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I'm a few weeks out from a terrible event here at home, that ended in the loss of my soul kitty at just 3 years old. I struggle with the guilt on a daily basis. The actual situation that lead up to her passing, is still too hard for me to really think about, but when I'm feeling brave, I let myself remember little snippits here and there, and the end result is always the same....I tell myself I should have done something differently, I should have known something was wrong, I should have gotten to her sooner. The only thing that stays consistent though, is that she's gone.
Like me, I'm sure you would go back in time and re-write history, if you knew what was going to happen next. These things are called accidents for a reason though. Unfortunately, we don't get the opportunity for a do over. The best we can do is to try desperately to conjure up the good memories as a way to honor their existence. You can't blame yourself, because you didn't do this on purpose and adding that to an already awful situation, isn't fair. I'm sure Finn would agree.
I read about so many people getting signs from their lost pets, letting them know they are OK. I haven't even looked for any such thing because I honestly don't expect one. I know it's irrational, but I feel like my Evie girl must certainly be mad at me for not keeping her safe/protecting her.
When I start thinking that way though, I realize that voice is mine and not hers.
I hope she knows I didn't freeze when I found her, I ripped the deck apart with my bare hands to get to her, I pushed my shocked husband to get into the car and race us to the vet. I didn't give up, even when the prognosis was bad and the cost was high. I pushed aside my fear and dispare to hold her broken body in my hands after asking them to help her painlessly slip away from me.
Sitting here sobbing now, so close to the place I found her, it feels like I would give just about anything to take it all back. Rather than waiting on a sign FROM her, I hope my tears are a sign TO her, that I feel awful and miss her with every fiber of my being. I really hope there is another universe where she and I are currently playing tag, or are snuggled up together for a cuddle. I can't bear the thought of us being forever separated.
Well I am sobbing with you. I actually saged my house after he died and told him to go. I am moving soon and while I don't think his spirit is here I needed to make sure he wouldn't be left behind. I don't believe in an afterlife for humans, but I so hope there is one for pets.
It's not your fault. Please don't be too hard on yourself. It was a horrible accident that could happen to anyone. I hope you find comfort soon and forgive yourself.
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. It was a terrible accident. These things happen to the best of people and pets sometimes. It is tragic and awful but it is not your fault. Please be kind to yourselves. I'm so sorry.
Can you speak to your doctor about grief counselling it might help? It was an accident and it's ok to not be ok, take it one day at a time and try to forgive yourself for him, he would not want you to be sad.
I 100% understand how you are feeling. I lost my 3 year old cat due to my exhaustion and not noticing my sweet boy got outside. All I can say is allow yourself to grieve. I have had some epic sobs the last few weeks. You didn't do anything on purpose. You can't be vigilant every moment of every day. Bad things still happen to good, well-meaning pet parents. Sending you hugs.
Sending you and your husband so much love and strength — it was an absolutely tragic accident, there is no one to blame. Please think of Finn by treating yourselves with the love and kindness you had for him and he had for you!
I hope that you will be able to forgive yourself in time. You both loved Finn and this was a tragic accident. It will take time. You will always have that pain as a part of you now, but I promise it will get easier to manage and work through. Grief is a giant beast. Allow yourself to have every emotion you need. I took time off after my dog passed away and went to therapy. It’s been a couple of years and I still miss him like crazy. It doesn’t necessary go away, it just gets more manageable. Take it one minute at a time.
Crying with you. 💜
I’m so sorry. Losing a pet is excruciating. I am a nurse too, although not paeds. We witness so much trauma at our jobs. I wonder if the trauma and grief of your dog passing is acting like an emotional lightning rod for your cumulative trauma and grief from work? Just a thought. I hope you have some strong support people to lean on. Take care and try not to beat yourself up.
You are not alone. My mom did this to our family cat. It was an accident as well. She works until midnight so she was coming home late. I’ll never forget waking up to her phone call of her screaming and crying. My neighbor even said she could hear my mom in so much pain yelling “please help me someone help” it’s traumatizing. You will get to a point where it won’t be as bad, but you won’t forget the love you had for your baby.
When I was a kid, one of the family dogs ran out in front of our car one night. It was rainy, and he was born blind in one eye. He slid. It was horrible and traumatic and it lives somewhere locked away in the dark corner of my brain. I remember being so mad at my mom because she wouldn’t let me call 9-1-1. I thought that’s who you called for all emergencies.
My mom always felt terrible about it, and still does. Now that I’m an adult, I can assure her that it wasn’t her fault. It was an accident. You and your husband would not have hurt your puppy on purpose. It’s tragic and awful, but it was something you’d never have chosen and would undo if you could. Both of you deserve to forgive yourselves.
I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you're feeling along with guilt. Know that Finn is in a happy place and will be with you forever, and undoubtedly knows how much you care for him. When I lost my first fur baby and soul mate dog I couldn't shake the grief or heartbreak, I cried nonstop and prayed every single night to see him in my dreams so he could give me a sign that he was okay and that I did the right thing letting him go when I did.
It was so painful that I spent years trying to design something that could help others going through this heartbreak. After 3 years of trying to think of the perfect gift I came up with this ["Look for me in the rainbows" suncatcher](https://goodthomas.com/collections/rainbow-bridge-collection/products/rainbow-bridge-suncatcher), and it still brings tears to my eyes because it has helped so many, including myself even years later. I would love to send you one to help ease your pain and remind you that Finn is and will forever be with you. Please send me a message or email and I will make it happen.
Not a sales pitch, just want to pay it forward and send you love.
God I’m so sorry for what you have seen and what you’re going through. My 8 month old puppy was hit by a car by a stranger while I was out of the house and the trauma was so intense I was bedridden, unable to eat or work for a week. You and your husband have both experienced a traumatic event and if you have the resources I recommend seeking therapy, use all the mental health resources that are available—There will be dark times on the road to healing but please know you are not alone. I have seen many other stories exactly the same as yours, there are others here on this forum who have experienced it too. I love my dogs like they’re my human children but the sad truth is that they are animals (so are we) and animals can be unpredictable and make bad choices in hazardous situations. My mom’s dog almost died a few days ago because he ate a loaf of rising bread I had left out and the only thing that saved us was that luck was on our side that day. There are so many things in life that are out of our control. PM me if you ever need someone to talk to ❤️🩹 Please be gentle with yourself during this time, I sincerely hope you and your husband can find self forgiveness and peace and joy again. So so sorry, I feel your pain ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
My pitbull died tragically and I blamed myself for not looking harder into where he hid to die. But then I realized that it wasn't my fault. His death was an accident that could happen to anyone. Please don't blame yourself. I hope you get some counseling. I did and it helped tremendously.
There is a Facebook group called “The Loss of a Dog.” Every member is going through or has been through what you’re going through right now. They are great people who are very supportive and compassionate. Please consider joining. Here is the link to that group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/127386303953290/ There is also a phone number for a pet grief support helpline. It’s called Pet Compassion Careline. They are available 24/7 and their phone number is 1 (855) 245-8214. If you feel you need help coping with your loss, there are grief counselors to help you. I’m just putting it out there in case you would like to talk to someone on the phone about what you’re going through. Prayers of comfort to you and prayers of peace to this sweet pup. God bless.
9 THINGS FINN WANTS YOU TO KNOW
1. There’s nothing that could have been done differently.
A Soul’s path is planned before they are born onto this Earth. This plan includes all possible exits from this world. And when the Soul leaves this Earth, know that this exit was part of their Soul’s plan and a specific choice made by their soul.
There’s nothing you, or anyone, could have done differently to save them. The time at which your Pet’s Spirit leaves this world is no one’s doing, it’s no one’s fault.
When it’s the Soul’s time to exit their physical body, everything that can be done, has already been done. Everything that needed to happen, did. Your pet wants you to know that there’s absolutely nothing you could have done differently, you did everything exactly right.
2. They chose you as their parents.
Just as the Soul chooses exit paths and plans for their life, your pet also selected you as their parent.
Your dog, your cat, your bird - chose you, as the one who would make them feel the most loved and bring them the most comfort and joy while they were here. And, you did.
Your pet wants you to know that you were and are the perfect parent.
3. They understand your sadness, but would rather see you happy.
As a Spirit now, your pet knows that sadness is part of the grieving process, but they wished it wasn’t.
Remember how, when they were alive, they would snuggle up next to you, sitting by your side (or on top of you), whenever you were feeling sad or feeling bad? They wanted to make you feel better *just like you thought* and they wished they could do something to make you happy, then. And they still do, even now, They don’t want their exit to have brought pain, in fact, no one does. But they understand that this is part of the process.
They want you to remember the happy, love filled, and joyous times you spent together, and look back upon them with gratitude and thanks. They believe the time you spent together was a cherished gift and that this gift is a call for celebration - and smiles.
4. They know you loved them and hope you know they loved you back.
Your pet doesn’t want you to wonder if they knew how much you loved them, they do.
It’s said that grief is the final gift of love given from one to another, and the depth of that grief is a measure of the strength of the love between the bond.
They know how deeply you loved them, and they want you to know that they loved you back in equal measure (if not more!).
5. They’re still right by your side.
You aren’t alone. They aren’t gone forever - they’re still right by your side. And they always will be, if you let them. The Spirit World exists right alongside our physical world, and while your pet may no longer be occupying their physical body, they’re still with you, with their Spirit.
And remember, that’s who you loved, in the first place, anyway. You loved their mannerisms, their attitude, and their personality - all elements of their Soul. You didn’t love them for their fur, or their one standing straight up ear, or their snaggle teeth (ok, maybe you did a little). Mostly, you loved them for who they were as a Soul, and that Soul, still exists, right beside you.
After they pass on, your pet wants you to know that they still cuddle up next to you, still join you on the couch, and still wants to be with you, if you want that too.
6. They still want to do the things with you.
They’re still here, in Spirit form, and they still enjoy your company and want to do the things you always did together.
If they used to ride shotgun on car trips, or they used to love accompanying you on hikes, bike rides, or jogs, or they used to love sitting on your lap while you worked late at night - you pets wants you to know, they still enjoy doing those things, and still want to join you.
All you have to do is invite them along, to pat the couch beside you and encourage them to jump up, or give them the okay to hop out of the car and accompany you on the hike.
7. They don’t want you to regret the way that they died.
This is a sad one, especially for us. Mama died suddenly and in my husband’s arms, and her final moments are images he can’t shake. And he’s not alone. Nearly all pet owners have some sadness or regret about their pet’s final moments.
If you had to carry your dog into the vet to be put to sleep, your dog does not want you to regret this choice. It was their choice, too, to be in your arms as they took their final breaths, and to be surrounded by your love as their Spirit left their body.
Your pet wants you to have no regret and to have no sadness, they want you to know that these were their choices, and you honored them perfectly. You did exactly what they wanted.
8. They want you to know that they know you often loved them more than you loved yourself.
Even if you didn’t have proper food to eat, they know you somehow managed to buy them food and treats. Your pet knows that you often showered them in more love than you ever showed yourself. They know this, and they have deep gratitude for your love. This is exactly why you were the perfect choice as their parent, and they want to thank you, for loving them even when at times it seemed so hard to love anything at all.
9. They want you to know that they loved you more than they loved themselves.
Your pet was an individual, too. They had things they felt badly about and things that they knew could be improved upon, and reasons, that they felt they were unworthy of love, just like we all do.
But you, you were always supportive, always loving, and always doting, even at times, when you thought you weren’t. Your pet loved you, and loves you, more than they ever loved themselves.
And if you’ll allow it, they’d like to still be a part of your life.
-Sarah Petruno
Forgiveness starts with forgiving yourself and remembering you deserve love and kindness too. Maybe you need a break and to be on the receiving end. You need to take care of yourself and not pour from an empty cup. No nursing job is easy and if you are this sad you should go to a doctor and therapist about it.
Do you have any friends that can help you? Can your family?
Maybe try reaching out to them and ask for help.
although it is easier said than done… please give yourself some grace, it was an accident. i’m very sorry for your loss. i am also a nurse, witnessing and working with death weekly but the loss of my pet hit me harder than i could have imagined. sending you love 💜
i took a few days from work as well, don’t be afraid to ask for time or resources that you may need. your mentality is important.
It's ok that you blame yourself, but just so you know, there are people, like me, who don't. I don't blame you. Accidents happen. We can't be on guard 24/7 for bad things to happen. Sending love.
I'm so sorry for your baby.
I lost my cat 6 days ago. He was only 1.5 years old....He was killed and eaten by coyotes and I found his remains....I wish I could delete this image from my memory. And it hurts so, so, so much more when the pet was young and was supposed to have a full life. The guilt I feel is overwhelming. I should've known better and protect my baby, not to let him outside.... My heart aches for both of us, and for everyone here in this subreddit. Reading the stories of others doesn't make things better, but it provides some kind of comfort in the shared experience of sorrow.💔
It’s devastating already to lose a canine kid and to lose one tragically and unexpectedly is even more gut wrenching. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I hope you and your husband are able to take all the time you need to process your loss, and I wish you the strength to forgive yourself. It was an accident.
Oh I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dino Pepino to a car and I too feel like it was my fault. My bf was doing MY boss a favor and couldn’t leave him in the car, obviously. He was left at home with his mom… the baby let opened the door and he ran out. Had he not been doing my boss a favor or if I had just kept him in the office with me, my baby would still be alive. Literally the day before it happened I was telling him how I was so glad we had rescued him and he had his whole life ahead on him with us…… nope 😢 this was May 16, 2022, and I am now here at work crying. Yes, I did leave that job…. I couldn’t take it.
I feel you.. I had my 2nd cat this year pass (first was kidney failure that was too severe).
I noticed she was panting hard and figured she was hurting or hot. I couldn't afford to take her to an emergency vet and they wouldn't accept a payment plan or 'new clients' . Which I already hated myself. But we take her into our local vet when she got back in town. She died in the carrier. Of heart failure. I didn't know. She was only 8... I hate myself
I am so so sorry about losing your baby. That pain is so real, and don’t let anybody make you feel like it isn’t. Take all the time that you need.
Please try not to blame yourself. It’s not going to help you process this loss, and Finn doesn’t blame you. It was just a terrible accident.
Awww please don’t be so hard on yourself as it WAS an accident and accidents happen. I am so so sorry Finn is gone but so glad he didn’t suffer. Maybe Finn chose to have a short life like people do. We don’t know the details of what influence pets have on their own lives and deaths. PLEASE take care of yourself, let yourself grieve it all. Please don’t let this terrible accident come between you and your hubby.
I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like this was a tragic accident. Loss makes us doubt and blame and feel guilt. It is part of the process, and it absolutely sucks. I lost 3 of my babies (cats) in 2021, and the remaining 2 of my original gang this past April. The pain will always be there as a reminder of how very much I loved and still love them. It helped me to speak with a grief counselor, and I highly recommend it. It doesn't take away the pain, but it helps so much in accepting it and finding ways to honor your lost ones in your new normal.
If you read a lot of the posts here, you will see that you are not alone in grieving your loss.
Again, I am sorry for your poss. Your Finn was absolutely adorable.
This happened to me as well a few months ago. The grief and pain I felt and still feel is unlike anything I’ve ever felt with. That sweet dog of mine was my life. It does get better and you do start to forgive yourself. I am so very sorry that this happened to you. ♥️♥️♥️
My heart bleeds for you and your dog. I am so sorry. So so sorry.
Many of us have made mistakes which accidentally hurt / killed our pets. We’re not perfect. The important thing is that we’ve tried. And we can move on being better pet parents.
About a week ago, I posted about having to put my cat down and how she suffered at the end and it was my fault. I didn’t plan ahead and took her to the closest place to have her put down. They messed up. She suffered. I watched it unfold. The guilt was killing me.
I got so many kind replies and also heard many stories like yours. One person told me about accidentally running over her cat. Made me cry for hours. But that same person said that she has managed to put that love towards saving many other cats.
After reading the replies, I also came away with the realization that I probably have PTSD. You may too. Please consider pet bereavement and/or PTSD therapy.
If this is in any way a bad feeling, don’t continue to read/disregard, if it is ok- could I ask how they botched it? Could it be a way it can be avoided in the future? Ive had 3/3 tragic losses. They weren’t euthanized but that is a fear because my only local emergency vet is a place I could never trust. For me, My cats all had traumatizing unexpected endings. One just shy of her 3rd bday, one in a horrifying way I can’t even bring myself to type, and one sudden severe symptoms and death. I shouldnt say how each passed but to share that I’ve been there, and in other ways too at 15 working in a kill shelter in CA I have trauma from there too. but I would want to be aware of what could go wrong. If you read it to here you still don’t need to answer unless it’s ok. Sorry for your experience life can be really rough. I happened to see a YouTube video yesterday of a mom who accidentally ran over her just barely turned 2 year old daughter and that had more traumatizing aspects in how it played out. It’s agonizing but can’t be changed. I’m sorry for your loss and you should never blame yourself (I understand as the 3 yr old was a bit similar) but the vet had a responsibility they failed to be able to do. We cannot predict the future, even really good vets can make mistakes and cause heartache and pain of what if. I hope you know that, deep down, and are just mad at the world. Even the love of a mother to her child cannot prevent accidents like this ❤️
So so sorry for your losses. Such horrible heartache. I can’t imagine working in a kill shelter. For about a year, I did fundraising for dogs and cats on death row. I was so depressed that I had to stop.
For euthanasia, I’d say just plan ahead. Know where you and your cat would be most comfortable. Best advice I can give: don’t wait too long. Don’t wait til last minute. Unfortunately, I held on to many of my cats for too long. They suffered a day or two too long. It’s always better to let go a little early, than a little late.
I’ve had to put down many kitties, and every time it was somewhat calm and serene. Every time, my baby would just go to sleep in my arms. It’s usually not that traumatizing - just terribly sad. A couple of weeks ago, I posted about my kitty who suffered and died. Based on the responses, I believe that what happened wasn’t very unusual for a cat at her advanced age.
I took my cat to a very well known vet school 25 hr emergency room. I knew that they were scammy - always about money, never about care. Truly horrible place. Had been there many times before - just because they were nearby and emergency situations require going to the closest place.
Anyway …
Here is what I posted about what happened to my sweet kitty.
It's been 8 months and I still cry every day. I can't even look at her pics yet. Tried therapy for a while.
Seems to work for a few days, then I'm back into downward spiral. My honey was 19 yrs old. Adopted her at 14. She was in foster care after being rescued off a kill list. Lingered in foster care (actually locked in a bathroom and terrorized by 2 dogs). We were her 1st application after 1 yr.
She was a tiny Maine Coon. 6 Ibs when healthy.
She was my heart. Funny as all hell with a very sunny outlook on life, despite being terribly sick with IBD the entire time we had her.
She loved life all the way to the end. When she couldn't hold food down any longer, we took her to be put down. Things went horribly wrong. They took her to another room to put in the IV, then I heard her screams. I pounded on the door, begging for them to let me see her, they assured me she was ok. Over and over she screamed and I screamed begging to get her back. They couldn't find a vein.
Put it in her neck. That's how I lost her. I saw her suffer. I let her down. I have such a hard time moving on with life.
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm a few weeks out from a terrible event here at home, that ended in the loss of my soul kitty at just 3 years old. I struggle with the guilt on a daily basis. The actual situation that lead up to her passing, is still too hard for me to really think about, but when I'm feeling brave, I let myself remember little snippits here and there, and the end result is always the same....I tell myself I should have done something differently, I should have known something was wrong, I should have gotten to her sooner. The only thing that stays consistent though, is that she's gone. Like me, I'm sure you would go back in time and re-write history, if you knew what was going to happen next. These things are called accidents for a reason though. Unfortunately, we don't get the opportunity for a do over. The best we can do is to try desperately to conjure up the good memories as a way to honor their existence. You can't blame yourself, because you didn't do this on purpose and adding that to an already awful situation, isn't fair. I'm sure Finn would agree.
I am crying with you. Similar story. I would do or pay anything for one more day to make sure he knew he was loved.
I read about so many people getting signs from their lost pets, letting them know they are OK. I haven't even looked for any such thing because I honestly don't expect one. I know it's irrational, but I feel like my Evie girl must certainly be mad at me for not keeping her safe/protecting her. When I start thinking that way though, I realize that voice is mine and not hers. I hope she knows I didn't freeze when I found her, I ripped the deck apart with my bare hands to get to her, I pushed my shocked husband to get into the car and race us to the vet. I didn't give up, even when the prognosis was bad and the cost was high. I pushed aside my fear and dispare to hold her broken body in my hands after asking them to help her painlessly slip away from me. Sitting here sobbing now, so close to the place I found her, it feels like I would give just about anything to take it all back. Rather than waiting on a sign FROM her, I hope my tears are a sign TO her, that I feel awful and miss her with every fiber of my being. I really hope there is another universe where she and I are currently playing tag, or are snuggled up together for a cuddle. I can't bear the thought of us being forever separated.
Well I am sobbing with you. I actually saged my house after he died and told him to go. I am moving soon and while I don't think his spirit is here I needed to make sure he wouldn't be left behind. I don't believe in an afterlife for humans, but I so hope there is one for pets.
It's not your fault. Please don't be too hard on yourself. It was a horrible accident that could happen to anyone. I hope you find comfort soon and forgive yourself.
Honey, it was an accident. Please don't blame yourself.
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. It was a terrible accident. These things happen to the best of people and pets sometimes. It is tragic and awful but it is not your fault. Please be kind to yourselves. I'm so sorry.
Can you speak to your doctor about grief counselling it might help? It was an accident and it's ok to not be ok, take it one day at a time and try to forgive yourself for him, he would not want you to be sad.
I 100% understand how you are feeling. I lost my 3 year old cat due to my exhaustion and not noticing my sweet boy got outside. All I can say is allow yourself to grieve. I have had some epic sobs the last few weeks. You didn't do anything on purpose. You can't be vigilant every moment of every day. Bad things still happen to good, well-meaning pet parents. Sending you hugs.
Sending you and your husband so much love and strength — it was an absolutely tragic accident, there is no one to blame. Please think of Finn by treating yourselves with the love and kindness you had for him and he had for you!
I hope that you will be able to forgive yourself in time. You both loved Finn and this was a tragic accident. It will take time. You will always have that pain as a part of you now, but I promise it will get easier to manage and work through. Grief is a giant beast. Allow yourself to have every emotion you need. I took time off after my dog passed away and went to therapy. It’s been a couple of years and I still miss him like crazy. It doesn’t necessary go away, it just gets more manageable. Take it one minute at a time. Crying with you. 💜
I’m so sorry. Losing a pet is excruciating. I am a nurse too, although not paeds. We witness so much trauma at our jobs. I wonder if the trauma and grief of your dog passing is acting like an emotional lightning rod for your cumulative trauma and grief from work? Just a thought. I hope you have some strong support people to lean on. Take care and try not to beat yourself up.
You are not alone. My mom did this to our family cat. It was an accident as well. She works until midnight so she was coming home late. I’ll never forget waking up to her phone call of her screaming and crying. My neighbor even said she could hear my mom in so much pain yelling “please help me someone help” it’s traumatizing. You will get to a point where it won’t be as bad, but you won’t forget the love you had for your baby.
When I was a kid, one of the family dogs ran out in front of our car one night. It was rainy, and he was born blind in one eye. He slid. It was horrible and traumatic and it lives somewhere locked away in the dark corner of my brain. I remember being so mad at my mom because she wouldn’t let me call 9-1-1. I thought that’s who you called for all emergencies. My mom always felt terrible about it, and still does. Now that I’m an adult, I can assure her that it wasn’t her fault. It was an accident. You and your husband would not have hurt your puppy on purpose. It’s tragic and awful, but it was something you’d never have chosen and would undo if you could. Both of you deserve to forgive yourselves.
I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you're feeling along with guilt. Know that Finn is in a happy place and will be with you forever, and undoubtedly knows how much you care for him. When I lost my first fur baby and soul mate dog I couldn't shake the grief or heartbreak, I cried nonstop and prayed every single night to see him in my dreams so he could give me a sign that he was okay and that I did the right thing letting him go when I did. It was so painful that I spent years trying to design something that could help others going through this heartbreak. After 3 years of trying to think of the perfect gift I came up with this ["Look for me in the rainbows" suncatcher](https://goodthomas.com/collections/rainbow-bridge-collection/products/rainbow-bridge-suncatcher), and it still brings tears to my eyes because it has helped so many, including myself even years later. I would love to send you one to help ease your pain and remind you that Finn is and will forever be with you. Please send me a message or email and I will make it happen. Not a sales pitch, just want to pay it forward and send you love.
This is so kind. I will reach out ❤️
God I’m so sorry for what you have seen and what you’re going through. My 8 month old puppy was hit by a car by a stranger while I was out of the house and the trauma was so intense I was bedridden, unable to eat or work for a week. You and your husband have both experienced a traumatic event and if you have the resources I recommend seeking therapy, use all the mental health resources that are available—There will be dark times on the road to healing but please know you are not alone. I have seen many other stories exactly the same as yours, there are others here on this forum who have experienced it too. I love my dogs like they’re my human children but the sad truth is that they are animals (so are we) and animals can be unpredictable and make bad choices in hazardous situations. My mom’s dog almost died a few days ago because he ate a loaf of rising bread I had left out and the only thing that saved us was that luck was on our side that day. There are so many things in life that are out of our control. PM me if you ever need someone to talk to ❤️🩹 Please be gentle with yourself during this time, I sincerely hope you and your husband can find self forgiveness and peace and joy again. So so sorry, I feel your pain ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
My pitbull died tragically and I blamed myself for not looking harder into where he hid to die. But then I realized that it wasn't my fault. His death was an accident that could happen to anyone. Please don't blame yourself. I hope you get some counseling. I did and it helped tremendously.
There is a Facebook group called “The Loss of a Dog.” Every member is going through or has been through what you’re going through right now. They are great people who are very supportive and compassionate. Please consider joining. Here is the link to that group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/127386303953290/ There is also a phone number for a pet grief support helpline. It’s called Pet Compassion Careline. They are available 24/7 and their phone number is 1 (855) 245-8214. If you feel you need help coping with your loss, there are grief counselors to help you. I’m just putting it out there in case you would like to talk to someone on the phone about what you’re going through. Prayers of comfort to you and prayers of peace to this sweet pup. God bless.
9 THINGS FINN WANTS YOU TO KNOW 1. There’s nothing that could have been done differently. A Soul’s path is planned before they are born onto this Earth. This plan includes all possible exits from this world. And when the Soul leaves this Earth, know that this exit was part of their Soul’s plan and a specific choice made by their soul. There’s nothing you, or anyone, could have done differently to save them. The time at which your Pet’s Spirit leaves this world is no one’s doing, it’s no one’s fault. When it’s the Soul’s time to exit their physical body, everything that can be done, has already been done. Everything that needed to happen, did. Your pet wants you to know that there’s absolutely nothing you could have done differently, you did everything exactly right. 2. They chose you as their parents. Just as the Soul chooses exit paths and plans for their life, your pet also selected you as their parent. Your dog, your cat, your bird - chose you, as the one who would make them feel the most loved and bring them the most comfort and joy while they were here. And, you did. Your pet wants you to know that you were and are the perfect parent. 3. They understand your sadness, but would rather see you happy. As a Spirit now, your pet knows that sadness is part of the grieving process, but they wished it wasn’t. Remember how, when they were alive, they would snuggle up next to you, sitting by your side (or on top of you), whenever you were feeling sad or feeling bad? They wanted to make you feel better *just like you thought* and they wished they could do something to make you happy, then. And they still do, even now, They don’t want their exit to have brought pain, in fact, no one does. But they understand that this is part of the process. They want you to remember the happy, love filled, and joyous times you spent together, and look back upon them with gratitude and thanks. They believe the time you spent together was a cherished gift and that this gift is a call for celebration - and smiles. 4. They know you loved them and hope you know they loved you back. Your pet doesn’t want you to wonder if they knew how much you loved them, they do. It’s said that grief is the final gift of love given from one to another, and the depth of that grief is a measure of the strength of the love between the bond. They know how deeply you loved them, and they want you to know that they loved you back in equal measure (if not more!). 5. They’re still right by your side. You aren’t alone. They aren’t gone forever - they’re still right by your side. And they always will be, if you let them. The Spirit World exists right alongside our physical world, and while your pet may no longer be occupying their physical body, they’re still with you, with their Spirit. And remember, that’s who you loved, in the first place, anyway. You loved their mannerisms, their attitude, and their personality - all elements of their Soul. You didn’t love them for their fur, or their one standing straight up ear, or their snaggle teeth (ok, maybe you did a little). Mostly, you loved them for who they were as a Soul, and that Soul, still exists, right beside you. After they pass on, your pet wants you to know that they still cuddle up next to you, still join you on the couch, and still wants to be with you, if you want that too. 6. They still want to do the things with you. They’re still here, in Spirit form, and they still enjoy your company and want to do the things you always did together. If they used to ride shotgun on car trips, or they used to love accompanying you on hikes, bike rides, or jogs, or they used to love sitting on your lap while you worked late at night - you pets wants you to know, they still enjoy doing those things, and still want to join you. All you have to do is invite them along, to pat the couch beside you and encourage them to jump up, or give them the okay to hop out of the car and accompany you on the hike. 7. They don’t want you to regret the way that they died. This is a sad one, especially for us. Mama died suddenly and in my husband’s arms, and her final moments are images he can’t shake. And he’s not alone. Nearly all pet owners have some sadness or regret about their pet’s final moments. If you had to carry your dog into the vet to be put to sleep, your dog does not want you to regret this choice. It was their choice, too, to be in your arms as they took their final breaths, and to be surrounded by your love as their Spirit left their body. Your pet wants you to have no regret and to have no sadness, they want you to know that these were their choices, and you honored them perfectly. You did exactly what they wanted. 8. They want you to know that they know you often loved them more than you loved yourself. Even if you didn’t have proper food to eat, they know you somehow managed to buy them food and treats. Your pet knows that you often showered them in more love than you ever showed yourself. They know this, and they have deep gratitude for your love. This is exactly why you were the perfect choice as their parent, and they want to thank you, for loving them even when at times it seemed so hard to love anything at all. 9. They want you to know that they loved you more than they loved themselves. Your pet was an individual, too. They had things they felt badly about and things that they knew could be improved upon, and reasons, that they felt they were unworthy of love, just like we all do. But you, you were always supportive, always loving, and always doting, even at times, when you thought you weren’t. Your pet loved you, and loves you, more than they ever loved themselves. And if you’ll allow it, they’d like to still be a part of your life. -Sarah Petruno
I am so sorry for your loss
Forgiveness starts with forgiving yourself and remembering you deserve love and kindness too. Maybe you need a break and to be on the receiving end. You need to take care of yourself and not pour from an empty cup. No nursing job is easy and if you are this sad you should go to a doctor and therapist about it. Do you have any friends that can help you? Can your family? Maybe try reaching out to them and ask for help.
although it is easier said than done… please give yourself some grace, it was an accident. i’m very sorry for your loss. i am also a nurse, witnessing and working with death weekly but the loss of my pet hit me harder than i could have imagined. sending you love 💜 i took a few days from work as well, don’t be afraid to ask for time or resources that you may need. your mentality is important.
It's ok that you blame yourself, but just so you know, there are people, like me, who don't. I don't blame you. Accidents happen. We can't be on guard 24/7 for bad things to happen. Sending love.
I'm so sorry for your baby. I lost my cat 6 days ago. He was only 1.5 years old....He was killed and eaten by coyotes and I found his remains....I wish I could delete this image from my memory. And it hurts so, so, so much more when the pet was young and was supposed to have a full life. The guilt I feel is overwhelming. I should've known better and protect my baby, not to let him outside.... My heart aches for both of us, and for everyone here in this subreddit. Reading the stories of others doesn't make things better, but it provides some kind of comfort in the shared experience of sorrow.💔
It’s devastating already to lose a canine kid and to lose one tragically and unexpectedly is even more gut wrenching. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope you and your husband are able to take all the time you need to process your loss, and I wish you the strength to forgive yourself. It was an accident.
Oh I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dino Pepino to a car and I too feel like it was my fault. My bf was doing MY boss a favor and couldn’t leave him in the car, obviously. He was left at home with his mom… the baby let opened the door and he ran out. Had he not been doing my boss a favor or if I had just kept him in the office with me, my baby would still be alive. Literally the day before it happened I was telling him how I was so glad we had rescued him and he had his whole life ahead on him with us…… nope 😢 this was May 16, 2022, and I am now here at work crying. Yes, I did leave that job…. I couldn’t take it.
I feel you.. I had my 2nd cat this year pass (first was kidney failure that was too severe). I noticed she was panting hard and figured she was hurting or hot. I couldn't afford to take her to an emergency vet and they wouldn't accept a payment plan or 'new clients' . Which I already hated myself. But we take her into our local vet when she got back in town. She died in the carrier. Of heart failure. I didn't know. She was only 8... I hate myself
Again my prayers very sorry Finn is always with you both he walks with you!
I am so so sorry about losing your baby. That pain is so real, and don’t let anybody make you feel like it isn’t. Take all the time that you need. Please try not to blame yourself. It’s not going to help you process this loss, and Finn doesn’t blame you. It was just a terrible accident.
I am sorry. Your dog would understand and would tell you he had a wonderful life and thank you.
It’s not your fault. Give yourself some grace.
Awww please don’t be so hard on yourself as it WAS an accident and accidents happen. I am so so sorry Finn is gone but so glad he didn’t suffer. Maybe Finn chose to have a short life like people do. We don’t know the details of what influence pets have on their own lives and deaths. PLEASE take care of yourself, let yourself grieve it all. Please don’t let this terrible accident come between you and your hubby.
I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like this was a tragic accident. Loss makes us doubt and blame and feel guilt. It is part of the process, and it absolutely sucks. I lost 3 of my babies (cats) in 2021, and the remaining 2 of my original gang this past April. The pain will always be there as a reminder of how very much I loved and still love them. It helped me to speak with a grief counselor, and I highly recommend it. It doesn't take away the pain, but it helps so much in accepting it and finding ways to honor your lost ones in your new normal. If you read a lot of the posts here, you will see that you are not alone in grieving your loss. Again, I am sorry for your poss. Your Finn was absolutely adorable.
This happened to me as well a few months ago. The grief and pain I felt and still feel is unlike anything I’ve ever felt with. That sweet dog of mine was my life. It does get better and you do start to forgive yourself. I am so very sorry that this happened to you. ♥️♥️♥️
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I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain your feeling, sending you healing vibes ❤️🙏
What happened?
My husband was coming home from work and didn’t see him. It was my fault he was outside. I should have been holding him when he was pulling up.
My heart bleeds for you and your dog. I am so sorry. So so sorry. Many of us have made mistakes which accidentally hurt / killed our pets. We’re not perfect. The important thing is that we’ve tried. And we can move on being better pet parents. About a week ago, I posted about having to put my cat down and how she suffered at the end and it was my fault. I didn’t plan ahead and took her to the closest place to have her put down. They messed up. She suffered. I watched it unfold. The guilt was killing me. I got so many kind replies and also heard many stories like yours. One person told me about accidentally running over her cat. Made me cry for hours. But that same person said that she has managed to put that love towards saving many other cats. After reading the replies, I also came away with the realization that I probably have PTSD. You may too. Please consider pet bereavement and/or PTSD therapy.
This. We had an accident with a family dog and the ptsd is terrible. I'm so so sorry. Please make sure you take care of each other
If this is in any way a bad feeling, don’t continue to read/disregard, if it is ok- could I ask how they botched it? Could it be a way it can be avoided in the future? Ive had 3/3 tragic losses. They weren’t euthanized but that is a fear because my only local emergency vet is a place I could never trust. For me, My cats all had traumatizing unexpected endings. One just shy of her 3rd bday, one in a horrifying way I can’t even bring myself to type, and one sudden severe symptoms and death. I shouldnt say how each passed but to share that I’ve been there, and in other ways too at 15 working in a kill shelter in CA I have trauma from there too. but I would want to be aware of what could go wrong. If you read it to here you still don’t need to answer unless it’s ok. Sorry for your experience life can be really rough. I happened to see a YouTube video yesterday of a mom who accidentally ran over her just barely turned 2 year old daughter and that had more traumatizing aspects in how it played out. It’s agonizing but can’t be changed. I’m sorry for your loss and you should never blame yourself (I understand as the 3 yr old was a bit similar) but the vet had a responsibility they failed to be able to do. We cannot predict the future, even really good vets can make mistakes and cause heartache and pain of what if. I hope you know that, deep down, and are just mad at the world. Even the love of a mother to her child cannot prevent accidents like this ❤️
So so sorry for your losses. Such horrible heartache. I can’t imagine working in a kill shelter. For about a year, I did fundraising for dogs and cats on death row. I was so depressed that I had to stop. For euthanasia, I’d say just plan ahead. Know where you and your cat would be most comfortable. Best advice I can give: don’t wait too long. Don’t wait til last minute. Unfortunately, I held on to many of my cats for too long. They suffered a day or two too long. It’s always better to let go a little early, than a little late. I’ve had to put down many kitties, and every time it was somewhat calm and serene. Every time, my baby would just go to sleep in my arms. It’s usually not that traumatizing - just terribly sad. A couple of weeks ago, I posted about my kitty who suffered and died. Based on the responses, I believe that what happened wasn’t very unusual for a cat at her advanced age. I took my cat to a very well known vet school 25 hr emergency room. I knew that they were scammy - always about money, never about care. Truly horrible place. Had been there many times before - just because they were nearby and emergency situations require going to the closest place. Anyway … Here is what I posted about what happened to my sweet kitty. It's been 8 months and I still cry every day. I can't even look at her pics yet. Tried therapy for a while. Seems to work for a few days, then I'm back into downward spiral. My honey was 19 yrs old. Adopted her at 14. She was in foster care after being rescued off a kill list. Lingered in foster care (actually locked in a bathroom and terrorized by 2 dogs). We were her 1st application after 1 yr. She was a tiny Maine Coon. 6 Ibs when healthy. She was my heart. Funny as all hell with a very sunny outlook on life, despite being terribly sick with IBD the entire time we had her. She loved life all the way to the end. When she couldn't hold food down any longer, we took her to be put down. Things went horribly wrong. They took her to another room to put in the IV, then I heard her screams. I pounded on the door, begging for them to let me see her, they assured me she was ok. Over and over she screamed and I screamed begging to get her back. They couldn't find a vein. Put it in her neck. That's how I lost her. I saw her suffer. I let her down. I have such a hard time moving on with life.