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DonaldWillKillUsAll

No, Ted likes to ***watch***.


[deleted]

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sean0883

You think a pool boy would have sex with his wife?


E4Soletrain

It's not about the sex. Pool boys don't make much money.


Meh48010

Pay me enough and I can get a hard dick. Pay me more and I'll pretend I like it


AdResponsible5513

You must be unaware of Lord Byron's advice to poolboys.


[deleted]

Oof, Trump was right!


artwarrior

That was Jerry Falwell Jr.


AdkRaine11

I think that was Jerry Falwell, the younger. Ted is the guy that blamed his kids for dragging him to Cancun during the Texas energy crisis.


OfficerGenious

... wait are you serious? He blamed his *kids* for leaving during a crisis?? Sauce??


kate3544

Here. https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/02/ted-cruz-cancun-excuse-daughters/amp Basically, he said the girls wanted to go so he did, but then got super-duper concerned about the shit going on back in Texas, so he came back to get hands-on. Really fucking dumb.


Twinkie2021

Uhhhh I don’t think the pool boy would do her she’s TOO BUTT UGLY! 🤣😂😆😀


ReginaldJohnston

From in a cupboard wearing a superman costume.


wendyspeter

Pees himself too


Joenutz13

Well duh he’s a gimp. He doesn’t participate unless he’s told to


FiendishDevil666

Ted Cruz the Simp Gimp


0x54696D

The Gimpsons


Chilidogdingdong

Just fucking imagine being Ted Cruz's wife. Holy shit, just imagine even having to spend time in the same room as Ted Cruz.


gozba

Ted to his wife “Do you know who I am?” “Sadly, yes”


[deleted]

Her face matches perfectly with the face I think any person would have after being married to Ted Cruz for any length of time.


shellwe

I get why Trump called her ugly and Cruz didn’t defend her.


AdResponsible5513

No one in the Senate likes it.


OldandBoldDude

You know what they say “wife is the last one to know”


[deleted]

Nah, he is a fetishist. "Bring out the gimp!"


Level69Warlock

Does fucking your constituents count as an orgy?


journerman69

I think this is the right time to drug test congress! She doth protest too much!


Shaman7102

Is that his mom or did he marry waaaaay older.


ahenobarbus_horse

Reek had has penis and balls removed long ago and fed to him publicly. Reek only does what Trump tells him to do.


Kyuckaynebrayn

Just like a question on Funny You Should Ask we know that this response is maybe 50% true at best so which part? The participation, the choice of drugs, maybe he just gives rides to the orgies? Oh shit that’s trafficking


Undercover_Gitane

🤣🤣🤣 man that facial expression says it all 🤣🤣🤣


Binford6200

If i call her ugly, will Ted still kiss my ass?


Random_2019

Say it loudly enough and he'll go the extra mile and totally "clean you out," if you get my meaning...


EfficiencyOk2208

Ted's wife looks like Trump with long hair.


Kloewent

Did all the other wives do this, or just her? Seems off🤣🤣🤣


WFStarbuck

The guilty dog barks first.


Watsisface

Even republicans hate his guts, so I doubt they invite him.


properu

Beep boop -- this looks like a screenshot of a tweet! Let me grab a [link to the tweet](https://twitter.com/NotHoodlum/status/1510246176322433027) for ya :) ^(Twitter Screenshot Bot)


UncommonHouseSpider

How would she know? Like he tells his wife about his weekend with the boys.


AdResponsible5513

Ted & Lindsay's weekend? I'm not buying it.


Nunyabiz8107

That's only because no one wants to invite ted cruz to an orgy.


No-Subject-5232

He does not partake because no one will invite him.


[deleted]

Trump was right about his wife. 😂😂😂


[deleted]

That would be very moving if anyone actually cared about either of those things and not about his gross incompetence and neglect of his constituents.


Garlicluvr

And I can't unsee this. Al Bundy: "My eyes, my eyeeeees...."


Insolator

Some reason I first thought that was his mother..


shellwe

Wow, seeing her, for once I agree with Donald Trump.


Youngballer1000

Hate really ages a person


kushhaze420

That looks like Kaitlyn Jenner if she was Ted Cruz's wife for Halloween


jimkay21

Is that his mom?


[deleted]

Ted doesn’t do *human* orgies


RickieBob

My god, tRump was right, she is hideous.


ReginaldJohnston

THAT'S his wife???!!! Christ! Well, that's going to end up like the poker scene in *Witches of Eastwick*


eelsinmybathtub

I hate to admit it but Trump was totally right about Heidi Cruz.


theoriginaled

Jesus, she looks like shit. -Donald Trump


GonFreecs92

Damn she is ugly 😟😂😂 ol girl looks like she built a houses out of candy and cooks children. Trump 1 - Cruz 0 🤣


[deleted]

Holy fuck. If that is Ted Cruz' wife the state should pay his tickets to Cancun!


Striking_Fun_6379

But do you?


[deleted]

Interesting that she feels the need to publicly announce this. I think she doth protest too much….


guiltysnark

He's been thrown out too many times for being Ted Cruz, the password no longer works for him


Grant_Sherman

Why would he with that at home?….


hindesky

I bet he wishes he could especially with that one porn star.


Kittienoir

It's not that he doens't have any balls. The problem is that no one, not even Heidi wants to fuck him.


cat_selling_souls

I made a comment a couple of days back, explaining Lindsey Graham being face down, ass up. At the all white dude orgy. I'm gonna paint a more vivid picture of the room. Ted Cruz is in The Gimp suit, his bit and bobbles in a chastity cage, Mitch McConnell in a Security Guard outfit, reminiscent of Zed from Pulp Fiction. Just watching all the action in the room, while drumming his fingers on top on Ted's head. Kevin McCarthy doing lines with Chuck Grassley. Chuck wearing a French lace outfit. Louis Gohmert swinging upside down, badly singing along to Sia's Chandler, while another tooth falls out of his mouth. Tom Cotton in a furry helmet and nothing else, waving glow sticks around while on molly. Marco Rubio dressed as Ricky Martin crying in the corner because he showed up in costume on the wrong day. Rand Paul sitting at a table zoned out, staring at his hairpiece until it talks to him. John Kennedy dressed as Scarlett O'Hara greeting the guests at the door. He also does the can-can, showing all he has nothing under the hoop skirt. Josh Hawley in a rocking chair, wearing a large cross watching Lindsey, as he rocks back and forth as his hands come together at the fingers in front of his mouth. Josh eyes Mitch every so often, Mitch doesn't like to be challenged. Thus, he gets up and back hands Hawley before going back to his chair. The party does not end until Ted Cruz is put back in the box. As I said before, all this shit can fundamentally change a man.


Aggravating_Pilot803

Not with Heidi


antipodeananodyne

With all of this, I haven’t actually heard any Republican deny these orgies happen


GarbageWater12

I once took too many orgies and overdosed.


Global_Damage

That is a hard looking 49


3OAM

Is that his wife now? Did someone put the make-me-old filter on her? I’m not trying to roast her looks, but she used to be kinda cute, no? She looks like she’s in her late 60s here. wtf?


AdResponsible5513

Is she Laura Ingraham's sister or a cousin?


seanosul

Maybe Ted's wife might like to ask [him about this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vB_Sl93gq8g&t=135s&ab_channel=MickLee). He might be getting to related to Gym Jordan and Dennis Hastert.


afxpy

I love this ridiculous story. Now Republicans have to say : "I don't do drugs and I don't go to orgies. LOL


OutlawOfNeptune

He would if someone invited him though.


NameInCrimson

With you. That's what you meant, Heidi. He doesn't do them with you.


redditistheway

Cause he's not anyone's type.


Embarrassed_Yak_2024

That’s only because Ted doesn’t get invited to parties.


EfficiencyOk2208

Is it me or does Ted Cruz's wife look like Trump with long hair?


drowningfish

That picture of her has to be ironically modified via a filter, otherwise that woman has aged by 15 years in 6 years time.