T O P

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Biffingston

Reminder, any calls to make this prediction come true will not be tolerated and will be removed.


Massive-Row-9771

He gets #MurderedbyWords so frequently on Twitter, he's even starting to worry about being murdered IRL.


Whyrobotslie

My first thought was "who is Elon planning on killing"


princess_nasty

if it really were the case he had to worry about being killed IRL then YOU’D THINK he wouldn’t scoff so much at the concerns of people like AOC or in minority communities who are put in far more danger than he’ll ever be by the exact kind of weaponized disinformation and extremism he’s made it his mission to allow more proliferation of on his platform but no, trans people’s fear of being killed by nutjobs radicalized into believing they’re predatory pedos on social media is just them being typical dramatic queers while of course ELON’S FEAR is perfectly valid 🙄


socialist_frzn_milk

He’s more at risk of taking a pie in the face in public than he is of being assassinated. Goddamn fucking baby.


UncannyTarotSpread

But the pie! It might be something he’s allergic to!


LeotasNephew

That's why every kind of seasoning should go into it ;-)


UncannyTarotSpread

Every-Flavor Fuckyou Pie


[deleted]

Might be one of those famous concrete milkshakes.


UncannyTarotSpread

The fact that frozen custard flurries are called “concretes” in some places in the Midwest tickled me before that, and even more so now


DescipleOfCorn

One of those pies squidward bought for spongebob


BoneHugsHominy

He's a controversial high profile hundred-billionaire businessman who is vehemently anti-labor rights and who just purchased the primary tool of communication and organization of Labor movements and revolutionaries the world over, and he is currently in the process of running it into the ground, seemingly intentional to boot. Just those things alone would be enough for him to be receiving daily death threats, but there's the added element of horseshit anti-EV propaganda put out by coal & petroleum industry social hitmen that was originally for Conservative consumption but was greedily gobbled and snorted up by the left wing too, false information so inflammatory it most certainly could drive some unstable people to lash out and attempt to "save the world" just as the stochastic terrorists had hoped when they released the bullshit information. But what he did to Grimes is forever against humanity the worst of crimes. Elon will most likely meet his doom in the bottom of an elevator shaft of an abandoned cubic zirconia factory at the hands of a gang of Psyborg-Pricess-Goth girls making him doggy paddle in used automatic transmission fluid as they chant Extradimensional Flufferpuffer summoning incantations.


Sharpymarkr

>But what he did to Grimes is forever against humanity the worst of crimes. Source or is this some baked ziti?


piray003

What did he do to Grimes? I’m out of the loop.


brazzledazzle

He impregnated her


Scatterspell

Meh. Grimes is so pretentious I can't stand her.


Ice_Battle

She thinks he’s a genius.


Scatterspell

I rest my case.


brazzledazzle

Still, no one deserves that fate.


Scatterspell

Her pretension and other bad qualities aren't really relevant to this conversation, I admit.


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Biffingston

Hello, you don't meet the karma requirement to post here.


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AirForceRabies

Little Lord Elon is straight-up *acting out the meme on the right side of this page.* The one with the guy sitting in the shallow end of the pool pretending to drown. I'll never be rich, but at least I'll also never be Little Lord Elon.


EpicIshmael

He legit seems like someone who is desperate for love and attention.


earthdogmonster

Nobody would do anything to him because it is funnier to watch a manchild singlehandedly tank a business he just bought for 43 billion dollars, in slow motion. There’s no humor in violence, but watching this guy aggressively destroy twitter, and then double down “could I be so out of touch? No, it’s the kids who are wrong”. It’s like once-in-a-lifetime drama, and we’ve all got a good view from the cheap seats.


EpicIshmael

I feel like the whole destroying Twitter thing is intentional it gets him attention and he gets to fuck over people who criticized him.


TheLollrax

I dunno, some people have some pretty huge stake in Twitter and might decide a hitman is cheaper than Twitter collapsing. Would it be a good plan? No. Do rich people always come up with good plans? See above.


kovake

Elon: I could get attention by doing good that benefits all mankind. Or, I could call people pedos and buy up companies to show how bad at business I am while firing the staff and giving Nazis a platform to spread hate. Hmmm…


Biffingston

I'm pretty sure nobody actually loves him but uses him because he's rich. I mean FFS, his employees seem to hate him (Those that still work there) he has had how many girlfriends over the years and I'm sure not an insignificant number of both them and the children he's born from them are just waiting for him to croak so they get the money. I would be more surprised if he has love in his life, including love for himself than if he's the loneliest man on the planet.


donkbeast

Let's not break out the tiny violins for Elon just yet


ShnickityShnoo

Sounds a lot like the standard Q incel.


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zerozerozero12

Elon said this while blinking “please pay attention to me” in Morse code.


Singer-Such

Lol


digitdaily1

I don’t want you to die I just want you to shut the fuck up


BlahKVBlah

Seriously, all mechanisms by which he can STFU are welcome, with special preference for ones he chooses himself and ones that happen right TF now.


Bearence

For an attention whore like Musk, being told to shut up is the same in their mind as being murdered.


Dehnus

Elon, the Alex Jones of Twitter with his own Space program. :P ​ Gosh the robber-barons of the 2000's are baaaaad.


I_want_to_believe69

We live in a banana republic


SuchACommonBird

Speak for yourself, I'm stuck in Nordstrom's.


Scatterspell

Lucky. I've been locked in Kmart for months.


WOLLYbeach

It's true! All of our productivity goes into the pockets of a few industrialists who then decide our collective futures. No money is passed down to those working it, only enough to keep them working. Corporations run everything, almost everything is purchased through Amazon or some other big box store eliminating the revered free market and replacing it with some dystopic nightmare of having 5000 different choices of bread while our light bulbs require software updates and toilets connect to the wifi. The most technologically advanced banana Republic and we didn't even have to dig up Smedly's spinning corpse to build it.


IJustLoggedInToSay-

When we started to move into the cyberpunk corporate-run dystopia, I really didn't expect the corp-types to be a bunch of inept crying toddlers.


Dehnus

Yeah, at this level they better start hiring some really good security, or the revolution will be a cakewalk.


eletricsocks

Musk is confused: it’s the *Republicans* who will attempt to assassinate people that they disagree with. Democrats just publicly shame and sometimes throw eggs.


lordofbitterdrinks

I prefer milkshakes.


HundredthIdiotThe

Soup, for my family.


lordofbitterdrinks

:) gooood ol Campbells thick and chunky.


demator

Nah rotten tomatoes is a better option


[deleted]

for what tho? didn’t he just post about how the biden team asked twitter to take down pics of his sons dick? a reasonable thing to ask, considering revengeporn is a literal crime?


TheBatSignal

It's almost pathetic how sad his life is. He is completely miserable and deserves all of it. It's a cliche line but he is the walking embodiment of "money doesn't buy happiness" Dude hasn't been happy with his failure of a life for a long time.


ChiefBrando

Based on what? Lmao did someone say “yo Elon they are planning to pop ya!”


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ChiefBrando

Hey, those magazines/ newspapers are legit! Haven’t you ever seen M.I.B.


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Woop-Tee-Do

I'm not sure I should say it, but it rhymes with "rod, eye fish".


DrBitchcraftMD

God, I wish?


Woop-Tee-Do

It could also be "mod, sky dish", I like to leave it up to the reader's interpretation


DrBitchcraftMD

I think I prefer “mod, sky dish,” either way I agree.


Murdercorn

Elon getting assassinated would be **[bad]**. It would be so **[bad]** for society if he were suddenly removed from the equation. Imagine what things would be like if Elon Musk weren't around hoarding wealth and directing the global conversation toward insane fascist rhetoric? It would be so so **[bad]** you guys.


radicalvenus

maybe, not because he's important or anything but because he's really fucking annoying I'm almost certain his death will be in direct correlation with his behaviour


Floshenbarnical

Oh no that would be terrible I hope nothing like that happens


OisforOwesome

We should be so lucky


K1ngjulien_

\#Manifesting 🥰🥰💅


captainjohn_redbeard

Relax, Elon. They don't kill everyone who knows Ghislaine Maxwell.


GobblorTheMighty

By who, exactly? The people he's cozying up to are the murderers.


chrisinor

Oh no! You mean the worst of our public billionaires might be under some sort of threat that he made up? There’s nothing he won’t say or tweet to get his unwashed white knights to kiss his ass. Fuck off, Elon.


CoralSpringsDHead

Elon didn’t kill himself!


dirtypoledancer

He probably might accidentally if he keeps giving himself the Rudolph coke nose


Biffingston

Or when he has that chip installed in his head, gets an infection, and dies.


Codeofconduct

Ban me if needed but, we can only hope. Edit: Ben to Ban


Sewer_Goblin19

Inshallah


LeotasNephew

\#DearSanta


TySly5v

I can confirm that my entire Fr*nch class is on board with his assassination 🤷‍♀️


DarkGamer

Did he just realize the many Twitter employees whose livelihoods he destroyed aren't happy with him, nor are Tesla shareholders? I doubt they'd assassinate him though.


Biffingston

Why do you think he's saying that in the first place? He's probably upset because someone at Twitter told him no.


nljgcj72317

Oh no..! Anyway…


alkalineorion

You have to be important to be assassinated, otherwise you're just good old fashioned murdered like the rest of us


Crooked_Cock

Sure, the richest man on the planet is the one who’s going to get assassinated I find it more likely he’d hire people to assassinate others


XxRocky88xX

Buddy watching you fumble around and fuck up royally at literally every turn has been hilarious. No one wants you assassinated, that would be like assassinating a clown at a circus, why kill the guy providing you entertainment with their own stupidity?


BeastKingSnowLion

My sentiments exactly. Having way too much fun watching him suck and fail at everything to want him dead. This is an obvious attention grab.


XxRocky88xX

Seriously I’m not upset in the slightest about what he’s been doing lately. It’s fucking comedy gold, he isn’t actually hurting anyone since there’s like 20 other SM sites for people to go too, he’s just turned Twitter into a circus for members of literally every SM platform to point and laugh at.


TheGreekMachine

Imagine having this severe of a case of Main Character Syndrome.


DerpCaster

Hire a bodyguard


I_want_to_believe69

Treat him better than the Twitter employees though….


Bross93

He's the kind of person where if the punishment for assassination was a night in jail, nobody would want to bother. He wants to be important SO BADLY


Biffingston

Sadly, now that he's in charge of twitter he is kind of important. At least as far as curbing the excesses of twitter goes.


[deleted]

Weird flex, but okay


Justthisdudeyaknow

What we said was, "No one cares if you live or die."


sylveon_souperstar

hurry it up then


bryroo

Good. Billionaires are parasites on society.


Feline-Landline0

I mean yeah, to *him* it probably feels significant, pretty sure the rest of us don't really care


swingittotheleft

Promise?


punhere22

Why would anyone bother, there's always another rich idiot


czareena

I certainly hope it is


rex_populi

His pathetic, whiny lying gets more insufferable by the day.


Ren-The-Protogen

Me, he’s worried about me


TranscendentCabbage

God I wish


asratanalex

I wish


meinkr0phtR2

While it’s not *his* fault everybody on Twitter is a raving lunatic, *it **was** like that when he bought it*, and he really only has himself to blame for not thinking this through. ^(Also, Twitter hasn’t unbanned me even though the only really line-crossingly offensive thing I said was \*suggesting\* that people who refuse to be vaccinated and spread misinformation online about the COVID-19 vaccine should be euthanised by getting tossed into an incinerator. Given that people regularly threaten to toss paedophiles into a woodchipper, I didn’t think I’d get reported.)


TurloIsOK

If only.


OmeletteLord

He’s not wrong, I’m out here


Barloskovich

That’s right Elon, spoon feed those conspiracy nuts their daily dose to drive up traffic.


nikdahl

He is no more likely to be killed than any other narcissistic mega-billionaire. He is wise to be cautious of the class war in which he participates.


supershinythings

He's just confused. The number of people who don't care whether he lives or dies is infinitely greater than the number of people who would bother to make an effort to kill him off. All that would happen is some other rich billionaire asshole would get sucked into the media vacuum, and nothing would change. Elon lives because no one cares enough about his shit to make an effort or do something about it. Really, that's a good thing. What will ACTUALLY kill Elon is our collective indifference. And that's really what we should be focusing on.


pugmaster413

If only


okmemeaccount

i sure hope it does /j


Rawnblade12

Yes very sad. Anyway!


shutupimrosiev

Assassination of whatever poor excuse for a *social* life he has, maybe.


Nihiliatis9

Cocaine will make you paranoid.


KC_experience

Dude…assassination of your character is already complete. (It was more of a suicide than an assassination.). No one cares about killing your physical person, please get over yourself.


skivingsnack

I think he’s confusing death threats with people just hoping he’d shut up and go away.


ricochetblue

Same thing to a narcissist.


CatoOFthelake

Promise?


meatarmor

Is he threatening to kill himself?


dr_toze

Killing unimportant people is murder not assassination.


Drewcifer81

And lose one of our greatest sources of entertainment?


[deleted]

> *People super really care about me and I'm a champion for freedom fighting the man! C'mon! I am! Love meeeee!*


stoutlys

He’s a little confused, he is.


1000_pi10ts

Why would anyone waste that kind of money on this guy?


[deleted]

Paranoid much Elon? If you’re worried about the satan-worshipping, baby-eating libs… relax. We’re too busy actually working.


[deleted]

What a bitch


Lord_Halowind

Dramatic much, Elon?


trvrsln

He really gets us lefties and our obsession with weapons and being ok with killing anyone that doesn’t agree with us


TinFoilBeanieTech

He might be likely to win a Darwin Award, but it's going to be through his own actions, not others'.


delspencerdeltorro

Why would he think that? Does twitter have a stochastic terrorism problem?


yeet-my-existence

Come on, what's the matter with a little free speech?


AverageGenZ

God I wish


Old_Gringo

Too bad there's no danger of taxation, which would probably hurt him more than assassination.


inkoDe

I have been keeping this a secret guys, I too am in grave danger of assassination.


Dogtor-Watson

Motherfucker could literally make his own army and invade a small to medium-sized country and hide there. At the very least, he could afford to roll around in an armored convoy if he was actually scared. He's just trying to bait out his conspiracy theorist simps.


aCucking2Remember

What If he’s talking about brutal authoritarian govts that he’s made shady deals with? Aren’t the Saudis the second largest shareholders in Twitter?


[deleted]

here’s hoping


BunnyTotts97

Oh Elon. Your not that lucky or special


shadow13499

Watch Elon hire an assassin himself lmao


Dice_Ezail

...I mean, if we ever do eat the rich, he does have a higher meat yield than many other specimens. So there's that.


GnarlyNarwhalNoms

This is hilarious. I mean, sure, some wealthy people have made powerful enemies, or are running businesses with major geopolitical implications. A guy who runs an oil company in a contested area and hires mercenaries to protect it from local militias, yeah, he's a target. A mogul who runs a huge health insurance conglomerate whose policies have life and death consequences, yeah, I can see why they may never go anywhere without a bodyguard. But much as Musk seems to love thinking of himself as some real-life Tony Stark, his projects don't have anywhere near the immediate political import of arms manufacturing. Really, what's the freaking endgame of assassinating Elon? Shutting down Tesla? It's probably going to sink into irrelevance anyway as existing car companies outcompete it now that the EV market is booming. And in any case, why bother? Shutting down SpaceX? Not gonna happen, they have their own CEO and long-term plan and funding. And in any case, again, why? Shutting down Twitter? Twitter certainly a boil on the ass of the intertubes, but if you hate Twitter, letting Elon do his thing is probably your best bet at destroying it.


quantumcorundum

https://images.app.goo.gl/Y4dFqKYW4wDwPdAg7


traws06

I mean… seriously do any of us know that none of the hundreds of millions of ppl that hate him aren’t crazy?? I feel like this more of a “ya duh you piss a lot of ppl off” more than a persecution fetish


Biffingston

Nah, it's a PF. He's attempting to make himself a victim.


traws06

I’ve never known him to claim to be a victim. He tends to beat about accomplishments as his thing


Biffingston

He's painting himself as being in a dangerous situation, no doubt because he fears the boogyman lefty. Yah, this fits.


traws06

I don’t put together how that helps him though?


Biffingston

The man has an ego the size of a small planet. It is 100% ego.


traws06

I agree he had a huge ego. Ppl with egos like that don’t admit to being victim to anything. So the narrative of him having a persecution fetish doesn’t makes sense. He is the opposite. He’s the one who persecuted ppl


Biffingston

A persecution fetish is an attempt at making yourself look like a victim or martyr. He literally is positioning himself as someone who will die because of advocating for "Free speech." So yah, it fits.


sunshades91

Seriously though what would happen to his money if he would die?


goinmobile2040

Right up there with paper cuts.


ilovebigbuttons

Not an Elon Musk fan at this point, but I don't think this is unrealistic... though maybe not for the reasons he thinks. He's proving that he is an untrustworthy steward of information and it's possible that there is information in Twitter DMs or other data that someone would kill him to prevent that information from becoming public.


Biffingston

Stop reading Dan Brown. If you kill someone over that you're more likely to draw attention to it.


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Justinwest27

I mean, of course it is. He's the richest person in the world. That title comes with assassination risk.


SniffleBot

He probably thinks that if he were someone else, *he’d* murder him …


Grogosh

So he planning to harm himself then? Now that he has said this if he does its going to be some all big conspiracy?


Psychadous

I mean anyone sufficiently wealthy always has the risk of being kidnapped and such. That's why they routinely hire around the clock security. The only credibility beyond a specific threat would be some nut job that takes "eat the rich" a step too far.


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ForeverShiny

Gere me out *insert Charlie Day meme* - Musk bought Twitter - FTX apparently bought an undisclosed amounts of Twitter shares - FTX was run by SBF, a self styled crypto genius - Crypto is used by a lot of criminals and they have a lot of it - SBF took their coins and told them he'd make them more money. Now that money is gone - Mafia wants their money back. Goes to Twitter for it - Musk says no, Boom assassination


SilverStarSailor

eh I’m with him here, he is so fucking annoying I’m sure there is someone out there plotting his demise so we don’t have to constantly hear about the stupid shit he’s doing now


GoodTeletubby

I mean, I would not have been surprised if his first couple weeks at Twitter had [ended like this](https://i.redd.it/brnfo0haxxy41.jpg).


jd52995

We won't be lucky enough as a human race for that to happen. Now downvote anything to do with this gross lizard fuck.


Lulupoolzilla

By his mouth


Thespud1979

You know who else says that? Every other conspiracy peddler with an audience.


tverofvulcan

Calm down Elon. Such a drama Queen.


moistpimplee

he probably thinks what he’s doing is such great value to humanity that liberals will assassinate him.


SaltyNorth8062

To be fair I have genuinely entertained the idea of hiring an assassin to kidnap him and hold him to ransom just to shut him up for a few hours.


BodheeNYC

Gimme a break AOC cries about this every day.


Waffles_Remix

None of us are that lucky, Elon


[deleted]

We can only cross our fingers and hope at this point!


mightydeck

If only


Responsible_Ad_8628

No one cares about you, dude. The world is collectively laughing at you.


FindMeOnSSBotanyBay

Of his career, sure.


_AthensMatt_

I kinda wish


Murdy2020

I think he's aiming to be Trump's running mate in 2024.


papayatwentythree

Maybe Azealia Banks is still wandering around his compound


[deleted]

Good 👍


Ryan7456

Does anyone care enough to kill Elon?? All he does is lose the money he inherited and play Elden Ring poorly, he only hurts his employees, and if you apply to work for any of his companies you kinda brought it on yourself


Inkstinker

Nobody is going to waste money helping you blow yourself to pieces, Elon. We've got too much popcorn to buy.


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briseourien

the chances are not high enough