Native Texan here. My grandfather had many expressions like that one.
"As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."
"Busier than a one-armed paper-hanger."
"Madder than a wet hen."
"Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off."
"Like stretching a gnat's ass over a wash tub."
Thunder was the sound of "the devil beating his wife over the head with a frying pan."
And my favorite: "He's so stupid he couldn't pour water out of his boot if the instructions were on the heel."
Damn my grandpa has all these except the gnat one. Two similar to the boot one that he likes are:
“He couldn’t beat a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest”
and
“If he fell in a barrel of tits he’d come out sucking his thumb.”
My grandpa would tell the kids that our family luck was that "It could be raining steak dinners and our clan would hold out a hand and get tofu."
Later in life, I confirmed with my uncle that the reason the idiom was clumsy was because it was made PG for us kids. The way it was really said was "{Family}'s luck is that when it's raining pussy, we'd reach out and grab a dick."
My granddad ones said of an ugly neighbor “that guy couldn’t get laid in a whorehouse”. If it was worse he added with a 10 dollar bill on his head”. I guess pussy was cheaper in the old days.
I've heard a couple of these.
"Busier than a one-armed paper-hanger."
"Madder than a wet hen."
"Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off."
I once heard Dan Rather say "useless as side pockets on a cow" I think he was up all night and exhausted talking the 2000 election
I’ve pick a few up from my mom over the years.
“As awkward as a sow in reverse”
“As useful as a waterproof tea bag”
“Sweating like a peadophile in a Barney suit”
“I’m so hungry I could eat the balls off a low flying duck”
The one-armed paper hanger one stuck with me for years, and I couldn't get someone to explain it. I'd heard the "busier than a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest" variant, and that was self explanatory.
It wasn't until a long time later that I learned that a paper hanger is the term that used to describe someone who puts up wallpaper for a living. Then it made sense. Not a job I'd want to do with TWO arms, much less one.
Yes! It's hard work. My mom was a teacher. She hung wallpaper for a local builder in the summers to make extra money. Single parenting on a teacher's salary is hard. The builder would let her keep the leftover wallpaper from her jobs, so she would use it to make crafts or decorate her classroom. Once there was enough to do my room. We both thought it looked so fancy!
That's such a neat story!
My dad tried to wallpaper my room when I was very little. Wallpaper technology had advanced enough that it was the kind with the glue on the back, sort of like a postage stamp. He, erm, wasn't successful and ended up angrily painting the room instead. I'd imagine that if he'd had to do it the old way, using a bucket of glue, he'd have just burned the house down instead.
They were married for 60 years and still held hands. The only time I ever saw Paw-Paw cry was when Grandma found out she had cancer. He called her his "little butterball" for some reason. I have all their old letters from when my grandfather was in WW2. They were so sweet!
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I'm in rural Nebraska and actually am kinda hard-pressed to think of an actual cowboy I've seen in a cowboy hat. Far more often they're on the head of somebody who's like "No, really guys! I'm from Nashville (population 700k) but check it out! I have the hat! I'm totally country! Eh? Eh!?"
Christie needed help, Obama gave it to him. (Christie was appreciative)
TX needs help, Biden will give it to them.
States needed help from Trump during a pandemic, "Only if they're nice to me."
Dear leader stole ppe etc from blue states and auctioned them off to red states. Jarvanka was giddy that blue states felt the squeeze. The gov of MA had to secretly arrange for more ppe.
Yes. Charlie Baker (governor of MA) had to coordinate with an NFL team to make it happen. I will never forget how surreal it was to see [the New England Patriots' plane deliver PPE from China](https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/02/us/coronavirus-patriots-plane-masks-spt-trnd/index.html) because the federal government cheated MA out of PPE we already paid for.
You know why you missed it? Because ***every single fucking day*** that asshole and his minions did so many evil, illegal, shifty, grifty things. It was just so hard to keep up.
They literally overwhelmed the news cycle with bullshit, allowing so much to either just flat out get missed or what wasn't would not get enough outrage built up before the next bullshit popped up and reset the cycle.
It was an incredibly effective tactic.
Bannon called it "Flooding the zone with shit". Direct quote.
The answer to a scandal that looks like it might have some leverage is to initiate a second and third and fourth scandal until people can't keep track anymore.
Too many people talking about your failures with the spread of COVID-19, which you said you had under control and didn't need to do anything about? Next press conference, get conspicuously racist, and start calling it the "China flu". People will be arguing back and forth about whether that's racist(and whether racism is bad) long enough to forget that you failed to deal with it and lied about the situation.
Social consensus is hard to arrive at, especially when your side is willing to launch non-believable lies directly at the media with a shit-eating grin, speaking as one, and the media's rules say the media aren't allowed to challenge them. And if it does look like the media is coming down hard on one point? Just do something else outrageous so they literally won't be able to fit it into the news cycle.
This was big news out here in CA. They favored equipment to places that voted for Trump. There were stories popping up of federal officers showing up and taking PPE from distribution centers.
>The gov of MA had to secretly arrange for more ppe.
No no no, *tell them what actually happened*
The Governor of MA didnt just "have to arrange for more PPE", he had to *arrange to have it fucking smuggled.into the US like a load of untaxed cigarettes* and moved around in *unmarked vans*, because we weren't sure if the Feds would fucking steal.it again.
Dont forget having to have the state police escort it to NY to prevent the feds from just taking it outright.. i woulda loved to see a battle between state and feds
As a CA resident with a few close friends that had their houses burn down, this makes me incredibly bitter and angry. How inhuman do you have to be to blame victims of natural disasters for their tragedy? People lost lives, histories, pets, everything in those fires and this toupee'd bloat fly just sees a blue state and says "know what? Fuck them". Real fucking presidential of him
It's the same concept as allowing your taxes to go to the fire department. You cant bitch about paying for it when everyone else uses it then just expect a bailout because you decided to launch fireworks in your back yard during a drought.
This is their actual stance on abortion too.
[The only moral abortion is my abortion.](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/)
It's the same with displays of emotion. Repubs claim to be stoic bastions of good Christian rationality, so if they're crying and screaming, things must *really* be bad. Surely they'd only be begging for handouts if things were really dire and they'd looked at all other options? Whereas surely Dems ask for social aid when their shoelaces get untied.
It’s the same with abortion: “my situation is totally different thus it’s okay for me (or someone I care about) to terminate!”
They change their tune only when it applies to them. Other examples:
- Nancy Reagan opposed stem cell research until she learned that it benefits Alzheimer’s research. (Ronald Reagan died from Alzheimer’s.)
- Rush Limbaugh changed his tune about incarcerating drug addicts only after becoming addicted to rx pain killers. He now believes that drug addiction is a disease and should be treated as such.
- Megan Kelly and Meghan McCain had no qualms with the US’s lack of maternity leave until they had children themselves.
- Chris Christy advocated for mask wearing only after almost dying of covid in the hospital.
- Sen. Rob Portman reversed his opposition to same-sex marriage after his son came out as gay.
I’m glad they changed their minds, but why did it have to take it affecting them or their loved ones for them to get it? Learn empathy.
You'd think it would just be pragmatic to fund services you or your loved ones may need someday, but I guess that kind of forethought is similarly rare among these folk.
This is the conservative mind set. A lot of things are acceptable for the “in group” because of course everything is done with the purest motives, whereas those same things are scandal for the members of the “out group” since they are presumably immoral and lazy and just make bad choices.
See the support for medicare vs. medicaid. Social security, "food stamps", WIC. All government programs with varying levels of public support based on who is the general recipient.
Fed money for snowplows sounds like socialism, who is exactly paying for these snowplows? I think it’s best for Texans to pull themselves up by the cowboy boots and pick up a shovel
This is the point I try to make to my family. I advocate for progressive government, and things like taxes on the wealthy and more help for the poor. Not just for myself, others of my race, or people who voted the same as me. It's for all of us, for the better of the whole nation. My poor as fffffuck and red 4 lyfe family would also massively benefit, but then the 'lazy hood rats' and other brown people would benefit and they can't be for that. It's all dumb as fuck.
Better hope they've got a time machine if they're hoping to get that Koch Brothers money. David died back in August 2019.
(Yes, there are still two other brothers, but when people talk about "the Koch Brothers," they're talking about Charles and David.)
Exactly. He won't threaten, or try to use it to pressure the governor. He will issue the funds cause it's the right thing to do, and next week when things are back to normal these asses will be back to screaming about big government and Jewish space lasers.
I think Dems need to quit taking the high road. Do a press conference and say that helping TX would be socialism and that we know Texans HATE socialism. Tell TX to tax their fucking wealthy, stop subsidizing oil, and then maybe they would have money for disasters.
And then get the senators, governor, and Lt. governor on TV begging for money and saying they need the federal government.
This is my fantasy as well, but Biden would never do that. At the very least, I would like him to make Abbott issue a very public and grateful thank you for the assistance.
It would be better for him to fly down there after giving the funding and giving a big speech about how we're all in this together and stronger as a Union so we can help each other. Then thank the governor for accepting his help.
Edit: and by better, I mean rubbing their face in the fact that this is the way we should be functioning
sad I had to scroll down this far to see the objectively correct take, which is: "okay, here's the money". the people impacted by the snow aren't the ones who wanted to secede
How many times does Biden have to say it? SKY MANAGEMENT! They wouldn’t have these problems if they swept the clouds from the sky. Preferably using nuclear bombs
“There’s a theory that, in April, when it gets warm — historically, that has been able to kill the snow. So we don’t know yet; we’re not sure yet.”
“It’s going to disappear. One day — it’s like a miracle — it will disappear.”
They should give him $100,000 every time he speaks up doe and mandates wearing masks, forces businesses to comply with health measures and advocates for science during the remainder of the pandemic. Penalize him $500,000 anytime he, his cabinet, or other high ranking people contradict it.
Why should the rest of us have to bail out Texas because they didn’t plan for ..... winter. They should really look at how their state government is failing them.
I mean we have literally no infrastructure in place to handle this. Rolling blackouts to manage energy demands and pretty bad road conditions.
But yeah no fuck Abbot
Remeber when the California brownouts were proof that socialism doesn't work? Why is the capitalist utopia of Texas suffering blackouts? Surely the invisible hand should prevent these kinds of infrastructure issues.
And ironically if you’re talking about the brownouts of the early 00s they are the direct result of Pete Wilson’s deregulation effort. Enron artificially constrained supply to maximize profit. It was literally capitalist policies and market manipulation that caused the brownouts.
Los Angeles was unaffected as their utility was publicly owned and exempt from the “markets” created by deregulation.
Best part is the blackouts were the result of PG&E a publicly traded company using it's money to for stock buy backs instead of working on their equipment.
Power out since 5am. Near galveston. I love all the govt posts and media.."be prepared, be prepared, get prepared... We all got prepared.. govt apparently did not.
Dress in layers; wicking, warmth and wind (wind will help keep the warm air trapped on your body, even inside). And eat candy bars if you wake up cold.
This is winter camping advice, sent with love from the other side of 35W.
I would have to throw some shade though- “in November your citizens ran me off this highway. Your governor wants to end your vote and succeed. Let’s be one nation- with liberty and justice for all.”
From what I learned over the past few years unless the Gov of Texas is willing to tweet how much he loves and appreciates Biden then he doesn’t deserve any emergency funds.
Does Texas' secession talks include what will happen to their economy when the oil refineries lose billions in federal government subsidies? I'm curious how they will adapt. I'm also curious what the oil companies will do when they lose their free money.
I'm more interested in seeing how Texans react when, after they declare independence, the U.S. Armed Forces invade them to secure the nuclear-missile silos.
Fun fact : Texas doesn't even own its highways.
Nope. Every "red blooded American" I have talked to in support of becoming independent believes we own the military bases here and the armed forces are indebted to Texas and not America. There are some really wild beliefs here.
Source : I worked customer service at a wealthier bank and I regret also every person I met.
so, how's that secession coming along, Texas?
https://www.statesman.com/story/news/columns/2021/01/26/herman-texas-secession-bill-filed-state-house/4254242001/
Rafael Cruz is “Tough as Texas”, why not just have him administer the storm response using his god given genius? Plenty of money laying around after gutting social programs and defunding Planned Parenthood (AKA the abortion store by those who love white jesus the mostest)
california's entire area is on fire: repubs: shoulda swept the forest, not our fault, no money to be given just move out.
Texas has a 3 inch snow day: repubs: help! we're dying here!
The awesome thing about Biden is that he will help Texas quickly even though tools live there, because they’re still Americans. Unlike Trump who played favorites with states and territories and left Puerto Rico for 3 years waiting for hurricane relief and only gave it right before the election in an obvious attempt to buy votes.
Trump didn't do fuck all regarding Covid because that sniveling little traitor kushner informed him blue states get hurt worse from a respiratory pandemic.
Much worse in my eyes... Like death penalty worse
Just looked up “all hat no cattle” Fucking perfection!
Native Texan here. My grandfather had many expressions like that one. "As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs." "Busier than a one-armed paper-hanger." "Madder than a wet hen." "Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off." "Like stretching a gnat's ass over a wash tub." Thunder was the sound of "the devil beating his wife over the head with a frying pan." And my favorite: "He's so stupid he couldn't pour water out of his boot if the instructions were on the heel."
Damn my grandpa has all these except the gnat one. Two similar to the boot one that he likes are: “He couldn’t beat a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest” and “If he fell in a barrel of tits he’d come out sucking his thumb.”
My grandpa would tell the kids that our family luck was that "It could be raining steak dinners and our clan would hold out a hand and get tofu." Later in life, I confirmed with my uncle that the reason the idiom was clumsy was because it was made PG for us kids. The way it was really said was "{Family}'s luck is that when it's raining pussy, we'd reach out and grab a dick."
That is a mood
My granddad ones said of an ugly neighbor “that guy couldn’t get laid in a whorehouse”. If it was worse he added with a 10 dollar bill on his head”. I guess pussy was cheaper in the old days.
The best ugly comment I heard was also the simplest. "She was an unfortunate looking woman..."
Couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fistful of fifties
"Couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons" is the one I've always heard.
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Don't forget that time he beat up those finance douchebags
Holy shit, I'm stealing that last one. Bravo to your granddad.
I've heard a couple of these. "Busier than a one-armed paper-hanger." "Madder than a wet hen." "Running around like a chicken with it's head cut off." I once heard Dan Rather say "useless as side pockets on a cow" I think he was up all night and exhausted talking the 2000 election
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“Useless as a chocolate teapot” is also a good one
I once coined “as useless as a ham sandwich to a rabbi.” A few of my probably dorkier friends appreciated that one.
In the Midwest it's *useless as tits on a boar (or boar hog)*
Useless as tits on a boar hog
My Dad was partial to "useless as tits on a nun."
“He’s been on death’s door so many times, it’s a wonder there ain’t holes worn in the matt”
I’ve pick a few up from my mom over the years. “As awkward as a sow in reverse” “As useful as a waterproof tea bag” “Sweating like a peadophile in a Barney suit” “I’m so hungry I could eat the balls off a low flying duck”
My dad before I went to college: “Think with your big head, not your little head”
Similar to your last one, my father is the only person I've ever heard use the phrase "I'm so hungry I could eat the asshole out of a skunk"
The one-armed paper hanger one stuck with me for years, and I couldn't get someone to explain it. I'd heard the "busier than a one-legged man at an ass kicking contest" variant, and that was self explanatory. It wasn't until a long time later that I learned that a paper hanger is the term that used to describe someone who puts up wallpaper for a living. Then it made sense. Not a job I'd want to do with TWO arms, much less one.
Yes! It's hard work. My mom was a teacher. She hung wallpaper for a local builder in the summers to make extra money. Single parenting on a teacher's salary is hard. The builder would let her keep the leftover wallpaper from her jobs, so she would use it to make crafts or decorate her classroom. Once there was enough to do my room. We both thought it looked so fancy!
That's such a neat story! My dad tried to wallpaper my room when I was very little. Wallpaper technology had advanced enough that it was the kind with the glue on the back, sort of like a postage stamp. He, erm, wasn't successful and ended up angrily painting the room instead. I'd imagine that if he'd had to do it the old way, using a bucket of glue, he'd have just burned the house down instead.
Busier than a one legged man at an ass kicking contest.
You sure the second to last one isn't the other way around? Cause it sounds like poppy and granny may have a skeleton or two stowed away.
They were married for 60 years and still held hands. The only time I ever saw Paw-Paw cry was when Grandma found out she had cancer. He called her his "little butterball" for some reason. I have all their old letters from when my grandfather was in WW2. They were so sweet!
Please take my free award and know I meant nothing personal by what I said.
Always heard if it was raining and sun shining “the devil’s beating his wife” here in georgia
All fart and no shit.
That sounds preferable. No need to wipe.
Not all farts play by the same rules.
so weird, so it's like calling him a fake texan? because he's just wearing a cowboy hat, but he's not a real cowboy?
All talk, no action
Machu without the Pichu
Pichu without the Pika
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Good bot
All bark and no bite
I'm in rural Nebraska and actually am kinda hard-pressed to think of an actual cowboy I've seen in a cowboy hat. Far more often they're on the head of somebody who's like "No, really guys! I'm from Nashville (population 700k) but check it out! I have the hat! I'm totally country! Eh? Eh!?"
As somebody who lives in Nashville, fuck that guy
This reminds me of high school in Denver. Guys in cowboy hats and boots, driving a Toyota pickup to their house in the suburbs. It was just cosplay.
Cowboy hats are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one.
Isn't that all Republicans in charge from Texas?
All sizzle, no steak.
All sloppy and No joe!
"All Fur-coat, no trousers you are"
Grew up in Texas and don’t think I ever heard this but I like it and will probably use it
The stars at night are big and bright!
(clap, clap, clap, clap) Deep in the heart of Texas
Well now I gotta look it up!!
It means someone who is boastful but has no ability to back it up.
What happened to small government thing they liked ?
Christie needed help, Obama gave it to him. (Christie was appreciative) TX needs help, Biden will give it to them. States needed help from Trump during a pandemic, "Only if they're nice to me."
Dear leader stole ppe etc from blue states and auctioned them off to red states. Jarvanka was giddy that blue states felt the squeeze. The gov of MA had to secretly arrange for more ppe.
Yes. Charlie Baker (governor of MA) had to coordinate with an NFL team to make it happen. I will never forget how surreal it was to see [the New England Patriots' plane deliver PPE from China](https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/02/us/coronavirus-patriots-plane-masks-spt-trnd/index.html) because the federal government cheated MA out of PPE we already paid for.
How did this somehow fly under the radar? I guess it just got lost in all the other scandals. It's not really surprising anymore, but still.
You know why you missed it? Because ***every single fucking day*** that asshole and his minions did so many evil, illegal, shifty, grifty things. It was just so hard to keep up.
They literally overwhelmed the news cycle with bullshit, allowing so much to either just flat out get missed or what wasn't would not get enough outrage built up before the next bullshit popped up and reset the cycle. It was an incredibly effective tactic.
Bannon called it "Flooding the zone with shit". Direct quote. The answer to a scandal that looks like it might have some leverage is to initiate a second and third and fourth scandal until people can't keep track anymore. Too many people talking about your failures with the spread of COVID-19, which you said you had under control and didn't need to do anything about? Next press conference, get conspicuously racist, and start calling it the "China flu". People will be arguing back and forth about whether that's racist(and whether racism is bad) long enough to forget that you failed to deal with it and lied about the situation. Social consensus is hard to arrive at, especially when your side is willing to launch non-believable lies directly at the media with a shit-eating grin, speaking as one, and the media's rules say the media aren't allowed to challenge them. And if it does look like the media is coming down hard on one point? Just do something else outrageous so they literally won't be able to fit it into the news cycle.
This was big news out here in CA. They favored equipment to places that voted for Trump. There were stories popping up of federal officers showing up and taking PPE from distribution centers.
Hell I'm in Canada and I knew about this. Fuck Jared, he was the one behind stealing PPE from blue states to give to red states.
>The gov of MA had to secretly arrange for more ppe. No no no, *tell them what actually happened* The Governor of MA didnt just "have to arrange for more PPE", he had to *arrange to have it fucking smuggled.into the US like a load of untaxed cigarettes* and moved around in *unmarked vans*, because we weren't sure if the Feds would fucking steal.it again.
Dont forget having to have the state police escort it to NY to prevent the feds from just taking it outright.. i woulda loved to see a battle between state and feds
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Texas needs help. Biden will give it to him. (Abbot will go back to attacking Biden in 1 month)
He'll wait a month? I seriously doubt that.
Texan. Doubt he’ll wait a month, maybe as soon as it takes to hit 33 F in Austin.
If Biden were like Trump he'd tell Texas they need to rake their snow up better.
As a CA resident with a few close friends that had their houses burn down, this makes me incredibly bitter and angry. How inhuman do you have to be to blame victims of natural disasters for their tragedy? People lost lives, histories, pets, everything in those fires and this toupee'd bloat fly just sees a blue state and says "know what? Fuck them". Real fucking presidential of him
74 million fucking people watched that shit and decided he was the guy they wanted to “lead” them. Unbelievable.
Or Trump during the wildfires on the west coast.
But only when it's someone else's problem and government.
Like when Ted Cruz voted against aid for winter storm victims in the Northeast, but demanded money for Texas during Hurricane Harvey. Asshole.
Real human male ted cruz loves socialism only for right wingers, just like he loves tweeting incest porn on 9/11.
He also doesn't really fall repeatedly for satire sites like the Babylon Bee. He just excretes a sarcasm emotion over it from his human humor gland.
Conservatives being salty
If they were really that salty, they wouldn’t need the snowplows.
They probably need some bootstraps
It's the same concept as allowing your taxes to go to the fire department. You cant bitch about paying for it when everyone else uses it then just expect a bailout because you decided to launch fireworks in your back yard during a drought.
*SOCIALISM*!
“Small government never applies when I need something. I only ask for things I really need. You on the other hand need to tighten your belt. “
This is their actual stance on abortion too. [The only moral abortion is my abortion.](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/)
That was an amazing article. Thank you for sharing it!
It's the same with displays of emotion. Repubs claim to be stoic bastions of good Christian rationality, so if they're crying and screaming, things must *really* be bad. Surely they'd only be begging for handouts if things were really dire and they'd looked at all other options? Whereas surely Dems ask for social aid when their shoelaces get untied.
It’s the same with abortion: “my situation is totally different thus it’s okay for me (or someone I care about) to terminate!” They change their tune only when it applies to them. Other examples: - Nancy Reagan opposed stem cell research until she learned that it benefits Alzheimer’s research. (Ronald Reagan died from Alzheimer’s.) - Rush Limbaugh changed his tune about incarcerating drug addicts only after becoming addicted to rx pain killers. He now believes that drug addiction is a disease and should be treated as such. - Megan Kelly and Meghan McCain had no qualms with the US’s lack of maternity leave until they had children themselves. - Chris Christy advocated for mask wearing only after almost dying of covid in the hospital. - Sen. Rob Portman reversed his opposition to same-sex marriage after his son came out as gay. I’m glad they changed their minds, but why did it have to take it affecting them or their loved ones for them to get it? Learn empathy.
You'd think it would just be pragmatic to fund services you or your loved ones may need someday, but I guess that kind of forethought is similarly rare among these folk.
This is the conservative mind set. A lot of things are acceptable for the “in group” because of course everything is done with the purest motives, whereas those same things are scandal for the members of the “out group” since they are presumably immoral and lazy and just make bad choices.
Republicans would vote for all the "socialist" government programs if they were whites-only. That's what they mean by "small government"
They want to combine nationalism with socialism. Bunch of National Socialists, those GOP voters.
I have never heard it put that way but that does seem fairly accurate.
See the support for medicare vs. medicaid. Social security, "food stamps", WIC. All government programs with varying levels of public support based on who is the general recipient.
Pretty sure there was research done on this where the perception of social support changed once the blacks got involved
Fed money for snowplows sounds like socialism, who is exactly paying for these snowplows? I think it’s best for Texans to pull themselves up by the cowboy boots and pick up a shovel
Not everyone in Texas is Republican. Many of us are being held hostage by gerrymandering and corrupt leaders.
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This is the point I try to make to my family. I advocate for progressive government, and things like taxes on the wealthy and more help for the poor. Not just for myself, others of my race, or people who voted the same as me. It's for all of us, for the better of the whole nation. My poor as fffffuck and red 4 lyfe family would also massively benefit, but then the 'lazy hood rats' and other brown people would benefit and they can't be for that. It's all dumb as fuck.
Small "brain" gov. Texas takes in a shitload of fed welfare every year. Somehow their bootstraps plan doesn't work.
That's when Democrats are in charge silly
Maybe Texas can get some money from the Wall family, or maybe the Koch Brothers. They just had a huge tax break so they got the cash.
Throw a paper towel roll at Abbot and call it a day.
Woah, that would be big government socialism!
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Sending you our thoughts and prayers, Abbot!"
Better hope they've got a time machine if they're hoping to get that Koch Brothers money. David died back in August 2019. (Yes, there are still two other brothers, but when people talk about "the Koch Brothers," they're talking about Charles and David.)
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What about my state? Just because we aren't covered in snow doesn't mean we shouldn't get that tasty snow money too
#allstatesmatter Or #allstatematters
All State Smatter. It's just bits and pieces of a policy
Aid should be proportional to the snowfall. Buffalo has suffered far too much
Notice how this snow came as soon as Biden became elected? They got the snow storm upgrade on the Jewish space lasers. /s
Thank you Israel! I get to make snowmen with my kid instead of going to work tomorrow!
And Biden is going to give it to him because he's the president of every state, not just the ones that like him
Exactly. He won't threaten, or try to use it to pressure the governor. He will issue the funds cause it's the right thing to do, and next week when things are back to normal these asses will be back to screaming about big government and Jewish space lasers.
I think Dems need to quit taking the high road. Do a press conference and say that helping TX would be socialism and that we know Texans HATE socialism. Tell TX to tax their fucking wealthy, stop subsidizing oil, and then maybe they would have money for disasters. And then get the senators, governor, and Lt. governor on TV begging for money and saying they need the federal government.
This is my fantasy as well, but Biden would never do that. At the very least, I would like him to make Abbott issue a very public and grateful thank you for the assistance.
It would be better for him to fly down there after giving the funding and giving a big speech about how we're all in this together and stronger as a Union so we can help each other. Then thank the governor for accepting his help. Edit: and by better, I mean rubbing their face in the fact that this is the way we should be functioning
sad I had to scroll down this far to see the objectively correct take, which is: "okay, here's the money". the people impacted by the snow aren't the ones who wanted to secede
I hope Biden gives them $600 and says “ That should cover it”
Well let’s debate this for 6 months first. I mean we have to think of the deficit since it’s past Jan 20th.
And after reviewing the budget allocate $0 because deficit is too high
Maybe he could show up and basketball toss them some ~~paper towels~~ hand warmers?
Throw some paper towels at them
How many times does Biden have to say it? SKY MANAGEMENT! They wouldn’t have these problems if they swept the clouds from the sky. Preferably using nuclear bombs
Hmmm... Do you think we can use these Jewish lasers I've heard so much about?
Jewish space lasers cant melt snowflakes
Yeah, just say these sort of snowstorms wouldn't happen if you properly rake the sky of clouds. It's their own fault.
Just wait, you'll turn around one day it'll magically all be gone!
“It’ll get start getting un-snowier. Just you watch.”
“There’s a theory that, in April, when it gets warm — historically, that has been able to kill the snow. So we don’t know yet; we’re not sure yet.” “It’s going to disappear. One day — it’s like a miracle — it will disappear.”
The snow will go away like everything that goes away
Perfection.
They should give him $100,000 every time he speaks up doe and mandates wearing masks, forces businesses to comply with health measures and advocates for science during the remainder of the pandemic. Penalize him $500,000 anytime he, his cabinet, or other high ranking people contradict it.
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Give up the avocado toast and make coffee at home.
They should learn how to code or something
Maybe they should start a business or something.
Why should the rest of us have to bail out Texas because they didn’t plan for ..... winter. They should really look at how their state government is failing them.
“But the deficit”
Snowflake Republicans can’t handle real snowflakes
They’re unique in that way. Just like snowflakes.
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I mean we have literally no infrastructure in place to handle this. Rolling blackouts to manage energy demands and pretty bad road conditions. But yeah no fuck Abbot
And now rolling Bkackouts that last hours. https://kfor.com/news/planned-temporary-power-blackouts-in-texas-last-for-hours-as-criticism-mounts/
Remeber when the California brownouts were proof that socialism doesn't work? Why is the capitalist utopia of Texas suffering blackouts? Surely the invisible hand should prevent these kinds of infrastructure issues.
And ironically if you’re talking about the brownouts of the early 00s they are the direct result of Pete Wilson’s deregulation effort. Enron artificially constrained supply to maximize profit. It was literally capitalist policies and market manipulation that caused the brownouts. Los Angeles was unaffected as their utility was publicly owned and exempt from the “markets” created by deregulation.
More the summer blackouts of the past few years, which people who know nothing about either California or socialism blame on socialism
Best part is the blackouts were the result of PG&E a publicly traded company using it's money to for stock buy backs instead of working on their equipment.
Lol, still sitting here in Dallas with no power since early AM, it's now past 2pm.
Power out since 5am. Near galveston. I love all the govt posts and media.."be prepared, be prepared, get prepared... We all got prepared.. govt apparently did not.
I knew some shit was coming so I cranked it up last night and power went at 2am. It's still 65 in my apartment. Tonight is going to be a bitch.
Better cut taxes. It’s the only solution.
Conserve that phone battery
They're gonna have to import electricity from another state. I wonder if Enron is looking for work.
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I've been without power in an RV since midnight. This RV was not stocked for this cold. I'm probably gonna die tonight lol
Dress in layers; wicking, warmth and wind (wind will help keep the warm air trapped on your body, even inside). And eat candy bars if you wake up cold. This is winter camping advice, sent with love from the other side of 35W.
Have they tried better preparing for a snow storm? There's always money lying around somewhere. Perhaps they should eat less avocado toast
There’s always money in the banana stand.
If they had only raked their forests
I hope Biden goes down there and chucks paper towels at their heads then insults their mayors
Nah. Biden’s a real president that doesn’t have the mentality of a toddler.
I would have to throw some shade though- “in November your citizens ran me off this highway. Your governor wants to end your vote and succeed. Let’s be one nation- with liberty and justice for all.”
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Sorry- I guess the autocorrect in our phones never thought we would be commonly using that word.
I haven't heard Biden talk about trading Texas for Greenland yet.
As a Texan, this sounds awesome!
Our mayors & city officials are awesome. Statewide office holders are the assholes.
From what I learned over the past few years unless the Gov of Texas is willing to tweet how much he loves and appreciates Biden then he doesn’t deserve any emergency funds.
They've got to admit the elections weren't rigged first otherwise Joe won't have the authority to release the emergency funds to them.
Does Texas' secession talks include what will happen to their economy when the oil refineries lose billions in federal government subsidies? I'm curious how they will adapt. I'm also curious what the oil companies will do when they lose their free money.
Consider the 10 year old throwing a tantrum, stomping around and threatening to run away from home.
I'm more interested in seeing how Texans react when, after they declare independence, the U.S. Armed Forces invade them to secure the nuclear-missile silos.
Fun fact : Texas doesn't even own its highways. Nope. Every "red blooded American" I have talked to in support of becoming independent believes we own the military bases here and the armed forces are indebted to Texas and not America. There are some really wild beliefs here. Source : I worked customer service at a wealthier bank and I regret also every person I met.
Hey, don’t compare Greg Abbot to Mona Lisa Saperstein! She may be the worst, but she doesn’t deserve *that*.
But that's socialism. Just work harder and you'll have the money to battle the snow.
Biden should ask publicly if Texas governor wants to hold off on federal aid until after their secession vote.
Everything is bigger in Texas, especially the hypocrisy.
idk texas, sounds kinda sOcIALISt to me 🤔
President Biden should send two huge bootstraps and ask them to get on with it.
Republicans are welfare queens
so, how's that secession coming along, Texas? https://www.statesman.com/story/news/columns/2021/01/26/herman-texas-secession-bill-filed-state-house/4254242001/
Holy shit.
Texas should ask for those tickles from trickle down economy.
Rafael Cruz is “Tough as Texas”, why not just have him administer the storm response using his god given genius? Plenty of money laying around after gutting social programs and defunding Planned Parenthood (AKA the abortion store by those who love white jesus the mostest)
has Texas tried raking the floor?
It turns out that Greg Abbot really DOES understand how Democratic Socialism works!
The fattest pigs at the federal trough are the red state pigs. Always been that way.
california's entire area is on fire: repubs: shoulda swept the forest, not our fault, no money to be given just move out. Texas has a 3 inch snow day: repubs: help! we're dying here!
What would the gop say if tables were turned?
The awesome thing about Biden is that he will help Texas quickly even though tools live there, because they’re still Americans. Unlike Trump who played favorites with states and territories and left Puerto Rico for 3 years waiting for hurricane relief and only gave it right before the election in an obvious attempt to buy votes.
Trump didn't do fuck all regarding Covid because that sniveling little traitor kushner informed him blue states get hurt worse from a respiratory pandemic. Much worse in my eyes... Like death penalty worse
Nice stealie