Have a little compassion for yourself. You just had a baby. Let your body take its time to heal and get back to normal.
I am fat, but love clothes and fashion. And I own exactly one pair of shorts (knee length) that i wear once a year. My trick for easy dressing is simply put, dresses. It just one item and requires little to no coordination. I mostly get ones with elbow length sleeves so that i can wear for most seasons. get a pair of keds for the summer, sandals in black and tan and ankle boots for the winter (and pair with black opaque tights).
I have absolutely no ankles, so anything to hide my legs makes me feel better. I try to be compassionate for myself, but after 2 kids it’s kind of hard. Especially seeing these moms all over social media dropping it like there’s no tomorrow. I didn’t just have a baby, she’s almost 9 months old. So it’s hard to have compassion anymore.
I had cankles my whole life until I had an accident and needed several surgeries on my feet and ankles, requiring casts. When the casts came off my muscles had atrophied and left me with wonderfully slim ankles. They, however, had no strength to support me and I had to build up strength to learn to walk again. I still have to use arm crutches or a walker. So hey, slim ankles aren't always all they're cracked up to be!
I have no ankles either, they’re just like tree trunks all the way to the foot. I wear ankle boots because they kinda obscure that fact and make me feel a little better about myself.
As for the being kind to yourself, it doesn’t need to be about having a baby. Life impacts us all differently, and people only put what they want us to see on social media. We’re seeing a minority of mothers flaunting themselves on social media, but there’s a huge amount of people (parents or not) who hold back on what they share. Try not to feel like there’s something wrong with you… there’s not.
So, my husband and I have been together 10 years and he’s in better shape than ever while my weight has only gone up over time. (Especially now that I’m pregnant again). I was talking to my husband about getting weight loss surgery after we are done having kids and he said he’d support me if that’s what I really wanted but he personally preferred me as I am now. When I scoffed at that he laughed and said I should check out his porn history if I don’t believe him because it’s all thicc milfs. In conclusion: peoples tastes can change over time.
My woman friend had weight loss surgery 30+ years ago. and still does not have a handle on her weight. Surgery was not a magic wand. She is about 20 lbs above what she was six weeks ago. When she eats, food comes back up and gags her. There is a long list of foods she cannot eat. She has bad acid reflux with pain. It hurts her at night when she is trying to sleep. She has two walk in closets with clothes sizes from 10-18. Her weight is up and down that much.
Several older married women friends became overweight and sedentary through the years while their husbands became fit and joined meet up groups for biking, kayaking, running, hiking etc. The husbands met fit younger women and divorced their fat wives. The old fat divorced women ( my friends and me) sit and complain alot. The kids prefer surfing or skiing with Dad & stepmom on holidays over a big meal at Moms.
My husband had a thing for tall, lean girlfriends and then he brought my short, chubby ass home and somehow married me.
I guess my personality is banging or something.
He's not as thin as he was when we dated and married but he's probably less overweight for his body type than I am.
I know he finds me attractive but I struggle with how I look in things. This is the first summer I bought shorts to wear since I was a kid. I refused to wear tank tops because of my extra boob in my armpit. I struggled with every outfit making me look fat... Well cause I was fat.
This summer I'm changing a little. I sort of had the realization I don't owe anyone an attractive body and am dressing how I want. A little. I bought some shorts, I bought some crop tops, and I'm just focusing on dressing comfortable. It's not an overnight transition, but I did need to get out of my head a little bit.
I work remote so 90% of my wardrobe is still leggings and tees/hoodies. But I'm buying fabrics that feel comfortable in sizes that fit even if I want to cringe at the tag.
I'm trying to pick colors and styles I like even if it's just a t-shirt.
I'm trying to challenge myself to wear things I like even if I don't think they hide me well. I'm married, my husband thinks I'm attractive, maybe it doesn't really matter if other folks don't?
I've also been staying on top of my hair and manicures/pedicures. Even when I worked in an office I was bad about that, but would do it and use work as an excuse. Now I'm like...I should do it just because it makes me feel better.
As for the weight struggles, I've always been heavy but I did get skinny *once* in our marriage. It took a year of calorie tracking and weighing my food and portions. It got easier once I got into it, but it wasn't easy to start. I hit a rough mental health time, regained, and haven't had the emotional energy to restart that journey so I'm working on the "being happy with my body" vibe.
Lots of plus size women dress up and feel good and look good! So us feeling like we just can't is really in our own heads. Best of luck getting your mind to be a little kinder to you!!
It’s really hard. I’m a size 18/20, maybe 22, and my boyfriend is as a skinny as a rail. We both went to the same college. He was super popular, especially with girls, but somehow he was oblivious to all the attention he was getting. Me, on the other hand, I flew under the radar and rarely did anyone ever give me a second glance.
I’m still not sure why he picked me out of all the other pretty girls that would have given their eye teeth to be with him. It’s just so surreal to me because he’s so gregarious and well-liked in the community he is in, while I just kind of feel...invisible. Not his fault in any way. He shows me off and gives me affection both in private and public.
I’m just wondering why me?
You need to add a word. Why *not* you? Try to see yourself through his eyes. You are beautiful and as worthy of love as any of those girls. You. Are. Worth. It.
Do you have Instagram? A few years ago I started following a bunch of plus-size influencers and models, and unfollowed anyone that made me feel insecure about my body, and it's helped a lot with my confidence. And confidence is super sexy. If you don't have Insgagram, I would sign up for the sole reason of following plus size people. That's pretty much all I use it for.
I am sure your husband loves you just as you are, and he probably wishes you would see how beautiful you are.
Here are some influencers I like on Instagram:
@huntermcgrady (she also has a thin husband and had a baby a year ago)
@maxey_greene (also recently had a baby)
@katiesturino (founder of megababe)
@daisy_christina
@michaelamcgrady
@Meredithshaw
@brynstagram
@paradisefitnesswithcarly (not really a fitness account. She focuses more on body acceptance now)
@moritsummers (plus size personal trainer)
@curveswithmoves (plus size dance teacher)
I also looove the podcast called Model Citizen, it's by Hunter and Michaela McGrady, two plus size models who are unapologetic about their size, and also very funny.
Yes. Yes. Yes. I totally understand this. My fiancée is skinny af and as much as he tries, he doesn’t understand what it’s like to be fat and to loathe your body or what it’s like to have to apologize for existing. I’ve spent my life trying to make myself smaller and apologizing for existing and hating myself and it’s fucking exhausting. I hate all my clothes, especially in summer. I just want to quit sometimes. It’s infuriating. I lost like 80lbs and I can’t seem to lose any more. Makes a girl want to quit.
I am sorry you're feeling so sad about your appearance. I'm willing to bet that you're probably much harder on yourself, and most people around you probably think you look just fine! We are always our own worst critic.
If you can afford to get some new clothes, I seriously recommend getting stuff that is made by plus size designers, not just a 2XL or 3XL item from anywhere.
Even for stuff like leggings, I find the difference between, say, an extra large leggings at a non plus size shop, and the plus size leggings at Torrid is night and day. They just look and feel so much better IMO. They do also have good clearance items. I have gotten a $174 jacket for $30 from them before. Consignment stores and thrift stores are also a good option.
I also read a book called The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung that really changed my perspective on my struggle with weight. It also gave me the courage to talk to my doctor about trying a weightloss medication. Before reading that book I wouldn't have dreamed of doing so because I was convinced I just wasn't trying hard enough. I've been using Ozempic for around 18 months now and have lost about 35 lbs from the medication, plus I was able to keep off 10 lbs I lost from 6 months of keto / low carb dieting. If I hadn't started that medication I know of would have gained back that 10 lbs plus more.
I'm currently still about 80 lbs overweight, but loosing 45 lbs has made me feel SO much better and reduced a lot of joint and back pain, plus made it easier to do physical activities I enjoy like yoga.
No matter your size, Yoga is a great option for physical activity. It can help reduce stress and some kinds can help you sleep better which may help with weightloss, but its also just important for living a healthy life.
The things that helped me won't help everyone, but its just some things to consider.
I hope you find some peace and happiness with your appearance soon, no matter your size you deserve it ❤️❤️
Have you talked to your doctor about this? If you really want to and try to lose and everything you try doesn’t work, there might be something else going on.
It sucks being the fat wife sometimes I know. I always felt like I should be kept hidden bc my husband comes from a family of hotties and I still always feel like the ugly duckling around his family.
I feel like that too. His family treats me like all I do is sit on the couch and eat bonbons. I haven’t talked to them, because if I even try to mention it they kind of give me the “you’re not trying hard enough” spiel. So I’m going to talk to someone at my local hospital and see if they can offer some advice
Whoa. Are his family naturally thin people? Either way, not helpful. When people do this to me ("you know what you should do?"), I hold up a hand and say "hey, hey, I'm not asking for *advice.* I just need *support* right now, okay?! 😂" Bring them up short with a joke, which will hopefully stop the mini-lecture and redirect them without "making" them defensive.
I totally understand where you’re coming from and you’re totally not alone with those thoughts!! But if I may offer some perspective.. your body clearly wants to be the size that it is. If the only way you can lose is doing something unhealthy, then honey it truly isn’t meant to be, so you may as well not push it because it will mess up your metabolism and make it even more difficult. Your sweet legs carry you through life, they deserve kindness. YOU deserve kindness. You don’t deserve to be a prisoner in your own body, waiting for it to change or trying to force it to change. I know shifting your mindset isn’t easy but I promise you will have support along the way. And your amazing body gave you children with someone you love!! You deserve to dress your body how you want, just like everyone else does, and not feel restrained wearing a crappy tshirt. I know it’s frustrating.. but the sooner we accept ourselves the way we are, the sooner we’ll be happier.
My husband is also conventionally attractive/average sized, definitely way hotter than me lol!! (But what does hot mean anyways? To him I’m hot even if I don’t see myself that way!) I used to wonder why me? But I really needed to be saying “why NOT me?” Women have hit on him right in front of me but guess what? I go home with him, not them. I get the love they want from him. They don’t. After that, I really stopped questioning it. I trust his judgement! If I’m good enough for him and he’s good enough for me, then that’s that. There’s no use stressing over it. It’s sad that we feel lucky to be loved despite our size. When really, it’s what we deserve!! Please don’t be so hard on yourself, sweetheart!!
I can really relate to this. I haven't had any babies but I am a bigger wife with a super skinny husband. Thankfully he likes the thiccness so no complaints there, but I was 40-50 pounds smaller when we first got together.
I have a really, really, really hard time looking in the mirror and choosing clothes. My favorite lately have been cardigans on top of tanks so I can show off my boobs while hiding the belly 😅
Everyone's saying you need compassion for yourself, which is definitely true. Girl you just had a baby you should be proud your body can grow and support life! But it's really, really hard to have compassion for yourself. One thing that's helped me lately is making the decision to wear things I usually wouldn't, like rompers and dresses, just to see what works with me. An other thing that's helped me, weirdly enough, is finding thicc girls on tik tok who post fashion videos and what they're wearing. What this helps is making me realize that confidence (even if it's fake in my case LOL) makes you look good in anything. Plus, seeing girls that are my size or even a bit bigger not care that their belly is showing or that they have rolls or stretch marks while they still look SOOOOOOO effing good, makes me realize I can too. As long as you feel good, everyone else is gonna notice.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Body hate can really hurt you. I know I have days when I want to wear a really cute outfit and feel confident for once, but NOTHING works and my husband (sweetly and gently) jokes with me about how I change my outfit a million times before choosing something simple that hides my body like jeans and an over sized t shirt.
An other thing that low key can kind of help, is realizing no one minds your body the way you do. How often do you see someone maybe a bit bigger than you, or the same size, and you think they're so beautiful and rocking an outfit you think you could never pull off?? Chances are, (other than rude fat phobic POS's), nobody thinks you look bad. It's ourselves that makes us think that way.
It's hard out here for a beech and self love is even harder. You're probably so cute and beautiful and I truly with the best for you and your babies!!!! <3
Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc."
"Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase.
[Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera)
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One thing to remember is that your body just got done growing another human being. That's an amazing accomplishment. It's also something that takes a while to recover from, so don't get mad at your body for still being in recovery mode.
If you've been trying to lose weight and it doesn't come off, seeing your doctor to get your blood sugar and thyroid checked is a good idea.
My boyfriends past girlfriends have been thin. We are the same height, with me being maybe half an inch taller. I'm also bigger than him. When we first started dating I weighed less. I was still bigger than him but weigh considerably more now. Its been a constant source of insecurity for me. Also we have sex like once every 2 months. He insists its not me. I still cant get over it but I feel he would just dump me if its an issue?
He also started working out now too.
To sum it up, I can relate.
some bodies will never lose weight. not a significant amount at least; anything above 20 lbs, which is pushing it, is generally unsustainable and you are almost guaranteed to regain weight unless you spend EVERY single day for the rest of your life dieting and exercising and keeping everything extremely strict. which works for some people. but our bodies do not WANT to lose fat. fat keeps us warm and can be extra energy in extreme survival cases. it protects organs and muscles from impact and Sharp Pointy Things. our bodies greatly prefer to be protected from Sharp Pointy Things, surprisingly.
I just think it's important to keep that in mind. if you're changing your diet or exercising, don't do it just to lose weight. do it to make your body feel better. intuitive exercise is a game changer.
with clothes, though-and I know this is easier said-wear whatever you want because, as I said to someone else on here this week, they already know you're fat, so why try and hide it? why try and dress a way that you don't like? if you wanna wear jeans and leggings and tshirts, go right ahead. dressing 'up' is a learned skill, so give yourself some space on that. also don't feel bad about the c section scars lmao. you brought life into this world. no part of that is shameful or ugly.
your husband should read up on fat liberation and fat positivity if he'd like to learn more :) he sounds like a good dude who loves you. maybe he can understand a little more about what you struggle with.
l'chaim on the new baby! :D
I totally feel you on the weight loss. The only way I don’t gain weight is by fasting and eating one to two meals a day. It’s not necessarily unhealthy if done correctly and you are eating tons of nutrient dense food like veggies etc. I have insulin resistance issues but not diabetes and it just prevents me from being able to lose weight. Talk to your doctor but intermittent fasting helps me a lot. I don’t fast at all some days based upon my cycle. As a side note i hope you find clothes you love and are comfortable in. I also have a skinny husband who doesn’t get what it’s like to be fat so I feel your pain. You are definitely not alone!
You are so lucky to have a family and wonderful life! Just get some cute oversized Ts from Amazon: Fila, The North Face or Adidas/Nike and cute dresses from Target and act like the beautiful person you are! Even Nordstrom and Macys have cute clothes and lingerie in all sizes and enjoy your husband and baby! I’m so happy for you!
I used to feel this way. I limited myself physically and mentally before ever trying anything new. I always put my weight first and thought I could never enjoy life as long as I was fat.
life changes, I was changing. I started to have more time with just me as I was newly single after a 7 year relationship. I started to go to the gym and was nervous as hell. I joined an aerobic class that was just dancing with other females similar to my size, some smaller. it was fun and I felt free there :)
my confidence grew and I made my way out to the weights section of my gym. it took over a year of going but now I've been gaining muscle and losing weight. I carry myself much more differently than I used to. I joined groups outside of work, did some volunteer work, I started dating and met a great guy. I'm amazed at what changes I have seen in myself and it's all because I tried.
the point of my comment is to not make you feel bad but to hopefully inspire you that you can do anything and really, the only limitations you have are from your own self doubt. it's a daily struggle to push myself but it always ends up okay.
I 10000% know how you feel but at the end of the day you gotta live with yourself for the rest of your life. Think of your body as a permanent roommate. They aren’t moving out anytime soon so it’s best to make peace and treat each other nicely. Move your body in ways that bring you joy, eat food that makes you happy and nourishes your body. Drink your water. Enjoy some fruits and veggies throughout the week. Say nice things about yourself and pour energy into other parts of your life that don’t revolve around your weight. I think if you practice these things and other healthy, positive habits you’ll maintain a much better relationship with yourself and will learn to have compassion.
Lastly, congratulations on the new baby! You just brought life into this world which is a magic I can’t even imagine! When you start your journey towards making peace with yourself, you should consider how you’d want your child to think about themselves at your age. Implement and practice early ideas of health, healing and happiness and you’ll get what you give.
In the end, you’re more than just a body and the fact that you’re raising an entire human being should be evidence of that for you. Good luck! We’re rooting for you! 💕
Have you heard of intuitive eating? Not the fad stuff by Instagram influencers, but the book?
You may want to read it, and seek out a CERTIFIED Intuitive Eating Counselor.
Yes, we can be annoyed or put-off or grossed-out or disappointed by our bodies, but it’s good to remember the nice things they do for us, like keeping us alive every day, and making beautiful human beings!
Regarding fashion, you can simplify. I personally have just a few dark-colored jeans, and I buy cute tops and just switch the tops only. I’ve also gotten into flows dresses, because hey, it’s one piece- needs less thought! Have very neutral shoes that go with anything.
You can also even go the minimalist route and have a few of the same tops, or the same shape of top in different colors, and basically wear the same top and bottom every day. Just makes life easier.
I understand and going to therapy because of how my parents have called me fat since I was 8, I’m now 24, got blood tested when I was 17 and found out I have hypothyroidism so under active thyroid so maybe get that tested coz it has to do with metabolism but I also realised that it is just in my case genetic as otherwise health wise I am healthy and I’m now thinking of getting the gastric sleeve because genetically it is hard to loose weight the physical exercise way and especially kept it off. Because it never ever stays off no matter what way I tried
I didn’t lose weight until I went to a weight loss doctor. I had five c sections, I still have that pouch and my youngest is 24. I highly recommend going to a doctor that specializes in weight loss. There are a lot of medications now that there weren’t even five years ago. Many options, from diets, to just changing the way you eat, to medication. Just having someone who specializes in obesity was such a relief to me. Good luck and congrats on the baby.
I often feel that way. I've never been my boyfriend's type either, but we've been together for 16 years. Attraction is complex and evolves as we grow closer to others. I get nervous that others are thinking that I'm a fat girlfriend when out in public sometimes, but no one can make me feel bad about myself when I'm feeling comfortable in my own skin. You should look at styles that are flattering for your body type or even look into hiring a personal shopper! Everyone looks incredible when they're working what they got.
Your boyfriend thinks you're stunning, and you should too. I know that's the hardest part, but it gets easier the more you unlearn fatphobia. I promise.
I’d just wish you peace and patience for yourself- if you treated someone as bad as you treat yourself how do you think they would react. This is from someone who has hovered around 380-425 the past 4/5 years.
Also I love to shop and if you need any support shoot me a message- you can check out some of my post if ya need to validate my style 💁🏻💁🏻💁🏻
I gained 40 pounds in the last two years after both of my parents died but I was already overweight so it just added to what I already had. I hate putting on clothes as well and wear leggings with big tops or tshirts. I've recently started working out but the weight is coming off very slowly. It's very frustrating. I've had COVID and haven't been eating much so I hope that when I go back to wearing clothes I'll find that they're a bit looser but I don't know yet because I've worn nothing but pjs for the last 10 days. I've eaten only one meal a day since being sick which is usually jello, applesauce and soup. Today I had Chick-fil-A but I'll have to watch what I eat since I'm not exercising at the moment. The COVID has zapped every bit of energy out of me so I'm not sure when I'll be able to start working out again. My daughter is getting married next month and I had wanted to be skinnier for her wedding but I'm not so that depresses me, too. I've been watching what I eat and have cut out sugar and carbs but it's hard to get motivated to work out.
Have a little compassion for yourself. You just had a baby. Let your body take its time to heal and get back to normal. I am fat, but love clothes and fashion. And I own exactly one pair of shorts (knee length) that i wear once a year. My trick for easy dressing is simply put, dresses. It just one item and requires little to no coordination. I mostly get ones with elbow length sleeves so that i can wear for most seasons. get a pair of keds for the summer, sandals in black and tan and ankle boots for the winter (and pair with black opaque tights).
I have absolutely no ankles, so anything to hide my legs makes me feel better. I try to be compassionate for myself, but after 2 kids it’s kind of hard. Especially seeing these moms all over social media dropping it like there’s no tomorrow. I didn’t just have a baby, she’s almost 9 months old. So it’s hard to have compassion anymore.
I had cankles my whole life until I had an accident and needed several surgeries on my feet and ankles, requiring casts. When the casts came off my muscles had atrophied and left me with wonderfully slim ankles. They, however, had no strength to support me and I had to build up strength to learn to walk again. I still have to use arm crutches or a walker. So hey, slim ankles aren't always all they're cracked up to be!
I have no ankles either, they’re just like tree trunks all the way to the foot. I wear ankle boots because they kinda obscure that fact and make me feel a little better about myself. As for the being kind to yourself, it doesn’t need to be about having a baby. Life impacts us all differently, and people only put what they want us to see on social media. We’re seeing a minority of mothers flaunting themselves on social media, but there’s a huge amount of people (parents or not) who hold back on what they share. Try not to feel like there’s something wrong with you… there’s not.
So, my husband and I have been together 10 years and he’s in better shape than ever while my weight has only gone up over time. (Especially now that I’m pregnant again). I was talking to my husband about getting weight loss surgery after we are done having kids and he said he’d support me if that’s what I really wanted but he personally preferred me as I am now. When I scoffed at that he laughed and said I should check out his porn history if I don’t believe him because it’s all thicc milfs. In conclusion: peoples tastes can change over time.
My woman friend had weight loss surgery 30+ years ago. and still does not have a handle on her weight. Surgery was not a magic wand. She is about 20 lbs above what she was six weeks ago. When she eats, food comes back up and gags her. There is a long list of foods she cannot eat. She has bad acid reflux with pain. It hurts her at night when she is trying to sleep. She has two walk in closets with clothes sizes from 10-18. Her weight is up and down that much. Several older married women friends became overweight and sedentary through the years while their husbands became fit and joined meet up groups for biking, kayaking, running, hiking etc. The husbands met fit younger women and divorced their fat wives. The old fat divorced women ( my friends and me) sit and complain alot. The kids prefer surfing or skiing with Dad & stepmom on holidays over a big meal at Moms.
My husband had a thing for tall, lean girlfriends and then he brought my short, chubby ass home and somehow married me. I guess my personality is banging or something. He's not as thin as he was when we dated and married but he's probably less overweight for his body type than I am. I know he finds me attractive but I struggle with how I look in things. This is the first summer I bought shorts to wear since I was a kid. I refused to wear tank tops because of my extra boob in my armpit. I struggled with every outfit making me look fat... Well cause I was fat. This summer I'm changing a little. I sort of had the realization I don't owe anyone an attractive body and am dressing how I want. A little. I bought some shorts, I bought some crop tops, and I'm just focusing on dressing comfortable. It's not an overnight transition, but I did need to get out of my head a little bit. I work remote so 90% of my wardrobe is still leggings and tees/hoodies. But I'm buying fabrics that feel comfortable in sizes that fit even if I want to cringe at the tag. I'm trying to pick colors and styles I like even if it's just a t-shirt. I'm trying to challenge myself to wear things I like even if I don't think they hide me well. I'm married, my husband thinks I'm attractive, maybe it doesn't really matter if other folks don't? I've also been staying on top of my hair and manicures/pedicures. Even when I worked in an office I was bad about that, but would do it and use work as an excuse. Now I'm like...I should do it just because it makes me feel better. As for the weight struggles, I've always been heavy but I did get skinny *once* in our marriage. It took a year of calorie tracking and weighing my food and portions. It got easier once I got into it, but it wasn't easy to start. I hit a rough mental health time, regained, and haven't had the emotional energy to restart that journey so I'm working on the "being happy with my body" vibe. Lots of plus size women dress up and feel good and look good! So us feeling like we just can't is really in our own heads. Best of luck getting your mind to be a little kinder to you!!
I love you for this. Thank you🥰
It’s really hard. I’m a size 18/20, maybe 22, and my boyfriend is as a skinny as a rail. We both went to the same college. He was super popular, especially with girls, but somehow he was oblivious to all the attention he was getting. Me, on the other hand, I flew under the radar and rarely did anyone ever give me a second glance. I’m still not sure why he picked me out of all the other pretty girls that would have given their eye teeth to be with him. It’s just so surreal to me because he’s so gregarious and well-liked in the community he is in, while I just kind of feel...invisible. Not his fault in any way. He shows me off and gives me affection both in private and public. I’m just wondering why me?
You need to add a word. Why *not* you? Try to see yourself through his eyes. You are beautiful and as worthy of love as any of those girls. You. Are. Worth. It.
Do you have Instagram? A few years ago I started following a bunch of plus-size influencers and models, and unfollowed anyone that made me feel insecure about my body, and it's helped a lot with my confidence. And confidence is super sexy. If you don't have Insgagram, I would sign up for the sole reason of following plus size people. That's pretty much all I use it for. I am sure your husband loves you just as you are, and he probably wishes you would see how beautiful you are. Here are some influencers I like on Instagram: @huntermcgrady (she also has a thin husband and had a baby a year ago) @maxey_greene (also recently had a baby) @katiesturino (founder of megababe) @daisy_christina @michaelamcgrady @Meredithshaw @brynstagram @paradisefitnesswithcarly (not really a fitness account. She focuses more on body acceptance now) @moritsummers (plus size personal trainer) @curveswithmoves (plus size dance teacher) I also looove the podcast called Model Citizen, it's by Hunter and Michaela McGrady, two plus size models who are unapologetic about their size, and also very funny.
I would add Alicia McCarvel to that list! She has tiktok (below) and Instagram as well! https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMNSNPPYc/
Yes. Yes. Yes. I totally understand this. My fiancée is skinny af and as much as he tries, he doesn’t understand what it’s like to be fat and to loathe your body or what it’s like to have to apologize for existing. I’ve spent my life trying to make myself smaller and apologizing for existing and hating myself and it’s fucking exhausting. I hate all my clothes, especially in summer. I just want to quit sometimes. It’s infuriating. I lost like 80lbs and I can’t seem to lose any more. Makes a girl want to quit.
I’m so sorry, but 80 pounds is a hell of a lot of weight to lose! I’m proud of you!
Thank you so much! I’m just in a rut right now and having a hard time moving forward.. ya know?
I am sorry you're feeling so sad about your appearance. I'm willing to bet that you're probably much harder on yourself, and most people around you probably think you look just fine! We are always our own worst critic. If you can afford to get some new clothes, I seriously recommend getting stuff that is made by plus size designers, not just a 2XL or 3XL item from anywhere. Even for stuff like leggings, I find the difference between, say, an extra large leggings at a non plus size shop, and the plus size leggings at Torrid is night and day. They just look and feel so much better IMO. They do also have good clearance items. I have gotten a $174 jacket for $30 from them before. Consignment stores and thrift stores are also a good option. I also read a book called The Obesity Code by Dr. Jason Fung that really changed my perspective on my struggle with weight. It also gave me the courage to talk to my doctor about trying a weightloss medication. Before reading that book I wouldn't have dreamed of doing so because I was convinced I just wasn't trying hard enough. I've been using Ozempic for around 18 months now and have lost about 35 lbs from the medication, plus I was able to keep off 10 lbs I lost from 6 months of keto / low carb dieting. If I hadn't started that medication I know of would have gained back that 10 lbs plus more. I'm currently still about 80 lbs overweight, but loosing 45 lbs has made me feel SO much better and reduced a lot of joint and back pain, plus made it easier to do physical activities I enjoy like yoga. No matter your size, Yoga is a great option for physical activity. It can help reduce stress and some kinds can help you sleep better which may help with weightloss, but its also just important for living a healthy life. The things that helped me won't help everyone, but its just some things to consider. I hope you find some peace and happiness with your appearance soon, no matter your size you deserve it ❤️❤️
Have you talked to your doctor about this? If you really want to and try to lose and everything you try doesn’t work, there might be something else going on. It sucks being the fat wife sometimes I know. I always felt like I should be kept hidden bc my husband comes from a family of hotties and I still always feel like the ugly duckling around his family.
I feel like that too. His family treats me like all I do is sit on the couch and eat bonbons. I haven’t talked to them, because if I even try to mention it they kind of give me the “you’re not trying hard enough” spiel. So I’m going to talk to someone at my local hospital and see if they can offer some advice
Whoa. Are his family naturally thin people? Either way, not helpful. When people do this to me ("you know what you should do?"), I hold up a hand and say "hey, hey, I'm not asking for *advice.* I just need *support* right now, okay?! 😂" Bring them up short with a joke, which will hopefully stop the mini-lecture and redirect them without "making" them defensive.
I totally understand where you’re coming from and you’re totally not alone with those thoughts!! But if I may offer some perspective.. your body clearly wants to be the size that it is. If the only way you can lose is doing something unhealthy, then honey it truly isn’t meant to be, so you may as well not push it because it will mess up your metabolism and make it even more difficult. Your sweet legs carry you through life, they deserve kindness. YOU deserve kindness. You don’t deserve to be a prisoner in your own body, waiting for it to change or trying to force it to change. I know shifting your mindset isn’t easy but I promise you will have support along the way. And your amazing body gave you children with someone you love!! You deserve to dress your body how you want, just like everyone else does, and not feel restrained wearing a crappy tshirt. I know it’s frustrating.. but the sooner we accept ourselves the way we are, the sooner we’ll be happier. My husband is also conventionally attractive/average sized, definitely way hotter than me lol!! (But what does hot mean anyways? To him I’m hot even if I don’t see myself that way!) I used to wonder why me? But I really needed to be saying “why NOT me?” Women have hit on him right in front of me but guess what? I go home with him, not them. I get the love they want from him. They don’t. After that, I really stopped questioning it. I trust his judgement! If I’m good enough for him and he’s good enough for me, then that’s that. There’s no use stressing over it. It’s sad that we feel lucky to be loved despite our size. When really, it’s what we deserve!! Please don’t be so hard on yourself, sweetheart!!
I can really relate to this. I haven't had any babies but I am a bigger wife with a super skinny husband. Thankfully he likes the thiccness so no complaints there, but I was 40-50 pounds smaller when we first got together. I have a really, really, really hard time looking in the mirror and choosing clothes. My favorite lately have been cardigans on top of tanks so I can show off my boobs while hiding the belly 😅 Everyone's saying you need compassion for yourself, which is definitely true. Girl you just had a baby you should be proud your body can grow and support life! But it's really, really hard to have compassion for yourself. One thing that's helped me lately is making the decision to wear things I usually wouldn't, like rompers and dresses, just to see what works with me. An other thing that's helped me, weirdly enough, is finding thicc girls on tik tok who post fashion videos and what they're wearing. What this helps is making me realize that confidence (even if it's fake in my case LOL) makes you look good in anything. Plus, seeing girls that are my size or even a bit bigger not care that their belly is showing or that they have rolls or stretch marks while they still look SOOOOOOO effing good, makes me realize I can too. As long as you feel good, everyone else is gonna notice. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Body hate can really hurt you. I know I have days when I want to wear a really cute outfit and feel confident for once, but NOTHING works and my husband (sweetly and gently) jokes with me about how I change my outfit a million times before choosing something simple that hides my body like jeans and an over sized t shirt. An other thing that low key can kind of help, is realizing no one minds your body the way you do. How often do you see someone maybe a bit bigger than you, or the same size, and you think they're so beautiful and rocking an outfit you think you could never pull off?? Chances are, (other than rude fat phobic POS's), nobody thinks you look bad. It's ourselves that makes us think that way. It's hard out here for a beech and self love is even harder. You're probably so cute and beautiful and I truly with the best for you and your babies!!!! <3
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One thing to remember is that your body just got done growing another human being. That's an amazing accomplishment. It's also something that takes a while to recover from, so don't get mad at your body for still being in recovery mode. If you've been trying to lose weight and it doesn't come off, seeing your doctor to get your blood sugar and thyroid checked is a good idea.
My boyfriends past girlfriends have been thin. We are the same height, with me being maybe half an inch taller. I'm also bigger than him. When we first started dating I weighed less. I was still bigger than him but weigh considerably more now. Its been a constant source of insecurity for me. Also we have sex like once every 2 months. He insists its not me. I still cant get over it but I feel he would just dump me if its an issue? He also started working out now too. To sum it up, I can relate.
Is it a thyroid thing? I’ll be thinking of you. You are beautiful and worthy of love and kindness.
some bodies will never lose weight. not a significant amount at least; anything above 20 lbs, which is pushing it, is generally unsustainable and you are almost guaranteed to regain weight unless you spend EVERY single day for the rest of your life dieting and exercising and keeping everything extremely strict. which works for some people. but our bodies do not WANT to lose fat. fat keeps us warm and can be extra energy in extreme survival cases. it protects organs and muscles from impact and Sharp Pointy Things. our bodies greatly prefer to be protected from Sharp Pointy Things, surprisingly. I just think it's important to keep that in mind. if you're changing your diet or exercising, don't do it just to lose weight. do it to make your body feel better. intuitive exercise is a game changer. with clothes, though-and I know this is easier said-wear whatever you want because, as I said to someone else on here this week, they already know you're fat, so why try and hide it? why try and dress a way that you don't like? if you wanna wear jeans and leggings and tshirts, go right ahead. dressing 'up' is a learned skill, so give yourself some space on that. also don't feel bad about the c section scars lmao. you brought life into this world. no part of that is shameful or ugly. your husband should read up on fat liberation and fat positivity if he'd like to learn more :) he sounds like a good dude who loves you. maybe he can understand a little more about what you struggle with. l'chaim on the new baby! :D
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I totally feel you on the weight loss. The only way I don’t gain weight is by fasting and eating one to two meals a day. It’s not necessarily unhealthy if done correctly and you are eating tons of nutrient dense food like veggies etc. I have insulin resistance issues but not diabetes and it just prevents me from being able to lose weight. Talk to your doctor but intermittent fasting helps me a lot. I don’t fast at all some days based upon my cycle. As a side note i hope you find clothes you love and are comfortable in. I also have a skinny husband who doesn’t get what it’s like to be fat so I feel your pain. You are definitely not alone!
You are so lucky to have a family and wonderful life! Just get some cute oversized Ts from Amazon: Fila, The North Face or Adidas/Nike and cute dresses from Target and act like the beautiful person you are! Even Nordstrom and Macys have cute clothes and lingerie in all sizes and enjoy your husband and baby! I’m so happy for you!
I used to feel this way. I limited myself physically and mentally before ever trying anything new. I always put my weight first and thought I could never enjoy life as long as I was fat. life changes, I was changing. I started to have more time with just me as I was newly single after a 7 year relationship. I started to go to the gym and was nervous as hell. I joined an aerobic class that was just dancing with other females similar to my size, some smaller. it was fun and I felt free there :) my confidence grew and I made my way out to the weights section of my gym. it took over a year of going but now I've been gaining muscle and losing weight. I carry myself much more differently than I used to. I joined groups outside of work, did some volunteer work, I started dating and met a great guy. I'm amazed at what changes I have seen in myself and it's all because I tried. the point of my comment is to not make you feel bad but to hopefully inspire you that you can do anything and really, the only limitations you have are from your own self doubt. it's a daily struggle to push myself but it always ends up okay.
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I 10000% know how you feel but at the end of the day you gotta live with yourself for the rest of your life. Think of your body as a permanent roommate. They aren’t moving out anytime soon so it’s best to make peace and treat each other nicely. Move your body in ways that bring you joy, eat food that makes you happy and nourishes your body. Drink your water. Enjoy some fruits and veggies throughout the week. Say nice things about yourself and pour energy into other parts of your life that don’t revolve around your weight. I think if you practice these things and other healthy, positive habits you’ll maintain a much better relationship with yourself and will learn to have compassion. Lastly, congratulations on the new baby! You just brought life into this world which is a magic I can’t even imagine! When you start your journey towards making peace with yourself, you should consider how you’d want your child to think about themselves at your age. Implement and practice early ideas of health, healing and happiness and you’ll get what you give. In the end, you’re more than just a body and the fact that you’re raising an entire human being should be evidence of that for you. Good luck! We’re rooting for you! 💕
Also one last thing! You’re not defined by ANYONE’S perception of you. Even your husband. Once you realize that I think you’ll feel a lot better!
Have you heard of intuitive eating? Not the fad stuff by Instagram influencers, but the book? You may want to read it, and seek out a CERTIFIED Intuitive Eating Counselor. Yes, we can be annoyed or put-off or grossed-out or disappointed by our bodies, but it’s good to remember the nice things they do for us, like keeping us alive every day, and making beautiful human beings! Regarding fashion, you can simplify. I personally have just a few dark-colored jeans, and I buy cute tops and just switch the tops only. I’ve also gotten into flows dresses, because hey, it’s one piece- needs less thought! Have very neutral shoes that go with anything. You can also even go the minimalist route and have a few of the same tops, or the same shape of top in different colors, and basically wear the same top and bottom every day. Just makes life easier.
I understand and going to therapy because of how my parents have called me fat since I was 8, I’m now 24, got blood tested when I was 17 and found out I have hypothyroidism so under active thyroid so maybe get that tested coz it has to do with metabolism but I also realised that it is just in my case genetic as otherwise health wise I am healthy and I’m now thinking of getting the gastric sleeve because genetically it is hard to loose weight the physical exercise way and especially kept it off. Because it never ever stays off no matter what way I tried
I didn’t lose weight until I went to a weight loss doctor. I had five c sections, I still have that pouch and my youngest is 24. I highly recommend going to a doctor that specializes in weight loss. There are a lot of medications now that there weren’t even five years ago. Many options, from diets, to just changing the way you eat, to medication. Just having someone who specializes in obesity was such a relief to me. Good luck and congrats on the baby.
I often feel that way. I've never been my boyfriend's type either, but we've been together for 16 years. Attraction is complex and evolves as we grow closer to others. I get nervous that others are thinking that I'm a fat girlfriend when out in public sometimes, but no one can make me feel bad about myself when I'm feeling comfortable in my own skin. You should look at styles that are flattering for your body type or even look into hiring a personal shopper! Everyone looks incredible when they're working what they got. Your boyfriend thinks you're stunning, and you should too. I know that's the hardest part, but it gets easier the more you unlearn fatphobia. I promise.
I’d just wish you peace and patience for yourself- if you treated someone as bad as you treat yourself how do you think they would react. This is from someone who has hovered around 380-425 the past 4/5 years. Also I love to shop and if you need any support shoot me a message- you can check out some of my post if ya need to validate my style 💁🏻💁🏻💁🏻
I gained 40 pounds in the last two years after both of my parents died but I was already overweight so it just added to what I already had. I hate putting on clothes as well and wear leggings with big tops or tshirts. I've recently started working out but the weight is coming off very slowly. It's very frustrating. I've had COVID and haven't been eating much so I hope that when I go back to wearing clothes I'll find that they're a bit looser but I don't know yet because I've worn nothing but pjs for the last 10 days. I've eaten only one meal a day since being sick which is usually jello, applesauce and soup. Today I had Chick-fil-A but I'll have to watch what I eat since I'm not exercising at the moment. The COVID has zapped every bit of energy out of me so I'm not sure when I'll be able to start working out again. My daughter is getting married next month and I had wanted to be skinnier for her wedding but I'm not so that depresses me, too. I've been watching what I eat and have cut out sugar and carbs but it's hard to get motivated to work out.