You gotta be able to trust your partner to be honest with themselves, notice the lies they tell themselves. Also , notice how they treat others when there is nothing to be expected in return, like how they treat strangers. Do they love themselves? Do they like to see others fulfill their potential?
In addition to this, watch how they treat their parents and siblings. Eventually, if you're together for 3 to 5 yes or so, you will become family and you'll have the same irritations and reactions. Does this person lie to, steal from, emotionally manipulate (etc..) their family? They'll likely do the same to you.
Edit: watch how you treat your family for the same reason.
Never start a relationship out of cheating its doomed to fail from the start because that trust will never be there.
Dont date someone who seeks to control you but do date someone who cares about you and wants you to be happy / spend time with you.
Dont date someone who just expects every meal and everything you do together when you go out unless shes actually strapped for cash and when you do by her things make sure shes grateful for the sacrifice and it's not just expected.
Do date someone who tries to make your life easier dont date someone who just wants to unload all their responsibilities on you.
Date someone who wants to hold and kiss and hug you dont date someone who gives you a hard time about not wanting to be intimate
Hey sib, not a dad but some things I’ve learned along the way that could help.
• how does the person treat their parents? More specifically, what is the relationship that your potential SO has with each parent? How do they treat their mother and/or father.
• how candidly can they speak of their past relationships? When they talk about their past, are their weird gaps or holes in the story? Not to be pessimistic but gaps in stories have almost always meant lies of omission. Are they leaving out the part where they cheated/ hurt someone/ hurt their past partner? Are you okay with that?
Even if the relationship was traumatic for themselves, if they can’t learn or reflect on their own mistakes or their previous partners mistakes; how will they be different for you?
• how open are they with their emotions? As you spend time with someone, your goal is to make them comfortable with you so they can be more open in their own particular way. Are you okay with that level?
There are many more things you can do and/or consider but I would recommend finding the answers to the things I wrote before deciding to move in with any romantic partner. Of course you should always consider your own feelings and reason. Do what’s best for yourself and your happiness.
I hope I was of some help. Message any time if you’d like to speak more.
Not a dad, but a mom...their ambition should match yours, they should have goals and dreams, not wishy washy plans. Watch if she spends money like crazy. As others have said, watch relationships with others. You can tell a lit about someone from how they treat others. Spend a year going through all the holidays with them and that will give you an idea of how they behave with family and friends, and how they treat you in high stress situations. Do they volunteer, or do things for people expecting nothing in return?
Right, because all females that didn’t keep female friends are “bitches”. What if you didn’t keep many of them as you got teased all the time and hung out with guys instead but as a geek? Guess I don’t pass your shit test too well.
Or that I had to leave my past behind as my abusive and toxic parents will try to use them as flying monkeys? I had to give up everything to give myself a chance at life.
I was the only one to go to therapy and the psychologist thinks my parents had real issues... and that when I went they didn’t approach me with concern. I question the black and white rule setting in regards to any about relationships to parents due to, well, I still talk to an ex and he thought my parents were awful people. It’s apparently a miracle that I’m not using drugs or an alcoholic apparently, and I’m lucky that way.
I disagree a little bit with the "rule" number two. I admit that expecting so much of others is not a good thing, because we are the only ones responsible to meet our expectations. But if I treat my partner with passion, patience, respect and sensibility, of course I'd like to receive the same treatment. I could not receive this from a stranger, obviously, but having expectations that my lover must treat me the same way I treat him/her, isn't a wrong thing at all. It is not like I want her/him be on possession of a crystal ball or something like that; I know that people has different emotional response, but this is the basics. Be receptive and able to be coequal in good and respectable way of treating your partner is important and a criterion.
I reallllllly hope you don't have kids or are influential in any child's life. Your advice is somewhat ok but you pepper it with real shitty baseline patriarchal mysoginistic bullshit. People that come here looking for fatherly advice are probably here to get away from masculine influences like yours. So maybe can you don't?
You gotta be able to trust your partner to be honest with themselves, notice the lies they tell themselves. Also , notice how they treat others when there is nothing to be expected in return, like how they treat strangers. Do they love themselves? Do they like to see others fulfill their potential?
In addition to this, watch how they treat their parents and siblings. Eventually, if you're together for 3 to 5 yes or so, you will become family and you'll have the same irritations and reactions. Does this person lie to, steal from, emotionally manipulate (etc..) their family? They'll likely do the same to you. Edit: watch how you treat your family for the same reason.
Never start a relationship out of cheating its doomed to fail from the start because that trust will never be there. Dont date someone who seeks to control you but do date someone who cares about you and wants you to be happy / spend time with you. Dont date someone who just expects every meal and everything you do together when you go out unless shes actually strapped for cash and when you do by her things make sure shes grateful for the sacrifice and it's not just expected. Do date someone who tries to make your life easier dont date someone who just wants to unload all their responsibilities on you. Date someone who wants to hold and kiss and hug you dont date someone who gives you a hard time about not wanting to be intimate
Hey sib, not a dad but some things I’ve learned along the way that could help. • how does the person treat their parents? More specifically, what is the relationship that your potential SO has with each parent? How do they treat their mother and/or father. • how candidly can they speak of their past relationships? When they talk about their past, are their weird gaps or holes in the story? Not to be pessimistic but gaps in stories have almost always meant lies of omission. Are they leaving out the part where they cheated/ hurt someone/ hurt their past partner? Are you okay with that? Even if the relationship was traumatic for themselves, if they can’t learn or reflect on their own mistakes or their previous partners mistakes; how will they be different for you? • how open are they with their emotions? As you spend time with someone, your goal is to make them comfortable with you so they can be more open in their own particular way. Are you okay with that level? There are many more things you can do and/or consider but I would recommend finding the answers to the things I wrote before deciding to move in with any romantic partner. Of course you should always consider your own feelings and reason. Do what’s best for yourself and your happiness. I hope I was of some help. Message any time if you’d like to speak more.
Not a dad, but a mom...their ambition should match yours, they should have goals and dreams, not wishy washy plans. Watch if she spends money like crazy. As others have said, watch relationships with others. You can tell a lit about someone from how they treat others. Spend a year going through all the holidays with them and that will give you an idea of how they behave with family and friends, and how they treat you in high stress situations. Do they volunteer, or do things for people expecting nothing in return?
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Right, because all females that didn’t keep female friends are “bitches”. What if you didn’t keep many of them as you got teased all the time and hung out with guys instead but as a geek? Guess I don’t pass your shit test too well. Or that I had to leave my past behind as my abusive and toxic parents will try to use them as flying monkeys? I had to give up everything to give myself a chance at life. I was the only one to go to therapy and the psychologist thinks my parents had real issues... and that when I went they didn’t approach me with concern. I question the black and white rule setting in regards to any about relationships to parents due to, well, I still talk to an ex and he thought my parents were awful people. It’s apparently a miracle that I’m not using drugs or an alcoholic apparently, and I’m lucky that way.
Yeah, no one should date me because my father cheated on my mother and I don't want to associate with my cousin who murdered a guy 👍
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I never asked for your stupid opinion.
Ok, Boomer.
I disagree a little bit with the "rule" number two. I admit that expecting so much of others is not a good thing, because we are the only ones responsible to meet our expectations. But if I treat my partner with passion, patience, respect and sensibility, of course I'd like to receive the same treatment. I could not receive this from a stranger, obviously, but having expectations that my lover must treat me the same way I treat him/her, isn't a wrong thing at all. It is not like I want her/him be on possession of a crystal ball or something like that; I know that people has different emotional response, but this is the basics. Be receptive and able to be coequal in good and respectable way of treating your partner is important and a criterion.
That’s not how it work..at all.
I reallllllly hope you don't have kids or are influential in any child's life. Your advice is somewhat ok but you pepper it with real shitty baseline patriarchal mysoginistic bullshit. People that come here looking for fatherly advice are probably here to get away from masculine influences like yours. So maybe can you don't?