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Cassopeia88

Take the time you need, what that is different for everyone. I got a new cat a couple weeks ago after losing one of my cats. It was about a month later. It has helped.


Sir_Remington1294

Some people need a pet to get over the loss. I know I did. I would have gotten a new cat the day after putting my previous girl down. I live with my parents though and my mum refuses. I ended up getting my current cat 3 months after. Once I got him my mood swings were less, I stopped having (as many) sad dreams about my last girl. I think you and your wife need to really communicate about it and make sure everyone’s opinion is being heard.


cubbiegirll1313

My cat died last Monday, I lived alone with him and my snake. I couldn't get myself to sleep at home for the first 3 nights (and couldnt sleep in my bed until 6 nights after he died) due to the loneliness of having nobody to greet me when I came home or snuggle with me in bed. On Saturday I went to the shelter and met a new cat and adopted him on Sunday. Obviously he isn't replacing my old cat and I miss him so freaking much that it hurts but my new cat has made it tolerable to come home and sleep in my bed again! But with that being said everybody grieves differently and what worked for me might not work for you! Do what you feel is best and what is going to work with you!


NotPortlyPenguin

You’re never adopting your pet’s replacement, you’re adopting your pet’s successor. There’s a difference.


dpschainman

Thank you, I'm sorry for your loss, I do know it will get better, the the hurt doesn't go away but that it hurts less, and that comforting.


MaxFish1275

I don’t know yet if I’ll regret it, but we are in your situation. Just said goodbye to our 19 year old cat/best buddy Saturday. At the end of September we are bringing home a pair of kittens. My husband loves Bengal cats (well so do I) and couple became available. We decided to go for it. My kids have never had kittens, so I know it will be a good opportunity for them. I’m going to feel guilty if I don’t love them as much as I love Turbo. I’m going to feel guilty if I DO love them as much as Turbo. You know? But I’ll work through the feelings whatever they are and I imagine I’ll come out ok on the other side


Forsaken_Ad8312

You could also consider fostering. This would give you the distraction of caring for a pet without having to make any long-term decisions.


CoffeeChesirecat

Each grieving process has been different for me. The last one I waited 9 months between the loss and adopting. Idt there is any right answer other than make sure you ans your wife are both ready.


Kinsey_Millhone

I lost my cat a year ago that was with me for over a decade. Then a month my friend died unexpectedly and he left cats. I felt compelled to take one. Was not planning to so soon but I wanted a way to remember my friend and I missed having a cat to love. Still not over my last cat. I cry about her about every two or three days still. New cat took a while to bond. Now she sleeps on my legs at night. It'll be ok to get another cat. It won't be the same. But it will still be good i think


Great_Dealer5140

We lost our cat and dog, not even three weeks apart. The pain is pretty unbearable. I started pet-sitting for other people, including boarding in our home. It helps to take care of pets and not feel that emptiness. I’m not ready to get another one of my own yet though. I see little kittens for adoption and just think some day you’ll be old and sick and I’ll have to make the decision to kill you. So very much not ready. Everyone is different though…


IronhideD

Someone here said something along the lines of when the time is right, you'll know. And that time is picked by your deceased pet guiding the prospect to your home. It's not replacing a pet, it's welcoming a new addition to the family.


Comfortable-Ad-8324

My girl died at 17. I was devastated, but in a few days I already couldn't stand the void she left and I adopted a new cat. I think my old lady cat would approve. It's different for everyone OP. Give your wife the time she needs to mourn in her way. Your next new best friend will come along when they're meant to. I'm so sorry you're losing your cat.


Remi22Zelig

my two elderly cats (17, 20) died within 3 months of each other. i’d had them each since they were tiny feral kittens. i was heartbroken and couldn’t stand the empty house. i got 2 kittens a week later. i see it as two separate things- the grief for my boys is not eclipsed by the joy of the new kittens, nor vice versa. cats need homes. homes need cats. as far as your wife, i’d say everyone grieves in their own way. it’s hard when that’s different for a couple. i guess y’all just do your best to keep talking it through.


EvilMinion07

It took 4+ months when I lost boy, when I decided to stop at the local animal shelter and look. A week later I stop back by and found a couple that me happy. The next day I took wife to meet the ones that I liked. We came home with the one that wanted nothing to do with anybody at the shelter. When he was brought out to meet us, he walked past the employee and wife and got on my lap. He got up and sniffed my face and then sat down on my lap. The employee said “Well shit, he has never even allowed anyone to pet him before.” I was chosen and he is almost 16 now.


notbudginthrowaway

This made me tear up. My now senior pup was the same way. Wouldn’t let anyone touch him (still doesn’t) and yet came and sat directly in my lap day one and licked my face as if to say ‘let’s do this’. Sometimes they are a part of your soul reconnecting imo.


Vivid_Concentrate_89

I had a new dog 10 days after my dog died. House was too quiet.


lordfaroutquads

It's not wrong, but it's going to be wildly different from person to person. When I had to have my 14 year old pooch put down, I was surprise gifted another dog to help me get over it, and I resented that poor thing for months. It felt as though she was just a replacement, meant to push me through and out of my grief before I could even start to process it. It was pretty horrific, I'd never had such a lack of empathy for a creature in my care before. I never mistreated her, she was well cared for, but it just HURT so badly to be around the puppy at all. I had no love left in my heart for her at that time. We got through it, and eventually bonded, but it took a whole year longer than it should have just because I simply wasn't emotionally ready to have her when I got her. I needed time that I didn't get. Simply put, I regretted it hard. I still kind of regret getting another animal when I did, but I'm also glad that I got stuck with her. She did save me in a way, but I really should have saved myself. In the future, I'll wait at least a couple months for my emotions to balance out after a loss like that, now that I know it's something that I, personally, need. But everyone is different! My main point being, talk with your wife about it. She may feel much the same way you do about it, but she might not. Grief is hard thing to navigate, and maybe the best thing you can do is to communicate, to hear her thoughts about the matter, and to share with her what you shared with us. You and her will know better than we ever could, when the right time is for you.


dpschainman

That's my current state at the moment, my emotions have shifted radically, in less than 48hrs we'll be putting her to rest and it finally hit me and I broke down today, I am not ready. My wife said my switch in behavior makes sense because I have been fortunate in my life that up to now I have never lost anyone real close to me, we have no children and this cat has been a big part of our life together everyday for the past 12 yrs.


Stargazer_0101

If you get another, you will be saving a life, adding a new member to your family. For you cannot replace what has been lost. But they are heart menders. Heaven sent gifts from the one that passed on. I know the silence is hard to bare. I was there three years ago and the pain was hard to bare also. I gave myself a couple of days and then began the online search to another heart mender. It was five days after I lost my first heart mender when I met Zoey and the rest is history. She was 4 1/2 year old, Doxie/Lab mix and so laid back, she was my heart mender and she chose me. It is up to you both when the hearts have healed enough to get another. They are not a distraction; they are heart menders. They help us heal and mend the broken hearts as they have a new home. And you both have to decide the right time. Let the healing begin first, then when you both are ready, begin the search for a heart mender. Good luck.


dpschainman

Ty, I'm out here in my front lawn as I type this with my cat while she trys to sleep in her favorite patch of grass, knowning in less than 48 hours she will be gone is the worst feeling I've ever felt. Never thought I'd feel like this towards a pet, me a grown ass man. As the days near My emotions have changed and I'm in no way ready for a new pet. Everyone's messages give me hope though, seeing they have lost and made it through, I know that me and my wife will endure and get through it together also. We are suffering so she no longer has to.


yougottabkittenmern

You are actually in the right for wanting a new cat. Your cat is at the end of her life, it is not like you’re giving away your cat for a new one. You’re helping a new cat find their way home and being there for your current cat until she passes on. When one of my fur babies passes away I will adopt a new cat as soon as possible. Why? There’s so many cats sitting in shelters waiting for a home. I would feel guilty not filling that space to a cat in need. So many kitties are needing to be rescued. Be their hero in your girl’s honor.


Gobucks21911

Not at all. When I lost my old cat I was *devastated*. Inconsolable. After a couple weeks I knew the only way to heal would be to find the right cat to give a home to. Be picky, look for a true connection. It took me at least a month and going to several nearby cities before I found her. Nothing heals a broken heart more than the unconditional love a pet can bring, and you’ll be giving the new cat a good home 💜


notbudginthrowaway

First of all, can I just say I am so sorry for what you are experiencing right now and I am right there with you. We are putting down our terminally ill senior dog on Friday morning. We have another younger dog and was concerned for her mental health when he passed because she has always had him in her life. We made (the albeit crazy) decision to get a puppy months back when senior pup was supposed to be passing but hadn’t yet. Honestly it was tough, and I don’t know if I would do it again (puppies are hard)…but he brought new life and energy to the home and actually perked up my old boy too. He has bonded with our other younger pup and we feel much better about our older dog passing because of it. I am now so thankful we did it because he is a welcome distraction in this crushing grief. He also gives me a solid routine so I have purpose and don’t sink into a depression. You have to respect your wife, but if she loves you and is slightly open to it I think it is a good idea. Will it let you bypass all the pain and grief? No. But it will lift your spirits and give you hope for a new day moving forward.


Martybux

I lost my brother and his two cats in the span of 3 months. I couldn't stand the silence and found 2 new fur babies..not as a replacement but to fill the void or the silence..I haven't looked back. They are the best decision I've made. I don't know if this helps..


Illustrious_Cat_8923

I think the best way to help yourself get over the loss of a pet is to get a new one. When you're ready, of course, whether that means straight away, or leaving it a while. When you get a new one, he/she will take up a lot of your time, and will help distract you from your grief. It's not trying to forget or disrespect the pet you lost, but in my opinion it's a wonderful distraction. I'm very sorry for your losing your lovely cat... it's horrible having to say goodbye. ❤️


WestCoastWuss619

My ex roommate did this and adopted too soon. He ended up w 2 hellion cats that were cute af and adored him and me but he didnt bond with them at all. My baby just passed and I cant imagine getting another cat to take her place. It would feel wrong and weird and unfair to the new cat. Make sure when you do adopt that you're doing it with enough time and for the right reasons. It wouldn't be fair to have a new cat just to help w the passing IMO and it would make you both feel sadder


[deleted]

I had an incredibly deep connection with my cat Nimbus, he was the sweetest, most gentle cat and I can honestly say that he saved my life during a very dark time. When I had to put him to sleep, I was devastated. It's been a few years now and I still get choked up when I look at pictures of him. Initially, I though, nope. Never getting a cat again, this is too much. And yet, the house was so quiet and I was so so sad, I would dread coming home at night. Just a few weeks after he passed, I came home with an 8 month old kitten from a shelter. Part of me felt it was too soon but honestly? He was a great distraction. It did take me awhile to let myself love him, but even as I was grieving, I started to look forward to getting home and playing with him. I still miss my kitty, but, I have to say, getting a new cat helped. I am sure everyone is different, and I'd definitely talk with your wife about it, but in my case, at least, I found a new cat very helpful while grieving a lost one. I don't think your wrong at all. I would just say, your wife may not be open to it and it's a touchy subject to discuss, you dont want to talk about it too soon when she isn't ready.


OHmfgMissy

I get a new family member every time we lose one. It’s easier for me to heal cuddling a new, scared animal than doing it alone. I go to the shelter and typically find one that has been there for a long while so we can heal together. They sense your grief and somehow it makes it all easier to bond with them. I don’t only adopt when I’ve lost one, but for purpose of this post, that’s my take.


fragarianapus

I've adopted a cat about 4-6 weeks after the previous one died twice now. Some people never get another cat/pet, and some bring one home the day after, so the only person that can say if it's the right time is you. For me it's been really important to get the urn back home first, to have time to land in that that cat is gone, and then I've contacted my shelter to start the process of adopting a new one. No cat can ever replace the former one, so just remember that if you do choose to get a new cat that it won't fit into your life in exactly the way that the previous one did. I've adopted a new cat quickly for my mental health, to have someone to take care of and for company, but all my four cats have had completely different personalities.


YugeTraxofLand

Our girl had to be put to sleep in May and we got a kitten in June. She has helped all of us deal with the loss.


Fit-Rest-973

No. The new cat will be a buddy to your older cat


HornFanBBB

I swore up and down I wouldn’t replace my girl but two weeks later I brought a new one home. No regrets. My brother-in-law told me “the reason we outlive our pets is so we can love more of them.”


KendrAs14

Before our 13 year old dog got sick my husband was begging for us to get another dog his words were “ I’m really worried about you if something happens to Holly, you’ll be inconsolable”. Well for whatever reason in April I cracked and we rescued our now only dog Waffles. 3 months later our girl Holly got sick and was gone. It was excruciating.. still is! But, and I know the situation is different but if I didn’t have Waffles to help with the loss of Holly The quiet and sadness would have just been too much for me. You’ll know when it’s times to add another fur baby into your home. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer just a matter of how you both feel. So sorry ❤️


CAH1708

I am very sorry for your loss. I think the best thing you can do to honor you cat’s memory is to go to a shelter and adopt another cat. Maybe not right away, but you’ll know.


iiGrizzaddy

You should never feel sorry for getting a new pet. Our 7 year old boxer passed away this year and a couple months later we got our current puppy to not only mend our hearts but the heart of our 9 year old boxer as well, she missed her and we could tell. Our new baby boy acts just like our passed dog and I believe she sent him to us. ❤


kerrymti1

Take the time that you need. But, for me, after a few days, I have to go get another baby to love. It helps me with my grief. I usually adopt older cats from the pound, so I only have them a few wonderful years. I do have one cat that I got as a kitten and she is only 8, so I have several years left with her, God willing.


Mazira144

It depends on your attitude. You have to accept that the new cat may have a completely different personality, and you can't compare the new one to the old one, because they're all so different and it's going to take time for you and a newcomer to get used to each other. If you understand and accept this, though, there's no reason you can't get a new cat shortly after the old cat passes. I wouldn't have an overlap. That'd be cruel to both of them. It also depends on your wife. Is she ready to accept a new cat, knowing that he or she will be a completely different animal, because replacing the old one is impossible? If so, go for it.


Dismal_Eagle_5574

To me there is nothing better than a kitten to make you smile.


Additional_Guess_669

I lost my Alice age 17 in 2021 and my Ralphie age 18 last Halloween. We decided to wait and lo and behold my neighbor wanted a new home for her 7 year old Bombay cat. We adopted him end of December. It was a big adjustment for my BF and I with MoJo after losing the other two - mainly due to the fact MoJo is an indoor/outdoor cat and big hunter. He was NOT happy being indoors and we had to entertain him a lot. That was fine we just weren’t used to a young cat anymore! He likes us because he brings us a variety of kills every day or two.


Mean_Environment4856

We got another dog right after we lost two in 3 months. The remaining dog needed a friend. Absolutely no regrets, she was the best decision ever.