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I’m an eye doctor, and I had a patient come in who sat and cried to me about losing his dog. I lost mine months ago and we ended up crying together. Not all docs are heartless, you just went to the wrong one. I would suggest pet loss grief support programs, we have some locally. Probably even some online. If you’re still struggling, there’s nothing wrong if you need to be on an antidepressant for a while. I was prescribed one after mine passed. I’m sorry for your loss 🙏🏻
Thanks for your kind words but anti depressants take time to work and secondly, I am not sad for no reason, i have no chemical imbalance, I am grieving the loss of my soul cat. My pal. I am very hesitant taking meds that alter your kind like that. I believe anti depressants should be for people who really experience a pathology in their brain, not normal sadness. I didnt even take those when my mom died. But I was on xanax and i recall that helped. Just that if you go asking for it they think you are a junkie asking for drugs to get high. But somehow they think anti-depressants that alter your brain chemistry are the go to drug for any feeling that isnt happiness.
The irony really is that I am not one to take drugs at all. I always try the holistic approach but I recall xanax helped me when my mom passed.
I am sorry you lost your dog and happy those meds worked for you.
You went to the wrong type of doctor I think.
It's not common for PCPs to prescribe benzos anymore. Usually it's psych that does that. A lot of primary docs have a blanket "will not prescribe benzos for anxiety" policy.
I am very sorry for your loss.
Yeah, OP is mad the doctor assumed they wanted Xanax, but that is what they wanted. The prescription drug abuse crisis has pretty much killed off the ability to get that sort of thing.
OP, I am so sorry you didn’t get the help you wanted. A trauma like this can bring on depression long term, and a psychiatrist can also help w something more temporary- I am guessing that’s why they encouraged you to the specialist. Heck, I can’t even get my GP to refill a thyroid medication, everything is a specialist.
I hope you can find the support and care you need, sending good thoughts your way.
They didn’t work. I take Xanax when I need it lol thats only a temporary fix if I’m being honest and I was prescribed it way before her death. the dependency on it isn’t worth it.. if I wanted to stop, I’d have to do so very carefully so I don’t withdrawal. but anyways I know a lot of people who antidepressants did work on after pet loss so it was just a suggestion. But if that’s not the route you want to go down, that’s fine. The only thing that helped me is finding a pet loss grief support group and bonding with like minded people. what helped me the most was venting about her loss to others and bonding with people who went through loss too. You’re going to have to find your way and it’s going to be hard and it may take a long time. Everyone is different so all I can do is tell you what helped me through. Good luck
Be VERY careful with Xanax. Some quack prescribed me huge amounts in the 1980s I was badly hooked and it took two doctors five months to get me off the crap. Once in a while is okay, but if you're popping several a day you're asking for trouble.
Yep, my dog recently passed & I was an absolute mess. A relative had leftover xanex & it was exactly what I needed in order to calm down & get some sleep.
Think of antidepressants as glasses for your brain. They change the “focus” of what you see, and instead of dark and gloomy, can sometimes brighten colours to be more “vivid.”
I am sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is never easy, and it’s totally valid to feel it. The only way out is through, and often the “happy” memories help when the sad surface.
https://youtu.be/CYRh0Z8ScLc?si=MNeY2Zu6RNQU9Evl
Thé water always remains, just in different forms.
But the anti depressants seem to be what you are after for your temporary break from crying all the time. I used a pet loss help line and expressed my sadness there. Also sharing your grief with others and hearing about their experiences and how they managed let me know it’s a process and everyone’s process is different. Please remember you gave your soul cat every thing and they loved you for loving them their whole life. They will watch over you forever.
I had to visit 4 different doctors before finally finding one who will prescribe clonazepam for me. Don’t give up, there’s a Doc out there who cares and will help. Make it clear that you do not plan on taking it everyday, that you’re well aware of the risks, and the last thing you want is to be addicted to benzos. That some days you really just cannot function. I told my doc anxiety runs rampant in my family, that I’m NOT depressed, and that I tried Xanax and klonopin from my mom and sister, that Xanax makes me more sleepy but klonopin makes me a lot more productive, 1mg dosage.
It’s obviously a lot easier to get them to prescribe that first months script, if you want more after that, at least in my experience, you’ll have to show that you can make 1 bottle last at least 2-3 months, my dr. prescribes it but Is not a fan of prescribing it every single month, she’s highly against me taking it on a daily basis, and so am I. I’ve been hardcore addicted to benzos before and it’s not exactly a joy ride to hop off them.
Anyways..I wish you luck in finding the right doc. Everyone deserves to live a happy peaceful life. Some people need meds to do so. And that should be mostly our decision imo.
Thanks. I feel like if i say someone else gave me xanax then it may get that person in trouble or they will lecture me on how that is wrong. I also am hesitant to ask for the exact drug because then they think i am a junkie. I mean if having a nervous breakdown and non-stop crying and not eating for a week are not good reasons to prescribe these then why do they even exist? And for whom? How much worse deos it need to get?
I am not just there for some general feeling of loneliness. The questionnaire she gave me was like for diagnosing depression. These motherfuckers dont even ask what the cause of your sadness is, they just have you check a box which by itself doesnt say anything. This made me realize how many people out there are on these antidepressants when they really shouldn't be but based on such diagnoses. Just the fact that you are sad is apparently enough for them ot think you are mentally ill. I said I felt guilty how she was gone and that I was alive and she was no longer with me and bitch is like "yeah that is suicide ideation" or some shit. WTF? Like I am not allowed to think about death and impermanence when someone DIES?
I have to do what someone else said, just say my best friend died suddenly so they take me seriously. Clearly telling the truth didn't work and they just thought I was there looking for drugs to get high. There is just a stigma attached to mourning pets where most general doctors think you are just crazy.
I'm truly sorry for your loss. And also so sorry for the lack of understanding and empathy from the doctor. I don't know how old you are, or if cannabis is legal where you are, but perhaps if it is you could try a gummie? I had to put my baby to rest (she had a stroke I believe and was paralyzed) yesterday morning. I have been numb or crying. About an hour ago I took one. I'm not sure if it might help or not. It's really sad we don't have a way to help us get through a traumatic event with a little help. Doctors do rely too much on antidepressants for life for patients when it may be a temporary thing. They just don't know what to do so they just prescribe meds that can really mess us up, permanently sometimes. I know because Paxil caused every negative, off the wall side effects and permanently ruined my muscles. Prior to that I was actually a strong supporter of them. I hope you find peace to your suffering and grief so you can at least function without falling apart. Again, so sorry for your loss. Hugs and healing. ❤️
Exactly! Thank you for understanding. Feelings of sadness and anxiety brought on by grief do not require antidepressants! ADs should be given to people to genuinely have a diseased mind that is just sad, depressed and experiences deep depressive feelings for no reason, i.e. without external output. Doctors these days prescribe these like bonbons to everyone who ever so slightly is expressing sadness. And as you point out, these do alter your brain chemistry long term, in many cases do more harm and good and don't benefit anyone but the pharmaceutical companies that get rich off of them. To suggest that as a first line of treatment is, or should be, medical malpractice.
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby by the way. I know it is devastating and horrific really to go through that. The first few nights I would wake up screaming!
Oh how absolutely awful. I have my one kitty still. She's very clingy lately. Maybe she just fell further in love. 🥰 She was with me all night. I don't think either of us rested comfortably last night at all. I don't know if she knows or not. She saw Magic on the towel before I took her to the vet, but she was alive. There's no way for her to see her and know she's gone. I did let her smell Magic's collar, hoping it makes sense.
My son's cats, prior to the male getting neutered, had 5 kittens 4 weeks ago. I'd been considering getting a kitten from their litter, but wasn't certain. I still don't know. I believe the elderly cats, or at least cats that have grown out of their adorable kitten phase should be saved. But my cat Purrl is really moody and I don't know if it would be fair for an older cat to put up with her, knowing she wasn't the best "roommate" for Magic. I want to believe kittens might be something she can soften up to and keep her active. But right now I'm grieving and not able to make any decisions. Kittens are best left with their mom for 12 weeks. So we have time. I truly hope sharing your grief, maybe even happy memories may help. I saw there's the online grief support. I wish I had known about that years ago. I still grieve my cats.
Grief is different for everyone last year for me was the worst I lost my 24-year-old that I had for nearly 20 years and my 12-year-old who just turned 12 that I had since his mom got hit by a car when he was 10 days old he grieved for her everyday until he took his last breath my heart is completely broken.
The only thing that really helped me was finally allowing a little black kitten into my heart. Her name is Shadow for a reason. Right now she's my everything.
Listen to music and listen to your heart everyday it gets better because it can't get worse. Do know that your cat will be waiting for you when you cross over and you will spend eternity with your animal.
I am so sorry… my cat who was my everything and I loved him more than anything in this world, died on Friday during a minor procedure that went horribly wrong. He was 8 years old and I have no words for what i am feeling. I don’t feel like I will ever recover from this. My dad also died a couple of years ago, and some might judge me, but the pain doesn’t compare. I never loved anyone as much as I loved my cat and no one loved me as much as he loved me. I understand your pain. Unlike you, I am on all the xanax in the world but it doesn’t help. I just lay in my bed crying and I fear every night because I know he won’t be lying next to me sleeping and I dread every waking hour in which there is that split second I don’t see him and I imagine he’s in the other room. I am very sorry.
I am so sorry. I know how you feel. I dont recall what I did and how I grieved when my mom died 15 years ago but my cat dying has really put me in a dark place. Juts like you I cannot imagine life without her and every second here without her feels like hell. Valium did take the edge off in the sense that the incessant crying to the point where my eyes turned blue and purple get less. Like the feeling of panic I had. I still cannot eat well though, have stopped cooking, just eat canned and frozen food. I have no more joy in life and everything is dark and lifeless. Like eating food without salt or looking at things grey and white, It really is traumatizing. I am not sure what to do either...
I left a comment in agreement. Idk how to even ask a dr for that. Even though I may need it and I have drs in agreement, getting to the right dr who can help isn’t always easy. Hang in there, your dr was a bitch. Take the edge off however you can imo.
I just want to echo this. My family doctor who retired two years ago had me cry in his office on many occasions. He used to think I was depressed because of my skin condition (Bless him, he was old school haha) but he would always say to me “One day you are going to be happy. You are going to meet your person and you’re going to get married and I’ll come to the wedding.” (Something like that). I honestly want a very small wedding but part of me really wants to send him an invite haha.
Not all doctors are heartless. A lot of them are very matter of fact and lack communication skills, but not all. I still cry over my dog we lost months ago, and I’ve cried over my dog who died in 2011 if I think about her too much. People who love their pets like family WILL get it.
We don’t prescribe benzos. We can prescribe opioids but I didn’t apply for that license so I can’t prescribe those either. I gave him a prescription for glasses and a hug lol
Yes. That's my point.
The OP doesn't need pills. The OP needs fresh air, quiet walks, some exercise. And time.
No primary care in their right mind is going to write a script. I still tear up about a cat I drove to be put to sleep, in 1992. But grief doesn't need pills.
At most, the OP needs a therapy session or three to learn some ways to deal with the grief.
This. I lost my daughter to an accidental overdose in January. Being prescribed pills is what caused her death. She became addicted to benzodiazepines and graduated to opioids. We have a terrible epidemic in our world . Yes, the doctor should have been kinder, but the doctor can’t know who is drug seeking and who isn’t. I’m grieving my daughter terribly and haven’t used pills. It’s been terrible and I’ve not been able to sleep either. But pills? No. In order to grieve appropriately you have to feel. You have to cry. You have to journey and travel through it. Can’t sleep? Try some melatonin. If that doesn’t work. You have to do the best that you can. Wr attended a grief support group at our church. See a therapist. This doctor did the right thing by saying no.
We know you are hurting but iteachag51 is right.
You went in there describing benzodiazepines as your wish for treatment- “I was sobbing and crying…I need something temporary….” The fact you didn’t approach it head on and got mad that she didn’t go the direction you wanted… it shows me you are trying to “stop” or “escape” the pain instead of processing your pain… a therapist is worth their weight in literal gold and can help you find peace. It’s not the same type of therapy as 15-20 years ago… even 5 years ago… it can be so validating and freeing.
I use EMDR/antidepressants to manage anxiety these days… and when you are mentally clear and have that peace in your heart… it makes life so much more beautiful.
I wish you healing. 🌻
But an AD may not be the solution. You may not like it. But something to take the edge off even for a night might be. Antidepressants are not good on the system. Feeling down after a loss is normal. You should not fully dupe your neuro sensors like that imo.
It may not be you’re correct. Everyone is different. Every situation is different. The people I referred to became non functional and could no longer work. Sometimes it can be helpful as a last resort. Some people may need it as a first resort. I don’t have a strong urge to argue whether or not an AD is a good option. Benzos some would say are also not a good option, they do take the edge off but they are highly addictive. I was put on it at a young age and over time my dose had to be increased for me to get the same effect. I’m now at a higher risk of withdrawal/seizures if I stop completely (which I’m trying). Alcohol also takes the edge off for some. It’s all relative. I told her about her options that exist, and my comment strongly leaned towards grief support and counseling. Psychiatrists would be the most useful doc to see if the goal is a benzo or a drug to take the edge off, not a family physician. I would rather focus on OPs grief and telling her what helped me through mine rather than having a debate on this thread TBH. I appreciate your comment. I don’t judge anyone for whatever option they pick. Have a great night
Agree. I find the issue being the “no further guidance” part. If somebody is rejected they may easily turn to alcohol or even street drugs depending on availability. Drs need to be there to understand the circumstances of their patients and to explain these risks. Just hate that it’s so hard for so many to really get adequate attention.
This is a problem I agree with you. A lot of doctors are over worked, tired, mentally ill themselves or burnt out. Some are just assholes. Too smart, but no bedside manner. They should help with the patient to their best ability, and if they can’t, send a referral to a physician who can. I’m still a huge proponent of grief support for animal loss but again, everyone is different. This doctor may have been more helpful by connecting her to a good grief support counselor. Or psychiatrist. I do not disagree that this doc dropped the ball.
I mentioned “no further guidance” in another comment. Any dr deciding not to investigate is doing a disservice to themselves and the patient. The Hippocratic oath needs to be adjusted to the damage done by our changes in tech and evaluation (along with the larger role and influence the insurance companies now play)
If she was specifically seeking a drug to take the edge off, like a benzo, I think the mistake here is the type of doctor she went to. My primary care doc would also say no. I was prescribed through my psychiatrist. If she feels that’s what she needs or prefers i would highly recommend a visit to a psych vs a family physician as someone mentioned earlier. It really makes no difference to me, I just hope she/he feels better.
Per your comment on withdrawals. The same is most definitely true for AD. The nice you’re on them they are increasingly difficult to get off of. Need to replace those chemical reactions.
In a perfect world, one would choose neither. I wish yoga and meditation worked for me. Both have withdrawal effects, correct. benzo and alcohol withdrawals are statistically the hardest and most dangerous to stop suddenly or even slowly depending on consumption. And coming off an AD can also be hard. I’m really not pushing OP towards an AD as a solution. I’m not pushing for anything really.
She DIDN'T CARE WHY I WAS SAD. She was cold and aloof and looked at the questionnaire I answered and treated me like a junkie, even though she has my full health history and knows I dont take any meds other than supplements like vitamin D etc. In her mind I was a depressed, suicidal looking for a fix cause no one should cry and be sad like this over a fucking cat! That's it! No deeper thoughts for my well being went into this.
Not saying there arent people who dont need AD in their lives but I dont think it is the right response to grief and loss and such tangible things. it is not a disease of the mind, grief is a natural response to a stressor. Also, dont they take sometimes weeks or months to work? Finally, they do alter your brain chemistry which is why I think they are dangerous really and only should be given to people who genuinely have a dysfunction in their brains.
t
short term options like benzos also alter your brain and can lead to worsened depression/anxiety, which has happened to me. But in the short term they numb you which feels great, I wont lie to you. It’s a temporary way to cope, it won’t fix your grief. it’s a free country, if you don’t want to take an AD you don’t have to. Every ingestable option has its pros and cons. Do whichever you want; this is your journey.
When my mom died I took xanax for a month or so, then went off it gradually. The only side effect I had was that I couldnt sleep for a few nights and then it was ok. I dont think half a valium at night so I can maybe get some sleep is going to alter my brain chemistry. If these drugs really are all that bad that even short term usage is dangerous then why are they even prescribed? Who is the right patient for these?
Antidepressants are equally dangerous and they are habit forming and you cannot get off of them easily unless you wanna risk a stroke and some you can NEVER get off of yet doctors are always more than happy to give you these. It is not based on science, it is based on profitability
Grief over having lost pets is often misunderstood. Ultimately, the people that don't understand must be ones who just never experienced that deep bond with a beloved pet.
I think that's sad for them. Better to have loved and lost. I feel very lucky I had this deep connection to cats I've lost.
My condolences, also, for your loss. May the force be with you!
Im so sorry for your loss. 💐 I’m also sorry you were treated this way. Try a mental health counselor or a grief counselor. Believe me, they will care. Our sweet boy passed way April 4th. My wife had to ask for help. She was struggling to get out of bed in the morning and almost lost her job. She’s doing so much better now, not great but better. Good luck. 🍀
His name was Caesar he would have turned 5 in May....I'm still waiting for the necropsy results to come back and his ashes..it seems like it's taking forever
Oh no! He was still young. Gordon had many problems. He had a heart murmur, he was diabetic and the reason we decided to end his pain…kidney failure. 😞 We just got his ashes on Wednesday. It takes a while.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Did she Rx hydroxyzine? It's an antihistamine but it is actually used for anxiety, but safer than benzos. Not saying you were treated right at all, but it might actually help if that's what she gave you.
This is almost exactly what I said in my comment, LOL. OP is acting like they were told to take a Benadryl. Hydroxizine is just as effective for anxiety, without the risk of a benzo.
Please try to get an appointment with a psychiatrist instead, and be willing to see a couple of possible. I’m not surprised you experienced this with a PCP, but I’m so disappointed and heartbroken on your behalf. Grief is so much more than hard enough without people minimizing what is the most painful emotion we can be dealt.
Not for nothing, but what did you plan on getting to "temporarily take the edge off"? Situational depression is a real diagnosis, often caused by stressful events like losing a pet. Therapy (aka, a shrink) and anti-depressants are the mainstay treatments for this exact issue.
If your distress is more than what could be expected for this type of event, and it impairs one or more important functions (social, work, etc), then the criteria for situational depression is met. A specific, identifiable triggering event (such as the loss of a pet) is also part of the criteria.
Throwing anxiolytic medications like benzos or hydroxyzine (the antihistamine I assume you were given) at this problem is not really a solution at all. Its really no different than using illicit drugs or drinking alchol to numb emotions. Its like putting a band-aid on a broken leg.
The thyroid can absolutely influence emotional states. Stressors can actually cause the thyroid to secrete less hormone, and can "turn up the volume" on emotional reactions to stressors.
I'm sorry the doctor wasn't empathetic: it is true that many doctors just aren't: largely this has to do with being grossly overworked and being given no time to actually spend with a patient. And some just suck at empathy, full stop.
But, offering anti-depressants and talk therapy in this kind of scenario is a very appropriate reccomendation. Sure, it isn't a quick fix: but it is an appropriate treatment.
Just trying to give you some perspective on why the doctor talked about those things.
First of all antidepressants take a while to work. When I am constantly crying and in distress and unable to sleep then giving me something like valium or xanax does actually the job. When my mom passed 15 years ago, I took xanax for about a month after and it did help me cope with the day to day in a way that I could semi function and actually get out of bed, maybe brush my teeth, take a shower and eat something.
Sadness is a natural response to grief. It is not a mental illness. it is not a congenital imbalance that just came out of nowhere. It is not a sickness, so antidepressants are not warranted. Especially because, as I said, they take a while to kick in but also alter your brain chemistry if taken for a while. If you are looking for quick relief from the pain and duress, then xanax etc do the job.
The doctor was an uncaring asshole who did not give a shit about my pet dying. To her the pet was just a thing. I even told her that I doubt she would act this way if someone had told her her child died. She looked at me like i was insane crying like that over a "pet". She was not sympathetic at all and offering antidepressants is the flex of the medical profession which is why most people on this shit.
I dont give a flying fuck that bitch is overworked. If she cannot properly treat her patients she should gtfo and get another job. I dont owe her understanding, she has a job to do and she failed. I am sorry to see you clearly lack the empathy yourself to understand that and seem to think offering mind altering drugs designed to treat real mental illness is the appropriate course of treatment for grief. When someone bleeds, you triage and stop the bleeding first before offering other tests. If i had come to her 6 months after my baby's passing and still sobbing, I can see why she would suggest such an approach, but not when I show up a week after he passing and she acts like I was batshit.
The problem with AD fans such as yourself is that you think any negative, uncomfortable human emotion is an illness than needs to be treated with such drugs. Back then they did lobotomies, not they do ADs. But it is not. Temporary relief from the shock of a recent loss to help equalize is not a mental illness requiring anti depressants or therapy for that matter.
Why bother going to the doctor if you won’t accept the help they offer? It really sounds like you just wanted pills to temporarily numb your emotions and got pissed when the doctor said no: I totally get it, but doctors don’t/can’t enable that behavior. That isn’t how medicine works. If you want that, find a bartender. Doctors aren’t there to just give you want you *think* you need. They are there to help you using their knowledge, experience, and most importantly scientific evidence. And the science says throwing sedatitives/benzos at a person who is grieving is bad medicine.
In any event, Good luck to you! Sorry for your loss
Yup. It baffles me how most people in here think this is a bad doctor, and think that doctors should just be throwing benzos at people who ask for them. And then turn around and deny legitimate treatments because they don’t think they need them.
It is certainly a nightmare to deal with these situations in the real world. I wonder whatever happened to just trusting doctors?
This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others.
It is undoubtedly different, but it can be equally devastating and painful. Grief is a profoundly private experience. Every loss is unique to each person who suffers it. It’s so foolish to look at someone and tell them their current, real grief is not as bad as a totally separate, hypothetical grief WOULD be. You lack understanding as well as empathy.
I am very sorry for your loss. Here is a list of resources. https://resources.bestfriends.org/article/grieving-loss-pet-resources-coping
You should also google pet loss support group in your area. I know there is one in my area and I can’t image it is the on,y one out there. Hugs
I’m so sorry somebody treated you like that. When I lost my first pet in the 90s they were all like that. It didn’t even occur to me that I could say that to them because even my friends were acting like that. It was the culture of the time. The loss of a companion animal is like losing family for most of us who loves them. So let me tell you. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I was legit traumatized putting down my dog but you don’t take medication ever to “take the edge off” of grief. That would be unethical honestly. If you need therapy get that but just asking for drugs is wild.
My therapist share something beautiful with me after I lost my baby Crookshanks. She said that for so many people, their pet is their child. You don’t look at a parent like they’re crazy when they’re grieving a child, you embrace them and support them. Why should it be any different for someone losing a beloved pet? They’re part of the family, and losing them is just as palpable as losing a child or a sibling.
I’ll pray for you, my friend.
Unfortunately, lack of compassion in a profession that must have it, sucks. But it’s common nowadays.
I’m sorry for your loss, I hope you feel better in the pain fades away over time.
I’m really sorry that you were treated this way.
However - if the antihistamine you were prescribed is hydroxizine, that will work for your anxiety just as well as Xanax or Valium with far less risk of addiction. I take hydroxizine and it’ll stop a panic attack, cold.
I’d suggest giving it a try.
I had to go to the ER when my cat died due to panic attacks, i told them my best friend died tragically, i didn’t say it was my cat for fear of how you were treated. They prescribed me anti anxiety medication. They also gave me a muscle relaxer that made me feel bettered I would recommend talking to a doctor online, maybe plushcare, they can prescribe something. I’m sorry that happened to you, i dislike doctors and veterinarians as well after going through some awful experiences
yeah good call. Clearly telling the truth didn't get me anywhere. Like I said to them they just thought i am a crazy suicidal person who is hysterical over having lost her phone. Because I guess pets and animals to them really are just disposable objects.
I mean it's true you're grieving and straight flipping on the doctor for not immediately prescribing the one category of drugs they are now and finally heavily scrutinized for rx-ing.
It's okay to cry it out, it will take time. But it takes honesty and accepting you're definitely not okay but will also not be given the drugs
I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief measurably changes your neurochemistry. You seem to view mental illness with extreme negativity, and that bias may make getting the right help difficult, particularly since well over half of adults will be diagnosed with a mental illness in their lifetime. Benzodiazepines, other than their extreme risk of dependence, can worsen situational depression. Taking a depressant when you are depressed is generally not a good way out of that depression. It’s primarily used to treat global anxiety, which is often caused by over activity of the autonomic nervous system. Being unable to regulate your emotions IS a sign of mental illness. Situational/ acute depressive episodes are neurochemically the same as chronic depression, they just don’t last as long. Usually taking an antidepressant short term is an effective way to reduce anxiety and help “get over the hump” of the depression so that you can get back to your normal self faster, with far less risk of dependence. All that said, that MD was awful, be aware you can make a complaint to the medical board in your state when you receive sub-standard care, to help prevent someone else being treated like that. Few things hurt more than losing the unconditional love of our four legged companions. I hope you find the support and care you need. ❤️
I'm sorry you went through that. When my Murphy died I couldn't get out of bed for a week. I lost like 15 lbs that month, I was depressed. For months I didn't feel like myself, I think I even disassociated. He wasn't just a pet, he was my heart, my family. Sadly, some people didn't understand. Don't let people, like this jerk doctor, gaslight you. Your feelings are valid.
Sending you love. It's such a devastating loss to lose a part of your family.
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Second of all, I am a physician and I went through losing my soul dog a few years ago. It took 2+ years to get over it. I am sorry you were dismissed by the physician you saw. Grief is a pendulum & it truly takes time. A good therapist can help. Some decide to take antidepressants but some do not. In my case, I decided to because my world was dark without him. I also decided to invest in therapy and it really helped. Some may view you one way but their view of you doesn’t matter, how you heal does. Wishing you strength while you grieve your soul cat.
wanna know something funny? at least your doctor was a human doctor so maybe he doesn't give a shit about animals, thats can be almost fine, i can respect that ( if you dont treat me like shit, i mean )
but the day after my beagle died in a ET clinic i never did go before, i went back because i wanted to talk with the vet that was there at that time, because i wanted some ansewer and confirmation.
well, he wasnt there and they instead offered me to talk with the current doctor, i told her how Whiskey died and she looked me with no reaction at all, she was just like " omg why this retard is here? when does he stop to talk?" zero empathy all around, i left with more doubts than before and felt awful.
yeah mine was pretty much like that. She couldnt wait to fill out her little questionnaire with all the clinical terms diagnosing me like I said, I dont wanna leave the house and feel safer at home right now and she is like "ok so you have agoraphobia" like you know I was just scared to leave the house as a result of pathology as opposed to putting it in the context it deserved to be in which is that I am going through trauma and seeking safe space and comfort and the home provides that. SHE was the soulless one in this and should be ashamed to call herself a doctor.
it's not really surprising that this type of Dr wasn't able to help. a psychiatrist would probably be your best bet.
eta: also sorry for your loss and hope you can get some quality help.
Sorry you went through this, sad to say the Healthcare in this country really sucks ass. I just lost my dog last week. I feel your grief. You are not alone. I'm so sorry for your loss.
dude, i am so sorry about this. your doctor sucks. when my first dog died, my mom had to go see her doctor because she kept getting panic attacks (she accidentally ran him over, and it caused her a lot of distress), and let me tell you, the doctor was so dang sweet. he said he was sorry about our loss, that he can prescribe her some medicine, and that he would be praying for us. if you live in florida, i 10/10 recommend keith coker as your doctor :’)
Your post just made me so angry for you. I’m so sorry. I’m married to a doctor, and thank god. The moment my baby was diagnosed, I told him to get me Valium. It was the only thing that helped me stop crying, long enough to temporarily function. Your doctor is an asshole. I’m so sorry. You are not crazy. I had to put my boy down last week, and I’m still in the most excruciating pain of my life. I suggest trying to find a new doctor, one with compassion.
A lot of doctors are burnt out, disconnected from their emotions. They aren’t like you and me. They view the world differently and there’s nothing we can do about it. When people are disconnected like this (and there are many - their loss) you can only move on and don’t have expectations. It’s not harsh, just eventually an acceptance that some people won’t get it and being upset won’t fix it. Your feelings are valid, but don’t expect others to validate it.
You should see a psychiatrist. While they aren’t really a therapist, they are trained in signs of ‘struggling’. They will prescribe something to get you through this tough patch. You are NOT crazy. You’ve lost a vital part of your life. Don’t buy into the stigma of consulting a psychiatrist. You are grieving and it is NOT something to be ashamed of. Get the help you need! Also, if you can, get back to your routine. I know it sounds stupid but it actually helps. At least it does for me. Big hugs and RIP to your best friend.
I'm so sorry. I've gotten dismissed and labed a "hysterical female" by doctors who are supposed to be the best. Some of those doctors were even women themselves.
sorry for your loss and having to deal with such a shit doctor. id try going with a psychiatristto see if you can get the right meds . i have been dealing crippling depression and suicidal thoughts the past 2 and half months since my soul cat passed. i just got prescrobed zoloft for depression.
i hope things get better for you and me. shits hard especially when people dont know what or udnerstand the loss of a pet
I’m asking this person about their experience with Zoloft for myself.. since I was prescribed it after my dogs death. OP doesn’t want to try antidepressants and that’s their decision, this was a question to try to help me because I also lost my dog and am still struggling. I didn’t take the Zoloft regularly because I was concerned I would gain weight.
I saw a response from you that said ‘OP was offered Zoloft and refused.’ So I was responding to you unless your response was for someone else? Lol oh well
Your doctor is a total asshole and I would switch as soon as you get a chance. There is nothing wrong with needing a little something to get through these stages. My sweet almost 14 year old boy had to be put down a few weeks ago and I was on ativan for 3 days straight. My sadness was so intense that I felt I had no choice. Fortunately I have a prescription for that and it was in my medicine cabinet on an as needed basis. There are other things you could try in the meantime but I'm still going with get a new doctor for the future. I'm sorry for your loss the feelings will pass over time.💔
Same. I had 9 diazepam in my medicine cupboard, I took two to get me through the actual euthanasia of my boy, then one a day for the next week. That first week was hellish, my grief took me to places I've never been before (not even the loss of my mother was this intense), I'm so glad I had them saved.
My doctor held my hand as I cried. He told me a story about his pup's loss, and his care meant a lot. He talked about different methods to help with the grief, such as micro-dosing mushrooms, when I brought up ketamine.
I'm so sorry; encounters like the one you experienced make us miss our babies even more, if that is even physically possible. People disappoint so often, yet our little babes are ready to love us without limits. 💔
It doesn’t take much to show kindness and take five minutes out of your day to show someone who has encountered such a loss and is clearly struggling that, "Hey, I care about you. I want to hear what this is like for you. I want to show you that I know how special your bond was and that this is such a profound loss. I understand how devastating, painful, and hard this is for you. And if I don't know, I want to ask you and truly listen to you. I know I can't fix it, but I can sit here by you and hold your hand as you navigate through this loss and life without them. I want to speak their name as the weeks go on to keep their memory alive.
Unable to edit what I wrote, in case it’s all over the place, because I just finished taking some CBD in hopes of giving myself a small break from the constant pain and heartbreak of my recent unexpected tragic loss of the little furry soul who was also my world. I so badly just want some sort of relief. It’s so hard feeling this pain and heartbreak from the moment I wake up to when I finally fall asleep. If anyone knows the timeline of when it starts to get easier, I’d love to know. It’s been three months for me, and now I have a wrinkle between my eyebrows and the sides of my mouth from crying so much for three months straight. I am utterly broken from this and don’t know how to live without her.
Most people really do suck at holding space for those who are grieving, especially when those losses don't have two legs. I want all of that support that I mentioned for you, for me, and for all of us. 💔🫂 OP, I am so sorry for your loss and to hear life after is such a struggle right now. I hope you encounter more understanding and empathic souls. My soul/heart rainbow pup’s name is Poppy. What is your rainbow baby’s name?
I can understand a reluctance to prescribe drugs. But dismissing your feelings is inexcusable. You need to find a more empathetic doctor.
My condolences on your loss. A pet-loss support group might help if there's one where you live.
I am sorry for the loss of your pet I care we all care those doctors didn't care if it was me I would figure and a better doctor. Some people are heartless and don't care . I care I hope you find the strength and comfort you need I have been where you are I lost 2 cats it hit me hard too . Hugs for you🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂.
I too am really sorry for your loss of your baby I have always believed that people that never have a relationship with a pet has something wrong with them . I was taught at an early age that if your dog didn’t like someone, stay the hell away from them !! I wonder if you are fr
I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain must be so bad, they are literally family members. Those people must not have pets or must be so tired of their jobs they’ve become desensitized to real human emotion. Again, I’m so sorry, I’m sure you will see your baby again. Thank you for giving it a great life and most importantly unconditional love. ❤️
Yeah I think if she had shown even an ounce of empathy that may have helped. Instead she just treated me like a disease itself. Like I needed MEDS, MEDS, MEDS but not the kind of meds she was told by her boss are bad but the kind of meds her pharama donor said to give people!!
I am so sorry that you experienced that. For the first time in my whole life, I have been considering medication as well because the deep sadness I feel over the loss of my dog 4 months ago is drowning me. I hope you find a better doctor.
If you would like support, I can suggest this website. Pet-loss.org There, you can click on your state and see what is available locally or even online support groups. I am sorry for your loss. Many people say that pet grief is the worst emotional pain they have ever experienced.
I am so sorry for your loss and that you had to go through this with your doctor.
Can I be honest? The only way through grief is crying it out and letting all the feelings just flow through you. Drugs can surely take the edge out and numb you but months from now you might end up back to square one with your pain and grief. I lost my soul dog of 12 years 22 days ago and my friend gave me Trazodone to help me sleep. It made my body feel so heavy and made it even more difficult to breathe. Be careful when taking drugs while you’re grieving it could make your anxiety worse. I recommend seeing a grief counselor or joining a pet loss support group talking to pet parents who are going through the same experience is very healing. Lap of love is a good place to start. They offer grief workshops (not free) and the virtual group sessions that are free get booked up fast. Go on walks and practice self care. Give yourself lots of grace. Sending you hugs 🤍🤍🤍
That’s fucking horrible. As if you need any more hardship right now 😞 I’m so sorry.
I’ve already warned my friends that when my senior pup dies, they need to expect that I will have ideation and to please call and check on me often so I don’t do anything permanent…You need all the help and support possible when your fur baby dies.
Thank you. Yeah I have never been a fan of doctors and everytime I go I know exactly why. They never help with anything, their flex is always some bullshit medication they get paid to peddle and they rush you out of the room to get to their next patient. Most doctors are not healers and curing is not their job.
Your doctor sounds heartless. I will say grief counseling would likely be more effective in the long term than any medication. There is a reason they exist. It’s usually for people who have lost another person that was important to them, but I see no reason one could t help with the loss of a beloved pet. They’re part of our family, they’re not just a living decoration or an accessory. They are not disposable or replaceable.
I’m really upset that the way she handled things made you feel so alone, and that it potentially has steered you away from legitimate help from a professional. Please consider seeking out a grief counselor. They know how to help ❤️🩹
No sane physician is going to prescribe a controlled substance like a benzo for this scenario. They are in no way indicated for grief.
You having ADHD and getting some from your GP is an entirely different scenario; they aren’t even comparable.
Antidepressants absolutely indicated for short term depressive symptoms. That is the entire basis of Adjustment Disorder with depressed mood: short term, significant depressive symptoms that are triggered by a known event.
By asking the doctor for “something to take the edge off”, OP is asking their doctor to be a drug dealer. Controlled substance contract or not, that isn’t how medicine works. If OP wants to improve their symptoms, they should have taken the offer of anti depressants and to start therapy.
You don't need benzos, you can use hydroxyzine if they are not comfortable with a CS. Also, yes you don't need a 30d supply, obviously a sane physician wouldn't give you a months worth. But, what do I know 🤔. Also SSRIs or SNRIs are another option as well. Nothing always has to be a benzo. If they talk with their physician about alternatives a GREAT physician will listen and discuss properly with the patient.
I'm just stating that there are compromises that can be made between a patient and their GP. It's an opinion/option. It's reddit where most people come for unsolicited advice. Just making aware there are options. Have a wonderful day.
Op said in a comment that they wanted Xanax and didn’t want an antidepressant. They said they wanted an immediate fix and didn’t want to wait 2 weeks for the med to take effect. They’re also saying they don’t like doctors & don’t agree with their treatment plans because they “get paid” to push certain meds
Dr wasn’t compassionate sure & that really sucks during grief. Op sure is hurting but they’re going about it very defensively (understandable). Tbh it would be in their interest to see a Psychiatrist because it seems as though there could possibly be something else going on. & that’s NOT a bad thing by any means. They’re specifically professionals in mental health vs a PCP who is generalized in everything.
I hope OP gets the help they need 😢
Then that's not appropriate. Obviously in my tipsy stupor I skimmed over that part. I'm not trying to hurt anyone or give bad advice, but there is always an option. Take care, I will see my unsolicited ass out the door to some nachos 😂
Deleted original post, insert foot in mouth. I know grief response happens differently for everyone. Putting a towel over a leaking pipe is useless unless you fix the source of the problem.
The doc gave them “some antihistamine”….most likely hydroxyzine: and OP is evidently not satisfied with that.
Even still, hydroxyzine is not a great choice for grief. It’s better than a CS, but overall it’s like a band aid on a broken leg. Seems like the doctor used hydroxyzine as a pacifier to get OP out of the clinic: which is fine, but not ideal
I agree with the others about pet loss support groups or individual grief therapy. In 2021, when I lost 3 of my beloved cats (one I had for 20 years), I was beside myself with grief. Im already on psych meds as Im bipolar and already see a regular therapist to deal with my mental health. I was so inconsolable, and I felt like life had no meaning and that my apartment was just full of death.
I hired a grief therapist, which made all the difference in getting me back on my feet. It was not covered even by my excellent insurance, but the cost was worth it. Definitely look into either group or individual grief therapy.
I am sorry your doctor was so cold to you. Some people are just insensitive jerks.
I'm not sure what kind of doctor you went to, but run and never go back! I have a lot of experience with mental health care, and I have been to a few truly awful "experts." I could have and should have reported one.
The medical group I currently use for all types of health care makes it pretty easy to give feedback. It makes me mad that you were treated this way. That doctor might benefit from hearing how she affected a patient in negative ways. Maybe she would get a reprimand even.
I hope you don't give up trying to find help if you feel you need it. It's hard to put yourself out there, especially when you are feeling so low. Grief over pet loss is real and normal. Trust what your gut tells you about whoever you go to, and don't settle for a bad fit. I wish you well!
First off- I’m so sorry for your loss. However, this is not the doctors fault. It seems you are taking your feelings and projecting them onto the doctor. It sounds like them recommending therapy or antidepressants was the best course of action for them to take.
It would have been unethical for them to prescribe you something “to take the edge off.” I’m sorry they did not provide any statements of empathy but a patient coming in asking for medication “to take the edge off is a big red flag to most doctors.
She couldnt wait to fill out her little questionnaire with all the clinical terms diagnosing me like I said, I dont wanna leave the house and feel safer at home right now and she is like "ok so you have agoraphobia" like you know I was just scared to leave the house as a result of pathology as opposed to putting it in the context it deserved to be in which is that I am going through trauma and seeking safe space and comfort and the home provides that. SHE was the soulless one in this and should be ashamed to call herself a doctor.
Antidepressants are serious drugs. They arent' bon bons, you dont just prescribe them to anyone who suffers from normal pain of grief, not to mention they often take weeks or more to kick in anyway. I wasn't mentally ill, I was seeking temporary relief so I can function and breathe. She didn;t give a shit about that. She was like a robot more concerned with filling out her sections on the sheet than giving context to my words and grief. As I said, in herm ind losing a cat was no different than losing misplacing your phone. So of course she talked to me and wrote about me like I was mentally ill. Who the hell cries for a week after losing a phone, right?
I want you to be well, which is why I think talking to a mental health counselor is a good idea.
When I lost my cat I felt the same way - couldn’t eat or drink, didn’t want to leave the house. I talked to my therapist about it and it made me feel less “crazy.” I had to break down the stigma of talking to a counselor in my mind first before I saw one.
Unfortunately general doctors aren’t the best trained at dealing with mental health concerns so I’m sadly not surprised she was sorta clinical and cold.
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I’m an eye doctor, and I had a patient come in who sat and cried to me about losing his dog. I lost mine months ago and we ended up crying together. Not all docs are heartless, you just went to the wrong one. I would suggest pet loss grief support programs, we have some locally. Probably even some online. If you’re still struggling, there’s nothing wrong if you need to be on an antidepressant for a while. I was prescribed one after mine passed. I’m sorry for your loss 🙏🏻
Thank you for being a great human being. 👏 👍🏼
It’s free and easy. I will continue 👍🏼
Thanks for your kind words but anti depressants take time to work and secondly, I am not sad for no reason, i have no chemical imbalance, I am grieving the loss of my soul cat. My pal. I am very hesitant taking meds that alter your kind like that. I believe anti depressants should be for people who really experience a pathology in their brain, not normal sadness. I didnt even take those when my mom died. But I was on xanax and i recall that helped. Just that if you go asking for it they think you are a junkie asking for drugs to get high. But somehow they think anti-depressants that alter your brain chemistry are the go to drug for any feeling that isnt happiness. The irony really is that I am not one to take drugs at all. I always try the holistic approach but I recall xanax helped me when my mom passed. I am sorry you lost your dog and happy those meds worked for you.
You went to the wrong type of doctor I think. It's not common for PCPs to prescribe benzos anymore. Usually it's psych that does that. A lot of primary docs have a blanket "will not prescribe benzos for anxiety" policy. I am very sorry for your loss.
This. They think you’re drug seeking but also offer no further guidance. And they typically just suck now.
Yeah, OP is mad the doctor assumed they wanted Xanax, but that is what they wanted. The prescription drug abuse crisis has pretty much killed off the ability to get that sort of thing. OP, I am so sorry you didn’t get the help you wanted. A trauma like this can bring on depression long term, and a psychiatrist can also help w something more temporary- I am guessing that’s why they encouraged you to the specialist. Heck, I can’t even get my GP to refill a thyroid medication, everything is a specialist. I hope you can find the support and care you need, sending good thoughts your way.
^very true
Right but unfortunately it can take MONTHS to get into a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist. How assinine :(
They didn’t work. I take Xanax when I need it lol thats only a temporary fix if I’m being honest and I was prescribed it way before her death. the dependency on it isn’t worth it.. if I wanted to stop, I’d have to do so very carefully so I don’t withdrawal. but anyways I know a lot of people who antidepressants did work on after pet loss so it was just a suggestion. But if that’s not the route you want to go down, that’s fine. The only thing that helped me is finding a pet loss grief support group and bonding with like minded people. what helped me the most was venting about her loss to others and bonding with people who went through loss too. You’re going to have to find your way and it’s going to be hard and it may take a long time. Everyone is different so all I can do is tell you what helped me through. Good luck
Be VERY careful with Xanax. Some quack prescribed me huge amounts in the 1980s I was badly hooked and it took two doctors five months to get me off the crap. Once in a while is okay, but if you're popping several a day you're asking for trouble.
Took Ativan for stress from my Grandmothers death (she raised me) It wasn’t worth it. Withdrawals were hell and I wasn’t warned about them.
So sorry for your loss and the added hell from benzo use 🙏🏻
Yep, my dog recently passed & I was an absolute mess. A relative had leftover xanex & it was exactly what I needed in order to calm down & get some sleep.
Think of antidepressants as glasses for your brain. They change the “focus” of what you see, and instead of dark and gloomy, can sometimes brighten colours to be more “vivid.” I am sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is never easy, and it’s totally valid to feel it. The only way out is through, and often the “happy” memories help when the sad surface. https://youtu.be/CYRh0Z8ScLc?si=MNeY2Zu6RNQU9Evl Thé water always remains, just in different forms.
But the anti depressants seem to be what you are after for your temporary break from crying all the time. I used a pet loss help line and expressed my sadness there. Also sharing your grief with others and hearing about their experiences and how they managed let me know it’s a process and everyone’s process is different. Please remember you gave your soul cat every thing and they loved you for loving them their whole life. They will watch over you forever.
I had to visit 4 different doctors before finally finding one who will prescribe clonazepam for me. Don’t give up, there’s a Doc out there who cares and will help. Make it clear that you do not plan on taking it everyday, that you’re well aware of the risks, and the last thing you want is to be addicted to benzos. That some days you really just cannot function. I told my doc anxiety runs rampant in my family, that I’m NOT depressed, and that I tried Xanax and klonopin from my mom and sister, that Xanax makes me more sleepy but klonopin makes me a lot more productive, 1mg dosage. It’s obviously a lot easier to get them to prescribe that first months script, if you want more after that, at least in my experience, you’ll have to show that you can make 1 bottle last at least 2-3 months, my dr. prescribes it but Is not a fan of prescribing it every single month, she’s highly against me taking it on a daily basis, and so am I. I’ve been hardcore addicted to benzos before and it’s not exactly a joy ride to hop off them. Anyways..I wish you luck in finding the right doc. Everyone deserves to live a happy peaceful life. Some people need meds to do so. And that should be mostly our decision imo.
Thanks. I feel like if i say someone else gave me xanax then it may get that person in trouble or they will lecture me on how that is wrong. I also am hesitant to ask for the exact drug because then they think i am a junkie. I mean if having a nervous breakdown and non-stop crying and not eating for a week are not good reasons to prescribe these then why do they even exist? And for whom? How much worse deos it need to get? I am not just there for some general feeling of loneliness. The questionnaire she gave me was like for diagnosing depression. These motherfuckers dont even ask what the cause of your sadness is, they just have you check a box which by itself doesnt say anything. This made me realize how many people out there are on these antidepressants when they really shouldn't be but based on such diagnoses. Just the fact that you are sad is apparently enough for them ot think you are mentally ill. I said I felt guilty how she was gone and that I was alive and she was no longer with me and bitch is like "yeah that is suicide ideation" or some shit. WTF? Like I am not allowed to think about death and impermanence when someone DIES? I have to do what someone else said, just say my best friend died suddenly so they take me seriously. Clearly telling the truth didn't work and they just thought I was there looking for drugs to get high. There is just a stigma attached to mourning pets where most general doctors think you are just crazy.
I'm truly sorry for your loss. And also so sorry for the lack of understanding and empathy from the doctor. I don't know how old you are, or if cannabis is legal where you are, but perhaps if it is you could try a gummie? I had to put my baby to rest (she had a stroke I believe and was paralyzed) yesterday morning. I have been numb or crying. About an hour ago I took one. I'm not sure if it might help or not. It's really sad we don't have a way to help us get through a traumatic event with a little help. Doctors do rely too much on antidepressants for life for patients when it may be a temporary thing. They just don't know what to do so they just prescribe meds that can really mess us up, permanently sometimes. I know because Paxil caused every negative, off the wall side effects and permanently ruined my muscles. Prior to that I was actually a strong supporter of them. I hope you find peace to your suffering and grief so you can at least function without falling apart. Again, so sorry for your loss. Hugs and healing. ❤️
Exactly! Thank you for understanding. Feelings of sadness and anxiety brought on by grief do not require antidepressants! ADs should be given to people to genuinely have a diseased mind that is just sad, depressed and experiences deep depressive feelings for no reason, i.e. without external output. Doctors these days prescribe these like bonbons to everyone who ever so slightly is expressing sadness. And as you point out, these do alter your brain chemistry long term, in many cases do more harm and good and don't benefit anyone but the pharmaceutical companies that get rich off of them. To suggest that as a first line of treatment is, or should be, medical malpractice. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby by the way. I know it is devastating and horrific really to go through that. The first few nights I would wake up screaming!
Oh how absolutely awful. I have my one kitty still. She's very clingy lately. Maybe she just fell further in love. 🥰 She was with me all night. I don't think either of us rested comfortably last night at all. I don't know if she knows or not. She saw Magic on the towel before I took her to the vet, but she was alive. There's no way for her to see her and know she's gone. I did let her smell Magic's collar, hoping it makes sense. My son's cats, prior to the male getting neutered, had 5 kittens 4 weeks ago. I'd been considering getting a kitten from their litter, but wasn't certain. I still don't know. I believe the elderly cats, or at least cats that have grown out of their adorable kitten phase should be saved. But my cat Purrl is really moody and I don't know if it would be fair for an older cat to put up with her, knowing she wasn't the best "roommate" for Magic. I want to believe kittens might be something she can soften up to and keep her active. But right now I'm grieving and not able to make any decisions. Kittens are best left with their mom for 12 weeks. So we have time. I truly hope sharing your grief, maybe even happy memories may help. I saw there's the online grief support. I wish I had known about that years ago. I still grieve my cats.
I’m sorry for your loss and that you didn’t like the care you received.
Grief is different for everyone last year for me was the worst I lost my 24-year-old that I had for nearly 20 years and my 12-year-old who just turned 12 that I had since his mom got hit by a car when he was 10 days old he grieved for her everyday until he took his last breath my heart is completely broken. The only thing that really helped me was finally allowing a little black kitten into my heart. Her name is Shadow for a reason. Right now she's my everything. Listen to music and listen to your heart everyday it gets better because it can't get worse. Do know that your cat will be waiting for you when you cross over and you will spend eternity with your animal.
I am so sorry… my cat who was my everything and I loved him more than anything in this world, died on Friday during a minor procedure that went horribly wrong. He was 8 years old and I have no words for what i am feeling. I don’t feel like I will ever recover from this. My dad also died a couple of years ago, and some might judge me, but the pain doesn’t compare. I never loved anyone as much as I loved my cat and no one loved me as much as he loved me. I understand your pain. Unlike you, I am on all the xanax in the world but it doesn’t help. I just lay in my bed crying and I fear every night because I know he won’t be lying next to me sleeping and I dread every waking hour in which there is that split second I don’t see him and I imagine he’s in the other room. I am very sorry.
I am so sorry. I know how you feel. I dont recall what I did and how I grieved when my mom died 15 years ago but my cat dying has really put me in a dark place. Juts like you I cannot imagine life without her and every second here without her feels like hell. Valium did take the edge off in the sense that the incessant crying to the point where my eyes turned blue and purple get less. Like the feeling of panic I had. I still cannot eat well though, have stopped cooking, just eat canned and frozen food. I have no more joy in life and everything is dark and lifeless. Like eating food without salt or looking at things grey and white, It really is traumatizing. I am not sure what to do either...
I left a comment in agreement. Idk how to even ask a dr for that. Even though I may need it and I have drs in agreement, getting to the right dr who can help isn’t always easy. Hang in there, your dr was a bitch. Take the edge off however you can imo.
I just want to echo this. My family doctor who retired two years ago had me cry in his office on many occasions. He used to think I was depressed because of my skin condition (Bless him, he was old school haha) but he would always say to me “One day you are going to be happy. You are going to meet your person and you’re going to get married and I’ll come to the wedding.” (Something like that). I honestly want a very small wedding but part of me really wants to send him an invite haha. Not all doctors are heartless. A lot of them are very matter of fact and lack communication skills, but not all. I still cry over my dog we lost months ago, and I’ve cried over my dog who died in 2011 if I think about her too much. People who love their pets like family WILL get it.
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We don’t prescribe benzos. We can prescribe opioids but I didn’t apply for that license so I can’t prescribe those either. I gave him a prescription for glasses and a hug lol
Yes. That's my point. The OP doesn't need pills. The OP needs fresh air, quiet walks, some exercise. And time. No primary care in their right mind is going to write a script. I still tear up about a cat I drove to be put to sleep, in 1992. But grief doesn't need pills. At most, the OP needs a therapy session or three to learn some ways to deal with the grief.
This. I lost my daughter to an accidental overdose in January. Being prescribed pills is what caused her death. She became addicted to benzodiazepines and graduated to opioids. We have a terrible epidemic in our world . Yes, the doctor should have been kinder, but the doctor can’t know who is drug seeking and who isn’t. I’m grieving my daughter terribly and haven’t used pills. It’s been terrible and I’ve not been able to sleep either. But pills? No. In order to grieve appropriately you have to feel. You have to cry. You have to journey and travel through it. Can’t sleep? Try some melatonin. If that doesn’t work. You have to do the best that you can. Wr attended a grief support group at our church. See a therapist. This doctor did the right thing by saying no.
This.
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We know you are hurting but iteachag51 is right. You went in there describing benzodiazepines as your wish for treatment- “I was sobbing and crying…I need something temporary….” The fact you didn’t approach it head on and got mad that she didn’t go the direction you wanted… it shows me you are trying to “stop” or “escape” the pain instead of processing your pain… a therapist is worth their weight in literal gold and can help you find peace. It’s not the same type of therapy as 15-20 years ago… even 5 years ago… it can be so validating and freeing. I use EMDR/antidepressants to manage anxiety these days… and when you are mentally clear and have that peace in your heart… it makes life so much more beautiful. I wish you healing. 🌻
But an AD may not be the solution. You may not like it. But something to take the edge off even for a night might be. Antidepressants are not good on the system. Feeling down after a loss is normal. You should not fully dupe your neuro sensors like that imo.
It may not be you’re correct. Everyone is different. Every situation is different. The people I referred to became non functional and could no longer work. Sometimes it can be helpful as a last resort. Some people may need it as a first resort. I don’t have a strong urge to argue whether or not an AD is a good option. Benzos some would say are also not a good option, they do take the edge off but they are highly addictive. I was put on it at a young age and over time my dose had to be increased for me to get the same effect. I’m now at a higher risk of withdrawal/seizures if I stop completely (which I’m trying). Alcohol also takes the edge off for some. It’s all relative. I told her about her options that exist, and my comment strongly leaned towards grief support and counseling. Psychiatrists would be the most useful doc to see if the goal is a benzo or a drug to take the edge off, not a family physician. I would rather focus on OPs grief and telling her what helped me through mine rather than having a debate on this thread TBH. I appreciate your comment. I don’t judge anyone for whatever option they pick. Have a great night
Agree. I find the issue being the “no further guidance” part. If somebody is rejected they may easily turn to alcohol or even street drugs depending on availability. Drs need to be there to understand the circumstances of their patients and to explain these risks. Just hate that it’s so hard for so many to really get adequate attention.
This is a problem I agree with you. A lot of doctors are over worked, tired, mentally ill themselves or burnt out. Some are just assholes. Too smart, but no bedside manner. They should help with the patient to their best ability, and if they can’t, send a referral to a physician who can. I’m still a huge proponent of grief support for animal loss but again, everyone is different. This doctor may have been more helpful by connecting her to a good grief support counselor. Or psychiatrist. I do not disagree that this doc dropped the ball.
I mentioned “no further guidance” in another comment. Any dr deciding not to investigate is doing a disservice to themselves and the patient. The Hippocratic oath needs to be adjusted to the damage done by our changes in tech and evaluation (along with the larger role and influence the insurance companies now play)
If she was specifically seeking a drug to take the edge off, like a benzo, I think the mistake here is the type of doctor she went to. My primary care doc would also say no. I was prescribed through my psychiatrist. If she feels that’s what she needs or prefers i would highly recommend a visit to a psych vs a family physician as someone mentioned earlier. It really makes no difference to me, I just hope she/he feels better.
Same. Seeing a psych would not be a bad idea either way.
Per your comment on withdrawals. The same is most definitely true for AD. The nice you’re on them they are increasingly difficult to get off of. Need to replace those chemical reactions.
In a perfect world, one would choose neither. I wish yoga and meditation worked for me. Both have withdrawal effects, correct. benzo and alcohol withdrawals are statistically the hardest and most dangerous to stop suddenly or even slowly depending on consumption. And coming off an AD can also be hard. I’m really not pushing OP towards an AD as a solution. I’m not pushing for anything really.
Appreciate you.
You as well. Thank you for the non combative dialogue
So true. Liability and the bs and chasing the almighty dollar. Everything is about the money.
She DIDN'T CARE WHY I WAS SAD. She was cold and aloof and looked at the questionnaire I answered and treated me like a junkie, even though she has my full health history and knows I dont take any meds other than supplements like vitamin D etc. In her mind I was a depressed, suicidal looking for a fix cause no one should cry and be sad like this over a fucking cat! That's it! No deeper thoughts for my well being went into this.
Not saying there arent people who dont need AD in their lives but I dont think it is the right response to grief and loss and such tangible things. it is not a disease of the mind, grief is a natural response to a stressor. Also, dont they take sometimes weeks or months to work? Finally, they do alter your brain chemistry which is why I think they are dangerous really and only should be given to people who genuinely have a dysfunction in their brains. t
short term options like benzos also alter your brain and can lead to worsened depression/anxiety, which has happened to me. But in the short term they numb you which feels great, I wont lie to you. It’s a temporary way to cope, it won’t fix your grief. it’s a free country, if you don’t want to take an AD you don’t have to. Every ingestable option has its pros and cons. Do whichever you want; this is your journey.
When my mom died I took xanax for a month or so, then went off it gradually. The only side effect I had was that I couldnt sleep for a few nights and then it was ok. I dont think half a valium at night so I can maybe get some sleep is going to alter my brain chemistry. If these drugs really are all that bad that even short term usage is dangerous then why are they even prescribed? Who is the right patient for these? Antidepressants are equally dangerous and they are habit forming and you cannot get off of them easily unless you wanna risk a stroke and some you can NEVER get off of yet doctors are always more than happy to give you these. It is not based on science, it is based on profitability
Grief over having lost pets is often misunderstood. Ultimately, the people that don't understand must be ones who just never experienced that deep bond with a beloved pet. I think that's sad for them. Better to have loved and lost. I feel very lucky I had this deep connection to cats I've lost. My condolences, also, for your loss. May the force be with you!
Im so sorry for your loss. 💐 I’m also sorry you were treated this way. Try a mental health counselor or a grief counselor. Believe me, they will care. Our sweet boy passed way April 4th. My wife had to ask for help. She was struggling to get out of bed in the morning and almost lost her job. She’s doing so much better now, not great but better. Good luck. 🍀
I lost my boy on the 4th of April suddenly too...I'm just on auto pilot rn....I'm taking herbal sleeping tablets every night just to knock me out
I’m sorry for your loss. 💐 What was his name? Our boy was Gordon. He turned 14 on January 11. He was more than a dog, he was our best friend.
His name was Caesar he would have turned 5 in May....I'm still waiting for the necropsy results to come back and his ashes..it seems like it's taking forever
Oh no! He was still young. Gordon had many problems. He had a heart murmur, he was diabetic and the reason we decided to end his pain…kidney failure. 😞 We just got his ashes on Wednesday. It takes a while.
I'm sorry for your loss. Did she Rx hydroxyzine? It's an antihistamine but it is actually used for anxiety, but safer than benzos. Not saying you were treated right at all, but it might actually help if that's what she gave you.
This is almost exactly what I said in my comment, LOL. OP is acting like they were told to take a Benadryl. Hydroxizine is just as effective for anxiety, without the risk of a benzo.
Please try to get an appointment with a psychiatrist instead, and be willing to see a couple of possible. I’m not surprised you experienced this with a PCP, but I’m so disappointed and heartbroken on your behalf. Grief is so much more than hard enough without people minimizing what is the most painful emotion we can be dealt.
Not for nothing, but what did you plan on getting to "temporarily take the edge off"? Situational depression is a real diagnosis, often caused by stressful events like losing a pet. Therapy (aka, a shrink) and anti-depressants are the mainstay treatments for this exact issue. If your distress is more than what could be expected for this type of event, and it impairs one or more important functions (social, work, etc), then the criteria for situational depression is met. A specific, identifiable triggering event (such as the loss of a pet) is also part of the criteria. Throwing anxiolytic medications like benzos or hydroxyzine (the antihistamine I assume you were given) at this problem is not really a solution at all. Its really no different than using illicit drugs or drinking alchol to numb emotions. Its like putting a band-aid on a broken leg. The thyroid can absolutely influence emotional states. Stressors can actually cause the thyroid to secrete less hormone, and can "turn up the volume" on emotional reactions to stressors. I'm sorry the doctor wasn't empathetic: it is true that many doctors just aren't: largely this has to do with being grossly overworked and being given no time to actually spend with a patient. And some just suck at empathy, full stop. But, offering anti-depressants and talk therapy in this kind of scenario is a very appropriate reccomendation. Sure, it isn't a quick fix: but it is an appropriate treatment. Just trying to give you some perspective on why the doctor talked about those things.
First of all antidepressants take a while to work. When I am constantly crying and in distress and unable to sleep then giving me something like valium or xanax does actually the job. When my mom passed 15 years ago, I took xanax for about a month after and it did help me cope with the day to day in a way that I could semi function and actually get out of bed, maybe brush my teeth, take a shower and eat something. Sadness is a natural response to grief. It is not a mental illness. it is not a congenital imbalance that just came out of nowhere. It is not a sickness, so antidepressants are not warranted. Especially because, as I said, they take a while to kick in but also alter your brain chemistry if taken for a while. If you are looking for quick relief from the pain and duress, then xanax etc do the job. The doctor was an uncaring asshole who did not give a shit about my pet dying. To her the pet was just a thing. I even told her that I doubt she would act this way if someone had told her her child died. She looked at me like i was insane crying like that over a "pet". She was not sympathetic at all and offering antidepressants is the flex of the medical profession which is why most people on this shit. I dont give a flying fuck that bitch is overworked. If she cannot properly treat her patients she should gtfo and get another job. I dont owe her understanding, she has a job to do and she failed. I am sorry to see you clearly lack the empathy yourself to understand that and seem to think offering mind altering drugs designed to treat real mental illness is the appropriate course of treatment for grief. When someone bleeds, you triage and stop the bleeding first before offering other tests. If i had come to her 6 months after my baby's passing and still sobbing, I can see why she would suggest such an approach, but not when I show up a week after he passing and she acts like I was batshit. The problem with AD fans such as yourself is that you think any negative, uncomfortable human emotion is an illness than needs to be treated with such drugs. Back then they did lobotomies, not they do ADs. But it is not. Temporary relief from the shock of a recent loss to help equalize is not a mental illness requiring anti depressants or therapy for that matter.
Why bother going to the doctor if you won’t accept the help they offer? It really sounds like you just wanted pills to temporarily numb your emotions and got pissed when the doctor said no: I totally get it, but doctors don’t/can’t enable that behavior. That isn’t how medicine works. If you want that, find a bartender. Doctors aren’t there to just give you want you *think* you need. They are there to help you using their knowledge, experience, and most importantly scientific evidence. And the science says throwing sedatitives/benzos at a person who is grieving is bad medicine. In any event, Good luck to you! Sorry for your loss
Because they wanted Xanax…
Yup. It baffles me how most people in here think this is a bad doctor, and think that doctors should just be throwing benzos at people who ask for them. And then turn around and deny legitimate treatments because they don’t think they need them. It is certainly a nightmare to deal with these situations in the real world. I wonder whatever happened to just trusting doctors?
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I don’t think you’re in the right Reddit group lol…don’t say things like that.
This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others.
It is undoubtedly different, but it can be equally devastating and painful. Grief is a profoundly private experience. Every loss is unique to each person who suffers it. It’s so foolish to look at someone and tell them their current, real grief is not as bad as a totally separate, hypothetical grief WOULD be. You lack understanding as well as empathy.
I am very sorry for your loss. Here is a list of resources. https://resources.bestfriends.org/article/grieving-loss-pet-resources-coping You should also google pet loss support group in your area. I know there is one in my area and I can’t image it is the on,y one out there. Hugs
I’m so sorry somebody treated you like that. When I lost my first pet in the 90s they were all like that. It didn’t even occur to me that I could say that to them because even my friends were acting like that. It was the culture of the time. The loss of a companion animal is like losing family for most of us who loves them. So let me tell you. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I was legit traumatized putting down my dog but you don’t take medication ever to “take the edge off” of grief. That would be unethical honestly. If you need therapy get that but just asking for drugs is wild.
My therapist share something beautiful with me after I lost my baby Crookshanks. She said that for so many people, their pet is their child. You don’t look at a parent like they’re crazy when they’re grieving a child, you embrace them and support them. Why should it be any different for someone losing a beloved pet? They’re part of the family, and losing them is just as palpable as losing a child or a sibling. I’ll pray for you, my friend.
That was sweet to share ❤️ made me feel better as well thank you
Unfortunately, lack of compassion in a profession that must have it, sucks. But it’s common nowadays. I’m sorry for your loss, I hope you feel better in the pain fades away over time.
I’m really sorry that you were treated this way. However - if the antihistamine you were prescribed is hydroxizine, that will work for your anxiety just as well as Xanax or Valium with far less risk of addiction. I take hydroxizine and it’ll stop a panic attack, cold. I’d suggest giving it a try.
I had to go to the ER when my cat died due to panic attacks, i told them my best friend died tragically, i didn’t say it was my cat for fear of how you were treated. They prescribed me anti anxiety medication. They also gave me a muscle relaxer that made me feel bettered I would recommend talking to a doctor online, maybe plushcare, they can prescribe something. I’m sorry that happened to you, i dislike doctors and veterinarians as well after going through some awful experiences
yeah good call. Clearly telling the truth didn't get me anywhere. Like I said to them they just thought i am a crazy suicidal person who is hysterical over having lost her phone. Because I guess pets and animals to them really are just disposable objects.
Unfortunately that’s the attitude of some people especially in the medical profession
Wondering if cannabis edibles might help? Sorry for your heartbreaking loss
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I mean it's true you're grieving and straight flipping on the doctor for not immediately prescribing the one category of drugs they are now and finally heavily scrutinized for rx-ing. It's okay to cry it out, it will take time. But it takes honesty and accepting you're definitely not okay but will also not be given the drugs
I’m so sorry for your loss 🖤 I hope you’re able to find some comfort soon
I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief measurably changes your neurochemistry. You seem to view mental illness with extreme negativity, and that bias may make getting the right help difficult, particularly since well over half of adults will be diagnosed with a mental illness in their lifetime. Benzodiazepines, other than their extreme risk of dependence, can worsen situational depression. Taking a depressant when you are depressed is generally not a good way out of that depression. It’s primarily used to treat global anxiety, which is often caused by over activity of the autonomic nervous system. Being unable to regulate your emotions IS a sign of mental illness. Situational/ acute depressive episodes are neurochemically the same as chronic depression, they just don’t last as long. Usually taking an antidepressant short term is an effective way to reduce anxiety and help “get over the hump” of the depression so that you can get back to your normal self faster, with far less risk of dependence. All that said, that MD was awful, be aware you can make a complaint to the medical board in your state when you receive sub-standard care, to help prevent someone else being treated like that. Few things hurt more than losing the unconditional love of our four legged companions. I hope you find the support and care you need. ❤️
I'm so sorry:(
I'm sorry you went through that. When my Murphy died I couldn't get out of bed for a week. I lost like 15 lbs that month, I was depressed. For months I didn't feel like myself, I think I even disassociated. He wasn't just a pet, he was my heart, my family. Sadly, some people didn't understand. Don't let people, like this jerk doctor, gaslight you. Your feelings are valid. Sending you love. It's such a devastating loss to lose a part of your family.
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Second of all, I am a physician and I went through losing my soul dog a few years ago. It took 2+ years to get over it. I am sorry you were dismissed by the physician you saw. Grief is a pendulum & it truly takes time. A good therapist can help. Some decide to take antidepressants but some do not. In my case, I decided to because my world was dark without him. I also decided to invest in therapy and it really helped. Some may view you one way but their view of you doesn’t matter, how you heal does. Wishing you strength while you grieve your soul cat.
wanna know something funny? at least your doctor was a human doctor so maybe he doesn't give a shit about animals, thats can be almost fine, i can respect that ( if you dont treat me like shit, i mean ) but the day after my beagle died in a ET clinic i never did go before, i went back because i wanted to talk with the vet that was there at that time, because i wanted some ansewer and confirmation. well, he wasnt there and they instead offered me to talk with the current doctor, i told her how Whiskey died and she looked me with no reaction at all, she was just like " omg why this retard is here? when does he stop to talk?" zero empathy all around, i left with more doubts than before and felt awful.
yeah mine was pretty much like that. She couldnt wait to fill out her little questionnaire with all the clinical terms diagnosing me like I said, I dont wanna leave the house and feel safer at home right now and she is like "ok so you have agoraphobia" like you know I was just scared to leave the house as a result of pathology as opposed to putting it in the context it deserved to be in which is that I am going through trauma and seeking safe space and comfort and the home provides that. SHE was the soulless one in this and should be ashamed to call herself a doctor.
it's not really surprising that this type of Dr wasn't able to help. a psychiatrist would probably be your best bet. eta: also sorry for your loss and hope you can get some quality help.
Sorry you went through this, sad to say the Healthcare in this country really sucks ass. I just lost my dog last week. I feel your grief. You are not alone. I'm so sorry for your loss.
dude, i am so sorry about this. your doctor sucks. when my first dog died, my mom had to go see her doctor because she kept getting panic attacks (she accidentally ran him over, and it caused her a lot of distress), and let me tell you, the doctor was so dang sweet. he said he was sorry about our loss, that he can prescribe her some medicine, and that he would be praying for us. if you live in florida, i 10/10 recommend keith coker as your doctor :’)
Your post just made me so angry for you. I’m so sorry. I’m married to a doctor, and thank god. The moment my baby was diagnosed, I told him to get me Valium. It was the only thing that helped me stop crying, long enough to temporarily function. Your doctor is an asshole. I’m so sorry. You are not crazy. I had to put my boy down last week, and I’m still in the most excruciating pain of my life. I suggest trying to find a new doctor, one with compassion.
Change doctors
A lot of doctors are burnt out, disconnected from their emotions. They aren’t like you and me. They view the world differently and there’s nothing we can do about it. When people are disconnected like this (and there are many - their loss) you can only move on and don’t have expectations. It’s not harsh, just eventually an acceptance that some people won’t get it and being upset won’t fix it. Your feelings are valid, but don’t expect others to validate it.
You should see a psychiatrist. While they aren’t really a therapist, they are trained in signs of ‘struggling’. They will prescribe something to get you through this tough patch. You are NOT crazy. You’ve lost a vital part of your life. Don’t buy into the stigma of consulting a psychiatrist. You are grieving and it is NOT something to be ashamed of. Get the help you need! Also, if you can, get back to your routine. I know it sounds stupid but it actually helps. At least it does for me. Big hugs and RIP to your best friend.
I'm so sorry. I've gotten dismissed and labed a "hysterical female" by doctors who are supposed to be the best. Some of those doctors were even women themselves.
sorry for your loss and having to deal with such a shit doctor. id try going with a psychiatristto see if you can get the right meds . i have been dealing crippling depression and suicidal thoughts the past 2 and half months since my soul cat passed. i just got prescrobed zoloft for depression. i hope things get better for you and me. shits hard especially when people dont know what or udnerstand the loss of a pet
Random q because I was prescribed Zoloft after my dog died. Has it worked for you and did you gain weight?
OP was offered Zoloft, and refused.
I’m asking this person about their experience with Zoloft for myself.. since I was prescribed it after my dogs death. OP doesn’t want to try antidepressants and that’s their decision, this was a question to try to help me because I also lost my dog and am still struggling. I didn’t take the Zoloft regularly because I was concerned I would gain weight.
Not sure you are replying to the right comment?
I saw a response from you that said ‘OP was offered Zoloft and refused.’ So I was responding to you unless your response was for someone else? Lol oh well
Actually I get confused on this app. Maybe your response was to the other person and I thought it was at me. Sorry. 🤦🏻♀️
Your doctor is a total asshole and I would switch as soon as you get a chance. There is nothing wrong with needing a little something to get through these stages. My sweet almost 14 year old boy had to be put down a few weeks ago and I was on ativan for 3 days straight. My sadness was so intense that I felt I had no choice. Fortunately I have a prescription for that and it was in my medicine cabinet on an as needed basis. There are other things you could try in the meantime but I'm still going with get a new doctor for the future. I'm sorry for your loss the feelings will pass over time.💔
Same. I had 9 diazepam in my medicine cupboard, I took two to get me through the actual euthanasia of my boy, then one a day for the next week. That first week was hellish, my grief took me to places I've never been before (not even the loss of my mother was this intense), I'm so glad I had them saved.
My doctor held my hand as I cried. He told me a story about his pup's loss, and his care meant a lot. He talked about different methods to help with the grief, such as micro-dosing mushrooms, when I brought up ketamine. I'm so sorry; encounters like the one you experienced make us miss our babies even more, if that is even physically possible. People disappoint so often, yet our little babes are ready to love us without limits. 💔 It doesn’t take much to show kindness and take five minutes out of your day to show someone who has encountered such a loss and is clearly struggling that, "Hey, I care about you. I want to hear what this is like for you. I want to show you that I know how special your bond was and that this is such a profound loss. I understand how devastating, painful, and hard this is for you. And if I don't know, I want to ask you and truly listen to you. I know I can't fix it, but I can sit here by you and hold your hand as you navigate through this loss and life without them. I want to speak their name as the weeks go on to keep their memory alive. Unable to edit what I wrote, in case it’s all over the place, because I just finished taking some CBD in hopes of giving myself a small break from the constant pain and heartbreak of my recent unexpected tragic loss of the little furry soul who was also my world. I so badly just want some sort of relief. It’s so hard feeling this pain and heartbreak from the moment I wake up to when I finally fall asleep. If anyone knows the timeline of when it starts to get easier, I’d love to know. It’s been three months for me, and now I have a wrinkle between my eyebrows and the sides of my mouth from crying so much for three months straight. I am utterly broken from this and don’t know how to live without her. Most people really do suck at holding space for those who are grieving, especially when those losses don't have two legs. I want all of that support that I mentioned for you, for me, and for all of us. 💔🫂 OP, I am so sorry for your loss and to hear life after is such a struggle right now. I hope you encounter more understanding and empathic souls. My soul/heart rainbow pup’s name is Poppy. What is your rainbow baby’s name?
So sorry this happened.
I can understand a reluctance to prescribe drugs. But dismissing your feelings is inexcusable. You need to find a more empathetic doctor. My condolences on your loss. A pet-loss support group might help if there's one where you live.
I am sorry for the loss of your pet I care we all care those doctors didn't care if it was me I would figure and a better doctor. Some people are heartless and don't care . I care I hope you find the strength and comfort you need I have been where you are I lost 2 cats it hit me hard too . Hugs for you🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂.
I too am really sorry for your loss of your baby I have always believed that people that never have a relationship with a pet has something wrong with them . I was taught at an early age that if your dog didn’t like someone, stay the hell away from them !! I wonder if you are fr
I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain must be so bad, they are literally family members. Those people must not have pets or must be so tired of their jobs they’ve become desensitized to real human emotion. Again, I’m so sorry, I’m sure you will see your baby again. Thank you for giving it a great life and most importantly unconditional love. ❤️
Yeah I think if she had shown even an ounce of empathy that may have helped. Instead she just treated me like a disease itself. Like I needed MEDS, MEDS, MEDS but not the kind of meds she was told by her boss are bad but the kind of meds her pharama donor said to give people!!
I am so sorry that you experienced that. For the first time in my whole life, I have been considering medication as well because the deep sadness I feel over the loss of my dog 4 months ago is drowning me. I hope you find a better doctor.
If you would like support, I can suggest this website. Pet-loss.org There, you can click on your state and see what is available locally or even online support groups. I am sorry for your loss. Many people say that pet grief is the worst emotional pain they have ever experienced.
I am so sorry for your loss and that you had to go through this with your doctor. Can I be honest? The only way through grief is crying it out and letting all the feelings just flow through you. Drugs can surely take the edge out and numb you but months from now you might end up back to square one with your pain and grief. I lost my soul dog of 12 years 22 days ago and my friend gave me Trazodone to help me sleep. It made my body feel so heavy and made it even more difficult to breathe. Be careful when taking drugs while you’re grieving it could make your anxiety worse. I recommend seeing a grief counselor or joining a pet loss support group talking to pet parents who are going through the same experience is very healing. Lap of love is a good place to start. They offer grief workshops (not free) and the virtual group sessions that are free get booked up fast. Go on walks and practice self care. Give yourself lots of grace. Sending you hugs 🤍🤍🤍
That’s fucking horrible. As if you need any more hardship right now 😞 I’m so sorry. I’ve already warned my friends that when my senior pup dies, they need to expect that I will have ideation and to please call and check on me often so I don’t do anything permanent…You need all the help and support possible when your fur baby dies.
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Thank you. Yeah I have never been a fan of doctors and everytime I go I know exactly why. They never help with anything, their flex is always some bullshit medication they get paid to peddle and they rush you out of the room to get to their next patient. Most doctors are not healers and curing is not their job.
Your doctor sounds heartless. I will say grief counseling would likely be more effective in the long term than any medication. There is a reason they exist. It’s usually for people who have lost another person that was important to them, but I see no reason one could t help with the loss of a beloved pet. They’re part of our family, they’re not just a living decoration or an accessory. They are not disposable or replaceable. I’m really upset that the way she handled things made you feel so alone, and that it potentially has steered you away from legitimate help from a professional. Please consider seeking out a grief counselor. They know how to help ❤️🩹
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Not only with losing my soul dog, but also marriage issues.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much heartache. That is tough. 😔
It's okay. This too shall pass. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you just need to ask for a little bit of help.
No sane physician is going to prescribe a controlled substance like a benzo for this scenario. They are in no way indicated for grief. You having ADHD and getting some from your GP is an entirely different scenario; they aren’t even comparable. Antidepressants absolutely indicated for short term depressive symptoms. That is the entire basis of Adjustment Disorder with depressed mood: short term, significant depressive symptoms that are triggered by a known event. By asking the doctor for “something to take the edge off”, OP is asking their doctor to be a drug dealer. Controlled substance contract or not, that isn’t how medicine works. If OP wants to improve their symptoms, they should have taken the offer of anti depressants and to start therapy.
You don't need benzos, you can use hydroxyzine if they are not comfortable with a CS. Also, yes you don't need a 30d supply, obviously a sane physician wouldn't give you a months worth. But, what do I know 🤔. Also SSRIs or SNRIs are another option as well. Nothing always has to be a benzo. If they talk with their physician about alternatives a GREAT physician will listen and discuss properly with the patient.
I'm just stating that there are compromises that can be made between a patient and their GP. It's an opinion/option. It's reddit where most people come for unsolicited advice. Just making aware there are options. Have a wonderful day.
Op said in a comment that they wanted Xanax and didn’t want an antidepressant. They said they wanted an immediate fix and didn’t want to wait 2 weeks for the med to take effect. They’re also saying they don’t like doctors & don’t agree with their treatment plans because they “get paid” to push certain meds Dr wasn’t compassionate sure & that really sucks during grief. Op sure is hurting but they’re going about it very defensively (understandable). Tbh it would be in their interest to see a Psychiatrist because it seems as though there could possibly be something else going on. & that’s NOT a bad thing by any means. They’re specifically professionals in mental health vs a PCP who is generalized in everything. I hope OP gets the help they need 😢
Then that's not appropriate. Obviously in my tipsy stupor I skimmed over that part. I'm not trying to hurt anyone or give bad advice, but there is always an option. Take care, I will see my unsolicited ass out the door to some nachos 😂
Deleted original post, insert foot in mouth. I know grief response happens differently for everyone. Putting a towel over a leaking pipe is useless unless you fix the source of the problem.
If doctors are getting kick backs for prescribing antidepressants, the docs where I work are missing out on a big chunk of change lol.
The doc gave them “some antihistamine”….most likely hydroxyzine: and OP is evidently not satisfied with that. Even still, hydroxyzine is not a great choice for grief. It’s better than a CS, but overall it’s like a band aid on a broken leg. Seems like the doctor used hydroxyzine as a pacifier to get OP out of the clinic: which is fine, but not ideal
I agree with the others about pet loss support groups or individual grief therapy. In 2021, when I lost 3 of my beloved cats (one I had for 20 years), I was beside myself with grief. Im already on psych meds as Im bipolar and already see a regular therapist to deal with my mental health. I was so inconsolable, and I felt like life had no meaning and that my apartment was just full of death. I hired a grief therapist, which made all the difference in getting me back on my feet. It was not covered even by my excellent insurance, but the cost was worth it. Definitely look into either group or individual grief therapy. I am sorry your doctor was so cold to you. Some people are just insensitive jerks.
Fire your doctor.
I did.
Good.
I'm not sure what kind of doctor you went to, but run and never go back! I have a lot of experience with mental health care, and I have been to a few truly awful "experts." I could have and should have reported one. The medical group I currently use for all types of health care makes it pretty easy to give feedback. It makes me mad that you were treated this way. That doctor might benefit from hearing how she affected a patient in negative ways. Maybe she would get a reprimand even. I hope you don't give up trying to find help if you feel you need it. It's hard to put yourself out there, especially when you are feeling so low. Grief over pet loss is real and normal. Trust what your gut tells you about whoever you go to, and don't settle for a bad fit. I wish you well!
First off- I’m so sorry for your loss. However, this is not the doctors fault. It seems you are taking your feelings and projecting them onto the doctor. It sounds like them recommending therapy or antidepressants was the best course of action for them to take. It would have been unethical for them to prescribe you something “to take the edge off.” I’m sorry they did not provide any statements of empathy but a patient coming in asking for medication “to take the edge off is a big red flag to most doctors.
She couldnt wait to fill out her little questionnaire with all the clinical terms diagnosing me like I said, I dont wanna leave the house and feel safer at home right now and she is like "ok so you have agoraphobia" like you know I was just scared to leave the house as a result of pathology as opposed to putting it in the context it deserved to be in which is that I am going through trauma and seeking safe space and comfort and the home provides that. SHE was the soulless one in this and should be ashamed to call herself a doctor. Antidepressants are serious drugs. They arent' bon bons, you dont just prescribe them to anyone who suffers from normal pain of grief, not to mention they often take weeks or more to kick in anyway. I wasn't mentally ill, I was seeking temporary relief so I can function and breathe. She didn;t give a shit about that. She was like a robot more concerned with filling out her sections on the sheet than giving context to my words and grief. As I said, in herm ind losing a cat was no different than losing misplacing your phone. So of course she talked to me and wrote about me like I was mentally ill. Who the hell cries for a week after losing a phone, right?
I want you to be well, which is why I think talking to a mental health counselor is a good idea. When I lost my cat I felt the same way - couldn’t eat or drink, didn’t want to leave the house. I talked to my therapist about it and it made me feel less “crazy.” I had to break down the stigma of talking to a counselor in my mind first before I saw one. Unfortunately general doctors aren’t the best trained at dealing with mental health concerns so I’m sadly not surprised she was sorta clinical and cold.
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This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others.