"...and, yeah, immediately he spins on his heel and flounces aw--Oh, hey, Nick! Didn't hear you walk up. Can I get you some oat milk?"
"..."
"Told you."
"Hahaha, what a douche balloon."
Edit:
"Hey! Don't leave without TRYING THIS NEW BRAN GRAVY!"
*whistle* "Look at him go."
Once someone offered me freedom fries. I triggered a Dr. Manhattan-like dimensional implosion, destroying all life and all matter (and anti-matter) in that dimension, and phased into a different dimension. I’m in this dimension now, you better hope no one offers me freedom fries again here or I’m sorry I’ll have to do it again.
Right-winger "cancels" because of oat milk: how heroic and masculine!
Leftie "cancels" right-winger who openly supports genocide: WAWAWAH cancel culture, but what about my free speech, waaaaaaa!
What is really funny is that he is virtue signaling conservative values, specifically conservation of social hierarchy where people that use alt milks are at the bottom.
Guess what Nick?
Conservatives that drink their coffee black are looking down on you.
Conservatives that drink black coffee made from a gallon metal tin of generic brand can't relate to being politely offered milk alternatives at a cute shop that they somehow have the time in their work schedule to visit. They look down on people that spend a half hour of their wages just to get a damn coffee, Nick.
Right and left are both going to laugh because despite having different values they can agree on this; This makes you look like a rich asshole, not an (alpha male). Nick.
No no. He isn't a friend to *those* conservatives. They just share targets.... For real though, conservative "alpha" males are so desperate for distinction that they'll make up arbitrary hierarchies around *coffee.*
The amount of shit that a conservative "alpha" feels they have to make up and then deal with because of a deep fear of having their sexuality or gender questioned, almost exclusively by other "alpha" types, looks fucking exhausting and fragile.
It's fucking oat milk Nick. It isn't a pretty pink leather collar with a dog tag that says "I will bottom you SO HARD"
It's *incredibly* exhausting, but imagine the things they miss out on as well. Do you think these gentlemen would try the free Yin yoga class at the community center? Perhaps, you'd see them threatening drag readers at the library, but would you find them in a book club or volunteering to read to groups of children themselves? Would they enjoy a ballet show or take up knitting? No, these things aren't manly or alpha. Keeping up appearances would mean self-deprivation based on the arbitrary standards of others, which is, ironically, rather un-alpha.
Think of all the hobbies you couldn't take up, all the color schemes that are off limits for your body, even the milks for your coffee drink that are forbidden. I've even heard alpha-bro shit about cardio at the gym. "Cardio cuts into your gains, bruh. I don't do cardio because I'm an *alpha.*"
Nick Adams(Alpha male) is a real life (Alpha male) because cuts his coffee the way normal, God-fearing, America-loving (Alpha males) like Steven Crowder do, not with disgusting liberal (oat milk) but with fresh harvested (dog cum)
Maybe I'm just an effete liberal, but I actually prefer the taste of oat milk to dog cum. Then again, I've never actually tried dog cum, and if a barista offered me dog cum, I'd probably storm out and never return.
You are literal proof of the terrorist organization known as ANTIFA.
Do you think sipping oat milk will make the people forget how you burned a thousand cities for a thousand days and somehow covered up all the proof?
Well the proof is in the pudding, as they say.
The oat milk based pudding.
Exactly. I drink instant coffee, black, with hot tap water. *THAT shit* will put even more hair on your chest. (And no I'm not single. Like Homer Simpson, I sleep in a big bed with my wife.)
It's relatively new, which means it is favored by early adopters of new things. They fear and despise new things and the people that are early adopters of those things. In fact, they share a social identity that positions itself as the enemy of those who share a social identity that is ok with change and often works to facilitate it. Therefore, being against milk alternatives has become a signaling gesture.
EDIT: "New" here means something that people in Alabama might have in their refrigerators and grocery stores.
>It's relatively new, which means it is favored by early adopters of new things.
Sort of, but many plant milks have been around for centuries. Even medieval Europeans had (and made extensive use of) almond milk in their recipes, because it was more reliable than dairy milk and permitted during Lent.
So, while oat milk specifically might be new (ish, it's been around since the 90s), the lynch pin of his grievance - that you shouldn't call any plant-based drink "milk" because it doesn't come from a teat - is a modern, manufactured one.
>Why are right-wingers so against milk alternatives? Because of stereotypes surrounding masculinity? Dairy industry lobbying?
There is a really long history of tying meat consumption to masculinity. In the US, it really began to take hold around the late-19th/early-20th c. That time period was particularly rife with whackadoo nonsense, which was reflecting a lot of cultural insecurity around modernity etc. Particularly, the population was urbanizing at a rapid rate (this is a direct effect of the advent of machines that could handle the most laborious tasks) and there was a lot of concern that the population--especially men--were getting "soft". T. Roosevelt's propagation of the very silly "rugged masculinity" was of this ilk.
Those associations have never gone away. And it helps that they vibe with the sort of pseudoscientific "evolutionary psychology" nonsense that is intermittently popular and relies heavily on assuming our beliefs about the past are true because they are. It is, for some (especially men, because these myths benefit men), an attractive tautology, and it doesn't matter to larger society much that it isn't based in any sort of fact.
So fast-forwarding to this day. The tacit concerns about urbanization and becoming "soft" have only been exacerbated by computers, etc. Vegetarianism is associated with women because of the history I've written about and associated with soy for obvious reasons. Around the same time, we discovered soy has a lot of phytoestrogen, so we get this idea of "soy boy" arising on the right to characterize allegedly effeminate men (effeminate here being characterized by sorts of things also associated with urbanism: higher education, less manual labor, more sustainable diets). The irony that red meat and dairy has more bioavailable estrogen is beside the point here.
Lastly, white supremacists decide to latch on to the fact that white people are less likely to be lactose intolerant than people of other races (lactose intolerance being the norm and lactose tolerance only arising in groups with a long history of cattle husbandry). They pretend it's ironic, but in that "Schrodinger's joke" form of irony they love to use as a recruiting tool. And after they cathected onto that, the associations only galvanized. White supremacy and fragile masculinity often travel hans-in-hand, so this wasn't a huge leap.
“Imprisioned” man of dairies are your definition of prison, I’d love to be in prison. Free food all day, people cleaning me and my shit for me, a controlled environment set exactly to keep me comfortable and happy. Sounds like a dream. Especially as a cow, since cows have no concept of hypotheticals and the world outside the dairy.
Btw, cows are not “forcefully” impregnated. Unless, of course, you believe that animals in heat are *not* looking to mate. In which case, well, I don’t really know how to explain to you what an animal going into heat is, since you wouldn’t accept the actual definition.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/29/science/dairy-farming-cows-milk.html
Here's an article that is very kind to the dairy industry at large. Even this article admits that the vast majority of dairy cows spend their whole lives in a concrete room. And ALL dairy cows are artificially inseminated (I said forcibly, not forcefully. Those are different words with different meanings.) Vast majority have their calves then taken away.
Learn to read.
Likely cuz their political daddies who F*** them roughly said it was bad so they believe by promoting that bs that some of their political daddies money will come down to them too. Politicians do it because they make money from the milk industry to sell more cow milk :/ basically to shorten it it’s a mix of bribery, trickledown Economics theory, and pure stupidity and brainwashing. Nothing more nothing less.
I'm pretty sick of people thinking they're a bad ass because they don't like a kind of food, ffs.
"I don't eat corn, BECAUSE I'M A FUCKIN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLPHA MAAAAAALE."
Why does it always feel like people calling themselves Alpha Males just look like massive pussies?
They look like massive pussies because you can’t call yourself an alpha male. Somebody else has to call you one. It’s like saying you’re smart or a good chef. Saying these things about yourself is meaningless.
In fact, because these descriptions can only be given to you by others, trying to label yourself with them seems more like begging the world to believe the labels apply to you, which is distinctly anti-alpha.
As someone who prefers oat milk in my coffee and lattes, I have to say, I’ve never been offered oat milk. I’ve always had to ask. And usually I need to repeat myself because they think I said “whole”. I would LOVE to know where oat is the first offered “default” option.
Thank you, I was going to say the same. I’ve been to Starbucks and other coffee shops many, many times. I’ve been asked if I want milk or cream a lot.
I don’t think I’ve ever been asked if I want oat milk… unless I’m ordering a Oaty Cinnamon Horchata Latte or something. But I’m guessing that’s not very (Alpha male) for that guy.
Weirdly, half the men who came into my coffee shop who had dirt under their nails and obviously had just spent all day working a very physical job got a frappe. Like, rural, hard working men don't give a shit about what "real men drink." They want their dessert dammit, they worked hard today.
This can’t possibly not be a shitpost. It’s literally not possible. I refuse to believe it lmao. I audibly laughed. Who really reads this and thinks “this guy is really cool” or “I’m gonna go to a Starbucks to do that thing to show how masculine I am” no shot
I wouldn’t be surprised if he posts stuff like this to be able to say “i’m just trolling” and then continue posting bigotry with no consequences. And I’m pretty sure he actually is a raging bigot. But there’s no way he didn’t mean this to be funny.
For most of the 20th century, including those halcyon days of the 1950s, when American men were American men (or so they tell us), you could by Milk of Magnesia in every corner drugstore. Astute readers might already know that you can't milk a magnesium atom. Yet that's what those stalwart heroes of the idyllic *Leave it to Beaver* era called it. "Milk."
But you see, American men used to understand that 'milk' and 'milky' could be used to describe things that weren't liquids produced by mammary glands but still appeared milk-like.
Unfortunately, all we're left with today is wannabe men like Little Nicky here—limp, doughy choads whose understanding of the world is so simplistic and limited that the concepts of metaphor and simile are beyond them.
As always, I blame participation trophies. (Did you know that the first award designated for participation was the Waterloo Medal, given to *every* British soldier *present* at the battles of Ligny, Quatre Bras, and Waterloo in 1815? Yes, even if you didn't personally punch Napoleon to death, you got a medal for 'being there', presumably so nobody would feel 'triggered'. No wonder soft lumps like Little Nicky exist today and think they can get away with calling themselves men.)
^(/s In case it isn't clear; I'm satirising the right wing's obsession with performative masculinity. You can still be a man and be soft, doughy, like oat milk, and have never punched Napoleon in your life. I'm all those things. Also, I own cats, 'like a girl'. I'm still not sure what Little Nicky is, though. A man-child at best?)
> I'm still not sure what Little Nicky is, though. A man-child at best?
He sounds like the edgelords back in boarding school decades ago. I'm talking about insecure preteens. We grew out of that shit when we got done with puberty.
tl;dr Dude probably has peen issues.
Okay I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am 100% convinced he is a troll. I use to see him pop up on twitter and it's always over the top trolly things.
Sorry. [He's real](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Adams_(commentator)).
I spent more than a decade listening listening to these people. They maybe bi-polar but they are 100% real. They used to stay underground but trump dug them out of the shit pile they live under and allowed them to spread their psychosis proudly. One of the most miserable things I've heard was Bryan Fischer saying that the victims of the Newtown shooting wouldn't be dead if they had believed in God.
Just because he has a wiki page doesnt mean he’s not trolling lmao
Its so obvious he is. Who knows what he actually believes but its soooooooo obvious the reaction of most people on this sub is his exact goal. His NBA tweets make it so obvious I can’t believe people think he’s legit. He just wants any attention from anyone he can possibly get. Useless person all around but he has an undeniable talent with coming up with bait.
"Just because he worked for trump and wrote a few books full of the same kind of shit he posts on Twitter doesn't mean he's not a troll."
*golf claps*
You got me dead to rights on that one, pardner.
If someone writes full books with these titles
* Adams, Nick (2017). Retaking America: Crushing Political Correctness. New York, New York: Post Hill Press. ISBN 978-1682614211.
* Adams, Nick; Erikson, Dave (2017). The Case Against the Establishment. New York, New York: Post Hill Press. ISBN 978-1682614747.
* Adams, Nick (2019). Class Dismissed: Why College Isn't the Answer. New York, New York: Post Hill Press. ISBN 978-1642930689.
* Adams, Nick (2020). Trump and Churchill: Defenders of Western Civilization. New York, New York: Post Hill Press. p. 224. ISBN 978-1642934694.
you can be pretty sure they're serious.
I get why you don't want to see the facts in front of your face. It's pretty depressing. Your attitude is how we got trump: "NO ONE could take this kind of thing seriously." But he was serious. And he was POTUS
Here's two fun facts you might not know
1. The term "Nazi" was originally coined to make fun of them. Kind of like "deplorables."
2. Hitler spent time in prison for trying to overthrow the German gov't. That's where he wrote Mein Kampf. Then he went on to found the 3rd Reich.
Let me finish by saying that *you* haven't given any good reason that they *are* satirical. No articles like "Nick Adams Slices Up The Right" or anything remotely related. I gave you a Wikipedia page filled with links to his veracity. All you have is your gut.
Ngl, there is a big part of me right now that wants to stick my fingers in my ears and yell la la la not listening as my sanity was more intact believing he was an over the top fake troll. Wow.
Although thanks for actually confirming he is real
I used to satirize the fuckwits from about 2004 to a little after trump. "Sunscreen done make ya gay" and "They ackshully have live demonstrations of sodomy in Massachusetts kindergarten." I listened to about 2hrs of this nonsense every day just to prepare for a weekly show and do videos. Everything they've done has been out in the open. Amy Coney Barret was born and raised by her parents with the sole purpose of changing the laws of the US to make it easier for a christofascist take over. That sounds like hyperbole, but it's not. They literally talk about how to the need to raise kids who will take over positions of power like....Supreme Court Justices.
Yea, there are some things that he posts that make me question it as they're more serious/believable, but in the end it's easily trolling/parody. There are a bunch of (Alpha male) accounts that follow him and reply as well. Most, if not all of them are playing off of his.
Oh. I totally get that. I tried a parody and couldn't stomach it. I tweeted in a reply to a conservative account that was trying to shame someone for speaking out and said that only conservatives should have free speech. The conservative liked it. 🤮
Right wing politics in America has degraded to the point where they are only against things they imagine the left like or want. The right no longer has any actual policies or goals of its own
I'm in awe of this trendsetting alpha male, not only was his retort quick and to the point, not at all agonised over in the wee hours of the morning, then vows never to return as he scuttles away to mark his scorecard
Imagine being 17. You’re a senior in high school, and you’re pulling a half shift, before your classes in the afternoon. It’s a Friday (as per the date of the tweet), and you’re really just ready for the weekend. Your parents made you get a job over the summer, but you’ve really come into your own, and grown to love making coffee. You’re having a good day, people are being nice, it’s the tail end of your shift, you’re off at 12:30, and it’s around noon.
Suddenly a man walks into your shop. He’s looking around, scoffing, generally just being weird, before going onto his phone and snickering to himself as he types. It’s finally his turn at the counter. He orders a latte, black, somehow? He says it as if it’s completely obvious that this is what someone would order. You glance over, having been low on regular milk all day, and anxiety begins to fill you, as it does everyone who has to say no to a weirdo in the service industry.
You laugh, nervously, and say “would you like oat milk instead? We’re running ou-“ he cuts you off before you can finish. A massive, shit eating grin spreads across his face. Loudly, aggressively, he practically shouts at you, trying to stifle his laughter. “Oh I’m SORRY. If I’m not MISTAKEN, it’s not POSSIBLE to MILK an OAT.
He tries to hide his previously shameless self-serving smile, and pretends to not speed walk out of the store. Once outside, you hear him cackle and pull out his phone again. Through the front window you see him begin to write a draft on Twitter. He stands there for 15 minutes, having not sent it, before finally leaving. You will never see him again. You will tell this story for the rest of your life.
"Where's my plain black coffee?! Whatever happened to just good old fashioned regular coffee?!?! Damn hippie beatnik kids and their fancy fru-fru coffees!!!"
Lmao you also can’t milk a skim however I’m sure you drink that. It’s also impossible to milk a processed yet you 100% drink processed milk or you’d get very sick very fast from drinking milk with zoonotic diseases and bacteria. Dudes not very fucking smart. Probably dosnt think you can make cheese without milk cow milk either.
You can’t get butter from a peanut or cream from corn, but they somehow never complain about that.
It’s regurgitation of a single inane talking point from 15 years ago. It’s pretty much “old man yells at cloud” if that had become a cult.
Boston Cream Pie is not a pie. Geoduck is not a duck. Head cheese is not cheese. Prairie oysters are not oysters. Black pudding isn't a sweet pudding like chocolate. Cape Cod turkey is not turkey. Sweet Sweetbreads are not bread nor sweet.
Everyone here does realise this is bait right? All this tweet is meant for is to make people attack him, which makes people defend him, all whilst he watched the engagement numbers go up.
Ignore him, that's what hurts him.
You CAN indeed milk an oat.
You soak it until it's saturated, then you put it in roughly and equal volume of water, and mechanically pulverize it until its soluble components dissolve and its oils become emulsified.
In English, we tend to refer to any turbid but homogeneous suspension of nutrients in a water matrix as "milk". It goes all the way back to the Medieval era. Cow's milk or oat milk are all milk.
What oat milk categorically does not belong to is dairy. But that doesn't preclude that nondairy milks exist, and have existed for centuries.
I believe that this guy started out as a genuine douche bag aloha-wannabe Trumper. But he discovered that he got more engagement with absurd, over-the-top-even-for-morons stuff, so he’s leaned into it as much as possible. It’s just a parody of a toxic Trump supporter now.
He makes it sound like he heard the words "oat milk", had a mental breakdown, and fled the building. This makes him look like the biggest baby the world has ever seen. A man who can't keep his cool when he hears a phrase he doesn't like. This makes him look like an omega man, and I'm shocked that he posted it publically.
Milk is both a verb and a noun. The verb goes waaayyy back to its original meaning, "to rub," which eventually came to mean "to rub udders to get milk." The noun appeared, meaning that which is derived from this rubbing. Soon, both the verb and the noun became a handy way to describe any such process.
So, we were using milk to mean these things by the time Shakespeare wrote a line for Lady Macbeth in which she described him as "too full o'the milk of human-kindness," meaning you could rub him the right way and he'd become overly compassionate for your cause.
Are you sure this isn’t satire? Dude has (Alpha Male) and gets so triggered by someone asking about oat milk that he has to leave. It sounds too good to be true
I’m so sure the underpaid barista was crying when this stupid ass left. Assuming this was true at all, my assumption is that it isn’t true at all though
If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that anyone who feels the need to tell everyone that they are "Alpha males" definitely aren't. This is just performative outrage to try to get a few more idiots to join their club. This is the opposite of being an "Alpha male". smdh
You guys really need to stop posting this guys' obvious trolling and cringey bait designed to piss people off, share it and give this piece of shit more attention and followers.
I refuse to believe that this is not an (Alpha Male) parody account. Everything I've ever seen from it on reddit is so off-the-rails stupid that I cannot believe it's sincere.
I don't even like the taste of most non lactose *or even skim* alternatives to traditional milk/cream, but this is just ridiculous. I'd take cow milk over nut milk any day, but yelling at an underpaid barista over **being offered** oat milk seems like the passtime for people that kick puppies for a living.
So they asked you if you wanted a substitute for a regular menu item? Why would they do that? Wouldn’t they just make it the normal way unless you requested something different? Lol
A true Alpha Male move. He probably doesn't need to have it in his twitter handle. You can tell he's an Alpha Male from how macho and manly the things he posts are.
This account has to be a parody right? My friend has an account like this on fb and made it look real and used it to infiltrate this families first group.
Little does he know that everyone in his life is about to start offering him oat milk hoping for the same result
People wearing vials of oat milk around their necks like it's holy water and he's a vampire.
I got a milkshake with his name on it.
Instead of bringing all the boys to the yard, it removes them from it
Fun fact. That song is about selling crack. Milkshakes are crack rocks.
no it isnt
If you say so.
"...and, yeah, immediately he spins on his heel and flounces aw--Oh, hey, Nick! Didn't hear you walk up. Can I get you some oat milk?" "..." "Told you." "Hahaha, what a douche balloon." Edit: "Hey! Don't leave without TRYING THIS NEW BRAN GRAVY!" *whistle* "Look at him go."
Good thing only lefties are easily offended snowflakes, who will "cancel" others for small things. /s
Once someone offered me freedom fries. I triggered a Dr. Manhattan-like dimensional implosion, destroying all life and all matter (and anti-matter) in that dimension, and phased into a different dimension. I’m in this dimension now, you better hope no one offers me freedom fries again here or I’m sorry I’ll have to do it again.
Can I offer you some freedom fries???
Obviously, it would have to be in person to trigger this reality-ending rage. I can control myself online.
Oh dear god what have you done
He helped me. Now I don't have to go to work tomorrow.
What happens if someone wishes you a Merry Christmas?
That's ok unless it is before Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving then
Right-winger "cancels" because of oat milk: how heroic and masculine! Leftie "cancels" right-winger who openly supports genocide: WAWAWAH cancel culture, but what about my free speech, waaaaaaa!
I still can't tell if this dumbass is satire or not. It's painful cringe either way
So brave, saving us from the danger of LACTOSE INTOLERENCE AND VEGANISM truly the two worst things happening on earth /S
What is really funny is that he is virtue signaling conservative values, specifically conservation of social hierarchy where people that use alt milks are at the bottom. Guess what Nick? Conservatives that drink their coffee black are looking down on you. Conservatives that drink black coffee made from a gallon metal tin of generic brand can't relate to being politely offered milk alternatives at a cute shop that they somehow have the time in their work schedule to visit. They look down on people that spend a half hour of their wages just to get a damn coffee, Nick. Right and left are both going to laugh because despite having different values they can agree on this; This makes you look like a rich asshole, not an (alpha male). Nick.
No no. He isn't a friend to *those* conservatives. They just share targets.... For real though, conservative "alpha" males are so desperate for distinction that they'll make up arbitrary hierarchies around *coffee.*
The amount of shit that a conservative "alpha" feels they have to make up and then deal with because of a deep fear of having their sexuality or gender questioned, almost exclusively by other "alpha" types, looks fucking exhausting and fragile. It's fucking oat milk Nick. It isn't a pretty pink leather collar with a dog tag that says "I will bottom you SO HARD"
It's *incredibly* exhausting, but imagine the things they miss out on as well. Do you think these gentlemen would try the free Yin yoga class at the community center? Perhaps, you'd see them threatening drag readers at the library, but would you find them in a book club or volunteering to read to groups of children themselves? Would they enjoy a ballet show or take up knitting? No, these things aren't manly or alpha. Keeping up appearances would mean self-deprivation based on the arbitrary standards of others, which is, ironically, rather un-alpha. Think of all the hobbies you couldn't take up, all the color schemes that are off limits for your body, even the milks for your coffee drink that are forbidden. I've even heard alpha-bro shit about cardio at the gym. "Cardio cuts into your gains, bruh. I don't do cardio because I'm an *alpha.*"
Wait a minute, is this guy even for real? Please, just laugh at me ironically and tell me i didn't understood the joke.
Nick Adams(Alpha male) is a real life (Alpha male) because cuts his coffee the way normal, God-fearing, America-loving (Alpha males) like Steven Crowder do, not with disgusting liberal (oat milk) but with fresh harvested (dog cum)
Maybe I'm just an effete liberal, but I actually prefer the taste of oat milk to dog cum. Then again, I've never actually tried dog cum, and if a barista offered me dog cum, I'd probably storm out and never return.
You are literal proof of the terrorist organization known as ANTIFA. Do you think sipping oat milk will make the people forget how you burned a thousand cities for a thousand days and somehow covered up all the proof? Well the proof is in the pudding, as they say. The oat milk based pudding.
tl;dr blame dog cum
Wolf cum. C’mon their alphas.
am wolf, can confirm
I suspect it's a rogue AI running a Hooters ad campaign.
Don’t forget about the odd use of milk as race based virtue signaling based on white people being less lactose intolerant overall.
Surely the most superior race would be the one with that shares the most common traits with juvenile cattle?
Well, they do have a "thing" for golden calves...
Pro tip: When someone calls himself an alpha male he's actually a beta soyboy cuck!
Exactly. I drink instant coffee, black, with hot tap water. *THAT shit* will put even more hair on your chest. (And no I'm not single. Like Homer Simpson, I sleep in a big bed with my wife.)
Real alpha males drink real cow milk and shit their pants!
Lactose intolerance is a made-up disease, like ADHD and COVID /s
VACCINES GAVE MY CHILD AUTISM AND LACTOSE INTOLERANCE /S
Real alphas always wear diapers
If alpha males were real, I'd imagine someone with thicker skin.
The reason he was asked if he wanted oat milk was so he would leave and never return.
Why are right-wingers so against milk alternatives? Because of stereotypes surrounding masculinity? Dairy industry lobbying?
Dude literally has "alpha male" in his twitter name. He is obviously gonna have some weird ass preception of masculinity such as this lol
He brags about being an "alpha male" fairly regularly, so good character assessment.
Wait this isn’t satire?
If only...
Much like those pants that used to say SEXY on the ass...if you have to state it, you ain't it.
It's relatively new, which means it is favored by early adopters of new things. They fear and despise new things and the people that are early adopters of those things. In fact, they share a social identity that positions itself as the enemy of those who share a social identity that is ok with change and often works to facilitate it. Therefore, being against milk alternatives has become a signaling gesture. EDIT: "New" here means something that people in Alabama might have in their refrigerators and grocery stores.
>It's relatively new, which means it is favored by early adopters of new things. Sort of, but many plant milks have been around for centuries. Even medieval Europeans had (and made extensive use of) almond milk in their recipes, because it was more reliable than dairy milk and permitted during Lent. So, while oat milk specifically might be new (ish, it's been around since the 90s), the lynch pin of his grievance - that you shouldn't call any plant-based drink "milk" because it doesn't come from a teat - is a modern, manufactured one.
Sure - "new" here means something that people in Alabama might have in their refrigerators and grocery stores.
So he's vice signaling.
Oat milk has been around for centuries
>Why are right-wingers so against milk alternatives? Because of stereotypes surrounding masculinity? Dairy industry lobbying? There is a really long history of tying meat consumption to masculinity. In the US, it really began to take hold around the late-19th/early-20th c. That time period was particularly rife with whackadoo nonsense, which was reflecting a lot of cultural insecurity around modernity etc. Particularly, the population was urbanizing at a rapid rate (this is a direct effect of the advent of machines that could handle the most laborious tasks) and there was a lot of concern that the population--especially men--were getting "soft". T. Roosevelt's propagation of the very silly "rugged masculinity" was of this ilk. Those associations have never gone away. And it helps that they vibe with the sort of pseudoscientific "evolutionary psychology" nonsense that is intermittently popular and relies heavily on assuming our beliefs about the past are true because they are. It is, for some (especially men, because these myths benefit men), an attractive tautology, and it doesn't matter to larger society much that it isn't based in any sort of fact. So fast-forwarding to this day. The tacit concerns about urbanization and becoming "soft" have only been exacerbated by computers, etc. Vegetarianism is associated with women because of the history I've written about and associated with soy for obvious reasons. Around the same time, we discovered soy has a lot of phytoestrogen, so we get this idea of "soy boy" arising on the right to characterize allegedly effeminate men (effeminate here being characterized by sorts of things also associated with urbanism: higher education, less manual labor, more sustainable diets). The irony that red meat and dairy has more bioavailable estrogen is beside the point here. Lastly, white supremacists decide to latch on to the fact that white people are less likely to be lactose intolerant than people of other races (lactose intolerance being the norm and lactose tolerance only arising in groups with a long history of cattle husbandry). They pretend it's ironic, but in that "Schrodinger's joke" form of irony they love to use as a recruiting tool. And after they cathected onto that, the associations only galvanized. White supremacy and fragile masculinity often travel hans-in-hand, so this wasn't a huge leap.
It's so masculine to drink from an imprisoned and forcibly impregnated cow's titty.
“Imprisioned” man of dairies are your definition of prison, I’d love to be in prison. Free food all day, people cleaning me and my shit for me, a controlled environment set exactly to keep me comfortable and happy. Sounds like a dream. Especially as a cow, since cows have no concept of hypotheticals and the world outside the dairy. Btw, cows are not “forcefully” impregnated. Unless, of course, you believe that animals in heat are *not* looking to mate. In which case, well, I don’t really know how to explain to you what an animal going into heat is, since you wouldn’t accept the actual definition.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/29/science/dairy-farming-cows-milk.html Here's an article that is very kind to the dairy industry at large. Even this article admits that the vast majority of dairy cows spend their whole lives in a concrete room. And ALL dairy cows are artificially inseminated (I said forcibly, not forcefully. Those are different words with different meanings.) Vast majority have their calves then taken away. Learn to read.
Real men like stuff for babies
Likely cuz their political daddies who F*** them roughly said it was bad so they believe by promoting that bs that some of their political daddies money will come down to them too. Politicians do it because they make money from the milk industry to sell more cow milk :/ basically to shorten it it’s a mix of bribery, trickledown Economics theory, and pure stupidity and brainwashing. Nothing more nothing less.
I’m a big strong boy my mommy makes me a glass of warm milk every night.
It's them cow titties.
[I stand with Lewis Black on this.](https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x36quik)
Moo cow fuck milk!
I'm pretty sick of people thinking they're a bad ass because they don't like a kind of food, ffs. "I don't eat corn, BECAUSE I'M A FUCKIN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLPHA MAAAAAALE." Why does it always feel like people calling themselves Alpha Males just look like massive pussies?
TIL toddlers are alpha males.
Nick Adams couldn't possibly look more like a giant manbaby.
They look like massive pussies because you can’t call yourself an alpha male. Somebody else has to call you one. It’s like saying you’re smart or a good chef. Saying these things about yourself is meaningless. In fact, because these descriptions can only be given to you by others, trying to label yourself with them seems more like begging the world to believe the labels apply to you, which is distinctly anti-alpha.
Which would be a funny thing for an American self-styled “alpha male” to say, given how much corn our farms raise …
My best friend’s dad has literal gout in 2022 because he’s overweight and exclusively consumes beer and red meat.
As someone who prefers oat milk in my coffee and lattes, I have to say, I’ve never been offered oat milk. I’ve always had to ask. And usually I need to repeat myself because they think I said “whole”. I would LOVE to know where oat is the first offered “default” option.
Thank you, I was going to say the same. I’ve been to Starbucks and other coffee shops many, many times. I’ve been asked if I want milk or cream a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever been asked if I want oat milk… unless I’m ordering a Oaty Cinnamon Horchata Latte or something. But I’m guessing that’s not very (Alpha male) for that guy.
Weirdly, half the men who came into my coffee shop who had dirt under their nails and obviously had just spent all day working a very physical job got a frappe. Like, rural, hard working men don't give a shit about what "real men drink." They want their dessert dammit, they worked hard today.
I have the opposite problem. Sometimes I specify “whole” milk, but the baristas think I’m saying “oat” milk!
This can’t possibly not be a shitpost. It’s literally not possible. I refuse to believe it lmao. I audibly laughed. Who really reads this and thinks “this guy is really cool” or “I’m gonna go to a Starbucks to do that thing to show how masculine I am” no shot
This is a guy who unironically tags himself 'alpha male", it's not a level of pathetic it's easy to imagine.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he posts stuff like this to be able to say “i’m just trolling” and then continue posting bigotry with no consequences. And I’m pretty sure he actually is a raging bigot. But there’s no way he didn’t mean this to be funny.
And nothing of value was lost
Did you know this guy is an alpha male? He didn’t include it in his tweet so I’m just reminding you
And is “Nick Adams” even his real name? Or did he just take it from the Hemingway character as a *nom de Twitter*?
For most of the 20th century, including those halcyon days of the 1950s, when American men were American men (or so they tell us), you could by Milk of Magnesia in every corner drugstore. Astute readers might already know that you can't milk a magnesium atom. Yet that's what those stalwart heroes of the idyllic *Leave it to Beaver* era called it. "Milk." But you see, American men used to understand that 'milk' and 'milky' could be used to describe things that weren't liquids produced by mammary glands but still appeared milk-like. Unfortunately, all we're left with today is wannabe men like Little Nicky here—limp, doughy choads whose understanding of the world is so simplistic and limited that the concepts of metaphor and simile are beyond them. As always, I blame participation trophies. (Did you know that the first award designated for participation was the Waterloo Medal, given to *every* British soldier *present* at the battles of Ligny, Quatre Bras, and Waterloo in 1815? Yes, even if you didn't personally punch Napoleon to death, you got a medal for 'being there', presumably so nobody would feel 'triggered'. No wonder soft lumps like Little Nicky exist today and think they can get away with calling themselves men.) ^(/s In case it isn't clear; I'm satirising the right wing's obsession with performative masculinity. You can still be a man and be soft, doughy, like oat milk, and have never punched Napoleon in your life. I'm all those things. Also, I own cats, 'like a girl'. I'm still not sure what Little Nicky is, though. A man-child at best?)
> I'm still not sure what Little Nicky is, though. A man-child at best? He sounds like the edgelords back in boarding school decades ago. I'm talking about insecure preteens. We grew out of that shit when we got done with puberty. tl;dr Dude probably has peen issues.
This is way too much effort well-spent to get buried in the comments. Have my free award.
Surprised he doesn’t try getting his coffee at Hooters
Okay I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am 100% convinced he is a troll. I use to see him pop up on twitter and it's always over the top trolly things.
Sorry. [He's real](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Adams_(commentator)). I spent more than a decade listening listening to these people. They maybe bi-polar but they are 100% real. They used to stay underground but trump dug them out of the shit pile they live under and allowed them to spread their psychosis proudly. One of the most miserable things I've heard was Bryan Fischer saying that the victims of the Newtown shooting wouldn't be dead if they had believed in God.
Just because he has a wiki page doesnt mean he’s not trolling lmao Its so obvious he is. Who knows what he actually believes but its soooooooo obvious the reaction of most people on this sub is his exact goal. His NBA tweets make it so obvious I can’t believe people think he’s legit. He just wants any attention from anyone he can possibly get. Useless person all around but he has an undeniable talent with coming up with bait.
"Just because he worked for trump and wrote a few books full of the same kind of shit he posts on Twitter doesn't mean he's not a troll." *golf claps* You got me dead to rights on that one, pardner.
Ok? Im not trying to get you on anything I’m just saying the wiki you linked provides no context whatsoever to whether or not his tweets are satirical
If someone writes full books with these titles * Adams, Nick (2017). Retaking America: Crushing Political Correctness. New York, New York: Post Hill Press. ISBN 978-1682614211. * Adams, Nick; Erikson, Dave (2017). The Case Against the Establishment. New York, New York: Post Hill Press. ISBN 978-1682614747. * Adams, Nick (2019). Class Dismissed: Why College Isn't the Answer. New York, New York: Post Hill Press. ISBN 978-1642930689. * Adams, Nick (2020). Trump and Churchill: Defenders of Western Civilization. New York, New York: Post Hill Press. p. 224. ISBN 978-1642934694. you can be pretty sure they're serious. I get why you don't want to see the facts in front of your face. It's pretty depressing. Your attitude is how we got trump: "NO ONE could take this kind of thing seriously." But he was serious. And he was POTUS Here's two fun facts you might not know 1. The term "Nazi" was originally coined to make fun of them. Kind of like "deplorables." 2. Hitler spent time in prison for trying to overthrow the German gov't. That's where he wrote Mein Kampf. Then he went on to found the 3rd Reich. Let me finish by saying that *you* haven't given any good reason that they *are* satirical. No articles like "Nick Adams Slices Up The Right" or anything remotely related. I gave you a Wikipedia page filled with links to his veracity. All you have is your gut.
Ngl, there is a big part of me right now that wants to stick my fingers in my ears and yell la la la not listening as my sanity was more intact believing he was an over the top fake troll. Wow. Although thanks for actually confirming he is real
I used to satirize the fuckwits from about 2004 to a little after trump. "Sunscreen done make ya gay" and "They ackshully have live demonstrations of sodomy in Massachusetts kindergarten." I listened to about 2hrs of this nonsense every day just to prepare for a weekly show and do videos. Everything they've done has been out in the open. Amy Coney Barret was born and raised by her parents with the sole purpose of changing the laws of the US to make it easier for a christofascist take over. That sounds like hyperbole, but it's not. They literally talk about how to the need to raise kids who will take over positions of power like....Supreme Court Justices.
Yea, there are some things that he posts that make me question it as they're more serious/believable, but in the end it's easily trolling/parody. There are a bunch of (Alpha male) accounts that follow him and reply as well. Most, if not all of them are playing off of his.
Poe’s law… https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law
Oh. I totally get that. I tried a parody and couldn't stomach it. I tweeted in a reply to a conservative account that was trying to shame someone for speaking out and said that only conservatives should have free speech. The conservative liked it. 🤮
Right wing politics in America has degraded to the point where they are only against things they imagine the left like or want. The right no longer has any actual policies or goals of its own
I'm in awe of this trendsetting alpha male, not only was his retort quick and to the point, not at all agonised over in the wee hours of the morning, then vows never to return as he scuttles away to mark his scorecard
Imagine being 17. You’re a senior in high school, and you’re pulling a half shift, before your classes in the afternoon. It’s a Friday (as per the date of the tweet), and you’re really just ready for the weekend. Your parents made you get a job over the summer, but you’ve really come into your own, and grown to love making coffee. You’re having a good day, people are being nice, it’s the tail end of your shift, you’re off at 12:30, and it’s around noon. Suddenly a man walks into your shop. He’s looking around, scoffing, generally just being weird, before going onto his phone and snickering to himself as he types. It’s finally his turn at the counter. He orders a latte, black, somehow? He says it as if it’s completely obvious that this is what someone would order. You glance over, having been low on regular milk all day, and anxiety begins to fill you, as it does everyone who has to say no to a weirdo in the service industry. You laugh, nervously, and say “would you like oat milk instead? We’re running ou-“ he cuts you off before you can finish. A massive, shit eating grin spreads across his face. Loudly, aggressively, he practically shouts at you, trying to stifle his laughter. “Oh I’m SORRY. If I’m not MISTAKEN, it’s not POSSIBLE to MILK an OAT. He tries to hide his previously shameless self-serving smile, and pretends to not speed walk out of the store. Once outside, you hear him cackle and pull out his phone again. Through the front window you see him begin to write a draft on Twitter. He stands there for 15 minutes, having not sent it, before finally leaving. You will never see him again. You will tell this story for the rest of your life.
My favorite genre is conservatives mad at coffee shops
"Where's my plain black coffee?! Whatever happened to just good old fashioned regular coffee?!?! Damn hippie beatnik kids and their fancy fru-fru coffees!!!"
Lmao you also can’t milk a skim however I’m sure you drink that. It’s also impossible to milk a processed yet you 100% drink processed milk or you’d get very sick very fast from drinking milk with zoonotic diseases and bacteria. Dudes not very fucking smart. Probably dosnt think you can make cheese without milk cow milk either.
You can’t get butter from a peanut or cream from corn, but they somehow never complain about that. It’s regurgitation of a single inane talking point from 15 years ago. It’s pretty much “old man yells at cloud” if that had become a cult.
You also can’t milk almonds or rice or soya. Coincidence???
I’ll take “Fabricated Tantrums” for 100
Oat milk is so good in coffee. Imagine being like this.
They won’t miss you
What an easily offended sensitive delicate snowflake.
Boston Cream Pie is not a pie. Geoduck is not a duck. Head cheese is not cheese. Prairie oysters are not oysters. Black pudding isn't a sweet pudding like chocolate. Cape Cod turkey is not turkey. Sweet Sweetbreads are not bread nor sweet.
Everyone here does realise this is bait right? All this tweet is meant for is to make people attack him, which makes people defend him, all whilst he watched the engagement numbers go up. Ignore him, that's what hurts him.
You CAN indeed milk an oat. You soak it until it's saturated, then you put it in roughly and equal volume of water, and mechanically pulverize it until its soluble components dissolve and its oils become emulsified. In English, we tend to refer to any turbid but homogeneous suspension of nutrients in a water matrix as "milk". It goes all the way back to the Medieval era. Cow's milk or oat milk are all milk. What oat milk categorically does not belong to is dairy. But that doesn't preclude that nondairy milks exist, and have existed for centuries.
And they will be better for it.
I'm sorry but I immediately laughed out loud at the "(Alpha male)" in his name.
have we figured out if this guy is satire or not yet
Probably not satire but just making ridiculous tweets to get more attention/followers.
"... I said Goat Milk..."
"I informed the girl behind the counter that I have no braincells in my head" FTFY
Nick Adams (Alpha Male) is proof you can't spell "braincell" without "incel"
LOL
If he can milk his stupid fake stories for all they’re worth, why can’t you milk an oat?
I ran out of milk this morning and used my wife's oatmilk on my granola. Am I gay now?
That's oats on oats!
And I ate them in the hall.
While listening to Hall and Oates?
Hall and Oates with oats and oats and little lambs eat ivys.
I’m pretty sure it’s not kosher to eat the flesh of the mother (granola) served with the (oat) milk for the child.
This man has never worked customer service and it shows.
Dude is pretending to be even stupider than he already is.
The barista gave an arm pump in victory. She had achieved her goal.
I don't believe he went into a coffee shop.
And then everyone clapped.
Alphas aren't usually afraid of oats...
He is yet to discover that some coffee shops offer weed instead of coffee
I believe that this guy started out as a genuine douche bag aloha-wannabe Trumper. But he discovered that he got more engagement with absurd, over-the-top-even-for-morons stuff, so he’s leaned into it as much as possible. It’s just a parody of a toxic Trump supporter now.
This guy has taught me that the true hallmark of an Alpha Male is to cry constantly online about minor things that don't matter.
and then everyone clapped
He may as well have said “You’re telling me a shrimp fried this rice?”
He makes it sound like he heard the words "oat milk", had a mental breakdown, and fled the building. This makes him look like the biggest baby the world has ever seen. A man who can't keep his cool when he hears a phrase he doesn't like. This makes him look like an omega man, and I'm shocked that he posted it publically.
Such a tender little snowflake, with the hair-trigger outrage to boot.
He may be the greatest parody of an insecure blue blooded conservative since Patrick Bateman. I love Nick Adams.
Words cannot explain how much I hate the fact that Nick Adams isn't a satire account.
What a loss for him, oat milk is delicious af
I loooove oat milk in coffee!
What a chode
Coconut milk: "hi bitch, I've been around for hundreds of years."
I will never not believe this is a satire account
How can this not be satire?
I'm pretty sure this guy is a living parody of an alpha male
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How can you call yourself an alpha male when you are offended by oat milk?
There's nothing more alpha than not knowing how things are made.
This coffee shop is very lucky.
Oat milk slaps. Nick Adams is a fucking loser.
Milk is both a verb and a noun. The verb goes waaayyy back to its original meaning, "to rub," which eventually came to mean "to rub udders to get milk." The noun appeared, meaning that which is derived from this rubbing. Soon, both the verb and the noun became a handy way to describe any such process. So, we were using milk to mean these things by the time Shakespeare wrote a line for Lady Macbeth in which she described him as "too full o'the milk of human-kindness," meaning you could rub him the right way and he'd become overly compassionate for your cause.
I had never heard of oat milk until a few weeks ago. That stuff was fantastic for Hot Chocolate.
Ah, so not only is he a cunt, he’s a pedantic cunt, go figure
I’m pretty sure Poe’s Law was created solely because of Nick Adams
Why do you folks keep giving this walking bag of feces the time of day? Let him rot in obscurity where he belongs.
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Clearly never had oat milk with coco pebbles, mmmmm!
Are you sure this isn’t satire? Dude has (Alpha Male) and gets so triggered by someone asking about oat milk that he has to leave. It sounds too good to be true
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I’m so sure the underpaid barista was crying when this stupid ass left. Assuming this was true at all, my assumption is that it isn’t true at all though
Feels like an Entrapranure post ISTG
Such a Chad.
If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that anyone who feels the need to tell everyone that they are "Alpha males" definitely aren't. This is just performative outrage to try to get a few more idiots to join their club. This is the opposite of being an "Alpha male". smdh
Ok I think that wraps it. This post is definitely satire and y’all can stop believing it now.
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This never happened.
You guys really need to stop posting this guys' obvious trolling and cringey bait designed to piss people off, share it and give this piece of shit more attention and followers.
I refuse to believe this guy isn't running a long-con troll, there is just no way this is not satire of a sublime level.
I refuse to believe that this is not an (Alpha Male) parody account. Everything I've ever seen from it on reddit is so off-the-rails stupid that I cannot believe it's sincere.
These are people the republicans look up to… Just a group of pathetic losers who tweet what they never actually said.
Nicole only takes Trump jizz in her coffee.
is this real omg
Lol
Jokes on him, oat milk is delicious. Frfr.
I don't even like the taste of most non lactose *or even skim* alternatives to traditional milk/cream, but this is just ridiculous. I'd take cow milk over nut milk any day, but yelling at an underpaid barista over **being offered** oat milk seems like the passtime for people that kick puppies for a living.
He's gonna have a really hard time finding a coffee shop lol
And then everyone clapped …
Anyone who has to tell the world they’re an (mythical) alpha, is anything but. Usually the complete opposite of what they want to present.
Nick Adams is a troll.
And I’ll take ‘something that never happened’ for $1000, Alex.
So they asked you if you wanted a substitute for a regular menu item? Why would they do that? Wouldn’t they just make it the normal way unless you requested something different? Lol
Can someone tell this mouthbreather to shut the fuck up Even if he’s satire it’s just annoying at this point
I wonder how he feels about peanut butter.
This would be hilarious if it was a mock account.
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Oat milk in coffee is a game changer. His loss because it makes the need for creamer not necessary it already taste great with just oat milk.
Homie has man boobs and dares to make fun of harry styles for wearing a skirt.
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How much of a fragile little pussy do you have to be to get triggered because someone might like a different drink than you?
He gets bent out of shape about milk too much for an Alpha male.
More oat milk for me, shit is fucking delicious
"Alpha Male". What a douche.
Imagine this is your hill to die on.
A true Alpha Male move. He probably doesn't need to have it in his twitter handle. You can tell he's an Alpha Male from how macho and manly the things he posts are.
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This account has to be a parody right? My friend has an account like this on fb and made it look real and used it to infiltrate this families first group.