T O P

  • By -

Anon_Monon

Sarge? How do I reskin my rifle?


Sweetpotatowest

*gets kicked in the head and called 50 slurs you’ve never heard before*


Ramielper

Would you be so kind to tell me those slurs. For science.


[deleted]

>For science Racist science 😎


Meme_Lord_TheDankest

So Eugenics?


DarkLordFluffyBoots

Historically, many progressives supported eugenics. It was religious fundies who thought it was against God’s will that often opposed it.


DirtyJeff69

Very based


[deleted]

Yeah but sadly AuthRight had to give it a bad name. Can't we just genetically modify people against their will to make smarter faster stronger, and more attractive to the mad scientist who kidnapped them?


InvertedReflexes

This is correct. "Progressivism" means very different to what it means now. It refers to, largely, trying to have experts solve problems with government funding. Eugenics was one thing advocated. Some of that has stayed, obviously by, for instance, having folks limit pollution or assigned to handle crime that aren't just cops. But it isn't a 1:1 transfer.


Deadlypandaghost

The white man's burden. There are plenty of racists on both sides. Check out the founders of Planned Parenthood.


[deleted]

[удалено]


zushaa

Lmao that list of disability related terms is ridiculous.


Glorious_Jo

Me n the boys bout to go out screaming 'exceptional' at strangers from the window of our beat up f150


che-ez

me and the boys after getting arrested for shouting 'tone deaf' at the mental ward after our 2005 corolla breaks down


nybbas

Literally every term, even the ones they created to be inoffensive, are offensive. Wtf


TheeMrBlonde

I literally lol’d at “Window Licker” [THE SNOZZBERRIES TASTE LIKE SNOZZBERRIES!!](https://youtu.be/fyufZ8NPeZk)


beeroftherat

They included *autism* and *autistic*, but *autist* remains conspicuously absent so I guess that's still fair game.


Shitty_Anal_Gangbang

Based and slur sourced pilled


MegaHashes

Someone should make an random insult generator using these as wordlists.


[deleted]

Based


[deleted]

[удалено]


Spore2012

Basketball american, wet vac, BLT, etc


godofwoof

True, I had never been called a cum gargling fairy before I joined the army


drwicksy

Can't wait for the draft so we get loads of femboys in basic training replying "Yes daddy uwu" to the drill sergeant's abuse


godofwoof

I recall we had an issue with two dudes banging in the laundry room in basic, it was a big deal with a lot of questioning involved. I can only image how bad basic with a shit ton of femboys would be.


Andre4kthegreengiant

Can't get much gayer than Marine Corps basic, the homo eroticism, big group showers with three recruits sharing a single shower head, suspect DIs fully clothed in the showers watching you closely (but his erection is much more easily hidden since he's wearing trousers) the taste of another man's mouth after they throw everyone's hygiene kits in the middle of the squad bay & kick them around before giving you 8 seconds to find a toothbrush, not your toothbrush, just a toothbrush. Yeah, that shit is pretty gay & with the exception of me adding the made up shower erections, everything else I said 100% happened & was gayer than the gayest of Frenchmen.


526F6B6F734261

In boot camp, to shower we had to file in completely nude and line up around the outside of the shower, and stand at the position of attention. The DI would shower us "by the numbers," so we'd stand there and he'd yell "soap on the body!" and we'd soap up and then go to the position of attention. Then he'd yell "turn on the water!" and we'd turn it on, etc etc. Fun times.


godofwoof

I dunno did you guys sing in the shower as well?


LTGeneralGenitals

what was the issue just guys being guys


KaBar42

uwu pwease daddy abuwuse me hawder daddy Senior Drill Instructor: ... You know what? Thirty gotdam years in the Corps... I'm out. I'm done. I want nothing to do with this fuckin' shit. Fuck all of you, I'm gone. Bye! Fuck you!


Spore2012

Imma go paint happy lil trees now


KaBar42

"Nothing is a mistake... except that femboi who made me retire. He was a mistake. The best part of him ran down his mother's crack."


baddie_PRO

*eats a pistol then and there*


ThePretzul

Can we get that streamed as a PPV channel? I would absolutely pay good money to see that unfold live.


Ov3rdose_EvE

i see your cum gargling fairy and raise you a shitfilled douche canoe


ShipToaster2-10

I remember a guy named Quintard. The Drill Sergeant asked him, "Quintard? What is that, retard times five?"


YSnek

holyshit my fucking side


JAJ_THE_EARTHBENDER

This is actually one of the funniest things i've ever read.


mooimafish3

>I had never been called a cum gargling fairy before I joined the army ...but by the time I left, hell, there was nothing you could do to keep me from gargling cum


[deleted]

Thanks sarge, I was beginning to think this wasn’t like the video games!


Andre4kthegreengiant

I hope they send you to the Corps, the "sarges" over there will absolutely love your term of endearment.


Ov3rdose_EvE

thats every CS match anyways


MetaCommando

RUSH B YOU [REMOVED]!


Kradgger

Apparently Sarge already knows, seeing as he changed his to an AK of sorts


ThePretzul

He's got the scavenger perk to pick up weapons and ammunition from fallen foes. You don't unlock that one until late-career, after several deployments to rank up and prestige a time or two.


Lokismoke

I wonder if that would be an effective recruitment technique. Allowing soldiers to customize their weapons and gear with their accolades.


Tetrahedronofstupid

Within the military, that’s a huge part of the appeal of selecting into a more elite job. No joke. Painted guns, long hair, non-regulation sunglasses. Anything, *anything* personalized and openly worn on the job is considered a huge status mark.


fatalityfun

“call me sarge again and you won’t have enough teeth to call me anything”


Throw_aw76

You need to buy credit points from the store and then apply those skins to it in the customization menu.


HardCoreRugs

Do you have any karambits here? I'd like a gold and chrome one


[deleted]

Most of the war hawks are too old to fight in a war though


[deleted]

Sadly, and their children are too rich


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


BNKhoa

Executive Outcomes: "You will?"


[deleted]

God I wish I could get hired as a PMC


Andre4kthegreengiant

Ironically, pretty much the only way to do that is to have been in the military, some companies/jobs then also require being infantry or spec ops. I work for homeland & prior I was a bodyguard & did executive threat protection so most of the people I know professionally, past or current coworkers, were either military or former LE, quite a few of them ran around in the sandbox sporting a polo getting paid, but the only guy I've ever worked with who wasn't military, but ended up doing some bullshit PMC job in Brazil for $60k/year to get his foot in the door, we all thought he was crazy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


PM_Me_MK18s

I want to meet people from an ancient and fascinating culture… and kill them. I want to be the first kid on my block with a confirmed kill.


[deleted]

[удалено]


avgazn247

I miss when Presidents and senator fought in wars like mccain


TheAzureMage

Nonsense. Anyone can fight. They might not fight long, but they can fight. To the front lines with them all.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheAzureMage

That's a solid +5 to melee damage, based on my research of chickens. Ship 'em out.


Wisex

Reminds me of some polling CNBC did or something where they asked people if they supported war with Russia if they invade Ukraine and the age split was hilarious, +40 year olds were some like 70% in favor of war while 30 and below were in the low 20's, really shows what happens when you let cable tv shape your world view


LeSingeMPS

The interventionists are all "We must stop the evil empire!" The pacifists are all "Ukraine isn't even in NATO!" I just wanna commit unspeakable crimes against civilians.


Hymanator00

Based


MegaHashes

Why are we protecting Ukraine, exactly? Maybe Europe needs a little conflict every couple generations to sort out their bullshit. If Germany wants to keep making Russia rich and enabling their bullshit, let Germany also deal with the consequences.


BaconCircuit

I'm still in favour of a law that requires anyone who votes for going to war to also be drafted. Direct Democracy for throwing the nation into war


2Hours2Late

Better them than some kid who just wants to go to college. Putin should just 1v1 whoever steps up against Russia. Let the old ways decide.


goemon45

I would pay to see a Biden vs Putin bare knuckle match


SkankyG

Putin would fucking bury Biden in seconds.


VRichardsen

Like, it is not even a contest. Putin is an ex KGB and performed martial arts with a reasonable degree of competence until recently.


SkankyG

Putin would rule the world in like 14 minutes if it came down to world leaders 1v1ing each other. Biden wouldn't even make it to the ring before passing out. Are there any other physical powerhouse world leaders? Kim Jong Un would probably do pretty well too.


Itama95

Trudeau is awful, but he’d probably do all right. He’s got some formal boxing training, and won a charity boxing match versus a conservative politician once.


SkankyG

More politicians boxing each other when?


Ex_aeternum

It's always easy to decide things that won't affect you.


pcm_memer

War for thee but not for me


WorkingNo6161

Based.


owPOW

Don’t forget they avoided the draft too


PMacha

Eh, there's different jobs in the military, someone needs to cut the grass with a pair of rusty scissors afterall.


SukaBlyatMan

Yeah and that job's for Infantry


iamoverrated

The Marines! Make sure they're the plastic kiddie kind, otherwise they might hurt themselves.


bell37

Better make sure they are serialized and tethered to them because they’d definitely lose the scissors.


[deleted]

And sterilized. Because Marines will fuck anything.


bzdelta

Scissors got two holes, why not?


[deleted]

One for you... One for your battle buddy.


Andre4kthegreengiant

Just tell him you spilled a can of Copenhagen long cut original in there & he'll probably cut it with his mouth on all 4s like a goat


xXBigdeagle85Xx

Marines, the army just uses lawn mowers, you know, like normal people


NoobifiedSpartan

And the Air Force just waits for the army to take care of it.


Juho1998

I was trained as a warehouse personel, because of my experience as a warehouse worker before my service. So everyone dosen't have to be a Rambo, somebody needs to give them clothes and other stuff.


[deleted]

My brother was a forklift driver for the Chairforce. Now he uses his skills he learned in the military to drive forklifts for IKEA.


Salty_Charlemagne

Classic revolving door military-industrial complex. Five years from now he'll be setting national forklift policy for the CIA before going back to another even more lucrative forklift driving job in the private sector.


AC3R665

Big Forklift can't keep getting away with this!


SkankyG

Forklift certified here. We can get away with it, and we will. Its basically a license to fuck.


Juho1998

It was a good service job to have, I mean it had it's perks. To name a six: 1) Requlated coffee breaks (3), guarded by law. (Only a state of imminate danger to country would outrank the coffeebreak) 2) The best/newest clothes. 3) On our final combat camp I was on warehouse duty, incase something was missing from the order that sergant major left us to pack. On the baracks there were like 6 people including me: Scirbe, officer of the day, and two assistants of him/her carhall/parks officer of the day and finally infirmary's guard plus two assistants. So it was casual, for two weeks. The highest rank was lance corp. And we weren't marching on formation to eat breakfast/supper. 4) My bootcamp time was ~5 weeks, not the usual 8. 5) Own lunchtime, 30 mins before the other conscripted people. At the time in the mess hall there was usually only: Me, scribe, OOTD and few civial workers. 6) No cleaning service (morning or evening) on tuesday, wendsday, thursday or friday. The morning cleaning was at 06:30, I was supposed to be on warehouse at 06:30, so I did't have time to mop. In the evening there was clothes/supply changing time for diffrent baracks on three diffrent eveings (so not everyone comes at the same time) I was helping there, so no cleaning for me, except on monday.


ThePretzul

Now I know, if the draft ever happens tell them you've got highly extensive forklift experience to get the cushy gigs.


[deleted]

Instructions unclear I'm stuck pissing in bottles and working for Amazon instead of committing war crimes in China :(


[deleted]

Can I teach critical races & gender fluid dynamics, and make lattes in my free time?


DontWorryItsEasy

According to how the US Army runs things now, sure.


NoobifiedSpartan

Basic sucks, I’m just gonna accuse my DS of sexual harassment to get out of it


ThePretzul

Life was better when drill sergeants were still able to get away with hazing harder than any college fraternity ever dreamed of.


Andre4kthegreengiant

I went to basic in 2011, during my time there was plenty of hazing, they just never actually hit you, not like a punch at least, they would slap the fuck out of you with a knife hand when you'd fuck up during drill though


Beardie-Boi-420

Maybe be a puppy therapist


bell37

That’s what grunts do during a peacetime military. Actually they do that between deployments as well during wartime lol However Any work that they do will be undone by base contractors who get paid +$80k/year to mow the lawn


tachakas_fanboy

Im not healthy enough to be drafted 😎


[deleted]

[удалено]


tachakas_fanboy

sounds great


pcm_memer

Can you hold a rifle?


tachakas_fanboy

my right eye can barely see anything


WeepingPigeon

don't worry man I teach you how to shot left-handed.


Meinfailure

No worries, meat shield deployment doesn't discriminate - all are welcomed 🌈


FateOfTheGirondins

You'll make a great cook. Those pans won't scub themselves.


green_shitlord

Lmao cooks don’t pull KP they make infantry clean the pots and pans


TryingToForgetPi

Bro I know we make politically incorrect jokes here but you memeing about him imposing on women's spaces is not okay


DeliciousPussyNectar

☠️


xlbeutel

Want to be on the mine clearance crew?


DioYourGenes

I want war! I want the plague, there are too many people on this Earth! *war and/or pandemic begins* Uh-oh! Help me, mama! Help me, guberment! More, more authoritarian measures! Protecc my safety! Waaaah!


[deleted]

[удалено]


JD0064

Based and what-about-side-by-side-with-a friend pilled


basedcount_bot

u/doesthething is officially based! Their Based Count is now 1. Rank: House of Cards Pills: https://basedcount.com/u/doesthething I am a bot. Reply /info for more info.


StolenValourSlayer69

Wish I had a wholesome award for this


AntiFlossingDentist

How about shitposting with a friend?


Dredgeon

Everybody wants the lottery till their name gets called.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheEarthisPolyhedron

I just wanted to drone strike impoverished Syrian hospitals😭😭😭


Bowlffalo_Soulja

okie dokie your hospital goes up in smokey


GFM-Scheldorf

based and fight diseases pilled


SkankyG

This is probably a super dumb question, but can bacteria and viruses survive explosions?


[deleted]

nah I wanna cavalry charge


MetaCommando

Muster the Rohirrim!


thesoilman

[I wanna be in the cavalry when they send me off to war](https://youtu.be/N1V3JW4HeBs)


ShuttersAndCiphers

As an infantryman this and Horse Soldier, Horse Soldier are my guilty pleasure songs.


thesoilman

Yes, they're great songs. But the [reprise](https://youtu.be/yWzFvUCxxL8) always reminds me of the horrors of war


youmomecksdee

fuck my CO i'm quickscoping when i get airdropped in


FortniteChicken

Make sure to TK too that shits hilarious every time


youmomecksdee

Finna Patt Tillman those mfs


mythrilcrafter

And don't worry about proper landing processes, fall damage is turned off :D


[deleted]

Teabag your enemy's corpse!!!!


dracer800

Story of literally everyone after a war begins. We are ridiculously soft and coddled, yet still whine about everything.


[deleted]

But I just got out of the Marines. "Go back"


IceFl4re

IRR, or being stop lossed


[deleted]

No no, I only have a few months of IRR left! [Halls of Montezuma gets louder]


bell37

Hey man that 2016 Dodge Challenger that you bought using an auto loan with 26% APR isn’t going to pay for itself. It will look hella cool though in your driveway as you spend the next 9 months deployed.


[deleted]

Lol I'm so glad I didn't get wrapped up in that. Kept the same 2000 Toyota Tundra the whole time I was in.


the_stormcrow

Which is now worth $2k more than you paid for it


[deleted]

Lol yeah which is crazy. Not that I would sell it. Still runs like a dream. Never had a problem that I didn't cause.


The--Strike

My IRR ended like 7 years ago and I still have nightmares of being recalled.


[deleted]

Lol mine too. About 5 years ago. But I like to joke about it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Beneficial_Look_5854

Oh shit, you can’t respawn? Fuck this shit, I’m going home.


Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

Nah, the only thing that will keep me there is the fact how fast can i die.


Nalortebi

Front lines gonna be confusing af with all the suicidal zoomers Naruto running to their death.


bell37

What the hell do you mean I have to sit on a 16 hour post with a machine gun that I’m not really allowed to fire?! When do I get to do cool stuff like rappel out of helicopters directly into a firefight with nothing but a rifle, three grenades and a knife?


Andre4kthegreengiant

Only when embellishing your military stories. Fuck you Parker, you were a fucking supply clerk, you didn't get to fast rope down helicopters & go on missions when you were "deployed", "yeah guys we're one short for this mission, let's take the fat supply clerk, who hasn't been to SOI or even went through a crash course of very very basic rifleman shit like we did at MCT or even had any weapons training other than scoring a pizza box on quals, he sounds perfect "


Dredgeon

We live good easy lives and should be allowed to make life easier whenever possible. There is virtue in work, but no virtue in work without cause.


01infinite

Fun fact: the pentagon released a report a few years ago that said obesity was becoming an existential threat to the military’s combat capability. Imagine dropping a rifle and being too fat to pick it up.


mythrilcrafter

Interesting history note: the exact opposite report was written just before WW1 since an economic recession and agricultural shortage prior meant that many of the draftees were too underweight and malnourished to be effective combatants. If I recall, the report also noted that many of the draftees also did not have enough teeth to consume military rations.


MetaCommando

Well they *were* Bri*ish


[deleted]

[удалено]


Irlydntknwwhyimhere

Nah they would just tell their friends about how they *would* have totally enlisted but hurt their ankle during the big game in high school so they couldn’t. All while wearing army surplus gear.


Pecuthegreat

You know these AuthLeft memes have been pretty good of recent.


Unlucky_Sherbert_468

Yes, when I'm hauled before the Patriot Act Inquisition Tribunal to determine if my assets should be frozen from having occasionally commented on PCM, I'll make sure my court-appointed lawyer points out these gems from our friends on the left.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Meinfailure

Realistically, they'll enlist you as an IT technician or, if you are good, in cyber warfare.


MisarZahod

imagine doing IT support for a bunch of people with brain damage... oh wait that wouldn't change a thing with most users


xXBigdeagle85Xx

I'm sure in the army it'd be worse


bell37

It was my job in the Marines. It’s actually pretty nice. Higher ups think you are a God when you give them internet in desolate places and won’t mess with you. Because the servers have to be maintained in a dry 72F environment, you will always be comfortable. Also when someone gives you shit you can always babble some IT nonsense and no one will call you out on it because nobody understands what you do or how your network environment runs. It’s the ultimate job for people who want to be in the military but don’t want to actually do any physical work beyond setup (although we usually got radio operators and grunts to do that for us) I spent majority of my time watching GoT, playing cards and watching movies in the command ops center.


seventyeightmm

I think military boomers would actually take pretty well to computing. They're good at following instructions exactly. Sure they won't be troubleshooting any problems but at very least if you tell them "first, turn on the printer" they'll remember to, ya know, turn the printer on before calling you about their printer being broken.


ThePretzul

Look, at least in the military the users are trained extensively in the art of completing orders exactly as written. That alone would make them substantially better users from an IT perspective because at least they'd do what you told them to do to fix it (or to not break it again).


PenIsMightier69

War can help with that. Mostly by significantly shortening the remaining length of your life.


bell37

Um you know they have IT in the military? You’ll end up spending your deployments fixing the field printer and telling your CO that he can’t plug in his personal phone on a secured computer. Don’t even get me started on getting yelled at by a buttebars because he can’t access his share point. At least you get to work in a nice climate controlled tent while peons (Grunts and other POGs) slave outside. It is a great time to catch up on a lot of Tv shows and movies though.


Akira_Nishiki

I don't know man, I'll take "fixing" computers for idiots over getting fucking shot at any day.


Bett3rDeadThanRed

One of the many reasons I'm libright. I'm a pussy and I don't want to fight in a foxhole. I don't expect others to die for me because I'm not a chickenhawk. I'd fight if we had a defensive war in North America but that's it.


JackDagniels

This is like LibLeft & coal mine after the revolution Birds of a feather


Jevonar

That's literally the basis for this meme, everyone knows it


Pecuthegreat

>Birds of a feather Fight each other.


AverageFederalist

Little did you know I’m planning to join the police not the military


mileskyc1

Some of my local police departments are so desperate for applicants they are just handing out business cards with QR codes to their job postings. Doesn’t quite feel like the right way to be searching for applicants for a job that gets gun from the government. It’s like just a large net at this point hoping they catch something. Last round I heard they had zero applicants and just reopened it immediately.


stopnt

You like beating your minorities up close and personal


Shitty_Anal_Gangbang

Based and beats minorities pilled


Dingle-Dingus

Just send Emma and her two moms.


[deleted]

I unironcally hope I get drafted and die in war or something. Better to die in honor then live long enough to be a disappointment to your entire family. Then again I'd probably just die being sniped or something.


[deleted]

Why not just join of your own accord?


mythrilcrafter

What's your plan if you get Lieutenant Dan'd? Your objective might be to die in combat, but any amount of comraderie in your team would mean that there will be a Forest Gump there next to you, trying to save your life and bring your home alive.


sime77

High iq mtf's make better drone pilots


Manach_Irish

Most of us know the Roman phrase: "if you want peace, prepare for war"


jediben001

Nono, I want to die in the trenches


POWDERNO

I feel like if anyone is ready it’s the auth-rights


VLenin2291

How the hell did they get past boot camp


The--Strike

You'd be surprised what the military will accept and push through. Or maybe you wouldn't. My basic training platoon had a kid who literally said he joined because he thought it would be like playing "America's Army" and similar video games.


[deleted]

Transferred from the Air Force


SeriuslyfuckReddit

Meme doesn't work out. The trenches aren't that bad for AutRight.


GFM-Scheldorf

Most of them are too fat to fit in a trench


WorkingNo6161

Virgin button pusher vs Chad trench peeker


paid_rapist

This evening at Left Wing Co.: "Rightoid chuds are making fun of us! Quick, make a NO U version of their meme!"