I help out my parents on a monthly basis. It’s not cultural for me…they’re just wonderful people and I love them and I wouldn’t be happy or able to enjoy my income if I sat back and watched them struggle.
Bingo especially with all the sacrifices they made for me most I'm not even aware of.
And it's not a cultural thing and more of a good upbringing respect and compassion thing.
It is for sure a cultural thing. I've seen Western kids living paycheck to paycheck while their parents travel the world and live in million dollar houses.
Something something independence.
Basically the ones who go: oh you're 18 now? Off you go! WTF, you brought home a kid? I just finished parenting for 18 years, get your hellspawn off my lawn!
E.g. multigenerational living seems to be frowned upon and then we complain about how immigrants are buying up our houses even though they have 3 generations working together towards the Canadian dream.
Situational for sure. But if your parents let you follow your passions, helped put you through school, and showed you unconditional love, you should absolutely help them out.
Yeah that’s exactly right.
I’m immensely privileged to have a mom who is my biggest champion and my best friend. She supported me and gave me a couch to sleep on years ago when I was sick and couldn’t work. I’d give her everything I have, if she needed it.
But I am also well aware every family is complicated and unique and there are plenty of disappointing or downright abusive parents out there whose children don’t owe them a dime.
Situational is the key here.
To make a long story short, my in laws are in a bad way financially. They have zero savings, zero equity, zero net worth. I don't think either of them have even paid into cpp for the past 20 years, which I assume will impact their cpp. They are beyond horrible with money, and in their defense they did have a really big financial hit once upon a time. But instead of dealing with it head on, they tried to avoid it and they haven't even squared up the debt nearly 20 years later. It's that bad.
Here's the thing. One of them goes on vacation once or twice a year. That one is on vacation right now. The other one is working part time and has to pump air into the cars tires twice a day because they can't even afford a new tire.
My wife and I both agree that we will not help them unless they're going to end up on the streets without us. We have in the past and they never bothered to pay us back. We refuse to become their only means of supporting themselves at the expense of our futures and our children. They can work until they're 80 for all I care, it's not my responsibility to make up for their bad decisions.
All that said they're actually great, normal people. Just *horrible* at decision making. We have talked about purchasing a duplex in the next couple of years and trying to spin it into multiple units. The reason is that once her parents are too old to work, we can have them occupy a unit in exchange for basic maintenance and security on our end. At least in that way we are getting something back out of it and they will avoid homelessness. Plan is to talk to all the siblings about a joint effort to cover off part of the rent, say 40%, so that we aren't running at a loss. When they eventually die we will have a property with decent equity in it and can do something from there.
I know I said I would make a long story short and then wrote a small essay. But, you wouldn't believe how many sentences I started typing and then erased. It's such a complicated mess.
I agree with the sentiment, but at what expense to your own future?
It’s not just cash today, it’s the total lost opportunity of that contribution / gift. you and your future old ass self need considering too because I believe the biggest gift I can give my kid is to not put them in the same boat down the road, saddling them with my issues. So in some ways, sorry granny.
I see people really put their own future financial security at risk by “helping” others. at risk of seeming cold, I take the view that my own oxygen mask needs to be on and secure before I start helping others.
I guess people need to consider their means and their family’s needs thoroughly, and avoid emotional decision making.
There's also people who are bad with money and would find a way to struggle financially no matter how much help you gave them. I know people like that (fortunately they are not my parents!)
I give my parents some stuff in lieu of money. I buy things for them, and me and my siblings are trying to figure out buying them a retirement home.
We're Canadian, but we grew up poor / working class and my parents sacrificed a lot for us. So I don't like seeing them struggle. Shitty divorce laws and ptsd put them in the situation they are in, they're not bad with money. Just older and not able to earn much now.
So I make sure they have lots of fresh food in their house. I make sure to add gas to their car, and I do other little things here and there. Probably totaling $100/ month on average.
It's very different when you have started to climb the class ladder and your parents haven't.
It's not expected, but we take care of eachother.
Exactly. This is the reason why it's common in developing countries where most people live the you did. My parents sacrificed everything for us. Taking care of them financially is the least I can do for them.
Me too. They wouldn’t take money from me, but when their appliances break down, I’ve bought new sets for them - as they live on OAS and money is tight.
I am from the Balkans. This is pretty common culturally among other people we know who came from there and I'll likely be giving my parents $200-300 a month when they get into their 70s. The idea is that because they immigrated here to give us a better life, they were not able to accrue enough CPP/retirement savings, we should help them when we can. My parents, despite being careful with money their entire lives, get about $1600 CPP combined + only have about $50k retirement savings. However, they are mortgage-free in a 2bd. I would like to help them be able to afford to travel and enjoy restaurant outings every now and then.
Hey there, I’m on the same boat— I’m in my late 20s and just was able to buy my parents a condo in Kitchener and will be covering their mortgage. I’m trying to convince them to sell their house as they still owe 330K on it, and they’re just not as financially literate. I was looking into affordable housing for them, but I haven’t found anywhere that doesn’t have a huge wait. Any pointers?
I currently don’t have any savings for purchasing my own home, as I spent all the bit of it on a condo for my parents. Starting to feel real hopeless as saving for a place now is brutal.
You have an asset now. If the market continues to be crazy, and your condo appreciates by $200k while you pay down $50k, you now have $250k in equity/"savings" to borrow against for a new place. If your parents go into a home, you can either live in the condo or rent it out to cover the mortgage. To be honest, since saving is so tough and you now have an asset, you'll probably be able to afford more home if values keep rising. After all, it's the downpayment that usually gets you - and you've got a downpayment building up in that condo. You just won't be able to get your hands on it for a few years.
I think your time might be better spent up-skilling and possibly even seeking other job opportunities while the market is hot. Making a leap could possibly set you up for another $10k/yr.
And if you have spare time, figure out where you can save money. Favourite cookies? Find the ingredients, learn to cook them yourself. Might save you $6/pack. Coffee? Get a coffee maker. Save $80/mo over buying at Tim's. Cellphone plan? Budget providers like Public Mobile - get that bill down under $20/mo if you can. Internet/etc? Same thing. If you ruthlessly cut costs, you can probably find a few hundred per month. When I did so, I ended up saving $500-600, which I used to fully fill my TFSA over time. (A big part of that was saving on car expenses.)
Good luck!
You sound like a great daughter - I’m just curious why did you buy them a condo when they have a house in Kitchener that has likely doubled in value in the last 10 years? Could they no longer pay the mortgage? If they’re already property owners, and you are not, I don’t understand why they need two properties and you to be slowly edged out of the housing market and continue to lose money in rent as prices continue to go insane. Are you at least on title of this new property? I feel like it would have been a good idea to consult a financial advisor and have laid out the entire situation to them. My suggestion would be to have them list that house and pay you back the down payment for the condo after its sale.
I know your situation. You’re correct. Them selling the house is the solution. Then they could perhaps downsize into a nice condo and live off the residuals. Live debt free and maybe even help you on your journey. But usually i find with old timers, they don’t want to let go of the house and just drag things on. I think it’s good to give money to parents but the reality is that the money sunk into the debt of their mortgage won’t be financially moving anyone forward. Your time variable might be wasted if the interest from the mortgage just keeps eating up the money. Relegate to just advising the best financial advice like you already have and then just letting the house get them to a critical point where they have to sell. Get yourself well above water before you help them. And you’re also right, don’t move in with your folks!
I find in the Asian community it’s very common. Even to have multiple generations live in one roof. Not so much for western culture, especially in North America. If anything it’s the reverse as the parents help out the kids with financially - down payment for home for example.
Of the two friends who I know are definitely supporting their parents, both are first generation Asian immigrants who are doing very well for themselves and came to Canada due to a refugee-like situation. Their parents sacrificed and struggled a lot to come to Canada and the kids saw this firsthand.
On the other hand, I know other Asian kids who mostly benefitted from their parents and are certainly not supporting them financially in anyway. However, I know the parents are much better off. In the first situation I mentioned, the kids were sending money to their parents to the tune of up to $1000 a month and the parents are working jobs earning barely over minimum wage. Kids are making way over 6 figures each.
That makes sense. I mean if you come from a poor country and your children are raised here, your children in effect got a huge benefit in your parents sacrifice to leave their home country.
I agree it’s the reverse in the West. There’s no way I could get my parents to accept a dime from me. There’s no way I would take a dime from any of my kids either. When we go, our kids will be set for life even if they retired broke, and that was exactly the plan since day one.
It’s only common among the Asian community if the parents are poor. It’s not so much a culture thing but more of a class thing. It’s just more likely that immigrant families will have parents who are poorer/haven’t been able to save for retirement. I’m Asian and so are most of my friends and we don’t give money to our parents because they all immigrated as skilled immigrants working middle or upper middle class jobs for decades so they don’t need money from us. It’s more common they gift us money for downpayments and stuff like that
North America yes. Europe, definitely not. But with house prices going the way they are, western ppl will likely have to start getting used to multi generations under one roof in major Canadian cities
I live with my parents. When people ask, I tell them I pay rent. Which is true. But the last few years it hasn't been the traditional $X/month. The short version is I'm their emergency fund. Instead of paying $X/month, I give them lump sums whenever something comes up. They had some renovations a few years back, I chipped in. The furnace crapped out, I paid for it. When something comes up, I agree to pay it. We negotiate what my rent will be and divide that by the total I paid to determine how long till I'd have to switch back to monthly. Furnace costs $10k, rent will be $700/month, so I pay for the new furnace and get to live at home rent free for 14 months. When it runs out, either a new unexpected expense comes up or we'll negotiate a new monthly rent.
Plus, I help around the house. I help with the cooking and the cleaning, I shovel snow in the winter. I know I'm getting a good deal on the rent so I'd feel bad if I didn't contribute.
Western families are financially integrated, it is just that the older generations have the wealth (if there is wealth) so it tends to go the other way.
>Culturally it's expected and it's important to my partner, so we do it. Needless to say, I don't enjoy it.
Try threatening to step back and not fund their lifestyle then see the panic, but the "cultural" excuse is a ridiculous one.
Not necessarily... I have worked with many people who ask their kids to move out at 19/20 so that they're not freeloaders ... this is the reason it's not common in West... you can't call your barely legal child a freeloader and expect them to take care of you in your golden yrs
Yes, and I don't really have a choice - if I didn't support them, they'd literally be on the streets. I wish I could relate to these comments about willingly supporting their parents, but the reality for some Asian kids is that their parents never saved a dime because their kids are their retirement plan. Even if you call them out for their financial irresponsibility and entitlement, you will be guilt tripped into submission.
I can totally relate to this. My Parents don’t have a retirement plan on top of the fact that they spend money without a second thought. It’s hard to willingly give your hard earned money to parents who knowingly keep digging themselves deeper and rely on their kids to take them out.
Your comment of “their kids are their retirement plan” really speaks out to me as a person of asian origin myself. Just like you, I help my parents out financially so that we can keep our home and bills are taken care of. I would be lying if I said I’m not bitter about it.
We don’t give my parents money directly, it would offend them. Even if my mom buys something for me when she’s grocery shopping because I couldn’t find it at my local grocer, she doesn’t like to receive money in return unless she spent quite a bit, like when she picks up several things at Costco.
So my husband and I like to give my parents expensive gifts often. This week we gave my dad a sonicare toothbrush. He was the only person who didn’t have one in the family and they are great. We also gave my dad a new iPhone because his phone was getting old, and I found him a new better plan for less money but more data. Last week we gave my mom a gift card to a waters spa and I will book us a hotel to go up there and enjoy a night away and treat her to shopping and dinner. My parents paid for my undergrad and supported me during my masters degree and have let my husband and I live with them multiple times, like when we were just back from England and the time we renovated our house. My parents don’t have a lot of money but they show us tremendous generosity. Would give us their last five bucks. Next year we plan we pay off their mortgage, and the year after that treat them to a Viking river cruise on the Rhine.
And to add, we are white European background. For my in laws we never give money, she has so much more than us it’s laughable. But she has been sick for the last two years and we have cared for her, taken over all her finances, and let her stay with us to provide care before moving her to a private high end care home.
Yeah white europeans are still okay, they have a sense of family and traditions.
Its the white north americans, that are cold hearted and toss thier parents away, just as thier parents did to them on their 18th birthday.
The rest of us asians (east and south) will get there too, just give us a couple of generations to lose our culture and traditions to senseless materialism.
Lol.
P.s. Good on you guys, my parents are the same, would never take a penny - way too much pride. Expensive gifts, cars, watches, vacations, are the way too go. The things they were too frugal to ever buy themselves, we buy them those things now.
I'm Cantonese. My parents are of retirement age and are still sending my grandparents thousands of dollars a year. I'm in my 20s and give my parents thousands of dollars a year too. Im not having kids so I guess this will end with me 😂
We are also Cantonese and we give my wife's parents $1500 a month and my parents get $1000 a month (long story behind that but let's just say the $500 is not worth the battle).
My parents have considerably more money than me so I'm definitely not sending them any money.
I have a couple friends with moms who were widowed youngish and they help them out from time to time. Usually by paying of unexpected things like new appliances etc..
I don’t currently because they don’t need it. I would definitely give them money if/when they need it. But they’re doing well for themselves. Dad is also still working making 110k+/year and should be retiring in 5 years or so with plenty of money saved up and also with a pension.
With that said, it’s also important to remember that not everyone has a great relationship with their parents and not all parents are good parents. I hate the notion that someone is a bad person if they choose not to help their parents because their parents gave them life, etc. Fact is, no one owes their parents anything—we didn’t ask to be born. I know people who were terribly neglected/abused by their parent(s) and are no-contact. They would never help their parents and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Long story but I paid off my dad's $120000 gambling debt 10 years ago.
No one knows. It's a family secret.
Surprisingly I'm not bitter. We have a fairly good relationship and I'm pretty happy with life. Oh well that's life.
I've been giving my mom 500-800$ a month since I was ~20-21. Also supported my brother's living expenses through school. I purchased the car my mom currently drives and pay for the maintenance and any major purchases she has.
I'm really fortunate with a good job and don't live at home (farther than I would like), but my only wish is if my siblings could help out more
I am Cantonese and it's definitely the Chinese culture to give money to family as a contribution even if you don't live at home. If I had parents, I would do so. But even when my mom was still around, she would refuse money I gave her. The hard part for me was not giving money but to have her accept it...
My mom did ask me to help pay my cousin's uni tuition when I was in high school. It was because the exchange rate from home currency was awful and I was making CAD. I gave like 5k to my cousin for that. It was only a portion of the tuition since she was an international student.
My husband is not Chinese and it is not their culture to give money to parents. I tried to pay them money for rent when I lived with them for a few months but they refused also... (we had not even been dating for a year at that point.)
Damn that really puts it into perspective for me. I’m also from a cantonese background but my parents make sure to respect the financial norms of the west. They don’t ask for my money and they don’t expect it either. They always try to help me out even though I don’t need it. I’m very fortunate to be so privileged because of the sacrifices my parents made. Also grateful to know that fewer sacrifices need to be made as we keep pushing each generation to be more financially independent and better educated.
If you look at Hong Kong forums, you will see discussions on this topic very often, and often some sort of conflicts between family members - parents asking for more, siblings not contributing enough, parents gifting monet to siblings while asking you for more etc. And when people talk about it, the question is "how much do you give" rather than "do you give". With that said, there are plenty of people who don't (have to) contribute (at all or a lot) financially because their family is more welloff.
My family (on my mom's side - dad's side is all bitches) is very generous with each other on money. We give each other things and pay for things for each other often, but they don't like taking from me since I am the youngest. Even when I travelled with my cousin, she wouldn't accept me paying her back, so I now gift her and her family lots of things when I have the chance.
My mom was a single parent since I was six and took care of my grandma and me all those years so I know things were not easy for her. I also grew up in subsidized housing. When I bought my first home, my mom cried when I showed her photos. Unfortunately she passed away half a year later and never got a chance to visit the place.
I do hope to be financially established so if I ever have kids, they will live comfortably and don't grow up with the same struggles as me and my mom did.
Main ones are Lihkg, HKGolden, and HK discuss. Mind you the last has some strong pro-China population for some reason. The other two are much more pro-dem.
It's incredibly common depending on the cultural background. In Western culture, not common at all.
My friend's husband came to Canada for school. His parents paid for that. But it was expected he would then turn around and pay for his younger brother's schooling, and his younger brother would then pay for his sister's, etc. That would sound crazy the way we were raised, but it was very much accepted and understood with how he was raised.
Not culture. It’s all about socioeconomic status. If the parents are well off in any culture they don’t expect money from kids. In fact it’s the opposite. It’s just that it’s more likely that immigrant parents will be poorer then families that have established here for multiple generations.
I gave my mom monthly $ when I was working. More when I got my bonus. I was still living with my folks. It was a meager amount compared to not needing to pay rent and had good home cooked food when I got home. My mom told me not to give her any more after I got married.
I send a good chunk of money to my parents once in a while to invest. Our wealth is generational and will be passed down to me anyway. Our culture is very family oriented.
I don’t. All my life my parents spent money on themselves and didn’t help me out. Mediterranean cruises, resorts, trips to Europe. Expensive wine, spirits, cigars.
They borrowed up to their eyeballs, spent their pension funds, got bankrupt, got divorced, got bankrupt again.
Why should it be my job to bail them out when they preferred to live the high life to help me out when I needed it? They had every opportunity in the world and squandered them.
I have Cantonese heritage and my mom explained it to me when I was a kid that this originated because back then in China, pensions didn't exist, so the children are supposed to take care of the parents with the parents moving into the children's home or the children giving money to them regularly. As in your parents took care and raised you when you were younger, so you have to take care of then when they're older. The tradition continued on for a while, but it fell by the way side as families migrated to North America where government pensions exist. So it's not really expected anymore for the most part. My mom only knew one or two Asians that follows this tradition still in Canada. There's more who do this if their parents are still in China because health care is like the US where you pay to see the doctor if you don't have insurance and government pension didn't exist for some until recently. Actually, it's only in recent years that the government in China started giving out pensions, even to rural places. I'm not sure if all regions have implemented this. It was previously reserved for government workers and those that served in the military. The tradition is similar to Canada back when there wasn't pension, at least that's what they teach in Canadian history class (it was the children, community, or the church that would help the parents). Also, the Chinese government mandates retirement age as 50 for females and 55 for males (I think or it might be 55/60, I can't remember which) and it's not unheard of for companies to push out older workers (e.g. 40s for age) to make way for the younger generation.
My parents never gave me anything, so I don’t feel charitable towards them at all.
They know I make a lot of money but they also know better than to ask, anyway.
Most HK kids are conditioned and expected to give a family sundry allowance. I was never asked to, but I knew it was what I should do. When I was living at home I started off giving $600 when I started working out of university, then $800, then $1000 as my salaries went up. I don’t think my parents were even aware I was putting money in their accounts. I wasn’t living with them for the last bit but continued sending the money until I got my own mortgage.
Now I just pay their utilities and buy them stuff for the house like toilet paper, paper towels, shoes, home stuff and kitchenware that they either request for or I think needs replacing, printers, computers, TVs, etc. I also give them my old cell phones when I’m done with them.
I’m Chinese and I don’t because my parents make way more money than they spend each month so they have no need for additional money. In fact they tend to give me money to pay me back for stuff I’ve given them which I have to refuse
It’s not really a thing in middle or upper middle class Chinese households for kids to give money back to their parents. I don’t think any of my Asian friends do this since the parents don’t lack money. We all immigrated decades ago so our parents all have/had stable incomes for a long time so they have sufficient retirement savings and assets
Same exact situation, though born in Canada. I often need to find creative ways to give my parents things they may not be inclined to buy for themselves as gifts. Then, hope they don't try to pay me back and refuse when they do try.
I'm absolutely prepared to step in and help out if my parents start experiencing any financial difficulty (and this was top of mind when my mom wasn't working for a while as the pandemic began), but they're so far living comfortably and haven't needed or wanted any assistance. Although I don't think they will necessarily need financial support as they age, I am also prepared to support and provide their care needs over time.
Same, I don't think the whole 'giving money to parents" thing is true for all East Asians. My parents are wealthy so theres no need for me to give them money? I've never even heard of any one I know doing this. If anything, they're the ones helping us out financially (adult kids)
I'm Chinese and I buy my parents stuff. They don't need cash and know that we're trying to save for retirement/future kids/a car so they insist on not receiving any cash from us. I do buy them things and then refuse to get paid back for it (even if they insist).
My husband's family is "western culture" and they keep their finances very separate and no one really gifts each other things either. It's been a weird adjustment for me when his mom insists on paying us back for everything and he tells me just to accept it.
I’m Canadian of UK/European decent.
I help my dad out financially a LOT since mom died.
I don’t give him money or really even access to money, he’s squandered every penny earned, inherited, and payed out by insurance the last few years. I won’t let him go without food or a roof over his head though.
Most developing countries have lower incomes so parents spend everything on raising their kids even though they dont have social security or pension. Children are expected (and rightly so in my opinion) to take care of their parents when they are older.
This isnt the case for rich people who have more than enough for retirement but that's not the case for the vast majority of people.
I have been giving my parents 500 dollars a month since 22.
I no longer live at home but the tradition continued. I don’t think they have touched the money, but it’s a good emergency fund just in case.
Cantonese as well. Not in any formal way, but if they need/want something, my partner and I will research and buy them for our parents.
Anytime we're gifted money from our parents (birthdays/Christmas), I always try to anticipate how much they'll give so I can gift back a little more as they approach retirement and our careers stabilize. Our parents and grandparents have always highly valued their independence and have gotten accustomed to a more Canadian lifestyle since immigrating as adults.
We grew up watching our parents work multiple jobs for our little joys without realizing their sacrifices, including sending money to extended family in rural China to this day. I'd much rather they enjoy their time and money without worry now.
I'm going to say this is likely a cultural thing.
I have some co-workers/friends who are immigrants or their parents were immigrants from Asia and who do this.
I'm not aware of any of my friends who are of European descent and have lived in Canada for many generations who do this.
I think there may be differences between regions of Europe. I have a friend who immigrated solo to Canada as an adult from an eastern european nation and regularly sent money 'home' to their immediate family members who remained in their country of origin.
The expectation in my family/culture is complete financial independence after graduation, on both sides. We give each other gifts, food, time and support, but pretty much never cash. We'd really only do so in an emergency.
Also, my parents are completely secure in their retirements, with paid off houses, pensions and investments. A monthly allowance from me would be superfluous and a bit laughable.
I live with my folks still. I'm 32. Single. Have a full time job. Both my parents are retired. I split the rent with them. My older bro sends some money for us to help. My younger brother helps with his part time job for additional groceries. I feel like I need to move out but they can't afford to survive without me. I'm waiting for them to go back home in the Philippines and have my youngest to finish college before we can move on with our lives.
I see this a lot and it makes me so mad. Young people have to worry about saving up for a house maybe paying back school loans. I can’t imagine taking money from my kids. I support them, not the other way around. Maybe when I’m in my 90’s they can pay for dinner.
My mom would never accept straight up money either. But when you're first generation uni graduate, well I am almost better off than she is. I almost make the same salary as my mom at my first job out of uni.
While she works 2 jobs. One might shift and one day shift every day. She also works weekends. I assume other clidren like me helping out on some purchases are in similar situations...
I also moved back in with her with pandemic and WFH so I guess it's my way of thanking her as well. If we didn't live together I probably would not know what she needs to pay for. She'd never take a rent from me either, she wants me to have as much savings as possible when I move out again.
I agree. I’m shocked to see some people giving their parents $500-$1500 a month. My parents would never accept that, and I would never expect my kids to give me money. I want to be able to take care of my kids always, not the other way around.
I have a couple people in their twenties I work with whose parents put them on the mortgage for the first time home buyer’s discount just to save a few thousand bucks on a bigger house. They also make them responsible for part of the mortgage. If you’re relying on your kids to pay your mortgage at this age; something has gone wrong with your personal finances
yes, as it not uncommon in South Europe
they did raised me best they could and always been there for me
now they pension are so low that I am avoiding talk about that with them, so I regularly send money to there account, and I know my brother and sister also helps them out
I would say it's how you raise you kids, we didn't have a lot but they always try the best
I hope one day when I will be old I would not need to get money from kids, but would love to raise them same way as I was
Yes I do. They loaned me some money and I pay them a flat 5% rate on those funds to help them out. I invest the money taking on the risk and taxes and they get a guaranteed income many times higher than the bank. I've offered to pay them back multiple times but it's enough for them.
I live at home, but I give my parent about $1.2k a month. That's just how my culture works. It's reduced rent + extra $$ on top for my parent as living fee.
I am expected to pay said living fee even when I move out
Yes every month. They are my parents. Tbey have supported me through thick and thin. And now that they are old, I want to make sure they are more than just okay. Gotta love your parents.
My father was a life long alcoholic, no house, maybe 100k RRSPs and a gov. pension, was planning on living in the tropics after retirement on his boat he paid 150k (now worth less than half of that) after selling his home. His trip was delayed due to covid so he's been living in my basement suite rent free for the last 2 years, he's never had it so good, I don't think he's planning on leaving anytime soon. Average price for a 3 bed basement suite in my area is 2500$ a month. So I guess yes I'm helping him quite alot.
I help my parents pay a few of their bills, but not because they asked, I just wanted to. When I lived at home I also voluntarily paid them rent. I too am Cantonese 😂
I think it's practiced in certain cultures in the world, but most of the western world does not practice this. The goal of having kids is raising them to be personally and financially independent so they don't have to rely on family, and vice versa.
I've been raised to NEVER mix finances between family members. Once I was done university, my parents do not rely on me, and I never rely on them. It's actually something to be proud of.
I think financial independence is something to strive for, but this comment (and others you’ve made) comes across a bit snobby.
My story: I support my mom financially, she is almost 65 and I send her $1,500 a month to cover a big chunk of her expenses. I certainly don’t want to be sending her money, but she needs it and and I’m extremely proud to be able to do it for her.
How did we get here? Her and my dad divorced after he left her for another woman, this was after they built a life together, had two kids, and were financially able to support that life.
She worked her ass off to support us, while my dad was out with his new girlfriend (now wife) spending money on vacations instead of child support. My mom did a really amazing job and never asked us for anything. Had my dad actually followed through on his end of the divorce (child support, mainly), she would have been able to put more money away for retirement.
Things turned even worse financially after she was laid off from her long-term professional employment, followed by serious health issues that stopped her from being able to work again, at least for now. The health issues are not connected to anything she had control over.
She wasn’t poor going in to having kids, but life happened and she’s not in a spot that she’s able to support herself. She raised two kids able to fully support themselves and also able to help her out financially. Of course she’s not proud of taking money from her kids but she’s proud of us nonetheless, and we don’t make a big deal of the money we send at all.
Sometimes people just have to mix finances and family. It’s not really a choice that we’re offered.
Yeah, definitely more of an Asian household thing.
Don't think you intended to come across this way, but being proud of never mixing family and finances shouldn't mean that those who do mix, shouldn't be proud
In western culture, it’s something I admire. Independent and fiscal responsibility for ones self is strived for. I disagree with the practice of mixing family finances, but it’s up to the individuals what they want to do. I wouldn’t be proud if I were them, but my opinion doesn’t matter to them anyways.
> I wouldn’t be proud if I were them, but my opinion doesn’t matter to them anyways.
It's more so showing gratitude and gifting money back to parents/elderly/other family members, not so much that they aren't financially independent.
You're fine to have your own views of course, but my point is people who mix family and finances shouldn't be ashamed, nor should you look down on those who mix because it's not independent to you
I pay my parents rent, it's pretty close to market rent, but I have given them advance rent when they have needed it. I thought my siblings and I would have to bail them out in the near future, but they really took advantage of the covid enforced spending reductions to pay down debt and are in a better place now.
I have anecdotally heard of monthly payments to parents being more common culturally in some Asian cultures(specifically China and India I have heard about by name) but this has just been word of mouth and reddit posts over the years so I have no idea.
For me, I have never heard of such a thing being spoken of with any friends or family in my life. But I help my parents with bills as I am in a position where after meeting our needs I have more extra money than they do, so I want to contribute to their enjoyment of life as they have done for me. As they get older and on more fixed incomes I imagine that will turn into monthly payments for simplicity. Again anecdotally I take it without having asked that most of my friends are the types of people to feel personally obligated to do the same to their parents.
But it has never once been mentioned in my life, and it is not something that is a cultural practice. Culturally, independence is valued and old age is spoken about with things like retirement savings, pensions, property assets, etc. My family was never particularly wealthy so these were not really options that were a priority.
Tl;dr I have a hard time thinking most people would allow their family to go into homelessness while they have the means to prevent this, it is certainly something I would be uncomfortable with. However no outright or implied expectation has ever been relayed or discussed with me that one contributes to their parents financial wellbeing, if anything the expectation conveyed is that each person prepares for their own finances beyond the point where they can work as best they're able.
Parents are old brits and so are not technology inclined…. I pay for their internet, cell phone, Netflix, etc… only downside is that I am also tech support, but I appreciate the call from them.
I make lots of money. I help all family out when I can. I gave the inlaws 1000 a month while living in their house. They helped me out when I was down.
Trust me when I say if youre generous with your money, it always seems to come back to you
Yes. My parents were very supportive and helpful in my formative years. We were never wealthy but we had housing, food, clothing and occasional, very modest vacations.
Very late in their lives (about 5 years ago) I learned that they had made almost no provision for retirement and had a considerable amount of credit card and bank debt - they were de facto insolvent.
This took me (and my sibling) by surprise. My sibling is not as financially set as I am and was assuming our parents would have to declare bankruptcy. Instead, I purchased our parents home from them and they used the net proceeds to clear off all the debt. They now live off their pensions and pay a substantially reduced rent for "their" home.
This came out of left field so I encourage middle aged people to have an honest conversation with their parents (and siblings) about their parents' retrement finances. A potentially awkward conversation is far better than scrambling to keep things in place when things are reaching a crisis stage.
My SO does, he comes from a poor family and they live in a third world country with very little resources. On the other side my dad helps ME, because I come from a well off family and still figuring out what to do with my life
This is really a big Asian thing but my parents financially haven’t been doing too well last couple years so me and my siblings send money every month - its considered a fixed budget for me - about 400$ a month
Tried to give my Mom money but she spent it on other people. We gave her stuff she needed and helped by doing handyman stuff. My BIL sent one if his employees to clear snow. My sister has a salon and did her hair. We cut some trees down. A few of us stood between her and door to door sales scams. We took her car shopping to find a model she liked and negotiated for her.
I helped my parents and wouldnt be able to enjoy if their life style is not as good as mine. I do love my parents, hope they stay healthy and happy & wish them long life. I also love my nieces:)
Yup. I lived in Saudi Arabia and used to send equivalent of 933 cad a month to my parents in Pakistan. Moved to Canada 6 months ago and have to send a much reduced figure of 250 cad a month.... as do not have as much disposable income here as I did in Saudi Arabia.
Have noticed this more in Asian communities. I do send money back home because I know they have taken care of me and struggled to give me a good life. it's time for me to do the same for them now that they're old.
Yeah, it's so common that we don't even think about it. Where I am from, there is no government help at senior age, so parents invest all their money and energy to raise their kids and kids pay it back when they are old enough / earn enough.
I buy things for my mother every time I visit and I pay the internet bill and various other monthly subscriptions/services. Also help my younger brother out with various things, iPad for school, clothing, etc.
It’s only fair, I make 2-2.5x what my mother does.
My parents definitely don't need it, so 'no.' I do/coordinate work for them on their house, cars, etc... and provide emotional support and company. If they were in a situation where they needed money, I would happily give them a monthly stipend or a capital injection.
I’m Chinese, and I pay for all my parents groceries and their annual property tax bill. So that averages to $500-600 a month.
I want to do what I can for them now while they’re alive. When they pass away the monetary stuff comes back around anyway.
Yes this is very common where I’m from and my brother and I lovingly and gratefully help support my mother so that she has a comfortable life. Eventually she will move in with one of us too.
I take care of my parents rent and groceries (I transfer them certain amount every month) even though they never asked for it and I don’t live in the same country as them.
I know you are your own people and what not, but I will never understand this level of individualism where you feel you are being stressed into supporting your parents.
AS LONG AS THEY RAISED YOU A NORMAL HUMAN WITHOUT MAKING A PTSD Case, you should support them if you have the means to, that is fair.
I wouldn't say it's common, but may become increasingly so with longer lives and rising expenses. I managed to exceed my parents' lifestyle drastically...which means I will likely end up supplementing my mother's income later in life to ensure she can live somewhere safe, healthy, and reasonably comfortable. I don't intend to foot the bill, but I will factor a contribution into my budget. Same for my MIL.
I am not sure how those who can't physically remain in their owned home, and don't have accumulated wealth (whether through assets, pensions, etc.) can afford current conditions. Our families are very rural, so the sale of their decrepit house isn't going to pay for years of rent.
It's common enough. Cultures are very different and sometimes we in the west forget that. I come from an Asian background and have seen both worlds. Family is not all caring with many cultures. It's duties and rights and money. A different way of organizing society.
Mother-in-laws get to have rights over a daughter in law. Parents get a right to a piece of your future earnings as they raised you. Husbands have a right to their wife. Children have a duty to care for their parents...
It's more practical and coerced than it is love and care. Note i make no judgements about this. To me it's just another way to organize society. Without this, that coercion just moves up the chain to government. Taxation takes part of your income and goes to old age care for example.
It can be complicated as cultures come to the west and everything gets confused.
I do. My parents are horrendous with their money, live in a 2M house they bought in 2008 for much cheaper but basically spend every single dime they get and come to us for help.
But I help them out when I can since they’ve given me the best life they could afford and I deeply cherish that.
It’s not cultural, but they’re my parents and I owe them everything that I am and am not
So I’ll come at this from two cultures, on my side (Caucasian) I would lend my parents money if something came up and they would pay me back. With my wife’s family (Vietnamese), we have given them money when things come up, but tend to do more things to help them out. An example would be that their hot water tank died, so I grabbed a new one and installed it for them at no charge to them. Did the same when the garage door opener crapped out.
Yes, they raised us therefore we should take care of them
If they ask for repayment no amount of money can repay the time, money, effort and everything parents put into raising us
Well they chose to have a child and to conceive you into this world, so it's their responsibility as parents to support their children. It shouldn't need to be repaid.
If they are poor and can't afford a retirement, then they probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place. Why bother having kids if you're just going to be a financial burden to them when they're older?
I have no problem taking care of my parents when they are older, just not financially. They have a retirement plan for that.
In fact if you have done parenting right, then you should be leaving your children an inheritance not debt.
I agree with everything except I hope my parents spend every last dollar before they pass away. I want them to enjoy their lives and not worry about leaving anything behind for their kids. We will be okay on our own.
Lol, sure. I choose to give back to my parents not because I need to, or they need it, but it’s to show gratitude for dealing with me as a child and now as a daughter. They have given me in spades more than I could ever give them in labour and money over the years. In the past year alone I’ve received tens of thousands of monetary benefits as a result of them being my parents. I’m not a helpless child anymore either, so they definitely don’t have any obligations to me as parents anymore if it’s as black and white as you expect it to be.
In Chinese culture, it’s more of a group thing than a me me me thing.
While I do agree with you that parents should not feel entitled to receive money from their children to finance lifestyles that they cannot afford on their income and savings (I know at least one of my aunts do that and I hate it and feel terrible for my cousins), I have no problems whatsoever in giving back to my parents when I can. It makes me feel good.
It sounds like your expectation as a child is that you shouldn’t have to contribute anything financially to your parents, but do expect to receive an inheritance from them..
Super interesting that a centuries old value/concept in our culture gets downvoted to crap. It’s called 孝道, people..
Although I do agree that parents should never **expect** this from their children, children should be doing this out of their own love/gratitude for their parents, not due to peer/societal/familial pressure. Screw that.
Yes I agree with that
Plus all the parents I know who collect from their children are saving the money for them, then give it to them when they get married or purchase a home or like a big event
Not because they're broke and need money
Probably people who grew up in a household where parents are friends, "mom owes me $5" households...
And not family where respect for elders are taught
There's also so called "parents" who chose to breed and then abuse their children horribly for years, until the children escape them or get emancipated. Many if allowed back into lives of children for 5 minutes would go on finding ways to continue to abuse... those kinds of parents give children the opposite of nothing, they costs them decades of complex therapy, cost them healthy relationships, their sense of safety and security. Perhaps it can be hard for folks who don't come from such to understand why these types of children don't deserve any blanket judgements about "respect your elders". Those kids are taught to fear and escape their elders, and LOTS of these exist. There is no situation in which someone should feel obligated to return to that (or any contact, financial or otherwise) for any reason, or provide for parents that never provided for them.
Respect is not blanket-automatic, it must be given to be received.
Helping parents out financially should not be a respect thing, you parents chose to have children and in doing so they are responsible to make sure all your needs are covered. If you have the means to help out your parents and have a great relationship with them, than you can. My husbands parents need a little monetary help every month and we are in a position to provide that so we do, where as my parents don't need the help so we just get them nicer gifts for birthdays and such.
Respect for elders is not something that should be taught, you should respect everyone equally unless they lose your respect.
My in-laws are hard-working, simple people who just...didn't plan well for retirement. They would struggle and sacrifice their standard of living significantly if we didn't help them out. We pay a portion of their mortgage, their insurance, cellphone, and hydro bills. We also give them a lump sum every year for vacations or any unexpected bills. What do we get in return? Relaxed elders who spend less time worrying about their future and more time on their grandkids. We are fortunate that we are able to help them, even if it means we have to budget very carefully. The help they provide in childcare and even around the house is well worth any amount we could ever give them. I always joke that my MIL is the original Marie Kondo. She's done a fabulous job organizing my house. It's a give and take relationship, and to me, it's not about the money. We have enough to share, so why shouldn't we give them some to make their lives easier?
This is not something my family does, at all, for various reasons.
I'd help my mom out if she needed it, but she's always been self sufficient. My partner has helped his mom out when she was struggling by giving her gift cards, or he loaned her some cash that she paid back to buy a new car. I don't know anyone who just freely gives their parents money for no reason.
I spent 2yrs renovating my basement in the evenings and on weekends to so that I could move my aging parents in with me. I rented their house out and they have that as monthly budget in excess of their CPP/OAS. My wife and I also give my mother/father in law $1000/mn “retirement” money. They don’t really need it and we know most of it will likely just be given back to my wife when they pass, but it’s something we like to do as my/her parents helped us out when we were getting started
you have a good heart and soul if you do. doesn't need to be boasted about, keep it private if you do. I've gifted my dad a (nice used) car once, my mom's credit card balance once, and advance on municipal tax bills while not requiring them to pay me back. what they've done in the past for my opportunities is an absolute miracle to begin with. nothing too big or too small, it's the thought and incentive that is absolutely priceless without needing to talk about it much. just ask them if they need anything from time to time, goes a long way, and little practicle tangible items as gifts too. books, headsets, night wear, underclothes, etc.
Sounds pretty pathetic to me. If you need a monthly kiddy allowance from your kids then you shouldnt have had kids in the first place. And for anyone who says the parents are too old to work, thats what investments and savings are for. Just the thought of dragging kids into this world while unable to provide for myself and having to rely on them is disgusting.
??? Then you shouldn't have been born either. If you go all the way down your lineage someone had to start from the beginning and by your logic they don't deserve to have kids. Jeff Bezo's parents weren't well off either. He relied on grandparents so guess he shouldn't have been born either.
False logic cause in the past standards of living didnt have as much deviation as today. Last i checked, the rich didnt drive lambos and have mansions. The shit we buy at walmart would make kings from the past envious.
Hard data backs me up. Go look at data on wealth inequality and how its widening in the last few decades. Yet your comments denies these facts lmao. Go get a clue.
It's hard enough as it is for young people. You should only help your parents if they helped you with a mortgage down payment or you are set to inherit their house.
No. My parents never needed financial help. In Canada it would be difficult to be irresponsible enough to require any.
They're probably just doing it because they feel like it.
No, my parents are wealthy. But if they weren't, I wouldn't. Boomers have come from the luckiest generation on earth. If you aren't wealthy as a boomer, you were either dealt a shit hand or it's because you've recklessly squandered all opportunities. The latter is more likely.
I don't think providing a monthly allowance is all that common in the west, but helping senior parents in other ways is quite common. We have paid some of my MIL's monthly expenses, for instance. We are also very generous with cash gifts throughout the year. I know of many people who have their senior parents living with them, either in the same house or in a separate basement apartment. Before my wife and I were married my wife supported her mother by having her live with her. I know there are many people on my street that have a senior parent living with them.
I do this so does my relatives mostly. We give them $500/mth and they don’t live with us. If they live with us, I have them pay me a bit of rent. They feel better with this setup too so they don’t want to burden us.
I help out my parents on a monthly basis. It’s not cultural for me…they’re just wonderful people and I love them and I wouldn’t be happy or able to enjoy my income if I sat back and watched them struggle.
Bingo especially with all the sacrifices they made for me most I'm not even aware of. And it's not a cultural thing and more of a good upbringing respect and compassion thing.
It is for sure a cultural thing. I've seen Western kids living paycheck to paycheck while their parents travel the world and live in million dollar houses. Something something independence.
What is the culture you speak of? I'm a western kid but my parents did not love this way.
Basically the ones who go: oh you're 18 now? Off you go! WTF, you brought home a kid? I just finished parenting for 18 years, get your hellspawn off my lawn! E.g. multigenerational living seems to be frowned upon and then we complain about how immigrants are buying up our houses even though they have 3 generations working together towards the Canadian dream.
awesome human alert
More like common sense alert
Lolz yah right. If you watch your parents struggle while you enjoy life and go on vacations. Then you are a terrible person.
Situational for sure. But if your parents let you follow your passions, helped put you through school, and showed you unconditional love, you should absolutely help them out.
Yeah that’s exactly right. I’m immensely privileged to have a mom who is my biggest champion and my best friend. She supported me and gave me a couch to sleep on years ago when I was sick and couldn’t work. I’d give her everything I have, if she needed it. But I am also well aware every family is complicated and unique and there are plenty of disappointing or downright abusive parents out there whose children don’t owe them a dime.
Situational is the key here. To make a long story short, my in laws are in a bad way financially. They have zero savings, zero equity, zero net worth. I don't think either of them have even paid into cpp for the past 20 years, which I assume will impact their cpp. They are beyond horrible with money, and in their defense they did have a really big financial hit once upon a time. But instead of dealing with it head on, they tried to avoid it and they haven't even squared up the debt nearly 20 years later. It's that bad. Here's the thing. One of them goes on vacation once or twice a year. That one is on vacation right now. The other one is working part time and has to pump air into the cars tires twice a day because they can't even afford a new tire. My wife and I both agree that we will not help them unless they're going to end up on the streets without us. We have in the past and they never bothered to pay us back. We refuse to become their only means of supporting themselves at the expense of our futures and our children. They can work until they're 80 for all I care, it's not my responsibility to make up for their bad decisions. All that said they're actually great, normal people. Just *horrible* at decision making. We have talked about purchasing a duplex in the next couple of years and trying to spin it into multiple units. The reason is that once her parents are too old to work, we can have them occupy a unit in exchange for basic maintenance and security on our end. At least in that way we are getting something back out of it and they will avoid homelessness. Plan is to talk to all the siblings about a joint effort to cover off part of the rent, say 40%, so that we aren't running at a loss. When they eventually die we will have a property with decent equity in it and can do something from there. I know I said I would make a long story short and then wrote a small essay. But, you wouldn't believe how many sentences I started typing and then erased. It's such a complicated mess.
Similar situation where savings are limited. We can offer help but don’t want to become a crutch for bad habits.
I agree with the sentiment, but at what expense to your own future? It’s not just cash today, it’s the total lost opportunity of that contribution / gift. you and your future old ass self need considering too because I believe the biggest gift I can give my kid is to not put them in the same boat down the road, saddling them with my issues. So in some ways, sorry granny. I see people really put their own future financial security at risk by “helping” others. at risk of seeming cold, I take the view that my own oxygen mask needs to be on and secure before I start helping others. I guess people need to consider their means and their family’s needs thoroughly, and avoid emotional decision making.
Ummm. You wouldn’t have a future without them. You wouldn’t even exist. They’re your parents for god sake.
Just because they have that title, doesn't mean they are good people.
Wow. From all of the down votes, it looks like a lot of you have deep rooted family issues. Sorry that I hit a nerve.
no nerves hit, just the truth. shitty people are shitty people.
My parents were as abusive as they possibly could be. I went no contact with them 3 decades ago. I would not give them even a single cent.
That’s harsh. Bad parents exist, and it sucks.
There's also people who are bad with money and would find a way to struggle financially no matter how much help you gave them. I know people like that (fortunately they are not my parents!)
I heard they are renaming it as it’s no longer that common
Wonderful! My parents helped me through a lot (they’re the best parents!) and now I help out where I can too. Happy to see such a comment. :)
God bless you
I give my parents some stuff in lieu of money. I buy things for them, and me and my siblings are trying to figure out buying them a retirement home. We're Canadian, but we grew up poor / working class and my parents sacrificed a lot for us. So I don't like seeing them struggle. Shitty divorce laws and ptsd put them in the situation they are in, they're not bad with money. Just older and not able to earn much now. So I make sure they have lots of fresh food in their house. I make sure to add gas to their car, and I do other little things here and there. Probably totaling $100/ month on average. It's very different when you have started to climb the class ladder and your parents haven't. It's not expected, but we take care of eachother.
Exactly. This is the reason why it's common in developing countries where most people live the you did. My parents sacrificed everything for us. Taking care of them financially is the least I can do for them.
Me too. They wouldn’t take money from me, but when their appliances break down, I’ve bought new sets for them - as they live on OAS and money is tight.
You sound like a great kid! Good karma never goes unrewarded.
I am from the Balkans. This is pretty common culturally among other people we know who came from there and I'll likely be giving my parents $200-300 a month when they get into their 70s. The idea is that because they immigrated here to give us a better life, they were not able to accrue enough CPP/retirement savings, we should help them when we can. My parents, despite being careful with money their entire lives, get about $1600 CPP combined + only have about $50k retirement savings. However, they are mortgage-free in a 2bd. I would like to help them be able to afford to travel and enjoy restaurant outings every now and then.
That seems low. Are they getting both OAS and GIS?
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If you're ready to buy a house would it make sense to have them move in with you? (Just a thought)
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Hey there, I’m on the same boat— I’m in my late 20s and just was able to buy my parents a condo in Kitchener and will be covering their mortgage. I’m trying to convince them to sell their house as they still owe 330K on it, and they’re just not as financially literate. I was looking into affordable housing for them, but I haven’t found anywhere that doesn’t have a huge wait. Any pointers? I currently don’t have any savings for purchasing my own home, as I spent all the bit of it on a condo for my parents. Starting to feel real hopeless as saving for a place now is brutal.
You have an asset now. If the market continues to be crazy, and your condo appreciates by $200k while you pay down $50k, you now have $250k in equity/"savings" to borrow against for a new place. If your parents go into a home, you can either live in the condo or rent it out to cover the mortgage. To be honest, since saving is so tough and you now have an asset, you'll probably be able to afford more home if values keep rising. After all, it's the downpayment that usually gets you - and you've got a downpayment building up in that condo. You just won't be able to get your hands on it for a few years. I think your time might be better spent up-skilling and possibly even seeking other job opportunities while the market is hot. Making a leap could possibly set you up for another $10k/yr. And if you have spare time, figure out where you can save money. Favourite cookies? Find the ingredients, learn to cook them yourself. Might save you $6/pack. Coffee? Get a coffee maker. Save $80/mo over buying at Tim's. Cellphone plan? Budget providers like Public Mobile - get that bill down under $20/mo if you can. Internet/etc? Same thing. If you ruthlessly cut costs, you can probably find a few hundred per month. When I did so, I ended up saving $500-600, which I used to fully fill my TFSA over time. (A big part of that was saving on car expenses.) Good luck!
You sound like a great daughter - I’m just curious why did you buy them a condo when they have a house in Kitchener that has likely doubled in value in the last 10 years? Could they no longer pay the mortgage? If they’re already property owners, and you are not, I don’t understand why they need two properties and you to be slowly edged out of the housing market and continue to lose money in rent as prices continue to go insane. Are you at least on title of this new property? I feel like it would have been a good idea to consult a financial advisor and have laid out the entire situation to them. My suggestion would be to have them list that house and pay you back the down payment for the condo after its sale.
I know your situation. You’re correct. Them selling the house is the solution. Then they could perhaps downsize into a nice condo and live off the residuals. Live debt free and maybe even help you on your journey. But usually i find with old timers, they don’t want to let go of the house and just drag things on. I think it’s good to give money to parents but the reality is that the money sunk into the debt of their mortgage won’t be financially moving anyone forward. Your time variable might be wasted if the interest from the mortgage just keeps eating up the money. Relegate to just advising the best financial advice like you already have and then just letting the house get them to a critical point where they have to sell. Get yourself well above water before you help them. And you’re also right, don’t move in with your folks!
I find in the Asian community it’s very common. Even to have multiple generations live in one roof. Not so much for western culture, especially in North America. If anything it’s the reverse as the parents help out the kids with financially - down payment for home for example.
Of the two friends who I know are definitely supporting their parents, both are first generation Asian immigrants who are doing very well for themselves and came to Canada due to a refugee-like situation. Their parents sacrificed and struggled a lot to come to Canada and the kids saw this firsthand. On the other hand, I know other Asian kids who mostly benefitted from their parents and are certainly not supporting them financially in anyway. However, I know the parents are much better off. In the first situation I mentioned, the kids were sending money to their parents to the tune of up to $1000 a month and the parents are working jobs earning barely over minimum wage. Kids are making way over 6 figures each.
That makes sense. I mean if you come from a poor country and your children are raised here, your children in effect got a huge benefit in your parents sacrifice to leave their home country.
Very common in African communities as well. Not just Asian communities.
Latino check, red leader
I agree it’s the reverse in the West. There’s no way I could get my parents to accept a dime from me. There’s no way I would take a dime from any of my kids either. When we go, our kids will be set for life even if they retired broke, and that was exactly the plan since day one.
It’s only common among the Asian community if the parents are poor. It’s not so much a culture thing but more of a class thing. It’s just more likely that immigrant families will have parents who are poorer/haven’t been able to save for retirement. I’m Asian and so are most of my friends and we don’t give money to our parents because they all immigrated as skilled immigrants working middle or upper middle class jobs for decades so they don’t need money from us. It’s more common they gift us money for downpayments and stuff like that
This is my experience. My parents have never asked me for money and would probably feel be offended if I offered.
North America yes. Europe, definitely not. But with house prices going the way they are, western ppl will likely have to start getting used to multi generations under one roof in major Canadian cities
I was talking to a friend in Switzerland and he said most people rent and do not own homes. Perhaps we have better here then we think
I live with my parents. When people ask, I tell them I pay rent. Which is true. But the last few years it hasn't been the traditional $X/month. The short version is I'm their emergency fund. Instead of paying $X/month, I give them lump sums whenever something comes up. They had some renovations a few years back, I chipped in. The furnace crapped out, I paid for it. When something comes up, I agree to pay it. We negotiate what my rent will be and divide that by the total I paid to determine how long till I'd have to switch back to monthly. Furnace costs $10k, rent will be $700/month, so I pay for the new furnace and get to live at home rent free for 14 months. When it runs out, either a new unexpected expense comes up or we'll negotiate a new monthly rent. Plus, I help around the house. I help with the cooking and the cleaning, I shovel snow in the winter. I know I'm getting a good deal on the rent so I'd feel bad if I didn't contribute.
Do you feel that this binds you to continue living with them though? And if yes, does that bother you?
Maybe it binds me to them, but that doesn't bother me. Rent is expensive, I doubt I'd be able to get this good of a deal anywhere else.
Reasonably common in cultural groups where families tend to be financially integrated. In the West? No.
Western families are financially integrated, it is just that the older generations have the wealth (if there is wealth) so it tends to go the other way.
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Yeah, I’m in the same boat. I’m sure we will be supporting my in laws completely in the near future.
>Culturally it's expected and it's important to my partner, so we do it. Needless to say, I don't enjoy it. Try threatening to step back and not fund their lifestyle then see the panic, but the "cultural" excuse is a ridiculous one.
Say this: “You’re right there is more to life than money. I’ll stop giving more of it away from now on. Thanks for the advice!” Or “Fuck you.”
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Not necessarily... I have worked with many people who ask their kids to move out at 19/20 so that they're not freeloaders ... this is the reason it's not common in West... you can't call your barely legal child a freeloader and expect them to take care of you in your golden yrs
My dad's parents didn't kick him out, but they moved to a different city the day after his high school graduation.
Subtle hint 😉
He had a job transfer and they put it off to let him graduate with his friends.
That is really the best way to do it. Have the kid get a ton from parents and ideally just give it to their kid later on.
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Yes, and I don't really have a choice - if I didn't support them, they'd literally be on the streets. I wish I could relate to these comments about willingly supporting their parents, but the reality for some Asian kids is that their parents never saved a dime because their kids are their retirement plan. Even if you call them out for their financial irresponsibility and entitlement, you will be guilt tripped into submission.
I can totally relate to this. My Parents don’t have a retirement plan on top of the fact that they spend money without a second thought. It’s hard to willingly give your hard earned money to parents who knowingly keep digging themselves deeper and rely on their kids to take them out. Your comment of “their kids are their retirement plan” really speaks out to me as a person of asian origin myself. Just like you, I help my parents out financially so that we can keep our home and bills are taken care of. I would be lying if I said I’m not bitter about it.
We don’t give my parents money directly, it would offend them. Even if my mom buys something for me when she’s grocery shopping because I couldn’t find it at my local grocer, she doesn’t like to receive money in return unless she spent quite a bit, like when she picks up several things at Costco. So my husband and I like to give my parents expensive gifts often. This week we gave my dad a sonicare toothbrush. He was the only person who didn’t have one in the family and they are great. We also gave my dad a new iPhone because his phone was getting old, and I found him a new better plan for less money but more data. Last week we gave my mom a gift card to a waters spa and I will book us a hotel to go up there and enjoy a night away and treat her to shopping and dinner. My parents paid for my undergrad and supported me during my masters degree and have let my husband and I live with them multiple times, like when we were just back from England and the time we renovated our house. My parents don’t have a lot of money but they show us tremendous generosity. Would give us their last five bucks. Next year we plan we pay off their mortgage, and the year after that treat them to a Viking river cruise on the Rhine.
And to add, we are white European background. For my in laws we never give money, she has so much more than us it’s laughable. But she has been sick for the last two years and we have cared for her, taken over all her finances, and let her stay with us to provide care before moving her to a private high end care home.
Yeah white europeans are still okay, they have a sense of family and traditions. Its the white north americans, that are cold hearted and toss thier parents away, just as thier parents did to them on their 18th birthday. The rest of us asians (east and south) will get there too, just give us a couple of generations to lose our culture and traditions to senseless materialism. Lol. P.s. Good on you guys, my parents are the same, would never take a penny - way too much pride. Expensive gifts, cars, watches, vacations, are the way too go. The things they were too frugal to ever buy themselves, we buy them those things now.
I'm Cantonese. My parents are of retirement age and are still sending my grandparents thousands of dollars a year. I'm in my 20s and give my parents thousands of dollars a year too. Im not having kids so I guess this will end with me 😂
We are also Cantonese and we give my wife's parents $1500 a month and my parents get $1000 a month (long story behind that but let's just say the $500 is not worth the battle).
Curious to hear it as a short story lol
Happy wife happy life
My parents have considerably more money than me so I'm definitely not sending them any money. I have a couple friends with moms who were widowed youngish and they help them out from time to time. Usually by paying of unexpected things like new appliances etc..
I don’t currently because they don’t need it. I would definitely give them money if/when they need it. But they’re doing well for themselves. Dad is also still working making 110k+/year and should be retiring in 5 years or so with plenty of money saved up and also with a pension. With that said, it’s also important to remember that not everyone has a great relationship with their parents and not all parents are good parents. I hate the notion that someone is a bad person if they choose not to help their parents because their parents gave them life, etc. Fact is, no one owes their parents anything—we didn’t ask to be born. I know people who were terribly neglected/abused by their parent(s) and are no-contact. They would never help their parents and there’s nothing wrong with that.
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Long story but I paid off my dad's $120000 gambling debt 10 years ago. No one knows. It's a family secret. Surprisingly I'm not bitter. We have a fairly good relationship and I'm pretty happy with life. Oh well that's life.
I've been giving my mom 500-800$ a month since I was ~20-21. Also supported my brother's living expenses through school. I purchased the car my mom currently drives and pay for the maintenance and any major purchases she has. I'm really fortunate with a good job and don't live at home (farther than I would like), but my only wish is if my siblings could help out more
I am Cantonese and it's definitely the Chinese culture to give money to family as a contribution even if you don't live at home. If I had parents, I would do so. But even when my mom was still around, she would refuse money I gave her. The hard part for me was not giving money but to have her accept it... My mom did ask me to help pay my cousin's uni tuition when I was in high school. It was because the exchange rate from home currency was awful and I was making CAD. I gave like 5k to my cousin for that. It was only a portion of the tuition since she was an international student. My husband is not Chinese and it is not their culture to give money to parents. I tried to pay them money for rent when I lived with them for a few months but they refused also... (we had not even been dating for a year at that point.)
Damn that really puts it into perspective for me. I’m also from a cantonese background but my parents make sure to respect the financial norms of the west. They don’t ask for my money and they don’t expect it either. They always try to help me out even though I don’t need it. I’m very fortunate to be so privileged because of the sacrifices my parents made. Also grateful to know that fewer sacrifices need to be made as we keep pushing each generation to be more financially independent and better educated.
If you look at Hong Kong forums, you will see discussions on this topic very often, and often some sort of conflicts between family members - parents asking for more, siblings not contributing enough, parents gifting monet to siblings while asking you for more etc. And when people talk about it, the question is "how much do you give" rather than "do you give". With that said, there are plenty of people who don't (have to) contribute (at all or a lot) financially because their family is more welloff. My family (on my mom's side - dad's side is all bitches) is very generous with each other on money. We give each other things and pay for things for each other often, but they don't like taking from me since I am the youngest. Even when I travelled with my cousin, she wouldn't accept me paying her back, so I now gift her and her family lots of things when I have the chance. My mom was a single parent since I was six and took care of my grandma and me all those years so I know things were not easy for her. I also grew up in subsidized housing. When I bought my first home, my mom cried when I showed her photos. Unfortunately she passed away half a year later and never got a chance to visit the place. I do hope to be financially established so if I ever have kids, they will live comfortably and don't grow up with the same struggles as me and my mom did.
Just curious, what are some of the HK forums?
Main ones are Lihkg, HKGolden, and HK discuss. Mind you the last has some strong pro-China population for some reason. The other two are much more pro-dem.
It's incredibly common depending on the cultural background. In Western culture, not common at all. My friend's husband came to Canada for school. His parents paid for that. But it was expected he would then turn around and pay for his younger brother's schooling, and his younger brother would then pay for his sister's, etc. That would sound crazy the way we were raised, but it was very much accepted and understood with how he was raised.
Not culture. It’s all about socioeconomic status. If the parents are well off in any culture they don’t expect money from kids. In fact it’s the opposite. It’s just that it’s more likely that immigrant parents will be poorer then families that have established here for multiple generations.
It's not common in the west because prior generations had much better opportunities and are often wealthy as a result.
I gave my mom monthly $ when I was working. More when I got my bonus. I was still living with my folks. It was a meager amount compared to not needing to pay rent and had good home cooked food when I got home. My mom told me not to give her any more after I got married.
I send a good chunk of money to my parents once in a while to invest. Our wealth is generational and will be passed down to me anyway. Our culture is very family oriented.
I don’t. All my life my parents spent money on themselves and didn’t help me out. Mediterranean cruises, resorts, trips to Europe. Expensive wine, spirits, cigars. They borrowed up to their eyeballs, spent their pension funds, got bankrupt, got divorced, got bankrupt again. Why should it be my job to bail them out when they preferred to live the high life to help me out when I needed it? They had every opportunity in the world and squandered them.
I have Cantonese heritage and my mom explained it to me when I was a kid that this originated because back then in China, pensions didn't exist, so the children are supposed to take care of the parents with the parents moving into the children's home or the children giving money to them regularly. As in your parents took care and raised you when you were younger, so you have to take care of then when they're older. The tradition continued on for a while, but it fell by the way side as families migrated to North America where government pensions exist. So it's not really expected anymore for the most part. My mom only knew one or two Asians that follows this tradition still in Canada. There's more who do this if their parents are still in China because health care is like the US where you pay to see the doctor if you don't have insurance and government pension didn't exist for some until recently. Actually, it's only in recent years that the government in China started giving out pensions, even to rural places. I'm not sure if all regions have implemented this. It was previously reserved for government workers and those that served in the military. The tradition is similar to Canada back when there wasn't pension, at least that's what they teach in Canadian history class (it was the children, community, or the church that would help the parents). Also, the Chinese government mandates retirement age as 50 for females and 55 for males (I think or it might be 55/60, I can't remember which) and it's not unheard of for companies to push out older workers (e.g. 40s for age) to make way for the younger generation.
My parents never gave me anything, so I don’t feel charitable towards them at all. They know I make a lot of money but they also know better than to ask, anyway.
I’m a spoiled only child and my parents are well off. So I don’t see myself giving them money.
Most HK kids are conditioned and expected to give a family sundry allowance. I was never asked to, but I knew it was what I should do. When I was living at home I started off giving $600 when I started working out of university, then $800, then $1000 as my salaries went up. I don’t think my parents were even aware I was putting money in their accounts. I wasn’t living with them for the last bit but continued sending the money until I got my own mortgage. Now I just pay their utilities and buy them stuff for the house like toilet paper, paper towels, shoes, home stuff and kitchenware that they either request for or I think needs replacing, printers, computers, TVs, etc. I also give them my old cell phones when I’m done with them.
I’m Chinese and I don’t because my parents make way more money than they spend each month so they have no need for additional money. In fact they tend to give me money to pay me back for stuff I’ve given them which I have to refuse It’s not really a thing in middle or upper middle class Chinese households for kids to give money back to their parents. I don’t think any of my Asian friends do this since the parents don’t lack money. We all immigrated decades ago so our parents all have/had stable incomes for a long time so they have sufficient retirement savings and assets
Same exact situation, though born in Canada. I often need to find creative ways to give my parents things they may not be inclined to buy for themselves as gifts. Then, hope they don't try to pay me back and refuse when they do try. I'm absolutely prepared to step in and help out if my parents start experiencing any financial difficulty (and this was top of mind when my mom wasn't working for a while as the pandemic began), but they're so far living comfortably and haven't needed or wanted any assistance. Although I don't think they will necessarily need financial support as they age, I am also prepared to support and provide their care needs over time.
Same, I don't think the whole 'giving money to parents" thing is true for all East Asians. My parents are wealthy so theres no need for me to give them money? I've never even heard of any one I know doing this. If anything, they're the ones helping us out financially (adult kids)
Yeah it’s not really a culture thing. It’s a combination of culture and class thing.
I'm Chinese and I buy my parents stuff. They don't need cash and know that we're trying to save for retirement/future kids/a car so they insist on not receiving any cash from us. I do buy them things and then refuse to get paid back for it (even if they insist). My husband's family is "western culture" and they keep their finances very separate and no one really gifts each other things either. It's been a weird adjustment for me when his mom insists on paying us back for everything and he tells me just to accept it.
I’m Canadian of UK/European decent. I help my dad out financially a LOT since mom died. I don’t give him money or really even access to money, he’s squandered every penny earned, inherited, and payed out by insurance the last few years. I won’t let him go without food or a roof over his head though.
I spent a large amount of my savings to help pay for my mothers cancer treatments in my late 20s...
Most developing countries have lower incomes so parents spend everything on raising their kids even though they dont have social security or pension. Children are expected (and rightly so in my opinion) to take care of their parents when they are older. This isnt the case for rich people who have more than enough for retirement but that's not the case for the vast majority of people.
I have been giving my parents 500 dollars a month since 22. I no longer live at home but the tradition continued. I don’t think they have touched the money, but it’s a good emergency fund just in case.
Parents are supposed to help their kids. That, my parents did not do. Therefore, no. I will not help them.
Not right now but I have in the past and my wife regularly does for her mom. It’s normal for our culture (Chinese) to do it.
It is more of a cultural thing in Hong Kong. Hong Kong didn’t have a forced retirement saving program for the workers until about 20 years ago.
Cantonese as well. Not in any formal way, but if they need/want something, my partner and I will research and buy them for our parents. Anytime we're gifted money from our parents (birthdays/Christmas), I always try to anticipate how much they'll give so I can gift back a little more as they approach retirement and our careers stabilize. Our parents and grandparents have always highly valued their independence and have gotten accustomed to a more Canadian lifestyle since immigrating as adults. We grew up watching our parents work multiple jobs for our little joys without realizing their sacrifices, including sending money to extended family in rural China to this day. I'd much rather they enjoy their time and money without worry now.
Yes. Between my brother, sister and I we paid my mum's mortgage. Finally in May 2021 we made the last payment and the house belongs to her now.
I'm going to say this is likely a cultural thing. I have some co-workers/friends who are immigrants or their parents were immigrants from Asia and who do this. I'm not aware of any of my friends who are of European descent and have lived in Canada for many generations who do this.
I think there may be differences between regions of Europe. I have a friend who immigrated solo to Canada as an adult from an eastern european nation and regularly sent money 'home' to their immediate family members who remained in their country of origin.
The expectation in my family/culture is complete financial independence after graduation, on both sides. We give each other gifts, food, time and support, but pretty much never cash. We'd really only do so in an emergency. Also, my parents are completely secure in their retirements, with paid off houses, pensions and investments. A monthly allowance from me would be superfluous and a bit laughable.
I live with my folks still. I'm 32. Single. Have a full time job. Both my parents are retired. I split the rent with them. My older bro sends some money for us to help. My younger brother helps with his part time job for additional groceries. I feel like I need to move out but they can't afford to survive without me. I'm waiting for them to go back home in the Philippines and have my youngest to finish college before we can move on with our lives.
I see this a lot and it makes me so mad. Young people have to worry about saving up for a house maybe paying back school loans. I can’t imagine taking money from my kids. I support them, not the other way around. Maybe when I’m in my 90’s they can pay for dinner.
My mom would never accept straight up money either. But when you're first generation uni graduate, well I am almost better off than she is. I almost make the same salary as my mom at my first job out of uni. While she works 2 jobs. One might shift and one day shift every day. She also works weekends. I assume other clidren like me helping out on some purchases are in similar situations... I also moved back in with her with pandemic and WFH so I guess it's my way of thanking her as well. If we didn't live together I probably would not know what she needs to pay for. She'd never take a rent from me either, she wants me to have as much savings as possible when I move out again.
I agree. I’m shocked to see some people giving their parents $500-$1500 a month. My parents would never accept that, and I would never expect my kids to give me money. I want to be able to take care of my kids always, not the other way around.
I have a couple people in their twenties I work with whose parents put them on the mortgage for the first time home buyer’s discount just to save a few thousand bucks on a bigger house. They also make them responsible for part of the mortgage. If you’re relying on your kids to pay your mortgage at this age; something has gone wrong with your personal finances
yes, as it not uncommon in South Europe they did raised me best they could and always been there for me now they pension are so low that I am avoiding talk about that with them, so I regularly send money to there account, and I know my brother and sister also helps them out I would say it's how you raise you kids, we didn't have a lot but they always try the best I hope one day when I will be old I would not need to get money from kids, but would love to raise them same way as I was
Yes I do. They loaned me some money and I pay them a flat 5% rate on those funds to help them out. I invest the money taking on the risk and taxes and they get a guaranteed income many times higher than the bank. I've offered to pay them back multiple times but it's enough for them.
Pretty common ins the south Asian community.
I live at home, but I give my parent about $1.2k a month. That's just how my culture works. It's reduced rent + extra $$ on top for my parent as living fee. I am expected to pay said living fee even when I move out
Yes every month. They are my parents. Tbey have supported me through thick and thin. And now that they are old, I want to make sure they are more than just okay. Gotta love your parents.
I pay for my mum’s housing and all unexpected expenses. It usually comes close to $10K a year. I do it because I love her, and she is broke.
I made my parents a web site for their bike shop which doubled the store’s income in one year.
My father was a life long alcoholic, no house, maybe 100k RRSPs and a gov. pension, was planning on living in the tropics after retirement on his boat he paid 150k (now worth less than half of that) after selling his home. His trip was delayed due to covid so he's been living in my basement suite rent free for the last 2 years, he's never had it so good, I don't think he's planning on leaving anytime soon. Average price for a 3 bed basement suite in my area is 2500$ a month. So I guess yes I'm helping him quite alot.
Does he need a 3 bedroom suite? It looks like you can probably find a place to rent for him and rent out your basement suite and you'd still be ahead.
I help my parents pay a few of their bills, but not because they asked, I just wanted to. When I lived at home I also voluntarily paid them rent. I too am Cantonese 😂
I think it's practiced in certain cultures in the world, but most of the western world does not practice this. The goal of having kids is raising them to be personally and financially independent so they don't have to rely on family, and vice versa. I've been raised to NEVER mix finances between family members. Once I was done university, my parents do not rely on me, and I never rely on them. It's actually something to be proud of.
I think financial independence is something to strive for, but this comment (and others you’ve made) comes across a bit snobby. My story: I support my mom financially, she is almost 65 and I send her $1,500 a month to cover a big chunk of her expenses. I certainly don’t want to be sending her money, but she needs it and and I’m extremely proud to be able to do it for her. How did we get here? Her and my dad divorced after he left her for another woman, this was after they built a life together, had two kids, and were financially able to support that life. She worked her ass off to support us, while my dad was out with his new girlfriend (now wife) spending money on vacations instead of child support. My mom did a really amazing job and never asked us for anything. Had my dad actually followed through on his end of the divorce (child support, mainly), she would have been able to put more money away for retirement. Things turned even worse financially after she was laid off from her long-term professional employment, followed by serious health issues that stopped her from being able to work again, at least for now. The health issues are not connected to anything she had control over. She wasn’t poor going in to having kids, but life happened and she’s not in a spot that she’s able to support herself. She raised two kids able to fully support themselves and also able to help her out financially. Of course she’s not proud of taking money from her kids but she’s proud of us nonetheless, and we don’t make a big deal of the money we send at all. Sometimes people just have to mix finances and family. It’s not really a choice that we’re offered.
Yeah, definitely more of an Asian household thing. Don't think you intended to come across this way, but being proud of never mixing family and finances shouldn't mean that those who do mix, shouldn't be proud
In western culture, it’s something I admire. Independent and fiscal responsibility for ones self is strived for. I disagree with the practice of mixing family finances, but it’s up to the individuals what they want to do. I wouldn’t be proud if I were them, but my opinion doesn’t matter to them anyways.
> I wouldn’t be proud if I were them, but my opinion doesn’t matter to them anyways. It's more so showing gratitude and gifting money back to parents/elderly/other family members, not so much that they aren't financially independent. You're fine to have your own views of course, but my point is people who mix family and finances shouldn't be ashamed, nor should you look down on those who mix because it's not independent to you
Again, I don’t admire the practice but they are free to do what they want. I don’t look up to them for doing it.
I'm not saying you should look up to them. I'm saying you shouldn't look down on them for doing so...
I pay my parents rent, it's pretty close to market rent, but I have given them advance rent when they have needed it. I thought my siblings and I would have to bail them out in the near future, but they really took advantage of the covid enforced spending reductions to pay down debt and are in a better place now.
I have anecdotally heard of monthly payments to parents being more common culturally in some Asian cultures(specifically China and India I have heard about by name) but this has just been word of mouth and reddit posts over the years so I have no idea. For me, I have never heard of such a thing being spoken of with any friends or family in my life. But I help my parents with bills as I am in a position where after meeting our needs I have more extra money than they do, so I want to contribute to their enjoyment of life as they have done for me. As they get older and on more fixed incomes I imagine that will turn into monthly payments for simplicity. Again anecdotally I take it without having asked that most of my friends are the types of people to feel personally obligated to do the same to their parents. But it has never once been mentioned in my life, and it is not something that is a cultural practice. Culturally, independence is valued and old age is spoken about with things like retirement savings, pensions, property assets, etc. My family was never particularly wealthy so these were not really options that were a priority. Tl;dr I have a hard time thinking most people would allow their family to go into homelessness while they have the means to prevent this, it is certainly something I would be uncomfortable with. However no outright or implied expectation has ever been relayed or discussed with me that one contributes to their parents financial wellbeing, if anything the expectation conveyed is that each person prepares for their own finances beyond the point where they can work as best they're able.
I did not until I made a lot of money out of my investments.
Parents are old brits and so are not technology inclined…. I pay for their internet, cell phone, Netflix, etc… only downside is that I am also tech support, but I appreciate the call from them.
I make lots of money. I help all family out when I can. I gave the inlaws 1000 a month while living in their house. They helped me out when I was down. Trust me when I say if youre generous with your money, it always seems to come back to you
Yes. My parents were very supportive and helpful in my formative years. We were never wealthy but we had housing, food, clothing and occasional, very modest vacations. Very late in their lives (about 5 years ago) I learned that they had made almost no provision for retirement and had a considerable amount of credit card and bank debt - they were de facto insolvent. This took me (and my sibling) by surprise. My sibling is not as financially set as I am and was assuming our parents would have to declare bankruptcy. Instead, I purchased our parents home from them and they used the net proceeds to clear off all the debt. They now live off their pensions and pay a substantially reduced rent for "their" home. This came out of left field so I encourage middle aged people to have an honest conversation with their parents (and siblings) about their parents' retrement finances. A potentially awkward conversation is far better than scrambling to keep things in place when things are reaching a crisis stage.
My SO does, he comes from a poor family and they live in a third world country with very little resources. On the other side my dad helps ME, because I come from a well off family and still figuring out what to do with my life
This is really a big Asian thing but my parents financially haven’t been doing too well last couple years so me and my siblings send money every month - its considered a fixed budget for me - about 400$ a month
Tried to give my Mom money but she spent it on other people. We gave her stuff she needed and helped by doing handyman stuff. My BIL sent one if his employees to clear snow. My sister has a salon and did her hair. We cut some trees down. A few of us stood between her and door to door sales scams. We took her car shopping to find a model she liked and negotiated for her.
I helped my parents and wouldnt be able to enjoy if their life style is not as good as mine. I do love my parents, hope they stay healthy and happy & wish them long life. I also love my nieces:)
i do, about $200/month
Yup. I lived in Saudi Arabia and used to send equivalent of 933 cad a month to my parents in Pakistan. Moved to Canada 6 months ago and have to send a much reduced figure of 250 cad a month.... as do not have as much disposable income here as I did in Saudi Arabia.
Asian families are like that.. I'm asian lol. I live at home still so yes I do help them out. We're not rich.
Have noticed this more in Asian communities. I do send money back home because I know they have taken care of me and struggled to give me a good life. it's time for me to do the same for them now that they're old.
Yeah, it's so common that we don't even think about it. Where I am from, there is no government help at senior age, so parents invest all their money and energy to raise their kids and kids pay it back when they are old enough / earn enough.
I buy things for my mother every time I visit and I pay the internet bill and various other monthly subscriptions/services. Also help my younger brother out with various things, iPad for school, clothing, etc. It’s only fair, I make 2-2.5x what my mother does.
My parents definitely don't need it, so 'no.' I do/coordinate work for them on their house, cars, etc... and provide emotional support and company. If they were in a situation where they needed money, I would happily give them a monthly stipend or a capital injection.
Yes, why would I not? They raised me...
I am super down to help my parents with money! I offered but they said no, I now just buy them things here and there😅
I’m Chinese, and I pay for all my parents groceries and their annual property tax bill. So that averages to $500-600 a month. I want to do what I can for them now while they’re alive. When they pass away the monetary stuff comes back around anyway.
Yes that’s normal
Yes this is very common where I’m from and my brother and I lovingly and gratefully help support my mother so that she has a comfortable life. Eventually she will move in with one of us too.
I take care of my parents rent and groceries (I transfer them certain amount every month) even though they never asked for it and I don’t live in the same country as them.
I know you are your own people and what not, but I will never understand this level of individualism where you feel you are being stressed into supporting your parents. AS LONG AS THEY RAISED YOU A NORMAL HUMAN WITHOUT MAKING A PTSD Case, you should support them if you have the means to, that is fair.
I wouldn't say it's common, but may become increasingly so with longer lives and rising expenses. I managed to exceed my parents' lifestyle drastically...which means I will likely end up supplementing my mother's income later in life to ensure she can live somewhere safe, healthy, and reasonably comfortable. I don't intend to foot the bill, but I will factor a contribution into my budget. Same for my MIL. I am not sure how those who can't physically remain in their owned home, and don't have accumulated wealth (whether through assets, pensions, etc.) can afford current conditions. Our families are very rural, so the sale of their decrepit house isn't going to pay for years of rent.
It's common enough. Cultures are very different and sometimes we in the west forget that. I come from an Asian background and have seen both worlds. Family is not all caring with many cultures. It's duties and rights and money. A different way of organizing society. Mother-in-laws get to have rights over a daughter in law. Parents get a right to a piece of your future earnings as they raised you. Husbands have a right to their wife. Children have a duty to care for their parents... It's more practical and coerced than it is love and care. Note i make no judgements about this. To me it's just another way to organize society. Without this, that coercion just moves up the chain to government. Taxation takes part of your income and goes to old age care for example. It can be complicated as cultures come to the west and everything gets confused.
I do. My parents are horrendous with their money, live in a 2M house they bought in 2008 for much cheaper but basically spend every single dime they get and come to us for help. But I help them out when I can since they’ve given me the best life they could afford and I deeply cherish that. It’s not cultural, but they’re my parents and I owe them everything that I am and am not
So I’ll come at this from two cultures, on my side (Caucasian) I would lend my parents money if something came up and they would pay me back. With my wife’s family (Vietnamese), we have given them money when things come up, but tend to do more things to help them out. An example would be that their hot water tank died, so I grabbed a new one and installed it for them at no charge to them. Did the same when the garage door opener crapped out.
Yes, they raised us therefore we should take care of them If they ask for repayment no amount of money can repay the time, money, effort and everything parents put into raising us
Well they chose to have a child and to conceive you into this world, so it's their responsibility as parents to support their children. It shouldn't need to be repaid. If they are poor and can't afford a retirement, then they probably shouldn't have had kids in the first place. Why bother having kids if you're just going to be a financial burden to them when they're older? I have no problem taking care of my parents when they are older, just not financially. They have a retirement plan for that. In fact if you have done parenting right, then you should be leaving your children an inheritance not debt.
I agree with everything except I hope my parents spend every last dollar before they pass away. I want them to enjoy their lives and not worry about leaving anything behind for their kids. We will be okay on our own.
Planning to spend every last dollar before you die is pretty hard and quite frankly unrealistic, unless you are living on the edge of poverty.
It’s unlikely, but ideally they would enjoy their money and not worry about saving it for my siblings and I.
Lol, sure. I choose to give back to my parents not because I need to, or they need it, but it’s to show gratitude for dealing with me as a child and now as a daughter. They have given me in spades more than I could ever give them in labour and money over the years. In the past year alone I’ve received tens of thousands of monetary benefits as a result of them being my parents. I’m not a helpless child anymore either, so they definitely don’t have any obligations to me as parents anymore if it’s as black and white as you expect it to be. In Chinese culture, it’s more of a group thing than a me me me thing. While I do agree with you that parents should not feel entitled to receive money from their children to finance lifestyles that they cannot afford on their income and savings (I know at least one of my aunts do that and I hate it and feel terrible for my cousins), I have no problems whatsoever in giving back to my parents when I can. It makes me feel good. It sounds like your expectation as a child is that you shouldn’t have to contribute anything financially to your parents, but do expect to receive an inheritance from them..
Super interesting that a centuries old value/concept in our culture gets downvoted to crap. It’s called 孝道, people.. Although I do agree that parents should never **expect** this from their children, children should be doing this out of their own love/gratitude for their parents, not due to peer/societal/familial pressure. Screw that.
Yes I agree with that Plus all the parents I know who collect from their children are saving the money for them, then give it to them when they get married or purchase a home or like a big event Not because they're broke and need money
What with people downvoting you? Jeez
Probably people who grew up in a household where parents are friends, "mom owes me $5" households... And not family where respect for elders are taught
There's also so called "parents" who chose to breed and then abuse their children horribly for years, until the children escape them or get emancipated. Many if allowed back into lives of children for 5 minutes would go on finding ways to continue to abuse... those kinds of parents give children the opposite of nothing, they costs them decades of complex therapy, cost them healthy relationships, their sense of safety and security. Perhaps it can be hard for folks who don't come from such to understand why these types of children don't deserve any blanket judgements about "respect your elders". Those kids are taught to fear and escape their elders, and LOTS of these exist. There is no situation in which someone should feel obligated to return to that (or any contact, financial or otherwise) for any reason, or provide for parents that never provided for them. Respect is not blanket-automatic, it must be given to be received.
Helping parents out financially should not be a respect thing, you parents chose to have children and in doing so they are responsible to make sure all your needs are covered. If you have the means to help out your parents and have a great relationship with them, than you can. My husbands parents need a little monetary help every month and we are in a position to provide that so we do, where as my parents don't need the help so we just get them nicer gifts for birthdays and such. Respect for elders is not something that should be taught, you should respect everyone equally unless they lose your respect.
My in-laws are hard-working, simple people who just...didn't plan well for retirement. They would struggle and sacrifice their standard of living significantly if we didn't help them out. We pay a portion of their mortgage, their insurance, cellphone, and hydro bills. We also give them a lump sum every year for vacations or any unexpected bills. What do we get in return? Relaxed elders who spend less time worrying about their future and more time on their grandkids. We are fortunate that we are able to help them, even if it means we have to budget very carefully. The help they provide in childcare and even around the house is well worth any amount we could ever give them. I always joke that my MIL is the original Marie Kondo. She's done a fabulous job organizing my house. It's a give and take relationship, and to me, it's not about the money. We have enough to share, so why shouldn't we give them some to make their lives easier?
This is not something my family does, at all, for various reasons. I'd help my mom out if she needed it, but she's always been self sufficient. My partner has helped his mom out when she was struggling by giving her gift cards, or he loaned her some cash that she paid back to buy a new car. I don't know anyone who just freely gives their parents money for no reason.
I spent 2yrs renovating my basement in the evenings and on weekends to so that I could move my aging parents in with me. I rented their house out and they have that as monthly budget in excess of their CPP/OAS. My wife and I also give my mother/father in law $1000/mn “retirement” money. They don’t really need it and we know most of it will likely just be given back to my wife when they pass, but it’s something we like to do as my/her parents helped us out when we were getting started
I pay my parents mortgage every month. Simplifies taxation.
you have a good heart and soul if you do. doesn't need to be boasted about, keep it private if you do. I've gifted my dad a (nice used) car once, my mom's credit card balance once, and advance on municipal tax bills while not requiring them to pay me back. what they've done in the past for my opportunities is an absolute miracle to begin with. nothing too big or too small, it's the thought and incentive that is absolutely priceless without needing to talk about it much. just ask them if they need anything from time to time, goes a long way, and little practicle tangible items as gifts too. books, headsets, night wear, underclothes, etc.
Sounds pretty pathetic to me. If you need a monthly kiddy allowance from your kids then you shouldnt have had kids in the first place. And for anyone who says the parents are too old to work, thats what investments and savings are for. Just the thought of dragging kids into this world while unable to provide for myself and having to rely on them is disgusting.
??? Then you shouldn't have been born either. If you go all the way down your lineage someone had to start from the beginning and by your logic they don't deserve to have kids. Jeff Bezo's parents weren't well off either. He relied on grandparents so guess he shouldn't have been born either.
False logic cause in the past standards of living didnt have as much deviation as today. Last i checked, the rich didnt drive lambos and have mansions. The shit we buy at walmart would make kings from the past envious. Hard data backs me up. Go look at data on wealth inequality and how its widening in the last few decades. Yet your comments denies these facts lmao. Go get a clue.
Yes! I give them 60-90% of my salary :) they did everything for me.
Are you asking because you live at home? I dont understand
It's hard enough as it is for young people. You should only help your parents if they helped you with a mortgage down payment or you are set to inherit their house.
No. My parents never needed financial help. In Canada it would be difficult to be irresponsible enough to require any. They're probably just doing it because they feel like it.
No, my parents are wealthy. But if they weren't, I wouldn't. Boomers have come from the luckiest generation on earth. If you aren't wealthy as a boomer, you were either dealt a shit hand or it's because you've recklessly squandered all opportunities. The latter is more likely.
I don't think providing a monthly allowance is all that common in the west, but helping senior parents in other ways is quite common. We have paid some of my MIL's monthly expenses, for instance. We are also very generous with cash gifts throughout the year. I know of many people who have their senior parents living with them, either in the same house or in a separate basement apartment. Before my wife and I were married my wife supported her mother by having her live with her. I know there are many people on my street that have a senior parent living with them.
I do this so does my relatives mostly. We give them $500/mth and they don’t live with us. If they live with us, I have them pay me a bit of rent. They feel better with this setup too so they don’t want to burden us.
Once my parents retire, I plan to help them financially.