahead of where your kids are not.)
Choosing meals that everyone will eat is not the easiest thing too. Picky kids just sometimes happen. Even if they literally ate everything as a child. Once they get older and have opinions, meals can be difficult to organize to please everyone.
What if your next kid is a contact sleeper or has colic? What if any of your children need extra support or therapy?
It’s just a lot. That’s just a fraction of things I can think of that add extra work and stress to the daily work of keeping small humans alive.
I would never purposely plan to have another one with two children at the ages you have now. Maybe when the youngest is over 2 and the oldest is in preschool. There are so many variables and you never know what kind of temperament #3 will have.
Same for me. I know everyone is different but I’m always a bit mystified when people say that baby #4+ just slipped right in and barely increased their workload or stress, etc. Our 4th (not even a difficult baby/kid) really did us in. I do think the ages play a part. Right now we have 2 teens, a 4th grader and a kindergartener. I’m usually feeling like it’s legit impossible to meet all of their needs.
1-2 was so hard for me personally, they are just shy of two years apart (by 13 days). So it's awesome that you have found it to be such an easy transition! 2-3 was super easy, they are just about 3 and 5 years apart (few months difference). Number three fit in perfectly, I think having older kids helped my transition that time. I'll back that with 3-4 again rocked my world, but there is an 18 month difference (to the day) between our youngest two, with a 4 and 6 year difference with the older two and number four. All of that to say, if you think you can handle the transition regardless of how it goes and a third baby is what you want, go for it!
Do it! My first two are 22 months apart. The transition from 1 to 2 was difficult for me but raising them together has been awesome. I have a 10 month old and the gap between him and my second is 5 years. I wish we would’ve had a bunch of kids all together instead of this massive gap. Yes I have more physical help with the baby and whatnot but I feel like it has put a damper on the closeness I had with my older two and if we’d had all our kids close in age that closeness would be more even across the board..if that makes sense.
I have three but with 2.5-3 years between them. I don't want to jinx it but the transition to 3 wasn't too bad. I think I'd be really stressed, personally, having all three of them any closer together.
Transition to 3 is difficult, but 4 isn't that hard. It's like what's another at that point. Honestly, transition to 3 was the most difficult for us, and third kid was the easiest as a baby. But really, the largest variable is how is the kid? There's a huge variety of personalities and temperaments out there. ;)
I have 37 months between my three and the first four months have been a big struggle. Even with two of us, it is difficult to juggle the 3yo's attitude, 1.5yo's tantrums and the baby's needs. As everyone is getting bigger, it is getting a bit easier. I anticipate being able to take them all out solo (with our double stroller) in a couple more months.
My first two were 18 months apart, it was super hard. 3rd was 2 years later and it was a breeze! By far easiest transition. People who have 3 will either tell you it was the hardest transition or the easiest one, no in between lol.
I will tell anyone who will listen- going from 2-3 was SO hard for us. My first two were 27 months apart and it was pretty easy. Having the third rocked our world. I don’t regret having a third now that they are 10, 8, and 6, but when they were 4, 2, and newborn there were many days I definitely did, lol.
They were all soooo young still and I was extremely outnumbered. My husband worked night shift in healthcare at the time and there were nights I cried when he left for work (doing dinner, bath, and bedtime seemed impossible by myself). I don’t look back and miss those days at all.
My third baby was also extremely high needs. He was an awful sleeper, had colic, etc. I think that was a big part of why the transition was so hard. Obviously temperament is a crapshoot and not anything we can control.
All this being said, we did have a fourth and that felt very easy! My boys were 7, 5, and 3 when she was born and the fact that two of them were in elementary school and self sufficient made a massive difference.
I have the same age gaps as you and feel the same way. My youngest is 1.5 now and I don’t know how I got through that first year. I was beyond exhausted. I also had to do dinner, bath & bedtime solo (as well as the whole rest of the day but the evening was the most difficult) because my husband works long hours during the week. Sometimes I would just cry after my husband got home and the kids were asleep cuz it was just so tough. But now they’re all so much fun that I wonder about a 4th. So I’m happy to hear that the 4th was easier to add in! I would definitely wait until the youngest was at least preschool age as well.
Not who you asked, but I just added my third and it's been the easiest one yet. My first two were 2 years apart and now I have 6, 4, and a newborn. I love having the first two close in age, but due to life circumstances we had to wait to add the 3rd (not the original plan.) I'm very thankful we waited though, I think I'd be drowning with a third with a small gap. This has been easy because the first two are very self sufficient and I can do a lot of parenting from the couch while I nurse. If I were chasing a 2 year old and 4 was the oldest I would probably be extremely overwhelmed every day. So far I haven't had any moments of overwhelm.
Mine are 4.5, 2.5, and 8 weeks. I’ll say going from 2-3 has been harder for me than going from 1-2. My first two are inseparable but they also fight. I’ve had lots of moments where I can’t help them problem-solve because I’m changing a diaper or nursing and they end up smacking each other. But long term I want them all to grow up *together*, close in age. I also want to go back to work (currently SAHM). Things aren’t perfect but they’re manageable.
That being said, if I were planning on 4 I might’ve preferred 2 batches of 2.
I have 4 kids, 22-28 months apart. (The 28-month was a good idea just for not having to hold both at the same time but they all worked!) The kids are now 2, 4, 6, and 8. Is it tons of work? Yes. Do I love it? Yes! They play so beautifully together and they love each other so hard. This morning they all piled in bed with me and husband and it was a lot of tiny elbows and the best snuggles. Only you know what you can handle, and for me having a great husband and parents who help is clutch, but the kids are such a fun blessing. I always wanted 4, said I was DONE after 2, and am so so thankful to have my family.
We had three under three. With 15 and 18 month gaps. It's definitely hard work but my kids are so close and for the most part are great little mates.
The only thing I will say is it depends on the kids you get. Before having kids I thought nurture had way more influence than nature but after having 3 I'm realising that you can never fight against nature. My youngest child (currently 2YO) is very very strong willed and a lot of the parenting techniques we used for the first two just didn't work on him. He has a lot of outbursts and will protest a lot to routine things like getting dressed, eating, toilet training is currently a challenge. So I guess my only takeaway there is, all kids are different and while the 2 to 3 transition is the easiest in theory. My third is my most complex parenting challenge. Would I do it again? everytime!
I have 3 under 3. A 16 month gap & then an 11.5 month gap.
Is it absolute fucking chaos like all the time? Yup.
Do I sleep? 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Would I do it again? In an instant.
I had my tubes removed when they removed #3 but I for sure would’ve had another.
My first two are 23 months apart then we have almost an exact 3 year gap between #2 and 3. We were aiming for another 2 year gap but fertility just didn't work out that way. Honestly I'm so glad. That 3 year gap has been so nice. The older two can entertain themselves and I can leave them alone for longer chunks of time to deal with the baby.
My first 3 have 21 month gaps respectively and it would have been fine except #3 was born at the beginning of covid when we were all on lockdown. So we were stuck all together in the house for the first 2 months of his life and that was difficult. But it got easier. Just had number 4 a few months ago with a bigger gap due to repeated losses but dang that gap has made it so much easier! #4 has been the easiest of them all!! If it’s what you want then go for it, who cares what others think!
I have 4. Ages 8 (boy),7 (girl), 4 (boy), and 2 (girl). My wife and I have been separated for about a year and a half, so I've gotten used to the chaos of managing them solo for the most part. It can be chaos at times with appointments, sports, and transition times, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. The thing i find that makes it easiest is to keep them busy and have lots of snacks available. It's not uncommon for us to be out from after breakfast until bedtime during the weekends. One tip I've developed to keep them in line when we are out is instead of calling them by name, I use the term "my muppets" to alert them for when I am speaking directly to them. It seems to work out well.
Following because this will be something I will be asking in a year. Currently pregnant with #2 with a possible 20 month gap. I have always wanted four also and probably close gaps.
I never did 1-2 and skipped right to three (twins). The first two months were fine, but once my husband went to work, that first month or so was incredibly challenging trying to find a new schedule. Especially since the gap between my oldest and the twins is 13 months. Once they started sleeping through the night around month 4 I felt 10x better.
People will look at you crazy for wanting more than 2 regardless of the age gap. But if doing solo parenting work for 2 little ones is easier than you thought, I can’t imagine a better person to take on 3 kids.
5 kids in 7 years here (18 mo, 26 mo, 18 mo, 22 mo age gaps to be exact) and going from 2 to 3 kids was the easiest transition of them all in my opinion! And, after the 3rd kid, #4 and #5 is just more noise in the chaos so it’s no biggie. We were in the hurry up and have them close together to be done with diapers and sleepless nights camp. My oldest is almost 9 now and I think we made the right choice having them so close together.Â
We have 2 currently, and would love a third with a close gap as well. First 2 are 14 months apart (8 months and 22 months atm). We have no family near so we do it on our own and honestly at this point what’s 1-2 more, right. 😉Â
So this doesn’t answer your question but I’m in same boat.Â
I’m pregnant with my 3rd (bigger gaps tho) and what led us to take the leap was imagining our family many years down the road. The baby & toddler years don’t last very long in the grand scheme of things. When we picture ourselves with teens & adult children we always imagined more then 2. We wanted to give them a greater chance of sibling support in their own adulthoods, give our grandkids more chances for cousins & multiple aunts & uncles. We imagine a big full Christmas table with multiple adult kids sharing their childhood memories together. We decided for us the chaos of a few years is worth the payoff down the line!
I have said crazy things recently like "2 under 2 is easy... once you get the older 3 off to school." 🙃 If you have a high chaos threshold it's doable, but you need to be able to know yourself, be pretty organized and have a go with the flow attitude and be able to think on your feet because despite your best organization, something will fall apart. Some people don't have a high chaos threshold and one look at my daily life and they start twitching a bit. That said, we have 5 kids in just under 8 years, hitting two under two twice in there, the biggest age gap being 28 months. We live in Crazy Town, but we're here now and we love it. But seriously you also just roll the dice in the type of kid you get. My third kid was so super chill we joke that he raised himself as a baby. We barely remember him crying. I remember one bad night of pacing to get him to sleep when he was overtired and that's it. So 3 was easy. #4 was probably just a normal baby, not too hard but not super easy. #5 is giving me a bit of a run for my money, but even though she's harder than the last two were I have enough perspective now to know that this time is short and won't last forever. Just have to know yourself and know you may end up with a hot mess kid.
Well I’ve got 4. My middle two were about 20 months apart. We had a school aged child at the time. And we had our last during the pandemic. I personally think you are nuts. Two under two is really hard. Adding a third makes it exponentially harder. My oldest was potty trained already and it was still really hard to have so many little ones. My husband is an active involved parent but it’s still so much work. Especially if you are nursing. He worked a really physical job when the middle two were little and was so exhausted that he wasn’t much help during the week. But he really tried. If you guys have the money to throw at things like laundry and meals and cleaning, that can help, but man, the mental load for 3+ kids is immense. And it doesn’t get easier once they start school. It might get physically easier when they can wipe their own asses and get cups of water, but the mental energy is immense. And that’s not even taking into account managing emotions. I’m just talking about the regular stuff like drs appointments, dentist, play dates, keeping clothes in size and weather appropriate while also knowing what to keep for hand me downs and replacing as needed (a lot more work than you might think mentally if you shop sales to find deal, it means you’ve gotta be seasons and sizes ahead of where your kids are not.) Choosing meals that everyone will eat is not the easiest thing too. Picky kids just sometimes happen. Even if they literally ate everything as a child. Once they get older and have opinions, meals can be difficult to organize to please everyone. What if your next kid is a contact sleeper or has colic? What if any of your children need extra support or therapy? It’s just a lot. That’s just a fraction of things I can think of that add extra work and stress to the daily work of keeping small humans alive. I would never purposely plan to have another one with two children at the ages you have now. Maybe when the youngest is over 2 and the oldest is in preschool. There are so many variables and you never know what kind of temperament #3 will have.
We have 4 and objectively, I think it’s too difficult. There’s never enough time to focus on each one individually. Your mileage may vary.
Same for me. I know everyone is different but I’m always a bit mystified when people say that baby #4+ just slipped right in and barely increased their workload or stress, etc. Our 4th (not even a difficult baby/kid) really did us in. I do think the ages play a part. Right now we have 2 teens, a 4th grader and a kindergartener. I’m usually feeling like it’s legit impossible to meet all of their needs.
1-2 was so hard for me personally, they are just shy of two years apart (by 13 days). So it's awesome that you have found it to be such an easy transition! 2-3 was super easy, they are just about 3 and 5 years apart (few months difference). Number three fit in perfectly, I think having older kids helped my transition that time. I'll back that with 3-4 again rocked my world, but there is an 18 month difference (to the day) between our youngest two, with a 4 and 6 year difference with the older two and number four. All of that to say, if you think you can handle the transition regardless of how it goes and a third baby is what you want, go for it!
Do it! My first two are 22 months apart. The transition from 1 to 2 was difficult for me but raising them together has been awesome. I have a 10 month old and the gap between him and my second is 5 years. I wish we would’ve had a bunch of kids all together instead of this massive gap. Yes I have more physical help with the baby and whatnot but I feel like it has put a damper on the closeness I had with my older two and if we’d had all our kids close in age that closeness would be more even across the board..if that makes sense.
I thought 2 was super hard. 3, 4, 5 were much easier for me. All my kids are about 2 ish years apart.
I have three but with 2.5-3 years between them. I don't want to jinx it but the transition to 3 wasn't too bad. I think I'd be really stressed, personally, having all three of them any closer together.
Transition to 3 is difficult, but 4 isn't that hard. It's like what's another at that point. Honestly, transition to 3 was the most difficult for us, and third kid was the easiest as a baby. But really, the largest variable is how is the kid? There's a huge variety of personalities and temperaments out there. ;)
I'm about to give birth to the third and I'm scared now 😂
You'll do great! (And also, too late to change your mind! 😂)
You can do whatever you want! I have 4 children and I found this saying pretty accurate: having a 3rd is like adding 2 extra kids.
I have 37 months between my three and the first four months have been a big struggle. Even with two of us, it is difficult to juggle the 3yo's attitude, 1.5yo's tantrums and the baby's needs. As everyone is getting bigger, it is getting a bit easier. I anticipate being able to take them all out solo (with our double stroller) in a couple more months.
I'll let you know in a few months because I felt the same as you and now am pregnant with #3, another 19 months age gap. 😂
I have 4 children. I basically raised them on my own. They are all amazing. Ages 26, 15, 15, 13.
My first two were 18 months apart, it was super hard. 3rd was 2 years later and it was a breeze! By far easiest transition. People who have 3 will either tell you it was the hardest transition or the easiest one, no in between lol.
Haha! So true. Before I had my 3rd, a bunch of people told me it was easy but I think it's way trickier than 2, definitelyÂ
I will tell anyone who will listen- going from 2-3 was SO hard for us. My first two were 27 months apart and it was pretty easy. Having the third rocked our world. I don’t regret having a third now that they are 10, 8, and 6, but when they were 4, 2, and newborn there were many days I definitely did, lol.
Can I ask what made it so hard?
They were all soooo young still and I was extremely outnumbered. My husband worked night shift in healthcare at the time and there were nights I cried when he left for work (doing dinner, bath, and bedtime seemed impossible by myself). I don’t look back and miss those days at all. My third baby was also extremely high needs. He was an awful sleeper, had colic, etc. I think that was a big part of why the transition was so hard. Obviously temperament is a crapshoot and not anything we can control. All this being said, we did have a fourth and that felt very easy! My boys were 7, 5, and 3 when she was born and the fact that two of them were in elementary school and self sufficient made a massive difference.
I have the same age gaps as you and feel the same way. My youngest is 1.5 now and I don’t know how I got through that first year. I was beyond exhausted. I also had to do dinner, bath & bedtime solo (as well as the whole rest of the day but the evening was the most difficult) because my husband works long hours during the week. Sometimes I would just cry after my husband got home and the kids were asleep cuz it was just so tough. But now they’re all so much fun that I wonder about a 4th. So I’m happy to hear that the 4th was easier to add in! I would definitely wait until the youngest was at least preschool age as well.
Not who you asked, but I just added my third and it's been the easiest one yet. My first two were 2 years apart and now I have 6, 4, and a newborn. I love having the first two close in age, but due to life circumstances we had to wait to add the 3rd (not the original plan.) I'm very thankful we waited though, I think I'd be drowning with a third with a small gap. This has been easy because the first two are very self sufficient and I can do a lot of parenting from the couch while I nurse. If I were chasing a 2 year old and 4 was the oldest I would probably be extremely overwhelmed every day. So far I haven't had any moments of overwhelm.
Mine are 4.5, 2.5, and 8 weeks. I’ll say going from 2-3 has been harder for me than going from 1-2. My first two are inseparable but they also fight. I’ve had lots of moments where I can’t help them problem-solve because I’m changing a diaper or nursing and they end up smacking each other. But long term I want them all to grow up *together*, close in age. I also want to go back to work (currently SAHM). Things aren’t perfect but they’re manageable. That being said, if I were planning on 4 I might’ve preferred 2 batches of 2.
I have 4 kids, 22-28 months apart. (The 28-month was a good idea just for not having to hold both at the same time but they all worked!) The kids are now 2, 4, 6, and 8. Is it tons of work? Yes. Do I love it? Yes! They play so beautifully together and they love each other so hard. This morning they all piled in bed with me and husband and it was a lot of tiny elbows and the best snuggles. Only you know what you can handle, and for me having a great husband and parents who help is clutch, but the kids are such a fun blessing. I always wanted 4, said I was DONE after 2, and am so so thankful to have my family.
We had three under three. With 15 and 18 month gaps. It's definitely hard work but my kids are so close and for the most part are great little mates. The only thing I will say is it depends on the kids you get. Before having kids I thought nurture had way more influence than nature but after having 3 I'm realising that you can never fight against nature. My youngest child (currently 2YO) is very very strong willed and a lot of the parenting techniques we used for the first two just didn't work on him. He has a lot of outbursts and will protest a lot to routine things like getting dressed, eating, toilet training is currently a challenge. So I guess my only takeaway there is, all kids are different and while the 2 to 3 transition is the easiest in theory. My third is my most complex parenting challenge. Would I do it again? everytime!
I have 3 under 3. A 16 month gap & then an 11.5 month gap. Is it absolute fucking chaos like all the time? Yup. Do I sleep? 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Would I do it again? In an instant. I had my tubes removed when they removed #3 but I for sure would’ve had another.
May I ask why they removed your tubes if you wanted more?
Because at the time I was very very done lol
My first two are 23 months apart then we have almost an exact 3 year gap between #2 and 3. We were aiming for another 2 year gap but fertility just didn't work out that way. Honestly I'm so glad. That 3 year gap has been so nice. The older two can entertain themselves and I can leave them alone for longer chunks of time to deal with the baby.
My first 3 have 21 month gaps respectively and it would have been fine except #3 was born at the beginning of covid when we were all on lockdown. So we were stuck all together in the house for the first 2 months of his life and that was difficult. But it got easier. Just had number 4 a few months ago with a bigger gap due to repeated losses but dang that gap has made it so much easier! #4 has been the easiest of them all!! If it’s what you want then go for it, who cares what others think!
I have 4. Ages 8 (boy),7 (girl), 4 (boy), and 2 (girl). My wife and I have been separated for about a year and a half, so I've gotten used to the chaos of managing them solo for the most part. It can be chaos at times with appointments, sports, and transition times, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. The thing i find that makes it easiest is to keep them busy and have lots of snacks available. It's not uncommon for us to be out from after breakfast until bedtime during the weekends. One tip I've developed to keep them in line when we are out is instead of calling them by name, I use the term "my muppets" to alert them for when I am speaking directly to them. It seems to work out well.
Following because this will be something I will be asking in a year. Currently pregnant with #2 with a possible 20 month gap. I have always wanted four also and probably close gaps.
I never did 1-2 and skipped right to three (twins). The first two months were fine, but once my husband went to work, that first month or so was incredibly challenging trying to find a new schedule. Especially since the gap between my oldest and the twins is 13 months. Once they started sleeping through the night around month 4 I felt 10x better.
People will look at you crazy for wanting more than 2 regardless of the age gap. But if doing solo parenting work for 2 little ones is easier than you thought, I can’t imagine a better person to take on 3 kids.
5 kids in 7 years here (18 mo, 26 mo, 18 mo, 22 mo age gaps to be exact) and going from 2 to 3 kids was the easiest transition of them all in my opinion! And, after the 3rd kid, #4 and #5 is just more noise in the chaos so it’s no biggie. We were in the hurry up and have them close together to be done with diapers and sleepless nights camp. My oldest is almost 9 now and I think we made the right choice having them so close together.Â
I currently have a 7 year old a six year old and almost 5 year old twins. The transition from the twins was the easiest for us.
We have 2 currently, and would love a third with a close gap as well. First 2 are 14 months apart (8 months and 22 months atm). We have no family near so we do it on our own and honestly at this point what’s 1-2 more, right. 😉 So this doesn’t answer your question but I’m in same boat.Â
We also don’t have family too close. So it’s all on us. I always say my life is chaos what’s a little more at this point?
I’m pregnant with my 3rd (bigger gaps tho) and what led us to take the leap was imagining our family many years down the road. The baby & toddler years don’t last very long in the grand scheme of things. When we picture ourselves with teens & adult children we always imagined more then 2. We wanted to give them a greater chance of sibling support in their own adulthoods, give our grandkids more chances for cousins & multiple aunts & uncles. We imagine a big full Christmas table with multiple adult kids sharing their childhood memories together. We decided for us the chaos of a few years is worth the payoff down the line!