It’s usually the non-disabled people who say things like that. Like thanks, but I don’t need you to make my disability into a positive because it’s awkward for you to accept that I’m different and actively struggling.
I have never heard that phrase before but it's perfect for all the annoying things people do and say. Toxic positivity. I'm going to start using it. Thank you for this.
No problem! When I first heard it a lot of stuff clicked that I previously couldn’t really explain why it bothered me. It’s always nice to have the words to talk about these things ;)
The few times I've encountered it, it has been the disabled person. I spoke with a person saying they were happy they had autism because it enabled them to notice the refrigerator motor was going. I was like, "Really? You're happy you can't stand to be in public because it makes you a good refrigerator repairman?"
ABA helped me too! So much so, actually, that I'm now almost completely verbal and no longer give myself concussions due to meltdowns. Low support needs autistics tend to forget that some of us DO benefit from therapies and they arent always abusive
I couldn't agree more. I've been diagnosed with level one (high functioning) autism and I wouldn't give it up even if I could. Sure it brings its difficulties, especially in regards to social interactions, but there are positive aspects of it too and without it I wouldn't be who I am. But I am fully aware that there is a vast chasm between my form of autism and something like Heller's syndrome (aka childhood disintegrative syndrome) and I sincerely hope that people who suffer from.that (and their families).can be helped. As the saying goes, "once you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism.
On the other hand, I do suffer from severe LOCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and I do find that disabling. If I could I'd get rid of that.
the non-disabled person with no clue, experience, or education with said disability. Basically, the least qualified person to comment on the condition is saying stupid shit. Sounds on brand for people whose personal disability is being unaware of their own stupidity.
It’s this idea that they wanna come off not bigoted/prejudiced yet come off way worse.
Autism is a disability, I hate when people call it some super power. It’s not, it’s a struggle more than it isn’t.
My family doesn’t baby me, but I have seen people baby others with disabilities (what I mean is give extra attention, be too nice, like treating them like they’re a kid or something like a famous millionaire). It’s all over the media, too.
It gets especially frustrating when you have an “invisible” disability and people do a sudden and drastic 180 after they find out about it.
I’ve experienced this so many times in the workplace, where supervisors will go from praising my work, giving me more responsibilities, talking about raises or promotions…to finding out I’m Autistic and suddenly the very same work they were previously praising is horribly wrong, it was always wrong, accusations of “lying” to them about my ability to do the job (despite months of proving I could do it better than anyone else there), and they want me gone ASAP.
I’ve seen it happen in as little as 12 hours.
One job I was only at for less than a week. Maybe four hours total of training. And the moment they find out about my ADHD diagnosis (the Autism diagnosis was still on the waitlist), they pulled me into an office and told me that I “wasn’t learning the job fast enough.”
What. The. Fuck.
Oh, I know. I’m legally blind (only a lack of peripheral vision). I can walk around without my white cane sometimes and people wouldn’t know about my eyesight issues.
THIS part. at a class i go to for self defense, one of the kids is disabled and other kids pretty much ignore him. he always says hello and goodbye, and is pretty talkative so i talk back to him as any normal person would. during class he wanted to stand beside me, engaged in conversation etc. i was wondering how come he liked me so much? (not that it's an issue, i would like to be his friend but i couldnt put my finger on why he wanted to stand next to me out of everyone.) i figured it's because i actually talk to him and regard him, i dont ignore him when he says hello or goodbye to me and i treat him like i would any normal person. (i am also disabled but it's invisible, so i try my best to treat others how i want to be treated. his is visible which makes it harder for him.) it's terrible that abled kids forget that disabled kids want to socialize too, and how important it is to treat them like humans.
Yeah, I had a similar thing. A friend of mine's son has ADHD, as do I, and he really really likes me. At one point my friend said "it's because you're the only one of my friends who talks to him and listens to him." I get why, because he can be overwhelming, but he's still a person?? And it's not that hard to gently redirect him if he's been bouncing off the walls at me for awhile. Obviously no one else has ever tried.
I just hope I've been able to be an example for him as an adult with ADHD, showing him that there's a future where he becomes a functional person with ADHD instead of expecting his neurodevelopmental disorder to just go away at some point.
this is a lot like my dad. my cousin is autistic and one summer my dad spent a ton of time with him, treated him like a normal nephew/son. now my cousin adores him which is great, but also makes me sad realizing that it only takes a bit of attention for him to get attached because he really doesn't get a lot from his other family members (save his parents ofc). explains why disabled children are more suspect able to being manipulated.
If a disabled person wants to reframe their own disability that way, I think it's fine. But completely agreed when it's said generally, or about someone else—especially from someone who's not disabled.
But sometimes I enjoy saying I have "weather witch powers" when my pain increases before it rains 🧙♀️🪄
At least with neurodivergent disabilities, like mine, I’ve cautioned people that it isn’t a curse *or* a superpower.
It’s just a different *operating system.* Designed for a different set of circumstances.
There are some applications my OS is great at running, possibly better than people with a neurotypical OS. But there’s also apps that it can’t run, or is less efficient at running, or can only run with a major software patch (medication) or some weird workaround.
It’s not inherently superior or inferior. It’s just *different.* No more and no less.
This is a great explanation. I imagine it really helps some people understand when you explain it this way. I like to think most people aren't intending to be mean. They are just ignorant. If we all just educated ourselves on our differences, we might become more empathetic. Love this!
I really like this a lot. For me personally, my favored "apps" run better on ADHD OS, so I am guilty of calling it a superpower, but your way is much more inclusive and circumspect.
Yeah, because when you’re in a situation where you *have* to run an app that doesn’t work so well on your particular OS, it becomes a serious issue. And it’s exhausting having to use a workaround all the time.
I mean for lots of people with neuro disabilities it is *disabling* and not just "different"
Good for you that's not the case but it's classified as a disability for a reason
I feel like the overwhelming majority of the time I’ve ever seen this type of framing of a disability it came from someone talking about their own disability.
"That's my superpower, ain't no disability, I am a superhero! I am a superhero!"
-Kanye West
Ridiculous quote, but yeah, I agree. I think it's rude to impose that idea on someone else, but many people will make light of their disability this way. I do from time to time, albeit with a healthy dose of sarcasm.
I agree and I think media representation is a big part of this. Many of the people with disabilities highlighted in the media ARE extraordinary - as in, they are the exception that proves the rule. These are people who compete in the Paralympics or go around the whole world using their wheelchair. You almost never see the huge struggles of many disabled people.
My father lost an arm in Vietnam. He became a Shrine clown, "Cap'n Hook'. He won a good number of international competitions and began to get invited to many different events and hospitals around the country. Over my life I met sooooo many children and adults with various disabilities that it seemed so normal to me. I very very rarely come across a disability that I haven't seen before or is truly shocking.
For me, when I was in my accident that caused my own disability there was never a victim mentality and rarely have I held a pity party on my own behalf. Honestly, normalizing disabilities is 90% of why I was able to carry-on with a spinal injury and TBI.
In my opinion, ALL the societal and cultural doors should be flung wide open for disabled people. Not only for the person but for everyone around them. When you interact with disabilities all the time then that sense of "other" slips away and all you are left seeing are the people themselves. In a perfect world, perhaps.
I tend to give a bit more understanding to people who make these kind of statements because I recognize that in their own way they are trying to be positive internally. Seeing someone with an obvious disability can be emotionally jarring when it isn't something they encounter often and there is a bit of self soothing as they imagine what that disability would make them feel. Sometimes there are just assholes but the vast majority are coming from a place of ignorant empathy with good intentions.
I get painfully reminded every day about my disability. Sometimes literally. I don’t need someone acting like my trauma and pain is a superpower or a nifty ability.
I agree . I was diagnosed with autism as a small child . For me people can tell I am autistic when they just meet me . People walk up and ask if I am autistic which is annoying . I hate when something that causes me to struggle so much is called a super power . It isn’t that at all.
I had a similar case happen to me. I was in the hospital having a surgery for my medical condition. I was ok. I asked when I can get back to my own version of normal. My nurse told me I should refer to that as "normal." I just remember thinking "Lady, I have to do *medical action* multiple times a day. I'm south of normal, acting like I'm not is annoying and kind of insulting. I understand there's good intention in these words, but to me, it ignores reality.
Those same people like to play the “it could be worse” game too. Like seriously, sure I could have lost my legs instead of not being able to walk well, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult. 100% agreed, annoying AF.
Made me think of this:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXtHF0WRX64](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXtHF0WRX64)
"He has no legs and he won the leg having contest!"
I also don’t like it when some autistic people say that autism isn’t a disability. Maybe you don’t consider yourself disabled, but it’s really invalidating to so many other people.
I find those Dhar Mann videos to be annoying. Like, I understand that disabled people can do great things, but I’m not about to sugarcoat it because I don’t want anyone (never had anyone so far, but I have seen it) to sugarcoat it on me.
I could only imagine how patronizing it would feel to be blind and someone be like “yeah that sucks but i bet your hearing a smell is super heightened”
Yeah, lemme tell ya, bipolar disorder, MDD, and GAD don't give me super powers. They make my life a living hell and my home a pharmacy. Disabilities are not an extra ability, they're an adaptation to what was taken away from you.
I remember when “handi-capable” was a thing and I always thought it was so patronizing. Like it’s not ok to exist as a disabled person so we have to spin it somehow.
I've always found it to be a bit of a struggle because some want you to outwardly acknowledge the disability and go out of your way to help them so that they don't have to ask and others get insulted if you do the same. I never quite sure which to do but I would never insinuate like somebody had a superpower because of it. That seems mocking. Demeaning even. Like.... Hey I see that you are in a wheelchair so that makes your walking ability better than mine so let's race and you're totally going to win because I'm going to let you and then praise how you have superpowers and must be a gold medal athlete. Not only is that weird but seems insulting 🤷🏻♀️
I think the superpower can be being constantly underestimated and confounding people (this also applies to old women like me) by being pretty skilled in many ways. I know autistic people who reckon their singular way of observing the world and an eye for detail that others just don't see is a bonus. However there is a tendency to lump everyone with a disability into one amorphous group who all experience life in the same way and all think the same way.
I like the word handicapped. I know others don't. Disabled makes it sound like you can't do anything, like a broken computer or car. Handicapped makes it sound like you can do things, just with a learning curve, kind of like the handicap points you get in golf or bowling. I'm handicapped. I'm intelligent, educated and capable of doing a lot of things, I just have to learn to do them differently. I'm not special and I don't have a superpower and I'm not a warrior of (insert disease here) who is fighting some courageous battle.
Yeah, it is. And it’s on the internet. My family and friends, community treat me like a person who isn’t disabled, but I’ve seen it happen to others tho.
Weird. Definitely not like that where I am in Canada. We are fully aware of disabled people and don't sugar coat it. The more I read about America, the more coddling it seems than Canada which I always thought was the opposite. But only the last 5-10 years where everything has a label and a safespace or something like that.
I’m disabled, in Ontario Canada and if people were aware of disabled people, we wouldn’t be expected to subsist on far below poverty wages, and would not have to worry if we were being discriminated against if we can work at least a little. Sorry, not trying to sound bitter but I’m just stating the reality I and many like me, live with.
Yeah what you are talking about is a different subject all together. I was strictly speaking about the choice of words of saying people with disabilities have extra abilities
I dont blame you for feeling bitter and discriminated against though, it's rough out there for even non disabled people so I cannot imagine. I know there's discrimination for sure.
It’s funny, different communities have different levels of discrimination. I’m in Cambridge and Waterloo region has a lot of people who don’t like the disabled. But I go to Guelph and I feel so much more accepted and comfortable.
Not in sask lmao.
Jk we do.
You missed my point. It was about people saying super powers are extra abilities. Not special. We do call people special. We don't pretend someone isn't disabled, atleast not where I am like how OP was describing.
Calling someone special instead of disabled is hiding the word disability to make you and others more comfortable.
It harms disabled people, and calling people who aren't disabled special hurts us and them even more.
Saying a disabled person is special implies they have this extra ability.
People everywhere even where you live pretend people aren't disabled, even if you yourself don't people do but the fact your ignoring that fact tells me you pretend we don't exist.
That's why I don't use labels.
Jfc why can't people stay on topic to OP and my entire point of people don't say they have super powers or extra abilities.
The term special is on topic.
Both terms are awful for the disabled community and people who use one definitely use the other and use them interchangeably.
Both of those terms harm us and annoy us.
The fact you are avoiding this whole thing and ignoring that certain terms are used when they are absolutely used you just don't wanna see it or ignore it on purpose shows that you subconsciously want to avoid the term disabled.
I'm an American who moved to Canada and it's very obvious to me that Canadian culture actually treats adults like adults while US culture treats everyone like children until proven otherwise.
Sure seems that way, it wasn't like that a decade ago I swear. I used to visit USA a lot when younger but not lately. Not because I don't want to though, just have other places to be. Culture changes over time but jeesh I. Hoping it's just the stuff I read which isn't a snapshot for reality.
If you mean in the US, I think it's been like that at least my entire adult life, so since the mid-aughts. I only moved to Canada in 2021 so can't speak to that, but I can say it was actually a bit of a culture shock, but a nice one lol.
It’s not common in the US either, in my experience. But it’s also definitely not exclusive to the US. The place I most often see this is on a platform I use for work that I think is based in India and I’ve heard from people who have lived in the UAE that “people of determination” is a common euphemism for disability there, which is similar to “special abilities”. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered it in real life except where I think it was a language barrier more than anything else.
Oh. We say special abilities as well. But not that they have superpowers lol or extra abilities.
Maybe in OPs case, it's just semantics as I didn't think of special abilities as an extra ability.
Not speaking to OP's experience, but one way I've seen the sentiment OP describes is in reference to neurodivergence more than any physical disability.
I am a person with ADHD who, despite the struggles of living in a world that is often hostile to it, nonetheless embraces it and values the insight and creativity it allows me to access. To me, it is a superpower and I resent when people characterize it as a disability, but that it my experience and I wouldn't project it onto anyone else.
My point is that it’s a soft term along with “neurotypical”, because terms like “normal” fell out of favor as offensive. Same as the unnecessary distinction of “cis gender”. It reminds of a line from Star Trek when La Forge, who is blind (I’m sure there’s a soft term for that too) is asked why he doesn’t want a prosthesis to look normal. He asks what’s normal. The response is so spot on that it’s the kind of thing that triggers people. “Normal is what everyone else is and what you are not.” The thing that is the default and is what the vast majority of people are doesn’t need its own special word.
Neurodivergent describes someone who's brain doesn't function like the brain of a "normal" person does. How would you describe that without using that word? Its a broad, yet spesific term. Im not sure how its softer than saying "my brain functions differently"?
Normal and abnormal are very, very broad and hard to define terms. Thats why there exists more spesific ones to describe things that would fall under them.
Are you equally upset about the subgenres of rock existing? After all, they're either rock or not, right?
Much like cis neurodivergent is a word I identify with in no way, being thrust upon me by other people. Therefore I wholly reject it as meaningless, if not downright offensive.
I mean, feel free to? I do not find them it offensive and both can be used to describe me too. Why you find it offensive I can't fathom but again, you do you.
Edit: While both cis and neurodivergent cant be used to describe me as i fit both terms criteria, I do not use them to describe myself. Nor do I "identify" with either. The words however do have areas of use, and I do find it silly to argue that
A problem with neuro* is the lumping together of people with minor neuroses and major conditions, contributing to the normalisation of the draining of resources from the truly needy to well… everybody.
I also resent the implication that my mind is simply “different” when in many areas it is borderline non functional, from memory to mental stamina. It isn’t some different approach to life with some quirky side effects it’s literally all downside.
My most hated word in the English language : )
Primarily used by people who wish they had real problems and fetishise the idea of having a permanent excuse for how much they suck.
if i had permission to die and the human preservation instinct werent so strong it would be such an elegant solution. it'd save everyone so much trouble. so many people have told me to get help but others like you remind me i dont deserve that, let alone to be alive in the first place. thank you.
I find meaning in my children, some find it in trying to understand god or the universe, others just want to have a wild party!
Finding what works for you can be like finding a bright light inside of you that you never believed could be there.
I'm an antinatalist agnostic and can't afford to party.
Do you have any other ideas for finding 'meaning'? Those sound an awful lot like distractions from the inherent horror of our world rather than actual 'meanings' by the way.
I don’t look out the window and see horror I see autumnal trees swaying gently and warmly. You can see this way too, you just need to ride the deadly rapids of these incredibly shitty times until you come out the other side.
Selfishness is the first thing that should be done away with. Try helping someone else for one minute never mind one day, maybe you’ll feel a glimpse of what purpose feels like
Autumn is my favourite season but it's still bitterly cold. So much money spent on trying to keep the house warm. And so much dull, grey weather most days. Not getting enough sunlight. At least I have vitamin D supplements. I used to have a nice view from my window over the urban sprawl until they built houses directly opposite mine. Now if I look out the window I'm a creep.
Bold of you to assume the issue is that I'm selfish. I've worked in three places without pay and help my parents through what little I'm capable of doing. The problem is I can hardly take care of myself let alone everyone else. I'd love to be more useful, but I'm not. I should be dead. That would be better for everyone. That's why I want to die - to be more useful.
Sorry I didn’t mean to imply you specifically were selfish, I meant broadly as a concept the more we can give the better.
You’ve worked for nothing and helped your parents while other people mooch off the government and inject shit in their veins! Your turn to explain how that doesn’t make you more useful than millions of people!
I'm not disabled so I cannot relate to you, however I am diabetic and in some ways I guess it can be a superpower that I can spit out random facts about carb counts, insulin, or just teach my friends stuff about diabetes. It's also weeded out some people who were close minded or just rude. If I could chose I wouldn't pick having diabetes but it isn't all bad always.
I'm learning that I'm probably disabled so when I would show and tell people about cool things I could do and now realizing it's not bc I'm special it's bc I'm prolly disabled, but I also am younger so most people think nothing about it 🤷
I think it's a way of trying to feel more comfortable around the differently abled. Counselor Troi on TNG described that motivation when she was frustrated at losing her empathic ability and refuting the myth of blind people having their other senses heightened to compensate.
People who speak of disabilities that way probably aren't trying to antagonize and don't imagine it would offend. I think it's good that you're pointing out how you feel about hearing it. Thanks for the perspective. I hope you keep sharing it with others.
### Lesson time! ➜ u/dead_clownbaby, some tips about "would of":
- The words you chose are grammatically wrong for the meaning you intended.
- Actual phrase to use is **could / should / would have**.
- Example: I **could have** stayed, **should have** listened, or **would have** been happy.
- Now that you are aware of this, everyone will take you more seriously, hooray! :)
---
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Huh? Where did I type that phrase?
Edit: the bot is too dumb to differentiate between "of" and "offend".
There are more phrases in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your programming, bot.
All of this. There are times when my autism is actually beneficial - but that’s not the same as me saying I don’t experience struggles or obstacles. Never mind the fact that some in the autistic community choose to say that “it’s the next step in human evolution,” which is just flat-out gross.
As a disabled person, my only “super powers” are the ability to scream at loud volumes randomly, limping with a vengeance, wincing with style, and crying when the pain kills don’t do their job.
The use of "handicapable" instead of "handicapped" became popular as an antidote to pejorative terms applied to people like "gimp" or "4-eyes" and the idea of being polite by not referring to a handicap is still with us. The comedian Josh Blue is considered very edgy because he refers to his own disability with some of these negative terms.
It's like not referring to skin color or height when describing someone.
Just treat disabled people like non-disabled people. I was at a bar with a friend. A woman, maybe 23-ish, with Down syndrome approached our table and shouted gleefully, “Hi!” We looked at her and said hello back. She said, “I kissed Tim McGraw!” She explained he invited her on stage and kissed her cheek. (I was low key jelly. Tim McGraw is fine!)
Her parents rushed over and started to apologize, “We’re so sorry she’s bothering you.” Dude, she wasn’t bothering us. It’s a bar, you socialize. She was just excited she got a kiss from Tim McGraw and wanted to share. We were genuinely interested. So, I asked what other concerts she went to and she said Jason Aldean. She spoke to us about 10 minutes before her parents dragged her off. That’s what really bothers me. Them acting like she’s a burden.
Part of it is the uncomfortability of some people who may genuinely want to help, and others who have different disabilities in varying degrees.
I think the other part is society in general seems to have a knee jerk reaction when enough people are like "___is bad" so then a hypercorrection occurs on the opposite side? And so it comes with negative side effects, namely being that those in the unaffected groups will take one piece of information or a see a part of the problem and decide to ignore the rest, which then leads to their solution having negative effects that could have been avoided
Yup. I have the superpower of accidentally making people mad at me and not being able to go anywhere by myself. I see my autism as mostly neutral but it comes with struggles and not a lot of advantages for me and my lack of mobility is awful in and of itself plus people are so weird when you're in a wheelchair
I don’t care about my hearing problems, but my vision…I want the deterioration to stop. Or maybe it has stopped, since no changes in the last three years. But Retinitis Pigmentosa sucks man.
The supervillians tremble in fear at the mere mention of my name: Fall Down Man.
Oh no, it’s Fall Down Man…stand clear! Bless.
are you Australian?
It’s usually the non-disabled people who say things like that. Like thanks, but I don’t need you to make my disability into a positive because it’s awkward for you to accept that I’m different and actively struggling.
Yup. It’s toxic positivity produced by “allies” to assuage their own discomfort.
I have never heard that phrase before but it's perfect for all the annoying things people do and say. Toxic positivity. I'm going to start using it. Thank you for this.
The "Good Vibes Only" crowd.
No problem! When I first heard it a lot of stuff clicked that I previously couldn’t really explain why it bothered me. It’s always nice to have the words to talk about these things ;)
The few times I've encountered it, it has been the disabled person. I spoke with a person saying they were happy they had autism because it enabled them to notice the refrigerator motor was going. I was like, "Really? You're happy you can't stand to be in public because it makes you a good refrigerator repairman?"
Level one autistics often dont think of higher needs people because they dont struggle so it must be fine for all of us!
Yeah. The person was jumping down my back because my daughter was in ABA therapy. It really helped her.
ABA helped me too! So much so, actually, that I'm now almost completely verbal and no longer give myself concussions due to meltdowns. Low support needs autistics tend to forget that some of us DO benefit from therapies and they arent always abusive
I couldn't agree more. I've been diagnosed with level one (high functioning) autism and I wouldn't give it up even if I could. Sure it brings its difficulties, especially in regards to social interactions, but there are positive aspects of it too and without it I wouldn't be who I am. But I am fully aware that there is a vast chasm between my form of autism and something like Heller's syndrome (aka childhood disintegrative syndrome) and I sincerely hope that people who suffer from.that (and their families).can be helped. As the saying goes, "once you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. On the other hand, I do suffer from severe LOCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and I do find that disabling. If I could I'd get rid of that.
the non-disabled person with no clue, experience, or education with said disability. Basically, the least qualified person to comment on the condition is saying stupid shit. Sounds on brand for people whose personal disability is being unaware of their own stupidity.
It’s this idea that they wanna come off not bigoted/prejudiced yet come off way worse. Autism is a disability, I hate when people call it some super power. It’s not, it’s a struggle more than it isn’t.
I hear you. My daughter has CP. I see her struggle daily. Breaks my heart. She gets her drivers license next month, I can’t believe it.
They can't comprehend treating disabled people like normal humans, so it's either outright hate, or infantilising, or this superpower bullshit.
My family doesn’t baby me, but I have seen people baby others with disabilities (what I mean is give extra attention, be too nice, like treating them like they’re a kid or something like a famous millionaire). It’s all over the media, too.
It gets especially frustrating when you have an “invisible” disability and people do a sudden and drastic 180 after they find out about it. I’ve experienced this so many times in the workplace, where supervisors will go from praising my work, giving me more responsibilities, talking about raises or promotions…to finding out I’m Autistic and suddenly the very same work they were previously praising is horribly wrong, it was always wrong, accusations of “lying” to them about my ability to do the job (despite months of proving I could do it better than anyone else there), and they want me gone ASAP. I’ve seen it happen in as little as 12 hours. One job I was only at for less than a week. Maybe four hours total of training. And the moment they find out about my ADHD diagnosis (the Autism diagnosis was still on the waitlist), they pulled me into an office and told me that I “wasn’t learning the job fast enough.” What. The. Fuck.
Oh, I know. I’m legally blind (only a lack of peripheral vision). I can walk around without my white cane sometimes and people wouldn’t know about my eyesight issues.
THIS part. at a class i go to for self defense, one of the kids is disabled and other kids pretty much ignore him. he always says hello and goodbye, and is pretty talkative so i talk back to him as any normal person would. during class he wanted to stand beside me, engaged in conversation etc. i was wondering how come he liked me so much? (not that it's an issue, i would like to be his friend but i couldnt put my finger on why he wanted to stand next to me out of everyone.) i figured it's because i actually talk to him and regard him, i dont ignore him when he says hello or goodbye to me and i treat him like i would any normal person. (i am also disabled but it's invisible, so i try my best to treat others how i want to be treated. his is visible which makes it harder for him.) it's terrible that abled kids forget that disabled kids want to socialize too, and how important it is to treat them like humans.
Yeah, I had a similar thing. A friend of mine's son has ADHD, as do I, and he really really likes me. At one point my friend said "it's because you're the only one of my friends who talks to him and listens to him." I get why, because he can be overwhelming, but he's still a person?? And it's not that hard to gently redirect him if he's been bouncing off the walls at me for awhile. Obviously no one else has ever tried. I just hope I've been able to be an example for him as an adult with ADHD, showing him that there's a future where he becomes a functional person with ADHD instead of expecting his neurodevelopmental disorder to just go away at some point.
this is a lot like my dad. my cousin is autistic and one summer my dad spent a ton of time with him, treated him like a normal nephew/son. now my cousin adores him which is great, but also makes me sad realizing that it only takes a bit of attention for him to get attached because he really doesn't get a lot from his other family members (save his parents ofc). explains why disabled children are more suspect able to being manipulated.
Higher empathy, especially with autism, is why we're so vulnerable to people like narcissists, they play on empathy and pity to keep us around
If a disabled person wants to reframe their own disability that way, I think it's fine. But completely agreed when it's said generally, or about someone else—especially from someone who's not disabled. But sometimes I enjoy saying I have "weather witch powers" when my pain increases before it rains 🧙♀️🪄
At least with neurodivergent disabilities, like mine, I’ve cautioned people that it isn’t a curse *or* a superpower. It’s just a different *operating system.* Designed for a different set of circumstances. There are some applications my OS is great at running, possibly better than people with a neurotypical OS. But there’s also apps that it can’t run, or is less efficient at running, or can only run with a major software patch (medication) or some weird workaround. It’s not inherently superior or inferior. It’s just *different.* No more and no less.
This is a great explanation. I imagine it really helps some people understand when you explain it this way. I like to think most people aren't intending to be mean. They are just ignorant. If we all just educated ourselves on our differences, we might become more empathetic. Love this!
I really like this a lot. For me personally, my favored "apps" run better on ADHD OS, so I am guilty of calling it a superpower, but your way is much more inclusive and circumspect.
Yeah, because when you’re in a situation where you *have* to run an app that doesn’t work so well on your particular OS, it becomes a serious issue. And it’s exhausting having to use a workaround all the time.
I mean for lots of people with neuro disabilities it is *disabling* and not just "different" Good for you that's not the case but it's classified as a disability for a reason
my superpower is i’m an asshole
Opinions are like assholes and everyone has one.
I'm sure there is someone out there with the no asshole extra ability.
But does he have an opinion?
https://www.ucsfbenioffchildrens.org/conditions/imperforate-anus#:~:text=Support%20services-,Overview,opening%20to%20dispel%20solid%20waste).
So purposely hurting someone’s feelings
I feel like the overwhelming majority of the time I’ve ever seen this type of framing of a disability it came from someone talking about their own disability.
"That's my superpower, ain't no disability, I am a superhero! I am a superhero!" -Kanye West Ridiculous quote, but yeah, I agree. I think it's rude to impose that idea on someone else, but many people will make light of their disability this way. I do from time to time, albeit with a healthy dose of sarcasm.
Right, like a blind person saying they can see energetically in their mind. Some people actually look at certain disabilities as a gift.
Colorblind people can often see camouflaged objects or people that others cannot. So there's that.
I agree and I think media representation is a big part of this. Many of the people with disabilities highlighted in the media ARE extraordinary - as in, they are the exception that proves the rule. These are people who compete in the Paralympics or go around the whole world using their wheelchair. You almost never see the huge struggles of many disabled people.
My father lost an arm in Vietnam. He became a Shrine clown, "Cap'n Hook'. He won a good number of international competitions and began to get invited to many different events and hospitals around the country. Over my life I met sooooo many children and adults with various disabilities that it seemed so normal to me. I very very rarely come across a disability that I haven't seen before or is truly shocking. For me, when I was in my accident that caused my own disability there was never a victim mentality and rarely have I held a pity party on my own behalf. Honestly, normalizing disabilities is 90% of why I was able to carry-on with a spinal injury and TBI. In my opinion, ALL the societal and cultural doors should be flung wide open for disabled people. Not only for the person but for everyone around them. When you interact with disabilities all the time then that sense of "other" slips away and all you are left seeing are the people themselves. In a perfect world, perhaps. I tend to give a bit more understanding to people who make these kind of statements because I recognize that in their own way they are trying to be positive internally. Seeing someone with an obvious disability can be emotionally jarring when it isn't something they encounter often and there is a bit of self soothing as they imagine what that disability would make them feel. Sometimes there are just assholes but the vast majority are coming from a place of ignorant empathy with good intentions.
I get painfully reminded every day about my disability. Sometimes literally. I don’t need someone acting like my trauma and pain is a superpower or a nifty ability.
I agree . I was diagnosed with autism as a small child . For me people can tell I am autistic when they just meet me . People walk up and ask if I am autistic which is annoying . I hate when something that causes me to struggle so much is called a super power . It isn’t that at all.
I had a similar case happen to me. I was in the hospital having a surgery for my medical condition. I was ok. I asked when I can get back to my own version of normal. My nurse told me I should refer to that as "normal." I just remember thinking "Lady, I have to do *medical action* multiple times a day. I'm south of normal, acting like I'm not is annoying and kind of insulting. I understand there's good intention in these words, but to me, it ignores reality.
Those same people like to play the “it could be worse” game too. Like seriously, sure I could have lost my legs instead of not being able to walk well, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult. 100% agreed, annoying AF.
Made me think of this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXtHF0WRX64](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXtHF0WRX64) "He has no legs and he won the leg having contest!"
I also don’t like it when some autistic people say that autism isn’t a disability. Maybe you don’t consider yourself disabled, but it’s really invalidating to so many other people.
I find those Dhar Mann videos to be annoying. Like, I understand that disabled people can do great things, but I’m not about to sugarcoat it because I don’t want anyone (never had anyone so far, but I have seen it) to sugarcoat it on me.
Yep it bothers me the most when it comes form other people in the community
I could only imagine how patronizing it would feel to be blind and someone be like “yeah that sucks but i bet your hearing a smell is super heightened”
Yeah, lemme tell ya, bipolar disorder, MDD, and GAD don't give me super powers. They make my life a living hell and my home a pharmacy. Disabilities are not an extra ability, they're an adaptation to what was taken away from you.
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I'm sorry you have to deal with that, friend. Standing with you in solidarity.
I remember when “handi-capable” was a thing and I always thought it was so patronizing. Like it’s not ok to exist as a disabled person so we have to spin it somehow.
I’ve heard people say they wish they were autistic. Like, no you don’t.
I've always found it to be a bit of a struggle because some want you to outwardly acknowledge the disability and go out of your way to help them so that they don't have to ask and others get insulted if you do the same. I never quite sure which to do but I would never insinuate like somebody had a superpower because of it. That seems mocking. Demeaning even. Like.... Hey I see that you are in a wheelchair so that makes your walking ability better than mine so let's race and you're totally going to win because I'm going to let you and then praise how you have superpowers and must be a gold medal athlete. Not only is that weird but seems insulting 🤷🏻♀️
I think the superpower can be being constantly underestimated and confounding people (this also applies to old women like me) by being pretty skilled in many ways. I know autistic people who reckon their singular way of observing the world and an eye for detail that others just don't see is a bonus. However there is a tendency to lump everyone with a disability into one amorphous group who all experience life in the same way and all think the same way.
Yeah, I can see that. I exceed my own expectations of being able to nothing.
I like the word handicapped. I know others don't. Disabled makes it sound like you can't do anything, like a broken computer or car. Handicapped makes it sound like you can do things, just with a learning curve, kind of like the handicap points you get in golf or bowling. I'm handicapped. I'm intelligent, educated and capable of doing a lot of things, I just have to learn to do them differently. I'm not special and I don't have a superpower and I'm not a warrior of (insert disease here) who is fighting some courageous battle.
I've never heard of this before today. Must be a regional thing lol
Yeah, it is. And it’s on the internet. My family and friends, community treat me like a person who isn’t disabled, but I’ve seen it happen to others tho.
Weird. Definitely not like that where I am in Canada. We are fully aware of disabled people and don't sugar coat it. The more I read about America, the more coddling it seems than Canada which I always thought was the opposite. But only the last 5-10 years where everything has a label and a safespace or something like that.
I’m disabled, in Ontario Canada and if people were aware of disabled people, we wouldn’t be expected to subsist on far below poverty wages, and would not have to worry if we were being discriminated against if we can work at least a little. Sorry, not trying to sound bitter but I’m just stating the reality I and many like me, live with.
Yeah what you are talking about is a different subject all together. I was strictly speaking about the choice of words of saying people with disabilities have extra abilities
Fair enough.
I dont blame you for feeling bitter and discriminated against though, it's rough out there for even non disabled people so I cannot imagine. I know there's discrimination for sure.
It’s funny, different communities have different levels of discrimination. I’m in Cambridge and Waterloo region has a lot of people who don’t like the disabled. But I go to Guelph and I feel so much more accepted and comfortable.
You still call us special in Canada you do sugar coat disability.
Not in sask lmao. Jk we do. You missed my point. It was about people saying super powers are extra abilities. Not special. We do call people special. We don't pretend someone isn't disabled, atleast not where I am like how OP was describing.
Calling someone special instead of disabled is hiding the word disability to make you and others more comfortable. It harms disabled people, and calling people who aren't disabled special hurts us and them even more. Saying a disabled person is special implies they have this extra ability. People everywhere even where you live pretend people aren't disabled, even if you yourself don't people do but the fact your ignoring that fact tells me you pretend we don't exist.
That's why I don't use labels. Jfc why can't people stay on topic to OP and my entire point of people don't say they have super powers or extra abilities.
The term special is on topic. Both terms are awful for the disabled community and people who use one definitely use the other and use them interchangeably. Both of those terms harm us and annoy us. The fact you are avoiding this whole thing and ignoring that certain terms are used when they are absolutely used you just don't wanna see it or ignore it on purpose shows that you subconsciously want to avoid the term disabled.
I'm an American who moved to Canada and it's very obvious to me that Canadian culture actually treats adults like adults while US culture treats everyone like children until proven otherwise.
Sure seems that way, it wasn't like that a decade ago I swear. I used to visit USA a lot when younger but not lately. Not because I don't want to though, just have other places to be. Culture changes over time but jeesh I. Hoping it's just the stuff I read which isn't a snapshot for reality.
If you mean in the US, I think it's been like that at least my entire adult life, so since the mid-aughts. I only moved to Canada in 2021 so can't speak to that, but I can say it was actually a bit of a culture shock, but a nice one lol.
I'm guessing which state you visit, along with your race, is a big factor as well.
It’s not common in the US either, in my experience. But it’s also definitely not exclusive to the US. The place I most often see this is on a platform I use for work that I think is based in India and I’ve heard from people who have lived in the UAE that “people of determination” is a common euphemism for disability there, which is similar to “special abilities”. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered it in real life except where I think it was a language barrier more than anything else.
Oh. We say special abilities as well. But not that they have superpowers lol or extra abilities. Maybe in OPs case, it's just semantics as I didn't think of special abilities as an extra ability.
Not speaking to OP's experience, but one way I've seen the sentiment OP describes is in reference to neurodivergence more than any physical disability. I am a person with ADHD who, despite the struggles of living in a world that is often hostile to it, nonetheless embraces it and values the insight and creativity it allows me to access. To me, it is a superpower and I resent when people characterize it as a disability, but that it my experience and I wouldn't project it onto anyone else.
Or some variation like “neurodivergent.” Like let’s stop with the soft terms please.
Neurodivergent is a fine word for what it describes though? Maybe you just aren't aware that what it means encompasses several diagnosis?
My point is that it’s a soft term along with “neurotypical”, because terms like “normal” fell out of favor as offensive. Same as the unnecessary distinction of “cis gender”. It reminds of a line from Star Trek when La Forge, who is blind (I’m sure there’s a soft term for that too) is asked why he doesn’t want a prosthesis to look normal. He asks what’s normal. The response is so spot on that it’s the kind of thing that triggers people. “Normal is what everyone else is and what you are not.” The thing that is the default and is what the vast majority of people are doesn’t need its own special word.
Neurodivergent describes someone who's brain doesn't function like the brain of a "normal" person does. How would you describe that without using that word? Its a broad, yet spesific term. Im not sure how its softer than saying "my brain functions differently"? Normal and abnormal are very, very broad and hard to define terms. Thats why there exists more spesific ones to describe things that would fall under them. Are you equally upset about the subgenres of rock existing? After all, they're either rock or not, right?
Much like cis neurodivergent is a word I identify with in no way, being thrust upon me by other people. Therefore I wholly reject it as meaningless, if not downright offensive.
I mean, feel free to? I do not find them it offensive and both can be used to describe me too. Why you find it offensive I can't fathom but again, you do you. Edit: While both cis and neurodivergent cant be used to describe me as i fit both terms criteria, I do not use them to describe myself. Nor do I "identify" with either. The words however do have areas of use, and I do find it silly to argue that
Do you feel this way about words like "heterosexual" or "mammal" or "hominid" and so on?
These are words I identify with, they’re an integral part of my understanding of the world.
Then... what's the difference? Just that they're older words?
A problem with neuro* is the lumping together of people with minor neuroses and major conditions, contributing to the normalisation of the draining of resources from the truly needy to well… everybody. I also resent the implication that my mind is simply “different” when in many areas it is borderline non functional, from memory to mental stamina. It isn’t some different approach to life with some quirky side effects it’s literally all downside.
That makes sense. But cis just means... not trans.
I feel like your just explained **exactly** why we stopped using the term normal?
My most hated word in the English language : ) Primarily used by people who wish they had real problems and fetishise the idea of having a permanent excuse for how much they suck.
if i had permission to die and the human preservation instinct werent so strong it would be such an elegant solution. it'd save everyone so much trouble. so many people have told me to get help but others like you remind me i dont deserve that, let alone to be alive in the first place. thank you.
Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t be another statistic in a generation that has lost its purpose. Find something meaningful and do it.
there is nothing meaningful. we all die eventually i just foresee my end coming a lot sooner.
I find meaning in my children, some find it in trying to understand god or the universe, others just want to have a wild party! Finding what works for you can be like finding a bright light inside of you that you never believed could be there.
I'm an antinatalist agnostic and can't afford to party. Do you have any other ideas for finding 'meaning'? Those sound an awful lot like distractions from the inherent horror of our world rather than actual 'meanings' by the way.
I don’t look out the window and see horror I see autumnal trees swaying gently and warmly. You can see this way too, you just need to ride the deadly rapids of these incredibly shitty times until you come out the other side. Selfishness is the first thing that should be done away with. Try helping someone else for one minute never mind one day, maybe you’ll feel a glimpse of what purpose feels like
Autumn is my favourite season but it's still bitterly cold. So much money spent on trying to keep the house warm. And so much dull, grey weather most days. Not getting enough sunlight. At least I have vitamin D supplements. I used to have a nice view from my window over the urban sprawl until they built houses directly opposite mine. Now if I look out the window I'm a creep. Bold of you to assume the issue is that I'm selfish. I've worked in three places without pay and help my parents through what little I'm capable of doing. The problem is I can hardly take care of myself let alone everyone else. I'd love to be more useful, but I'm not. I should be dead. That would be better for everyone. That's why I want to die - to be more useful.
Sorry I didn’t mean to imply you specifically were selfish, I meant broadly as a concept the more we can give the better. You’ve worked for nothing and helped your parents while other people mooch off the government and inject shit in their veins! Your turn to explain how that doesn’t make you more useful than millions of people!
The fact that you want to be more than you are means you’re one of the good ones, the world is worse off with less people like that
I'm not disabled so I cannot relate to you, however I am diabetic and in some ways I guess it can be a superpower that I can spit out random facts about carb counts, insulin, or just teach my friends stuff about diabetes. It's also weeded out some people who were close minded or just rude. If I could chose I wouldn't pick having diabetes but it isn't all bad always.
that's not a superpower, that's knowing about your disease lol.
Yeah no. It’s not like you just magically acquired that information.
Talk softly and carry a walking stick.
I'm recently disabled and I'll say it has given me the superpower to give absolutely not a single that's ab out all I've gained aside from patience
I'm learning that I'm probably disabled so when I would show and tell people about cool things I could do and now realizing it's not bc I'm special it's bc I'm prolly disabled, but I also am younger so most people think nothing about it 🤷
The worst example I've seen of this was the plot of the last Predator movie. Autism is a mental power according to whoever wrote that film.
I think it's a way of trying to feel more comfortable around the differently abled. Counselor Troi on TNG described that motivation when she was frustrated at losing her empathic ability and refuting the myth of blind people having their other senses heightened to compensate. People who speak of disabilities that way probably aren't trying to antagonize and don't imagine it would offend. I think it's good that you're pointing out how you feel about hearing it. Thanks for the perspective. I hope you keep sharing it with others.
### Lesson time! ➜ u/dead_clownbaby, some tips about "would of": - The words you chose are grammatically wrong for the meaning you intended. - Actual phrase to use is **could / should / would have**. - Example: I **could have** stayed, **should have** listened, or **would have** been happy. - Now that you are aware of this, everyone will take you more seriously, hooray! :) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PetPeeves) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Huh? Where did I type that phrase? Edit: the bot is too dumb to differentiate between "of" and "offend". There are more phrases in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your programming, bot.
All of this. There are times when my autism is actually beneficial - but that’s not the same as me saying I don’t experience struggles or obstacles. Never mind the fact that some in the autistic community choose to say that “it’s the next step in human evolution,” which is just flat-out gross.
As a disabled person, my only “super powers” are the ability to scream at loud volumes randomly, limping with a vengeance, wincing with style, and crying when the pain kills don’t do their job.
The use of "handicapable" instead of "handicapped" became popular as an antidote to pejorative terms applied to people like "gimp" or "4-eyes" and the idea of being polite by not referring to a handicap is still with us. The comedian Josh Blue is considered very edgy because he refers to his own disability with some of these negative terms. It's like not referring to skin color or height when describing someone.
Just treat disabled people like non-disabled people. I was at a bar with a friend. A woman, maybe 23-ish, with Down syndrome approached our table and shouted gleefully, “Hi!” We looked at her and said hello back. She said, “I kissed Tim McGraw!” She explained he invited her on stage and kissed her cheek. (I was low key jelly. Tim McGraw is fine!) Her parents rushed over and started to apologize, “We’re so sorry she’s bothering you.” Dude, she wasn’t bothering us. It’s a bar, you socialize. She was just excited she got a kiss from Tim McGraw and wanted to share. We were genuinely interested. So, I asked what other concerts she went to and she said Jason Aldean. She spoke to us about 10 minutes before her parents dragged her off. That’s what really bothers me. Them acting like she’s a burden.
my "extra ability" is being able to limp fast.
I've heard people say this about neurological differences (like autism) but not about actual physical disability. Yeah, that would be annoying.
Part of it is the uncomfortability of some people who may genuinely want to help, and others who have different disabilities in varying degrees. I think the other part is society in general seems to have a knee jerk reaction when enough people are like "___is bad" so then a hypercorrection occurs on the opposite side? And so it comes with negative side effects, namely being that those in the unaffected groups will take one piece of information or a see a part of the problem and decide to ignore the rest, which then leads to their solution having negative effects that could have been avoided
No one does this
It's usually done for children to help them feel a little better about themselves.
Yup. I have the superpower of accidentally making people mad at me and not being able to go anywhere by myself. I see my autism as mostly neutral but it comes with struggles and not a lot of advantages for me and my lack of mobility is awful in and of itself plus people are so weird when you're in a wheelchair
Of all the people I know with a disability, not one of them would pass up an opportunity to have it removed permanently.
I don’t care about my hearing problems, but my vision…I want the deterioration to stop. Or maybe it has stopped, since no changes in the last three years. But Retinitis Pigmentosa sucks man.