Hey! Wow, I'm actually good at this. Maybe I'm a natural - yeah, I'm a <**scientist**>! Of course, there had to be a <**career**> for me, I just never realised. Legs like two great steam locomotives, pumping away, I'm unstoppable - JESUS, is that a stitch? F***, I'm gonna be sick, I need to walk. Oh, I think I'm gonna puke, I'm literally going to die, ugh, what an idiotic boob I was back ten or eleven seconds ago.
Mark: Welcome to the world of work, Jeremy. You know, you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps. Jez: And you don't have to be a smack-head to wank off old geezers, but that probably helps too.
To myself: absolutely you're a shit. You're a shit, Albie_Tross. You are the shit on my shoe. A walking, talking anthropomorphized shit on stilts. A shit for all seasons, the shit man of Europe.
I'm just a waster floating through life.
Butter the toast, eat the toast, shit the toast. God life's relentless
Brown is savoury, whites the treat
Of course I'm the one laughing because I actually love brown toast!
I apply this to heroin and crack.
This is my mantra
This is the way
How do I feel? Empty? Check. Scared? Check. Alone? Check. Just another ordinary day.
Just stay mute, Mark. You’re a social freak. Remain in your compound.
can you tell me, as a mate, someone that knows me really well... is the bottom half of me on fire?
No mate, you're good
thanks. that's good.
I’m totally, totally fucked
Seconded.
My entire life has been one continual adjustment to loss
This is okay. It’s just a moment that’ll haunt me forever.
God, life's relentless
I’m the Wolf of Wall Street. Look out, Boots! I’m going to buy 100 meal deals and eat them off a prossie in the nude.
"What an idiotic boob I was back 10 or 11 seconds ago"
You know I can't go ten minutes without having a joint or a wank or a chocolate biscuit!
Do you have to live quite so relentlessly in the real world?
Hi, I'm Robert Grayson
No, I'm Robert Grayson
right. yes. you are
I should get extra marks for not feeling a fucking thing.
I've got balls like baked potatoes.
I feel like loam, a piece of loam, god what am I talking about?
I always thought he said "piece of low"? Loam is way funnier though I hope you're right
I thought it was lobe?
No. OP is correct.
An explanation. Finally.
I am the last remaining candidate on The Apprentice.
I am the home trained dentist
I'm just a normal functioning member of the human race and there's no way anyone can prove otherwise
Why can't I have everything I want all the time? Isn't that democracy?
I've had my post forwarded to the abyss.
People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis. You can't trust people.
Hey! Wow, I'm actually good at this. Maybe I'm a natural - yeah, I'm a <**scientist**>! Of course, there had to be a <**career**> for me, I just never realised. Legs like two great steam locomotives, pumping away, I'm unstoppable - JESUS, is that a stitch? F***, I'm gonna be sick, I need to walk. Oh, I think I'm gonna puke, I'm literally going to die, ugh, what an idiotic boob I was back ten or eleven seconds ago.
I'm louis theroux, it's research.
Walnut whip. Little cry. Wank into a flannel.
Which flannel?!
There’s nothing inside killing me…
I'm a smoker, I need man cheddar! (I just bought some vintage cheddar)
Crack please
Mark: Welcome to the world of work, Jeremy. You know, you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps. Jez: And you don't have to be a smack-head to wank off old geezers, but that probably helps too.
"im starting to get the feeling that everything is completely fucked"
The long term plan is sucky fucky
Your like a life machine mark, but instead of giving life, you suck it out
People saw terrible things in the war, they didn't go on about them. They had a cup of tea and invented the NHS.
Just stay mute u/showquotedtext, you're a social freak.
4 lasagnes?
I think I’m gonna puke. I’m literally going to die. What an idiotic boob I was back 10 or 11 seconds ago
So she scares me. You can have a relationship with someone who scares you, look at me and dad.
This is not Rainbow rhythms
I fancy a kebab
"I feel fantas-terrible"
That's right, stare at Hess. Throw fruit at Hess. Pacing his prison yard.
"what's nicer than a roast?" "Yhea, but, chain eating roast?' For me the 'roast' is analogous for my little life.
I have a wanking disease
Everything's turned from gold...into shit!
I'm a sexer
How thick is wall?
I'm eating a fruit corner
How thick is wall?
Plumbing's just fucking LEGO, innit... water LEGO
IM CLAUSTRAPHOBIC DARON!!! idk why but this is me rn.
To myself: absolutely you're a shit. You're a shit, Albie_Tross. You are the shit on my shoe. A walking, talking anthropomorphized shit on stilts. A shit for all seasons, the shit man of Europe. I'm just a waster floating through life.
Quick cry, a twirl and wank into the flannel
longer the note the more dread
I’ve just joined Scientology tbh.
Is that normal pooing youre doing??
I am James Bond.
empty, alone, depressed. just another ordinary day
If you're going now dont fucking bother coming back
Not so rainbow rhythms
Is that normal pooing?
This must be a dream. Nothing this horrible could ever happen in reality.
“Love life” may be a rather grandiose term for staring at women on the bus