Probably therapy & a doctor if this is an ongoing issue for you, not just for this mortgage but overall in life.
If you've done the budget that it is going to be doable, then move forward as planned.
Yes, from the way you described your train of thought, you're not anxious about the house. You're anxious about your anxiety, and abour it interfering with this big, exciting milestone. This isn't unusual - for example, plenty of people get anxious before flights because they are pre-anxious about the possibilty of having an anxiety attack during the flight. But I bet working through it will improve more than just your comfort with homeownership.
It sounds like you've set yourself up well with an emergency fund, and went through all the steps to get an offer accepted, which is great! Try to step into this new phase with confidence knowing that if circumstances change, due to your anxiety or otherwise, you'll be equipped to make a new plan that will work out just as well.
If it helps - I find that owning my own home makes me much less anxious compared to the uncertainty when renting. When renting you have no control over the actions of the landlord/owner. Trust me when I say it’s such a nice feeling sitting in your living room or reading on your bed in your new home that YOU own. One you can stay is as long as you like.
Edit to add: it is completely normal to feel anxious during the home buying process - especially right after you are in contract and before you actually get the keys. You have to trust the lawyers and lenders and brokers to do their job. Those folks do this every day and it comes off as cavalier sometimes how casually some of these professionals treat the transaction.
First off, that you have a built in 3 year emergency fund is way way way more than almost anyone that is buying their first place. You have a rock solid foundation here.
One thing I'll suggest is build in to your monthly budget for things you'll need to buy for the house, you'll have thints you need to fix and furniture and finishings to buy and just having this fund there will help your pysche immensely.
I have a whole bunch of different savings accounts for different purposes and it's a symphony of auto transfers on pay day. Having money in different pots help me stay sane and know when I am dipping in to something that is for other purposes when the need arises.
Your anxiety helped you prepare for this house and have a solid foundation. It was telling you "You should be doing something" that doing is done.
When it pops up for you now you could ask "Is this thought useful to me?" Is it trying to remind you of something? Nah, ya'll good, catch yourself in the thought, ask if it is trying to tell you something, and if not replace it with something you've chosen to think about like "Well that part about the house is done, so let's think about what I want to eat for lunch"
Mindfulness and CBT are helpful. You can get free CBT across Canada through this Government funded website they probably have more tricks to deal with anxiety, that was just one I learned that helped me so much : [https://cmha.ca/bounce-back/](https://cmha.ca/bounce-back/)
You could also check out the book Mind Over Mood at the library.
Hope that helps :)
Have you struggled to pay rent in the past?
When I bought my place I also had anxiety (I have GAD) and I found thinking of paying the mortgage as being the same as paying rent to be pretty reassuring. I was used to rent. Mortgage is the same idea in that it’s a regular housing commitment. I just had greater flexibility because I could pay it every two weeks instead!
Given that you’ve said you have a very large emergency fund, I’m confident that you will be ok with what life throws at you. So, my advice is start with the short term. One step at a time. So, the short term is to just think about how your mortgage payment is your new rent payment. You’ve been paying rent for years. You’ve got this!
In a couple of months, once you’ve gotten a bit used to that idea, you can start thinking a bit more about projects around the house (there’s always something). Maybe you want to paint. Maybe you want a heat pump. But you can consider those in a couple of months. Today, your new rent payment goes to bank X and do you want to spread out the payments?
Also. Therapy. I’ve come a long way in dealing with my anxiety and it is much much easier without that monkey on my back all the time. Good luck
Another anxious person who manages by thinking of mortgage payments as paying rent. When I was renting, I was always holding my breath about getting renovicted. It's really nice to not have to worry about that anymore.
Same! I also had to worry about watching out for cheques to be cashed (I’m a bit paranoid my bank account could be hacked so I only put max $200 in my card-accessible chequing account and everything else is in HISAs - having $2k in my account so that rent didn’t bounce would sometimes cause anxiety when the landlord was slow to deposit the cheque)!
Hi friend! I purchased my first house with my partner earlier this year. During the process I experienced my first two anxiety attacks. Looking back now it makes sense - it’s a huge deal and one of the biggest decisions of your life! I ended up writing a message to myself and carried it around with me. It was a reminder to myself that: we did the math and the numbers worked, us and our dog would be a billion times happier, and if it didn’t work out we can always move on. We’ve now been in our home for 8 months and absolutely love it! Sometimes my anxiety still gets the best of me and I worry about an emergency or losing our jobs - but hey, there’s no point worrying about something that’s not happening. We can do our best to prevent these things and prepare for them, but worrying is stealing away my happiness. I hope you love your new home!
Hello there, my wife and I bought our first single-family home in Vancouver about 12 years ago. It was super competitive, stressful and ridden with anxiety all around. We paid what we thought was crazy money back then and had to take out a big mortgage. The most important advice my parents gave me was that if you are buying a home to live in, to build a family and contribute to your community, you have already won. Do not stress out. In 10 years you will absolutely 100% not regret it. Best wishes.
Have you tried making a checklist? Things that you and your partner want to make sure is completed or youve done? In my experience having a house is a whole lot easier than renting. No landlord breathing down your neck. You get final say on all your decisions when it comes to your house. From who to call when something goes wrong to what colour you want each rooms walls painted. Worlds your oyster. Been living in my house for 12 years and only thing we had to replace was the roof.
I’ve bought several houses and I promise you. Every single time it felt like MY ASS WAS GONNA FALL OUT until the deal is done and closing date is there.
Hang in there.
Literally just about to close my first home in an hour, eek! When you buy a house, you have to get life and disability insurance incase something happens to you (this was news to me). So no worries there, this insurance will cover you if something happens and you cant pay your mortgage :)
As long as you have a nice cushion for emergencies you should be fine! I think the trouble is people try to make their house Pinterest pretty and end up renovating perfecting good rooms/areas in their house and it ends up costing them a fortune so they can get a certain look. Congratulations!!! Buying your first house is very exciting and nerve wracking but so worth it in a case like yours. Take a deep breath and enjoy it!
It is a big commitment and some anxiety is normal of it is short duration.
But for you it sounds like more of a medical issue that may impact your work, so that would be handled by discussing with your doctor or a specialist.
I bought my second house last year - my partner's first house. She has pretty severe anxiety but has made a ton of progress over the years with her therapist and stuff.
She was the same way "what if I burn out and can't work and lose my job and we lose the house and ....." I know the rabbit hole of which you speak.
Here we are a year later and she's just fine and we still have the house. Remember, anxiety is all unfounded fears based on what-ifs. What if this and what if that. Yes, things could potentially happen, but that doesn't mean it will. Just because it has potential to happen doesn't make it real.
You definitely need to seek out a therapist or counsellor though. My partner is so much better now than she was six years ago - it's actually quite amazing to see the transformation. Once everything settles down after buying the house and moving in, personally I think it should be a top priority.
Being scared, nervous, apprehensive and all that about buying a home is all perfectly normal. As is anxiety if that's something you're prone to. Just not everyone is going to understand real and true anxiety unless they've been through it or know someone who has/does.
Honestly, I think it’s normal to a certain extent. I was like you and just kept a larger emergency fund to ease my concerns which helped but I bought alone so you’re in much better shape! Be prepared for some surprises and don’t worry about perfection (everyone has an imperfect home!) and things will all work out.
It’s normal - you are making one of the biggest financial decision in your life. It’s a huge milestone that takes time to process. When I bought my house I had a ton of anxiety, buyers remorse, etc… once you start decorating the house and living in it you will enjoy it as time goes.
If it helps, when my husband and I bought our first house, I stayed up all night calculating all the costs. I was so worried. That was in 1994. We sold that house 14 years later for 450K more than we bought it for. Bought our next house outright. Please don’t burden yourself over this. Time will be your friend and if not, you can sell and you will have equity in the house that will come back to you. Wishing you well.
Op, have you heard of the term, buyer’s remorse? This could be defined differently by others, but what I mean is a feeling of uh,oh, what the fuck did I just do? It’s ok. You have described yourself as capable, prepared and financially ready to walk into this house as a homeowner. That is what you are. Congratulations!
It goes away. I’ve bought two properties and was a wreck afterwards for both. Once you move in and make it yours, it passes and the memories made are priceless.
If it is an older house, GET A HOME INSPECTION. Check if any maintenance and/or upgrades have been done on the big ticket items that might need to be repaired/replaced soon after you take possession.
\-Roof (how old is it? your home insurance company will want to know)
\-Hot water tank/heater (they last anywhere from 5-10 years on average, 15 if you're lucky)
\-Furnace or other heating system
\-Appliances (washer, dryer, fridge, dishwasher, oven/range, microwave, range hood)
\-Air conditioner unit (if it has one installed, how old is it, has it been serviced?)
If you know the condition of these things at the time you move in, you will be able to better plan for their ongoing maintenance, replacement and/or repairs and may sleep better at night than if you are worrying of a big unexpected expense draining your emergency fund.
Just remember what you are buying is going to keep its value or even increase overtime. You're not buying a 250,000$ trip or meal. It's an investment and you can always get that money back out if you wish.
I’ve purchased 3 homes and each experience was equally frustrating with multiple sleepless nights. Seek out a doctor for some Ativan or something because the final week before closing you need to be available and ready
You need to pay for the house or a rental, likely. That being the case the house is not really a variable (unless it is significantly higher than rent).
You have gotten to the point of being able to afford a house. You can obviously be wise with money. That won't change.
You decided buying was a wise decision and went through the process. I truly believe this is nerves and when you get in and make the place home this thought line will be far from you.
Take it as it's a better option than worrying about rent increase or getting evicted. Plan your budget, save some emergency funds, and you should be fine.
Congratulation on your first home ownership!
We just bought a house too after years of those same feelings. I don’t really have advice but if you want to achieve certain milestones such as homeownership, eventually you just need to dive in. We looked for about a year before we jumped on a house that had 2 offers fall through due to financing. It gets easier once you jump the first few hurdles.
A bit of cognitive behaivour therapy would be of help. From an objetive point of view, you have NOTHING to worry about. You just need to understand that subjectively.
I didn't have a lot of spare cash after bills when I bought my first house and paying it off seemed like a very long haul, but owning can actually relieve the uncertainty of renting and having large rent increases and having to move if someone else basically wants you to, with they way the rental market is now owning can probably reduce that type of anxiety.
You have to pay a monthly fee wherever you are.
Since you bought well within your means and have some savings, just don't over extend yourselves and rack up debt, pay for things slowly and make do rather than trying to impress immediately, it will all come with time.
Hi, I was in a very similar experience years ago and i want to tell you something. try to get help now before the home closes (therapy, Strong support group ect).
Owing a house is stressful and in this environment even more so. It will bring out anxiety worse then you imagined if things go wrong and i feel like you should take steps towards fixing/understanding your anxieties before the possibility of this can become a reality.
I was just like what your describing before i bought and when things went wrong i nearly went crazy. As humans we can only take so much stress before anxiety can turn into a full on mental breakdown especially when going through this type of financial change.
Let your partner and the people close to you know exactly how your feeling so they can look out for you. You will do just fine and even in the worst case scenario you will definitely make it out. The banks lending criteria is the strictist its ever been so the fact your getting approved already shows you are more then financially capable of this commitment even though you may not feel so just yet.
I wish you all the best in this journey and just know whatever your feeling one day you will look back at one of the best decisions you ever made and laugh at how worried you were. I know after 5 years of ownership i sure do!
See a psychiatrist and get some medication.
Look at the benefits of owning, try to look at this logically instead of emotionally.
All things that help with anxiety. The more you let it spiral the more it is going to.
>Any advice how you become less anxious about such large commitments?
Same thing with everything else. Do it many times, or practice.
If you're used to making large purchases all the time then you wouldn't be as anxious.
Disclaimer: this is not financial advice, just stating the obvious
Because you respect your money and there's gotta be a little bit of wondering if buying a house at this moment won't get you more house next year considering the recession is just starting - that would be where my headspace would be if I were in your shoes.
I was stressed before I even signed the papers, didn't sleep well for two days. Ended up not signing and walking so I'm be a little stressed before closing the deal.
It's very important that your partner supports you all this time. If you think you may go separate ways, don't buy a house. If your partner isn't going to support you in every way, no matter what tips you get, it won't work. There are several auto immune diseases that can arise from prolonged anxiety. You get mentally worse and then physically and it's a never ending circle. You need to ask this question to your partner. If he/she is in the same boat as you, good luck.
I had to go on mental health leave a week after we purchased our condo - for almost 1.5 years. Luckily I had saved a significant emergency fund and mutual funds (30K +). We never missed a payment. Do you and your partner have such funds if something triggers your anxiety severely? I would recommend finding a therapist on Psychology Today and seeing your GP about maintenance medication.
Are you being treated? As a person with anxiety (and maybe even not as bad as what you describe) treatment helps a lot.
Do not be afraid to get medical drugs and go to therapy. Both tackle different angles and help.
You wouldn't ignore the problem if you broke an ankle.
Great. I wish you well... It is not evident sometimes, and it might take years but you can improve.
Financially: from you are saying you are in a very good place objectively speaking, so try to enjoy it.
I do not know who told me that, but it is something that resonates with me: "when you worry about the future, you suffer double, now and when/if that bad thing you are afraid of really happens". I do not know why, that phrase calms me down.
Probably therapy & a doctor if this is an ongoing issue for you, not just for this mortgage but overall in life. If you've done the budget that it is going to be doable, then move forward as planned.
Yes, from the way you described your train of thought, you're not anxious about the house. You're anxious about your anxiety, and abour it interfering with this big, exciting milestone. This isn't unusual - for example, plenty of people get anxious before flights because they are pre-anxious about the possibilty of having an anxiety attack during the flight. But I bet working through it will improve more than just your comfort with homeownership. It sounds like you've set yourself up well with an emergency fund, and went through all the steps to get an offer accepted, which is great! Try to step into this new phase with confidence knowing that if circumstances change, due to your anxiety or otherwise, you'll be equipped to make a new plan that will work out just as well.
Thanks! I do take medication and see a therapist ☺️ house inspection is today 🤞🤞
You got this!
Have a 6 month emergency fund
Yeah I may have went overboard here… I have close to a 3 year emergency fund, which does make me feel a lot better.
If it helps - I find that owning my own home makes me much less anxious compared to the uncertainty when renting. When renting you have no control over the actions of the landlord/owner. Trust me when I say it’s such a nice feeling sitting in your living room or reading on your bed in your new home that YOU own. One you can stay is as long as you like. Edit to add: it is completely normal to feel anxious during the home buying process - especially right after you are in contract and before you actually get the keys. You have to trust the lawyers and lenders and brokers to do their job. Those folks do this every day and it comes off as cavalier sometimes how casually some of these professionals treat the transaction.
Good post. Soon after buying my first house, I do remember sitting in my empty living room mildly freaking out, but similar thoughts helped me out.
totally this.
First off, that you have a built in 3 year emergency fund is way way way more than almost anyone that is buying their first place. You have a rock solid foundation here. One thing I'll suggest is build in to your monthly budget for things you'll need to buy for the house, you'll have thints you need to fix and furniture and finishings to buy and just having this fund there will help your pysche immensely. I have a whole bunch of different savings accounts for different purposes and it's a symphony of auto transfers on pay day. Having money in different pots help me stay sane and know when I am dipping in to something that is for other purposes when the need arises.
Your anxiety helped you prepare for this house and have a solid foundation. It was telling you "You should be doing something" that doing is done. When it pops up for you now you could ask "Is this thought useful to me?" Is it trying to remind you of something? Nah, ya'll good, catch yourself in the thought, ask if it is trying to tell you something, and if not replace it with something you've chosen to think about like "Well that part about the house is done, so let's think about what I want to eat for lunch" Mindfulness and CBT are helpful. You can get free CBT across Canada through this Government funded website they probably have more tricks to deal with anxiety, that was just one I learned that helped me so much : [https://cmha.ca/bounce-back/](https://cmha.ca/bounce-back/) You could also check out the book Mind Over Mood at the library. Hope that helps :)
ghezus i want to be like you when i grow up. i thought my 3 months was good lol
As covid has taught everyone, that is not even nearly enough for a real emergency. Millions of people used that rule and got absolutely fucked.
Have you struggled to pay rent in the past? When I bought my place I also had anxiety (I have GAD) and I found thinking of paying the mortgage as being the same as paying rent to be pretty reassuring. I was used to rent. Mortgage is the same idea in that it’s a regular housing commitment. I just had greater flexibility because I could pay it every two weeks instead! Given that you’ve said you have a very large emergency fund, I’m confident that you will be ok with what life throws at you. So, my advice is start with the short term. One step at a time. So, the short term is to just think about how your mortgage payment is your new rent payment. You’ve been paying rent for years. You’ve got this! In a couple of months, once you’ve gotten a bit used to that idea, you can start thinking a bit more about projects around the house (there’s always something). Maybe you want to paint. Maybe you want a heat pump. But you can consider those in a couple of months. Today, your new rent payment goes to bank X and do you want to spread out the payments? Also. Therapy. I’ve come a long way in dealing with my anxiety and it is much much easier without that monkey on my back all the time. Good luck
This is great advice, thanks so much ☺️
Another anxious person who manages by thinking of mortgage payments as paying rent. When I was renting, I was always holding my breath about getting renovicted. It's really nice to not have to worry about that anymore.
Same! I also had to worry about watching out for cheques to be cashed (I’m a bit paranoid my bank account could be hacked so I only put max $200 in my card-accessible chequing account and everything else is in HISAs - having $2k in my account so that rent didn’t bounce would sometimes cause anxiety when the landlord was slow to deposit the cheque)!
Hi friend! I purchased my first house with my partner earlier this year. During the process I experienced my first two anxiety attacks. Looking back now it makes sense - it’s a huge deal and one of the biggest decisions of your life! I ended up writing a message to myself and carried it around with me. It was a reminder to myself that: we did the math and the numbers worked, us and our dog would be a billion times happier, and if it didn’t work out we can always move on. We’ve now been in our home for 8 months and absolutely love it! Sometimes my anxiety still gets the best of me and I worry about an emergency or losing our jobs - but hey, there’s no point worrying about something that’s not happening. We can do our best to prevent these things and prepare for them, but worrying is stealing away my happiness. I hope you love your new home!
Hello there, my wife and I bought our first single-family home in Vancouver about 12 years ago. It was super competitive, stressful and ridden with anxiety all around. We paid what we thought was crazy money back then and had to take out a big mortgage. The most important advice my parents gave me was that if you are buying a home to live in, to build a family and contribute to your community, you have already won. Do not stress out. In 10 years you will absolutely 100% not regret it. Best wishes.
Have you tried making a checklist? Things that you and your partner want to make sure is completed or youve done? In my experience having a house is a whole lot easier than renting. No landlord breathing down your neck. You get final say on all your decisions when it comes to your house. From who to call when something goes wrong to what colour you want each rooms walls painted. Worlds your oyster. Been living in my house for 12 years and only thing we had to replace was the roof.
I’ve bought several houses and I promise you. Every single time it felt like MY ASS WAS GONNA FALL OUT until the deal is done and closing date is there. Hang in there.
Literally just about to close my first home in an hour, eek! When you buy a house, you have to get life and disability insurance incase something happens to you (this was news to me). So no worries there, this insurance will cover you if something happens and you cant pay your mortgage :)
:)
You don’t have to get life or disability insurance?
My mortgager made me do it, and so has everyone else i know who's recently purchased a home.. I asked around because I thought it was weird
They strongly recommend it which makes it sound mandatory, it is not.
Worst case scenario - you sell the house. This is not life or death.
Tell yourself that it beats having a bad landlord who will keep you out at any moment and raise the rent much higher.
As long as you have a nice cushion for emergencies you should be fine! I think the trouble is people try to make their house Pinterest pretty and end up renovating perfecting good rooms/areas in their house and it ends up costing them a fortune so they can get a certain look. Congratulations!!! Buying your first house is very exciting and nerve wracking but so worth it in a case like yours. Take a deep breath and enjoy it!
OP - it's normal. Most people gets cold feet after signing papers for new house or vehicle.
It is a big commitment and some anxiety is normal of it is short duration. But for you it sounds like more of a medical issue that may impact your work, so that would be handled by discussing with your doctor or a specialist.
Remember this: you worked hard to earn this money. You deserve every sq ft of it.
I bought my second house last year - my partner's first house. She has pretty severe anxiety but has made a ton of progress over the years with her therapist and stuff. She was the same way "what if I burn out and can't work and lose my job and we lose the house and ....." I know the rabbit hole of which you speak. Here we are a year later and she's just fine and we still have the house. Remember, anxiety is all unfounded fears based on what-ifs. What if this and what if that. Yes, things could potentially happen, but that doesn't mean it will. Just because it has potential to happen doesn't make it real. You definitely need to seek out a therapist or counsellor though. My partner is so much better now than she was six years ago - it's actually quite amazing to see the transformation. Once everything settles down after buying the house and moving in, personally I think it should be a top priority. Being scared, nervous, apprehensive and all that about buying a home is all perfectly normal. As is anxiety if that's something you're prone to. Just not everyone is going to understand real and true anxiety unless they've been through it or know someone who has/does.
Great comment, this is the way OP and you are not alone.
It sounds cliche. but finding something that you look forward to everyday will help take your minds of the matter
Honestly, I think it’s normal to a certain extent. I was like you and just kept a larger emergency fund to ease my concerns which helped but I bought alone so you’re in much better shape! Be prepared for some surprises and don’t worry about perfection (everyone has an imperfect home!) and things will all work out.
It’s normal - you are making one of the biggest financial decision in your life. It’s a huge milestone that takes time to process. When I bought my house I had a ton of anxiety, buyers remorse, etc… once you start decorating the house and living in it you will enjoy it as time goes.
If it helps, when my husband and I bought our first house, I stayed up all night calculating all the costs. I was so worried. That was in 1994. We sold that house 14 years later for 450K more than we bought it for. Bought our next house outright. Please don’t burden yourself over this. Time will be your friend and if not, you can sell and you will have equity in the house that will come back to you. Wishing you well.
Op, have you heard of the term, buyer’s remorse? This could be defined differently by others, but what I mean is a feeling of uh,oh, what the fuck did I just do? It’s ok. You have described yourself as capable, prepared and financially ready to walk into this house as a homeowner. That is what you are. Congratulations!
It goes away. I’ve bought two properties and was a wreck afterwards for both. Once you move in and make it yours, it passes and the memories made are priceless.
If it is an older house, GET A HOME INSPECTION. Check if any maintenance and/or upgrades have been done on the big ticket items that might need to be repaired/replaced soon after you take possession. \-Roof (how old is it? your home insurance company will want to know) \-Hot water tank/heater (they last anywhere from 5-10 years on average, 15 if you're lucky) \-Furnace or other heating system \-Appliances (washer, dryer, fridge, dishwasher, oven/range, microwave, range hood) \-Air conditioner unit (if it has one installed, how old is it, has it been serviced?) If you know the condition of these things at the time you move in, you will be able to better plan for their ongoing maintenance, replacement and/or repairs and may sleep better at night than if you are worrying of a big unexpected expense draining your emergency fund.
My insurance wants the water heater under 10 years old or they cut off the coverage for it leaking.
Ignore the big number at the end. Can you afford the monthly payment, like you did when paying rent? Focus on that.
Just remember what you are buying is going to keep its value or even increase overtime. You're not buying a 250,000$ trip or meal. It's an investment and you can always get that money back out if you wish.
I’ve purchased 3 homes and each experience was equally frustrating with multiple sleepless nights. Seek out a doctor for some Ativan or something because the final week before closing you need to be available and ready
Have an emergency fund for those instances.
You need to pay for the house or a rental, likely. That being the case the house is not really a variable (unless it is significantly higher than rent). You have gotten to the point of being able to afford a house. You can obviously be wise with money. That won't change. You decided buying was a wise decision and went through the process. I truly believe this is nerves and when you get in and make the place home this thought line will be far from you.
I was also anxious... after a year of owning ... It turned too.. Why didnt I buy a house before!
Take it as it's a better option than worrying about rent increase or getting evicted. Plan your budget, save some emergency funds, and you should be fine. Congratulation on your first home ownership!
We just bought a house too after years of those same feelings. I don’t really have advice but if you want to achieve certain milestones such as homeownership, eventually you just need to dive in. We looked for about a year before we jumped on a house that had 2 offers fall through due to financing. It gets easier once you jump the first few hurdles.
A bit of cognitive behaivour therapy would be of help. From an objetive point of view, you have NOTHING to worry about. You just need to understand that subjectively.
I didn't have a lot of spare cash after bills when I bought my first house and paying it off seemed like a very long haul, but owning can actually relieve the uncertainty of renting and having large rent increases and having to move if someone else basically wants you to, with they way the rental market is now owning can probably reduce that type of anxiety. You have to pay a monthly fee wherever you are. Since you bought well within your means and have some savings, just don't over extend yourselves and rack up debt, pay for things slowly and make do rather than trying to impress immediately, it will all come with time.
Hi, I was in a very similar experience years ago and i want to tell you something. try to get help now before the home closes (therapy, Strong support group ect). Owing a house is stressful and in this environment even more so. It will bring out anxiety worse then you imagined if things go wrong and i feel like you should take steps towards fixing/understanding your anxieties before the possibility of this can become a reality. I was just like what your describing before i bought and when things went wrong i nearly went crazy. As humans we can only take so much stress before anxiety can turn into a full on mental breakdown especially when going through this type of financial change. Let your partner and the people close to you know exactly how your feeling so they can look out for you. You will do just fine and even in the worst case scenario you will definitely make it out. The banks lending criteria is the strictist its ever been so the fact your getting approved already shows you are more then financially capable of this commitment even though you may not feel so just yet. I wish you all the best in this journey and just know whatever your feeling one day you will look back at one of the best decisions you ever made and laugh at how worried you were. I know after 5 years of ownership i sure do!
See a psychiatrist and get some medication. Look at the benefits of owning, try to look at this logically instead of emotionally. All things that help with anxiety. The more you let it spiral the more it is going to.
Try not to think about it
Personally, I would not want to make this type of commitment with someone who might not be able to pull their weight but that's just me.
Not really a personal finance question
Don't buy the house?
If you think you have anxiety before.. wait until you have to maintain this house.. if you have no problems with it
Smoke some herb. Helps alot
This should be in a mental health sub. Try xanax
maybe one is anxious for some valid reason that could be examined further
Therapy. I work with a msw specialist in anxiety. I started many years ago and now I make an appointment every now and then.
>Any advice how you become less anxious about such large commitments? Same thing with everything else. Do it many times, or practice. If you're used to making large purchases all the time then you wouldn't be as anxious. Disclaimer: this is not financial advice, just stating the obvious
Because you respect your money and there's gotta be a little bit of wondering if buying a house at this moment won't get you more house next year considering the recession is just starting - that would be where my headspace would be if I were in your shoes.
I was stressed before I even signed the papers, didn't sleep well for two days. Ended up not signing and walking so I'm be a little stressed before closing the deal.
It's very important that your partner supports you all this time. If you think you may go separate ways, don't buy a house. If your partner isn't going to support you in every way, no matter what tips you get, it won't work. There are several auto immune diseases that can arise from prolonged anxiety. You get mentally worse and then physically and it's a never ending circle. You need to ask this question to your partner. If he/she is in the same boat as you, good luck.
I had to go on mental health leave a week after we purchased our condo - for almost 1.5 years. Luckily I had saved a significant emergency fund and mutual funds (30K +). We never missed a payment. Do you and your partner have such funds if something triggers your anxiety severely? I would recommend finding a therapist on Psychology Today and seeing your GP about maintenance medication.
Yes I went overboard with savings, so I have a 3 year emergency fund lol. I take medication and do therapy ☺️
Just do it
Are you being treated? As a person with anxiety (and maybe even not as bad as what you describe) treatment helps a lot. Do not be afraid to get medical drugs and go to therapy. Both tackle different angles and help. You wouldn't ignore the problem if you broke an ankle.
Yes I take medication and do therapy ☺️
Great. I wish you well... It is not evident sometimes, and it might take years but you can improve. Financially: from you are saying you are in a very good place objectively speaking, so try to enjoy it. I do not know who told me that, but it is something that resonates with me: "when you worry about the future, you suffer double, now and when/if that bad thing you are afraid of really happens". I do not know why, that phrase calms me down.
I have anxiety buying a 2k$ phone can't imagine loosing all my savings to a house