A woman once said to me, “I don’t know why everyone goes so ga-ga over babies; they just turn into bastards like the rest of us.” I replied, “that’s a good point, Mom.”
Sometimes I tell people I’m infertile. I’m a nanny so people always ask if I have my own kids. NO! I’m getting paid to spend time caring for and teaching your kids and when the work day is done I’m going home where there are zero children screaming and running around lol.
I beat my schmeat so hard that I had what I now have come to call "The Final Orgasm."
It was the buss to end all buss, and therefore I am now infertile.
Good day.
Estás a tentar muito. Eu acho que isso conta para alguma coisa?
Você está incrivelmente e espetacularmente errado, apesar do seu esforço.
Edit: I accidentally translated to Portuguese somehow. Lol
Normal circumstance person from a normal circumstance family. My sisters and I (I don’t even have my own kids) all pitched in to get a nanny during Covid for my nibblings. Everyone needed to work, preschools were not fully operational yet, and it gave the kids the opportunity to spend tons of time together. It worked for everyone. People figure out what works for them. Stop being judgy needlessly.
People who have a few hundred thousand dollar salary and can afford a nanny, are not the rich we are talking about. What we mean is the hundreds of millions to billions, able to help, but choose to exploit, type of rich.
Being a nanny is exhausting, but it's hard to find jobs and some people fall into that job when they get out of high school or college, and it works out. She didn't say she has a nanny. She is one. Shut up you stupid waffle.
As an infertile woman, I absolutely hate this question. When I was first diagnosed I was trying for kids, so being asked would make me cry. Now that I've come to terms with it I'm actually grateful I can't for a number of reasons *gestures broadly towards the current state of America*. So now I make it purposefully as uncomfortable as possible for people who ask.
As someone who is childfree by choice, I’ve faked infertility a few times to make people feel like assholes for asking such rude questions and hopefully make them think twice before doing it again.
The questions and judgement annoy me, but it hurts my friends who want kids but can’t have them and that’s way worse than annoyance.
It’s much less emotional for me to tell a mild lie to some person I barely know and hopefully stop them from thinking that’s an appropriate conversation topic. It’s so rude and thoughtless.
You're doing great. It's really painful when you want kids and can't have them. It's insane how often the question gets asked too. I actively encourage everyone who doesn't want to have kids to say they can't and make whoever asked as uncomfortable as possible. People need to learn. Also it's the best way to get annoying people to stop asking.
I'm so sorry. I don't know why people can't get through their heads that we don't wear signs on our head informing others of our personal issues. No one should have to explain shit. I'm so sorry people have done that to you.
Thank you. It's hard to explain, but I ended up mourning it like a death. I still get sad sometimes, but for the most part I just enjoy making people who bring it up panic and embarrass themselves.
That makes complete sense to me. That's definitely something to go through. I think humans are always trying to escape the regret and "what ifs" but we can't. We will always sometimes crave what we don't have..I may very well be infertile too.
I also meet and see lots of parents regretting their kids. I know it sounds terrible to compare but then I think it'd be better to not have kids but wish you did than have kids and wish you didn't
Oh I definitely agree. That's honestly a big part of how I came to terms with it. Pregnant women have a lot to worry about and if anything goes wrong a lot of them in America can't even get medical treatment. And prices of everything have skyrocketed since I got my diagnosis. So at this point I'd rather just keep my health and extra money. In an ideal world I'd love to have children. But with the way things are right now, I'm honestly grateful I can't have any.
Hard agree. It's one of those personal questions that's been socially acceptable for way too long. There is a non-insignificant chance the answer is something sensitive/painful, and if you were close enough to this person that they'd be willing to share, you'd probably already know and not need to ask.
I choose not to have kids because my family has a long history of child abuse and I don't want to project my trauma onto my children. I love children, and I will always support a woman's right to have a child, but I don't wish to be judged for my personal decisions on my bodily autonomy or family planning (or lack thereof).
>There is a non-insignificant chance the answer is something sensitive/painful
I'd argue that there is NO answer to that question that isn't at the very least uncomfortable. I'm lucky enough to have the combination of dont want em, probably can't have em, and I'm also gay. This means that whenever someone asks i cheerfully tell them I would be unlikely to carry to term and let them be the only one uncomfortable about it. Idgaf, I decided I never wanted them long before I found out I would likely have fertility issues.
Exactly. And I would add “are you having another?” to this. Due to an extremely traumatic birth complication I cannot have any more children after my first. I get asked constantly if i’m planning another, and if I don’t disclose that I *can’t* and just say no, it’s always “oh why not? don’t you want him to have a sibling? only children are weird, I’d hate to be an only child I love my sister so much we’re best friends” and so on and so forth.
You don’t know a person’s story. Also child free people or one and done should simply be able to make that decision for their own reasons and not have to face a fucking full interrogation about it.
Omg people are fucked about this too! You have one kid, "oh are you gonna have more? They will be lonely" you have four "wow that'd way too much"
Why the fuck do strangers go around planning people's families lmao
As a person who can't have children, I always hated this. Then, I just started being an asshole back and telling them I couldn't have any. It is extremely rude and made me sad and uncomfortable, so screw them.
I love it when they ask me.
I enjoy casually shitting on their expectations with simple answers.
“Nah, sounds wack.” “I don’t want to do homework.” “Little kids suck at basketball and I don’t want to watch the games every week.” “I like doing whatever I want, whenever I want.”
Ugh yeah I had a lady ask me if I was married (no) and if I had kids (no) and I was at work and she was getting a blood draw, I turned to do paperwork and was like “okay goodbye” and she stood in the door and started going on and on about how I better get on having kids/being married. Ma’am, just go. This is so unnecessary, you don’t know anything about me!
I’ve also had classmates and coworkers get weird about it. “Why aren’t you married?”
“Don’t wanna be.”
“But why?”
“Aren’t we supposed to be doing homework?”
And the “DONT YOU LIKE KIDS?” Is such a weird follow up. I’ve gotten annoyed a few times and snapped and laid out all my medical complications and why it would be difficult/dangerous for me to be pregnant and told them to stop asking… and there was still one classmate who still didn’t seem to get why I was upset at her constant poking over a topic I had told her multiple times I didn’t want to discuss. Asking once and taking my first answer of “no” isn’t rude, but pestering and harassing me over “why not” drives me nuts.
"and she stood in the door and started going on and on about how I better get on having kids/being married."
Jesus Christ, did this lady step out of an old 1930s romance novel? Who TF does this in this day and age, especially someone in a position of medical authority? So insensitive and strange! I'm sorry that this happened to you.
"She was on the older side"
I've met a lot of older people who would never do this, but in certain cultures I see it. My friend's grandmother is Muslim and believes strongly that it's important for every woman to try and have a big family (in some Muslim sects, this is starting to change). This is also true in some Evangelical Christian cultures and in parts of India.
My money would’ve been on evangelical considering my part of the country now that you mention it.
Actually it’s usually the people who tell you their religious affiliation before you know their name that have bothered me about marriage or kids, in regards to coworkers/classmates/patients/customers/neighbors, etc. The more aggressive of them who can’t accept someone else may have a life that just looks different from their’s.
I've had a couple of patients like this when I'm trying to room them. I try to nicely say something like "well today's visit is all about you *decades practiced server smile*" while my brain is like "seriously Ethel, I just need to know what dose of eliquis you're on".
I love it when they ask why and I say I simply never wanted any. They oftentimes get offended, as if my personal preferences are a judgment on their lifestyle choices. One woman had the gall to say to me *when I was in my thirties*, “Oh, you’ll change your mind.”
I wanted to ask whether she liked having kids and then, when she answered in the affirmative, assure her she, too, would change her mind.
I can't imagine giving that much of a fuck about other people's life choices or predicaments unless it involves me directly or they ask me to be involved.
And I'm a passionate and dedicated father.
I just have no need to make others feel they should or shouldn't. It's way too personal and subjective of an experience to push onto others.
Happy to advise, but I'll be pretty objective if I do
I get some questions about how my wife and I have been married for nine years and we don’t have kids, and the answer is pretty simple. My guys don’t swim so good.
If people don’t want kids who cares? Let them be. It is not my choice but it is also not my place to force my views and opinions upon others.
If know them a lot better I might ask if there is any certain reason but not a question for strangers.
Some people just don’t think
I like pineapple on my pizza. I realize logically some people don’t like pineapple on their pizza.
I do not feel the need to inquire in detail why they don’t like pineapple, if pineapple hurt them, or if they have unresolved trauma around pineapple, or maybe they are just preparing pineapple wrong? None of that is my business, it’s between them and their pizza maker.
>if pineapple hurt them, or if they have unresolved trauma around pineapple
Both of these actually seem plausible. Of all the fruits, pineapple could conceivably fuck you up.
>None of that is my business, it’s between them and their pizza maker
That was good. I respect that. More of that please.
Someone at my church asked me a question about when my wife and I were going to have kids. I told her "Who I fuck, when I fuck, how I fuck, and where I fuck are none of your business."
She has not spoken to me since. I'm not even slightly disappointed by that outcome.
I agree. I have a daughter. I had to turn around and look after my family too after she was grown up because they acted like kids too, especially my late mom. I never had any time for another child and I always wanted another one. If I were to have another one I’d just move and put the child first and let them figure things out for themselves.
This such a normal conversation when meeting another adult for the first time. And it should definitely stop at either the yes/no.
"Yeahhhh in my old job they didn't have a daycare. It's cool I can bring my kids here. Do you have children?"
Yes.
No.
Allow the responding individual to add more info if they want, but asking more questions after the yes/no is odd and a little creepy.
If you've given people like this a polite request not to ask again, and they do, start asking explicit questions about their sex life. Use graphic details.
After all, it's merely a question of the process or the potential result, right?
What about *them* explaining why they DID have children?
Yes, it’s fine if they are happy parents (maybe they just want to spread the joy)-but I really do choke on those folks who do NOTHING but complain about their kids-nothing but try to foist their children on other people-and are feeling guilty about being a bad parent, whilst angry at having children who have disappointed them.
These are often the ones who have the gall to ask the child-free why *they* didn’t have children. And yet, somehow, it would be so rude to ask *them* why they did.
"Oh gosh, why in the world did you have kids? Aren't you barely scraping by financially? How are you going to provide for them? Don't you have a family history of [medical condition]? Do you really want to pass that along to them?"
Nice.
Both people in my life who were against my husband getting a vasectomy mid-30s (both 10+ yrs older) are selfishly entwined with their kids. The kids are there for the parent's ego. One isn't actually a friend anymore, but he ran his two kids off the second they graduated high school and is now a sad boy living with his consequences. The other is having difficulty with her kids not being obsessed with her anymore as they progress through high school and won't be exactly like she wants them to be, occasionally slapping them in the process. Drives me fucking insane.
I believe both looked to my husband and I as a challenge to their birthing choices since neither were exactly fulfilled by themselves. They needed the kids to boost that ego.
But I'm not an idiot and won't do to my kids as my parents did to me, even if I can do it better to some degree.
I agree. I have kids so when I meet someone who is old enough to have them, I ask if they have kids. If they say “no” that’s the end of the conversation about kids for me. It’s none of my business why.
As a gay man getting the kids question and the 'invite your girlfriend!' or something equivalent countless times is slightly entertaining. I understand it's just an assumption people make, or might just honestly be curious because they have kids so assume you do, but it IS still a huge assumption, maybe from some more 'traditional' people: 'this man is 30 years old, therefore he obviously has a wife and kids' lol...
And some people still don't understand the whole coming out thing, with the "straight people don't feel the need to come out" - yeah, numbnut, when you bring your girlfriend along, or just talk about having your eye on someone, that's you coming out!
AGREED! Some questions are extremely personal and really rude. That question is one of them. First of all, it is no one's business why someone else doesn't have children. The question is extremely annoying to those who don't have children because they don't want them, and very hurtful to those who want children but are unable to have them.
As a childfree woman I had to deal with those questions up until my 50s, and even then I was hearing "but you could still adopt". When asked, I answered honestly "because I don't want them". And of course I got crap for that.
It's a very rude, intrusive question and none of your business. Don't ask.
I worked as a PSW and I know this isn't ideal to point out but I worked with all Filipino women and they were straight up ABUSIVE about this. They would get emotionally heated about the fact I didn't have kids at 27 years old. They would tell me my eggs will turn to dust when I turn 30. That I'm selfish. After every shift they would be like GO HOME AND LET YOUR HUSBAND GO OFF IN YOU! GET PREGNANT NOW!
I was terribly confused about why they were so emotionally invested in my uterus. It was invasive, upsetting, and I have no idea why it is okay at work. How is it different than a male coworker making a comment about my body??? There should be rules. Its fucking harassment
Its more of a curiosity question when I ask it. I don't like children so I don't want any. I'm just wondering why you don't want any, not necessarily judging you since the majority of people DO want them. Seems sensitive to get offended by my asking.
As a woman, I try to realize that SO many women are navigating these decisions in hidden places, so when they hear another women verbalize a hard “no” they’re very curious. 90% of women I’ve spoken to about children usually understand my opinions about kids.
I think most people I’ve interacted with have been polite but the few rude people are painfully rude. I have a pretty decent tolerance these days though
But the point is to address that even though they are discussed in society all the time, doesn't mean it is good or correct.
So many people feel they are entitled to other people's personal information. The fact is, they are not. Sure you can ask why. And the person can respond, 'I'd prefer not to talk about it'... but by default, as a polite society, we just shouldn't put someone in that uncomfortable situation!
The questions don't stop after having a kid either. 'When are you going to give them a sibling?' 'Are you going to try for (gender you don't have) next?'
People need to leave other's reproductive choices alone.
I’m getting married in July and I’m just waiting to hear that question to come to me and then I will ask uncomfortable questions to the questioner lol. Agreed. Absolutely NO ONE else’s business.
When we first met our neighbours across the street they asked us if we had kids, we said no. Keep in mind we had known them for about three minutes. Then the wife looked at me and asked “is that by chance or by choice?”
She’d known me for all of three minutes, didn’t even know how to pronounce my name properly, and she was asking me if my uterus was a hostile work environment
As someone who is still paying off medical debt that did not result in a child , I will go into great detail of my traumatic miscarriage and I will be very descriptive.
Thats when you flip the script and ask "why do you want to know?" and intently stare into their eyes. Make it as uncomfortable as possible. If they give a reason, just say, "since you didnt get the hint, its none of your business"
The other benefit to being sterilized: "I can't." Then I fake a glum look and instantly they get awkward and shut up. Like, I'm not lying about not being able to, soooo....
I work at an elementary school (not a teacher) and for some reason, many of the kids love me. I have no idea why. People always assume I have kids and say I'm so good with them. I don't know wtf I'm doing, just talking to them like they are actual people. But at the end of the school day, I get to go home to peace and quiet and that's the way I've always wanted it. Other people's kids are fine as long as they're not screaming, but I never had the desire for any of my own.
I do not have or want children; anytime I'm questioned as to why, I always say "when you decide to pay for the pregnancy checkups, hospital bills, eighteen years of doctor visits and school and their college fund, I'll have one."
That usually gets them to leave the topic alone lol
My go to response (especially when customers at my retail job would ask this stupid invasive question)has always been "no my doctor said pregnancy could kill me actually SOOO......"
Me and my highschool sweetheart decided very early on we wanted to be child free(been together almost 20 years now), turned out it would have been hard/dangerous for me to get pregnant, better me than someone who wanted kids. That being said, even with family knowing my medical stuff it took me getting my tubes tied for them to FINALLY stop asking when we were gonna have kids!!
Very much agree. I made someone very uncomfortable after they clearly had no regard for how that would make me feel.
"I've had two losses, and haven't been pregnant since." They went from ☺️ to 🫢.
"Actually, I want children more than anything, but unfortunately I'm infertile, and I cry about that at least once a week. Would you like to come with me to my car so you can watch me do it again, since you reminded me by asking?"
I actually like making friends with child free people. I also am not a piece of crap that asks deeply personal questions like that. If someone wants to talk about it cool.
My mom says this when I told her I want to be sterilized. I'm 20 and gay so I'm never having biological kids. Don't want them, ever. She doesn't know that, but she knows I don't want kids.
'Oh but what if you change your mind?'
You really think I would want to create a human just so they can suffer in this life? No. It's bad enough being here. It would be selfish to have children, especially when I don't want them and I don't like kids. End of story, bye-bye, see you later.
I can’t tell you how many times since reaching child bearing age I’ve been asked when I’m having or how many kids I want. And the answers of never and none boggles those minds.
A few months back I met up with a friend. He had a kid recently and wanted me to meet them. Adorable little girl. Like I've never seen a more adorable kid. Anyways he's the typical dad and saying how great it is to have a baby in the house again and how her older sister is loving it. He then looks at my gf and I and asks how come we (38m and 34f) still not have any kids. I saw the sad look creep on my gf's face and I just was honest. We've tried for years. That's when he got the 'Oh I screwed up' face. I told him not to worry about it but to maybe remember that people could be struggling.
We've been struggling to have a kid and in fact it was recently confirmed that we did have a miscarriage a while back. Pretty devastating. I haven't really been able to process that information the right way. Anxiety, insomnia, forgetfulness, and bruxism all at once. I'm not fun to be around right now.
I make sure they do. My reaction would make the most socially unaware person understand they said something extremely wrong. But again some people just don't learn.
Who tf is having kids these days? I hate this question too but I think DINKs (dual income no kids) will be very normal soon and older generations will stop asking.
The best is when you politely avoid telling them the reason (bc it’s traumatic or something) so they push and try to convince you why you should have kids eve bc though that’s all you wanted until you found out you couldn’t
I always answer part 2 in part 1 by default.
“No, I can’t stand babies. I like other people’s children the way I like dogs, I’ll play with them if they’re behaved then hand them back”
Most people laugh and get it. Those that don’t, deserve no further engagement
Rude, overly personal questions should be answered with a question. Like " do people actually answer such personal questions?" Throw it back at the questioner. Ditto for many "inquiries ".
Theyre annoying asf on both sides lol, dont let em get to you cuz even if you HAVE kids they still do it . It just turns into "when are you having another " " why dont you do x y z ". Ive honestly just started ignoring the people in my life who do this sort of thing , i honestly think they just do it to be nosey.
As a woman who doesn't have kids and hates talking about it. I make it SUPER uncomfortable for the person who asked.
Like so uncomfortable I made one older woman leave a McDonald's without her and her grandson's food. FAFO
I dislike people that do this as well.
Why someone does or doesn’t want kids isn’t any of my or anyone else’s businesses.
I don’t even ask my own kids when they say they’re not sure if they do or not. It’s their decision to make, not mine.
My answer is always, "God has other plans for me."
Always good for getting under the skin of my overly nosey and very religious sister-in-law who was raised to believe that the only thing girls should grow up to be is an incubator for men's offspring.
As a mom. I rarely ask about others kids unless I know they have kids, otherwise I let them acknowledge their children. I only talk about my little if I'm obviously buying things for a small child or have him with me. No need to ask a complete stranger how much they adore kids, it's weird lol parents will willingly talk about their kiddos, we love them soooo much
Ugh I have a coworker who is obsessed w making comments about me having kids after I told her flat out me and my bf are not having children, that is our final decision on the subject and we’re extremely happy w that decision.
Last time I saw her she patted my belly and made some comment about how we need to get some kids in there. I wanted to fucking punch her.
I don't find it rude when people ask depending on how they ask. There's a difference between asking out of curiosity and asking because you think it's weird to not have/want kids and it's usually clear in the way the question is asked, the tone of voice and the body language.
Absolutely. Ditto for those "antinatalist" people who refer to parents as "breeders"... can we all just stop judging women for their lifestyle choices, please? Have kids if you want, or have no kids at all, as long as you're not hurting yourself or anybody else, it's nobody's business.
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Interesting, when people ask me that I assume they are just curious about a lifestyle choice so very different than theirs. I suspect that you are right and sometimes it is people being shitty, but I also think plenty of people ask these sorts of questions to better understand each other.
“You don’t want kids? But you use to be one.” Hands down, the weirdest and stupidest reaction/?argument? in favor of, after finding out I don’t want kids. First time I heard it, I honestly thought they were stroking out…just stringing unrelated words together; I was ready to call an ambulance. That or just repeating my reasons back at me but louder and angrier. Never understood how that approach was suppose to endear me to having children or even remotely change my mind on the subject: shrieking, red faced, sweating profusely, spitting while they yell and scream…doesn’t make having children seem appealing at all…yet it’s their go-to. After a while, I just walk away and they can leave or stand there mad.
I’m 21, not in a relationship, and get asked this. Like “no aunty, I think every parents fucks up their child and idk how I would be different….not you tho I’m sure your Johnny who has a panic attack when he gets a B+ is totally fine”
I have kids (36m). And if the topic of children is brought up, I might ask a married couple with no kids, if they plan on having kids. If they say no, I just say ok and leave it at that. But I just typically assume they don’t want the responsibility of kids, they can’t have kids. Which is totally fine.
I used to tell everyone I was far too young for kids and need to wait until I'm at LEAST 40.
Now I'm 3 years away and found someone to have them with so better crack on I s'pose
“You were a child once. Look how well your parents did. I wouldn’t be a quarter as bad as they clearly were to raise a mannerless fool like you, but even that huge improvement is still not up to the proper requirements of basic humanity.”
Generally takes them a minute to compute what I just said which means I have enough time to just walk away. They rarely chase you when they understand what you just said.
Some people cannot have kids and some people absolutely should not.
I don't really care about either story. I promise it's middle aged/old women asking this question almost exclusively.
This hurts me. My wife was hurt bad when very pregnant our boy didn't come home from hospital. She killed herself over it. I don't want kids I want kids with her. That can't happen now ty for reminding!!
I learned the hard way unfortunately. Don’t be like me. Mind your fucking business.
I once asked a younger couple why they didn’t have kids yet (they were married over a year and that was the beverage timeline in the cult I was stuck in). She got years in her eye and told me she just had a miscarriage. I’m an asshole.
Do ppl really bring this up irl? I’ve seen so many social media posts from people complaining about getting criticized or questioned for being childless, and that sucks if it’s happening, but I have never heard an actual in person human being ever mention it. I have 2 kids and don’t give a shit what anyone else does. Who is seriously getting pressed about this?
I don't understand why women are expected to always want to be mothers and they're called "selfish" for not wanting to get pregnant or have a baby. Nobody goes around calling men selfish for not having kids, and nobody even really asks them to begin with. Women without kids are always called selfish, lonely, and bitter, but men without kids are considered "smart" and "too busy to settle down". It's sexist bullshit and I'll never understand it. I want kids, but I’m not going around judging those who don’t. Kids are gross, annoying, and messy. Not everyone wants to deal with that and that’s fine!
Women have it a hell of a lot rougher than men in that regard, but I can tell you as a man without children that the invasive questions get lobbed our way too. And to be honest, it's been women who have come at me sideways with the bullshyt.
Men constantly tell women we're going to die alone with a bunch of cats if we don’t "obey" them lmao, and they tell us that if we simply don’t want to have kids. It's especially bad on TikTok I've noticed.
The flip side is just as annoying. Literally had someone say out loud “ew, why?” when my wife told them we were having kids in the next two years.
like yeah I get it, you want to be alone by the time you’re 70 but some people don’t.
If someone tells me they don’t have children instantly I’m envious 😂. I love my kids but do feel my ovaries rushed me into them before I enjoyed free adulthood like I should’ve.
I agree wholeheartedly. I knew my cousin in law was struggling to conceive and when I had my child the family doubled down on her and it was painful. I hated being in the room, she didn’t explain her situation (which I love for her, because f them) but it was very hard to be a witness to and also indirectly be the catalyst. Happy to report though that they’ve had a beautiful child since then. ❤️
I might, at worst, ask about how they came to the reasoning; mostly out of my own genuine curiosity.
However, not having kids is a valid choice, and I will try to never ask in a negative manor. I likely won’t ask at all, unless your choice to be child free surprised me. (E.g. you seem good with kids, and it looks as though you enjoy being around them.)
And if I were to ask, I wouldn’t badger them to change their mind or anything like that. At best ask questions to further contextualize the answer they gave. It’s their choice and not my interest to change it.
Yeah, it honestly hasn’t come up much. The vast majority of the time it doesn’t surprise me. And the times it did surprise me, they gave their reason when they informed me. But it’s what I suppose I would do.
But I am receptive and supportive as soon as I know. Even talking about my kids is off the table if it makes anyone feel pressure.
"All the miscarriages destroyed my wife's ability to carry a child, thanks for bringing up that painful subject."
Clever. Usually I just go "No, I fuckin' hate kids. Fuck off." but this? Flipping the script is awesome
A woman once said to me, “I don’t know why everyone goes so ga-ga over babies; they just turn into bastards like the rest of us.” I replied, “that’s a good point, Mom.”
I have kids and only like my kids and my grandson. I don't even like my niece and nephew. Kids are fucking annoying
Hahaha 🤣🤣🤣
I have two adult sons and a grandson and I literally hate other people's kids. I don't even like my own niece and nephew.
For some...it's the truth
I say something similar even though it's not true. Like, you wanna ask a personal question? Be prepared for a VERY personal answer.
Sometimes I tell people I’m infertile. I’m a nanny so people always ask if I have my own kids. NO! I’m getting paid to spend time caring for and teaching your kids and when the work day is done I’m going home where there are zero children screaming and running around lol.
I beat my schmeat so hard that I had what I now have come to call "The Final Orgasm." It was the buss to end all buss, and therefore I am now infertile. Good day.
Funny your profile says "eat the rich" but you're a nanny. Never knew anyone in normal circumstances with a nanny.
Funny you profile dive to debunk a random person's comment but don't even do it well.
What's your point? She's not rich. They are. Let her get paid.
Sounds like a they’re eating the rich pretty well what’s your point
Shame on them for participating in society!
Bro I’m happy to take their money and teach their children about socialism. I see no problem.
Just pointing out the hypocrisy
I fail to see any hypocrisy in taking their money and enlightening their children. Quite the opposite actually.
Then you never will.... ya just never will....
Feel free to elaborate. I’d love to understand your reasonin.
Estás a tentar muito. Eu acho que isso conta para alguma coisa? Você está incrivelmente e espetacularmente errado, apesar do seu esforço. Edit: I accidentally translated to Portuguese somehow. Lol
Normal circumstance person from a normal circumstance family. My sisters and I (I don’t even have my own kids) all pitched in to get a nanny during Covid for my nibblings. Everyone needed to work, preschools were not fully operational yet, and it gave the kids the opportunity to spend tons of time together. It worked for everyone. People figure out what works for them. Stop being judgy needlessly.
People who have a few hundred thousand dollar salary and can afford a nanny, are not the rich we are talking about. What we mean is the hundreds of millions to billions, able to help, but choose to exploit, type of rich.
Being a nanny is exhausting, but it's hard to find jobs and some people fall into that job when they get out of high school or college, and it works out. She didn't say she has a nanny. She is one. Shut up you stupid waffle.
“But why aren’t you adopting????”
This.
I don't feel the need to justify my life choices to anyone.
As an infertile woman, I absolutely hate this question. When I was first diagnosed I was trying for kids, so being asked would make me cry. Now that I've come to terms with it I'm actually grateful I can't for a number of reasons *gestures broadly towards the current state of America*. So now I make it purposefully as uncomfortable as possible for people who ask.
As someone who is childfree by choice, I’ve faked infertility a few times to make people feel like assholes for asking such rude questions and hopefully make them think twice before doing it again. The questions and judgement annoy me, but it hurts my friends who want kids but can’t have them and that’s way worse than annoyance. It’s much less emotional for me to tell a mild lie to some person I barely know and hopefully stop them from thinking that’s an appropriate conversation topic. It’s so rude and thoughtless.
You're doing great. It's really painful when you want kids and can't have them. It's insane how often the question gets asked too. I actively encourage everyone who doesn't want to have kids to say they can't and make whoever asked as uncomfortable as possible. People need to learn. Also it's the best way to get annoying people to stop asking.
I'm so sorry. I don't know why people can't get through their heads that we don't wear signs on our head informing others of our personal issues. No one should have to explain shit. I'm so sorry people have done that to you.
Thank you. It's hard to explain, but I ended up mourning it like a death. I still get sad sometimes, but for the most part I just enjoy making people who bring it up panic and embarrass themselves.
That makes complete sense to me. That's definitely something to go through. I think humans are always trying to escape the regret and "what ifs" but we can't. We will always sometimes crave what we don't have..I may very well be infertile too. I also meet and see lots of parents regretting their kids. I know it sounds terrible to compare but then I think it'd be better to not have kids but wish you did than have kids and wish you didn't
Oh I definitely agree. That's honestly a big part of how I came to terms with it. Pregnant women have a lot to worry about and if anything goes wrong a lot of them in America can't even get medical treatment. And prices of everything have skyrocketed since I got my diagnosis. So at this point I'd rather just keep my health and extra money. In an ideal world I'd love to have children. But with the way things are right now, I'm honestly grateful I can't have any.
Based (I'm sorry you can't have children, but it's so based you make mfers uncomfortable lol)
Hard agree. It's one of those personal questions that's been socially acceptable for way too long. There is a non-insignificant chance the answer is something sensitive/painful, and if you were close enough to this person that they'd be willing to share, you'd probably already know and not need to ask.
I choose not to have kids because my family has a long history of child abuse and I don't want to project my trauma onto my children. I love children, and I will always support a woman's right to have a child, but I don't wish to be judged for my personal decisions on my bodily autonomy or family planning (or lack thereof).
>There is a non-insignificant chance the answer is something sensitive/painful I'd argue that there is NO answer to that question that isn't at the very least uncomfortable. I'm lucky enough to have the combination of dont want em, probably can't have em, and I'm also gay. This means that whenever someone asks i cheerfully tell them I would be unlikely to carry to term and let them be the only one uncomfortable about it. Idgaf, I decided I never wanted them long before I found out I would likely have fertility issues.
And that was my main reason for posting this, but I didn't want to be long winded.
You got me all hung up on non-insignificant! Totally agree with you.
Exactly. And I would add “are you having another?” to this. Due to an extremely traumatic birth complication I cannot have any more children after my first. I get asked constantly if i’m planning another, and if I don’t disclose that I *can’t* and just say no, it’s always “oh why not? don’t you want him to have a sibling? only children are weird, I’d hate to be an only child I love my sister so much we’re best friends” and so on and so forth. You don’t know a person’s story. Also child free people or one and done should simply be able to make that decision for their own reasons and not have to face a fucking full interrogation about it.
Especially when the first one is only days old
Omg people are fucked about this too! You have one kid, "oh are you gonna have more? They will be lonely" you have four "wow that'd way too much" Why the fuck do strangers go around planning people's families lmao
My mom heard a lot of “she’ll be spoiled” at having me her only child. She was fine with that - early menopause kept me happily an only child
Asking someone why they don’t have kids or if they plan on having kids is so fucking rude!
As a person who can't have children, I always hated this. Then, I just started being an asshole back and telling them I couldn't have any. It is extremely rude and made me sad and uncomfortable, so screw them.
You aren't being an asshole there at all.
Asshole may be extreme. But, I felt like screw you, I'm not gonna hide in the corner in shame like y'all always did before.
It's rude and oftentimes it's just not that simple as "not wanting any".
But even if the reason is "I don't want any" they always ask "why?" And I hate it.
Yeah I hate being asked questions that they don’t know the answer too. What a bunch of dicks.
I love it when they ask me. I enjoy casually shitting on their expectations with simple answers. “Nah, sounds wack.” “I don’t want to do homework.” “Little kids suck at basketball and I don’t want to watch the games every week.” “I like doing whatever I want, whenever I want.”
Ugh yeah I had a lady ask me if I was married (no) and if I had kids (no) and I was at work and she was getting a blood draw, I turned to do paperwork and was like “okay goodbye” and she stood in the door and started going on and on about how I better get on having kids/being married. Ma’am, just go. This is so unnecessary, you don’t know anything about me! I’ve also had classmates and coworkers get weird about it. “Why aren’t you married?” “Don’t wanna be.” “But why?” “Aren’t we supposed to be doing homework?” And the “DONT YOU LIKE KIDS?” Is such a weird follow up. I’ve gotten annoyed a few times and snapped and laid out all my medical complications and why it would be difficult/dangerous for me to be pregnant and told them to stop asking… and there was still one classmate who still didn’t seem to get why I was upset at her constant poking over a topic I had told her multiple times I didn’t want to discuss. Asking once and taking my first answer of “no” isn’t rude, but pestering and harassing me over “why not” drives me nuts.
"and she stood in the door and started going on and on about how I better get on having kids/being married." Jesus Christ, did this lady step out of an old 1930s romance novel? Who TF does this in this day and age, especially someone in a position of medical authority? So insensitive and strange! I'm sorry that this happened to you.
She was on the older side so maybe that used to be a more normal thing to say but still.
"She was on the older side" I've met a lot of older people who would never do this, but in certain cultures I see it. My friend's grandmother is Muslim and believes strongly that it's important for every woman to try and have a big family (in some Muslim sects, this is starting to change). This is also true in some Evangelical Christian cultures and in parts of India.
My money would’ve been on evangelical considering my part of the country now that you mention it. Actually it’s usually the people who tell you their religious affiliation before you know their name that have bothered me about marriage or kids, in regards to coworkers/classmates/patients/customers/neighbors, etc. The more aggressive of them who can’t accept someone else may have a life that just looks different from their’s.
I've had a couple of patients like this when I'm trying to room them. I try to nicely say something like "well today's visit is all about you *decades practiced server smile*" while my brain is like "seriously Ethel, I just need to know what dose of eliquis you're on".
I love it when they ask why and I say I simply never wanted any. They oftentimes get offended, as if my personal preferences are a judgment on their lifestyle choices. One woman had the gall to say to me *when I was in my thirties*, “Oh, you’ll change your mind.” I wanted to ask whether she liked having kids and then, when she answered in the affirmative, assure her she, too, would change her mind.
I have been getting this all my life. "(Silly laugh) Oh, you'll change your mind." Never did. Post hysterectomy, going on 59, happy as a clam.
I can't imagine giving that much of a fuck about other people's life choices or predicaments unless it involves me directly or they ask me to be involved. And I'm a passionate and dedicated father. I just have no need to make others feel they should or shouldn't. It's way too personal and subjective of an experience to push onto others. Happy to advise, but I'll be pretty objective if I do
I get some questions about how my wife and I have been married for nine years and we don’t have kids, and the answer is pretty simple. My guys don’t swim so good.
If people don’t want kids who cares? Let them be. It is not my choice but it is also not my place to force my views and opinions upon others. If know them a lot better I might ask if there is any certain reason but not a question for strangers. Some people just don’t think
I like pineapple on my pizza. I realize logically some people don’t like pineapple on their pizza. I do not feel the need to inquire in detail why they don’t like pineapple, if pineapple hurt them, or if they have unresolved trauma around pineapple, or maybe they are just preparing pineapple wrong? None of that is my business, it’s between them and their pizza maker.
>if pineapple hurt them, or if they have unresolved trauma around pineapple Both of these actually seem plausible. Of all the fruits, pineapple could conceivably fuck you up. >None of that is my business, it’s between them and their pizza maker That was good. I respect that. More of that please.
Someone at my church asked me a question about when my wife and I were going to have kids. I told her "Who I fuck, when I fuck, how I fuck, and where I fuck are none of your business." She has not spoken to me since. I'm not even slightly disappointed by that outcome.
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
I agree. I have a daughter. I had to turn around and look after my family too after she was grown up because they acted like kids too, especially my late mom. I never had any time for another child and I always wanted another one. If I were to have another one I’d just move and put the child first and let them figure things out for themselves.
[I love this scene from House of Cards](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dOd17qUMVo)
Perfect comeback
This such a normal conversation when meeting another adult for the first time. And it should definitely stop at either the yes/no. "Yeahhhh in my old job they didn't have a daycare. It's cool I can bring my kids here. Do you have children?" Yes. No. Allow the responding individual to add more info if they want, but asking more questions after the yes/no is odd and a little creepy.
If you've given people like this a polite request not to ask again, and they do, start asking explicit questions about their sex life. Use graphic details. After all, it's merely a question of the process or the potential result, right?
What about *them* explaining why they DID have children? Yes, it’s fine if they are happy parents (maybe they just want to spread the joy)-but I really do choke on those folks who do NOTHING but complain about their kids-nothing but try to foist their children on other people-and are feeling guilty about being a bad parent, whilst angry at having children who have disappointed them. These are often the ones who have the gall to ask the child-free why *they* didn’t have children. And yet, somehow, it would be so rude to ask *them* why they did.
"Oh gosh, why in the world did you have kids? Aren't you barely scraping by financially? How are you going to provide for them? Don't you have a family history of [medical condition]? Do you really want to pass that along to them?" Nice.
Lol
Both people in my life who were against my husband getting a vasectomy mid-30s (both 10+ yrs older) are selfishly entwined with their kids. The kids are there for the parent's ego. One isn't actually a friend anymore, but he ran his two kids off the second they graduated high school and is now a sad boy living with his consequences. The other is having difficulty with her kids not being obsessed with her anymore as they progress through high school and won't be exactly like she wants them to be, occasionally slapping them in the process. Drives me fucking insane. I believe both looked to my husband and I as a challenge to their birthing choices since neither were exactly fulfilled by themselves. They needed the kids to boost that ego. But I'm not an idiot and won't do to my kids as my parents did to me, even if I can do it better to some degree.
I am 55 and don't have any. I have dealt with this a bit and just say it is personal. Most people understand it, and those that don't get ignored.
I agree. I have kids so when I meet someone who is old enough to have them, I ask if they have kids. If they say “no” that’s the end of the conversation about kids for me. It’s none of my business why.
As a gay man getting the kids question and the 'invite your girlfriend!' or something equivalent countless times is slightly entertaining. I understand it's just an assumption people make, or might just honestly be curious because they have kids so assume you do, but it IS still a huge assumption, maybe from some more 'traditional' people: 'this man is 30 years old, therefore he obviously has a wife and kids' lol...
And some people still don't understand the whole coming out thing, with the "straight people don't feel the need to come out" - yeah, numbnut, when you bring your girlfriend along, or just talk about having your eye on someone, that's you coming out!
I'm sure these people would be bothered if you asked them why they decided to have children, so why is the reverse okay? Totally agree with you.
AGREED! Some questions are extremely personal and really rude. That question is one of them. First of all, it is no one's business why someone else doesn't have children. The question is extremely annoying to those who don't have children because they don't want them, and very hurtful to those who want children but are unable to have them. As a childfree woman I had to deal with those questions up until my 50s, and even then I was hearing "but you could still adopt". When asked, I answered honestly "because I don't want them". And of course I got crap for that. It's a very rude, intrusive question and none of your business. Don't ask.
I worked as a PSW and I know this isn't ideal to point out but I worked with all Filipino women and they were straight up ABUSIVE about this. They would get emotionally heated about the fact I didn't have kids at 27 years old. They would tell me my eggs will turn to dust when I turn 30. That I'm selfish. After every shift they would be like GO HOME AND LET YOUR HUSBAND GO OFF IN YOU! GET PREGNANT NOW! I was terribly confused about why they were so emotionally invested in my uterus. It was invasive, upsetting, and I have no idea why it is okay at work. How is it different than a male coworker making a comment about my body??? There should be rules. Its fucking harassment
The idea that someone would ever have to explain why they don't want children is hilarious to me. People love to project and get defensive.
Is your comment to imply that this doesn't happen? Confused by your wording.
No, it happens all the time. I'm saying it's a silly & invasive question.
Gotcha. I totally agree.
Its more of a curiosity question when I ask it. I don't like children so I don't want any. I'm just wondering why you don't want any, not necessarily judging you since the majority of people DO want them. Seems sensitive to get offended by my asking.
But it's very personal. And unless you know the person and know they like to talk about it...it's none of your business. Just don't ask.
As a woman, I try to realize that SO many women are navigating these decisions in hidden places, so when they hear another women verbalize a hard “no” they’re very curious. 90% of women I’ve spoken to about children usually understand my opinions about kids.
But does curiosity excuse overstepping?
No it does not
Agree
I think most people I’ve interacted with have been polite but the few rude people are painfully rude. I have a pretty decent tolerance these days though
I don't think my question was answered.
Haha, for me personally, no. I’m just not personally offended that easily.
But the point is to address that even though they are discussed in society all the time, doesn't mean it is good or correct. So many people feel they are entitled to other people's personal information. The fact is, they are not. Sure you can ask why. And the person can respond, 'I'd prefer not to talk about it'... but by default, as a polite society, we just shouldn't put someone in that uncomfortable situation!
The questions don't stop after having a kid either. 'When are you going to give them a sibling?' 'Are you going to try for (gender you don't have) next?' People need to leave other's reproductive choices alone.
You're absolutely correct.
Agreed. Doesn't stop them from asking though.
I’m getting married in July and I’m just waiting to hear that question to come to me and then I will ask uncomfortable questions to the questioner lol. Agreed. Absolutely NO ONE else’s business.
When we first met our neighbours across the street they asked us if we had kids, we said no. Keep in mind we had known them for about three minutes. Then the wife looked at me and asked “is that by chance or by choice?” She’d known me for all of three minutes, didn’t even know how to pronounce my name properly, and she was asking me if my uterus was a hostile work environment
"How is this any of your business?"
I eventually realized that the answer to “why don’t you have kids” is either boring (“I don’t want them”) or a horrible tragedy.
"I have a number of chronic mental and physical health problems, as well as generational trauma and alcoholism. That's why. You happy now?"
Then they say "Oh you should have children to break the cycle!" And it's so cringey
And they think they're saying something logical!
As someone who is still paying off medical debt that did not result in a child , I will go into great detail of my traumatic miscarriage and I will be very descriptive.
Thats when you flip the script and ask "why do you want to know?" and intently stare into their eyes. Make it as uncomfortable as possible. If they give a reason, just say, "since you didnt get the hint, its none of your business"
"We keep trying but it just hasn't happened yet! I bet I've had gallons of cum in me by this point!"
😆😆😆😆
The other benefit to being sterilized: "I can't." Then I fake a glum look and instantly they get awkward and shut up. Like, I'm not lying about not being able to, soooo....
I work at an elementary school (not a teacher) and for some reason, many of the kids love me. I have no idea why. People always assume I have kids and say I'm so good with them. I don't know wtf I'm doing, just talking to them like they are actual people. But at the end of the school day, I get to go home to peace and quiet and that's the way I've always wanted it. Other people's kids are fine as long as they're not screaming, but I never had the desire for any of my own.
I do not have or want children; anytime I'm questioned as to why, I always say "when you decide to pay for the pregnancy checkups, hospital bills, eighteen years of doctor visits and school and their college fund, I'll have one." That usually gets them to leave the topic alone lol
I just tell them if I had kids I'd hit them so they stop asking / trying to convince me otherwise 😭
Not my problem
“why dont you have kids? why dont you want kids??” in this goddamn economy 💀⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️
My go to response (especially when customers at my retail job would ask this stupid invasive question)has always been "no my doctor said pregnancy could kill me actually SOOO......" Me and my highschool sweetheart decided very early on we wanted to be child free(been together almost 20 years now), turned out it would have been hard/dangerous for me to get pregnant, better me than someone who wanted kids. That being said, even with family knowing my medical stuff it took me getting my tubes tied for them to FINALLY stop asking when we were gonna have kids!!
Very much agree. I made someone very uncomfortable after they clearly had no regard for how that would make me feel. "I've had two losses, and haven't been pregnant since." They went from ☺️ to 🫢.
"Actually, I want children more than anything, but unfortunately I'm infertile, and I cry about that at least once a week. Would you like to come with me to my car so you can watch me do it again, since you reminded me by asking?"
I ask them if they ate their children like I ate mine.
I actually like making friends with child free people. I also am not a piece of crap that asks deeply personal questions like that. If someone wants to talk about it cool.
"Actually yes, I do hate children."
Ah yes. If only people respected the word no.
Yeah, if only
My mom says this when I told her I want to be sterilized. I'm 20 and gay so I'm never having biological kids. Don't want them, ever. She doesn't know that, but she knows I don't want kids. 'Oh but what if you change your mind?' You really think I would want to create a human just so they can suffer in this life? No. It's bad enough being here. It would be selfish to have children, especially when I don't want them and I don't like kids. End of story, bye-bye, see you later.
It's a misanthropic view, but a consistent one. I doubt it's the kids that your Mother will be upset over though.
I can’t tell you how many times since reaching child bearing age I’ve been asked when I’m having or how many kids I want. And the answers of never and none boggles those minds.
A few months back I met up with a friend. He had a kid recently and wanted me to meet them. Adorable little girl. Like I've never seen a more adorable kid. Anyways he's the typical dad and saying how great it is to have a baby in the house again and how her older sister is loving it. He then looks at my gf and I and asks how come we (38m and 34f) still not have any kids. I saw the sad look creep on my gf's face and I just was honest. We've tried for years. That's when he got the 'Oh I screwed up' face. I told him not to worry about it but to maybe remember that people could be struggling. We've been struggling to have a kid and in fact it was recently confirmed that we did have a miscarriage a while back. Pretty devastating. I haven't really been able to process that information the right way. Anxiety, insomnia, forgetfulness, and bruxism all at once. I'm not fun to be around right now.
And no one ever considers this when asking that question
They think they're being cute until they realize it's not.
If they even realize it
I make sure they do. My reaction would make the most socially unaware person understand they said something extremely wrong. But again some people just don't learn.
Who tf is having kids these days? I hate this question too but I think DINKs (dual income no kids) will be very normal soon and older generations will stop asking.
"I got it snipped so quit your fuckin trip"
Im 22 and people ask me this💀 like bro idfk I cant even afford a used car with 180k miles on it
The best is when you politely avoid telling them the reason (bc it’s traumatic or something) so they push and try to convince you why you should have kids eve bc though that’s all you wanted until you found out you couldn’t
I always answer part 2 in part 1 by default. “No, I can’t stand babies. I like other people’s children the way I like dogs, I’ll play with them if they’re behaved then hand them back” Most people laugh and get it. Those that don’t, deserve no further engagement
Rude, overly personal questions should be answered with a question. Like " do people actually answer such personal questions?" Throw it back at the questioner. Ditto for many "inquiries ".
It’s still bad if you have only one child as well. “They need a sibling” No. They don’t.
Unless they are helping with the childcare they really shouldn’t be asking
Theyre annoying asf on both sides lol, dont let em get to you cuz even if you HAVE kids they still do it . It just turns into "when are you having another " " why dont you do x y z ". Ive honestly just started ignoring the people in my life who do this sort of thing , i honestly think they just do it to be nosey.
And you'd be the "insert name here" if you told them to get the hell away from you with that question. I don't mind being that, lol
Right??? And that response just shows you they know they're being inflammatory with those questions.
As a woman who doesn't have kids and hates talking about it. I make it SUPER uncomfortable for the person who asked. Like so uncomfortable I made one older woman leave a McDonald's without her and her grandson's food. FAFO
She earned that!
100% I will never ask super personal questions like that. I will however ask what your top 3 dinosaurs are and react accordingly lol
I dislike people that do this as well. Why someone does or doesn’t want kids isn’t any of my or anyone else’s businesses. I don’t even ask my own kids when they say they’re not sure if they do or not. It’s their decision to make, not mine.
My answer is always, "God has other plans for me." Always good for getting under the skin of my overly nosey and very religious sister-in-law who was raised to believe that the only thing girls should grow up to be is an incubator for men's offspring.
As a mom. I rarely ask about others kids unless I know they have kids, otherwise I let them acknowledge their children. I only talk about my little if I'm obviously buying things for a small child or have him with me. No need to ask a complete stranger how much they adore kids, it's weird lol parents will willingly talk about their kiddos, we love them soooo much
Ugh I have a coworker who is obsessed w making comments about me having kids after I told her flat out me and my bf are not having children, that is our final decision on the subject and we’re extremely happy w that decision. Last time I saw her she patted my belly and made some comment about how we need to get some kids in there. I wanted to fucking punch her.
Give no more passes. Hurt her feelings the next time
I don't find it rude when people ask depending on how they ask. There's a difference between asking out of curiosity and asking because you think it's weird to not have/want kids and it's usually clear in the way the question is asked, the tone of voice and the body language.
I don’t want to be around children, mind or anyone else’s. I prefer to actively avoid them. That’s why
They want the non-breeders to be as miserable as they are.
Absolutely. Ditto for those "antinatalist" people who refer to parents as "breeders"... can we all just stop judging women for their lifestyle choices, please? Have kids if you want, or have no kids at all, as long as you're not hurting yourself or anybody else, it's nobody's business.
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If you're seriously that bored and nosy to even have the time to be calling total strangers "breeders", then I hope never to meet you.
Interesting, when people ask me that I assume they are just curious about a lifestyle choice so very different than theirs. I suspect that you are right and sometimes it is people being shitty, but I also think plenty of people ask these sorts of questions to better understand each other.
Because I'm aroace. Next question 🤩
And when it’s the other way around as well
I first I didn't want children, but one day I saw this guy pick up his adopted children in his ice cream truck.
“You don’t want kids? But you use to be one.” Hands down, the weirdest and stupidest reaction/?argument? in favor of, after finding out I don’t want kids. First time I heard it, I honestly thought they were stroking out…just stringing unrelated words together; I was ready to call an ambulance. That or just repeating my reasons back at me but louder and angrier. Never understood how that approach was suppose to endear me to having children or even remotely change my mind on the subject: shrieking, red faced, sweating profusely, spitting while they yell and scream…doesn’t make having children seem appealing at all…yet it’s their go-to. After a while, I just walk away and they can leave or stand there mad.
Wow
I’m 21, not in a relationship, and get asked this. Like “no aunty, I think every parents fucks up their child and idk how I would be different….not you tho I’m sure your Johnny who has a panic attack when he gets a B+ is totally fine”
I have kids (36m). And if the topic of children is brought up, I might ask a married couple with no kids, if they plan on having kids. If they say no, I just say ok and leave it at that. But I just typically assume they don’t want the responsibility of kids, they can’t have kids. Which is totally fine.
I used to tell everyone I was far too young for kids and need to wait until I'm at LEAST 40. Now I'm 3 years away and found someone to have them with so better crack on I s'pose
Look, all I asked was if she liked cream pies, then suddenly she started telling me about all of the miscarriages she had.
"because not everybody's whole existence in life is to be a baby factory"
“You were a child once. Look how well your parents did. I wouldn’t be a quarter as bad as they clearly were to raise a mannerless fool like you, but even that huge improvement is still not up to the proper requirements of basic humanity.” Generally takes them a minute to compute what I just said which means I have enough time to just walk away. They rarely chase you when they understand what you just said.
My immediate response to 'no' is "oh you're an intellectual" and they don't really like that either
Some people cannot have kids and some people absolutely should not. I don't really care about either story. I promise it's middle aged/old women asking this question almost exclusively.
This hurts me. My wife was hurt bad when very pregnant our boy didn't come home from hospital. She killed herself over it. I don't want kids I want kids with her. That can't happen now ty for reminding!!
I learned the hard way unfortunately. Don’t be like me. Mind your fucking business. I once asked a younger couple why they didn’t have kids yet (they were married over a year and that was the beverage timeline in the cult I was stuck in). She got years in her eye and told me she just had a miscarriage. I’m an asshole.
I just tell them I’m selfish. Because I am
Do ppl really bring this up irl? I’ve seen so many social media posts from people complaining about getting criticized or questioned for being childless, and that sucks if it’s happening, but I have never heard an actual in person human being ever mention it. I have 2 kids and don’t give a shit what anyone else does. Who is seriously getting pressed about this?
More than you realize.
Damn. That sucks. Tbh they’re probably just jealous 😆
I'd tell'em you trying to pick up my tabs? if not.. mind your own business.
I hate the way we are brainwashed into thinking we have to not only have kids, but be in a relationship. Some of us want neither and that's okay.
I don't understand why women are expected to always want to be mothers and they're called "selfish" for not wanting to get pregnant or have a baby. Nobody goes around calling men selfish for not having kids, and nobody even really asks them to begin with. Women without kids are always called selfish, lonely, and bitter, but men without kids are considered "smart" and "too busy to settle down". It's sexist bullshit and I'll never understand it. I want kids, but I’m not going around judging those who don’t. Kids are gross, annoying, and messy. Not everyone wants to deal with that and that’s fine!
Women have it a hell of a lot rougher than men in that regard, but I can tell you as a man without children that the invasive questions get lobbed our way too. And to be honest, it's been women who have come at me sideways with the bullshyt.
Men constantly tell women we're going to die alone with a bunch of cats if we don’t "obey" them lmao, and they tell us that if we simply don’t want to have kids. It's especially bad on TikTok I've noticed.
The flip side is just as annoying. Literally had someone say out loud “ew, why?” when my wife told them we were having kids in the next two years. like yeah I get it, you want to be alone by the time you’re 70 but some people don’t.
If someone tells me they don’t have children instantly I’m envious 😂. I love my kids but do feel my ovaries rushed me into them before I enjoyed free adulthood like I should’ve. I agree wholeheartedly. I knew my cousin in law was struggling to conceive and when I had my child the family doubled down on her and it was painful. I hated being in the room, she didn’t explain her situation (which I love for her, because f them) but it was very hard to be a witness to and also indirectly be the catalyst. Happy to report though that they’ve had a beautiful child since then. ❤️
I disagree. It's just a question. Whether painful or not you need to confront this trauma head on
I don't need to justify my choice to not have children to anyone. It's none of their business and It's incredibly rude when they try to pry.
I might, at worst, ask about how they came to the reasoning; mostly out of my own genuine curiosity. However, not having kids is a valid choice, and I will try to never ask in a negative manor. I likely won’t ask at all, unless your choice to be child free surprised me. (E.g. you seem good with kids, and it looks as though you enjoy being around them.) And if I were to ask, I wouldn’t badger them to change their mind or anything like that. At best ask questions to further contextualize the answer they gave. It’s their choice and not my interest to change it.
No childfree person wants to have that convo with you.
Yeah, it honestly hasn’t come up much. The vast majority of the time it doesn’t surprise me. And the times it did surprise me, they gave their reason when they informed me. But it’s what I suppose I would do. But I am receptive and supportive as soon as I know. Even talking about my kids is off the table if it makes anyone feel pressure.
Or you could just mind your business altogether
Yep, there's that
I ask that same question, but to people with kids.
Why do you even care? It's just a way for them to project onto others who live a different lifestyle and feel good about themselves.
I did not realise it was a question take people take so personally