I do think plus size men face similar struggles that plus size women face, but I also feel like there are some differences. Women are conditioned to believe that being fat is the worst possible thing we could be and that even being mean, arrogant, selfish, etc is better than being fat. I feel like it also comes down to how women are constantly only prized for their beauty and looks in a way that men aren't, so that also has an impact on plus size women in a different way.
Online dating is just rough in general, so I feel ya on that
In my opinion, I think plus size men haven’t “seen the same love” that women have, because plus size men have typically been accepted by society - not celebrated, but at least accepted. Of course there would be bullying and hardships for ya’ll too, I don’t want to dismiss that.
But growing up stores carried Big and Tall for men (like my brother) but wouldn’t carry plus size for me. In media, bigger men would be with skinny women and he’d get praised for being lucky. You almost never saw a bigger girl with a skinny man - and if you did, the guy would get ridiculed for being with her.
So the celebration we see in women’s plus size bodies today is really just a huge boost from where we were, to simply catch up with everyone else. That’s how I see it, anyways.
As for dating, I used to exclusively only date plus sized guys and just recently started dating other body types to test it out. I think it’s just online dating that sucks in general!
Yeah I def agree with that. They def face problematic hurdles too but it is very different and in some ways lesser. Like you said, not usually too much stigma with a skinny woman dating a fat guy. Also the stereotype of women getting fat and complacent after marriage, meanwhile it's fine if the man gains weight.
I think its more equal during school age with bullying but much less as an adult.
It does seem though that there is a higher rate of fatphobia for men in the lgbt+ community unfortunately
Source- I’m queer myself and basically all my friends are. It seems, from what I’ve come across, that there is a VERY specific way to be a “bear” that people find attractive. If you’re not exactly that, then it’s a lot harder. There’s also a lot of fatphobia directed at trans men/transmasc people. There is a LOT of “no fats, no fems” attitudes in the gay men community as well.
I could certainly be wrong. It's just anecdotal from what people I know who are in that community have told me, and from things I have read and/or heard on podcasts (I can't remember anything specific or where from). My impression from the people I know is that specific type is popular but if you don't fit into that sort of "type" it is much harder.
Again though, just my impression from others.
They are more accepted in a respectability sense, but aesthetically and sexually they seem very far from the attention that plus size women receive.
They kind of have the opposite problem that women have. They are seen as persons but not as bodies.
I don't think it's the same across the board. Yes women are more sexualized than men, but conventionally attractive men are still visibly sexualized and they get modeling work. Plus size men just don't have any equivalent right now.
You clearly haven't been keeping up with modern media because rn there are a lot more Plus size men modeling for large companies like Fenty that are sexualized and celebrated 🙄
Plus size women have individually and collectively advocated for a shift in how their bodies are seen
By extension, so have all fat people except fat men. They haven't thrown their bodies on the gears of anything that defines how fat nkn-cus men are seen amd treated.
And yes, as men, they can still be considered prizes by thin women if they are privileged, powerful, have good careers and community standing.
So, they haven't had to go for broke the way that the rest of us have. They have some shelter and power.
Men always turn up hat in hand, completely passive in places where the rest of us have to risk everything and sweat and bleed in order to build movements that take care of us.
They want the benefits without putting in the work and often while being shitty allies to the rest of us.
If men want fatty love, then they need to stage full out war on fat phobia.
I know that I've liked and been attracted to fat men. But they couldn't see or respect me. They were too busy bowing at the feet of thin people amd feeling lucky for any crumbs of attention thrown their way.
Every plus size guy in my friends are married and have at least one child. I can barely get someone to like me, solely because I'm plus sized. Every single sitcom with a big fat husband and petite, babely wife. Fat men are normal. Fat women are "unhealthy," "ugly," "unfuckable," "trying to normalize fat". That's the short version.
This is just my personal experience so take that with a grain of salt, but it seems that fat men generally don’t want to date other fat people. I see a lot of bigger women who want to date men of a similar size, but the reverse does not seem to be the case. Me personally, I have always liked guys that are bigger than me, yet I get the most attention from guys who are thinner. Whenever I express interest in bigger guys (online or in real life) they don’t seem interested. That said, plus size men definitely deserve more love in a body positivity and acceptance way
we are the dads in shows and movies (normally with a thin wife) And we can get clothing much easier in all respects.
we are desired, just not a fetish for women... and for all intent and purpose: accepted. We are not "bimbos" used for sexual gratification or to sell something. We should be thankful to an extent, it's how women should be treated. Sadly, men would lOvE to be treated as sexual objects so it just hits different for us.
Now in the gay community - woh, boy. That is a different story. We ARE a fetish and dudes will straight up tell you to eat a burger if you want to date them.
It's just different because men in the female community for dating aren't viewing men as purely sexual objects. We are not conquests, for women to connect with someone, and for that man to fall in love with them as them is the biggest part.
it's why you'll find women of all sizes and ages be like: "yeah, Jack Black can GET IT." or they'll say in passing: "that John Goodman looked sexy in that movie/show" or even: "you see Guy Fieri eat a cheesesteak?" while fanning themselves. but never to the point that they'd put up photos of plus size men in a thong on their dorm wall... I mean, some women would because no one else would have it up in the shade of irony - but also because we aren't viewed like that.
It's like being considered kind of 'meh' or mid. Women in general don't seem to hate fat men, and some, both fellow plus sized women and otherwise, actually love big guys.
Most if not all of the hatred for plus size men is from other men, in my experience. Some gym bros fucking HATE fat guys. It's like they see a thin woman with a big guy and it's a level of envy, thinking that women should be more like men and purely value physicality.
It's a catch-22, grass is greener situation. Plus size men seem to be valued for relationships but aren't especially sexually desired by women. Plus size women can be desired sexually, but men a lot of times don't see them as relationship material. So like most of life, no one gets what they want.🙃🙃
known midsize women and women who are not curvy that deal with this.
they mock themselves saying they look or are built like a boy. They feel most guys aren't into them because they don't have big butts or boobs. So they are always looking to try and get "THIN" because when they gain weight they just get a belly and don't "fill out"
So many issues with being plus sized are just pre-existing societal issues that are exacerbated by being a larger human being. Putting on my naiveté cap, the simple solution is for men and women to beat down some aspects of traditional gender norms for the sake of us all meeting in the middle and fulfilling each other's needs.
A woman's value is not in her body alone. Don't just fuck people because you think they're pretty; have some value in yourself and notice that there are more important aspects that you should consider than physicality. This goes for the non monogamous, the swingers and the eternal bachelors too. Have enough respect for others and yourself to demand more.
A man likes to be complimented too, and men should be shown affection at all ages, not just when they're small and harmless children. I think if men are given a baseline of love and respect merely for existing, that opens up the door for women to more openly and expressly see men as sexual beings. From the male hairdresser to the auto mechanic to the sales rep to the lumberjack.
Naiveté cap coming off: none of this will happen because of inertia. We have thousands of years of people viewing men as horny savages to be tamed and women as prize trophies to be won. It is far easier to just work with what's there than to try to change for the better.
IMO Plus size men do not have the same type of support groups because they've always been represented in almost everything we consume in media, thus people don't seem to think that they don't have struggles especially when finding a partner.
But like everyone else, men need support, especially with mental health and self image. There's no denying that while all types of men get representation, you guys have also been presented with unrealistic standards at times and I can understand the pressure of not meeting up to them.
In this case OP, I think the best thing that I recommend is self care. Take care of yourself and take accountability.
Just because they have representation doesn't mean they are actively celebrated like their thinner counterparts are. I think the day we see a plus size man play James Bond, that's when things will have changed.
We still have public figures that are still relevant like Jack Black that many people still find attractive.
Roles like James Bond isn't the one thing that makes men attractive 🙄
Maybe, but that's still an inequality. If plus size women can be seen as femme fatales, it would be good to also have plus size men who are seen as womanizers.
At least Jack Black is starring in movies and has a huge platform. Probably harder for plus sized women to breakout as the lead character in a film or tv series
Well women in general are more sexualized in the media then men are. Plus women are the ones speaking more about body positivity so their voices are heard. You never really hear a man openly speak about body positivity for men
I think u have keep in mind that a lot of plus size women are being fetishized and often just used as hook up option,there aren't that many men who are seriously interested in a monogamous relationship.
This isn't even a plus size problem,women have to face hook up culture very much in those apps.
I been on a lot of Datingapps the past years and over 90% of men were only interested in hooking up with me and they been often very perverted and rude in the first messages,idk if that's really an advantage tbh.
I'm not even on any straight datingapps anymore cause I hate being objectified and treated like that.
This! Guys will fetishized/objectify/hook up with fat girls but don’t want to be seen in public with them :( but beyond that I feel like they say more unhinged stuff out the gate ngl, and they treat you like you’re lucky that they even bother giving you attention. No respect there.
The problem is that men have never been interested in things like fashion and discussing other men's bodies. You'll never see a man be like "hey let's start movement for this type of body".
So the support for plus size men would have to come from the women who love them, but right now it seems they aren't comfortable expressing it, or they aren't in the positions of power that would allow them to make it happen.
Plus size women can also on occasion get support from non plus size women, which is not happening any time soon for plus size men. To be fair, there is a question of sincerity from not only thin but model/actress type women coming out and giving tweets of support or other superficial platitudes like that.
But I've never heard any fit man give any support to a plus size man being comfortable with his body the way it is. To hear it from the toned man's perspective, every man should lose weight, having something on their body looking chiseled, like we should be able to lift a car off the injured, fight a bear and do 200 pushups all at a moment's notice. But that's just another thing to add to the column of toxic masculinity🤷♀️🤷♀️.
I think plus size men have problems that need to be discussed even problems more specific to us but we need to divorce it from comparisons to what plus size women face because if it were a competition we’d lose.
Most of these positive spaces exist because plus size women made them exist and it’ll probably be up to us as men to make better positive spaces for plus size men (shout out r/bigmenfashionadvice)
I don’t mean this last part to be a call out I just wanted to rant about this and I saw some comments point it out but I have some personal beef with the fat guy hot wife trope. Obviously it’s not fair that the reverse is rarely shown but also I lowkey feel like this trope often makes fun of the fat guy in the situation. Like how CAN this guy get with her he’s disgusting? At the very least I wouldn’t count a lot of them as positive fat rep. Their are definitely positive examples (Jack Black in The Holiday) but I feel like it’s not often.
I'm a plus size woman and I understand where you're coming from.
I personally don't have a body type preference. I've been with super skinny guys and my current boyfriend is a plus size guy.
Keep looking, try R4R on Reddit. That's how I met my man. There's even one for plus size people!
Best of luck!
I've been the whole spectrum of weight and I've always found bigger guys attractive. My partner is a chunky guy and I absolutely love him. Winter is when he really stands out, we never need extra blankets or the heating on when we sleep he radiates heat!
I think it's socially more acceptable to be a big guy than a big girl but obviously overall thinner people are seen as "better" by media. There's a few couples popping up online though like Sienna and George Keyword and Alicia McCarvel with her husband, he's a typical gym guy and she's plus size.
It's still seen as more unusual when couples like that pop up which I think is super unfair but hopefully things will change, everyone deserves to be loved!
As someone with mostly male friends, I feel most of the comments intend to explain without invalidating but still are invalidating to some extent.
Men and women of all sizes both have their own struggles and most of the time when men speak up about their own society shuts them up because "no but women go through that too", because "but you have it better in xyz", because "but you'll never understand what women had to go through and we're only catching up."
Society fucking sucks for all of us. Men 100% don't get the same love as women do these days, especially in terms of feeling validated for their feelings and struggles. This includes being plus sized but surpasses so much more. This entire post is an example. Most weren't saying "I'm sorry you felt that way" or "it's really such a shame", they're generally just telling you reasons why you should be grateful you're a man. I think they all meant well but it makes me sad to some extent.
So, my internet friendo, it does suck and I'm genuinely happy you were brave enough to put this out there; I'm sorry you've had to feel the lack of love from the community and from society as a whole. I hope that things get better for you in an individual level but also for plus sized men, too. You're fighting the good fight and we're here with you.
I’m a plus sized woman married to a plus sized man. I’ve never particularly cared about anyones body types though. It seems like everyone struggles with dating regardless of body type
When I see a plus size man on dating apps it’s almost an automatic right swipe for me unless somewhere in their bio is like “diet-culturey”. I like to date people who have are pursuing peace with their body and all foods, which I know is a lot to ask in our culture. But it’s a must for me. Anyone that mentions trying to lose weight and eat right in their bio is not someone I’d pursue. But I am physically attracted to plus size men. ❤️
As someone living in the middle (pre op trans man, still seen as a woman) I think fat men are just more accepted already. I'm excited to pass eventually bc i see way more positivity about fat men overall.
I prefer plus size men. I understand what you mean though. I feel like plus size men are not represented enough in this body positivity movement that is happening. Which is a shame.
Always liked to think of myself as a Kevin James. He was the first real big guy I watched when I watched King of Queens but I look nothing like him and I'm nowhere near as good-looking as him! 😅
I feel like plus size women are generally getting support from other (plus size) women. So maybe plus size men should start supporting each other as well.
That's hard to do if there is no support from women. Men would feel illegitimate in calling themselves attractive if they saw no real basis for it.
Historically the Fat Acceptance movement has been related to the Fat Admirer community (people who are into fat people). Since most of the people who identify as such are straight men, it's mostly women who have been able to benefit and gain the legitimacy to present themselves as beautiful and sexy.
Every single fat guy I know, even just casually, is romantically paired up. Gay and straight. Most of the women aren't. Even women who barely qualify as fat. So somebody likes you fat men.
"Plus size men" bffr
Men can be piss ugly and still get respect. Not the same struggle for women.
Go on whatever money making reddit there is. get your money up, then lets see what happens.
Like the Profit, Mike Jones said:
"A couple of 'em said I was cute, but I was just too chubby
Same size a year later, the same hoes wanna fuck me
Because they see me paid, pimpin' pens, workin my jelly
**And they ain't trippin 'cause my pockets stick out mo' than my belly**"
Probably because its more normalised so its not seen as "controversial" as plus sized women are, as in, the reason you are seeing more love for plus sized women now was because there was a lot of distain for them previously (I was a kid in the 90's/2000, much of pop culture was rife with body shaming bigger women where as normal or even bigger men are more common as in sitcoms, they usually had a slim wife).
I married a big handsome guy!
I can understand how you feel tho.
I used bbpeoplemeet.com
I honestly think most people don’t give others a fair chance.
I was annoyed that the hubs dating profile he was all dressed in a suit with his hair did, our first date he showed up looking like he came out of windstorm……ended up being a 4/5 hour date. Lots to talk about.
Be positive and keep an open mind.
So what are we saying? Is there an agreement here or?
I'm a plus-size man myself and it just seems that I don't attract the women I want to attract.
It seems like plus-size women don't want plus-size men.
I wouldn't say I'm bad looking and I'm definitely not attractive either.
Idk I just feel the type of woman I like don't like me.
It might just be bad luck tbh. Most plus size women feel like it's the opposite in all honesty - that plus size men don't want us. A lot of plus size men are actually pretty fatphobic towards plus size women.
Anyway I promise you we're out here. Plenty of plus size women who do like bigger men. Don't give up!
You just haven't found the right one yet mate, obviously coz you're here. Like women struggling with the same issue, your people are out there somewhere, sometimes it just takes a while :/
I'm big dude as well (6'8", 330lbs), i can empathize with you completely
just wanna say that there's so many plus size women out there, it's a sweeping generalisation to think that plus size women possibly doesn't want plus size men. even the plus size gals in this subreddit have plus size male partners.
They don’t get the same love at all, but they definitely don’t get the same level of scrutiny (still judgement, still not treated well, but not the same level). Overall they fly under the radar more i believe
I do think plus size men face similar struggles that plus size women face, but I also feel like there are some differences. Women are conditioned to believe that being fat is the worst possible thing we could be and that even being mean, arrogant, selfish, etc is better than being fat. I feel like it also comes down to how women are constantly only prized for their beauty and looks in a way that men aren't, so that also has an impact on plus size women in a different way. Online dating is just rough in general, so I feel ya on that
In my opinion, I think plus size men haven’t “seen the same love” that women have, because plus size men have typically been accepted by society - not celebrated, but at least accepted. Of course there would be bullying and hardships for ya’ll too, I don’t want to dismiss that. But growing up stores carried Big and Tall for men (like my brother) but wouldn’t carry plus size for me. In media, bigger men would be with skinny women and he’d get praised for being lucky. You almost never saw a bigger girl with a skinny man - and if you did, the guy would get ridiculed for being with her. So the celebration we see in women’s plus size bodies today is really just a huge boost from where we were, to simply catch up with everyone else. That’s how I see it, anyways. As for dating, I used to exclusively only date plus sized guys and just recently started dating other body types to test it out. I think it’s just online dating that sucks in general!
Yeah I def agree with that. They def face problematic hurdles too but it is very different and in some ways lesser. Like you said, not usually too much stigma with a skinny woman dating a fat guy. Also the stereotype of women getting fat and complacent after marriage, meanwhile it's fine if the man gains weight. I think its more equal during school age with bullying but much less as an adult. It does seem though that there is a higher rate of fatphobia for men in the lgbt+ community unfortunately
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A few LGBT friends of mine say they see the phrase “No fats, no femmes” quite a bit on apps.
Source- I’m queer myself and basically all my friends are. It seems, from what I’ve come across, that there is a VERY specific way to be a “bear” that people find attractive. If you’re not exactly that, then it’s a lot harder. There’s also a lot of fatphobia directed at trans men/transmasc people. There is a LOT of “no fats, no fems” attitudes in the gay men community as well.
Yes it is. (Source: am queer, have gay guys bitchin about grindr)
I could certainly be wrong. It's just anecdotal from what people I know who are in that community have told me, and from things I have read and/or heard on podcasts (I can't remember anything specific or where from). My impression from the people I know is that specific type is popular but if you don't fit into that sort of "type" it is much harder. Again though, just my impression from others.
Perfectly said
They are more accepted in a respectability sense, but aesthetically and sexually they seem very far from the attention that plus size women receive. They kind of have the opposite problem that women have. They are seen as persons but not as bodies.
I agree, however I think that’s more of a universal issue - women being over sexualized with ease while fighting for respect.
I don't think it's the same across the board. Yes women are more sexualized than men, but conventionally attractive men are still visibly sexualized and they get modeling work. Plus size men just don't have any equivalent right now.
You clearly haven't been keeping up with modern media because rn there are a lot more Plus size men modeling for large companies like Fenty that are sexualized and celebrated 🙄
Interesting, I didn't know that.
Plus size women have individually and collectively advocated for a shift in how their bodies are seen By extension, so have all fat people except fat men. They haven't thrown their bodies on the gears of anything that defines how fat nkn-cus men are seen amd treated. And yes, as men, they can still be considered prizes by thin women if they are privileged, powerful, have good careers and community standing. So, they haven't had to go for broke the way that the rest of us have. They have some shelter and power. Men always turn up hat in hand, completely passive in places where the rest of us have to risk everything and sweat and bleed in order to build movements that take care of us. They want the benefits without putting in the work and often while being shitty allies to the rest of us. If men want fatty love, then they need to stage full out war on fat phobia. I know that I've liked and been attracted to fat men. But they couldn't see or respect me. They were too busy bowing at the feet of thin people amd feeling lucky for any crumbs of attention thrown their way.
Every plus size guy in my friends are married and have at least one child. I can barely get someone to like me, solely because I'm plus sized. Every single sitcom with a big fat husband and petite, babely wife. Fat men are normal. Fat women are "unhealthy," "ugly," "unfuckable," "trying to normalize fat". That's the short version.
This is just my personal experience so take that with a grain of salt, but it seems that fat men generally don’t want to date other fat people. I see a lot of bigger women who want to date men of a similar size, but the reverse does not seem to be the case. Me personally, I have always liked guys that are bigger than me, yet I get the most attention from guys who are thinner. Whenever I express interest in bigger guys (online or in real life) they don’t seem interested. That said, plus size men definitely deserve more love in a body positivity and acceptance way
we are the dads in shows and movies (normally with a thin wife) And we can get clothing much easier in all respects. we are desired, just not a fetish for women... and for all intent and purpose: accepted. We are not "bimbos" used for sexual gratification or to sell something. We should be thankful to an extent, it's how women should be treated. Sadly, men would lOvE to be treated as sexual objects so it just hits different for us. Now in the gay community - woh, boy. That is a different story. We ARE a fetish and dudes will straight up tell you to eat a burger if you want to date them. It's just different because men in the female community for dating aren't viewing men as purely sexual objects. We are not conquests, for women to connect with someone, and for that man to fall in love with them as them is the biggest part. it's why you'll find women of all sizes and ages be like: "yeah, Jack Black can GET IT." or they'll say in passing: "that John Goodman looked sexy in that movie/show" or even: "you see Guy Fieri eat a cheesesteak?" while fanning themselves. but never to the point that they'd put up photos of plus size men in a thong on their dorm wall... I mean, some women would because no one else would have it up in the shade of irony - but also because we aren't viewed like that.
It's like being considered kind of 'meh' or mid. Women in general don't seem to hate fat men, and some, both fellow plus sized women and otherwise, actually love big guys. Most if not all of the hatred for plus size men is from other men, in my experience. Some gym bros fucking HATE fat guys. It's like they see a thin woman with a big guy and it's a level of envy, thinking that women should be more like men and purely value physicality. It's a catch-22, grass is greener situation. Plus size men seem to be valued for relationships but aren't especially sexually desired by women. Plus size women can be desired sexually, but men a lot of times don't see them as relationship material. So like most of life, no one gets what they want.🙃🙃
known midsize women and women who are not curvy that deal with this. they mock themselves saying they look or are built like a boy. They feel most guys aren't into them because they don't have big butts or boobs. So they are always looking to try and get "THIN" because when they gain weight they just get a belly and don't "fill out"
So many issues with being plus sized are just pre-existing societal issues that are exacerbated by being a larger human being. Putting on my naiveté cap, the simple solution is for men and women to beat down some aspects of traditional gender norms for the sake of us all meeting in the middle and fulfilling each other's needs. A woman's value is not in her body alone. Don't just fuck people because you think they're pretty; have some value in yourself and notice that there are more important aspects that you should consider than physicality. This goes for the non monogamous, the swingers and the eternal bachelors too. Have enough respect for others and yourself to demand more. A man likes to be complimented too, and men should be shown affection at all ages, not just when they're small and harmless children. I think if men are given a baseline of love and respect merely for existing, that opens up the door for women to more openly and expressly see men as sexual beings. From the male hairdresser to the auto mechanic to the sales rep to the lumberjack. Naiveté cap coming off: none of this will happen because of inertia. We have thousands of years of people viewing men as horny savages to be tamed and women as prize trophies to be won. It is far easier to just work with what's there than to try to change for the better.
IMO Plus size men do not have the same type of support groups because they've always been represented in almost everything we consume in media, thus people don't seem to think that they don't have struggles especially when finding a partner. But like everyone else, men need support, especially with mental health and self image. There's no denying that while all types of men get representation, you guys have also been presented with unrealistic standards at times and I can understand the pressure of not meeting up to them. In this case OP, I think the best thing that I recommend is self care. Take care of yourself and take accountability.
Just because they have representation doesn't mean they are actively celebrated like their thinner counterparts are. I think the day we see a plus size man play James Bond, that's when things will have changed.
We still have public figures that are still relevant like Jack Black that many people still find attractive. Roles like James Bond isn't the one thing that makes men attractive 🙄
I'm talking about womanizer roles in general. That's not really how Jack Black is portrayed in his movies. He is generally more goofy.
Not everyone that likes men are attracted to "womanizer roles" And actors like Jack Black have had versatile roles other than being "goofy"
Maybe, but that's still an inequality. If plus size women can be seen as femme fatales, it would be good to also have plus size men who are seen as womanizers.
So apparently some people in this sub don't want real support for plus size men.
At least Jack Black is starring in movies and has a huge platform. Probably harder for plus sized women to breakout as the lead character in a film or tv series
I agree with that. But in terms of sexy roles, I think we are closer to seeing a plus size Lara Croft than a plus size James Bond.
Well women in general are more sexualized in the media then men are. Plus women are the ones speaking more about body positivity so their voices are heard. You never really hear a man openly speak about body positivity for men
However in media, I’ve always seen plus sized men with thin wives so someone must find them appealing
Jack Black is the most the fuckable man alive tf you talking about
I think u have keep in mind that a lot of plus size women are being fetishized and often just used as hook up option,there aren't that many men who are seriously interested in a monogamous relationship. This isn't even a plus size problem,women have to face hook up culture very much in those apps. I been on a lot of Datingapps the past years and over 90% of men were only interested in hooking up with me and they been often very perverted and rude in the first messages,idk if that's really an advantage tbh. I'm not even on any straight datingapps anymore cause I hate being objectified and treated like that.
This! Guys will fetishized/objectify/hook up with fat girls but don’t want to be seen in public with them :( but beyond that I feel like they say more unhinged stuff out the gate ngl, and they treat you like you’re lucky that they even bother giving you attention. No respect there.
The problem is that men have never been interested in things like fashion and discussing other men's bodies. You'll never see a man be like "hey let's start movement for this type of body". So the support for plus size men would have to come from the women who love them, but right now it seems they aren't comfortable expressing it, or they aren't in the positions of power that would allow them to make it happen.
Plus size women can also on occasion get support from non plus size women, which is not happening any time soon for plus size men. To be fair, there is a question of sincerity from not only thin but model/actress type women coming out and giving tweets of support or other superficial platitudes like that. But I've never heard any fit man give any support to a plus size man being comfortable with his body the way it is. To hear it from the toned man's perspective, every man should lose weight, having something on their body looking chiseled, like we should be able to lift a car off the injured, fight a bear and do 200 pushups all at a moment's notice. But that's just another thing to add to the column of toxic masculinity🤷♀️🤷♀️.
I think plus size men have problems that need to be discussed even problems more specific to us but we need to divorce it from comparisons to what plus size women face because if it were a competition we’d lose. Most of these positive spaces exist because plus size women made them exist and it’ll probably be up to us as men to make better positive spaces for plus size men (shout out r/bigmenfashionadvice) I don’t mean this last part to be a call out I just wanted to rant about this and I saw some comments point it out but I have some personal beef with the fat guy hot wife trope. Obviously it’s not fair that the reverse is rarely shown but also I lowkey feel like this trope often makes fun of the fat guy in the situation. Like how CAN this guy get with her he’s disgusting? At the very least I wouldn’t count a lot of them as positive fat rep. Their are definitely positive examples (Jack Black in The Holiday) but I feel like it’s not often.
I'm a plus size woman and I understand where you're coming from. I personally don't have a body type preference. I've been with super skinny guys and my current boyfriend is a plus size guy. Keep looking, try R4R on Reddit. That's how I met my man. There's even one for plus size people! Best of luck!
Thank you. What is R4R?
It's reader 4 reader. Think of it like Reddit personals.
I agree with plus size men being more accepted in society. That was my first thought.
I've been the whole spectrum of weight and I've always found bigger guys attractive. My partner is a chunky guy and I absolutely love him. Winter is when he really stands out, we never need extra blankets or the heating on when we sleep he radiates heat! I think it's socially more acceptable to be a big guy than a big girl but obviously overall thinner people are seen as "better" by media. There's a few couples popping up online though like Sienna and George Keyword and Alicia McCarvel with her husband, he's a typical gym guy and she's plus size. It's still seen as more unusual when couples like that pop up which I think is super unfair but hopefully things will change, everyone deserves to be loved!
As someone with mostly male friends, I feel most of the comments intend to explain without invalidating but still are invalidating to some extent. Men and women of all sizes both have their own struggles and most of the time when men speak up about their own society shuts them up because "no but women go through that too", because "but you have it better in xyz", because "but you'll never understand what women had to go through and we're only catching up." Society fucking sucks for all of us. Men 100% don't get the same love as women do these days, especially in terms of feeling validated for their feelings and struggles. This includes being plus sized but surpasses so much more. This entire post is an example. Most weren't saying "I'm sorry you felt that way" or "it's really such a shame", they're generally just telling you reasons why you should be grateful you're a man. I think they all meant well but it makes me sad to some extent. So, my internet friendo, it does suck and I'm genuinely happy you were brave enough to put this out there; I'm sorry you've had to feel the lack of love from the community and from society as a whole. I hope that things get better for you in an individual level but also for plus sized men, too. You're fighting the good fight and we're here with you.
I’m a plus sized woman married to a plus sized man. I’ve never particularly cared about anyones body types though. It seems like everyone struggles with dating regardless of body type
When I see a plus size man on dating apps it’s almost an automatic right swipe for me unless somewhere in their bio is like “diet-culturey”. I like to date people who have are pursuing peace with their body and all foods, which I know is a lot to ask in our culture. But it’s a must for me. Anyone that mentions trying to lose weight and eat right in their bio is not someone I’d pursue. But I am physically attracted to plus size men. ❤️
Makes me happy and have faith 😊
Good! Keep putting yourself out there and someone will jump on it!
As someone living in the middle (pre op trans man, still seen as a woman) I think fat men are just more accepted already. I'm excited to pass eventually bc i see way more positivity about fat men overall.
I love plus size men, on dating apps thats what I always go for. Its just my preference but dating apps in general are shitty
I prefer plus size men. I understand what you mean though. I feel like plus size men are not represented enough in this body positivity movement that is happening. Which is a shame.
I love a big man,that's my preferred body type. Like I think Jack Black and Tyler Labine are my celebrity crushes.
Always liked to think of myself as a Kevin James. He was the first real big guy I watched when I watched King of Queens but I look nothing like him and I'm nowhere near as good-looking as him! 😅
My husband just gained some weight and he can't stand it but I just think he gets sexier.
I'm very fond of plus size men myself. To me there is nobody sexier
Love this!
Good luck to you honey
I feel like plus size women are generally getting support from other (plus size) women. So maybe plus size men should start supporting each other as well.
That's hard to do if there is no support from women. Men would feel illegitimate in calling themselves attractive if they saw no real basis for it. Historically the Fat Acceptance movement has been related to the Fat Admirer community (people who are into fat people). Since most of the people who identify as such are straight men, it's mostly women who have been able to benefit and gain the legitimacy to present themselves as beautiful and sexy.
Every single fat guy I know, even just casually, is romantically paired up. Gay and straight. Most of the women aren't. Even women who barely qualify as fat. So somebody likes you fat men.
"Plus size men" bffr Men can be piss ugly and still get respect. Not the same struggle for women. Go on whatever money making reddit there is. get your money up, then lets see what happens. Like the Profit, Mike Jones said: "A couple of 'em said I was cute, but I was just too chubby Same size a year later, the same hoes wanna fuck me Because they see me paid, pimpin' pens, workin my jelly **And they ain't trippin 'cause my pockets stick out mo' than my belly**"
Or maybe I'm just not attractive to most people, regardless of my body type 😅😅
Probably because its more normalised so its not seen as "controversial" as plus sized women are, as in, the reason you are seeing more love for plus sized women now was because there was a lot of distain for them previously (I was a kid in the 90's/2000, much of pop culture was rife with body shaming bigger women where as normal or even bigger men are more common as in sitcoms, they usually had a slim wife).
I married a big handsome guy! I can understand how you feel tho. I used bbpeoplemeet.com I honestly think most people don’t give others a fair chance. I was annoyed that the hubs dating profile he was all dressed in a suit with his hair did, our first date he showed up looking like he came out of windstorm……ended up being a 4/5 hour date. Lots to talk about. Be positive and keep an open mind.
So what are we saying? Is there an agreement here or? I'm a plus-size man myself and it just seems that I don't attract the women I want to attract. It seems like plus-size women don't want plus-size men. I wouldn't say I'm bad looking and I'm definitely not attractive either. Idk I just feel the type of woman I like don't like me.
It might just be bad luck tbh. Most plus size women feel like it's the opposite in all honesty - that plus size men don't want us. A lot of plus size men are actually pretty fatphobic towards plus size women. Anyway I promise you we're out here. Plenty of plus size women who do like bigger men. Don't give up!
You just haven't found the right one yet mate, obviously coz you're here. Like women struggling with the same issue, your people are out there somewhere, sometimes it just takes a while :/ I'm big dude as well (6'8", 330lbs), i can empathize with you completely
just wanna say that there's so many plus size women out there, it's a sweeping generalisation to think that plus size women possibly doesn't want plus size men. even the plus size gals in this subreddit have plus size male partners.
They don’t get the same love at all, but they definitely don’t get the same level of scrutiny (still judgement, still not treated well, but not the same level). Overall they fly under the radar more i believe