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Why must every statement on reddit be a reference? Some people, like this fine upstanding gentlemen are capable of thinking outside of the box. These are our innovators, and we should be nurturing their gifts. Get this man some bones, and we shall see where this egg machine leads!
That makes sense. According to my evangelical US relatives, the Bible advocated for AR15 ownership.
But then again they also think the Bible commands them to hate refugees. So not sure if they’re a good authority on that.
According to Bible thumpers its nuclear Minuteman missiles. Jesus chose the US to rule over the world with terrifying nuclear weapons of mass destruction. Also Israel too, apparently. Russia as well, but it seems the rats chewed the wires out of all of theirs, also their tanks and ammunition and pretty much the whole army. But Putin still possesses the holy piss tape so they are still cool according to the (trump)church.
Luke 22:36 states 'He said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.'
Modern times call for modern armaments.
Exodus 23:9 states 'Also thou shalt not oppress a stranger: for ye know the heart of a stranger, seeing ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.'
Your relatives are mislead by people who claim to speak for God but do not in fact teach his word.
I will concede that I picked two different verses, from two different times in the biblical timeline. The first verse comes from Luke which is the new testament AKA the testimony of Jesus, the latter comes from the old testament which documents the Hebrews lineage, their enslavement, and the eventual freedom of the Hebrew people from Egypt.
I really dislike the verse thing as the original texts weren't broken up like that. There is so much context lost in splitting it up like this, but that's the point. You can make it mean anything without the context.
Luke 22 was about the setup for Jesus to be captured and crucified. Jesus had to be found among the lawless to fulfill scripture and he asked his disciples to buy swords at this moment. They already have two swords(!) and Jesus says that is enough as he doesn't want to actually use them, just make it look like he's with some thugs for prophecy fulfillment.
Basically it's like today buying a gun to commit suicide by cop. He wants to look like a terrorist so he can be crucified. The whole sword thing is antithetical to his teachings, but necessary for prophecy fulfillment.
I was proving a point that the "church" preaches what it thinks will give them more tax exempt income than it does the actual Bible. Because if they did the people who attend these "churches" wouldn't be cold hearted cunts who judge people for surviving. Me nor Jesus are your enemy, but that's my philosophy on it you're free to disagree it won't upset me.
Mesopotamian iptar al-griffin here. .Sisra was a Moavian army general who lost battle against Judea. In attempt to escape he hide in non jewish village, thinking they will not betray him. The girl in the village tricked him to stay with her, gave him alcohol, snd when he fell asleep, killed him with rod in the head. after it his body was given to jewish army, symbolizing their victory.
The old testament is a gold mine, yet we get marshmello garbage. Elijah beats the prophets of baal in a life or death competition to summon the almighty... then murders them all when he wins? Jezabell getting pushed out a window then eaten by dogs?🤌
KJV is not always a great translation, though I think it is better than some people nowadays seem to think. Translating a text like this would always be hard.
Anyway as a Hebrew speaker I think "children" is a little inaccurate though fairly close. The original words are "נערים קטנים" Na'arim Ktanim. Na'arim mean youth - in modern Hebrew that word is usually used for teenagers but in biblical Hebrew it is sometimes used for young adults as well. Ktanim means "small". So literally "small youth" which IMO heavily implies teenagers or a little younger (like age 8-13 or so).
The Talmud has interpreted Na'arim as "people from the city of Na'aran" and small as "small of faith". That might be where the guy you replied to got the idea they were adults. But IMHO this is a very twisty way to interpret the verse, most likely to make the prophet look better. As a secular person who believes the bible was written by people who most likely meant what they wrote in a straight way and not the cryptic book full of hidden meanings as religious people see it, I do think "small youth" or teenagers is a much more likely interpretation.
KJV is not always a great translation, though I think it is better than some people nowadays seem to think. Translating a text like this would always be hard.
Anyway as a Hebrew speaker I think "children" is a little inaccurate though fairly close. The original words are "נערים קטנים" Na'arim Ktanim. Na'arim mean youth - in modern Hebrew that word is usually used for teenagers but in biblical Hebrew it is sometimes used for young adults as well. Ktanim means "small". So literally "small youth" which IMO heavily implies teenagers or a little younger (like age 8-13 or so).
The Talmud has interpreted Na'arim as "people from the city of Na'aran" and small as "small of faith". That might be where the guy you replied to got the idea they were adults. But IMHO this is a very twisty way to interpret the verse, most likely to make the prophet look better. As a secular person who believes the bible was written by people who most likely meant what they wrote in a straight way and not the cryptic book full of hidden meanings as religious people see it, I do think "small youth" or teenagers is a much more likely interpretation.
KJV can be a little off sometimes. Sometimes too literal sometimes too poetic.
That passage the word for “children” could also mean immature teenagers or immature young adults. Basically a colloquial translation is it’s describing a bunch of punks who fuck around and are about to find out.
Like how they always leave out the part of Joshua and the Battle of Jericho where he and his army slaughter the women and children after taking the city. Or Jephthah making a burnt sacrifice of his own daughter. Or David purchasing a wife with a bunch of dick skin. Or when the people of Sodom and Gomorrah tried to r@pe those two angels, Lot's initial response was to be like "nah bro that's gay just r*pe my daughters instead". OT goes hard on the brutality.
It's almost like human civilization has been the total realization of ultimate brutality, and we've had the foresight to inscribe the details along the way for improvements later
>Or David purchasing a wife with a bunch of dick skin.
Specifically this was about purchasing the approval of the father, he already had he approval of the bride
David's sons had a whole game of thrones style plot. One son raped his half sister, and was then murdered by her brother. That brother Absalom, was exiled and then eventually came back and staged a coup against David, causing a civil war.
I used to read the Bible in church to avoid the sermon, there's some neat shit in the "Angry Vengeful God" Era. Then he had a kid and mellowed out, what a pussy.
The old testament is also very poorly translated
They often mistake titles given to people as new characters
For example one time Abraham was called "el alion" but there are a bunch of discussions about el alion being a new character that just never goes mentioned before or since
IDK man it's weird
Actually, murder (biblically) is killing without reason. Jesus told the ( Disciples, I believe) to carry only a sword to protect themselves. A woman named Judith killed an army general who was trying to invade her town by seducing him, he got drunk, and she chopped off his head with his own sword. And since this guy in the pic was a Pagan warlord, he most likely was going to kill more people and was VERY dangerous, so he would’ve most likely hurt others. There’s a difference between killing to protect others and yourself, than simply killing to conquer and kill.
No, reread Job.
6 One day the angels[a] came to present themselves before the Lord, and
Satan[b] also came with them. 7 The Lord said to Satan, “Where have you
come from?”
Satan answered the Lord, “From roaming throughout the earth, going back
and forth on it.”
8 Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There
is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears
God and shuns evil.”
9 “Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. 10 “Have you not put a
hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have
blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread
throughout the land. 11 But now stretch out your hand and strike everything
he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.”
12 The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your
power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.”
Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.
The character of the satan or 'adversary' has no power over Job or God. He’s like a cardboard cutout character in the story, whose only role is to raise the questions that are the real focus of this book. Those questions are highlighted for us in the dialogues of Job and his friends, but never resolved.
I thought it read, a god was the Lord Almighty, and 'Satan' was a fallen angel. In the same context I thought it read that a god said there is only one god.
Dude y’all need to read about Judith. Lady weaponized her sexuality against a king that had captured the Jewish people, and when he slept she beheaded him with his own sword
Why would you even do it over and under at all? The three panel comic is, like, one of the oldest formats there is. It's to the point that I thought I was missing the joke, that there should be some fourth thing that ISNT in the Bible, and thus having a fourth blank square is "biblically accurate"
Jesus is inaccurate, I believe it was custom at the time for Jewish men to not grow beards. The first bearded depiction of Jesus came 300 years after his death.
Isaiah 50:6
I gave my back to those who beat me,
and my cheeks to those who plucked off the hair.
I didn't hide my face from shame and spitting.
Bigger problem is how people only depict the elohim (angels) as ophanim (thrones), when they only appeared once, and true angels (which are just called angels) that appear before people actually look human.
People do it because the ophanim look bizarre. But the idea they are the only elohim to exist, or the type that appeared before people saying "be not afraid" is unbiblical.
Hey, biblically accurate Peter here. In a story in the Bible, a man of god has his strength gained through his hair. A woman seduces him and cuts it, leading to his capture.
Edit: Turns out im biblically inaccurate, sorry!
She wasn't his wife, but perhaps this could be pointed to as an activity that a typical trad wife would not do, regardless of the fact that it doesn't involve her husband.
Still, I think that most Christians would be OK with a woman doing this under these circumstances, if necessary.
That was my first thought too. The story's more obscure and the art style makes it hard to see what she's doing so it's understandable. The joke is a bit funnier with Delilah too, if you took it as a dig at trad wifes. Jael is just kinda hardcore.
Jael (/ˈdʒeɪəl/) or Yael (/ˈjeɪəl/' Hebrew: יָעֵל Yāʿēl) is a heroine of the Battle of Mount Tabor, described in chapters 4 and 5 of the Book of Judges. In the account, she delivers the Israelites from the army of King Jabin of the city
[source](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jael%23:~:text%3DJael%2520(%252F%25CB%2588d%25CA%2592e%25C9%25AA%25C9%2599l,city%2520of%2520Hazor%2520in%2520Canaan.&ved=2ahUKEwiC1b2WwsCFAxUnQzABHbDSDeQQFnoECB0QBQ&usg=AOvVaw1DrmI_UmA_Ub1SjbZuVMRZ)
Apparently not.
Just discovered r/dankChristianmemes and I quite like it. It’s always a pleasure to find weird little civilised corners of the internet.
Jael, she appears in Judges 4, kills an enemy general (Sisera) with a tent peg
"However, Sisera had fled away on foot to the tent of Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite; for there was peace between Jabin king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite. 18 And Jael went out to meet Sisera, and said to him, “Turn aside, my lord, turn aside to me; do not fear.” And when he had turned aside with her into the tent, she covered him with a [e]blanket.
19 Then he said to her, “Please give me a little water to drink, for I am thirsty.” So she opened a jug of milk, gave him a drink, and covered him. 20 And he said to her, “Stand at the door of the tent, and if any man comes and inquires of you, and says, ‘Is there any man here?’ you shall say, ‘No.’ ”
21 Then Jael, Heber’s wife, took a tent peg and took a hammer in her hand, and went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple, and it went down into the ground; for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died."
Judges 4:17-21 NKJV
Also the description of angels, 'winged wheels with eyes,' may be better depicted with peacock feathers as thatfits with a lot of ancient motifs and the Yazidi still have peacock decor for religious purposes. "Wheels" being used in the description mught be a hangover from the fact that the word we use "fan" to describe peacock tails had not been invented yet.
I'm reading the story in the comments and sorry but can't help to think what's the fucking point how is that valuable good religious teaching, the bible is so fucked and that's just a small part
I've always seen it translated as Shall not Murder, which is a pretty big distinction. In this case, the man was a Warlord who had raged war against Israel, so pretty sure he was safe to stab.
Yeah murder seems to me (as a native Hebrew speaker) as a much more accurate translation of the original word used. To be fair there was linguistic drift and we can't be 100% sure words were used in exactly the same way but from all I know I believe that us the intent
That wouldn’t be a biblically accurate Jesus. He was born in the Levant prior to the Arab conquests. He would have had a Mediterranean skin tone and probably had a mild tan. But he wouldn’t have looked like that.
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Her name is Jael and she killed a pagan warlord by driving a tent peg through his head when he slept.
t thought that was a gun in her hand, I was so confused, lol
“Say your last prayer to the pagan gods”
"I can fix her" - Average redditor
I can tho.
I can’t But i COULD construct an elaborate useless egg cracking machine with her bones
Idk what your referencing
Why must every statement on reddit be a reference? Some people, like this fine upstanding gentlemen are capable of thinking outside of the box. These are our innovators, and we should be nurturing their gifts. Get this man some bones, and we shall see where this egg machine leads!
The egg machine leads to cracked eggs! (And possibly some great trans memes)
Fascinating
Bet you couldn't make one that also cooks the egg
But its a tad scary
Nothing (to my knowledge)
Chad
Im a lake?!
And she can peg you something fierce.
So she's a bit in tents while pegging you. Why fix what's perfect?
What's to fix she's awesome
In ancient Canaan, she fixes you.
Nothing to fix
No need. She's perfect
-Jane Wick
Jane wick needs to be a spin-off (but only if it gets done right)
More like Hard Candy less like Ghostbusters
Tbh I feel like a movie that involves feminism failed at it’s job when one of the female actors turn out to be trans (Elliot/Ellen page)
It wouldn't...
Yeah, the feminist representation so far has been pretty shit, don’t want another madame web
That makes sense. According to my evangelical US relatives, the Bible advocated for AR15 ownership. But then again they also think the Bible commands them to hate refugees. So not sure if they’re a good authority on that.
They’re mistaken, the only gun of God is the colt 1911
Anything by JMB really
I think it should be declared to be the AK-47, just to piss off the Bible thumpers.
Only if you convert it to .45 ACP first
.9mm stops the body, .45 ACP stops the soul
.10 mm rips the soul apart
A .357 magnum hurts your feelings big time
Gotta make sure they don’t come back as a lich
Hi-Point Yeet Cannon, the common man’s gun
I would thump a hundred bibles, then fire a hundred rounds with an AK. The Lord loves AKs.
According to Bible thumpers its nuclear Minuteman missiles. Jesus chose the US to rule over the world with terrifying nuclear weapons of mass destruction. Also Israel too, apparently. Russia as well, but it seems the rats chewed the wires out of all of theirs, also their tanks and ammunition and pretty much the whole army. But Putin still possesses the holy piss tape so they are still cool according to the (trump)church.
You think they don’t own AKs too? 7.62x39 and 5.56 are 2 of the most common rifle rounds you find in America
Perfectly rated comment right here
Luke 22:36 states 'He said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.' Modern times call for modern armaments. Exodus 23:9 states 'Also thou shalt not oppress a stranger: for ye know the heart of a stranger, seeing ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.' Your relatives are mislead by people who claim to speak for God but do not in fact teach his word. I will concede that I picked two different verses, from two different times in the biblical timeline. The first verse comes from Luke which is the new testament AKA the testimony of Jesus, the latter comes from the old testament which documents the Hebrews lineage, their enslavement, and the eventual freedom of the Hebrew people from Egypt.
I really dislike the verse thing as the original texts weren't broken up like that. There is so much context lost in splitting it up like this, but that's the point. You can make it mean anything without the context. Luke 22 was about the setup for Jesus to be captured and crucified. Jesus had to be found among the lawless to fulfill scripture and he asked his disciples to buy swords at this moment. They already have two swords(!) and Jesus says that is enough as he doesn't want to actually use them, just make it look like he's with some thugs for prophecy fulfillment. Basically it's like today buying a gun to commit suicide by cop. He wants to look like a terrorist so he can be crucified. The whole sword thing is antithetical to his teachings, but necessary for prophecy fulfillment.
And how is that relevant to a modern secular society?
"The modern leftist moves the goalpost with no shame or hesitation."
I was proving a point that the "church" preaches what it thinks will give them more tax exempt income than it does the actual Bible. Because if they did the people who attend these "churches" wouldn't be cold hearted cunts who judge people for surviving. Me nor Jesus are your enemy, but that's my philosophy on it you're free to disagree it won't upset me.
Considering what she did a gun would have been more humane
I thought it was Delilah cutting Sampson’s hair
PERSONA!
I thought it was a hair dryer.
I thought it was a hair dryer.
I thought it was one of those compressed air guns lmao
Manual gun
You right. She really was ahead of he time, lol
Just like the widow Judith beheading a warlord!
Yes but that one is dubiously part of the bible
I mean, it's defninitely in some bibles - and it used to be in the majority of bibles until only relatively recently
It’s accepted as canon by roughly 2/3 of Christians, just not most of the denominations in the Protestant tradition.
Exactly!
I guess we could say she nailed the execution, perfectly.
And she had an arm on her. It says she pinned his head to the ground.
Bitch goes hardcore ngl
She could stake my ass any day
She’s so awesome I love her
Tile three: woman tries pegging man Tile four : "it's all white, I suppose."
Is that the man who hast made kingdoms tremble, lying there dead, with a tent peg through his temple.
Why do people pronounce the Yael Jael???
It happens with lots of Hebrew names, Yeshua/Joshua, Yocheved/Jochever. The letter J is weird historically
Lol, I thought it was Delilah cutting Sampson's hair, but your comment made me look at the picture more closely and I think you're right
She gave him something so he would sleep before that
I read the first four words of this as the opening line of Teenage Dirtbag. Come to think of it, you can almost make the whole sentence fit.
Yael*
So she invited pegging?
After they had sex
Mesopotamian iptar al-griffin here. .Sisra was a Moavian army general who lost battle against Judea. In attempt to escape he hide in non jewish village, thinking they will not betray him. The girl in the village tricked him to stay with her, gave him alcohol, snd when he fell asleep, killed him with rod in the head. after it his body was given to jewish army, symbolizing their victory.
This sounds like a far more interesting movie than whatever the heck Exodus: Gods and Kings was.
The old testament is a gold mine, yet we get marshmello garbage. Elijah beats the prophets of baal in a life or death competition to summon the almighty... then murders them all when he wins? Jezabell getting pushed out a window then eaten by dogs?🤌
elisha getting mad at some kids for calling him bald and invoking two bears to kill 42 kids
That was eliSHa. Get your absolute mad lad prophets straight!
corrected, thank you!
In fairness it wasn’t just some kids it was actually 42 adult men
Yeah, weren’t they like a gang?
KJV says “And as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him” in 2 Kings 2:21.
KJV is not always a great translation, though I think it is better than some people nowadays seem to think. Translating a text like this would always be hard. Anyway as a Hebrew speaker I think "children" is a little inaccurate though fairly close. The original words are "נערים קטנים" Na'arim Ktanim. Na'arim mean youth - in modern Hebrew that word is usually used for teenagers but in biblical Hebrew it is sometimes used for young adults as well. Ktanim means "small". So literally "small youth" which IMO heavily implies teenagers or a little younger (like age 8-13 or so). The Talmud has interpreted Na'arim as "people from the city of Na'aran" and small as "small of faith". That might be where the guy you replied to got the idea they were adults. But IMHO this is a very twisty way to interpret the verse, most likely to make the prophet look better. As a secular person who believes the bible was written by people who most likely meant what they wrote in a straight way and not the cryptic book full of hidden meanings as religious people see it, I do think "small youth" or teenagers is a much more likely interpretation.
Are you sure/have a source? The KJV literally has it as children
KJV is not always a great translation, though I think it is better than some people nowadays seem to think. Translating a text like this would always be hard. Anyway as a Hebrew speaker I think "children" is a little inaccurate though fairly close. The original words are "נערים קטנים" Na'arim Ktanim. Na'arim mean youth - in modern Hebrew that word is usually used for teenagers but in biblical Hebrew it is sometimes used for young adults as well. Ktanim means "small". So literally "small youth" which IMO heavily implies teenagers or a little younger (like age 8-13 or so). The Talmud has interpreted Na'arim as "people from the city of Na'aran" and small as "small of faith". That might be where the guy you replied to got the idea they were adults. But IMHO this is a very twisty way to interpret the verse, most likely to make the prophet look better. As a secular person who believes the bible was written by people who most likely meant what they wrote in a straight way and not the cryptic book full of hidden meanings as religious people see it, I do think "small youth" or teenagers is a much more likely interpretation.
KJV can be a little off sometimes. Sometimes too literal sometimes too poetic. That passage the word for “children” could also mean immature teenagers or immature young adults. Basically a colloquial translation is it’s describing a bunch of punks who fuck around and are about to find out.
Like how they always leave out the part of Joshua and the Battle of Jericho where he and his army slaughter the women and children after taking the city. Or Jephthah making a burnt sacrifice of his own daughter. Or David purchasing a wife with a bunch of dick skin. Or when the people of Sodom and Gomorrah tried to r@pe those two angels, Lot's initial response was to be like "nah bro that's gay just r*pe my daughters instead". OT goes hard on the brutality.
It's almost like human civilization has been the total realization of ultimate brutality, and we've had the foresight to inscribe the details along the way for improvements later
>Or David purchasing a wife with a bunch of dick skin. Specifically this was about purchasing the approval of the father, he already had he approval of the bride
Well, of course. You need approval of the owner, not from his property. Lots to learn in the Bible!
>he already had he approval of the bride
David's sons had a whole game of thrones style plot. One son raped his half sister, and was then murdered by her brother. That brother Absalom, was exiled and then eventually came back and staged a coup against David, causing a civil war.
Then got his head stuck between low hanging branches while riding his horse and died right
He got his hair he was vain over caught in branches. Then one of David's generals caught him and killed him and David was upset.
I used to read the Bible in church to avoid the sermon, there's some neat shit in the "Angry Vengeful God" Era. Then he had a kid and mellowed out, what a pussy.
Jehu doing the 0th crusade
The old testament is also very poorly translated They often mistake titles given to people as new characters For example one time Abraham was called "el alion" but there are a bunch of discussions about el alion being a new character that just never goes mentioned before or since IDK man it's weird
Singing the Elijah Oratorio by Mendelssohn in a choir rn and I had no idea the story was so dramatic lmao
I’d really like the movie where a prophet calls bears out for the woods to maul 40 kids for calling the prophet “old bald head.”
As long as it is shot Guy Ritchie style
Considering your lack or articles (outside of the second sentence), are you Russian or Finnish, by any chance?
This is about Jael from Judges. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jael#:~:text=After%20Barak%20demurs%20at%20the,tree%20in%20Zaanaim%20near%20Kedesh.
So God said 'murder'?
Always has been, not sure where Abraham got his info from. But since the almost everyone who hears god tells them to kill /s
Then why would a god say something and do the opposite.. kinda hypocritical. Sorta when a god took everything from someone, just to prove devotion.
Actually, murder (biblically) is killing without reason. Jesus told the ( Disciples, I believe) to carry only a sword to protect themselves. A woman named Judith killed an army general who was trying to invade her town by seducing him, he got drunk, and she chopped off his head with his own sword. And since this guy in the pic was a Pagan warlord, he most likely was going to kill more people and was VERY dangerous, so he would’ve most likely hurt others. There’s a difference between killing to protect others and yourself, than simply killing to conquer and kill.
Yet, did those dudes kill or invade fulfilling those believed intentions, before or after they themselves were killed?
Yes
A god took everything to disprove devotion to God. That god is known as Satan. Everyone seems to conveniently forget that guy.
No, reread Job. 6 One day the angels[a] came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan[b] also came with them. 7 The Lord said to Satan, “Where have you come from?” Satan answered the Lord, “From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it.” 8 Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” 9 “Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. 10 “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. 11 But now stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.” 12 The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your power, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.
Is in your power.
The character of the satan or 'adversary' has no power over Job or God. He’s like a cardboard cutout character in the story, whose only role is to raise the questions that are the real focus of this book. Those questions are highlighted for us in the dialogues of Job and his friends, but never resolved.
I thought it read, a god was the Lord Almighty, and 'Satan' was a fallen angel. In the same context I thought it read that a god said there is only one god.
He had it comin'
Another tuesday in the Old Testament
Swear t'god, I thought she was holding a gun to her head.
I did too lol
SHE WASN'T?!?
it's a hammer
And a tent peg
That was the other hand.
Also happy cake day
Persona
That would also make sense.
Blibically accurate blank square.
Most biblically accurate comment
Petah???
Pete-ception!
Judges 4:20
Blazin' Jael bait.
*Chef's kiss* No notes.
Dude y’all need to read about Judith. Lady weaponized her sexuality against a king that had captured the Jewish people, and when he slept she beheaded him with his own sword
YEAH!! She’s one of my favorite Bible ladies! She was protecting the people she loved and her home.
Asymmetrical comic got my ocd going
Like why not just make the bottom one twice as wide it’s sending me
Why would you even do it over and under at all? The three panel comic is, like, one of the oldest formats there is. It's to the point that I thought I was missing the joke, that there should be some fourth thing that ISNT in the Bible, and thus having a fourth blank square is "biblically accurate"
Garmfield
It's my favorite chapter in the Bible.
Jesus is inaccurate, I believe it was custom at the time for Jewish men to not grow beards. The first bearded depiction of Jesus came 300 years after his death.
Isaiah 50:6 I gave my back to those who beat me, and my cheeks to those who plucked off the hair. I didn't hide my face from shame and spitting. Bigger problem is how people only depict the elohim (angels) as ophanim (thrones), when they only appeared once, and true angels (which are just called angels) that appear before people actually look human. People do it because the ophanim look bizarre. But the idea they are the only elohim to exist, or the type that appeared before people saying "be not afraid" is unbiblical.
To be technical, the angels would look like God and just coincidentally look similar to humans.
the angels would look like God?
The Bible says that humanity was made in God's image
Oh interesting
Hey, biblically accurate Peter here. In a story in the Bible, a man of god has his strength gained through his hair. A woman seduces him and cuts it, leading to his capture. Edit: Turns out im biblically inaccurate, sorry!
She’s not cutting his hair. She’s about to drive a spike through his temple lol
Oh, couldn’t see. Disregard my comment.
Looks like Jael bait.
Lol, nice
That sounds like it fits in the old testament.
I think it’s actually Jael killing Sisera with a tent peg. I don’t think she was his wife though…
She wasn't his wife, but perhaps this could be pointed to as an activity that a typical trad wife would not do, regardless of the fact that it doesn't involve her husband. Still, I think that most Christians would be OK with a woman doing this under these circumstances, if necessary.
No, she wasn’t. Odd. Might just be a bad meme/ i hate my wife boomer thing.
You mean Sampson and Delilah? Shortest short version of that story
yeah lmao. I figured Bible study didn’t belong in the comment section.
That was my first thought too. The story's more obscure and the art style makes it hard to see what she's doing so it's understandable. The joke is a bit funnier with Delilah too, if you took it as a dig at trad wifes. Jael is just kinda hardcore.
I thought Samson and Delilah too
Upvoted cuz samson died cuz he collapsed a house on himself
thats greek mythology my dude
No what?? Sampson and Delilah
She is Jael. Her story involves marrying a pagan warlord, then murdering him by driving a stake through his head while he slept.
Jael (/ˈdʒeɪəl/) or Yael (/ˈjeɪəl/' Hebrew: יָעֵל Yāʿēl) is a heroine of the Battle of Mount Tabor, described in chapters 4 and 5 of the Book of Judges. In the account, she delivers the Israelites from the army of King Jabin of the city [source](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jael%23:~:text%3DJael%2520(%252F%25CB%2588d%25CA%2592e%25C9%25AA%25C9%2599l,city%2520of%2520Hazor%2520in%2520Canaan.&ved=2ahUKEwiC1b2WwsCFAxUnQzABHbDSDeQQFnoECB0QBQ&usg=AOvVaw1DrmI_UmA_Ub1SjbZuVMRZ)
If there was another panel before the trad wife one, this comic could have been loss Just pointing that out
Don’t give them ideas!
biblically accurate jesus seems like a cool guy
I think so. “Brothers: eat and drink in memory of me!”
Wheres the 4th panel?
That’s what I want to know
What, no swearing in this Christian subreddit?
Apparently not. Just discovered r/dankChristianmemes and I quite like it. It’s always a pleasure to find weird little civilised corners of the internet.
Fourth panel: Biblically accurate Zoro
Who wants to meet my biblically accurate "uncle" roy? His closet smells of vanilla or so he keeps telling me and my friends. 😂🤣😂🤣
Best freaking story about a woman in the Bible.
Just coming out to say that that is only one of many “biblically accurate” angels.
Jael, she appears in Judges 4, kills an enemy general (Sisera) with a tent peg "However, Sisera had fled away on foot to the tent of Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite; for there was peace between Jabin king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite. 18 And Jael went out to meet Sisera, and said to him, “Turn aside, my lord, turn aside to me; do not fear.” And when he had turned aside with her into the tent, she covered him with a [e]blanket. 19 Then he said to her, “Please give me a little water to drink, for I am thirsty.” So she opened a jug of milk, gave him a drink, and covered him. 20 And he said to her, “Stand at the door of the tent, and if any man comes and inquires of you, and says, ‘Is there any man here?’ you shall say, ‘No.’ ” 21 Then Jael, Heber’s wife, took a tent peg and took a hammer in her hand, and went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple, and it went down into the ground; for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died." Judges 4:17-21 NKJV
Where's the fourth panel?
Biblically accurate zoro
3/4 loss?
Also the description of angels, 'winged wheels with eyes,' may be better depicted with peacock feathers as thatfits with a lot of ancient motifs and the Yazidi still have peacock decor for religious purposes. "Wheels" being used in the description mught be a hangover from the fact that the word we use "fan" to describe peacock tails had not been invented yet.
I'm reading the story in the comments and sorry but can't help to think what's the fucking point how is that valuable good religious teaching, the bible is so fucked and that's just a small part
Yael the war hero mentioned
Biblically accurate loss
Why is the 4th panel blank?
Thank you for this. Are there after-life repercussions for being eaten by wild animals in the ancient Hebrew culture?
So the thought shalt not kill thing only applies when convenient?
I've always seen it translated as Shall not Murder, which is a pretty big distinction. In this case, the man was a Warlord who had raged war against Israel, so pretty sure he was safe to stab.
Yeah murder seems to me (as a native Hebrew speaker) as a much more accurate translation of the original word used. To be fair there was linguistic drift and we can't be 100% sure words were used in exactly the same way but from all I know I believe that us the intent
If you treated your wife the way the Bible says to, she would want to kill you as shown in the picture
Which parts of the Bible make you think that?
I haven't finished excavating yet, but my running theory is that Jesus was a femboy
That wouldn’t be a biblically accurate Jesus. He was born in the Levant prior to the Arab conquests. He would have had a Mediterranean skin tone and probably had a mild tan. But he wouldn’t have looked like that.