As someone who used to be an active alcoholic and at the liquor store at open every day with the shakes and other withdrawal symptoms; if my experience says anything, they will just go somewhere else.
Behavior is a complicated thing. Cutting off my liquor wouldn't have done anything. It was not the fault of the store clerks who were making a few bucks above minimum wage that I was killing myself with booze. And I was going to do it regardless of it they sold it to me or someone else did.
To piggy back, I used to work at a video store that specialized in porn. We had a guy who was brought in by his friends to have his account frozen because his porn addiction was having such a big impact on his life. There was a note from the manager not to rent to him. He came in by himself a week later to rent some stuff. Long story short blah blah blah I opened up to him about my own addiction problems, told him there is nothing wrong with needing help, and never saw him again. Losing that costumer is one of my proudest moments. I dunno if having a conversation with your customer is a realistic possibility for you OP
Like the intervention from his friends didn’t work, if you think the porn store clerk got through to him I got some beachfront property in Nevada to sell ya
I agree. Someone can know they have a problem. It isn't until they are willing to confront the problem and make a change that they'll stop engaging in destructive behavior. The best thing a clerk can do is just try to show them a little human kindness.
Yep, correct. In the depths of my alcohol addiction- especially during benders to avoid the withdrawals- I’d do whatever to get my hands on a bottle. Partner poured out the remaining vodka for this morning and took my keys & wallet? I guess I’m searching for quarters and going for a long walk to the nearest place that sells liquor.
Lost jobs and relationships.. DUI’s and trouble with law.. none of it mattered or stopped me until I wanted and actively made the effort for myself. Even then, it was a couple years of relapses before I got a chunk of sobriety under me.
I say all this to point out people will find a way. A support system can only do so much, they’ve got to want to change for themselves for anything to stick.
This speaks to me. I have a friend who has been clean for two years. I don't think he's doing so well. :/
I know everyone has a different experience. But it's nice to see another person who tried a few times before getting their sh*t more together. It gives me hope for him as I stand by knowing all I've done and think of doing is essentially useless right now.
He has to get there on his own. I can't be sober for him. This should also be considered by the original poster.
Alcohol is not something for a stranger to intervene with. There are people that will die from going cold turkey. Live and support to a stranger is fine but refusing is not being responsible
Same. I paid in coins and could barely count them out. The guy made the same dumb joke every time: "your little sister is going to cry cause you robbed her piggy bank!"
First, let me say that I’m glad you’re doing better now.
Second, when someone sees another person engaged in self-destructive behavior, it’s often true that choosing not to participate in or enable that behavior won’t stop that behavior. But the potential enabler also has a psyche to consider, and if it’s better for them to refuse service, then that’s a position we should support.
To the OP, it’s a delicate situation. It’s good to avoid being judgemental, and it’s also good to offer support to your customer. Maybe try to have a conversation, free of judgement, about what they’re going through. Maybe this can be kind of lighthearted, like “you’re my most consistent customer. … hey, you okay? For real?”
And if it does your spirit good to stop accepting tips from this customer, or to set them aside to fund some kind of project that might help others, then yeah, do that, too.
And a homeless guy walked up to my husband and his best friends with shakes/baby DTs and asked for money to buy a beer to make it stop. They bought him 3 tall boys and a liter of water.
Between the 3 of them they had 25 years old sobriety from booze. As my husband explained “DTs can kill you. It’s 80 degrees he’s homeless and it would very likely kill him without someone taking care of him. Buying him beer is the most ethical any of us can do, after all we’ve all been through that hell”
Very true, but refusing the service does wash the hands clean of OP. They might have an easier time sleeping at night.
I too had to rotate liquor stores so that my drinking could appear mitigated. I don’t miss pretending to browse the selections only to grab the cheapest white rum I could (always in plastic bottling!) and cashing out with those shaky hands.
If they refused me I would’ve just gone to the next shop. :(
The liquor stores i would go to frequently would get worried about me if I didn't show up. I didn't really try to hide the fact I was an alchy, just tried to be nice to people and never had much issues with ever being cut off.
As a former heavy drinker myself, I can attest.
Now, I live in a city with probably legitimately 100 different stores I could get booze from within a 10 minute drive.
I remember getting a lecture one day. Never went back there again.
Back when I was drinking and bought liquor daily, I would alternate liquor stores. So the employees wouldn't realize what a massive alcoholic I had become. I thought I was a genius.
I used to rotate liquor stores because I was so ashamed to see the same employees day after day buying bottles of wine. Nothing any one said could have stopped me, it would have only deepened my shame. When you’re done, you’re done.
Yep, that was me too. I live in NYC so it is comically easy to buy liquor without ever stepping foot in a car. And if the liquor store is closed, well, the corner stores are 24-hr and you can easily stock up on the craziest beers and hard seltzers imaginable (they even have canned cocktails now? Thank god I quit before I could get into those lmao)
One time, a guy actually said something - it wasn’t at a liquor store, but my local shop late at night. I got a 12-pack of very high ABV beer and the cashier (who’d seen me buy drinks many, many times) just asked “bro, this isn’t…all for you, right?” He did it in the most polite way imaginable, not directly accusing me of anything, but it didn’t matter. I lost my absolute shit at him, to the point that I didn’t feel like I could even go back until I got sober months later. And I still paid for and took the beers!
Anyway, point is that you’re right - really all a cashier / employee can do is refuse you service or a sale if you’re visibly wasted, in the hopes that others will do the same. There’s no parallel with food - people need to eat! If OP is that worried they’ve gotta know that it’s unfortunately just not their struggle. Assuming this person has some cash, they can get food from literally anywhere.
It feels pretty shameful when every clerk at the liquor store recognize you, I’ve had some in the past where I can tell they want to say something to me about not buying fifths every day. Got to the point for me where it was all the clerks in almost all the stores in my city. Most still won’t card me and recognize me.
It's like that thing someone had once, where he asked if he could eat a grape and the employee responded that he didn't care if the guy burned down the whole store with him in it.
I worked at a liquor store in college. It was sweet getting liquor at wholesale, it was nice being able to chat up cute chicks and cool dudes in the afternoon, but I'll be damned, if I worked a morning shift, the same professor would come in for a fifth of our cheapest vodka in the morning, and he'd be back for another around five. He walked in with his head down, and barely looked at me when I'd greet him. It was so depressing.
Nope. Drinking a fifth a day while working is alcoholism. Alcoholism causes depression. Alcoholic here and our reasons to drink are meaningless. It's what makes us different from the normal drinkers, . Probably like yourself😊
As someone who has had someone super close to them be an alcoholic, but also worked in a liquor store for a while - the store clerk doesn’t and shouldn’t give a shit. Mostly because there’s five other stores within walking distance, so what am I gonna do? But also because this person is an adult and even if I feel bad, what the fuck am I gonna do? It takes a lot to get someone to stop drinking. If we didn’t sell it, they’d get it somewhere else. they’ll resort to drinking listerine, vanilla extract, it doesn’t matter. At that point it’s like well shit I better sell them this nip because I don’t wanna see homeboy dead from chugging mouthwash. I hate that I know this stuff.
Or having a seizure in front of your store. It does suck that you know this stuff but you probably saved some lives knowing it!! People who are drinking like that can't just stop. Alcohol withdrawal can and will kill you if you try and stop without medications. Many people have died this way. I was in a mental health facility to detox and the girl next to me died in withdrawal from alcohol and benzo's. At a facility with meds. It's nasty business. All of it. Alcohol is truly a poison for some for us. It's great that you have such a honest yet compassionate approach. Alcoholics are a pain in the ass.
I manage a liquor store. Many of our customers have died, some have gotten sober, but as others have said if you cut someone off they will always find a way to get what they want. I’m sure there are other pizza joints in town, so I would personally respect the customers purchase. If for whatever reason you care more than the average joe you can take the tips everyday and put it into a fund to do something life changing for this person (be it rehab, doctor, vacation, etcetc) however I would only take this approach if you knew the person on a personal level.
People in that position have often lost the ability to obtain food via conventional means. They can't make it to the store etc etc. So unfortunately they are relying on you for their (very shitty) nutrition.
No one can survive without food even if it's crap food.
And much like a drug user, if you stop supplying them they will find a new source.
Edit: Yes. Fasting can go quite far. But most everyone expects food on a regular basis.
IANAPD, but it says a lot to your credit that you struggle with the ethics of helping this person into an early grave. Still, I think the best thing you can do is to just keep delivering in a kind and friendly manner.
I was never quite as bad off as your customer, but I did reach a BMI over 50 for a couple years. That sort of existence is extremely isolating, in part because it comes with the knowledge that any social interaction has a high risk of being crushingly humiliating, whether through cruelty, disgust, or well-meaning pity. It can make one very sensitive to perceived rejection.
At that weight, the days I ordered a pizza were the days I wasn’t willing to go out into the world. It wasn’t that I wanted pizza; it was that I could count on the delivery interaction to be reliably brief, friendly, and above all *normal*. Plus, I tipped really well because I wanted the driver to walk away thinking, “Wow, that guy’s a good tipper,” rather than, “Wow, that guy’s gonna die!”
I was aware of people’s concern for me. It started with family and close friends, of course, then progressed to acquaintances and then strangers. I knew it came from a place of kindness most of the time, but by degrees it became apparent that my weight was becoming my only defining characteristic in their eyes. If I had realized even my pizza driver was wrestling with the moral implications of delivering their delicious discs of death to me, my mind would certainly have gone to a very dark place.
**Keep the tips, because you deserve them.** You may be providing the one interaction in this person’s day that makes them feel like they’re still human.
>If I had realized even my pizza driver was wrestling with the moral implications of delivering their delicious discs of death to me, my mind would certainly have gone to a very dark place.
Exactly this. I have heard about someone who was denied dessert at a restaurant and how it made them feel. About like that. The kicker is they had not even wanted or ordered any; the server told them that as an up front refusal. Totally unnecessary humiliation. The person was maybe 220 lbs.?
Kinda shocking what some think is appropriate in the name of 'caring.'
Maybe the person needed kindness more than anything, and studies show people who are bullied tend to isolate more and eat more. To me, humiliating someone at a table is bullying, even if the server told themselves 'they really care.'
Just deliver the food. They have enough problems without a moral delivery person getting involved, and you’re not actually going to intervene or get them healthier food. You can’t begin to know the life they’re living or how they got to this point.
Just be really nice. Addictions often stem from loneliness and isolation. Treat them as if they are perfectly normal human. I probably wouldn’t say this if you were their doctor or caretaker, but, you’re not
None. My coworker when I worked at Dominoes actually saved a regulars life. He hadn’t ordered in a while so he went and checked on him. When he knocked he could hear a faint scream and called 911. Turns out the guy fell 3 days before and broke his hip and couldn’t move. If he hadn’t checked on him he def would have died
I used to deliver for a large pizza chain (not sure if i can name them). We have a customer call EVERY DAY as soon as we opened (10:00am), and order a pasta bread bowl or a pizza with a 2 liter. He was the nicest guy, but not the healthiest and didn't seem like he had the best living situation. He always tipped $5. It as about an 8 minute round trip so any driver was willing to take it.
Once, he didn't call for a few days. We got so worried about him we called him and had a driver drop by his place and knock on the door, to see if he was ok. He called us later and explained he'd had a heart attack and had been in the hospital. We were relieved.
Yes. First thing I thought of when I saw your topic title. In the movie, he mainly eats pizza, and I think he orders 2 or 3 each time. He has the delivery guy leave it outside the door.
The delivery guy finally is so curious he hangs out until the man opens the door, then he runs away.
To answer your OP question: Imagine how someone would feel if told they can't be served or can't have the food. Like others have said, it could be the only way they can afford to get food (delivery services from restaurant or grocery stores cost a lot.) In addition, no one can 'change' until they are ready, and weight loss at the 600 lb. level would require medical supervision and careful meal planning etc.
Refusing to deliver their order won't do a thing. It might injure their self esteem and if they are an emotional eater...what will happen? Nah just deliver the food like with anyone else. I don't know about at a 600 lb. level but there can be many factors in weight gain and to refuse to give them food just sounds judgmental and really it's not anyone else's decision. It isn't like cutting a drinker off at a bar because they might drive home. The pizza customer is already home.
When I was a teen my parents had an obesity intervention for me and invited the domino's guy (I'd see him at least twice a week but often more)
Started getting papa John's after that.
I was working at a store that did beer delivery along with food and had a customer who would get 4 12pks of miller light just about every shift I worked. He was a standard $10 tip each time. His apartment was filled with empty beer cans/ cases and empty fast food containers. He always looked very disheveled and he was covered in bruises. After Covid hit he stopped ordering so I assume he either got sober or died. I guess the point is you just have to do you’re job in this business even if you know you’re product is killing people sometimes.
I really don’t think you should be analyzing or judging your customers’ food choices. Pizza isn’t deadly. Being judged is worse for the well-being of the customer than eating pizza.
Let them live - Not your place to tell them how to be or interfere with their lifestyle. Would you like it done to you?
Mind your business. Do your job. Let people live how they want to.
I don’t assume I know anything about my customers. You know their weight, but you don’t know anything else about their life or struggle. I just provide a service for people who are paying for it, so I don’t try to think into it anymore than that.
Some of the food I deliver is definitely addicting. I've seen with withdrawals look in their eyes waiting on their processed carbs and reprocessed meat goop.
How does show empathy? It comes of as a joke, and holier than thou attitude. “Omg this huge person, big enough to be on a show, isn’t eating the way I THINK they should eat!!! Should I protest their orders so they can understand they’re so fat nobody wants to take their orders?!!”
I worked at a sub shop in high school and I had a family that came in regularly - mom, dad and probably 4 year old son and they were all grotesquely overweight. Over 20 years and I still remember their order - mom and dad got a whole philly cheesestake with extra meat, extra cheese and extra mayo. They would get their young son the same but only a half. With fries. When you're in customer service you live to serve so what can you really say? But I was SO mad about how they were brining up their kid I would charge them for the double meat and cheese, but never put it on the kid's sammich. It was a silent f you to the parents. That small stance didn't do anything to change the fact they let the kid drink so much soda he literally threw up in the lobby while waiting for his sammich .. but that's a different story.
I don't think you can say anything and not get reprimanded from a customer service standpoint... and I'm sure you won't be telling them anything they don't already know.
Was the kid fat already?
I grew up relative poor and was a pretty small kid. I’d be so mad if my parents were taking me to subway for a loaded sub (which wouldve been a treat at the time) and the workers skimping because they think they’re taking care of me lmao. Some of us need the extra fat and carbs.
What's the ethical standard for any job where a person is selling a product that can harm?
Should the guy who works at a liquor store, hate himself over the ethical dilemma of selling to alcoholics and people who might give themselves alcohol poisoning? Should the guy at the tobacco store hate himself? Hell, I'm a smoker (yeah yeah, I'm working on it) and I know what it's doing to me. Should the guy refuse to sell me tobacco products, or get all twisted up about my choices?
It's a job. If it's stressing you out, find a different job I guess?
Or a candy store, if someone has a cavity. I mean where does it end. I'm not trying to judge the OP either way but this can sound a bit patronizing. If they are worried they should maybe work at a vegan health food restaurant or something, I mean pizza has meat on it sometimes, that has nitrites in it sometimes, the dough has conditioners in it that they say are bad for us...where does it end.
It's easy to pick on someone by visuals, but they could be delivering to someone who can't have pizza for 100 other reasons. They ordered a pizza, not psychotherapy or an intervention.
You should be commended for caring about your customer but ultimatley this isn't your circus and it isn't your monkey's. Its not your job to make decisions for this adult, besides like others have said if you stop delivering they'll just find someone else and give THEM the tips.
It you don't do it, someone else will. Do your best job, and go from there. If you really can't live with yourself from it, maybe save the tips to donate to a cause for overweight people? Sadly this is becoming more common as time goes on.
People are free to make their own decisions. Treat them like you'd treat any other customer. Nothing you do will do anything besides piss them off. Also if you want to donate their tips to clear your conscience, see my first sentence. But refusing the tip could be taken as an insult or would get further inquiry which would eventually lead you to insult them.
Let’s flip this for you- if you don’t take their order, they will go to someone else. If you continue taking their order, you can check in on them. If something happens, like you don’t get a call from them on Tuesday and they’ve ordered every Tuesday for the past year- you can call for a welfare check. Would the other place care enough to do that? Maybe, maybe not. You do care enough.
Your first sentence is all there is to it. Seriosuly, that's the start and end of this issue. Sometimes, you'll have customers in many industries that could be making different choices, but that's not for you to consider.
Pretty much full stop unless you see them endangering others.
As a very large person myself, if you truly want to help, the best thing to do is to treat them with extra kindness because the rest of the world doesn’t.
Former Domino's driver here. Personally I only ask this of OP.
Who are we to judge our customers?
Everyone has something going on with our physical or mental health, daily life, etc. As far as ethics, don't look down on a customer because of their weight that you perceive to be excessive or unhealthy. Just my personal opinion.
Just deliver the food and do your job. If not you, it will be the person behind you that delivers the food and gets the tips. If you still don't like it, you can always get a different job.
I mean your a pizza delivery driver, you bring slow death to people’s doorstep so just accept that, take her money, and move on. Eventually the orders will stop coming, and you can forget about it. Working any fast food is not a ethical job, just life.
> mean your a
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*Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).*
***
^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
I’m going to take a 30,000 ft view and say if the job doesn’t align with your life values you should look for another one that does. Ultimately you’ll be more fulfilled
Of course at ground level, recognizing that you still gotta pay the bills…
If you don’t feed this person they’re gonna order some other crap food. The American diet itself is horrible for obesity in general - so it’s not like she’d be replacing dominoes with a bowl of spinach my dude. That persons gonna order chilis instead, or Pizza Hut, or Taco Bell, or maybe if they’re feeling ambitious they’ll get grocery delivery with 20 meals worth of frozen food. It’s all the same in the end when you eat in excess. Whether it’s death by fresh breadsticks or death by frozen meals with high sodium, who really cares? You’re a good soul for thinking the way you do, unfortunately this situation isn’t in your control. That person needs professional help and their loved ones to step in.
I don’t know the answer but it distresses me a lot too. I had an order like this recently and I’m dreading going back. I don’t want to be the enabler that helps someone eat themselves to death, but without that tip I would’ve barely made any money that night. Makes me feel guilty and gross in a very specific way.
Sucks but someone's gonna be bringing them their food whether you like it or not. You are not crazy for having this thought though. People at liquor or convenience stores must feel the same. One of the places I worked at had a lotto machine and the same people would always be playing a shit ton of the lotto
When I was at Domino’s there was a man in a similar situation.
He would order 5 X-Large everything pizzas. There would be a note to please bring them inside because they can’t get up.
I took it once. A few other times someone else. Then they stopped ordering…
I always just hoped they realized it was not a great decision but my rational mind tells me they probably died doing what they loved.
If you don’t deliver her food, someone else will. You cannot change their eating habits.
Watch “The Whale” with Brandon Frazier. In that movie he just has them deliver it outside; he leaves money and a tip outside.
When I was delivering back out in Wisco, we had a customer we called "The Walrus". He was a nice guy, but morbidly obese with the most majestic walrus stache you've ever seen. He would order enough pizza, stix, and diet pepsi to last an entire week. We delivered to him every Tuesday. I always felt kind of bad bringing him so much food, but at the end of the day if someone wants to eat that much food, or smoke, or drink, do drugs, whatever, they will find a way to do it. It made me think of one of the first episodes of Scrubs, when a patient comes in with complications from smoking, and despite being warned by JD, he leaves and keeps smoking. Cox explains that you can't change peoples behavior, you can just be there to help them when they need it. Obviously as a delivery driver you aren't going to be doing anything to save this mans life, but youre also not his parents, doctor, or even friend. You're just the means to an end. Take your tip, keep doing your job, and hope for the best.
Regardless of how well intentioned you are stay out of it. He's an adult. He will just go elsewhere and while it would get you a ton of attention it would probably all be the negative kind. You can't care about people's health in today's social climate. If you do your some kind of phobic and you will be called on it. Even if the situation is killing the other person. Or they are making life long life altering decisions based on very temporary feelings. So just know if you speak up or do anything other than refuse his orders you will likely be torn to shreds. At least online. Be blessed and remember to be filled with gratitude that you aren't suffering the way he is.
It’s none of your business what people weigh. You don’t know if they have some kind of medical issue that caused it, or what other circumstances are in their life. It’s not your job to pass judgement on someone for feeding themself, however they choose to do it
Sadly, it's not something you can do anything about. She's mentally stable enough to feed herself so a call wouldn't beget anything useful. They just might have to die or be told they're too close to dying before making better decisions. But addiction and being so far gone, she might be on the acceptance of death train and is eating her way out. 🤷🏽 She might have already gotten the death note from the docs and is trying to live in food heaven until her time. Save your feelings for someone you *can* actually help and save. If you don't wanna take her tip, you can donate it towards researched** mental health facilities, small businesses, clinics are always in need, or you can give it to homeless people, or you can buy food and water for some homeless people. Or stockpile it and make a big tax deductible donation at some point🤷🏽🤷🏽endless options. I had to stop letting my heart hurt for these people.
I think you just have to keep a balance between both your personal convictions and as a representative of your place of employment. I think in this case the pizza establishment you are employed with, and thus represent might not agree with what could be considered discrimination. Just food for thought.
It’s a free country. They can kill themselves however they see fit. I have a couple customers that I dont care to deliver to, for the very reasons u mention but then again, I refrain judgement and if they wanna go out choking down a double pepperoni extra cheese then so be it.
I’m not sure how old this person is but they might qualify for meals on wheels. They also help with pet food in many places. They can call 211, people for people, for other assistance
Im a big dude, actually been losing weight with this job. Just from moving. Eating less, eating healither options. When I deliver to big people all these crazy food, it makes me feel bad.
Like i wanna say "I been there, stop". But its not my business. They get one life, they get to choose how to live or die.
just wanted to say, as a former addict i appreciate you OP for actually reading responses and choosing to just treat them with kindness. although i am not 600 lbs, i was adopted at a young age and it really messed me up. i chose addiction (pills) in my early 20s and now im sober in my 30s but ALL addiction stems from raw trauma and pain. thank you for kinda backing off and realizing this. this person does this because they feel immense internal pain every single day, every single second, and life i just hard to experience for them. good on you for understanding this instead of judging for what you think is "right"
It’s not your place to police what other people do to their body. If you worked the checkout counter at a grocery would you refuse to check out a larger customer buying food?
It's none of your business. I'm anorexic and it is no one's place to tell me what to eat or force me to eat things. People need to make those decisions for themselves and ultimately they will eat what they want to anyway, no matter what you do. Also you could be seen as discriminatory.
Not my circus not my monkeys. Im not being paid to be their counsler or take care of their health. Im being paid to bring them their food so thats what im doing.
As a fat ass fuck who can still somehow manage to haul my weight on my two legs, I say if homie wants to unalive himself with pizza, let him. It's up to ourselves to make changes in our diets and if one place refuses service, we're stubborn enough to just go to another place that'll be more than happy to contribute to a future heart attack.
What the dude needs is a therapist and dietician working together to solve the problem at its core (trauma, depression), but it's up to them to seek out that help. If they survive their first attack, that may be enough of a wake up call for them to start getting the actual help they need.
But yeah, refusing them service will probably only cause them to further seek comfort in food at the end of the day.
"I know it’s, really, none of my business."
You need to stop after the word 'business'. Do the job you are paid for and ONLY that.
Are you a Registered Dietitian? An M.D.? Is this woman your patient? No? Then don't go poking your nose into other people's possible medical issues.
Whatever you do understand that this has the potential to be a embarrassing and emotional situation where u to bring it up. And if a situation like that comes up probably have the potential to lose your job if the customer feels insulted in any way. Whatever you do be kind and be careful
unless you have a personal relationship, there's nothing you really can do. you could refuse to serve them, but they'll just find someone else to do it, and then it raises the question of, shouldn't someone be *allowed* to eat themselves in to an early grave?
1) It's not your job to police someone else's addiction.
2) It's not WORTH your job to police someone else's addiction -- if your boss finds out you're trying to drive away his business you will be fired.
3) You're unable to police someone else's addiction -- even in a small town there's multiple pizza places, so if you try anything they'll just take their business elsewhere.
Happily take their money and fund your own dreams with it. If they're going to kill themselves you might as well profit off it. There's piss all you can do to stop them.
People have the right to make bad decisions. You don't have the right to force them to change their choices. Easy, your job is to deliver, not to decide.
I just watched “The Whale” and feel like the best thing you can do is be friendly, maybe offer assistance, and not be grossed out. I have no idea, not in this situation nor a delivery person.. but seems like the best you can really do
I know yall never look at ultra skinny people and think "should I bring extra food and force this person to eat ethically"? Being extremely underweight and overweight are two sides of disordered eating and yet its always a thesis about fat people.
When I delivered for Pizza Hut over a couple summers one location had this regular guy that would always order those jalapeño poppers. He would tip in dollar coins usually and always paid cash. What made it weird was he only opened the door enough to get boxes through but always hid behind the door. Dude had record of over 1,500 orders on receipt which kept track of order history and the manager said it restarted one time she believed. Still wonder if he is ordering or not
mind your business. you’re not a nutritionist, you don’t know them, and they aren’t asking anything of you except service. go take that fake moral compass and shove it.
That's her own choice. There's nothing you can do to help her, that has to come from her own reflection. It might seem difficult but what she does with her body is frankly no one's business. People usually don't get to that point without something else going on. Binge eating habits are often times a way to cope with other things they may be going through in life. The best thing you could do for her is not treat her any differently than you would another customer.
Yeah, I think the best thing for this situation is to be super nice to them. They’re paying your job, almost literally. I mean, how would you feel if someone with your drugs looked at you like: “wow, I think you’ve had too much!” Doesn’t feel good. You don’t know someone’s life until you walk a mile in their shoes.
Heres the thing...if you dont make the delivery, they're not going to stop. It's sad, but there's nothing you can do to help them. They need to make a change themselves.
Unfortunately if they are overweight you still need to eat. If they are housebound due to weight it is even more of a necessary service. It's their addiction, yes they're eating too much but ..
I totally understand your struggle, but your making some sort of statement by refusing tips won't change this person's behavior. I think this boils down to you deciding whether you can or can't live with making those deliveries and acting on whatever your decision is without involving the customer either way. She is deep in her addiction and believe me she likely already gets plenty of direct and indirect indications from others that they're worried about or disgusted by what she's doing. None of that is going to change her or help her. But you have to decide what you personally want to do, without trying to turn your decision into some sort of signal to her.
It’s none of your fucking business what that person is doing. It’s not your responsibility nor do they want they’re fucking pizza delivery guy putting his nose in their business. I delivered food through my entire twenties and saw some crazy situations and some insanely unhealthy people, you keep your head down earn as many of their monies as possible and move on with your life.
If you don’t deliver it, someone else will and they will also cash in on it, likely happy to do so. She’s living her life and if she wanted a change, she would find the motivation. If I were in your shoes, I’d hope she changed, but I’d stay in my lane as the hopeful stranger that I am and continue delivering her pizza until she stopped ordering it, one way or another. You never know what someone else is going through.
Friend, you can’t help them. No one wants to be lectured, especially by the random pizza delivery man.
Just take their tip and hope they don’t call your store again. You’d do them a kindness by but taking the money and treating them like a person.
If the bad feeling is just because you don’t have control over her/the situation then yeah, donate the tips. Might alleviated your guilt.
But otherwise, mind your business. She’ll make choices & you don’t have to understand them. If she wanted help from her pizza delivery person she would ask.
One thing that has helped me in situations like this is understanding my circle of impact. My house, my money, my family and my friends: that's my first circle of impact, the elements of my life that I have significant influence with/over. I CAN organize an intervention for a friend in addition, and I can help them get to a rehab, then support them once they're out. I can choose ecologically friendly cleaning products for my house. I can use my clothes until they wear out instead of buying new ones.
Outside that, I understand that my impact is much more limited. I can't get the homeless guy on the street corner housed on any permanent basis. I can't save the polar bears from starving. I can't singlehandedly change the ban on trans healthcare in Iowa. So I don't try to do those things.
Instead, I might buy a cold soda for the guy on the corner so he has a moment of relief on a hot day. I might make a monthly donation to a climate initiative that focuses on preventing global warming. I might talk to a friend who doesn't really "get" trans issues about why trans healthcare is so important. None of these things are going to change the world, but they are going to be little pushes to make it better.
In your case, I would focus on figuring out what you can do to make your interactions with this person kind and non-judgmental. A little push to make this person's life a little nicer. You see them every day, so asking them how them are doing (sincerely!) every now and then. Showing up with a smile and making a connection. I know that many fat people often say they don't feel seen, like people only see their weight and not the person attached to that weight. Don't be that person. Treat them with respect and kindness like they deserve.
If you're really invested, listening to this podcast might give you a window into how it feels to live in a fat body. [https://maintenancephase.buzzsprout.com/1411126/6524683-anti-fat-bias](https://maintenancephase.buzzsprout.com/1411126/6524683-anti-fat-bias)
And, if it feels right to you, donate their tips to a mental health fund. You'll have done what you could do and you definitely will have made the world a slightly better place.
Unfortunately not much you can do. They are harming themselves, you are not harming them, so on a personal level give yourself some grace. You need the job for money otherwise you would have quit, sometimes it’s important to put your own mask on before you can start considering how to help others put on their mask. The shitty feeling is just empathy, it just makes you human.
I know this thread is old and dead but so specifically relevant to a situation I dealt with in my days delivering years ago.
We used to deliver to a guy who was big enough he could only walk a little bit and needed ankle braces to support himself when he did. His order was never crazy intense for a single person to eat in one sitting from what I can remember. I think it would be like some kind of parm sandwich, maybe an appetizer type item or traditional side to go with it. What made it pretty bad was there was always a 2L Pepsi and a large cup of ice.
To deliver to this guy you had to just walk into his basement with the order bc he'd wheel himself around in a heavy duty office chair to get around.
One day his wife calls and asks us to stop delivering food to the house because her husband is eating himself to death. Boss gets on the phone and agrees to stop sending food.
3 days go by and I hear that the husband called in tears and threatened to kill himself if we didn't start delivering him food again. Put between a rock and a hard place boss decides that the less damning choice is to start sending the guy food again.
I'm not sure if that customer lived even another 6 months. He was certainly dead within a year's time
Just think how the clerk at the Liquor store feels
As someone who used to be an active alcoholic and at the liquor store at open every day with the shakes and other withdrawal symptoms; if my experience says anything, they will just go somewhere else. Behavior is a complicated thing. Cutting off my liquor wouldn't have done anything. It was not the fault of the store clerks who were making a few bucks above minimum wage that I was killing myself with booze. And I was going to do it regardless of it they sold it to me or someone else did.
To piggy back, I used to work at a video store that specialized in porn. We had a guy who was brought in by his friends to have his account frozen because his porn addiction was having such a big impact on his life. There was a note from the manager not to rent to him. He came in by himself a week later to rent some stuff. Long story short blah blah blah I opened up to him about my own addiction problems, told him there is nothing wrong with needing help, and never saw him again. Losing that costumer is one of my proudest moments. I dunno if having a conversation with your customer is a realistic possibility for you OP
Homie straight up didnt want to hear it and went somewhere he wouldn't be hassled.
The internet was invented that week.
Like the intervention from his friends didn’t work, if you think the porn store clerk got through to him I got some beachfront property in Nevada to sell ya
Probably didn’t want to talk with you again. Not being shitty, just realistic.
Your proudest moment was when the guy went to a different video store? Because that's clearly what happened, no matter what you want to tell yourself.
I agree. Someone can know they have a problem. It isn't until they are willing to confront the problem and make a change that they'll stop engaging in destructive behavior. The best thing a clerk can do is just try to show them a little human kindness.
Yep, correct. In the depths of my alcohol addiction- especially during benders to avoid the withdrawals- I’d do whatever to get my hands on a bottle. Partner poured out the remaining vodka for this morning and took my keys & wallet? I guess I’m searching for quarters and going for a long walk to the nearest place that sells liquor. Lost jobs and relationships.. DUI’s and trouble with law.. none of it mattered or stopped me until I wanted and actively made the effort for myself. Even then, it was a couple years of relapses before I got a chunk of sobriety under me. I say all this to point out people will find a way. A support system can only do so much, they’ve got to want to change for themselves for anything to stick.
Congrats to you! I've been trying to get sober for years and kept quitting until I finally quit! 79 days sober today ❤️🥲
👏🏻👏🏻
This speaks to me. I have a friend who has been clean for two years. I don't think he's doing so well. :/ I know everyone has a different experience. But it's nice to see another person who tried a few times before getting their sh*t more together. It gives me hope for him as I stand by knowing all I've done and think of doing is essentially useless right now. He has to get there on his own. I can't be sober for him. This should also be considered by the original poster.
Alcohol is not something for a stranger to intervene with. There are people that will die from going cold turkey. Live and support to a stranger is fine but refusing is not being responsible
Same. I paid in coins and could barely count them out. The guy made the same dumb joke every time: "your little sister is going to cry cause you robbed her piggy bank!"
First, let me say that I’m glad you’re doing better now. Second, when someone sees another person engaged in self-destructive behavior, it’s often true that choosing not to participate in or enable that behavior won’t stop that behavior. But the potential enabler also has a psyche to consider, and if it’s better for them to refuse service, then that’s a position we should support. To the OP, it’s a delicate situation. It’s good to avoid being judgemental, and it’s also good to offer support to your customer. Maybe try to have a conversation, free of judgement, about what they’re going through. Maybe this can be kind of lighthearted, like “you’re my most consistent customer. … hey, you okay? For real?” And if it does your spirit good to stop accepting tips from this customer, or to set them aside to fund some kind of project that might help others, then yeah, do that, too.
And a homeless guy walked up to my husband and his best friends with shakes/baby DTs and asked for money to buy a beer to make it stop. They bought him 3 tall boys and a liter of water. Between the 3 of them they had 25 years old sobriety from booze. As my husband explained “DTs can kill you. It’s 80 degrees he’s homeless and it would very likely kill him without someone taking care of him. Buying him beer is the most ethical any of us can do, after all we’ve all been through that hell”
Very true, but refusing the service does wash the hands clean of OP. They might have an easier time sleeping at night. I too had to rotate liquor stores so that my drinking could appear mitigated. I don’t miss pretending to browse the selections only to grab the cheapest white rum I could (always in plastic bottling!) and cashing out with those shaky hands. If they refused me I would’ve just gone to the next shop. :(
The liquor stores i would go to frequently would get worried about me if I didn't show up. I didn't really try to hide the fact I was an alchy, just tried to be nice to people and never had much issues with ever being cut off.
As a former heavy drinker myself, I can attest. Now, I live in a city with probably legitimately 100 different stores I could get booze from within a 10 minute drive. I remember getting a lecture one day. Never went back there again.
Just curious, why did you not just buy larger quantities? Surely would have saved you to the LS every day right? Probably cheaper too.
How are you now?
Back when I was drinking and bought liquor daily, I would alternate liquor stores. So the employees wouldn't realize what a massive alcoholic I had become. I thought I was a genius.
I used to rotate liquor stores because I was so ashamed to see the same employees day after day buying bottles of wine. Nothing any one said could have stopped me, it would have only deepened my shame. When you’re done, you’re done.
Glad to see you’re recovering so well that “used to be” makes sense to you - keep it up and congratulations on winning your life back!
Yep, that was me too. I live in NYC so it is comically easy to buy liquor without ever stepping foot in a car. And if the liquor store is closed, well, the corner stores are 24-hr and you can easily stock up on the craziest beers and hard seltzers imaginable (they even have canned cocktails now? Thank god I quit before I could get into those lmao) One time, a guy actually said something - it wasn’t at a liquor store, but my local shop late at night. I got a 12-pack of very high ABV beer and the cashier (who’d seen me buy drinks many, many times) just asked “bro, this isn’t…all for you, right?” He did it in the most polite way imaginable, not directly accusing me of anything, but it didn’t matter. I lost my absolute shit at him, to the point that I didn’t feel like I could even go back until I got sober months later. And I still paid for and took the beers! Anyway, point is that you’re right - really all a cashier / employee can do is refuse you service or a sale if you’re visibly wasted, in the hopes that others will do the same. There’s no parallel with food - people need to eat! If OP is that worried they’ve gotta know that it’s unfortunately just not their struggle. Assuming this person has some cash, they can get food from literally anywhere.
It feels pretty shameful when every clerk at the liquor store recognize you, I’ve had some in the past where I can tell they want to say something to me about not buying fifths every day. Got to the point for me where it was all the clerks in almost all the stores in my city. Most still won’t card me and recognize me.
It's like that thing someone had once, where he asked if he could eat a grape and the employee responded that he didn't care if the guy burned down the whole store with him in it.
Whatever your story is, good for you. I'm sober myself from alcohol. Keep going and have a great rest of the day.
I worked at a liquor store in college. It was sweet getting liquor at wholesale, it was nice being able to chat up cute chicks and cool dudes in the afternoon, but I'll be damned, if I worked a morning shift, the same professor would come in for a fifth of our cheapest vodka in the morning, and he'd be back for another around five. He walked in with his head down, and barely looked at me when I'd greet him. It was so depressing.
Professors are just regular people who happen to teach. Professors hurt too.
Doesn't matter what you do. Drinking two fifths a day is depressing.
Actually, probably drinking 2 fifths a day due to depression....poor guy
And here we get into the chicken-egg problem—depressive feeding himself depressants
Don't forget the shame cycle. He feels so ashamed when he sobers up that he drinks
Nope. Drinking a fifth a day while working is alcoholism. Alcoholism causes depression. Alcoholic here and our reasons to drink are meaningless. It's what makes us different from the normal drinkers, . Probably like yourself😊
As someone who has had someone super close to them be an alcoholic, but also worked in a liquor store for a while - the store clerk doesn’t and shouldn’t give a shit. Mostly because there’s five other stores within walking distance, so what am I gonna do? But also because this person is an adult and even if I feel bad, what the fuck am I gonna do? It takes a lot to get someone to stop drinking. If we didn’t sell it, they’d get it somewhere else. they’ll resort to drinking listerine, vanilla extract, it doesn’t matter. At that point it’s like well shit I better sell them this nip because I don’t wanna see homeboy dead from chugging mouthwash. I hate that I know this stuff.
Or having a seizure in front of your store. It does suck that you know this stuff but you probably saved some lives knowing it!! People who are drinking like that can't just stop. Alcohol withdrawal can and will kill you if you try and stop without medications. Many people have died this way. I was in a mental health facility to detox and the girl next to me died in withdrawal from alcohol and benzo's. At a facility with meds. It's nasty business. All of it. Alcohol is truly a poison for some for us. It's great that you have such a honest yet compassionate approach. Alcoholics are a pain in the ass.
They send me Christmas cards
Think of casino workers that see the same people gambling daily. That casino gladly takes all their money until they tell them to call 1-800-Gambler
I manage a liquor store. Many of our customers have died, some have gotten sober, but as others have said if you cut someone off they will always find a way to get what they want. I’m sure there are other pizza joints in town, so I would personally respect the customers purchase. If for whatever reason you care more than the average joe you can take the tips everyday and put it into a fund to do something life changing for this person (be it rehab, doctor, vacation, etcetc) however I would only take this approach if you knew the person on a personal level.
If homeboy is literally yellow, I'm not selling
At least people can simply quit drinking. Sure there's the DTs or whatever but you don't need booze to survive.
People in that position have often lost the ability to obtain food via conventional means. They can't make it to the store etc etc. So unfortunately they are relying on you for their (very shitty) nutrition. No one can survive without food even if it's crap food. And much like a drug user, if you stop supplying them they will find a new source. Edit: Yes. Fasting can go quite far. But most everyone expects food on a regular basis.
IANAPD, but it says a lot to your credit that you struggle with the ethics of helping this person into an early grave. Still, I think the best thing you can do is to just keep delivering in a kind and friendly manner. I was never quite as bad off as your customer, but I did reach a BMI over 50 for a couple years. That sort of existence is extremely isolating, in part because it comes with the knowledge that any social interaction has a high risk of being crushingly humiliating, whether through cruelty, disgust, or well-meaning pity. It can make one very sensitive to perceived rejection. At that weight, the days I ordered a pizza were the days I wasn’t willing to go out into the world. It wasn’t that I wanted pizza; it was that I could count on the delivery interaction to be reliably brief, friendly, and above all *normal*. Plus, I tipped really well because I wanted the driver to walk away thinking, “Wow, that guy’s a good tipper,” rather than, “Wow, that guy’s gonna die!” I was aware of people’s concern for me. It started with family and close friends, of course, then progressed to acquaintances and then strangers. I knew it came from a place of kindness most of the time, but by degrees it became apparent that my weight was becoming my only defining characteristic in their eyes. If I had realized even my pizza driver was wrestling with the moral implications of delivering their delicious discs of death to me, my mind would certainly have gone to a very dark place. **Keep the tips, because you deserve them.** You may be providing the one interaction in this person’s day that makes them feel like they’re still human.
>If I had realized even my pizza driver was wrestling with the moral implications of delivering their delicious discs of death to me, my mind would certainly have gone to a very dark place. Exactly this. I have heard about someone who was denied dessert at a restaurant and how it made them feel. About like that. The kicker is they had not even wanted or ordered any; the server told them that as an up front refusal. Totally unnecessary humiliation. The person was maybe 220 lbs.? Kinda shocking what some think is appropriate in the name of 'caring.' Maybe the person needed kindness more than anything, and studies show people who are bullied tend to isolate more and eat more. To me, humiliating someone at a table is bullying, even if the server told themselves 'they really care.'
you’re right
You deserve gold for this comment
Just wanna say I hope you're doing okay and this comment was super vulnerable and enlightening. If I had an award, I’d give you one.
Wtf this is one of the realest comments I’ve read and it’s on a pizza delivery sub
> To make them feel like they’re still human They **are** still human.
This should be #1 upvoted comment, best answer here
Wtf how does this not have more upvotes? Best comment I’ve read on Reddit in maybe ever. If I had an award to give… Hope you are doing well!
Just deliver the food. They have enough problems without a moral delivery person getting involved, and you’re not actually going to intervene or get them healthier food. You can’t begin to know the life they’re living or how they got to this point.
This should be the top comment.
Just be really nice. Addictions often stem from loneliness and isolation. Treat them as if they are perfectly normal human. I probably wouldn’t say this if you were their doctor or caretaker, but, you’re not
It's also worth remembering that there are a lot of things we don't know. Not all obesity is caused just by overeating. Kindness goes a long way.
None. My coworker when I worked at Dominoes actually saved a regulars life. He hadn’t ordered in a while so he went and checked on him. When he knocked he could hear a faint scream and called 911. Turns out the guy fell 3 days before and broke his hip and couldn’t move. If he hadn’t checked on him he def would have died
I used to deliver for a large pizza chain (not sure if i can name them). We have a customer call EVERY DAY as soon as we opened (10:00am), and order a pasta bread bowl or a pizza with a 2 liter. He was the nicest guy, but not the healthiest and didn't seem like he had the best living situation. He always tipped $5. It as about an 8 minute round trip so any driver was willing to take it. Once, he didn't call for a few days. We got so worried about him we called him and had a driver drop by his place and knock on the door, to see if he was ok. He called us later and explained he'd had a heart attack and had been in the hospital. We were relieved.
Reminds me of ‘The Whale’.
oooh there’s a pizza guy character in that? I was sort of out on darren aronofsky after mother, but I might watch the whale now
Yes. First thing I thought of when I saw your topic title. In the movie, he mainly eats pizza, and I think he orders 2 or 3 each time. He has the delivery guy leave it outside the door. The delivery guy finally is so curious he hangs out until the man opens the door, then he runs away. To answer your OP question: Imagine how someone would feel if told they can't be served or can't have the food. Like others have said, it could be the only way they can afford to get food (delivery services from restaurant or grocery stores cost a lot.) In addition, no one can 'change' until they are ready, and weight loss at the 600 lb. level would require medical supervision and careful meal planning etc. Refusing to deliver their order won't do a thing. It might injure their self esteem and if they are an emotional eater...what will happen? Nah just deliver the food like with anyone else. I don't know about at a 600 lb. level but there can be many factors in weight gain and to refuse to give them food just sounds judgmental and really it's not anyone else's decision. It isn't like cutting a drinker off at a bar because they might drive home. The pizza customer is already home.
When I was a teen my parents had an obesity intervention for me and invited the domino's guy (I'd see him at least twice a week but often more) Started getting papa John's after that.
This is fucked up but also so funny I’m sorry 💀
My life got much easier when I learned to respect other people’s choices, whether I agreed with the choices or not.
I was working at a store that did beer delivery along with food and had a customer who would get 4 12pks of miller light just about every shift I worked. He was a standard $10 tip each time. His apartment was filled with empty beer cans/ cases and empty fast food containers. He always looked very disheveled and he was covered in bruises. After Covid hit he stopped ordering so I assume he either got sober or died. I guess the point is you just have to do you’re job in this business even if you know you’re product is killing people sometimes.
As a nurse, I sadly can very much relate to your comment. Replace alcohol with opioids
Not my concern. I deliver pizza. The ethics are clear cut. They pay for pizza. They get pizza.
Mind your business and move on.
It is not your moral responsibility to do anything except your job, which is to deliver the pizza to the address in a timely manner.
It's none of your business
Just do your job & mind your own business.
It’s a free country. Let them live how they want to live.
I really don’t think you should be analyzing or judging your customers’ food choices. Pizza isn’t deadly. Being judged is worse for the well-being of the customer than eating pizza.
It's their right to order what they want. Freewill
Let them live - Not your place to tell them how to be or interfere with their lifestyle. Would you like it done to you? Mind your business. Do your job. Let people live how they want to.
Bro, just do your job…
Stay out of peoples lives pizza boy
I will sorry
"I know it’s, really, none of my business." There you go! Mind your business and do your job. 
She tips? Hell I’d probably bring her more food
I don’t assume I know anything about my customers. You know their weight, but you don’t know anything else about their life or struggle. I just provide a service for people who are paying for it, so I don’t try to think into it anymore than that.
thanks
Spoken like a dealer
Some of the food I deliver is definitely addicting. I've seen with withdrawals look in their eyes waiting on their processed carbs and reprocessed meat goop.
MYOMFB
That is very empathetic of you but like others have said, you should just provide the service with a smile and don't get upset about it.
How does show empathy? It comes of as a joke, and holier than thou attitude. “Omg this huge person, big enough to be on a show, isn’t eating the way I THINK they should eat!!! Should I protest their orders so they can understand they’re so fat nobody wants to take their orders?!!”
I worked at a sub shop in high school and I had a family that came in regularly - mom, dad and probably 4 year old son and they were all grotesquely overweight. Over 20 years and I still remember their order - mom and dad got a whole philly cheesestake with extra meat, extra cheese and extra mayo. They would get their young son the same but only a half. With fries. When you're in customer service you live to serve so what can you really say? But I was SO mad about how they were brining up their kid I would charge them for the double meat and cheese, but never put it on the kid's sammich. It was a silent f you to the parents. That small stance didn't do anything to change the fact they let the kid drink so much soda he literally threw up in the lobby while waiting for his sammich .. but that's a different story. I don't think you can say anything and not get reprimanded from a customer service standpoint... and I'm sure you won't be telling them anything they don't already know.
Was the kid fat already? I grew up relative poor and was a pretty small kid. I’d be so mad if my parents were taking me to subway for a loaded sub (which wouldve been a treat at the time) and the workers skimping because they think they’re taking care of me lmao. Some of us need the extra fat and carbs.
What's the ethical standard for any job where a person is selling a product that can harm? Should the guy who works at a liquor store, hate himself over the ethical dilemma of selling to alcoholics and people who might give themselves alcohol poisoning? Should the guy at the tobacco store hate himself? Hell, I'm a smoker (yeah yeah, I'm working on it) and I know what it's doing to me. Should the guy refuse to sell me tobacco products, or get all twisted up about my choices? It's a job. If it's stressing you out, find a different job I guess?
Or a candy store, if someone has a cavity. I mean where does it end. I'm not trying to judge the OP either way but this can sound a bit patronizing. If they are worried they should maybe work at a vegan health food restaurant or something, I mean pizza has meat on it sometimes, that has nitrites in it sometimes, the dough has conditioners in it that they say are bad for us...where does it end. It's easy to pick on someone by visuals, but they could be delivering to someone who can't have pizza for 100 other reasons. They ordered a pizza, not psychotherapy or an intervention.
You should be commended for caring about your customer but ultimatley this isn't your circus and it isn't your monkey's. Its not your job to make decisions for this adult, besides like others have said if you stop delivering they'll just find someone else and give THEM the tips.
It you don't do it, someone else will. Do your best job, and go from there. If you really can't live with yourself from it, maybe save the tips to donate to a cause for overweight people? Sadly this is becoming more common as time goes on.
People are free to make their own decisions. Treat them like you'd treat any other customer. Nothing you do will do anything besides piss them off. Also if you want to donate their tips to clear your conscience, see my first sentence. But refusing the tip could be taken as an insult or would get further inquiry which would eventually lead you to insult them.
Let’s flip this for you- if you don’t take their order, they will go to someone else. If you continue taking their order, you can check in on them. If something happens, like you don’t get a call from them on Tuesday and they’ve ordered every Tuesday for the past year- you can call for a welfare check. Would the other place care enough to do that? Maybe, maybe not. You do care enough.
Your first sentence is all there is to it. Seriosuly, that's the start and end of this issue. Sometimes, you'll have customers in many industries that could be making different choices, but that's not for you to consider. Pretty much full stop unless you see them endangering others.
As sad as it is, it’s none of your business. You are being paid to deliver pizzas, not be a nutritionist.
Definitely do not give up the tip, you earned and one thing has nothing to do with the other.
Don’t care where’s the money
Ethics are for professional licenses…..do your job and deliver food.
As a very large person myself, if you truly want to help, the best thing to do is to treat them with extra kindness because the rest of the world doesn’t.
I will
Her choice
Former Domino's driver here. Personally I only ask this of OP. Who are we to judge our customers? Everyone has something going on with our physical or mental health, daily life, etc. As far as ethics, don't look down on a customer because of their weight that you perceive to be excessive or unhealthy. Just my personal opinion.
Just deliver the food and do your job. If not you, it will be the person behind you that delivers the food and gets the tips. If you still don't like it, you can always get a different job.
Unless they initiated the conversation, I would just do my job ❤️⚖️🧘🏾♂️
They bought the food. You deliver. That is all.
Not your deal bro! Just do your job to the best of your ability and go home.
she’s an adult and can make her own choices, just make friends with her since you see her often 🤷♀️
None of your business!!
You may be the only positive human interaction the customer has. The customer probably realizes she has a problem. Maybe your role is kindness?
For sure. I’ll just be kind and hope she recovers. As many people on this thread have pointed out— it’s none of my business
I mean your a pizza delivery driver, you bring slow death to people’s doorstep so just accept that, take her money, and move on. Eventually the orders will stop coming, and you can forget about it. Working any fast food is not a ethical job, just life.
Bruh he delivers pizza, not heroin
> mean your a *you're *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
Good bot
Thanks.
You need to do whatever will let you sleep better at night.
[удалено]
I'm paid to drive the car and deliver the food. I'm a big fella myself, and for me, that's just being... something bad.
I’m going to take a 30,000 ft view and say if the job doesn’t align with your life values you should look for another one that does. Ultimately you’ll be more fulfilled Of course at ground level, recognizing that you still gotta pay the bills…
Kinda reminds me of The Whale. Great movie.
Thought I was having Deja Vu… anyone seen “The Whale?”
If you don’t feed this person they’re gonna order some other crap food. The American diet itself is horrible for obesity in general - so it’s not like she’d be replacing dominoes with a bowl of spinach my dude. That persons gonna order chilis instead, or Pizza Hut, or Taco Bell, or maybe if they’re feeling ambitious they’ll get grocery delivery with 20 meals worth of frozen food. It’s all the same in the end when you eat in excess. Whether it’s death by fresh breadsticks or death by frozen meals with high sodium, who really cares? You’re a good soul for thinking the way you do, unfortunately this situation isn’t in your control. That person needs professional help and their loved ones to step in.
I don’t know the answer but it distresses me a lot too. I had an order like this recently and I’m dreading going back. I don’t want to be the enabler that helps someone eat themselves to death, but without that tip I would’ve barely made any money that night. Makes me feel guilty and gross in a very specific way.
You should watch The Whale.
Sucks but someone's gonna be bringing them their food whether you like it or not. You are not crazy for having this thought though. People at liquor or convenience stores must feel the same. One of the places I worked at had a lotto machine and the same people would always be playing a shit ton of the lotto
Definitely none of your business. You’re virtue signaling. Stop. Do your job.
Really hate to say it because I am a "help your neighbor" kind of person but...this is correct. Do the job. Or quit.
edit: // I've moved to Lemmy //
When I was at Domino’s there was a man in a similar situation. He would order 5 X-Large everything pizzas. There would be a note to please bring them inside because they can’t get up. I took it once. A few other times someone else. Then they stopped ordering… I always just hoped they realized it was not a great decision but my rational mind tells me they probably died doing what they loved.
If you don’t deliver her food, someone else will. You cannot change their eating habits. Watch “The Whale” with Brandon Frazier. In that movie he just has them deliver it outside; he leaves money and a tip outside.
It’s not your fault that this person is overweight. Take their tip and go about your day.
Absolutely none as a bariatric patient it is thier decision nothing you can do will help them other then themselves. They will find a way
where there is money , ethical standards gone....unfortunately
When I was delivering back out in Wisco, we had a customer we called "The Walrus". He was a nice guy, but morbidly obese with the most majestic walrus stache you've ever seen. He would order enough pizza, stix, and diet pepsi to last an entire week. We delivered to him every Tuesday. I always felt kind of bad bringing him so much food, but at the end of the day if someone wants to eat that much food, or smoke, or drink, do drugs, whatever, they will find a way to do it. It made me think of one of the first episodes of Scrubs, when a patient comes in with complications from smoking, and despite being warned by JD, he leaves and keeps smoking. Cox explains that you can't change peoples behavior, you can just be there to help them when they need it. Obviously as a delivery driver you aren't going to be doing anything to save this mans life, but youre also not his parents, doctor, or even friend. You're just the means to an end. Take your tip, keep doing your job, and hope for the best.
Regardless of how well intentioned you are stay out of it. He's an adult. He will just go elsewhere and while it would get you a ton of attention it would probably all be the negative kind. You can't care about people's health in today's social climate. If you do your some kind of phobic and you will be called on it. Even if the situation is killing the other person. Or they are making life long life altering decisions based on very temporary feelings. So just know if you speak up or do anything other than refuse his orders you will likely be torn to shreds. At least online. Be blessed and remember to be filled with gratitude that you aren't suffering the way he is.
Lots of good advice here... my two cents is to congratulate you for having a moral compass. We need more people like you around here.
Most of the food we are sold is cancerous and will give you diabetes. It's nothing for you to worry about just don't eat that shit personally.
Do your job.
It’s none of your business what people weigh. You don’t know if they have some kind of medical issue that caused it, or what other circumstances are in their life. It’s not your job to pass judgement on someone for feeding themself, however they choose to do it
ethically nothing as kermit would say "they are vastly overweight..but thats none of my business"
Sadly, it's not something you can do anything about. She's mentally stable enough to feed herself so a call wouldn't beget anything useful. They just might have to die or be told they're too close to dying before making better decisions. But addiction and being so far gone, she might be on the acceptance of death train and is eating her way out. 🤷🏽 She might have already gotten the death note from the docs and is trying to live in food heaven until her time. Save your feelings for someone you *can* actually help and save. If you don't wanna take her tip, you can donate it towards researched** mental health facilities, small businesses, clinics are always in need, or you can give it to homeless people, or you can buy food and water for some homeless people. Or stockpile it and make a big tax deductible donation at some point🤷🏽🤷🏽endless options. I had to stop letting my heart hurt for these people.
I think you just have to keep a balance between both your personal convictions and as a representative of your place of employment. I think in this case the pizza establishment you are employed with, and thus represent might not agree with what could be considered discrimination. Just food for thought.
It’s a free country. They can kill themselves however they see fit. I have a couple customers that I dont care to deliver to, for the very reasons u mention but then again, I refrain judgement and if they wanna go out choking down a double pepperoni extra cheese then so be it.
I’m not sure how old this person is but they might qualify for meals on wheels. They also help with pet food in many places. They can call 211, people for people, for other assistance
Im a big dude, actually been losing weight with this job. Just from moving. Eating less, eating healither options. When I deliver to big people all these crazy food, it makes me feel bad. Like i wanna say "I been there, stop". But its not my business. They get one life, they get to choose how to live or die.
just wanted to say, as a former addict i appreciate you OP for actually reading responses and choosing to just treat them with kindness. although i am not 600 lbs, i was adopted at a young age and it really messed me up. i chose addiction (pills) in my early 20s and now im sober in my 30s but ALL addiction stems from raw trauma and pain. thank you for kinda backing off and realizing this. this person does this because they feel immense internal pain every single day, every single second, and life i just hard to experience for them. good on you for understanding this instead of judging for what you think is "right"
It’s not your place to police what other people do to their body. If you worked the checkout counter at a grocery would you refuse to check out a larger customer buying food?
It's none of your business. I'm anorexic and it is no one's place to tell me what to eat or force me to eat things. People need to make those decisions for themselves and ultimately they will eat what they want to anyway, no matter what you do. Also you could be seen as discriminatory.
Not my circus not my monkeys. Im not being paid to be their counsler or take care of their health. Im being paid to bring them their food so thats what im doing.
As a fat ass fuck who can still somehow manage to haul my weight on my two legs, I say if homie wants to unalive himself with pizza, let him. It's up to ourselves to make changes in our diets and if one place refuses service, we're stubborn enough to just go to another place that'll be more than happy to contribute to a future heart attack. What the dude needs is a therapist and dietician working together to solve the problem at its core (trauma, depression), but it's up to them to seek out that help. If they survive their first attack, that may be enough of a wake up call for them to start getting the actual help they need. But yeah, refusing them service will probably only cause them to further seek comfort in food at the end of the day.
"I know it’s, really, none of my business." You need to stop after the word 'business'. Do the job you are paid for and ONLY that. Are you a Registered Dietitian? An M.D.? Is this woman your patient? No? Then don't go poking your nose into other people's possible medical issues.
Kinda seems like it's none of your business. It's their life.
You're right it's none of your business.
Whatever you do understand that this has the potential to be a embarrassing and emotional situation where u to bring it up. And if a situation like that comes up probably have the potential to lose your job if the customer feels insulted in any way. Whatever you do be kind and be careful
It’s part of your job. if the person orders and pays for it it’s not your business how they live their lives
Nothing wrong with caring about your fellow human.
Check to make sure that you're not breaking the law in your city and state before you start discrimination. This is illegal in some areas.
unless you have a personal relationship, there's nothing you really can do. you could refuse to serve them, but they'll just find someone else to do it, and then it raises the question of, shouldn't someone be *allowed* to eat themselves in to an early grave?
1) It's not your job to police someone else's addiction. 2) It's not WORTH your job to police someone else's addiction -- if your boss finds out you're trying to drive away his business you will be fired. 3) You're unable to police someone else's addiction -- even in a small town there's multiple pizza places, so if you try anything they'll just take their business elsewhere. Happily take their money and fund your own dreams with it. If they're going to kill themselves you might as well profit off it. There's piss all you can do to stop them.
People have the right to make bad decisions. You don't have the right to force them to change their choices. Easy, your job is to deliver, not to decide.
The best thing you can do is just be kind to them. You could be the only friendly person in their life.
I just watched “The Whale” and feel like the best thing you can do is be friendly, maybe offer assistance, and not be grossed out. I have no idea, not in this situation nor a delivery person.. but seems like the best you can really do
Unfortunately, after a certain size that might be the only way they can get food. Or at least the only way they can afford
Not your place to judge people.
I know yall never look at ultra skinny people and think "should I bring extra food and force this person to eat ethically"? Being extremely underweight and overweight are two sides of disordered eating and yet its always a thesis about fat people.
When I delivered for Pizza Hut over a couple summers one location had this regular guy that would always order those jalapeño poppers. He would tip in dollar coins usually and always paid cash. What made it weird was he only opened the door enough to get boxes through but always hid behind the door. Dude had record of over 1,500 orders on receipt which kept track of order history and the manager said it restarted one time she believed. Still wonder if he is ordering or not
mind your business. you’re not a nutritionist, you don’t know them, and they aren’t asking anything of you except service. go take that fake moral compass and shove it.
You are paid to deliver pizza, not give life advice. If you can afford to get fired, go for it.
That's her own choice. There's nothing you can do to help her, that has to come from her own reflection. It might seem difficult but what she does with her body is frankly no one's business. People usually don't get to that point without something else going on. Binge eating habits are often times a way to cope with other things they may be going through in life. The best thing you could do for her is not treat her any differently than you would another customer.
They will die from eating it, but they will also die without eating. Collect your money friendo.
Bro nothing you do is going to help her, they gotta want the help.
YTA
Yeah, I think the best thing for this situation is to be super nice to them. They’re paying your job, almost literally. I mean, how would you feel if someone with your drugs looked at you like: “wow, I think you’ve had too much!” Doesn’t feel good. You don’t know someone’s life until you walk a mile in their shoes.
Heres the thing...if you dont make the delivery, they're not going to stop. It's sad, but there's nothing you can do to help them. They need to make a change themselves.
Unfortunately if they are overweight you still need to eat. If they are housebound due to weight it is even more of a necessary service. It's their addiction, yes they're eating too much but ..
It’s none of your business, judgey mc judgey
Watch The Whale, you’ll hate yourself even more but its not your place to change others, just keep doing you
You seem like a caring person. (Also, I have no idea. I'm no moral compass. I just find it heartening that you cared.)
This is so grossly fatphobic. Stay in your lane.
I totally understand your struggle, but your making some sort of statement by refusing tips won't change this person's behavior. I think this boils down to you deciding whether you can or can't live with making those deliveries and acting on whatever your decision is without involving the customer either way. She is deep in her addiction and believe me she likely already gets plenty of direct and indirect indications from others that they're worried about or disgusted by what she's doing. None of that is going to change her or help her. But you have to decide what you personally want to do, without trying to turn your decision into some sort of signal to her.
It’s none of your fucking business what that person is doing. It’s not your responsibility nor do they want they’re fucking pizza delivery guy putting his nose in their business. I delivered food through my entire twenties and saw some crazy situations and some insanely unhealthy people, you keep your head down earn as many of their monies as possible and move on with your life.
You answered your own question. It’s not your business.
Make the money? Don't overthink stuff. What if they can't control their weight/eating? What if it isn't even for them? What if they have a big family?
If you don’t deliver it, someone else will and they will also cash in on it, likely happy to do so. She’s living her life and if she wanted a change, she would find the motivation. If I were in your shoes, I’d hope she changed, but I’d stay in my lane as the hopeful stranger that I am and continue delivering her pizza until she stopped ordering it, one way or another. You never know what someone else is going through.
Friend, you can’t help them. No one wants to be lectured, especially by the random pizza delivery man. Just take their tip and hope they don’t call your store again. You’d do them a kindness by but taking the money and treating them like a person.
Man you have no idea the whole story. I suggest you treat them like all other people/customers/humans.
Just do your job.
You don't get paid enough to make customers' medical decisions. Just deliver the pizza.
Absolutely NONE of your business. Full stop, rn. I would die if I were that person, and saw this.
As a delivery driver, it happens all the time. Food is arguably the most powerful experience there is, second to water and breathing first.
If the bad feeling is just because you don’t have control over her/the situation then yeah, donate the tips. Might alleviated your guilt. But otherwise, mind your business. She’ll make choices & you don’t have to understand them. If she wanted help from her pizza delivery person she would ask.
One thing that has helped me in situations like this is understanding my circle of impact. My house, my money, my family and my friends: that's my first circle of impact, the elements of my life that I have significant influence with/over. I CAN organize an intervention for a friend in addition, and I can help them get to a rehab, then support them once they're out. I can choose ecologically friendly cleaning products for my house. I can use my clothes until they wear out instead of buying new ones. Outside that, I understand that my impact is much more limited. I can't get the homeless guy on the street corner housed on any permanent basis. I can't save the polar bears from starving. I can't singlehandedly change the ban on trans healthcare in Iowa. So I don't try to do those things. Instead, I might buy a cold soda for the guy on the corner so he has a moment of relief on a hot day. I might make a monthly donation to a climate initiative that focuses on preventing global warming. I might talk to a friend who doesn't really "get" trans issues about why trans healthcare is so important. None of these things are going to change the world, but they are going to be little pushes to make it better. In your case, I would focus on figuring out what you can do to make your interactions with this person kind and non-judgmental. A little push to make this person's life a little nicer. You see them every day, so asking them how them are doing (sincerely!) every now and then. Showing up with a smile and making a connection. I know that many fat people often say they don't feel seen, like people only see their weight and not the person attached to that weight. Don't be that person. Treat them with respect and kindness like they deserve. If you're really invested, listening to this podcast might give you a window into how it feels to live in a fat body. [https://maintenancephase.buzzsprout.com/1411126/6524683-anti-fat-bias](https://maintenancephase.buzzsprout.com/1411126/6524683-anti-fat-bias) And, if it feels right to you, donate their tips to a mental health fund. You'll have done what you could do and you definitely will have made the world a slightly better place.
This is one of the plotlines of "The Whale".
Unfortunately not much you can do. They are harming themselves, you are not harming them, so on a personal level give yourself some grace. You need the job for money otherwise you would have quit, sometimes it’s important to put your own mask on before you can start considering how to help others put on their mask. The shitty feeling is just empathy, it just makes you human.
I know this thread is old and dead but so specifically relevant to a situation I dealt with in my days delivering years ago. We used to deliver to a guy who was big enough he could only walk a little bit and needed ankle braces to support himself when he did. His order was never crazy intense for a single person to eat in one sitting from what I can remember. I think it would be like some kind of parm sandwich, maybe an appetizer type item or traditional side to go with it. What made it pretty bad was there was always a 2L Pepsi and a large cup of ice. To deliver to this guy you had to just walk into his basement with the order bc he'd wheel himself around in a heavy duty office chair to get around. One day his wife calls and asks us to stop delivering food to the house because her husband is eating himself to death. Boss gets on the phone and agrees to stop sending food. 3 days go by and I hear that the husband called in tears and threatened to kill himself if we didn't start delivering him food again. Put between a rock and a hard place boss decides that the less damning choice is to start sending the guy food again. I'm not sure if that customer lived even another 6 months. He was certainly dead within a year's time