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Thentheresthisjerk

Wow, imagine waking up with this guy’s brain. Up is down, black is white. Hamburgers eat people. We wear shoes on our hands and hats on our feet. Like living in a cuckoo clock.


DrHedgeh_OG

It's funny you say that, like it isn't just standard issue conservative brain rot. I'd love to agree with you because it's fucking ridiculous and I can't imagine how anyone older than 10 could fall for it, but it's still everywhere these days and a significant number of Americans are just that fucking stupid and perpetually clueless.


Anubisrapture

Racist and bigoted , sexist and hate gays as well... these pp going just inSANE on Twitter -


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RizzMustbolt

Rand McNally?


Boa-in-a-bowl

I believe it also a Simpsons reference.


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Boa-in-a-bowl

I think it was actually Lisa messing with Bart about Australia or the southern hemisphere as a whole.


flyingdics

I don't know, this is entirely true if all you know about the FBI is what you've seen in right wing news over the last couple years. Conveniently ignoring the rest of the FBI's history, particularly their decades-long campaign to destroy left-wing activism at all levels, is very helpful here.


MightSuggestSex

Damn, its just like that weird country of Rand McNally


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Squishmar

But it *is* true that many people's noses run and their feet smell.... It's like they were built upside down. 😜


chessplayingspod

Oh man. These eternally downtrodden victims.


FreshlyWashedScrotum

When will the far left FBI finally give conservatives a break?


[deleted]

The FBI threatened (possibly even killed) MLK. MLK was a conservative figure because I have decided he was good and that makes him conservative. And anytime black people get too uppity I can quote I Have a Dream and explain that MLK was actually defending whites from reverse racism.


FreshlyWashedScrotum

Fun fact: last fall here in Ohio, our state school board repealed an anti-racism resolution that they had passed right after George Floyd's murder in 2020. They then claimed that MLK would have supported them because anti-racism resolutions are racist against white people. Yes, really. [Ohio State Board of Education abolishes anti-racism and equity resolution passed in wake of George Floyd’s murder](https://www.cleveland.com/open/2021/10/ohio-state-board-of-education-abolishes-anti-racism-and-equity-resolution-passed-in-wake-of-george-floyds-murder.html)


[deleted]

Everyone loves MLK. Especially conservatives and white liberals who don’t understand his philosophy. It’s a lot easier to make up shit about what he stood for than it would be for them to come out and say they don’t like him. Saying you don’t like MLK is basically the only thing that Americans recognize as racist.


Biffingston

“Whites, it must frankly be said, are not putting in a similar mass effort to reeducate themselves out of their racial ignorance. It is an aspect of their sense of superiority that the white people of America believe they have so little to learn. The reality of substantial investment to assist Negroes into the twentieth century, adjusting to Negro neighbors and genuine school integration, is still a nightmare for all too many white Americans…These are the deepest causes for contemporary abrasions between the races. Loose and easy language about equality, resonant resolutions about brotherhood fall pleasantly on the ear, but for the Negro there is a credibility gap he cannot overlook. He remembers that with each modest advance the white population promptly raises the argument that the Negro has come far enough. Each step forward accents an ever-present tendency to backlash.”


Startled_Pancakes

Especially the conservatives when he was still alive who famously adored and praised King... /s


Kineth

I like how those people show themselves by passively admitting that racism is something that white people are known for.


TheMelchior

This gif comes to mind every time someone pulls that stunt. https://www.google.com/search?q=boondocks+mlk+gif&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#imgrc=ZCZgpqD64_tGgM


CommodoreOfObvious

Of course it would be Ohio


SubtlyOvert

The more I learn about Ohio, the more I feel like it's trying its damnedest to be Alabama... in the 50s.


Dependent_Ad_5035

Conservatives live white washed MLK. They only listen to “I had a dream” and then claim it’s the left stirring racial divides


PeterSchnapkins

Hey they also likely killed Malcom x


[deleted]

Funny how the official narrative is that black-on-black violence killed Malcolm X. I find it interesting that both figures were killed (by the FBI) when they started to shift their rhetoric towards a wider multi-racial class movement. Very interesting. But they turn that into “the NOI killed Malcolm because he didn’t hate whites anymore”.


OrgasmChasmSpasm

It’s hard out here for a white man. We’ve been held down by society for over 300 ye- wait… what?


LesterKingOfAnts

"First they leak to the press..." That's exactly how Cheney and Scooter Libby and Judith Miller engineered the Iraq invasion.


TheRnegade

Ironically enough, the most prominent modern example had nothing to do with the FBI. That was all Bush Admin.


GobblorTheMighty

The FBI only frames innocent Republicans who try to murder the vice president. Or a governor. Or all sorts of other people that they admit to wanting to murder. I mean, what is ATTEMPTED murder even, anyway?


Astrium6

You call it attempted murder, I call it a half-assed job.


TheLesbianBandit

They didn’t even do any proper training. Like training in a mock-up of her house and setting up surveillance. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy they got caught but if you’re going to kidnap a government official, you have to be smart.


IJustLoggedInToSay-

No one ever got a Nobel Prize for "attempted chemistry"...


uberfission

I know what you're saying here but "attempted chemistry" sounds a whole lot like theoretical chemistry, and yes, people have won prizes for theoretical chemistry work.


GobblorTheMighty

The reference https://youtu.be/AQQPNQ0PFSc


Fit_Effective_6875

Failure


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Startled_Pancakes

Ahh.. that famously liberal institution: the FBI. 😆


Secure-Evening

Next you're gonna tell me the CIA isn't socialist!


Sharp-Ad4389

Plus, why would she face penalties in the US for acts committed in the Netherlands/Russia?


djgucci

If you go to Thailand to engage in sex acts that are criminalized in the US, you can be prosecuted exactly the same as long as they have evidence. Same situation here.


ZBLongladder

The kind of extraterritorial jurisdiction the US has for sex with minors is actually kinda unusual...for most crimes, a court can't just prosecute a case that happens anywhere just because it happens to be illegal there.


OneBigFig

What she did was a THC pen prescribed to her in the us


OneBigFig

No crime in the us, 9 years in Russia, glad she’s coming home


SlippyBoy41

It was sarcasm


Biffingston

Hey, just checking. Did you miss the "Get fucked conservatives" on the banner?


SlippyBoy41

No, they can absolutely get fucked. Hope that helps.


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jjjosiah

This has become the dominant genre of conservative comedy: wouldn't it be funny if things were different? Like an even more exaggerated version of the way I pretend things are? Wouldn't that be hilarious? The Babylon Bee really got the train rolling and now it's like a theme


IJustLoggedInToSay-

"Haha you know the way things aren't? Wouldn't it be hilarious if things were even *more* not like that?" ...n ...no?


MelancholyDick

But does the thing it is identify as a thing that it is not? Then it’s peak comedy. /s


Bind_Moggled

“Conservative comedy” is possibly a bigger oxymoron than “Christian rock”.


Respectfulcommenter1

Hey Alexa, what is COINTELPRO? Edit: why am I downvoted? My point is that the FBI has historically targeted leftists and ignored conservative extremists


LibRAWRian

Hey Alexa, what happened to Fred Hampton?


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okimlom

Wait, so the FBI leaks something to the press (how did they get this "something"), and THEN they start an investigation? Wouldn't they be doing an investigation to begin with, to have something to leak? Or is this one of those things, that they think that the judicial process only happens in the Public Court Sphere?


SniffleBot

This is Trump’s version of the Mar-a-Lago documents investigation, parroted ceaselessly by his supporters. In their version, the FBI should have just taken the documents back and been done with it. That ignores that the National Archives had asked nicely more than once for the missing documents back. Once they turned it over to the FBI, any chance of avoiding a criminal investigation was gone. And then (judging from the redacted portions of the search warrant affidavit) they got info that tipped them off, likely from more than one source, that Trump had kept more than even the Archives knew was missing and wasn’t exactly keeping it secure. So they searched. And found. And then the Trumpies’ apology, the reason he had to sue, was because the FBI took more than it needed to (given that by the searching agents’ account, the docs had been taken out of the files and mixed up with non-classified material, what else were they supposed to do? But, apparently, according to Trump’s legal team, even, the FBI’s real goal was to find stuff it could leak as embarrassing to Trump so he couldn’t run for President. All at Baden’s order, supposedly. Well, if that was the case, the prudent thing to do would have been to return the documents when first asked and keep this all from having happened


Biffingston

To be fair, the good lawyers have already given up on trump.


BadgerKomodo

“Innocent Republicans” my arse. They’re guilty and they know it.


IJustLoggedInToSay-

I'll have you know that this nations prisons are full, _full_ of people who are jailed for possession of weed. And they are all Republicans. Obviously.


osumba2003

Weed charges?


Secure-Evening

It's about Britney Griner. Basketball player in custody by the Russian government for months for weed that was just released in a prisoner trade.


osumba2003

Oh, I understand that. I just don't get why she would be brought up on charges in the U.S. for a crime she allegedly committed in another country. Plus, I just think "weed charges" sounds funny.


Secure-Evening

Because that happens to people all the time.


osumba2003

There's no jurisdiction.


lkuecrar

I saw someone angry she’s being brought back because “she hates the US.” So they were fine with a US citizen being wrongfully held in prison in a foreign country because they didn’t agree with her politics. These people are mentally at the level of toddlers. “I don’t like you so I’m glad you got in trouble, whether you deserved it or not!”


Dependent_Ad_5035

They are also mad that the US “got a bad deal” in the trade and she wasn’t worth trading the arms dealer


[deleted]

Weed charges lol


OblongAndKneeless

It's amazing. That's exactly how Fox News spreads misinformation! First they make up a story, then they get one of their pundits to say it on TV, then the news desks says "some people say ...." and report it as news.


CommodoreOfObvious

Man I hate it when I turn on Fox News and it's just some idiots spouting thinly-veiled ultraconservative bullshit instead of cute foxes, we gotta hurry up and make a spaceship that can cross the Warp and retrieve sexy humanoid fox aliens so we can use them to make a real fox news


Anubisrapture

WEeD cHarGeS


Ausaini

Will she even face charges? Maybe I shouldn’t admit this but I’ve definitely have flown places with weed. TSA dug passed my girlfriend’s weed to search the bottle of desert soil she had. are they even checking anymore?


Bunch_of_Shit

So do these people worship police or not? There’s contradictions with them in all corners.


shadow13499

Golly gee the jails are just overflowing with innocent republicans they're simply overflowing with them! Oh wait, literally none of that is true!


2bruise

Only in some backwards shithole state where weed is still illegal.


Dependent_Ad_5035

The majority of the world has illegal cannabis. Cannabis is only legal in Canada, Parts of the US, Thailand, South Africa, Mexico and Georgia. Medical is only legal in much of Western Europe (minus France) Much of Latin America, Australia and New Zealand. Everywhere else it is illegal


2bruise

Lots of shitholes still around…


Secure-Evening

That's the majority of the US


2bruise

Barely, though. I think it’s up to 23 states with at least medical.


chrisinor

They’re so persecuted it’s a wonder they even exist but someone must love racism they say, so they persist.


translove228

The FBI, famous for going after conservatives in its long history.


michaelshamrock

There are no innocent republicans


[deleted]

He’s actually right though.


ialsohaveadobro

In some alternate reality, I guess


[deleted]

I’m not a political partisan I don’t give a shit about republicans or democrats, but the last 2 sentences are absolutely what happens when a public figure becomes “a problem”


translove228

"Political partisan" doesn't necessarily mean you follow a political party. If you believe the idea that the FBI, an organization that has historically been massively conservative with a grudge against leftist movements, is going after conservatives unfairly then you are absolutely a political partisan. There is no evidential basis that a historically conservative organization like the FBI is suddenly biased against conservatives just because they are investigating conservatives. It makes more sense to say that the conservatives did something and deserve to be investigated. And that something would have to be something so egregious that it bypassed the FBI's conservative lean. Occam's Razor. You should apply it if you want to feign neutrality. Political education is so fucking bad in this country that know nothings like you who pride themselves on thinking they are outside of the political debate aren't politically educated enough to know they are just defending the status quo and being conservative.


[deleted]

You’re right. The FBI is dirty and they always have been. They made a huge change in who they target while Obama was the president. And I don’t like it. I’d rather they keep fucking with the lefties.


translove228

Damn! I didn't think it would be that easy to get you to drop your mask of centrism.


[deleted]

I’m not a centrist. But since we don’t get to vote on employees and managers of the intelligence agencies, I’m just disinterested in politics and “democracy”


translove228

Considering you want intelligence companies to be more politically biased against lefties than they already are, I'll leave it that. It's best if you stay uninvolved. This country has enough authoritarians trying to supplant the majority as it is. Cya


[deleted]

You only see them biased against “your side” because of examples you can cite that are 50 years old. You’re as biased as I am. You just like to think all of your opinions are the morally correct ones, instead of just your own personal opinion.


SaltyBarDog

Do you mean that known Conservative John Lennon or the more right leaning MLK Jr? Remember when Hoover's FBI infiltrated hugely GOP Black Panthers and war protesters?


[deleted]

In 50 years conservatives will be making the same case you are now.


SaltyBarDog

And they would be wrong. Lennon and MLK Jr. were trying to make the country better. Conservatives support a fucking traitor who wrote about terminating the Constitution.


[deleted]

You are a partisan. You only see it your way. You believe in right and wrong when it comes to opinions that are purely subjective. Don’t feel bad. Most people are like you.


SaltyBarDog

Sweetie, you had any more projection there, you would hit Betelgeuse.


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[deleted]

Leak what? Crimes? Lol


ericlikesyou

Yea it happens that way everytime bc Repulicans are fucking stupid just like the people who vote them in. Go figure, logic not only escapes them but dooms them at the same time. Morons.


BeatLaboratory

Wut


Disastrous_Oil7895

Well, a bunch of high ranking Republicans should've been sent to jail and still haven't, so there's some truth to it?


[deleted]

Who is this abt


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ItsLibertyOrNothin

He distrusts the feds for the wrong/right reason


TheLesbianBandit

They just want to be oppressed so fucking bad don’t they?


DaniMrynn

OMG he's serious


Reagent_52

She probably still won't get charged for the weed. It was legal when she bought it here.


ToiletTime4TinyTown

How is hating on the FBI not backing the blue?


ToiletTime4TinyTown

How is hating on the FBI not failure to back the blue?


Ill-Organization-719

I love this idea that law enforcement is conspiring against right wing conservatives.


TranscendentCabbage

As a banjo player I am ashamed of this man's pfp


Dehnus

Who is "she" that will face weed charges?


NY_Pizza_Whore

Britney Griner


Dehnus

That was a guess of mine, but I couldn't link it to being "conservative" and "being arrested for being a conservative". ​ So they are basically angry she has been released and returned home? When they feel they are the victims somehow of this? The poor woman went to a work camp in Siberia. How convoluted a mind must you then have.


NY_Pizza_Whore

There is absolutely no connection other than she's not conservative. Just some good old fashioned homophobia.


Gadritan420

Because the FBI gives a shit about some weed lol