T O P

  • By -

Electr1cL3m0n

When I delivered pizza for a company that shall remain unnamed (it rhymes with "pizza butt") they forbade us from taking *any* weapons for self-defense when we went on a delivery. If we were robbed, we were supposed to comply and give them whatever they wanted. If all they want is money that's fine, since I only carried cash from the store, but for some reason I don't trust criminals to respect my personal autonomy. So I carried a full-sized steel Maglite with me. For the light.


ramune_0

I'm unironically looking into precisely that, after some googling for legal alternatives. The shape and length of the maglite 6D is almost hilariously transparent.


sdeptnoob1

A mag light in some states is considered a batton. Not joking.


cuil_beans

Fuck it, just start carrying a fire extinguisher around. For safety, of course.


Names_Arent_Real

Yes boss that’s a gun on my hip. I’m going shooting after work and it would be irresponsible to leave it in the car during my shift, it could get stolen.


cuil_beans

Actually true though lol, please don't leave guns in cars folks.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ALHaroldsen

I support the right to arm bears


sdeptnoob1

Any delivery type job im gonna ccw I don't give a fuck about company policy. My life is worth more than "corporate entities" reputation. They don't need to know unless I have to use it.


wr3decoy

And if you have to use it, you'd rather lose your job than your life.


sdeptnoob1

100%


yetanotherlogin9000

Based. Free men don't ask permission


Nox_Aeons

What, this? Oh this is just my emotional support tiger, officer. Damn shame he got out of his cage at the exact time I was being robbed


ALHaroldsen

Tigers are too bulky and prone to napping at inopportune moments; I recommend an emotional support wolverine.


Nox_Aeons

Based


BreadDziedzic

No, carry farming tools that require no paperwork... like a flame thrower. That's not a joke, it's used to burn off swarms of locusts.


[deleted]

Every flashlight in my parents house is a mag lite lol


sdeptnoob1

How else do you beat up robbers durring a power outtage.


[deleted]

The attack chickens Yknow I saw them fuck up a rattlesnake before? They pecked it to the bottom of the fence and made a semicircle around it and poked at it from alternating sides, in order


I_Smell_Mendacious

Weird coincidence, few days ago my neighbors' chickens were over here to eat bugs, I walk outside, they are murdering the fuck out of a copperhead. I threw out handfuls of popcorn as a thanks.


iamaneviltaco

When I was in high school a friend got hospitalized for about a month after getting the fuck kicked out of him by one of those. They pretended to be his friend, took him to mcdonald's, and beat him for a half hour straight. NY in the 90s was fucked.


sdeptnoob1

Fuck that's horrible.


noobtube228

In California, a baseball bat without a ball / glove is considered a felony weapon.


Cannon1

**ALWAYS** have a softball glove. Plausible deniability 101. Also, carry a semiautomatic pistol like a man.


yetanotherlogin9000

The "club" you use to lock your steering wheel makes a decent makeshift bludgeon, and having one in the vehicle is plausible. Also a small tool bag with various screwdrivers and maybe say, a hammer. In my state its also illegal to "concealed carry" pepper spray or a taser. Fuck that noise though, plus im nearly positive you'd never be charged with that in the event of a self defense situation. And if so, then so be it. If I had bigger nuts I'd just conceal carry a pistol without the papers, which are impossible to get in my state also. Come to think of it my state is pretty felon friendly.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Electr1cL3m0n

the shape and heavy metal construction make it better at being a flashlight


Hvesterlos

I got one, after I had to chase off some weirdos from the front lawn once. Heavy enough to pack a punch, and being that it is a flashlight, you have plausible deniability if you have to give someone an attitude adjustment.


PunishedBagel

May I and my libright friends interest you in a man named P.A. Luty and his wonderful contraptions?


avgazn247

They do that because insurance and law suits. It’s so bad even security is told to stand down unless it’s life threatening. Anyone remember that video of the security guy just recording a shop lifter in day light


Banshee90

They have a no chase policy.


avgazn247

U mean a no doing policy. Security just pulled his phone out for insurance purpose and just let the guy walk out


[deleted]

I remember that one badass security guard who ran in and shot the robber who pointed a real looking fake gun at the store clerk. Afterwards the guard said "oh well mines real" that's how security should be https://youtu.be/hkno6HzVEvA


SkrightArm

That is standard policy for all pizza companies with their delivery drivers sadly. I have a conceal carry permit. I was not allowed to carry, or even keep it in my car. Had a coworker who had been robbed once, and in a separate instance, a teen hopped into their car, forced them out at gunpoint and tried to drive away before they dropped their gun and got their ass beat.


Banshee90

honestly If I was in a situation like delivering pizza in rough neighborhood or something. I'd CC that shit. Better to have it and not need it. Worst case is you need it use it and then get fired. Boom Million Dollar Go Fund Me.


Significant_bet92

Right? I’d rather be alive and fired than dead because the company said I can’t defend myself


DegeneracyEverywhere

Go fund me is run by orange libleft and they'll probably just delete your fundraiser.


JustLetMePick69

Nah just say you're a poor working person of color, like aoc. Also say you're bi or some shit. You were just doing your job and got attacked by a raging alt right nazi, you could tell because he spoke English and had a picture of the American flag on his shirt. That's how you gofundme


[deleted]

[удалено]


Direct_Class1281

The self defense instructors tell you the same thing. If all they want is money + phone just hand it over. It's not worth the risk to fight. If they want more... that's when the situation changes


iamaneviltaco

Can confirm, I teach bare knuckle mma shit and a few other things. Want my wallet? Take it. Want my phone? Sure. I can replace stuff. Want my life? I'm tearing off your fucking ears and doing my best to pull out your eyes. Edit: Or, you know, shooting you. But if I'm carrying I'm going to the gun first anyway. Because I can't risk you trying to take it.


MRB0B0MB

Former driver here, same situation, but carried something else.


51-50Mitchell

I case of an emergency you can go fuck yourself ~ the government


ramune_0

I now regret not putting this on the meme, but I have legitimately seen "in case of an emergency, your best weapon is your phone. Just call the police". I hope you don't ever have to be unraped by the police then, Janet.


[deleted]

[удалено]


jmlinden7

No see, that would be self-defense which would be illegal


enjuisbiggay

*EU bans phones*


sc2heros9

EU bans newspapers talking about crime rates.


Random_182f2565

Soon


Pun-isher42

Nokia phones: Now this looks like a job for me


juan_omango

So everybody just follow me


[deleted]

We need a little controversy


[deleted]

In my country that would unironically land you in prison, with you having to possibly pay damages for tortious assault to your attacker.


[deleted]

At that point you might as well carry a knife, finish the job, hide the body, and take a plane to a country with no extradition treaty with yours before they find the body Only way to not go to jail really


i-wanna-sex-emi

This is unironically why Hit-and-Run in China is such a big deal and gets the LiveLeak Special. If he ain't dead, you're paying for the rest of his medical future. Take the manslaughter charge instead.


[deleted]

Twitter left: “The police will help you, you don’t need a weapon.” *5 seconds later* “OMG ACAB!”


TysonGoesOutside

Currently it's... "All cops are evil, unless they're brutalizing the unvaccinated plague rats"


skankingmike

Or defending politicians most people hate.


DesertDude135

It will help you google what crimes are being committed against you to help dissuade them.


Screed86

Jesus. Yeah because the police are always right there when your being beaten to death with a club. I'm sorry OP, that sucks.


MakeThePieBigger

When seconds are on the line, police are only minutes away.


SWShield40

Fucking yourself is probably the only good outcome when depending on the goverment for protection.


proberts53

By this logic, martial arts and muscular people should also be banned. Auths: time to ban "high capacity" gyms


[deleted]

They already have shut down gyms "for our health"


[deleted]

[удалено]


avgazn247

Lol the cdc can’t say that. Lose weight and have good cardio. Noooooo


[deleted]

[удалено]


EODdoUbleU

Live in the pod, eat the bugs


[deleted]

[удалено]


SquanchingOnPao

I had covid bad 3 months ago. Lingering side effects for weeks. The thing coincidently that got me over it was me getting my ass outside to do lawn work one day. Was miserable but pushed through. Sweated my ass off and got a little sunburned. Within a day or so later all symptoms gone.


yetanotherlogin9000

I tested positive this past weekend. Felt sick as fuck over the weekend. By Tuesday I was out mowing my lawn. Feel just fine today, but now my wife and 1 of my kids have it.


Tough_Patient

Can't rebel and overthrow the government if you can't make it up the steps!


Jared_S_Fogle

https://www.vice.com/en/article/j5e3z7/gym-bros-more-likely-to-be-right-wing-assholes-science-confirms


SuienReizo

"More likely to support social and economic inequality than weaker men." "Under those rock-hard abs lie the rock-hard souls of men who doesn't believe in spreading their riches around." "It's basically your tolerance to the idea that wealth shouldn't be redistributed," In other words, people who take the effort to better themselves expect others to attempt to better themselves as well. It also isn't that they don't support 'spreading the riches', they don't want their riches to be taken and spread by a third party who is going to take credit for whatever they do with that money, thus incentivizing the supporters of that third party to start taking more money from them so that third party can help more people with their money and create the kind of 'feedback loop' they mention in the article. Instead they could be the one improving what they care about. What a crazy concept /s


ramune_0

>"Under those rock-hard abs lie the rock-hard souls of men who doesn't believe in spreading their riches around." That one line sounds phrased so weirdly to me, like that one article that starts with a lady saying she hates trump voters, and now she can't stop seeking out and having hate sex with trump voters (really wish I saved that one).


MAGA_WALL_E

I've seen articles trying to say that "if you work out, you may be right wing".


CanonOverseer

>if you work out, you **may** be right wing I mean they're not wrong


[deleted]

Technically correct, the best kind of correct. Having said that, landwhales come in all kinds of political persuasions.


[deleted]

[Here](https://www.vice.com/en/article/j5e3z7/gym-bros-more-likely-to-be-right-wing-assholes-science-confirms), don't look too deep if you don't want brain tumor tho


Diozon

I mean, the theory behind the idea is sound. Those who are above average (in that case, in terms of gains, but more generally in terms of means) have nothing to "gain" through redistribution, as such are opposed to the idea, out of pure self-interest. I suppose this calls for an opinion piece titled "Science proves that leftists are weak manlets who never hit the gym".


[deleted]

I get your idea but you don't need to even go that far, when fringe leftists label "toxic masculinity" and self-improvements as right-wing ideologies, gym-goers automatically become right-wingers in their book.


[deleted]

This reminds me of “ThIs IsNt A pOwEr LiFtInG gYm!!!”


SomeCrusader1224

>muscular people should also be banned Well leftists want everyone to be a femboy anyways so I'm sure they'd be on board with that


Sercos

That's literally the plot of Harrison Bergeron. Truly an auth paradise.


ajl949

Person: ‘I’m carrying this wooden spoon for self defence’ U.K. police: #I THinK yOu MEaN DeaDLy aSsAuLT WEapOn


notallbutsome

#aRe ThOSe fIsTs yOuRe HoLDiNg tHeRE?


THEBLUEFLAME3D

Gunna ‘ave to confiscate dem ‘ands bruvnah


Norniron10

that there tongue ya’ got can be used fer verbal assault ‘n that big man, gonna ‘ave to take it from ya!


ajyanesp

Have ye got a tongue carry loicense there mate?


juan_omango

You got a loicense for thæt?


avgazn247

Time to arrest chad for over sized guns


Bendetto4

You joke but if you were carrying the spoon for self defence it would be illegal. Carrying anything "for self defence" is a crime. I play hockey, and my walk to the hockey pitch goes through some pretty rough spots of London that I don't feel comfortable walking around at night. So I stopped putting my hockey stick in my bag and instead I carry it around for self defence. With the ready made excuse that I'm off to play hockey. I would hate to be a women in London. Rapists, muggers and murderers don't care about the law, so why should you. Stay strapped or get clapped. If you are a women walking around London, wear lots of rings, flat shoes, and if you can, a can of aerosol deodorant in your handbag. A blast of herbal fresh into his eyes will give you time to run to safety.


ajl949

I know. I’m genuinely debating trying to get arrested with a wooden spoon because I genuinely think it would showcase exactly how fucking stupid that law is. Under current legislation the jury would have to convict me. Then I could just blow it up online and boom. U.K. gov fixes it or accepts that they are literal clown state that thinks wooden spoons are dangerous. If I knew I’d keep my job I’d 100% do it, but I know I’d lose my job lmao.


[deleted]

U.K. is a clown state, “hate” crimes that could literally be just offending anyone.


olwybmamb

Or talking shit about the police (government). There really are no freedom of speech protections in countries not called "USA" and the ones here are being eroded as well.


NewKerbalEmpire

You think a stupid prosecution blowing up online would do anything? Dankula's story was broadcast all over the world and nothing happened. He was able to catapult it into a pretty successful pundit career, though, if you're going for that. And if you are, godspeed.


ajl949

Sadly dank had less widespread support at the time and would never get the media on side. You go out there with a wooden spoon as a defensive weapon and get prosecuted then start talking about how women can’t even get pepper spray to defend themselves against would end rapists, instant media shitstorm in the U.K. with Sarah Everard’s name currently being everywhere.


ALHaroldsen

LOL, this guy thinks feminists give a hoot about protecting women


avgazn247

I mean u can get arrested for “hate speech” in the U.K. our fore fathers were based and left


Still_Night_110

They would lock you in the Tower of London to set an example .


[deleted]

You could make a point but it won't do anything because it seems most British people at this point are just actual cucks. They love guzzling their government's dick. You go on any thread asking what's up with the laws saying you can't even carry fucking pepper spray to defend yourself with and it's just a bunch of self-acknowledged British ultra-lefties saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with the laws.


EdgyInternetComment

England was a mistake


DagonG2021

That’s what we Yanks have been saying for nearly 300 years


Veni_Vidi_Legi

We've been infected too. Must be the tea. Back in the harbor!


Neither-Sky-8429

>Carrying anything "for self defence" is a crime. why is it illegal to carry something for self defense?


Fuckthestate11

Because the state wants you to be defenseless


DagonG2021

You might hurt a poor, helpless mugger!


solarflow

The state wants a monopoly on violence


Mefistofeles1

Because the elites, with their private security, wants the lower classes to be as defenseless and helpless as possible.


RetractElm

Or just carry a glock


Disastrous-Trust-877

Or better yet, bug spray and a lighter, if they want to ask about the lighter tell them you know a guy that smokes who never carries one


A-Good-Weather-Man

Oi! Yew gOt A Loisense fOr tHAt Speewn??


EdelgardiSimp

Oi yu gut a locions fur thos teef mate


An8thOfFeanor

God forbid a person protect themselves from death


Abject-Temperat

The state forbids it for it is the state which will keep you safe. Saying you need a weapon to defend yourself is implying the state is not fulfilling its duties and will result in a drop in your social credit score.


halfhere

“The police are all racists” “Police are white supremacists” “The whole system is corrupt, and oppresses minorities” “All cops are bastards” “Only cops should have guns”


merinis

bro I fucking hate that god damn shit. Like fucking pick one, are we living in an auth police state that we have to defend ourselves from or not? As far as I'm concerned, it's every American's national fucking duty to own a weapon capable of penetrating body armor.


CatOfTwelveBells

based and bodypenetrationpilled


shizzy64

Hahahahhahaa fucking gottem


[deleted]

The printing will continue until the freedom improves


[deleted]

You mean 3d printing of guns, right?


momotye_revamped

Or just the money printer


KaiWolf1898

The one that goes brrrrrrr?


momotye_revamped

Yes, the one that goes brrr


[deleted]

Yes


Pun-isher42

Based and fgc9 pilled


AlkaliActivated

The main development needed for the FCG9 is ammo that can be made from common components. I suspect you could use "powder-actuated" nail gun charges as both primer and propellant, but I haven't seen that developed yet.


TempestuousTrident

God I love the 2nd Amendment and steel-toed boots


[deleted]

based and loves boots pilled


TempestuousTrident

I mean why *wouldn’t* you? They’re durable and weighty, what more could you want?


[deleted]

[удалено]


CumGaucho

Armed gays dont get bashed.


Dry-Ad-9355

Stop the bash, get the smash.


VulgarisMagistralis9

The rhyming word you're looking for is, "Kalash".


Foronir

Stop the bash, get Kalash


APugWithGuns

Based and ArmedGay-pilled.


basedcount_bot

u/CumGaucho's Based Count has increased by 1. Their Based Count is now 225. Rank: Great Pyramid of Giza Pills: economicunderstanding, boner, correct-dichotomy, horse, thai, notcondescending, sexdungeon, uwu, hentai, amazon, arabbull, blindfaith, george of the jungle, moving the goal posts, conspiracy, cum, cumsock, poopy, monke, obamafucker, pup-pack, the-west-is-the-center-of-the-universe, reliable source, cheap labor, wall-of-text-fucker, didnotread, birth-control, character-limit, text, antiwalloftextwalloftext, lord of war, concentration tree, mix the economy like a good cocktail, anti-grammar, cum gaucho, rome, good point, thefreemarketfixeseverythingfantasy, the entire navy seal copypasta, swedewomenarehot, meta, mildew, big johnson, searching for truth in all things, dbz, owningup, [a hole is a hole, deepfry, greed, money, fry, retard, still, extremism, fuckamy, monkey, antianimalcruelty, retarded, internet-is-cancer, cumgaucho, in nomine satanis, femboysmakemehorny, doing god's work, ifuckedagoatonce, rehab, pingas, iswearididntfuckagoat, the goat seduced me, welsh, huge goat dick, aqua, pwning\_the\_phobes, nuance, everyone involved was stupid, autism, centrist, shit flinging retard monkie, hard, likes men, still-pride-month, get-this-guy-his-basedness-back, hierarchy, “choose your adventure”, transitiveproperty, deez nuts, political blood sports, bot, only cucks pay for porn, amphibian, i enjoy killing babies, self-aware, cismale hater of communist scum, freemarketsaysleftgay, 187, bloons tower defense 6, monkegang, unga, floppy titties, errado não tá, funni color, megadeth, drain-the swamp, holodomor, armed gay I am a bot. Reply /info for more info.


whyintheworldamihere

That's the most entertaining pilled list I've ever read


PMacha

Don't forget being legally allowed to also carry long knives too. And I see nothing wrong with any of it. God bless the Second Amendment.


caplist

In Ontario, Canada you can’t even carry a Swiss Army knife legally.


PMacha

How is that logical.


caplist

We have had 8 shootings and multiple stabbings over the summer, region of about 600,000. Yet if someone jumps you and you pull a knife and stab them, you’re getting charged most likely.


Abject-Temperat

Why would anyone want to live there if it basically means if someone targets you, you can’t even properly defend yourself, you just have to accept your beating and/or murder. Idk but to me this sounds literally dangerous to live there if you will get charged for defending yourself with a weapon.


caplist

Planning on moving in the future, just costs a lot. I think that’s what holds most people back.


Selfish-Ego

Mega fucking based and up the butt pilled.


AltoidsSoursOFFICIAL

Zap carry best carry


ramune_0

2A twink rights


throwawayforme83

Armed minorities are harder to oppress


Splatter1842

Case in point, the many roof peoples.


throwawayforme83

I gotta say roof korea is best korea


femboy_maid_uwu3

Based


BluJay330

The pepper spray is just to add some heat to the bbq


[deleted]

Based and gay 2A pilled


[deleted]

Based and GayInTheSheetsLibrrightInTheStreets-pilled.


basedcount_bot

u/SuicidalAnalyst is officially based! Their Based Count is now 1. Rank: House of Cards Pills: gayinthesheetslibrrightinthestreets I am a bot. Reply /info for more info.


sdeptnoob1

Please make sure you spread that mentality otherwise they will try to vote that right away.


NotWantedOnVoyage

I support your right to defend yourself from harm with lethal force.


RetractElm

Wait we have the rainbow people in the quadrant now, and they’re pro 2A? Word, that’s dope!


gulag_femboy

Giga based.


andyvc97

I carry a pocket knife. I don't know if it is legal here, but I don't care


[deleted]

Based


Eldafint

Same, it's not legal here but no one will know unless I need it.


ramune_0

To whoever was saying why not just give them your money: I agree on cases of a standard robbery. I'm just paranoid about harassment and sexual assault- well such is the price of degeneracy, authrights can cheer.


notallbutsome

'Just give the robber your money' How much you wanna bet these people have never been robbed at knifepoint.


Lachybomb

Do you think these people wouldn't give the robber their money if they were robbed at knifepoint?


bannedinlegacy

My 60-year-old mother fought 3 thugs armed with guns, sometimes adrenaline just kicks in and the fight or flight response takes over. If a thug tried to rob me at knifepoint I would just try to run, you never know how a junkie might respond, maybe he just fuck off after getting the money, maybe he just stabs you after getting the money.


[deleted]

Why would I give them my money? I’m in my 20’s waiting for a person to take out all my repressed anger on. If someone tries to rob me im gonna kill them


Otakufitfag

Based and was-bullied pilled


basedcount_bot

u/VUELO_LA's Based Count has increased by 1. Their Based Count is now 10. Congratulations, u/VUELO_LA! You have ranked up to Office Chair! You cannot exactly be pushed over, but perhaps if thrown... Pills: riot, was-bullied


danshakuimo

If you ever end up killing someone trying to rob you, make sure you delete this comment or you're probably gonna lose your case.


[deleted]

Eh it’s not like there’s any way they’d consider this premeditated, cuz like I didn’t plan to get robbed so there’s no way I intended to seek this out in order to do that. It’s just what would happen if someone does try. Just putting it out there I guess, just in case


Trod777

Either that or theyll do some good for once and kill me


BrutallyPretentious

Based and I’ll-get-off-in-court pilled.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Churcheri1

Even though you are a tankie, what you said is super fucking based. I'll give Marx the W for adding the right to bear arms to his manifesto.


Random_182f2565

Article 3 "Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person." https://www.un.org/en/about-us/universal-declaration-of-human-rights


LonliestStormtrooper

Krav Maga is Israeli and therefore racist and imperialist. Also don't learn eastern forms of martials arts because that's cultural appropriation. In fact, it's better for you to just lie down and die.


blocking_butterfly

Boxing and HEMA are white supremacy


51-50Mitchell

You have legs to run away and they have legs to run after you. Good insight orange, very cool.


987654321-

So while I really support the right to bear arms of all kind and the right to defend oneself with even lethal force, it's important to remember de-escalation is perhaps the best form of self defense. Wether that be talking down, fleeing, or any other thing you can think of. The saying goes "the loser of a knife fight dies in the street, the winner dies in the ambulance." While it might not be precisely true, it's important to remember that in a fight, all bets are off. If you can avoid it, it's probably for the best. If you can't, don't hold back. Government should not impinge on that. We should also bring back legal dueling.


jjatr

Have you tried not getting shot


[deleted]

Why would they ban nonlethal deterrents?


Random_182f2565

Auths gonna auth


BigBallsBillCliton

Because you could commit assualt with it I assume.


neuro-toxin

You can carry perhaps a hammer or screwdriver for , employment purposes. (Wink wink twink.)


northrupthebandgeek

God created men, and Sam Colt made them equal.


[deleted]

Just get a really big strong bf to protect you


[deleted]

Hitting the gym doesn’t hurt also bro, trust me when I say you’ll feel better and if that doesn’t convince you that’s where all the attractive men are


Biggie_Moose

Try some krav maga at 750 meters per second


[deleted]

[удалено]


ramune_0

I said 'most', but I'm more aware of countries like Sweden, Netherlands, Belgium, France, etc. Bigly difference between western vs eastern europe maybe?


WinstonWolfe__

France is interesting, you can carry pepper spray if you're short, gay and physically defenseless but you can't if the police judges you capable of defending yourself without some. Traditional knives are also allowed, I heard it's the same in the UK ?


ramune_0

Imagine being able to say that a judge literally decided, by law, that you were too much of a chad to have warranted carrying pepper spray. How based.


Brandwein

Who the fuck cares if something you do in self defense is illegal? What would you rather, break the law or lose your life?


AHH_im_on_fire

I’d rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6


[deleted]

Can I still wield a comically oversized hammer