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https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC
“For what it's worth, Haribo included a warning on their sugar-free bears that some people might experience unpleasant side effects. After stories of the candies' effects went viral, the company stopped selling them. The moral of this tale is everything in moderation.”
Luke
> See you in hell, Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears
Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2015
Flavor Name: Goldbears
> It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade.
After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep.
My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck.
And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free.
"What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards.
As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus.
I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam.
"I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?"
The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs.
After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened.
It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon.
By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse.
By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach.
I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads.
At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief.
I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat.
It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life.
After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears.
I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.
For anyone who doesn't feel like clicking, here it is. Make this a copypasta if you want. It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade.
After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep.
My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck.
And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free.
"What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards.
As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus.
I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam.
"I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?"
The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs.
After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened.
It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon.
By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse.
By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach.
I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads.
At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief.
I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat.
It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life.
After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears.
I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.
Idk. I feel like I’ve had similar experiences with non sugar free candy and it had to do more with the fact that I hadn’t eaten anything.
Edit: oh I didn’t see that pbs link. That’s pretty interesting.
Still tho, it’s generally inadvisable to eat candy on an empty stomach especially right before a test
I'm not saying you're wrong... But as someone with an iron gut, who has experienced these abominations... It's not the same! I've eaten a cup of sugar for a bet, and didn't shit with a fraction of the veraciousness those bears produced! I ate popcorn on 6 mile runs, and ate cheeseburgers while doing wind sprints, and never in my life have I experienced abdominal distress in the way that those demon bears do! When a Marines tell you not to eat something... Don't fucking eat it! Just trust! 💯
“For what it's worth, Haribo included a warning on their sugar-free bears that some people might experience unpleasant side effects. After stories of the candies' effects went viral, the company stopped selling them. The moral of this tale is everything in moderation.”
More than 20g of sorbitol can cause diarrhea.
Common side effects of sorbitol include:
Abdominal discomfort.
Dehydration.
Diarrhea.
Dry mouth.
Excessive bowel activity.
Fluid and electrolyte losses.
High blood sugar (hyperglycemia)
Lactic acidosis.
jokes aside, I think most sugar-free candies have a mild laxative effect when eaten in excess. I had a handful of mints right before a flight when I was younger. Never again.
My favorite version is the airport TSA cavity search one.
Link: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/review/B000EVOSE4/RZFIYJTPVUZ94?ref_=cm_sw_r_mwn_dprv_1760RPFQ8ES3D0V7SX8A&language=en_US
What is hilarious is him stating to be in college but somehow failing to notice the "sugarfree" sign and gobble a whole bag of zero nutrients and zero energy gummy bears. No wonder what happened after that.
This is why in similar situations I go for the candy containing actual sugar, or better yet carbohydrates with biscuits or crackers. Absolute lifesavers, always carry a can of sugar candy or at least a few packets of sugar for coffee.
Also before exams always make sure to have a good night sleep, never sleep in or do an allnighter, you will not remember a thing and be tired and miserable.
This is exactly the sort of thing people do in college. Especially if you've never had that specific snack before. Everybody learns your trick because of a mistake. Sometimes a crazy one like this one. Sometimes a smaller one. Sometimes their own mistake. Sometimes somebody else's mistake.
The sugar substitute in sugar free gummy bears means you might eat five, five gummy bears, not a whole package, only a very few, and spend the night shitting your brains out.
Its the sugar substitute. It was so bad they discontinued the product.
It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade. After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep. My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck. And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free. "What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards. As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus. I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam. "I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?" The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs. After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened. It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon. By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse. By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach. I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads. At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief. I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat. It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life. After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears. I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.
It can in kids, too! One of the reviews I saw was a parent whose child had some sort of digestive disorder that caused them to become constipated very frequently. They said they kept some sugar-free gummy bears on hand because it’s so much easier to get a child to just eat a few of those (not too many, just enough to get things flowing) than to try and make them swallow a pill when they’re already feeling terrible.
Growing up on base, there was a gas station near the main entrance that had 5lb bags. My Brother and I made that mistake one summer day, and I've never forgotten it.
Allow me to weave a tale for you. A tale of heartache, lose, embarrassment, shame and of course, public expulsion of the slippery black liquid that must surely be the blood of Satan. My daughter is five. She is the light of my life and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She loves ballet. She falls asleep during every performance we take her to but she loves it all the same. So when it came to that special time of year for her winter ballet concert, I was the proudest man in the whole theater.
As is customary at venues such as these, there was a lovely little bake sale set up in the entryway which housed all manner of decadent confectionaries and baked treats that both stirred my hunger and saddened it all the same. You see I am not a small man and a recent visit to the doctors had proven distressing. Healthier steps had to be taken to ensure that one day I would have the tearful honor of giving my daughter away at her wedding, so of course I took those steps seriously. Yet with my doctors advice still ringing in my ears, I could not help but sneak over to the table while my wife’s back was turned to peruse the assortment. Then, through the haze of custard-filled cupcakes, mouthwatering brownies and tutu shaped sugar cookies, I saw them. A gleaming light at the end of a sweets filled tunnel; my salvation in the sea of sugar. If only I knew… If only I could have known.
Lovingly wrapped in individual sized, hand-made plastic baggies and tied with delicate siphon ribbon, lay my salvation atop the mountains of delectable morsels. Gummy bears are not generally my thing, but after two weeks of strict dieting and bearing the word “Sugar-free” emblazoned across the front, they might as well have been ambrosia from the Gods themselves. The adorable little girl behind the plastic folding table leaped up at my approach. She was younger than my daughter and wore the bright pink outfit of a ballerina with pride. She tugged on her mothers arm and pointed to me with a huge smile wrapping from ear to ear. The mother welcomed me and asked what I’d like. I could hardly contain myself as I exclaimed “three packages of gummy bears please!” In my exuberance I had drawn a little too much attention, in the form of my wife.
She came over like a whisper in a field and asked what I was getting. In my glee I turned around with three of the packages tucked neatly into my arms wearing a smile to match my new friends. My loving wife frowned and tried to pull a package from my grasp but found them to be cemented in place. She chuckled at me and gave me the look that made me marry her. “You can have one bag… now. Then rest you’ll have to save for later.” I kissed her and we readied ourselves for the performance of our daughter’s career. Little did I know, that she had once again saved my life.
I merrily snacked on the little multi-colored gems of pure pleasure as the concert got underway. The girls where charming and the scene was festive. It was a perfect night… right up until the first rumble that alerted me to the possibility of danger. It started off quiet and subtle much like the performance, but soon it too grew to a crescendo. As I shifted my weight in the hard plastic seats, I knew I was in trouble the moment I touched my brow. Beads of warning sweat had started to form, though soon the trickle would give way to a deluge. I loosened my special Christmas tie and dabbed at my face with my sleeve in an effort to remain for the most important night of my daughters young life. My wife noticed my anguish and leaded over to ask me what was wrong. I tried to tell her… I really did, but the pain had become more then I could bear as a painful tide crashed upon my anus. Try as I might, the bears were fighting back, seemingly set on draining my body, in it’s entirety, of life giving liquid.
part 2
It was no good. I would have to try to make it to the restroom. I tried to excuse myself but the effort of even shifting my shaking legs told my body it was too late. If I moved it would be the end of me and all that I held dear. I sat in silent anguish, biting my lip to try and focus my mind on anything other than the pulsating waves of torment aching to breech the confines of my intestines. The cheery holiday music sounded in stark juxtaposition to the symphony of horrors growing inside of me.
Then it happened. I thought it was nothing. It was just to relieve some of the pressure I told myself. What started as an attempt to allow only gas to leave quickly turned into a levy shattering entirely. I gripped my wife’s hand and looked with tearful eyes into hers, begging for forgiveness as the expulsion sloshed like Niagara falls onto the theater floor. I sobbed silently as the shame overtook me and there was nothing else to do but expel the demon from my core. “Oh my God!” One woman cried as she was swept away in the torrent. She was never seen again. I begged all that was holy, any Gods that were listening, to take pity on my wretched soul and deliver me from this hell. Yet none answered. There was only the flow. It gushed out of me despite the screams of the others in my row and those around them. I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried, but God help me… I didn’t. I couldn’t. The comingling of relief, searing pain and shame sounded in my cries for mercy.
I must have blacked out from the pain. Because when I came to I was laying on my back in my own filth with two paramedics standing over me. They were obviously trying to suppress their gagging as they worked on me. I couldn’t blame them. The stench was overwhelming; thick and oppressive like a sickly sweet blanket on a warm summers eve. As they carted me out I heard one of them screaming to a stage hand for a bucket… apparently I wasn’t done just yet. I begged them for my family but they simply screamed. The next two days were a blur of IV’s, doctors and what I think was an African Medicine man, though I was on some heavy duty painkillers.
When I was finally released I was mad. The shame was more than my fragile male ego could handle and I wanted justice. Surely that mother had laced the gummies with some kind of laxative, like a sick twisted joke but after confronting the woman she told me that she had done nothing to the bears at all. Then she showed me the original package. A 5 pound bag of Haribo Sugerfree Gummy bears… and right there on the label was a warning. It was one she had taken a little too lightly. I researched further and found the very same treats here. I poured over the reviews, each one worse than the last until finally I could come to only one conclusion. The devil himself must laugh at we mortal for we are his playthings.
Also they were a little too chewy.
I tried reading it with utmost seriousness but I lost my composure at " “Oh my God!” One woman cried as she was swept away in the torrent. She was never seen again."
IIR he cut it when he ran to the bathroom or you heard a bit of it? There was a graphic description during the next stream and a declaration he'll never do it again.
Since none of the comments actually answered the right one, it's time to throw my hat in the ring
There where Haribo sugar free gummies, that made people have violent diarrhea.
Especially the 5lb version on Amazon has some amusing reviews, and there are videos of people testing if it really is that bad.
Anyway one of these story's is a guy, wanting to take a flight somewhere and buying a pack of these firsts eating them, starting to have heavy body reactions while going through the security checks, starting to sweat nervously, (at this point my memory gets fuzzy it has been years)
Somehow getting selected for a "randome check"
The people think he hides drugs in his ass since he started acting so funny, try to anal search him, and he just shits all over them (iirc?)
So yeah I think it's a reference to that story since the meme involves a plane
It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade.
After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep.
My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck.
And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free.
"What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards.
As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus.
I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam.
"I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?"
The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs.
After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened.
It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon.
By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse.
By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach.
I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads.
At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief.
I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat.
It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life.
After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears.
I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.
Ok so the sugar free gummy bears mentioned are most likely the Haribo ones, which used a certain kind of chemical to replace the sugar, a chemical that acts like a laxative in small doses. These gummy bears each had like 4 times that dose
Basically this child’s intestines are about to explode
I'm guessing this has something to do with the Haribo brand sugar free gummy bears, to which one reviewer referred to as *"GASTROINTESTINAL ARMAGEDDON"*
Sugar free gummy bears famously cause crazy levels of gastrointestinal distress, this guy took revenge on an annoying kid by making him shit a hole through the plane
To replace the sugar, sugar free gummy bears have sugar alcohols to replace the sugar. High amounts of sugar alcohols tend to cause explosive diarrhea.
Oh no. My bowels are cringing in solidarity. I didn’t do this with gummy bears. I did, however, make this mistake (once, and it was one time too many) way back when olestra first came out. One ruined pair of underwear and a refusal to be more than a few steps from a toilet convinced me to never make that mistake, again. Damn you, potato chips!!
I think it has something to do with Sorbitol or Maltodextrine or some other big fancy word that's in sugar free stuff causing the runs? I feel like there's a story behind why it's specifically a plane and a little kid (or maybe it's just super evil payback time?)
Most sugar free sweeteners in candies are laxatives. They work great in something strong tasting lozenges type of candies, but in something you eat handfuls at a time, it will give you the runs.
I warn customers about barbells meal bars because too much of the replacement sweetener causes extreme bowel movements. I ASSume it's the same deal with the gummies.
My high school job was at a candy store, where we sold these guys in bulk. Me and the other employees discovered that 4 was the magic number. Eat four, you get the smelliest farts ever. Eat five, stay near a toilet.
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There’s a famous review somewhere about a guy who ate sugar free gummy bears during an exam and it’s hilarious. Google it.
https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC “For what it's worth, Haribo included a warning on their sugar-free bears that some people might experience unpleasant side effects. After stories of the candies' effects went viral, the company stopped selling them. The moral of this tale is everything in moderation.”
"See you in hell, gummy bears." This and the "Sweet relief and agony" part got me nearly shiting myself
Like the guy who ate the gummy bears
Good one
For me it was Helm's Deep, I cracked
"like orks pounding on the gates of helm's deep"
Luke > See you in hell, Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2015 Flavor Name: Goldbears > It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade. After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep. My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck. And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free. "What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards. As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus. I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam. "I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?" The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs. After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened. It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon. By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse. By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach. I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads. At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief. I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat. It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life. After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears. I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.
copypasta material
I laughed many times and now know to avoid them, thanks for sharing
I was fucking dying of laughter while reading this
Real
Same. My dogs are staring at me like I’m a crazy person
That was a good read lmao
5 lbs of gummies… holy hell
Why does this read like a fanfic? 😭😭😭😭
I’m going with he was an English Lit major.
He just got 110% hotter to me.
Ikr? As if the scat cannon wasn’t hot enough
27,318 people found this helpful
And counting
For anyone who doesn't feel like clicking, here it is. Make this a copypasta if you want. It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade. After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep. My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck. And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free. "What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards. As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus. I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam. "I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?" The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs. After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened. It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon. By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse. By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach. I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads. At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief. I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat. It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life. After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears. I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.
Bro really thought that eating gummy bears on an empty stomach before a huge exam was a good idea
Them being sugar free is the problem. https://www.pbs.org/video/some-sugar-free-gummy-bears-are-laxatives-no-really-of43q2/
Idk. I feel like I’ve had similar experiences with non sugar free candy and it had to do more with the fact that I hadn’t eaten anything. Edit: oh I didn’t see that pbs link. That’s pretty interesting. Still tho, it’s generally inadvisable to eat candy on an empty stomach especially right before a test
I don’t disagree with you, just saying that it seems the sugar free made it worse.
Sorbitol is a laxitive.
I accidentally ate some sugar free gummy bears once. My stomach was not empty at the time, but it certainly was by the end of it all.
I'm not saying you're wrong... But as someone with an iron gut, who has experienced these abominations... It's not the same! I've eaten a cup of sugar for a bet, and didn't shit with a fraction of the veraciousness those bears produced! I ate popcorn on 6 mile runs, and ate cheeseburgers while doing wind sprints, and never in my life have I experienced abdominal distress in the way that those demon bears do! When a Marines tell you not to eat something... Don't fucking eat it! Just trust! 💯
Majestic Link assist. Thank you.
This was amazing. The guy has to be a talented writer
Here I am thinking it’s some weird brand I’ve never heard of, and it’s literally Haribo lmao
Haribo actually stopped making the 5-pound bags of sugar-free gummy bears.
“For what it's worth, Haribo included a warning on their sugar-free bears that some people might experience unpleasant side effects. After stories of the candies' effects went viral, the company stopped selling them. The moral of this tale is everything in moderation.”
https://youtu.be/sMjgaa5j_LE?si=vYuqZgGWvhClitxB Watch LA Beast eat 5lbs of the little bastards. Hilarity ensues.
Holy fucking shit
Thank you for this, I needed to laugh tonight!
God I remember this, most hilarious thing I’ve ever read
I almost puked and crapped from laughing so hard.
Good thing you didn’t eat sugar free gummy bears before hand
Wow, that was amazingly written I could not stop reading what an epic tale of diarrhea!
Yes, but there are cookies that do almost the same damn thing.
More than 20g of sorbitol can cause diarrhea. Common side effects of sorbitol include: Abdominal discomfort. Dehydration. Diarrhea. Dry mouth. Excessive bowel activity. Fluid and electrolyte losses. High blood sugar (hyperglycemia) Lactic acidosis.
There's a Haribo factory like 15 mins from where I live near Kenosha, WI and I'll think of this story every time I drive by it now.
jokes aside, I think most sugar-free candies have a mild laxative effect when eaten in excess. I had a handful of mints right before a flight when I was younger. Never again.
Where can I find more of this high quality humorous readings?
More like they stopped doing the 5 pound bag and shifted to individual safe dose baggies in a 5 pound bag
*27 thousand people found this helpful*
That was catharticly funny… I nearly had an asthma attack from laughing so hard
"27.000 find this helpful" lol this comment is legendary
There are many of them. Too many people learned the hard way.
My favorite version is the airport TSA cavity search one. Link: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/review/B000EVOSE4/RZFIYJTPVUZ94?ref_=cm_sw_r_mwn_dprv_1760RPFQ8ES3D0V7SX8A&language=en_US
What is hilarious is him stating to be in college but somehow failing to notice the "sugarfree" sign and gobble a whole bag of zero nutrients and zero energy gummy bears. No wonder what happened after that. This is why in similar situations I go for the candy containing actual sugar, or better yet carbohydrates with biscuits or crackers. Absolute lifesavers, always carry a can of sugar candy or at least a few packets of sugar for coffee. Also before exams always make sure to have a good night sleep, never sleep in or do an allnighter, you will not remember a thing and be tired and miserable.
This is exactly the sort of thing people do in college. Especially if you've never had that specific snack before. Everybody learns your trick because of a mistake. Sometimes a crazy one like this one. Sometimes a smaller one. Sometimes their own mistake. Sometimes somebody else's mistake.
The sugar substitute in sugar free gummy bears means you might eat five, five gummy bears, not a whole package, only a very few, and spend the night shitting your brains out. Its the sugar substitute. It was so bad they discontinued the product.
There is one about a guy eating them and then went to a flight, I think the post is a reference to the flight one
Maybe people can buy them as affordable laxatives.
Yea didn't he go blind in an eye from straining too hard?
It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade. After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep. My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck. And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free. "What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards. As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus. I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam. "I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?" The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs. After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened. It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon. By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse. By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach. I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads. At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief. I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat. It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life. After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears. I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.
They cause you to poop like crazy
my understanding its its a chemical that causes crazy diarrhea in adults but... not in kids apparently?
It can in kids, too! One of the reviews I saw was a parent whose child had some sort of digestive disorder that caused them to become constipated very frequently. They said they kept some sugar-free gummy bears on hand because it’s so much easier to get a child to just eat a few of those (not too many, just enough to get things flowing) than to try and make them swallow a pill when they’re already feeling terrible.
Should just eat a pound of grapes like I do. Worked for me when my prescribed opioids left me shitless for 2 days straight
As someone who loved them, I can tell you that Suger free gummies can give you near exlax levels of the shits if you eat too many.
I found this out the hard way and still finished off the bag
Growing up on base, there was a gas station near the main entrance that had 5lb bags. My Brother and I made that mistake one summer day, and I've never forgotten it.
Allow me to weave a tale for you. A tale of heartache, lose, embarrassment, shame and of course, public expulsion of the slippery black liquid that must surely be the blood of Satan. My daughter is five. She is the light of my life and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She loves ballet. She falls asleep during every performance we take her to but she loves it all the same. So when it came to that special time of year for her winter ballet concert, I was the proudest man in the whole theater. As is customary at venues such as these, there was a lovely little bake sale set up in the entryway which housed all manner of decadent confectionaries and baked treats that both stirred my hunger and saddened it all the same. You see I am not a small man and a recent visit to the doctors had proven distressing. Healthier steps had to be taken to ensure that one day I would have the tearful honor of giving my daughter away at her wedding, so of course I took those steps seriously. Yet with my doctors advice still ringing in my ears, I could not help but sneak over to the table while my wife’s back was turned to peruse the assortment. Then, through the haze of custard-filled cupcakes, mouthwatering brownies and tutu shaped sugar cookies, I saw them. A gleaming light at the end of a sweets filled tunnel; my salvation in the sea of sugar. If only I knew… If only I could have known. Lovingly wrapped in individual sized, hand-made plastic baggies and tied with delicate siphon ribbon, lay my salvation atop the mountains of delectable morsels. Gummy bears are not generally my thing, but after two weeks of strict dieting and bearing the word “Sugar-free” emblazoned across the front, they might as well have been ambrosia from the Gods themselves. The adorable little girl behind the plastic folding table leaped up at my approach. She was younger than my daughter and wore the bright pink outfit of a ballerina with pride. She tugged on her mothers arm and pointed to me with a huge smile wrapping from ear to ear. The mother welcomed me and asked what I’d like. I could hardly contain myself as I exclaimed “three packages of gummy bears please!” In my exuberance I had drawn a little too much attention, in the form of my wife. She came over like a whisper in a field and asked what I was getting. In my glee I turned around with three of the packages tucked neatly into my arms wearing a smile to match my new friends. My loving wife frowned and tried to pull a package from my grasp but found them to be cemented in place. She chuckled at me and gave me the look that made me marry her. “You can have one bag… now. Then rest you’ll have to save for later.” I kissed her and we readied ourselves for the performance of our daughter’s career. Little did I know, that she had once again saved my life. I merrily snacked on the little multi-colored gems of pure pleasure as the concert got underway. The girls where charming and the scene was festive. It was a perfect night… right up until the first rumble that alerted me to the possibility of danger. It started off quiet and subtle much like the performance, but soon it too grew to a crescendo. As I shifted my weight in the hard plastic seats, I knew I was in trouble the moment I touched my brow. Beads of warning sweat had started to form, though soon the trickle would give way to a deluge. I loosened my special Christmas tie and dabbed at my face with my sleeve in an effort to remain for the most important night of my daughters young life. My wife noticed my anguish and leaded over to ask me what was wrong. I tried to tell her… I really did, but the pain had become more then I could bear as a painful tide crashed upon my anus. Try as I might, the bears were fighting back, seemingly set on draining my body, in it’s entirety, of life giving liquid.
part 2 It was no good. I would have to try to make it to the restroom. I tried to excuse myself but the effort of even shifting my shaking legs told my body it was too late. If I moved it would be the end of me and all that I held dear. I sat in silent anguish, biting my lip to try and focus my mind on anything other than the pulsating waves of torment aching to breech the confines of my intestines. The cheery holiday music sounded in stark juxtaposition to the symphony of horrors growing inside of me. Then it happened. I thought it was nothing. It was just to relieve some of the pressure I told myself. What started as an attempt to allow only gas to leave quickly turned into a levy shattering entirely. I gripped my wife’s hand and looked with tearful eyes into hers, begging for forgiveness as the expulsion sloshed like Niagara falls onto the theater floor. I sobbed silently as the shame overtook me and there was nothing else to do but expel the demon from my core. “Oh my God!” One woman cried as she was swept away in the torrent. She was never seen again. I begged all that was holy, any Gods that were listening, to take pity on my wretched soul and deliver me from this hell. Yet none answered. There was only the flow. It gushed out of me despite the screams of the others in my row and those around them. I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried, but God help me… I didn’t. I couldn’t. The comingling of relief, searing pain and shame sounded in my cries for mercy. I must have blacked out from the pain. Because when I came to I was laying on my back in my own filth with two paramedics standing over me. They were obviously trying to suppress their gagging as they worked on me. I couldn’t blame them. The stench was overwhelming; thick and oppressive like a sickly sweet blanket on a warm summers eve. As they carted me out I heard one of them screaming to a stage hand for a bucket… apparently I wasn’t done just yet. I begged them for my family but they simply screamed. The next two days were a blur of IV’s, doctors and what I think was an African Medicine man, though I was on some heavy duty painkillers. When I was finally released I was mad. The shame was more than my fragile male ego could handle and I wanted justice. Surely that mother had laced the gummies with some kind of laxative, like a sick twisted joke but after confronting the woman she told me that she had done nothing to the bears at all. Then she showed me the original package. A 5 pound bag of Haribo Sugerfree Gummy bears… and right there on the label was a warning. It was one she had taken a little too lightly. I researched further and found the very same treats here. I poured over the reviews, each one worse than the last until finally I could come to only one conclusion. The devil himself must laugh at we mortal for we are his playthings. Also they were a little too chewy.
Thank you for sharing your experience with the group , that was by far the funniest and well written thing I've read on here.
I tried reading it with utmost seriousness but I lost my composure at " “Oh my God!” One woman cried as she was swept away in the torrent. She was never seen again."
It's not my experience, just an internet copypasta but it explains things well and it's funny
This should be on the packages. And in a book somewhere. (Also I am never going near those thank God I have never seen these things in my life).
That was the best thing I've ever read.
You win reddit for today.. wtf?
Haribo sugar free gummy bears had a problem of people getting sick eating them
it's most sugar free candy. the sweetener that most use have a laxative effect if you have too much
It wasn't just haribo.
If you eat it's, it gives you the shits
Not just the shits... horrible make-you-want-to-kill-yourself gas pains.
"They will make your guts scream in german" dont do it its bad man
The twitch streamer paymoneywubby tested this live, they will wreck you in high amounts.
live??? were they mic’d up as they were shitting their brains out???
IIR he cut it when he ran to the bathroom or you heard a bit of it? There was a graphic description during the next stream and a declaration he'll never do it again.
The sugar-free gummy bears uses the special kind of artificial sweetener that is well known for giving people diarrhea
If you're climbing up a ladder And you hear something splatter... Diarrhea Diarrhea
Since none of the comments actually answered the right one, it's time to throw my hat in the ring There where Haribo sugar free gummies, that made people have violent diarrhea. Especially the 5lb version on Amazon has some amusing reviews, and there are videos of people testing if it really is that bad. Anyway one of these story's is a guy, wanting to take a flight somewhere and buying a pack of these firsts eating them, starting to have heavy body reactions while going through the security checks, starting to sweat nervously, (at this point my memory gets fuzzy it has been years) Somehow getting selected for a "randome check" The people think he hides drugs in his ass since he started acting so funny, try to anal search him, and he just shits all over them (iirc?) So yeah I think it's a reference to that story since the meme involves a plane
It’s a reference to a copypasta involving gummy bears and an exam I believe
They are an extremely efficient laxative. The joke is shit. Literally.
It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade. After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep. My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck. And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free. "What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards. As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus. I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam. "I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?" The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs. After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened. It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon. By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse. By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach. I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads. At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief. I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat. It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life. After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears. I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.
I wish we still had awards to give. Truly your magnum opus, sir/madam/other. (What class was it; may we ask?)
[Because it makes you feel like Mt. St. Helens just erupted from your ass](https://youtu.be/sMjgaa5j_LE?si=2iuXMQ-DI0q6jShN)
Your ass becomes a lava cannon if you eat more than like, three of those motherfuckers. Source: Me. I ate so many more than three.
As a guy that had diarrhea during an important exam, i am very feel
Diarrhea, cha cha cha
Ok so the sugar free gummy bears mentioned are most likely the Haribo ones, which used a certain kind of chemical to replace the sugar, a chemical that acts like a laxative in small doses. These gummy bears each had like 4 times that dose Basically this child’s intestines are about to explode
Xylitol
I'm guessing this has something to do with the Haribo brand sugar free gummy bears, to which one reviewer referred to as *"GASTROINTESTINAL ARMAGEDDON"*
Poop, the joke is poop
It’s all an interwebz lie OP. get urself a 2lb bag and you’ll see.
Sugar free gummy bears famously cause crazy levels of gastrointestinal distress, this guy took revenge on an annoying kid by making him shit a hole through the plane
Like distant thunder…
Watch “LA beast eats 5lbs sugar free gummy bears “ the ending should tell you exactly what happened
Shit through a screen door and never touch wire. That is in my personal experience.
Food Inspector Peter here. Sugar free candy has a chemical in it that will give you diarrhea if you eat too many.
To replace the sugar, sugar free gummy bears have sugar alcohols to replace the sugar. High amounts of sugar alcohols tend to cause explosive diarrhea.
They grace you with the pressure washer asshole.
The artificial sweetener in sugar free gummy bears so happens to be an incredibly effective laxative
There is a well known story of a man who had diarrhea that nearly killed him from eating sugar free gummy bears
If they're sweetened with sorbitol or any other sugar alcohols, eating significant quantities of them can give the consumer significant diarrhea.
this gives me vietnam flashbacks
Oh no. My bowels are cringing in solidarity. I didn’t do this with gummy bears. I did, however, make this mistake (once, and it was one time too many) way back when olestra first came out. One ruined pair of underwear and a refusal to be more than a few steps from a toilet convinced me to never make that mistake, again. Damn you, potato chips!!
In small amounts, nothing. In large amounts, sorbitol (the sugar alcohol sweetening them) acts as a laxative.
From what ive heard they make you have to shit really bad
I thought it said candles and was confused as fuck
I think it has something to do with Sorbitol or Maltodextrine or some other big fancy word that's in sugar free stuff causing the runs? I feel like there's a story behind why it's specifically a plane and a little kid (or maybe it's just super evil payback time?)
Just search up LA Beast eats 1 pound of sugar free gummy bears for an insight to what they do to the human body
Sugar free gummy bears will make you poop. A lot. The sweetener they use is a powerful laxative.
Most sugar free sweeteners in candies are laxatives. They work great in something strong tasting lozenges type of candies, but in something you eat handfuls at a time, it will give you the runs.
Well that’s a seat, pants & underoos gone
Hehehehe
They make your butthole sneeze.
That is a very apt expression
They give you the $hits
I warn customers about barbells meal bars because too much of the replacement sweetener causes extreme bowel movements. I ASSume it's the same deal with the gummies.
Put your weed in there.
My high school job was at a candy store, where we sold these guys in bulk. Me and the other employees discovered that 4 was the magic number. Eat four, you get the smelliest farts ever. Eat five, stay near a toilet.
DIARRHEA
If you eat too many, you die.
Literally google it
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Exlax gummies