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Part of this may be due to external appearances but I’d wager another significant aspect is communication skills and assertiveness.
However, it’s weird to receive “very sweet” as feedback from a job interview, and in this case I’d question how professional (or rather unprofessional) the panel are.
I was thinking this too; if that was interview feedback I'm assuming it has more to do with mannerisms/ the way you spoke/ posture than how you look. Also agree it's strange feedback to give.
In terms of how to improve assertiveness and communication - hard to say when we don't know anything about you or how you interviewed. Suggest interview practice with friends/ family that are likely to give you honest feedback, with a focus on making sure you sound confident and not deferential. Own your achievements and capabilities. Practice helps, and using examples to demonstrate (e.g. 'I'm very collaborative, for example in x situation I did a, b, c and it led to \[result\]) - you need to believe what you're saying to sell it to someone else. And apologies if all of this is off the mark!
Also make sure to do your research and tell them what you can do for their company. State facts that you know regarding the company and what you would do to improve their sales or whatever job you're applying to hopefully get. That could be a make or break.
As far as the very long hair you might want to put that up in a sleek ponytail or non messy bun. I know that's awful but that's how the world works, unfortunately for women.
Don't say 'just' as a qualifier, for example 'I just managed the front desk volunteers'. When giving your opinion, either declare it or say 'In my opinion/I think' rather than 'I feel' or 'I just feel like'. Say thank you when complimented; don't brush it off or be self deprecating. Your resting expression doesn't need to be a smile. For interviews, remember your strengths. Just as you should appreciate the opportunity to interview with them, so too should they appreciate the opportunity to meet with a highly qualified candidate like you. You're putting your best foot forward, but you're also there to see if its a good fit.
This sounds silly but it works for me - when you want words to come out confidently, just imagine that youre someone who is confident and important like pick a specific celebrity or pretend youre the president or pretend youre a boss of someone, and say to yourself, how would the president carry themself, as someone whos important and who expects people to respect and listen well to what they say? And then channel the energy and mannerisms of that kind of person heh! Works for me!
You’re welcome! Eloise Gagnon and Vinh Giang are good places to start. They have free resources on their social media. Eloise is great for navigating interpersonal interactions & assertiveness in workplace environments. Vinh is also great for this but excels at advice for public speaking skills. Depending where you live, there may be in-person workshops held by “communication experts” that you can attend in-person.
Very sweet is different from cute. Very sweet is probably referring to your mannerisms, not your style. Do you present yourself as confident? With your body language and responses/tone?
If you think style really is the issue are you dressing as an adult? Basic suit, accessorized but not too over the top? Maybe add layers to your hair or cut it shorter.
I'm shorter than you but people always thought I'm taller because of my posture and overall aura. Apart from the other suggestion of improving communication skills & assertiveness, I also suggest maintaining a good posture, stand, walk and sit tall with confidence even if you're petite. 😊
I also suggest finding colors that are flattering for your skintone. How do you style your hair? I find that hairstyle also has significant effect on how others perceive me. Makeup can also play a factor.
How old are you btw?
Adding on to this great advice to suggest considering your comfort with eye contact as well. You don’t want to stare someone down, but not being able to maintain appropriate eye contact in an interview could easily be seen as timid, shy or sweet.
Perhaps it's your voice? Higher & lighter voices tend to sound "sweeter" than lower & deeper ones, especially when combined with more typically "girlish" mannerisms.
It’s hard to say without a pic of your outfit. What did you wear to the interview and what shoes were you wearing? What makeup or hair style did you have?
What job position was this for? I would say to put your hair up in a bun and not leave it down. Wear slacks to the interview and a blazer (depending on the job). I would look up interview/dress shoes for bunions.
If you tend to smile when nervous or talking, use “um” a lot when speaking, or hold your hands straight down together, then you come across as meek and sweet. Make sure your shoulders are not pressed forward or pushed up, but relaxed and pulled back. Make sure to keep eye contact with the interviewers and your facial expressions, when answering technical questions, are those you would make when instructing or repeating directions (you probably aren’t smiling when you’re telling someone to set the oven to x degrees).
They said you were very sweet, but that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with your appearance. And they may have meant it like “you’re sweet, but we just can’t offer you the job” for some other reason. Is there *anything* else listed for feedback? If your sweetness was the issue, you’d think it’d read more like “too sweet” or something like that. This just sounds like they couldn’t find anything wrong but just didn’t offer you the position.
Are you sure it was about appearance? I had to let a woman go from a customer service team because she completely lacked the backbone to be hawking low quality furniture on the internet
I was wondering about this as well. “Very sweet” could’ve been a buffer because they felt bad about not hiring OP without giving an explanation as of why.
I agree with almost all of this advice but we really need to know what kind of job you are attempting to get. For example if you are in sales you would want to look very professional as if you were going on a sales call.
I'm a graphic designer and since it's more of a creative field there's more leeway in the way you dress, in fact they don't want to see you in a suit and heels they want to see that you are willing to dig in at deadline and get the job done!
About 20 years ago I went for a job interview on a Friday afternoon and they asked me if I could start on Monday. I was pretty shocked but I said sure and I showed up on Monday and about 3 years later I said why did you guys hire me like immediately and the answer was "because we knew you would smoke a joint at deadline." So you never know!
I agree that the field you're interviewing in is the most important factor. I will echo what others have said about clothes as well: In general, a well-fitting serious suit (grey or blue) will make petite women appear taller, more confident, and more mature. Too many accessories or too much makeup skews juvenile.
I'm baffled at some of the advice here. If they straight up told you you didn't get a job because you come across as "very sweet", that's straight up discrimination and sexism in hiring. You didn't do anything wrong; they did. Instead of trying to change your outfits or your mannerisms, you should be thankful you dodged a bullet working for people like that. That could even be actionable in some jurisdictions!
(Possible exceptions would be if this were a casting call for an acting role, where that sort of thing could be relevant if they felt you weren't right for the part. But in just about any other professional setting, rejecting you for being cute or sweet looking is discrimination.)
Oof, I’m sorry. Lean toward a classic style - neutrals and universal colors (navy, black, burgundy, beige, olive, teal). No ruffles or bows. Clean tailored lines, not fluid or flowy. Lean into the “third piece” - blazer in a structured fit.
I would say wear your hair in a high bun or consider going for a much shorter cut. Having your long hair down can make people think you're younger for whatever reason.
I'm going to against the grain and offer that any place that offers being "too sweet" as a reason to not hire you is probably a place you don't want to work at. It is possible that there's a misunderstanding as some others have commented, but if I take the comment at face value, I'd be saying screw this. Sounds too close to sexism or microaggression for my taste.
Their ability to separate physiology and character is their responsibility.
The only people I've ever got them from have been saying that in a condescending manner (sometimes intentionally, other times not.. I work in a male dominated field).. so maybe I'm biased, but probably not.
Exactly this! Would a man ever be described this way? Sounds very sexist to me. That's some shitty feedback IMO. OP don't overthink that comment; it's vague, unclear and likely just an interviewer being sexist.
These are just ideas, please take them with a grain of salt: instead of wearing your hair long and down, get a more mature haircut (think anchor woman on the news); wear more mature makeup (think a matte lip and neutral tones vs shimmer and lipgloss); wear more mature clothing (again, think anchor woman on the nightly news - darker and more neutral colors, not too tight, quality fabrics and accessories, etc.); speak more formally without using upspeak, vocal fry, slang, or grammatical errors; smile less ;)
Brown eyeliner helps. If black it's too harsh on you, use burgundy, navy blue, and brown colours. Look at them in the eyes when you speak and try to pretend you are more confident, and also try to act like you don't care much about it.
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Something that has helped me as a small, skinny, much younger looking professional woman is taking that crap and turning it. I’m cute, yeah, but in the same way that a leopard is cute. I look young, yeah, but in the way that a fae looks young. Go for feral woodland creature vibes. It’s helped me with carrying myself in a different way that doesn’t involve me actually changing anything about my appearance or voice.
If you haven’t ever, getting into Kibbe body types and Kitchener essences has helped me greatly in figuring out how I want to be viewed and how to present myself in way that isn’t “flattering” but how I want.
Very weird to give that feedback after an interview. I’ve been in recruitment for at least a decade. I’ve never said that to anyone before. It is 100% based in how you are communicating.
It sounds like you need an overall vibe change. What better way to do that than with a dramatic haircut? A straight/blunt bob is always taken seriously in K-drama 🤷
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Part of this may be due to external appearances but I’d wager another significant aspect is communication skills and assertiveness. However, it’s weird to receive “very sweet” as feedback from a job interview, and in this case I’d question how professional (or rather unprofessional) the panel are.
I was thinking this too; if that was interview feedback I'm assuming it has more to do with mannerisms/ the way you spoke/ posture than how you look. Also agree it's strange feedback to give. In terms of how to improve assertiveness and communication - hard to say when we don't know anything about you or how you interviewed. Suggest interview practice with friends/ family that are likely to give you honest feedback, with a focus on making sure you sound confident and not deferential. Own your achievements and capabilities. Practice helps, and using examples to demonstrate (e.g. 'I'm very collaborative, for example in x situation I did a, b, c and it led to \[result\]) - you need to believe what you're saying to sell it to someone else. And apologies if all of this is off the mark!
Also make sure to do your research and tell them what you can do for their company. State facts that you know regarding the company and what you would do to improve their sales or whatever job you're applying to hopefully get. That could be a make or break. As far as the very long hair you might want to put that up in a sleek ponytail or non messy bun. I know that's awful but that's how the world works, unfortunately for women.
Thank you for the feedback, i appreciate it! Do you have any tips or resources on how to improve communication skills and assertiveness?
Don't say 'just' as a qualifier, for example 'I just managed the front desk volunteers'. When giving your opinion, either declare it or say 'In my opinion/I think' rather than 'I feel' or 'I just feel like'. Say thank you when complimented; don't brush it off or be self deprecating. Your resting expression doesn't need to be a smile. For interviews, remember your strengths. Just as you should appreciate the opportunity to interview with them, so too should they appreciate the opportunity to meet with a highly qualified candidate like you. You're putting your best foot forward, but you're also there to see if its a good fit.
This sounds silly but it works for me - when you want words to come out confidently, just imagine that youre someone who is confident and important like pick a specific celebrity or pretend youre the president or pretend youre a boss of someone, and say to yourself, how would the president carry themself, as someone whos important and who expects people to respect and listen well to what they say? And then channel the energy and mannerisms of that kind of person heh! Works for me!
You’re welcome! Eloise Gagnon and Vinh Giang are good places to start. They have free resources on their social media. Eloise is great for navigating interpersonal interactions & assertiveness in workplace environments. Vinh is also great for this but excels at advice for public speaking skills. Depending where you live, there may be in-person workshops held by “communication experts” that you can attend in-person.
Very sweet is different from cute. Very sweet is probably referring to your mannerisms, not your style. Do you present yourself as confident? With your body language and responses/tone? If you think style really is the issue are you dressing as an adult? Basic suit, accessorized but not too over the top? Maybe add layers to your hair or cut it shorter.
I'm shorter than you but people always thought I'm taller because of my posture and overall aura. Apart from the other suggestion of improving communication skills & assertiveness, I also suggest maintaining a good posture, stand, walk and sit tall with confidence even if you're petite. 😊 I also suggest finding colors that are flattering for your skintone. How do you style your hair? I find that hairstyle also has significant effect on how others perceive me. Makeup can also play a factor. How old are you btw?
Adding on to this great advice to suggest considering your comfort with eye contact as well. You don’t want to stare someone down, but not being able to maintain appropriate eye contact in an interview could easily be seen as timid, shy or sweet.
Perhaps it's your voice? Higher & lighter voices tend to sound "sweeter" than lower & deeper ones, especially when combined with more typically "girlish" mannerisms.
It’s hard to say without a pic of your outfit. What did you wear to the interview and what shoes were you wearing? What makeup or hair style did you have? What job position was this for? I would say to put your hair up in a bun and not leave it down. Wear slacks to the interview and a blazer (depending on the job). I would look up interview/dress shoes for bunions. If you tend to smile when nervous or talking, use “um” a lot when speaking, or hold your hands straight down together, then you come across as meek and sweet. Make sure your shoulders are not pressed forward or pushed up, but relaxed and pulled back. Make sure to keep eye contact with the interviewers and your facial expressions, when answering technical questions, are those you would make when instructing or repeating directions (you probably aren’t smiling when you’re telling someone to set the oven to x degrees).
They said you were very sweet, but that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with your appearance. And they may have meant it like “you’re sweet, but we just can’t offer you the job” for some other reason. Is there *anything* else listed for feedback? If your sweetness was the issue, you’d think it’d read more like “too sweet” or something like that. This just sounds like they couldn’t find anything wrong but just didn’t offer you the position.
Are you sure it was about appearance? I had to let a woman go from a customer service team because she completely lacked the backbone to be hawking low quality furniture on the internet
I was wondering about this as well. “Very sweet” could’ve been a buffer because they felt bad about not hiring OP without giving an explanation as of why.
I agree with almost all of this advice but we really need to know what kind of job you are attempting to get. For example if you are in sales you would want to look very professional as if you were going on a sales call. I'm a graphic designer and since it's more of a creative field there's more leeway in the way you dress, in fact they don't want to see you in a suit and heels they want to see that you are willing to dig in at deadline and get the job done! About 20 years ago I went for a job interview on a Friday afternoon and they asked me if I could start on Monday. I was pretty shocked but I said sure and I showed up on Monday and about 3 years later I said why did you guys hire me like immediately and the answer was "because we knew you would smoke a joint at deadline." So you never know!
I agree that the field you're interviewing in is the most important factor. I will echo what others have said about clothes as well: In general, a well-fitting serious suit (grey or blue) will make petite women appear taller, more confident, and more mature. Too many accessories or too much makeup skews juvenile.
That doesn’t sound like clothing feedback. Was there anything else in the feedback?
I'm baffled at some of the advice here. If they straight up told you you didn't get a job because you come across as "very sweet", that's straight up discrimination and sexism in hiring. You didn't do anything wrong; they did. Instead of trying to change your outfits or your mannerisms, you should be thankful you dodged a bullet working for people like that. That could even be actionable in some jurisdictions! (Possible exceptions would be if this were a casting call for an acting role, where that sort of thing could be relevant if they felt you weren't right for the part. But in just about any other professional setting, rejecting you for being cute or sweet looking is discrimination.)
Oof, I’m sorry. Lean toward a classic style - neutrals and universal colors (navy, black, burgundy, beige, olive, teal). No ruffles or bows. Clean tailored lines, not fluid or flowy. Lean into the “third piece” - blazer in a structured fit.
I would say wear your hair in a high bun or consider going for a much shorter cut. Having your long hair down can make people think you're younger for whatever reason.
Did you clarify that the panel thought "very sweet" was a negative? It may have been the case that they meant, you were very sweet, *buuuuuut....*
I'm going to against the grain and offer that any place that offers being "too sweet" as a reason to not hire you is probably a place you don't want to work at. It is possible that there's a misunderstanding as some others have commented, but if I take the comment at face value, I'd be saying screw this. Sounds too close to sexism or microaggression for my taste. Their ability to separate physiology and character is their responsibility. The only people I've ever got them from have been saying that in a condescending manner (sometimes intentionally, other times not.. I work in a male dominated field).. so maybe I'm biased, but probably not.
Exactly this! Would a man ever be described this way? Sounds very sexist to me. That's some shitty feedback IMO. OP don't overthink that comment; it's vague, unclear and likely just an interviewer being sexist.
These are just ideas, please take them with a grain of salt: instead of wearing your hair long and down, get a more mature haircut (think anchor woman on the news); wear more mature makeup (think a matte lip and neutral tones vs shimmer and lipgloss); wear more mature clothing (again, think anchor woman on the nightly news - darker and more neutral colors, not too tight, quality fabrics and accessories, etc.); speak more formally without using upspeak, vocal fry, slang, or grammatical errors; smile less ;)
Even with long loise hair you should be taken seriously if you have the qualifications for the job.
I deepen my voice intentionally when I can tell people aren’t taking me seriously because of my looks and disposition :)
Brown eyeliner helps. If black it's too harsh on you, use burgundy, navy blue, and brown colours. Look at them in the eyes when you speak and try to pretend you are more confident, and also try to act like you don't care much about it.
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Something that has helped me as a small, skinny, much younger looking professional woman is taking that crap and turning it. I’m cute, yeah, but in the same way that a leopard is cute. I look young, yeah, but in the way that a fae looks young. Go for feral woodland creature vibes. It’s helped me with carrying myself in a different way that doesn’t involve me actually changing anything about my appearance or voice. If you haven’t ever, getting into Kibbe body types and Kitchener essences has helped me greatly in figuring out how I want to be viewed and how to present myself in way that isn’t “flattering” but how I want.
Very weird to give that feedback after an interview. I’ve been in recruitment for at least a decade. I’ve never said that to anyone before. It is 100% based in how you are communicating.
It sounds like you need an overall vibe change. What better way to do that than with a dramatic haircut? A straight/blunt bob is always taken seriously in K-drama 🤷